November 20, 2022 • 24 mins
Why are so many people intimidated by therapy? Mental Health is a real thing and it can be dangerous if not treated properly. I tried having that talk with my dad but his generation are against it. Let's talk about it
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hang out.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Thanks between the end this inspite you's in a podcasts
and I am your host, chassnake.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Make sure that your father win the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
So when I.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Uplow that new episode, you'll get the umification to your phone, right, y'all.
I wouldn't apologize if.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
My s sound.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
If my sound quality is not the best.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm still using Berginner equipment, and I still don't fully
understand how.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
To like set the setting. I had it set.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Like everything was set perfectly, but these bad ass kids
of mine that come in here get to fuck up
with my stuff and adjusting my knobs, and it seems
like I can never get it back to how it
used to be used.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
To sound so clear.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Now it be kind of scratching up, So I don't
I'm not sure if this episode is going to have
that little scratching noise in it, but if it does,
bear with me, maybe after I really be more persistent
with did out upgrade the equipment.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
But anyway, I want to.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I wanna talk about mental health because it is like
a resilient podcasts where we talk about everything, but the
foundation is mental health. Because, as I said before, I
started this podcast as an outlet for me to heal
from past childhood trauma. Just deal's all different things that
(01:31):
I've went through that has helped me, that has built
my resilience.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
So I wanted to wonder.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I want to talk about uh mental health and why
are black people so intimidated UH by therapy? You mentioned
therapists to UH black people, They feel like you're questioning
their sanity. And I say that because of how my
daddy read died a couple of week. He used to
(02:00):
go when I ain't suggested therapy.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I ain't even suggest therapy.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I aksed him, had he ever thought about therapy?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
And the way you looked.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
At me, you the thought I told him a bird
is shooting on the top of his head. He looked
at me like, jam, I ain't that crazy. I ain't
come on, mine, ain't.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I ain't that I ain't I ain't got to do
it yet. He just laid it seem like it was
just like it was such a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
And I and I had to break it down to him,
and I'm like, daddy, if if you're not feeling well
or you got a real bad headache. That then lingered
on for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Who who who do you go to see? No, let
it back up.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
When I aksed him, I was like that if you
ever thought about therapy, you know, he overreacted in my opinion,
and he was like, no, I ain't I ain't that crazy.
I ain't I ain't that messed up in the head.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
And I'm like, white the people think is you have
to be uh suicidal or messed up in the head,
as he say, before you go to seek out therapy.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
And so he was like, yeah, yeah, I got a therapist.
Uh his name Jesus.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Now, y'all, I dull. This is what I wanted to say.
I wanted to say dull, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
But what I said was, well, you're not feeling well
and you got a headache and this headache been going
on for two or three weeks.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Uh, your body feending weak and he just knows something
ain't right. Who what what do you do? Then? And
he was like, I go to a doctor. Okay, So
if you're not where you need to be mentally, you
know what. Let me back up. Let me back up.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
So my dad, since my mom passed, he has been
in several relationships. But I couldn't tell you why they
didn't work out or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I can't s w mm mm, I'm okay, jam.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm not gonna go off into my daddy's business like that.
But it's my mom passed in two thousand and three.
My dad has been in several relationship since my mama
passed him.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
But I think.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
It was hard for him to uh be in a
relationship because, in his word, he hasn't got over my mama. Now,
I definitely get that, you get what I'm saying. But
one thing, one mistake I think my daddy was making
with these relationship was you were looking for.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Mama in those women. And although I.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
May have liked them, they weren't my mama.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
And so I would tell him, like, well.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Daddy, you can't expect them to be like mama, cook,
like mama, dress y.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
You can't do that. Like you're cheating yourself. You get
what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It is like, if you feel like you're ready to date,
then you h you gotta be open. You give what
I'm saying, not comparing these women to your wife.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
You give what I'm saying. And one of that probably
sounds bad.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
And I guess if you're dating someone who who lost
a spouse or whatever.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I'm not sure how all that work, but I don't
feel like.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
It's fair to the next woman, you know what I'm saying,
to be held up to this standard of.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
This woman just deceased. You give what I'm saying. And
that's my mama.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
But I'm a woman too, so I definitely get it.
And so I've always told that, like, you gotta be open.
