June 29, 2026 • 20 mins
Our host Darriel Roy interviews Australian author, Melinda Charlesworth. Melinda is the author of, “Calm is a Skill” offering readers practical advice on how to connect with your feelings & regulate your nervous system for more clarity and peace in your life.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This week on the show, we have Australian writer Melinda
Charlesworth who's the author of Calm is a Skill. Hello
and welcome. Thank you so much for watching. This shows
all about giving you insights and showcasing brands that help
you to live your best life and give you confidence.
As always, I want to kick out your morning with
some motivational advice to help you to feel inspired and
energize to start your day today. I want to talk
(00:22):
about understanding that you are always one decision away from
living your dream life. The reality is a single choice
has the power to completely reshape your entire future. Just
like a falling domino, a single choice can set off
a powerful chain reaction that transforms your future. One phone call,
one conversation, or one trip is often all it takes
(00:45):
to spark unstoppable momentum. The next time you find yourself
unhappy in your circumstances, remind yourself of the possibility that
you could be one decision away from turning it all
around and creating a fresh new momentum and future. I
have that convo, applied for that job, and do that
one thing that scares and excites you at the same time.
(01:05):
Because you never know what exciting possibilities await you. As
Mela Robin quote, you are one decision away from a
completely different life. Next up on the show, we have
Australian writer Melinda charles Worth. Melinda is the author of
Calm is a Skill, offering readers practical advice on how
to connect with your feelings and regulate your nervous system
for more clarity and peace in your life. Melinda, thank
(01:28):
you so much for being on the show today. How
are you doing.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'm doing great, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Thank you for being here. We have a lot to
talk about, including your new book, Calm Is a Skill.
But before we get into that, let's talk about your background.
I know you've had over fifteen careers, so how do
you think your experience has led you here today and
teaching people how to stay calm and have more clarity. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Well, I often say I haven't had so much as
a career path as a career adventure.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I've done a lot of different things. But one of
the things that I noticed in all my careers is
that when people are under pressure, they don't perform as well.
And I have a background in systems and that enabled
me to kind of see the patterns of what was
going on. And I've been teaching management and leadership for
over thirty years, and I noticed that when people are
(02:19):
under pressure, they have less access to what they need
to stay calm and enable that higher order thinking. And
so once I kind of recognized that there was a
pattern there, I was able to start reverse engineering it
and deconstructing it and figuring out what was going on
for people. And that led me to writing the book
(02:41):
Very nice.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
And whether it's coaching women or building businesses, pressure and
performance is at the forefront. So have you always been
good at dealing with stress or is it something that
you learned along the way.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Definitely not. So it's it's something that I realized that
if you don't have access to that higher order thinking,
then you know, nothing's going to work. And look, I
used to, you know, run on cortisol and guilt, and
(03:15):
you know, I realized that something had to give, and
so it was about looking at ways that you can
access that thinking and stop and listen to your body
and understand what's going on so that you can perform
better under pressure.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I feel like so many people can relate. I mean,
half the world is stressed. Right, they're just writing unquotethyle
and really not regulating their emotions. So I think this
book is much needed. And fast forward, let's talk about
your bogcom is a skill. You talk about regulating your
nervous system. So how does your nervous system play a
part in regulating our emotions and giving us clarity?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You will in the book. I frame it with two characters.
So basically, we've got the caveman and we've got the CEO.
So the caveman is your amygdala, it's your olympic system.
It's the ancient part of your brain. And I like
to call the caveman Barry. So Barry's there. His one
job is to keep you alive. He's there to protect you,
(04:20):
and he's always looking for tigers. The problem is he's
running really old software and so he can't tell the
difference between an actual tiger and an email from your boss.
So's he's really fast and he's important, but he overreacts sometimes. Now,
(04:40):
your CEO is your prefrontal cortex, so it's the thinking, rationalizing,
communicating part of your brain. And when Barry is chasing tigers,
you have less access to your CEO. Part of your brain.
And so the premise of book is essentially enabling you
(05:02):
to regulate your body in real time so that you
can let Barry know that you're safe, so that your
CEO comes back online and you're able to access that
higher order thinking that we need in order to perform.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
By the way, I love all the images in the book.
