October 15, 2025 • 12 mins
If you’ve spent years being the nice guy—trying to make everyone happy while secretly feeling empty or stuck in unhealthy habits—this episode is for you. Craig talks directly to married men who are ready to break free from porn addiction, people pleasing, and the patterns that keep them disconnected from their true power.
Drawing on insights from No More Mr Nice Guy A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love Sex and Life by Dr Robert Glover, Craig explains how reclaiming honesty, integrity, and masculine strength can transform your relationships and your life. He also introduces MindfulHabitMastery.com, a new program built for leaders and professionals who want to overcome destructive habits, rebuild trust, and live with purpose and self control. He also introduces his new podcast for leaders titled patterns of power.
Get the book: No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
Learn more: MindfulHabitHelp.com
Coming soon: MindfulHabitMastery.com
Takeaway:
What would you say to your partner if you knew it would be received with honesty, understanding, and love?
Drawing on insights from No More Mr Nice Guy A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love Sex and Life by Dr Robert Glover, Craig explains how reclaiming honesty, integrity, and masculine strength can transform your relationships and your life. He also introduces MindfulHabitMastery.com, a new program built for leaders and professionals who want to overcome destructive habits, rebuild trust, and live with purpose and self control. He also introduces his new podcast for leaders titled patterns of power.
Get the book: No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
Learn more: MindfulHabitHelp.com
Coming soon: MindfulHabitMastery.com
Takeaway:
What would you say to your partner if you knew it would be received with honesty, understanding, and love?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
No more, mister nice go, No more, mister clee ain,
No more, mister nice go. And that's what we're talking
about today. What's up, everybody. My name is Craig Parra.
Thank you so much for listening. We're gonna talk very quickly, crisply,
and concisely about doctor Robert Glover's book No More mister
(00:25):
nice Guy. If you are struggling with resentment, poor coping strategies,
a secret porn life, or secret sex life, this book
is mandatory. This book is mandatory because for the overwhelming
majority of my clients, the sex and the porn they're
(00:45):
the symptoms. They're always the symptoms. And my experience with
my clients, what's at the root, what is closer to
the root, is the integrity issue. In fact, when I
was thinking of starting the Mindful Have at thirteen, I
brainstorm and come up with crazy ideas and what if
we built the whole program just around accountability? Right, you
(01:08):
could do that, and that would be very valuable for
some people. What if you built the entire program around integrity.
I had that idea. Now I've combined both and then some,
but nonetheless, it was an idea that I had because
I knew. If you solve the integrity issue, you don't
solve all the problems, but you solve a lot of them.
And I want to talk about that integrity issue and
(01:29):
I want to share with you a very important life lesson.
And it is a life lesson that I encourage you
to embrace, to analyze, to reflect on, to reject if
you disagree. And here it is needs get met proactively, mindfully, intentionally,
(01:49):
or they get met reactively, as we have been trained
and conditioned to meet those needs reactively, mindlessly automatically. Needs
get met reactively, or they get met proactively. And what
happens with so many of my clients, they're unable to
express their needs around conflict, around sexual desire, and they
(02:13):
maybe said something once and got shot down, and then
they stuff it down. Then they stuff it down. First
they start gaslighting their partners, and before you know it,
they're gaslighting themselves because they're not being honest, because they're
afraid of hurting someone else's ceiling. So I'm very excited
to have doctor Robert Glover on my podcast. I'm super
super pumped about that. But let's go through the core
(02:36):
concept of no more mister nice guy and the core
principles of no more mister nice guy, with some troops
that hopefully will help you say, oh my god, this
is me. I get to do something about it. And
as you leave this event that we're experiencing now together,
ask yourself where am I hiding? Or ask yourself what
(02:57):
would I say to my spouse if I knew I
wouldn't get in trouble? Maybe we pause there for a
second before we jump in. Let's do that. Close your eyes,
take a nice, big, deep breath, relaxed attention in your face,
Feel your feet pressed into the ground, Feel the two
bones in your butt pressing into the chair. You breathe naturally.
