May 20, 2026 • 21 mins
Our host Darriel Roy interviews Dating & Relationship expert Stephan Labossiere also known as Stephan Speaks. With over one million youtube subscribers and millions of followers online, Stephan is on a mission to help people make their relationships happier and more fulfilling.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome. Thank you so much for watching this
shows all about giving you insights and jocasing brands that
help you to live your best life and give you confidence.
As always, I want to kick out your morning with
some motivation advice to help you to feel inspired and
energize to start your day today. I want to talk
about the importance of raising your standards and never settling
for less. The reality is most people constantly settle for
(00:23):
less than they deserve, and then they wonder why they
feel unhappy. This can look like aiming low in relationships
and accepting the bare minimum, settling for a job that
you hate, or even having a belief that good things
happen to other people but not for you. The truth is,
you only have one life to live, so why not
set the bar high and raise your standards in every
(00:43):
area of your life you deserve to live your most
authentic and happiest life. Make your mission today to ditch
low standards and replace it with the belief that nothing
is too big for you to have or achieve. After all,
you're worth it. As the saying goes, ask for more.
The universe isn't on a budget. Next upon the show,
(01:04):
we have dating a relationship experts, Sefan Love Boisier, also
known as Defahn, speaks with over one million YouTube subscribers
and millions of followers online. Sefon is on a mission
to help people make the relationships happier and more fulfilling. Sefon,
thank you so much for being on the show today.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Thank you for having me. I'm doing very well well.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Thank you for being here. I was just telling you
that I'm a big fan of your work. You have
millions of subscribers and millions of followers that follow your
relationship advice. So when did you decide you wanted to
become a relationship coach and help people have more fulfilling relationships.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Well, to be honest with you, I didn't really know
this is what I was becoming. It kind of just
started with It was all through a spiritual journey and
God leading me to write my first initial book, and
from there I just kept praying and asking God, Okay,
what do you want me to do next? And so
next it was a blog, then it was become certified
(01:58):
as a coach. Then it would start do speaking and
all these things are for like go against my personality,
like I'm very introverted. I hated writing papers in school,
so the idea of writing books was not something that
I would ever choose on my own to do, you know,
(02:18):
just even just being in the limelight to a certain extent.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I'm a very private individual, so all of this goes
against my nature. But it's what God led me to do,
so I did it.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Wow, I would never think you're introverted.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
That's very interesting to hear.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I would never have thought that. But yeah, sometimes you know,
as you said, what God led you to do, which
I think you're doing amazing work with social media, people
tend to go for more superficial traits. You know, we
see someone online, we think they're good looking, and we
think we like them. So how do you help your
clients look past the physical?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Well, you know, I don't really try to get people
to look past the physical. More so just be aware
of the things beyond the physical. So to me, it's like, listen.
The reality is that attraction plays a huge role in
romantic relationships. That's not going to change, and I think
ignoring that can cause even bigger problems. However, relying too
(03:16):
heavily on attraction is the mistake A lot of people
make and not being mindful of things like is there
a true connection? How do I can I be myself
around them? You know, do we have shared values? All
we on the same page? All these different things we
have to still be mindful of. So it's just learning
or understanding to not be blinded by the attraction or
(03:38):
the things that are on the surface. Because for some
people you may be blinded by their money. For someone else,
you might be blinded by their status.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You might be blinded by a lot of different things.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
And you just have to make sure that you don't
make your decisions solely based off of those things.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Absolutely, you know, looks is great, but you know you
also have to spend time with them long term that
they're going to be someone long term and right, So
if they don't have the personality, it's gonna be tough. Right.
You talk a lot about waiting for the man that
God has in store for you. What are some traits
that women can look for that make a good husband.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Well, so you know, I have the book The Man
God Has for You, And since we just talked about attraction,
I do want to bring it back up because that's
one of the things I mentioned in the book is
because a lot of people, when they do tie God
to their relationship journey sometimes spends more specifically for women,
they I think they feel like they have to sacrifice
(04:33):
the level of attraction and that it won't even be
there at all. Just about if he's a good guy,
will he provide all these different things, And once upon
a time, that's really how a lot of relationships came about.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
They ignored the attraction part.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
But I always speak about how again, attraction is that
ingredient that takes us from platonic to romantic. So if
you remove it or it's not there to begin with,
your ability to have a healthy long term relationship is
severely compromised. So I do think that that's part of
the things you have to look for. I also believe
that when it's the man God has for you, it's
(05:09):
someone who will help you grow closer to God, not
further away from God.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
So a lot of people aren't realizing.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
And again it's not to say the person is automatically
this perfect believer that does everything right, and no, you know,
we all have our shortcomings, we all have our struggles.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
But there is a difference between.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Someone who is on the same page as you when
it comes to your belief and your faith versus someone
who's in a completely different direction and they're going against you.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Growing closer to God.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
In little sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in very direct ways.
