May 3, 2023 • 30 mins
How many times have you been talking to someone about something and you realize the two of you are looking at the same thing from two completely different perspectives? Probably happens a lot, especially with your kids. Well, there's a reason for that and it's not you....it's them! Actually it's their brain and how their perception forms their reality. In this episode we talk about how impactful perception is on our brains.
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(00:01):
Welcome to What's Happening Here. Thisis a podcast we're finding the perfect and
balance of being a parent, apartner, and a person without losing the
things that matter most to you inthe process, like your sanity. You
might know me as doctor Sarah,the Brain Gal. I'm a pediatric nurse,
psychologist, and mom of two whotranslates brain science to everyday life.
I see all kids, really allpeople like little brains. You probably don't
(00:23):
know me. I'm Kevin, Sarah'spartner in crime, bourbon aficionado, discussor
of all things, and father oftwo. We started this podcast because we
saw a big gap between research andpractice, especially when you have a unique
family structure like ours, and wewanted to share what we've learned and hopefully
what we continue about navigating our livesthrough the lens of brain science with a
big old helping of reality mix there. We know there are lots of families
(00:47):
that look like ours, or kindof like art, or maybe look nothing
like ours, which makes finding asingle source of guidance and advice so hard.
But we're going to try to helpyou, so join us as we
try to figure out what's happening here. Hey baby, a long weekend like
it has. I know it's Wednesdayfor everyone else, but it should feels
(01:10):
like filming on a Sunday evening.Yes, whirlwind adult weekend, Yes with
friends. Absolutely. Yeah, weare dealing with the consequences of our decisions
a line from the week. Sure, but if I can make if I
can survive adult weekend, I'd liketo think I'd be able to survive raising
(01:34):
the brains that live in my house. But it's gonna be tough. Yeah,
Because the other day, paper towels, we're getting down to the bottom.
I said, Ruby, will yougo down and grab another roll of
paper towels and replace? Bringing upstairsand replacement. Okay, And a few
minutes later I walked back into thekitchen and there next to the paper towel
(02:00):
holder was a full, brand newrole of paper towels. It just hadn't
been put onto the holder. Sothat was for definition of replacing it was
bringing it upstairs and putting it nextto the thing that it had to go
on. Yes, yes, differentperspectives, different different ways of thinking about
these things, or not thinking notthinking about Perhaps that's true, that's true,
(02:25):
But I think we wanted to talka little bit today about that whole
idea of we're in this thing andwe have six different brains that we are
dealing with and they're all coming fromdifferent perspectives well, and not just ours,
you know. I noticed that beingaway with friends this weekend, they
also are raising brains. And boydo teenagers have unique perspectives, don't they.
(02:49):
It's not just ours, yeah,they just they don't think things through.
No saly Sometimes things they don't thinkthrough I mean, as we've talked
about in the past episodes. Butit did get me thinking about this idea
of everybody having their own perception.You know. My mother always used to
say it's not reality, it's perception. And you know, I always say
(03:13):
she was talking about kid issues,you know, with girls or things like
that, but it's really true froma brain perspective too, and so it
always gets me thinking about where arethey coming from? You know. And
in therapy we talk about meeting peoplewhere they are and bringing them to where
you want them to be. Butit's never more apparent than watching our children
approach something, because they all doit differently, even you and me.
(03:37):
When we go to put something together, for example, I definitely show my
lack of skill and a physical thing, something visual that has to be put
together. We approach it from avery different ways, yes, very very
different ways. And I think thatthat comes very biologically. You know.
We know that the way our brainfunctions is just with electrical and chemical impulses,
(04:00):
right, neurons that sit near eachother that just shoot electrical impulses and
the little chemical out in the youknow, in the space in between them,
and that's all that creates that perception. You know, we can when
you think about that, you know, it's just like flicking a light switch
on some level. Or you know, when we talk about the foods you
(04:20):
eat make up the chemicals your brainuses to function, you know, it's
really true. So it's a perceptionis almost like precarrious. It's like this
funny, it's funny. It's funnything. We know. People with hallucinations,
for example, actually see if youlook at their brain, it looks
like they're seeing or hearing that stimuli. So which is true and which isn't
true? You know, which isreality? I guess reality is all perception.
(04:45):
And when I think about that piece, think about the fact you can
take I do tell children in myoffice this. Sometimes some of them get
a little freaked out by it.But if I were to take your skull
off and I were to put alittle I try not to leave with it.
It's going to try to do withit, unless they're haaving in ways
that I would prefer them not.I'm just no. But if you take
if you take this, if youwanted to take their skull off, you
(05:09):
could put electrodes on the brain incertain spots that you could stimulate and make
you move your arm or feel somethingon the back of your you know,
your right hand or something like that. We're so specific in that way.
You could take an antidepressant, forexample. You know selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors,
So serotonin's that neurotransmer, that chemical, and all that means is that
(05:30):
you're going to stop the cells fromtaking it back, so you get more
serotonin out there, and that changesthe way that you view the world.
It's and again, you can createserotonin by eating turkey for goodness things,
so you could create it by gettinghealthy foods as well. But it's just
so easily modified. And when youthink about that, you think about even
(05:53):
the way you and I interact,you know, we just spent a nice
long weekend together, and we wefunctioned very differently, you know, I
mean not in a bad way.I think we've learned very much kind of
how we both roll. But it'sjust a really interesting phenomens I think we've
you know, we've talked a lotabout this, Like it's almost this underlying
thing about you know, brains andhow they receive things differently in all of
(06:15):
the you know, the episodes thatwe've recorded. But it is interesting when
you're in a small space, smallhouse, you know, with people that
you're friends with, and then youshare a space and it gives you some
interesting insights into how their brains perceivethings, you know, like in things
that you're not normally around them.One, you know, you're sharing a
(06:38):
house for a weekend with you know, for other adults, and you're all
very close friends, and then youwatch somebody do something and you're like,
what wouldn't make you do that?Don't I don't understand, you know,
And then there's some other this particularweekend, there were a lot of outside
influences on those decisions that people wouldmake. They usually come in a glass
(06:59):
with mice in it, but evenwhen outside of that, like you're just
like ah, and you know we'retalking about things and you're like, I
never would have thought about that.I thought of it in that way,
you know. And I think thishappens with Carter in particular. You know,
he's got such a cool, uniquebrain that whenever you're talking to him.
