May 31, 2023 • 24 mins
Someone celebrated a milestone birthday and in this episode we talk about new mystery aches and pains and what we’ve learned as we’ve grown older. This includes, but is not limited to, what Sarah’s mother was right about and why a certain older gentleman can be grumpy.
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(00:01):
Welcome to What's Happening Here. Thisis a podcast we're finding the perfect and
balance of being a parent, apartner, and a person without losing the
things that matter most to you inthe process, like your sanity. You
might know me as doctor Sarah,the Brain Gal. I'm a pediatric nurse,
psychologist, and mom of two whotranslates brain science to everyday life.
I see all kids, really allpeople like little brains. You probably don't
(00:23):
know me. I'm Kevin, Sarah'spartner in crime, bourbon aficionado, discussor
of all things, and father oftwo. We started this podcast because we
saw a big gap between research andpractice, especially when you have a unique
family structure like ours, and wewanted to share what we've learned and hopefully
what we continue about navigating our livesthrough the lens of brain science with a
big old helping of reality mix there. We know there are lots of families
(00:47):
that look like ours, or kindof like art, or maybe look nothing
like ours, which makes finding asingle source of guidance and advice so hard.
But we're going to try to helpyou, so join us as we
try to figure out what's happening here. It's my birthday week. Baby,
it is. It's a big birth. Finally, you know you've been waiting.
(01:07):
Finally we're in the same decade.I know, I'm turning forty.
Do you remember turning forty? Yeah? And I thought it would be fun
to do a little episode about thethings I've learned as I've gotten older.
And this is sticking out to mebecause every once in a while I referenced
(01:30):
things my mother told me, which, by the way, just for the
record, my mom would recording yeson a podcast that we're sharing with the
world, before you say those words, before you go any further, are
you really sure she's right. WhatI'm saying is that's not a very good
caveat. What I'm saying is shealways talked about how it was like talking
(01:53):
to a brick wall that makes sensefor years, but that they eventually hear
you. And I'm telling you wereyou the older I get, and that
I'm a parent and all these thingsI find myself. You've references another episode
saying things your parents have said toyou or something like that. And there's
these couple of things, and Iwrote about them in the book. A
(02:14):
couple of things that mine are mostlygadya. But one of the things she
said over and over again is thatyou know you forty was her favorite age,
like finding yourself. Forty is thenew twenty, she used to joke
about, and that was a longtime. We'll let you, I'll let
you run yourself over it. Butyeah, I really it's It's funny.
(02:39):
This happened to me when I turnedthirty where everybody else because I'm the younger
one in the friend group mostly,and everybody would complain about aches and pains
and stuff, and I'm like,oh, doing great, I'm doing great.
And literally my thirtieth birthday, Iwas like, how your thirtieth birthday?
This is what they're talking about.Yeah. Now that I'm forty,
I'm kind of like, all ofa sudden, I'm this week and last
(03:00):
week. I just started thinking abouthow right she was about feeling really good
in your forty because the first thingI've learned, you just gotten used to
all the aches. Yeah, wellphysically, well like, yes, you
have to keep up on your agood day. You're like, I feel
right amazing, Yes, forty rocks. I've got a good roller. I
know I've got a role now.Yeah, massage, you know, I'm
(03:23):
feeling wonderful. I've got my fortiesare going to be awesome. But I
think mentally, I was just comingback from you know, you have a
lot of experience in your job theydidn't have before. You know, I've
been doing I've been doing for awhile, and you know, you know
where your sweet spot is. Youknow where you're comfortable, where you can
really help people, at what casesyou want to take? What cases you're
(03:44):
you're like, no, that feelingI'm getting, I shouldn't take that case.
You know all those kinds of things. And I think I finally know
because I'm very much of a whatcan I do? What did I like?
How can I change my behavior?You know? What can I do
to make this better? And andyou know another thing, my mother said,
you can't control people on your ownbehavior? So I always do that
true. But one thing I've learnedin my forties is that sometimes forty yet,
(04:09):
it's not me, it's them.I for one, completely agree with
you. You live by that rule. It's not really can't be me,
gotta be there. But for someonelike me, who you know, that's
a major shift. It is youthat you're starting, You're getting into the
uh, I don't give a fuckage right right, and starting you're starting
(04:30):
to realize and has tried to bringme own on this long time the hand
you might be onto something. Well, she just passed another miles I know,
I know, I know, soshe's got a seven show some years
of experience on ye right, Butit is you hear these things, you
know, you see the memes.You'd like you see these, but to
(04:53):
actually start to feel like, waita minute, that's you. That has
nothing to do with me, andI'm not going to lose sleep over the
I Again, I think the longeryou go in your profession, you have
people who really love you and reallyappreciate what you do, and you also
have people who do not appreciate you, and then what you do. You
know, it's interesting that like whenyou're younger, you have these older relatives,
(05:15):
these like grodgety old relatives that justlike and and now that you're at
a certain age, you can seethe progression right right, Like you just
knew them as groggy old people,and now you can You're you're of the
age. I'm of the age nowwhere I'm progressing in that direction. But
(05:38):
I can and the people around mein my in my class. You know,
my peers. I could see theprogression. I could I know where
they're going. I can see they'reon that road. We're all going there.
