Cortney Hackett – Making the Impossible Possible

Air Date - 17 December 2025

Cortney Hackett is the founder of Grit & Grace, where she helps women who feel stuck and overwhelmed take action with practical strategies that make the impossible possible. Cortney blends mindset work with strategic planning, helping ambitious, self-aware women stop spinning in stuck patterns and start leading themselves forward with clarity and confidence. Drawing on her background in project management and coaching, she teaches women how to transform fear, procrastination, and chaos into focused, meaningful progress.

https://www.gritandgrace.icu/

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Perfect Life Awakening Show hosted by Royce Morales.
Royce has been a transformational facilitator, teaching groundbreaking spiritually based
courses for more than four decades. She is the author
of three books about her teachings. Join Royce as she
takes you on a journey into how to live your
best life and find your true purpose through discovering the

(00:31):
origins of subconscious, disempowering notions and releasing them. She talks
with experts and inspiring people just like you who learned
to trust their intuitive inner wisdom, which led to life
changing shifts. Today, her guests live in empowered existence and
are helping change the world to a higher consciousness place

(00:52):
based on truth and love. You deserve to awaken, to
align with and embody your true self and live a
life filled with love. Transform yourself from triggered to empowered
and create your perfect life. Here is your host, Rice Morales.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
Welcome everyone. What a wonderful day to talk about feeling
stuck and making the impossible possible. That is the theme
for the day, and that word feeling stuck or that
expression feeling stuck is something that I've been teaching for
decades and I think probably every person that's arrived in

(01:37):
my courses has felt stuck in some way, whether it's
stuck in a relationship, or stuck in their career, or
stuck in their inner growth, or stuck in addictions. There's
some kind of stuckness that goes on in people. And
to help them resolve that, I find that you have
to get to the roots. But you also have to
have a plan. You also have to have strategies, and

(01:59):
that's what my guests is expert in today. She really
helps people get unstuck, make a plan, stick with it,
be accountable, all that good stuff, and she helps people
get clarity about what their goals are. So my guest
is the founder of Grit and Grace, and she also

(02:19):
helps people that are feeling overwhelmed. I think right now
so many people are feeling overwhelmed with everything going on
in the world, especially inside. So she focuses on self
aware women and we'll talk about what that means to her,
women that are that are kind of spinning and stuck
patterns and start leading themselves with forward, with clarity and confidence.

(02:47):
Because I don't know, our society doesn't really encourage that
for women. You know, I think it's changing, but got
a long way to go. She talks. She teaches women
how to transform fear, procrastination, and chaos into focused, meaningful progress.

(03:08):
So welcome Courtney Hacket. I'm so glad you're here today.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Thank you so very much for having me. I'm very
excited to be here.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Yes, me too. So first of all, I always like
to ask my guests, you know, how did you get
started in this? What is your story that led you
to do this for other people?

Speaker 3 (03:27):
Oh? Well, that's it's an interesting one. So how I
got started? I think in the self leadership part was
really just kind of from a very early age of
I guess, kind of different situations, but also just you know,

(03:47):
being encouraged. My dad was a big, big supporter, my
entire family was not to say that the others weren't,
but of just taking ownership of myself and my life.
So really just living in this I'm not a victim
sort of mentality. So I think that part started, you know,

(04:08):
kind of early on. The coaching and putting strategy to it,
that really is actually relatively new. So I'm an engineer,
background project manager, and so it's really been recently of
taking those skills and actually being able to combine them

(04:31):
with the mindset of I can do the things that
I need to do, I'm capable, and realizing they go together,
they actually work together, really really well.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
So yeah, So when you said victim, I talk a
lot about victimhood with my students, and I think that's
probably the hardest thing for people to get met because
it really looks like we are victims. You know, if
we get fired, if we can't get ahead in life,

(05:03):
if our spouse leaves us, or all of those things
look like we're victims. How do you explain or how
do you help people get past that feeling of victimhood.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
First recognizing that it's okay to be upset and feel like, Okay,
this is happening and I don't like it and I
don't want it, and understanding that I'm not saying that
you have to feel like if I'm not a victim,
it means that I'm okay with whatever the situation is.
It it's okay to say this sucks like you don't

(05:39):
have to be okay with that, and so that's sort
of the first part. And then recognizing that also saying
I'm not a victim in this situation. Does it mean
necessarily that you have complete control over every part of it,
But you have control over something either, it's how you respond,
just how you allow, you know, the interaction to be
whatever the situation might be. And so so not being

(06:01):
the victim is what can I control? And then where
do I want to be out of it? What steps
do I have to take to sort of get there?
I can control where I go for it. And so
it's okay to have the feelings. We don't pretend that
those feelings aren't there. We don't block them out and
just try to bury them and that sort of thing.

