Great Sex Great Life with Rob Kancler

Most men were never taught how to have a healthy sex life. Porn, shame, and silence replaced real intimacy—and it’s destroying connection, confidence, and marriages.

In this episode, Craig talks with men’s coach Rob Kansler about what it really takes to create great sex and a great life. They explore how porn and peak release cycles disconnect men from their partners, why integrity and nervous system regulation are key, and how healthy sexuality transforms everything—from your marriage to your purpose.

If you’re a married man ready to move from addiction and secrecy to clarity, strength, and connection, this conversation will hit home.

Learn more: MindfulHabitHelp.com
Take the Men of Substance Bedroom Compass Assessment – know exactly where you stand with the universal building blocks of a great sex life: BedroomCompass.com
Connect with Rob: RobKansler.com
Socials: @robkancler

About Rob Kansler:
Rob Kancler is an artist, athlete, entrepreneur, and modern mystic. He runs Men of Substance™️, a sexual mastery program serving men worldwide. His revolutionary work gives all people access to the profound sexual experiences hidden in the most obscure spiritual traditions—radically expanding a conversation most people take for granted and revealing the blind spots about sex that everyone carries but no one sees. The truth is this quietly keeps men and women from the confidence, vitality, love, meaning, and deeper fulfillment available in every part of life. Check out the foundational Men of Substance™️ program at www.robkancler.com
And take the free assessment at www.bedroomcompass.com

Takeaway:
Great sex isn’t just about technique—it’s about integrity, honesty, and being fully present.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, what's up everybody.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
It's Craig Para and you are watching or listening to
Sex Afflictions and Porn Addictions, a podcast designed to help
you create and sustain healthy sexuality and a great life.
As you guys know, I went to this Big Ten
summit a couple months back and came to meet some
really incredible peoples and I've had a few of them

(00:24):
on my podcast. And I have another guest today. I'm
really excited to introduce Rob Canceler.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Welcome to the program. Brother, I can't hear you all
of a sudden. There we go.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
So I got this new fancy shore microphone and there's
a mute button on the side of it. When you
grab the thing, it turns it off. But I just said,
thank you, happy to be here, thank you for having
me on.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
I think that was back in May that.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
We met May. Gosh, time flies.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Yeah, it could have been a week ago.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Well.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
And one of the things I liked about Rob is,
you know, we talk a lot. You know, although the
this podcast is sex Afflictions and Porn Addictions, because the
behavior is a symptom, we talk a lot about the
deeper underlying issues. And one of the things I liked
about Rob was his focus on human sexuality, and that
was something that was really interesting to me.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Rob.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
And instead of me giving my audience a boring bio,
why don't you tell everybody who you are and what
brought you to where you're at today?

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Okay, an impossible task I'm happy to tackle. Well, my
name's Rob, as you said, So where I stand today.
I run a business to a couple different programs, have
a community mastermind kind of thing that focuses on helping men,
helping men just take a simple water, helping men have
better sex, and using that as a let's say, a

(01:46):
vehicle for exploring a much deeper conversation about ourselves and
taking responsibility and living in integrity. And yeah, let's see
what leads me up to this. There's a couple different threads,
or a couple different kind of developments that I can
make sense of in my past. One of them has
been my own personal journey with the subject sex is,

(02:11):
like most guys, something that has been compelling. And I
can talk about this more as we get into the
conversation around the arc of what happened in my life
from a young kid to now and how that seems
to be pretty common from what I've heard and seen
from speaking with lots of people on the subject. So
my own sexual journey, my own challenges in that, my
own you know, relational aspirations and issues and having conflict

(02:36):
and drama and dysfunctional relationships in my teens and twenties
and being into porn when I was a kid, and YadA, YadA, YadA.
So all that and another has been my journey as
a doing like coaching and facilitation work and storytelling and
this sort of thing. So those two things kind of
converged for me gradually as people seemed to want to

(03:01):
just ask me more questions about sex that I was doing,
like life coaching and even business consulting and leadership consulting,
and the topic of sex and sexuality and relationships just
seem like it was knocking on the door of like, hey,
people want to talk about this, and the things that
I was sharing were proving useful for them, And to
jump over to the other thread, I can say that

(03:22):
my whole life, basically, I remember being really young and
just kind of like being doubtful and suspicious and apprehensive
about the let's say, the culture of relationship I didn't
have that language when I was a kid, but the
sense of just like, I feel bad when I'm around people, like,
I feel uncomfortable, I don't like what goes on, and

(03:45):
I'm just like more or less like most of the
time when I'm with people, even when I'm around my family,
there's something in me that I just don't feel good.
I feel uncomfortable. And I think taking that seriously has
been a path or like has put me on a
path of investigation that you know, first started with like suffering,
suffering and dissonance and challenges and eventually finding some amazing

(04:10):
teachers and mentors and incredible lovers and partners and friends
to be able to explore and integrate new ways of relating,
new ways of having sex, new ways of being in
a relationship that really worked for me and felt good
and healthy and successful and was the kind of thing
that I wanted. Yeah, I could say more, but maybe
that gives a little bit of context.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah it does, it does, Rob And that you know,
feeling of being separate than being disconnected from is something
that I really connect with, and for me, the stain
around my sexuality that you know, got broken at a
very very young age reinforced that isolation and indifference.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Was that your experience, How did sex play a role
in that? What I'm hearing was was a feeling of disconnect.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah. Well, first I'll just say that, like, you know,
I talk about this a fair bit, and something that
I remember is over and over and over again as
a kid and teenager being with other people, feeling uncomfortable,
feeling like I wasn't really able to talk about it.
I didn't know how to change it, I didn't know
what to do, and I was just kind of in

(05:21):
this isolated experience of discomfort and just like just feeling
kind of frozen and tight and uncomfortable over and over
and over and over again, just as a general theme
in my life. And I think this is pretty common.
I think this is pretty common that people are, you know,
they rationalize a way that they don't really enjoy what
it's like to be around other people and the body.

(05:43):
We can't really lie to our body in the same
way that we can trick our minds, so to say.
But to come back to your question about sex specifically,
I think a lot of guys can relate to this
sense people in general that when we're kids somewhere between
like age eight or nine and twelve or thirteen or something.
I think that our budding sexuality is very intriguing and exciting,

(06:05):
and there's so much innocence and just like whoa, there's
something very enthralling about it, and then pretty quickly it
gets confusing and we don't know what to do, and
there's this shame and this isolation, or at least just
this feeling of like I don't know what to do
with this part of me. I don't know how to create.

(06:26):
Like maybe there's like girls in my class that I'm
attracted to, or people that I might want to explore
with sexually, and I know that there's this part of
me and maybe at this stage people get into pornography,
but I have no idea what to do. I don't
know how to experience the things that I want to
experience or explore the things that I want to explore.

