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May 28, 2024 175 mins
The Alan Cox Show
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(00:01):
The Federal Communications Commission has determined thefollowing contest to be emotionally harmful. Funny
things that you thinks funny aren't funny? Do me Cox all the time?
What Cox? Allan Cox show?Picks ash Man, welcome, show me
what you Yeah? I can seea lot of cocks on TV. Allen
Cox and the Allen COXO. Idon't know what's about you, but I

(00:24):
can't stand thank you, So itdon't be a cry. So let's take
it Coe ticket and you'll get eightwith a nasty group. Okay, what
three kicks? Tick it? Comedamn cook you one time ticket? What
Allen Cox? Here we go,he'll add, trying it's the Allen Cox

(00:45):
Show on one hundred point seven doubleU M m as. Oh, hey,

(01:11):
what's going on? Gang? Goodafternoon out age? Oh it's Tuesday
already, fantastic. Hey, myname's Alan Cox. Thanks for being here.
You just heard it, but I'llsay it again. Say hi to
Bill Squire, he's here too.Creepy hoods. Mary Santora is swinging in

(01:33):
on a chandelier to get into herstudio there in midtown Manhattan. I don't
think makes sense in the city againstall odds, yep, dude. I
get on the train and they're like, hey, everything's delayed. We sat
there for like fifteen minutes for themain announcement. They're like, yeah,
fifteen minutes before the announcement everything isdelay. And they're like, everything's delayed.

(01:55):
There's a signal issue at the firststop into Manhattan. So they're like,
we're not going to to Manhattan.All right, we don't know when
we're gonna get moving. But ourlast stop is it's called Queensborough Plaza.
That's the last one in queens allright. I got it. Cool.
So we get there to the QueensboroughPlaza. I get off to get on
a different train, and then thetrain I was on took off to go

(02:15):
to Manhattan, and I turned aroundafter off. After I got off,
How was that? Because like halfthe people got off. I was gonna
say, didn't everybody get off?Most people got off, but then some
people stayed on, and I'm like, hey, they wanted to announcement.
They wanted to see what was gonnahappen. When I just kept going,
just went right into Manhattan, Iwas like, what the heck is that,
dude? And so now I'm standingthere and I'm like, well,

(02:37):
I can take this seven train,which I was gonna take anyway, but
it lands lands. It stops thirteenblocks from the station, which would have
been a little bit of a hike, you know, fifteen twenty minutes.
And so I'm standing there and I'mlike, well, now what Because then
they have little screens that say likenext N or W train, which is
the one I need to take twentyfour minutes. I'm like, well,
I'm just gonna it'll be the sametime either way. I'll just take the

(02:59):
seven. And then another end pullsup right behind it, empty, completely
empty, nobody on it. AndI was like, I asked the guy.
I was like, is this onegoing to fifty seventh Street? And
he was like yeah. I waslike, why isn't everybody on it?
He's like, I don't know,what do you want from me? Why
do what you're asking me? Whypeople aren't on the train? Because I'm
like, lady, I don't know. If nobody's on it, that's very

(03:21):
suspicion. Did everyone get murdered?So then I ended up being fine.
I ended up getting here with youknow, fifteen minutes to spare, ten
minutes to spare when I was originallylike, dang man, this train,
this seven train, I'm gonna haveto land thirteen blocks from work. I'm
and be sweaty and hot, andI get there till two thirty, and
then it's like, oh, justkidding. All the problems we said were
happening actually aren't. I mean,that's the better of the two scenarios.

(03:42):
Yeah, yeah, everybody go,it's all on time. And then you're
but I thought for sure you'd getin. They're all sweaty and uh whatever
was happening? Right? Why areyou lying? Did you get at least
to the uh? Uh? Whatwas the thing this weekend? Built the
rib Fest? Oh? Yeah,did you go to rip best Bill?
No, I was in Geneva onthe lake, right on the lake,

(04:03):
not regular Geneva on the lake.That's a nicer of the two Genevas,
isn't it. That's arguable. Oh, it's on the lake. That helps.
I saw somebody post though I mighthave to get back to ripfest bonus
hole. By the way, youwhat I found a bonus you wound?
Yeah, you did the I don'tknow if it was something you posted,
marry or I just happened to seea video of the sauce utters. Did

(04:27):
you post that? Yeah, Ohyeah, that's a tradition there. I
don't know, milk them, Yeah, you get sauce ont of these they
take i don't know, dishwashing glovesor some poke holes in the fingers and
then you got sauce in them.Yeah. It's pretty intown. They're like,
you're regular, like a you knowthe red ketchup bottles you see at
diners and stuff, or just withthe pointy hole on it. It's like

(04:48):
that, but flipped upside down.It looked like big plastic balloons. Yeah.
Yeah, No, I haven't beento the rib Fest probably since like
the first year I came to Cleveland, and it's so good. I got
in town Thursday night after the debacleof Delta, and then Friday I was

(05:10):
in with you guys, and thenFriday night, me and Brian, his
daughter, and then my two niecesand my mom went up to the Brier
rib Cookoff and it was so good. They had like a motley crew.
It was great. It was somuch fun. The kids are dancing to
the live band and everybody's having agood time. But the place we went
to had like a family platter thatwas ribs, brisket, chicken and pork,

(05:33):
and then you got to pick foursides and I was like perfect.
So we just got that and everybodysplit it, and I was supposed allegedly
for a family. It was.Yeah, it was the family flatter,
but I mean we split it betweenme and my mom and four kids,
you know, and poor Brian atthe rib cookoff, there's there's one test
and for him corn bread all night. There's one tent every year that sells

(05:56):
Perogi's cabbage and noodles and fried vegetableevery every year since I've been a child.
This this one. It's just aPolish like an old Polish lady and
she has her parogies, her cabbageand noodles and then like fried zucchini and
you know, different vegetables and stuff. And that's Brian's. That's Brian's rim
festival. Oh god, fart allnight, tato pancakes. And he,

(06:18):
I mean he dabbled, He hadsome of the sides and ate a couple
bites of the meat. But yeah, it was a great time. Wow
all right. No, I didnot get out there, but I saw
those sauce hutters. I was like, that's pretty intense. It's just a
good, good old fashioned He'll reallyfun. But nobody. Do you see
any fights breakout anything like that oreverybody's docile mood? Yeah, you fu

(06:41):
me. Plenty of people just alaw of average says you're gonna get see
some Donnybrook breakout at something like that. That's why people get angry. It's
hot, they're full of food.I mean. We also went the opening
night, so I don't know ifpeople were. We went Friday night,
so people were saving it. Yeah. Right, that's when people get They
all work except for Miss Beria drunkpageant dads who won Miss Bria. Do

(07:03):
we know somebody knows? They'll tellme? All right back here and how
was Geneva on the lake? It'sthe best. I love it. We
just had so much fun, goodwholesome family fun because it's wholesome family.
Yeah, because as my girlfriend andher daughter and her niece and you know,
we just played arcade games and puttputt. Oh, this wasn't a

(07:23):
gig, no thisttle getaway. Thefirst time you met your girlfriend's daughter.
No, I met her for thefirst time last month. How old is
she? Thirteen? And then herniece is seventeen, so you know they've
run around and giggle and do theirthing. You know they're there and uh,
but played some arcade game. There'sjust you know, there's nothing crazy

(07:45):
happened. The funniest thing that happened, though, was when we were at
dinner yesterday Sunday night. Her daughterwanted doctor Pepper and she goes, oh,
and get a DP, and everybody'sgoing, you're a little young for
that, and I'm just like bitingmy tongue. I'm like, she doesn't
know what it is. Obviously,I'm not gonna say anything. And then
her mom's like, what what shoulddoctor Pepper? Love doctor Pepper? You

(08:07):
can get DP and she's like,please don't call it that. And I
was like, I'm like, whywhy shouldn't you call it that, called
a dark pep like everybody else does. Yeah, yeah, well that's fun.
That's a good moment, all right. But yeah, lots of you
know, played some putt putt.I did some batting gages that was pretty
fun. I mean, had somedecent contact on that. And uh,

(08:30):
there's this ski ball bingo game thatwas really fun. It's like the whole
arcade is just that it's just skiballbingo, and you just try and get
bingo by throwing ski balls into theyou know, slots, And we did
that a bunch of times because thatwas just real fun. And then he
went crappy prizes and walked a tongot you know, saw some pretty sunsets

(08:52):
and then oh, look at that'ssome pretty sunsets, got some steps in.
All right, Well, you havea polish boy? Did I promised
us? I said I was goingto try to do one over the weekend.
Yes, No, you said Iwill polish boy this weekend. Well,
I know, I made myself anote, but I'd never got around

(09:13):
to it. No. No,didn't have a polish boy. No,
I mean I will. I justdidn't get to it this weekend. I
didn't leave my house as much asI thought that. I do know.
This weekend I heard him talk withStans, very merry. We talked about
Hamburgers Today's and he's never had aRoman Bird. He's never had mister Hero.

(09:33):
Well that's not a new information onthis show. I mean, I've
me that you haven't had. Therecord is never having mister Hero. That's
just so ridiculous. You're going,it's so good so good. I'm gonna
hate it. It's so good,you're gonna hate it. You don't like
mayo, so you'd have to getit without mayo. But it's legit,
dude. Okay, well listen.It certainly seems to be a very,

(09:54):
very popular. But you can geta seven inch and only half of it.
I feel like that would be moreup your alley. I would go,
what's the smallest one I can get? Seven? You have the Taste
Buddies. You have to order likethree of them. Why you can't just
get one? Why you can?I don't think maybe you can. I
don't know. You got Yeah.They're like uh, and they're usually like

(10:16):
you can mix and match like aham and cheese. Okay, they have
a What if I just want tomatch? Just meet to bun? What
if I don't want to mix?Do that? You can't? What does
mix and match mean? Anyway?No? See the only little ones they
have rock and ruben, bacon,cheeseburger, breaded pork. Okay, they
need a real Roman burger. Youneed an Jesus Christ. Oh AnyWho?

(10:41):
Oh, I know what it is. I'm just let me repeat myself.
Jesus Christ, one of life's mostpressing questions, what do I like about
Allan Coock finally answered, all right, I don't like much about you the
Allen car Show. That might bemy favorite advertisement I've heard so far for

(11:11):
one of these podcasts that they're alwayscrowing about on the app. Right,
did you listen to that talking toher Mom? Yeah? Yeah? You
talk about a shift in tone.It's a girl talking to her mom about
some awful thing that happened in herfamily, and then she talks about a
priest who was murdered on the altar, and then that the music changes very

(11:33):
abruptly. I found that the storystarts with a priest who was killed on
the altar and sparked a war.Listen to the podcast Sacred Scandal. Ye
oh, are you guys listening tothat podcast where the priest gets murdered on

(11:54):
the altar? I sure am.I'll tell you what. I listened to
it raw, it's so good.What's it called it? Oh? I
don't know what it's called, butthere you go. It's one of the
amazing, amazing properties available for youif you listen over there on that to
iHeartRadio app. If you listen tous Tremonta state. Let me know where

(12:15):
you are. Christian listens in Killeen, Texas. Jonathan's in the Pacific Northwest.
He's at Lacey, Washington. Amandalistens in Carrie, North Carolina,
and Selena is in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Any given Monday, your Guardians can
lose, and they did to oneof the worst teams in baseball last night,
the Colorado Rockies. That was thefirst in that series out in Denver.

(12:37):
Eight to six was the final brokethe Guardian's nine game winning streak.
They hadn't lost since May fifteenth.But the Rockies had a good night,
and so Guardians will try to evenit up tonight. Eight forty tonight is
your first pitch, So eight tenaround there. If you want to get
the pregame coverage, that'll be therefor you on MMS and on the iHeartRadio

(12:58):
app and they'll play him tomorrow.Guardians will come home this weekend to host
the Nationals. Actor Vigo Mortensen willbe on the show tomorrow. You know
who that guy is, Vigo Mortens. This guy, he's a man in
a world replete with vigos. Ithink that he is. Wasn't that the

(13:20):
name of the bad Guy and Ghostbusterstoo. Yeah, Vigo Vigo, right,
Carpathon the Carpathian. But Vigo Mortensenhas got a new Western film that's
going to be in theaters everywhere onFriday, called The Dead Don't Hurt.
They were kind of enough to sendme a screener. I watch it over
the weekend. If you like Westerns, it's great. If you don't,

(13:43):
I don't know what to tell you. Westerns aren't for everybody. Alan,
Please thank Bill. I turned aroundon the highway and I'm driving ten miles
in the wrong direction to go getmister Hero. Right now. You're welcome.
It's very good. Tiya, whoof course has three four TEENA on
the Blacklist, is not pleased withme because she texted I should get the
hot buttered cheese steak, and Iresponded, I ain't getting the hot buttered

(14:07):
nothing, And I mean, doyou know who you're talking to? I
mean, Tia has been listening tothe show forever and still, hey,
Alan, go for the hot butteredcheese steak. No, thank you again.
They don't need me, right,they don't need me. They are

(14:31):
very very popular. People love misterHero and why not. But again,
I can't say because I've never hadit. I should go right in there.
There's one literally a few minutes frommy house. You can walk to
one from here too. One fromhere. Yeah, there's one over on
the east side. It's actually rightdown the middle. Yeah, really across

(14:56):
from the casino by Wallburgers. Noon that street, though, it's on
the street like down closer to Euclidcloser Tod like tucked away by the uh
by New or Jape's the deli cornerto the left of that. Okay,
if you're standing at Jake's facing thecasino, it's like two doors down to
your left. Well, then maybeI'll walk down there one of these days.

(15:18):
Let me ask you this, Dothey have a Polish boy? Because
then I could kill two bird?But why do you say it like that?
I don't know. Don't get don'tget aggravated with me. I'm asking
questions that you guys have concrete answersto. I don't know. So they
only do Hamburgers and like deli sandwiches, yeah, ah, but no polish

(15:39):
boys. Okay, I'm just askingbecause that's what put Cleveland on the map
in the culinary sense, is thePolish boy. I wonder who the very
first Polish boy was that they werenamed that after. I don't know.
They go, hey, voklav,get over here, and what do you
call this sausage sandwich? I don'tknow you guys ever engaged in floor time?

(16:02):
I was reading to thing, Hey, even if you're an adult,
don't lose out on floor time.The only time you know floor time is
on the floor and lie on thefloor. Yep. Everything needs Yeah,
everything needs a think piece written aboutit now everything it needs to have a
name. And floor time is perfectfor adults who just want to chill out.

(16:27):
I feel like this is more thingfor people who probably live alone.
I don't know how many people whohave a house full of people are getting
quality floor time. But I didthis over the weekend. I had been
spending a lot of time outside doingoutdoor things. I had been doing a
lot of stuff in the garden inthe lawn, and it was very,

(16:48):
very hot over the weekend, soI had gone inside just to immerse myself
in air conditioning, and I justlaid on the floor, just flat on
the floor for a little bit oftime on a hardwood floor or tile or
a carpet. This was on carpet. Yeah, we have one room in
our home that has carpet in it, and I laid in there, not

(17:11):
even the same as the hardwood floor, but I don't know if you're hot,
laying on like a tile or ahardwood floor is like real nice,
oh like a cold. Yeah,carpet might make forgiving me tile. Yeah
we're itchy. Yeah, well youmight be right. I mean I just
didn't. I didn't think about that. I wanted to go into the coolest
room in the house, which isthe lowest room in the house. So

(17:32):
I went in there and got myselfsome floor time. Dude, you don't
think about it. I had floortime yesterday. Actually, I'm saying,
I clean my entire apartment and it'sbeen it has been hot here too,
but the humidity here is miserable.I mean, like eighty ninety percent humidity
every day. So I had thewindows open and like fans going while I
was cleaning the house. And wehaven't turned our air conditioning on yet because

(17:57):
they're huge, they're like industrial size. They're mounted into the walls. Because
this place is you still have thecommercial air conditioning. Yeah, because this
place used to be a daycare.So it's raining. It's eighty degrees and
raining, and it's hot and it'shumid. And I turned on the air
conditioner for the first time, andthat thing was incredible. It's like an

(18:18):
air jet engine. Probably it wasinsane. Our entire I mean, our
apartment's not small, it's like atwelve ronth square foot apartment. I turned
the one in my bedroom on andthe one in the living room on.
Twenty minutes. Our entire entire apartmentwas cooled by like ten degrees. But
after I close the windows and turnedthat thing on, I did that.
I just laid on the tile floorlet the coolness encompassed me. Right,

(18:40):
it's like a blaze. But you'rehungover again, yeah, kind of just
sitting in front of a fan tryingnot to throw up. God, there
is nothing better, as awful asyou feel when you're drunk and puke adjacent
or you're getting ready. There reallyis nothing better than falling asleep on that
cold bathroom tile or right, Ihaven't slept in a bathroom in so long,

(19:03):
I was like a year ago.Then you wake up and your neck
and your back and everything. It'snot about when you wake up, it's
about before when you just want todie and you're like, at least,
at least this feels good. Thiscold tile feels real good on my body.
That won't stop just pushing stuff outof it. See, I'm not

(19:26):
a puker. I hate throwing up. Even as a drunk, I hated
throwing up, and it would bewe all hate doing it. But it's
usually better to do it than notdo it. I know that I would
have to be so beyond myself tothrow up. It's also it's largely involuntary.
That to me, is the mostfascinating thing about you in the deepest
of your drunk days is that youweren't vomiting all the time. No,

(19:47):
I wouldn't let myself, even inmy drunkest states, I wouldn't let myself.
Why didn't you apply the will powerit takes to suppress vomiting to the
actual drinking. Well, because Imean, what are we doing there?
Of those One of those activities isfun? I see. Yeah, well
listen, some people are into puke. Yeah, dude, it takes so

(20:07):
much for me to puke, likeeven if I'm sick like with the flu.
I mean, I will suppress it. I will take as much anti
nausea medication as I can until itis like my body forces it out.
Oh yeah, I'll never vomit ifI'm like ill or something. But on
the rare occasion that I do,it's because I have had way too much
to drink. Allen, Shall wedo it now? Vomit right now?