(03:19):
I'm going fast to keep things moving here, and I
want you to imagine. I want you to notice what
comes up in response to the prompt. What would you
say to your spouse or partner if you wouldn't get
in trouble, or if you knew she wouldn't be upset,
or if she knew it would be received in the
manner in which it was intended, which is you being honest?
(03:42):
What if it was received with the intention that you're
trying to be honest? Does not come naturally to us,
right in some ways we've And here's the contrast, right, brothers,
my clients, they all fashion themselves as men of integrity,
and in many ways they are. But I will never
forget when my boss at handover said to me, it
(04:05):
looks me dead in the eye and says, never trust
a man who lies to his wife if he lies
to her, who lie to anyone? I will never ever
forget that. So core concept nice guy syndrome. It is
the belief that if I'm a good guy, I'll be
loved and my needs will be met and my life
will be smoothed. But there's a huge but here, brothers,
(04:29):
But this belief leads to repression, resentment, self sabotage because
nice guys hide who they are to get approval and
avoid conflict conflict, and there are consequences for that avoidance,
and they are great. It's literally you living an authentic life.
So core principles number one, stop seeking external validation. Now
(04:50):
there's a big how that we're not going to address.
Nice guys are addicted to approval. They believe love and
acceptance must be earned by being good or selfless. Here's
the truth. Self worth must come from internal alignment, not
others' opinions. You cannot make someone love you by trying harder.
Let me say that again. You cannot make someone love
(05:13):
you by trying harder. For us men, that's an identity
shifting event. What do you mean there's more than my performance?
Ho emti Core concept number two Set boundaries and embrace conflict.
Nice guys fear disapproval, so they avoid conflict, maybe not
at work, but in their personal lives. That creates dishonesty
(05:35):
and resentment. Practice tell the truth, say no, let others
be uncomfortable. Conflict is growth. Conflict is growth. Number three.
Own your desires and needs. Nice guys hide or repress
sexual emotional in personal needs out of shame the transformation.
(05:55):
Identify what you want and learn to ask for it
directly without manipulation or guilt. Core concept number four. Integrate
the shadow. Nice guys suppress bad parts like anger, sexuality, ambition,
creating hidden resentment or acting out hello hidden resentment. The
(06:17):
healing is to integrate the disown parts of yourself, honor them,
lead them. The road to recovery is paved with honesty, courage,
and self acceptance. Number five stop the covert contracts. Nice
guys live by unspoken deals. If I'm nice, you'll meet
my needs. If I sacrifice, you'll appreciate me. If I
(06:39):
avoid conflict, everything will be fined. These always sail because
they are dishonest and untrue. Dishonest and untrue. Shift, give
freely without expectation. Make your needs explicit, and for those
of you who have been listening, you've heard me say
needs get met reactively or they get met proactively. All
behavior is need seeking behavior. Make your needs explicit. Think
(07:04):
about that for a second and what that means. That
means write them down and listen. They're messy, they don't
make sense. You can never say it that way. That's
where you start. Remember the assignment. What would I say
to my spouse if I knew I wouldn't get in trouble?
Number six, make yourself your mission. Nice guys make others
(07:25):
their mission, partners jobs, family new rule. Put the oxygen
mask on you first. Make your growth, integrity and happiness
your top priority. Serve others from overflow, not emptiness. Number seven,
embrace masculinity and purpose. Authentic masculinity is not aggression or dominance.
(07:47):
It's just not please. Don't try to fool yourself that
it is I don't want to. It's grounded self leadership
the practice, build purpose, passion in direction, become a man
you respect core principal Number eight build healthy male relationships.
This is why if you're listening now, if you are
(08:07):
hearing my words almost and you're not in my community
or not in another community, you need community. Right. Thirteen
years of coaching, you learn what works, you learn what
doesn't work, and you know what success looks like on
the other side. Every success on the other side, there
is community. It is necessary. You may have heard the
(08:28):
quote from Jonathan Hari. The opposite of addiction is in sobriety.
It's connection. Build healthy male relationships. Nice guys often isolate
or rely only on women for emotional connection action. Cultivate
male friendships where you can be honest, challenged and supported.
Number nine one of my favorites, express healthy sexuality. Repressed
(08:52):
sexuality breed shame and secrecy. I want to say that again.