(07:24):
It took me a long time torealize he's not being oppositional or ordinary
all the time. He doesn't understandme or he does it. He just
came from right field and I wasin left field. Like that's a sports
reference that you thank you. I'mlearning I actually picked that up when I
was an assistant coach and the hockeyum that one day you did ask me
to do it, So that isregretting it, but it's really interesting to
(07:47):
me. Yeah, well, youknow, experiences experience. It's colored my
perception of the world clearly, clearly, and I think for Carter it you
can say something that you think soclear and has no gray area, and
he has it, and then whenhe explains to you what he would he
heard, you know, it's like, where did you even get that?
(08:09):
I mean, some of it ishis age, right, Like I have
learned that I cannot make certain jokeswith certain connotations in front of our children
any most of our children anymore,because they understand what I mean, things
like that's what she said. Yeah, I can't do that anymore because then
inevitably Ruby goes ill or something likethat. I'm like, oh, I
(08:31):
forgot that you were older. Now, well, I think it's just we
have to maybe put a brief moratoriumon them until they get to a certain
age where they can also enjoy it. They can do it, they can
joy it. Well. I rememberthe other day I made that joke and
then you know, Ruby got allgrossed out, and I was like,
oh, oh, I forgot.They don't go over your head, yeah,
you know, and Carter goes booglesover my head. It's just exactly
(08:56):
age related, right, all ofthat. It's a little card, it's
a little age and then it's alittle quirk. Yeah, it's a little
very quirky in that way. Andeven thinking about the teenagers, right,
I think they are so set onwhat they want to do, right,
No Fraunnie, Right, there arebarely any Frannie development. So you know,
(09:18):
many of the kids will just evenlie about things that are so dumb
to lie about that. It's soeasy to find out that they did or
didn't go where they said they weregoing to go, especially since when they
said they were going right, especiallysince we have life three sixty right,
you know, and you know that, and we have eyes everywhere, right,
which my mother taught me. Youknow, by the way, if
(09:41):
you want to really free Carter out, tell him you have eyes in the
back of your head. He knowsthat you don't, but he can't figure
out how you don't know the informationreally best with the mole bit, and
he knows his mother well enough toknow that I'm definitely pulling his leg right.
He doesn't understand exactly how all ofthose things can go together. But
(10:01):
yeah, I just you know,like teenagers again, they're lying you.
They just have this bee line onI want to do what I want to
do, and there is no otheryou know, other people's expenses haven't entered
their mind. They kind of haveto be taught that. Yeah, and
you know that's where we command andI think it's also you know, an
interesting from Afar. We saw anotherexample this weekend of somebody's frontal low not
(10:24):
being fully developed and acting very rashlyin a situation that and it was a
good lesson, you know, wetalked through the consequences of those actions when
you're not using all of your brain, you know, to make rash better
decisions in a moment. Oh,you mean like in the hockey game.
(10:46):
Yeah, yeah, I think thatthat's a I mean, that's an interesting
That is an excellent example of perceptiondifferences. And I hear this sometimes when
we see like videos. We havegood friends who are in law enforcement in
general around us, and they alwaysremind me when you're looking at videos of
people interacting, especially when it comesto law enforcement, the decisions about whether
(11:07):
they make a good judgment or abad judgment have to be from the perspective
of the person at the time,meaning like you don't know what threat you
know, as an officer, youdon't know what threat you're coming across,
so you have to assume certain thingsin order to stay safe day to day,
and so it has to be madewith those you know, if somebody
puts their hand in their pocket ordoes something like this, you have to
(11:28):
remember that the perspective of the officerat the time has to make certain assumptions
to be safe. Right and anytimeI'm looking at videos like that. I'm
thinking about that now. It doesn'tI'm not saying anything in any direction about
those, but I think what happenedthis weekend was a really good example of
perception, especially when you have,you know, the ability to view it
later and not be in it asmuch. Yeah. Yeah, So I
(11:50):
think it's you know, those typesof things. And I find that when
talking to Ruby through like a schoolassignment, and you know, she has
to when it comes to like maybewriting, you know, a paragraph or
writing an essay about something, talkingto her about and that exercise of laying
(12:11):
something out and hearing what her perspectiveis on something that we both know,
and then I, you know,I've learned through you that you need to
really kind of almost interview them alittle bit, like why do you all
right? So tell me what yourperspective is on this? You're the story?
You know, what are you gonnayou know, you're gonna make an
argument and you have to support thatargument, you know, through fact,
(12:35):
your points that you want to raise, and then listening to her, you
know, come up with something thatshe when she's engaged in it, to
have a you know, story,And it's interesting to me like, okay,
so why would you come to thatconclusion or why what leads you to
that perspective? Yeah, and it'sjust interesting to really you have to,
(12:56):
I think, really kind of thinkabout where their shoes, you know,
they're they're in their own shoes,and you're like, I'll let me put
myself in her shoes. And thenI like to talk to her through those
things and say, okay, sohave you thought about this, and not
give her the direction, but lether, you know, show her that
there might be a different path andsee if she you know, how she
(13:16):
takes it right, well, usea little reflective questioning techniques, right,
asking the questions to see where she'sleading to try to build those pathways in
the brain, right. And youknow, we know now that it works
on electrical and chemical impulses. Butone of the patterns of the brain is
the brain likes to be efficient,and the way it does that is by
grouping things, right, It categorizesin groups things. It's even the reason
why I think when it comes tothings like diversity and prejudice, we have
(13:39):
to recognize that our brain naturally groupsthings. So to say everybody is the
same is against natural brain patterns tosay everybody is different and cool in a
unique way, and that's exciting.That works with natural brain patterns, and
I'm really big about working with naturalbrain patterns. I think one of the
reasons what you're talking about is just, you know, the way we categorize
(14:01):
in groups, we find what wealready know and we put something on top
of that. It's why I thinkit's so important to help expands kids horizons,
get them out of the place thatthey grew up and show them other
things. Because their frame of referenceis only what they've perceived so far.
So when you're asking them to makethese you know, to think about the
world in a different way, theydon't have the ability, They don't have
(14:24):
the knowledge to put new things ontop of if you don't provide that for
them too. And I think understandingthat everybody has different perspectives. I know
it sounds so simple, but itreally does change the way you view the
world and also your tolerance and yourrelationships. You know, knowing that,
Okay, everybody's going to see ita little differently slows you down enough to
(14:46):
not think, oh, that guy'sbeing a jerk, you know, or
oh this is happening because you're like, wait a minute, what is your
perspective on this? You know,where are you coming from and what do
you know that you're attaching this newinformation to. It's like trying to make
breakfast nachos for everybody in trying.It's what is the common denominator that we
can get away with on flavoring andspicing and you know, onions hallepeenious.