(20:29):
No, I sent you a maryX. It seems like, oh yeah,
do you want to see maryax yethrow up? Yeah? Come on,
dude, I don't like throw up. Oh, come on, it's
fun. The guys let me.Uh, I'm on the delay. So
where am I looking? I justsaid I just texted it to you,
So you watch it on your phone. When Alan says play right, you
tell me when you're ready. Thisisn't Cleveland, is it. No?

(20:51):
This is just gonna say someone justsent me this. On a second,
I thought it was fake because somethingabout it. Are you ready? Okay,
here we go. It's a guycrossing ohay, okay, I'll tell
you. It's a guy crossing anintersection that he's crossing at the light and
there's a bunch of cars stopped andhe can't stop projectile vomiting as he's walking.
He started This guy's pumping out clamchowder. Oh you didn't put Marian

(21:29):
with it? We get here.Doesn't it look fake? I mean,
where did this guy have? Imagineif you're at that stoplight and this guy
is crossing the street, just fascinatingto me, how did you do that?

(21:56):
I know would look really fake.And so the whole video, I'm
watching it a couple of times,and I'm looking for the old Chris Farley
tube and the sleep shirt. Ithink, yeah, and oh my god,
no, And you see him likehe's got the stuff's dripping from his
nose, and and he seems fairlythis is not his first rodeo. This
guy is very non plus by thewhole thing. I don't at all,

(22:18):
Okay, I hate you don't understandhow weak of a stomach I have for
that. My nose is running,my eyes watering, like I can't,
dude, I can't like the factthat he's just walking doing it too.
It's like, I got somewhere togo, I got places to be.
I'm not going to stand still andvomit all in one place. Oh wow,

(22:45):
popped the cap on that one launchsequence? Then, so are you
worried at all that you said youhadn't turned your air conditioning on yet.
Do you have any indication of whatthose what kind of electric bill those industrial

(23:06):
air conditioners are going to? Well, they told us that's why we haven't
turned it on yet is because theytold us, Uh, this is eats
up electricity, like really bad.Like this is guys, that's why it's
going to be one thousand dollars amonth. Right, So they were like,
only use it if you have to, unless you got it like that,
then you know, only use itif you have to kind of a
thing. But yeah, I wasall sweaty from like I mean like like

(23:30):
vacuumed, swept and mopped, cleanedevery surface, like I deep cleaned my
roommates out of town. So Ilike deep clean the entire apartment yesterday.
So with you know, eighty degreesand raining, it was disgusting in there.
And I was like, I don'tcare, man, I'll pay they
walk off any fifty dollars for thisone hour of coolness, I'll do it.
So I love that I don't haveto pay utilities. You have,

(23:53):
so you clean your room obviously,and then like the rest of the apartment
except her spot. How do youdo that when she's gone, Yeah,
I clean the living room, thekitchen, in the bathroom, all of
it nice. But she doesn't clean. But Brian has ingrained OCD cleaning in
me for the last two years.So I'm like, she'll like vacuum.

(24:15):
But I don't know that I've everI've never seen her sweep or mop.
That doesn't mean she doesn't do it. I've never seen it. And I
know she does not clean the bathtubthat I know, I'm the only person
who does that doesn't scrub the tubor what she is. Yeah, well,
she uses faked tanner. She usesself tanner, and so she uses

(24:38):
it like every day. She doesn'tlike baths, no, when you shower.
And that's the other thing I hadto talk to her about. Remember
when I told her to please startcleaning your hair out of the drain,
so she'll like have hair in thedrain and then wash all this faked tanner
off. And then I'm assuming she'sjust I don't know if she's just standing
in it or what. But there'slike there's definitely like, you know,
orange fake tanner scum and hair inthe sub every time she takes shot.

(25:03):
Wow, fake tanner scum. Yeah, Well, that's no good. It's
grass happy Memorial Days with the faketanner scum. God. So then you
get in there and you got toget like a mister clean scrubber or something.
Yeah, and I thought maybe thatwould be like a hey, use
this, you know, like whenyou see it in there, you gotta

(25:26):
hang it on a rope or something. So she gets in there and uses
it and wow. But I didn'tknow how much I haven't had a roommate
in so long that I don't knowhow much of that would be like nagging
or no. Well that's why Iwas asking. I mean, obviously,
I you know, I have awife and a child, but as far
as like a roommate as a singleguy, I had that for like six
months, right, Yeah, Yeah, I didn't know how how I don't

(25:51):
really know how to approach that stillto be like hey, and I don't
want to be like aggressive, butI also there's part of me that's like
I kind of want to show her. I want to be like, hey,
look at this tub. Is thiswhat a clean tub looks like to
you? Look at your your tannerscum? Right? How about this?
Does the hub look like this afterI shower? Because it doesn't the content,
then she'll be like, Okay,let's do it, tagger in it.

(26:12):
Just post a video fucking smack andtagger in it. But yeah,
Alan, I had the conversation withmy wife about once a week about cleaning
her hair out of the I justclean it out. I don't, and
I'm not having conversations with people.I just pulled the hair out of the
thing. That's what I've been doing. Yeah, it's it's not that big
of a deal. And usually oncelike she's I don't, she's wiped down

(26:34):
the counter with like a Clorox wipe. I've never seen her clean the dining
room table, but I do thatonce a week. And that was the
other thing. When I was cleaning. She knows she's starting to get the
rhythms and she knows you'll do this. But here's the other thing. I
So it's my dining room table,my dining room table that I cried over
when I bought it during COVID.I don't know if you guys remember how

(26:56):
emotional I was when I got mydining room. She's a big move,
it was. And so it's thatsame down in your table. And when
I was cleaning it yesterday, Inoticed there was like like drink rings the
two of them, and I waslike it, like in this it didn't
come out, dude. I waslike really mad down a coaster for God's
sake. But I was pretty mad, like to the point I almost took

(27:17):
a picture of it and texted itto her. But she's like home with
her family, and I didn't wantto be I didn't want to do that,
Like, I'll just talk to herby when I get home. But
I'm like, dude, this doesn'tYou can't do anything about this, Like
I'm not gonna get my table refinishedbecause you refuse to use a coaster or
you're just not thinking about it,you know. She kind of just bops
around. She doesn't know what anasset that is to you. It is
an asset, That's what I'm saying. She doesn't understand. So she gets

(27:38):
home tomorrow and I'm gonna be like, hey, dude, you got to
use a coaster because I spent alot of money on this table and it
means a lot to me and Idon't want it to be all messed up.
Yeah, that's just a conversation youcan have. Yeah, I'm sure
she won't look at you strangely atall. It's just hard for me because
I don't want to feel like I'mbeing her mom or like it's her house
too. But also like respect,respect it, you know, respect my

(28:02):
furniture. Yeah, my coffee table, I don't give a crap about it.
I actually bought Bill, I boughtthe coffee table off your ex wife
when I moved into my divorce apartmentin twenty seventeen, end of twenty sixteen.
So I'm like, I've had itfor eight years. It's old,
it's busted. It was old whenshe had it. Yeah, put as
many drinks on there as you want, don't. This is like a nice
table, you know. Uh.Some audience members are suggesting that you should

(28:26):
clean half of everything. No,because then I'm gonna get annoyed. It
is a bright white line down themiddle of everything. Yeah. Yeah,
that's just hurting yourself. Yeah,any hurting her? And before me,
notice before me, she lived witha girl in her early twenties, like
twenty three, so I can't evenimagine. I think she was the one

(28:51):
kind of keeping things in order inthat household. And uh, well no,
she's taken. That doesn't she's passingthe baton right to you. Hey,
I wanted to, by the way, shout out to who they referred
to as the most arrested man ofall time. I don't know how they
possibly were able to ascertain this,but this guy is a Kentucky legend who

(29:17):
has passed away. A guy namedHenry Earle, and he was arrested more
than fifteen hundred times and he haspassed away at the age of seventy four.
He had a good life, boy, really good life. Think about
that. This guy's getting scooped upevery single chance he got. They have

(29:45):
audio of him getting it sentenced forhis one thousandth arrest and the judge gave
him one thousand days of jail.The judge sounds like Morgan Freeman, but
he told this nots He's not likeMorgan Freeman. Oh yeah, oh ye,
University, we give you a thousanddays. Do you think it's appropiate?

(30:06):
Sure, it's a lot of time, but you can do it.
We just do the best you can. But we'll see your Thursday. See
if you like it, then okay, a thousands days. This guy's been
living in a nursing home outside Lexington, where he racked up the majority of

(30:27):
his arrest He was always scooped upfor like public disorder crimes. Right,
he wasn't breaking into cars or anything. This guy's getting drunken disorderlies and all
kinds of stuff he had spent.He had spent six thousand days total in
the county lock up for things likepublic intox Sometimes there was some violent crimes

(30:49):
in there too, but they referto him as the world's most arrested man.
He was first busted in nineteen seventyfor carrying a conceit old weapon when
he was twenty years old, andthen his rap sheet just got bigger and
bigger from there on. His lastarrest was in twenty seventeen. Republican talks

(31:11):
he has passed away. They hadnot identified any surviving family members, but
Henry Earl a legend there in theBluegrass State. My friend is from Lexington,
Kentucky. He's a comedian. Heactually shared this on his story yesterday
and was like telling a story abouthow they were in the drunk tink together.
He's like, I met this guyonce. We were in there,
and he was bitching about only likemeeting a celebrity. Yeah, he was

(31:33):
like he was bitching about only havingfruit to eat, Like they both got
scooped up on a duy or somethinglike that, and my buddy had a
blowny sandwich and they traded. That'sthe story is He's like, I alway
have fruit. Yeah, he wascomplete about what bs fruit is in general,
and my buddy's like, you wantthis blowny sandwich? I like traded
like at lunch, Like, yeah, cafeteria, you had a ward off

(31:55):
scurvy? Right, what was thefruit? Did he say? I don't
remember. I just went go checkhis story again and it's not there anymore.
So well, yesterday, rip Henryearl, we now returned to something
barely words. Your time already inprogress. The whole thing is pointless.
The Cox Show on one hundred pointseven w m MS. A couple of

(32:24):
things in the chamber for the showtoday. Of course, we got hot
celebrity goss from Perez Bilton and somenew AI love songs from Ray to Mary's.
It really is, Hey, listen, you're lucky. I don't play
all of them. I got,you know, save a prayer for me.

(32:45):
I'm the one that's got to listento him and vet them and decide
which ones I'm gonna play good foryou? Thanks? Oh god, I
mean I'm trying to help us.I'm trying to help out, Yes,
trying to help out here. I'mgonna play one for you to call later
on called the Hot Lava Dreams.I'll let you guess. I'll let you
guess what that one's about. Hey, he's nothing if not committed. I

(33:09):
will also have since we were outyesterday, I will get both of my
winners in about a half an hourfor Tomorrow night to join Bill Squire on
the Cleveland Funny Bus. If yougo to funnybus dot net you can get
all the details. Every Wednesday nightin May and June we do Alan Cox
Show Night in the Cleveland Funny Bus. Bill and I alternating weeks as your

(33:31):
leggy and vivacious hosts. Local comedians, very funny people are your tour guides.
Proper, but it's a lot offun. There's a couple of tickets
available for tomorrow nights a bus tobuy. There are a couple of tickets
remaining for next Wednesdays with me.But again, go to funnybus dot net.

(33:51):
You'll click on Cleveland and then you'llclick on the Alan cock show,
and I'll tell you what you needto know. But it's a lot of
fun. Leave from collision bend it'sb yo b It's great. So about
half an hour I will have apair of tickets for two people to join
Bill tomorrow night. Hopefully the weatherwill be nice, right, That's the

(34:14):
best part is when you get weather. A good weather day is nice,
a nice yes, a nice weatherday. On the Cleveland Funny Bus looks
by like it's gonna rain in themorning, but by the evening it should
be okay, oh fantastic. Itcould be a little chilly. Yeah,
sixties, but we can make thatwork. It were a jacket, it'd

(34:35):
be a light sweater jacket. Comeon, it is. May you know
we've gotten into this, We've gottenused to how warm it's been. It
is still may I know that emotionally, Once Memorial Day hits, that's when
people really think that it's the beginningof summer and people start acting accordingly,
but maybe not necessarily the case it'sgonna be. It's not gonna be like

(34:58):
eighty five degrees this week. Week. It's gonna be like upper sixties,
low seventies. The home Alone Houseis on the market. This is in
suburban Chicago, and it's gonna costyou a lot of money, obviously.
It's it's a gigantic house. It'sa massive house, and they made incredible

(35:20):
upgrades too. Yeah, well,like it is not just a regular house
anymore. The full basketball court inthe basement, Yeah, it's pretty nice,
or like a it's a half court. But like it's still high enough
ceilings that you can shoot hoops inthat house. The outside still looks exactly
the same, which is basically whatpeople are buying it for. But it's

(35:42):
statue wasn't in the driveway though,Well it kept getting knocked over by the
pizza delivery boy. Right, it'slike part of it. Yeah, where
do you see the video of theinside? I just see still photos.
I saw somebody showing it on TikTokor something. Yeah, it was on
I saw it in Zillow six seventyone Lincoln Avenue in Winnetca, Illinois.

(36:04):
That is a very very affluent northernsuburb of Chicago. And the people who
are selling it are selling it forfive and a half million dollars, sorry
five and a quarter five point twofive million dollars, five bed, six
bath indoor sports court, home movietheater, about nine thousand square feet,

(36:28):
big place. So they've completely overNow. They keep pointing out that they
overhauled the interior of the of thebut the interior in the movie wasn't the
actual house, was it. Theydidn't shoot in the house. I figured
they built, really, I figuredthey built for the inside. That's usually
the way those go. They builtsome of the sets in a school nearby

(36:52):
for like, you know, becausethere's they did a lot of damage there.
Yeahs, yep, but I thinkthere's you know, it was based
on that house. Okay, I'mlooking at h oh. It was like
they showed the living room and thatwas a hit. Yeah, thirty second
story. Yeah, so they completelyrenovated the inside of the house and it's
kind of like open, yeah,very very modern. Yes, whites and

(37:14):
grays and blacks, and the basementcompletely so it's not that creepy, scary
basement anymore. You think that wasthe actual basement of the house it had
with the giants with the giant furnace. Yeah. Well it's out there and
it is being listed, and I'mcurious how many owners it's had. I'm

(37:37):
not getting the sense that one personhas owned it since the Home Alone days,
but I don't know thirty four yearssince Home Alone premiered. You know,
we had Daniel Stern on the showlast week, and this is always
a thing that bites me in theass. When somebody comes on to talk
about a memoir or something is I'lltalk to them as they'll be kind enough

(38:00):
to send me a copy of it, and I'll read some of it so
I can kind of get a senseof what's happening. But then it's in
the weeks to follow when all ofthese like juicy nuggets start making their way
out and things that I would loveto have him back on and talk to

(38:20):
him about. Daniel Stern, ofcourse, has had a very prolific career.
He and Joe Peshi were the WetBandits and Home Alone. He's mostly
famous to nineties kids for that movieMarv, Marv, that's right. But
his book is called Home and Alone, and he was on the show last

(38:40):
week talking about it, and nowall these little snippets come out, like
Daniel Stern said that Bono was apretentious a hole. Now again, that's
no big singer. That's like hisreputation, and they didn't name Daniel Stern.
People kind of had to suss itout. I guess some people who

(39:01):
had read the book. They're likea Hollywood star calls Bono a pretentious a
hole after the singer through a latenight party next door to Daniel Stern's house
and he called the cops. Now, listen, if it's in your neighborhood,
you want to make sure that youknow people in the neighborhood aren't being

(39:25):
bothered too much, and your neighborsmight look to you as a prominent person
to be the tip of the spearthere. But this sounds more to me
like he wasn't invited to the partyand maybe that's why he was mad.
And again, this is no hottake. I mean, everybody thinks Bono

(39:45):
is a pretentious a hole. I'venever met the man. I don't have
a problem with Bono. He seemsto be a pretty sharp guy, and
he seems to be somebody who isconcerned at active with a lot of issues.
But Daniel Stern was having none ofit. So it was way too
loud and he called the cops.Families with the children are trying to sleep.