Repressed sexuality breeds shame in secrecy. If there is anybody
in the back who needs to hear it again, I'm
going to say it again. If you're not driving and
your safe, close your eyes, take a breath, big inhale,
(09:13):
big exhale, Keep doing that. We're almost done. You made
it this far. What comes up when you think of
this prompt Repressed sexuality breeds shame and secrecy. It is
according to Freud, your libido is not just your sexual drive.
People think libido is sexual drive. Not when Freud was
(09:35):
talking about it, he was talking about it as your
life force, except that your sexual energy is part of
your vitality. Learn to channel it with integrity. Whoo do
we have a lot of shitty training in that regard,
don't we, brothers, And look what's going on in the world.
It is getting worse. Number ten. Live in integrity, stop pretending,
(09:56):
lying or hiding, say what you mean, and do what
you say in Hegarty creates freedom and authentic connection. So
if you do not have the book no more, mister
nice guy, you know seven at least five six of
these really connected with you. You don't have to be
all it's not one hundred percent. It's never going to
be one hundred percent. But if there was a teeny
(10:18):
kind of tiny part of this where you connected, click
the link in the chat because it's going to contain
a link for you to get the book. Credible paperback,
ard copy smoke signals, get the book, Get the book.
Nice guy is not what you think it is. As
you've heard these prompts and you've heard some of these
(10:38):
core principles. I have a high degree of confidence that
if you're listening to me and thank you, I am honored.
I look at those numbers and I think, son of
a gun, thousands of people heard this message. It is
a blessing, a blessing to be in such a wonderful
place and people see as a credible source for actionable information.
(10:59):
That is always my goal. That is always my goal.
So let's leave it here. I want you thinking about again,
what would you say to your partner if you knew
you wouldn't get in trouble, or if you knew it
would be received in the manner in which you intended,
which is to be honest. Yeah, all right, brothers, embrace
(11:20):
your power of choice, feed the right wolf inside you.
And if you are lacking capacity, right, if you are
a leader lacking capacity and you need help quickly accelerating
that capacity, deepening that capacity, and giving you tools to
sustain that capacity, visit mindfulhabithelp dot com joined an incredible
(11:44):
pack of men supporting each other, mentoring each other, empowering,
empowering each other to feed the right wolf inside them.
The new website for leaders struggling with poor coping strategies
and US syndrome relationship issues. And among those coping strategies,
(12:05):
the Internet, gambling, alcohol, a little bit of drugs, a
lot of drugs, you need medical help, porn, any of
the distractions, any of the dopamine addictions. That new website,
which is this close to being done. I'll tell you
the domain now. It is mindful habitmastery dot com. I
am so excited to announce that now. If you are
(12:26):
listening to this and you are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior,
that program is still growing strong. If you need help,
reach out visit the website mindfulhabithelp dot com. Check it out.
Thanks for listening, and make it great. Bye everybody,
No more, mister nice go, No more, mister clee ain,
No more, mister nice go. And that's what we're talking
about today. What's up, everybody. My name is Craig Parra.
Thank you so much for listening. We're gonna talk very quickly, crisply,
and concisely about doctor Robert Glover's book No More mister
(00:25):
nice Guy. If you are struggling with resentment, poor coping strategies,
a secret porn life, or secret sex life, this book
is mandatory. This book is mandatory because for the overwhelming
majority of my clients, the sex and the porn they're
(00:45):
the symptoms. They're always the symptoms. And my experience with
my clients, what's at the root, what is closer to
the root, is the integrity issue. In fact, when I
was thinking of starting the Mindful Have at thirteen, I
brainstorm and come up with crazy ideas and what if
we built the whole program just around accountability? Right, you
(01:08):
could do that, and that would be very valuable for
some people. What if you built the entire program around integrity.
I had that idea. Now I've combined both and then some,
but nonetheless, it was an idea that I had because
I knew. If you solve the integrity issue, you don't
solve all the problems, but you solve a lot of them.
And I want to talk about that integrity issue and
(01:29):
I want to share with you a very important life lesson.
