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May 30, 2024 176 mins
The Alan Cox Show
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(00:01):
The Federal Communications Commission just determined thefollowing content to be emotionally harmful. Funny.
Things that you think is funny aren'tfunny. Jim me cockballing? Time
to me, Alan Coxshow, kicksash Man, Welcome, Welcome you me
what I can see a lot ofcocks on TV? Allen Cox from me,

(00:22):
Alan, I don't know what it'sabout you, but I can't cool
it. Don't be a great solet's sen coffee. You get that,
you'll just take it with a nastygroup. Okay, what do three?
Kick? Tick it? Com damnput you one time? Take it Allen

(00:42):
Cox. Here we go, he'lladd, he'll be trying. It's the
Allen Cox Show on one hundred pointseven double you m M. What's up

(01:08):
game? Good afternoon, welcome andall that. Hi there, my name
is Alan Cox. Thank you forjoining us. Say hi to Bill Squire.
He's right over there. Hey,hoods Mary Santora is in midtown Manhattan.
YO. For a bit, alittle bit if you want to join

(01:32):
us, I'd love to have you. And there's a variety of ways you
can do that. The phone numbers, if you're old school two, one,
six, five, seven, eightone double oh seven eight hundred and
three four eight one double oh seven, text me three five one nine two.
You can leave messages on the iHeartRadioapp. You can also leave them

(01:53):
on hour after Hours line. Ifyou want, you can email me Alan
ad Alan show dot com. Didyou just miss that machete attack and the
Times Square McDonald's Oh my god,No, I didn't even hear about it.
Just happened. That's not far forthis, Like, I mean,
fifteen bucks Broadway on whatever, yeah, yeah, well yeah, yeah,

(02:15):
somebody running around stabbing people with Yeah, so it took a couple of people
over to bell you and man,Mary's missing all the good stuff? What
what? What good is living inNew York if you're missing the machete attacks?
Mary? It's true, It's true. You're right. This is my
fault. I'm sorry, thank you. I should come into work. I
should just come into the dangerous partsof the city starting like ten am every

(02:35):
day I'm square, and just bearound. Well that's a that's a busy
part you're hearing for. Just hangout in the Times score subway until something
pops off all day every until yeah, I mean, it will happen eventually,
and then you get scooped up becausethey think you're up to no good
because I'm filming. Yes, theythink here, No, no, no,
it's for I have my bad jobsradio. Yeah, they go,

(02:57):
I'm sorry, we just secked theemail list, and apparently you are lying.
You are lying about being part ofthe iHeartMedia New York family. You're
the redheaded step child out there alwaysin forever. Yeah, okay, well,
yeah, there you go. Iwatched Bill. Did you watch Mary's

(03:19):
Bonus Hole last night? I caughta few minutes of it. I set
myself a little notification and then Iclicked on. I think I was a
little bit too early because you hadposted a thing and said, hey,
we're going live here in a fewminutes, and I clicked on to watch
bonus Hole. How'd you like it? I watched for a few minutes.
Okay, I gotta tell you.I mean, it's it's I can see

(03:42):
where people get entranced by it.I can't see why somebody would sit there
for like an hour last night.Yeah, boy, I mean, I
get people are dipping in and out, but right, but dude, at
one point we had like almost fourhundred people watching. I saw like three
hundred and seventy. I'm like,what are you guys doing? Yeah,
I was in. I pecked infor about five six minutes. Yeah,

(04:02):
and yeah it was it was allright, yeah, stupid, here's what
we got to do next time.We're learning, right, because I watched
the live stream like this, doanything I've ever done, like and ask
me anything or like nobody, yeahkick fifty people. People don't care.
We're learning with bonus soul strategies andthings like that. I gotta cap it.

(04:23):
I think, like seventy bucks isthe most I can do, because
one hundred and six dollars was anabsolutely insane amount of money to try to
put through that machine. And thenI feel bad because I'm like having to
do it so quickly that I'm notreally paying attention to the chat. It's
just it was way too much money. There was some person maybe on the

(04:45):
spectrum in the chat last night,counting the number of quarters that went through
the machine. Yeah, so theyjust kept updating. They're like four hundred
and ten, six hundred and eightythree. It got up to nineteen hundred,
like physical times that I put aquarter in the machine, which is
just too many. That's just waytoo many, and we didn't win anything.

(05:05):
We won like a necklace, whichis a bummer. And it made
me feel really guilty because I'm like, these people gave them and again it
is just silly, and you know, an hour and a half of us
dicking around guarantee of anything, right, But it made me feel like bad
because I'm like, these people aren'tgamblers. They don't know what it's like
to lose. And I'm like,they're also two bucks. You don't know
what they're doing. Yeah, right, you know what. It seems like

(05:28):
it's more because it's such a largeamount, but it is like a few
bucks a piece, so I don'tthink anybody's that hard bummed out. Well,
it's also just it was too much. I was all over the place
because I was like, I gotso discussed. I saw the end.
I just fast forward to the endof me black. My right hand.

(05:48):
It was complete, like except mypinky really, the pointer, the middle
finger, my thumb, and thenall of the skin between it was completely
black. And I'm like, thisis I washed my hands three times at
the laundromat and then four times whenI got home. I'm like, this
isn't disgusting, Like how do Isay love a soap in Vietnamese? Right?
So, yeah, we're still makingadjustments. I have only gotten ten

(06:13):
bucks for the next bonus Hole bythis time last week I had already had
like seventy dollars. Yeah over itbecause we didn't win, or if this
was like a one off that wedid and it wasn't as popular. But
more people watch this time, SoI don't know. That's hard. It's
confusing. You've got a new,beautiful thing and you don't want to wreck
it. Right. The star thatburns twice as bright burns half as long,

(06:36):
baby, So I don't know,Alan, could you ask Mary why
she put all the coin winnings backinto the machine. Shouldn't she set that
aside his profit and only spend onehundred dollars that was gifted. They told
me to who's they that people livedthe big bonus Hole? No, the
people in the chat where I'm like, hey, and you'll see it.
And I'm not expecting anybody to goon to my Instagram and watch a ninety

(06:58):
minute video. If you got nothingelse going on, go for it.
But I ask Usually the people inthe chat will be like, hey,
I donate five bucks, and they'relike talking and interacting, and I'll straight
up ask. After I go throughthe initial amount one hundred and six bucks,
I take out all the other stuffis kept separate, and it was
like sixty dollars. It was likesixty bucks something like that, And I
ask, what do you guys wantto do? This is your money?

(07:21):
Do we do you want me tosend some of it back? Do you
want me to? What do youdo you want me to? And unanimously
it's always put it back in,go for the gold. One person said,
go for the gold, so forthe So we didn't come to the
laundrymat to play it safe, It'sperson said, which made me laugh very
hard. Not with a bonus hole, with your bonus hole, with your

(07:42):
bright colors, you do. Yeah, so it just it just yeah,
that's what they tell me. It'snot my money. And people say this
is what we want. Go bigor go home, right, right,
let's keep going. Then you gottalet the mob speak correct. So I
don't think people understand that almost noneof this is up to me. I'm
just a vessel. Mary's It's aconduit through which bonus hole flows, right,

(08:03):
all right, Well, yeah,what I saw it was. It
was Yeah, it was fun.It's fun. The videos up Mary Sansor
Comedy on Instagram. If you wantto watch, people are asking how they
send you money, you just venmo. It's just venmo Mary Santora on venmo.
And then if you want, justtype bonus hole in the subject line
and then some people will put liketips. One person gave me five dollars

(08:24):
for gloves. They're like, getyourself some late text gloves. Yeah,
that's a good idea. Put thisinto the machine. You need gloves.
Oh yeah, that's another tweak thatwould be probably really helpful. Very but
I'm wondering if it'll mess up theagility the speed at which I can enter
the quarters. You mean your finemotor skills might be uh yeah, diminished.
That's what the skill stop is for. So skill stop is killed.

(08:45):
We were doing double and triple pusheslast night, which I didn't know about.
Were like, you load it up, let it push forward, and
then load it up again, sotwice as many coins push off. It
was just exciting. Yeah, thatwas fun. At one point we did
a quadruple push. People were gettingcrazy in the chat. I mean usually
Bill a bonus hole requires a doublepush, sode man. Yeah, well,

(09:11):
AnyWho I think that. I thinklatex gloves are good for life in
general. Just put them on.Yeah, anything you grab, but you
got your laundry all done, wasdone, dude. So I'm sitting there,
I'm taking a picture. I haveone hundred and six dollars in quarters
set up with the bonus hole inthe background. I posted a picture of

(09:35):
it and I'm like, you guysare idiots. And then uh, the
owner comes up to me and shelooks at on my course. She goes,
it's a lot of because I alreadyput my laundry in and she looks
and she goes, there's a lotof quarters. And I was like,
yeah, I gotta play that game. And she gave me like this crazy
look. She goes, You're gonnalose money. And I was like,
it's not my money. And thenshe just like was so confused because she
speaks broken English, so I don'tknow if she thought she misheard me when

(09:56):
I said it wasn't my money,because she gave me this like crazy look
and she goes, Okay, I'mlike a walk down the room, but
you have it, that's your money. Right, dude, Like, you're
gonna lose money. I was like, not my money. She's like,
this is bonus hole has never beenthat popular before. She's racking her brain
trying to figure out what's going on. Back to she didn't obviously shouldn't notice

(10:16):
you filming. No, I meanmy tripod is set up. I move
a table like it's a whole productionfor me to make this. Evan arranging
their little breakroom. You're like,hey, lady, I'm gonna cut you
in if you let me do someset design here. Okay, I'm I'm
gonna need a new backdrop for this, something with some pizzazz. Yeah,
can we get some lighting in year? Yes? Oh god, it looks
like a mortuary in here, ma'am. But also that made me think that

(10:39):
maybe the people who own the laundrymat don't own the game, because why
would she tell me don't put yourmoney in there, you're gonna lose it
all if she owned the game.Oh, they probably don't. The company,
the vending company probably pays them alittle bit, yeah, like a
vending machine, or they just haveit there and then someone else is making
the money off of it. Butyeah, she was like, you lose.

(11:00):
They put a couple of two dollarswatches in there, and then it's
we did get it to the races. Yeah, we got a necklace.
You got to take these things tothe diamond district and get them appraise.
I'm gonna wait until I have like, this was my grandmother's plastic ruby,
and I'd like to know how muchit's worth. Actually, here's the plan
for that. I'm going to tellthem. I'm going to take it in
and I'm going to tell them Iwent to an estate sale. I'm going

(11:22):
to be like, oh, thiswas all audit a state sale, and
I told the guy I'd buy itall for however much it is. So
like before we spent one hundred andeighty one dollars. So after the next
one, let's say we get twomore watches, I'll take it in and
be like I gave him three hundredfor all of it, and he said
it was a really good deal.I want to see this guy be like
the states, what are you talkingabout? Is your neck green, ma'am

(11:43):
for a reason? Or were youwearing the necklace from the bonus hole machine?
So it's fun. It's up onmy Instagram. If you want to
see it. Like Allan said,I don't expect anyone to watch for ninety
minutes, but if you just wantto, you know, kind of scroll
through, and it can be veryalmost in trance saying, where you just
kind of keep because it's a veryfluid clothing, always always so close.

(12:05):
You spend a lot of time,You spend a lot of twenty Yeah,
you spend a lot of time watchingit going oh yes, we're god,
oh dear, yeah, all right, well listen, thumbs up for me?
When's the next one? Next week? Probably next week. I'm I'm
in Austin this week, and thennext week is a weird week for me

(12:26):
because I'm in and out of town. So it might not be until like
the twelfth. It might be twoweeks from now because I'm gonna be in
Michigan for a few days and thenI'm home for a few days, and
then I'm back in New York onthe eleventh, So it'll probably be after
I get back, either the eleventhor twelve. They're gonna go, where
does bonus old lady? Right,she's been gone. You'll walk back in

(12:50):
with a with a ten pound backpackfull of quarters. They do speak in
their native language around me a lot. And that's we've talked about Vietnamese.
Are they I think they might beChinese. I'm not sure, but we've
talked about that at nail salon,where I'm like, they're not talking about
you, it is not a bigdeal. And then this time I'm like,
they're one, one hundred percent talkingabout It's like, come into this
back room. I'm the only personin there and I have one hundred dollars

(13:11):
in quarters, like there's not achance to not talking like the Korean pedicure
ladies making fun of a lane behindher back because she doesn't understand the language.
How to bring Frank Castanza into themix? Did you miss them because
we missed you, well, notJerry from Willoughby, but the rest of
you. Herlyn car Show on oneseven double ummas two one six five seven

(13:43):
eight one double O seven if youwant to join us live or eight hundred
three four eight one double O seventhree five two text me. Guardians lose
again last night to the Rockies,wrapping up that series there unbelievable by Rocky
seven to four over the Guardians lastnight. Guards come Home. They're off

(14:05):
tonight tomorrow night they will start theweekend series against the Nationals. So that's
a seven to ten pitch tomorrow nighthere on MMS, your FM home for
Cleveland Guardians Baseball, and then theRoyals will get into town next week.
And blah blah blah, those ClevelandGuardians. I'll tell you what. If

(14:26):
you like yourself some baseball, andI have to think that you do.
It's quite an exciting time to bewatching them, to be paying attention to
what they're doing to I saw somebodyrefer to it as the Guardians are having
their glow up, which seems alittle late to the game. I mean,
these guys have been killing it fora minute now. They're off to

(14:48):
their best start since nineteen ninety five, which they say has led to a
substantial increase in home game attendance.I don't think they were any slouches before.
Guardians still draw pretty well. Yeah, I mean they had their ups
and downs. Last season. Idon't think was great because they weren't in
contention. It's not like it wasn'tthe nineties. Yeah, the nineties were

(15:13):
good. They had like a selloutrecord where they sold out every game for
like six or seven years or something. Oh yeah, crazy. Yeah,
well that's when you had like AlbertBell and Kenny lofton, right, and
the Browns were gone for a fewyears and that appen right, right,
So the team was really really good. And then also there wasn't the main
attraction in town. I always thinkthat the I wasn't here for it,

(15:37):
but just kind of gleaning information fromhow people talk about it. I always
think that the Browns were gone forlike a season. But they were gone
for a while, weren't they.I think ninety six to ninety nine,
it's like three three seasons. Yeah, they became the Baltimore Ravens. Yeah,
no, they were stolen, butthey they were. They did they

(15:58):
they moved under cover of moon Lighttwo of Balmore and they made him the
Ravens. So does the whole teammove there? Is that how it works?
So they pick up any new guysor they just go, hey,
now you guys are the Ravens.And there had to be a couple of
guys on the Browns at the timewho were maybe Baltimore natives, and they
were like this is great. Theywere probably the only people who weren't upset

(16:22):
at that. But yeah, GuardiansTomorrow night seven ten on MMS. I
was texting with my daughter. She'sin Colorado visiting a friend at Colorado State
University, and I was and Iam keeping an eye on the weather.
Boy, Mary couldn't have picked abetter time to be going to Austin,
Texas. Right, you'll be luckyif it's just rain. I was reading

(16:45):
that thunder. Yeah, was ridiculous. They said it was so big that
they they needed to come up witha different term because they couldn't use soft
ball sized hail anymore because it wasbigger than that calo in Austin, all
through Texas. Well, this iswhat I'm hoping is that it's not so
bad in Austin that it just drivespeople inside, you know what I mean

(17:07):
That people are like, oh,we can't join the outside, so we'll
go into this comedy show. Butif it is like like you're saying,
grapefruit sized hail, nobody's gonna bedoing anything right, So they're gonna put
their cars in the in the carport. Yeah, so nothing happens.
You see Liz Meeley's video, it'sher the one talk about YouTube. Yeah,

(17:30):
our friend Liz Meely who she stopsin every so often she has a
new hour on YouTube, and shewas complaining that she used a word that
YouTube considered hate speech. And youguys have talked about this before, where
depending on the whims of hend orsomething, she used the seaword seaword.