(40:14):
That is the through line with DanielStern in his book is how important
the whole family thing is and howthe performing and whatever accolades come with her
a kind of secondary So that andthe story that and I didn't get into
it with him, but he wascast in this show in the early nineties

(40:37):
called Partners, and it's kind ofa big part of his story that the
studio sued him over this sitcom becausethey thought that he was bad mouthing it
in the press, and he losta lot of money on this at the
time. And it turns out thatthe reason that the whole thing fell apart

(40:58):
is because he was the whistleblower onlike a me too type situation. You
know who Brett Ratner is, Bythe way, these are two guys,
The two people he talks about aretwo guys who no one is shocked at
these kinds of accusations. Brett Ratnerand Jeremy Piven. I was watching in
Trouble before I was watching some Entourageyesterday. Yeah. Yeah, So you

(41:24):
know, whatever you think of JeremyPiven, he's been on the show a
couple of times, and you know, he's one of those guys you never
quite know which one you're gonna getand Brett Ratner's had his share of problems
too. These guys names are alwaysincluded in me too type stories, and
they were both involved in this showwith Daniel Stern, this sitcom, and

(41:47):
he said that there were women onthe set that would because I guess maybe
they Daniel Stern seemed like a friendlyenough guy that they were confiding in him
that both Ratner and Jeremy Piven weresexually harassing women. And since Daniel Stern
was an executive producer on the show, was kind of his obligation to handle

(42:12):
that. And so he took itto the TV executives and they fired him
and well, they said, don'tsay anything about this or we'll sue you.
So they kind of they gave himthe brush off, and he said
that he was specifically told to shutup around Less Moonvest, who himself had

(42:37):
So, yeah, twenty eighteen iswhen he got booted out over there at
CBS. So from top to bottom, it sounded like there was a lot
of enabling going on or something.But Moonvest over at CBS. What's that
Moonvest over at CBS? Yeah,CBS over that's a thirty rock moment.
Less Moonvez, No, because hewas taught. He's like, I was

(42:58):
just telling my sure idea that moonvestover at CBS and there was a homeless
guy that had a moonvest on.Oh moonvest see. So yeah, he
ran it up the flag pole andthey didn't like it, and so they
sued him for twenty five million dollarsand he had to give back the money

(43:20):
that they had paid him in advance. So they had to deal with going
to court over all of that.But no good deed goes unpunished. Say,
he's just trying to be a niceguy and like defend these women.
So in his business in his bookhe wrote, thank god for the Me

(43:43):
Too movement and f Brett Ratner andf Jeremy Pivet and f les moonvest and
the top level execs at Columbia.And then so of course people look for
statements from Jeremy Piven and Brett Ratner. So far nothing. I mean,
Jerry pivot and should have been suedover all of the allegations that he got

(44:04):
a hair piece, and for manymany years he said, no, I
never got plugs. I never hadanything like that. But dude's walking around
looking like, yeah, looking likeWayne Newton. I mean this is a
guy who Uh listen, his seasonone hair is very different than his season
six hair. Even before that,he auditioned. He was one of the
guys that auditioned to play George onSeinfeld. I mean, just PCU.

(44:24):
He's pretty much bald, yes,and he's playing a guy in college.
I mean, granted in the moviehe's been there for a long time,
but I mean he already looked likehe was forty in pc You gotta love
PCU. That's a great movie.Oh what a great movie? Was that
streaming anywhere? PCU? I don'tknow about that. That's another one that
when I was digging through some oldDVDs, I'm like, oh, I've

(44:45):
got PCU on DVD, watch itanytime I want. What a what a
come up with a twelve year oldlooking David Spade actor named Chris Young who
was the main dude in that movie. I don't know whatever happened to that
guy. I never saw him inanother movie ever. I don't know what
happened to him. Because that's amovie that had so many different people that

(45:07):
went on to have bigger careers.I mean, John Pavrose in it,
Matt Ross was in Silicon Valley wasin it. You got I mean,
Jessica Walter is in it. Yeah, she was already a pretty established actress,
but you know she had a realgood second or third act, whatever
you want to call it. Yeah, rest of development and all that.

(45:29):
Yeah, actress nam Sarah Trigger wasin that movie. She was the one
that Jeremy Pivens character was trying toget back with. In real life,
she's married to John Cryer and theyhad a very acrimonious divorce. But yeah,
love PCU. A guy named GeorgeClinton was in that movie. A

(45:51):
can you what me? Where theuh you're wearing the shirt of the band
you're going to see? Don't bethat guy. That's not even a thing
anymore. Right, A lot ofpeople that that's the thing of the past
because it used to be a legitthing. You did not wear. It
was just it just wasn't done.Wasn't done. Dude, I wear the
merch I buy at the show.Do you put it on at the show?

(46:15):
I'll like, walk in, buya brand new backshiot boys shirt,
put it on over my tank topand so that way, I'm wearing the
current merch. Okay, you planyou dress planning to have a T shirt
over it if I don't already havemerch from that band, gotcha. See,
I buy merch on my way outof the show before I said the
understand because there might be out ofstuff. Well, then you get what

(46:36):
you get. I understand. Butthat's how I do. I don't want
to stand their whole show holding ashirt. Oh. Usually, I don't
buy a lot of shirts anymore.I'll usually buy a record or something like
a record. Yeah, they usuallyhave like a like a tour record,
like a special edition. I wishmore bands would do beanies like winter hats.
I would buy one at every singleconcert I ever go to. If

(46:58):
bands did that, well, putthe word out there. You're getting some
juice there, and just listen tothe wrong bands. I bet if you
wanted some of those metal bands merches, they'd have some beanies for you.
I don't think i've ever seen it. I mean, I've been to metal
shows with Brian. I would weara metal band if it was like a
cool hat. There's a lot ofmetal bands that will sell you like scullies

(47:20):
and stuff. Yeah that's what Iwant. Yeah, Well, I was
actually I was pretty disappointed Fallo Boydidn't have one. I was like,
I feel like you guys would sellout of these if you put them.
They don't have like one of thosedumb hats that Patrick wears Cam Shanter pay
the newsboy cat. Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, especially since

(47:42):
a lot of those bands, youknow, they're losing their hair, you'd
think that they'd want to extend somearticle of merch to the people in their
audience that are in a similar situation. All and I can't find PCU anywhere.
There's a DVD on eBay, butI don't know. Yeah, I
don't know. I have it onit. I think it's on Amazon,

(48:02):
That's what I saw, but I'mspeaking of Amazon. Is anybody watching The
Goat? We kind of stumbled ontothis. The hell's his name? Daniel
Tosh, who I hadn't seen.I couldn't tell you how long I hadn't
seen Daniel Tosh. And he's hostinga reality it's a competition show of reality

(48:24):
stars to find out who is thebest. Who's the Goat the best reality
star? Now I haven't heard ofany of these people, but they're all
on these shows. But Tash isthe only reason it's worth watching this show
because he's very funny, but I'mcurious what kind of you figure a show
like that where you're just cut youknow, if you're the host, you're

(48:45):
just cutting interstitials. You're just goingin there talking to people, going,
okay, today, what you gottado? And then you're kind of hosting
the competition itself. But it's probablya couple of days, a couple of
hours work a day for him,which has got to be a sweet gig.
You know, some of these realityshows the host is like always there,

(49:05):
always around, like they're the youknow, he's just kind of in
and out. But he's funny enough, and we just stumbled across it.
I'm kind of a sucker for thatstuff now too. If I find like
one of those dumbery because I don'tknow who the people are so I can
go in cold, they're like,oh, this guy was on. And
there are so many people. Thinkof how long reality television has been around

(49:29):
now, twenty five years, thirtyyears. There are so many people who
have been on reality shows. Idon't even know how you get on a
show like this, Well, youusually it's they are already on another show,
right, Well, I'm saying everybody, but so many people have been
on other shows. How do youbeat out all those other legions and stuff

(49:50):
or whoever's like the favorite you knowfrom those other shows. Yeah, the
real and they probably have someone thathas casted a bunch of those other shows,
so they go, oh, thisperson was good on this show.
This person was good on that show. They know the world. There was
a guy from Rue Paul's Drag Racewho most of the time obviously was not
in drag and he looked like powder. It was very off putting. But

(50:17):
yeah, it's a wild show forpeople who are suckers for that kind of
show. It's on Amazon Prime.It's called The Goat and Daniel Tosh is
the host. Our live stream isnow scratch and sniff and then you can
scratch the screen and then sniff yourfingers. Yeah, yeah, like gosh

(50:37):
show one doublemmas. I'm the subjectof the live stream. Thank you to
Slipple Jungerson or is it Youngerson Slippleslipp All, I'm gonna go with younger

(51:00):
son. Sun's Dutch or Danish orsomething. Speaking of which, actor Vigo
Mortensen is going to be on theshow tomorrow talking about his new film It's
a Western. It's called The DeadDon't Hurt. It is in theaters everywhere
on Friday, and he wrote itand he directed it, and he's in

(51:22):
it, even though he didn't meanto be. But he's in it,
and the guy does good work.We'll chat with him tomorrow about that.
Guardians lose to the Rockies in Denverlast night. Nobody saw that coming Rockies
are not a good baseball team,but evidence of the contrary last night,
eight to six was the final.Guardians set to play them again tonight and

(51:45):
tomorrow eight forty first pitch tonight andtomorrow. Before the Guardians come home,
they'll host the Nationals. They'll hostthe Royals before they go to Miami.
So tomorrow night on MMS on theHurt where you at, you can listen
to the game. Somebody sent mea thing that fifty two years ago today

(52:07):
they opened to Memphis Kiddie Park.I didn't know that place was still open.
It'll never close, is that true? It's been I mean it's been
around forever fifty two years as oftoday. Yeah, I've never been.
My my wife and my kid havegone. But I didn't. I don't
think that that was even a fewyears ago. I don't think I realized

(52:28):
that it was still open. Isthat a place that everybody went when they
were kids? Yes? Around here? Yeah, that's pretty uh, pretty
standard childhood memory. But it's likea small place, right, it's like
very little kid, yeah, saylike five, Yeah, I see,
like I remember, like I knowwe went there when I was very very
young. But it's like most thingswhere I barely remember going there. Hmm,

(52:53):
all right, well I've never gone, so it wouldn't be good for
me to go by myself. Ithink you let him go to the Memphis
Kitty Park by myself? Will theylet you in by yourself if you're over
a certain age, if you're unaccompanied, But you know a lot of places
they're like you have to be accompaniedby an adult. That sounds like a

(53:15):
place where you have to be accompaniedby a minor. That's how I get
in. How that was with ChuckE. Cheese, Like, where's your
kid? I just want to playsome games like you do it? Go
to the casino like an adult?Were you talking about the kiddie not the
kiddy casino? No? No?Uh. I ran across a bonus hole

(53:37):
in Geneva on the lake I sawand Bill's trying to cut my style.
Yeah, well, I just it'smore of a tribute. Was also,
I would think that you would wantto spread the gospel of bonus Hole,
Mary, I mean I do.Yeah, that's why everybody enjoys it and
has fun. I had some quartersbecause we had just come from the other

(53:57):
a different arcade, and I sawthere's a bonus hole and this machine was
it was it was it was.It also called bonus hole. It was
called bonus hole. And when youhit the pause button, skill stop,
the skill stop button, whatever it'scalled. Harry knows all the terminology.
It was so hot and then itkept falling off. The button kept falling

(54:17):
off. Oh nice, And soyeah, that machine was had seen better
days machine. We got a ring. You didn't even have any prizes,
like good prizes in there. Therewas a Batman fidget spinner and then there's
some folded up dollars pulled it uplike a football on your video. Yeah,
they were like they're they're kind ofcovered by quarters. But there was
some I think there were tens ortwenties. So not not a high price,

(54:45):
high limit, high limit, butwe did get a ring out of
it. Got a ring. Didyou propose to your girlfriend with it.
No, unbelievable, but he reallyis trying to cut in on your action.
Mary's getting rings out of the bonushole. Ridiculous. Yeah, what
kind of ring? Like a plasticIt's like a metal ring. It looked
like like the kind of like whereyou bend to the ring around your finger.

(55:09):
No, no, it was likea solid metal ring. But it
was like the design on it lookedlike a tribal tattoo. So a pretty
cool ring. Well, what wasit a tribal tattoo or pretty cool?
That was a pretty cool it canAh, Is there any kind of bonus
whole finder online? I don't.I don't think you're gonna find Okay,

(55:30):
I mean you got pretty good chancein any arcade you go to arcade.
Any casinos have like actual high limitones. We're doing bonus whole tomorrow night
for everybody interested. I'm sure oneone dollars you're gonna be the Wow.

(55:50):
Well, I have to go atnight. I mean unless I woke up
at seven in the morning. Youcan't go during peak hours, right,
So I have to go after worktomorrow. And that's why I was like
they close at ten, Like Ican't be there longer than that, you
know, And I usually it onlytakes a half hour to wash my clothes,
so I put it. Excuse me, I will play bonus hole while

(56:12):
my clothes are drying. And that'sonly eighty minutes, so it's all got
to get spent in that time.But I also have to stop at the
bank tomorrow morning and get one hundreddollars worth. Of course, how oh
god, how prea simply no wayto know how many quarters that is.
But what do you have any kindof sense of how quickly you can burn
through any given amount of money?Well, I mean I could put all

(56:36):
of it in in one spin ifI wanted to. You could put one
hundred how I mean, maybe notall of it, but you can pause
on it and then just load itup with thirty dollars worth. I could
do that three times. Well,I must be I must not have a
good sense of what this thing is. I thought it was a thing where
you roll the quarter and you tryto get it on the you have to
do a quarter by quarter. No, you can pause it and put it

(56:57):
in as many quarters as you want, no one at a time. I'd
be there seven days. Well,that's what you're doing it one. That's
why it was unclear because the thingI'm thinking of is that is the thing
with the you know, the theI've seen your videos, the metal thing
that pushes the piles of quarders andyou you can you can that what's the
skill stop is what it's called.You can hold down that button and then

(57:19):
just load it up. You loadit all up. What I'm going to
have to do because I'm not fourhundred and four quarters. It's too many,
it's way too many. Well,you got to tell people stop sending
your mind. Also, that's theother thing I'm going to get there.
And if they didn't restock it withmoney or new watches or other items,

(57:40):
then I'm gonna be like, guys, I'm just going to send your money
back because this is stupid. Yeah, the one I'm looking at, it's
basically all coins and then it's gotlike a couple of Pokemon cards in it.
This is the thing that you're talkingabout. This is what your bonus
hole looks like. It just slides, uh, and then they're trying to
get some Pokemon cards. So isthere like a little scoop or you just

(58:05):
pour a bunch of the quarters inno time. You load them up,
load them up when you can hita button that stops it. Yeah,
then you can just put a wholebunch in. All right, Well that'll
be fun for you. Tomorrow nightis bonus Hole. Tomorrow night. There's
a reminder on my Instagram and youhave to blow through that the money that's

(58:29):
in your venmo when you do it. I mean I don't have to,
but I mean that's that would belying if I can. I took people's
no, here's I've got to go. Here's what's left for next time?
Or we could do that. I'mnot saying pull the wool over anybody's eyes.
You just go, here's what's leftfor next time? Right next time
we're starting here. Yeah, wecan do that, right because to your

(58:50):
point, you got a life tolead. I mean, it's all you
know, it's literally all fun games. But I cannot be at the I
mean I physically they close the teno'clock, right, I can't be just
after hours two more rounds. Yeah, you should talk to them about that.
Go look, is there any wiggleroom here after hours bonus hole?
Yes, it's worth looking into.Or of a Saturday night thing. Every

(59:17):
thing is for sale there. Askhim if they can give you a little
bit of wiggle room on the bonushole. Hey, Bill Walton died.
Yeah, Bill Walton, I'm sorrywho that man. He was a legend
basketball. He was a great commentator. When you'd see him talk about stuff,
He's a big deadhead, so he'dalways have like tight ice shirts on

(59:39):
and stuff. The dude had alreadyhad a ton of surgeries on his feet
by the time he was like fifty, and he had been battling cancer for
a while. Bill Walton was adude that had a lot of respect.
In his playing days, he wonchampionships in high school and college and the

(01:00:02):
NBA. He was considered one ofthe best ever players at all three of
those levels, and people really lovedhim when he would do play by play,
did some basketball, did some baseballgames. And I don't think he

(01:00:22):
had retired from that hattie. Imean, I know, he got obviously
real sick in that for a fewyears. Okay, he was in Little
Nikki. Yeah, you talk aboutbonus hole. He would always use the
term honey hole. Im. He'duse the term honey hole during the games.
If you can handle there's a honeyhole, then you're going to have

(01:00:44):
a chance to come up with awhole different variety of offensive attacks on Don't
you explain that that term, whatis the honey hole? A honeing hole
is a long term basketball phrase whereit's right at the free throw line area.
That's where the honey is. Right. We're talking about Winnie the Pooh.
It all rolls into one, right, So you're looking for the honey.

