November 3, 2025 • 49 mins
Join host Nyomi Banks on The Season of Self-Love Podcast for a transformative Mindset Monday kicking off November's Giving Back series. Discover why the most powerful act of self-love isn't a bubble bath or spa day—it's serving others from a place of overflow and purpose.
In This Episode:
• Why true self-love includes recognizing you're part of something bigger
• Service as spiritual practice vs. martyrdom and self-sacrifice
• The Full Cup Philosophy: You can't pour from an empty cup
• How your healing journey prepares you to hold space for others
• The ripple effect: One person's healing inspires another's transformation
• Turning your pain into purpose through authentic service
• Why self-care isn't selfish—it's preparation for service
Key Concepts Explored: Service as Spiritual Practice Nyomi reframes what service means—not sacrifice or depletion, but alignment with purpose:
Her Daughter's Birthday Call: Nyomi's oldest daughter (turning 34) called in tears to say thank you: "I moved here 10 years ago at 24 with my baby in a suitcase, wondering how I'd make it without my mama. Now I feel so full. Thank you for talking into me and having hard conversations." Nyomi told her: "Now that you've been through your healing journey, your pain has to be purposeful. Share your story."
The Journey from Adult Industry to Healing Advocate:
In This Episode:
• Why true self-love includes recognizing you're part of something bigger
• Service as spiritual practice vs. martyrdom and self-sacrifice
• The Full Cup Philosophy: You can't pour from an empty cup
• How your healing journey prepares you to hold space for others
• The ripple effect: One person's healing inspires another's transformation
• Turning your pain into purpose through authentic service
• Why self-care isn't selfish—it's preparation for service
Key Concepts Explored: Service as Spiritual Practice Nyomi reframes what service means—not sacrifice or depletion, but alignment with purpose:
- Every morning at her altar, she asks: "How can I be of service today?"
- Service rooted in spiritual practice connects us to something greater than ourselves
- When service becomes prayer, it stops feeling like obligation and starts feeling like devotion
- True service isn't about what you're doing for someone—it's about who you're being through the act
- You can't pour from an empty cup (but there's deeper truth here)
- Self-care = filling your cup so when it's time to pour out, you have something substantial to give
- Pouring from an empty cup = service feels like sacrifice, leads to burnout and resentment
- Pouring from overflow = service feels like joy, purpose, and extension of your abundance
- Watching you fill your cup gives others permission to fill theirs too
- Nyomi's story gave women permission to start their own healing journeys
- Some started podcasts, wrote books, created healing businesses after hearing her truth
- You don't always see the ripples you create, but trust they're there
- Every time you choose healing over hiding, you create a ripple
- Your healing isn't just for you—it's for your children, friends, and strangers who need your story
- Your pain wasn't given as a gift, but once you survive and heal, you have a choice
- Keep that healing to yourself OR use it to light the way for others
- When you choose service, you reclaim your pain and give it new meaning
- You transform what happened TO you into something that happens FOR someone else
- That's alchemy: turning wounds into wisdom
Her Daughter's Birthday Call: Nyomi's oldest daughter (turning 34) called in tears to say thank you: "I moved here 10 years ago at 24 with my baby in a suitcase, wondering how I'd make it without my mama. Now I feel so full. Thank you for talking into me and having hard conversations." Nyomi told her: "Now that you've been through your healing journey, your pain has to be purposeful. Share your story."
The Journey from Adult Industry to Healing Advocate:
- Initially resistant: "Who am I to help anyone? I'm still healing myself."
- Realized: You don't have to be fully healed to help someone else
- The most powerful medicine is being a few steps ahead and saying "Let me show you the way"
- In sharing her story, she reclaimed it
- In helping other women through explant journeys, she continues her own healing
- "Your story is someone else's survival guide"
- "Self-care isn't selfish. It's preparation for service."
- "Service isn't about what you're doing for someone. It's about who you're being through the act of service."
- "My pain will not be wasted. My journey will not be meaningless. I will take what tried to break me and use it to help others break free."
- "You don't have to have it all figured out to start serving. You just have to be willing to share where you are and what you've learned."
- "Your healing is never just for you. You are here to serve and the world needs what only you can give."
- Think about when someone showed up for you (teacher, friend, stranger's story)
- How did that service impact you and change your trajectory?
- What does that te
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if I told you that the most powerful act
of self love is in a bubble bath or a spote.
What if the deepest healing comes not from what we receive,
but from what we give. Welcome to the Season and
self Love. I am Naomi. In this November, we're exploring
(00:22):
something radical. How giving back to others is that actually
is the ultimate act of loving yourself. Let's breathe into
it together. Welcome to the Season of Self Love podcast,
the Season of Healing Intentionally. I am your host, Naomi Banks,
(00:42):
and I am so glad that you are here. This season,
we are slowing down to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday,
we're creating a space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and
the kind of self love that transform from the inside out.
This podcast is brought to you by Axs, Naomi and
(01:03):
Elevate Me Self Discovery. Well. We believe that loving yourself
intentionally is a foundation of true transformation. So whether you're
on your own journey of rebirth, navigating life transitions, was
simply choosing yourself, this is your safe space. So get comfort,
(01:24):
grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally. Because
you've deserved to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now,
let's get started, all right, my beautiful people, Welcome and welcome, welcome.
But before we dive in, I want to want you
all to get comforted. So if you are driving, I
(01:44):
want you just to let my voice be the background,
all right. But if you can, I want you just
to find a moment to be still, all right. If
you can just close your eyes at this moment, at
this time, close your eyes and take a deep breath,
then through your nose, un hold it for a moment
(02:04):
and release it slowly through your mouth. Let's do that again.
Let's breathe in, hold and out. Now, place your hand
on your heart. Feel the warmth there, Feel the steady
(02:28):
rhythm of your heartbeat. This is your life force, this
is your energy, this is your love. Now, with each breath,
I want you to imagine a golden light beginning to
glow in your heart space. It's warm, it's radiant, it's
(02:57):
uniquely yours. I breathe in. I want you to breathe in,
and I want you to watch the light grow wrider.
And when you breathe out, I want you to breathe out.
And I want you to feel it expand beyond the
boundaries of your body. This golden light, this is your love,
(03:24):
This is your energy, this is your gift to the world.
And here's what's so beautiful. As you imagine this light
touching the lives of others, your children, your partner, your friends,
strangers you haven't even met yet, notice something powerful. Notice
(03:53):
how giving doesn't diminish your light. How given doesn't drain
you or make you smaller. It multiplies it. The more
you share, the brighter you become. Now, with this next
(04:15):
breath in, I want you to breathe in abundance. You
are of a vessel of infinite love than when you
breathe out. I want you to breathe out generosity, because
you have more than enough to share. Now, I want
you to feel this truth is settling in your bones.
(04:39):
You are a full You are enough. And from this fullness,
not from obligation, not from guilt, not from lack, but
from this overflow that you serve. Take one more deep
(05:00):
berth in, and as you excel, I want you to
gently open your eyes. All right, my beautif people will
welcome back. I know this is a new format that
we are trying out. This Monday. First of all, let
me say happy Monday to my beautiful souls here and again,
welcome back to the season and self love, and it
(05:21):
is mindset Monday, and we are definitely kick it off
November with our giving Back series. And again, this is
a new format that I'm trying out right now, and
y'all let me know in the comments or you know,
in the dms, and let me know how y'all feeling this.
And if you're new here to the season and self love,
we do a nice grounded meditation before we get deep
(05:44):
into the topic in hand. But again, this is mindset Monday.
I am your host, Nami Banks, and we are kicking
off November with our giving Back series. And listen, I
know that you might be thinking, Naomi, I came here
for self love. Why are we talking about given to others?
I want try to stick with me because what I've
(06:05):
learned on my own journey and what I want to
share with you all today is that true self love
isn't just about what we do for ourselves. It is
about recognizing that we are a part of something bigger,
something divine, and that our healing is meant to be shared.
