Join host Nyomi Banks on The Season of Self-Love Podcast for a transformative Wisdom Wednesday conversation with Christian de la Huerta—spiritual teacher, breathwork facilitator, and author with 30 years of experience guiding people through deep personal transformation. Explore how personal growth ties into collective healing and why conscious love is the foundation of authentic connection.
In This Episode:
• Understanding the ego mind: Why we get stuck in power struggles
• The difference between intensity and intimacy in relationships
• How unconscious wounds from childhood sabotage our relationships
• Breathwork as a tool for healing past trauma stored in the body
• Why self-knowledge is the foundation of loving others
• The power of surrender as an empowering (not disempowering) act
• Distinguishing worldly power from soulful power
• Why women's empowerment is critical for global healing
About Christian de la Huerta: For 30 years, Christian has been guiding people through deep personal transformation. His wisdom spans spirituality, breathwork, and emotional healing.
His latest book, Conscious Love: Transforming Our Relationship to Relationships, helps people break through patterns that block real, meaningful connection.
Key Concepts Explored: The Ego Mind Explained: Christian offers a powerful visual: "If you put a baseball in the center of a stadium, that's the ego. Who we are is actually the freaking stadium."
In This Episode:
• Understanding the ego mind: Why we get stuck in power struggles
• The difference between intensity and intimacy in relationships
• How unconscious wounds from childhood sabotage our relationships
• Breathwork as a tool for healing past trauma stored in the body
• Why self-knowledge is the foundation of loving others
• The power of surrender as an empowering (not disempowering) act
• Distinguishing worldly power from soulful power
• Why women's empowerment is critical for global healing
About Christian de la Huerta: For 30 years, Christian has been guiding people through deep personal transformation. His wisdom spans spirituality, breathwork, and emotional healing.
His latest book, Conscious Love: Transforming Our Relationship to Relationships, helps people break through patterns that block real, meaningful connection.
Key Concepts Explored: The Ego Mind Explained: Christian offers a powerful visual: "If you put a baseball in the center of a stadium, that's the ego. Who we are is actually the freaking stadium."
- The ego = sense of separate identity (the "I")
- We've allowed this tiny part of who we are to think it's ALL who we are
- The ego makes important life choices from a limited, fear-based perspective
- Understanding the ego allows us to pause before reacting and choose our response
- We approach them expecting someone to "complete us" or "make us happy"
- We're running relationships from subconscious wounds we're not even aware of
- We react to present situations based on old hurts and childhood conclusions
- We suppress painful beliefs ("I'm not good enough") which then sabotage our relationships
- We attract the wrong people or people who aren't available as a form of self-sabotage
- Initial infatuation/lust = collapsed ego boundaries (feels amazing but temporary)
- When the honeymoon ends (3-9 months), ego walls come back up
- Real loving begins when the honeymoon ends
- Love isn't the feeling—it's the act of placing ourselves outside our comfort zone for another's spiritual growth
- We confuse intensity with intimacy, lust with love
- Breathe in a circular connected way for 60-90 minutes
- Bypasses the mind and goes directly to trauma stored in the body
- Talk therapy helps us understand why we do things, but trauma lives in the body
- Breathwork clears old wounds permanently—lives change after one session
- Originally called "rebirthing" because people heal their birth trauma and reset
- Surrender is NOT giving up, wimping out, or throwing in the towel
- Surrender is an incredibly empowering and courageous act
- It's about releasing control and allowing Spirit/God to lead
- Misunderstanding surrender keeps us stuck in ego-driven choices
- Worldly/Ego Power: Hierarchy, control, fear, force, domination—requires pushing others down
- Soulful Power: Gandhi, Dr. King, nonviolence—dramatic change without violence
- Gandhi brought the British Empire to its knees without shooting a gun or landing a punch
- We reject power because we fear corruption, but in doing so, we give our power away
- How many times have we said "yes" when inside it was a "no"?
- The single most important thing that needs to happen in the world
- Not to idealize women or put them on a pedestal
- Not to give women more mess to clean up
- Because we've been running off balance between masculine and feminine energies for 6,000+ years
- Patriarchy turned the feminine into "less than" and "weakness"—a twisted lie and instrument of control
- Had breast implants for 20+ years, causing illness
- Initially wasn't going to share her journey publicly (ego/insecurity)
- Realized: "How can you talk about self-love when you're moving from insecurity?"
- "I used to say I'm 80
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What if the love that you've been searching for and
others has been waiting inside all along. What if real connection,
the kind that transform lives and heal community, starts not
with finding the right person, but with knowing yourself deeply
enough to love consciously. Well, today we are exploring something
(00:21):
profound on how personal healing becomes a collective transformation, and
how service begins with self love, and how conscious love
breaks the patterns that keep us stuck in the same
relationship cycles over and over again. Well, I'm Naomi Banks,
and this is the season and self love. Today's conversation
(00:42):
with spiritual teacher Christian Di Lahorte is going to shift
something in you. Trust me, let's dive in. Welcome to
the Season of Self Love podcast, the Season of Healing Intentionally.
I am your host, Banks, and I am so glad
that you are here. This season, we are slowing down
(01:05):
to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, We're creating a
space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and the kind of
self love that transform from the inside out. This podcast
is brought to you by Axs Naomi and Elevate Me
Self Discovery. Well, we believe that loving yourself intentionally is
(01:27):
a foundation of true transformation. So whether you're on your
own journey of rebirth navigating life transitions, we're simply choosing yourself.
This is your safe space. So get comfort, grab your
favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally because you deserve
(01:48):
to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now, let's get.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Started, all right, be beautiful people.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Well, welcome back to this season and self Love Podcast.
I'm your host, Naomi Banks, and I am truly glad
that you are here.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
With me today.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Well, this month, we are exploring a very powerful thing
and it's called giving back and how true service of
community begin with love and healing and with you. Now,
today's episode is a special one because it's called the
power of service and community, cultivating connection through conscious love.
And I am honored to be joined by someone who
has worked truly touched by spirit and as Christian Dell Horta.
(02:27):
And I hope that I'm saying his name right, So
when I brag them to the stage, I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Him all right. But for thirty years, Christian.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Has been guiding people through deep personal transformation. His wisdom
spans spirituality, breath, work and emotional healing, and his latest work,
Conscious Love, is helping people to break through the patterns
that block real, meaningful connection. So if you ever wonder
how your personal growth ties into collective healing, this conversation
(02:58):
is for you. But before I bring Christian to the stage,
let's take a quick break. All right, it's Segurty Goddess.
Let me Banks here on the Season and Stuff Love
podcast and we'd.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Be right back.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing. Always for me,
if I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest. But I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So what does it take to be the greatest.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be
kind to yourself and you'll always.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Hey, Segurty, God is now me Banks. It makes sure YouTube.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
In this three Thursday night at Naomi podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
We'll we talk about everything you love, sex, relationship, cost,
the differences, and.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
So much more by bridging the gap between them all.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And we even talk about this pure vening.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You need to stop by me and dot com mycoda
as well as.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
The BTG three.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
You have some amazing guests to comfortable.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
You never know.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Just make sure you tune met Thursday night, six pm
six percent of time. Go to ex mail dot com.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
And tell the miamis all right, My beautiful people will
welcome back. Well, hello, Krista, did I just butcher your
last night?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
No? Hey, no, we know you actually did pretty well
the age of selling and Spanish, but you got everything else.
You got all the vowel sounds perfectly perfect, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, I am truly excited for you to be here.
I'm truly excited about our conversation. But usually before we
get into it, we do a nice grounding, you know,
just to ground us before we get into the top
of your hand. So, listeners, you already know if you
could just get in a nice comfortable position and close
your eyes. Get comfortable, and let's take a moment to
(05:00):
be still. Find a comfortable position and close your eyes.
Now I want you to take a slow, deep breath
in and exhale fully feel the presence of your heart,
the space where love and connection begin. Now I imagine
(05:26):
a circle of light that expanding from your heart. This
gently reaching out to connect with others in kindness and
in service. Now your next breadth in I want you
to breathe in empathy and breathe out isolation. Today we
(05:55):
are realigned with the divine power of love in community.
Take one final ty breath, then excel, and when you
are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, my beautiful people, again,
(06:21):
thank you for just sharing that space with me. And
if you are new here to the Season and Self
Love podcast, it's something we do every day Monday through Friday,
just again to ground us before we get into the top.
All right, Christian, you're ready.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I've had a chance to look over your work, some
of your work, and I love. What I love the
most is how you you bring deep truth into something
as universal as in complicated as love will be.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And it's so funny because I remember even when I
created the Season of Self Love, and I remember explaining
to a friend to mind about the deepness for me
with self love is it's about having an intimate relationship
with yourself. And it was like, how can I call
myself a relationship coach or a love coach and to
(07:13):
other people, but we were.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Unsure on how to love ourselves.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
You know, how can we be in another relationship with
someone else and we don't have that. So so when
I did that, it was like, it's just love, It's
just it's just you loving yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
And I'm like, no, it's not.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
It's it's a lot of healing that goes into this
whole thing, this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, can you share? Can you start by sharing.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
A bit about your journey and what led you to
explore love and spirituality?
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Well, I mean, first of all, thank you for that
beautiful guide of meditation, and you're so right right like it,
So it ties in what you were saying. Love starts within,
like how can we even expect anybody to love us
if we don't love ourselves? And how can we really
love ourselves if we don't know ourselves. So it all
(08:09):
begins by self knowledge, self awareness, taking the time, and yeah,
it takes effort to understand, you know, why we do
the things we do, why we attract certain people, why
certain things trigger us when they may not trigger you.