(15:11):
No one someone doesn't do the manwho who doesn't like barbecue sauce? All
right, but you like halopenos andyou don't like barbecue sauce, but you
like the onions. Yea, allright? How can I divide this tray
up into six different quadrants? Sowell? And even that is perspective base,
right, because your your body getsused to what it's been exposed to
in the past, right, Sosome people can tolerate more heat than other
(15:33):
people can lerate. Like It's justit all comes back really to to perspective,
I think, and I think recognizingthat that people have that different perspective
again allows you to change it.I mean examples from sports are are I
think you know a really good one. You know you come from one side
of that you like, you're ina fight in hockey, right, and
(15:56):
you think an altercation, an altercation, you are in a situation where somebody
on your team gets hurt and youdon't you want to protect them. That's
what's going on in your mind,right, But if you come from it
feels that way, and it happensso fast, very quickly, very very
quickly. So you see a teammateget hurt and you come and you want
to get that person away from them, right, that's the perspective of the
(16:18):
athlete. But when you look backon it or you watch a video and
you can see, wait a minute, there's a lot of time between the
teammate getting hurt and what happened,and that's just a really hard It went
faster for that athlete than it givesfor anybody else. And I like that
because I think when I watch now, I'm watching lots and lots and lots
(16:40):
and lots and lots and lots andlots of hockey in sports where I wasn't
before. Oh yeah, And whatI have learned is that I think that
the restraint you have to show forthose things, and because think about it,
a sports is such a speeded responseright, everything has to be very,
very ast or you're the better youare, the faster your response.
(17:02):
And not only that, like alot of you've got a lot of chemicals
floating around in your brain and righttime with adrenaline, yeah, and the
endorphins going on and everything. Soit can be very I think unless you
have played it is it is,And this is the benefit of it is
it's very easy to misjudge or judgesomebody's behavior or their actions without having the
(17:25):
personal experience of knowing putting yourselves inthat person's shoes and understanding how quickly they're
moving, how quickly that is goingon for them in their brains, and
then you know, having the abilityto say, okay, I need to
control my behavior to an appropriate levelto not exacerbate the situation. And it's
(17:45):
a learning experience, right, Justlike what we talked about, you know,
within the last couple of weeks isjust the fact that that's not something
that you just you get or youdon't, right, It's something that we
need to nurture along the way andteach along the way. And so to
have the opportunity to experience that thatdoesn't make that person a bad kid.
That doesn't make them, you know, an aggressive player like the labels.
(18:07):
And you know, I just talkedabout sports labels, but we'll do this
to kids social and emotionally too.Yeah. Right, they are playing a
game of well I just said agame of football, but they're playing with
their friends, right or something likethat, or you know, they're twelve,
thirteen, fourteen girls and there's alot of hormone and a lot of
emotion. And someone gets upset abouta kid's boyfriend and does something dumb,
(18:27):
right, that doesn't make that persona bat the finger and feel as though
they're being persecuted where that may notbe necessarily the intent of what is going
on. Their perception is that,you know, somebody's doing something to them,
when in fact that may not bethe intent of what happened, or
really realistically what happened. You know. Yeah, most of the time,
(18:48):
people are more concerned with what's goingon for them than they are about what
you're doing, you know, andI and that's most of the time.
Now, there's some people that reallyenjoy the drama of it, they you
know, and all of those things. But barring those people that, hopefully
you decide not to spend your timewith. Most people really are just doing
(19:08):
their own thing. And we talkabout this a lot, and we're probably
talk about this in the next coupleof weeks. Is just especially with your
people around you, your friends,like to recognize give a little grace,
right, Everyone is always moving soquickly, and it's typically something that's going
on in their lives. You know. I can't tell you how many times
I think I should text this personand reach out because I know they're going
(19:29):
through something or whatever, and Igo to do it, something distracts me
and all of a sudden, it'sa week or two later, and I
didn't even realize that much time passed, and I feel terrible because I wanted
to do this and because they didn'tdo it at that second for me two
weeks when by that's a long timefor that person going through something. But
again, I think it's about perspective, and I think it's recognizing that it's
(19:52):
okay and normal and natural to havedifferent perspectives. You know. We don't
want to scream at our kids fornot having the perspective that we had.
We want to communicate it mountain thenrelate, And that's what I was kind
of going back to the point withRuby, and even when I talked to
Ronan about those similar things. Youknow, Ruby and I we tend to
see things similarly, and Ronan andI tend to have a little bit more
(20:14):
differences how we view the world.And I always enjoy when I have an
opportunity to talk to him about thingsand see what his perspective is. And
even and we started to do thisin he'll send me videos that he sees
and something and I love it becauseit's something he finds interesting or humorous or
just you know, kind of creativeand cool. And he'll, you know,
(20:37):
send send me video and I'll belike, oh, this is great.
This this is how we're interacting.We may not get a lot of
time to sit and chat about things, but he'll send me something and I
get the reply back and I'll sendhim a video of something that I found
that was really cool. And theother night we were sitting watching The Mandalorian
and one of the episodes and itwas I think, I think I just
(20:59):
paused it, and we talked aboutthe possible plot situation, like okay,
what I thought, maybe this iswhat was going on? And he was
just like I didn't even think aboutit. And then he was like,
well, I thought it might havebeen this point. Maybe it is,
you know, like everything's been anamazing when that happens, when you just
never even entered your mind that itcould be that way, like it blows
(21:21):
your mind left. Well. Iwas just like, I was like,
this is this is what this means, this is the whole thing. And
he was like, I didn't eventhink about that. I was sick it
was this And I'm like, didn'toccur to me, right, And that's
you know, like listening to themand hearing them and getting their perspective on
things, especially when they reach eveneven little kids. Their perspectives on things
are so oftentimes they're so pure,yes, you know, and this is
(21:47):
they're so untarnished by the world,the world around them, or the influence
around them, you know, andit's just a simplicity, simplicity to me,
yea refreshing and and you're you know, you can see the progression of
influences over them over the course oftime, and then then those influences help
for them to form their perceptions onthings, and it's always interesting to see
(22:11):
that progression, especially when they're yourkids and you can see how they've progressed
through that. But you know,getting you know, teenagers to talk to
you about things, it's kind ofand be tricky. Well, it's interesting.
One of the things I like mostabout working with kids with autism is
their perspective is so different than mine. I mean, I'm probably the other
extreme, you know, if you'relooking at the traits, and I love
(22:32):
that. I love hearing how somebodyelse is thinking about something. And they
aren't turnished at times from social constructsand norms that you know, they're they're
working hard to try to understand them, but in a very logical, almost
black and white way. And sometimes, you know, when you're trying to
explain one of these social constructs,you realize how ridiculous it actually is or
(22:53):
how great it actually is. Wellyeah, well not all the time,
just sometimes. And then when yousay the same thing, but your eyebrows
look a little different, it meanssomething totally different, Like, you know,
you how do you do that?You know? My favorite story is
about a student who was told tostraighten their room, you know, and
they were going to get kicked outof their space if they didn't straighten their
(23:17):
room and you know, they cameback and opened the door and was horrified
it looked exactly the same way.And here yeah, and here the person.
