Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Hey y'all. Hey y'all, Heyy'all. How y'all doing y'all? Good
y'all ate today, Good fantastic.I kind of miss y'all. Ain't gonna
hold you. I know, it'sbeen a minute, it's been a few
weeks, I don't know, butI'm back. I've just been having the
time of my life. I ain'tgonna hold you. Like I got this
job at this place I grew up, you know, going to maybe a
(00:35):
few times because it was a littleexpensive to get into for my mom's pockets
and my family's pockets, so Ididn't go too too often. At one
point in time, I did gobecause they have free events, so my
mom used to take me to those. Like Okay, so they have this
lake, well, they have acouple of lakes actually, so it's a
(00:55):
story. They have lake, theyhave like little stores around the beach,
just beach. Also at one ofthe lakes, they have a sci pavilions
so you can, you know,get on boats and do water tubing.
They have another little lake for pedalboats. Like there's a bunch of just
lakes at this property, right,and then they have a pavilion with food
(01:19):
like a circus tent, and soI grew up going to this place like
a couple of times, and asI got older, I worked there once
for like a month seasonal because inthe Christmas time they have like a light
display. But are so Now asan adult, I'm working there and I
actually love going there, Like it'sso beautiful. I'm actually at a point
(01:41):
where I can appreciate God's work onthis property, to be quite honest with
you, Like they just dug upa bunch of lakes, and you know,
it's beautiful. You can go seebirds, you can, you know,
get on another boat and fish inanother lake, like they just have
a bunch of lakes. And soI've been enjoying my time there. You
(02:02):
know, I'm working a summer campactually, and I get to entertain adults
and it's pretty fun considering the factthat they're pain to be there, and
pain goes to the events that I'mat. So I'm giving them a good
time while i'm there. For atleast I'm gonna try. But I don't
know, I've just been enjoying myself. And I haven't been given as much
(02:23):
attention to this podcast as i'd wantto or like to but I also needed
to give it content. So Ineeded to, you know, do some
things with my life because it isto call the what the life of les
So I got to live my lifeto give y'all content. Somebody told me
that somebody great with a lot ofwisdom. Okay, And the content that
(02:47):
I have for today is like stuffthat I'm learning about myself just having fun.
Like I've never had a job whereI've been able to have fun,
and my job is to have funand make other people have fun because they're
not here to not have fun,you know what I'm saying. So I've
been learning what fun actually is andhow to have that, right because I
(03:15):
was in a mentality that I guessgrowing up a lot of things weren't fun
at some point, so I forgothow to have fun. And I would
confuse having a good time with havingfun, because when you're having fun,
you're having more than a good time. You're making memories, you're interacting.
Right, it's just a vibe.Right, You're not in a mindset to
(03:38):
be it's or that you're just you. You're just free. I go out
and have a good time if Iif it just so happens that way right.
But having fun kind of beats havinga good time, because having a
good time is more of Okay,this is nice, you know, we
should maybe do it again. Maybehaving fun, we can do that again,
(04:00):
run that back. So I've beenlearning to just have fun, be
me most importantly, and you know, learn from my mistakes because I'm not
perfect perfect. I'm not gonna sayeverything perfectly, you see, I just
messed up. And I have beenin my head just beating myself up because
(04:21):
sometimes I stumble on my words.And also sometimes I can't hear what people
are saying to me, and sowhen I look confused or if I ask
them to repeat themselves, in myhead, I'm thinking that they think something's
wrong with me. But it's justI didn't hear you. You could scream
it at me like I don't know, I just I didn't hear you.
(04:44):
And I beat myself up thinking thatI'm not capable of having social skills because
of those instances or those occasions whereI stumble where you know, I just
can't hear people sometimes, and Itry to tell people that I can't hear
too well. Whether they listen tome or not, it's their business.
(05:08):
But in my head, I'm justbeating myself up when I could just be
learning from my mistakes. You know, talk a little slower, ask people
to repeat themselves a little louder,or just let them know, Hey,
I didn't hear you. What didyou say? Like when I'm greeting people,
instead of just awkwardly speaking, likeyou know, when someone says like
(05:29):
have a good day, and you'relike, thank you by it or something
like, you just say something likethank you Mary and Christmas, it's just
what popped out of your head andout of your mouth. Yeah, I
have to control that. Sometimes Ihave to just think about what I'm gonna
say and then say it instead ofjust using an automatic response. When you're
like just walking past someone, they'relike, hey, how are you,
(05:50):
and You're like, have a goodday. They kind of asked you a
question. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes I mess up on that,
But I'm learning to learn from thoseexperiences, learn from my mistakes, learn
from my hiccups. Because if Iwant to do better or be better,
(06:10):
I have to grow and I haveto take constructive criticism, whether it be
for myself and from others. Ijust gotta do it. But yeah.