(06:48):
And I think this kind of breakdown and disconnection that
people experience results in addiction and shame and hiding and
isolation and people feeling deeply alone with like there's this
part of me that started off with just like innocence
and goodness and intrigue and then it translated into like
I don't know what to do with this, and now
I'm alone and I don't talk about it with anybody,

(07:08):
and then I have this private relationship with the porn
I watch on my computer, and then things just escalate
into an extreme sense of isolation that often has a
lot of shame and unhealthy behavior and addiction, let's call it.
I know you're no stranger to this kind of thing, right,
So yeah, it's interesting to think about, and there's a
couple things that we can maybe speak to and see

(07:30):
where it takes us. I think a lot of men
relate to how much they value being capable and competent
in the sense of like, if there's something that I
want to do, when I do it, it feels good,
and if I don't do it, I keep fucking working
on it until I figure it out. And that has
a lot to do with our nature. I think that
men like to be competent. There's a sense of our

(07:51):
self esteem and our self worth and our role and
our understanding of who we are. That there's an edge
where we can have like outside in self esteem. And
the reason why I have worth is because of the
things that I can do or the things that I have,
and like that's a different thing than just being like
I'm competent and I'm proud of myself. And I think
because so many men really value sex but they have

(08:12):
no idea how to have a successful and thriving sexual life,
that it fucks us up. I think that it really
impacts people on a deep level that most of us
take for granted, that there's this part of us that
we really care about that's so exciting and meaningful to
us that wish we wish we could be experiencing and
we don't know how to do that. So it's it's

(08:35):
like failure we're losing. There's incompetence. We are not capable
of translating our desires into real world results and success
and abundance in our life, and that's fucking devastating for us,
usually on a subconscious level. And then that also feeds
into these addictions, you know, this stuff related to porn
and other stuff that's not particularly healthy and useful, and

(08:56):
it just causes this schism of isolation for a lot
of people. And what my focus in my work has been,
and I know that a lot of people that deal
with addiction and other contexts, it's like, yeah, like you
can be like, Okay, I'm just going to stop going
to the bar, but then it's like, then what are
you going to do? Just like sit at home alone
and watch Netflix? Like that's not like there's reasons why

(09:17):
people get involved in certain kind of lifestyle habits and
addictions and things like that, And it's so much easier
to just find a better thing to do than it
is to just stop doing the thing that you like
that's not healthy, right, Like that's it's a fools game.
It doesn't work right, like right exactly, you know, you
have to feel It's like maybe I don't remember who
said this, as somebody who was listening to online. I

(09:39):
think that they were just kind of like, yeah, if
you're trying to break an addiction, go on an adventure,
like make your life incredibly compelling and fun like do that.
It's a hell of a lot easier to break a
habit that's not serving you when you just go do
something that disrupts your whole life that's incredibly immersive and amazing.
It's not hard. It's like, oh, drinking is so hard.
It's like, yeah, when you don't have a social life,

(10:00):
otherwise you know, like it's it's it's like that. So
I think when a lot of men are like trying
to get off of porn and I'm curious to hear
your insights on this, I would imagine that it's a
lot easier if it were to be like, Okay, I'm
gonna stop jerking off or whatever and start having great
sex with an incredibly loving and generous woman. Is a

(10:21):
way easier game to play than like, now I'm just
gonna stop touching my penis and watching movies or whatever.
It's like a very, very different thing. And I don't
go super into this in my work, but there's just
something in thinking of like, yeah, like let's let's have
a real, granular and honest look at the things that
we might be doing that are out of integrity and
could be harming us. And also let's let's take seriously

(10:43):
what we want.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah, well, it's you just describe Rob.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
You we have great insight together, Like the first and
second assignments in the program, when guys start come to
me and they're at that rock bottom, the first thing
I want to know is, well, why are you here?
What else do you want to do instead of doing this,
and you'll see such clarity around career finances, health, hobbies, relationships, spirituality.

(11:11):
But when you get to sexuality, I add that that category,
those answers are always the weakest. It's the hardest to
envision to this energy flowing in a healthy, constructive way, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Despite which is all the reason why it's that early.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
And then we get all the ugly on the tape,
all the stuff that thought of integrity, what they're watching,
getting specific, you know, regarding genres, what's pushing their buttons
at that bender moment at three o'clock in the morning,
or you know, some of the other behaviors that porn
has led them to. So yeah, I respect that insight,
and you know, we're both do what we do because

(11:52):
there's such a there's such a gap, Like you think
about like how you might have trained to play soccer,
or you might have trained to you know, any skill
that you.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Have to eat. Fundamental stuff like how do you eat,
how do you have a hygiene practice something that mental
exactly that's fundamental to your nature as a man in.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
Cleaning as exactly cleaning yourself, cleaning yourself.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
I think that people do not take seriously how much
this impacts us. It's one of the things that I've
seen again and again and again is these light bulb
moments when somebody just affirms that that part of you
that wants to have an awesome sex life is right.
Like take that seriously and it will help you out,
you know, cause I think that we we don't we
don't know how to contextualize this very well. Like it's

(12:41):
there's so much even in the vernacular people are like, oh,
you did the dirty deed, or like you're getting nasty
or something, you know what I mean, Like it's in
the it's in the mythology, the language around the mythology
that sex is like this corrupted, dirty part of the
human experience that we kind of would be better off
without because it's just some like primal thing that's lingering,

(13:04):
or it's immature, it's hedonistic or whatever, instead of like
this is a fundamental part of our creativity, and there's
there's a in our expression and our relationality and our
embodiment and our joy and all this sort of stuff,
and there's like there's a switch that seems like and
maybe maybe food is actually a really good analogy here,
because it's like you can't just go cold turkey, because

(13:27):
you fucking need cold turkey, you know what I mean,
Like you got to eat. You literally need that thing
that might be actually also the source of your addiction. So,
you know, I think it's interesting to consider what is
the difference between a sexuality that's like a black hole
of hedonism that you will never ever satisfy, and what

(13:48):
is healthy, fulfilling sexuality that is held in integrity and
is life giving for everyone, for your legacy, for your
wife or your family, for what you're modeling to your children,
the way that you show up in relationship, the quality
of the love and openness that you share with your
colleagues and friends. It's all related, and it's it's so profound.