(01:01:06):
So you get to the honey holeand then good things happen. And
when you're playing against the zone defense, when you're playing any kind of basketball,
you want to get that ball tothe free throw line the honey hole.
So that's what's gonna set up youroffensive attack, the honey hole.
Baby. No, Bill Walton washeavy duty and he was you know,
he would get in trouble back inthe day too. You want there are

(01:01:29):
parallels to athletes now who run afoul of some people's political opinions. You
know, he was anti war duringVietnam, had long hair in college,
so he was always John Wooden washis coach at UCLA, and they were
constantly fighting about something. But hehe won national titles at UCLA two seasons

(01:01:54):
with perfect thirty and er records,and he's in there with like forty four
points, you know. And thenhe went first with the Trailblazers and he
won their only championship. He wona championship with them three years after he
got in. And he led tothe Celtics in the eighties and played off
the bench and helped them win youknow. Four. Yeah, yeah,

(01:02:19):
four, five, I think theywon five. You have thirty nine foot
surgeries and back pain in two thousandand eight, that he said, almost
pushed him into suicide. I haven'teven had any foot surgeries. He's so
far ahead of me. You gotto catch up, dude. You got
to catch up to him, becauseI'm like you, I've had zero foot
surgeries and I have two feet.Yeah, that's double the opportunities. More

(01:02:42):
people commit suicide from back pain,he said, than any other malady,
and it destroys every aspect of yourlife. I mean the guy was like
seven feet tall, and so hehad spinal surgery. He was talking about
his feet on Letterman twenty years ago. This past summer when I had my
thirty first operation. See that's onyour feet on my feet, Well,

(01:03:05):
that's just That's crazy, isn't it. But I was lying in the hospital
bed and as a very serious majoroperation, six months of just laying down
there, and my second son,Nathan, was twenty four years old.
He came over saturn the edge ofthe bed and he said, Dad,
it's been a long, hard roadfor you. What are you going to
do when your foot finally gets better? What are you going to do when
you get up out of this bed? Said Nathan, I am never going

(01:03:25):
to sit down again now that we'rehere in the playoffs. The basketball game
has been my life. M hm. But yeah, but he was,
you know, he's always wearing.He was a dead head, and so
his you know, again, hispolitics ran a foul well a lot of
people thought they should be, buthe was, you know, he was

(01:03:46):
an activist on campus when he wasat UCLA. He was a big part
of a lot of those anti warprotests. So there are obviously direct parallels
to what's happening to day. Andhe was a big star at UCLA,
and so he's like, well,I have this outsized presence on campus.
Maybe I should use use it forthings that I know believe In Hyeah,

(01:04:12):
he wrote a memoir a few yearsago called Back from the Dead. But
yeah, he was always always adude that you'd see in his broadcasting years.
Just people liked him and he hada good vibe about him, especially
for somebody who you got to thinkabout, somebody who's spent so much of
their professional life in pain. Youknow, any athlete at that level is

(01:04:35):
always something always hurts, and that'sa tough thing to live with, is
it. If you make tens andhundreds of millions of dollars, well that
just meant well, he wasn't backthen. I mean, these were the
guys in the seventies. Weren't theones making that kind of mind no,
But also they weren't making the equivalent. No, No, what were they

(01:04:56):
making? What was like a seventiesbasketball player salary. If you made a
million dollar as you were like,you know, that's upper echelon, a
ton of money back then. Yeah, but that wasn't what they were making.
He was probably making three hundred thousand, four hundred thousand dollars a season.
I mean, just still a lotof money back then, but it's
still not a million dollars in nineteenseventy five is five point eight million dollars

(01:05:16):
today, right, but he's not. Players are making twenty five to forty
million a season and he wasn't playingnow he was playing then. So it's
like, you know, yeah,all those athletes of that time will say
we didn't make the money in ourcareers that these guys are making in a
year now, you know, guyslike Terry Bradshaw and things like that.

(01:05:38):
But to your question about pain,it's like the money gives you access to
maybe alleviating the pain, but you'restill the money's not you know, you're
still in pain all the time,lying there going yeah, it's great that
I have all this money. Ican't go do anything, you know,
I'm confined, so whatever. Soseventy nine to eighty five he had his

(01:05:59):
seven years, seven million dollar contractsa million dollars a year because there you
go today, right, Yeah.I mean, I'm on record as believing
money will solve all your problems.So if I had, you know,
thirty million dollars in the bank oflike I'm alright, hurt and I'm on
record is hoping you find out,wouldn't it be great? But That's what
I'm saying, like, oh myfeet hurt cut him off. You got

(01:06:19):
thirty million dollars you need feet forCould you just put a couple of shopping
cart wheels at the end of myankles and see what's up? Turn me
into a buggy? I got thirtymil I mean, there probably couldn't be
a better time to need, notto need, but to have access to
that kind of surgery now right,they're doing amazing things. They just I

(01:06:40):
just was watching a video this morning. They put some iron Man arm on
this kid. That's what he waslike born. You know, his arm
didn't develop past the forearm. He'sa little kid, so they give him
they give him an iron Man lookingarm, and that's pretty cool if you're
a kid. How much could itpossibly cost to get prosthetic feet? Give
me new feet, sesthetic feet?Really? I mean, I'm sure there

(01:07:01):
are plenty of wounded veterans who'd behappy to tell Yanna in the aftermath the
Memorial Day. I'm sure there area lot of them who, you know,
feel shy of that there's a girldoing a like this is how much
my outfit costs? And it's likelike fifteen thousand dollars and like shoes forty
dollars jeans sixty dollars and then uhhoodie sixty dollars and then prosthetically fourteen thousand

(01:07:28):
dollars. Right so, yeah,so they're pretty expensive. But if you
are a millionaire right now, that'snothing. But then you don't have feet.
Well yeah, well that's my wholepoint is what do you need fee
for? I think, I thinkI like my feet. What I'm saying
is that kind of money doesn't solvethe problem. You still don't have your
pain. Well, but you're notin pain anymore and you got new science

(01:07:51):
feet. No, I understand ifBill Walton had if Bill Walton had a
spine pain that drove him to considersuicide, that doesn't sound to me like
the money solving the problem. Imean, obviously he has the money to
have access to spinal surgery and thingslike that, but that you hope that

(01:08:13):
goes well too. You're like fingerscrossed on this spinal surgery because if it
doesn't go well, I'm not beingable to cross my fingers ever. Again,
it's about eleven thousand dollars is thestarting price on an above the knee
prosthetic leg. It's nothing. Ifyou got a million dollars a year coming
in. You're right, A moreadvanced computerized prosthetical leg controlled by muscle movements

(01:08:40):
can cost upwards of one hundred thousanddollars. Still nothing if that's if you
have right, But you also haveto think most of the people who have
these. I would venture to sayninety nine percent of the people who have
these are not millionaires. Right,But we're in case. We're talking about
this guy who was a millionaire whocould just get new feet now the back,

(01:09:01):
I'll give you that that's a littlemore complicated. But he was also
using them all the time, andhe's not gonna be out there playing for
a team on prosthetic feet. Buthe didn't start getting the surgeries until after
he was done, right, Well, I mean I think all through.
I mean, you can't have thirtynine of them by the time you're fifty
and get them just when you stopplaying. That's what you think. The

(01:09:24):
busy boy, he really was abusy boy during his playing time. He's
like, man, I can't waittill I retire, so I get some
new feet. Start. Just thinkabout foot surgery. Just slicing the sole
to your foot, oh oh,just into any part of your foot oh.
I mean it's one thing if theywant to laser away a couple of

(01:09:45):
spider veins, but when they're digginginto your foot and then you're hobbling around
for god knows how long you justlaid up. All you want to do
is get out there and play basketballagain. Any kind of professional athlete that
gets surgery like oh yeah, my, like my brother in law, his
bicep came off his bone. Yes, nice. So he had to walk

(01:10:08):
around like with a his arm anda thing, and it was like,
uh, it's hard to describe.Huh what was he doing? He works
in a warehouse or something I don'tknow, and he was doing he's like
management, but I mean he wasdoing something he shouldn't have been doing or
didn't realize he shouldn't have been doing, and like pulled away from like oh
my god. And that's like youknow an old tiny window shade, right,

(01:10:30):
it just flips up your arm andthen they got to go in and
like straighten it back out so theycan connect it and you can use it
again. But man, he wasin this contraption for a while. Like
guy sleep sitting up and hoofafa.Yeah, I tore my hamstring just talking

(01:10:53):
about it, like, did youdo it again? Oh god? Oh
body connection there? Yeah? Yeah, I tore my hamstring at my senior
year of high school playing lacrosse andoh my, that was brutal. It
just it just like my leg juststopped moving and I face planted. Yeah,

(01:11:14):
it was. And then it didn'theal really until about March forever.
Alan Mary can't sell footpicks, soshe got no feet. Well here's here's
what you do though, what Ithink, Well, no, no,
no, no, you just keepthe feet. You take pictures of the
feet from thee yeah, or bigMax or Fries just put him under that

(01:11:38):
dome there. Yeah, you takepictures. You can say I didn't tell
that these were isn't there's no fineparentheses are connected to my body, right.
I couldn't sell dead feet picks.There's my two gray necrotic feet.
Or could find a real big takerand sell the feet. No, you
just let them decompose, but youkeep the nail polish brand spanking more super

(01:12:02):
tight stinky. Call the Alan CoxShow. You just die, you w
insufferable prick. You want six fiveseven eight one double oh seven or one
eight hundred three four eight one doubleoh seven. We have a third notice

(01:12:54):
goes out this morning that the BlackKeys have canceled their tour show. We
gave away a bunch of tickets forthey're supposed to do the remal fee.
I don't know why these guys keepdoing this to themselves. They keep biting
off more than they can chew.With due respect to the Black Keys,

(01:13:17):
I don't know what they're thinking.What do you mean they keep booking themselves
in arenas. They're not gonna fillarenas. You're saying, that's why it's
canceled. No, You've got toread between the lines, right. They
wanted everybody to know that, hey, we're fine, which is good because

(01:13:38):
it seemed, you know, thisis very mysterious. The Black Keys have
canceled their fall tour and so obviouslypeople go, that's abrupt and they so
they put out a statement and theysaid, following the recent run of shows
in the UK and Europe, includingstops at iconic venues like Brixton, A

(01:13:59):
Can Out of Me and The Zenithin Paris, We've decided to make some
changes to the North American leg ofthe tour that will enable us to offer
a similarly exciting intimate experience for bothfans and the band, and we'll be
announcing a revised set of dates.Shortly intimate means small. Yes, the

(01:14:21):
Bricks and Academy and the Zenith thoseare like, they're not tiny. What
five thousand seaters? Right? Butthese guys keep booking themselves in arenas and
I don't understand it well because evenhere, when they're a hometown band,
they're doing half house. No,yes, dude, they sold out.

(01:14:42):
I know Romofio is bigger than Blossom, but they sold out Blossom no problem.
Twenty thousand okay, and then Isaw them the time before that.
I'm not saying they can't do itI'm saying they can't do it on an
entire tour. They are a hometownband when they come here, you're saying
they would have no problem here,probably Pittsburgh like places near here. I
don't know how they do, like, but they don't sell out. I
think that they would. I meantwenty thousand seats, no, then they

(01:15:05):
would do that, no problem.They sold out Blossom. I don't saw
them. I don't know that they'veever sold out Romo Fio. I saw
them at Romofio right before COVID andthey were awesome and it was packed.
I like them. I'm just saying, when when when you book all these
venues and then you go, yeah, we played these smaller places in Europe
and it seems like they go,yeah, we gotta Yeah. But the

(01:15:28):
thing is there's not really an inbetween when it comes to venues like you
have the Agora and like maybe thelike a five thousand seat venue around here
is Jacob's Pavilion. Yeah, that'sthat's about the only like, cause I
get it, there's a serious there'sa serious shortage of medium sized venues.

(01:15:49):
But then do three nights of theAgora. But you know that's a ton
of things, like that's a tonof a villa available ability to have yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, Wellanyway, yeah, uh. The only
date that they've kept on the itineraryis they're doing that NASCAR Street Race in
Chicago that is fourth of July weekend. But but even you know, if

(01:16:15):
you don't get twenty thousand people,but if you get fifteen or ten thousand,
that's respect and that's what they cando. Yeah. But yeah,
I guess it's just like because likeyou said, there's just not those mid
size venues like there used to be. So they set it up for ten
thousand do the woll Stine Center.I mean that's I mean, here is
not a problem. I really don'tthink they'll have any problem here. Now

(01:16:38):
you're talking about different you know,Chicago or wherever. Yeah, but I
think also they have a really largefollowing in bigger markets too. I think
that they do. But something toldthem, hey, these are the staments
that get put out, like theJalo tour, right, maybe they just
want to go. J Lo goes, oh my god, I'm not selling
tickets, so you go, oh, well, first of all, I'm

(01:16:59):
changing the name of the tour.It went in stages. It was going
to be a tour in support ofwhatever new crap she's doing now, and
they're like nope. And then she'slike, okay, well then I'll make
it a hits tour and they werelike, it's not really moving the needle.
So she's like, well, canI do a residency in Vegas?
Which is what she's trying to do. But with a band like the Black

(01:17:20):
Keys, they've toured a lot.Yeah, So I feel like it's just
one of those things where you know, Mary, you've seen them, you
feel like you would have to seeand you said they were great, do
you feel like you need to seethem every time they come through town?
I mean they do a really goodshow. I really like the Black Keys.
Yeah, but I'm just saying,like, if their tickets were affordable,

(01:17:41):
I would. And that's the thingtoo, is the tickets are so
expensive right now. So even ifpeven fans draw for everybody, Oh yeah,
I mean, if you're doing anarena show, the cheapest ticket's probably
gonna be fifty dollars, and it'sjust people are not there. They're tapped
out right now. Yeah, I'dsee them for fifty bucks, all in
fifty bucks? Yeah, wow,Okay, three times. Yeah, I'm

(01:18:06):
not saying I mean that's more thanI mean. I've only seen follow Boy
twice. You know what I mean. You're paying five hundred dollars or a
time you see Followed Boy because youwant to be red close, but you
don't. You wouldn't pay fifty dollars. Is like nosebleeds and you don't want
nosebleed seeds. No, I'd probablypay. I probably pay a hundred bucks
to go see the Black Keys.They were good. I like that music.

(01:18:30):
I like them too, I gotnothing against them. Well anyway,
so we'll see what happens. Theyare really really good life like, they're
awesome, they sound incredible. Yeah, Allan, how about the cove at
Geneva on the Lake. What don'tthink about that? Bill? Oh?
Yeah, were you out that thatmight be a little small? Was that?

(01:18:53):
Like a lot of local bar bandsplay there. Yeah, they have
a lot ton of live music goingon at Geneva in the Lake, which
is very fun. Sure. Idon't know why bands don't book multiple shows
in the same town. And myparents took me to Floyd in eighty six
eighty three nights of the coliseum.Well that's for a that's nineteen eighty six,
a different situation, Pink Floyd.Yeah, And and Bill's right,

(01:19:17):
that's a lot of time to blockout, right, you got to have
you know, most venues they're bookedevery night, so there probably isn't the
wiggle room to be like, hey, we want to do two or three
nights. Frankly, that's a bandI would rather see in a smaller venue.
And maybe that is also part ofit, Like maybe ticket sales weren't

(01:19:39):
great, so like, hey,we have money let's just go do kick
ass shows and smaller venues yeah,and just have fun. Yeah, and
then outdoor venues are more fun.Anyway. I know this is a fall
tour, so they're not going todo Blossom in October obviously, but or
whenever that was. But you know, if somebody was like, oh,

(01:20:00):
I got tickets to see this bandat Blossom or Romo Fijo, it's June,
you go to Blossom. The colossalpain in the ass that that is
to get out there. There's thisguy I met at the bar yesterday and
he just moved here from from Westchester, New York, and he's just trying
to figure out what he's doing.He's like recently divorced, so why he

(01:20:25):
moved. He just wanted to startover. He wanted to go someplace he's
not from here. Though he's notfrom here, he didn't really have any
connection to here. He just goes, I'm gonna move to Cleveland. And
so he got a place and he'sliving in Cleveland and he's just asking us
about the music scene and all thedifferent things you can do, and we're
explaining to it, and he wasjust so excited about it because he was

(01:20:47):
living just outside of New York City. So anytime he wanted to go into
the city, it's a hundred bucksin an uber or and it's so much
trap. We can it's such apain in the end. Go see somebody
in Connecticut or Yeah. And hesaid, there's a reggae festival this past
weekend. And he's like, Itook an uber for eight dollars to the

(01:21:10):
festival. Then they let me leave. I walked my dog and went back
to the festival. It cost meless than twenty dollars. I'm like,
yeah, man, you're in Cleveland. Yeah, it's cheap in Mayfield Heights
for that reggae festival. Now,I was in the mall sea oh yeah,
yeah, And I thought that wasover at the Birds they did that.
Oh good for him. Well welcometo Cleveland, pal. Yeah.

(01:21:33):
Well yeah, anyway, that's whatthe black He's are up to. And
I guess we'll find out when andwhere that new date here in Cleveland is
going to be. Yeah, foodnews here Standsbory and I were talking about
this earlier. He brought it tomy attention that today is National Hamburger Day.