I have also just been trying mybest to do everything, and sometimes I
feel like I've spread myself too.Then I don't know if I'm not think
(06:32):
enough. I'm think enough in thegut area. I'm thick enough there and
in the thighs. Okay, it'sinsane, But I don't know if I
should be doing more, could bedoing more, or if I feel like
I can't do much more. I'mjust at a place where I'm learning my
limits. And that's okay. We'regonna do that our whole life. But
(06:55):
at this point in my life,I had to, you know, manage
my stress a little better. Ican't manage it the way I did when
I was in college, you know, pulling all nighters trying to finish something,
or going out and thinking that I'mgonna come home and do homework.
I'm not. Okay, I knowthat I'm not writing a paper for you
after I've went out, and Igot to manage my time better because I
(07:17):
know that I've done that, youknow, and it ain't fun. Ain't
it fun? If theod okay,the real world means managing your time,
and I don't know. That's justsomething I've always struggled with because I feel
like we have all the time inthe world, and we don't. We
(07:39):
don't, so why would I wastemy time procrastinating thinking that, oh,
I can do it later when Iactually have the time to do it now,
which is well, I should probablybe doing my homework, but I'm
also doing something more fun with mytime, like talking to y'all, because
I'm learning how to have fun,you know, make things enjoyable. Because
(08:03):
I ain't gonna lie to you Ihad. I had a moment where I
was freaking myself out. I waslike, these people are paying me to
clap as guests come down the hallway, and I am here for it,
Like I will do my best toclap, you know, the loudest,
or you know, make them feelthat, you know, they've they're celebrated.
(08:24):
I guess they're celebrated for being here. We're glad that they're here,
you know. I hope they havefun. But ain't that just you know
something, because there's also people that'sjust like, oh my gosh, I
don't want to do this, orhow long do we have to be here?
How long do we have to dothis? Why do we have to
do this? Like it's how canyou not be into this right now?
(08:46):
My house is not your vibe.We're celebrating people here. If you want
to walk down this all way andget clap for it, I will do
it right. But it's fun,Okay, We're here to have fun.
I'm here to have fun, andI had to learn to apply that to
my real life, like my wholelife in general, how I want to
proceed, You know, I wantto have fun. I don't want to
(09:11):
not want to be somewhere, ifthat makes sense. Like you ever been
to work and I wanted to bethere? It actually shows, whether you
know it or not. It showsyou can smile all you want to,
but people can tell you don't wantto be there when you don't want to
be there. And we all deserveto be somewhere where we want to be.
(09:31):
I want to be where the funis. But I also have to
make things fun for myself because noone else is gonna do it for me,
right, So I have to figureout, Okay, well, how
can I make something enjoyable for me, something fun to where I'm grateful for
(09:52):
the experience, right, because that'swhat we're here for on this earth,
for the experience. I want tohave good experiences with people. I want
to make good memories. I wantto remember someone smiling. I want to
be remembered smiling and being kind.BacT like, I actually want that for
myself. And yeah, it's justsomething I've been sitting with on my brain.
(10:18):
And y'all want to know what elsehas been sitting on my brain?