(14:09):
I've just seen again and again and again in the
work that we do that like people just like accidentally
become a better person by learning how to fuck, which
is like like learning to have a thriving sexual relationship
with a woman that she's deeply into also is like
accidentally a way to become a better person.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Well, in what you're talking about, that that into So
the training around sexuality is ridiculously poor, and the training
on creating healthy sexuality once it's going awry. I also
think is ridiculously poor because what do we call it
when it becomes out of control? An addiction? And what

(14:53):
do we want to do within an addiction? Shut it down,
stop it not do the thing? To be sober? Yes,
and sobriety.

Speaker 4 (15:04):
Is such a ridiculously un ridiculously like like like like
if you if you get healthy, sexuality is a ten
step process. Let's pretend you and I could come up
with a curriculum that we've got ten steps.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Well, not doing the thing is just one of those steps.
Tell me what you think about that.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
I think I would. I would want to hear more
from you to get on the same page. Fully, I
like I like the color of your cup and how
it fits the room around you. By the way, people
who are I.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
Didn't even know that I'm colorblind, Michelle fixed it for
me nice.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
Well, yeah, it's a it's an interesting topic to investigate
for sure.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Well, and the reason why is because when men of
tventy percent of my clients come to me from other programs,
and in those programs they've done a lot of good work,
some root cause, some family of origin, some distress, tolerance
skills in their primary pursuit is sobriety. And what I

(16:03):
find is when you suppress the addict part, when you
suppress the addiction, you're also suppressing your vitality, your essence,
your male drive. You're suppressing one of the most powerful
forces in human nature and coloring the lens of your

(16:26):
sexuality through avoiding all these bad things. Again, too much
break a habit, not enough make a habit.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
I think what we touch also has different expressions throughout
our culture and through the people's lives. And one thing
that comes to mind for me is thinking about how
a lot of men kind of despise or even say
the old ball and chain of getting into a committed
relationship with a woman, because I think we don't understand

(16:53):
how to do that without it being emasculating and depleting
of our vitality and our excitement and our enthusiasm about life.
So it's a sense of like, how do I, let's say,
abstain from the flow of my sexuality in the world
that I live in, in my pursuit of other women
and the chase and all this sort of thing. How

(17:15):
does that not impact somebody's aliveness and their vitality and
their sense of their own masculinity is a skill that
I think a lot we're pretty bad at as a culture,
and it creates a lot of bitterness and resentment and
kind of a dynamic or at least a feeling of
a masculation. And women play into that too, and it's
hard to break, you know, it's hard to understand that

(17:36):
there's an alternative. And I think this is, you know,
pretty adjacent to what we're saying of, Like, when we
do want to change things because of our values, how
do we not lose the aliveness that we found in
different phases of life that was really working and giving
us something profound and was like a playground for our
creativity and our authenticity. And there's an edge where that

(17:59):
can just be like inten city addiction or whatever, and
things that we need to outgrow. But I'm curious about this.
I'm curious about this, and even in more of MySpace
than yours, I think is people that talk about like
sexual empowerment and sexual liberation often go in the direction
of like extreme behavior and intensity addiction and sensation seeking

(18:19):
and catharsis and kink and all this sort of stuff
that seems like it's it can lend well to addiction,
like this black hole where it's like, it doesn't matter
how much you throw in that fucking thing, You're never
going to feel satisfied. So people continue to seek more
spectacle and pyrotechnics and novelty forever. And I think there's

(18:42):
a like what we're touching here is like, what is
an abundant sex life that is not playing into this
black hole of hedonism, addiction, dysfunction, whatever. And what I've
seen in my work is that this is where it
becomes a deep conversation about how nervous systems work and
the kind of totality of your life and all this

(19:04):
sort of stuff related to trauma and the childhood adaptations.
And we talk a lot about responsibility and the drama
triangle just so that we can have an operable conversation
about how to have the best sex life you can
in a way that's aligned with your values and interests.
That it's like, I wouldn't know how else to help

(19:25):
you get that outcome if we were not going to
be having a more holistic conversation about the influences of
our development and our belief systems and how to nervous
systems work. And polyvagel theory and coregulation. It's like you
can't you cannot even kind of crack the thing open
into sexual integrity if you just think that sex is

(19:46):
just kind of like isolated activity, because it isn't. It's like,
you know, there's this interesting question that I find to
be very contextualizing of, like what is your relationship with
life force? What is your relationship with a life force
that moves in you and through you?

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Right?

Speaker 3 (20:03):
Because there's a sense of like we're animated by this thing,
Like there there's a fundamental base attribute of nature that
pervades everything that is animated and alive. There's a there's
a vitality, and that is sexual energy. That's it, you
know what I mean. Like they've been in the East,
they've been saying this forever. It's all the same thing.

(20:25):
Everything is sexual energy. There's nothing going on that is
not related to the same power that animates life. And
there are ways that that gets channeled through you know,
parenting and professional endeavors in our art and our sports.
But it's all the same thing, right, and it's it's
somewhere apparent in these overt sexual actions like having intercourse

(20:48):
or oral sex or whatever, or like being horny, but
it's it's fundamentally not different than any other part of
creativity or embodiment or aliveness and that sense of life. Like,
how could it be that this one incredibly fundamental part
of your creativity and your authenticity is all fucked up,
but the rest of you could be totally fine. That's

(21:11):
not real. There's literally no way for that to be true.
There's no way there's like even on a body level,
if like on a body level. And this is where
like it's interesting to get out of the realm of
like hypothesis or ideas and really look into like what
are clinicians reporting what is actually going on in human
beings bodies? And like I read a thing recently that

(21:35):
it's like doctors are trained to recommend something like a
minimum of four ejaculations per week for men over the
age of forty for prostate health. That to me is
insane that that's where we're at as a society. And
I get it, like within the model that people have
and the statistics and the data about like okay, when

(21:58):
you do that that much, then this but these potential
issues with the prostate don't happen as much but now
this goes into the kind of allopathic model and not
really holistically looking at systems and upstream effects. Basically. Another
thing that I think is interesting is like, can we.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Stop, dear Roberts for a second. Yeah, I wanted to
touch on at any time, Craig. Yeah, no, no, thank you.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
And I really was drawn to your expansive definition of sexuality.
And I think that it's so easy to you know,
again my world right, sex people come. I want to
treat my sex addiction. I want to treat my porn addiction,
and and to your point, and I also think that

(22:43):
the sexuality piece feels like a canary in the coal
mine in the sense that the more it's banged up,
the more distressed it is, or the more out of
integrity is, the more that that person is actually struggling.
And I think a lot of people, because it's lived

(23:03):
in the shadow, in the dark and in secret for
so long, I think there are a lot of men
listening to this who are completely out of integrity, feel
great shame, are embarrassed about what they're watching, embarrassed about
the money they spent on OnlyFans, ashamed about the conversations

(23:25):
they've had with the AI girlfriend market, which is exploding,
but it's in this container. I'm okay and I'm hearing
from you that not really, you're not okay when you
have that part of your life force corrupted, stained, shamed,
or whatever that perspective might be.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
It's the impacts are huge.