(01:21:57):
Hamburger Hamburger. Because everything has tohave a day, and so a
lot of places are doing uh,you know, cheap hamburgers. Nobody,
Wendy's doing one for a penny.He's gonna touch Wendy's because they're doing a
penny junior bacon, cheeseburgers, juniorbacon, chi small seasoned curlies. Ah,

(01:22:25):
so yeah, good for them.I thought it was a typo.
I figured you would know, butI don't know how you can get I
don't know. I mean you dothis on the app. Yeah, I
assume you just don't get in lineand go, hey, give me the
Can I have the penny burger?Please use the app? Stupid, I'm

(01:22:46):
sorry, there's an app. Idon't have an app. I don't want
an app. I want a burger. Well, I don't need an one
out. You guys don't even haveappetizers. What kind of more thinks that
apps are still appetizers are not applications. I don't want app. I don't
want to work there. I wanta hamburger. Then use that. I
don't need an application application to order. I don't want to work there,

(01:23:09):
you don't. I just want ahamburger. That's how you order the hamburger.
I got to work there to getone. I got to fill out
an application. No, you're wereyou in a time machine? I gotta
get out of it. I'm kidding. I'm still here, but I don't
want to work there. I knowyou're not gonna eat the hamburger anyway.
I am going to eat it.I'm I could tell you're someone that eats

(01:23:30):
a quarter of a bagel, andthen you're done. I'm famished. Now.
My understanding is that this burger isthe size of a penny. Is
that? Am I reading that correctly? Oh? It is a hamburger that
cost a penny when you redeem onthe app? So I have to fill
out an application to You have touse an application on your phone, an

(01:23:51):
application on my phone, like Tetris. You have a smartphone? I do,
Okay, I have Tetris on myphone. Okay, do you go
to the app store and download theWendy's app? Okay? Not it?
Nope, nope? Wait, holdon, Wendy's is the Wendy's App?
Yeah? All right, got it? I see RB's Why would that show

(01:24:15):
up? I see yeah, butit's showing me all fast food applications,
but Wendy should be the top one. In if you know, typed in
Wendy's typed in Wendy's app, andit gave me RB's the reason for that.
No, all, I might havea broken Okay, I think I
have the app? Is it?Is it the mileage tracker? No,

(01:24:36):
it's Wendy's. I think I gotit, all right? Yeah, and
then you open the app and it'sthe first thing you'll see on this one's
called meme generator. Is that theright one? That's not? Okay,
generate your meme. I don't evenknow what that means. I'm just trying
to what. Okay, I listen, I don't. I gotta get out
of it. I'm kidding. I'mstill here. I want that him.

(01:25:00):
I'll order it for you on theapp. Just thank you so much.
Now I'm leaving. Somebody's gonna doit for me. Finally got me around
to it. The only catch breakfasthours only. No for breakfast. He's
not gonna hammer you can get himuntil ten thirty. Oh really gonna hammer

(01:25:21):
your ten thirty? That wow?Okay, ten thirty is when they start
selling. I'm going to get oneof these one penny. This is what
I'm saying. I mean, listen, hashtag here, but it's like,
do you really Yeah, it's apenny. Yeah. Oh so it's like
a lost leader. Then they're like, you gotta do the app. And
then what are you gotta do?They're buying your data for a purchase.

(01:25:43):
Yeah, buying your data for apenny is what they're doing. And then
hmm, but you can only getone. Yeah, and it's today through
the second, so it's not evenjust today. Oo wow, take care
anyway. Yeah, so, uh, congrats to them. You know,
really, we talked about this awhile back, and I think I'm beginning

(01:26:04):
and came of it. But therewere all these fast food places they were
talking about certain they were they calledit dynamic pricing, right, perfect subterfuge
in retail marketing, right, dynamicpricing. And then people are like,
oh, well, what does thatmean. Well, anybody's ever taken an
uber knows exactly what that means.It's surge pricing. And so all these

(01:26:25):
fast food places are like, well, we're toying with the idea of when
it's busier, we charge you morefor the food, and people are like,
I don't think so. The backlashof that was so fierce that all
those chains that try to dip theirtoe in that water. And I don't
even think it got to the rolloutpoint. They were just talking about it,

(01:26:48):
and they kind of quickly backed offbecause, you know, think of
the people who work there. Theremight be searge pricing. There's no surge
earning. You're not getting paid morethe busier it is. Employees get paid
exactly the same whether the chain isdoing surge pricing or not. And you're

(01:27:08):
just going to find a place thatisn't doing that. So I guess this
is the exact opposite of that doinga penny. And also, somebody is
stealing Taco Bell art. You know, Taco Bell art isn't just the Baja
Blast the punk show over there onone seventeenth. There are people stealing art

(01:27:30):
from Taco Bell restaurants around the country. Kari, Yeah, they're developing a
pretty lucrative underground market for that awful, terrible Taco Bell art. In two
thousand and three, twenty years ago, an artist by the name of Mark

(01:27:51):
Smith met with Taco Bell executives andconvinced them to place his art in their
restaurants. And this guy, youknow, they paid him put his art
in their restaurants, and then aboutsix or seven years ago, somebody stole

(01:28:13):
one of them from a Taco Bellin a place called Westlake, Ohio.
Whoa. This article says, andever since, people have been intermittently stealing
his art because he has found hisart online posted by former Taco Bell employees.
So it's like, people, arethese are all inside jobs right on

(01:28:35):
your way out, kind of pulla Jim Brewer on your way out,
you grab some art. Have youever taken anything? I know we've all
worked in retail, But have youever taken anything from a place you got?
Let go from now or you justquit? No? Because usually if
I'm quitting, I'm not there whenI quit. So I'm just like,
yeah, it's like Subway, Idon't want anything from there. Yeah,

(01:28:58):
where am I going to take?Memory? There's a memorabilia at American Ego.
I mean, what am I goingto take? It's stealing. It's
all stealing, That's what I'm talkingabout. I'm talking about stealing. Yeah,
but it's different. There's no amI going to take the art of
some dude and little skinny cut offshorts? Like it's not the same.
I don't know. I have amirror on my wall in our hallway at

(01:29:23):
home, and I've had it forthirty years because the very first radio station
I ever worked for, I hadan internship on the mirror. No,
but the I had an internship briefly, and then I was hired and that
ended abruptly and somewhat acrimoniously. Andon my way out, I had gone

(01:29:46):
to get some things of mine overthe weekend, and on my way out
there was a logo mirror. Itwas a frosted mirror, but the logo
part of the radio station was clear, and on my way out, I
swiped it. I put it inmy bag and I walked out with it.
And it's been on the wall ofevery apartment I've ever lived in,

(01:30:11):
and it's on the wall in mycurrent house to this day. The radio
station itself is long gone, butthat mirror is still on my wall as
a testament to what was done onthat day, the arguments that were had,
the screaming matches that took place.You want memorabilia from a place that

(01:30:33):
fired you, because that was thebeginning of my career. So when you
look at it, oh, Iget what you're saying. They let you
go and then you were able tothrive. Oh I don't know about that.
I mean I did, but yeah, looking at that, I'm like,
nobody ever knew I had this,nobody ever missed it. The station
isn't even around anymore, and sothat's still on my wall. It's gone

(01:31:00):
with me everywhere I've ever lived sincenineteen ninety three. But then steal it.
But House of Blues, when Iworked there, they switched from carrying
Chilula Hot Sauce to Tabasco Hot Sauceand they had this really cool, like
giant hand painted Chilula bottle with likea funky folk art outline. It was.

(01:31:20):
It's a really cool painting. Andwhen they switched it over, they
were like, we got to getrid of all of the Chilula artwork.
And I took that, and that'sbitten and everything. Hello, House of
Blues, Mary's got some of yourhot sauce? Are hot sauce are Huh?
They're getting rid of it. Theybasically couldn't have it on the mall.

(01:31:43):
Yeah, and so that's actually upin Brian's drum room to this day.
Hm. That's cool. It's acool painting, all right. But
I didn't steal it. They knewI was taking it. Plus I'm not
exaggerat when I say this thing isfour feet tall, like it's it's a
foot shorter than I. There's noway I could have gotten it out undercover.

(01:32:04):
Like it's the size of me.Yep, I mean my The mirror
just fit into my It's like aframed mirror, so it just fit into
my crighton barrel messenger bag and Iwalked right out with it. I was
like, screw you, I'll showyou. You haven't heard the last of

(01:32:25):
me. They were like, didthat guy just put something in the person?
No, there was it was literallylike nobody around. It was leaned
up against the wall. It wasn'teven I didn't even take it off the
wall. It was leaned up againstyou know, all this unhung radio station
stuff like gold albums and things.You know, just it was probably gonna
end up in a closet somewhere.But I thought it was super cool and

(01:32:49):
I grabbed it. I wanted amemento because who knew the way things were
gonna go. I could have justas easily been my last job in radio.
I love that mirror. Thank god, it was thank God, some
things are never meant to be discussedin polite society. I welcome to im

(01:33:14):
polite Society Show one seven WMMS.Yeah, these guys. You might have

(01:33:38):
seen him because some of their clipshave gone viral because they have this massive
contraption on stage with them called ascorpion tail or something, and their bass
player just made this massive It's likea fourteen four hundred pound thing. They
made it from salvaged car parts andmotorcycle parts and it incorporates all the instruments

(01:33:59):
and it's real wild. If you'veseen the there's viral clips that have gone
around of Johnny Hawkins, a singer, jumping up on this thing and manipulating
it and they have all their instrumenttriggers running through it, and it's pretty
wild. That's a band that shouldbe a much bigger deal, but their
singer just can't get his shrimp together. What's the band? Nothing more?

(01:34:20):
I think they're from San Antonio orsomething, but yeah, they kind of
They were really going a few yearsago and then the singer, he had
been their drummer since the beginning,and then he decided when they're singer quit,
He's like, oh, I'll justbe the front guy or something,
even though he didn't know how tosing whatever, and they were really kind

(01:34:41):
of on their way. A fewyears ago, they were on the Godsmack
Stained tour. They had to dropoff that because the singer ran his girlfriend
over in his truck whoops, andso then he was looking at a bunch
of domestic charges. And so thisdude can't no, he's always getting into
something that's derailing that band from Ithink getting the attention that they probably should

(01:35:08):
get. That was a few yearsago, but they had the guy on
surveillance footage argument with his girlfriend andhe kicks her out of the truck and
then runs her over, but shelike broke broke her spine and collapsed a
lung and all kinds of stuff.So it was a really really bad look

(01:35:31):
for that guy. And I don'tknow what came of that. That was
a few years ago, but itgot him booted off a couple of big
tours. So maybe they've figured somethings out. But that the Scorpion Tail
contraption, if you've seen it onlineor any of their clips that might have
popped up, that's that band.There's a lot of people who might have
seen a clip of that but didn'tknow who the hell the band was.
It's nothing more and they're okay,So I will have those tickets for those

(01:35:57):
guys Tomorrow, Thursday and Friday.Actor Vigo Mortensen on the show tomorrow.
He's directed a new film stars init. It's called The Dead Don't Hurt
like an old school Western. It'sgood. It's gonna be in theaters on
Friday, so chat with him aboutthat. Guardians lose to the terrible Colorado

(01:36:19):
Rockies, but they had their nightlast night eight to six. That was
the Rockies win, so they'll playhim again tonight. Eight forty is the
first pitch here on MMS and thenthe iHeartRadio app. They'll wrap that series
tomorrow night. Then the Guardians comehome to host the Nationals and the Royals
into next week. Alan hambergernay,sure, but it's also National Masturbation Day,

(01:36:45):
a couple of meat centric holidays.Yeah, how about that? Well,
act accordingly. I guess funniest thingto me when I looked up National
Masturbation Day is it says from nineteenninety five to two thousand and four,
it was observed on May seventh.Since two thousand and five, it's observed
on May twenty eight. Well,yeah, what precipitated the change? Hello,

(01:37:13):
Hello National Masturbation Day headquarters. TheHamburger people got madged. Yeah we
need to switch business. Yeah,people aren't buying our burgers. Oh I
love that. What made them change? I mean, think of all the
poor people who had to reprint theircalendars back in two thousand and five.

(01:37:33):
They're like, oh god, Ihad it on May seventh. I think
the more clever among us probably observeit on both days and every day in
between. But whatever, So thankyou for you know, you've got a
couple of ways you can go todayto combos. You know, Alan Mary

(01:38:01):
talking about that painting. I wasjust listening to an old episode of the
Weekend Cocks and it was on there. Her mom kept it in her storage
unit. Yeah, she gave itto me when I was where did I
move to? Oh, she keptit for me. I think when I
was living with my ex. Yeah, probably during the breakup, right,

(01:38:24):
and then yeah, and when Igot my apartment she gave it to me.
Yeah. Do you think that sheunderstood that that was a potential asset?
Maybe? I mean, it's notcurtains, it's not more terrible.
I was going to get to thisearlier and I forgot all about it.
Another slew if that's the word Ican use of AI love songs to on

(01:38:45):
Mary Santorra. I'm a guy namedRay who is convinced that we're not long
for the relationship between Mary and Brian. Yeah, listen, so far there
making to work, right. Idon't know what to tell you. It's
early days, but that every timeI tell people, like especially out here
in New York, people like,oh, you know what's going on?

(01:39:09):
Oh you're your long distance and thenit's always the same like hmm, I'm
like, dude, screw you,man, nobody believes in it. Well,
most of them don't work out right. I know, it's just annoying.
They're not well okay, but that'swhat you're got to deal with when
you tell people, why don't youjust tell them your boyfriend lives in Brooklyn?
Because because why, it's not thetruth. So you won't get a

(01:39:31):
magician out of people. No,But if you're getting annoyed every time the
subject comes up, there is asolution to that. You're buying, Well,
what do you care to hell?Oh stop, that's the worst that's
going to happen is you tell somebody, oh, my boyfriend lives in Brooklyn.

(01:39:56):
He's a day trader, meaning youonly well, no, I'm not
sick, not make a bunch ofstuff up, but we'll do what you
want. But statistically they're in theright now. Your mission, should you
choose to accept it, it isto buck the trends. That's what you're
trying to do. That's what everybodywho engages in this kind of relationship tries

(01:40:17):
to do. Right, Yeah,you go into it. You know what
the risks are. Everybody knows.But people go, we're going to be
the ones that are going to makeit work. And some of them do.
Believe me, why can't you makeit work? When I say like
this, I'm not even exaggerating whenI say that, it feels like it's
made our relationship stronger, because like, well, that's on a spite,

(01:40:40):
What do you mean you want toprove to you want to prove to everyone?
That's not even what I mean.I mean, like interperson between he
and I when like if something comesup, it's like you gotta deal with
it. You gotta be super openand honest and like communicate every single day.
Otherwise, you know, you haveto both people have to put in

(01:41:00):
work in order to make it,you know, happen. Well, right,
because you're not going to see eachother at the house at the end
of the day, right, Yeah, I get it. So yeah.
I mean in ways it feels likewe're closer and stronger than we have been
in the past. Well. Ithink in any long distance relationship, the
hmm response from people in their brain, they're like, Okay, how long

(01:41:25):
is that sustainable? Not that it'shappening, how long is it sustainable?
Right? And that's up to you, guys. We live one day at
a time. It ain't up tothat, say she's got it. The
song that I've chosen for you,I've carefully curated and selected from Ray's offerings
perfect is a song called Hot LavaDreams. He sent another AI version of

(01:41:48):
song he typed in pop as hismusic of choice. One of the other
songs is called Unexpected Love. Thatone didn't hit the way that I thought
it might, but Hot Lava Dreamsand tell me you think they kick me

(01:42:09):
up on that? Thoughts of you? Mary sent Soap, Bright, Lost
in the World, Fish and DetectiveTails The Baby I just can't resist your
foot. They never squirgeon hot LoVa. You smiletivate. You got him captivated.

(01:42:43):
What's a little squirt and hot lavabetween friends? We're not friends.
This is what you call unrequited love. Mary, you have not requited you
squirgeon? How love dreaming? Loveyour smile? If God me captivated,

(01:43:05):
I'm fine for your stuff. Brianmaybe around, but he's no match for
me. Just when it comes toforbids, man, you're sees its like
a gospel dreaming, magic NICs,caantousy, hot lava, side fission,

(01:43:38):
its stories and compare to your oldand head over hes man. Let's make
this love enjoy Hey, I thinkeven when in the song there's growth,
he goes from squirting hot lava toit just burning in the side of him.