And yeah, it takes work. It takes paying attention to
ourselves and the patterns in our lives. But it is
(08:30):
so infinitely worthy because the problem is is that we've
been running all of our relationships from subconscious wounds from
the past that sometimes we're not even aware of. So
that's not a really good strategy. And so to answer
your question, now, I've been doing transformational work for over
thirty years now, and it started. You know, I started
(08:55):
out studying psychology. My dad was a psychiatrist. I thought
I was going to go in that direction, a PhD
in psychology. But I started, you know, as I went
through college, I realized that at least then. I know,
there's some schools now where they involve spirituality, but at
least then, and the schools that I was going to,
you know, they totally ignore that part of us. And
(09:15):
I was thinking, well, how can you ignore such an
integral part of being human as our spirituality? And so
I started looking elsewhere. I started looking eastward as I
look at some of the religions of the East, Buddhism, Hinduism,
that kind of thing, indigenous traditions. Because I had also
gotten to one in my life in which the religion
(09:36):
in which I was raised, which was Catholicism, realized I
didn't didn't have room for me. You know, as I here,
part of me wanted to really serve the sacred serve
God as I understood it then, and being told by
a religion in which I wanted to be a part
of that, I was going to burn in hell for
(09:57):
eternity for being who I am and for being gay,
and so you know, I had to like eventually throw
the baby out with a baptismal water and had to it.
Had to figure out other ways because you know, in
my twenties, I started focusing. I focused mostly professionally on
my own personal development, but started to realize there's got
(10:18):
to be more to life than you know. It was
pretty successful. I was sought after socially, professionally, but it
felt like I had this expanding hole in my gut,
like there was something missing. So that's when I started
searching again for meaning for purpose.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, you know that's beautiful, and you just speak so
beautifully about the ways of unconscious belief how it shapes
our relationship. That's the thing I remember going through my
spiritual journey, and I can say actively I went through
my spiritual journey probably about thirteen years ago.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
My daughter will be thirteen in November. Now she would
be this much, you will be thirteen years old.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
And I remember I became pregnant. It was told to
me that I would not be able to have any children,
any more children unless I went through the whole with
the pills and the shots and all of that. And
at that time, I wasn't trying. I just figured I
was done.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
I've already had waters.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
And so moving forward, when I was going through that
and I was on bear risk, that was my part
of time that I was really able to tap into myself.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I created a whole prayer closet in my closet, and
I remember just going through with the forgiveness letters. These
were all things I was just doing on my own,
like someone was saying, this.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Is what you need to do.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
And in that process, I remember I had just retired
from the adult industry and so I was just doing radio.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
That's all I was doing was radio.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And I remember, excuse me, going to get rebaptized all
over again because I wanted to cleanse, excuse me, all
of the dirt that I was told that was on
me from being a part of that industry.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
You know, even though when I say Christian, I play.
I prayed every day on my way.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
To set like I constantly kept God in my life,
but I didn't go to church. And why I didn't
go to church is because I was told that I
was going to hell, you know, and so I had
to find my way to have my own intimate relationship
with God. But when I thought about the self love
(12:41):
journey of it all, and that wasn't let me say
that that started to happen when I turned fifty.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
I can't believe you.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
So when I closed that first book of life for me,
the gift for me when I turn fifty one was that,
you know, we're gonna talk about self love. I remember
the book that I read that opened up everything, and
that was the Surrendering experience by Michael A Sick.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
That literally opened my eyes.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
It confirmed a lot of things that I believe when
I was younger, you know, just all of those things
that I just knew that I was more connected to
God than people will give me credit for it, just
because of what I did for living, not about who
I am as person, you know, but what I looked
(13:36):
at on the outside of what my career was or
who I can possibly love it wasn't about me. And
when I started to figure that out, that is when
I was like, Okay, this.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Is what I did.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
This is what love and spirituality being. And when I
speak of just sitting back and being aware and surrendering,
that's one of the best and curious feelings all in one.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Yeah. And it's interesting because in my earlier book, the
one that came out a couple of years ago, Awakening
the Soul of Power, talks about how how do we
step into power in a way that's not about hierarchy,
control of fear, for e stamination, How do we do
it in a different way that doesn't require that we
push anybody down put our knee to their neck in
order for us to prop ourselves up and feel powerful.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
And one of the sections in that is the power
of surrender because we misunderstand that word, you know, we
think that it's throwing in the white towel, that it's
giving up, that it's wimping out, and it's not. It's
an incredibly empowering act and an incredibly courageous act.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
And it's not disempowering at all.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So what was the moment of your turning point that
you that brought you to, where your realization that love
can be a path of healing and not just individually
but also for the communities too.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
Yeah, you know it's I've been doing the coaching component,
the transformational coaching. I've been doing retreats for over thirty
years and still by far the area of life that
most people I work with struggle with is that is relationships.
So I started, you know, reading about it and thinking
(15:32):
about it, and it's like, why is it that we
struggle so much in this area? And so that's kind
of what I did in this book has come up
with ten challenges and areas that we struggle with and
how do we how do we navigate those? How do
we how do we how do we solve those problems?
And starting with the first one, which is how do
(15:53):
we approach them? Right? If we're approaching a relationship with
the expectation, Ya, that's going to complete us, You're gonna
make me happy, forget it, hang it out, it's not
gonna work. There isn't anyone out there who's gonna complete us,
who's going to make us happy, and it's not their
job to So how unfair to put that responsibility, big responsibility.
(16:16):
You gonna make me happy? Yikes. It's a big job
and a lot of pressure to put on a relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
So no, it's so no wonder we have relationship stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
You are so correct in there. I remember my middle baby.
I remember her, you know, starting to go into the
dating field. I think she was like sixteen or seventeen
years old, and I remember she was like, oh mom,
this this guy likes me. And I'm just I'm just
sitting there like, oh my god. And I said, well,
let me. I said, let me tell you something. I said,
(16:49):
if it was a perfect world for me, you probably
wouldn't be dating till you're like twenty or thirty years old.
And the reason why I say that is because when
you're in a relationship with someone else, it's a lot
of responsibility. I'm gona tell you why I said, because
there is a communication barrier that y'all don't even understand
what that means. You know, do you even know what
it means to be in a relationship with someone. I'm
(17:11):
talking about holding hands, I'm talking about talking and communicating
back and forth. That means you have to think about
their emotions when you're probably going through something.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And she looked at me like I had three hands.
That's a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, that's a lot, I say, Yes, it is a lot.
I said, because now you are looking at that person
as your partner, whether it is just boyfriend or girlfriend.
You're in a relationship with that person, but also what
makes you happy. And she couldn't tell me. So until
you know what makes you happy, then choose a boy.
(17:49):
Now she like that went over her head because that's
she in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
But I'm just.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Saying, those are things that you know. I tell both
her and my oldest one, and they look at me.
They looked at me, but now now they understand exactly
what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
There's no way around it. Like I love that the
words that you're using your guide of meditation, you know,
to breathe in what was it empathy and breathe out isolation.
And that's part of the reason that we end up
settling in relationships. You know that we override the yellow
flags and the red flags, like somewhere in there we
(18:27):
know this isn't going to work, but because we're afraid
of being alone, because we feel isolated, because we're trying
to run away from from ourselves and we don't want
to face the stuff that's buried deep down in there,
then we settle. Yeah, and that's how can we expect
that to work? It cannot work.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yeah. Yeah, So you know, since we're talking about that,
because that's really let's go into about conscience love.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Because when you talk about that fear, when you talk.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
About conditioning, when you talk about the emotional rooms that
keep us from connecting deeply with other people, how do
you see how do you see personal relationship challenges that
show it up on a broader a broader society, in
our broader society, that is.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Well, the we will start with this, you know, the
the reason that most of us get stuck in power
struggles and relationships, whether they're interpersonal or international, it's because
we don't have a real understanding of who we are
and why we do the things we do. So in
(19:34):
this earlier book on power, I spent probably the first
quarter or maybe a fifth of the book explaining what
the ego mind is. Because if we want to have
relationships that have a chance of working, if we want
to have a life that is filled with meaning, with purpose,
if we want to avoid these power struggles that we
seem to get stuck in. We have to understand what
(19:56):
the ego mind is, because that's the part of us
that gets us in troubles free time and we don't
have time to get into it. It's it's a big conversation.
But here's a great visual that helps us get it.
If you put up a baseball in the center of
a stadium, that's the ego. And so the word ego
means I in Latin. So the ego part of us is,
you know, because we tend to associate that word with
(20:19):
arrogance inflated sense of self, and it is that, but
it's a whole lot more than that, So that that
baseball is the sense of separate identity. There's this Christian
that's Naomi. Who we are is actually the freaking stadium.
And we've allowed this tiny, tiny, tiny part of who
we are to think that it is all who we
(20:39):
are and to make really important consequential choices about our lives,
about what we do with them, what kind of jobs
we take, what kind of relationships we get into, who
we hang out with. From a very small, limited and
always fear based perspective, So to me, that's the starting
(21:01):
point understanding who we are, and that means understanding the
ego mind, which is both an incredible leap and evolution. Like,
as far as we know, we're the only species that
has a sense of self. There's some theories about the
elephants and the higher primates and the dolphins on the way.