(06:26):
So let me take a moment, Let's take a quick break.
All right, it'shrag Gritty got his number, brings here on
the season and Self Love Podcast and we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Washington Wells Instituto focuses on healing always for me. If
I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good,
then I share the good. If I share the good,
then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good,
then I live the good. So I can be paid
to be my greatest. But I have to learn the
good to be the good.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
So what does it take to be the greatest?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Be kind to yourself and you'll always all right, my
beautiful people, Welcome back again to the season of Self
Love Podcast. I'm your host, Noami Banks, and this month
this series is all about giving back. It's all about
giving back. So one of the most that I feel,
(07:23):
one of the most important things when we're talking about
self love is when having self love is the This
will help you, excuse me, because I'm getting brain fog
right now. With self love, it helps you to be
able to communicate with others, but also within that communication
that comes with the giving Does that make sense? That
comes with the giving when you have that intimate relationship
(07:49):
with yourself and you have that healing moment and that
conversations with self, and I hope I'm not running over
my words. You are more open to give to others.
You can see outside of yourself when you are sitting
in self love. If that makes sense? If that makes sense.
(08:10):
So what I want to do right now is I
want to just take y'all back a moment. Okay, So
you know my story, I share pieces of it with
you all, my journey, you know, from the adult entertainment
industry to where I am now and just holding this
space for not only women, but men as well. I'm
holding this podcast supporting others through you know, their own healing.
(08:32):
And this didn't happen by accident. You know, there's a moment,
a divine download, if you will, where I realize that
everything that I have been through, the pain, the shame,
the unraveling, the rebuilding, it wasn't just for me. And
I remember sitting in my healing space after my excellence surgery,
(08:56):
my chest tender, my heart even more tender, right, and
feeling this overwhelming pool you know it wasn't a voice exactly,
but it was more like a knowing that settled deep
into my spirit, like your story is someone else's survival guide.
Listen to what I'm saying. Your story is someone else's
(09:20):
survival guide. I remember speaking these words to several different
of my family members that have been through a lot
of trauma in their lives and they're still here. It's
one thing that I say a lot is I say that,
you know, one gift that God does give us is
he give us an opportunity to do the day over
(09:42):
because of an opportunity to use our pain as purpose.
There's a reason why we are still on this earth
to this day, and that's really to serve one another.
You know, I remember going through this healing process and
this journey and that can go back ten years ago
and truly not understanding what was my purpose and why.
(10:04):
You know, I can say, you know, I used to
give advice to everybody when I was younger, such and
such and such. I knew I wanted to change the world,
but how was I to do that when I went
through the path that I went through. So when I
thought about doing you know asks Naomi and going into
the season and self love. At first, I was resistant.
(10:25):
I was very resistant because I thought, who am I helping?
How am I to help anyone? Because in that moment,
I was still healing. I was still trying to figure
things out. But that's the thing about service. You don't
have to be fully healed to help someone else. Sometimes
the most powerful medicine is being a few steps ahead
(10:48):
of the path and turn it around and say here,
let me show you the way. You see my journey
from the adult industry to this healing work in itself
is an act of service, and it's been the most
profound act of self love that I could ever give myself.
(11:10):
I know you hear me a lot when I say
that I'm fool Well, this is the conversation that we
have in today about what does it feel like to
be not only full, but to overflow Because you see,
servicing others that is where I found my purpose, that
is where I was able to refill my cup. So
(11:32):
in sharing my story, I reclaimed it. In helping other
women through their expect journeys, I continue my own healing.
So today we're going to explore why giving back, true
authentic service is actually the ultimate act of self love,
so a ready to get into it. Let's get into it,
(11:54):
all right. So the first thing we're going to talk
about is service as a spiritual practice. Are reframing what
service means, all right, because many of us, especially as women,
especially as a Black woman, we've been conditioned to serve
from a place of depletion. I know, I've watched my
mother do it for many many years. I watched my aunts,
(12:15):
I watch my grandmothers. I watched them serve from a
place of depletion. You know, we've been taught the service
means sacrifice. It's so funny. A few weeks ago, one
of my good girlfriends, we were doing the axs Naomi
Bridging the Gap podcast and I was showcasing my new album,
the soundtrack of the Rebirth, and in conversations that we
(12:39):
had and she was, you know, sitting there and she
was so moved, and I know she didn't mean any
disrespect for it, but she said, you know what you're doing,
what you've done, you sacrifice yourself. And I was like, wow,
I don't know if that is a word that I
want to use. But when you think about history, especially
when it comes to women and Black women in history,
(13:01):
that has always been a part of our makeup is
to sacrifice ourselves for to be of service of others.
And that could be in us not eating, us not
taking care of ourselves and making sense that other people
are taking care of first, you know, and for that
and that's just giving back to others. But that given
(13:22):
means that we're giving up on ourselves. And that's that's
something that I did not want to imply in in
that scenario, but I kind of understood what she meant
by that, and that's why I want to truly reframe
on what being of service of other means, you know,
(13:43):
you know, so let's talk about it. This service that
I'm talking about, it is the kind that fees your
soul instead of joining it. It is a spiritual practice.
It's not about a mantra. Doome you know that. I'm
just you know, being a matter at all. It's about
alignment with your purpose. So let me explain. So every
(14:08):
morning when I sit at my altar, every morning, yes
I have alter practice, and if you don't, well I'm
going to talk about that in another episode. But when
I sit at my altar, I light my candles, I
speak my prayer, and I connect with God, the divine,
(14:29):
and part of that practice is asking how can I
be of service today? Not how much can I do
or who needs me to fix their problems? But how
can I show up in alignment with my purpose and
my gifts. But also what I say is I ask
them to guide my steps, guide my steps of what
(14:51):
I'm supposed to be doing today, what am I supposed
to be using my purpose and my gifts for today.
And when we talk about service, when it's rooted in
spiritual practice, it connects us to something that's greater than ourselves.
It reminds us that we are not just individuals beings
trying to survive, that we are part of a collective,
(15:15):
that we are part of a divine tapestry where every
thread matters. So when I'm holding space for a woman
who's about to get her implants removed, or when I
answer a DM on someone who heard their story in mind,
or with somebody thinking about where they've just left the industry,
(15:37):
the down industry and they're trying to figure out on
how to be anew or how to figure it out.
When I show up to record these podcasts, there's a
prayer in action. There's a service as a worship. I know,
I share with you all on many occasions that I
pray before I even get online, when I'm interviewing somebody,
(16:01):
I pray that, you know, God to use me as
a vessel, that the words that I speak, in words
that I say, that is a good that is of
a service of others. So when I do that, that
is what is called a service of worship. That's what
it's called a service of action. That's what is called
the prayer in action and his What was powerful about
that is that when service becomes a prayer, it stops
(16:24):
feeling like an obligation and it starts feeling like a devotion.
And I know I say on many occasions, I am
not a pastor, I'm not a preacher, I'm not any
of that. I just speak and that's all I do.
I allow God to come into me and use me
as a vessel. When I do that, my life and
the experience that I have, I do that I share it.
(16:46):
It's times sometimes I and I shared this before that
I have everything lined up and as soon as I
will get there, it'll go away. And I'm talking about
something that I just went through in that moment, in
that time, How do I start from here and got
through that day, or through that moment, or through that situation.
I want you to think about this when you're doing
(17:08):
something that is in alignment with your purpose, even when
it's hard, even when it challenges you, doesn't it feed
something in you? Doesn't it light you up in a
way that nothing else does. So one I just shared
with you is that I come in here with my
whole script and everything ready to go, and then it's
(17:29):
something that say Nope, that's not even it, And before
I know it, I'm talking about a situation that I
exactly went through and how I got through that, because
that is what people need to hear. People need to
hear true, authentic, real situations that happen and how you
got through it, how I got through it, how can
(17:51):
I get through it? I was right there Nowaomi, I
tell you, I'm right here now, so I echo and
I mirror exactly you're going through. And that's when I
became to understand that what it is what I do
is is because it is of true service, and that
(18:12):
because of true service, it isn't about what you're doing
for someone, It's about who you're being through the act
of service. It's who I'm being through this act of service.