You can't compare these women to Mama, because they will
n they'll never amount, they'll never be what you won't
you give what I'm saying. So I feel like that's
one part. As far as like why he hasn't uh well,
(05:53):
why his relationship has some work, I'll just say that,
not to go too deep into it.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
And so I.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Always worried about my daddy, you know, because he lived alone.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
And even though my brother lived like two.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Minutes up the street, my brother have his own life,
and you know, he got his wife and kid, and
he work, he get his son, and he's a pretty
hands on.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Uh he's a hands on daddy. So I guess they
don't kick it as much as you think they would.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But everybody, you know, when they getting along, they mind
tends to wander off and so like I'm always worried
about my daddy.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Sorry about that. I'm always worried about my daddy, you know,
And his phone don't pick up. It's good. So like
if I tryna call him, you know, I maybe it's
I'm pr I probably okay, i'm'a sekre you what happened
with that? Same y'all?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
But my dad and I used to talk every day
when he was working and I was working. I would
working overnight. He would be ha, I think he would
have to be at work at eight and I was
getting off there seven. I would call him every single
morning and.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Even then like come just thinking back, like I feel
like my mental.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
State was in a a much better place back then
because I was working, had my own independency.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And I feel like, well him too, Like it was getting.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Up on the work and it's like since he been retired,
he not really doing as much.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And so like I'd be like, dog, I wonder if
Daddy dining at the press, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
And so when he told me he wanted me to
come get him, he was like I he text me
one time one day he was like, I showed whis
you'll come get me. So my backday was coming up,
and he was I was like, you know what, i'm'a
go down there and get 'em.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
So we told him. He was like, you know, I
wanna come up there and kick it with you for
your birthday.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
So I was like, fine, I'll come get you. One weekend,
I went and get him. But the whole time, excuse me,
I'm thinking, this is gonna be my opportunity to really
talk to him and and and tap into his brain,
you know, chick his temperature to bit.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
So fast forward, we.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
We'd get him up here and then uh, of course
my kids ain't in school, and so I took Jason
to school that morning, Tearry to Jetarian the school. So
me and Daddy are at home. It's just me and him.
So I feel like this was the opportunity for.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Me to, you know, just do a mental check in
with him and just try to have that conversation because
if you which I know y'all probably have it, y'all
need to go back and listen to my other episodes if.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
You have it, because you'll kind of get a feel
of you don't get a kind of feel of our background.
So anyway, so I'm like, this my opportunity to go
up here and kind of check daddy temperature.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So I go home and I was like, oh, Dad, you.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Know, I wanna talk. Let's talk, mind y'all. He's laying
on the couch, got his legs crossed, he's comfortable. He
wasn't expected me, so I didn't want him to feel
a text. So I'm like, I ease into it. So
I'm like, okay, Daddy, you know, let's talk. And I
was like, it, you know, when you're at home, what's.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
What's your typical date? It's like and he was like, oh,
you know, I watch TV, go.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Outside and you know, miss riding the yard, or go
downtown's house or go to Macon, you know, cause my
uncle live at making. And so I'm like, okay, I said,
do you feel like you're.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
The press or anything like that. He may have said no,
we y'all, but I can see through that, and.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I'm like, uh, you know, like it's okay, daddy, if
you feel like you know, you the press, you know,
I want you to be able to talk to me,
you know, like be open with me. And so he
was like, well, you know, I miss my wife, which
I kind of figure. And I'm like, yeah, I eat it,
and he was like and then I feel like, you know,
(09:43):
life ain't been the same since my sister passed, which
my auntie Jaz has been three years since she passed.
So you know, I'm like, this is my opportunity to
really you know, talk about mental health. And I was like,
you know, I get it, you know, because it still
bothers me that I didn't get a chance to get
down there to see anti hip before she passed. And
(10:04):
so I just went on to tell him about, you know,
before I moved to Mephics, or you know, when I
was living back home, I said, Dad, I was dealing.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
With depression for a long time.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It wasn't until I became an adult and I realized
how much it was affecting.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
My you know, my personal life or even my relationship
with terror, my relationship with my kids.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I said, you know, when I was living at home, I.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Thought about you know, killing myself plenty of time, but
I this is lone till now.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
This is what I'm telling my daddy Tel the first
time ever.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I never told my dad I thought about committing suicide,
you know, when I was living with him, So I
wasn't sure how he was gonna accept the information, or
if he was gonna accept it at all.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But I'm like, this is my opportunity to just get
all this shit out.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
So I'm like, you know, when I was living at
home and you were going to work and telling what
was at work, and I mean, hall on myself, it
was a lot of days where.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I wanted to die, Like I wanted to kill myself,
you know.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
And I didn't feel like I could tell y'all because
I felt like it was gonna be taking lightly and
I felt like that may have.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
It probably really made me worse.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And so.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
When I'm telling him this, y'all, he not He never
buzzed from their position. That he was laying there, y'all.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Mind time, I told y'all, he was laying over the
capt with his with his legs crossed, shaking his feet
and hit his head, had his hands on the top
of his head. Y'all want a position, So he's laying there.
Not one time did he did he bush? Did he
make eye contact with me?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Did he?
Speaker 2 (11:44):
You know? Wanted to know more detail. It was almost
like he was going in one ear and after the other.