We're all going down the same road. They just might be a little
further ahead of me. Right,you're going to get there. I know.
I might speak up and pass them. I don't know. But it's
(06:00):
just really funny that you're like,oh, yeah, I can see why.
It's see why those old people areso crodgedy and don't give an f
you know, like, yeah,because I'm kind of headed down that room
myself. It's like part of it, Like I feel like, you know
that you don't realize that until youreach a certain age, right, and
you're like Okay. When you're younger, you're just amused by how crodigy there
(06:23):
and you're just like, oh,that's really funny. Look at that.
You know, they're so angry andold and grumpy. And then you know,
like you're young and you're like carefree, you think that you know
the world's your oyster, and thenwhen you hit your forties, you're like,
I get it. Yeah, oneday you're like, you know,
cruising the street, put your feetfoot on the gas pedal, go and
break in the speed them minute.And then the next day you're like complaining
(06:46):
about the fact that the trash isgetting picked up on the street at the
same freaking time that you got todrop the kids. And how come they
can stand that it's like ten minutesdifferent. Okay, I'd just like to
stay from here, and you're grouptexting about it. Yep, let me
just say, let me just say, this is what I have to look
forward to. Yeah, give itup six months right, kids are back
(07:10):
in school in September. You're gonnabe complained about it because now you're forty
now now instead of these like,oh, maybe they just you know,
we had a late breakfast and theygot started late. You know, maybe
either they had to go get tothe coffee at whoa wa and they just
got a wall to start. Insteadof that, you're gonna be like,
why are you driving a trash?Drop down? And you'll be joining us.
(07:35):
I you'll be joining us. MyFirst of all, there's no reason.
I don't care what day of theweekend, I don't care what thing
they're picking us. There is atwenty minute window the beginning of each day
and at the end of the schoolday, where there's no need for any
other vehicle. It gives me oneblock traveling down it's two blocks traveling down
(08:01):
this one particular street that I happento travel on right to either drop off
or pick up my kid from school. Yes, the only yes, kids,
and the only way. Only explanationis that they're doing it on purpose.
(08:24):
They I cannot accept and will notaccept that an explanation that it is
h coincidence cannot be coincidence. Ithas to be all purpose. And frankly,
for that you kind of wouldn't tipyour hat don tell you like,
oh no, I'm not quite atthat point. You're way more like I
(08:45):
am thinking of ways that I canmake them pay for this bad That's very
much the two of us. I'mlike, touche man, you know what,
you're annoying the crap out a lotof people. You're doing it on
purpose. You know I have somerespect for that. At least you know
you're doing you what I want tomake them pay. I'm thinking like water
balloons, something I just keep inthe back of my car. See them
out there, just fling them.Get all the kids on the water guns
(09:09):
and there's got to be a pricethey have to pay. They have to
pay for the price of delaying mycommute to my home office by good thirty
or to my office office, orjust really delaying my day. So these
are the things I have to lookforward to get to fifty per se,
(09:31):
What do you mean fifty, You'remore You're more n fifty than you speaking.
Which that is another thing that hashappened to me more recently is I
used to be differently now I usedcloser, Like I used to feel closer
in age to the teamage, liketo the to the younger kids, you
know, like the new drivers.I was like, oh yeah, I
was right there. Now I likewent to drop off my middle schooler the
(09:54):
other day or even like row,you know, as a high schooler,
and I'm like, I'm they don'tsee me as closer to their age,
like I am not. I'm likethe parent now I'm not the young one
that was. I'm like the I'mlike a guy, knock it off,
stop being jerks. And oh mygod. It's a it's a fine line,
(10:16):
fine line to run between being likethe cool hip just give myself away,
the cool dad and the dorky oldguy trying too hard, right right,
Yes, And the same goes forthe moms. Yeah, there's a
(10:37):
fine line where there's moms that arelike just naturally playing it cool and and
the kids, the kids these days, they see them and they're like,
oh, you just said kids thesedays. Goodness, we're gonna argue about
the um the you know, andthey're just naturally they're just cool people,
(11:00):
right, they just and they theyprojected, they use it. Yeah,
and the kids recognize, like,okay, because they think they don't.
That person's like a dad, buthe's a cool dad. Yeah. And
that person's mom, but she's acool mom. Yeah. And then you
have the on the other side ofthat very thin line is the why are
you wearing that? That's not cool? You don't don't do that. Stop,
(11:24):
you know, go go home,change, don't don't wear that,
yeah, act like that. Don't. Oh my gosh, I bought the
same shirt that Julianna had the otherday. She was so embarrassed, and
then that made me just want tobuy two, So I bought a second
one that this is the things thathappened when you're welcome to your And I'm
like, oh that that embarrasses you. You don't want me to, oh,
(11:46):
bring a second one? More motivatednow that I've ever been in my
entire life, Like there's a lotof motivation to be embarrassing and watch her
squirm a little bit. Und yeah, I mean giggly squirm. She's not
like you know, yeah stated yet, but you know it's like it's it's
really fun. Yeah yeah. Iwill try sometimes try to do that kind
(12:09):
of thing, and it will backfirein that it amuses them. Well,
yes, I could see that.Like although, so sometimes when Ronan's waiting
out of school, I have ajeep with some larger tires. I will
if there's no kids around, andsafe, very safe, I will drive
up and over the curb and justact like I did it. You did
(12:33):
it by accident, but I didit on purpose. And I did it
the other day and Jewels and Hannahwe're getting in the car, and I
think it embarrassed them that I didthat, because they're like, you know,
other people around the girls. ButRonan had this kind of like rye
smile on his face because he probablyalso liked to watch a girl sum about
it a little bit. But healso he's like not surprised about it,
(12:54):
right, He's like, They're like, oh my god, what is he
doing? And He's like, youknow, it's funny that you're embarrassing,
because although I don't, it wouldtake a lot to embarrassing, right.