(06:22):
They are what they are, Why do we feel that way?
And then what do we need to do to get
moving forward. That's where we just sort of let go
of being the victim.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, metaphysically speaking, since my show is spiritually based, I
always talk about on some level, we've chosen everything that
happens in our life. Do you ever get into that
with people, because that's pretty deep for people to get into.
If they don't buy into it.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Probably not nearly at that level of depth. But yes,
we definitely do a couple of situations that I can
think about with women we've had where we do talk
about Okay, what what actions like we're just going to
own it. What actions did you take that allowed this
situation to sort of manifest itself and acknowledging that and

(07:15):
just either okay, I take the ownership here, and also
what do I want to not do in the future
At the much much deeper level, No, I don't. I
don't feel I'm expert enough to to get that that
into but at a high level, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Send them over to me.

Speaker 3 (07:33):
You got it. There. They are important conversations for sure.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, it's it's tough, it really is. It's like, oh,
I'm that responsible. Yeah, yeah, And responsibility doesn't mean blame,
you know, it doesn't mean I'm blaming myself for doing this.
It just means on a spiritual level, I chose this
for growth, for cleaning up karma, for pushing me in

(07:59):
the direction I'm suppose to go into that sort of thing.
So yeah, okay, So let's talk about I find that
so many people don't realize that they're even stuck, especially
stuck in a pattern. How do you help people realize that, gee,
maybe this is a pattern that you've lost the last

(08:19):
ten jobs, or maybe you need to look at why
this keeps repeating. How do you approach that sort of thing?

Speaker 3 (08:27):
I think, really very very simply, we just talk about it.
What's happening right now, where's the frustration, what's the situation
that we want to change? Okay, and then kind of
exactly has this been something you've experienced before? And then
they go, oh it is okay, has it been something

(08:47):
that you've experienced beyond those two times? Oh? I actually have?
And then we go okay, so now we can start
to look at it or you know, sometimes the answer
has been no, this is the first time that sort
of experiencing this with Okay, very good. Then this is
new What what changed or what things might be developing
new patterns that we want to maybe prevent in the future.

(09:09):
But I mean, honestly, I just do it very just straightforward.
We just I ask, right, just straight up, Ay, how
often is this something that you feel very very frustrated about?
Is this person someone that you're constantly having sort of
conflict with? Okay, then we can figure out, Okay, what
is it about this person? Or it's like this is
a situation that every time it comes up with any person,

(09:33):
I feel very very frustrated. Okay, so now we know
that it's it's something about that sort of situation, and
that's just sort of identify that they are either are
patterns or they aren't that how how often, uh, how
often are we doing this? And they're like a lot? Okay,
now we.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Know what about I find sometimes patterns are really hidden.
You No, Like it's easy to see that I've divorced
the last five guys, but it might be harder to
see that you know, this started back when I was
two years old, when my friend abandoned me. You know
that sort of thing is it's a little bit more obscure.

(10:15):
Do you help people get to that level of things?

Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yes and no, So it's not always the intent to maybe,
So a lot of what I do right now is
just I call them or I call it like a sprint,
and so it's a thirty day sort of I guess
a program if you want, where we work through whatever
that issue is. And so a lot of times we

(10:38):
don't necessarily get to the long term sort of patterns
because what they think is they need just this situation
at this point. Those conversations do often come up where
it's like, oh, I now realize, Okay, I have all
of this other stuff. It's sometimes things that we get
to work through. It's sometimes maybe a little bit outside

(10:59):
of the I guess scope if you want for the
for the thirty days, and then it just sort of
gets highlighted as something I now either okay, I want
to do another round where we go it's a little
bit deeper, or I know now that this is something
that I have to sort of deal with, so yes
and no. I know that's not maybe not super super
helpful to answer, but the intent is usually a bit

(11:21):
of a higher level how are we feeling, and then
we kind of recognize what it is behind it that's
driving that sort of frustration or I can't do this,
this is everybody's fault sort of mentality.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah, I think it's interesting talking about patterns. I've worked
with students that I've worked long enough with them to
see that every guy they dated has ended up having
a certain quality and they don't even realize it until
they're with the guy for a year, but it always
ends up the same pattern, the same stuck issue. It's

(11:58):
just really and they don't do you find that with
people that they don't even realize yet.

Speaker 3 (12:05):
So yes and no. A lot of the or the
like I say, maybe the majority of the women that
I work with, they are at a point where they
do so we don't do as much work sort of
identifying those things because they've gotten sorry, let me try
that in English, working through some of those things, because
they've gotten to the point where they say, Okay, I

(12:28):
I am kind of controlling what's happening here and I
don't want to keep repeating this. What is it that
I need to do different? How do I move forward?
So they're sort of already at that awareness point that
that I don't really have to as much go hey,
do you see do you see where the problem? Because
they' already said hey, I know I'm the problem and

(12:50):
not that they're the problem, but hopefully that makes sense.
They go, I want to do it different moving forward,
So they're already sort of there.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
So you talk a lot about overwhelm in what you do.
Why are people so prone to feeling overwhelmed? I know
it comes from fear, but you know, are we just
not taught to deal with things coming at us at
a rapid pace or are what are your thoughts about overwhelmed?