It's about expressing the divine that lives in you. It's
one thing that I have and I don't want to
(18:37):
call it, call it so much of a challenge, but
it is. I want to be real, but it is.
It's a challenge that my past has been a conversation
for negativity. And my prayer was that my past will
be a conversation for hope, that my past will be
(19:00):
a conversation for transformation, and that my past would not
be a conversation for that my past would not be
a conversation to demean anyone or to compare anyone's journey. Again,
(19:38):
what I want my past to do is to empower, encourage, transform,
help you to transform, to resonate, and let you know
that you are not alone in your journey. So I'm
(20:01):
gonna say this, So if you have been running your self,
ragget trying to serve everyone, and if you're exhausted from
pouring out when you have nothing left, that's my service,
that's self abandonment. So when I sit here and I
say my prayer on what I want my past to do,
(20:24):
I know that I'm in service I know I'm not
abandoning myself, and I love it when I'm helping people,
it feeds me something that I've never had before, empathy, compassion, gratitude.
(20:58):
And that's me given from a place of purpose. And
when I'm giving from a place of purpose, I'm able
to share my gifts because they're meant to be shared.
Those are spiritual practices. That's how we honor both ourselves
and the people who we serve. So if you are
(21:20):
giving from a place of purpose, if you are sharing
your gifts because they are meant to be shared, that
is a spiritual practice, and that's how you honor yourself
and others in that and it's not coming from a
place of depletion. Does that make sense? All right? I
(21:41):
hope I didn't lose you all right there? All right,
So let's go to the next one. Let's talk about
the full cup philosophy. All right now. I remember doctor Will.
I remember hearing this from doctor Will talking about working
from a cup that overflowed. It was the same thing
I say all the time. And I know you all
heard this before from your parents, your grandparents. Is that
whether you see the cup half full or half empty.
(22:05):
And I used to live by that. You know that
analogy a lot of times. But when speaking to doctor
Will and he told me about filling up my cup
and allowing it to overflow kind of and not even
tilting it, just allowing it to overflow, that's when you
know that you are truly on your healing, your self
(22:26):
love journey because your cup is steady flowing and overflowing
and full. So when doctor Will will text me and
say how you feel, I feel full. I'm exhausted from
other things, but my spirit and my soul feels full.
And when I say feel full also to it. I
(22:46):
need to let people know is that when I say
I'm full, that means that I'm able to hold space
for you as well. Does that make sense all right?
So I want to talk about this because I'm very
passionate about the full cup philosophy. And you've heard myself
as well as doctor Will say, you can't pour from
(23:08):
an empty cup, right. It becomes a self clear care
cliche at that point, right, But then there's a deep
truth that's in it. There's a deep truth that's in it,
and I think that we often miss it. So here's
what I want you to understand self care isn't selfish.
(23:33):
Self care is preparation for service. Hear me when I
say that again. Self care is preparation for service because
it's important. It's important, and I'm gonna say it one
more time. Excuse me. Self care isn't selfish. It's a
(23:56):
preparation for surface. So when I prioritized, prioritize my healing,
when I take the time to rest, when I say
no to things that don't align with me, when I
invest in my spiritual practices, I'm not being self centered.
(24:21):
I'm filling my cup so that when it's time to
pour out, I have something substantial to give. I think
about my own journey that I couldn't have supported other
women through their excellent journeys if I hadn't gone through
my own right, I couldn't hold space for women healing
(24:42):
from religious trauma. If I hadn't did my own deconstruction work,
I couldn't talk to you about self love. If I
hadn't learned to love myself first, I couldn't talk to
anybody that was coming out of the adult industry and
on this healing journey to know what self life, self respect,
all of this self discovery mean if I hadn't went
(25:04):
through it myself. So again, my healing journey wasn't about me.
It wasn't just about me getting better. It was in
preparation for me to hold space for others. Every moment
of facing my shadows, every time I chose myself, that
(25:25):
was me filling my cup. And when women reach out
to me now, when they're scared and about to go
through their surgery, or confuse about their identity or struggling
with their shame, I can pour into them from a
place of overflow and not from obligation or depletion. And
(25:52):
that's a difference. That is a difference. So when you're
pouring from an empty cup, service feels like sacrifice. So
when my good girlfriend said that you sacrifice, I didn't
feel like I was sacrificing anything. I felt like I
(26:14):
was living the life that it was chosen for me.
And in that life that I lived, I feel so
amazingly abundant in that experience. So you're giving what you
don't have. I was given what I had. And when
(26:35):
you're running on fumes, I understand what that running on
fumes what is. But I'm no longer doing that, And
eventually you're burnout. I had those burnout stages, and you
become resentful, and then you wonder why no one's pouring
into you. I remember being there, I remember being there.
(27:01):
But when you're pouring from a full cup, from an overflow,
service feels like joy, It feels like purpose, It feels
like an extension of your own abundance. So what does
a full cup look like for you? Well, for me,
(27:22):
it looks like my morning alter. It looks like saying
no to opportunities that don't align with my peace. It
looks like rest without guilt. It looks like investing in
my own healing so I can show up powerfully for others.
It looks like me having conversations and doing here, right here,
(27:45):
at the season of self love, doing this, this is
a part of it. My cup being full and your
full cook cup, Mike look different, and that's okay. But
you need need to know what fills you up. You
need to know what your non negotiables are, because without
(28:08):
that foundation of self love and self care, your service
will deplete you instead of inspire you. And here's something else.
Watching you feel your cup gives other permission to feel
theirs too. When the women in my community see me
(28:29):
prioritizing my healing, taking breaks when I need to, setting boundaries,
they learn to do the same. That's modeling. That's teaching
without preaching. That's showing people that you can be of
service and take care of yourself. Those two things aren't opposite.
(28:51):
Those are team members, those are partners. That's what that is,
all right, So let's talk about ripple of fact. Let's
talk about those ripples, because this is where service gets
really magical, really profound. One woman's healing aspires another, and
(29:13):
that woman healing aspires another, and before you know it,
you've created ways of transformation that reach far beyond what
you can see. So your story as a man and
your healing aspires another man to want to heal another man,
(29:33):
do you understand? So sharing your story, sharing your transformation,
sharing that journey can reaso many different people. And I
see this happening in real time in our community, whether
it's a man or woman who is listening to this
podcast when they are in their dark places. Maybe they
(29:54):
were considering an expert surgery. Maybe they were considering destructing,
deconstructing their faith. Maybe they were trying to find what
self love is to them. Maybe they were trying to
find with their purpose, maybe they even felt alone. Maybe
they wanted to find how to create a solid and
(30:16):
healthy relationship with someone else, or better yet, with themselves.
And I know because I've read a letter to you,
but they've reached out to tell me that hearing my
story gave them permission to start their own healing journey.
I have letters, I have dms, I have messages that
(30:39):
say thank you, thank you for sharing your story. It
might not look exactly like mine, but it gave them
permission to look within themselves and say, Okay, they kind
of sound a little bit like what I'm going through.
I kind of feel that. And she talking to me, Oh,
(31:00):
she's talking to me. What I love I love about
is some of the people who I've talked to that
some of these people are thinking about starting their own podcast.
Some of these people are starting to write their own books.
(31:22):
They are creating their own businesses centered around healing and service.
So do you understand how powerful that is. I didn't
just heal myself. I created a ripple, and those ripples
are creating more ripples. And someone out there, there's a woman,
(31:43):
there's a man who will be transformed by the work
of someone that was inspired by me speaking my truth,
even though I never met them. That's the ripple effect,
and it works in your life too. Maybe you're not
(32:05):
hosting a podcast or building a platform, but maybe you're
a person in your family who decided to break generational curses.
Maybe you're a friend who always creates space for horror conversations,
or maybe you are that coworker who brings kindness into
a toxic environment. You don't always see the ripples that
(32:26):
you create. You don't always know whose life that you've touched,
or whose perspective that you've shifted, But trust me, they're there.