And so if that's the case, and that should be
a huge sign this is not because God's not going
to send you someone who's gonna pull you away from him. Yeah,
so it's like that's not to be mindful of. But
I also think a big one that we mentioned it
earlier is you can be yourself. So many people meet
(06:01):
an individual and they like them, so they immediately try
to put on a performance for that person and they
try to tap into everything that that person may like,
but they're not fully aware of does this really align
with who I am?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Can I sustain this right? And am I gonna be
happy in this.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Character I have to play, so to speak, So a
person who's truly for you, that there's a genuine connection,
that is someone that God has for you.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
You can be yourself now.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Of course, that doesn't mean there aren't areas for us
to grow and become better individuals, but there are core
things that are true to who we are and how
we're wired and that person should be someone that can
fully embrace that and love that partner at least accept it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I was gonna say love, but.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Some things we're not gonna love about our partner, but
it can still flow well together.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
That brings me to your latest book, The Man God
Has in Store for You. Tell us about the book
and what you talk talk about and what people can
look for to determine whether someone's going to be a
good life partner.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
So yeah, so that book was I think my third
or fourth book I wrote. I think it was the
third book, and it was just something where I felt
like people needed more some assistance or women as far
as being able to recognize that person who is best
for them. I think a lot of people aren't being
honest with themselves about their selection process not being the
(07:31):
best right. Yeah, And a lot of that is due
to a lot of outside noise and influences on what
we think we should be looking for or what we
should be accepting of, and all these different things or
pressure from family and friends because they think, Yo, you're
getting older, you should be married, you need to.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Have kids, whatever, I want some grandkids.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
All these different things that get known that women all
the time, and that can really throw off their radar
or they're ability to select properly. Someone can have a
success relationship with so and of course adding the God
aspect because I'm a firm believer that even those who
believe in God don't consult God enough when it comes
to their relationships. And so this book is to also
(08:14):
remind people to get back in tune with their spirit,
get back in tune with God, and get his guidance.
Because I'm just a vessel passing a message. I Am
not like the final say so, and I don't want
anyone to do things.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
That's because Stefan said it.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I'm giving you something to go back to God with
and talk to God about and see what's truly best
for you. And again, you know, when it comes to trades,
we talked about some of the traits like attraction, being
able to be yourself, but but also being able to communicate.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
You know, that's a huge, huge deal in relationships that.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I think a lot of women overlook because they develop
the mentality that pretty much all men are horrible with communications.
So when we come across this guy who's not that great,
they just think it's par for the course. Rather than no,
it just means that maybe all of those guys weren't
for you.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Right.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
You can't build a success relationship without proper communication. And again,
it doesn't mean he's gonna be perfect. Nobody's perfect. But
is he willing to come to the table and work
with you and learn and understand how to create harmony
in that relationship with you and with communication.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
M I'm curious, you know, this is my personal question.