And it is a life lesson that I encourage you
to embrace, to analyze, to reflect on, to reject if
you disagree. And here it is needs get met proactively, mindfully, intentionally,
(01:49):
or they get met reactively, as we have been trained
and conditioned to meet those needs reactively, mindlessly automatically. Needs
get met reactively, or they get met proactively. And what
happens with so many of my clients, they're unable to
express their needs around conflict, around sexual desire, and they
(02:13):
maybe said something once and got shot down, and then
they stuff it down. Then they stuff it down. First
they start gaslighting their partners, and before you know it,
they're gaslighting themselves because they're not being honest, because they're
afraid of hurting someone else's ceiling. So I'm very excited
to have doctor Robert Glover on my podcast. I'm super
super pumped about that. But let's go through the core
(02:36):
concept of no more mister nice guy and the core
principles of no more mister nice guy, with some troops
that hopefully will help you say, oh my god, this
is me. I get to do something about it. And
as you leave this event that we're experiencing now together,
ask yourself where am I hiding? Or ask yourself what
(02:57):
would I say to my spouse if I knew I
wouldn't get in trouble? Maybe we pause there for a
second before we jump in. Let's do that. Close your eyes,
take a nice, big, deep breath, relaxed attention in your face,
Feel your feet pressed into the ground, Feel the two
bones in your butt pressing into the chair. You breathe naturally.
(03:19):
I'm going fast to keep things moving here, and I
want you to imagine. I want you to notice what
comes up in response to the prompt. What would you
say to your spouse or partner if you wouldn't get
in trouble, or if you knew she wouldn't be upset,
or if she knew it would be received in the
manner in which it was intended, which is you being honest?
(03:42):
What if it was received with the intention that you're
trying to be honest? Does not come naturally to us,
right in some ways we've And here's the contrast, right, brothers,
my clients, they all fashion themselves as men of integrity,
and in many ways they are. But I will never
forget when my boss at handover said to me, it
(04:05):
looks me dead in the eye and says, never trust
a man who lies to his wife if he lies
to her, who lie to anyone? I will never ever
forget that. So core concept nice guy syndrome. It is
the belief that if I'm a good guy, I'll be
loved and my needs will be met and my life
will be smoothed. But there's a huge but here, brothers,
(04:29):
But this belief leads to repression, resentment, self sabotage because
nice guys hide who they are to get approval and
avoid conflict conflict, and there are consequences for that avoidance,
and they are great. It's literally you living an authentic life.
So core principles number one, stop seeking external validation. Now
(04:50):
there's a big how that we're not going to address.
Nice guys are addicted to approval. They believe love and
acceptance must be earned by being good or selfless. Here's
the truth. Self worth must come from internal alignment, not
others' opinions. You cannot make someone love you by trying harder.
Let me say that again. You cannot make someone love
(05:13):
you by trying harder. For us men, that's an identity
shifting event. What do you mean there's more than my performance?
Ho emti Core concept number two Set boundaries and embrace conflict.
Nice guys fear disapproval, so they avoid conflict, maybe not
at work, but in their personal lives. That creates dishonesty
(05:35):
and resentment. Practice tell the truth, say no, let others
be uncomfortable. Conflict is growth. Conflict is growth. Number three.
Own your desires and needs. Nice guys hide or repress
sexual emotional in personal needs out of shame the transformation.
(05:55):
Identify what you want and learn to ask for it
directly without manipulation or guilt. Core concept number four. Integrate
the shadow. Nice guys suppress bad parts like anger, sexuality, ambition,
creating hidden resentment or acting out hello hidden resentment. The
(06:17):
healing is to integrate the disown parts of yourself, honor them,
lead them. The road to recovery is paved with honesty, courage,
and self acceptance. Number five stop the covert contracts. Nice
guys live by unspoken deals. If I'm nice, you'll meet
my needs. If I sacrifice, you'll appreciate me. If I
(06:39):
avoid conflict, everything will be fined. These always sail because
they are dishonest and untrue. Dishonest and untrue. Shift, give
freely without expectation. Make your needs explicit, and for those
of you who have been listening, you've heard me say
needs get met reactively or they get met proactively. All
behavior is need seeking behavior. Make your needs explicit. Think
(07:04):
about that for a second and what that means. That
means write them down and listen. They're messy, they don't
make sense. You can never say it that way. That's
where you start. Remember the assignment. What would I say
to my spouse if I knew I wouldn't get in trouble?