I see. Every time you choose healing over hiding, you
create a ripple. Every time you share your story instead
(32:47):
of keeping it locked away in shame, you create a ripple.
Every time you show up authentically, vulnerably and powerful, you
create a ripple. Community creates a wave of transformation. So
(33:10):
when we serve from a place of purpose and fullness,
we become part of something so much bigger than ourselves.
So your healing isn't just for you. Your growth isn't
just for you, Your transformation isn't just for you. It
(33:34):
is for your children, who will inherit a healthier version
of you. It is for your friends who will witness
what's possible. It's for the stranger who will stumble across
your story at the exact right moment, you are creating ripples.
So don't ever underestimate the power of your service. So
(33:58):
now let's talk about the service that honors your journey.
And I want to close out this main context today
with that, because this is something that's deeply personal on
how service honors your journey. You see every struggle that
you've been through, every painful moment, every dark night of
(34:19):
the soul, every time you thought you wouldn't make it,
it was a preparation. I know it's hard to hear
when you're still in the thick of it. I know,
when you're hurting, the last thing you want to hear
is this is happening for a reason, or you use
this to help someone else one day. But from where
(34:40):
I'm standing now, I can look back at the version
of myself, the version who felt trapped in the adult industry,
the version who carries shame like a second skin, the
version who didn't know if she would ever feel whole again,
And I can say with certainty that women wasn't suffering
(35:01):
for nothing. I want to share this serve with you
before I go on, and I hope that my baby
don't mind. Today my baby, my oldest baby, is her
birthday and she will be thirty four years old. And
yesterday she called me and she was in tears and
she said, I just want to say thank you. And
I'm like, oh my god, what's wrong, what's wrong? And
(35:23):
she said no, she said, I've been living here in
the state that she live in for ten years. She said,
I was twenty four years old with my baby in
a bag and a suitcase, and I moved to the
state and I was wondering, how am I going to
make it without my mama? How was I going to
make it without you? She said, And it's been ten
(35:44):
years that I've been here. And she said, Mama, I
feel so full right now, and I want to thank you.
I want to thank you for talking into me. I
want to thank you for some of those hard conversations
that you had with me. And I told her, I said,
this is your moment where you need to be proud
(36:05):
of yourself. I said, now that you've been through your healing,
journey your self love. Now that pain has to be purposeful.
It is time for you to share your story and
be purposeful in it. So when we talk about being
(36:29):
a service of others, when we talk about allowing why,
it's about self love. Because when you go through your
healing journey, when you have those hard conversations with yourself,
when you are looking at your reflection in the mirror,
(36:50):
that's your preparation to be able to inspire, encourage, or
motivate someone else. Does that make sense? Does that make sense?
But again, my story, my daughter's story, and anyone else's
(37:13):
story that's out there, that you know that you've been
through and you understand your transformation and how you go
and you understand that now you are becoming you and
all of those things that I went through, all of
this was becoming me. And I am here to serve
(37:35):
because of who all of you are, knowing that what
all of you've been through. I don't know it exactly,
but I know that we've all been through something. So
how do we get that? So I turned my situations,
my pain into purpose. That's when you serve others, when
(38:00):
your pain become purpose, When you serve others. Now, I
want to be clear. I'm not saying that your pain
happens so you could help other people. Your pain happened
because we live in a complicated, sometimes broken world, and
trauma isn't given to us by the universe as a gift.
(38:21):
It's something that we survived. Now, when I say what
I've been through my day is a gift for me,
because I turn it into a gift for me, does
that make sense. I don't look at it as trauma.
I don't look at it as pain. I look at
it as a gift because I learned from that. Does
(38:43):
that make sense? And I was able to survive from that.
But this is important too. I want you to know,
once you survived it, once you have been gun to
heal from it, you now have a choice. You can
(39:04):
keep that healing to yourself, or you can use it
to light the way for others. So when you choose service,
when you decide that your story can be someone else's
survival guide, you reclaim your pain. You give it a
new meaning. You transform it from something that happened to
(39:28):
you and to something that has happened for someone else.
Does that make sense? That's alchemy that's taking your wounds
and turning them into wisdom. That's honoring your journey by
making sure no one else has to walk that path alone.
I think about the women that I serve. I think
(39:49):
about the men that I serve. I think about the
ones that are going through expert surgery. I think about
the ones that are healing from religious trauma. I think
about the ones that's finding their way back to them
after feeling loss for so long. Every single one of
them helps me honor my journey because when I hold
(40:09):
space for their pain, I'm honoring the pain that I
once felt. When I celebrate those breakthroughs, I'm celebrating my own.
When I remind them that they're not broken, I'm reminding
the younger version of myself too. Servant completes the circle.
(40:31):
It completes the circle. It gives meaning to the mess.
It turns your test into a testimony. And here's something
beautiful that you don't have to have it all figured
out at the start of serving. You just have to
be willing to share where you are and what you've learned.
(40:56):
Maybe your service looked like mentoring someone a few steps
behind you on the path. Maybe it's creating art that
expresses your truth, or maybe it's just simply being present
for a friend who is going through what you've survived.
Whether that looks like you know this, When you serve
from your story, you're telling the universe. My pain would
(41:21):
not be wasted, my journey would not be meaningless. I
will take what I try to break me and use
it to help others break free. I'm gonna say that again.
This is what the universe, This is what God is
telling you about your story. My pain would not be wasted,
(41:45):
my journey would not be meaningless. I will take what
I try to break me and use it to help
others break free. I will take what tried to break
me and use it to help others break free. That's,
(42:07):
my beautiful people, is the ultimate act of self love,
because you're not just healing yourself. You're healing that little boy,
that little girl inside of you who needed someone to
show him or her the way. All right, So let's
bring this home with some practical tools that you can
(42:27):
use this week or write. First, I want you to
journal this prompt. How has someone's service to me changed
my life? And I'm gonna say it again, And here's
the prompt. How has someone's service to me changed my life.
And I want you to really sit in that question.
I want you to think about a time when someone
(42:48):
showed up for you, not because they had to, but
because they wanted to. Maybe it was a teacher who
believed in you. Maybe it was a friend who held
space for your pain, or maybe it was a stranger
whose story just gave you hope. All right, the next one,
how did that service impact you and how did it
(43:11):
change your trajectory? And what does that teach you about
the power of your own service. The next thing I
want you to do. I want you to write it.
I want you to reflect on it, and I want
you to let yourself feel grateful for that ripple that
reached you. All right Now, our second action a step
(43:35):
for this week, is I want you to identify one
way your unique journey can serve someone else. Yes, I
want you to identify one way that your unique journey
can serve someone this week. Notice I said your unique
journey not what you think you should do, not what
(43:56):
it looks good on social media, but what's authentic to you.
Maybe you've overcame financial struggle you can mentor someone on
building their business, or maybe you're healed from a toxic relationship,
and you can hold space for a friend you know
that's going through a breakup, or maybe you've learned to
(44:16):
set boundaries and you can model that for your children.
What's one concrete way that you can be of service
this week from your overflow that's not your depletion. And third,
this is your reflection question. What does a full cup
(44:39):
look like for me? That is your reflection question. What
does a full cup look like for me? And this
is important because if you don't know what fills you up,
you keep trying to pull from an empty cup. Is
(45:00):
it rest? Is it creativity? Is it spiritual practices? Is
it therapy? Is it time? And the nature? It's the same,
no more. Often get clear on what your full cup
requires and make those things non negotiable, because remember, self
(45:22):
care is in selfish. It's preparation for service. All right,
my beautiful people, So before we close, I want to
leave you all with this affirmation. Okay, if you can,
I want you to place one hand on your heart again,
and I want you to take a deeper thin and
I want you to repeat these words with me out loud,
(45:42):
if you're able to, or if not, just in your heart.