How important is money in a relationship? Do you think
guys should pay or do you think what do you
think about that? I'm curious and stuff like that, because
I feel like it's so divided.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah, so okay, I'm gonna give you first my personal
belief and then what I tell to others. So for me,
I'm all about a man paid. I'm gonna pay. I
don't really, I don't know if a woman that's had
to pay for anything dealing with me ever, and if
she had it because she fought for it, And I
was like, all right, fine, just go ahead.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
But I'm not looking for a woman to pay for anything.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I think that's the best way to go for a
lot of different reasons. However, I understand that we're in
a different world, and different people have different standards or
what they're willing to accept or how they want to
build their relationship. I think it really depends on the
individual and what they're trying to set up. So basically,
it's like, Okay, you have some guys out there who
(10:29):
believe in fifty to fifty in general, right, they want
a fifty fifty relationship and all these things. Well, you
know what, for that guy that, I think it makes
perfect sense to start that way from day one, right,
or establish that understanding of how we're going to do things,
because this is how we're going to do things if
we stay together in a long term relationship. If you're
a man who again believes in being a provider, then
(10:53):
established that early on. Also understand what comes along with
those things. Same thing on the woman's side. If you're
a woman who says, well, no, I want fifty D
because there are some women who say that, right, Okay, cool,
established that early, but everyone has to understand there's a
trade off that comes with everything, all right, So you
(11:15):
want fifty to fifty, you need to be mindful of
what comes along with that fifty to fifty. So, for example,
if you're a man, and you're a man who really
believes in being the leader in the relationship and having
a final say so on all these things, Well, guess what,
it's gonna be hard to do.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
That if you're going fifty to fifty.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Okay, the woman who's doing fifty, she's like, ah, I
need my poles say so, And I'm not just gonna
take your leadership. You gotta accept that. You can't be
mad at that, but then push for fifty to fifty.
You know, various different things. So I think it really
just depends on the individual, and I think everyone needs
(11:54):
to stop trying to convince other people to do it
their way. It's like, Okay, if I meet a woman,
I believe in the man paying for everything. So if
I meet a woman who's like, well, I'm not cool
with that. I want fifty to fifty, all right, Cool,
you go your way.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I go mind. We're just not a match.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I'm not gonna sit here and try to convince you
why you should do it my way or shame you
for wanting fifty to fifty. And I think it should
be the same in reverse. If a woman meets a
man who wants fifty to fifty and you're a woman
who doesn't believe in that. All right, then we're just
not for each other. Yeah, there's no need to get
into these back and forth arguments and all these things.
Let people live or create the life that they feel is.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Best for them.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Absolutely, absolutely, And you know we always hear this statement
saying the good ones are taken. Do you think it's
harder finding love in your late twenties, late thirties and
even your forties.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
So, okay, it's not harder to find love, it's harder
to accept and embrace it.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
What happens is when people are younger and they come
across someone that they love and they haven't been hurt yet,
they haven't been through the ringer yet, they're so much
more willing to embrace it and jump headfirst into the pool. Right,
And even when it's not true love, it's just if
they even think, if it's infatuation, whatever, they'll go for it.
(13:22):
As we get older and we've had more disappointments and
more hurtful situations things of that nature, now we become
more skeptical.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Now, we become more'scared. So when you meet someone in.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Your thirties and forties and especially if you have not
healed from those things in the past, which most people
have not. Now people are running from the right person,
they're running from good situations. They're getting in their own head,
convincing themselves something has.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
To be wrong. They're thinking it's too good to be true.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
This wasn't the way we thought when we first started
on the journey of love in our younger years. Okay,
we were just like very tale mindset. But now it's like, oh, nah, no,
this can't be it, And so a lot of people
self sabotage and and.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Mess it up.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
But I wouldn't say it's harder, because the reality is this,
we don't control when love comes. Yeah, all right, yes,
we can maybe increase the odds or decrease them, but
we don't fully control it. What we control is how
if we're ready for it when it comes, how we
embrace it, how we move forward with it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
And that's the part where a lot of people stumble.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
We actually had a question from one of our viewers,
and she wanted to know, what did you if a
man promises you things in a relationship that are important
to you but doesn't keep his promises. What should she do?
Speaker 3 (14:43):
My initial response was get rid of him. I mean,
I always think it's great to address things before we
jump to any final conclusions. So if I'm advising her,
I would tell okay, listen, bring those things to him,
if not verbally through a letter, because some people aren't
(15:05):
the greatest communicators communicators verbally and sometimes the other person
is more receptive when we write it down so they
can read it and process it. But either way, bring
it to his attention and ask him, hey, listen, you
said we would you know, you would do such and such.
This has not come about. What's going on? You know,
and see if it's something that can be corrected or
(15:27):
there's a reasonable explanation.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
If not, then that means move forward. Let them go.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
If they say, well no, no, no, and if you want
to give them another two weeks thirty days to start
showing they're going to show progress and start doing okay, cool,
but it has to be addressed and if it can't
be corrected, you have to move on.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Stefan, you posted a quote that said it's better to
wait than marry. Wrong. So with societal pressures, you know,
so some of us, as we get older, we get
pressured into getting married. So how do we handle the
pressures of getting married all the while waiting for the
right person to come.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
It starts with really knowing yourself and understanding what you need,
what makes you happy, what you can handle and sustain.