(17:51):
She's talking about her cat. Shecalls her cat the sea word. I
call my cat the sea word.I call my cat the sea word twice.
Do I think that's a problem.No, because it's comedy and all
cats are sea words. Turns outYouTube considers that hate speech, which is
news to me, and that meansI now have limited ads. So what

(18:14):
that means is thirty to eighty percentless ad revenue because less ads want to
be associated with my video because YouTubehas deemed it having hate speech in it.
So isn't there with that? Theyhave some jokes with the sea words.
Well as I'm saying, like flaggedfor white trash one time as hate
speech. So I have to assumethat there's no exhaustive list in the YouTube

(18:37):
terms of service where they go,hey, you're a creator, here's what
we're looking for for you. Notto do. They keep it purposely vague.
That's why people get so frustrated.Well, they sometimes won't even tell
you. They'll just say, like, you violated our terms, and they'll
just say sometimes we'll let it go. They won't Yeah, they won't tell
you what word it was. Theywon't tell you if it was flagged.
It'll just say like, good luck, you made a violation, trying not

(18:59):
to do it again. But wedon't weren't going to tell you what it
was. I was going to say, it'd be hard to deal with not
repeating it if you don't know whatit was. I mean, that's my
best guess is that for the onevideo it happened for me, I've only
had one flag with hate speech?How are some people threatening the needle?
Then? Because there's all kind itis amazing, and you can understand why
people who are in the position likeshe isn't like you guys are sometimes get

(19:22):
frustrated. They get special uh,because there's such big channels. They go,
we'll worrying about this really yeah,or they'll give you a warning.
Sometimes they have like a specific YouTuberep they can go to. They'll be
like, oh, yeah, that'sfine. So if you're a smaller channel,
it's really your fault for not beinga bigger channel. Right, Yeah,
and they don't. There's all kindsof nasty crap on YouTube, so
I'm like, what are they talkingabout? I don't understand it. But

(19:48):
then again, I don't have tounderstand it because I'm not living and dying
by YouTube. But I'm fascinated bythings like that. Sorry, I'm going
through some of the texts here.Mary's bonus hole was great, dude.

(20:10):
I mean just think now Mary issomebody else's crazy person. In New York
story, Dude, you my laundryand there was a lady just dumping quarters
into don't turn around for ninety minutes. She had black hands. I'm saying,
it's like, there is a verygood chance that someone has taken a
picture or a video of me frombehind. I wouldn't know anything about it

(20:33):
because I'm ball Can I say thatbecause you're what, uh, testicles deep?
Yeah, I'm gonna say balls deepand bonus like it might be an
Ye, I'm not paying attention towhat's going on behind me, you know.

(20:53):
Yeah? Okay, if you wantto leave messages for you can or
after hours line is always a bailableto you. It is two one six
nine six eighty nine oh three.Hi, Alan, This is Flora asking
if I can be a bureau chiefand actually maybe dual role buile chiefs Madison,

(21:14):
Florida and Valdosta, Georgia, becausethere's not much happening in Madison,
so we are in Valdosa quite abit. The other thing I wanted to
bring up and bear with me maytake a minute, is I think we're
living parallel lives because recently I've noticedthe following commonality. So first, my
daughter recently moved to Chicago. Weare from Ohio, but she moved to

(21:37):
Chicago for a job. Second,my son worked at Michigan State and quit
the job the same day he putshis notice in at his shot at Michigan
State town cake quits dull show.I also like tonic water as a beverage.
Good. Then the worst one thatI noticed recently the way, Yeah,

(21:59):
this is all fate. Parallel lives. Is this famary or coincidence?
I don't know. Yeah, letme hear the rest. Okay, Then
the worst one that I noticed recently, I was eating a bucket of a
fully peeled banana and a quarter ofa vagel. Can you just imagine I
think he's feeling. I had sothe bottom line is one of my stories.

(22:21):
If you announce that you are movingto be your contented Linda Grace,
I'm gonna have to break up withyou. As much as I love your
show, I'm gonna have to breakup with you because it's not me,
it's you. So that's all.Love you. Bye. Yeah, there's
the rest of it. See,I'll sit here and bear the slings and
arrows that everybody throws at me forwhatever my particular quirks are. But when

(22:44):
my freaks come out and they makethemselves known to me, that's a beautiful
thing. That's all right. She'seating peeled bananas drinking tonic water. Did
you see someone I think they taggedyou the bay that's eating like the com
Yeah, like a yeah. He'slike, got the banana upside down,
you holding both ends. Naked bananaupside down, You holding it by both

(23:07):
ends, eating it on the top. It's an absolutely unhinged that is psychotic.
That's going out of your way tobe ridiculous. Yeah, me just
peeling a bit. I mean thatmight be a guy that doesn't want to
eat it in a phallic mander.So he's like, I'll go across the
game. Oh my god, toogay to eat a banana? All right?

(23:30):
Well, I mean, if youdon't use your teeth right, you're
just dragging your teeth along the Youknow, if he was deep throating the
banana, I could certainly see whypeople might give you a glance askew.
But no, listen, she's outthere. There's Laura. She splits her
time between Madison, Florida and Valdosta, Georgia. They're right over the border

(23:52):
from each other, so that ain'tfar. But I'm curious what that situation
is. You got two places.I don't get it, but it sounds
like that's where they go to fortheir night life and stuff. Oh you
think so? Oh? I see, Oh the nightlife of Valdosta, Georgia.
Wait, how sleepy Madison, Floridamust be up there in the Panhandle.

(24:15):
How sleepy that must that town be? Where you go tonight? Baby,
it's a Valdosta night. What thehell is in Valdosta? I don't
think we have any bureau chiefs thereother than her. Yeah, Valdosta,
Georgia. Oh we do, wehave John down there? John and Valdosta.
All right, Well, maybe theygot stuff going on. Valdosta nightlife.

(24:40):
How many states have you been to? Who's that? You me?
Yeah, I don't know, there'sa dozen. Maybe there's a thing going
around on Instagram. I'd have tolook at a map. Forty one You've
been to forty one states? Wow, dude? Well yeah, okay,
but I mean you're probably I'm morethan that. I think I'm only in

(25:02):
the thirties. But you got yougot some big ones that I haven't gotten.
Alaska and Hawaii, both which alot of people it takes them a
very long time to get to.And I did both those in the same
year, Right, I need theNortheast and the Northwest. I'm doing the
Northwest in the fall. So letme see, I actually haven't probably only
been to a dozen states. Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to compete

(25:23):
with that. And so the endpointof this is what this thing that's going
around like how many like where peoplehave been. People are very surprised that
I haven't been to Louisiana, okay, And I was like, eh,
I just I was surprised by thattoo. To be perfectly honest, you've
never been it to New Orleans orMarty Grass or anything like that. They
have it right now. I havea Okay, I have a list of

(25:44):
states I've performed in. I've performedin thirty seven states. Mary, those
are states that you have been to, just FAYI no, but I've been
to more than that, Like I'vebeen to Arizona but never performing. Oh,
I see what you do? Youknow what I'm saying. So I've
been to thirty seven. I'm professionalversus per personal. No, I've performed
in thirty. Just worry about howmany you've been to thirty eight forty Have

(26:06):
you been to both Dakota's forty twoI have and forty two I've been to
forty two? Okay, see yougot it by one? You have you've
performed in both Dakotas. Yes.Yeah. Early in my career, I
spent a lot of time doing alot of gigs in North Dakota, South
Dakota, Minnesota. Out that Wyoming, Wyoming, Casper, Wyoming. Oh

(26:32):
what a toddle in town that is. I was in my early twenties and
on the road. So it's okay, I'm doing it. Yeah. And
if you get you know, youfigure, if you can draw a couple
hundred people in Wyoming, you've gotlike a fifth of the state. Right,
there are those things where when youdo shows out there, everybody comes
and because there's not other comedy places. Yeah, like and there's it's the

(26:56):
only thing going on then month,Okay, we're going one. Well yeah,
no. I I probably a dozenmax probably for me, lived in
a handful of them, but visitedprobably a handful more. I need to
get Maine, Vermont, New Hampshireand those ones to go to Connecticut.

(27:17):
I never been to Delaware from bondand raised in Lewiston, Maine. And
and how's life? What do youdo there in Lewiston, Maine. Oh,
I'm stating right here by coworker atSaint Mary's Lewiston Medical Center where atoms.
Hello, Hi, I love it. Oh my god, I love
a good Maine. It'shlebottom. Wait, let's check, let's check the like

(27:41):
the deep stuff. When's the lasttime you saw comedian Bob Marley live Me
and Bob. Actually it's been sincebefore COVID because before cod I love it,
man, you gotta go, wegotta go visit her. We got
to drop in on her at workshow trip at the hospital in Lewiston,
Maine. I'm just sitting there withmy friend with Phlebotomus. Yeah, all

(28:03):
right, good. I did acollege gig in Maine. Yeah in Potland,
Maine, no one of the littleones. No, University of Northern
Maine, University of Southern Maine,University of Eastern Maine, way out there
on the tip. It's like,those states are so much bigger than you
think they are, because not RhodeIsland they're having that state carpeting. Rhode

(28:26):
Island is tiny, but like Verma, and like just New York itself is
so goddamn big. I've done gigsin you know, It's it's three states
away, but you can still travelsixteen hours and not be out of New
York. That's so takes so long, right. That's why it's fun to
talk to people from other countries whovisit the United States because they they don't

(28:48):
realize how goddamn big it is.There was this guy who went viral just
saying that the other day where he'sfrom Britain, and he was like,
people give uh, people get peoplein America about not visiting other countries,
and he's like, you don't understandone how big the United States is.
Two that every state is a differentcountry. He's like, exactly, if
you He's like, if you goto California and then you go to Florida,

(29:11):
He's like, those are two differentcountries, right, New Orleans.
Yes, And he's like, andthen that's different from Montana, where he's
like, you are in a differentcountry regionally here, He's like, they
don't need to travel. He's like, we can hop on a train and
be in four different countries in acouple of hours. Yeah, you're going
to train pass and you could doSpain, Ireley, all these different places,

(29:32):
be all over the place. Butyeah, he was saying, how
just like based on where you're atin the country, how vast Like He's
like, no, no, theseare they have different dialects, they have
different accents, like, these aredifferent countries. M that's the beauty of
these United States. And sure wemight be at each other's throats for the

(29:52):
dumbest things, but what are yougoing to do? I watched Civil War
Weekend? Oh what'd you think?It was fine? It was all right,
I thought it was I got thepoint they were trying to get across.
Yeah, the worst path that iswar's bed. Yeah America America?

(30:18):
What Yeah? No, Civil WarYeah, it was entertaining. I mean
they it's like it's like an inchdeep that movie. I thought maybe they
were going to go a little bitmore in that. They didn't really get
into any of the politics or anywell, they didn't get into anything.
I mean, you don't know whothese people are, you don't know what's
really going on other than what's onthe screen. But it's but it was

(30:41):
funny to me for people who haven'tseen it. Alex Garland is a guy
directing. I'm sure you heard ofit, but and it's still in theaters,
but I paid twenty bucks or whatever. It's watching on Amazon. And
it's about an American civil war.So California and Texas. That to me
was the funniest thing. They're calledthe Western Forces. In this vision of
a very near future, California andTexas have joined forces. So they're these

(31:06):
secessionist militias that are advancing toward DCto depose this third term president who has
disbanded the FBI and he's hunkered downin the White House. Nick Offerman plays
him. He's not in it much, and they're very specific about not telling
you what his politics are. Theyjust go, well, here's what's going
on, and so they have sothough to me, the funniest thing was

(31:32):
that California and Texas joined up.But then they have the Florida Alliance,
right, the groups of states areall together. So there's a handful of
states in the mill of the countrythat are just going about their lives like
nothing's happening, but the Florida Alliance. In this movie, it's like Tennessee,
Arkansas, Oklahoma, and then theGulf States, but I don't know

(31:55):
that they're even involved. It's mostlyabout California and Texas moving toward DC.
And it's a fun watch. Butit was interesting enough. But yeah,
it's a big old country with alot of dummies in it and a lot
of smart people and a lot ofeverything in between. And you know,

(32:22):
that's it. What are you gonnado. I'm fascinated by those people who
are like, oh, I've beento one hundred and ninety countries or how
I'm like, oh my god,it's been nice being a trust fun kid.
Alan a drummer. Well, inthe real musician, he just makes
a noise if he played the violinor the piano, and that made sense,

(32:43):
But the drums, how the helldid I miss the Crumbin Show?

(33:10):
By the way, I fire upCleveland dot com and they were at Jacob's
Pavilion last night. Ran a bunchof people on my way to Oh my
God, the Funny Bus. There'ssomebuddy's of mine that were on the way
to the Crumbin show. I'm sobummed. That is such a great band.
Jake c mentioned it. He's like, I'm like, I never heard

(33:31):
of Crumbin. Love them. Igotta get some friggin calendar going or something.
I put shows in my phone allthe time, but man, this
one went right by me and itwas probably packed out too. They're they're
a Texas band. They're from Houstonor Austin or something. But yeah,
they're dynamite. They're like a trioand they play all kinds of weird funk

(33:52):
type of stuff. But they hada they kind of had a write up
on it at Cleveland dot COM's like, god, damn it, I'm missing
that show. I don't like missingshows. There's a billion shows coming through.
I couldn't give a fat frog's assabout that one, though. I
would really like to have been there, but it was not to be.

(34:13):
That was a man that kind ofstarted to blow up right when COVID shut
everything down, so that killed theirtouring. But I bet they packed them
in last night. I like them. How was the funny bus? That's
a stupid question because it's yeah,it was fun. The weather was good.
It was a little chilly, sowe had the windows down. Oh
you did, but it was It'sstill really fun. I don't think I've

(34:36):
been on a funny bus where thewindows were. This is the first one
I was. Yeah, because Imean it was like high fifties. Yeah,
it was a little too chilly tohave the windows open. Uh.
With Sarah, she was very funny. I've known her for a long time,
so she was roasting me pretty uh, pretty hard. Okay, dig
it into me yep to the place. She's like, I'm sorry, I'm
being so mean to It's fine,I can take it. Why was she

(34:59):
resting you on the bus? Becauseevery time I would try and make a
joke, you just she just isquick. She thought you were feeling her
thunder a. She just was.She was just having fun. It was
okay, It was not like maliciousway, Yeah, of course it's fun.
All right. Well good, Well, if you want to join us
on one of the funny buses.I mean they do them all the time,

(35:19):
but Wednesday nights in June or AlanCox Shrow Night, so me and
Bill going alternating weeks. I willbe your host next week. I'll have
passes for you to join us onMonday and Tuesday. But the tickets always
go very very quickly, so goto funnybus dot net. I think as
of this morning, there are acouple of tickets left for next Wednesday.
But if there's another date you wantto go, maybe you want to go

(35:43):
on one of the tours that hasnothing to do with us, that's fine
too, they'd love to have you. So a funnybus dot Net for the
information. The Guardians lose that serieslast night. The Rockies get two out
of three over them. They're atCorsfield. Seven to four was the final.

(36:04):
Rockies are not a good baseball team, so the Guardians popped a couple
of wins in their column and thenthe Guardians will be back here at home
tomorrow night the weekend series against theNationals. Kansas City Royals are in town
next week before the Guardians get outof town and go to Miami. So
seven to ten tomorrow night on yourFM home for Cleveland Guardians baseball. And

(36:27):
then Saturday, of course we'll startthat brand new promo code around the corner
here at cl Clothing Company. Yougot today and tomorrow to use the promo
code flour for twenty percent off.You can do it online too. Let's
make sure you use it. Andthen June we'll start using what word.
Oh no, it didn't make sense, and it makes sense, so stupid

(36:52):
crying machete state bird didn't even getnear it even the second time when we
knew it already not near it.Yeah, all right. The something else
that popped up I was at Clevelanddot com is the twenty fifth annual Putnam

(37:15):
County Spelling Bee. You've ever seenthat. I don't like musicals, but
it's about a fictional spelling bee andit's kind of funny. They're showing it
at Caine Park for the next coupleof weeks. And as a former Illinois
State Regional Spelling Bee champion and unabashedword nerd, I have a particular pa

(37:39):
R T I c U L AR particular interest in the subject matter and
so on the subject of states.I was looking at the words that this
people in states have the hardest timespelling, and it will depress you because
these are very, very very simplewords. It's not like people in Delaware

(38:02):
don't know how to spell onomatopoeia.It's nothing like that. The script Spelling
Bee finals, I think are tonight, and I still get triggered when I
watch a spelling Bee because as adork, they should put a trigger warning
before it, like they do itfellas you know, there will be leg

(38:24):
there'll be strong language in this thatyou won't understand or know how to spell.
That should be the trigger warning.And listen, now it's all Indian
kids. Yeah, when I wasa kid, that wasn't the case.
And so oh that's thet when Iwas a kid, did it? God
bless them. I mean they've takenover the spelling bee circuit, and good

(38:46):
for them. They're doing the workand they're studying hard. It wasn't.
I mean, we had Indian kids, but I mean there now they consistently
take it. And I so anytimeI kind of click in and watch one
of these spelling bees, I rememberI can immediately go back to that time
in my life because I was notan athlete, so this and I certainly
wasn't a mathlete either. Mary wasprobably a math lete. It was it

(39:09):
was called academic challenge, right,your version of the athlete. That's like
that. It's like they do thosegame shows on Sunday morning on Channel Yeah.
No, we weren't televised, right. We just got if you had
any facility with language and words,it would naturally come to you that you
go, oh, I'll just dospelling bees. Then nothing cool about them.

(39:32):
But I was like, you couldget some money for school that kind
of stuff, and you would get, you know, stacks and stacks of
pages of words to study. Eachletter of the alphabet had its own like
fifty page stack of words, andthen you would try to study them.