You know, we've seen the YouTube video. As you put
(21:22):
a dog or a cat in front of a mirror,
they interact with that image as if it was another
dog or a cat. You put a higher primate like
a champ of gorilla in front of a mirror and
you put ash on their shoulder. At some points they'll
go like this, which lets us know that they know
that's an image of them. To leap from that to
(21:42):
a sense of separate self and identity, we really can
do them. And so Ken Wilbert, who writes about this
stuff really intelligently and insightfully, talks about how humanity hasn't
always had a sense of self like that's at one
point we were at one with all of creation. We
didn't feel separate from and when the ego developed that
(22:06):
sense of separate identity, it was both an incredible leap
and evolution. That's one of the reasons we're so smart
and so successful. It's also the reason that we suffer
because now we can feel isolated, we can feel lonely,
we have a sense of our own mortality, we can
feel abandoned, we can feel rejected, and so important to
(22:28):
know what that is so that we can say, wait
a minute, that wasn't me who reacted and who said
something really mean because I was hurt. So when I
get them back because they hurt me, it was like,
whoa wait, worried? That was my ego that got defensive
and I got hurt. But I have a choice over
them next time. I can take a deep breath when
I feel that ouch, and rather than reacting immediately and
(22:49):
hurting somebody back or hurting them spontaneously, take a pause,
right and choose how we want to be, what we
want to say, what we want to do, than just
react automatically. And it's going to save us so much
heartache and so much pain and so much suffering.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, beautiful, thank you for that. So let's talk about
your breath work. That's something that you that you talk
about a lot, and I know we here on the season,
so we kind of like, you know, kind of glance
over it a lot with the breath work, But could
you explain how important breath work is in your daily life?
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Well, I mean, and you you started your beautiful meditation
with a deep breath. So the breath is the beginning
and the end of everything. Breath is life. Breath is
our most loyal companion on this journey of being alive,
on this journey of embodiment and beyond. Not even more
deeper than that. If you look at most spiritual traditions
(23:46):
in the world, and even several secular languages, the same
word one word can mean breath or spirit, depending on
how so. For example, numa in ancient Greek meant both
lung and from that where we get pneumonia, and it
also meant soul and from the Latin root speed that
from that we get both respiration and inspiration or expiration.
(24:12):
So the breath is the most important thing, and that's
what allows us to buy us that that moment of choice,
but that I'm doing that automatic reaction, and then the
react regret right because the adrenaline dissipates, and then like
a couple of minutes later, it's like, oh my god,
I can't believe I said that that was so mean,
(24:32):
that it really wasn't warranted. And you know, we we
mess up our relationships because of that reactivity of the ego,
that that it is so defensive and it takes everything personally.
And so once we get that understanding of who we are,
(24:53):
and we by by using the breath consciously, we buy
ourselves that moment, you know, call it a moment of
grace to enough voice what we can choose them. It
doesn't mean wimping out at all. Right, We get to
choose all of our emotions, We get to choose how
we communicate, even with anger if we want to, but
at choice not reacting, because the problem with that reaction,
(25:15):
as we're talking about earlier, is that most of the
time we're reacting to previous hurts, old wounds, conclusions, that
misunderstandings that we got to when we were kids, right,
which we don't even remember half half of it, or
maybe even most of it, or our parents in a
moment of overwhelmed because they were just doing the best
that they could set something to us, and those little
(25:38):
minds that didn't know any better took it personally, right,
and so then we reach conclusions, oh my God, there's
something wrong with me. I'm not smart enough, I'm not
beautiful enough, I'm too much of this, I'm not enough
of that. And those things which are really difficult to
face and to and to look at, we suppress them.
Just because we suppress them doesn't mean to go away.
(26:00):
We try to sweep all that stuff under the rug,
but it doesn't work. It's it only festers and gets
worse under the surface. And then we make all those
choices from the underlying beliefs, unconscious beliefs that I'm not
good enough. Can we how can we expect to attract
anything that's going to reflect other than that that I'm
not good enough? So that's what we end up sabotaging
(26:22):
our relationships even before we get started with them, by
attracting the wrong people, you know, falling for people who
are not available, they already with somebody else, they live
on the other side of the world, or people who
just not a match for us. Doesn't mean better, doesn't
mean we're worse. It's just not a match maybe before
we are in life, but we subconsciously sabotage and we
(26:42):
make sure that they don't work subconsciously. But the problem
is that we ensure the very same thing we're trying
to avoid, which is that we end up alone because
it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
That was long.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I truly do understand it, and I hope that the listeners, truly,
you know, heard and understand everything that you said in it.
Also when you were talking about and I want to
say because I got a little brain fag going on sometimes,
but when you had spoke about sabotaging yourself in relationships
even before, like you attract those relationships that you know
(27:22):
that are not going to work. And when you said that,
in my mind was like they don't want to do
the work to heal to be in a successful relationship.
That's what just came in my mind, because when you
go through the healing process, you have to go back
and you have to heal that little person, whatever that
(27:44):
was that that parent said, or whatever you witness or
whatever you touch, you do have to go back there
and do that work. And some people are just not
ready to do that or fear of doing that, and
so they rather live in that moment of just septule,
I don't have to deal with it. I know that's
not gonna work. It's just gonna go because I'm not
gonna go back.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
To that hurt exactly exactly. And that's the beauty of
a breath work, by the way, and breathwork is a
very big umbrella term. And anybody who's ever gone to
a yoga classies done breathwork right. The will Priama practices
the type of breathwork that I offer that I've been
doing for a long time. It's like breathwork on steroids,
Like you breathe in a certain way, in a circular,
(28:24):
connected way for about an hour an hour and a half,
and amazing stuff happens. Have yet to come across anything
that heals past trauma, right, So those old wounds that
we're talking about, that heals it as quickly and as effectively.
And I know that sounds too good to be true
that just by breathing that can happen, but I can't
argue with the results. It works, and what it takes
(28:47):
is a the ability to breathe. Check we got that. Secondly,
is what you're just talking about is the willingness to
go back. And it doesn't mean you're gonna get stuck
in it again, right, It just means you're going to
go clear that trauma. That now lives in the body,
which is the reason that top therapy. With all due respect,
I come out of that tradition. My dad was a psychiatrist.
(29:11):
But with all the respect to that tradition, the reason
that sometimes how many times are we heard I've been
going to therapy for twenty thirty years, rehashing the same
old crown and nothing happens. And it certainly helps to
understand why we do the things we do. But the
trauma lives in the body, so no amount of talking
(29:31):
at it, talking about it is going to get to it.
That's the beauty of the breath work. It bypasses the
mind and it goes to the source of that trauma,
which now is in the body, and it clears it.
And yes, you could have a memory about something that
happened in your past. People often do. You could have
cathartic moments. You could find yourself laughing or crying, have
emotions come up. But it really clears that old stuff.
(29:55):
It gets rid of it permanently and lives change after once.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Now mmm, you know, I do I believe you. I
had did this past December.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I had went on a weekend retreat and I remember
doing the breath work, and I can't think right on
hand exactly what it was, but it was a good
thirty minutes that we were in doing that practice, and
I remember we did it every day, twice a day,
and I just remember my body going through something. That
whole weekend was amazing for me because I was able
(30:29):
to really tap into my spiritual gifts during that weekend.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
But I truly do believe you.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
You know, you had mentioned earlier about your very first
book that you was awakening what was the name of Awakening?
Speaker 4 (30:42):
What Awakening the Soul of Power. That's a second book,
but yes, go.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Ahead, that's a second book. Tell me some more about
that book. I mean, I would love to actually get
both of all of your books, but tell me some
more about that one.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
Yeah, the first book is called Coming Out Spiritually. The
power book is Awaken the Soul of Power. So again,
it's how do we step into power in a way
that doesn't require that we push anybody down abuse power
in order for us to feel powerful, And it's for everybody,
like we all have power issues. We all struggle with
(31:16):
power because we've been conditioned, right, we misunderstand it too,
just like we misunderstand love. And have very limited understanding
of what love is. Same thing with power, and then
we've been conditioned to believe that power is a bad thing.
How many times have we heard power corrupts and solute
power corrupts absolutely, and what good person wants to be corrupted?
(31:38):
But what they didn't tell us about that quote is
that Lord Acton, who spoke those words, was speaking specifically
about political power, not the interpersonal power that you and
I are talking about. And so when you combine that conditioning,
when you combine you know, how many times have we
witnessed abuses of power, whether in our personal lives, are
(31:59):
in society and culture on TV? Like all we have
to do is turn on the news on any given
day to witness abuses of power. And so when you
combine all of that, we rejected, Yeah, no I don't
I don't want to be corrupted. No, I don't want
to be an abuse or power. But that's only one
type of power. So we throw the whole thing away,
(32:22):
and in the way, in the process, we give our
power away. And we've all done it, Like, how many
times have we said yes, when inside it really wasn't
okay with us inside it was a no but in
order to maintain that illusion of peace, that pseudo piece
in a relationship or at home, right, we swallow our truth, healings,
(32:46):
our desires, our dreams. We swallow all that stuff and
we end up settling. And not a good strategy. Not
a good and not effective strategy either. So the book
we step into power in a different way. And so
I talk about different kinds of power. And so for example,
here's one great way to look at it, to talk
(33:07):
about worldly power or ego power versus soulful power. And
you know, think of a of a Gandhi or Doctor
King and the whole you know, movement of non violence
which brought about dramatic change. Yeah, like Gandhi brought the
British Empire to its knees when it was at its
(33:28):
highest point globally, and he did that without ever shooting
a gun or landing a single punch. That's power. Yeah.