Speaker 3 (23:47):
Yes, Like this does not exist in isolation in our bodies,
in our identity and beliefs. It doesn't exist in isolation
in the world. Like if we think about even like
the ecosystem of an INDIVI like we're this goes into
like our conception of ourselves is very limited and not
actually real. It's like you're not an individual. You are

(24:10):
a web of relationships, right, Like you don't exist in
a vacuum. Nobody does. That's not real, right, So, like
what are the upstream and downstream consequences of our lives
is fascinating to consider, Like on the level of like
like yeah, people are people are just like yeah, like
I like to get a hooker when I'm in Thailand
and OnlyFans and YadA, YadA, YadA, and it's like that's

(24:33):
somebody's daughter. That's somebody's daughter, and it's like oh yeah,
but like girl needs money. It's like, yeah, but okay,
Like well, it's like it starts to really kind of
it seems like people play so many tricks in their
head of justifying why something that they fundamentally are not
okay with is fine because I think so often people

(24:54):
don't actually see it for what it is. They don't
actually see and feel what is going on in the
consequences of their actions and how they're participating in systems
that are so extremely harmful and oppressive and sick. Right,
And it's like, I think that it can be helpful
to really own how fucking gross this shit is enough

(25:17):
to get out of it and do something like you know,
I'm sure that you deal with this all the time.
That like, the solution is not ruminating on your shame,
it's feel it, own it and fucking do something different, right,
Like take responsibility for creating change, get support, see what
path has worked for other people that are in a
similar boat, be honest, tell yourself the truth, and see

(25:40):
how that compels you towards change so that you personally
just feel better. Right. It's like, I think integrity is
a really interesting concept. And when I talk about integrity,
usually people think that I mean ethics, like they think
that I mean I mean like morality or whatever. The
etymological and historical use of this word is actually more
along the line lines of wholeness and being intact. Am

(26:04):
I in right relationship with who I actually am and
what is really true for me? So the sense of
like when if you ask most guys in moments of
real reflection and honesty, they will say that they don't
feel like even people that on paper seem like they
have everything or whatever, they're like, I'm not fulfilled sexually,
Like even though I have a great wife and we

(26:26):
have more sex than all of our friends, and she's beautiful,
and she goes to the gym and she's in shape
and she's more adventurate, Like, there's still I'm still not
really fulfilled. And sometimes people don't get to feel that
way because they're in cycles of tension release. That relates
to peak orgasm addiction, and that's a whole other can
of worms to unpack. But I think people don't actually

(26:49):
understand the nature of their arousal process and their orgasmic
response and all that sort of stuff, because that is
another layer of addiction of like tension release. Tension release
people think that that's actually their sexuality, and it isn't.
It's a part of our sexuality, but I think it's
it's most akin to a mechanism for regulation and tension

(27:10):
relief and addiction. And we can look into the like
endogenous chemical addiction that occurs and how people like use
ejaculation as like a sleeping pill or whatever, and and
like all of this is like, yeah, you know, when
I have conversations like this, sometimes people are like, well,
like don't yuck their yum or whatever, and it's just
like yeah, But like when we look at what is

(27:31):
at stake and what happens when people don't do this,
and then they're open to different possibilities. It's like when
people stop these tension release cycles and stop their addiction
to peak orgasm completely independent from porn. But it's not
like jerking off all the time jaculating. Then what can
open is one an awareness that I long for something deeper.

(27:55):
There's a sense of like when I'm not just blowing
it out all the time, I can feel that there's
something in me that is compelled towards something that I
don't even know. I don't know what that is, but
I know that there's a resolution or a satiation there.
I'm compelled by some part of me to have certain

(28:16):
kinds of experiences or to be met by a woman
in certain ways, or to meet a woman in certain ways.
And that thing is like, don't we don't have a
cultural framework for this intuition. We don't have like a
mental cognitive framework to be able to contextualize this intuitive
and instinctual thing that seems pretty universal for me.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
It's pretty important.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
It's pretty universal and important and absence of any cultural
training for sure.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
And also it's like when we look at what is
it like when you have this, and what is it
like when you don't have this, there's no question that
it's a better thing to be doing, like for the
quality of people's relationships, you know. Like I had a
client who is just like one of the biggest outcome
that I've seen, like a very clear apparent thing that
has changed for me is that the hardness of our

(29:09):
life and they have four kids and they run a
couple businesses together as a team, and he's like, our
life is so fucking stressful and demanding, and the fact
that we're having this kind of amazing sexual experience on
a regular basis just takes the edge of the like
stress levels of all of this responsibility that we hold

(29:29):
as a couple because we're just in this sense of
playful joy and intimacy and tenderness and love and arousal
and horniness as a through line and like a sprinkle
on top of everything else. It's just so much easier
to be in a positive, like state of flow and
good feelings and hopefulness and intimacy and collaboration and feeling

(29:54):
like really allies. Yeah, And it's also like, you know,
people work really hard to get this kind of stuff,
and I think it's important to have like willpower and
being clear about what you want, what you're committed to
in your marriage and all of that. But it's like
when your body is in a different state. It's not
like you're pushing a boulder uphill. It's just like that's
just what the body. That's like what body does when

(30:15):
you're having that kind of sex on a regular basis.
It's not like my mind is doing it or because
I'm a dedicated husband. It's because body is like that.
There's different chemicals, it's a different endogenous chemical experience neurologically
and it's a different kind of relational harmony and collaboration experience.

(30:37):
So you know, really looking at like what's at stake here,
Like what does it cost when we don't have this?
And what is all of these kind of different behavioral
patterns that we observe, and how devastating it is for
men to live inside of that? And then on the contrary,
what is it like when you have just you're expanding

(30:57):
into greater good feelings and success and abund in your
sexual life and how does that impact your marriage and
your parenting and your creativity and your health and your
energy levels. It's just so obviously a better situation on
absolutely every metric that we can think of, and it's
not that hard. It's not that difficult to figure out.

(31:18):
And like the women are not benefiting from the situation either.
Like I think a lot about legacy. I think all
of a lot of men really, Like, once you kind
of get out of the like I'm just trying to survive,
a lot of men think about like what is my
contribution and what is the impact of my life here?
So yeah, when we think about that, it's like there's

(31:38):
huge consequences in our legacy and contribution around this subject,
and women are impacted tremendously by the dysfunction that men
carrying around and enacting and enabling and even perpetuating in
women's behavior. Right, because, I mean, I don't need to
go too deep into that. I think it's pretty obvious.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Oh devastating. Man.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
I work with the partners, and you know, you take
the guy's old you know, he's been doing it since childhood,
has been a secret. You know, I call his oldest
and one of his most impactful habits is her deepest wound.
It means he doesn't love me. It means I'm not attractive.
It means he'd rather be someplace else. It's a deeply

(32:20):
internalized betrayal that that, you know, and and and then
so and now right, you've got a guy who has
these challenges sexually now has to or or wants to,
you know, bring that healthy energy towards someone who is repulsed.