(01:44:00):
Yeah, that's good. Yeah hetook a step back. Your footpicks
are like hot lava burning deep insideof him. Anyway, that's the latest
offering from Ray, who sends afull spate of AI love songs to marry

(01:44:27):
not yet unrequited. That wasn't it? That leave Brian all right? That's
only going to keep him making more. Yes, well that's what I want.
It's not what Mary wants. Butthat's what I want. You're everything,
He's got to say, never underestimatethe the allure of your footpicks of

(01:44:53):
unrequited love, unrequited load in hiscamp. Hey, do you want something?
Speaking of hot lava, do youwant some hot celebrity goss. Let's
do it. This is hot celebritygossip with the rest built in. Oh

(01:45:21):
you want some hot lava? Howabout some hot gus pouring out my body?
All right, let's get things started. Sean Kingston is in the news,
you guys, Sean Kinsey. Yeah, beautiful girl. Yeah right,
Uh yeah. He's under arrest andstill being held without bond for fraud and

(01:45:44):
uh, just stealing a bunch ofstuff. He's got a bunch of jewelry
and his mom was in on it, and so they're both in big trouble.
One of the things that he didn'tpay for was a custom bed that
cost eighty six thousand dollars, andaccording to inside sources, inside sources,
you don't need to spend eighty sixthousand dollars on a bed. Just go

(01:46:08):
to Northeast factory to round. They'llhave a Yeah, you'll feel like you're
sleeping on eighty six thousand dollars.But you're not spending that much, that's
right, no way. Uh yeah. Cardi B is in the news because
she is defending pornography. Candice Owensis saying pornography is meant to destroy men's

(01:46:32):
minds and make them weaker, andCardi B say, hey, there's nothing
wrong with some porn. Just keepit, you know, don't get addicted
to it. But a little porn, there's nothing to be worried about.
And according to inside sources, insidesources, I'm hoping this is a step
in the direction for Cardi B tostart making porn, not because I want

(01:46:53):
to see it, but just anythingthat goes in her mouth to keep her
from talking makes me happy. Ohyeah, man. Then finally, the
Pope, you know, that celebrity, the Pope. He's in the news
because in a closed door meeting,he said there's too much and I quote

(01:47:14):
the Pope here fagotness whoa yeah,in the seminaries. I mean it's almost
a seminary, so and see whythat stuff's happening. But according to inside
so inside sources, the Pope's approvalrating has never been highed. This is

(01:47:46):
a celebrity gossip with rass built in. Sean Kingston go way too, if

(01:48:09):
bo girl, that's why you willnever work. You have me suicide.
Suicide you say, is ohver down. I was thinking Sean Paul when I
first heard Sean Kingston for Seawan Paul. Yeah, shune up on. You

(01:48:30):
got the right temperature. Oh whata good song temperature? Yeah, Sean
Kingston, he and his mom right, Yeah, they're a big Yeah.
A lot of a lot of fraud, writing bad checks stuff like that,
Like a million dollars worth of fraud. See what you want to do is
write good checks. This in Florida. Yeah, wow, how about that?

(01:48:51):
So Sean Kingston is a Florida man. He's a Florida man. Yeah,
man doesn't pay for eighty six thousanddollars a million dollars in fraud,
Yeah, ripping off several firms.Imagine doing that with your mom. I
mean in a way it's sweet.Yeah, Like, hey, mo on,
this guy had I had a hitin twenty years. You go,
hey, mom, I want toengage in Yes, this is two thousand

(01:49:16):
and seven. Yeah, and thisis his debut single, like he kind
of I don't know. Yeah,he's kind of a one hit wonder.
That's what I'm saying, Like,does he like he put out an album
last year, But I don't knowif anybod That was his first one in
a decade, and I don't knowif anybody paid attention to it. This
is the only song I know fromhim. I was that trumpet song?
Or was that Jason Derulo Beautiful Girlswas by far the biggest one this dude

(01:49:40):
had. He opened for Gwen Stefanithat year, and he opened for Beyonce.
I don't know what his other bighits were. I like that Pope
story. Oh isn't it wild?I used the Italian word. Yeah,
I was just gonna say, Ithink or I think of him as just
like a like a a guido,like a soprano's Italian, Like he's still

(01:50:03):
an Italian guy at heart. Andso that's that stuff that just makes me
laugh because you want him to youthink of the Boop as like poised and
put together, and I'm picturing himlike a like a soprano character. Yeah.
Well, he was kind of sayinglike, we got a big acknowledging,

(01:50:24):
we got a homosexuality issue in thechurch, although that's completely different conflating
that with the pedophilia issue. Thoseare two completely different things, right,
But yeah, that's wild because thenof course you gotta go a is a
lost in the translation, you know, because isn't he's not Italian? Isn't

(01:50:45):
the Argentinian? Yeah? Isn't he? I just assumed him like, oh
Rome, Well, I think he'sspeaking in Italian to them. Yeah,
so that's just is that just howit translated? Is there? Yeah,
like Faliocco or something or yeah,the pope not polyachi ones or the sad

(01:51:19):
clown apologizes, Yeah, for usingslur referring to gay men. The Italian
word fruci genie is how I wouldprobably pronounce that. I don't know if
that's right, fruchi genie in seminaries. There's already too much of that in
seminaries, a highly offensive slang termin Italian referring to gay men and gay

(01:51:43):
male culture. So yeah, howdid it get out then? If it
was a closed door meeting who toldmultiple people present disclosed that he uh,
judas, I don't know. Oh, bad news for the semenaries out there.

(01:52:04):
Yeah, apologies to those who feltoffended. That's like my kind of
apology. Hey, I'm sorry youwere mad by what I said. I'm
sorry if you got offended. Well, as you know, the Vatican of
Corus has an unblemished record of justhaving a great relationship with the LGBTQ community.

(01:52:30):
Among Catholics, the Pope remains themost popular person worldwide that nobody pays
attention to until something like this happens. But when they when they pull Catholics
these days in twenty twenty four,most of them are in favor of abortion

(01:52:54):
rights. Most of them are infavor of same sex marriages. So you're
not even fighting an uphill battle thatmuch anymore if you're you know, the
head of the church, the Vicarof Christ. Call the Alan Cox Show.
Where's the best place in America tomeet single girls and guys? Two

(01:53:15):
six seven eight one double oh sevenor four eight one double oh seven three
five. I want to send mea text to watch live if you like
at alancockshow dot com. See thevideo of the the cop in San Diego.

(01:53:40):
Oh yeah, who resigned because hegot in the backseat with the girl
and banged her way to the prison. He was just checking on her and
he got locked in the back checkingout. I will show you that video
on a second. But a buildingin downtown Youngstown has exploded. What the
first floor of the Chase Bank buildingand this is it? Well, no,
I think these are all gas leaks. It looks like there's construction nearby,

(01:54:03):
but these always end up being gasleaks, something that maybe somebody didn't
keep an eye on. You know, last week we were talking about that
listener of ours whose parents' neighbor's houseexploded, and we were talking about that.
I think that was in Toledo,and I was like, so,
how did this happen? We're kindof going back and forth in the email,

(01:54:26):
and he said there had been acrew working on something and they found
a leak in a gas line andthey were coming back the next day to
fix it, and something happened,and I think the mom and the son
lived and the dad and the daughterdied. I'll show you the video here.
This is the Chase Bank building indowntown Youngstown. They said the first

(01:54:46):
there's no sound of this, butthe first floor is pretty much gone.
On the left side of your screenthere, see that. Yeah, so
I think gas leak is what they'relooking at. But obviously the first responders
because It's like this build that we'rein upstairs is residential, so they have
thirteen floors of people living in thebuilding up above. Luckily it was a

(01:55:08):
bank in Youngstown, so there wasnothing in it. Listen, they're continuing
efforts to try to get downtown Youngstown. When did that happen today when they
say we really want downtown to blowup? What they were talking about?
Yeah, I'm only on the livestream and I just saw it, and
Dude, that looks see. Idon't know if maybe I read too many

(01:55:30):
of these figure them out books,but I'm like, that's not a gas
leak. But it always is.It always is. That's what I'm talking
about. Life is boring and predictable. And when they're doing construction, this
is when they talk about. Peoplethink infrastructure is so boring, but this
is what we're talking about. Gaslines making buildings explode because they either haven't

(01:55:50):
been checked or they've been checked poorlyor whatever. It's never anything fun.
It's always super boring. So theystarted to vacuate waiting people out of this
building. The neighboring apartment building,International Towers, that's Waity Toity. Uh,
they evacuated as well. No casualtiesreported, but obviously a bunch of

(01:56:15):
people got hurt, so they've evacuatedaround the building. Of course they called
in the bomb squad because they gotto make sure, you know, they
got to rule that out. Butyou know, you bring a structural engineer
down too, then you go takea look at this. And they said
the gas had been shut off inthe building. But obviously that's what they're
gonna say. They're eventually going tofind out that the gas wasn't shut off,

(01:56:38):
or there was something, there wassome trapped in the line, something
trapped in the line. A Youngstownis a mafia town, always has been,
always was, always has been.Stopping young sounds a mafia town,
like o Maha as a mafia town. It was like legitimately where people will
go. Yes, a lot ofcities were like that in the seventies.

(01:57:00):
So what I'm saying is it's notthat kind of presence anymore. It's not
unrealistic to think that there's still traces. It literally is unrealistic to think Tommy
tight Lips decided to on the firstfloor of the Chase Bank in downtown Youngstown.
They bomb dude's cars in parking lotsand stuff and not killing people in

(01:57:25):
banks. That's where the money is. You're not blowing up the money the
mob. You blow up the moneyaway Tommy tight Lips. I'm just saying
he was talking to the Pope andthey were using a slur for gay men.
It didn't come off to nice.This is gonna be a bigger deal
than a ghasleep. We might notfind out. Listen, that would be

(01:57:46):
exciting, but most of the timethey're like, oh, what caused it?
Ghastley the video of that guy.There was a dude living in his
car in California and Van Eyes he'sout the value. This guy living in
his car and he's got propane tanksin the back and he goes to light
up a cigarette. I don't knowhow the guy's alive. His entire car

(01:58:11):
explodes and he just got burns.So yeah, there's a reason some people.
There's a reason some people just can'tget anything going. I got propaying
tanks in the back. I needto light up a bat. I'm Jones,
So we'll see. But thankfully nobodydead. But yeah, they got

(01:58:35):
the first responders out there. Andthis was earlier this afternoon, I think,
not that long ago. Downtown Youngstown. They're trying to get people down
there and trying to trying to makethat area more enticing for people Youngstown,

(01:58:58):
trying to shed that image that Maryjust won't let go Youngstown will always be
the same to her. I'm justsaying, I mean, I've never been
there, but I've now got tocancel my trip because I had booked a
tour of the first floor of thedowntown Chase Bank building. That was going

(01:59:20):
to be my be my inaugural tripto Youngstown. Usually when you see the
roof blown off of place, it'sbecause the Vindi's are playing there. Oh
okay, So anyway, this copin San Diego, this happened in the
fall or last summer. I think, yeah, but the video just got

(01:59:41):
released. Video just got released Augusttwenty twenty three. This cop had only
been on the job for a coupleof years, arrests a woman on a
warrant outside of seven to eleven,and she propositions him from the back seat,

(02:00:03):
and he tells her that is nogood. It's a young guy,
it's no good. This is allgetting recorded. And then I guess she
pushes a little harder and he turnsoff the body cam, he locks himself
in the back seat of the patrolcar. I'm laying this out for you

(02:00:25):
before he show you the video becausethere's large portions of this that kind of
have to be narrated. Some ofit you'll hear, some of it you
won't. He gets in the backseat with her, locks himself in because
it's a squad car. Yeah,you can't get out of the back seat,
right, And it's dummy because hishead's all in a frothy person.
Is this corner skank or whatever?You know, Anthony Hare? Officer hair

(02:00:54):
h A I R. Only doesit happened on National Masturbation Day? Clear
head, you would have had thatpost nut clarity. I mean conversely,
this video dropped on National Masturbation Day, So do without what you will go
through the video. Here here's herrest in her Now, she's got nice

(02:01:18):
jugs. I'll say that they blurout everybody's face right thet they wrest her
on an outstanding warrant. He said, your warrant is outstanding. Officer Anthony
Hare drove her to the San DiegoPolice Department headquarters and then to a detention

(02:01:39):
center and she starts chatting them uphe reminds her that she has a boyfriend
she mentioned, and she says,I'm DTF right yeah, and he's like,
but nope, I can't hear youout. She goes, I'm down

(02:02:02):
to f right now. For youkids, that means down to have fun,
just like DP means doctor Pepper,I could really go for a DP.
Then what's a diet DP? Ah, I said, don't say that

(02:02:24):
right now, because everything's being recordedright now. Don't say that everything's being
recorded. That's why not Okay.So then a few moments later, his
body cam goes dark, right,and he turns off the body cam,
thinking all right, except that thecruiser has GPS in it, right,

(02:02:45):
And so it shows him driving throughthese residential streets looking for a place to
pull over, and the cruiser eventuallycomes to a stop, like how do
you not? Are you that horny? So he and the woman stayed there
for over an hour and he hadto radio another cop to come get him.

(02:03:13):
Two thirty seven a m. Anotherofficer arrives and he this is a
fellow cop, right, He justgoes, sir, could just step out
of the vehicle, gets his keyto open the cruiser from the outside.
Would have been great. If thisdude pants are on his ankles, okay,

(02:03:33):
it's time to clean up. Suredid Yeah, I didn't clean up
enough because they found So he getsout of the belt and he's like,
oh, I was checking on herand I got trapped and coach for it.
So he comes around, gets backand his cruiser and say, hey

(02:03:55):
man, this is all happened tous before, right something along those lines.
Anyway, this dude makes up upsome story and it leads to an
IA investigation. Eternal Affairs gets involved, and now the video comes out.
It's all public. But she hadbeen an outstanding warrant for car theft and

(02:04:17):
they grabbed this guy, officer AnthonyHare, who ironically she so yeah,
She's like, I'm down to fright now. When he turns office body
cam and he told I A thathe was panicked. He's back there.

(02:04:40):
He was just checking on her.He's making sure that everything was okay,
and then he got in the backseats to check on her. His body
cam during the luck it got knockedoff as he minutes before he got off,
his body cam fell off as hegot out of his patrol car and

(02:05:00):
the suspect, the woman didn't blowhim up, she didn't rat him out.
She's like, we didn't do anything. But they tested his clothes for
semen yep, and found plenty ofit. Found it on his belt.
God, you don't even wrap itup. You don't easily. If you
wrapped it up, it could stillget on you. I mean if you

(02:05:23):
pull the condom off or whatever.You know what I mean? Yeah,
and you pull your pants off,yes, but leave. My guess is
the guy that was so enticed bya woman he was arresting, is it
like, you know what I shoulddo? I should wear a condom and
pull my pants up over the car. God, he's gonna throw it in

(02:05:43):
some yeah, rando. So yeah, he had only been on the force.
And this is a legitimate question.Why do people join the police force?
This one's not rhetorical. This isnot rhetorical. I'm looking for an
answer that anybody might have. Whydo people join the police force? To
me, it sounds like this guyjoined the police force because he thought he

(02:06:05):
could get away with stuff like this. I think he legit thought that.
I understand the recruiting issues and whatever, but but that's what I'm saying.
The best and brightest aren't joining thepolice force in you know, most cases.
So they get some dummy that lockshimself in the back of a car

(02:06:26):
because he wants to bang the womanhe arrested. But he told her this
is all being recorded. He didn'tthink there was GPS on the I understand,
but forty makes you stupid. Hehad. It makes some people stupid.
He had, and he seems stupid. Okay, he had the presence
of mind to go, this isall being recorded. Don't do that.

(02:06:48):
And it seems like all she hadto do to change his mind was just
repeat herself. You don't want toyou don't want full access to these jubblis
Also how embarrassing for her she hadto bang this guy. She says,
she's got a boyfriend, and she'sstill going to jail. Yeah, the
whole idea was and then yet don'tgo to jail unless that wasn't her plan.

(02:07:14):
Well, but also, but he'salready called it in. He's already
taken her to the cop shops,and then he's going to take good decisions.
Man. I hope they get married. Wouldn't that be sweet? That
would be a nice Yeah, becauseshe and her boyfriend that probably didn't add,
well, he's already in jail.She and yeah, right, Uh,

(02:07:35):
her boyfriend might have been one ofthe other suspects in this They were
she and two other people that wereoutstanding warrants for car thieves. And maybe
her boyfriend is another one. Maybethat's how he knew she had a boyfriend.
I mean, I'm just saying,think of the vows. I picked
her up for stealing a car,and that same night she stole my heart,
right, I mean itself. Uh. I love you because you keep

(02:08:01):
my balls empty and my belly full. Remember that one sicko. Everybody was
all mad because of the wedding vows. It's required to keep me happy,
keep my belly full and my ball'sempty. Well, you're amazing at half
of it. We really need toget you some cooking lessons. Even when
my belly is in full. Thereis no one I could ever love more

(02:08:22):
in this lifetime, unless I actuallygot a chance to meet Margot Robbie.
Since the beginning, I was alwaystold life gets even better when the kids
fall asleep, and he told meto come to the bedroom. Nothing's better
than the sound of gagging and headboardslamming. Mike, I forgot how Yeah,
since you're so good at making decisionslike marrying me, you can choose

(02:08:46):
whether tonight's gonna end with being atoaster shirdle or a twinkie. And the
mom is right there so mad.But remember remember the Remember the TikTok tour.
She had to go on telling everybodythat our stance of humor. Yeah
whatever, I'm curious if they're stillmarried. That was April of last year.