You have all these really nice images and it breaks
down the information so nicely. So I really love it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
And we live in such a hustle culture, like where
everybody is constantly hustling. How do we drown out the
I don't noise and kind of listen to our own voice?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah, So it's a lot of it is that when
Barry wakes up and thinks that there's a tiger on
the horizon, everything becomes urgent, Which I mean, think about it.
If you were being chased by a tiger, that's exactly
what you want. You want. You know, you've focused a
narrow you're breathing too beach so that you're ready to run,
(06:01):
and all those sorts of things. What we need to
do is create that gap so that we can just
settle down a little bit and be able to let
our body know that we're safe and so that we
can start to think and and you know, create that space. So,
(06:21):
you know, there's easy ways that we can do that
by using our body and getting out of your head.
So we get all up in our head and we
need to you know, let our body know that we're safe.
Because state comes before story, so our body goes into
a state of panic before and you know, and then
(06:43):
our brain creates a story to kind of justify that.
So what we need to do is let our body
know that we're safe, and there's several ways that we
can do that.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Absolutely. You know, sometimes I experience this a lot when
I go to really high profile events or red corvids.
I think my body goes into panic where it's telling
me like danger, danger, And as soon as I tell
myself I'm safe and that you know, I'm in a
siefe environment all as well, all of a sudden, I
calm down and I have clarity. It's really you know,
it's just it's really like telling yourself, I'm okay, everything's fine,
(07:16):
and you can kind of just slowly get back to reality.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You know, yeah, absolutely, absolutely, even as simple as you know,
feeling your feet on the ground. Yeah, thinking about okay,
my feet are on the ground, looking around the room.
You focus narrows when you're panicking because you're looking for
the tiger. So if you widen your field of view
and look around the room that you're in or the
(07:41):
space that you're in, and just kind of let your
focus stop on different things, then you can kind of go, Okay,
I'm safe. And when you're breathing, if you make your
exhale a little bit longer than your inhale, it signals
your regulation. It signals your nervous system that okay, we're safe.
You know, there is no type, and it settles you
(08:03):
write down.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
I love that clarity is not something that you're born with.
It's something that you learn. So for anyone that's watching
this that is constantly in a photoor flight mode, what
would you say to or what tips would you give
that to? You know, calm down?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah, absolutely, Well those things I talked about, that body regulation,
but also understanding when you're comparing yourself to other people.
We're often comparing our inside to somebody else's outside. So
people can look really calm on the outside while they've
got it all going on on the inside. So it's
(08:40):
not a fair comparison, but understanding that what's going on
in your nervous system is ancient programming and look, it's
it's not something we want to get rid of because
it will keep you alive. So it's important that we
have it. But we just need to create that gap
(09:01):
so that we can allow that CEO to come back online.
So by having that pause between what we're feeling and
how we're reacting, gives us time for our brain to
kind of catch up with our body and what's going on.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
And Melinda, you're a mom of three, which I'm sure
is a bit of a handful. How has being calm
led you to become a better parent?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Oh, it's yeah, as you can imagine, having is a lot.
And I'm a single mother as well. Now my kids
are older. Now my eldest is an adult. I've got
two teenagers. But that comes with its own challenges, I'm
going to assure you. But I think what it's done
is it's given me a language to use with the
(09:52):
kids so that when I'm talking to them, I'm explaining
to them what's going on. And also it's given me
the ability to create that pause. I was talking about
so between their behavior and my reaction so that I'm
not necessarily reacting, and then if I do, I mean
I'm not perfect. You know, my kids get to see
(10:14):
the real may not necessarily just the one that wrote
the book. And so you know, sometimes it's about coming
back and repairing when you're not always showing up as
your best self, because it happens to all of us.
Being calm is not about being perfect. It's about understanding
what you need to do to be able to come
(10:35):
back to yourself so that you can react the way
you want to react, not the way your body is
forcing you to react. And I think one of the
most rewarding things is watching my kids use the language
of calm. So my daughter Delta now talks to her
friends about calm and explains the nervous system to them
(10:58):
and helps them to understand what's going on. And that's
one of the most rewarding things I've seen is watching
my children take this and use it out in the world.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I think that's amazing. I think it should be taught
that because I mean, if we were taught that as kids,
I feel like everyone would be so much more prepared
in the world. Right we'd be able to be calm
and actually, you know, act from a place of clarity
opposed to just fight or flight.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Right, Yeah, absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
And your book teachers calm as a reputable skill, not
a personality tree, So tell us about that. Yes.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
So, as I said, it's not about being calm all
the time. Your life's still going to happen. You know,
things go wrong all the time. It's not about you know,
becoming this white linen wearing, green smoothie sicking goddess. It's
about being a real person. So I'm not trying to
get you to create a morning routine or change your personality.