And doctor King's work, that's power. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
You know, I truly really that listeners are really tapping
into this. I don't think they understand. I mean, we
talk about certain things all the way up this.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
So let me share with you. This year is all
about the Year of the rebirth for us, the rebirth
for us.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
And by the way, the breath the breathwork modality that
I teach was originally called the rebirth thing. But go ahead,
oh wow, because in healing past trauma, maybe people he
heal their birth process, which is traumatic for everybody involved. Yes,
and so they heal that trauma and some people you
(34:18):
feel themselves going through the birth canal and reliving that
whole process all over again, so they get to reset
to start over. Yeah, anyway, I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah, yep, Now I forget Christian.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
No, but the rebirth, that's what you were talking about.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah, the rebirth.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
And so I've been going through my own transmission just
physically wise, but it turns so spiritual for me and
it actually brought me into another side of my purpose
as well. I've gotten a breast ex plant, so I
removed the breast implants that I had had for over
twenty two years and it was causing me to be
(34:56):
ill for years, years, years. But through that whole experience
that I had, I was able to go into a
community of women and you know, be voisterous in what
my journey was going through and to be just going
through all of that. I just remember connecting with other people.
(35:17):
But also I wasn't going to share that. I wasn't
going to share that on this.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Platform at all.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I was gonna say, Okay, I want to got an
explan and that's it. I had to remove my ego.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
I have to remove all of what I thought that
I was to be able to sit in that and
share that, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
And it was so funny because I remember saying to myself,
how can you talk about self love?
Speaker 2 (35:39):
How can you talk about.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Having an intimate relationship with yourself when you're still moving
from insecurity? Because you know these bags that's within your
body that's making you ill. So why haven't you listened
to your body? Why haven't you chosen to remove them?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Is it for you know? External validation?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
You know, for you?
Speaker 2 (36:01):
And when I keep going back and forth with it,
it was like, hell.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Did I'm I'm very vocal, I'm very honest, I'm very authentic.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Ess I say I'm eighty percent. Just say I'm eighty percent,
and each one of my boobs is ten percent. So
I need to take these out so I can be
one hundred percent fully in me.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
That's hilarious, I mean, but it's serious. I have a
friend who just did the same thing last month, and
for me that is such an empowering act that it's
a humble act and an empowering act, and it really
points to the deep, deep level of self acceptance. Yes,
because you are no longer willing to settle for what
(36:48):
other people like. You're saying the external validation what other
people think of me. What's a guy going to think
if I take them out? And you're saying, no, I
love myself, I value myself. I honor this beautiful body
of mind more than whatever anybody else can say with.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
And it was so funny because I was telling my husband,
I said, look, you ready for this because I'm at
one hundred percent, baby, like he met me when I.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Had my book, so he had eight, So now you're
ready for this. I was already too much eighty you
ready for this?
Speaker 4 (37:23):
I love that?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
And he was saying, yes, baby, he said, I'm ready
to see it. And so that you know, that helped
a lot.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
I remember just sharing that I didn't know how deep
the transformation for myself that it was going to be,
because there were some truths and a.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Lot of things that I've read information that I saw.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
I saw this amazing documentary called Xplant with Michelle Visage,
and she was going through her whole thing with you know,
with the breast implants and explaining them.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
But when I saw how.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
The people that are in charge, the ones are in control,
how they dismissed a lot of the women voices, most
of the women voices.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
They dismissed them.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
And now they have what they call a black box
warning that's on each one of the implants. And they
gave the doctors the surgeons that this is a warning
on each one of these implants, but it's up to
you to tell the patients about that.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
When I thought about that, I said, oh my god,
there are misusing the power.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
That they have. You understand what I'm saying, And it's
really yeah, And it just moved.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
It was just like, oh my god, Like how has
this been going on for so long? And I think
about my three girls. My three girls are ten years apart.
I have a thirty two, thirty three year old, twenty
three year old, and now will be a thirteen year old.
So each one of my girls are ten years apart,
and I have a grand baby. So when I and
she's a girl. So when I think about that, and
(39:09):
I think about the awareness that they have for women
or the care that they.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Have for women, it's not there. So it's just like,
how can what can I do? What can be my
part of to help.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Somewhere in this, you know, for my daughters or my
daughter's friends, or my you know, my granddaughter or whatever
to you know what. They gonna have to look outside
of that validation yet again and have it within themselves,
you know, And that will help really move me to
like this is this is the best thing that you
(39:43):
ever did in your life besides birthing your three beautiful girls,
you know, And just that sits.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
With me when I say it's sis, it's sis right
there at the tip of my heart it do.
Speaker 4 (39:58):
Yeah, love that so much and it's so moving. And
you know, I think I sidetracked myself when we're talking
about the Power Book. I started to say that the
Power that the book is for everybody, but it has
a particular dedication and focus on women's empowerment because I
am convinced that that is the single most important thing
(40:22):
that needs to happen in the world. It's not to
put women up on a pedestal is not to idealize women.
Women also abuse power. It certainly is not to give
women more crap to clean up in those world of ours,
this mess that we've made. But it's because as a world,
as a species, we've been running so off balance between
the masculine and the feminine energies. And by the way,
(40:45):
I know that you notice. But for anybody who might
be listening, those energies course through all of us. There
are costback energies that course through the entire universe. So
of course all of us are going to have feminine
and energies, and masculine energy is coursing through it. It's
but as this world of ours, in the last I
don't know, six thousand years of patriarchy, however long its spin,
(41:07):
we have turned the feminine into something less than We've
turned it into weakness. And wait a minute, how twisted
is that? And what a lie that is, and what
an instrument of control that is. And so that's why
I dedicate that book to women and why to me
again it is the most important thing that we need
(41:28):
to focus on.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yeah, that's before I do, I have to keep both
of the books. I have to go So let me
ask you this, because there's some way that you said.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
About about distinguishing intensity and intimacy, So can you break
that down on why so many of us confuse the
two and what real health the connection looks like with
that with those two words intensity and intimacy.
Speaker 4 (41:54):
Yeah, we do, you know, we confuse that initial phase
of we don't whether it's lust, it's attraction, which is great, right,
but we don't that may not necessarily be love, right,
that's in some sometimes I think it's a biological trick
of nature to ensure the survival of the species. So
(42:15):
we confuse that as love. And then when the honeymoon ends,
and you know, after maybe three months, maybe six, maybe
nine if you're lucky and you haven't moved in together yet,
because at some point when you do that and they're
going to do the toilet paper in the wrong way,
which everybody should know this is the right way, or
they're going to squeeze in the toothpaste from the wrong end.
(42:38):
That's it, right, And so in the honeymoon phase, like
they can we see them through rose colored glasses, those
ego boundaries that keep us separate fall they fall away,
they dissolve, until that moment whether they do the toilet
paper wrong, and then those ego walls come back up,
and now we feel separate. Now we feel alone. Now
we feel oh my god, where did the love go?
(43:00):
And then we go out out of the relationship looking
for the one in quote, and we keep repeating those
patterns over and over again. And and these are teachings
kind of adapted from Scott Peck of his book The Road,
The Road Less Travel, this particular part about the honeymoon.
He says that when the honeymoon ends is when the
(43:21):
work of actual loving begins. So we don't confuse that
initial phase of infatuation, of lust, of you know, of
collapsed ego boundaries, which is great, right, I'm not making
it wrong. Is one of the best phases of being human,
one of the best experiences. But it's going to have
an end. It's it's not going to be sustainable, and
(43:43):
in some ways it's not real, right, It's it's it's
a temporary dissolution of that sense of separateness. So when
when that when that falls away, is when the work
of real loving begins. He's and he calls love not
the feeling, right, we confuse that feeling of love with
the act of loving, because think about it, we can't
(44:05):
always like think about disciplining a child. It's going to
run into a busy street with oncoming traffic. No, right,
we gotta It doesn't feel good to discipline or totally no,
you can't have more sugar, you can't no more sweets,
and and but it's an act of love. It's for
their good. So, but it doesn't feel good in the
(44:25):
moment to do that. So he says that it's that
love is when we place ourselves outside of our comfort
zone for the sake of the spiritual growth of another person.
It's like, whoa, that's deep y, So we place ourselves
outside of our comfort zone for the sake of the
(44:46):
spiritual growth of another person. And that applies, you know,
to interpersonal romantic relationships, or to any kind of relationship
or or international relationships.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
I love that, I do. I love that all right.
So guess what we come into the end of the show.
So I want you to do me a favorite. I
want you to tell me about your newest book. There'll
be more what can they find it at? Where can
they find you at? In your services?
Speaker 4 (45:17):
The book is called Conscious Love transforming our relationship to relationships,
so transforming how we relate to them, to our relationships,
how we approach them, how what we expect to get
back from them, so that our relationships have an actual
chance of working. And so the book is available on
Amazon or you can or if you want to support
(45:39):
your local bookstore, you can order it there as well.
And in terms of reaching me, the best way is
probably my website which is Soulfulpower dot com s o
U L f U L P O W e R
dot com. And from there, you know, they can email
me or they can access my social media from them.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Okay, well, thank you Christian. What I'm gonna want you back?
Speaker 4 (46:03):
I would love to continue, Yeah, I would, because I do.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
I have a lot of questions here that we didn't
even get to.