So talk to about therapist and shetold me I needed goals, and I
was like, well, I startedcrying to be honest, because I was
just like, what what our goals? Because I thought that that meant wanting
(13:46):
better for yourself, But it's actuallywanting some thing, I guess. And
I have been going back and forthmyself because you know, I've never just
well, the only time I wantedto be just something in life, I
was too scared to go for it. Like I can sugarcoat it any kind
(14:07):
of way, but honestly, Iwas too scared because I don't know what's
gonna happen from it, because thereare plenty of examples. But it also
gives me the opportunity to be somethingdifferent, be something so out of the
box. It's like, where didyou come from? And I'll tell you
where I came from. I camefrom this little big town called Shallow,
(14:28):
Georgia. There's not many people there, and I lived in the house with
my mom, my grandma, andmy grandma cooks Sunday dinner just about every
Sunday. You know, I wantmy story where I came from to be
part of a bigger story of whatI did in my life, what I
did with my life. So whoknows what's to come from that, But
(14:52):
I guess I gotta get some goals. Not I guess, but I gotta
get some goals. Because she alsotold me to stop saying I guess,
like, okay, sorry, ButI also do listen to her, and
most of the time she's right,because there's power in the tongue, power
in the things that we speak.And so not only do I want better
(15:16):
out of life, I want something. I want to be something better in
life. I want to do somethingwith my life that was meaningful and served
the better good of the situation thatI was in, where that I came
from, or whatever. You know. Anyhow, I'm gonna get all of
y'all's here. Also, I didn'ttell y'all where I worked at. I
(15:37):
don't know if I should. Butyou know it's called Calawake Gardens. But
you didn't hear that from me.You didn't hear that from me anyhow,
Thank y'all for listening. Like Ilove that someone took time out of their
day to just listen to me talkabout my life because at the end of
the day, I have to sleepwith myself and you know, worry about
(16:00):
myself and try to become better anddo better. And so when I'm doing
this podcast, it's my form ofexpressing what I want out of life.
When I'm learning about myself, patternsthat I want to break, patterns that
I've noticed about myself, and someoneelse may be going through something similar.
Someone else may be going through theexact same things, just in a different
(16:23):
font. Okay, Like I justwant anyone who's listening to the sound of
my voice to know that we're gonnabe okay, you and me, Like
we're we're actually gonna be okay.The only thing stopping us is wanting and
doing okay things like it's okay totake care of yourself. It's okay to
(16:45):
have time alone, and it's okayto have time with other people. It's
okay to want things. It's okayto want better things. You know,
we just got to do what weneed to do. And if you don't
know what to do, just startlearning your old patterns and then do the
opposite. All right, love pieceand chicken grease, y'all. And you
(17:06):
know what I always say, don'tgo fucking on. Nobody's say like we've
been through this a thousand times.And if I'm gonna hit you with the
uppercut and the undercut at the sametime, if you keep messing on people
saying okay, bye,
Hey y'all. Hey y'all, Heyy'all. How y'all doing y'all? Good
y'all ate today, Good fantastic.I kind of miss y'all. Ain't gonna
hold you. I know, it'sbeen a minute, it's been a few
weeks, I don't know, butI'm back. I've just been having the
time of my life. I ain'tgonna hold you. Like I got this
job at this place I grew up, you know, going to maybe a
(00:35):
few times because it was a littleexpensive to get into for my mom's pockets
and my family's pockets, so Ididn't go too too often. At one
point in time, I did gobecause they have free events, so my
mom used to take me to those. Like Okay, so they have this
lake, well, they have acouple of lakes actually, so it's a
(00:55):
story. They have lake, theyhave like little stores around the beach,
just beach. Also at one ofthe lakes, they have a sci pavilions
so you can, you know,get on boats and do water tubing.
They have another little lake for pedalboats. Like there's a bunch of just
lakes at this property, right,and then they have a pavilion with food
(01:19):
like a circus tent, and soI grew up going to this place like
a couple of times, and asI got older, I worked there once
for like a month seasonal because inthe Christmas time they have like a light
display. But are so Now asan adult, I'm working there and I
actually love going there, Like it'sso beautiful. I'm actually at a point
(01:41):
where I can appreciate God's work onthis property, to be quite honest with
you, Like they just dug upa bunch of lakes, and you know,
it's beautiful. You can go seebirds, you can, you know,
get on another boat and fish inanother lake, like they just have
a bunch of lakes. And soI've been enjoying my time there. You
(02:02):
know, I'm working a summer campactually, and I get to entertain adults
and it's pretty fun considering the factthat they're pain to be there, and
pain goes to the events that I'mat. So I'm giving them a good
time while i'm there. For atleast I'm gonna try. But I don't
know, I've just been enjoying myself. And I haven't been given as much
(02:23):
attention to this podcast as i'd wantto or like to but I also needed
to give it content. So Ineeded to, you know, do some
things with my life because it isto call the what the life of les
So I got to live my lifeto give y'all content. Somebody told me
that somebody great with a lot ofwisdom. Okay, And the content that
(02:47):
I have for today is like stuffthat I'm learning about myself just having fun.