Speaker 3 (13:21):
I think women are taught and expected to take on
anything that is thrown at them, and that setting boundaries
and saying this doesn't align with what I want is
not okay. It is not okay for women to say
no or to be what is considered selfish, even though
I don't think that it is selfish. I think so
if somebody asks a woman for help with something, I

(13:44):
think most women believe it is their expectation to do
whatever is necessary to take that all. And so I
think there's a lot of overwhelmed just because we take
on more than we should, more than we want. And
I think the fear of letting go or failing at

(14:06):
things is also the other part. So once we've taken
it on, now there's this expectation that I can't quit
that is considered a failure. Women aren't allowed to fail.
That means you were wrong from the beginning, and all
sorts of different things. So I think we're expected to
take on anything, and we're never allowed to quit something

(14:27):
once we've started it, or once we've agreed to do
it or what And so it just creates this overwhelmed
people pleasing and I think we also have this it
needs to be perfect, So there's this extra pressure and
the expectations that if I'm going to do it, I
have to do it right. Things take longer, they're harder,

(14:49):
all of those sort of things come together.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
So what came to me as you're talking is, I
think I'm trying to relate this to my own life.
There are times many times when I was younger that
I didn't like something, I didn't like a job, I
would just quit or I just wouldn't show up. And
I found that that was not from an empowered place.

(15:15):
That was from a fear based place, you know, quitting something.
Because I guess the difference is when I make a
commitment to something, Yeah, there'll be fears coming up, and
they'll be obstacles, and they'll be struggles, and they'll be
you know, why the hell did I do this? Thought?
But when I make a commitment, it's sacred, you know,

(15:37):
and I come through those things. So how do you
differentiate between powerfully quitting something versus keeping a commitment from
a powerful place.

Speaker 3 (15:48):
I think there's two parts to it. So I think
when you make a commitment and then can recognize the
fear part of it, it's because you made the commitment,
because you wanted to because you felt obligated to, and
so I think it's then it's easier to recognize, Okay,
I'm very nervous and I'm afraid to do the things

(16:09):
that I have to do because the other thing I
committed to starting this business and growing it, but now
I have to be on social media or whatever, and
that makes me. That's a different sort of like you
can recognize that's a fear because it's uncomfortable, it's new,
not so much a fear of this is not aligned.
This is not something that I should be doing, and
I just don't want to move forward. So understanding where

(16:31):
the commitment part came from. Did it come from obligation
or did it come because no, this is absolutely what
I want to do. This was a sacral yes. Now
I just have to work through the fears. And then
I think the other part with the quitting and being
able to recognize that it's an empowered quitting is why
do I not want to do this? Why is everything

(16:53):
in me saying this is a no? Is it just
because I can like I'm just I'm nervous about it,
or I can see the future it's not going in
the direction that it needs to. If I continue down
this path, I will be out of alignment, I will
be miserable, there is no recovering what this was supposed

(17:15):
to be. And then recognize, Okay, I'm just not going
to be able to continue. So I don't know if
that answered.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, yeah it does. I think what I'm hearing is
you got to push through it when you've made that commitment,
and yes it might be a struggle, but ultimately it's
giving you more power, more of a sense of yeah,
this was the correct choice. You know.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
I think you have to push through. If it was
the correct choice to start, you want to actually be
doing it and the outcome is still expected to be
what you wanted it to be. Because even if you
were like I really really really want to do this
and everything says this is not going to work, then

(18:06):
you also need to maybe consider the quitting part, Like
you can continue if you're okay with it, but there's
also a time where it's like that's not going to
happen and you're just continuing to put energy, money, whatever.
It is also being able to recognize now is the
time to quit. So pushing through if it is still

(18:27):
aligned with what you want and what you're investing, is
you're okay with still investing regardless of whatever the outcome
actually might be, because you can control the outcome to a
certain extent, but also sometimes you can't. And so if
you're okay with the journey and not being attached to
the outcome, by all means continue on.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
So it's real important what you just said, not being
attached to the outcome.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
Yeah, that is something that I'm minding myself of a
lot more recently and regularly. Is I know what I'm
trying to do, but I don't always have the ability
to control it. But if I can control what I'm
doing and be okay with that and loving that process,
then the outcome really isn't isn't relevant.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
It's very spiritual. There you go. Yeah, so let's see
what else you talk about helping people realize that they're
scared and doing what they really want to do. How
do you you say something about having a special trick
to help people discover what the real fear is about?