Speaker 4 (46:09):
We didn't we did get into into into the juicy
sexuality and spiritual No, we did not.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
So I will definitely have to get you back here.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
But also I want to give your invitation to Ask
Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast as well. That's where I
do talk about love, sex, relationship, cultural differences and so
much more there and that's a live show that we
have there. And so we have a very interactive audience.
They either call in or they they we bring them
in there, and I think you would be great over
there as well.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
I'd love, yeah, give us some key points there.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
Well, all right, my beautiful people, again, I want to
thank you all so much for just joining us today.
And Christian again, thank you for just being with us
here today. Your insights, your presence, your work is truly
a gift. I cannot read a way to read your book. Actually,
give me when you get a chance, email me the
list of the books and I will go in and
(47:09):
order them.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
And are some of them on audible too.
Speaker 4 (47:12):
They're notaudible yet because I want to record it myself
and I just haven't taken the time to do that.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Okay, so I don't know if this is your note yet.
You need to do that. All right, into our listeners.
I want you to remember this.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
I want you to remember that real service begins with
love for yourself, love for others, and love for the world.
Every act of kindness and every conscious connection as to
the ripple of healing in this world.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
So you all have an amazing and amazing day. I said, yeah,
next time.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Thank you so much for joining me today. On this
journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has
filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and
worthy person that you are. I want you to remember
healing isn't about rushing. It's about showing up for yourself
with love and intention, one day at a time. So
(48:11):
I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another
episode of the Season of Healing Intentionally right here on
the Season of Self Love podcast. So until then, keep
choosing you and visit us at the Season of Self
Love podcast dot com for show notes and resources, and
remember to connect with me on Instagram at the real
(48:33):
Naomi Banks. This has been brought to you by Aks
Naomi and elevate me self discovery because your healing matters.
You are loved, you are worthy, and you are exactly
where you need to be. Take care
What if the love that you've been searching for and
others has been waiting inside all along. What if real connection,
the kind that transform lives and heal community, starts not
with finding the right person, but with knowing yourself deeply
enough to love consciously. Well, today we are exploring something
(00:21):
profound on how personal healing becomes a collective transformation, and
how service begins with self love, and how conscious love
breaks the patterns that keep us stuck in the same
relationship cycles over and over again. Well, I'm Naomi Banks,
and this is the season and self love. Today's conversation
(00:42):
with spiritual teacher Christian Di Lahorte is going to shift
something in you. Trust me, let's dive in. Welcome to
the Season of Self Love podcast, the Season of Healing Intentionally.
I am your host, Banks, and I am so glad
that you are here. This season, we are slowing down
(01:05):
to go deeper. Every Monday and Wednesday, We're creating a
space of intentional healing, authentic conversations, and the kind of
self love that transform from the inside out. This podcast
is brought to you by Axs Naomi and Elevate Me
Self Discovery. Well, we believe that loving yourself intentionally is
(01:27):
a foundation of true transformation. So whether you're on your
own journey of rebirth navigating life transitions, we're simply choosing yourself.
This is your safe space. So get comfort, grab your
favorite beverage, and let's heal together intentionally because you deserve
(01:48):
to embrace that beautiful person that you are. Now, let's get.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Started, all right, be beautiful people.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Well, welcome back to this season and self Love Podcast.
I'm your host, Naomi Banks, and I am truly glad
that you are here.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
With me today.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Well, this month, we are exploring a very powerful thing
and it's called giving back and how true service of
community begin with love and healing and with you. Now,
today's episode is a special one because it's called the
power of service and community, cultivating connection through conscious love.
And I am honored to be joined by someone who
has worked truly touched by spirit and as Christian Dell Horta.
(02:27):
And I hope that I'm saying his name right, So
when I brag them to the stage, I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Him all right. But for thirty years, Christian.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Has been guiding people through deep personal transformation. His wisdom
spans spirituality, breath, work and emotional healing, and his latest work,
Conscious Love, is helping people to break through the patterns
that block real, meaningful connection. So if you ever wonder
how your personal growth ties into collective healing, this conversation
(02:58):
is for you. But before I bring Christian to the stage,
let's take a quick break. All right, it's Segurty Goddess.
Let me Banks here on the Season and Stuff Love
podcast and we'd.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Be right back.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Washington wells into two focuses on healing. Always for me,
if I look good, then I feel good. If I
feel good, then I share the good. If I share
the good, then I celebrate the good. If I celebrate
the good, then I live the good. So I can
be paid to be my greatest. But I have to
learn the good to be the good.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So what does it take to be the greatest.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
It's as simple as a free fifteen minute consultation. Be
kind to yourself and you'll always.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Hey, Segurty, God is now me Banks. It makes sure YouTube.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
In this three Thursday night at Naomi podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
We'll we talk about everything you love, sex, relationship, cost,
the differences, and.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
So much more by bridging the gap between them all.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
And we even talk about this pure vening.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You need to stop by me and dot com mycoda
as well as.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
The BTG three.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
You have some amazing guests to comfortable.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
You never know.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Just make sure you tune met Thursday night, six pm
six percent of time. Go to ex mail dot com.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
And tell the miamis all right, My beautiful people will
welcome back. Well, hello, Krista, did I just butcher your
last night?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
No? Hey, no, we know you actually did pretty well
the age of selling and Spanish, but you got everything else.
You got all the vowel sounds perfectly perfect, beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, I am truly excited for you to be here.
I'm truly excited about our conversation. But usually before we
get into it, we do a nice grounding, you know,
just to ground us before we get into the top
of your hand. So, listeners, you already know if you
could just get in a nice comfortable position and close
your eyes. Get comfortable, and let's take a moment to
(05:00):
be still. Find a comfortable position and close your eyes.
Now I want you to take a slow, deep breath
in and exhale fully feel the presence of your heart,
the space where love and connection begin. Now I imagine
(05:26):
a circle of light that expanding from your heart. This
gently reaching out to connect with others in kindness and
in service. Now your next breadth in I want you
to breathe in empathy and breathe out isolation. Today we
(05:55):
are realigned with the divine power of love in community.
Take one final ty breath, then excel, and when you
are ready, gently open your eyes. All right, my beautiful people, again,
(06:21):
thank you for just sharing that space with me. And
if you are new here to the Season and Self
Love podcast, it's something we do every day Monday through Friday,
just again to ground us before we get into the top.
All right, Christian, you're ready.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I've had a chance to look over your work, some
of your work, and I love. What I love the
most is how you you bring deep truth into something
as universal as in complicated as love will be.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And it's so funny because I remember even when I
created the Season of Self Love, and I remember explaining
to a friend to mind about the deepness for me
with self love is it's about having an intimate relationship
with yourself. And it was like, how can I call
myself a relationship coach or a love coach and to
(07:13):
other people, but we were.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Unsure on how to love ourselves.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
You know, how can we be in another relationship with
someone else and we don't have that. So so when
I did that, it was like, it's just love, It's
just it's just you loving yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
And I'm like, no, it's not.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
It's it's a lot of healing that goes into this
whole thing, this whole thing.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, can you share? Can you start by sharing.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
A bit about your journey and what led you to
explore love and spirituality?
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Well, I mean, first of all, thank you for that
beautiful guide of meditation, and you're so right right like it,
So it ties in what you were saying. Love starts within,
like how can we even expect anybody to love us
if we don't love ourselves? And how can we really
love ourselves if we don't know ourselves. So it all
(08:09):
begins by self knowledge, self awareness, taking the time, and yeah,
it takes effort to understand, you know, why we do
the things we do, why we attract certain people, why
certain things trigger us when they may not trigger you.
And yeah, it takes work. It takes paying attention to
ourselves and the patterns in our lives. But it is
(08:30):
so infinitely worthy because the problem is is that we've
been running all of our relationships from subconscious wounds from
the past that sometimes we're not even aware of. So
that's not a really good strategy. And so to answer
your question, now, I've been doing transformational work for over
thirty years now, and it started. You know, I started
(08:55):
out studying psychology. My dad was a psychiatrist. I thought
I was going to go in that direction, a PhD
in psychology. But I started, you know, as I went
through college, I realized that at least then. I know,
there's some schools now where they involve spirituality, but at
least then, and the schools that I was going to,
you know, they totally ignore that part of us. And
(09:15):
I was thinking, well, how can you ignore such an
integral part of being human as our spirituality? And so
I started looking elsewhere. I started looking eastward as I
look at some of the religions of the East, Buddhism, Hinduism,
that kind of thing, indigenous traditions. Because I had also
gotten to one in my life in which the religion
(09:36):
in which I was raised, which was Catholicism, realized I
didn't didn't have room for me. You know, as I here,
part of me wanted to really serve the sacred serve
God as I understood it then, and being told by
a religion in which I wanted to be a part
of that, I was going to burn in hell for
(09:57):
eternity for being who I am and for being gay,
and so you know, I had to like eventually throw
the baby out with a baptismal water and had to it.