But I I felt like I kept my composure and
I continued to talk and I was telling him, I'm like,
it's twenty days when I wanted to commit suicide. You know,
I didn't feel like I could tell anybody because it
(12:06):
would be taken lightly now, my y'all. I I did
mention to my daddy once before that I needed therapy.
I was like, dadd I think I need to go
and see somebody. I kid you not, I remember it.
And my daddy was like, girl, they're wrong with you, and.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
He went on about what he was doing. You get
what I'm saying. So I blocked it up.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I was like, cause I mentioned to you before that
I needed therapy, and you kind of like just.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Brushed it off. Still, I responded for my daddy, y'll,
I think he was watching gun smoke on TV. You
get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
So I was I kept going and I was like,
I was like, I know you said, you know, life
feel like it. You know it had been the same
since Anti Jam passed. You know, I definitely understand it.
You know, when Granddaddy passed, I took that Zverra hard.
I went that was probably the darkest time in my life,
(12:59):
and I just didn't know how to how to get
up and go.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I was stuck and it just really took a toll
on me.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And I couldn't be the mother for my kids.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Uh. I just couldn't be jazzmin for jazzmin like I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I wasn't myself and I didn't like that, and I
felt like I needed to do something I said, And
so that is when I decided to go and get
some help, y'all. And I don't know, I think I
made to mention it on another episode. You know, I
got started on medication for my anxiety and depression and
all that. So I'm telling my daddy all this, and
(13:34):
I think maybe when I told him, I got put
on the medication, so he may have looked at me
some type of way. But yeah, I just kept reference
how I took my granddaddy gift hard.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
So by this time.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
He's sitting up and he was like, well, I ain't
take it hard. Uh, that's a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Die that w y'all.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
That was the most insensitive shit to say. Not I
to tell a person, but to your daughter. You'll get
what I'm saying. But I'm not gonna get him oution know,
right now, because I'm past it.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
So when he said it, y'all, it kind of threw
me out.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
And I'm like, now, if you know me, I remember
wanting to go to the food car, but give my
daddy and he gonna be up here for a couple
of days, and I didn't wanna make him feel uncomfortable.
So I responded by saying, well, I don't. I don't
expect you to feel how I feel or to take
his depth the way I took it, because that was
my granddaddy and we had he go out.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well, you know, I'm just saying people die. I'm like, well,
you just said, you know, life I ain't hadn't been
the same since your sister passed. So it's I found
it fund of it. You know what.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I'm done with this conversation. I'm we don't even have
to talk about.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It no more.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
And so he was like, oh, and I'm not gonna
like you all. I got a bad habit. I like
to smoke. I I love Mary Jane, and it's out there.
I don't I don't cause talk about let me and go.
I'm wanna say I don't wanna be dependent on a drug.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You get what I'm saying. Even with the medication. You
know what I'm saying, you have to kind of win
and stelf off it instead of just stopping completely. And
so after I after he did that or whatever, like
he had to struck a nerve.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
So I'm looking for my little kick, you know, I think,
want a bathroom and roll me up one and get
myself together.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
So as I'm getting my kick, I think.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
He could kind of tell like you just pissed me off,
and so he was like, no, we ain't done talking.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I said, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
I'm done talking, y'all. I went in my bathroom. I
couldn't even roll up.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I was so full of emotions.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
I was angry, I was hurt, and I.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Really I broke down.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
I broke down, boohoo, cried, and Terry still hadn't made
a back yet. So I'm like, this is my opportunity,
like kick that shit out there, cried out, It's okay, y'all.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I was triggered. I wa. I felt like I was
that twelve year old girl all over again. And I
felt like.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Be even initiated that conversation was an attempt to defend
and stand up for that twelve year old girl, which
was me and by him being so knowne of non
about the information that I would share with him. I
like I said, it triggered me, and it took me
back to that twelve year old girl. And it made
me feel how the twelve year old girl would have
(16:32):
felt if she Hainda came out and told him this
stuff back then.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And so y'all need so many.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
People out here suffering in silence because they feel like
they can't even tell their family. Because when even or
not your family be some of the first bullies you
come across, you know, maybe be.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
First laws to tear you down. But I'm here to
tell you.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
If those family members just like that, don't let nobody
else uh that.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Let your family members deter you from what you wanna do.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Let them uh uh talk you out of what you
wanna do.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You get what I'm saying now, y'all get me wrong.
I love my daddy to death. I will knock your
head clean off about him or my brother.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
But that that conversation is just it really gave me closer, y'all.
It gave me closer because, for one, I finally told
you that I thought about killing myself back when I
was living with you.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
I mean, what did he do with that information? It
it's no longer only no more Like I got it out.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I told you how I felt in an attempt to
kind of get him to.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Open up more. But it was just I don't know, y'all.
