013 - Chapter 10

Join the absent-minded Earl of Emsworth as he inadvertently misplaces the pride of his scarab collection! American millionaire J. Preston Peters is offering a hefty $5000 reward for its safe return, but discretion is key—especially since Peters daughter is engaged to Emsworths son. Enter Joan Valentine and Ashe Marson, each determined to claim the reward; she as Aline Peters’ ladies maid and he as Mr. Peters’ valet. Their quest leads them to the grand Blandings Castle, where the ever-watchful Efficient Baxter poses a formidable challenge. This delightful caper is, in my humble opinion, one of Wodehouse’s most hilarious works. –Debra Lynn

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Chapter ten of Something New. This is a LibriVox recording.
All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Something
New by P. G. Woodhouse Chapter ten. When Lord Emsworth,

(00:22):
citing mister Peters in the group of returned churchgoers, drew
him aside and broke the news that the valuable scarrub
so kindly presented by him to the Castle Museum, had
been stolen in the night by some person unknown. He
thought the millionaire took it exceedingly well. Though the stolen
object no longer belonged to him, mister Peters, no doubt

(00:43):
still continued to take an affectionate interest in it, and
might have been excused had he shown annoyance that his
gift had been so carelessly guarded. Mister Peters was, however,
thoroughly magnanimous about the matter. He deprecated the notion that
the Earl could possibly have prevented this unfortunate occurrence. He
quite understood he was not in the least hurt. Nobody

(01:04):
could have foreseen such a calamity. These things happened, and
one had to accept them. He himself had once suffered
in much the same way, the gem of his collection
having been removed almost beneath his eyes in the smoothest
possible fashion. Altogether, he relieved Lord Emsworth's mind very much,

(01:25):
and when he had finished doing so, he departed swiftly
and rang for Ash. When Ash arrived, he bubbled over
with enthusiasm. He was lyrical in his praise. He went
so far as to slap Ash on the back. It
was only when the latter disclaimed all credit for what
had occurred that he checked the flow of approbation. It
wasn't you who got it? Who was it? Then? It

(01:48):
was miss Peter's maid. It's a long story, but we
were working in partnership. I tried for the thing and failed,
and she succeeded. It was with mixed feelings that ashe
listened while mister Peters transferred his adjectives of commendation to Joan,
he admired Joan's courage. He was relieved that her venture

(02:09):
had ended without disaster, and he knew that she deserved
whatever anyone could find to say in praise of her enterprise.
But at first, though he tried to crush it down,
he could not help feeling a certain amount of chagrin
that a girl should have succeeded where he, though having
the advantage of first chance, had failed. The terms of
his partnership with Joan had jarred on him from the beginning.

(02:33):
A man may be in sympathy with the modern movement
for the emancipation of women, and yet feel aggrieved when
a mere girl proves herself a more efficient thief than himself.
Woman is invading man's sphere more successfully every day, But
there are still certain fields in which man may consider
that he is rightfully entitled to a monopoly, and the

(02:54):
purloining of scabs and the watches of the night is
surely one of them. Joan, in Aciduh's opinion, should have
played a meeker and less active part. These unworthy emotions
did not last long, whatever his other shortcomings, ashe possessed
a just mind. By the time he had found Joan,
after mister Peters had said his say and dispatched him

(03:17):
below stairs for that purpose, he had purged himself of
petty regrets and was prepared to congratulate her wholeheartedly. He was, however,
resolved that nothing should induce him to share in the reward.
On that point, he resolved he would refuse to be shaken.
I have just left, mister Peters, he began all as well.

(03:37):
His check book lies before him on the table, and
he is trying to make his fountain pen work long
enough to write a check. But there is just one
thing I want to say, she interrupted him, to his surprise,
she was eyeing him coldly and with disapproval. And there
is just one thing I want to say, she said,
and that is if you imagine I shall consent to

(03:59):
accept the penny of the reward, exactly what I was
going to say. Of course, I couldn't dream of taking
any of it. I don't understand you. You were certainly
going to have it all. I told you, and we
made our agreement that I should only take my share
if you let me do my share of the work.
Now that you have broken that agreement, nothing could induce
me to take it. I know you meant it kindly,

(04:20):
mister Marson, but I simply can't feel grateful. I told
you that ours was a business contract and that I
wouldn't have any chivalry, and I thought that after you
had given me your promise one moment, said ashe bewildered,
I can't follow this. What do you mean? What do
I mean? Why that you went down to the museum

(04:40):
last night before me and took the scareb though you
had promised to stay away and give me my chance.
But I didn't do anything of the sort. It was
Jones's turn to look bewildered. But you have got the scaub,
mister Marson, why you have got it? No? But but
when it is gone? I know. I went down to

(05:03):
the museum last night, as we had arranged, and when
I got there there was no scareb. It had disappeared.
They looked at each other in consternation. Ash was the
first to speak, It was gone when you got to
the museum. There wasn't a trace of it. I took
it for granted that you had been down before me.
I was furious. But this is ridiculous, said Ash. Who

(05:26):
can have taken it? There was nobody beside ourselves who
knew mister Peters was offering the reward. What exactly happened
last night? I waited until one o'clock. Then I slipped down,
got into the museum, struck a match and looked for
the scab. It wasn't there. I couldn't believe it at
first I struck some more matches, quite a number, but

(05:46):
it was no good. The scabb was gone. So I
went back to bed and thought hard thoughts about you.
It was silly of me. I ought to have known
you would not break your word, but there didn't seem
any other solution of the thing's disappearance. Well, somebody must
have taken it, and the question is what are we
to do? She laughed. It seems to me that we

(06:07):
were a little premature in quarreling about how we are
to divide that reward. It looks as though there wasn't
going to be any reward. Meantime, said as gloomily, I
suppose I have got to go back and tell Peters.
I expect it will break his heart. End of Chapter ten.