Had to figure out other ways because you know, in
my twenties, I started focusing. I focused mostly professionally on
my own personal development, but started to realize there's got
(10:18):
to be more to life than you know. It was
pretty successful. I was sought after socially, professionally, but it
felt like I had this expanding hole in my gut,
like there was something missing. So that's when I started
searching again for meaning for purpose.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, you know that's beautiful, and you just speak so
beautifully about the ways of unconscious belief how it shapes
our relationship. That's the thing I remember going through my
spiritual journey, and I can say actively I went through
my spiritual journey probably about thirteen years ago.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
My daughter will be thirteen in November. Now she would
be this much, you will be thirteen years old.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
And I remember I became pregnant. It was told to
me that I would not be able to have any children,
any more children unless I went through the whole with
the pills and the shots and all of that. And
at that time, I wasn't trying. I just figured I
was done.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
I've already had waters.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
And so moving forward, when I was going through that
and I was on bear risk, that was my part
of time that I was really able to tap into myself.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I created a whole prayer closet in my closet, and
I remember just going through with the forgiveness letters. These
were all things I was just doing on my own,
like someone was saying, this.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Is what you need to do.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
And in that process, I remember I had just retired
from the adult industry and so I was just doing radio.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
That's all I was doing was radio.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And I remember, excuse me, going to get rebaptized all
over again because I wanted to cleanse, excuse me, all
of the dirt that I was told that was on
me from being a part of that industry.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
You know, even though when I say Christian, I play.
I prayed every day on my way.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
To set like I constantly kept God in my life,
but I didn't go to church. And why I didn't
go to church is because I was told that I
was going to hell, you know, and so I had
to find my way to have my own intimate relationship
with God. But when I thought about the self love
(12:41):
journey of it all, and that wasn't let me say
that that started to happen when I turned fifty.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
I can't believe you.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
So when I closed that first book of life for me,
the gift for me when I turn fifty one was that,
you know, we're gonna talk about self love. I remember
the book that I read that opened up everything, and
that was the Surrendering experience by Michael A Sick.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
That literally opened my eyes.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
It confirmed a lot of things that I believe when
I was younger, you know, just all of those things
that I just knew that I was more connected to
God than people will give me credit for it, just
because of what I did for living, not about who
I am as person, you know, but what I looked
(13:36):
at on the outside of what my career was or
who I can possibly love it wasn't about me. And
when I started to figure that out, that is when
I was like, Okay, this.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Is what I did.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
This is what love and spirituality being. And when I
speak of just sitting back and being aware and surrendering,
that's one of the best and curious feelings all in one.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Yeah. And it's interesting because in my earlier book, the
one that came out a couple of years ago, Awakening
the Soul of Power, talks about how how do we
step into power in a way that's not about hierarchy,
control of fear, for e stamination, How do we do
it in a different way that doesn't require that we
push anybody down put our knee to their neck in
order for us to prop ourselves up and feel powerful.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
And one of the sections in that is the power
of surrender because we misunderstand that word, you know, we
think that it's throwing in the white towel, that it's
giving up, that it's wimping out, and it's not. It's
an incredibly empowering act and an incredibly courageous act.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
And it's not disempowering at all.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So what was the moment of your turning point that
you that brought you to, where your realization that love
can be a path of healing and not just individually
but also for the communities too.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
Yeah, you know it's I've been doing the coaching component,
the transformational coaching. I've been doing retreats for over thirty
years and still by far the area of life that
most people I work with struggle with is that is relationships.
So I started, you know, reading about it and thinking
(15:32):
about it, and it's like, why is it that we
struggle so much in this area? And so that's kind
of what I did in this book has come up
with ten challenges and areas that we struggle with and
how do we how do we navigate those? How do
we how do we how do we solve those problems?
And starting with the first one, which is how do
(15:53):
we approach them? Right? If we're approaching a relationship with
the expectation, Ya, that's going to complete us, You're gonna
make me happy, forget it, hang it out, it's not
gonna work. There isn't anyone out there who's gonna complete us,
who's going to make us happy, and it's not their
job to So how unfair to put that responsibility, big responsibility.
(16:16):
You gonna make me happy? Yikes. It's a big job
and a lot of pressure to put on a relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
So no, it's so no wonder we have relationship stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
You are so correct in there. I remember my middle baby.
I remember her, you know, starting to go into the
dating field. I think she was like sixteen or seventeen
years old, and I remember she was like, oh mom,
this this guy likes me. And I'm just I'm just
sitting there like, oh my god. And I said, well,
let me. I said, let me tell you something. I said,
(16:49):
if it was a perfect world for me, you probably
wouldn't be dating till you're like twenty or thirty years old.
And the reason why I say that is because when
you're in a relationship with someone else, it's a lot
of responsibility. I'm gona tell you why I said, because
there is a communication barrier that y'all don't even understand
what that means. You know, do you even know what
it means to be in a relationship with someone. I'm
(17:11):
talking about holding hands, I'm talking about talking and communicating
back and forth. That means you have to think about
their emotions when you're probably going through something.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And she looked at me like I had three hands.
That's a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, that's a lot, I say, Yes, it is a lot.
I said, because now you are looking at that person
as your partner, whether it is just boyfriend or girlfriend.
You're in a relationship with that person, but also what
makes you happy. And she couldn't tell me. So until
you know what makes you happy, then choose a boy.
(17:49):
Now she like that went over her head because that's
she in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
But I'm just.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Saying, those are things that you know. I tell both
her and my oldest one, and they look at me.
They looked at me, but now now they understand exactly
what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
There's no way around it. Like I love that the
words that you're using your guide of meditation, you know,
to breathe in what was it empathy and breathe out isolation.
And that's part of the reason that we end up
settling in relationships. You know that we override the yellow
flags and the red flags, like somewhere in there we
(18:27):
know this isn't going to work, but because we're afraid
of being alone, because we feel isolated, because we're trying
to run away from from ourselves and we don't want
to face the stuff that's buried deep down in there,
then we settle. Yeah, and that's how can we expect
that to work? It cannot work.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yeah. Yeah, So you know, since we're talking about that,
because that's really let's go into about conscience love.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Because when you talk about that fear, when you talk.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
About conditioning, when you talk about the emotional rooms that
keep us from connecting deeply with other people, how do
you see how do you see personal relationship challenges that
show it up on a broader a broader society, in
our broader society, that is.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Well, the we will start with this, you know, the
the reason that most of us get stuck in power
struggles and relationships, whether they're interpersonal or international, it's because
we don't have a real understanding of who we are
and why we do the things we do. So in
(19:34):
this earlier book on power, I spent probably the first
quarter or maybe a fifth of the book explaining what
the ego mind is. Because if we want to have
relationships that have a chance of working, if we want
to have a life that is filled with meaning, with purpose,
if we want to avoid these power struggles that we
seem to get stuck in. We have to understand what
(19:56):
the ego mind is, because that's the part of us
that gets us in troubles free time and we don't
have time to get into it. It's it's a big conversation.
But here's a great visual that helps us get it.
If you put up a baseball in the center of
a stadium, that's the ego. And so the word ego
means I in Latin. So the ego part of us is,
you know, because we tend to associate that word with
(20:19):
arrogance inflated sense of self, and it is that, but
it's a whole lot more than that, So that that
baseball is the sense of separate identity. There's this Christian
that's Naomi. Who we are is actually the freaking stadium.
And we've allowed this tiny, tiny, tiny part of who
we are to think that it is all who we
(20:39):
are and to make really important consequential choices about our lives,
about what we do with them, what kind of jobs
we take, what kind of relationships we get into, who
we hang out with. From a very small, limited and
always fear based perspective, So to me, that's the starting
(21:01):
point understanding who we are, and that means understanding the
ego mind, which is both an incredible leap and evolution. Like,
as far as we know, we're the only species that
has a sense of self. There's some theories about the
elephants and the higher primates and the dolphins on the way.
You know, we've seen the YouTube video. As you put
(21:22):
a dog or a cat in front of a mirror,
they interact with that image as if it was another
dog or a cat. You put a higher primate like
a champ of gorilla in front of a mirror and
you put ash on their shoulder. At some points they'll
go like this, which lets us know that they know
that's an image of them. To leap from that to
(21:42):
a sense of separate self and identity, we really can
do them. And so Ken Wilbert, who writes about this
stuff really intelligently and insightfully, talks about how humanity hasn't
always had a sense of self like that's at one
point we were at one with all of creation. We
didn't feel separate from and when the ego developed that
(22:06):
sense of separate identity, it was both an incredible leap
and evolution. That's one of the reasons we're so smart
and so successful. It's also the reason that we suffer
because now we can feel isolated, we can feel lonely,
we have a sense of our own mortality, we can
feel abandoned, we can feel rejected, and so important to
(22:28):
know what that is so that we can say, wait
a minute, that wasn't me who reacted and who said
something really mean because I was hurt. So when I
get them back because they hurt me, it was like,
whoa wait, worried? That was my ego that got defensive
and I got hurt. But I have a choice over
them next time. I can take a deep breath when
I feel that ouch, and rather than reacting immediately and
(22:49):
hurting somebody back or hurting them spontaneously, take a pause,
right and choose how we want to be, what we
want to say, what we want to do, than just
react automatically. And it's going to save us so much
heartache and so much pain and so much suffering.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, beautiful, thank you for that. So let's talk about
your breath work. That's something that you that you talk
about a lot, and I know we here on the season,
so we kind of like, you know, kind of glance
over it a lot with the breath work, But could
you explain how important breath work is in your daily life?
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Well, I mean, and you you started your beautiful meditation
with a deep breath. So the breath is the beginning
and the end of everything. Breath is life. Breath is
our most loyal companion on this journey of being alive,
on this journey of embodiment and beyond. Not even more
deeper than that. If you look at most spiritual traditions
(23:46):
in the world, and even several secular languages, the same
word one word can mean breath or spirit, depending on
how so. For example, numa in ancient Greek meant both
lung and from that where we get pneumonia, and it
also meant soul and from the Latin root speed that
from that we get both respiration and inspiration or expiration.