(39:52):
And so the I think the ScriptSpelling Bee finals are tonight. But Google,
in their infinite wisdom, because ofall the data that they can collect,
they compiled how how to spell searchesin all the fifty states. Google

(40:12):
looks at the states. This iswhat people are asking how to spell the
most in the states. Of course, the winning war anybody remember the winning
word from last year's Scripts Spelling bcharacter characters the words that I can't spell

(40:34):
aluminum now congratulations, Yeah, isit or grad? Congrats? Yeah?
How was the one? My dad? He would he would remind me,
and I still do it to thisday. Oh, separately, he goes,
Remember the middle of it is arat. There you go, separate,

(40:58):
separate lee. Some make it le y. Of course it's e
l one. Anyway, Sammophile wasthe winning word last year. Samo file
is a it's a botany term.It's a sad loving organism. It's p
s A it M M O ph I l E. So if you

(41:19):
know the word, you can maybeget the O file part right, But
samo fhile that was the winning wordlast year. I don't know what the
grand prize is. I just rememberI won about five tuition or something.
I don't know about that. Theygive you a big check like but maybe
it's different now, but like whenI won, I got five grand for
college? Right? WHOA so Imisspelled? Would you spell s O n

(41:44):
R s E n I n re at you did not A s I
N I didn't know there was asneaky little r a oh like rosin but
with an A seven h R sI n c r A. Now how
far into the process were you makethird or fourth round, not far.

(42:06):
This was in elementary school, soI don't even remember how old it Maybe
fourth or No, it wouldn't havebeen fourth or fifth grade. Maybe fourth
or fifth grade. Actually I didn'tknow about that. I R A,
I S I N. I'll nevernever miss speil to. That's why I
felt like such a jag off yearsago when I got knocked out in the
first round of the Mike Polk Fourthof July Spelling Bee. Remember that loser.
You'd line up and I'd be like, Oh, I got this man,

(42:29):
They're not going to throw anything atme. But I think I was
like, oh boy. I wasabout eight bottles deep by then, so
I couldn't remember. But anyway,so Google goes. Here are the words
getting googled the most by state,how to spell, and Ohio's is equal.
Now, mind you, I canunderstand why that would be difficult,

(42:52):
because of course Ohio has no equalOh am, I right, I'm from
here. Give it up. Youdid it. California. They're most searched
is how do you spell pretty?Because in California you want to know if
you are because your entire livelihood coulddepend on it. New Mexico can't spell

(43:15):
quiet. I don't know why.It's not a lot going on out there,
chaos, animal field ally, Virginiacan't spell the words said, said,
so I don't know that's interesting.Yeah. I can't spell anything.

(43:36):
Utah can't spell Mississippi, Nebraska can'tspell California, and Maryland can't spell Pennsylvania.
But they're right next door, aren'tthey. Maryland borner borders Pennsylvania.
I mean, I know how tospell we border Pennsylvania. I know how
to spell it. I lived therefor many years. You like to see,

(43:57):
but it's a proper name. Doesn'thelp you with proper names because they
could They don't follow the rules ofanything. Okay, I know how to
spell Pennsylvania, good, R,A, S, I N Pennsylvania.
Yeah, there's auto correct. I'lluse that. Well. It's funny.

(44:20):
Sometimes I do have that situation whereI spell things so wrong that autocorrects,
like, I can't help you.I don't know what you're trying to do.
This is not a word. You'redumb beyond my capabilities. It's like
the Gaffigan joke about writing out anote for somebody based on the words you
know how to spell. See itto Mark Tomart next week, it was
like somebody was talking to me.I remember what the conversation on the air

(44:43):
was, but somebody texted me yesterdayand she was like, yeah, my
my husband made a comment that thisyounger generation isn't going to be able to
develop critical thinking when the answers areso readily available to them, and I
was like, well, I getwhere you're coming from. But the answers

(45:04):
were always in the back of thetextbook. The answers have always been there,
you just had to know which pageto go to. So the fact
that you can google something in halfa second, yeah, but that's not
what the thing is. Huh,that's not what critical thinking is. Well,
my inference when she says younger generationis how you learn things, and

(45:24):
primarily when you're young, the wayyou learn is in school, so I
think you can still my thought ofit is always and I agree with everyone's
criticisms about kind of the dumbing downof whatever in social media, but my
thought is always that we've always,we've also been given more opportunities to learn

(45:45):
things because of the information that's available. It's just most people don't care to
look or it is increasingly difficult todetermine what's true and what's not. That
that's part of it. And thenthose people that just focus on learning things
are just not learning important thing.I just download an app called you know
where it gives you like a littlerefresher No stupid, it's a different thing,

(46:07):
you know. It's it's like anapp where it's just like, hey,
do you want to know some thingsthat you should have known anyway,
but you didn't pay attention to school? Get this app. And it was
like, Oh, that's perfect forme because I did not pay attention.
I also wonder like I also,you know, when they talk about things
you should know, what do theymean? They mean things that are already

(46:29):
taught in the school. Yeah,these are things you should know for when
you get older. Their vested interestis teaching you because that's what they teach.
A history teacher will go, youneed to know this, and obviously
people go, I'm not gonna needto know this. It makes for a
more well rounded person. But myquestion is always what is necessary to know?
I mean, I want to knowyou, well, that's what you

(46:51):
want to know. That's what whatkeeps you from going postal one people,
But I mean I want to knowas much as I possibly can, even
though I won't use it. Butit would be nice to know. My
lesson today will be on yesterday wasSocrates? Uh ha, he was a

(47:13):
philossifizer. Wait he got it,alassifier? Who is who is teaching this?
It's this app called you know,oh you know? Oh I see?
And today is Isaac Newton? Ihaven't done yet, right, yeah,
say look, you just need youneed one word association Socrates flassifizer,
I F I L Yeah, that'sfive thousand dollars for school. Is Newton

(47:40):
gravity? M hm? No,Isaac Newton? Is he gravity? Intia?
Isaac Newton? Gravity? Yes,now it existed before. Huh who
did inertia? Was it also Newton? Probably Newton? Yes, gravity and
inertia. Probably A body at reststays at rest, an object of motion,
yeah, remains in motion. Yes, only stops if another force acts

(48:01):
upon it. Right, but againthe you know thing Socrates? Right.
I had to study a lot ofSocrates in college. But Socrates, even
though most scholars don't really question it, there is technically no record of Socrates
existing, just like there's no recordof Jesus existing. Yes, Socrates had

(48:25):
no written work, right, neitherdid Jesus. Right, So if you
believe in either of those guys,and I probably believe in fifty percent of
those guys, you kind of gotto go with, well, here's the
best of what we've got all andstops viewing your anti Socrates. We get
it, all right, you're areformed Socrates. I'm more into Plato.

(48:47):
I'm more of a Platonic than aSocratic method. But it's up to.
It's up to. Bill's got hiswebsite in his app and it's fine.
Now, asked me something about Socrates. We'll see if I learned anything.
Well, how much did you read? I mean it's like a ten minute

(49:08):
lesson, so's it's it's it's aquick over review. They teach you about
the Socratic method and all that.Yeah, he called it, uh what
did they call it? It wasdon't say it. Don't say it the
ladies. His mom was one,not milk maiden, something like that.

(49:30):
Okay, well, there's a lotto unpacked. So what's what's it?
Yeah? I didn't learn a lot. Okay, Well, I mean milk
maiden's in there somewhere. It's likea what is it called a midwife?
Midwife midwife okay, midwife tree orsomething like midwifery, mid midwife ferry.
Yep, yeah, that's his.And he just he says, I don't

(49:52):
know anything, so that's my Butthat was socrates whole thing, right.
The Socratic paradox was I was consciousthat I knew nothing. The smartest people
are the ones who realize they don'treally know anything, but your your life's
goal is to try to ascertain thosethings and asking questions. He's just asking

(50:14):
questions like our modern day philosophers onFacebook. I'm just out here asking question
questions. I'm just doing my ownresearch. Listen, man, questions are
important, you know, are they? How fast are you? It's a
big one. Nobody anymore. Oh, when you're a kid, you asked
that all the time. You needthat now. Yeah, I'll ask you
fasted before I take you. Seriously, I need to know how fast you

(50:37):
how high can you jump? EvenBrian and I did that. It was
one of the funniest things that wehad a huge laugh over it because when
they were visiting in New York isour Blake's playing on the playground and we're
just sitting there watching the kids,and I looked over at him. I
was like, how high can youjump? And he was like what?
And I was like, I justwatch that little kid like jump on top

(50:58):
of this play structure. Looks prettyhigh. How hi can you jump?
So then we filed ourselves. Yeah, to like from two feet just straight
up in the air is harder thanyou think it is, comparing like if
you haven't done it in a longtime. Yeah, like regular people just
jumping. It's not that high.No, I don't mean like bending your
knees to jump on top of something. You mean you don't mean like your

(51:21):
vertical is probably twelve inches maybe becauselike when I do a box jump at
the gym, I can jump fromstanding like up to eighteen something twenty four
inches. But that's bending your kneesand getting up there. But just a
straight up vertical, well, abox jump is also kind of technically propelling
yourself forward right a little bit.Yeah, But when you just have to

(51:44):
stand still, straight up and jumpstraight up, that's an important question.
How high can you jump? Notthat high flatten getting away from gravity?
Yes, was his higher than yours? We could. He can not jump
very high. He'll not have agood vertical for as tall and as thin
as he is. Not a greatvertical, but horizontal is pretty good,
is alright? She said it.They've had sex, all right, Sorry

(52:07):
man, that about sex, Maryso close? All right. What feels
great to do is absolutely free,can be done by yourself, and yet
no one ever mentions it. Aha, I'm a busserm. Astabula, ohah,

(52:37):
is a wonderful city. Yes itis, Astabula. It's so nice.
It's a great community. Oh yeah, Astrabula, unlike you at the
mouth of the Astrabula River, locatednortheast of Cleveland. Astrabulah is such a

(52:59):
good place. Oh yeah. Thesing of the fleet, Oh yeah,
Astabula, Oh yeah, is wonderful. It is such a skin makes who
want to get out there? Theyshould hire this guy. If the city
of Ashtabula has like a trure,they have a chamber of commerce, like

(53:22):
a tourism bureau or something like that. Bring people to ash Tabula. Were
you there? Yeah, it's sucha naice place and people right about it.
Bob Dylan and Jack Carouac. BobDylan and Jack Carrouak were doing the

(53:45):
socks about ash Tabulah. Yeah,all right, great story about ash Tabula
in the Buckeye Flame and I lovethe headline despite biblical death threats, and
Ohio City council declines to cancel thepride permit. A number of pastors spoke

(54:07):
at a city meeting to condemn theAshtabulah Pride Festival. Of course, June
is Pride month, and they reallypack on any these city council meetings.
Back in the day, man,you could hear crickets in these places,

(54:27):
but over the last few years,these people they just line up the scream
about every goddamn thing that comes through, whether it's library books or pride parades
or whatever. And apparently a residentof Ashtabula collected signatures to ban anyone from
under the age of eighteen from viewingdrag performances, which is one of the

(54:50):
elements of the Ashtabula Pride festival.And it used to be on private property,
but as of last year, theymoved it to the Ashtabulah count the
fair grounds, and there were somepeople who didn't like that, but the
city council declined to cancel the permitfor it despite the right wing outcry from

(55:12):
these people. And of course allof these people, one by one,
these pastors will get up and they'llcite, you know, fake Bible quotes
that they ascribed to comments on homosexuality, and the verses aren't fake obviously,
But it should really tell you somethingthat even places like Ashtabulah and Broadview Heights.

(55:37):
We were talking about this a coupleof weeks ago, right, people
in Broadview Heights were pissing in theirpants over a pride thing that that city
is going to continue having. Itshould tell you something the places like Ashtabulah
and Broadview Heights are having these becauseit's usually good for the neighborhood. You're
gonna have a handful of dopes whoare screaming about something. But that's true

(55:59):
of anything like just don't go.Don't go, you don't want to go,
don't go. I always kind offeel, for lack of a better
term, I always feel like kindof a begrudging pity for these friggin church
people because they have to do this. No they don't, Yeah, they
do. The job description of religionis is exclusion, so they have to

(56:22):
do this. The Bible doesn't actuallysay anything about homosexuality. They didn't even
know what sexual orientation was in theBible. We're just beginning to understand it.
Now, they didn't know what thatwas. There's nothing in there about
that. But boy, they'll justone after the other after the other after
the other, comb through and findsomething because that's their job. That's true.

(56:44):
We're saying, don't light with aman that's your maid, But that's
their job. That's their job isto get out there and tell people that.
Yeah, because exclusion is what they'reabout. But even Ashtabulah shouldn't say
even Ashtabula or anything about it.But they've said, no, we're gonna

(57:04):
keep it going because you know,people have fun. What's the matter with
that? Local businesses probably benefit fromit. But so they have decided to
not exclude people from the Ashtabulah Prideevent. They're at the county. You
didn't perform at the county fairgrounds?Did you know? I wasn't performing.
It was just on vacation. You'reon vacation in Ashtabulah. Little trip?

(57:30):
Is that right next door on thelake? Is in the Ashtabula County?
What's in Ashley A County? Howfar is that from Ashtabula proper? I
had no idea, not far,Yeah, because I don't think that I've
ever been out there. I don'tthink I've ever had an appearance or anything
like that in Ashtabulah. I'll bein Madison in a few weeks doing the
show. Aren't they known for likethere? Uh? Doesn't Ashtabulah have like

(57:52):
a bunch of historic bridges or something? Well the side are those? Does
that mean that they've got snow coveredbridges? May sometimes Madison County with the
famous bridge, Well those are bridgesin Madison County, but that's not Ohio.

(58:14):
Yeah, so listen, I guessmaybe cooler heads prevailed over this thing.
But yeah, just don't go,right, just don't go, Just
don't go, don't go, don'tgo, say and telling people in your
church, Hey, I don't thinkyou should go either. Don't go to
this thing. Why would we wantto welcome different kinds of people into our

(58:38):
church community? Why would we wantto do that. We love one another
as Jesus loves you, right,so so annoying. So they're figuring it
out. Annoying. Well, peopleare starting to figure it out. Be
nice, because it's just slowly,slowly, slowly they're forguring. Now.

(59:00):
The whole idea is that they wantto get people to come to church,
right, And this is one ofthe main reasons people don't want to go
to church because it's like, hey, I don't like like the way you
want to exclude everybody's and not everychurch is like that, right, There's
a lot that aren't, and theyget shrimped too. People who don't think

(59:21):
yeah from churches, don't do churchlike that. Yeah. So Ashtabula Pride
not canceled. So or if youare a member of the lgbt q I
A plus community out there in Ashtabulaof any generation, that's a win for
you and a loss for religious exclusion, I guess because it is always religion.

(59:50):
Let's call it what it is,all right, That's always what it
is. There's nobody secular walking aroundflying a flag out there screaming about how
pride events are going to ruin anything. That's why these magadopes literally worship Trump
despite him being the personification of everythingthat religious people purport to be against.

(01:00:13):
All this pearl clutching today is thisstory that there's tapes from the Apprentice of
Trump calling a black contestant the Nword, and they were like, oh
what, And you know, allthe Christian megotypes are like, just what
I didn't think I could love himanymore. He going do this, So

(01:00:35):
bravo Ashtabula. Yeah, then therethose are two words I've never said before.
You know, I've been in broadcastingthirty plus years and two words I've
never uttered. Are those two?Now you got to take the bad with
the good. They're going to capthe number of golf carts out in put
In Bay this year or last year. We're talking about all the drunks on

(01:00:59):
golf carts Putting Bay and the peoplewho were, like, you know,
run the place, live out there. They were all up in arms because
Putting Bay is a tough spot forpeople who were just trying to live a
quiet life. We have friends whoseparents have a big house on Putting Bay
and we went to Kelly's Island lastyear. I've still never been to put

(01:01:21):
In Bay. Trying to organize atrip out there, Oh yeah, because
I think Hans and Tommy had neverbeen out there. So I think,
now, are you gonna have toyou might go that week that we're off
for fourth of July. Are yougonna have to ratchet up the fun of
the Ashtabula County vacation we put InBay? I mean it's gonna be different
because the Ashtabula County vacation was likevery wholesome family stuff. Just hang out

(01:01:46):
with my girlfriend and her daughter andher niece. So it wasn't like let's
get ripped and put in bay.Be a rager. It might be we'll
see you know that you should beraging and putting bay in your forties.
But hey, from what I've heard, again I've never been there, it
sounds like you're gonna fit right in. I know it has these What do

(01:02:08):
you want from me? I meanthere's people, believe it or not,
in their forties who still go outthere and get fall over drunk. You
know, you can't just lay thatat the feet of if the kids who
were home from college. I knowthat's the stereotype. They might have the
stamina, but that's why the cityis like we're capping the golf cart renolds

(01:02:28):
because we got people driving up onthe sidewalk and tipping these things over.
I want to go just to watchthat. I want to go to watch
like the morning after stuff got'd bea lot of fun. Pass the law
that caps the number of golf cartsallowed on the island. Do people bring
their own. I don't think youcan. Well, then I didn't think
you could either. Then. Howthen what's the point of capping the number

(01:02:50):
of golf I mean you're not goingto get more. I mean you have
the ones you have. Well,no, I mean you could move there
and open a golf cart business.Why not? Yeah, but isn't that
wouldn't you want to be open tobusinesses out there anyway? Judy Barry is
the mayor of Putting Bay. Shesaid, there's already nine hundred golf carts

(01:03:14):
registered in the village and wherever thatcame from. So there's gonna be new
fees for people parking downtown. Igotta get out there. They're trying to
ease the golf cart gridlock out thereat putt In Bay gets crazy, they

(01:03:35):
say. I guess that's what Ihear. A chaotic summer last year.
The city council had had enough.I imagine there. I bet that there
was a It probably rose to thelevel of a gavel being pounded at some
point. We've had enough. Thesegoddamn golf carts all over the place.