Row Rose such an easy going kindof kid. He's so kind of sure
of himself in a lot of ways, or just doesn't really see other people
in that way, you know,he's just easy to get along with them.
(13:16):
What else have you learned as you'reon the cusp of forty Yeah,
that you'd like to share with ourlisteners. I mean, I think it's
I think those two are like thebig big things, and then I think
the other thing is about it iskind of like a I don't care,
you know, like there's just certainthings I care about and certain things I
don't. And some of this hasto do with my life experience to date
(13:37):
too, but some things just reallyare not that important. And I don't
care if you know, if youdon't like me because I couldn't get my
kid dressed in a certain way toget to school, like, it doesn't
bother Those things don't bother me asmuch anymore. Like I just I want
good people around me. I've learnedthat, you know, I want good
(14:00):
friends around me. I don't needa million people I want and I can't
even handle that. I can onlyhandle close. We talked tomall number small
number close friends four. Yes atthat that I can just that these adult
friends, that friendships that we talkedabout previously exactly where the value in that
comes through. And those are reallyvaluable to me, and those are worth
(14:22):
my time and energy. Other thingsare just now, especially when they're older
than you, they can be almosta mentor to you. Yes, yes,
that seems to be a relationship.Not to interject, but I realized
something the other day, actually Ithink it was it may have been today.
I am that the other thing thathappens when you get older right time,
Like the days are like I amgetting close to stay off my lawn
(14:46):
old man stage because I'm getting closeto this. Well, I have some
self awareness, so I don't thinkI still have awareness of it, So
I don't think I'm there yet.I hate to say the word cats,
but you are also ready there,man. Cats and people are two different
you have. Can we just talkabout the cat right, because that's a
whole other be going off. Ithink you know when you've hit a certain
(15:13):
age when you're writing letters to themayor. Yeah about yeah, yeah,
about the cat situation in your yard, in your neighbor's yard. As soon
as you've written a letter to amayor that says and with citing ordinances about
why you're these cats should not bethen you know you've hit a certain age
(15:35):
uninforced ordinances and you get letters withthe record talk about certain things that are
just really really important. You're nota big fan of them, and clearly
you have made short make appointment.I prefer not to clean up somebody after
someone else's cats, especially if theybreak certain ordinances and you're not sure they
(16:00):
should be there. What do youmean sure? I know they shouldn't be
there. I remember when you firstwrote this letter and you said it to
me. I thought it was kindof like a setter name too, and
then I realized that you're serious,and I think it's still very much answerious.
I think I managed to suggest youhold off on that note for a
little bit, probably for a year, yeah, because I think it was
(16:22):
pretty much right when you moved inthe letter, and they have been during
a certain period of time where peoplewere at alt where you were stuck in
the house and Beau, it's somethingyou do. And then we finally I
thought we were over the hub,and then we and then all of a
sudden I got sent to respond fromthe mayor. House came off and the
email would send all of the fund. Now that this COVID thing is over,
(16:45):
let me tell you about the cats. Yeah. Now let's get down
to brass tats, the real issuesfacing your residence right on this particular street.
But it is interesting when you doget older, how these certain things
like this is on an age thingthat a similar occurrence happened to me in
my previous house, although I didn'thave the experience and the knowledge to write
(17:11):
to the mayor. That's the thingI think as you get older, you
start seasoned. Yes, you knowthat you know the procedure for complaints and
you're going to follow them to getsomething done. Hint, it starts with
looking out the codes ordinances. Ijust find that Again, the older I
get, the more I think mymom was right about forty. You know,
(17:33):
you have more experience in this thanme, but you're not even forty
yet. I just feel like thisis that point where you kind of know
who you are a lot more.You know the things you want, you
know, you know what's important,you know and and well, I think
depending on your circumstances. The reasonsfor that are that you have like time
(17:56):
to breathe, because if you thinkyou know, ours circumstances are thirties,
we're spent young kids with young kids, and who has the time to think
about anything right about themselves or whothey are when they're in their thirties,
(18:17):
you know, Like maybe you startthinking about it as you approach forty because
it's this milestone, you know,this big number. And honestly, I
can say confidently I've done a lotmore growing and self improvement in my forties
than any other time in my life. Well, and it's funny because you
don't have time, but you do, you know what I mean, Like
(18:38):
you've mental space time a little bit. And I think we're also well,
I mean, when your kids arereally young, it's a lot of physical
and emotional energy that you're spending becauseyou're saying, we have time now,
but we really don't have time now. Were in different ways. Yes,
I think you're we're running all overthe place more so than we are.