(32:40):
Who was you know, grossed out by you know what
she saw on the computer. She couldn't believe he watched
the Gang Bangs.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
He watched game like that's Tuesday for me. Yeah, you know,
you know where we go.

Speaker 3 (32:54):
Yeah, so let's let me jump in here. Because it's
like the thing that I think, what I'm starting to
kind of see and feel as I hear you, is
that like, if your creative energy is being funneled into
something that's like really weird and dysfunctional, and then you're
trying to figure out how to channel that energy into
something that is really beautiful and healthy and creatively vibrant

(33:16):
and expansive, that is hard. Let's say, like it takes,
it's a skill. It's like, Okay, I've been funneling my
creative energy in this direction and it's really easy. There's
no accountability. It pushes my buttons, YadA, YadA, YadA. I
don't have to deal with my own inadequacies and my
shame and my lack of understanding of how to meet
a woman and to provide a context where a woman

(33:38):
could possibly meet me, right, Because I think that this
is the issue here, Craig, is that like people do
not know how to have a thriving and abundant sex life,
and because they are sexual, they go into a place
where it's fucking easy to just open that drain and
pour it out of their dick. Right, It's like the

(33:59):
sense of like I'd don't know how to create what
I want with a actual human being. So I'll just
go over here and do something else so that sense
of like, Okay, I want to I want to turn
the flow from like this thing over to this thing.
There's a bunch of skills required because people are complicated,
like to really understand the nature of feminine sexual opening

(34:22):
and female orgasm, and to have the emotional intelligence and
communication skills, and to like own your shit and stop
projecting and blaming and shaming her for the things that
you don't understand about your own sexuality or about women
is a real hero's journey for a lot of individuals.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
Well, yeah, it's the holy grail. I call that the
holy grail. You know you can do that.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
It means you're regulated. It means you have purpose. It
means you're connected to your needs. It means you can
communicate honestly. It means you're not being driven by shame.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
You're you're leading.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Ridiculously hard for sure, and then but also at the
same time, it's only hard until you don't know how,
and then it's like riding a bike where it's like,
you know, I remember the first time I tried to
drive a car. It was it was not good, right,
it was like I almost crashed in the first like
twenty seconds, right, and now it's like I can drive
a car with my eyes closed. You know. It's like,

(35:16):
so there's something interesting where it's like it's just a
it's a new skill set that we did not receive
in this culture, so to you know, like go go back.
So two things that I'll mention. One thing is like
this is why I like to say that the path
of sexual mastery or whatever is like a vehicle for
both decoding and realizing your potential as a man. Or

(35:38):
it's like you're accidentally going to become a way better
person by figuring out how to have a good sex
life and then you get to have a good sex life.
Like it's just it's not and it's all win whin yeah, right,
And it's also not that hard. Like it's like, you know,
we put a lot of effort into really like working
out a very fast and efficient program for men really
like learning this stuff, and it worked. The work works.

(36:01):
So I'll go back to talking about this stage of
development and you kind of mentioned this already, so I'm
going to slow down to him talking fast to get
excited about this, but there's yeah, I feel it.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
I loveeah.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
Right, it's like we feel a passion totally.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
So I don't remember your language. You said something about
like being bruised or whatever of like, I think a
lot of men and the wounding happens way before what
I'm about to say, right, But there's this sense where
I've spoken with countless men more than I can remember,
about how when they were somewhere between the age of

(36:36):
like eight and thirteen, they started to discover their sexuality
and their arousal and their horniness and their desire, and
there was this sense of intrigue just from a total
sense of innocence and emergence and discovery of like whoa like,
I don't know what this is, but this is cool,
Like I like this, I like whatever. This was gosh right.

(36:56):
And most of the time that even emerges in a
landscape where there's already a lot of shame related to
embodiment and how we have to hide things from our
parents and how we can't tell the truth because we
get disciplined and all this kind of weird shit that
happens in our modern family cultures. Let's say, so we're
already in a weird situation. But even if we assume

(37:19):
that we weren't right, like if everything related to sex
was just peachy, which it pretty much never is, then
we enter into this context where there's like shame related
to religious indoctrination and all kinds of confusion around like
sin and whatever whatever. But contrasting that to what would
it be like for there to be a developmental like

(37:39):
to support for a young boy to come into a
sexuality without it being like weird or perverse or whatever.
But there's this sense of like creativity and self discovery
but also like containment and appropriateness and respect of other
people and all this kind of stuff. To discover your
sexuality and to understand how that integrates into the life

(38:01):
that you're going to have as you become a man.
We didn't get that. We don't have that at all.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
What are you talking about? Is someone getting that? I
don't know any.

Speaker 3 (38:09):
Almost nobody gets that. So then it's just like, no wonder,
you're in tough shape, dude. It's like, no wonder that
the contrast between what you grew up in and what
you would have needed to have your your sexuality develop
in a supported and healthy way was so different, Like
it's it's not your fault at all that this is

(38:30):
fucked up, but it is your responsibility. And at this
point you're you're an adult, you know what I mean,
Like it's not you're not a child anymore. But the
thing that I think is interesting to highlight is that,
like we did not learn how to take this fundamental
part of who we are and nurture it into something
that could possibly be healthy and integrated into our values.

(38:50):
Back to this word integrity, that could be a part
of our wholeness, of us being intact, of us being
in right relationship.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
Well, and it's a compose own problem too, because when
you've got an entire generation of men being out of integrity,
they're not raising their sons and daughters with these lessons
because they're embarrassed and they're as shamed.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
You know.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
I'm every once in a while on my podcast, I like, hey, guys,
public service announcements. You know, get those phones away from
your kids if they're under thirteen, because you know they're
being a banned. In some countries, the suicide rate of
the exposed bosu're under thirteen is higher. The younger the exposure,
the higher the suicide rate, and you cannot eliminate them

(39:38):
from discovering and finding things, And so fathers aren't having
those conversations while living in a society where porn is normalized.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
GQ calls it healthy rolling stone.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
You know the actresses that used to be you know,
blacklisted from mainstream society or now have.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
PG rated TikTok channels.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
And every twelve year old boy knows who Bonnie Blue is,
rob like like it.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Is, and knows what she's about, and knows what she's
about in detail.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
And for those of you parents who are listening, mention
the name Bonnie Blue in front of your children, say
you're gonna watch her on TV or something, and look
at your kid's reactions if they know.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
That means your child, Craig.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
That this woman has a gang banged a thousand guys
in a day. That means your child knows about this
internet celebrity who's had sex with a thousand men in
a day. Watch their faces, brother.