It was just a whole lot.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
But after I got all my tears out, y'all, I
started talking, I said, started speaking positivity in the era,
or I start speaking uh positive words all of myself
because I'm damn part of myself, y'all.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Like I could have been a little crackhead. Yeah, I
smoke weed from time to time, but I think I
I think I do pretty well. Hey, I know I
do pretty well now. All work.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
I haven't work in three years. But I gotta thank
God that he has kept me this long and he's
continuing to keep me. And I know sometimes I may
lose my temper uh with my kids over whatever, but
I'm not too big to go back and apologize to them.
Cause a lot of times we can let life get
the best of us and we tend to take it
out on the wors closer to us.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
But we gotta do.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
What we gotta do, y'all, to to make sure that
our mental stays in a good space. We we're not
gonna always have good days. Were gonna have bad days,
but we gotta know that it's it's okay to not
be okay. Have you a moment and then think about
options or think of think about ways that you can
(19:10):
make your situation better.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You give what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I'm not saying I'm one hundred percent content when I'm
at cause I can always do better. But I gotta
pat myself on the on the back cause the shit
I have accomplished, and how much y'all to do the same.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
But go back to what I said when I started,
I I just don't understand why black people are so
intimidated when it comes to therapy, not even m not
only my my uh theirity, but my brother also, which
I don't probably have to do a whole other episode
on him because in his word, he says, I'm not
gonna pay somebody to tell.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Me what's wrong with me. Well that's not the case.
You not paying them to tell them what's wrong with you. You
would be surprised how.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Much you open up in a therapist in a therapy
of session. You give what I'm saying, and the men
people love to holler, old, uh, Jesus is my therapist. Well, hey,
you ain't even talking to God, so what's what are
you even saying?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
You ain't even praying? How you s you you should it?
You are not even giving God h praise you? Gee
know what I'm saying. So people blow me when they
say that, Like it's different if you really are invested
into giving God that time. I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Getting the old you know, going on your knees, praying,
doing devotion and spraying the Gospel.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
And all that. But if you know, damn well you ain't.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Talking to God, said a couple months ago, then don't
do that in my face that God is your doctor,
Jesus your doctor, or he's your therapist.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Don't get me wrong, Yes he is.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But God has also put these people in position to
help you on.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
A professional level.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
You get what I'm saying, y'all get your mental help
check just as you do y y uh uh?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
That that that annual every year.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
If y'all do it, get it's okay to have with them,
even if you don't feel like like I don't feel
like I gotta go to no therapy Like it's it's
normal les's normalize.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I'm sorry, y'all, I'll be making they gonna less normalize
getting therapy.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I don't know why people are so mainly Black people
are so scared when it when someone mentions uh therapy,
even like me and Victoria be talking a lot, and
you know, I have to tell her, like Tarnan has
a lot of anger.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
You get what I'm saying, Tarrence, don't.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
A lot of people look at my boy. They be
like he's humble, versus they look at me. I'm quick
to pop off because I.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Learned I don't like to sit on I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Like to say what's on my mind. I got to
gone head and let you see how let you know
how I feel. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I might be in the heat of the moment, I'm mad,
i'm'a let this shit out, but then ten minutes later
that's probably the cool down.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
You get what I'm saying, cause it I done, got
it off my chair.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Versus my brother. My brother keep a lot of stuff. Uh,
my brother keep a lot of stuff built in you know,
and I I think, uh, I still think he's struggling
with uh, the deal of my mama and her mama. Uh,
I think Granddaddy death took a toe. Grand dad Dad
(22:24):
took uh a great toe on me. But I think
it was worse on my brother because he was actually
down there, so it's like it's different.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I think i'm'a speak on my brother on the next episode,
because that's a whole other conversation. Actually I'm going to
I don't know, he might listen to the episode, but
i'm'a try to.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Uh. I think I don't know, y'all.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I think my next episode, I'm going to be doing
an interview with my cousin from Cincinnati. She has a
tremendous story and I cannot wait to get that me and.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Her chop it up. And I think after her, after
her interview, I think I'm gonna do another episode with
my brother, you.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Know, cause I feel like that first episode we I
we did was just like a trial run.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
He was the first person I could have all over
the phone, you know, to hear how it sound, which
sound be terrible. Yeah, So after I do my interview
with my cousin TSA, i'm'a do one with my brother.
But I'm not gonna let him know I'm record just
so it could be a little more authentic, and I
(23:32):
want y'all to just hear how he feels about therapy,
you know, and I know a lot of y'all will
probably feel how he feel. But then I'll be able
to like have a guide, you know, kind of break
down like why are you so against therapy? And then
kind of point out different things.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
A Y, I don't know what I'm tryna see. You'll
just have to tune in, make sure that your father
went the podcast.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
You get the little notifications to your phone even if
you don't have time right there and they to listen
to it.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
You know, you can be able to go back and
click on it later.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
On at night when you get some free time and
you drive it in a car or whatever the case
may be.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
So yeah, til next time, y'all, See y'a
Hang out.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Thanks between the end this inspite you's in a podcasts
and I am your host, chassnake.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Make sure that your father win the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
So when I.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Uplow that new episode, you'll get the umification to your phone, right, y'all.