You have to break free from people's opinions of you
and societal standards, Like there's a lot of people. One
thing you're noticing now is a lot more people not
having kids. Yeah, and part of that is because a
(16:22):
lot more people are breaking free from how the world
says you should be and focusing on well, no, what
do they really want, what's really best for them?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Right? And for a lot of people they realize not
they're not a kid person, okay, and there's nothing wrong
with them right.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
So it's the same thing with relationships and marriages, like, listen,
who are you doing this for? Are you doing this
for other people or for you? You're doing this for
the world or for you? And you have to stand
strong and common. Now. I know that's easier said than done,
especially when you're dealing with a family that might be
pressuring you, or if you're surrounded by friends who are
all married.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
And things of that nature.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
But it still boils down to you really just holding
strong to what's best for you, and you have to understand.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Like, one of the things I come.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Across is you'll have women say, oh, well, all my
friends and family members are married, and I'll say, okay, well,
all those women in your family, I want you to
look at their husbands. Would you have married their husbands yourself?
They're like no, I'm like, exactly you want when not
say anyone? The vast majority of people, if not maybe
(17:30):
anyone can get married if you start compromising on some
things and some standards and things of that nature. So
it's not like it's impossible. And sometimes other people are
accomplishing it because that's what they did, you know, And
a lot of people do marry wrong, right, But that's
then you end up seeing why it's not worth it,
(17:51):
because it's like, Okay, you marry wrong. You're twenty seven,
you feel like you're getting older, or you're thirty two,
and you say, all right, let me just pull the
trigger on this.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Get married.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
You're married for the next ten years to someone you're
not happy with. So you have to sustain a ten
year unhappy marriage only to probably end up divorced.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Then at age forty two. Yeah, now, back on the
same thing.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
It's like, it's not worth it to force the issue
if you find the right person.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Absolutely, I would love to see more marriages.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I do believe in the power of marriage, but I
do not want people to force marriages because I also
see the power of bad marriages and what they do
to individuals and the kids and society and all these
different things. So to me, you got to understand it's
not worth it in the long run.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Absolutely. You know, you see that so often of people
settling for a relationship just because of sivital pressures, but
and then they end up getting divorced. Right, So it's
just as you said, it's better to just wait and
find the right person then just subtle right. So, and
you know, you know, Sepon, I created my platform to inspire,
to uplift and to really show case that anything is
(19:01):
possible for anyone out there that is maybe tired of
waiting for the right person to come, or maybe it's
just not seeing their dreams manifest. But would you say
to inspire and up.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
With them, trust the process. Well, one get into the process.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
So you know, again, I'm a firm believer in talking
to God, praying and understand the path that you need
to be on, but trust that everything comes in time. Right,
focus on how can you enjoy your life as you are?
You know, I always say you don't have to be
saying you don't have to be happy that you are single,
but you have to.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You should learn how to be happy while you're single.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Okay, So you got to tap into you and enjoying
yourself and growing and learning and all these different things.
And in that natural flow of life, more blessings, including
a relationship, will come, you know, But just keep going,
keep pushing. Don't get caught up in comparing with other
people and social media, where social me to so fill with.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Lies and fake relationships. You can't get caught up in that.
Just focus on doing what's truly best for you.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I think that's great advice. We're gonna link all your
information below so our viewers can get coached by you.
Join your programs, so fund What else are you currently
working on?
Speaker 3 (20:17):
By the way, so I have a book hopefully we'll
be out this year. How to know if a man
really loves you and got a couple more than I'm
gonna work on. I don't have the I'm not sure
which ones I'm gonna do yet, but I plan to
release like three books at once, as well as trying
to put together another fall tour. I didn't get to
tour last year. We took a year off, but this
(20:39):
year we're going to be back.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
On the road.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Amazing. Well, congratulations on all your success. You are definitely
helping people become better partners and yeah, keep it up.