(19:40):
Tell us about that and a little bit more about fear.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
So it's not so much a trick of figuring out
what the real fear is. My sort of trick is
how I deal with the fear is I actually like
schedule allowing myself to deal with the fear. So I
mentioned earlier like I don't believe in like the pushing

(20:05):
through fear and pretending like it's not there. I don't
think that it's important or I don't think it's helpful
to just be like, Okay, I'm going to bury this
and I'm gonna do the hard thing anyway, and I'm
just gonna pretend like it's not there, because if you
don't ever acknowledge whatever it is, it's never going to
not be a problem. So understanding kind of where the

(20:27):
fear is coming from. But the first part of that
of allowing myself to feel what it is, I will
actually put it in my planner, schedule myself five minutes
or whatever and be really really nervous and just be like, Okay,
you have this time slot to freak out, feel it,
whatever it happens to be, whatever your your little meltdown
is going to be. You get that time slot, and

(20:49):
then that's it and then we move on. We either
you know, journal about it, whatever it is, or then
a lot of times I look at it and I go, oh,
not actually I'm good, I'm gonna go do the thing now,
even I'm not even worried about it. So that's not
that's sort of my trick for how I handle my
my nervousness and my anxiety and heard that go ahead,

(21:14):
go ahead, No, And then like the sort of figuring
out kind of what it is that's a much deeper
sort of you know, I think it depends on kind
of what the situation is, and that takes a lot
more of thinking through and recognizing, Okay, what is it
that we're really afraid of? And then where does that
come from?

Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yeah, well, most fear ultimately comes from fear of success,
fear of love, fear of deserving, all of those things
that go pretty deep in us. And you know, I
don't know about your clients, but that's a tough one
also to admit, because what do you mean fear of success?
I want success? Obviously, I want success. That's why I'm
working fifty hours a week, you know. So do you

(21:55):
do you ever talk about that with your people?

Speaker 3 (21:58):
We do, We do, and again probably not super super
deep deep of like, Okay, you know, what's the stuff
from childhood that's that's sort of coming up because it's
there and it's the source of it, and sometimes even
long before childhood, it's like recognizing you know that part
of it. It's a little bit more of a highline. Again.

(22:19):
I think it's because we do things and thirty minute,
thirty minute, thirty day sort of sprints where it's like, Okay,
what's the thing that you want to sort of accomplish,
and then what fears come up around that? And a
lot of times, you know, it's I'm afraid to have
this conversation. And then so you know, we work through
it of Okay, what's the worst that can happen if
you have that conversation? What's the worst that happens if

(22:42):
you do whatever the thing happens to be, And then
we work around, Okay, what can we do to like
make that part so it still stays a bit of
a higher sort of level of like, let's do what
we can around this specific scenario, in this specific situation.
And then and the other part to that is at
the end of the sprint is we look back, Okay,

(23:05):
when did those things come up and what did you
feel and experience? And then if they are still things
that are fears, that's more I'm kind of identifying. Okay,
there's more here. We probably need to go deeper into
whatever it is. And then sort of you said, either
we can continue on or it's a thing that they
deal with or whatever. This so I think a little

(23:28):
sidetracked or whatever. But yes, so we do talk about
the fears and like being afraid of success for sure,
but not on a super super deep childhood type level.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah. Yeah, so we need to take a bit of
a break right now. But excuse me. I want you
to talk a little bit more about the action steps
that you help people generate, and the accountability and you know,
maybe even how you deal with procrastination and mindset and

(24:03):
all of that, because I think that's really important to understand.
So we will be right back on talking to Courtney
Hackett and stay with.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Us Home Times TV. Do you crave joy but feel stuck?
Do you go through life feeling constantly triggered and frustrated?
Fear is likely the culprit and subconscious fear is likely

(24:32):
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(24:53):
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(25:16):
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(26:00):
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Speaker 2 (26:41):
Welcome back. I'm talking with Courtney Hackett and we are
talking about making the impossible possible. So before the break,
you were talking about fear and all that good stuff,
and I want you to kind of veer away from
that for a little while, maybe for the rest of
the show actually, and talk about generating action steps and

(27:04):
why that's important and how to do that and give
us some ideas of what that looks like with your clients.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
Yeah, So it really is just we work on like
sort of identifying a specific thing that we want to accomplish.
So it you know, we start with, what's the thing
you feel at the moment is like causing you the
most stress. What's the thing that if right now you

(27:35):
could change this situation you feel like would just make
everything better, And you're like, I could take on anything
if I could just deal with this one specific thing.
And then we work on that one specific thing and
then the actions really are, Okay, here's where you're saying
you're frustrated, and this is the thing that's bothering you.
This is the thing that's taking all of your energy.

(27:56):
This is where you have all of your frustration. This
is what you want the end to look, so really
map out this is what I want to feel, This
is what I want the day to look like, like
my activities, whatever it is, what do we need to
do to get from here to here? And just break
it down into as small of milestones as we possibly can,
and then we put dates to them. Okay, by the

(28:17):
next session, you're going to have accomplished this, this, this, this,
and this, and then we put it in place and
we do that and then the follow up part of
that or whatever is. Okay, what did you come up
against when you tried to do this, this, this, and this?
This person made it very difficult? Okay, cool? What boundaries

(28:37):
do we need to set around this? Or you know,
I got really really nervous and I just didn't do this. Okay,
where did the fear come? But what were you nervous of?
What was the worst case scenario you thought was going
to happen if you did this sort of thing? Work
around to that sort of thing. But as far as
like actually developing the action steps. This is where I am,
this is where I want to be? What do I
need to do to close that gap? And that's where

(28:59):
I sort of help with the strategy of just like, Okay,
if we took this step, does that get us where
we want to be? If we took this step, does
that get us where we want to be? You know,
because a lot of times they're like, Okay, well I'm
going to go do this, and I'm like, but does
that actually get us here? Does that maybe sort of
get us to see because we think we want to
do those things, but it doesn't actually help over here?
And so that's sort of where I help. Are we

(29:21):
sure that's what we need to be doing with?