(01:03:58):
They're fun to drive, though,I'll say that. Boy, when we
were on Kelly's Island, it hadbeen a minute since I had driven a
golf cart. They're fun now.I've never driven one drunk because I don't
drink and drive bill And it doesn'tmatter if I'm behind the wheel of a
golf cart, because obviously golf isa game that lends itself to anebriation.

(01:04:19):
That's half the reason these dummies getout there and play in the first place.
When I get drunk. But comeon, I mean, no,
Mary, you're talking about people inyour forties. When we were on Kelly's
Island. No, I know therewere people who were like, had a
good fifteen years on me, whowere very clearly like, yeah, I'm

(01:04:42):
like really, because Kelly's Island isa place with a lot of kids on
as opposed to what Yeah, that'swhat I'm saying. Yeah, you know
what to hear about putting back Kelly'sIsland is more. That's why we took
the young and out there. Noneof us had been there before, and
so it would be a good timeright out there on the lake. Right
out there, which lake, eh, whatever, this big one is.

(01:05:05):
It's right out there and you cantake a ferry to it, you park
your car on it. It ispride your fairy. Well, yeah,
I think we went in June.But point take it so? You know?
Yeah, how the hell did theshow get to this point? How

(01:05:30):
is it? Bonus hole top contentevery couple of days? This sucks.
Your show is starting to really socka You know what that means? More
bonus whole content. Now I'm gonnado it all the time, you dummy.

(01:05:51):
What is the last thing you wantto tell me? What is the
last thing you want to tell mewhat to do here? That's right or
anywhere? So much your birthday?I don't even know when that is.
I don't even know what you're talkingabout. You do complaining about bonus hole.
Well, now I'm just going todo it more. How do you
like that? No, I didn'teven want to do it until you told

(01:06:15):
me I couldn't. I don't knowthat. Your order remains barren kyote boat
show, boat show? Say what? Mary? I didn't say anything?
Boat show, boat show? Hey? Patrick? Yes, hi, Hi,
I was trying to. I wasthinking Bill should be trying to go

(01:06:40):
when it put in bay. Youshould go during the bash at the Bay.
It's in August. You should lookinto it because I know that the
I know that they're looking for acomedian. It's mostly concerts that Kelly Role
is going to be there. I'msure that'd be a great out for comedy.
Let's be a drunk jelly roll standin there. You go be decoy

(01:07:05):
understudy for jelly Roll. I'll putsome triphy on my face and wear a
hat with a moment you love.Bill, Yeah, who's out there?
Is it jelly Roll? I thoughtit was pit Bull? Pitbull? I
thought it was and kid Rock.No, kid Rock was a couple of
summers ago because my wife and herbrother went. I think it's most play

(01:07:27):
like a country crowd. But there'sgonna be like fifteen or sixteen bands and
I think one or two comedians already. But you should definitely look into it.
It's an August like you about that. Bill, you could be out
there doing uh opening for Pitbull atBash on the Bay. This is Keith
Urban and Blakeshell No, that wasa few years ago. Yeah, Bash

(01:07:49):
in the Bay twenty twenty four isjelly Rolling and Hardy j right, jelly
Rolling Hardy. Yeah, they're goodand they got that Oliver Anthony the Right,
the Men of Northern Ireland or whateverit is, Okay, Hey,
I don't think they do. Idon't think they do comedy at these This
is not a comedy, No,I don't think so. But I'm curious

(01:08:10):
what event you're talking about, Patrick, because I don't think Bash on the
Bay is what you're talking about.I'm not even sureing myself. That's all
right, Bud, don't worry aboutit. Ah. Yeah, he's like
I just say, in a bagof shrooms, all right, thank you,
Patrick. If you want to seeme do comedy, you'll be an
imposter. Theater this Saturday. ThisSaturday, Yeah, over in Ohio City,

(01:08:32):
nine thirty pm. Get tickets atbill squire dot com. I mean,
at least that guy's looking out forme. I appreciate it. But
yeah, I don't think that's theI mean, if they had like a
comedy tender or something, that'd beone thing. But I definitely Mary and
I have done those shows where you'reperforming in between bands. It's not good.
Not good. Yeah, I willsay right now, Country music does

(01:08:57):
have the best looking women in music. You can have your pop stars,
but they are there. There's somethingall very like, I don't know weird
about that. I don't music.I feel like I don't even hear about
any craft and tiger Lily and ohgod, I don't know these ladies because
I feel like country so strongly,like that Bicep country where it's like dudes

(01:09:21):
up there. Well that's the guys, but but the females, I think,
like Casey muskraves super cute. Ithink she's a headcase, but I
mean she's super cute. Huh.That last name throws me off. Sounds
too much like muskrat, Muskrat Susieand muskrat Sam did the jitterbug down in
muskrat Land and they shimmy and Sammy'sso skinny. Why do people spell their

(01:09:48):
names so dumb? What do youmean? Casey k A c e Y,
Well, she didn't name herself.Spell it re? How do you
spell Casey? It's all names aremade up, and there's regular ways of
spelling things. Muskrat, muskrat candle, like doing the town doing it right

(01:10:14):
in the evening, it's pretty pleasing. Muskrat Susy, Muskrat Sam do the
jitterbug, muskrat lame and shimy Samis so skinny. I thought she was

(01:10:40):
dead? What is this? What'shappened? Muskrat Love, Captain and Taneil.
Were you a communist? You don'tknow this song? Yes, singing
and j listen. I would normallyshare like that your sentiment. This was
a massive hit called Muskrat Love,and I don't know how it happened,
but the seventies were a crazy nibblingon bacon, chewing on cheese, have

(01:11:05):
la muskrats and chewing on cheese.I know Darryl Dragon died a while ago,
but I thought that Tony Tannil isdead too, but she's still alive.
It's tickling her fancy man. Weird. This was a huge hit,

(01:11:25):
and then people get mad about musictoday. Yeah, in the seventies there
was a love song about two rodents. They were eating cheese and having fun.
It was a massive hit, muskrantLove. Yeah, I thank god
my mom wasn't playing this in thehouse, and all right, I got,
I got. You don't like this, Marry, this is weird.

(01:11:46):
That is weird. Nobody's denying that. And you never hear anybody cover it
really ever? Huh why would they? No one's clamoring for a remake?
Scup sect, you were saying somethingsomething I would hear waiting on a subway.

(01:12:13):
But work, m he's so smart. If you were to get there
on the whatever, you get onthe train there and there's a busker and
he's playing muskrat Love. From hereon out, you'll know what he or

(01:12:36):
she is doing. Whereas before you'vebeen like, what the hell is going
on here? But now you'll know, and you'll whip a dollar into their
guitar case. We'll do you won'tgive them a dollar for muskrat Love.
Absolutely must be Nice's called the AlanCox Show. Girls. This is your
opportunity right here, a nice boy. Let me tell you that one double

(01:13:00):
seven or one three four eight onedouble o seven. Yeah, you think

(01:13:23):
you're on top of the world,you know. Oh, Lenny Kravitz,
this guy, Come on, man, you've seen a picture of Lenny Kravitz.
I hate to belabor a point,but this UNSI woof. He just

(01:13:44):
turned sixty this past Sunday and uhlittle uh thinging tms this morning that he's
been celibate for nine years. Igot that body. That's what I'm saying,
Like, I'm on, I'm ona spiritual journey to what end He's

(01:14:06):
living out there on the island.You know he's preacher, curling logs and
uh celibate for nine years. GoodChrist, why are you hiding that light
under a bushel basket? Why youwasting your life? No, I'm not

(01:14:27):
a gay man. I'm not agay man. If I looked like Lenny
Kravitz, he's probably one of theseguys that thinks that all of his creative
power is in his jiz and it'slike, calm down, he's going to
be fine. Huh. He's beenputting out a ton of music. Well,
he still puts stuff out, Ithink. But he said that after
his marriage to Lisa Bonnet fell apartin nineteen ninety one. You remember he's

(01:14:51):
Zoe Kravitz's dad. After that marriagefell apart thirty years ago, he said
that he was really acting like aplayer after that, and he wasn't fond
of that lifestyle. But that's whathappens to every divorced guy, right.
It's like you, with all duerespect, it's like you you got that

(01:15:13):
just out of prison energy and youget out there and you're seeing what's up.
And if you look like Lenny Kravitz, it doesn't matter if you're thirty
or sixty, because there isn't awoman out there who wouldn't be like,
yes, because he is in heis in like unearthly good shape, and

(01:15:36):
so because he's just living out thereon the island and he's chopping melons with
a machete and eating them. Sohe has had a nine year streak of
celibacy. He said, I'm veryset in my way is the way I
live, and it's a spiritual thing. Now, there's nothing wrong with that.

(01:15:58):
You will see videos of him workingout by the way, which are
really funny because if it were anyoneelse, you'd go bro. You know,
like he's got the fake like plasticbumper plates on there or whatever he's
working out in, you know,leather pants and you know, posting stuff
for the gram. But he's insuch unbelievable shape that you let it go
because you're like, all right,clearly he's doing some kind of he's doing

(01:16:20):
all the work he needs to doto look the way he looks. But
you know, he was engaged.You might recall to Nicole Kidman. Back
in the day, he was engagedto Adrianna Lima, remember her Victoria's Secret
Angel with Wild Eyes. He datedJohnny deppsas that French girl. So he

(01:16:44):
was making his way through. Butwhat is the point of doing all that
work? You could stay in goodshape for himself? Oh come on,
I mean he's clearly not. Ifhe's not having sex, then it's because
he likes that's the way he looksand feels like that. Well he should.
He's putting in the work. Imean, all due respect to him,
he's absolutely putting in the work.My comments are one thousand percent born

(01:17:11):
of jealousy. But I mean,Lenny time waits for no one. If
you told anybody else, if yousaw on paper this this great guy want
you to meet. What does hedo? He's in music? What's his
name? Leonard Kravitz. Oh sohe's an executive. No, no,

(01:17:33):
no, no, he's an artist. He lives out in the Bahamas.
Really, so, I think partof it is like his dad cheated on
his mom. His mom was RoxyRoker, who if you're old enough you
remember she was on the Jeffersons.She was the neighbor on the Jeffersons.
That was Lenny Kravitz's mom. Andhis dad was Csy Kravitz, who was

(01:17:58):
a big wig at NBC. Sohe's a NEPO baby comes from a showbiz
family. Nine years. He's likethe dougie of rock and roll, right,
doesn't she famously never get laid?I mean when I've talked to her,
I'm like anything, it's been awhile. In the immortal words of
one Aaron lewis so good for thisguy. Boy, I just don't know

(01:18:25):
what he's wasting it for the veryleast you could have scantily clad gals out
to your mud hut to grete cheeseon your stomach. But why why you're
not? You're not interested? Clearlyhe's not. Of course he's not.
He's trying to get my head aroundit. Making yourself look good. That's

(01:18:47):
why everybody works out. See,you feel better. Looking better comes with
that. You know. It's oneof the rare things in life where both
things are good for you. Andnine years or he could be lying.
There is a chance he might notbe telling the truth. But why though,

(01:19:11):
why make that up? Because it'sa good story, is well,
it kind of fits into his likewoo kind of you know what I mean,
He's kind of got that vibe,that hippie thing going on, and
maybe it sounds good because you knowwhat happens and Bill will tell you this.
He knows you put the word outthere into the ether that you've been
celibate for nine years, and youlook like he does. What happens.

(01:19:33):
Everybody wants to be the one tobreak the streak. Yeah, oh,
everybody wants to be the one tobreak the streak. So it's pretty canny
on his part, if, infact it's all made up. I've never
met the man. I've never interviewedhim. I don't think I met Lenny
Kravitz. I don't think so.But sure like to cut his jib.

(01:20:00):
You know, I have no I'vesaid this before. I have no concept
of retirement. You know, inthis business, you're told when you're done.
And I don't know how to doanything else, So I don't have
any concept of that. But uh, going to an island and just doing
sit ups and eating melon, thatto me is not an environment in which

(01:20:20):
I would want to be having zerosex. You're on different wavelengths. Man
must be man, truly, truly, you also have a wife that you
want to sleep with all the time. Truly doesn't. I don't know what
he's got. Maybe he's got maybehe's gotta does celibate involve no sex or

(01:20:41):
no sex with another person. Ithink sex with another person. So he
could have a real doll. Yeah, I think that's just masturbation. I
bet he could afford one. Youthink he could afford a real doll's the
best one? He got a realgood one, one with the parts that
move and stuff. Yes, he'dget one of the thirty two eyes.
Let's dishwasher save everything you need.Yeah, well they're all dishwashers safe.

(01:21:06):
Well, we get the one thatprobably has itself cleaning. You got to
put him in the top rack,though. Don't put him in the bottom
rack. You'll melt it. Yeah, you get like a weird you know,
you'll get up with the misshapen lips. You don't want that. If
you listen to us on iHeartRadio,tell me where we're always hearing from new

(01:21:29):
bureau chiefs who are living on astate. We heard from Laura. She
spends her time in Madison, Florida, and Valdosta, Georgia. Bob listens
in Astoria, Oregon. Oh thatsounds familiar. Astoria. That's where the
Goonies takes place. Is it reallyin a story of Queens Nooria oregond Ah

(01:21:51):
Matt listens in Frederick, Maryland,and I bet knows how to spell Pennsylvania.
M I don't know about that.Max Is and Raleigh. Can you
leave messages? Alan if you actuallywant to know everything you possibly can,
then stop calling both car a musclecar. We gave you the knowledge that's

(01:22:13):
not a muscle car, so usethat knowledge and apply it. Well,
how is your muscle car? Bythe way, Bill, it is a
muscle car. How is it?This is? I recorded Bill leaving the
parking garage list and he was headedto the funny bus. This thing,
man, I'll tell you what.Wow, it is as advertised. That
was actually me doing those doughnuts underneaththe chandelier. I didn't want to blow

(01:22:36):
up his spot. That was hisgirlfriend's niece tending to the fire there underneath
the chandelier. It's a little pyrothat one keep an eye on it.
So that's a little bit of Idon't know what that guy is talking about
it, you know, but Billis behind the wheel of a mean machine.
They ever do a hard castle inMcCormick reboot, that could be you

(01:22:57):
right in there. You and thesereferences today at control what I don't think
I've understood a single thing you've said. Well, that's on you, that
ain't on me. You got toget on my wavelength. Baby. I'm
just saying, what if I saidthat you didn't understand whatever you just said?
Muskrat muskrat Tommy or wherever the hellthat is muskrat love, muskrat love.