(02:09:07):
Like a follow up on that,please it works for them, It
does, just like Mary's long distancerelationship works for her. Well, when
the two of them get together.I know for a fact, I certainly
don't want to blow marry up here, but I know for a fact Brian's
like toaster strewler Twinkie. You willknow she's twinky. You tell me,

(02:09:35):
I like creamies. There it is. People came all over me. You
never know, no, you neverknow how it's gonna show me more inches.
Yeah, that Brian boy. Raydoesn't have a chance. Ray doesn't
have a chance with Brian. Threefour five ways. There's a ton of

(02:09:56):
different ways you can get it,eh, Yeah, And it all slides
around and it MUSHes out and nothingstays where it's supposed to stay anyway.
I'm with you. I hope thatthat cop and that girl are married.
I hope that that boy. It'snot the meet cute that you might envision

(02:10:18):
for yourself. But what a story. Yeah, and this guy, as
history seems to be our guide,this guy can go to another town and
get rehired as a cop. Youknow, there's a there's a distinct supply,
yeah, supply and demand situation.Because her face is blurred out.
I mean, all the faces areblurred out, but he's the guy that's

(02:10:41):
going to get blown out because hewas the cop, so his face is
in all of the subsequent stories.I didn't even see her name in the
story because she is obviously the allegedperpetrator, so they have to blur her
face, whereas this guy not allegedfound out to have. But god,

(02:11:03):
is it beyond all reasoning and thoughtthat you might wrap it up. There
have to be dudes like that outthere doing the exact same thing, but
wrapping it up. We're just notgetting stuck. Well that's too Yeah,
the hood situation, you don't doit in the back seat, you know,

(02:11:26):
the door locks. Yeah, butthey're in a residential neighborhood. You're
not going to throw over the hood. When there's people like pee, you
know, they say you turn thelights on, say mind your business,
keep it moving. You got theChristmas lights going through your blinds. You're
looking out there to see what's goingon. Everybody does that just a cavity
search, random selection, Like allright, but that thing better of numbers

(02:11:46):
on it. Stay classy, Sandiego out in the whales of the giant
brain Dead entertainment throughout history, TheCup and Ball, the Yo Yo,
the Allen Cox Show on one hundredseven WMMS because I only to basel se

(02:12:35):
follow seven straight up the city.So kind a chase these girls got.
They basically learned their instruments playing rockband, but they blew up a decade
ago. They were nine and twelveand fourteen and they did enter Sandman and
it blew up on YouTube, buta decade ago, and so they've been

(02:13:00):
putting out records man and getting alot of attention because they're barely out of
their teens. One of them pickedup the guitar, the only picked up
the drums, third one picked upthe bass, but she was seven.
And then they were like, well, let's make a band the hell out
of Monterey, Mexico, where they'refrom. So yeah, the first full
length was out six or seven yearsago, and then they started getting put

(02:13:26):
on festivals and they're coming through.I don't know, it feels like it
might be the first time they playCleveland. I don't know if they were
ever on incarceration or Soming Temple orsomething like that, but I will have
those tickets for you the remainder ofthe week. Guardians, by the way,
we'll play tonight. They lost ofthe Rockies in Denver last night,
which I don't know if somebody sawthat coming, but they're h I kind

(02:13:48):
of called it nine game win streakand call it that. Staateum is still
tough to play it because where theRockies play, Yeah, it's course Field.
Yeah, you're the elevation doesn't messup pictures because the ball just feels
so different. The broadcast yesterday,what's that Hammy was talking about it?

(02:14:09):
Broadcast yesterday was like it was,you know, if you've never pitched there
before, you don't know what toexpect, and then you get up there
and the balls a lot slicker anddoesn't break the same way. Yeah.
Stuff who've never been to Denver.The air is different than it is here
in Cleveland. Yeah, not moreweed. Well I don't even know about

(02:14:31):
bad. That used to be thecase, but now everywhere in Cleveland smells
like weed too, So it isa brave new world. So Guardians Rockies
tonight eight forty live from cors Fieldand then the third of three tomorrow night
at eight forty and the Guardians comehome. The weekend they'll host the Nationals

(02:14:52):
of the District of Columbia and thenthe Royals will come to town. So
plenty of baseball still will be played. Your fu home for Cleveland guidiace baseball.
We'll have to point seven battle youof a US. Hey I got
if you know where I'm going withthis promo code? What Father Grand cl

(02:15:20):
Clothing Company. We always give youa month to month. We give you
these promo codes so that you cansave yourself twenty percent off whatever you get.
There's always new MMS merch available toyou. There's no shortage of items
that have the word Cleveland on them, or the land or well any variation

(02:15:41):
thereof. And the word this monthwas what flower was? Flower was May?
And you've only got through Friday touse that because Saturday will be June
one, and that will usher ina brand new promo code for June.
Is I'm gonna go, Mary?You picking two, I pick up,

(02:16:05):
I'm picking all of them until I'mright. I'm gonna go. Was Mary
right? What does she say?I said? Both father and grad and
dad? No, dang uh,I'm gonna show summer pool break school's out.

(02:16:26):
Kiss you said, piss kiss kissmy phone. I'll say post clarity
he nca uh Bill Square an imposterseeder on Saturday, June first, got
it? Got it? Nag itrolls right off the tongue. Tickets at

(02:16:48):
those say tickets and Bill squire fortwenty percent off at the desk. Is.
What's it have to do with summertime? I don't know. You'll never
get it. Oh, sprinkler talk, yes, uh talk. No festival
summer nope, Ferris Wheel nope.What happens never two words? Sand nope,

(02:17:16):
clouds barbecue Nope. No, it'snot Pride or anything like that.
No it is. You'll never getit. By all means, keep going,
fruit. Can you give us aclue? Give us a clue?
Pride? Who you the Pope ofsport. It's an animal. It's an

(02:17:41):
animal, hippo rabbit, Yes,hippo is the word. Now it's not
rabbit bunny. Nope. I haveto I have to. I have to
assume that it has some relevance forsomeone just flying squirrel. Mean, I

(02:18:07):
mean, we can do this allday. Uh no, I'm ready to
know. Yeah, Cardinal is theYeah, I mean that's Ohio's birds.
Yeah, that's a state bird ofOhio. Yeah. Yeah, Oh well
that's something. At least I thoughtthey were just big fans of Gial blunt
crime novels. No, nobody's eversaid that. I just did. Didn't

(02:18:28):
you recognize my voice? I did? You don't watch the show, Cardinal?
Oh God, great show? Wereyou kidding me? Cardinal Billy Campbell?
They're also supposed to represent your deadloved ones coming back to Visio?
Yeah? Yeah, okay, yeah, all right, well then there you
go. Uh the state bird ofOhio come June? Is do they make

(02:18:52):
themselves more known or prominent in themonth of June here in Ohio? Or
Okay? I associate the Cardinal,of course, with the Saint Louis baseball
team. I didn't know. Ididn't know that it was the state bird
of Ohio. So that's on me. Is there a Catholic Church cardinal?
Yes, it is a member ofclergy. I know that from uh Dan

(02:19:16):
Brown from the Da Vinci Code,No, the second one. Ah,
Angels and Demons, Angel what that'sa good figure mount? Well yeah,
I mean you know you, Imean, stuffs all nonsense. Anyways,
you'd throw a bunch of mad libsinto a book, are you gonna make
a lot of people happy? Imeant the movie? Huh, I meant

(02:19:39):
the movie. Yeah, but itcame from the book, right, But
I'm talking about to I like Tomhanks hair in those movies. Oh yeah,
I think that's the worst hair he'sever had in any movie. Oh
yeah, even worse than the LongIsland hair in Castaway. Yeah. H
no, I like that. Ilike that low wig that he had in
Angels and weird looking. It wasa different thing for him, you know.

(02:20:01):
Taking on a different kind of rolesometimes can be as simple as taking
on a different kind of esthetic.Sure. Uh no. The cardinals are
the ones right below the pope,and boy, you better hope none of
those cardinals are gay, because hewill have something in Italian to say about

(02:20:22):
it. Yes, people are textingme. Bill and I are in here
laughing every time the traffic lady saysthat the truck spilled its load. Yes,
yes, on masturbation day. Onmasturbation day, that's right, So
say what you want. It's thatis never not funny to me. I

(02:20:43):
hope every I hope everyone involved issafe and everyone is all right. I
heard nothing to the contrary and thatreport. But say, what do you
believe in fate now? Uh?No, I don't because of the spilled
low done masturbation day much of acoincidence. Uh not too much of a

(02:21:03):
coincidence. I don't think there isany such thing as too much of a
coincidence. I look at it moreof as a binary equation, coincidence not
coincidence. No, there's some thingsthat are too much of a coincidence,
such as like like it has tobe it has to mean more than that.

(02:21:26):
Right. No, Let's say yourun into your ex on the day
of your old anniversary and you're bothliterally the definition of a coincidence, but
on that specific day, well,there are three hundred and sixty five of
them. You could say too muchof a coincidence, too much of a
coincident. It's got to mean something. Conversely, what is what would you
consider too little of a coincidence?Nothing at all? Oh so if nothing

(02:21:50):
happened, you go, God,this is too little of a coincidence.
You want to see what's going onhere? Nothing? Is that a coincidence?
Or is that fate? Or isit fate that nothing happened? No,
that's not how all right, that'snot how fate works. You don't
understand fate. I don't. Iabsolutely don't, because I don't believe it.
I don't know how it works.It's a fate on this show.
I'm the cardinal voice of fate onthis show. Ah, all right,

(02:22:13):
sir, just like we were.I was telling you earlier today, I'll
be out on Friday because I'm inAustin, Texas for shows, and you
said, oh, what a coincidence. You'll be out for the Friday get
down And I said, no,no, no, that's just how the
universe planned it. I don't makemy own schedule. Uh Huh's fate,
you know? Blind Delta? Yeah, dude, it's the most successible one.

(02:22:39):
I've never had a bad time,I'm telling you, man, I
have never had more problems with anairline until I have flown pretty much strictly
United until I moved to New York. And then now every it's like one
out of every five times there's adelay. There's something wrong, they got
to change planes, they got are rout you. I mean, wow,

(02:23:00):
there's always something with these guys,you know, And they, for
the first time of my life,experience that they boarded early. Have you
ever heard of that? Yeah?No, I feel like that should be
illegal. Like if your boarding pastsays boarding at one fifty and they start
boarding at one forty five. Iknow, five minutes doesn't seem like that
much, but that's they close thedoors fifteen minutes before departure. So if

(02:23:24):
you're if you're planning for that time, yeah, but if they bored early,
they don't close the door early.Yes, they do, okay,
because they move everything up. Thathappened to me. I mean, I've
boarded early before I was. Butif you're there, what's the problem.
Because I'm in the lounge, Wellget the hell out of the lounge.

(02:23:46):
Man hanging out at the gate,well get on those of us who hang
out at the gate, because we'renot in the lounge. It's no free
food, it's no skin off ourback. If they bored early, go
cool, get to I get tosit there early, and then you sit
there while everybody gets on. Soyou go from the lounge like right when
it's directly onto the plane. Yes, if my plane boards at one PM,

(02:24:09):
I leave the lounge at twelve fiftythree. Dude, But that's just
poor form. I mean, yoube in the airport right, But you
know how you just said it.You know how these things get moved around.
I have never ever had a flightmoved up. I have never experienced
that until now. Yeah, justkidding. We're going to do it early.

(02:24:30):
That's insane because people plan their entireday when they take their taxi when
they do this. No, Iunderstand, but I mean I think crazy
thing to do. I think theyprobably figured nobody has got it down to
a to a second, so fiveminutes is not that big of a deal.
Listen, I got to have asecond lemon bar in this SLTA sky
club, and you're cutting into thatnoll. You might have to run.
Then how did it jam you up? You didn't miss the flight? No,

(02:24:54):
I missed the flight, but asI was walking to the gate.
They were paging me and they werelike, the doors will close in two
minutes and we'll not reopened. AndI walked up and I was like,
I thought that it wasn't gonna closefor like another seven minutes. He goes,
yeah, we moved it up.I'm like, that's psychotic. And
they don't send out a message.They don't send out like a hey,
we're moving your time up. Yeah, they should definitely do that right,
send out a text, send outan update in the app, do something

(02:25:15):
they don't let you know, neverhad that happen on United. Then go
back to United. I can't.I'd have to fly out of Newark or
take a connection everywhere I go NewYork. Oh you want? Are you
gonna pay one hundred dollars Uber eachway to go to Newark? All right?
Then you don't get to offer anymore suggestions. You're not for You
want all these solutions, but youdon't. That's not a solution. That's

(02:25:41):
what happens an hour in an Uberand then is not they move it moved
to Newark so it'll be right bythe airport. Isn't that just fat earlier
that they called early? No,that's fate. That's good for a little
too. It was facious, It'soh, it wasn't fate that you found
yourself running fate to aggravate me.No, Well, fate takes many forms.

(02:26:05):
If you believe in it. Sure, it simply means this is what
was destined to be. It's it'sirrespective of your take on it. Right,
fate, if you believe in it, it is indifferent to what you
want. It's just a function ofthe universe. So it's neither good nor
bad. Sure, but all Isn'tthe cardinal of the state bird of Illinois

(02:26:31):
your home state? Yes, itis. There's a ton of states that
had the cardinal as the state bird. I just didn't know that it was
Ohio's. I also know that thestate exercise of Illinois is cycling. I
like that. I like them apples. Yeah, so the cardinal. A
lot of states with so many birdsavailable, why would like a not a

(02:26:56):
dozen? But there's like almost tenstates that I think have the cardinal as
their state. Why not grab abird nobody else has got. I'm sure
a couple of states. Do youknow some bird that's native to the region
or something, but the northern Cardinalyou know, I think it's the bird
of New York and you know Indianawhat a that doesn't matter if birds are

(02:27:28):
depends the drone, the state drone. Well, yeah, the state drone
of Ohio. I didn't know thatthat was the case. I got a
bit of poop news here that Ienjoyed. Haven't really gotten poop news in
a minute, but I just likethe I don't know how you say spie
in French, but I do appreciatewhat they're going for here. You know

(02:27:52):
that the Olympics are coming to Paristhis summer and a lot of people who
live there are not pleased at becauseagain I think it's been there before,
but there's never I don't think there'sbeen a city in history that has benefited
financially from the Olympics. It's bankrupteda number of cities smaller than Paris.

(02:28:16):
And what you'll see when these becauseobviously these cities get the win their Olympic
bid many years in advance. Ina sense, how could it not be
beneficial bringing in all the tourists andeverything in because it costs so much money.
When you're talking about I'm talking primarilyabout cities that have had it that
have had to build the infrastructure.Bigger cities are going to have venues and

(02:28:39):
things like that, but these citiesthat they're like, this is really going
to put us on the map,and then the structures go completely, you
know, once the Olympics leave town. You stuck with these Yeah, you
stuck with these things that maybe youcan repurpose, maybe you can't. But
it leaves more cities in depth thannot. Anyway, the French government has

(02:29:00):
spent two billion dollars cleaning up asegment of the Senn River because that's where
swimming events are gonna be. Andif you've ever been to Paris, two
billion dollars barely seems like enough toclean up the Sen River because there's always

(02:29:20):
stuff in that water. And sothey spend a ton of money on this,
and to further drive home the factthat it's going to be safe for
the athletes, Emmanuel Macrone, whois the President of France, and Ann
Hidalgo, who is the mayor ofParis, have both said that they would
swim in the water to prove thatit's safe for the athletes putting on this

(02:29:45):
big show. It's completely fine.Well, the part that I like is
like I said, there's a lotof people who live in Paris who want
nothing to do with this. They'renot pleased a that the Olympics are coming.
B there's sinking two billion dollars intocleaning up the river. They're like,
you didn't do this for us,right, So the plan is when

(02:30:07):
Mom's like, we got people comeover clean up, it's like, we
should show them how we really live. Yeah, well, we don't need
to be fake. Yeah. Sothey're organizing what they're calling a fecal flash
mob and what these Parisians want todo, and they've tried to get the
word out on social media that aparticular day next month is the proposed day

(02:30:35):
of the flash mob, that beforethe President of France and the mayor of
Paris goes swimming, that they're allgoing to get together and poop in the
river right before this happens, tomake sure that the fecal bacteria count in
the water goes through the roof.Now, as a local Parisian, I

(02:30:56):
wouldn't I love the idea, butI wouldn't think that I would draw that
many people either, because that ispart of your local water supply. I
like how they have to organize thisand make it a big thing. Now
whereas we here in Cleveland, anyrandom Tuesday can poop in the water,
can be the fecal warning day.Yeah, we don't need flash mobs.

(02:31:20):
Yeah, we just have a poopylake. So yeah, nobody loves to
protest like the French. You thinkthey're protesting over here. Woof these people
are taking, like you know,time off from work to march down the
street for the slightest So we'll seewhat happens. I would love for this

(02:31:46):
to come to Fruition, just tosee it get followed through. But a
particular day during the third week inJune, are they going to announce the
day? The cops are just goingto be there and arrest you for pupid
and public. They have announced theday. Now, I can't tell you

(02:32:07):
what day that is. I can'tmention it. But because I can't FCC,
Nope, because you can't read,I can't mention it. Somebody else
could mention this particular day in June, but I can't. Ah, I

(02:32:28):
think you should. Oh yeah,Ellen, tell us what day it is?
Nope, you have to. Ican't what day is it? What's
the day before it? I?Oh, you got me? You are
fake news. You could be makingthis whole story up. We can't fact
check it if we don't know whatday. It is more like a flush
mob. How are they gonna doswimming events in a river? Won't currents

(02:32:50):
affect performance? Yeah? No,listen, I'm with you. These are
Olympic swimmers though, And the sinis it kind of weaves through the city,
so I don't know if it's particularlyaffected by currents, but it is
a dirty river. Dirty. I'ma little annoyed that I didn't get what

(02:33:11):
you were saying when you were like, I can't mention it on what did
the French government send out that isblocking American promoting this particular Did they get
to you? Uh? Huh,don't do it. Don't suck again.