It's straightened all the furniture completely toninety degree angles everywhere, so everything
was absolutely straight. It was justa mess story, right, still a
mess. And you know you canget upset about that or you can understand.
(23:37):
Wow, It's like Amelia badiliask.I used to love those books for
that same reason too. There's somany different ways of seeing things. And
I think that that is I lovedifferent perspectives, and your brain loves different
perspectives because when that happens, youknow, when Rowe has a different perspective
than you, it creates this emotionalresponse, right, your amyg goes.
And that's where learning happened. Isthis curiosity and interest in something, so
(24:00):
sharing perspectives can do that. Youwant those things. You are at the
same thing all the time. AndI think it's you know, it's interesting
because from my background and communications,your craft and communications and not. You
know, it's this mixture of whatyou want to say, but it's also
has to be how it's received byyour audience. You have to know who
they are, so you can predicthow they will interpret it, and so
(24:23):
you really have to know a lotabout them, what makes them them,
And you know, that's always interestingis kind of trying to figure out who
they are, what they you know, what makes them tick, and then
coming out with a creative way toreach them with your with your communication,
you know. And then you know, we take that as a as a
background and experience and then bring itinto you know, later education in business
(24:48):
school and it's okay, so youthe the idea about how you're communicating is
important, but now you're you're inclassrooms with people who are thinking about it
from an economic stand point, thepeople who think about financial standpoints. There
are people who are talking about itfrom a marketing standpoint, you know,
and you're exposed to these different schools, if you will, And then okay,
(25:11):
so now I have to really helpto navigate who I am talking to.
So in my current job, I'mtalking a lot of different people and
literally in different languages. I'm notspeaking different languages, but they're coming from
different languages. And then we're alsospeaking a language that I am not one
hundred percent trained in, which ismore of a technical background. So I
(25:33):
am often trying to figure out,Okay, is this guy, this male
or man or woman? Are theya developer? Like, do they see
it in very step by step?You know? Do I have to kind
of take it to them very intricately, and or can I talk maybe a
little bit more broadly, bigger pictureto them about how I wanted to look
(25:55):
at the end as opposed to whatsteps we have to get from A to
B, you know, A toZ. Or can I just be like,
Okay, this is a big picture, this is how it should work
at the end of the day,right, And because some people will be
able to hear that and okay,or and then they'll be like, no,
no, you have to take usback to B C D in eyes
before I can even think about whatit'll look like at the end of Z.
(26:18):
And I'm sure you're listening across toowith people and how there's just these
mental blocks and people are not ableto get over that hump of communicating a
lot of interesting things, trying tohear you know, the developer talk to
you know, the application owner whatthey wanted to look like. And then
you're saying, okay, so Ithink this is what they're saying, you
know, and then try to breakit down in a way that everybody can
(26:42):
understand and we can agree that thisis what we just agreed to. Yes,
well, I mean you basically describedour relationships at our parenting like it's
the same kind of thing. Itwas great. I think using business as
a great example, because you know, sometimes we just hit even you know,
you and me will sometimes hit theselike I'm such a big picture person
(27:03):
and that I'm sure drives you crazyat times when you're kind of trying to
figure out where we need to go, and I'm like, oh, that's
all good, We're going to doall this. At the end, I
thought I was. I thought Iwas a big picture oriented until until you
and I became a thing, andI am. I am not big picture
oriented because in some ways, Iguess but yeah, there's a bigger there's
(27:25):
a bigger picture, and that's alllike my strength and my weakness. So
I'm all everything is always moving,All the wheels in my head are all
fit together. So you got asixty five inch TV and you're living room,
you think this is big. Yeah, and then you go to the
Comcast building You're like, oh crap, that's really big. So I'm watching
the sixty five inture and you're you'rethe Comcast watching twenty of the sixty But
(27:48):
yeah, yeah, and again differentprecises. But I think the fact that
we know that about each other andwe understand that colors are interactions in a
positive ways, because otherwise it couldbe a very negative way for all of
that. Well, again, becauseyou put the effort into understanding the perspectives
of the people that you have theserelationships with, that are living in your
house, that you're that you're helpingto raise, and you say, okay,
(28:10):
so I have learned that I needto understand their perspective, where they're
coming from, how they may typicallylook at this particular issue, and kind
of come to we can come tothis mutual agreement. I Am going to
move a little bit and try tohelp reach your perspective. See your perspective.
(28:30):
I'd like you to try to dothe same. Yeah, And it
takes work. And that's the otherthing. It takes effort to not only
you know, see their perspective,but understand that having a different one is
okay. Right. In patience,which I don't tend to have but have
picked up from you, you knowthat that is, it is very helpful
to be able to slow down andsee things from multiple sides that have that
(28:52):
tendency to want to just run rightthrough to the end, you know,
always say I see the train coming, Can I just stop the train or
do instead of having to back itup and bring somebody along. But I
think it is worth it in theend, And it's an interesting concept of
thinking about that perspective very much.I mean, even down to the simple
things like I like to know whateveryone in our family is doing, and
when I like to see all thecalendars, right, because if I need
(29:15):
to move something around, I wantto know if this is a possibility could
be three months from now that Ijust am kind of thinking, or as
I'm planning my business things, orcan I take this, you know,
speaking thing or what I'm thinking about? Well I could, but then you
know, I have to take akid here on Tuesdays, but you probably
weren't can work from home that daybecause of this and that? And I
can answer half of the questions already, right, And I think you kind
(29:37):
of like to take it a littlebit. I think you like to know
the schedules, but I think you'renot thinking about it in that kind of
terms. But you knowing that aboutme, you're able to do that instead
of feeling like I'm looking over yourshoulder, it's more like, no,
I'm just crazy. I need toknow all these things and it helps me
feel better. Yeah. And alsoI understand, and I'm like, oh,
okay, wait a minute, holdon, You're talking about three week
(30:00):
from it, right, and I'mtalking about two days from now. Yeah?
Yes, okay, wait, canwe start over? Yeah? And
you know what, an understanding thatthe way our brains work and that we
have different brains and that different brainsare cool really does change your perspective I
think on people and helps to understandthat it really isn't reality, it's perception.
(30:23):
It's neurobiological perception. Well, thanksfor joining us for this episode of
What's Happening Here. Don't forget tosubscribe to our YouTube page or you can
follow me on Instagram at doctor Sarahl Allen and Kim shows up a lot
there too. Be sure to tella friend what you liked about this episode
and share it with them. Afterall, we're all in this together,
(30:45):
just trying to figure out what's happeninghere.