(11:56):
It's just about knowing what's going on in the moment.
So when things happen, because they will happen, you've got
the ability to create that gap, have that pause, get
your CEO back online, and react from a place of
clarity rather than reacting from a place of panic. And
(12:18):
it's like going to the gym. It's like building a muscle.
You won't get it right the first time. It's a
skill that we practice, and the more you practice, the
more you're giving your body signals that Okay, I'm safe
in this moment, I can do this, I can react
in the way I want to react, not in the
(12:39):
way I'm forced to react. And the more you do that,
the more it becomes almost second nature. And so before
you know it, you're just doing it. You're not really
thinking about it the way you have to when you
first start.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Absolutely, and one of three things that you do personally
and that you teach in the book that help you
not to react immediately, because I feel like, you know,
it's easier said than done. Most of us, you know,
constantly react, But how do you kind of hold back
and kind of go back to that ZL.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah. Absolutely, So one of the things I've got in
the book is some simple statements that you can make
that create that gap. So or even things like if
you're in a meeting and something happens and you feel
your body kind of raising, you can take a sip
of water. It's not about the water. It takes you,
(13:32):
you know, ten seconds or so to take that sip
of water, so it creates the gap. If you're sitting
at a desk, you can be thinking about, Okay, what's
going on with my feet on the floor? Can I
feel my feet on the floor. Now, you don't have
to say anything out loud. But what you're doing is
you're getting yourself back into your body, taking a deep breath.
(13:56):
Nobody's going to react if you just free before you speak.
So all these little things that aren't necessarily noticeable to
anyone else are things that you're doing to create that gap.
And it only needs to be a few seconds. So
we release a whole lot of chemicals when we feel
an emotion, and we just need to give our bodies
(14:19):
time for those those chemicals to dissipate and then the
CEO comes back online. So they're the simplest things that
I teach. But also things like let me think about
that for a minute. Is a really good statement that
you can make that you know, kind of comes out
You don't actually need to be thinking too much more
(14:41):
than getting those words out of your mouth. But again,
that creates that space or you know, I'm not sure
I can answer that right now. I need to give
it some thought. Can I come back to you later.
Statements like that can create that gap. There's there's a
few things that you can do like that that just
(15:04):
give you that space, and that's essentially what we're looking
for here.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
M hmm. I like that taking a breath, just taking
a moment right before you react, Just take a moment
to really think about what you're going to say as well.
I think so often people just say whatever's on their mind,
and it could be hurtful, or it could, you know,
cause conflict. But it's better just to take a second,
take a breather, and just react that right, not reacting
right away.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
And Malanda, how does our inner dialogue player part in Stainholm, Well.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Our inner dialogue is often baried looking for the tiger.
It's it's panic. This is everything's going wrong. People are
judging me. I'm going to lose my job. You know,
the world is ending. So understanding that that is our
(15:54):
body's natural reaction to trying to keep us safe. So
give yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. We
tend to think when that sort of thing happens that
there's something wrong with us. The main thing I want
people to take away from this book is there's nothing
(16:15):
wrong with you. This is how your brain works. It's
designed to do that because it's trying to keep you safe.
So once you understand that, you can kind of take
a little bit of a step back from it and
go okay. So this is just my body trying to
keep me safe. And if I let my body know
that I'm safe, It'll stand down and let the more recent,
(16:40):
modern part of my brain take over again, and I'll
have access to the thinking that I need in this moment.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I love that to give us some grease. I think
that is so needed raise. So often we're so hot
on ourselves and we think it's us, but we are
in our thoughts. We're just the observer of that, right,
and because of that, we have control all over them,
which I think is is really giving ourselves a grease
and not knowing we're not our thoughts right.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
And Melinda, I created my platform to inspire, to uplift
and to really showcase that anything is possible with determination
and passion. So for any of our viewers maybe going
through a difficult time, maybe is in fight or flight,
constantly stressed, or just not maybe seeing their dreams of
anifats what would you see to inspire uplift them.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So I think the main thing I want people to
take away is that you're not broken, Like this is
actually how our brains are designed to work. And if
you just create that little pause that gap. Then that
allows you to take that control of what you're you know,
(17:47):
what you're thinking and what you're doing. So you know,
just take that time, breathe out more, a little bit
longer than you breathe in, take a breath, have it
create that little gap, and then you'll come back online
and be able to have that thinking that you need
to move forward.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
And Melida, let's talk about some of the feedback you've
been getting from your readers. I've been seeing you've been
doing some book fightings. There's huge lineups, so this book
is really really doing well. So tell us about the
feedback from your viewer so far.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
So it's it's been. It's been really great. Pretty Much
everyone that I mentioned the book to goes, oh my goodness,
I need to read it because it's, as you said,
everybody's stressed, everybody's under pressure, all that kind of thing.