Speaker 2 (29:23):
So as I'm listening to I'm thinking, how do you
is everything so kind of generic that you know that
this person's trying to start their business need to do this,
and there's other person that's starting to you know, they
have different goals and different circumstances. Are you able to

(29:46):
determine specific things based on what those things are that
they're trying to attain?

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Sometimes some of those steps are Okay, we need to
do research to figure out what we have to do
to get from here to here, because I don't know
all the time what it's going to take to get
from this step to the step, and sometimes you know
and they don't either, obviously, because that's what we're working through.
And so sometimes one of the action steps is I
need to research what has to happen for me to

(30:13):
do this to this. I know that this is where
I want to be, and I don't know what that
middle step looks like. Okay, so who do we need
to reach out to? And then you know, the part
where I help with is okay, where can we find
the resources? Who? What do we you know, just let's
make sure we know how to close that gap and
make it even even smaller, and let's set some accountability

(30:36):
to that part. So no, it's definitely not general enough
that I can cross the board say okay, this is
what we need to do, but you know, it can
be small and specific enough to go who do we
need to call? What do we need to google? Where's
the website that gives us these these answers? Can we
chat GPT this you know right here where we're having

(30:57):
the phone the conversation and sort of figure out so yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
And what about accountability? How do you get people to
be accountable? Because you know, as you and I both know,
that's really a tough thing.

Speaker 3 (31:12):
For people, very very difficult. I don't want to say it's,
you know, super simple, but I try to make it
sort of simple of kind of two things. Why did
we want to do it right? So you told me
that it was important for you to feel this way
at the end, and you and I agreed that this
is what we had to do to get to that

(31:34):
feeling at the end. Do you still want to actually
feel that way at the end? So if you do,
then the question is do you think that there's a
better way to get there and that's why we didn't
do these steps? Or if not? What was so? What
you know, what were you afraid of? Or what boundaries
need to be put in place? What barriers existed that

(31:56):
prevented you from doing that step? What do we need
to do to remove So again, a lot of times
it comes down to, you know, we had to set boundaries.
This person got really uncomfortable when I tried to do
this or do that or whatever. Okay, So how do
we work with getting either that person to be okay
with whatever it is that you're trying to do, or
how do we get you to be okay with your mind?

(32:17):
Upset some people and that's just how it's going to be,
you know, just different things like that. And then the fear,
well I was really scared to do this thing because
I was afraid, you know, people might judge me or
whatever it is. Okay, what's the worst thing somebody could
say that might hurt your feelings? Well, they might say this, okay,
and if they did, what does that actually matter? And

(32:38):
a lot of times, you know, we get to really
doesn't you know, I might be a little embarrassed or
accept I hurt my feelings or whatever. But at the
end of the day, I guess it's not really gonna end.
You know, it's not going to be the end of me. Okay,
So let's do it. Let's or you know, can we
do something smaller? Can we maybe break that step down
into a little bit of a small or more manageable piece.

(32:59):
Sometimes we missed that it could be a little bit smaller.
And so the accountability I think comes and just asking
the questions why didn't we do it? And then what
do we need to do to get you to be
comfortable with doing it, and then obviously do you still
want to actually do it? Mm hm, because sometimes it
could be like I started to do that and I
realized that's not actually what I want? Okay, do you

(33:22):
really not want it? And again then we do do
you really not want it? Because you realize that's actually
not at all aligned? This is what somebody told me
I'm supposed to want, you know, my parents said this
is who I'm supposed to be whatever, but it's not
at all Okay, cool, and let's definitely go in a
different direction. Or are we afraid of success? Are we
scared of what happens if we do? And again, so
then we you know, it's a lot of just questions, Yeah,

(33:46):
what do you want? What are you? What are you
afraid of? Let's break everything down into the smallest thing
that we possibly can.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Yeah, so do you get into a lot of the
work that I do with people is helping them go
really deep inside and discover what their true purpose is,
which may have a completely different pathway than the one
that they're on. You know, they may think they're supposed
to be a doctor, but they're really supposed to be

(34:16):
a ballet answer or whatever it is, but they've denied that,
they've suppressed that they bought into what people said, Their
parents said, Oh no, you can't be a ballet answer,
you know all of that stuff. Do you get help
people realize that, oh, maybe I really am going in
a direction that's not what I'm supposed to be doing.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
It comes up in conversations. It's not necessarily the intent
because again, a lot of it is you know, women
who are like, Okay, I just this, this situation is frustrating,
and I keep doing things to make this situation pop up.
What do I need to do to stop making the
situation be a thing in my life? Like I'm ready