I'm gonna be at your tour for sure.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Thanks for making my pleasure.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
The Dear Roussio is available on Roku, Amazon forre TD,
iHeart Radio, and Apple Podcasts.
Hello and welcome. Thank you so much for watching this
shows all about giving you insights and jocasing brands that
help you to live your best life and give you confidence.
As always, I want to kick out your morning with
some motivation advice to help you to feel inspired and
energize to start your day today. I want to talk
about the importance of raising your standards and never settling
for less. The reality is most people constantly settle for
(00:23):
less than they deserve, and then they wonder why they
feel unhappy. This can look like aiming low in relationships
and accepting the bare minimum, settling for a job that
you hate, or even having a belief that good things
happen to other people but not for you. The truth is,
you only have one life to live, so why not
set the bar high and raise your standards in every
(00:43):
area of your life you deserve to live your most
authentic and happiest life. Make your mission today to ditch
low standards and replace it with the belief that nothing
is too big for you to have or achieve. After all,
you're worth it. As the saying goes, ask for more.
The universe isn't on a budget. Next upon the show,
(01:04):
we have dating a relationship experts, Sefan Love Boisier, also
known as Defahn, speaks with over one million YouTube subscribers
and millions of followers online. Sefon is on a mission
to help people make the relationships happier and more fulfilling. Sefon,
thank you so much for being on the show today.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Thank you for having me. I'm doing very well well.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Thank you for being here. I was just telling you
that I'm a big fan of your work. You have
millions of subscribers and millions of followers that follow your
relationship advice. So when did you decide you wanted to
become a relationship coach and help people have more fulfilling relationships.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Well, to be honest with you, I didn't really know
this is what I was becoming. It kind of just
started with It was all through a spiritual journey and
God leading me to write my first initial book, and
from there I just kept praying and asking God, Okay,
what do you want me to do next? And so
next it was a blog, then it was become certified
(01:58):
as a coach. Then it would start do speaking and
all these things are for like go against my personality,
like I'm very introverted. I hated writing papers in school,
so the idea of writing books was not something that
I would ever choose on my own to do, you know,
(02:18):
just even just being in the limelight to a certain extent.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I'm a very private individual, so all of this goes
against my nature. But it's what God led me to do,
so I did it.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Wow, I would never think you're introverted.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
That's very interesting to hear.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I would never have thought that. But yeah, sometimes you know,
as you said, what God led you to do, which
I think you're doing amazing work with social media, people
tend to go for more superficial traits. You know, we
see someone online, we think they're good looking, and we
think we like them. So how do you help your
clients look past the physical?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Well, you know, I don't really try to get people
to look past the physical. More so just be aware
of the things beyond the physical. So to me, it's like, listen.
The reality is that attraction plays a huge role in
romantic relationships. That's not going to change, and I think
ignoring that can cause even bigger problems. However, relying too
(03:16):
heavily on attraction is the mistake A lot of people
make and not being mindful of things like is there
a true connection? How do I can I be myself
around them? You know, do we have shared values? All
we on the same page? All these different things we
have to still be mindful of. So it's just learning
or understanding to not be blinded by the attraction or
(03:38):
the things that are on the surface. Because for some
people you may be blinded by their money. For someone else,
you might be blinded by their status.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You might be blinded by a lot of different things.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
And you just have to make sure that you don't
make your decisions solely based off of those things.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Absolutely, you know, looks is great, but you know you
also have to spend time with them long term that
they're going to be someone long term and right, So
if they don't have the personality, it's gonna be tough. Right.
You talk a lot about waiting for the man that
God has in store for you. What are some traits
that women can look for that make a good husband.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Well, so you know, I have the book The Man
God Has for You, And since we just talked about attraction,
I do want to bring it back up because that's
one of the things I mentioned in the book is
because a lot of people, when they do tie God
to their relationship journey sometimes spends more specifically for women,
they I think they feel like they have to sacrifice
(04:33):
the level of attraction and that it won't even be
there at all. Just about if he's a good guy,
will he provide all these different things, And once upon
a time, that's really how a lot of relationships came about.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
They ignored the attraction part.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
But I always speak about how again, attraction is that
ingredient that takes us from platonic to romantic. So if
you remove it or it's not there to begin with,
your ability to have a healthy long term relationship is
severely compromised. So I do think that that's part of
the things you have to look for. I also believe
that when it's the man God has for you, it's
(05:09):
someone who will help you grow closer to God, not
further away from God.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
So a lot of people aren't realizing.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
And again it's not to say the person is automatically
this perfect believer that does everything right, and no, you know,
we all have our shortcomings, we all have our struggles.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
But there is a difference between.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Someone who is on the same page as you when
it comes to your belief and your faith versus someone
who's in a completely different direction and they're going against you.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Growing closer to God.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
In little sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in very direct ways.