But at the same time, thepeople that are taking we're taking up a
(19:00):
lot of our energy in the thirtiesof you know, keeping them clothed and
fed and alive. They're able todo a lot of that on their own,
you know, and so different youhave a little bit more time.
Is not so much in the linearaspect of it from you know, but
it's more in the spatial aspect.Right it's like physically and emotionally and mentally
(19:22):
draining when the kids are younger hereit's not as physically draining. I think.
I think sometimes you know, we'rekind of in a sweet spot of
ages to you know, like theyJay is our biggest teenager like child right
now, and so we code we'regetting into that for Pia, that ste
of being more drained mentally just fromtrying to make sure keep them all on
(19:47):
the right track. But in themiddle, yeah, if you take that
time to kind of get to knowyourself and even just I think raising older
kids does it to you too,because you start to become insightful about how
and why you felt certain ways.And when you're watching, especially a teenage
girl go through all these ranges ofemotion and you're trying to piece through it
(20:07):
and give her advice or trying totell her where you like, you have
to go back and look kind ofat wait, what do I like?
What don't like? How do Icommunicate that? You know? How do
I work through these feelings that areall over the board sometimes and you start
to get better at it yourself.I think it's like kind of like you
teach it, you know, youknow it, and then you teach it
and you know it even better.And I feel like that's kind of what
the phase that we're in. ButI mean that's been a big shift too.
(20:29):
I think shifting the way you know, we're parenting now to parents little
people who are going to eventually bebig people, versus just trying to keep
them from falling over, you know, and telling them what to do.
Now we're trying to get them tomake their own good decisions. It's such
a big shift in parenting. Ithink that's what makes them feel older,
is like now I'm like, Okay, it's a more mentory coachy like we
(20:52):
talked about than it is than itis little kid parenting and just kind of
feeling like you're the young one too. And that's a thing shift like You're
not. If you hear a thump, you're not like getting up and running.
No, you're like, I swearto God, if they, you
know, getting out, and ifthey're getting up and getting their phone,
if you dropped your phone and itbroke, I'll be really paying for that
yourself, exactly, buying you anotherone. Yeah, You're were like,
(21:15):
are they sneaking out? Are theygetting out? How do we get up?
You know? It's totally different,which is funny because last night I
heard a big thump downstairs running wasdown there by himself, big thump,
and I was like, that's nothis head on the concrete floor. It
was like, what happen? Andhe came up to explain to me that
(21:36):
he was doing some church on askateboard. Oh of course, yeah,
you know, because you know,why not at late night? Yeah,
And I'm like, okay, didyou break any of my stuff? Yeah?
Exactly, That's what I was concernedabout. It, Like, you
seem to be fine. You tobreak any of myself down there? Yeah,
like the washing machine exactly. No. I think it's such a shift
(21:59):
to you know again, you startto feel older, you start to feel
all of a sudden different. Butat the same time, it's it's a
good balance of trying to figure outwhat you like, what you want to
do, showing the kids that youit's important to find yourself and do these
things feeling more confident in your decisions. I think too, you know about
what you know when you say noto your kids and why, And I'm
(22:21):
like, you could be upset withme all you want, but this is
a note for this reason. AndI don't care what somebody else thinks about
my parenting. This is the decisionI've made, you know, those kinds
of those almost like yeah, Idon't give a you know, like I'm
just feeling like I really enjoy I'mreally enjoying this this age and I and
even I think the last little bit, the little tip over for me is
(22:45):
when I well two things. One, when I watch movies now, I
watch like the same movies I watchedyounger. I watch as like if I
were the parent, Like literally prettywoman, I was like her mom and
a probably like worried about her becauseshe hasn't calder, you know, And
I'm like, what I guess thispretty woman? You know. One point
(23:06):
I was watching as like why doyou think she's a process. I think
she's got some long issues, okay, you know, like you know what,
I think that that we could fixthis by we could help her.
And you know, I'm like,what am I doing? And I'm watching
movies as if I was, youknow, so you watch them from these
different perspectives, and I think thatthat's interesting. But then I think this
(23:27):
last piece that has been coming warjust thinking about like what legacy you want
to leave, you know, whatkinds of how people how you want your
kids to kind of think about you, what you can give back to the
world to kind of like hang aroundfor a while. And again this a
little bit has to do with justme knowing bad things happen, right,
but just like you know, whatdoes what does that look like? And
(23:48):
you know, thinking about the theactions I take to see what you know,
what it's like, what what kindsof things you're leaving behind for the
next generation? Like you see Ithink turning forty, Yeah, you're approaching
get off by one stage. It'smy birthday week, babe. Here's the
forty. Here's the forty. Well, thanks for joining us for this episode
(24:11):
of What's Happening Here. Don't forgetto subscribe. To our YouTube page,
or you can follow me on Instagramat Doctor Sarah l Allen and KEIV shows
up a lot there too, forsure. To tell a friend what you
liked about this episode and share itwith them. After all, we're all
in this together, just trying tofigure out what's happening here.