All right, all right. I give from a place of
overflow and not depletion. My service is an extension of
my self love. As I I have others heal, as
(46:03):
I rise, I lift others with me. My story has purpose,
my pain has power, and my service create ripples of
transformation that reach far beyond what I can see. I
am full, I am enough, and I am here to serve. Now,
(46:27):
I want you to take one more deep breath, thin,
and I want you to feel the truth of those
words setting into your spirit. All right, all right, my
beautiful people, I wanna thank you for just being with
me here today, for just showing up and being open
to this conversation about service and self love. This is
(46:48):
just week one of our giving back seriousis November, and
I am so excited to continue on this journey with you.
We got an amazing guest coming on Wednesday, and next Monday,
mindset Monday, we are going to dive in even more
deeper into practical ways and you can give back to
your community. But for this week, I want you to
sit with what we've talked about today. Let that marinate.
(47:12):
I want you to journal on those prompts. Take your
action steps, and the most importantly, make sure that your
company is full of today's episode has resonated with you.
Please share it with someone who needs to hear it,
screenshot it, tag them, let them Let's create more of
a ripple effect together. So until next time, I want
(47:36):
you to remember that you're healing. Your healing is never
just for you. You are here to serve and the world
needs what only you can give. I love you, my
beautiful people. Now go out and love yourself by loving
others as well. This is a season and said love.
I am Naomi, Max and I will see y'all next time.
(47:58):
Have an amazing day. Thank you so much for joining
me today on this journey of intentional healing. I hope
that this conversation has filled your cup and reminded you
of the beautiful and worthy person that you are. I
want you to remember healing isn't about rushing, It's about
(48:19):
showing up for yourself with love and intention, one day
at a time. So I'll see you back here Monday
and Wednesday for another episode of the season of Healing
Intentionally right here on the Season of Self Love podcast.
So until then, keep choosing you and visit us at
(48:42):
the season of Self Love podcast dot com for show
notes and resources, and remember to connect with me on
Instagram at the real Naomi Banks. This has been brought
to you by Aks Naomi and Elevating me self Discovery
because your healing matters. You are loved, you are word,
and you are exactly where you need to be. Take
(49:05):
care of h
What if I told you that the most powerful act
of self love is in a bubble bath or a spote.
What if the deepest healing comes not from what we receive,
but from what we give. Welcome to the Season and
self Love. I am Naomi. In this November, we're exploring
(00:22):
something radical. How giving back to others is that actually
is the ultimate act of loving yourself. Let's breathe into
it together. Welcome to the Season of Self Love podcast,
the Season of Healing Intentionally. I am your host, Naomi Banks,
(00:42):
and I am so glad that you are here. This season,
we are slowing down to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday,
we're creating a space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and
the kind of self love that transform from the inside out.
This podcast is brought to you by Axs, Naomi and
(01:03):
Elevate Me Self Discovery. Well. We believe that loving yourself
intentionally is a foundation of true transformation. So whether you're
on your own journey of rebirth, navigating life transitions, was
simply choosing yourself, this is your safe space. So get comfort,
(01:24):
grab your favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally. Because
you've deserved to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now,
let's get started, all right, my beautiful people, Welcome and welcome, welcome.
But before we dive in, I want to want you
all to get comforted. So if you are driving, I
(01:44):
want you just to let my voice be the background,
all right. But if you can, I want you just
to find a moment to be still, all right. If
you can just close your eyes at this moment, at
this time, close your eyes and take a deep breath,
then through your nose, un hold it for a moment
(02:04):
and release it slowly through your mouth. Let's do that again.
Let's breathe in, hold and out. Now, place your hand
on your heart. Feel the warmth there, Feel the steady
(02:28):
rhythm of your heartbeat. This is your life force, this
is your energy, this is your love. Now, with each breath,
I want you to imagine a golden light beginning to
glow in your heart space. It's warm, it's radiant, it's
(02:57):
uniquely yours. I breathe in. I want you to breathe in,
and I want you to watch the light grow wrider.
And when you breathe out, I want you to breathe out.
And I want you to feel it expand beyond the
boundaries of your body. This golden light, this is your love,
(03:24):
This is your energy, this is your gift to the world.
And here's what's so beautiful. As you imagine this light
touching the lives of others, your children, your partner, your friends,
strangers you haven't even met yet, notice something powerful. Notice
(03:53):
how giving doesn't diminish your light. How given doesn't drain
you or make you smaller. It multiplies it. The more
you share, the brighter you become. Now, with this next
(04:15):
breath in, I want you to breathe in abundance. You
are of a vessel of infinite love than when you
breathe out. I want you to breathe out generosity, because
you have more than enough to share. Now, I want
you to feel this truth is settling in your bones.
(04:39):
You are a full You are enough. And from this fullness,
not from obligation, not from guilt, not from lack, but
from this overflow that you serve. Take one more deep
(05:00):
berth in, and as you excel, I want you to
gently open your eyes. All right, my beautif people will
welcome back. I know this is a new format that
we are trying out. This Monday. First of all, let
me say happy Monday to my beautiful souls here and again,
welcome back to the season and self love, and it
(05:21):
is mindset Monday, and we are definitely kick it off
November with our giving Back series. And again, this is
a new format that I'm trying out right now, and
y'all let me know in the comments or you know,
in the dms, and let me know how y'all feeling this.
And if you're new here to the season and self love,
we do a nice grounded meditation before we get deep
(05:44):
into the topic in hand. But again, this is mindset Monday.
I am your host, Nami Banks, and we are kicking
off November with our giving Back series. And listen, I
know that you might be thinking, Naomi, I came here
for self love. Why are we talking about given to others?
I want try to stick with me because what I've
(06:05):
learned on my own journey and what I want to
share with you all today is that true self love
isn't just about what we do for ourselves. It is
about recognizing that we are a part of something bigger,
something divine, and that our healing is meant to be shared.
(06:26):
So let me take a moment, Let's take a quick break.
All right, it'shrag Gritty got his number, brings here on
the season and Self Love Podcast and we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Washington Wells Instituto focuses on healing always for me. If
I look good, then I feel good. If I feel good,
then I share the good. If I share the good,
then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate the good,
then I live the good. So I can be paid
to be my greatest. But I have to learn the
good to be the good.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
So what does it take to be the greatest?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Be kind to yourself and you'll always all right, my
beautiful people, Welcome back again to the season of Self
Love Podcast. I'm your host, Noami Banks, and this month
this series is all about giving back. It's all about
giving back. So one of the most that I feel,
(07:23):
one of the most important things when we're talking about
self love is when having self love is the This
will help you, excuse me, because I'm getting brain fog
right now. With self love, it helps you to be
able to communicate with others, but also within that communication
that comes with the giving Does that make sense? That
comes with the giving when you have that intimate relationship
(07:49):
with yourself and you have that healing moment and that
conversations with self, and I hope I'm not running over
my words. You are more open to give to others.
You can see outside of yourself when you are sitting
in self love. If that makes sense? If that makes sense.
(08:10):
So what I want to do right now is I
want to just take y'all back a moment. Okay, So
you know my story, I share pieces of it with
you all, my journey, you know, from the adult entertainment
industry to where I am now and just holding this
space for not only women, but men as well. I'm
holding this podcast supporting others through you know, their own healing.
(08:32):
And this didn't happen by accident. You know, there's a moment,
a divine download, if you will, where I realize that
everything that I have been through, the pain, the shame,
the unraveling, the rebuilding, it wasn't just for me. And
I remember sitting in my healing space after my excellence surgery,
(08:56):
my chest tender, my heart even more tender, right, and
feeling this overwhelming pool you know it wasn't a voice exactly,
but it was more like a knowing that settled deep
into my spirit, like your story is someone else's survival guide.
Listen to what I'm saying. Your story is someone else's
(09:20):
survival guide. I remember speaking these words to several different
of my family members that have been through a lot
of trauma in their lives and they're still here. It's
one thing that I say a lot is I say that,
you know, one gift that God does give us is
he give us an opportunity to do the day over
(09:42):
because of an opportunity to use our pain as purpose.