(01:23:19):
Yeah, Hardcastle and McCormick. Moh, two things. I mean
we've only been on air for twohours. Yeah, that's one thing an
hour doing pretty well. I mean, nobody understands what I'm talking about.
What's that segments, Alan, I'vebeen celibate for hundreds of minutes. That's

(01:23:42):
a nice softdrag, right there is. Yeah, um um, Alan,
you clearly want to eat Lenny Kravitz'sb whole. That's true. No,
I don't. I'm not day forLenny Kravitz. I you're a little guy.
I'm not Lenny Kruz. I'm not. He is the only he said

(01:24:04):
let's go over here and make out. I would say no, thank you,
but I can look at a dudeand go, man, that's amazing
the work he's put in. Buthe's the it's impressive male celebrity that you
talk about like this, he's theonly one even remotely close to my age
who looks like that. I'll befifty three next month. What day,

(01:24:30):
I don't know who cares. Uh, I celebrated all month, Bill,
I have a birthday month, sotechnically you mention your birthday in the case
you mentioned it. Lenny Kravitz isseven cruz is your age. He is
terrry Crews and he is shredded.But that's like a that's like a body
builder body. So I'm talking aboutthat's a lot easier to get than super

(01:24:55):
shredded like Lenny Kravitz's. It's easierto get. It's easier to get jacked
than shredded and Lenny Kravitz for aguy living on an island, I'm just
I'm I'm impressed to the nth degreewith the guy. It would be great
to be sixty and look like that, Yes, because that's straight ahead of

(01:25:17):
me. Why do you think I'mtrying to lock it all down? Now?
What go live on an island andget tripped? No, that's the
plan. I don't know. Helen, don't listen to marry she eats her
own boogers. Listen, you can'tkeep throwing that in her face. You

(01:25:38):
can't do that eating somebody else's boogers, is it? Does it matter where
they came from? Eat your ownboogers and eat someone else's boogers. I
mean, I would probably agree,but I think if that's the when you
get to that is the argument you'remaking, you're way past talk about a
reference on them. Kad, youget the reference, you know what I'm

(01:26:00):
me. It's not something you doAlan. Kindergarten Cop and Short Circuit also
took place in Astoria, Oregon.Oh oh yeah, I guess I just
watched Kindergarten Cop earlier this year,like late last year. A great movie.
He's a great movie. Holds upit does. It's crazy because like
you wouldn't think Arnold Swartz, Imean, this big burly cop would be

(01:26:26):
able to handle kids. No,because it's like it's just not his world.
He's water. You don't hear anythingabout his kid. He's the wife
moved away. He's a terrible dad. That's overlooked a lot in that movie.
But he's you know, he's gottahe's got to catch this bad guy,
and he's gonna do what he's gotto do. So he ends up

(01:26:48):
teaching these kids. And you knowwhat, those kids teach him a lot
too. Sure he learns a littlesun about himself. How hold your lunches?
You mean you other people's lunches?Stabitch. Now we are going to

(01:27:10):
do something extremely fun. You're goingto play a wonderful game called who is
my daddy? And what does hedo? Yes? Is your daddy a
fireman? He probably did. Ishe a wrestler? Is he a basketball
cost? No? No, no, no, no, no no no.
I have a headache. It mightbe a tumor. It's not a

(01:27:31):
tumor. Who is my daddy andwhat does he do? It's not a
tumor. Alan. You saw thepress release that Jim Donovan was retiring from
Channel three in a couple of weeks. You should replace him. I don't
know sports. Isn't he a sportsguy? Yeah, he's a sports guy.

(01:27:54):
You could know sports. You justdon't try. Hey, you want
to learn everything a few weeks?Fine, you got me. That's not
the area of expertise. I'm lookingto hone. Although this is also a
market where they just throw people behindthe anchor desk too, right, Like
they have sports guys doing the newsand stuff. Yeah, I could do
that. I filled it. It'sall it's all you just reading behind me,

(01:28:17):
right. Well there's an art tothat though, too, really,
but you can do that. Yeah, you're good at that. Jim Donovan
stepping down, Well he was ill, Yeah, replaced by Don Jimovian Don
Jimovan. Yeah, they're bringing himin from Chex's Notes Astoria, Oregon.
Oh yeah, you're just talking aboutthe West Coast Kindergarten cop. Yeah,

(01:28:42):
and Short Circuit. Oh and Gooniesnumber five is alive. A terrible movie.
Good, great movie. Goonies stinks. After thirty nine years at w
KYC Channel three, Jim Donovan willbe retiring for him. Is he from
here? I mean, I don'tknow, but he's been here for so

(01:29:04):
long. Yeah, I guess you'rekind of grandfathered in, right, you
know, Jim don good for him. Yeah, but but he but he
fell ill too, right, acouple of years ago, battling cancer.
Okay, the past few years,Well that I guess that's when you start
thinking about it, right, Yeah. If you're like, yeah, Jim

(01:29:28):
Donovan not the investment banker. Ah, Well, he's stepping away from daily
television work. He will continue toserve as the radio play by play announcer
for your Cleveland Browns. Well,there you go. That's all anybody wants
to have in broadcasting is an illustriouscareer, right. You want to be

(01:29:51):
regarded as somebody who knew how todo it and did it and then just
I had to stop doing it.So eloquent. He is from Boston,
went to Boston University and then kindof made the rounds. Those are the
stories I like to hear about peoplein broadcasting, people who've made the rounds.

(01:30:14):
They've worked in different markets and whatother I mean, But he's been
in years St. Cloud, Minnesota, Vermont. Uh. Yeah, you
bounced around early on and then youget somewhere where you want to, you
know kind of you know, theymake it. They make it. Chubba

(01:30:38):
wubba hub They said it's one ofhis signature calls for Nick Chubb. I'm
got a clip of him doing thatjob stuff. Baby mcdom thought, isn't
that him? No, that I'mAy Donovan, that is not oh not

(01:31:03):
anyway, mazel tov to Jim Donovannever met the man, but you you
never heard, at least as faras I was concerned. In my conversations
with people in local media. Younever heard a bad thing about a bad
thing about him. Yep, ultimatepro and great at the play by play,

(01:31:25):
which is not easy to do asin football because their alignments are so
complicated, and he does such agood job with that. So I'm glad
he's still doing that. Ooh,so scared chubby Wubby? Is that one
of his calls? It's close,It's closer? Ah? Well good,

(01:31:49):
all right, Well, no Ican't. Here's one of his interviews.
Is perceived to be the buttthole ofthe world sometime. Right, I'm sorry
for former mayor Mary. The currentmayor is the guy who stands on rooftops
at two thirty in the morning andwatches people do donuts are on fire and

(01:32:11):
does nothing, not a thing,not a thing. Where's the mayor when
this is happening? You love it? Probably getting a good night's sleep so
that you can wake up refreshed andtry to fix all the things you're complaining
about. How about that? Yeah, I said it, good one.

(01:32:32):
Hey, thanks nailed it, Mary. That's called speaking truth to power,
all right, you did. Maybeyou've heard of it, I have.
Maybe you've heard of it. I'velearned firsthand from you the King Alan.
One of the biggest lines in KindergartenCop, which boys have a penis,
girls have a vagina? That wouldbe an offensive phrase these days. Yeah,

(01:32:54):
if they rebooted Kindergarten Cop, couldthey still use that phrase? Probably
not boys. The little kid goes, boys have penis, girls have vaginas,
and he goes, thanks for thetip. Jim Donovan should coach the
Cavaliers. Yeah, I think hewants to take a step back, not

(01:33:15):
throw himself in on you more right, All right, I'm gonna break.
I will have if you want tosee the band, nothing more. These
guys are pretty wild, and younever know when they're gonna be on the
road again because sometimes tours don't gotheir way. So they'll be here in
September to play the Agora. Ifyou dig them, I'll have tickets for
you after the break three five,one, nine two. Text me for

(01:33:36):
anything else everywhere on our pre iHeartRadio app or whatever smart device you had.
Just tell me to play the AlanCox Show on iHeartRadio. From the
Mister Hero Weather Center w MMS,we clear Scott to night down to forty
six Sunday Tomorrow, High seventy three, Bartley Sunday Saturday seventy nine and Sunday

(01:34:00):
partly sunny, chance rain high seventyfour. This report is sponsored by Valvalleine
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My travel rewards card didn't earn enoughmiles for my vacation? Are you crying?
Are you crying? Who needs broadcastingawards? See? I have the

(01:35:47):
sound of my voiceable when you've wonWorld Sexiest and five years in a row
on one sevenmmas Oh boy, Guardiansare off tonight. I'm locking their wounds

(01:36:16):
from that Colorado series. Rockies endup taking two of three in that one,
seven and four. The Guardians losslast night, but they are still
killing it. So they'll come hometoday and to be back on the field
of progressive field tomorrow night seven toten, first of three against the Nationals,

(01:36:38):
and then they'll host the Kansas CityRoyals next week before they hit the
road again. And you will hearall of it on your FM home for
Cleveland Guardians Baseball hundred point seven tillthe is Ah, that's us, Hey,
that is us. Thank you fornoticing. Yes, Alan, we

(01:36:59):
know that you the least manly manon the planet, so you have to
constantly talk about sex. Well,get sweat. That doesn't make you more
manly. Everybody likes sex. Ihave a good one. What is he
talking about? Somebody knows, hemust know. Didn't make it very clear,
but I think it's like the factthat your mind is blown that Lenny
Kravitz doesn't having it. What's thematter with respecting the work that people do.

(01:37:21):
I mean, social media is filledwith fitness influencers, right about them?
You talk about one of them lookas good as Lenny Kravitz. I'm
just saying, well, I'm aguy, so I'm not going to comment
on the work that a woman hasdone on her body. Right, I'm
looking inward. I'm somebody who's tryingto take care of your Kravitz. Well,

(01:37:43):
but in comparison to what's the workthis guy has done that maybe I
can integrate into my own life.Move told, Well, listen, that
guy would look like that no matterwhere he lived. I think it's more
I get him beat here. It'sa more Yeah, it's a more interesting

(01:38:04):
story than Sergeant bull Cramp. Let'sgo bang some single moms. Well,
you know people were texting me andthe break pointing out that I've had a
series of man crushes. Don't forgetabout how you talk about Jason Bateman.
Yes, but Bateman is like,that's right, that's right. That's like

(01:38:24):
a melding of the minds type thing. It's like how I was with that.
The only person that I've ever toldand had a couple of conversations about
it is Do Coveny. He andI have talked about how enamored I am
of him, and uh, youknow, these are people that I respect,
and you know, we could allwe're all looking to improve ourselves,

(01:38:48):
right, So you look at peoplewho have done just that, and you're
naturally compelled to consider how they've doneit, and if you could replicate that
in your your own life, andgiven enough time under tension, you probably
could. M Oh, my alarm, Mary, you'll enjoy us. My

(01:39:11):
alarm went off during the break andit reminded me control my mid show snack
that I'm integrating into the Oh whatis it? You'll see it in a
second smoke salmon stick, salmon jerk? What? Yeah? Is it good?
Like a like a slim gym butof salmon. Well, it's like
a piece of beef. Tricky,but it's salmon. Yeah, because it's

(01:39:32):
better for you. Now you know. The jerky's a real trade off because
it's like good, it's good ish, but it's got so much sodium in
it. Oh no, well youdon't want that then you bloat. Okay,
but you can't do everything right.You can try. Why are you
having a mid show snack? Whoturned your mind on this? Well,
I'm just trying it out. Whythough Lenny Krawitz did it, Leney Crabs

(01:39:57):
did do it? You're right bythe way halfway through our show. Letny
Kravitz also has a Yeah, he'snot sitting running in salmon jerky. That's
pretty good, real good maple salmonsmoked maple strip. You had those epic
bison things for a while. Thisdid hanging dude. Yeah, those are

(01:40:17):
good too, cranberry or something inthem. Those were really good. I
liked those a lot. Expensive though, mm hmm, yeah, they're not
cheap. But what do you want? Yeah? Well, is this just
to keep your energy up? Areyou trying to hit a certain amount of
protein a day you lift? Yeah, I'm not. I'm not going to
get energy from a from salmon jerky. But well, I mean if you

(01:40:38):
haven't eaten a while and you geta little calories and you usually feel a
little perk up. Guys, whatdo you have an amount you're trying to
get to every day? A certainnumber of grams of protein? I want
to make sure that. I Theydepends on who you talk to, right,
they're like, well, like agram per pounded body weight? Like
that's it's so it's so much,it's as impossible to hit. It's very

(01:41:00):
hard, and it's for people thatare like heavy heavy weight training and I'm
not doing that. It doesn't haveto be because when I counted my macros
it was one hundred and thirty gramsof protein, which is an just unreal
amount of protein. But I willtell you I was My muscles were toned
and I was just doing body weightexercises. I was using like bands on

(01:41:23):
my legs to do squats and stufflike the booty bands. And the last
time I had abs was when Iwas doing that. So it is really
good to repair muscles no matter howmuch you're lifting. But but I have
to be really, you're in sixtygrams. That's the thing. I'm not
going to tie myself to that rock, you know what I mean. I
have to be like, Okay,what can I what can I conceivably hit?
And it ain't going to be that. We'll figure it out. I

(01:41:45):
was having like twelve tables twelve totwenty tablespoons of egg whites for breakfast,
like an egg white omelet, andthen I would have a Greek yogurt every
day, like the packed up proteinones that were like twenty grams of protein,
a key for the bitter nothing init almost tastes like sour cream,

(01:42:08):
but it's like one hundred percent protein. And then I would have a protein
shake, which was thirty grams ofprotein, and then I would have usually
chicken, either chicken or turkey fordinner, and it was like your I
was only eating thirteen hundred calories,but it was almost all protein. Yeah,
I'm playing around with how often Ieat too, So we'll see where

(01:42:29):
that lands keeps your metabolism. Yes, yeah, but especially during the show.
I don't want to feel like wayeddown. I don't think your salmon
jerky's going to do that. No, but if I eat lunch too close
to the show, I mean again, lunch is like chicken and vegetables.
But still I don't I'm just playingaround with it. Yeah, Alan Lendy
Kravitz also doesn't have to work.That's a big difference. See, I

(01:42:51):
kind of reject that on principle.That's Mary's argument with Mark Wahlberg, with
anybody. And but there are alot nothing else to do. Plenty of
people who don't have anything else todo and they don't keep themselves in shape.
True, but plenty of people sittingon their ass got nothing to do.
It's different, though someone else don'thave a job because they're unemployed and
are never going to be anything isdifferent than someone who innately has work at

(01:43:15):
well. No, but if Yourargument is you don't have to work.
That's the difference. There are plentyof people not working that don't look like
that, many people with nothing butfree time. It all comes down to
how you use your time. It'sall time management. This guy's writing songs
conceivably right, he's got a studioand there at his house in Bahamas.

(01:43:39):
I don't know ghost poops. Theseare these? Well, yeah, of
course I'm not big untransitional material,but apparently these are getting more well known,
to the extent where they did apiece on the Today Show about it,

(01:44:01):
and this was a I had neverheard of ghost poops at all.
Were you pooping a toilet and thenyou look at us out there, Well,
yeah, they talk about people talkingabout toilet just for farts. No
evidence, yeah, no evidence onthe TP or the bowl or whatever.

(01:44:21):
But you're sure that you pooped.And my thought is, I think it's
just people sitting there on their phonesnot paying attention to what their body is
doing. How would you not knowyou didn't poop. I don't know a
conceivable way that that would because peoplethat people are talking like I thought I
poop, I didn't poop. Peopletalking talk. Yeah, everybody's talking about
everything. But my thought is,Okay, these are people who are probably

(01:44:43):
scrolling tech talk while they're on thetoilet, so they don't know what they
did. I don't know how youdon't know what you did. But ghost
poops ended up as one of themedical segments on the Today Show, and
so that's, you know, somethingthat they want to make sure people are
people's uh healthy. It is veryimportant, so pay attention. According to

(01:45:09):
gastro enterologists, uh oof man,that was heavy duty. That was a
heavy one. I mean it's theway it sounded too bad. It's terrible.
Mary can't wait. You got toget out of here early thirty well

(01:45:30):
ten more minutes. Well, thislady points out that your sphincter is an
incredibly intelligent and sensitive part of yourbody. Now I thought that was the
brain. Ah, that's my dadalways had uh s for brains and he
was kind of right smart. Notwhat's inside it. The sphincter is incredibly

(01:45:55):
intelligent. This part of the bodycan distinguish between air liquid solid and selectively
let one thing out and not theother. It can, but I can't.
I was gonna say that's not trueto a person. Yeah, I
thought I was gonna be just there, but I got a little But my

(01:46:15):
sphincter knew it was just their butmy brain didn't. I need to have
a conversation with my sphincter. Wegot to get on the same page so
that it knows what's up, becauseif we can't have a con we can't
have an open and honest conversation.The booty is where the doo dooo is
bar So these ghost poops are like, well, people think they are,

(01:46:40):
but it's just gas. I'm like, how are you a grown person who
doesn't know what's happening down there?And I think it's because people are on
their phone scrolling they're not paying attention. Because it also the ghost wipe is
what they were referring to as well, because they talk about We've talked about

(01:47:01):
this ad nauseum. If you're parin the pun. Look at checking the
paper, which is not something Ido, but a lot of people check
the paper and people go, whatI just went and there's nothing on it.
It's such a fun day. Though. Sometimes I'll take you know,
you'll you'll take a dump and thenyou'll have that clean wipe, and that's

(01:47:26):
that's always a good feeling you're talkingabout, irrespective of if the bidet is
part of the equation. I mean, obviously the bidet helps with that,
and that should be what happens whenyou use a bidet. But uh,
you know sometimes I have to gowithout a bidet and you'll get that clean
wipe and you're like, hey,hey, I wonder why something here.

(01:47:46):
I wonder why bidets haven't been ableto get a foothold in the US.
They're still really considered a novelty item. Why is that? I mean,
they it's not really my thing,but I when I've been in Europe and
I've used them, like the appealI understand for women, for guys who
can't keep it together down there whatever, Because you can't keep it together.

(01:48:10):
It's just a nicer way to cleanyourself than paper. And there's the point.
Yeah, why haven't we Uh whydo we still opt? Well?
What are you? What do you? Why are you holding out? Because
nobody in my house really cares.I've asked on a number of occasions,
Hey, you want to put onein? She's like, Nah, have
to use it if you want it. It's not like it automatically goes off.