I wouldn't apologize if.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
My s sound.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
If my sound quality is not the best.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm still using Berginner equipment, and I still don't fully
understand how.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
To like set the setting. I had it set.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Like everything was set perfectly, but these bad ass kids
of mine that come in here get to fuck up
with my stuff and adjusting my knobs, and it seems
like I can never get it back to how it
used to be used.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
To sound so clear.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Now it be kind of scratching up, So I don't
I'm not sure if this episode is going to have
that little scratching noise in it, but if it does,
bear with me, maybe after I really be more persistent
with did out upgrade the equipment.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
But anyway, I want to.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I wanna talk about mental health because it is like
a resilient podcasts where we talk about everything, but the
foundation is mental health. Because, as I said before, I
started this podcast as an outlet for me to heal
from past childhood trauma. Just deal's all different things that
(01:31):
I've went through that has helped me, that has built
my resilience.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
So I wanted to wonder.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I want to talk about uh mental health and why
are black people so intimidated UH by therapy? You mentioned
therapists to UH black people, They feel like you're questioning
their sanity. And I say that because of how my
daddy read died a couple of week. He used to
(02:00):
go when I ain't suggested therapy.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I ain't even suggest therapy.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I aksed him, had he ever thought about therapy?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
And the way you looked.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
At me, you the thought I told him a bird
is shooting on the top of his head. He looked
at me like, jam, I ain't that crazy. I ain't
come on, mine, ain't.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I ain't that I ain't I ain't got to do
it yet. He just laid it seem like it was
just like it was such a bad thing.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
And I and I had to break it down to him,
and I'm like, daddy, if if you're not feeling well
or you got a real bad headache. That then lingered
on for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Who who who do you go to see? No, let
it back up.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
When I aksed him, I was like that if you
ever thought about therapy, you know, he overreacted in my opinion,
and he was like, no, I ain't I ain't that crazy.
I ain't I ain't that messed up in the head.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
And I'm like, white the people think is you have
to be uh suicidal or messed up in the head,
as he say, before you go to seek out therapy.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
And so he was like, yeah, yeah, I got a therapist.
Uh his name Jesus.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Now, y'all, I dull. This is what I wanted to say.
I wanted to say dull, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
But what I said was, well, you're not feeling well
and you got a headache and this headache been going
on for two or three weeks.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Uh, your body feending weak and he just knows something
ain't right. Who what what do you do? Then? And
he was like, I go to a doctor. Okay, So
if you're not where you need to be mentally, you
know what. Let me back up. Let me back up.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
So my dad, since my mom passed, he has been
in several relationships. But I couldn't tell you why they
didn't work out or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I can't s w mm mm, I'm okay, jam.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm not gonna go off into my daddy's business like that.
But it's my mom passed in two thousand and three.
My dad has been in several relationship since my mama
passed him.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
But I think.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
It was hard for him to uh be in a
relationship because, in his word, he hasn't got over my mama. Now,
I definitely get that, you get what I'm saying. But
one thing, one mistake I think my daddy was making
with these relationship was you were looking for.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Mama in those women. And although I.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
May have liked them, they weren't my mama.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
And so I would tell him, like, well.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Daddy, you can't expect them to be like mama, cook,
like mama, dress y.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
You can't do that. Like you're cheating yourself. You get
what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It is like, if you feel like you're ready to date,
then you h you gotta be open. You give what
I'm saying, not comparing these women to your wife.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
You give what I'm saying. And one of that probably
sounds bad.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
And I guess if you're dating someone who who lost
a spouse or whatever.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I'm not sure how all that work, but I don't
feel like.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
It's fair to the next woman, you know what I'm saying,
to be held up to this standard of.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
This woman just deceased. You give what I'm saying. And
that's my mama.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
But I'm a woman too, so I definitely get it.
And so I've always told that, like, you gotta be open.