Welcome to What's Happening Here. Thisis a podcast we're finding the perfect and
balance of being a parent, apartner, and a person without losing the
things that matter most to you inthe process, like your sanity. You
might know me as doctor Sarah,the Brain Gal. I'm a pediatric nurse,
psychologist, and mom of two whotranslates brain science to everyday life.
I see all kids, really allpeople like little brains. You probably don't
(00:23):
know me. I'm Kevin, Sarah'spartner in crime, bourbon aficionado, discussor
of all things, and father oftwo. We started this podcast because we
saw a big gap between research andpractice, especially when you have a unique
family structure like ours, and wewanted to share what we've learned and hopefully
what we continue about navigating our livesthrough the lens of brain science with a
big old helping of reality mix there. We know there are lots of families
(00:47):
that look like ours, or kindof like art, or maybe look nothing
like ours, which makes finding asingle source of guidance and advice so hard.
But we're going to try to helpyou, so join us as we
try to figure out what's happening here. Hey baby, a long weekend like
it has. I know it's Wednesdayfor everyone else, but it should feels
(01:10):
like filming on a Sunday evening.Yes, whirlwind adult weekend, Yes with
friends. Absolutely. Yeah, weare dealing with the consequences of our decisions
a line from the week. Sure, but if I can make if I
can survive adult weekend, I'd liketo think I'd be able to survive raising
(01:34):
the brains that live in my house. But it's gonna be tough. Yeah,
Because the other day, paper towels, we're getting down to the bottom.
I said, Ruby, will yougo down and grab another roll of
paper towels and replace? Bringing upstairsand replacement. Okay, And a few
minutes later I walked back into thekitchen and there next to the paper towel
(02:00):
holder was a full, brand newrole of paper towels. It just hadn't
been put onto the holder. Sothat was for definition of replacing it was
bringing it upstairs and putting it nextto the thing that it had to go
on. Yes, yes, differentperspectives, different different ways of thinking about
these things, or not thinking notthinking about Perhaps that's true, that's true,
(02:25):
But I think we wanted to talka little bit today about that whole
idea of we're in this thing andwe have six different brains that we are
dealing with and they're all coming fromdifferent perspectives well, and not just ours,
you know. I noticed that beingaway with friends this weekend, they
also are raising brains. And boydo teenagers have unique perspectives, don't they.
(02:49):
It's not just ours, yeah,they just they don't think things through.
No saly Sometimes things they don't thinkthrough I mean, as we've talked
about in the past episodes. Butit did get me thinking about this idea
of everybody having their own perception.You know. My mother always used to
say it's not reality, it's perception. And you know, I always say
(03:13):
she was talking about kid issues,you know, with girls or things like
that, but it's really true froma brain perspective too, and so it
always gets me thinking about where arethey coming from? You know. And
in therapy we talk about meeting peoplewhere they are and bringing them to where
you want them to be. Butit's never more apparent than watching our children
approach something, because they all doit differently, even you and me.
(03:37):
When we go to put something together, for example, I definitely show my
lack of skill and a physical thing, something visual that has to be put
together. We approach it from avery different ways, yes, very very
different ways. And I think thatthat comes very biologically. You know.
We know that the way our brainfunctions is just with electrical and chemical impulses,
(04:00):
right, neurons that sit near eachother that just shoot electrical impulses and
the little chemical out in the youknow, in the space in between them,
and that's all that creates that perception. You know, we can when
you think about that, you know, it's just like flicking a light switch
on some level. Or you know, when we talk about the foods you
(04:20):
eat make up the chemicals your brainuses to function, you know, it's
really true. So it's a perceptionis almost like precarrious. It's like this
funny, it's funny. It's funnything. We know. People with hallucinations,
for example, actually see if youlook at their brain, it looks
like they're seeing or hearing that stimuli. So which is true and which isn't
true? You know, which isreality? I guess reality is all perception.
(04:45):
And when I think about that piece, think about the fact you can
take I do tell children in myoffice this. Sometimes some of them get
a little freaked out by it.But if I were to take your skull
off and I were to put alittle I try not to leave with it.
It's going to try to do withit, unless they're haaving in ways
that I would prefer them not.I'm just no. But if you take
if you take this, if youwanted to take their skull off, you
(05:09):
could put electrodes on the brain incertain spots that you could stimulate and make
you move your arm or feel somethingon the back of your you know,
your right hand or something like that. We're so specific in that way.
You could take an antidepressant, forexample. You know selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors,
So serotonin's that neurotransmer, that chemical, and all that means is that
(05:30):
you're going to stop the cells fromtaking it back, so you get more
serotonin out there, and that changesthe way that you view the world.
It's and again, you can createserotonin by eating turkey for goodness things,
so you could create it by gettinghealthy foods as well. But it's just
so easily modified. And when youthink about that, you think about even
(05:53):
the way you and I interact,you know, we just spent a nice
long weekend together, and we wefunctioned very differently, you know, I
mean not in a bad way.I think we've learned very much kind of
how we both roll. But it'sjust a really interesting phenomens I think we've
you know, we've talked a lotabout this, Like it's almost this underlying
thing about you know, brains andhow they receive things differently in all of
(06:15):
the you know, the episodes thatwe've recorded. But it is interesting when
you're in a small space, smallhouse, you know, with people that
you're friends with, and then youshare a space and it gives you some
interesting insights into how their brains perceivethings, you know, like in things
that you're not normally around them.One, you know, you're sharing a
(06:38):
house for a weekend with you know, for other adults, and you're all
very close friends, and then youwatch somebody do something and you're like,
what wouldn't make you do that?Don't I don't understand, you know,
And then there's some other this particularweekend, there were a lot of outside
influences on those decisions that people wouldmake. They usually come in a glass
(06:59):
with mice in it, but evenwhen outside of that, like you're just
like ah, and you know we'retalking about things and you're like, I
never would have thought about that.I thought of it in that way,
you know. And I think thishappens with Carter in particular. You know,
he's got such a cool, uniquebrain that whenever you're talking to him.
(07:24):
It took me a long time torealize he's not being oppositional or ordinary
all the time. He doesn't understandme or he does it. He just
came from right field and I wasin left field. Like that's a sports
reference that you thank you. I'mlearning I actually picked that up when I
was an assistant coach and the hockeyum that one day you did ask me
to do it, So that isregretting it, but it's really interesting to
(07:47):
me. Yeah, well, youknow, experiences experience. It's colored my
perception of the world clearly, clearly, and I think for Carter it you
can say something that you think soclear and has no gray area, and
he has it, and then whenhe explains to you what he would he
heard, you know, it's like, where did you even get that?