Speaker 3 (40:37):
And also how this this person Bonnie Blue is also
promoting this as some kind of feminine empowerment trope, Like
she's saying like this is this is an expression of
the liberation that we're afforded by like the you know,
by our like you know, it's like it's good basically
that it's good, that this is a good thing, right,
So that's.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
Part of her male empowerment. Guys.

Speaker 3 (40:58):
So I mean this is this is deeply weird. I
think we're all more or less on the same page.
This is pretty it's pretty weird, to say the least.
So I think that there's another thing that is worth
mentioning here, and you're you're already touching on it around
how like we could we could put it like this.
A lot of people have never met anybody who has

(41:20):
a really healthy and thriving sex life.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Ever wait, say that again. I want to capture that.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
Yes, I think most people have never even met someone
who has a healthy and thriving sexual life. They've never
absolutely met another human being that is experiencing a sense
of abundance and success and well being in their sexual life. Ever, ever, ever, ever,

(41:48):
literally ever.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
Yeah, well think about that.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
So, you know, a lot of successful guys listen to
this podcast, think about that, like in your business, never
knowing any anybody who built a business, who launched one
who was successful, It would.

Speaker 3 (42:05):
Be overcovery hard to figure it out.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
It would be damn near impossible.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
It would be very difficult with something as abstract as
quality sex and quality relationship to even conceptualize what the
hell we're even talking about when we say success, yeah,
because it would be like, oh, like, oh, you have
butt sex from a sham neighbors. Yeah, you know what

(42:30):
I mean, Like you have a hatachi wand and like,
you know what I mean. It's like when people conceptually,
like when I start to talk about what I do,
very often people assume this very perverse, extreme thing, like
they think that that's what that is. So they think
that's what that is. They think that, like when someone's like, oh,
like I'm involved in helping people have better sex, and

(42:52):
then they're like toys, extreme sexual behavior, polyamory, group sex,
big dick pills, you know, Like it's like that they're like, oh, yeah,
I know what that is. I know what that is. Yeah,
And it's like this this goes back to into the
thing that we were talking about before, of like that's
in the this is a black hole context instead of

(43:15):
there is a such thing as completion and satisfaction and
health and integrity, and it's not like dry cookie cutter
it's like incredibly sexy, loving, warm, deep spiritual experiences that
you get to share with the woman you love. It's
not it's not like this puritanical thing either, Like that

(43:35):
is not what we're talking about. We're talking about like
horny fucking in the full ranges of our expression. It's
it's that, but it's in a way where we are
actually met while we're actually meeting another person, in a
way that is relationally and emotionally integrated and aligned with
the way that our bodies work. A lot, and this

(43:57):
gets into pretty deep stuff when we start to talk
about sexual alchemy, which is a word that doesn't mean
anything to most people, but it's like when we contain
or abstain or sublimate the impulse towards ejaculation or peak orgasm,
it opens into a whole world of possibilities that people

(44:17):
have been describing for ten thousand years in the East especially,
like people have been talking about this for a very
very long time, is that there's a potential within the
sexual process that opens into something that is very dynamic
and starts to work with subtle energies and can impact
health in the system and impact the nature of consciousness. Itself,

(44:40):
and people can experience what is akin to like a
religious experience basically, or a very profound psychedelic experience indogenously
with no indogenous meaning, like the chemicals that are like
your brain is producing. Yes, it's like you're not like
smoke a chemical. Your brain is producing a chemical and

(45:03):
you get quote unquote high, but in a way that
doesn't result in all of these disjointed things that occur
when you're taking chemicals into your body exogenously. And you know,
we could go deep into the more esoteric side of
this sort of thing, but this is this is the
promised land, right, Like, this is why this is worth it.

(45:24):
And what I what I always tell people is like,
if you don't think it's worth it is because you
don't know what that is.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
If you.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah, when people like I'm happy with the sex life
that I.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Have, not me, it's you right that you don't get it.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Yes, So a good analogy for this is like, if
you grew up, I think you'll dig this, Craig and
so of the listeners. If you grew up and the
only food that you were ever literally ever exposed to
is donuts. My former teaching partner wrote this in our
old marketing materials. Shout out to Michael Frostowsky, He's a g. Yeah.

(45:58):
So it was like if you never saw anything but donuts,
if you only ate donuts, if everyone around you only
ate donuts, if the only food that you ever saw
your whole life was donuts, you would just think that
that's what food is. When someone's like, hey, on some food,
you'd be like, sure, I'll have some donuts. Like you

(46:19):
wouldn't know that there's broccoli and steak and chocolate moose,
and like you would have no idea. You would just
be like, oh, sure, I'll have some donuts. And you
wouldn't know why you feel bad and why you're sick
and why you have like weird craving cycles. You would
have no idea, right, Like, human beings learned through contrast.
That's how we learn. That's how our nervous systems are structured.
We learned through contrast. And because we do not understand

(46:42):
what we're missing, we don't have a clear reflection of
how weird what we're used to is. It's it's like
you live in a sandbox and you think it's the
real world, right, and like this is where like Morpheus
matrix analogies come in, right, it's like welcome to the
real world, right, And it's like that that's a lot
of people have that experience when they start to have

(47:02):
these kind of sexual encounters where it's like I had
no idea that that was even on the menu for
the human experience.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
Well, the conditioning is so you know, penis and vagina
than oral. Then switch it's you know, very for formulaic
and there's no you know, to use that donut analogy
when you think about what didn't we get?

Speaker 1 (47:26):
Maybe it's easier to focus on what did we get?

Speaker 2 (47:28):
So what I got was you're right, it starts earlier
than those you know that prepubescent and pubescent and even
you know boys and girls too. But you know, we
touch our genitals because they feel good.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Don't do that. You know, the slap in the hand
that's bad, right, that that.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
You know, we know before we even have you know, memory,
that that's bad.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
And even on some more subtle levels right where it's
like your father might just feel scared or ashamed himself. Right.
And then it's like kids are they're like little sponges. Right,
it's like the sense of like, oh, I'm doing something
that just feels innocent and pleasurable, and the person who
is my orientation to reality is feeling fear and shame.