Welcome to What's Happening Here. Thisis a podcast we're finding the perfect and
balance of being a parent, apartner, and a person without losing the
things that matter most to you inthe process, like your sanity. You
might know me as doctor Sarah,the Brain Gal. I'm a pediatric nurse,
psychologist, and mom of two whotranslates brain science to everyday life.
I see all kids, really allpeople like little brains. You probably don't
(00:23):
know me. I'm Kevin, Sarah'spartner in crime, bourbon aficionado, discussor
of all things, and father oftwo. We started this podcast because we
saw a big gap between research andpractice, especially when you have a unique
family structure like ours, and wewanted to share what we've learned and hopefully
what we continue about navigating our livesthrough the lens of brain science with a
big old helping of reality mix there. We know there are lots of families
(00:47):
that look like ours, or kindof like art, or maybe look nothing
like ours, which makes finding asingle source of guidance and advice so hard.
But we're going to try to helpyou, so join us as we
try to figure out what's happening here. It's my birthday week. Baby,
it is. It's a big birth. Finally, you know you've been waiting.
(01:07):
Finally we're in the same decade.I know, I'm turning forty.
Do you remember turning forty? Yeah? And I thought it would be fun
to do a little episode about thethings I've learned as I've gotten older.
And this is sticking out to mebecause every once in a while I referenced
(01:30):
things my mother told me, which, by the way, just for the
record, my mom would recording yeson a podcast that we're sharing with the
world, before you say those words, before you go any further, are
you really sure she's right. WhatI'm saying is that's not a very good
caveat. What I'm saying is shealways talked about how it was like talking
(01:53):
to a brick wall that makes sensefor years, but that they eventually hear
you. And I'm telling you wereyou the older I get, and that
I'm a parent and all these thingsI find myself. You've references another episode
saying things your parents have said toyou or something like that. And there's
these couple of things, and Iwrote about them in the book. A
(02:14):
couple of things that mine are mostlygadya. But one of the things she
said over and over again is thatyou know you forty was her favorite age,
like finding yourself. Forty is thenew twenty, she used to joke
about, and that was a longtime. We'll let you, I'll let
you run yourself over it. Butyeah, I really it's It's funny.
(02:39):
This happened to me when I turnedthirty where everybody else because I'm the younger
one in the friend group mostly,and everybody would complain about aches and pains
and stuff, and I'm like,oh, doing great, I'm doing great.
And literally my thirtieth birthday, Iwas like, how your thirtieth birthday?
This is what they're talking about.Yeah. Now that I'm forty,
I'm kind of like, all ofa sudden, I'm this week and last
(03:00):
week. I just started thinking abouthow right she was about feeling really good
in your forty because the first thingI've learned, you just gotten used to
all the aches. Yeah, wellphysically, well like, yes, you
have to keep up on your agood day. You're like, I feel
right amazing, Yes, forty rocks. I've got a good roller. I
know I've got a role now.Yeah, massage, you know, I'm
(03:23):
feeling wonderful. I've got my fortiesare going to be awesome. But I
think mentally, I was just comingback from you know, you have a
lot of experience in your job theydidn't have before. You know, I've
been doing I've been doing for awhile, and you know, you know
where your sweet spot is. Youknow where you're comfortable, where you can
really help people, at what casesyou want to take? What cases you're
(03:44):
you're like, no, that feelingI'm getting, I shouldn't take that case.
You know all those kinds of things. And I think I finally know
because I'm very much of a whatcan I do? What did I like?
How can I change my behavior?You know? What can I do
to make this better? And andyou know another thing, my mother said,
you can't control people on your ownbehavior? So I always do that
true. But one thing I've learnedin my forties is that sometimes forty yet,
(04:09):
it's not me, it's them.I for one, completely agree with
you. You live by that rule. It's not really can't be me,
gotta be there. But for someonelike me, who you know, that's
a major shift. It is youthat you're starting, You're getting into the
uh, I don't give a fuckage right right, and starting you're starting
(04:30):
to realize and has tried to bringme own on this long time the hand
you might be onto something. Well, she just passed another miles I know,
I know, I know, soshe's got a seven show some years
of experience on ye right, Butit is you hear these things, you
know, you see the memes.You'd like you see these, but to
(04:53):
actually start to feel like, waita minute, that's you. That has
nothing to do with me, andI'm not going to lose sleep over the
I Again, I think the longeryou go in your profession, you have
people who really love you and reallyappreciate what you do, and you also
have people who do not appreciate you, and then what you do. You
know, it's interesting that like whenyou're younger, you have these older relatives,
(05:15):
these like grodgety old relatives that justlike and and now that you're at
a certain age, you can seethe progression right right, Like you just
knew them as groggy old people,and now you can You're you're of the
age. I'm of the age nowwhere I'm progressing in that direction. But
(05:38):
I can and the people around mein my in my class. You know,
my peers. I could see theprogression. I could I know where
they're going. I can see they'reon that road. We're all going there.