Like I've never had a job whereI've been able to have fun,
and my job is to have funand make other people have fun because they're
not here to not have fun,you know what I'm saying. So I've
been learning what fun actually is andhow to have that, right because I
(03:15):
was in a mentality that I guessgrowing up a lot of things weren't fun
at some point, so I forgothow to have fun. And I would
confuse having a good time with havingfun, because when you're having fun,
you're having more than a good time. You're making memories, you're interacting.
Right, it's just a vibe.Right, You're not in a mindset to
(03:38):
be it's or that you're just you. You're just free. I go out
and have a good time if Iif it just so happens that way right.
But having fun kind of beats havinga good time, because having a
good time is more of Okay,this is nice, you know, we
should maybe do it again. Maybehaving fun, we can do that again,
(04:00):
run that back. So I've beenlearning to just have fun, be
me most importantly, and you know, learn from my mistakes because I'm not
perfect perfect. I'm not gonna sayeverything perfectly, you see, I just
messed up. And I have beenin my head just beating myself up because
(04:21):
sometimes I stumble on my words.And also sometimes I can't hear what people
are saying to me, and sowhen I look confused or if I ask
them to repeat themselves, in myhead, I'm thinking that they think something's
wrong with me. But it's justI didn't hear you. You could scream
it at me like I don't know, I just I didn't hear you.
(04:44):
And I beat myself up thinking thatI'm not capable of having social skills because
of those instances or those occasions whereI stumble where you know, I just
can't hear people sometimes, and Itry to tell people that I can't hear
too well. Whether they listen tome or not, it's their business.
(05:08):
But in my head, I'm justbeating myself up when I could just be
learning from my mistakes. You know, talk a little slower, ask people
to repeat themselves a little louder,or just let them know, Hey,
I didn't hear you. What didyou say? Like when I'm greeting people,
instead of just awkwardly speaking, likeyou know, when someone says like
(05:29):
have a good day, and you'relike, thank you by it or something
like, you just say something likethank you Mary and Christmas, it's just
what popped out of your head andout of your mouth. Yeah, I
have to control that. Sometimes Ihave to just think about what I'm gonna
say and then say it instead ofjust using an automatic response. When you're
like just walking past someone, they'relike, hey, how are you,
(05:50):
and You're like, have a goodday. They kind of asked you a
question. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes I mess up on that,
But I'm learning to learn from thoseexperiences, learn from my mistakes, learn
from my hiccups. Because if Iwant to do better or be better,
(06:10):
I have to grow and I haveto take constructive criticism, whether it be
for myself and from others. Ijust gotta do it. But yeah.
I have also just been trying mybest to do everything, and sometimes I
feel like I've spread myself too.Then I don't know if I'm not think
(06:32):
enough. I'm think enough in thegut area. I'm thick enough there and
in the thighs. Okay, it'sinsane, But I don't know if I
should be doing more, could bedoing more, or if I feel like
I can't do much more. I'mjust at a place where I'm learning my
limits. And that's okay. We'regonna do that our whole life. But
(06:55):
at this point in my life,I had to, you know, manage
my stress a little better. Ican't manage it the way I did when
I was in college, you know, pulling all nighters trying to finish something,
or going out and thinking that I'mgonna come home and do homework.
I'm not. Okay, I knowthat I'm not writing a paper for you
after I've went out, and Igot to manage my time better because I
(07:17):
know that I've done that, youknow, and it ain't fun. Ain't
it fun? If theod okay,the real world means managing your time,
and I don't know. That's justsomething I've always struggled with because I feel
like we have all the time inthe world, and we don't. We
(07:39):
don't, so why would I wastemy time procrastinating thinking that, oh,
I can do it later when Iactually have the time to do it now,
which is well, I should probablybe doing my homework, but I'm
also doing something more fun with mytime, like talking to y'all, because
I'm learning how to have fun,you know, make things enjoyable. Because
(08:03):
I ain't gonna lie to you Ihad. I had a moment where I
was freaking myself out. I waslike, these people are paying me to
clap as guests come down the hallway, and I am here for it,
Like I will do my best toclap, you know, the loudest,
or you know, make them feelthat, you know, they've they're celebrated.