So it's been it's been really great feedback. And the
(18:40):
thing that people are telling me when they read the
book is that I kind of take the science of
you know, the neuroscience and explain it in a way
that everyone can understand, so that people understand what's going
on in their brain. So it's it's not about you know,
it's not like this big biology lesson or anything like that.
(19:03):
You know, by using concepts like you know, Barry, the
caveman and the CEO, I can explain it in a
way that everyone can understand. And it's really simple. But
it's it's letting them know what's going on in your
brain behind the scenes.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I love that. I love the way you break it down.
From now on, when I'm panicked, I'm gonna say, Okay, Barry,
you need to get out. You need to get out
of here, and the CEO needs to come in. I'm
going to remind myself about it. And I love the
book cover by the way it just looking at it
makes me calm. I actually keep it beside my bad
just you're calm because the colors are so calming and Melita.
For all of our viewers that I want to learn
(19:41):
more about your story and purchase your book, where can
they do so?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
So the best place to find me is on my website,
which is calmsaskill dot com. I also have a newsletter
on LinkedIn so it's called The Calm Advantage where I
share some tips and tricks about real life calm. So
either place. But yeah, the website comisoskill dot com and
(20:04):
I'm happy to connect with anyone amazing.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
We're going to link that information below so where viewers
can purchase your book. We Linda, thank you so much
for being on the show today. Congratulations on this amazing book,
and I know we're going to be seeing so much
more of you.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Thank you so much, it's been lovely.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
The Dear Royshaw is available on Roku, Amazon, Fire Tv, iHeartRadio,
and Apple Podcasts.
This week on the show, we have Australian writer Melinda
Charlesworth who's the author of Calm is a Skill. Hello
and welcome. Thank you so much for watching. This shows
all about giving you insights and showcasing brands that help
you to live your best life and give you confidence.
As always, I want to kick out your morning with
some motivational advice to help you to feel inspired and
energize to start your day today. I want to talk
(00:22):
about understanding that you are always one decision away from
living your dream life. The reality is a single choice
has the power to completely reshape your entire future. Just
like a falling domino, a single choice can set off
a powerful chain reaction that transforms your future. One phone call,
one conversation, or one trip is often all it takes
(00:45):
to spark unstoppable momentum. The next time you find yourself
unhappy in your circumstances, remind yourself of the possibility that
you could be one decision away from turning it all
around and creating a fresh new momentum and future. I
have that convo, applied for that job, and do that
one thing that scares and excites you at the same time.
(01:05):
Because you never know what exciting possibilities await you. As
Mela Robin quote, you are one decision away from a
completely different life. Next up on the show, we have
Australian writer Melinda charles Worth. Melinda is the author of
Calm is a Skill, offering readers practical advice on how
to connect with your feelings and regulate your nervous system
for more clarity and peace in your life. Melinda, thank
(01:28):
you so much for being on the show today. How
are you doing.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'm doing great, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Thank you for being here. We have a lot to
talk about, including your new book, Calm Is a Skill.
But before we get into that, let's talk about your background.
I know you've had over fifteen careers, so how do
you think your experience has led you here today and
teaching people how to stay calm and have more clarity. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Well, I often say I haven't had so much as
a career path as a career adventure.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I've done a lot of different things. But one of
the things that I noticed in all my careers is
that when people are under pressure, they don't perform as well.