There's a reason why we are still on this earth
to this day, and that's really to serve one another.
You know, I remember going through this healing process and
this journey and that can go back ten years ago
and truly not understanding what was my purpose and why.
(10:04):
You know, I can say, you know, I used to
give advice to everybody when I was younger, such and
such and such. I knew I wanted to change the world,
but how was I to do that when I went
through the path that I went through. So when I
thought about doing you know asks Naomi and going into
the season and self love. At first, I was resistant.
(10:25):
I was very resistant because I thought, who am I helping?
How am I to help anyone? Because in that moment,
I was still healing. I was still trying to figure
things out. But that's the thing about service. You don't
have to be fully healed to help someone else. Sometimes
the most powerful medicine is being a few steps ahead
(10:48):
of the path and turn it around and say here,
let me show you the way. You see my journey
from the adult industry to this healing work in itself
is an act of service, and it's been the most
profound act of self love that I could ever give myself.
(11:10):
I know you hear me a lot when I say
that I'm fool Well, this is the conversation that we
have in today about what does it feel like to
be not only full, but to overflow Because you see,
servicing others that is where I found my purpose, that
is where I was able to refill my cup. So
(11:32):
in sharing my story, I reclaimed it. In helping other
women through their expect journeys, I continue my own healing.
So today we're going to explore why giving back, true
authentic service is actually the ultimate act of self love,
so a ready to get into it. Let's get into it,
(11:54):
all right. So the first thing we're going to talk
about is service as a spiritual practice. Are reframing what
service means, all right, because many of us, especially as women,
especially as a Black woman, we've been conditioned to serve
from a place of depletion. I know, I've watched my
mother do it for many many years. I watched my aunts,
(12:15):
I watch my grandmothers. I watched them serve from a
place of depletion. You know, we've been taught the service
means sacrifice. It's so funny. A few weeks ago, one
of my good girlfriends, we were doing the axs Naomi
Bridging the Gap podcast and I was showcasing my new album,
the soundtrack of the Rebirth, and in conversations that we
(12:39):
had and she was, you know, sitting there and she
was so moved, and I know she didn't mean any
disrespect for it, but she said, you know what you're doing,
what you've done, you sacrifice yourself. And I was like, wow,
I don't know if that is a word that I
want to use. But when you think about history, especially
when it comes to women and Black women in history,
(13:01):
that has always been a part of our makeup is
to sacrifice ourselves for to be of service of others.
And that could be in us not eating, us not
taking care of ourselves and making sense that other people
are taking care of first, you know, and for that
and that's just giving back to others. But that given
(13:22):
means that we're giving up on ourselves. And that's that's
something that I did not want to imply in in
that scenario, but I kind of understood what she meant
by that, and that's why I want to truly reframe
on what being of service of other means, you know,
(13:43):
you know, so let's talk about it. This service that
I'm talking about, it is the kind that fees your
soul instead of joining it. It is a spiritual practice.
It's not about a mantra. Doome you know that. I'm
just you know, being a matter at all. It's about
alignment with your purpose. So let me explain. So every
(14:08):
morning when I sit at my altar, every morning, yes
I have alter practice, and if you don't, well I'm
going to talk about that in another episode. But when
I sit at my altar, I light my candles, I
speak my prayer, and I connect with God, the divine,
(14:29):
and part of that practice is asking how can I
be of service today? Not how much can I do
or who needs me to fix their problems? But how
can I show up in alignment with my purpose and
my gifts. But also what I say is I ask
them to guide my steps, guide my steps of what
(14:51):
I'm supposed to be doing today, what am I supposed
to be using my purpose and my gifts for today.
And when we talk about service, when it's rooted in
spiritual practice, it connects us to something that's greater than ourselves.
It reminds us that we are not just individuals beings
trying to survive, that we are part of a collective,
(15:15):
that we are part of a divine tapestry where every
thread matters. So when I'm holding space for a woman
who's about to get her implants removed, or when I
answer a DM on someone who heard their story in mind,
or with somebody thinking about where they've just left the industry,
(15:37):
the down industry and they're trying to figure out on
how to be anew or how to figure it out.
When I show up to record these podcasts, there's a
prayer in action. There's a service as a worship. I know,
I share with you all on many occasions that I
pray before I even get online, when I'm interviewing somebody,
(16:01):
I pray that, you know, God to use me as
a vessel, that the words that I speak, in words
that I say, that is a good that is of
a service of others. So when I do that, that
is what is called a service of worship. That's what
it's called a service of action. That's what is called
the prayer in action and his What was powerful about
that is that when service becomes a prayer, it stops
(16:24):
feeling like an obligation and it starts feeling like a devotion.
And I know I say on many occasions, I am
not a pastor, I'm not a preacher, I'm not any
of that. I just speak and that's all I do.
I allow God to come into me and use me
as a vessel. When I do that, my life and
the experience that I have, I do that I share it.
(16:46):
It's times sometimes I and I shared this before that
I have everything lined up and as soon as I
will get there, it'll go away. And I'm talking about
something that I just went through in that moment, in
that time, How do I start from here and got
through that day, or through that moment, or through that situation.
I want you to think about this when you're doing
(17:08):
something that is in alignment with your purpose, even when
it's hard, even when it challenges you, doesn't it feed
something in you? Doesn't it light you up in a
way that nothing else does. So one I just shared
with you is that I come in here with my
whole script and everything ready to go, and then it's
(17:29):
something that say Nope, that's not even it, And before
I know it, I'm talking about a situation that I
exactly went through and how I got through that, because
that is what people need to hear. People need to
hear true, authentic, real situations that happen and how you
got through it, how I got through it, how can
(17:51):
I get through it? I was right there Nowaomi, I
tell you, I'm right here now, so I echo and
I mirror exactly you're going through. And that's when I
became to understand that what it is what I do
is is because it is of true service, and that
(18:12):
because of true service, it isn't about what you're doing
for someone, It's about who you're being through the act
of service. It's who I'm being through this act of service.
It's about expressing the divine that lives in you. It's
one thing that I have and I don't want to
(18:37):
call it, call it so much of a challenge, but
it is. I want to be real, but it is.
It's a challenge that my past has been a conversation
for negativity. And my prayer was that my past will
be a conversation for hope, that my past will be
(19:00):
a conversation for transformation, and that my past would not
be a conversation for that my past would not be
a conversation to demean anyone or to compare anyone's journey. Again,
(19:38):
what I want my past to do is to empower, encourage, transform,
help you to transform, to resonate, and let you know
that you are not alone in your journey. So I'm
(20:01):
gonna say this, So if you have been running your self,
ragget trying to serve everyone, and if you're exhausted from
pouring out when you have nothing left, that's my service,
that's self abandonment. So when I sit here and I
say my prayer on what I want my past to do,
(20:24):
I know that I'm in service I know I'm not
abandoning myself, and I love it when I'm helping people,
it feeds me something that I've never had before, empathy, compassion, gratitude.
(20:58):
And that's me given from a place of purpose. And
when I'm giving from a place of purpose, I'm able
to share my gifts because they're meant to be shared.
Those are spiritual practices. That's how we honor both ourselves
and the people who we serve. So if you are
(21:20):
giving from a place of purpose, if you are sharing
your gifts because they are meant to be shared, that
is a spiritual practice, and that's how you honor yourself
and others in that and it's not coming from a
place of depletion. Does that make sense? All right? I
(21:41):
hope I didn't lose you all right there? All right,
So let's go to the next one. Let's talk about
the full cup philosophy. All right now. I remember doctor Will.
I remember hearing this from doctor Will talking about working
from a cup that overflowed. It was the same thing
I say all the time. And I know you all
heard this before from your parents, your grandparents. Is that
whether you see the cup half full or half empty.