(08:24):
I guess they're celebrated for being here. We're glad that they're here,
you know. I hope they havefun. But ain't that just you know
something, because there's also people that'sjust like, oh my gosh, I
don't want to do this, orhow long do we have to be here?
How long do we have to dothis? Why do we have to
do this? Like it's how canyou not be into this right now?
(08:46):
My house is not your vibe.We're celebrating people here. If you want
to walk down this all way andget clap for it, I will do
it right. But it's fun,Okay, We're here to have fun.
I'm here to have fun, andI had to learn to apply that to
my real life, like my wholelife in general, how I want to
proceed, You know, I wantto have fun. I don't want to
(09:11):
not want to be somewhere, ifthat makes sense. Like you ever been
to work and I wanted to bethere? It actually shows, whether you
know it or not. It showsyou can smile all you want to,
but people can tell you don't wantto be there when you don't want to
be there. And we all deserveto be somewhere where we want to be.
(09:31):
I want to be where the funis. But I also have to
make things fun for myself because noone else is gonna do it for me,
right, So I have to figureout, Okay, well, how
can I make something enjoyable for me, something fun to where I'm grateful for
(09:52):
the experience, right, because that'swhat we're here for on this earth,
for the experience. I want tohave good experiences with people. I want
to make good memories. I wantto remember someone smiling. I want to
be remembered smiling and being kind.BacT like, I actually want that for
myself. And yeah, it's justsomething I've been sitting with on my brain.
(10:18):
And y'all want to know what elsehas been sitting on my brain?
So talk to about therapist and shetold me I needed goals, and I
was like, well, I startedcrying to be honest, because I was
just like, what what our goals? Because I thought that that meant wanting
(13:46):
better for yourself, But it's actuallywanting some thing, I guess. And
I have been going back and forthmyself because you know, I've never just
well, the only time I wantedto be just something in life, I
was too scared to go for it. Like I can sugarcoat it any kind
(14:07):
of way, but honestly, Iwas too scared because I don't know what's
gonna happen from it, because thereare plenty of examples. But it also
gives me the opportunity to be somethingdifferent, be something so out of the
box. It's like, where didyou come from? And I'll tell you
where I came from. I camefrom this little big town called Shallow,
(14:28):
Georgia. There's not many people there, and I lived in the house with
my mom, my grandma, andmy grandma cooks Sunday dinner just about every
Sunday. You know, I wantmy story where I came from to be
part of a bigger story of whatI did in my life, what I
did with my life. So whoknows what's to come from that, But
(14:52):
I guess I gotta get some goals. Not I guess, but I gotta
get some goals. Because she alsotold me to stop saying I guess,
like, okay, sorry, ButI also do listen to her, and
most of the time she's right,because there's power in the tongue, power
in the things that we speak.And so not only do I want better
(15:16):
out of life, I want something. I want to be something better in
life. I want to do somethingwith my life that was meaningful and served
the better good of the situation thatI was in, where that I came
from, or whatever. You know. Anyhow, I'm gonna get all of
y'all's here. Also, I didn'ttell y'all where I worked at. I
(15:37):
don't know if I should. Butyou know it's called Calawake Gardens. But
you didn't hear that from me.You didn't hear that from me anyhow,
Thank y'all for listening. Like Ilove that someone took time out of their
day to just listen to me talkabout my life because at the end of
the day, I have to sleepwith myself and you know, worry about
(16:00):
myself and try to become better anddo better. And so when I'm doing
this podcast, it's my form ofexpressing what I want out of life.
When I'm learning about myself, patternsthat I want to break, patterns that
I've noticed about myself, and someoneelse may be going through something similar.
Someone else may be going through theexact same things, just in a different
(16:23):
font. Okay, Like I justwant anyone who's listening to the sound of
my voice to know that we're gonnabe okay, you and me, Like
we're we're actually gonna be okay.The only thing stopping us is wanting and
doing okay things like it's okay totake care of yourself. It's okay to
(16:45):
have time alone, and it's okayto have time with other people. It's
okay to want things. It's okayto want better things. You know,
we just got to do what weneed to do. And if you don't
know what to do, just startlearning your old patterns and then do the
opposite. All right, love pieceand chicken grease, y'all. And you
(17:06):
know what I always say, don'tgo fucking on. Nobody's say like we've
been through this a thousand times.And if I'm gonna hit you with the
uppercut and the undercut at the sametime, if you keep messing on people
saying okay, bye,
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