(08:09):
I mean, some of it ishis age, right, Like I have
learned that I cannot make certain jokeswith certain connotations in front of our children
any most of our children anymore,because they understand what I mean, things
like that's what she said. Yeah, I can't do that anymore because then
inevitably Ruby goes ill or something likethat. I'm like, oh, I
(08:31):
forgot that you were older. Now, well, I think it's just we
have to maybe put a brief moratoriumon them until they get to a certain
age where they can also enjoy it. They can do it, they can
joy it. Well. I rememberthe other day I made that joke and
then you know, Ruby got allgrossed out, and I was like,
oh, oh, I forgot.They don't go over your head, yeah,
you know, and Carter goes booglesover my head. It's just exactly
(08:56):
age related, right, all ofthat. It's a little card, it's
a little age and then it's alittle quirk. Yeah, it's a little
very quirky in that way. Andeven thinking about the teenagers, right,
I think they are so set onwhat they want to do, right,
No Fraunnie, Right, there arebarely any Frannie development. So you know,
(09:18):
many of the kids will just evenlie about things that are so dumb
to lie about that. It's soeasy to find out that they did or
didn't go where they said they weregoing to go, especially since when they
said they were going right, especiallysince we have life three sixty right,
you know, and you know that, and we have eyes everywhere, right,
which my mother taught me. Youknow, by the way, if
(09:41):
you want to really free Carter out, tell him you have eyes in the
back of your head. He knowsthat you don't, but he can't figure
out how you don't know the informationreally best with the mole bit, and
he knows his mother well enough toknow that I'm definitely pulling his leg right.
He doesn't understand exactly how all ofthose things can go together. But
(10:01):
yeah, I just you know,like teenagers again, they're lying you.
They just have this bee line onI want to do what I want to
do, and there is no otheryou know, other people's expenses haven't entered
their mind. They kind of haveto be taught that. Yeah, and
you know that's where we command andI think it's also you know, an
interesting from Afar. We saw anotherexample this weekend of somebody's frontal low not
(10:24):
being fully developed and acting very rashlyin a situation that and it was a
good lesson, you know, wetalked through the consequences of those actions when
you're not using all of your brain, you know, to make rash better
decisions in a moment. Oh,you mean like in the hockey game.
(10:46):
Yeah, yeah, I think thatthat's a I mean, that's an interesting
That is an excellent example of perceptiondifferences. And I hear this sometimes when
we see like videos. We havegood friends who are in law enforcement in
general around us, and they alwaysremind me when you're looking at videos of
people interacting, especially when it comesto law enforcement, the decisions about whether
(11:07):
they make a good judgment or abad judgment have to be from the perspective
of the person at the time,meaning like you don't know what threat you
know, as an officer, youdon't know what threat you're coming across,
so you have to assume certain thingsin order to stay safe day to day,
and so it has to be madewith those you know, if somebody
puts their hand in their pocket ordoes something like this, you have to
(11:28):
remember that the perspective of the officerat the time has to make certain assumptions
to be safe. Right and anytimeI'm looking at videos like that. I'm
thinking about that now. It doesn'tI'm not saying anything in any direction about
those, but I think what happenedthis weekend was a really good example of
perception, especially when you have,you know, the ability to view it
later and not be in it asmuch. Yeah. Yeah, So I
(11:50):
think it's you know, those typesof things. And I find that when
talking to Ruby through like a schoolassignment, and you know, she has
to when it comes to like maybewriting, you know, a paragraph or
writing an essay about something, talkingto her about and that exercise of laying
(12:11):
something out and hearing what her perspectiveis on something that we both know,
and then I, you know,I've learned through you that you need to
really kind of almost interview them alittle bit, like why do you all
right? So tell me what yourperspective is on this? You're the story?
You know, what are you gonnayou know, you're gonna make an
argument and you have to support thatargument, you know, through fact,
(12:35):
your points that you want to raise, and then listening to her, you
know, come up with something thatshe when she's engaged in it, to
have a you know, story,And it's interesting to me like, okay,
so why would you come to thatconclusion or why what leads you to
that perspective? Yeah, and it'sjust interesting to really you have to,
(12:56):
I think, really kind of thinkabout where their shoes, you know,
they're they're in their own shoes,and you're like, I'll let me put
myself in her shoes. And thenI like to talk to her through those
things and say, okay, sohave you thought about this, and not
give her the direction, but lether, you know, show her that
there might be a different path andsee if she you know, how she
(13:16):
takes it right, well, usea little reflective questioning techniques, right,
asking the questions to see where she'sleading to try to build those pathways in
the brain, right. And youknow, we know now that it works
on electrical and chemical impulses. Butone of the patterns of the brain is
the brain likes to be efficient,and the way it does that is by
grouping things, right, It categorizesin groups things. It's even the reason
why I think when it comes tothings like diversity and prejudice, we have
(13:39):
to recognize that our brain naturally groupsthings. So to say everybody is the
same is against natural brain patterns tosay everybody is different and cool in a
unique way, and that's exciting.That works with natural brain patterns, and
I'm really big about working with naturalbrain patterns. I think one of the
reasons what you're talking about is just, you know, the way we categorize
(14:01):
in groups, we find what wealready know and we put something on top
of that. It's why I thinkit's so important to help expands kids horizons,
get them out of the place thatthey grew up and show them other
things. Because their frame of referenceis only what they've perceived so far.
So when you're asking them to makethese you know, to think about the
world in a different way, theydon't have the ability, They don't have
(14:24):
the knowledge to put new things ontop of if you don't provide that for
them too. And I think understandingthat everybody has different perspectives. I know
it sounds so simple, but itreally does change the way you view the
world and also your tolerance and yourrelationships. You know, knowing that,
Okay, everybody's going to see ita little differently slows you down enough to
(14:46):
not think, oh, that guy'sbeing a jerk, you know, or
oh this is happening because you're like, wait a minute, what is your
perspective on this? You know,where are you coming from and what do
you know that you're attaching this newinformation to. It's like trying to make
breakfast nachos for everybody in trying.It's what is the common denominator that we
can get away with on flavoring andspicing and you know, onions hallepeenious.