And so if that's the case, and that should be
a huge sign this is not because God's not going
to send you someone who's gonna pull you away from him. Yeah,
so it's like that's not to be mindful of. But
I also think a big one that we mentioned it
earlier is you can be yourself. So many people meet
(06:01):
an individual and they like them, so they immediately try
to put on a performance for that person and they
try to tap into everything that that person may like,
but they're not fully aware of does this really align
with who I am?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Can I sustain this right? And am I gonna be
happy in this.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
Character I have to play, so to speak, So a
person who's truly for you, that there's a genuine connection,
that is someone that God has for you.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
You can be yourself now.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Of course, that doesn't mean there aren't areas for us
to grow and become better individuals, but there are core
things that are true to who we are and how
we're wired and that person should be someone that can
fully embrace that and love that partner at least accept it.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I was gonna say love, but.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Some things we're not gonna love about our partner, but
it can still flow well together.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
That brings me to your latest book, The Man God
Has in Store for You. Tell us about the book
and what you talk talk about and what people can
look for to determine whether someone's going to be a
good life partner.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
So yeah, so that book was I think my third
or fourth book I wrote. I think it was the
third book, and it was just something where I felt
like people needed more some assistance or women as far
as being able to recognize that person who is best
for them. I think a lot of people aren't being
honest with themselves about their selection process not being the
(07:31):
best right. Yeah, And a lot of that is due
to a lot of outside noise and influences on what
we think we should be looking for or what we
should be accepting of, and all these different things or
pressure from family and friends because they think, Yo, you're
getting older, you should be married, you need to.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Have kids, whatever, I want some grandkids.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
All these different things that get known that women all
the time, and that can really throw off their radar
or they're ability to select properly. Someone can have a
success relationship with so and of course adding the God
aspect because I'm a firm believer that even those who
believe in God don't consult God enough when it comes
to their relationships. And so this book is to also
(08:14):
remind people to get back in tune with their spirit,
get back in tune with God, and get his guidance.
Because I'm just a vessel passing a message. I Am
not like the final say so, and I don't want
anyone to do things.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
That's because Stefan said it.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I'm giving you something to go back to God with
and talk to God about and see what's truly best
for you. And again, you know, when it comes to trades,
we talked about some of the traits like attraction, being
able to be yourself, but but also being able to communicate.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
You know, that's a huge, huge deal in relationships that.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I think a lot of women overlook because they develop
the mentality that pretty much all men are horrible with communications.
So when we come across this guy who's not that great,
they just think it's par for the course. Rather than no,
it just means that maybe all of those guys weren't
for you.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Right.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
You can't build a success relationship without proper communication. And again,
it doesn't mean he's gonna be perfect. Nobody's perfect. But
is he willing to come to the table and work
with you and learn and understand how to create harmony
in that relationship with you and with communication.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
M I'm curious, you know, this is my personal question.