(22:05):
And I used to live by that. You know that
analogy a lot of times. But when speaking to doctor
Will and he told me about filling up my cup
and allowing it to overflow kind of and not even
tilting it, just allowing it to overflow, that's when you
know that you are truly on your healing, your self
(22:26):
love journey because your cup is steady flowing and overflowing
and full. So when doctor Will will text me and
say how you feel, I feel full. I'm exhausted from
other things, but my spirit and my soul feels full.
And when I say feel full also to it. I
(22:46):
need to let people know is that when I say
I'm full, that means that I'm able to hold space
for you as well. Does that make sense all right?
So I want to talk about this because I'm very
passionate about the full cup philosophy. And you've heard myself
as well as doctor Will say, you can't pour from
(23:08):
an empty cup, right. It becomes a self clear care
cliche at that point, right, But then there's a deep
truth that's in it. There's a deep truth that's in it,
and I think that we often miss it. So here's
what I want you to understand self care isn't selfish.
(23:33):
Self care is preparation for service. Hear me when I
say that again. Self care is preparation for service because
it's important. It's important, and I'm gonna say it one
more time. Excuse me. Self care isn't selfish. It's a
(23:56):
preparation for surface. So when I prioritized, prioritize my healing,
when I take the time to rest, when I say
no to things that don't align with me, when I
invest in my spiritual practices, I'm not being self centered.
(24:21):
I'm filling my cup so that when it's time to
pour out, I have something substantial to give. I think
about my own journey that I couldn't have supported other
women through their excellent journeys if I hadn't gone through
my own right, I couldn't hold space for women healing
(24:42):
from religious trauma. If I hadn't did my own deconstruction work,
I couldn't talk to you about self love. If I
hadn't learned to love myself first, I couldn't talk to
anybody that was coming out of the adult industry and
on this healing journey to know what self life, self respect,
all of this self discovery mean if I hadn't went
(25:04):
through it myself. So again, my healing journey wasn't about me.
It wasn't just about me getting better. It was in
preparation for me to hold space for others. Every moment
of facing my shadows, every time I chose myself, that
(25:25):
was me filling my cup. And when women reach out
to me now, when they're scared and about to go
through their surgery, or confuse about their identity or struggling
with their shame, I can pour into them from a
place of overflow and not from obligation or depletion. And
(25:52):
that's a difference. That is a difference. So when you're
pouring from an empty cup, service feels like sacrifice. So
when my good girlfriend said that you sacrifice, I didn't
feel like I was sacrificing anything. I felt like I
(26:14):
was living the life that it was chosen for me.
And in that life that I lived, I feel so
amazingly abundant in that experience. So you're giving what you
don't have. I was given what I had. And when
(26:35):
you're running on fumes, I understand what that running on
fumes what is. But I'm no longer doing that, And
eventually you're burnout. I had those burnout stages, and you
become resentful, and then you wonder why no one's pouring
into you. I remember being there, I remember being there.
(27:01):
But when you're pouring from a full cup, from an overflow,
service feels like joy, It feels like purpose, It feels
like an extension of your own abundance. So what does
a full cup look like for you? Well, for me,
(27:22):
it looks like my morning alter. It looks like saying
no to opportunities that don't align with my peace. It
looks like rest without guilt. It looks like investing in
my own healing so I can show up powerfully for others.
It looks like me having conversations and doing here, right here,
(27:45):
at the season of self love, doing this, this is
a part of it. My cup being full and your
full cook cup, Mike look different, and that's okay. But
you need need to know what fills you up. You
need to know what your non negotiables are, because without
(28:08):
that foundation of self love and self care, your service
will deplete you instead of inspire you. And here's something else.
Watching you feel your cup gives other permission to feel
theirs too. When the women in my community see me
(28:29):
prioritizing my healing, taking breaks when I need to, setting boundaries,
they learn to do the same. That's modeling. That's teaching
without preaching. That's showing people that you can be of
service and take care of yourself. Those two things aren't opposite.
(28:51):
Those are team members, those are partners. That's what that is,
all right, So let's talk about ripple of fact. Let's
talk about those ripples, because this is where service gets
really magical, really profound. One woman's healing aspires another, and
(29:13):
that woman healing aspires another, and before you know it,
you've created ways of transformation that reach far beyond what
you can see. So your story as a man and
your healing aspires another man to want to heal another man,
(29:33):
do you understand? So sharing your story, sharing your transformation,
sharing that journey can reaso many different people. And I
see this happening in real time in our community, whether
it's a man or woman who is listening to this
podcast when they are in their dark places. Maybe they
(29:54):
were considering an expert surgery. Maybe they were considering destructing,
deconstructing their faith. Maybe they were trying to find what
self love is to them. Maybe they were trying to
find with their purpose, maybe they even felt alone. Maybe
they wanted to find how to create a solid and
(30:16):
healthy relationship with someone else, or better yet, with themselves.
And I know because I've read a letter to you,
but they've reached out to tell me that hearing my
story gave them permission to start their own healing journey.
I have letters, I have dms, I have messages that
(30:39):
say thank you, thank you for sharing your story. It
might not look exactly like mine, but it gave them
permission to look within themselves and say, Okay, they kind
of sound a little bit like what I'm going through.
I kind of feel that. And she talking to me, Oh,
(31:00):
she's talking to me. What I love I love about
is some of the people who I've talked to that
some of these people are thinking about starting their own podcast.
Some of these people are starting to write their own books.
(31:22):
They are creating their own businesses centered around healing and service.
So do you understand how powerful that is. I didn't
just heal myself. I created a ripple, and those ripples
are creating more ripples. And someone out there, there's a woman,
(31:43):
there's a man who will be transformed by the work
of someone that was inspired by me speaking my truth,
even though I never met them. That's the ripple effect,
and it works in your life too. Maybe you're not
(32:05):
hosting a podcast or building a platform, but maybe you're
a person in your family who decided to break generational curses.
Maybe you're a friend who always creates space for horror conversations,
or maybe you are that coworker who brings kindness into
a toxic environment. You don't always see the ripples that
(32:26):
you create. You don't always know whose life that you've touched,
or whose perspective that you've shifted, But trust me, they're there.
I see. Every time you choose healing over hiding, you
create a ripple. Every time you share your story instead
(32:47):
of keeping it locked away in shame, you create a ripple.
Every time you show up authentically, vulnerably and powerful, you
create a ripple. Community creates a wave of transformation. So
(33:10):
when we serve from a place of purpose and fullness,
we become part of something so much bigger than ourselves.
So your healing isn't just for you. Your growth isn't
just for you, Your transformation isn't just for you. It
(33:34):
is for your children, who will inherit a healthier version
of you. It is for your friends who will witness
what's possible. It's for the stranger who will stumble across
your story at the exact right moment, you are creating ripples.
So don't ever underestimate the power of your service. So
(33:58):
now let's talk about the service that honors your journey.
And I want to close out this main context today
with that, because this is something that's deeply personal on
how service honors your journey. You see every struggle that
you've been through, every painful moment, every dark night of
(34:19):
the soul, every time you thought you wouldn't make it,
it was a preparation. I know it's hard to hear
when you're still in the thick of it. I know,
when you're hurting, the last thing you want to hear
is this is happening for a reason, or you use
this to help someone else one day. But from where
(34:40):
I'm standing now, I can look back at the version
of myself, the version who felt trapped in the adult industry,
the version who carries shame like a second skin, the
version who didn't know if she would ever feel whole again,
And I can say with certainty that women wasn't suffering
(35:01):
for nothing. I want to share this serve with you
before I go on, and I hope that my baby
don't mind. Today my baby, my oldest baby, is her
birthday and she will be thirty four years old. And
yesterday she called me and she was in tears and
she said, I just want to say thank you. And
I'm like, oh my god, what's wrong, what's wrong? And
(35:23):
she said no, she said, I've been living here in
the state that she live in for ten years. She said,
I was twenty four years old with my baby in
a bag and a suitcase, and I moved to the
state and I was wondering, how am I going to
make it without my mama? How was I going to
make it without you? She said, And it's been ten
(35:44):
years that I've been here. And she said, Mama, I
feel so full right now, and I want to thank you.