(34:59):
to like take control. And so it does come up because,
like I said, sometimes they get through and they're like, oh,
that's not actually really what I want. I thought that's
where I wanted to be, and then we adjust and
like I said, it's then it really goes back to
the question, so is it really not what you want?
Or is it I'm afraid of having it? And then
we work through that. So it does come out in

(35:20):
conversations sometimes, but it isn't the when they come and
they say, Okay, this is the situation or this is
the problem that I sort of want to resolve. I
don't normally stop them and go, let's talk about that
if that's really what you want to be doing. Like,
they're kind of at the point where this is what
they they feel, and they're confident that that's what they

(35:43):
want to work on, and I trust that that's really
kind of what they want to work on. So I
don't try to make them dig into deep and just
be like, are you sure that's the thing that you're
you know, But sometimes it does come out where they're like, oh,
that's actually you know what this is, and this isn't
what I thought I wanted to have the conversations with

(36:04):
this person because I thought I wanted this relationship to
go different. And now that I realize, you know, what's
important to me and my boundary is actually I don't
necessarily want to resolve this relationship or whatever it is,
and so it does come out sometimes.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Yeah, I think it's interesting everything in my life. If
you had said to me when I was ten years
old that I was going to end up being a
spiritual teacher and all the other stuff that I've done,
I would have laughed in your face because never in
a million years would I see myself in any of

(36:37):
the roles that I've had, and they've all landed in
my lap quote coincidentally, which I look back on and
see how they were divinely guided there in my life
to land in my lap. But do you ever have
people that experience things like that where they go, I
don't know, should this be what I'm doing? Even because

(36:57):
it just landed in my lap? And it was so weird,
you know.

Speaker 3 (37:01):
So you know my like you know, technical thought and
approach to everything, right that, I was an engineer, a
project manager, so like that part thing. I became an
engineer because in high school, the guy that I was
dating at the time told me women don't make good engineers.

(37:21):
You could never be an engineer. And I said, cool, Well,
now I know what my degree is going to be.
I had zero intention of being an engineer, never never
crossed my mind, never wanted to do it, I said cool.
The next we end it was the conversation happened just
before we were taking our ap chemistry test, and I
was also told in that same conversation that there was

(37:42):
no way I was going to pass my chemistry test,
No way I was going to do, which of course
I did, and I got college credit for it. That
next week is when I declared chemical engineering as my major.
I was like, cool, it's been decided, thank you sir.
Now I know my future. So I look back at
it and I go, how did I end up where
I am? And it's just like, because it was I

(38:04):
don't want to say, you know, obviously didn't quite fall
into my lap, but the reason I went that path
is so completely random and just but that's, you know,
part of where I came from. I was told I
couldn't do something, and I said, well watch me, you know,
just because I wanted to be able to show that
women can do whatever the heck it is they want
to do. So yes, it it comes out very much

(38:26):
for me to just look at it and go, I
is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? And
I did engineering for a while and then I realized
this isn't actually what I want to do. It set
me up for a lot of good things. I think,
you know, it directed me into where I am now,
but it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing.
I know that, so it's great.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
You prove them wrong.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
I just like, Okay, well, now I know what I'm doing.
I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I wanted to
go to college for. I wanted to be a lawyer,
but you know, I was like, but I don't know
what my you know, my undergraduate graduate degree will be.
Like I hadn't. I hadn't planned any of that stuff
out yet. He was like, women can't be engineers. Just
the camp and I'm gone for no reason other than

(39:13):
to prove you wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Yeah, I did the same thing. Yeah, I'll prove you wrong.
I'll be a successful artist.

Speaker 4 (39:20):
You know.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
That didn't happen, well, successful at least.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah. Yeah. So I read on your website that fear
is not your enemy, it's your compass. How do you
explain that? I love that?

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Yeah? So, you know, I was saying earlier, like I
do not believe that we should just be ignoring it
or pretending. You know, I think I don't want to, well,
I'm man to not say it because it's the name
of a book, and I don't want it to sound
like I'm criticizing the book. But you know, just like
forcing the fear to sort of not exist, I don't

(40:01):
think that's the way that we do it. So you
know that's the fear is not your enemy part. Don't
pretend it's not there. And the other thing that I've
I think I've read it somewhere or whatever. It's like,
you know, let fear sit in the front seat with you,
but it doesn't have to drive. And so it's acknowledging
that it comes from something. And so when you understand

(40:25):
what it is that you're actually afraid of, then that's
when you can kind of figure out, Okay, what do
I want to either feel that's different, and then what
do I need to do? I is that puppy? Oh yeah,
I want to see you. Oh my god, oh adorable.

(40:45):
Sorry I got distracted. I got distracted with the two two.
So yeah, the compass parts, it's there from something. So
when you understand where it came from, why it's making
you feel the way that it's making, what is it
protecting you from? The whole thing? Fear is protecting you
from something. A lot of times that it's just like

(41:08):
past things that are not really relevant anymore, or things
that we've created in our head that are not at
all relevant ever. But you know, you think that you
have the evidence to say that this is going to
be a problem, or this is unsafe or whatever it is.
So when you understand that, then you can move forward
with intent instead of just And that's the kind of

(41:29):
the grace part of grit and grace. The grit is
doing the hard thing. The grace is doing it with
intention and not just bare your head and force through
when it's it's not aligned. It's the understanding what it
is that you're actually trying to accomplish and how to
do it the way that you feel the best about it.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
So you keep using the word intention. I use that
word a lot too. How do you do you find
it or explain it to people? Because I find that
a lot of what we do is absolutely no intention
behind it. So how do you help people with that?