And I have a background in systems and that enabled
me to kind of see the patterns of what was
going on. And I've been teaching management and leadership for
over thirty years, and I noticed that when people are
(02:19):
under pressure, they have less access to what they need
to stay calm and enable that higher order thinking. And
so once I kind of recognized that there was a
pattern there, I was able to start reverse engineering it
and deconstructing it and figuring out what was going on
for people. And that led me to writing the book
(02:41):
Very nice.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
And whether it's coaching women or building businesses, pressure and
performance is at the forefront. So have you always been
good at dealing with stress or is it something that
you learned along the way.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Definitely not. So it's it's something that I realized that
if you don't have access to that higher order thinking,
then you know, nothing's going to work. And look, I
used to, you know, run on cortisol and guilt, and
(03:15):
you know, I realized that something had to give, and
so it was about looking at ways that you can
access that thinking and stop and listen to your body
and understand what's going on so that you can perform
better under pressure.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I feel like so many people can relate. I mean,
half the world is stressed. Right, they're just writing unquotethyle
and really not regulating their emotions. So I think this
book is much needed. And fast forward, let's talk about
your bogcom is a skill. You talk about regulating your
nervous system. So how does your nervous system play a
part in regulating our emotions and giving us clarity?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You will in the book. I frame it with two characters.
So basically, we've got the caveman and we've got the CEO.
So the caveman is your amygdala, it's your olympic system.
It's the ancient part of your brain. And I like
to call the caveman Barry. So Barry's there. His one
job is to keep you alive. He's there to protect you,
(04:20):
and he's always looking for tigers. The problem is he's
running really old software and so he can't tell the
difference between an actual tiger and an email from your boss.
So's he's really fast and he's important, but he overreacts sometimes. Now,
(04:40):
your CEO is your prefrontal cortex, so it's the thinking, rationalizing,
communicating part of your brain. And when Barry is chasing tigers,
you have less access to your CEO. Part of your brain.
And so the premise of book is essentially enabling you
(05:02):
to regulate your body in real time so that you
can let Barry know that you're safe, so that your
CEO comes back online and you're able to access that
higher order thinking that we need in order to perform.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
By the way, I love all the images in the book.
You have all these really nice images and it breaks
down the information so nicely. So I really love it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
And we live in such a hustle culture, like where
everybody is constantly hustling. How do we drown out the
I don't noise and kind of listen to our own voice?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah, So it's a lot of it is that when
Barry wakes up and thinks that there's a tiger on
the horizon, everything becomes urgent, Which I mean, think about it.
If you were being chased by a tiger, that's exactly
what you want. You want. You know, you've focused a
narrow you're breathing too beach so that you're ready to run,
(06:01):
and all those sorts of things. What we need to
do is create that gap so that we can just
settle down a little bit and be able to let
our body know that we're safe and so that we
can start to think and and you know, create that space. So,
(06:21):
you know, there's easy ways that we can do that
by using our body and getting out of your head.
So we get all up in our head and we
need to you know, let our body know that we're safe.
Because state comes before story, so our body goes into
a state of panic before and you know, and then
(06:43):
our brain creates a story to kind of justify that.
So what we need to do is let our body
know that we're safe, and there's several ways that we
can do that.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Absolutely. You know, sometimes I experience this a lot when
I go to really high profile events or red corvids.
I think my body goes into panic where it's telling
me like danger, danger, And as soon as I tell
myself I'm safe and that you know, I'm in a
siefe environment all as well, all of a sudden, I
calm down and I have clarity. It's really you know,
it's just it's really like telling yourself, I'm okay, everything's fine,
(07:16):
and you can kind of just slowly get back to reality.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
You know, yeah, absolutely, absolutely, even as simple as you know,
feeling your feet on the ground. Yeah, thinking about okay,
my feet are on the ground, looking around the room.
You focus narrows when you're panicking because you're looking for
the tiger. So if you widen your field of view
and look around the room that you're in or the
(07:41):
space that you're in, and just kind of let your
focus stop on different things, then you can kind of go, Okay,
I'm safe. And when you're breathing, if you make your
exhale a little bit longer than your inhale, it signals
your regulation. It signals your nervous system that okay, we're safe.
You know, there is no type, and it settles you
(08:03):
write down.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
I love that clarity is not something that you're born with.
It's something that you learn. So for anyone that's watching
this that is constantly in a photoor flight mode, what
would you say to or what tips would you give
that to? You know, calm down?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah, absolutely, Well those things I talked about, that body regulation,
but also understanding when you're comparing yourself to other people.