You can't compare these women to Mama, because they will
n they'll never amount, they'll never be what you won't
you give what I'm saying. So I feel like that's
one part. As far as like why he hasn't uh well,
(05:53):
why his relationship has some work, I'll just say that,
not to go too deep into it.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
And so I.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Always worried about my daddy, you know, because he lived alone.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
And even though my brother lived like two.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Minutes up the street, my brother have his own life,
and you know, he got his wife and kid, and
he work, he get his son, and he's a pretty
hands on.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Uh he's a hands on daddy. So I guess they
don't kick it as much as you think they would.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But everybody, you know, when they getting along, they mind
tends to wander off and so like I'm always worried
about my daddy.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Sorry about that. I'm always worried about my daddy, you know,
And his phone don't pick up. It's good. So like
if I tryna call him, you know, I maybe it's
I'm pr I probably okay, i'm'a sekre you what happened
with that? Same y'all?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
But my dad and I used to talk every day
when he was working and I was working. I would
working overnight. He would be ha, I think he would
have to be at work at eight and I was
getting off there seven. I would call him every single
morning and.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Even then like come just thinking back, like I feel
like my mental.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
State was in a a much better place back then
because I was working, had my own independency.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And I feel like, well him too, Like it was getting.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Up on the work and it's like since he been retired,
he not really doing as much.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And so like I'd be like, dog, I wonder if
Daddy dining at the press, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
And so when he told me he wanted me to
come get him, he was like I he text me
one time one day he was like, I showed whis
you'll come get me. So my backday was coming up,
and he was I was like, you know what, i'm'a
go down there and get 'em.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
So we told him. He was like, you know, I
wanna come up there and kick it with you for
your birthday.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
So I was like, fine, I'll come get you. One weekend,
I went and get him. But the whole time, excuse me,
I'm thinking, this is gonna be my opportunity to really
talk to him and and and tap into his brain,
you know, chick his temperature to bit.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
So fast forward, we.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
We'd get him up here and then uh, of course
my kids ain't in school, and so I took Jason
to school that morning, Tearry to Jetarian the school. So
me and Daddy are at home. It's just me and him.
So I feel like this was the opportunity for.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Me to, you know, just do a mental check in
with him and just try to have that conversation because
if you which I know y'all probably have it, y'all
need to go back and listen to my other episodes if.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
You have it, because you'll kind of get a feel
of you don't get a kind of feel of our background.
So anyway, so I'm like, this my opportunity to go
up here and kind of check daddy temperature.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So I go home and I was like, oh, Dad, you.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Know, I wanna talk. Let's talk, mind y'all. He's laying
on the couch, got his legs crossed, he's comfortable. He
wasn't expected me, so I didn't want him to feel
a text. So I'm like, I ease into it. So
I'm like, okay, Daddy, you know, let's talk. And I
was like, it, you know, when you're at home, what's.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
What's your typical date? It's like and he was like, oh,
you know, I watch TV, go.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Outside and you know, miss riding the yard, or go
downtown's house or go to Macon, you know, cause my
uncle live at making. And so I'm like, okay, I said,
do you feel like you're.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
The press or anything like that. He may have said no,
we y'all, but I can see through that, and.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I'm like, uh, you know, like it's okay, daddy, if
you feel like you know, you the press, you know,
I want you to be able to talk to me,
you know, like be open with me. And so he
was like, well, you know, I miss my wife, which
I kind of figure. And I'm like, yeah, I eat it,
and he was like and then I feel like, you know,
(09:43):
life ain't been the same since my sister passed, which
my auntie Jaz has been three years since she passed.
So you know, I'm like, this is my opportunity to
really you know, talk about mental health. And I was like,
you know, I get it, you know, because it still
bothers me that I didn't get a chance to get
down there to see anti hip before she passed. And
(10:04):
so I just went on to tell him about, you know,
before I moved to Mephics, or you know, when I
was living back home, I said, Dad, I was dealing.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
With depression for a long time.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It wasn't until I became an adult and I realized
how much it was affecting.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
My you know, my personal life or even my relationship
with terror, my relationship with my kids.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I said, you know, when I was living at home, I.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Thought about you know, killing myself plenty of time, but
I this is lone till now.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
This is what I'm telling my daddy Tel the first
time ever.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I never told my dad I thought about committing suicide,
you know, when I was living with him, So I
wasn't sure how he was gonna accept the information, or
if he was gonna accept it at all.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But I'm like, this is my opportunity to just get
all this shit out.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
So I'm like, you know, when I was living at
home and you were going to work and telling what
was at work, and I mean, hall on myself, it
was a lot of days where.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I wanted to die, Like I wanted to kill myself,
you know.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
And I didn't feel like I could tell y'all because
I felt like it was gonna be taking lightly and
I felt like that may have.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
It probably really made me worse.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And so.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
When I'm telling him this, y'all, he not He never
buzzed from their position. That he was laying there, y'all.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Mind time, I told y'all, he was laying over the
capt with his with his legs crossed, shaking his feet
and hit his head, had his hands on the top
of his head. Y'all want a position, So he's laying there.
Not one time did he did he bush? Did he
make eye contact with me?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Did he?
Speaker 2 (11:44):
You know? Wanted to know more detail. It was almost
like he was going in one ear and after the other.
But I I felt like I kept my composure and
I continued to talk and I was telling him, I'm like,
it's twenty days when I wanted to commit suicide. You know,
I didn't feel like I could tell anybody because it
(12:06):
would be taken lightly now, my y'all. I I did
mention to my daddy once before that I needed therapy.