Speaker 3 (42:13):
I know I said it before and I'm gonna say
it again, and I hope that it's you know, okay
to the questions, I just I like to just ask them,
why is that important to you? Why is that something
that you're afraid of? Why is that something that you
don't want to go after or tackle you know? Or
why do you feel like you want that? And a

(42:34):
lot of times it comes out that well because that's
what I was told I was supposed to want. Okay,
So it's not your intent, that's what others said that
you're said to and then you're like, oh, yeah it is.
Or my intent is to prove that I can do
it because somebody said that I didn't, okay, And that
is an intent? Is that the one that you actually like?
Is that really what you want to do? Is is

(42:54):
it most important to you to prove the point or
is the most important for you to figure out what
it is that you love and go after that. Sometimes
I've you know, hurt, Now I want to prove a point. Okay,
let's go prove a point, like what's the worst that
could happen? You know in my situation, like, what's the
worst that could happen? I got a great career for
a couple of years and it led me die where
I am a zero regrets. But so yeah, I think

(43:15):
you know, defining intent is what are you doing that
you acknowledge I'm doing, versus what are you doing because
people have made you feel you're supposed to do it
because you're doing it without even actually thinking. You know,
how many things do you do throughout the day that

(43:37):
you don't realize you've even done until you look back.
You just went through the motions. That's, you know, to recognize, Okay,
there was zero intention behind that.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
Yeah, because we do a lot of that. We take
on the obligations and the responsibilities that a lot of
times we're doing things we don't even know we're doing it.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Yeah, And I think our subconscious intent comes out all
the time, and then we wonder, well, why did I
fail at that? Well, I intended to fail for some reason. Yeah,
it's all subconscious.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Oh for sure. Yes, No, I love that. I find
myself asking a lot. You know, something happens and I go, okay,
what what did I How did I make that actually happen?
Because I was not okay with whatever the outcome I
thought I was that I didn't realize subconsciously, I was like,
I'm sabotaging myself because I wish I know this came

(44:31):
up in conversation just maybe a couple of weeks ago
and too distracted to remember the specific scenario, but like
it literally came up that I was something happened and
I was like, yeah, I made that happen subconsciously. I
absolutely made that happen. I wish I could remember what
it was because it was yeah, yeah, but yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
It's I think just crucial for people to understand that
and to have clear intention even with their words. You know,
I've had experien is where people have said things to me.
I'll just give you a silly story that happened. I
was doing a retreat with my students and I said
something that was really controversial in terms of, you know,

(45:11):
if you get this concept, you will have to take
full responsibility for your life. That was pretty much what
I was saying. And one of my students looked at me,
she goes, I hate you, Royce. I heard this, but
what I heard was I love you so much Royce
for telling me this and giving me freedom to know
that I'm responsible for my life. And I just laughed

(45:34):
and I looked at it and I said, you know,
I love you too, And she got it. She knew immediately, Oh, yeah,
I do. So the words have the power of our
true intention all the time.

Speaker 3 (45:45):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Yeah, I'll never forget that moment. So we only have
what like a few minutes left. I was again reading
your on your website that you have the grit and
grace approach, and it basically talks about your true mission

(46:07):
in life. And if you wouldn't mind telling us that,
I think it would be a great thing for people
to hear.

Speaker 3 (46:13):
Yeah, so my, you know, the approach that I have
with with the women that I work with is the
first part is really identifying the thing, and so we
spend time talking about what is it that you feel
right now? If you eliminated or changed or you know

(46:35):
whatever about that situation would be just a complete life
changer for you. You know. Yeah, And I just realized, like I,
you know, I've had conversations where, you know, it was
one in particular, we're just like, She's like, my job
situation is not great. I'm very frustrated with that, and
honestly the conversation, you know, trying to I just have

(46:55):
a hard time with conversations with people in general, and
so it actually turned into a bigger or sort of thing.
I got it slightly distracted because I was thinking about that. Apologies,
we talked about that earlier. But it's the approach, you know,
identify the thing that you feel like you need to
work on, make some adjustments, and then you know, again
we go from what does that look like how do

(47:19):
we get from A to B? But like what does
B look like? And then identifying what boundaries and barriers
and fears come up with that? What what are the
action steps and so you know, get me milestones. Okay,
so we need to do this, we need to do this,
and I expect that I'm going to run into complications

(47:40):
with this step here. Okay, what can we put in
place or talk about ahead of time so that when
you do you go, oh, I was already prepared for this.
I knew I was going to tell myself whatever these
things in my heads that I was going to tell myself,
or I knew I was going to procrastinate. I already
have these things in place. And then there's the sort