(02:33:31):
I'm sorry. The day you can'tmention it, I've already forgotten. I
have no idea. I don't know, but it's next month and I really
hope that they follow through with itbecause I think that would be high hilarious.
But we'll see if they will seeif they do. Is it the

(02:33:52):
twenty second? I don't know.I can't see. Uh. I've already
closed my stories at the twenty alreadyerased my notes, no idea. Our
phone operators are standing by with theirthumbs their asses waiting for you to call.
So cool call the Alan Cox Showtwo one six seven, eight one

(02:34:13):
double O seven or eight one doubleO seven. I wonder if that Tremont
church fire is going to be partof the Funny Bus route tomorrow night.

(02:34:37):
Are you working on some church firematerial for Tomorrow night? Sure? Why
not? Sometimes we cut through Tremontin the Funny Bush. Yeah ways,
but sometimes, you know time thereare little variations in the route that are
always you never quite know what you'regonna get, you know, But the
Cleveland Funny Bus Tomorrow Night. Bill'sis your host this week. Okay,

(02:35:03):
there you go, go to Funnybusdot net and I will have tickets for
you for next weeks on Monday andTuesday of next week, but Bill and
I trade off weeks in May andJune Wednesday Nights hosting. They've got a
ray of very funny people who areyour tour guides on that so if you
know, I've seen a handful ofrepeat riders and that's always fun. I

(02:35:28):
will say last Wednesday Night was thefirst time I had hosted the Funny bus
when I didn't know a single person. The comedian was new uh Dejon Oh
yeah, Darjean. Yeah he wasnice. Uh there was he just got
like a big commercial for Big Lots. Oh. I was giving him a

(02:35:48):
hard not giving him a hard time, but I kind of tossed that in
as an aside when I was Iwas on the mic and yeah, usually
there will be maybe one two peoplethat I'll know on the bus who are
riding passengers. I didn't know oneperson, which is fine because then I
get to meet everybody. But therewas a guy who had just moved here

(02:36:13):
from Manchester, England, who's atheater actor, young man who well no
how yeah he looked young, butI don't know. But everybody was great.
So that Funny bus man. Ifyou've never been on it, it
is so much fun. We lovedoing it. I love hanging out with
you guys at leaves from Collision Bendin the flats and Bill is your host

(02:36:35):
tomorrow night. So Funnybus dot netto see the schedule. It's not just
Wednesdays, that's just when we doit, but you can there are plenty
of other tours going on, soit's worth looking into a Guardian's play tonight
got beep of the Rockies last nightbecause of that mile high air makes the
pitching weird, and so they'll playhim again tonight. It never really affected

(02:36:58):
me. I never got altitude sicknessor anything like that. All the times
we've been to Denver, I've neverfelt any different there. It's probably gonna
be more evident when you are exertingyourself exercise exercise. Oh, I'm sure
it is. But like regular peoplewalking around who have never been to Denver
before talk about feeling really really weirdin that altitude stuff. Really, Yeah,

(02:37:24):
if it's usually like the last itdidn't happen the first time I went.
The last time I went, Ihad to basically rush from the airport
go basically straight to the show,So I was like kind of already all
over the place, and then onceeverything kind of settled down, I felt
like really sick and you're already exertingyourself. Yeah, they're like, it's
probably altitude. Yeah. The veryfirst time we went to Denver was over

(02:37:46):
a decade ago. But I meanthere was a point in time when all
of our friends from all around thecountry had just moved to Denver at different
times, and so we'd go therea few times a year and see different
groups of our friends at any giventime. And for the very first time
we ever went, I fully expectedthat to be the case, but it
just didn't. It didn't do anything. So anyway, eight to forty tonight,

(02:38:07):
Guardians, Rockies. Guardians will comehome this week and to host the
Nationals. Some guy who is consideredthe most universally hated umpire in Major League
Baseball has announced his retirement. Yes, is this a well known name?
Oh yeah, Angel Hernandez. I'ma baseball fan, but I'd be lying
if I told you that I knewthis guy's name. He's referred to as

(02:38:30):
a universally loathed everybody in baseball togetherbecause he's so bad. But how did
he remain an umpire for so longthirty three year career because they can't fire
it? Why? There was justthey have a union or whatever and they
couldn't get it. I mean,I understand people's complaints about unions keeping people

(02:38:52):
who aren't good, but nobody keepsa thirty three year career as an MLB
umpire if you know good. Hewas terrible. Really that That's why I
don't know. I don't know,man, I just know he was terrible
and he made some of the worstcalls you've ever seen. Wowd No,
he just sucks. Huh. Theresponse from the Major League Baseball community was

(02:39:18):
celebratory for all the wrong reasons.Regarded by many as the worst umpire in
the league and perhaps the worst officialin all of American sports, was finally
gone. There was a time.So people are compiling like a super cut
of all of his if you will, swings and misses. The Phillies d

(02:39:41):
H Kyle Schwarber. Hernandez called strikethree on him and he flipped out and
was immediately ejected. He was theHe was the designated hitter, not the
designated hitler. Remember DESI, hemade a hitler. Designated hitler, excuse

(02:40:01):
me, designated hitter. Angel Hernandezis retiring after thirty three years, and
people are really happy. Hmm herd. Bryce Harper's up. The first pitch
outside doesn't want it. The nextpitch mesually don't know if these are bleeped,
so I'm not kind of a lotof explotives flying when these guys getting

(02:40:22):
each other's faces. Okay, sothese people are happy this guy's gone.
He rolled the De Detroit Tigers.First baseman Spencer Torkelsen swung at a ball
that hit him, resulting in astrike instead of a hit by pitch.
Subsequent replays revealed it was nowhere neara swing. I'm just curious how somebody

(02:40:46):
can be considered so bad and havea three decade long career. That's the
most interesting thing to me. There'sa reason, absolutely terrible, he wouldn't
quit and they couldn't fire him.Wow, wonder what these guys make.
I mean, it must be apretty good living. Yeah, I didn't
need to say that, though,I don't think answer and that should be

(02:41:07):
umping playoff games. He's absolutely terrible. It's terrible trying to play. Today's
terrible at first base. It's amazingthat how he's getting a job to pitch,
to play in these to remember ceeCe Sabathia, his full name is
credit Card Sabathia. I don't thinka lot of people know that. That
common misconception. This is a conversationfor us. But he's he's he shouldn't

(02:41:31):
be anywhere near a playoff game?Is that sentiment that would be CM Sabathia,
Bill, m hmm. Everybody everybody. I think if you go ax
him on the other side too,it was just like something tonight. Always
yea, it's always he's bad.I don't understand why he's doing these games.
Hmm, nowhere to go umpires canmake anywhere, you know, one

(02:41:54):
hundred and twenty and four hundred andfifty thousand dollars a year. Yeah,
and he was in the way.He's one hundred and twenty. Yeah,
that's a lot of games to justmake one hundred and twenty grand. I
guess you're not doing all the gameseither. I wonder how many games of
season you're doing. You're doing alot, you're doing a lot. And
it's yeah, he was in theUnion and they couldn't fire. I love

(02:42:16):
the stories though. These are twoof my favorite. He sued Major League
Baseball in twenty seventeen for not assigninghim to the World Series since two thousand
and five, which memory serves wasthe year that the Chicago White Sox won.
Probably wouldn't have won if it wasn'tfair while and then he accused the

(02:42:39):
League of discriminating against him because he'sCuban. Ah boy that you gotta have
jot, you have to have CojonesGrande to argue that the Major League Baseball
does it like Cubans. Oh god, he was unsuccessful in his legal battles.
I wonder what finally got to thepoint where he's like, I'm out

(02:43:03):
because he doesn't he's not an oldman, right, I mean he's the
mid sixty years. Yeah, whatMary this has that umpires only work about
seventy five games this season. Okay, so that's not bad at all.
You work seventy five days a yearand you make on the low end,
one hundred and twenty grand. That'ssixteen hundred dollars a game. Yeah.

(02:43:24):
Yeah, And I mean I guessyou guess if you're at very very entry
level money. Yeah, if you'remaking four hundred grand a year, dude,
you're making well. That's probably whythey didn't put this guy on playoff
games or World Series games for nineteenyears, because they're like, we don't
you probably make more money for those, like, we don't want to pay
this guy a penny more than wehave to. And he was mad because

(02:43:46):
he knows you make money in those. Well, anyway, he's retiring.
Angel Hernandez is out. Yeah,we're getting closer and closer to robot refs
anyway. Oh yeah, refs willbe out of it. I mean,
it's just the way things are moving. You have to use so much technology
to get the calls right. Andyou had the technology and it's working.

(02:44:09):
In the NFL, they're getting ridof the chain gang yep, that measures
first downs, the guys that areout there breaking rocks. Yes, those
people, and then the in MajorLeague Baseball, they have the technology to
call the balls and strikes perfectly accurate. And then they go, oh,
we want to we don't want tojust a human touch. Yeah, but

(02:44:31):
like I think people don't care aboutthe human touch. They want the calls
right. Yes, so if youhad infallible humans, that would be great.
But barring that, I'm not muchfor rom comms. But about thirty
years ago, there was one thatI particularly enjoyed called Forget Paris. It
was Billy Crystal and it was DeborahWinger and he played an NBA ref.

(02:44:54):
So there were a lot of cameosfrom the players at that time. Yeah,
and those were like there was youknow, obviously when they would have
scenes of him at work he wasrefereeing basketball games. Like he's very small.
You don't have to be tall tobe a ref, but he's probably
gonna look pretty silly out there.Part of that was the visual joke.

(02:45:15):
He was so small, they wereso But I like that movie a lot,
But that's why I think of it, like, you know, obviously
that was a dramatized version of thator for comedic purposes or whatever. But
no, no, he was good. But they kind of made reference to
the fact that he made pretty goodmoney in that movie. It's a lot

(02:45:37):
of running, that's your takeaway.That's a lot of running, you know,
stay in good shape. The amountof money and what it would take
to make that amount of money,you know, that's a lot of running.
Man, Well that right, Butyeah, NBA refs earned between one

(02:46:00):
on eighty and five fifty annually,oh half a mill to run. Maybe
I well, maybe I will.You should become Why don't you become an
NBA referee because I don't think Iknow enough charge? Then you got traveling
block charge file whatever you can learngoaltending. When you block the ball away

(02:46:24):
from the net before it gets doubledribble, double dribble. They don't even
call traveling anymore, do they?Once in a while, once in a
while, and like, God,that's all we got called when we were
kids. I was terrible. Iwas too short. Both my younger brothers
played basketball because they were tall.But yeah, they never called traveling anymore.
Over and back is that still things? That just high school? That

(02:46:48):
overback's the thing? Okay, I'mtrying to remember from my cheerleading day.
I like this for you. Icould be age. Yeah, I think
you could. Yeah. I'm tryingto think of other halls I might need
to make. There you go allof them? Yeah, go put in
an application. Man, I'm nota good runner. I have exercise induced

(02:47:09):
asthma. You think that'll come up? That just come being out of ship,
the exercise induced asthma. I lovethat, guys. I have exercise
induced To just fill in replace asthmawith anything else, I have exercise induced
sadness. Whatever. Yeah, AngelHernandez stay to run as long as he

(02:47:31):
did because he was only bad asa home plate ump. His strike zones
were everywhere except where it should havebeen. Well, then why did they
put him at home plate? Theydon't understand, like the referee could cover
shift. The referees aren't making therules in the league, like put somebody
out, put him at third baseor something. I don't know. I'm
sure there's all kinds of stuff intheir contracts, things like that, but

(02:47:52):
all they actually named the ability tosend emails to multiple people after Cci Sabbathia
that sorry. Tito Francona was tossedby him one time and when he went
to argue the call, he said, Angel, why is it always you?
Well, there you go. Iguess I didn't realize. Obviously within

(02:48:13):
the league all those people would haveknown the guy, but I guess his
name got passed me. Oh yeah, their parent is there in the referee
organization or if there is anything likethat, I don't know. Like of
all the years, I mean baseball, there's been professional baseball for like one

(02:48:35):
hundred and twenty years. Yeah,and you know one umpire's name. It's
not that he was the best.That's how bad he was the worst.
Imagine you are if they were towork out the statistics, Imagine you were
statistically the best Major League Baseball umpireand nobody knows who you are. They
know who the bad one is.I think you'd rather that one get screamed

(02:48:56):
at you rather be the best onethat nobody knows the name of because you're
still getting paid. Yeah, you'reyou're not out there to be a star,
You're out there to get it right. Yeah, I speak for yourself.
Well, once you're an NBA refto tell us I'm doing crowd work
with the players. Speaking of myWhite Sox. You know, for many

(02:49:16):
years they played at US Cellular Field. Anybody who knows anything still calls a
kamisky But okay, in the ageof naming rights, from the early oughts
to what it's only been Guaranteed RateField for a few years. For almost
twenty years it was US Cellular Field. They called it the cell, the

(02:49:37):
shorthand. I don't know what thenickname is for Guaranteed Rate Field. Great,
we just still call maybe you maybewe just call it kamiski, right
like you guys. Some people stillcall Progressive Field Jacob's Field. It's fine.
But I was reading The only reasonI mentioned this because I was reading
that US Cellular is getting scooped upby T Mobile, and I didn't even

(02:50:01):
know that US Cellular was still acell service. Like when I was in
college, it was only Chicago andSaint Louis. They were based out of
Chicago. They were kind of breakingout a little bit. So Chicago and
Saint Louis had US Cellular and apparentlythey had enough money to buy the naming
rights for Comiski. But I wasreading a thing this morning in one of

(02:50:22):
these business emails. They're like,yeah, T Mobile is scooping up US
celler Like, wow, I didn'teven know that I was still a thing.
Finally, four point four billion dollarsfor US Cellulars and they already scooped
up like you know, Tea Mobileover the years, the Grand Sprint and
yeah, I know, because TeamMobile used to be a joke back in

(02:50:43):
the day. But I gotta tellyou, hashtag not an ad. I
know some people still complain about I'vehad it for a long time now and
I've never had issues with it.So I know back in the day,
boy, if you had T Mobile, you know, people would laugh at
you. But maybe it's because theyscooped up all these other companies. They've
got most of the towers. Iguess so, But I didn't even know

(02:51:07):
that US Cellular was still a thing. Like when I go home, there's
still commercials for regional carriers and it'slike US, it's something. It's I
forget what it is, but it'snot US Cellular. I didn't even know
it was a thing anymore, butit is well T mobile. So good
news for you people in Illinois andMissouri wherever else has US Cellular because I

(02:51:33):
have T Mobile now, but Ihad it in the like mid two thousands
because I got a sidekick. Ohand that was yeah, it's pretty that's
pretty cool. And so that wasT Mobile. And I'll tell you what.
That's when it wasn't great. That'swhen people were laughing at you.
That's when it was not too good. Yeah. I remember twenty years ago

(02:51:56):
when Sprint scooped up a company callednext Tell. Remember next Time was the
chirp. That was the chirp,right, the walkie talk When I first
moved to Michigan, it was allnext Tell and they had the like walkie
talkie phones. We had those becausemy dad had them for work because that
was the easiest way for those guysto communicate. So like, that was

(02:52:18):
my first cell phone, was oneof those chirp cell phone. Yeah,
like the yellow ones yep, rightyellow. I remember that we had in
Cleveland area. It was called NorthCoast Cellular. There you go. That's
why I mean those regional carriers.You know. Uh, it only worked
in the area codes of three,three, zero, two and six and
four for zero Like, so youonce you got out of that range,

(02:52:41):
only the phone your phone. Therewas no service. It wasn't roam,
it was just it was just youdon't get to use this. No one
will pick up, you won't heara ring. That's why my parents were
like, you're never You're not goingany I was fifteen, I think when
I got my cell phone, andthey're like, you're not going anywhere.
You just need this. You know, there's no one outside of these area

(02:53:01):
codes. It wouldn't make calls tooutside of those codes. Like I didn't
get my FIRSTELF until it was twentyfour. Well, you were also born
in the fifties. Well I wasnineteen ninety five. Yeah, what day
do you turn twenty four? Idon't remember so long ago, Bill,
I can't God, how long agois that? I don't even know that
Ellen Angel her Nanez is far fromthe worst umpire. You know who I'm
talking. Enrico Palazzo is really worsethan Angel Hernandez. I love this guy

(02:53:31):
from who's brought stripes, sun brightsauce wor so God, leave there as
the rock it's worth there, Not wylots lost, leave me ah,

(02:53:58):
no raw arcids, rag wors,Carlin Sali there first rive, We're all
there, and the rock it werethere, poor son of a bitch.

(02:54:18):
Well, it's pretty rare that you'llhave a song with the word gallant lee
in it. And now I mustleave you as the Brady bunches on,
and I find four of those childrenincredibly arousing. Get at it. Be
careful of what you say, Becareful in every way, Be careful of

(02:54:39):
what you do. Big Brother iswatching you. Be circumspect and discreet,
Stay light on your mental feet.One slip and you know you're through.
Big Brother is watching you. Allnarrative, remember obedience, pain, And

(02:55:05):
when you watch that dav screens,remember it works both ways. You'll disappear
in a wink. Unless you candouble think, you'll vanish into the blue.
Big Brother is watching you.
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