(01:48:31):
No, No, I asked forher. I'm like, do you
want one of these? She's like, now, I don't care. I
said, okay, because I definitelydon't. So my apartment has a standalone
bedey, which is an interesting dynamic. Yeah, how to use that?
I don't even know how that oneworks because it was it was a childcare
place. Well, no, theyhad lived there, they installed it when
they lived there before the IC.Yeah, so I will be sitting on

(01:48:53):
the toilet and then have to turnit on and get it ready and then
hop over and then you crank itup once you on it. Well,
you can do hot and cold.It's pretty cool. That's that's the that's
that's I know. There has beena big push just marketing wise to get

(01:49:16):
people hip to Toto toilets, whichis like the crem Dela Creme. Right,
they've got the heated water and they'vegot a dryer in some of them.
And Africa. Yes, when youtake a dump in the Toto toilet,
it plays Africa, get it.I mean, it works, it

(01:49:44):
does. Yeah, you can.You can play any one of their songs
in the work. You play holdthe Line. That's a great song too.
Another work it's not in the way. It's not the way. Somebody.

(01:50:23):
Somebody's gonna have to stop me becauseI won't stop on my own.
I ain't stopping yet. I likethis song, and I like farts songs,
not in the way you yeah anyway. So I don't know why the

(01:50:55):
I don't know why the bidets haven'ttaken off the way they have, you
know, because we're during COVID.Well that's what I'm saying. For a
hot minute, because they were like, oh my god, there's a toilet
paper shortage. Maybe we should geta day. But I don't know.
The great Bobby Kimball on vocals forToto, I think that guy is still
alive. He was like their classicvocals, great song, the great Jeff

(01:51:29):
Porcaro on the drums. Toto wasjust here. That's another band that I
never get to see when they're intown. I don't ever make it over
there anyway. Ghost poops are outthere, and people are complaining about those,
or at least trying to get theword out on them. I don't
know. That's a phenomenon that iscompletely foreign to me. But I guess
there's enough people who are flummixed theirown bodies and if your toilet were sentient,

(01:51:54):
would it crave what poop? Wouldit crave waste or despise you?
What does it mean? You wouldcrave it? That's what it's made for.
Yes, I think. So whyare those the two choices? Because
it's either going to be like,oh, stop putting this disgusting stuff in
me, or they'll be like,oh, nourishment, give me, give
me giving? What is Mary?How is what is Mary? Explaining most

(01:52:15):
of the days are not connected tothe toilet. That's a new thing.
Well, have you ever seen myfriends who have the like attachment that goes
on your toilet? Yeah, you'vegot to a standalone you got the European
style, which is like the traditionalversion of it. But most people that
I like, I don't know anybodyother than you that has that. I've
never seen it. Because even thepeople that have like a nicer toilet,

(01:52:38):
they'll be like built into the toilet. Well because people say, oh,
well, they're great because they saveon toilet paper, which I have to
assume means you use less, notyou don't use any right, you know,
it's standing up and just I givelike a pet, yeah something basically
just you go over there, you'lllike, rinse everything off, you do
a little rock, and then I'llepic pet because then it's wetter than it

(01:53:03):
would have been. And I feellike if you were thirty six Toto was
playing damn it wetter than it wouldhave been, then there's gonna be a
lot of crumbles water boom. Whata great song was this? Nineteen seventy

(01:53:29):
nine? Maybe you hate it?Mary, it's a seventy two. I
don't like this. Was my dad, Brendan Butter was Sam. Yeah,
Tony loved this stuff. One ofour female female listeners, Alan, I
sent you many years ago a drunkor kid story. Maybe used played drunker

(01:53:53):
kid. Oh you, I sentyou a drunker kids story about how I
dropped to poop balls onto the kitchenfloor because my sphincter mistook solid for gas.
I was wearing a nightie and noundies. I assume that's a female
list I think that is a femalelistener. I mean you you rock the

(01:54:14):
way you want to rock. Butyeah, whoa, whoa, whoa,
poopos aren't always on time, that'sright. So there's all kinds of great
stuff in conjunction with your bidets.You're just sound's sending Mary off for the

(01:54:36):
day perfect Batman theme song? Areyou find out some nice Caesars? No?
I have a podcast I have todo at five, and then it's
you're supposed to do right now.Mary's like, I gotta leave early.
I gotta go do a podcast.Hello. We're glad you're here. If
you need assistance or I just havea question, our associates will be glad

(01:54:59):
to help you. Time call theAlan Cox Show two six seven eight one,
double oh seven or eighty one doubleoh seven three five should be a
text. Uh. The live updateon the Trump election interference trial is uh

(01:55:28):
that the jury has asked for anextra thirty minutes to fill out the verdict
points Really, Dragon, I meanpapers. I guess I get it.
A lot of our listeners texting meto point out that these people literally need
time to sign documents. Hey,Tripper, Scott, hi Ellen, how
are you where you been? Man? I was working. I'm mostly trying

(01:55:54):
to, you know, deal withstuff. Sorry, I'm always at work
when the show's on. Yeah,right, I never know. I never
know what shift you're working or ifthat changes or you know, yeah,
it keeps changing back and forth,so I know't otherwise everything is I keep
saying everything's awful, but I mean, people remind me could be worse.

(01:56:15):
There's you know, there's war goingon and people getting killed and so well,
listen, everybody. Everybody's complaints arerelative to their own situation. So
it's you know, wait, youalways tell people that everything's awful. Oh
yeah, someone say, oh,hey, how are you today? How
was your weekend? Yeah's a shortanswer, yeah, Scott. You know,

(01:56:39):
we all know that when somebody sayshow are you, they don't really
care. They just want to heargood. How is your weekend? It
was fine, it was uneventful.You know, everybody's shrimp different day.
Everybody's happening the same weekends. Yeah, what did you do this? What
did you do for the holiday weekend? Did you go to town to a

(01:56:59):
squad? Are a young lady around? My friends had a cookout on Saturday,
and then I invited. I believe. I believe I was unable to
leave my bed Sunday and Monday dueto crippling anxiety. So if I'm not
mistaken, oh yeah, you wereso anxious you couldn't get out of bed.
I don't know, it's like depressionor fear. You know. Wow,

(01:57:23):
I've seen I've seen commercials about prescriptionsto that effect. I've heard things.
I've heard things Johnny Walker, that'swhat you're on and this was Blatton
sometimes Okay, logble luggable it's nice. Yeah, that's good too. Right,
Well, you know how alcohol helpsdepression, Scott, Uh, it

(01:57:45):
takes it away for a little bit, it just comes backwards. What is
it, Johnny Walker? Blue orblack or red? Or what do you
got? I can't afford blue that'sexpensive, but not usually black, the
little smokier one. But it's fine. I don't, you know, I
kind of joke. I don't.I don't drink like daily. It's like
may. I'll have like one aweek or something. But now it's just

(01:58:08):
it's just I know there's stuff Ishould be getting done, and it's just
it's when I wake up and Idon't have to be at work. It's
just it's just just so difficult tojust even get up and do something.
I understand, and I just justjust pull the sheets over my head and
go back to sleep. Or well, I have to think about it.
If you got nowhere to be,then what's the harm? I mean,

(01:58:30):
there are many things I should bedoing that that need to get done,
and I just I cannot. It'sinsurmountable. It's like when there's one thing
to do, oh, I couldjust get up and do that, but
when there's like fifty things, likewhere do I start, right, I'll
just do it all tomorrow and thenit's next week, next month, a
year later, and then you know, I'm not the only one with this.
Is a lot of people have that, and it's just that's it's but

(01:58:53):
that's you know, that's the update. That's just how till I am.
That's all kind of going on.All right, Sorry, what can I
do for you? Oh yeah,that's right. Called because you were talking
about Toto. Everyone else, ofcourse does Africa. But I thought for
sure you played Rosanna that we becauseof that party shuffle at the beginning.
That'd be a book. Yeah,now I need that first fill in that

(01:59:18):
I did. They cut off thatfill a little, Tom Phil the Jeff
Porcaro does. Oh sorry, yeah, kind of playing around with a pretty
shuffle there. Now. I wasI was listening to Toto last week actually,
or Rosanna came up in a shuffleor something, and I like that
song. But it was never.One of my favorite Toto songs was Rosanna.

(01:59:38):
I know it was a massive,massive hit for them, but I
liked I like ninety nine, Ilike, which I think is the band's
like least favorite song they've ever done, but like I like go ahead.
Oh, I would say I Iturned onto Rosanna because we played it in
a high school jazz band thirty yearsago, Like, oh, what song

(02:00:00):
is it? It's cool? Andthen my Toto like the Dog from wazir
of Oz and then you know Africaof course, which seems like it wasn't
popular for a long time, andthen just came back to the past couple
of years because I didn't hear aboutit in my twenties and thirties, and
then all of a sudden it's popular, which is great because it's a cool
song. Well, I think thingsstart blowing up on social media and different
generations find out about them. AndWeezer covered Africa. That didn't hurt you

(02:00:23):
know. Yeah, I mean thatwas ten years ago. I think that
it feels like yesterday. But Ithink Weezer covered Africa like a decade ago,
so wow. Yeah, but Iyeah, I know it's common to
have the oh I liked that songbefore was popular again. But no,
I'm happy that. I'm happy that'spopular again. I love I love when
a new generation discovers a band.Yeah, I think so too. I
think it's great. More people atthe party. M h. Yeah.

(02:00:45):
Yeah, I've been doing a deepdive. I'm going through albums because,
like I you know, I've alwaysknown of Van Halen, but I've never
listened to their albums all the waythrough. So I'm working my way through
all the van Halen albums and I'mlike halfway through Women and Children and enjoying
myself quite a bit. Yeah,I was listening to van Halen. One

(02:01:05):
is just I was listening to someSammy van Halen on the way into work
this morning, which is I'm alwaysa David Lee Roth guy, but I
was digging into some Sammy and Iwas like, that's okay too. It's
different too. But I'll probably endthe show tonight and we get out of
here with some van Halen. Butokay, thank you, Scott. Feel

(02:01:30):
better give There was a thing midweek that I thought was kind of funny.
I don't know how many people werereally discussing it was making the rounds,

(02:01:54):
but they were talking about stress bragging, about how people who constantly talk
about how busy they are makes otherpeople think you're an idiot, which I
don't understand. I mean, whensomebody's constantly it's the old George Costanza trick.
He's like, if I want peopleto leave me alone, I just

(02:02:15):
constantly look upset and busy, stressedout, you know, shaking his head.
He's got his head in his hands. People walk by his desk,
he looks like he's just at hiswits end, and they leave him alone.
But they were talking about, youknow, whether you work in an
office, wherever you work, there'salways somebody who wears their stress like it's

(02:02:36):
a badge of honor. At anygiven time, we've all verbalized how swamped
we are with stuff, right,But people who are constantly telling you how
busy they are, I guess they'velooked into this. They've done some kind
of psychological research. Now I don'tunderstand how they came to the conclusion that
other people think you're an idiot,but they were like, obviously the people

(02:03:01):
who they call it stress bragging,that was the term they coined that people
who are constantly complaining about it areless likely to receive help from coworkers.
And I'm like, you needed astudy to figure that out. Most people
don't want to help coworkers to beginwith, right, they're seen as less
competent and less likable by their colleagues. And I think because in everybody's brain,

(02:03:25):
you go, well, that's atime management issue, especially if you're
in a situation where other people whohave similar workloads in your office, I
would think are managing to get stuffdone because they go to, as everybody
goes, everybody's busy. But that'spatently false. Everybody defaults to, well,
everybody's busy, No, they're not. There are plenty of people who

(02:03:49):
are not busy at all. Theydon't have anything going on, they are
not busy. So confining it topeople who are busy, be careful if
you're one of those people, LikeI was telling you, Scott, we
will go how you doing. Theyjust want to hear great back or whatever.

(02:04:10):
They just want to hear a pleasantry. Most coworkers you probably don't consider
as friends. They're coworkers. They'recolleagues. You're not. You're not,
you know, unpeeling the layers afterwork, telling them me deep dark secrets.
They're like, hey, how's itgoing pretty good? I mean,
like people ask you, like well, doing comedy and radio, hanging out.

(02:04:34):
I stay busy, but it's notlike ruining my life. It's just
yeah, it's it's a schedule,and I stick to it most of the
time. And then when I geta weekend where I don't have to do
something, that's always nice. Butoverall it's not like I'm pulling my hair
like jokes again. Yeah, Ican't be. These are the lives we've

(02:04:55):
chosen. If you're busy, you'llgo, yeah, let's do what Sarah,
that'll be busy. What at nine? Where at Imposters Theater? Where's
that Ohio City in Cleveland, Ohio? Cleveland, Ohio. Wow? Bill
squire dot com for tickets. Wow, you're me busy? Laughing if the
showy? How you doing? Laugh? I was laughing the whole time,

(02:05:19):
laughing, laughing at I got afull I got a full plate of what
laughs laughs. I can't stop laughing. I'm so stressed. Laughing is supposed
to be a stress reliever, butI've been doing it so much. Oh
my god. I'll tell you theantithesis of somebody who's like constantly complaining about

(02:05:42):
how stressed and where they are.Our own Carmen Angelo down here at w
t A m oh yeah. He'salways got a quip for you too,
always put you in a good mood. You go, how are you?
Something as simple as how are you? He'll respond with, if I was
any better, i'd be twins,which you know, you know he's used

(02:06:03):
it a thousand times. Right,It doesn't make it any less good,
It doesn't make it any less appealingto hear. You know, if has
any better, I'd be twins.Or he'll go, I go, hey,
what's up man? He'll go,oh, bro, let me tell
you right, let me tell youbro, Let me tell you kid.

(02:06:24):
Yeah, because that's subliminal optimism.Then you want to go, well,
tell me tell me something real aboutit. Hang on, you don't want
to know, you know, lowreverse psychology, because the people who are
constantly complaining about being stressed out theywant you to inquire. But the point
is most people don't care because theygot their own stuff to Yeah, glad,

(02:06:48):
I'm not you just like the peoplethat are perennial like complainers, where
they just complain about everything, evenif everything's good. In They're like they're
going to find the thing that theycan be like, well, this is
this is the part of my lifeI don't like right now. Just like
they think that's what makes him interestingor they think that's what people want to
hear, or that's all they concentrateon, and that is so tedious,

(02:07:09):
so annoying. Mm hm, Like, let me tell you about this annoying
person. This really really annoying.Pretty good. I just go, oh
man, that's a bummer. Lateryou never want to hang out with him.
What are your thoughts on Simon Phillipsplaying in Toto Love Simon Phillips.

(02:07:30):
He's an open hand drummer. He'sambidextrous. He's open hand, but like
no sticks. He's just like,uh like no not no sticks. No.
Simon Phillips is a long time.It's it's like when I play,
I cross my hands. Okay,when I play the same he can do

(02:07:51):
it either side. Yeah, yeah, he can do it wherever he wants.
That's pretty good. It's you youreally I can't do it either side,
so right, I can't close myhands. I can't open my hands.
It's bad. Yeah, you kindof you can move however you need
to around the kit and it reallyI was watching a video with him a
couple of years ago and he waslike, I really had to many many

(02:08:16):
years ago. Really had to kindof rewire my brain to do it.
He's like, but it gives yousuch an amazing palette of ability to do.
And I love Simon Phillips. Justa good, hard working drummer.
I think he was in ac DCback in the day one of the They
were always having some kind of troublewith Phil Rudd and so they would have

(02:08:39):
Simon Phillips in there. I thinkhe went on tour with Judas Priest.
He's mostly a session guy. They'dbe like, get me Simon Phillips.
But he was with Toto for quitea while, but he would go out
with Tears for Fears. When TheWho reunited in the late eighties, he
drummed for Keith Moon and he's fantastic. Love Simon Phillips. He's definitely underrated.

(02:09:05):
When people mention drummers that the judgeson the bench is what the live
update says, just a lot oftime to work out. It's gotta get
a pump. It looks he wantsto be a bulging through that robe.
Yep, we finished watching The Jinks. Did you ever watch the Jinks?