I was like, dadd I think I need to go
and see somebody. I kid you not, I remember it.
And my daddy was like, girl, they're wrong with you, and.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
He went on about what he was doing. You get
what I'm saying. So I blocked it up.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I was like, cause I mentioned to you before that
I needed therapy, and you kind of like just.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Brushed it off. Still, I responded for my daddy, y'll,
I think he was watching gun smoke on TV. You
get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
So I was I kept going and I was like,
I was like, I know you said, you know, life
feel like it. You know it had been the same
since Anti Jam passed. You know, I definitely understand it.
You know, when Granddaddy passed, I took that Zverra hard.
I went that was probably the darkest time in my life,
(12:59):
and I just didn't know how to how to get
up and go.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I was stuck and it just really took a toll
on me.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And I couldn't be the mother for my kids.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Uh. I just couldn't be jazzmin for jazzmin like I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I wasn't myself and I didn't like that, and I
felt like I needed to do something I said, And
so that is when I decided to go and get
some help, y'all. And I don't know, I think I
made to mention it on another episode. You know, I
got started on medication for my anxiety and depression and
all that. So I'm telling my daddy all this, and
(13:34):
I think maybe when I told him, I got put
on the medication, so he may have looked at me
some type of way. But yeah, I just kept reference
how I took my granddaddy gift hard.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
So by this time.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
He's sitting up and he was like, well, I ain't
take it hard. Uh, that's a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Die that w y'all.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
That was the most insensitive shit to say. Not I
to tell a person, but to your daughter. You'll get
what I'm saying. But I'm not gonna get him oution know,
right now, because I'm past it.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
So when he said it, y'all, it kind of threw
me out.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
And I'm like, now, if you know me, I remember
wanting to go to the food car, but give my
daddy and he gonna be up here for a couple
of days, and I didn't wanna make him feel uncomfortable.
So I responded by saying, well, I don't. I don't
expect you to feel how I feel or to take
his depth the way I took it, because that was
my granddaddy and we had he go out.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Well, you know, I'm just saying people die. I'm like, well,
you just said, you know, life I ain't hadn't been
the same since your sister passed. So it's I found
it fund of it. You know what.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I'm done with this conversation. I'm we don't even have
to talk about.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
It no more.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
And so he was like, oh, and I'm not gonna
like you all. I got a bad habit. I like
to smoke. I I love Mary Jane, and it's out there.
I don't I don't cause talk about let me and go.
I'm wanna say I don't wanna be dependent on a drug.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You get what I'm saying. Even with the medication. You
know what I'm saying, you have to kind of win
and stelf off it instead of just stopping completely. And
so after I after he did that or whatever, like
he had to struck a nerve.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
So I'm looking for my little kick, you know, I think,
want a bathroom and roll me up one and get
myself together.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
So as I'm getting my kick, I think.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
He could kind of tell like you just pissed me off,
and so he was like, no, we ain't done talking.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I said, yeah, I'm.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
I'm done talking, y'all. I went in my bathroom. I
couldn't even roll up.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I was so full of emotions.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
I was angry, I was hurt, and I.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Really I broke down.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
I broke down, boohoo, cried, and Terry still hadn't made
a back yet. So I'm like, this is my opportunity,
like kick that shit out there, cried out, It's okay, y'all.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
I was triggered. I wa. I felt like I was
that twelve year old girl all over again. And I
felt like.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Be even initiated that conversation was an attempt to defend
and stand up for that twelve year old girl, which
was me and by him being so knowne of non
about the information that I would share with him. I
like I said, it triggered me, and it took me
back to that twelve year old girl. And it made
me feel how the twelve year old girl would have
(16:32):
felt if she Hainda came out and told him this
stuff back then.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And so y'all need so many.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
People out here suffering in silence because they feel like
they can't even tell their family. Because when even or
not your family be some of the first bullies you
come across, you know, maybe be.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
First laws to tear you down. But I'm here to
tell you.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
If those family members just like that, don't let nobody
else uh that.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Let your family members deter you from what you wanna do.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Let them uh uh talk you out of what you
wanna do.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You get what I'm saying now, y'all get me wrong.
I love my daddy to death. I will knock your
head clean off about him or my brother.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
But that that conversation is just it really gave me closer, y'all.
It gave me closer because, for one, I finally told
you that I thought about killing myself back when I
was living with you.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
I mean, what did he do with that information? It
it's no longer only no more Like I got it out.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I told you how I felt in an attempt to
kind of get him to.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Open up more. But it was just I don't know, y'all.