(48:01):
of the follow up to that is, Okay, now that
we've done those steps, what things did we not anticipate
that came up? What new fears popped up? You know,
I dealt with that fear, but then this fear came
up that's also making me afraid of success and that
sort of thing. So identifying all of those and then
the other sort of really big piece I think that
has missed a lot of times is you know, call

(48:21):
it like an evidence bank. We talk a lot about
when you did the hard thing, you worked through the fear,
whatever it was, what did that feel like, how hard
was that really actually? And a lot of times it
was like, yeah, it wasn't really wasn't that scary, or
it was a little bit scary because I had to
start to have a conversation in public, and I don't
love public speaking, but you know, two minutes into or whatever,

(48:43):
I was like, Oh, this is easy, I know my stuff.
And then I got to the end of it, I
was like, I wasn't nervous at all, like exactly. And
so documenting all of that so that the next time
you're in a similar situation with a similar fear, you
have that to go, oh, really it's not that bad.
The fear is not what I actually thought it was.
I'm good, I can do this. And so that's sort
of the approach for the coaching. It's identifying what is

(49:06):
it that is draining our energy the most, what do
we really want to feel like, what's that end state
look like? How do we close that gap? And then
when we do the things, what kind of evidence do
we have to help in the future.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
Do you do any visualization work with people to help
them actually visualize. You know, I know a lot of
people talk about vision boards and affirmations and that sort
of thing. Do you ever go that direction?

Speaker 3 (49:37):
So, you know, we do the visualization my goodness, excuse
me part. You know, there's a workbook that goes along
with it, and so in that workbook, I have, you know,
space of like, what's the current state, where's the frustration?
You know, what is it the thing that you're doing
over and over again? And you know, I really drawing
and writing all of that out, and then there is
the end state space actually visualizing what that looks like,

(49:59):
what are you feeling? You know, what are you doing?
What is the future you? How is that person? And
putting all of that down actually on paper, and that's
when we go, okay, now how do we how do
we bring those in together? So yeah, actually asking them
to sit, sit in silence and visualize who are you

(50:20):
trying to be? Let's get there? What do we need
to do to get there?

Speaker 2 (50:25):
So yeah, the other thing that I loved again on
your website, the very last paragraph on the very last page.
I don't know if you have access to it. If not,
I can read it because it's beautiful. Yeah, read us
out because that's just really beautiful.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
Thank you. I appreciate that. So yeah, so what it's
talking about is, you know, the the woman who's ready
for this, and she's smart, capable, tired of her own excuses,
done waiting for clarity to magically appear, craving ownership, but
does want to do it alone and is ready to

(51:02):
stop spinning in fear and to start proving herself that
she can handle it. That's the that's the woman that
is ready for self leadership, the one who recognizes it's happening.
There's a pattern, I keep doing this. I have control
over what's happening. I can fix it. I can change it,

(51:25):
I can go in a different direction. So it's the
woman who's no longer saying why is all of this
happening to me? It's happening for me now, I want
that to happen for me.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
And then your your bigger vision which continues on that paragraph.
I love that too.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
Oh yep, sorry I did, Okay, So yeah, I'm just
going to read that part. Actually. So my vision for
you is a world where women no longer wait to
be rescued, validated, or given permission, but instead lead themselves
powerfully and strategically, not just in big moments, but in
the daily heart things that shape a life worth living.

Speaker 2 (52:04):
Amen, thank you, that is great, appreciate it. Yeah, So
the the thirty day program that you give, tell us
a little bit more about that. How do people find
out about it? How do people sign up?

Speaker 3 (52:20):
All of that? Yeah, so on the on the website
and can I say the name of the website? Is it? Oh? Yeah,
great and Grace dot I see you, and so it'll
be on there. So, you know, I like to do
like a pre like a discovery call I guess if
you really want to call that, and just to make
sure that like you know, I'm a good fit for you,

(52:41):
and you're a good fit, like are you ready to
really truly take ownership? And then you know, walk through, Okay,
this is what this is going to look like. You
make sure that we're on the same page. And so
that's really just what all that really needs to happen
before we do it. But so the information is there
on the website. But yes, it's it's a you know,
it's a thirty day sprint. What is it? The thing
you feel is is the most holding you back at

(53:03):
the moment, where do you really truly want to be?
Who do you truly want to be?

Speaker 2 (53:08):
Let's get there, Yes, let's get there, not just for
you personally, but for the world, because it's going to
expand and grow every time a woman likes this or
anytime anybody gets this. But you focus on women and
that's great. So definitely reach out and I appreciate the

(53:29):
work you're doing. Keep it up. If anybody wants to
reach out to Courtney, her website is right there, and
I'm assuming that they can reach out through your website.

Speaker 3 (53:41):
Yes, yes, absolutely, yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
And I will see everyone next Wednesday. And we're airing
this right in December in the middle of the holiday craziness.
So hope everybody has a joy filled, amazing, empowered, surposeful,
intended holiday season. And I will see everybody again next week.

(54:05):
Thank you again, Courtney, Thank you so much.