(02:09:28):
I watched the first one, watchingthe Jinks to Electric Bugle. Well,
it was basically it was kind ofthe what happened since the end of the
first one, because at the endof that first one he pretty much cops
to the whole thing on a hehas a love mic on him in a

(02:09:48):
men's room, but he doesn't,you know. It's something out of a
out of a Naked gun movie.And so the Jinx too, is kind
of everything that comes after that.And so it's it's compiling you know,
calls from prison and friends of histestifying and things like that. So it's
it's interesting if you if you careat all about that Robert Durst story,

(02:10:09):
people who it's like he got outof it, right, he's still uh
no, he was finally convicted andthen I think he died a couple of
weeks later. Okay, so henever did serious time, but I mean
he was I think in his lateseventies when he finally got convicted of murder.
I'll be all right without watching thatone. I did start the Lollapalooza
one though, and that's pretty good. It's really good. Yeah, it's

(02:10:31):
only three parts. Yeah, Imade it put there through the first episode.
I'll probably finish the other episodes tomorrow. YEP. But very very cool
and like you said, young TrentReznor, Nina Snails not really knowing what
they're doing, their tape machine melting. Yeah, it's like they look like

(02:10:52):
babies. There's thirty years ago.We don't know what to do about that.
Iced Tea and body Count YEP.I'm playing new body Count on two
hours to midnight Saturday. They've gota brand new song called Psychopath iced t
and body Count, brand new music. Looking forward to Living Color, just
being like a tentpole of it.Living Color, Yeah, is they wanted
very l they wanted Primus, andPrimus wouldn't do Lollapalooza, so they put

(02:11:16):
Living Color in there and that wasvery They had just come off the Stones
tour and it was very beneficial tothem. Congratulations to our bureau cheese in
the great state of Utah. Bythe way, they've just been named the
best state in the Union by USNews and World Report using a variety of

(02:11:37):
metrics, mostly I have I've beento Salt Lake City. All right,
Well, you need to get becauseI haven't been into the stick. So
yeah, well, like when youget out to like the national parks,
like National Park is incredible. Idid the most beautiful places on the planet.
I did lay on the Great SaltLake. You literally can lie right
on the top because it's so thick. Yes, where's Ohio on this list?

(02:12:01):
I mean there are fifty states.We've got to be in the top
fifty overall. I'm still scrolling.Oh Ohio is number thirty six. All
right, well, what are yougonna do? What is the worst state
in the Union according to these guys, I mean we're in the bottom half.

(02:12:22):
It's probably Louisiana or Mississippi or somethinglike that. Louisiana, Yes,
number fifty in best states overall.Louisiana keeps shooting itself in the foot when
it comes to everything they could possiblydo to improve the lives of their citizens.
They have a criminally high infant mortalityrate. In their education rates,

(02:12:43):
their literacy, it's just awful.Reading the verdict. Now, reading the
verdict now, I mean I don'thave obviously any live audio, but Trump
found guilty. Yeah, yeah,Manhattan jury has found Donald Trump guilty of
falsifying business records. They kept callingit a hush money trial, which I
hated because it is an election interferencetrial. Faces of thirty four counts of

(02:13:07):
falsifying Jerry's verdicts is being read incourt. Donald Trump is the first president
in US history to be convicted ofa felony. Well, there you go.
I mean, the guy's not gonnado any jail time. They're not
gonna put this guy in jail.But I'm curious what the penalty for that
will be. Yeah, they're justreading them right down. Count one,
guilty, count two, guilty,count three, guilty count way, yeah,

(02:13:28):
thirty four right, Yeah, prosecution'scase was pretty strong. Boy.
Oh there's the only way around that. All right, all right, let's
see if these guys outside the courthouseare men of their word and they're gonna
storm in there tear it down.Oh god, I saw a mega group
like yelling at this British couple thatwas just walking by the courtroom. They're

(02:13:48):
like if the queen, this lady'slike, these people are just terrible and
disgusting. What's happening here? Wecame by to see some they're like just
walking down this read in New Yorkand uh yeah, hell meth heroin cocaine

(02:14:20):
and sentive math, heroin cocaine andfentanyl, meth heroin cocaine and fentanyl,
meth heroin cocaine and sentinal cocaine cocaine. I was reading a thing about some

(02:14:52):
drug that's making its way through abunch of states that is really contributing to
mass overdoses. There seeing another waybecause it's being mixed with fentanyl. Remember
when fentanyl was the new kid onthe block, that was the one that
everyways freaked out about. Now there'ssomething that is it's like an animal tranquilizer.
People can never get high enough.Or I know it's more than people

(02:15:15):
who are selling it looking to cutit with cheap stuff. But like Ohio,
Pennsylvania, Illinois, all these statesare seeing like a massive uptick in
overdoses because of this stuff that's beingcut into drugs. It sounds more like
it might be in the crocodile family, like you get huge boils on your
skin and stuff like that, andreally nasty stuff they ask I don't know

(02:15:41):
about that. It's mostly been stuffon the inside. I haven't seen anything
on the outside. But obviously hislawyer stands up and immediately files an emotion,
files a motion for an acquittal,and the judge goes nope, because
I think before the jury went backto deliberate a couple of days ago,

(02:16:01):
you know, your defense attorney standsup and says, they want to file
emotion for a mistrial or something likethat. And if only one person had
not been able to, you know, reach unanimity with all the other jurors,
obviously that would have been a mistrialor a hung jury. But I

(02:16:22):
don't think anybody was looking for thatto happen. It looked pretty black and
white the case that was laid out, so Trump not shockingly at all,
the first president in US history tobe convicted of a felony. It's all
just gross, and it's all justso unfortunate. I mean, it's just

(02:16:48):
that's the understatement of the century.But it's you know, and you always
think of how these in any criminalcase, the attorneys who walk out with
the losing client, their client loses. You got to walk out with these
people, and they still got toget paid, you know what I mean?

(02:17:11):
In any case, well civil orcriminal. You know, in any
case like that, you know,you're like, well, we we tried
to mount the best case we possiblycould. Obviously, the bird of proof
is on the prosecution. The defensedoesn't have to do anything. The jury
has to deliberate as to whether ornot the prosecution laid out their case beyond

(02:17:33):
a shadow of doubt. Defense doesn'thave to do anything. They can cross
examine witnesses, things like that,but there's nothing that they really need to
do. They could have put himon the stand he said, of course
he wanted to do that. Ofcourse we all know he did not want
to do that. Definitely did notwant that. No, And well,
I don't think they care either way, you know what I mean, Like,
when it comes down to it,he's their client, and they could

(02:17:54):
recommend he not do that. I'msure they were telling him what he wanted
to hear. Maybe I don't.No, I don't know anything about the
inner goings on there. But theevidence that was laid forth seem pretty irrefutable.
But again, you never know howthese things are going to go.
You don't know. And it didn'tseem impossible that there would have been one

(02:18:22):
Donald Trump's sympathizer on the jury,one person who come hell or high water,
would have voted to a quit.Now. I don't know what happened
in that jury room. There mighthave been somebody like that in there.
There might have been somebody who hadto be turned around, you know,
during the course of this whole andhe's got multiple other cases that he still
has to contend with. You know, they do these constant polls because pollsters

(02:18:43):
need things to do, and they'realways crowing about independent voters. I don't
know what the hell that means.I can't imagine somebody who hasn't planted their
flag by now, one way orthe other. But okay, people like
to think about well people like tothink. I think people like to think
of themselves as independent voters in theway that they go, well, nobody's

(02:19:05):
going to tell me what to think, you know, okay, but facts
can actually, you know, swayyou. And so the one of the
statistics that was pretty consistent was thatindependent voters said that the outcome of this
trial would absolutely sway them in adirection away from him. Now that doesn't
mean toward Joe Biden, just meansaway from Trump. So who knows,

(02:19:28):
but it's not going to sway anyoneelse. You could maybe buy even though
I don't really you could maybe buythat an independent voter would really be looking
at this and going, well,now I'm going to have to really think
about this guy. Kick the tiresa little bit harder on this. But

(02:19:50):
there's nobody who's going to be swayedotherwise on either side. Right, it's
not going to matter a whit toTrump fans, makes them love him more,
right, And it ain't gonna matterto Biden fans because whatever anyone but
Trump, it's not. Yeah,it's got nothing to do with him.

(02:20:11):
So yeah, I don't know.Tonight will be an interesting night to watch
cable news, though, I think, Elan, are you still allowed to
run for president if you have afelony? You are? There are a
lot of things, and that's kindof what's so frustrating in the current state
of you know, there's a lotof people frustrated with the Supreme Court,

(02:20:33):
which is unequivocally been corrupted to somedegree on the right. The majority of
that court has conflicts of interest thatboggle the mind. But there are a
lot of things not only in ourconstitution, but in the way that the

(02:20:54):
government and the branches of government arerun. There are so many things that
aren't explicitly laid out. And that'swhat Trump has been so adept at,
exploiting things that just aren't specifically laidout. And there's been a number of
occasions where he's had to hang hishopes on one or more of those things.

(02:21:20):
Despite being a moron and a traderand now a convicted felon and all
that stuff. It's a lot ofWell, it's like when you're a kid,
you go, well, you didn'tsay I couldn't do that, even
though you know it's something that you'renot supposed to do, Like when you
were sitting in a car with asibling and they'd be like, hey,
he's touching me right, you know, No, I'm not touch it,

(02:21:46):
but you are aggravating. Yeah.So the people who support Donald Trump would
vote for him if he were injail. I cannot see them giving him
actual jail time. But I don'tknow. I don't know anything about it,
and so you know, I don'tknow, but it is interesting.

(02:22:11):
Obviously, there were a lot ofpeople who were nervous that his unbelievable.
I mean, electorally, his losingstreak is pretty unbroken. But in everything
else, the guy who's dancing betweenthe rain drops. So I know there
are a lot of people that werepleased to see this verdict. So yeah,

(02:22:35):
there's a lot of questions that theelectorate has. There's a lot of
questions about I mean again, peoplehave made up their mind as to which
way they think this country should berun. And it's not a both sides
thing. We're so far beyond thatthat when you hear somebody try to both
sides something, you laugh at them. Now, for a while we were

(02:22:56):
kind of in uncharted territory. Butnow when people do the whole both sides
thing, they're laughed at, they'remocked, and rightfully so, because it's
so not a both sides thing.Very clear, it's not a both sides
thing. How can you own agun if you're a felon? But can't?

(02:23:16):
How wait, you can't own agun if you're a fellon, but
you can run a president? Youneed a gun to a president? Well
you might now I don't know.But otto Wah is the capital city of
Canada. Otto Wah cool? Please, what a good city. Otto Wah

(02:23:48):
got a very good quality life,it rebutted who lives in otto Wah is
very happy to be living in wa. You gotta supreme corn, you gotta
Parla Matill. You got a bunchof the good stuff in Atto. Wah,

(02:24:11):
Yeah, yeah, I was readinga thing this morning. I got
breaking news. Trump said the thewhole trial was rigged. That can't be
right. So it is rigged anddisgraceful. So like what okay, I

(02:24:33):
mean this guy's Ottawa sounds pretty good. He should go up there, Alan.
Where was the trial the most fast? You are the most devious bast
city. I bet he's never watchedthat show. Oh, I love it
anyway you think it would go theother way? You know from you hear

(02:24:56):
people talking about I'm moving to Canada. We have not had as many Canadian
immigrants moving to the US in along time. They are massive numbers of
Canada Canadians rather moving to the UnitedStates. There's been a seventy percent spike
in the last decade and the reasonsare pretty amazing because they're the very same
things that we think about down here, which goes to show you, no

(02:25:22):
matter where you're living, everybody's gotproblems with something. The United States,
obviously is the country where most Canadianimmigrants head, and they their complaints range
from a frustrating healthcare system right gotsocialized medicine up there. I guess they

(02:25:46):
wanted to trade a frustrating one foran utterly broken one. So, okay,
welcome to the US crime. Canadiancrime, I mean Toronto is you
know, that's their New York.And so a couple of Canadians in particular
talked about moving to Florida. Andthere are a lot of people. It's

(02:26:09):
so strange right now because the patternsaren't necessarily what you would think they would
if you kind of keep your earto the ground in this stuff. Is
that we're getting a lot of Canadianimmigration and a lot of people who moved
to Florida during the pandemic. Thebloom is off the roads with that,
and they're heading back because they're like, it's the wild West down here.

(02:26:31):
It's getting really expensive. You know, Florida really prides itself on all things
freedom, unless you want to reada book or have a drag lunch or
anything like that, unless you wantto say gay and school things like that.
Yeah, you can't ask for anicer setting. Months into the pandemic,
Dennis Cole sold his Connecticut home andlike hundreds of thousands of Americans headed

(02:26:52):
to Florida, many drawn by thestate's lower taxes and sunny skies. It's
not the panacea that I have inmy head. But now he's preparing to
put his Florida house on the marketand move back north. We have political
issues in Florida that are just ugly. We have costs skyrocketing. Florida has

(02:27:13):
been among the fastest growing states inthe nation since the start of the pandemic.
In twenty twenty two alone, morethan seven hundred thousand people moved there,
but at the same time, nearlyfive hundred thousand left, the largest
number since the Great Recession. Wespoke with dozens of former Florida residents who
have recently left the state. Amongthe reasons they gave a soaring cost of

(02:27:35):
living. Florida has had one ofthe nation's highest rates of inflation. Last
year, car insurance was up twentyfour percent and homeowners insurance jumped forty two
percent. And this is kind ofthe whole thing that surprises me is that,
no, it's not stopping people fromgoing to Florida, even though there
are more and more people like theirinsurance companies pulling out of the entire state.
We're like, we're not going toinsure people's homes anymore. So I

(02:27:58):
have fun, but it's fun tovisit that people are like, I get
the hell out of here. Imean every time we go to Florida,
guess what. Spoiler alert, wehave a great time, have a great
time. It's to go on toTexas. You have a great time,
good place to visit. You're like, yeah, I get it a lot
of fun, but yeah, Idon't know. Big parts of that place

(02:28:22):
are gonna be underwater pretty soon too. So that guy wants to get the
hell out of there and go backto Connecticut. And you understand where he's
coming from. He's like, heyman, Connecticut, I'm tired of the
winners. I'm over it. ButFlorida not for him. Alan, I'm

(02:28:48):
a concerned Canadian. We are scaredwell about what Justin Trudeau. You know,
it wasn't that long ago. Youguys thought he was super hot and
he was the greatest thing since slicedbread. That Justin Trudeau time makes fools
of us all, it really does. Yeah, you can't wait around for

(02:29:11):
that. I was, you know. Tristan Thompson plays for your Cleveland Cavaliers,
and I always forget that. Ihave to be reminded that the guys
on the team. And I've onlybeen half joking when I've asked that there
have been Chloe Kardashian sightings because theydo have kids, and she was at

(02:29:33):
some of the games. Was thatsome of the games? She was at
the game you were at? Yeah? You, Oh that wasn't your picture.
But well, she says that she'sexhausted. She really wishes that he
was around more because it's exhausting takingcare of their children without a live in

(02:29:56):
nanny. And my question is,why doesn't they nanny? Yeah, maybe
she wants to do the mom thing. There's nothing wrong with that. Everybody
assumes because you're rich, you've gota nanny. Most of them do,
probably, and you do have accessto that. Obviously that is an option
for you. But there's a lotof them are like, I want to
raise my own kids, and youknow, she has. It's not like

(02:30:20):
she's got six of them. She'sgot two kids, and she I think
they have two little girls, andshe does not have a live in nanny,
and she's like, I wish hewas around more because when he's gone
quote unquote for work. She's like, it's the off season. What are
you doing? I've got speaking engagements. What do these guys do in the

(02:30:43):
off season? I mean train,train, But also, but he ain't
here in Cleveland. No, he'sprobably out in La Yeah. Oh,
he's probably around more during the offseason. This is why I thought it
was a strange thing for her tobe talking about. Now, well,
maybe he's out, uh doing otherthings. Oh boy, I don't know,

(02:31:05):
though, I don't know. It'shard for me to leave my children
and I don't have another parent tostay with them. She couldn't go to
Paris Fashion Week because she's like,what if something happens here in California while
I'm in Paris? How do youjust take the kids to fashion week?
Kids love fashion? Yeah, butyou all said they're little kids, right

(02:31:26):
like you don't you if you're gonnago to that, you want to party
and you want to have fun.You don't want to be encumbered in that
way. I remember when Gwen andI traveled overseas when our daughter was it
overseas. I don't know where itmight have been. It was either we
traveled, okay, we had toget on a plane and go somewhere when

(02:31:46):
our daughter was like six months oldand she stayed with her grandmother or you
know, but I was like,wow, we uh, nothing happened.
But in your brain, you go, what if something happens when I'm gone.
So Chloe Kardashian, maybe there willbe more sightings of her in Cleveland.
Maybe she'll go I can't I can'thandle this. Well, I gotta

(02:32:11):
get back to the land. Itis the land. I don't believe he's
on the team in the upcoming seasonlike I think he was on. Oh
really yeah, Oh, then what'shis excuse? I don't know. He's
trying to get and go back toSacramento. I don't know where he's gonna
end up. I don't know whyhe's not hanging out as kids. All

(02:32:33):
right, Well I don't know either. That's their business, but it is,
you know, you see it allthe time. It's a cliche at
this point. Celebrities are just likeus. Just like us. You don't
have a live in nanny. No, I don't have a live in nanny,

(02:32:56):
and neither does she. Yeah,he just on a one year contract,
so he might may or not mayor may not be back next year.
But my guess is he will probablynot be back. One person texted
me that he does train in theoff season, but with females only.