It was just a whole lot.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
But after I got all my tears out, y'all, I
started talking, I said, started speaking positivity in the era,
or I start speaking uh positive words all of myself
because I'm damn part of myself, y'all.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Like I could have been a little crackhead. Yeah, I
smoke weed from time to time, but I think I
I think I do pretty well. Hey, I know I
do pretty well now. All work.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
I haven't work in three years. But I gotta thank
God that he has kept me this long and he's
continuing to keep me. And I know sometimes I may
lose my temper uh with my kids over whatever, but
I'm not too big to go back and apologize to them.
Cause a lot of times we can let life get
the best of us and we tend to take it
out on the wors closer to us.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
But we gotta do.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
What we gotta do, y'all, to to make sure that
our mental stays in a good space. We we're not
gonna always have good days. Were gonna have bad days,
but we gotta know that it's it's okay to not
be okay. Have you a moment and then think about
options or think of think about ways that you can
(19:10):
make your situation better.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You give what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
I'm not saying I'm one hundred percent content when I'm
at cause I can always do better. But I gotta
pat myself on the on the back cause the shit
I have accomplished, and how much y'all to do the same.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
But go back to what I said when I started,
I I just don't understand why black people are so
intimidated when it comes to therapy, not even m not
only my my uh theirity, but my brother also, which
I don't probably have to do a whole other episode
on him because in his word, he says, I'm not
gonna pay somebody to tell.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Me what's wrong with me. Well that's not the case.
You not paying them to tell them what's wrong with you. You
would be surprised how.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Much you open up in a therapist in a therapy
of session. You give what I'm saying, and the men
people love to holler, old, uh, Jesus is my therapist. Well, hey,
you ain't even talking to God, so what's what are
you even saying?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
You ain't even praying? How you s you you should it?
You are not even giving God h praise you? Gee
know what I'm saying. So people blow me when they
say that, Like it's different if you really are invested
into giving God that time. I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Getting the old you know, going on your knees, praying,
doing devotion and spraying the Gospel.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
And all that. But if you know, damn well you ain't.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Talking to God, said a couple months ago, then don't
do that in my face that God is your doctor,
Jesus your doctor, or he's your therapist.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Don't get me wrong, Yes he is.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But God has also put these people in position to
help you on.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
A professional level.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
You get what I'm saying, y'all get your mental help
check just as you do y y uh uh?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
That that that annual every year.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
If y'all do it, get it's okay to have with them,
even if you don't feel like like I don't feel
like I gotta go to no therapy Like it's it's
normal les's normalize.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I'm sorry, y'all, I'll be making they gonna less normalize
getting therapy.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I don't know why people are so mainly Black people
are so scared when it when someone mentions uh therapy,
even like me and Victoria be talking a lot, and
you know, I have to tell her, like Tarnan has
a lot of anger.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
You get what I'm saying, Tarrence, don't.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
A lot of people look at my boy. They be
like he's humble, versus they look at me. I'm quick
to pop off because I.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Learned I don't like to sit on I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Like to say what's on my mind. I got to
gone head and let you see how let you know
how I feel. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I might be in the heat of the moment, I'm mad,
i'm'a let this shit out, but then ten minutes later
that's probably the cool down.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
You get what I'm saying, cause it I done, got
it off my chair.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Versus my brother. My brother keep a lot of stuff. Uh,
my brother keep a lot of stuff built in you know,
and I I think, uh, I still think he's struggling
with uh, the deal of my mama and her mama. Uh,
I think Granddaddy death took a toe. Grand dad Dad
(22:24):
took uh a great toe on me. But I think
it was worse on my brother because he was actually
down there, so it's like it's different.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I think i'm'a speak on my brother on the next episode,
because that's a whole other conversation. Actually I'm going to
I don't know, he might listen to the episode, but
i'm'a try to.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Uh. I think I don't know, y'all.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I think my next episode, I'm going to be doing
an interview with my cousin from Cincinnati. She has a
tremendous story and I cannot wait to get that me and.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Her chop it up. And I think after her, after
her interview, I think I'm gonna do another episode with
my brother, you.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Know, cause I feel like that first episode we I
we did was just like a trial run.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
You know.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
He was the first person I could have all over
the phone, you know, to hear how it sound, which
sound be terrible. Yeah, So after I do my interview
with my cousin TSA, i'm'a do one with my brother.
But I'm not gonna let him know I'm record just
so it could be a little more authentic, and I
(23:32):
want y'all to just hear how he feels about therapy,
you know, and I know a lot of y'all will
probably feel how he feel. But then I'll be able
to like have a guide, you know, kind of break
down like why are you so against therapy? And then
kind of point out different things.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
A Y, I don't know what I'm tryna see. You'll
just have to tune in, make sure that your father
went the podcast.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
You get the little notifications to your phone even if
you don't have time right there and they to listen
to it.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
You know, you can be able to go back and
click on it later.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
On at night when you get some free time and
you drive it in a car or whatever the case
may be.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
So yeah, til next time, y'all, See y'a
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