(15:11):
No one someone doesn't do the manwho who doesn't like barbecue sauce? All
right, but you like halopenos andyou don't like barbecue sauce, but you
like the onions. Yea, allright? How can I divide this tray
up into six different quadrants? Sowell? And even that is perspective base,
right, because your your body getsused to what it's been exposed to
in the past, right, Sosome people can tolerate more heat than other
(15:33):
people can lerate. Like It's justit all comes back really to to perspective,
I think, and I think recognizingthat that people have that different perspective
again allows you to change it.I mean examples from sports are are I
think you know a really good one. You know you come from one side
of that you like, you're ina fight in hockey, right, and
(15:56):
you think an altercation, an altercation, you are in a situation where somebody
on your team gets hurt and youdon't you want to protect them. That's
what's going on in your mind,right, But if you come from it
feels that way, and it happensso fast, very quickly, very very
quickly. So you see a teammateget hurt and you come and you want
to get that person away from them, right, that's the perspective of the
(16:18):
athlete. But when you look backon it or you watch a video and
you can see, wait a minute, there's a lot of time between the
teammate getting hurt and what happened,and that's just a really hard It went
faster for that athlete than it givesfor anybody else. And I like that
because I think when I watch now, I'm watching lots and lots and lots
(16:40):
and lots and lots and lots andlots of hockey in sports where I wasn't
before. Oh yeah, And whatI have learned is that I think that
the restraint you have to show forthose things, and because think about it,
a sports is such a speeded responseright, everything has to be very,
very ast or you're the better youare, the faster your response.
(17:02):
And not only that, like alot of you've got a lot of chemicals
floating around in your brain and righttime with adrenaline, yeah, and the
endorphins going on and everything. Soit can be very I think unless you
have played it is it is,And this is the benefit of it is
it's very easy to misjudge or judgesomebody's behavior or their actions without having the
(17:25):
personal experience of knowing putting yourselves inthat person's shoes and understanding how quickly they're
moving, how quickly that is goingon for them in their brains, and
then you know, having the abilityto say, okay, I need to
control my behavior to an appropriate levelto not exacerbate the situation. And it's
(17:45):
a learning experience, right, Justlike what we talked about, you know,
within the last couple of weeks isjust the fact that that's not something
that you just you get or youdon't, right, It's something that we
need to nurture along the way andteach along the way. And so to
have the opportunity to experience that thatdoesn't make that person a bad kid.
That doesn't make them, you know, an aggressive player like the labels.
(18:07):
And you know, I just talkedabout sports labels, but we'll do this
to kids social and emotionally too.Yeah. Right, they are playing a
game of well I just said agame of football, but they're playing with
their friends, right or something likethat, or you know, they're twelve,
thirteen, fourteen girls and there's alot of hormone and a lot of
emotion. And someone gets upset abouta kid's boyfriend and does something dumb,
(18:27):
right, that doesn't make that persona bat the finger and feel as though
they're being persecuted where that may notbe necessarily the intent of what is going
on. Their perception is that,you know, somebody's doing something to them,
when in fact that may not bethe intent of what happened, or
really realistically what happened. You know. Yeah, most of the time,
(18:48):
people are more concerned with what's goingon for them than they are about what
you're doing, you know, andI and that's most of the time.
Now, there's some people that reallyenjoy the drama of it, they you
know, and all of those things. But barring those people that, hopefully
you decide not to spend your timewith. Most people really are just doing
(19:08):
their own thing. And we talkabout this a lot, and we're probably
talk about this in the next coupleof weeks. Is just especially with your
people around you, your friends,like to recognize give a little grace,
right, Everyone is always moving soquickly, and it's typically something that's going
on in their lives. You know. I can't tell you how many times
I think I should text this personand reach out because I know they're going
(19:29):
through something or whatever, and Igo to do it, something distracts me
and all of a sudden, it'sa week or two later, and I
didn't even realize that much time passed, and I feel terrible because I wanted
to do this and because they didn'tdo it at that second for me two
weeks when by that's a long timefor that person going through something. But
again, I think it's about perspective, and I think it's recognizing that it's
(19:52):
okay and normal and natural to havedifferent perspectives. You know. We don't
want to scream at our kids fornot having the perspective that we had.
We want to communicate it mountain thenrelate, And that's what I was kind
of going back to the point withRuby, and even when I talked to
Ronan about those similar things. Youknow, Ruby and I we tend to
see things similarly, and Ronan andI tend to have a little bit more
(20:14):
differences how we view the world.And I always enjoy when I have an
opportunity to talk to him about thingsand see what his perspective is. And
even and we started to do thisin he'll send me videos that he sees
and something and I love it becauseit's something he finds interesting or humorous or
just you know, kind of creativeand cool. And he'll, you know,
(20:37):
send send me video and I'll belike, oh, this is great.
This this is how we're interacting.We may not get a lot of
time to sit and chat about things, but he'll send me something and I
get the reply back and I'll sendhim a video of something that I found
that was really cool. And theother night we were sitting watching The Mandalorian
and one of the episodes and itwas I think, I think I just
(20:59):
paused it, and we talked aboutthe possible plot situation, like okay,
what I thought, maybe this iswhat was going on? And he was
just like I didn't even think aboutit. And then he was like,
well, I thought it might havebeen this point. Maybe it is,
you know, like everything's been anamazing when that happens, when you just
never even entered your mind that itcould be that way, like it blows
(21:21):
your mind left. Well. Iwas just like, I was like,
this is this is what this means, this is the whole thing. And
he was like, I didn't eventhink about that. I was sick it
was this And I'm like, didn'toccur to me, right, And that's
you know, like listening to themand hearing them and getting their perspective on
things, especially when they reach eveneven little kids. Their perspectives on things
are so oftentimes they're so pure,yes, you know, and this is
(21:47):
they're so untarnished by the world,the world around them, or the influence
around them, you know, andit's just a simplicity, simplicity to me,
yea refreshing and and you're you know, you can see the progression of
influences over them over the course oftime, and then then those influences help
for them to form their perceptions onthings, and it's always interesting to see
(22:11):
that progression, especially when they're yourkids and you can see how they've progressed
through that. But you know,getting you know, teenagers to talk to
you about things, it's kind ofand be tricky. Well, it's interesting.
One of the things I like mostabout working with kids with autism is
their perspective is so different than mine. I mean, I'm probably the other
extreme, you know, if you'relooking at the traits, and I love
(22:32):
that. I love hearing how somebodyelse is thinking about something. And they
aren't turnished at times from social constructsand norms that you know, they're they're
working hard to try to understand them, but in a very logical, almost
black and white way. And sometimes, you know, when you're trying to
explain one of these social constructs,you realize how ridiculous it actually is or
(22:53):
how great it actually is. Wellyeah, well not all the time,
just sometimes. And then when yousay the same thing, but your eyebrows
look a little different, it meanssomething totally different, Like, you know,
you how do you do that?You know? My favorite story is
about a student who was told tostraighten their room, you know, and
they were going to get kicked outof their space if they didn't straighten their
(23:17):
room and you know, they cameback and opened the door and was horrified
it looked exactly the same way.And here yeah, and here the person.