(24:12):
So the breath is the most important thing, and that's
what allows us to buy us that that moment of choice,
but that I'm doing that automatic reaction, and then the
react regret right because the adrenaline dissipates, and then like
a couple of minutes later, it's like, oh my god,
I can't believe I said that that was so mean,
(24:32):
that it really wasn't warranted. And you know, we we
mess up our relationships because of that reactivity of the ego,
that that it is so defensive and it takes everything personally.
And so once we get that understanding of who we are,
(24:53):
and we by by using the breath consciously, we buy
ourselves that moment, you know, call it a moment of
grace to enough voice what we can choose them. It
doesn't mean wimping out at all. Right, We get to
choose all of our emotions, We get to choose how
we communicate, even with anger if we want to, but
at choice not reacting, because the problem with that reaction,
(25:15):
as we're talking about earlier, is that most of the
time we're reacting to previous hurts, old wounds, conclusions, that
misunderstandings that we got to when we were kids, right,
which we don't even remember half half of it, or
maybe even most of it, or our parents in a
moment of overwhelmed because they were just doing the best
that they could set something to us, and those little
(25:38):
minds that didn't know any better took it personally, right,
and so then we reach conclusions, oh my God, there's
something wrong with me. I'm not smart enough, I'm not
beautiful enough, I'm too much of this, I'm not enough
of that. And those things which are really difficult to
face and to and to look at, we suppress them.
Just because we suppress them doesn't mean to go away.
(26:00):
We try to sweep all that stuff under the rug,
but it doesn't work. It's it only festers and gets
worse under the surface. And then we make all those
choices from the underlying beliefs, unconscious beliefs that I'm not
good enough. Can we how can we expect to attract
anything that's going to reflect other than that that I'm
not good enough? So that's what we end up sabotaging
(26:22):
our relationships even before we get started with them, by
attracting the wrong people, you know, falling for people who
are not available, they already with somebody else, they live
on the other side of the world, or people who
just not a match for us. Doesn't mean better, doesn't
mean we're worse. It's just not a match maybe before
we are in life, but we subconsciously sabotage and we
(26:42):
make sure that they don't work subconsciously. But the problem
is that we ensure the very same thing we're trying
to avoid, which is that we end up alone because
it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
That was long.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I truly do understand it, and I hope that the listeners, truly,
you know, heard and understand everything that you said in it.
Also when you were talking about and I want to
say because I got a little brain fag going on sometimes,
but when you had spoke about sabotaging yourself in relationships
even before, like you attract those relationships that you know
(27:22):
that are not going to work. And when you said that,
in my mind was like they don't want to do
the work to heal to be in a successful relationship.
That's what just came in my mind, because when you
go through the healing process, you have to go back
and you have to heal that little person, whatever that
(27:44):
was that that parent said, or whatever you witness or
whatever you touch, you do have to go back there
and do that work. And some people are just not
ready to do that or fear of doing that, and
so they rather live in that moment of just septule,
I don't have to deal with it. I know that's
not gonna work. It's just gonna go because I'm not
gonna go back.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
To that hurt exactly exactly. And that's the beauty of
a breath work, by the way, and breathwork is a
very big umbrella term. And anybody who's ever gone to
a yoga classies done breathwork right. The will Priama practices
the type of breathwork that I offer that I've been
doing for a long time. It's like breathwork on steroids,
Like you breathe in a certain way, in a circular,
(28:24):
connected way for about an hour an hour and a half,
and amazing stuff happens. Have yet to come across anything
that heals past trauma, right, So those old wounds that
we're talking about, that heals it as quickly and as effectively.
And I know that sounds too good to be true
that just by breathing that can happen, but I can't
argue with the results. It works, and what it takes
(28:47):
is a the ability to breathe. Check we got that. Secondly,
is what you're just talking about is the willingness to
go back. And it doesn't mean you're gonna get stuck
in it again, right, It just means you're going to
go clear that trauma. That now lives in the body,
which is the reason that top therapy. With all due respect,
I come out of that tradition. My dad was a psychiatrist.
(29:11):
But with all the respect to that tradition, the reason
that sometimes how many times are we heard I've been
going to therapy for twenty thirty years, rehashing the same
old crown and nothing happens. And it certainly helps to
understand why we do the things we do. But the
trauma lives in the body, so no amount of talking
(29:31):
at it, talking about it is going to get to it.
That's the beauty of the breath work. It bypasses the
mind and it goes to the source of that trauma,
which now is in the body, and it clears it.
And yes, you could have a memory about something that
happened in your past. People often do. You could have
cathartic moments. You could find yourself laughing or crying, have
emotions come up. But it really clears that old stuff.
(29:55):
It gets rid of it permanently and lives change after once.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Now mmm, you know, I do I believe you. I
had did this past December.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I had went on a weekend retreat and I remember
doing the breath work, and I can't think right on
hand exactly what it was, but it was a good
thirty minutes that we were in doing that practice, and
I remember we did it every day, twice a day,
and I just remember my body going through something. That
whole weekend was amazing for me because I was able
(30:29):
to really tap into my spiritual gifts during that weekend.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
But I truly do believe you.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
You know, you had mentioned earlier about your very first
book that you was awakening what was the name of Awakening?
Speaker 4 (30:42):
What Awakening the Soul of Power. That's a second book,
but yes, go.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Ahead, that's a second book. Tell me some more about
that book. I mean, I would love to actually get
both of all of your books, but tell me some
more about that one.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
Yeah, the first book is called Coming Out Spiritually. The
power book is Awaken the Soul of Power. So again,
it's how do we step into power in a way
that doesn't require that we push anybody down abuse power
in order for us to feel powerful, And it's for everybody,
like we all have power issues. We all struggle with
(31:16):
power because we've been conditioned, right, we misunderstand it too,
just like we misunderstand love. And have very limited understanding
of what love is. Same thing with power, and then
we've been conditioned to believe that power is a bad thing.
How many times have we heard power corrupts and solute
power corrupts absolutely, and what good person wants to be corrupted?
(31:38):
But what they didn't tell us about that quote is
that Lord Acton, who spoke those words, was speaking specifically
about political power, not the interpersonal power that you and
I are talking about. And so when you combine that conditioning,
when you combine you know, how many times have we
witnessed abuses of power, whether in our personal lives, are
(31:59):
in society and culture on TV? Like all we have
to do is turn on the news on any given
day to witness abuses of power. And so when you
combine all of that, we rejected, Yeah, no I don't
I don't want to be corrupted. No, I don't want
to be an abuse or power. But that's only one
type of power. So we throw the whole thing away,
(32:22):
and in the way, in the process, we give our
power away. And we've all done it, Like, how many
times have we said yes, when inside it really wasn't
okay with us inside it was a no but in
order to maintain that illusion of peace, that pseudo piece
in a relationship or at home, right, we swallow our truth, healings,
(32:46):
our desires, our dreams. We swallow all that stuff and
we end up settling. And not a good strategy. Not
a good and not effective strategy either. So the book
we step into power in a different way. And so
I talk about different kinds of power. And so for example,
here's one great way to look at it, to talk
(33:07):
about worldly power or ego power versus soulful power. And
you know, think of a of a Gandhi or Doctor
King and the whole you know, movement of non violence
which brought about dramatic change. Yeah, like Gandhi brought the
British Empire to its knees when it was at its
(33:28):
highest point globally, and he did that without ever shooting
a gun or landing a single punch. That's power. Yeah.
And doctor King's work, that's power. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
You know, I truly really that listeners are really tapping
into this. I don't think they understand. I mean, we
talk about certain things all the way up this.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
So let me share with you. This year is all
about the Year of the rebirth for us, the rebirth
for us.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
And by the way, the breath the breathwork modality that
I teach was originally called the rebirth thing. But go ahead,
oh wow, because in healing past trauma, maybe people he
heal their birth process, which is traumatic for everybody involved. Yes,
and so they heal that trauma and some people you
(34:18):
feel themselves going through the birth canal and reliving that
whole process all over again, so they get to reset
to start over. Yeah, anyway, I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah, yep, Now I forget Christian.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
No, but the rebirth, that's what you were talking about.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah, the rebirth.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
And so I've been going through my own transmission just
physically wise, but it turns so spiritual for me and
it actually brought me into another side of my purpose
as well. I've gotten a breast ex plant, so I
removed the breast implants that I had had for over
twenty two years and it was causing me to be
(34:56):
ill for years, years, years. But through that whole experience
that I had, I was able to go into a
community of women and you know, be voisterous in what
my journey was going through and to be just going
through all of that. I just remember connecting with other people.
(35:17):
But also I wasn't going to share that. I wasn't
going to share that on this.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Platform at all.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I was gonna say, Okay, I want to got an
explan and that's it. I had to remove my ego.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
I have to remove all of what I thought that
I was to be able to sit in that and
share that, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
And it was so funny because I remember saying to myself,
how can you talk about self love?
Speaker 2 (35:39):
How can you talk about.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Having an intimate relationship with yourself when you're still moving
from insecurity? Because you know these bags that's within your
body that's making you ill. So why haven't you listened
to your body? Why haven't you chosen to remove them?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Is it for you know? External validation?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
You know, for you?