We're often comparing our inside to somebody else's outside. So
people can look really calm on the outside while they've
got it all going on on the inside. So it's
(08:40):
not a fair comparison, but understanding that what's going on
in your nervous system is ancient programming and look, it's
it's not something we want to get rid of because
it will keep you alive. So it's important that we
have it. But we just need to create that gap
(09:01):
so that we can allow that CEO to come back online.
So by having that pause between what we're feeling and
how we're reacting, gives us time for our brain to
kind of catch up with our body and what's going on.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
And Melinda, you're a mom of three, which I'm sure
is a bit of a handful. How has being calm
led you to become a better parent?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Oh, it's yeah, as you can imagine, having is a lot.
And I'm a single mother as well. Now my kids
are older. Now my eldest is an adult. I've got
two teenagers. But that comes with its own challenges, I'm
going to assure you. But I think what it's done
is it's given me a language to use with the
(09:52):
kids so that when I'm talking to them, I'm explaining
to them what's going on. And also it's given me
the ability to create that pause. I was talking about
so between their behavior and my reaction so that I'm
not necessarily reacting, and then if I do, I mean
I'm not perfect. You know, my kids get to see
(10:14):
the real may not necessarily just the one that wrote
the book. And so you know, sometimes it's about coming
back and repairing when you're not always showing up as
your best self, because it happens to all of us.
Being calm is not about being perfect. It's about understanding
what you need to do to be able to come
(10:35):
back to yourself so that you can react the way
you want to react, not the way your body is
forcing you to react. And I think one of the
most rewarding things is watching my kids use the language
of calm. So my daughter Delta now talks to her
friends about calm and explains the nervous system to them
(10:58):
and helps them to understand what's going on. And that's
one of the most rewarding things I've seen is watching
my children take this and use it out in the world.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I think that's amazing. I think it should be taught
that because I mean, if we were taught that as kids,
I feel like everyone would be so much more prepared
in the world. Right we'd be able to be calm
and actually, you know, act from a place of clarity
opposed to just fight or flight.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Right, Yeah, absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
And your book teachers calm as a reputable skill, not
a personality tree, So tell us about that. Yes.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
So, as I said, it's not about being calm all
the time. Your life's still going to happen. You know,
things go wrong all the time. It's not about you know,
becoming this white linen wearing, green smoothie sicking goddess. It's
about being a real person. So I'm not trying to
get you to create a morning routine or change your personality.
(11:56):
It's just about knowing what's going on in the moment.
So when things happen, because they will happen, you've got
the ability to create that gap, have that pause, get
your CEO back online, and react from a place of
clarity rather than reacting from a place of panic. And
(12:18):
it's like going to the gym. It's like building a muscle.
You won't get it right the first time. It's a
skill that we practice, and the more you practice, the
more you're giving your body signals that Okay, I'm safe
in this moment, I can do this, I can react
in the way I want to react, not in the
(12:39):
way I'm forced to react. And the more you do that,
the more it becomes almost second nature. And so before
you know it, you're just doing it. You're not really
thinking about it the way you have to when you
first start.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Absolutely, and one of three things that you do personally
and that you teach in the book that help you
not to react immediately, because I feel like, you know,
it's easier said than done. Most of us, you know,
constantly react, But how do you kind of hold back
and kind of go back to that ZL.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah. Absolutely, So one of the things I've got in
the book is some simple statements that you can make
that create that gap. So or even things like if
you're in a meeting and something happens and you feel
your body kind of raising, you can take a sip
of water. It's not about the water. It takes you,
(13:32):
you know, ten seconds or so to take that sip
of water, so it creates the gap. If you're sitting
at a desk, you can be thinking about, Okay, what's
going on with my feet on the floor? Can I
feel my feet on the floor. Now, you don't have
to say anything out loud. But what you're doing is
you're getting yourself back into your body, taking a deep breath.
(13:56):
Nobody's going to react if you just free before you speak.
So all these little things that aren't necessarily noticeable to
anyone else are things that you're doing to create that gap.
And it only needs to be a few seconds. So
we release a whole lot of chemicals when we feel
an emotion, and we just need to give our bodies
(14:19):
time for those those chemicals to dissipate and then the
CEO comes back online. So they're the simplest things that
I teach. But also things like let me think about
that for a minute. Is a really good statement that
you can make that you know, kind of comes out
You don't actually need to be thinking too much more
(14:41):
than getting those words out of your mouth. But again,
that creates that space or you know, I'm not sure
I can answer that right now. I need to give
it some thought. Can I come back to you later.