I want to thank you for talking into me. I
want to thank you for some of those hard conversations
that you had with me. And I told her, I said,
this is your moment where you need to be proud
(36:05):
of yourself. I said, now that you've been through your healing,
journey your self love. Now that pain has to be purposeful.
It is time for you to share your story and
be purposeful in it. So when we talk about being
(36:29):
a service of others, when we talk about allowing why,
it's about self love. Because when you go through your
healing journey, when you have those hard conversations with yourself,
when you are looking at your reflection in the mirror,
(36:50):
that's your preparation to be able to inspire, encourage, or
motivate someone else. Does that make sense? Does that make sense?
But again, my story, my daughter's story, and anyone else's
(37:13):
story that's out there, that you know that you've been
through and you understand your transformation and how you go
and you understand that now you are becoming you and
all of those things that I went through, all of
this was becoming me. And I am here to serve
(37:35):
because of who all of you are, knowing that what
all of you've been through. I don't know it exactly,
but I know that we've all been through something. So
how do we get that? So I turned my situations,
my pain into purpose. That's when you serve others, when
(38:00):
your pain become purpose, When you serve others. Now, I
want to be clear. I'm not saying that your pain
happens so you could help other people. Your pain happened
because we live in a complicated, sometimes broken world, and
trauma isn't given to us by the universe as a gift.
(38:21):
It's something that we survived. Now, when I say what
I've been through my day is a gift for me,
because I turn it into a gift for me, does
that make sense. I don't look at it as trauma.
I don't look at it as pain. I look at
it as a gift because I learned from that. Does
(38:43):
that make sense? And I was able to survive from that.
But this is important too. I want you to know,
once you survived it, once you have been gun to
heal from it, you now have a choice. You can
(39:04):
keep that healing to yourself, or you can use it
to light the way for others. So when you choose service,
when you decide that your story can be someone else's
survival guide, you reclaim your pain. You give it a
new meaning. You transform it from something that happened to
(39:28):
you and to something that has happened for someone else.
Does that make sense? That's alchemy that's taking your wounds
and turning them into wisdom. That's honoring your journey by
making sure no one else has to walk that path alone.
I think about the women that I serve. I think
(39:49):
about the men that I serve. I think about the
ones that are going through expert surgery. I think about
the ones that are healing from religious trauma. I think
about the ones that's finding their way back to them
after feeling loss for so long. Every single one of
them helps me honor my journey because when I hold
(40:09):
space for their pain, I'm honoring the pain that I
once felt. When I celebrate those breakthroughs, I'm celebrating my own.
When I remind them that they're not broken, I'm reminding
the younger version of myself too. Servant completes the circle.
(40:31):
It completes the circle. It gives meaning to the mess.
It turns your test into a testimony. And here's something
beautiful that you don't have to have it all figured
out at the start of serving. You just have to
be willing to share where you are and what you've learned.
(40:56):
Maybe your service looked like mentoring someone a few steps
behind you on the path. Maybe it's creating art that
expresses your truth, or maybe it's just simply being present
for a friend who is going through what you've survived.
Whether that looks like you know this, When you serve
from your story, you're telling the universe. My pain would
(41:21):
not be wasted, my journey would not be meaningless. I
will take what I try to break me and use
it to help others break free. I'm gonna say that again.
This is what the universe, This is what God is
telling you about your story. My pain would not be wasted,
(41:45):
my journey would not be meaningless. I will take what
I try to break me and use it to help
others break free. I will take what tried to break
me and use it to help others break free. That's,
(42:07):
my beautiful people, is the ultimate act of self love,
because you're not just healing yourself. You're healing that little boy,
that little girl inside of you who needed someone to
show him or her the way. All right, So let's
bring this home with some practical tools that you can
(42:27):
use this week or write. First, I want you to
journal this prompt. How has someone's service to me changed
my life? And I'm gonna say it again, And here's
the prompt. How has someone's service to me changed my life.
And I want you to really sit in that question.
I want you to think about a time when someone
(42:48):
showed up for you, not because they had to, but
because they wanted to. Maybe it was a teacher who
believed in you. Maybe it was a friend who held
space for your pain, or maybe it was a stranger
whose story just gave you hope. All right, the next one,
how did that service impact you and how did it
(43:11):
change your trajectory? And what does that teach you about
the power of your own service. The next thing I
want you to do. I want you to write it.
I want you to reflect on it, and I want
you to let yourself feel grateful for that ripple that
reached you. All right Now, our second action a step
(43:35):
for this week, is I want you to identify one
way your unique journey can serve someone else. Yes, I
want you to identify one way that your unique journey
can serve someone this week. Notice I said your unique
journey not what you think you should do, not what
(43:56):
it looks good on social media, but what's authentic to you.
Maybe you've overcame financial struggle you can mentor someone on
building their business, or maybe you're healed from a toxic relationship,
and you can hold space for a friend you know
that's going through a breakup, or maybe you've learned to
(44:16):
set boundaries and you can model that for your children.
What's one concrete way that you can be of service
this week from your overflow that's not your depletion. And third,
this is your reflection question. What does a full cup
(44:39):
look like for me? That is your reflection question. What
does a full cup look like for me? And this
is important because if you don't know what fills you up,
you keep trying to pull from an empty cup. Is
(45:00):
it rest? Is it creativity? Is it spiritual practices? Is
it therapy? Is it time? And the nature? It's the same,
no more. Often get clear on what your full cup
requires and make those things non negotiable, because remember, self
(45:22):
care is in selfish. It's preparation for service. All right,
my beautiful people, So before we close, I want to
leave you all with this affirmation. Okay, if you can,
I want you to place one hand on your heart again,
and I want you to take a deeper thin and
I want you to repeat these words with me out loud,
(45:42):
if you're able to, or if not, just in your heart.
All right, all right. I give from a place of
overflow and not depletion. My service is an extension of
my self love. As I I have others heal, as
(46:03):
I rise, I lift others with me. My story has purpose,
my pain has power, and my service create ripples of
transformation that reach far beyond what I can see. I
am full, I am enough, and I am here to serve. Now,
(46:27):
I want you to take one more deep breath, thin,
and I want you to feel the truth of those
words setting into your spirit. All right, all right, my
beautiful people, I wanna thank you for just being with
me here today, for just showing up and being open
to this conversation about service and self love. This is
(46:48):
just week one of our giving back seriousis November, and
I am so excited to continue on this journey with you.
We got an amazing guest coming on Wednesday, and next Monday,
mindset Monday, we are going to dive in even more
deeper into practical ways and you can give back to
your community. But for this week, I want you to
sit with what we've talked about today. Let that marinate.
(47:12):
I want you to journal on those prompts. Take your
action steps, and the most importantly, make sure that your
company is full of today's episode has resonated with you.
Please share it with someone who needs to hear it,
screenshot it, tag them, let them Let's create more of
a ripple effect together. So until next time, I want
(47:36):
you to remember that you're healing. Your healing is never
just for you. You are here to serve and the world
needs what only you can give. I love you, my
beautiful people. Now go out and love yourself by loving
others as well. This is a season and said love.
I am Naomi, Max and I will see y'all next time.
(47:58):
Have an amazing day. Thank you so much for joining
me today on this journey of intentional healing. I hope
that this conversation has filled your cup and reminded you
of the beautiful and worthy person that you are. I
want you to remember healing isn't about rushing, It's about
(48:19):
showing up for yourself with love and intention, one day
at a time. So I'll see you back here Monday
and Wednesday for another episode of the season of Healing
Intentionally right here on the Season of Self Love podcast.
So until then, keep choosing you and visit us at
(48:42):
the season of Self Love podcast dot com for show
notes and resources, and remember to connect with me on
Instagram at the real Naomi Banks. This has been brought
to you by Aks Naomi and Elevating me self Discovery
because your healing matters. You are loved, you are word,
and you are exactly where you need to be. Take
(49:05):
care of h
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