We're all going down the same road. They just might be a little
further ahead of me. Right,you're going to get there. I know.
I might speak up and pass them. I don't know. But it's
(06:00):
just really funny that you're like,oh, yeah, I can see why.
It's see why those old people areso crodgedy and don't give an f
you know, like, yeah,because I'm kind of headed down that room
myself. It's like part of it, Like I feel like, you know
that you don't realize that until youreach a certain age, right, and
you're like Okay. When you're younger, you're just amused by how crodigy there
(06:23):
and you're just like, oh,that's really funny. Look at that.
You know, they're so angry andold and grumpy. And then you know,
like you're young and you're like carefree, you think that you know
the world's your oyster, and thenwhen you hit your forties, you're like,
I get it. Yeah, oneday you're like, you know,
cruising the street, put your feetfoot on the gas pedal, go and
break in the speed them minute.And then the next day you're like complaining
(06:46):
about the fact that the trash isgetting picked up on the street at the
same freaking time that you got todrop the kids. And how come they
can stand that it's like ten minutesdifferent. Okay, I'd just like to
stay from here, and you're grouptexting about it. Yep, let me
just say, let me just say, this is what I have to look
forward to. Yeah, give itup six months right, kids are back
(07:10):
in school in September. You're gonnabe complained about it because now you're forty
now now instead of these like,oh, maybe they just you know,
we had a late breakfast and theygot started late. You know, maybe
either they had to go get tothe coffee at whoa wa and they just
got a wall to start. Insteadof that, you're gonna be like,
why are you driving a trash?Drop down? And you'll be joining us.
(07:35):
I you'll be joining us. MyFirst of all, there's no reason.
I don't care what day of theweekend, I don't care what thing
they're picking us. There is atwenty minute window the beginning of each day
and at the end of the schoolday, where there's no need for any
other vehicle. It gives me oneblock traveling down it's two blocks traveling down
(08:01):
this one particular street that I happento travel on right to either drop off
or pick up my kid from school. Yes, the only yes, kids,
and the only way. Only explanationis that they're doing it on purpose.
(08:24):
They I cannot accept and will notaccept that an explanation that it is
h coincidence cannot be coincidence. Ithas to be all purpose. And frankly,
for that you kind of wouldn't tipyour hat don tell you like,
oh no, I'm not quite atthat point. You're way more like I
(08:45):
am thinking of ways that I canmake them pay for this bad That's very
much the two of us. I'mlike, touche man, you know what,
you're annoying the crap out a lotof people. You're doing it on
purpose. You know I have somerespect for that. At least you know
you're doing you what I want tomake them pay. I'm thinking like water
balloons, something I just keep inthe back of my car. See them
out there, just fling them.Get all the kids on the water guns
(09:09):
and there's got to be a pricethey have to pay. They have to
pay for the price of delaying mycommute to my home office by good thirty
or to my office office, orjust really delaying my day. So these
are the things I have to lookforward to get to fifty per se,
(09:31):
What do you mean fifty, You'remore You're more n fifty than you speaking.
Which that is another thing that hashappened to me more recently is I
used to be differently now I usedcloser, Like I used to feel closer
in age to the teamage, liketo the to the younger kids, you
know, like the new drivers.I was like, oh yeah, I
was right there. Now I likewent to drop off my middle schooler the
(09:54):
other day or even like row,you know, as a high schooler,
and I'm like, I'm they don'tsee me as closer to their age,
like I am not. I'm likethe parent now I'm not the young one
that was. I'm like the I'mlike a guy, knock it off,
stop being jerks. And oh mygod. It's a it's a fine line,
(10:16):
fine line to run between being likethe cool hip just give myself away,
the cool dad and the dorky oldguy trying too hard, right right,
Yes, And the same goes forthe moms. Yeah, there's a
(10:37):
fine line where there's moms that arelike just naturally playing it cool and and
the kids, the kids these days, they see them and they're like,
oh, you just said kids thesedays. Goodness, we're gonna argue about
the um the you know, andthey're just naturally they're just cool people,
(11:00):
right, they just and they theyprojected, they use it. Yeah,
and the kids recognize, like,okay, because they think they don't.
That person's like a dad, buthe's a cool dad. Yeah. And
that person's mom, but she's acool mom. Yeah. And then you
have the on the other side ofthat very thin line is the why are
you wearing that? That's not cool? You don't don't do that. Stop,
(11:24):
you know, go go home,change, don't don't wear that,
yeah, act like that. Don't. Oh my gosh, I bought the
same shirt that Julianna had the otherday. She was so embarrassed, and
then that made me just want tobuy two, So I bought a second
one that this is the things thathappened when you're welcome to your And I'm
like, oh that that embarrasses you. You don't want me to, oh,
(11:46):
bring a second one? More motivatednow that I've ever been in my
entire life, Like there's a lotof motivation to be embarrassing and watch her
squirm a little bit. Und yeah, I mean giggly squirm. She's not
like you know, yeah stated yet, but you know it's like it's it's
really fun. Yeah yeah. Iwill try sometimes try to do that kind
(12:09):
of thing, and it will backfirein that it amuses them. Well,
yes, I could see that.Like although, so sometimes when Ronan's waiting
out of school, I have ajeep with some larger tires. I will
if there's no kids around, andsafe, very safe, I will drive
up and over the curb and justact like I did it. You did
(12:33):
it by accident, but I didit on purpose. And I did it
the other day and Jewels and Hannahwe're getting in the car, and I
think it embarrassed them that I didthat, because they're like, you know,
other people around the girls. ButRonan had this kind of like rye
smile on his face because he probablyalso liked to watch a girl sum about
it a little bit. But healso he's like not surprised about it,
(12:54):
right, He's like, They're like, oh my god, what is he
doing? And He's like, youknow, it's funny that you're embarrassing,
because although I don't, it wouldtake a lot to embarrassing, right.