(02:33:16):
I mean, I don't want tolike it. Allegedly, I can't.
I don't. I can't tell talesout of school. That's not my place.
He's not they're not together romantically.They're just trying to raise kids together.
So I feel like you could bea dad during the day and be
a dog during the night. Oh, maybe the sun's going down. I
gotta get out of here. Yeah, oh, boys becoming mad. That's

(02:33:43):
right. Well, we just tookour eight month old to Portugal for two
weeks. She had such a goodtime. I remember it forever. Yeah.
I was gonna say, how doyou know if you're eight month old
had a good time. You fedher and changed her and didn't drop her
on her head. It was atotal success. Buzzman Bud Cleveland call the

(02:34:11):
Alix Stock Show. Thanks for turningme on and allowing me to spend this
time with you. I hope Ican turn you one two one, six,
five seven eight one double oh sevenor one eight hundred three four eight
one double o seven? Where's brokemy heart? And wallbreens, and I

(02:34:31):
cried all the way to Seers.I tell you I had heard this patching
d her in your twenty years.If i'll just lack of you to kick
me right between my ears when shebroke my heart and Walgreens and I cried
all the way to Seers. Therewas time when I believe that she belonged

(02:34:52):
to me. She told me thatI was only one she had ever heard
the That was before the truck hergame and took her for a round down.
And then I can do, thekeeper says fast. I didn't know
what was going on, but Anew there was something wrong. Suddenly she'd

(02:35:15):
get a headache service time we werealone. When she finally told me,
we were down down at the mall, and it hit me lack a ton
of bricks, and I toold forsure a pole will reads, and I
cried, I like to hear thissong. I mean, I know malls
are considered kind of a dead thing, but they are rebounding a little bit.

(02:35:37):
People are becoming more kind of upsetwith state of retail and things outside
of brick and mortar. But I'dlove to hear someone reboot this song with
more modern mall stores. You know, she broke my heart and she broke
my Spencers and Spencers went to HotTop. Yeah, I cried all the

(02:36:01):
way to Forever twenty one. Idon't know, Thanks Alen, Now,
I had that stupid Ottawa song stuckin my head. I'm just trying to
tell you about how great the Canadiancapital is. Atta give me a heart,
the capital city of Canada. Nothingsaying that you can't be entertained.
And in the form cool place,it's cool places, what a good city,

(02:36:30):
attu wah gotta very good quality oflife? It rebutted who lives in
Ottowa is very happy to be livingin otto Wah, You ganda Supreme Court,
You Ganta Parla mettill, you gotta bunch of all the goods stuff.

(02:36:52):
Now, he doesn't know that everybodywho lives there is very happy to
be living there. He doesn't knowthat for a fact, right had Salmon
Jerky's coming back up on me,they might not have the means to leave
Ottawa. Doesn't necessarily mean that they'rehappy to living there. Just because you
know, when I was growing up, I've mentioned that my mom's family are

(02:37:16):
rural people, and so when wewould visit extended family, you know,
once a year or so. Theywere literally small town farmer people, and
so we would go downstate and seefamily in towns like Streeter. My maternal

(02:37:37):
grandmother was born in a town calledLeonore, Illinois, and we had family
in Ottawa, Illinois. And letme tell you something. That song could
not double as a pump up songfor Ottawa, Illinois Ottawa, Canada.
Sure, but if I had to, just from childhood memory, write a

(02:38:01):
song about Ottawa, Illinois, smalltown, uh, you know, the
mighty Mississippi isn't that far away.Fox River and the Illinois River converged there.
But other than that, I don'tknow what the hell they got going
on there. Now we're talking fortyyears later. They probably gotta I don't

(02:38:26):
know, they might have a theymight have a I'm sure they got a
subway. I'm sure they got aI don't know what they got, but
they used to have a blimpy anda quiz nos. Yeah, they got
a pepper bar. Yeah. Now, I remember when I was a kid
my dad, cause we'd go downthere as my mom's family. But we
go down there and my dad waslooking for stuff for to do with us.

(02:38:52):
My sister hadn't been born yet,so it's me and my two brothers.
And we'd be in Ottawa and therewas a town about twenty minutes away
called Sandwich, Illinois, and everyyear they had a thing called Sandwich Days
and they had a movie theater.And again these are all towns of like
five, six, seven thousand people. They have a couple things going on.

(02:39:16):
And we went to Sandwich Days andI was probably eight or nine,
and they were giving helicopter rides.Now, I don't know if that's anything
that anybody would do. Now,I can't imagine a place, you know,
that you didn't pay forty five dollarsto would be giving helicopter rides.

(02:39:37):
But you could buy a ticket.And there was just like a local dude
who had a Huey or something.Let's go. Yeah, he's taking people
up in helicopters. And so mydad took me because I was the oldest,
and my middle brother we were onlyfifteen months apart, so we all
three of us went up in ahelicopter. They should come with a term
for that, yeah, like twinsof some sort, but like based on

(02:40:07):
your ethnicity, Irish twins. No, it's dumb. Never mind, you
know the idea. As soon asI said it out loud, that sounded
dumb. Oh that is the thingis an Irish twins because you're born so
yeah, so close together. Yeah, fifteen months apart. But yeah,
Sandwich, Illinois. And speaking ofIllinois, Uh, do you see that

(02:40:31):
the Chicago Bears are going to befeatured on Hard Knocks? Hard Knocks?
I'm excited that. I just sawtheir tweet last hour, Yeah about it
coming to Max. No, that'sexciting. I love Hard Knocks and I
think Bears are gonna be an interestingteam to follow because of you know,
they got rid of Justin Fields,and they got this new rookie what's his

(02:40:52):
face to Caleb Williams, and theytraded for a bunch of wide receivers.
It's gonna be uh interesting to seehow they all jeled together. Yeah.
I love Hard Knocks. It isa good show. Have they done the
Browns? Yeah? Did the Brownsa few years ago? It's probably twenty
eighteen. I think it was thisseason that they drafted Baker. Okay,

(02:41:16):
so it was still when Hugh Jacksonwas still here and Baker was a rookie
and Tyrod Taylor was the guy thatwas gonna be the quarterback. And there's
the guy, the big guy withthe big gut to go and he's like
big gut would jump up. Whois that Wiley? I think that was

(02:41:39):
a while ago, yeah, twentyeighteen. So yeah, okay, in
a minute, brown, let mesee that Browns coach. Yeah, I'm
looking forward to that. That'll becool. I think I've only watched that
show once before, and I don'tremember Bob Wiley. Okay, have you

(02:42:01):
seen that video with him? Huh? You remember that video? Right?
Oh? Yeah, yeah, that'sa good one. Allan, Ottawa,
Illinois is nowhere near the Mississippi.Okay, I was nine. What do
you want? I mean, likethe Fox River feeds into the Mississippi,
right, one of those goes throughI think the Fox River goes through Ottawa
something that. But yeah, listen, once I got out of the city,

(02:42:22):
man, I was lost. Sowe'd go down and talk to my
We didn't have cousins, you know, because we didn't know my dad's family.
And my mom had one brother andhe never had kids. So like
our second cousins, I guess thesewould be the kids that we would see
when we go down there. Theywere nice enough, but they were so

(02:42:43):
uh well they were church going folk, right, So, I mean these
kids were nice, but there wasjust no mojo at all, Like we
hadn't even as little kids, like, had nothing in common, nothing to
you know, we'd play or whateverand you know, run around whatever you
do. We're just trying to saythose kids were too nerdy to play with

(02:43:07):
you. No, I was anerd too. I just there was you
know, different, two completely differentkinds of upbringings. And you know,
we were going to church. Wewere all getting raised Catholic. But al
when I was in high school,I went with a friend to visit his
grandparents in Benton, Illinois. Thebig news was that a a Walmart had

(02:43:28):
opened forty miles away. Well,yeah, that's when you got in the
car and you went all the wayto get to the Walmart. I mean,
you're almost in Kentucky if you're inBenton, Illinois. Ohio State Fair
last year had two helicopters for rides. They were flying NonStop. Yeah.

(02:43:50):
I wonder if you had to buya ticket, right, they probably charge
you for that if they're not anywhere. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Like this guy. It's really expensiveif you get life late, right,
those parachutes are extra. No,we didn't. We didn't have to pay
anything. You just stood in line. And then, as I recall,
there wasn't a huge line. Sowe're like, hey, when are you

(02:44:13):
going up next? That? Takeit right now? Okay, cool,
we'll get on there. We weren'tpeople of means. We weren't shelling out
big bucks for helicopter tickets. That'swhy I love these stories, you know.
And everybody's mocking these billionaires that arejust hell bent on proving that they
can go way underwater and not die. That's the that's the level now,

(02:44:37):
right, Remember that's that that thing, that ocean gate thing that imploded on
itself like a tin can. Nowa year later there's another billionaire. It
was like, ah, but nowwe got to figure it out. Well,
But that company in particular was theworst possible example of this too.
There are a lot of companies doingthis safely. This guy that everybody's talking

(02:44:58):
about is from Ohio. He's aDayton billionaire. There's two words I never
thought, yeah, right in conjunctionwith each other. Right, he's a
real estate investor and he and theco founder of Triton Submarines are going to
go thirteen thousand feet to the Titanicin a two person submersible that's almost three

(02:45:22):
miles underwater. And these guys arelike, I want to show people that.
You want to show them what?Go feed some people? Only you
can afford this, Yes, well, and that's why the University of Dayton
is kind of freaking out. MixFlint's water, right you. Dayton is
kind of freaking out because apparently thisdude is a massive donor. So like

(02:45:45):
if this guy died, if hedidn't have something set up for like their
whole nil endowment is from this guy. But yeah, these people that are
like, I'm going to show that, Like, dude, nobody cares.
It's your money, do what youwant to with it. But like who
you trying to impress? Yeah,it would be cool, I guess to

(02:46:07):
get down and see the Titanic.But that's where that other submersible was headed.
It was headed to the Titanic sitewhen it just imploded on itself.
And anybody who knew anything at thetime about that company and it's practiced,
the CEO is on it. Hedied, some guy and his kid.

(02:46:28):
So anybody who knew anything about thatOcean Gate company was like, this is
not a well run thing. Youknow, it was a tragedy of course,
but I don't know that there werea lot of people that are in
that business that were surprised. Yeah, it's a ticking time bomb. Yeah,
so I have to think that thisbillionaire is doing this so that investment

(02:46:50):
in this kind of stuff is somethingthat he can take advantage of and eventually
make money. There's otherwise, there'sno altruism to this. This is something
that only rich people could afford.It's not like helicopter rides at Sandwich Day,
but at the very least, likegive us Jurassic Park, Like if

(02:47:11):
you're gonna waste all your money onsomething like, I mean, I want
velociraptors running around. I want somethingmore interesting than just more people going to
see the Titanic, right, Likewe've got documentaries about it. It's it
can't be that exciting. Jim Camerondid it? Yeah, man, It's
just I can't. It's it's happenedso long ago. It's pretty much like

(02:47:37):
blending in with the ocean at thispoint, Like there's not much to see,
so I don't know why there's obsessedwith like, oh, we can
go deeper and deeper in the water. We'll look at the Titanic again.
Right, there's not no other boatcrashes you can go look at and what
and just pardon my ignorance, isthe Titanic? Is that off the coast
of Nova Scotia? Where is theTitanic? Man? I don't no,

(02:48:00):
It's in the Atlantic Ocean. It'swherever leon Leonard Leonardo DiCaprio's body is the
wreck of the Titanic Jack three andseventy five nautical miles southeast of Newfoundland.
What's a nautical mile? Why isthat different than a regular mile? I
don't know. Yeah, right,it's like a league, right, A

(02:48:22):
league is a is a measure oflength. I believe nautical three seventy nautical
miles six ninety kilometers. I don'tknow who. I don't know. Does
it just means it's on water?Well, yeah, I mean nautical miles
are used to measure the distance travelthrough the water. It's slightly longer than
a mile on land. Okay,I guess because the I don't know earth

(02:48:48):
curves, I don't know. Idon't know all right, I'll tell you
I don't know good because I alsodon't know. Hey, you tell us
to not expect much from you,so why do you expect much from us?
Can't be just drop a word namename words, antithesis? What does
that even mean? Like? Breakit down? Break it down? I'm

(02:49:13):
sorry? Did I say antithesis?I'm sure you've said Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't think that's the craziest wordyou've ever used. It's just too
like something that is the exact oppositeof saying I think I use it in
conjunction with our buddy Carmen Angelo.Carnon Angelo is the antithesis of a person

(02:49:33):
who constantly complains about how busy theyare. Right, because so that's I'm
sorry. I could have said opposite, Yes, opposite. There you go.
Hey, but look at that.Now, this guy, if he's
still listening, may have learned aword. Hey, go home and whip
out antithesis. I don't even needthe app that I'm using, because you

(02:49:54):
learn something today. Yeah, althoughI'm gonn learn about Isaac Newton in a
little bit excity for that, Alan, the Osprey is the most thrilling ride
I've had. You've seen those ofthe tilt rotor aircraft osprey where the blades
go. That's awesome. We hada sea bag almost fall out because you

(02:50:16):
fly at a thirty five degree angleso the gunner can aim down. I
wonder if that's a euphemism, asea bag Poseidon's definitely saw some sea bags.
Yeah, yeah, it was nota sea cup. It was bad

(02:50:37):
sea bags. Yeah. Well,there's a little something for everybody out there.
Geneva on the lake ry Yeah yeah. Anyway, aren't you out at
before I go to the break?You're out? That's not tonight, No,
that's on Saturday, Saturday. ImpostersTheater on Saturday and then uh yeah,

(02:51:01):
that'll be fun. You know.Bridget's in here again tomorrow, Yeah,
because Mary's out. Bridget Lynton fromthe Cleveland Browns, I'm going to
be in here again tomorrow. It'stwo weeks in a row. She hung
out. She's fresh off that MissOhio thing we were talking about last time,
right, she wasn't here Friday,though she was here, was on

(02:51:22):
a Thursday, because Friday she wason her way to that Miss Ohio pageant
in Portsmouth. Then it would havebeen last Thursday. Yeah, yeah,
and then Mary was here Friday becauseMary saw the Vive with Ian back where
we had a guest. It wasa lot of fun. It was exciting
to perform that for with Ian bagWell, I played. A couple of

(02:51:46):
people left me messages and I triedto email them from the app, but
it wasn't working. On one ofthe sum of shows, while I was
in Florida, I aired our MarkMayron interview from a couple of years ago,
and a couple of different people werelike, who is that comedian?
Really really funny? But I didn'tknow who it was because insane, and
I was like, I had togo back and look, and it was

(02:52:07):
Mark Maron, who was just herea couple of weeks ago. He didn't
do the show is beginning of me? Yeah, yeah, but somebody texted
me a list of words that Imade them google. Oh, let's go
through. Lugubrious, all right,deatonte m hm do you call it okay?

(02:52:31):
Kloying, recrimination, anathema, conflagration, hectoring, lascivious potato? I
probably said potato, but you know, melifluous, pablum, Hobson's choice,

(02:52:56):
effluvium like aanthropy uh cowl effusive,magisterial, solipsistic, and bifer Kate.
Well, they kept a list.That's great. I love that they're keeping
that list, he said semi quarterly. Uh he or she said that.

(02:53:20):
Wow, it's a good list,I guess. So. Yeah, like
aanthropy is a great word. Youknow what that means? No, were
wolves? Were wolf is a lichanthrope, right, oh okay, and so
the whole like aanthropy is the thesomeone suffers from the belief that they are

(02:53:41):
turning into a wolf or that theyhave been a were wolf. I just
love that word. It's a greatword. Remember the Underworld movies with the
Lichens. Yet I never heard whatis it likelycanthropy? Like I don't know
what the Latin of that is.I'm sure it means wolf for something,
but that's the word. Just soundscool anyway. But I think werewolf still

(02:54:07):
sounds cooler. Yeah, were wolf? They're wolf? When wolf? When
wolf? How wolf? Werewolf?Bar mitz? Fuck? Spooky scary boys
becoming men, men becoming Ye letme play werewolf bar Mitz before and then

(02:54:30):
I'll go to break my quid tothe city of Gary, Indiana. Look
at this and my goal Reckon fromthat novelty party songs Becoming Men. Well,
I'm going now, yeah, hewas real skinny in those early seasons

(02:54:54):
boys becoming men. By the way, Donald Trump blames the whole thing on
Joe Biden. Okay, that makessense. He says, I'm a very
innocent man, very innocent. He'sa very innocent man. Normally, with
innocent, it doesn't need a modifiers. If there know what, he's ever

(02:55:16):
been more innocent than me. Ofcourse, all of the usual suspects in
the Maga verse are screaming all kindsof nonsense. The governor of Texas,
same guy who's begging Joe Biden forfederal assistance for storms down there. And

(02:55:37):
now I must leave you as theBrady bunch is on and I find four
of those children incredibly arousing. Getout of here. Be careful of what
you say, Be careful in everyway, Be careful of what you do.
Big Brother is watching you. Bespectand discreet, Stay light on your

(02:56:03):
mental feet. One slip and youknow you're through. Big Brother is watching
you. And on with our narratives. Remember ovidios paid, and when you
watch that Davy screens, remember itworks both ways. You disappear in a

(02:56:28):
wink. Unless you can double thinkyou'll vanish into the blue. Big brother
is watching you.
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