Speaker 2 (36:01):
And when I keep going back and forth with it,
it was like, hell.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Did I'm I'm very vocal, I'm very honest, I'm very authentic.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Ess I say I'm eighty percent. Just say I'm eighty percent,
and each one of my boobs is ten percent. So
I need to take these out so I can be
one hundred percent fully in me.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
That's hilarious, I mean, but it's serious. I have a
friend who just did the same thing last month, and
for me that is such an empowering act that it's
a humble act and an empowering act, and it really
points to the deep, deep level of self acceptance. Yes,
because you are no longer willing to settle for what
(36:48):
other people like. You're saying the external validation what other
people think of me. What's a guy going to think
if I take them out? And you're saying, no, I
love myself, I value myself. I honor this beautiful body
of mind more than whatever anybody else can say with.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
And it was so funny because I was telling my husband,
I said, look, you ready for this because I'm at
one hundred percent, baby, like he met me when I.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Had my book, so he had eight, So now you're
ready for this. I was already too much eighty you
ready for this?
Speaker 4 (37:23):
I love that?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
And he was saying, yes, baby, he said, I'm ready
to see it. And so that you know, that helped
a lot.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
I remember just sharing that I didn't know how deep
the transformation for myself that it was going to be,
because there were some truths and a.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Lot of things that I've read information that I saw.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
I saw this amazing documentary called Xplant with Michelle Visage,
and she was going through her whole thing with you know,
with the breast implants and explaining them.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
But when I saw how.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
The people that are in charge, the ones are in control,
how they dismissed a lot of the women voices, most
of the women voices.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
They dismissed them.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
And now they have what they call a black box
warning that's on each one of the implants. And they
gave the doctors the surgeons that this is a warning
on each one of these implants, but it's up to
you to tell the patients about that.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
When I thought about that, I said, oh my god,
there are misusing the power.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
That they have. You understand what I'm saying, And it's
really yeah, And it just moved.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
It was just like, oh my god, Like how has
this been going on for so long? And I think
about my three girls. My three girls are ten years apart.
I have a thirty two, thirty three year old, twenty
three year old, and now will be a thirteen year old.
So each one of my girls are ten years apart,
and I have a grand baby. So when I and
she's a girl. So when I think about that, and
(39:09):
I think about the awareness that they have for women
or the care that they.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Have for women, it's not there. So it's just like,
how can what can I do? What can be my
part of to help.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Somewhere in this, you know, for my daughters or my
daughter's friends, or my you know, my granddaughter or whatever
to you know what. They gonna have to look outside
of that validation yet again and have it within themselves,
you know, And that will help really move me to
like this is this is the best thing that you
(39:43):
ever did in your life besides birthing your three beautiful girls,
you know, And just that sits.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
With me when I say it's sis, it's sis right
there at the tip of my heart it do.
Speaker 4 (39:58):
Yeah, love that so much and it's so moving. And
you know, I think I sidetracked myself when we're talking
about the Power Book. I started to say that the
Power that the book is for everybody, but it has
a particular dedication and focus on women's empowerment because I
am convinced that that is the single most important thing
(40:22):
that needs to happen in the world. It's not to
put women up on a pedestal is not to idealize women.
Women also abuse power. It certainly is not to give
women more crap to clean up in those world of ours,
this mess that we've made. But it's because as a world,
as a species, we've been running so off balance between
the masculine and the feminine energies. And by the way,
(40:45):
I know that you notice. But for anybody who might
be listening, those energies course through all of us. There
are costback energies that course through the entire universe. So
of course all of us are going to have feminine
and energies, and masculine energy is coursing through it. It's
but as this world of ours, in the last I
don't know, six thousand years of patriarchy, however long its spin,
(41:07):
we have turned the feminine into something less than We've
turned it into weakness. And wait a minute, how twisted
is that? And what a lie that is, and what
an instrument of control that is. And so that's why
I dedicate that book to women and why to me
again it is the most important thing that we need
(41:28):
to focus on.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Yeah, that's before I do, I have to keep both
of the books. I have to go So let me
ask you this, because there's some way that you said.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
About about distinguishing intensity and intimacy, So can you break
that down on why so many of us confuse the
two and what real health the connection looks like with
that with those two words intensity and intimacy.
Speaker 4 (41:54):
Yeah, we do, you know, we confuse that initial phase
of we don't whether it's lust, it's attraction, which is great, right,
but we don't that may not necessarily be love, right,
that's in some sometimes I think it's a biological trick
of nature to ensure the survival of the species. So
(42:15):
we confuse that as love. And then when the honeymoon ends,
and you know, after maybe three months, maybe six, maybe
nine if you're lucky and you haven't moved in together yet,
because at some point when you do that and they're
going to do the toilet paper in the wrong way,
which everybody should know this is the right way, or
they're going to squeeze in the toothpaste from the wrong end.
(42:38):
That's it, right, And so in the honeymoon phase, like
they can we see them through rose colored glasses, those
ego boundaries that keep us separate fall they fall away,
they dissolve, until that moment whether they do the toilet
paper wrong, and then those ego walls come back up,
and now we feel separate. Now we feel alone. Now
we feel oh my god, where did the love go?
(43:00):
And then we go out out of the relationship looking
for the one in quote, and we keep repeating those
patterns over and over again. And and these are teachings
kind of adapted from Scott Peck of his book The Road,
The Road Less Travel, this particular part about the honeymoon.
He says that when the honeymoon ends is when the
(43:21):
work of actual loving begins. So we don't confuse that
initial phase of infatuation, of lust, of you know, of
collapsed ego boundaries, which is great, right, I'm not making
it wrong. Is one of the best phases of being human,
one of the best experiences. But it's going to have
an end. It's it's not going to be sustainable, and
(43:43):
in some ways it's not real, right, It's it's it's
a temporary dissolution of that sense of separateness. So when
when that when that falls away, is when the work
of real loving begins. He's and he calls love not
the feeling, right, we confuse that feeling of love with
the act of loving, because think about it, we can't
(44:05):
always like think about disciplining a child. It's going to
run into a busy street with oncoming traffic. No, right,
we gotta It doesn't feel good to discipline or totally no,
you can't have more sugar, you can't no more sweets,
and and but it's an act of love. It's for
their good. So, but it doesn't feel good in the
(44:25):
moment to do that. So he says that it's that
love is when we place ourselves outside of our comfort
zone for the sake of the spiritual growth of another person.
It's like, whoa, that's deep y, So we place ourselves
outside of our comfort zone for the sake of the
(44:46):
spiritual growth of another person. And that applies, you know,
to interpersonal romantic relationships, or to any kind of relationship
or or international relationships.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
I love that, I do. I love that all right.
So guess what we come into the end of the show.
So I want you to do me a favorite. I
want you to tell me about your newest book. There'll
be more what can they find it at? Where can
they find you at? In your services?
Speaker 4 (45:17):
The book is called Conscious Love transforming our relationship to relationships,
so transforming how we relate to them, to our relationships,
how we approach them, how what we expect to get
back from them, so that our relationships have an actual
chance of working. And so the book is available on
Amazon or you can or if you want to support
(45:39):
your local bookstore, you can order it there as well.
And in terms of reaching me, the best way is
probably my website which is Soulfulpower dot com s o
U L f U L P O W e R
dot com. And from there, you know, they can email
me or they can access my social media from them.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Okay, well, thank you Christian. What I'm gonna want you back?
Speaker 4 (46:03):
I would love to continue, Yeah, I would, because I do.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
I have a lot of questions here that we didn't
even get to.
Speaker 4 (46:09):
We didn't we did get into into into the juicy
sexuality and spiritual No, we did not.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
So I will definitely have to get you back here.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
But also I want to give your invitation to Ask
Naomi Bridging the Gap podcast as well. That's where I
do talk about love, sex, relationship, cultural differences and so
much more there and that's a live show that we
have there. And so we have a very interactive audience.
They either call in or they they we bring them
in there, and I think you would be great over
there as well.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
I'd love, yeah, give us some key points there.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
Well, all right, my beautiful people, again, I want to
thank you all so much for just joining us today.
And Christian again, thank you for just being with us
here today. Your insights, your presence, your work is truly
a gift. I cannot read a way to read your book. Actually,
give me when you get a chance, email me the
list of the books and I will go in and
(47:09):
order them.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
And are some of them on audible too.
Speaker 4 (47:12):
They're notaudible yet because I want to record it myself
and I just haven't taken the time to do that.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Okay, so I don't know if this is your note yet.
You need to do that. All right, into our listeners.
I want you to remember this.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
I want you to remember that real service begins with
love for yourself, love for others, and love for the world.
Every act of kindness and every conscious connection as to
the ripple of healing in this world.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
So you all have an amazing and amazing day. I said, yeah,
next time.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Thank you so much for joining me today. On this
journey of intentional healing. I hope that this conversation has
filled your cup and reminded you of the beautiful and
worthy person that you are. I want you to remember
healing isn't about rushing. It's about showing up for yourself
with love and intention, one day at a time. So
(48:11):
I'll see you back here Monday and Wednesday for another
episode of the Season of Healing Intentionally right here on
the Season of Self Love podcast. So until then, keep
choosing you and visit us at the Season of Self
Love podcast dot com for show notes and resources, and
remember to connect with me on Instagram at the real
(48:33):
Naomi Banks. This has been brought to you by Aks
Naomi and elevate me self discovery because your healing matters.
You are loved, you are worthy, and you are exactly
where you need to be. Take care
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