Row Rose such an easy going kindof kid. He's so kind of sure
of himself in a lot of ways, or just doesn't really see other people
in that way, you know,he's just easy to get along with them.
(13:16):
What else have you learned as you'reon the cusp of forty Yeah,
that you'd like to share with ourlisteners. I mean, I think it's
I think those two are like thebig big things, and then I think
the other thing is about it iskind of like a I don't care,
you know, like there's just certainthings I care about and certain things I
don't. And some of this hasto do with my life experience to date
(13:37):
too, but some things just reallyare not that important. And I don't
care if you know, if youdon't like me because I couldn't get my
kid dressed in a certain way toget to school, like, it doesn't
bother Those things don't bother me asmuch anymore. Like I just I want
good people around me. I've learnedthat, you know, I want good
(14:00):
friends around me. I don't needa million people I want and I can't
even handle that. I can onlyhandle close. We talked tomall number small
number close friends four. Yes atthat that I can just that these adult
friends, that friendships that we talkedabout previously exactly where the value in that
comes through. And those are reallyvaluable to me, and those are worth
(14:22):
my time and energy. Other thingsare just now, especially when they're older
than you, they can be almosta mentor to you. Yes, yes,
that seems to be a relationship.Not to interject, but I realized
something the other day, actually Ithink it was it may have been today.
I am that the other thing thathappens when you get older right time,
Like the days are like I amgetting close to stay off my lawn
(14:46):
old man stage because I'm getting closeto this. Well, I have some
self awareness, so I don't thinkI still have awareness of it, So
I don't think I'm there yet.I hate to say the word cats,
but you are also ready there,man. Cats and people are two different
you have. Can we just talkabout the cat right, because that's a
whole other be going off. Ithink you know when you've hit a certain
(15:13):
age when you're writing letters to themayor. Yeah about yeah, yeah,
about the cat situation in your yard, in your neighbor's yard. As soon
as you've written a letter to amayor that says and with citing ordinances about
why you're these cats should not bethen you know you've hit a certain age
(15:35):
uninforced ordinances and you get letters withthe record talk about certain things that are
just really really important. You're nota big fan of them, and clearly
you have made short make appointment.I prefer not to clean up somebody after
someone else's cats, especially if theybreak certain ordinances and you're not sure they
(16:00):
should be there. What do youmean sure? I know they shouldn't be
there. I remember when you firstwrote this letter and you said it to
me. I thought it was kindof like a setter name too, and
then I realized that you're serious,and I think it's still very much answerious.
I think I managed to suggest youhold off on that note for a
little bit, probably for a year, yeah, because I think it was
(16:22):
pretty much right when you moved inthe letter, and they have been during
a certain period of time where peoplewere at alt where you were stuck in
the house and Beau, it's somethingyou do. And then we finally I
thought we were over the hub,and then we and then all of a
sudden I got sent to respond fromthe mayor. House came off and the
email would send all of the fund. Now that this COVID thing is over,
(16:45):
let me tell you about the cats. Yeah. Now let's get down
to brass tats, the real issuesfacing your residence right on this particular street.
But it is interesting when you doget older, how these certain things
like this is on an age thingthat a similar occurrence happened to me in
my previous house, although I didn'thave the experience and the knowledge to write
(17:11):
to the mayor. That's the thingI think as you get older, you
start seasoned. Yes, you knowthat you know the procedure for complaints and
you're going to follow them to getsomething done. Hint, it starts with
looking out the codes ordinances. Ijust find that Again, the older I
get, the more I think mymom was right about forty. You know,
(17:33):
you have more experience in this thanme, but you're not even forty
yet. I just feel like thisis that point where you kind of know
who you are a lot more.You know the things you want, you
know, you know what's important,you know and and well, I think
depending on your circumstances. The reasonsfor that are that you have like time
(17:56):
to breathe, because if you thinkyou know, ours circumstances are thirties,
we're spent young kids with young kids, and who has the time to think
about anything right about themselves or whothey are when they're in their thirties,
(18:17):
you know, Like maybe you startthinking about it as you approach forty because
it's this milestone, you know,this big number. And honestly, I
can say confidently I've done a lotmore growing and self improvement in my forties
than any other time in my life. Well, and it's funny because you
don't have time, but you do, you know what I mean, Like
(18:38):
you've mental space time a little bit. And I think we're also well,
I mean, when your kids arereally young, it's a lot of physical
and emotional energy that you're spending becauseyou're saying, we have time now,
but we really don't have time now. Were in different ways. Yes,
I think you're we're running all overthe place more so than we are.