How important is money in a relationship? Do you think
guys should pay or do you think what do you
think about that? I'm curious and stuff like that, because
I feel like it's so divided.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah, so okay, I'm gonna give you first my personal
belief and then what I tell to others. So for me,
I'm all about a man paid. I'm gonna pay. I
don't really, I don't know if a woman that's had
to pay for anything dealing with me ever, and if
she had it because she fought for it, And I
was like, all right, fine, just go ahead.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
But I'm not looking for a woman to pay for anything.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
I think that's the best way to go for a
lot of different reasons. However, I understand that we're in
a different world, and different people have different standards or
what they're willing to accept or how they want to
build their relationship. I think it really depends on the
individual and what they're trying to set up. So basically,
it's like, Okay, you have some guys out there who
(10:29):
believe in fifty to fifty in general, right, they want
a fifty fifty relationship and all these things. Well, you
know what, for that guy that, I think it makes
perfect sense to start that way from day one, right,
or establish that understanding of how we're going to do things,
because this is how we're going to do things if
we stay together in a long term relationship. If you're
a man who again believes in being a provider, then
(10:53):
established that early on. Also understand what comes along with
those things. Same thing on the woman's side. If you're
a woman who says, well, no, I want fifty D
because there are some women who say that, right, Okay, cool,
established that early, but everyone has to understand there's a
trade off that comes with everything, all right, So you
(11:15):
want fifty to fifty, you need to be mindful of
what comes along with that fifty to fifty. So, for example,
if you're a man, and you're a man who really
believes in being the leader in the relationship and having
a final say so on all these things, Well, guess what,
it's gonna be hard to do.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
That if you're going fifty to fifty.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Okay, the woman who's doing fifty, she's like, ah, I
need my poles say so, And I'm not just gonna
take your leadership. You gotta accept that. You can't be
mad at that, but then push for fifty to fifty.
You know, various different things. So I think it really
just depends on the individual, and I think everyone needs
(11:54):
to stop trying to convince other people to do it
their way. It's like, Okay, if I meet a woman,
I believe in the man paying for everything. So if
I meet a woman who's like, well, I'm not cool
with that. I want fifty to fifty, all right, Cool,
you go your way.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I go mind. We're just not a match.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I'm not gonna sit here and try to convince you
why you should do it my way or shame you
for wanting fifty to fifty. And I think it should
be the same in reverse. If a woman meets a
man who wants fifty to fifty and you're a woman
who doesn't believe in that. All right, then we're just
not for each other. Yeah, there's no need to get
into these back and forth arguments and all these things.
Let people live or create the life that they feel is.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Best for them.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Absolutely, absolutely, And you know we always hear this statement
saying the good ones are taken. Do you think it's
harder finding love in your late twenties, late thirties and
even your forties.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
So, okay, it's not harder to find love, it's harder
to accept and embrace it.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
What happens is when people are younger and they come
across someone that they love and they haven't been hurt yet,
they haven't been through the ringer yet, they're so much
more willing to embrace it and jump headfirst into the pool. Right,
And even when it's not true love, it's just if
they even think, if it's infatuation, whatever, they'll go for it.
(13:22):
As we get older and we've had more disappointments and
more hurtful situations things of that nature, now we become
more skeptical.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Now, we become more'scared. So when you meet someone in.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Your thirties and forties and especially if you have not
healed from those things in the past, which most people
have not. Now people are running from the right person,
they're running from good situations. They're getting in their own head,
convincing themselves something has.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
To be wrong. They're thinking it's too good to be true.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
This wasn't the way we thought when we first started
on the journey of love in our younger years. Okay,
we were just like very tale mindset. But now it's like, oh, nah, no,
this can't be it, And so a lot of people
self sabotage and and.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Mess it up.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
But I wouldn't say it's harder, because the reality is this,
we don't control when love comes. Yeah, all right, yes,
we can maybe increase the odds or decrease them, but
we don't fully control it. What we control is how
if we're ready for it when it comes, how we
embrace it, how we move forward with it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
And that's the part where a lot of people stumble.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
We actually had a question from one of our viewers,
and she wanted to know, what did you if a
man promises you things in a relationship that are important
to you but doesn't keep his promises. What should she do?
Speaker 3 (14:43):
My initial response was get rid of him. I mean,
I always think it's great to address things before we
jump to any final conclusions. So if I'm advising her,
I would tell okay, listen, bring those things to him,
if not verbally through a letter, because some people aren't
(15:05):
the greatest communicators communicators verbally and sometimes the other person
is more receptive when we write it down so they
can read it and process it. But either way, bring
it to his attention and ask him, hey, listen, you
said we would you know, you would do such and such.
This has not come about. What's going on? You know,
and see if it's something that can be corrected or
(15:27):
there's a reasonable explanation.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
If not, then that means move forward. Let them go.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
If they say, well no, no, no, and if you want
to give them another two weeks thirty days to start
showing they're going to show progress and start doing okay, cool,
but it has to be addressed and if it can't
be corrected, you have to move on.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Stefan, you posted a quote that said it's better to
wait than marry. Wrong. So with societal pressures, you know,
so some of us, as we get older, we get
pressured into getting married. So how do we handle the
pressures of getting married all the while waiting for the
right person to come.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
It starts with really knowing yourself and understanding what you need,
what makes you happy, what you can handle and sustain.