It's straightened all the furniture completely toninety degree angles everywhere, so everything
was absolutely straight. It was justa mess story, right, still a
mess. And you know you canget upset about that or you can understand.
(23:37):
Wow, It's like Amelia badiliask.I used to love those books for
that same reason too. There's somany different ways of seeing things. And
I think that that is I lovedifferent perspectives, and your brain loves different
perspectives because when that happens, youknow, when Rowe has a different perspective
than you, it creates this emotionalresponse, right, your amyg goes.
And that's where learning happened. Isthis curiosity and interest in something, so
(24:00):
sharing perspectives can do that. Youwant those things. You are at the
same thing all the time. AndI think it's you know, it's interesting
because from my background and communications,your craft and communications and not. You
know, it's this mixture of whatyou want to say, but it's also
has to be how it's received byyour audience. You have to know who
they are, so you can predicthow they will interpret it, and so
(24:23):
you really have to know a lotabout them, what makes them them,
And you know, that's always interestingis kind of trying to figure out who
they are, what they you know, what makes them tick, and then
coming out with a creative way toreach them with your with your communication,
you know. And then you know, we take that as a as a
background and experience and then bring itinto you know, later education in business
(24:48):
school and it's okay, so youthe the idea about how you're communicating is
important, but now you're you're inclassrooms with people who are thinking about it
from an economic stand point, thepeople who think about financial standpoints. There
are people who are talking about itfrom a marketing standpoint, you know,
and you're exposed to these different schools, if you will, And then okay,
(25:11):
so now I have to really helpto navigate who I am talking to.
So in my current job, I'mtalking a lot of different people and
literally in different languages. I'm notspeaking different languages, but they're coming from
different languages. And then we're alsospeaking a language that I am not one
hundred percent trained in, which ismore of a technical background. So I
(25:33):
am often trying to figure out,Okay, is this guy, this male
or man or woman? Are theya developer? Like, do they see
it in very step by step?You know? Do I have to kind
of take it to them very intricately, and or can I talk maybe a
little bit more broadly, bigger pictureto them about how I wanted to look
(25:55):
at the end as opposed to whatsteps we have to get from A to
B, you know, A toZ. Or can I just be like,
Okay, this is a big picture, this is how it should work
at the end of the day,right, And because some people will be
able to hear that and okay,or and then they'll be like, no,
no, you have to take usback to B C D in eyes
before I can even think about whatit'll look like at the end of Z.
(26:18):
And I'm sure you're listening across toowith people and how there's just these
mental blocks and people are not ableto get over that hump of communicating a
lot of interesting things, trying tohear you know, the developer talk to
you know, the application owner whatthey wanted to look like. And then
you're saying, okay, so Ithink this is what they're saying, you
know, and then try to breakit down in a way that everybody can
(26:42):
understand and we can agree that thisis what we just agreed to. Yes,
well, I mean you basically describedour relationships at our parenting like it's
the same kind of thing. Itwas great. I think using business as
a great example, because you know, sometimes we just hit even you know,
you and me will sometimes hit theselike I'm such a big picture person
(27:03):
and that I'm sure drives you crazyat times when you're kind of trying to
figure out where we need to go, and I'm like, oh, that's
all good, We're going to doall this. At the end, I
thought I was. I thought Iwas a big picture oriented until until you
and I became a thing, andI am. I am not big picture
oriented because in some ways, Iguess but yeah, there's a bigger there's
(27:25):
a bigger picture, and that's alllike my strength and my weakness. So
I'm all everything is always moving,All the wheels in my head are all
fit together. So you got asixty five inch TV and you're living room,
you think this is big. Yeah, and then you go to the
Comcast building You're like, oh crap, that's really big. So I'm watching
the sixty five inture and you're you'rethe Comcast watching twenty of the sixty But
(27:48):
yeah, yeah, and again differentprecises. But I think the fact that
we know that about each other andwe understand that colors are interactions in a
positive ways, because otherwise it couldbe a very negative way for all of
that. Well, again, becauseyou put the effort into understanding the perspectives
of the people that you have theserelationships with, that are living in your
house, that you're that you're helpingto raise, and you say, okay,
(28:10):
so I have learned that I needto understand their perspective, where they're
coming from, how they may typicallylook at this particular issue, and kind
of come to we can come tothis mutual agreement. I Am going to
move a little bit and try tohelp reach your perspective. See your perspective.
(28:30):
I'd like you to try to dothe same. Yeah, And it
takes work. And that's the otherthing. It takes effort to not only
you know, see their perspective,but understand that having a different one is
okay. Right. In patience,which I don't tend to have but have
picked up from you, you knowthat that is, it is very helpful
to be able to slow down andsee things from multiple sides that have that
(28:52):
tendency to want to just run rightthrough to the end, you know,
always say I see the train coming, Can I just stop the train or
do instead of having to back itup and bring somebody along. But I
think it is worth it in theend, And it's an interesting concept of
thinking about that perspective very much.I mean, even down to the simple
things like I like to know whateveryone in our family is doing, and
when I like to see all thecalendars, right, because if I need
(29:15):
to move something around, I wantto know if this is a possibility could
be three months from now that Ijust am kind of thinking, or as
I'm planning my business things, orcan I take this, you know,
speaking thing or what I'm thinking about? Well I could, but then you
know, I have to take akid here on Tuesdays, but you probably
weren't can work from home that daybecause of this and that? And I
can answer half of the questions already, right, And I think you kind
(29:37):
of like to take it a littlebit. I think you like to know
the schedules, but I think you'renot thinking about it in that kind of
terms. But you knowing that aboutme, you're able to do that instead
of feeling like I'm looking over yourshoulder, it's more like, no,
I'm just crazy. I need toknow all these things and it helps me
feel better. Yeah. And alsoI understand, and I'm like, oh,
okay, wait a minute, holdon, You're talking about three week
(30:00):
from it, right, and I'mtalking about two days from now. Yeah?
Yes, okay, wait, canwe start over? Yeah? And
you know what, an understanding thatthe way our brains work and that we
have different brains and that different brainsare cool really does change your perspective I
think on people and helps to understandthat it really isn't reality, it's perception.
(30:23):
It's neurobiological perception. Well, thanksfor joining us for this episode of
What's Happening Here. Don't forget tosubscribe to our YouTube page or you can
follow me on Instagram at doctor Sarahl Allen and Kim shows up a lot
there too. Be sure to tella friend what you liked about this episode
and share it with them. Afterall, we're all in this together,
(30:45):
just trying to figure out what's happeninghere.
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