(48:13):
Kids pick up on that, they internalize that. You know, like,
and you're totally right, Like parents are usually overtly like
fucking don't do that, right, But I think on a
deeper level, children are extremely receptive to the internal experience
of their parents and the emotional world, and that the
parents' relationship with their own emotions as well. So this

(48:33):
is where the way that we undo this isn't just
by changing the way we slap our kid's hand to
be more kind or something like that. It's a personal journey, right,
Like you are inevitably passing down the legacy from the
way that your inner world is. There's no way around that.
And it's not that we shouldn't consider our behavior. It's that, like,

(48:56):
the only real way to change things is to do
the real work. There's no way around that. There's no
way around that. You can't just act differently. You need
to handle your shit and look at the roots of
the dysfunction and adaptations in your life. Find some people
who know how to help you.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
And what you're talking about is really a new sexual revolution.
I use that word intentionally because it feels like that
as the spectrum has swung to anything goes you know,
the choking, the slapping, the spitting, the hitting that's been
normalized in porn, it's swung so far this way it's

(49:34):
forcing people to come back and realize that, Okay, this
isn't right, but they don't have any concept around what
that right is. Yes, So I mean this goes deep, right,
so broken is the point I'm trying to make. And
why I use a word revolution, yes, which might feel
a little dramatic, but maybe not totally.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
I mean I think people think, you know, the sexual
revolution happened in the nineteen sh sixties and then it
continued and YadA, YadA, YadA, and you know, like, I
think that word is very tainted already. So I agree
with you on on like the base words of energy
around them totally, but like the context of how that
word applies is like, I feel very cautious about being

(50:17):
associated with a lot of people well what a lot
of people think there. But maybe this is even one
of the most useful things that I've said in this
conversation that we've had today is that I think why
we see these kinds of extreme sexual behavior in pornography
and in what is kind of promoted in the zeitgeist
is because we do not have access to our ranges.

(50:41):
So there is some like the part of us that
wants to take and devour and fuck, and you know,
like it's it's like when you don't have access to that,
it comes out sideways in this other way, right, So
it's like maybe there's some intelligence in the unconscious or
in nature itself that's like I need to break through
through this suppression and this resistance or this like very

(51:05):
constrained part of life force in all of these bodies.
So then it will come out sideways through people who
have these totally open channels because of their trauma and dysfunction,
and then it will be promoted and everyone will feel
relief in the catharsis of the fact that these people
are doing all of these degrading and violent sexual activities

(51:25):
because what they're actually longing for is empowerment and access
to their ranges in their embodiment and in their sexual play.
Because it's like people think that they want all of
these extreme sexual acts, but when people are deep like
like wholly expressed and their authenticity and their creativity. They
get access to their ranges in a way where like

(51:48):
for men so often like they're the part of them
that wants to take and to devour and to ravish
or to ravage and to just like fuck a woman
and use her. Is like there are ways to met
by a woman in that where her deepest joy and
bliss and opening comes from that. But even me saying this,

(52:09):
I know that for some people what will be drawn
to mind is this very pornified thing which is fundamentally
based on self abandonment and self exploitation and the same
game that happens in women. Where a lot of women
there's something in them where they want to feel the
fierceness and the power and the physical dominance of a man,

(52:31):
and they don't really feel that men who are in
their hearts and an integrity can bring that. So there's
this fetishization of this thing that they don't get that
is a fundamental part of their nature. So the solution
isn't shaming people. The solution isn't being like, guys, stop
wanting to fuck and take from women and use them

(52:52):
for your own sexual gratification. But it's like, this is
where it starts to get dicey, and this conversation is
so likely to be misinterpreted and where we may need
to really slow down and unpack this stuff, because it
all comes together around what I could describe as integrity,
as wholeness. It's it's it's like like creativity and authenticity

(53:14):
in a way that's holistically aligned, that doesn't result in shame,
that doesn't result in the sense of like, oh, this
doesn't work, or there's wind lose, or you know, she's
doing it because she's a dutiful wife, rather than like
this is actually a full body yes for both people,
and it's like this is a very it's it's there's
so much nuance, but again, it's not that complicated. Once

(53:35):
you start to crack the thing open, it doesn't take
that long for people to really understand all of this.
But it is pretty layered, and you need to you
need to pull the thing apart because there's so much contrariness,
there's so much paradox, but it does really come together
and people getting access to their ranges and experiencing a
real sense of being expressed and of being met and

(53:58):
feeling like all of the parts of them are welcome,
and there is a real way to resolve or complete
or be fulfilled in what is really in us. Is
something I've seen again and again and again and again,
and when people hear something like that and then they
just think like, oh, well, I'll never find anybody that
wants to like have butt sex, you know what I mean.
It's like we are inside of a misunderstanding of our

(54:21):
sexual essence that is important to contextualize as what a
lot of people think that they want is based in
fantasy that is not actually related to who they really
are and what is really true for them. It's based
in the distortion and compensation and dysfunction and imbalance that
they've been living inside of that results in all of

(54:43):
this fantasy and the imagery of pornography and forming a
completely distorted perception of our sexual nature and what would
actually resolve in us being fulfilled and feeling in right
relationship with who we really are, rather than there are
parts of me that are not in cl looted and
could never be included. So I need to indulge in
this weird thing that I do on my computer by myself,

(55:05):
because my wife would never be down for these sort
of things right like that, that is a context of
misunderstanding that is fundamentally stacked on top of all of
this dysfunction, and that might be really hard to see
from where people are at. But you know, if you
talk to people who have been through the journey, they'll
tell you that it's like, yeah, I don't really care
about that stuff anymore. I'm so deeply fulfilled and it's

(55:26):
not a compromise. I'm actually completely fulfilled.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
And that's so important for long term physical health, mental health,
spiritual health.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
I think there's a.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
Growing awareness around how important sexual health is and what
do you say to someone Rob who's just starting this journey?
You know, maybe someone heard my podcast and you happen
to be the first guess you know that they see.
What do you want to say to that guy who's
listening right now, and maybe what's one of the first

(55:59):
things he can do to take that next step?

Speaker 3 (56:01):
Well, I think that there is. There's tremendous power and
conscious commitment, and I think that so I don't I
don't know how to just like download the things that
I know into people's heads in two seconds. I'm working
on it, but I don't know how to do that yet.

Speaker 1 (56:17):
You and me both I wish Yeah, when.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
We get there, Craig, we can do a little you know,
email blast and be like, yo, come come.

Speaker 1 (56:24):
All you have to do is right.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
Wouldn't it be nice to have a real, something actionable
after that?