But at the same time, thepeople that are taking we're taking up a
(19:00):
lot of our energy in the thirtiesof you know, keeping them clothed and
fed and alive. They're able todo a lot of that on their own,
you know, and so different youhave a little bit more time.
Is not so much in the linearaspect of it from you know, but
it's more in the spatial aspect.Right it's like physically and emotionally and mentally
(19:22):
draining when the kids are younger hereit's not as physically draining. I think.
I think sometimes you know, we'rekind of in a sweet spot of
ages to you know, like theyJay is our biggest teenager like child right
now, and so we code we'regetting into that for Pia, that ste
of being more drained mentally just fromtrying to make sure keep them all on
(19:47):
the right track. But in themiddle, yeah, if you take that
time to kind of get to knowyourself and even just I think raising older
kids does it to you too,because you start to become insightful about how
and why you felt certain ways.And when you're watching, especially a teenage
girl go through all these ranges ofemotion and you're trying to piece through it
(20:07):
and give her advice or trying totell her where you like, you have
to go back and look kind ofat wait, what do I like?
What don't like? How do Icommunicate that? You know? How do
I work through these feelings that areall over the board sometimes and you start
to get better at it yourself.I think it's like kind of like you
teach it, you know, youknow it, and then you teach it
and you know it even better.And I feel like that's kind of what
the phase that we're in. ButI mean that's been a big shift too.
(20:29):
I think shifting the way you know, we're parenting now to parents little
people who are going to eventually bebig people, versus just trying to keep
them from falling over, you know, and telling them what to do.
Now we're trying to get them tomake their own good decisions. It's such
a big shift in parenting. Ithink that's what makes them feel older,
is like now I'm like, Okay, it's a more mentory coachy like we
(20:52):
talked about than it is than itis little kid parenting and just kind of
feeling like you're the young one too. And that's a thing shift like You're
not. If you hear a thump, you're not like getting up and running.
No, you're like, I swearto God, if they, you
know, getting out, and ifthey're getting up and getting their phone,
if you dropped your phone and itbroke, I'll be really paying for that
yourself, exactly, buying you anotherone. Yeah, You're were like,
(21:15):
are they sneaking out? Are theygetting out? How do we get up?
You know? It's totally different,which is funny because last night I
heard a big thump downstairs running wasdown there by himself, big thump,
and I was like, that's nothis head on the concrete floor. It
was like, what happen? Andhe came up to explain to me that
(21:36):
he was doing some church on askateboard. Oh of course, yeah,
you know, because you know,why not at late night? Yeah,
And I'm like, okay, didyou break any of my stuff? Yeah?
Exactly, That's what I was concernedabout. It, Like, you
seem to be fine. You tobreak any of myself down there? Yeah,
like the washing machine exactly. No. I think it's such a shift
(21:59):
to you know again, you startto feel older, you start to feel
all of a sudden different. Butat the same time, it's it's a
good balance of trying to figure outwhat you like, what you want to
do, showing the kids that youit's important to find yourself and do these
things feeling more confident in your decisions. I think too, you know about
what you know when you say noto your kids and why, And I'm
(22:21):
like, you could be upset withme all you want, but this is
a note for this reason. AndI don't care what somebody else thinks about
my parenting. This is the decisionI've made, you know, those kinds
of those almost like yeah, Idon't give a you know, like I'm
just feeling like I really enjoy I'mreally enjoying this this age and I and
even I think the last little bit, the little tip over for me is
(22:45):
when I well two things. One, when I watch movies now, I
watch like the same movies I watchedyounger. I watch as like if I
were the parent, Like literally prettywoman, I was like her mom and
a probably like worried about her becauseshe hasn't calder, you know, And
I'm like, what I guess thispretty woman? You know. One point
(23:06):
I was watching as like why doyou think she's a process. I think
she's got some long issues, okay, you know, like you know what,
I think that that we could fixthis by we could help her.
And you know, I'm like,what am I doing? And I'm watching
movies as if I was, youknow, so you watch them from these
different perspectives, and I think thatthat's interesting. But then I think this
(23:27):
last piece that has been coming warjust thinking about like what legacy you want
to leave, you know, whatkinds of how people how you want your
kids to kind of think about you, what you can give back to the
world to kind of like hang aroundfor a while. And again this a
little bit has to do with justme knowing bad things happen, right,
but just like you know, whatdoes what does that look like? And
(23:48):
you know, thinking about the theactions I take to see what you know,
what it's like, what what kindsof things you're leaving behind for the
next generation? Like you see Ithink turning forty, Yeah, you're approaching
get off by one stage. It'smy birthday week, babe. Here's the
forty. Here's the forty. Well, thanks for joining us for this episode
(24:11):
of What's Happening Here. Don't forgetto subscribe. To our YouTube page,
or you can follow me on Instagramat Doctor Sarah l Allen and KEIV shows
up a lot there too, forsure. To tell a friend what you
liked about this episode and share itwith them. After all, we're all
in this together, just trying tofigure out what's happening here.
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