You have to break free from people's opinions of you
and societal standards, Like there's a lot of people. One
thing you're noticing now is a lot more people not
having kids. Yeah, and part of that is because a
(16:22):
lot more people are breaking free from how the world
says you should be and focusing on well, no, what
do they really want, what's really best for them?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Right? And for a lot of people they realize not
they're not a kid person, okay, and there's nothing wrong
with them right.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
So it's the same thing with relationships and marriages, like, listen,
who are you doing this for? Are you doing this
for other people or for you? You're doing this for
the world or for you? And you have to stand
strong and common. Now. I know that's easier said than done,
especially when you're dealing with a family that might be
pressuring you, or if you're surrounded by friends who are
all married.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
And things of that nature.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
But it still boils down to you really just holding
strong to what's best for you, and you have to understand.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Like, one of the things I come.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Across is you'll have women say, oh, well, all my
friends and family members are married, and I'll say, okay, well,
all those women in your family, I want you to
look at their husbands. Would you have married their husbands yourself?
They're like no, I'm like, exactly you want when not
say anyone? The vast majority of people, if not maybe
(17:30):
anyone can get married if you start compromising on some
things and some standards and things of that nature. So
it's not like it's impossible. And sometimes other people are
accomplishing it because that's what they did, you know, And
a lot of people do marry wrong, right, But that's
then you end up seeing why it's not worth it,
(17:51):
because it's like, Okay, you marry wrong. You're twenty seven,
you feel like you're getting older, or you're thirty two,
and you say, all right, let me just pull the
trigger on this.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Get married.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
You're married for the next ten years to someone you're
not happy with. So you have to sustain a ten
year unhappy marriage only to probably end up divorced.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Then at age forty two. Yeah, now, back on the
same thing.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
It's like, it's not worth it to force the issue
if you find the right person.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Absolutely, I would love to see more marriages.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I do believe in the power of marriage, but I
do not want people to force marriages because I also
see the power of bad marriages and what they do
to individuals and the kids and society and all these
different things. So to me, you got to understand it's
not worth it in the long run.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Absolutely. You know, you see that so often of people
settling for a relationship just because of sivital pressures, but
and then they end up getting divorced. Right, So it's
just as you said, it's better to just wait and
find the right person then just subtle right. So, and
you know, you know, Sepon, I created my platform to inspire,
to uplift and to really show case that anything is
(19:01):
possible for anyone out there that is maybe tired of
waiting for the right person to come, or maybe it's
just not seeing their dreams manifest. But would you say
to inspire and up.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
With them, trust the process. Well, one get into the process.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
So you know, again, I'm a firm believer in talking
to God, praying and understand the path that you need
to be on, but trust that everything comes in time. Right,
focus on how can you enjoy your life as you are?
You know, I always say you don't have to be
saying you don't have to be happy that you are single,
but you have to.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You should learn how to be happy while you're single.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Okay, So you got to tap into you and enjoying
yourself and growing and learning and all these different things.
And in that natural flow of life, more blessings, including
a relationship, will come, you know, But just keep going,
keep pushing. Don't get caught up in comparing with other
people and social media, where social me to so fill with.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Lies and fake relationships. You can't get caught up in that.
Just focus on doing what's truly best for you.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I think that's great advice. We're gonna link all your
information below so our viewers can get coached by you.
Join your programs, so fund What else are you currently
working on?
Speaker 3 (20:17):
By the way, so I have a book hopefully we'll
be out this year. How to know if a man
really loves you and got a couple more than I'm
gonna work on. I don't have the I'm not sure
which ones I'm gonna do yet, but I plan to
release like three books at once, as well as trying
to put together another fall tour. I didn't get to
tour last year. We took a year off, but this
(20:39):
year we're going to be back.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
On the road.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Amazing. Well, congratulations on all your success. You are definitely
helping people become better partners and yeah, keep it up.
I'm gonna be at your tour for sure.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Thanks for making my pleasure.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
The Dear Roussio is available on Roku, Amazon forre TD,
iHeart Radio, and Apple Podcasts.
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