Speaker 1 (56:29):
It's a little more complicated, you can't.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
Yeah, you know, it's like conscious commitment. You know, I want,
I really want to reiterate this and hopefully it will
land for at least one person, right, which would make this,
as we say, that would make the that would make
the conversation worthwhile if it sincerely positively impacts one individual, right,
So time well spent if that's the case. But this
thing around conscious commitment, it can be so helpful to

(56:54):
just get clear about like what what do I want?
And what am I willing to do and what am
I committed to? And from that place there's so much
opportunity for appreciation and wonder to carry you on your journey.
And this is kind of getting into some deep principles
around the nature of consciousness and how nervous systems work,

(57:15):
where we could say that like a lot of people
go as far as to frame it as there are
we actually have two different nervous systems. One of them
is this primal, mostly fear based nervous system, and then
the other is this adult nervous system that relates to
social engagement and creativity. And most people live in the

(57:37):
fear based nervous system that relates to their childhood adaptations
and their trauma all the time, and they do not know.
They just think that that's their personality, and it's not.
It's not even you. It doesn't have anything to do
with you. It's just things that you picked up along
the way, or that you inherited from your family or

(57:57):
from the environment that you grew up in, or adaptations
that you developed to cope with being in a shitty
situation when you were a kid. And we have all
of this stuff and it isn't really who we are.
So learning how to get out of that and into
the creativity and into the social safety and into a
real sense of presence and regulation is critical. And one

(58:19):
way that we can do that is through conscious commitment
and from really understanding that wonder and appreciation is a
way where we can take a commitment or something that
we like earnestly, or like this is what I'm about now,
This is what I'm going to do. This is what
I'm doing. And if you don't have the solution to
just wonder, to be like hmm, I wonder what I

(58:41):
need and then to take action and be very clear
about it. But like appreciation and wonder is like a
magic trick into possibility because it's like, yeah, you may
not know the way, but like there definitely is a
way and you definitely can find it if you don't
get in your own way by going into your addictions,

(59:02):
your avoidance, by running it out, running after it with
this kind of phrenetic energy that like oh, I'm going
to figure it all out and I'm gonna be enlightened
by Thursday or whatever, is like that's not it either.
That's another part of the fear based nervous system. I
know this so much from my own like pathology and neuroticism.

(59:22):
Is that like learning how to be in our bodies
and in consciousness in a way that's actually good feeling
and constructive and full of possibility is a skill and
it's very different than what we're used to and it's
something that you can learn. And the red carpet just
rolls out in front of you and you figure out
how to stop doing all this dysfunctional stuff.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
M Rob, that was so beautiful.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
I want to have you back, and there are so
many topics that we can talk to. When I want
my listeners to know that I have a lot of
personal respect for Rob. He's had a lot of intell,
gritting our interaction. So when I have someone on my podcast,
it's mean that I recommend them. You know, I don't
have people on that I don't recommend. And because of

(01:00:08):
this big tent summon, I've gotten to know some of
these amazing men personally. And getting to know you Rob
has been awesome. So what I want my listeners to do,
and especially my clients in the programs, what questions you know,
can we have for Rob when we have them next
time is on? I want to build on his incredible
wealth of information. You can tell that you know, this

(01:00:29):
guy's the real deal. Tell me about your programs. I
know there's two things that you want to promote, and
I'm going to include links down below in the description notes, Rob,
But yeah, tell me a little bit about those.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Well, first of all, thank you for the kind words, Craig.
I do appreciate it, and it's a mutual feeling brother.
So I'm honor Wellgar, and you're welcome, excited to see
where we might go. One thing that I think pairs
really well with what you're saying around questions that might
might be relevant that we might want to explore. We
have an assessment. It's called the Bedroom Company, and we've
basically laid out the actual building blocks of a great

(01:01:05):
sex life, so you can take an assessment and just
see where you stand of just like, Okay, what is
this thing made out of? What is the kind of
like composite parts of a great sex life from a
place of integrity, And it's helpful, you know. It's like,
it's very difficult to get to a destination if you
don't have the correct map, and it's you know, even

(01:01:27):
if you do have the right map, if you don't
know where you are on the map, it's very difficult
to use it right. So that's one thing that I
can recommend. It's free, it takes like ten minutes, and
people have come back to tell me that it has
helped them a lot to be like, Okay, what are
we even talking about here? Like what is this in
a way that's way more concrete, So that's just Bedroomcompass

(01:01:49):
dot Com. It's ez people can just go on there.
The programs that I run, the brand, let's call it
is called Men of Substance, and we have a course
that's called the Blueprint, that's an eight week course, and
then we have a community that's called the Inner Circle.
And the Blueprint is like a way for people to
like very quickly and effectively get a really deep download

(01:02:12):
and some deep integration into the stuff that we're talking
about here in a way that's accessible for whatever your
background is. You know, we've had guys from age twenty
to seventy in that program, and some people who are
just like you know, like good old boys and fucking
construction workers, and also people who are spiritual seekers and
very much on the personal development path. So we put

(01:02:35):
a lot of love into that thing. Yeah, last thing
is just the Men of Substance Inner Circle, and that's
for people who really are like about that life of
really seeing that they're sexual the success and abundance and
goodness of their sexual life is the same thing as
their personal and spiritual development. And that's yeah, that's my
heart is in that space. There's some incredible, incredible men

(01:02:56):
and we have a good time and yeah, I'll pause
that that's what I got.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
No, that sounds awesome.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
I'm so excited, Rob, because I see, you know, one
of the benefits of the Big Tent for me is
realizing how siloed I had become, you know, depending on.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
Google ad words. Yeah, not really.

Speaker 2 (01:03:16):
Reaching out, not having these connections, and how that was
naturally my personality was. It was, you know, I needed
work to keep me out there and doing things, you know,
Now working for myself and living at home, I found
myself crawling into a little box. And so this big Tent,
you know, came out at a great time. And well,

(01:03:36):
I look forward to having you again, Rob. I look forward.
I just feel like you can plug some gaps here
and bring a lot of great value.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
To my audience.

Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
It's been a privilege to get to know you, and
I look forward to sharing all of your links and
show notes for everyone to check out.

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
And I highly recommend Brothers that you do. You really
need to know this guy.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
Thank you, Craig. Yeah, and I look forward to hearing
the questions that people might have. I'm happy to help
however I can, and look forward to our next chat.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Me too, Me too. Thanks for being here. Awesome and
thank yeah, you're welcome man, awesome. So thank you guys
for listening again. Sex Afflictions and porn addictions. Make sure
you check out Rob's stuff and visit the Mindful Habit
if you're struggling. Mindfulhabit heelp dot com. Thank you so
much for watching Healthy sexuality and a great life, two

(01:04:28):
things that are inexorably intertwined, and I'm honored to be
part of your journey. Thanks for watching, everybody, and thank
you Rob for being here.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
Thanks again, Craig, You're welcome.