Statements like that can create that gap. There's there's a
few things that you can do like that that just
(15:04):
give you that space, and that's essentially what we're looking
for here.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
M hmm. I like that taking a breath, just taking
a moment right before you react, Just take a moment
to really think about what you're going to say as well.
I think so often people just say whatever's on their mind,
and it could be hurtful, or it could, you know,
cause conflict. But it's better just to take a second,
take a breather, and just react that right, not reacting
right away.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
And Malanda, how does our inner dialogue player part in Stainholm, Well.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Our inner dialogue is often baried looking for the tiger.
It's it's panic. This is everything's going wrong. People are
judging me. I'm going to lose my job. You know,
the world is ending. So understanding that that is our
(15:54):
body's natural reaction to trying to keep us safe. So
give yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. We
tend to think when that sort of thing happens that
there's something wrong with us. The main thing I want
people to take away from this book is there's nothing
(16:15):
wrong with you. This is how your brain works. It's
designed to do that because it's trying to keep you safe.
So once you understand that, you can kind of take
a little bit of a step back from it and
go okay. So this is just my body trying to
keep me safe. And if I let my body know
that I'm safe, It'll stand down and let the more recent,
(16:40):
modern part of my brain take over again, and I'll
have access to the thinking that I need in this moment.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I love that to give us some grease. I think
that is so needed raise. So often we're so hot
on ourselves and we think it's us, but we are
in our thoughts. We're just the observer of that, right,
and because of that, we have control all over them,
which I think is is really giving ourselves a grease
and not knowing we're not our thoughts right.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
And Melinda, I created my platform to inspire, to uplift
and to really showcase that anything is possible with determination
and passion. So for any of our viewers maybe going
through a difficult time, maybe is in fight or flight,
constantly stressed, or just not maybe seeing their dreams of
anifats what would you see to inspire uplift them.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So I think the main thing I want people to
take away is that you're not broken, Like this is
actually how our brains are designed to work. And if
you just create that little pause that gap. Then that
allows you to take that control of what you're you know,
(17:47):
what you're thinking and what you're doing. So you know,
just take that time, breathe out more, a little bit
longer than you breathe in, take a breath, have it
create that little gap, and then you'll come back online
and be able to have that thinking that you need
to move forward.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
And Melida, let's talk about some of the feedback you've
been getting from your readers. I've been seeing you've been
doing some book fightings. There's huge lineups, so this book
is really really doing well. So tell us about the
feedback from your viewer so far.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
So it's it's been. It's been really great. Pretty Much
everyone that I mentioned the book to goes, oh my goodness,
I need to read it because it's, as you said,
everybody's stressed, everybody's under pressure, all that kind of thing.
So it's been it's been really great feedback. And the
(18:40):
thing that people are telling me when they read the
book is that I kind of take the science of
you know, the neuroscience and explain it in a way
that everyone can understand, so that people understand what's going
on in their brain. So it's it's not about you know,
it's not like this big biology lesson or anything like that.
(19:03):
You know, by using concepts like you know, Barry, the
caveman and the CEO, I can explain it in a
way that everyone can understand. And it's really simple. But
it's it's letting them know what's going on in your
brain behind the scenes.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I love that. I love the way you break it down.
From now on, when I'm panicked, I'm gonna say, Okay, Barry,
you need to get out. You need to get out
of here, and the CEO needs to come in. I'm
going to remind myself about it. And I love the
book cover by the way it just looking at it
makes me calm. I actually keep it beside my bad
just you're calm because the colors are so calming and Melita.
For all of our viewers that I want to learn
(19:41):
more about your story and purchase your book, where can
they do so?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
So the best place to find me is on my website,
which is calmsaskill dot com. I also have a newsletter
on LinkedIn so it's called The Calm Advantage where I
share some tips and tricks about real life calm. So
either place. But yeah, the website comisoskill dot com and
(20:04):
I'm happy to connect with anyone amazing.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
We're going to link that information below so where viewers
can purchase your book. We Linda, thank you so much
for being on the show today. Congratulations on this amazing book,
and I know we're going to be seeing so much
more of you.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Thank you so much, it's been lovely.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
The Dear Royshaw is available on Roku, Amazon, Fire Tv, iHeartRadio,
and Apple Podcasts.
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