Number six, make yourself your mission. Nice guys make others
(07:25):
their mission, partners jobs, family new rule. Put the oxygen
mask on you first. Make your growth, integrity and happiness
your top priority. Serve others from overflow, not emptiness. Number seven,
embrace masculinity and purpose. Authentic masculinity is not aggression or dominance.
(07:47):
It's just not please. Don't try to fool yourself that
it is I don't want to. It's grounded self leadership
the practice, build purpose, passion in direction, become a man
you respect core principal Number eight build healthy male relationships.
This is why if you're listening now, if you are
(08:07):
hearing my words almost and you're not in my community
or not in another community, you need community. Right. Thirteen
years of coaching, you learn what works, you learn what
doesn't work, and you know what success looks like on
the other side. Every success on the other side, there
is community. It is necessary. You may have heard the
(08:28):
quote from Jonathan Hari. The opposite of addiction is in sobriety.
It's connection. Build healthy male relationships. Nice guys often isolate
or rely only on women for emotional connection action. Cultivate
male friendships where you can be honest, challenged and supported.
Number nine one of my favorites, express healthy sexuality. Repressed
(08:52):
sexuality breed shame and secrecy. I want to say that again.
Repressed sexuality breeds shame in secrecy. If there is anybody
in the back who needs to hear it again, I'm
going to say it again. If you're not driving and
your safe, close your eyes, take a breath, big inhale,
(09:13):
big exhale, Keep doing that. We're almost done. You made
it this far. What comes up when you think of
this prompt Repressed sexuality breeds shame and secrecy. It is
according to Freud, your libido is not just your sexual drive.
People think libido is sexual drive. Not when Freud was
(09:35):
talking about it, he was talking about it as your
life force, except that your sexual energy is part of
your vitality. Learn to channel it with integrity. Whoo do
we have a lot of shitty training in that regard,
don't we, brothers, And look what's going on in the world.
It is getting worse. Number ten. Live in integrity, stop pretending,
(09:56):
lying or hiding, say what you mean, and do what
you say in Hegarty creates freedom and authentic connection. So
if you do not have the book no more, mister
nice guy, you know seven at least five six of
these really connected with you. You don't have to be
all it's not one hundred percent. It's never going to
be one hundred percent. But if there was a teeny
(10:18):
kind of tiny part of this where you connected, click
the link in the chat because it's going to contain
a link for you to get the book. Credible paperback,
ard copy smoke signals, get the book, Get the book.
Nice guy is not what you think it is. As
you've heard these prompts and you've heard some of these
(10:38):
core principles. I have a high degree of confidence that
if you're listening to me and thank you, I am honored.
I look at those numbers and I think, son of
a gun, thousands of people heard this message. It is
a blessing, a blessing to be in such a wonderful
place and people see as a credible source for actionable information.
(10:59):
That is always my goal. That is always my goal.
So let's leave it here. I want you thinking about again,
what would you say to your partner if you knew
you wouldn't get in trouble, or if you knew it
would be received in the manner in which you intended,
which is to be honest. Yeah, all right, brothers, embrace
(11:20):
your power of choice, feed the right wolf inside you.
And if you are lacking capacity, right, if you are
a leader lacking capacity and you need help quickly accelerating
that capacity, deepening that capacity, and giving you tools to
sustain that capacity, visit mindfulhabithelp dot com joined an incredible
(11:44):
pack of men supporting each other, mentoring each other, empowering,
empowering each other to feed the right wolf inside them.
The new website for leaders struggling with poor coping strategies
and US syndrome relationship issues. And among those coping strategies,
(12:05):
the Internet, gambling, alcohol, a little bit of drugs, a
lot of drugs, you need medical help, porn, any of
the distractions, any of the dopamine addictions. That new website,
which is this close to being done. I'll tell you
the domain now. It is mindful habitmastery dot com. I
am so excited to announce that now. If you are
(12:26):
listening to this and you are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior,
that program is still growing strong. If you need help,
reach out visit the website mindfulhabithelp dot com. Check it out.
Thanks for listening, and make it great. Bye everybody,
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