All Episodes

June 22, 2024 163 mins
The Alan Cox Show
Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Federal Communications Commission has determined thefollowing content to be emotionally harmful. Funny
things that you think is funny aren'tfunny. Gim me Cox, solid time?
Do me all coxshow kicks ash Man, We'll go, welcome, show
me. What's you go? Ican see a lot of cocks on TV.
Allen Cox from me, Alan Coxhow? I don't know what's about you?

(00:23):
But I can it. Don't bea great show. Let's coffee.
You get that. You'll just takeit with a safety group. Okay,
what killing three? Take it?Damn put you one time ticket? What
Allen Cox? Here we go,he'll add, He'll be fine. It's

(00:44):
the Allen Cox Show on one hundredpoint seven double U m M. I'm
reaching out the company that is hopingto integrate their Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein
holograms into university academics, lifelike hologramsthat may soon be able to give lectures.

(01:15):
So you will eventually have a generationof people who are like, who's
this old dude? Who's this hologramof this old dude? Long dead pioneers,
groundbreaking hologram technology. This sounds likeFuturama stuff, right, where they
were just using Napster to create likenessis of celebrities, but it was just

(01:38):
based off all their movie algorithms kindof merged into a personality and that's what
they're going to do with geniuses.Yeah, there's a British university that says
they plan to project scientists from miit and then so far student mi Mitt,
Well it's Massachusetts. Romney used tobe the governor. Students absolutely love

(02:00):
the hologram guest speakers, they say, using the holographic technology to bring some
of the world's greatest innovators and artistslike Michael Jackson. Yes, you want
to get pound Cake back in school, Here's how you do it. He's
going to take a he's going toaudit a lecture by Michael Jackson. It's
called Here's how you do It,and get away with it for a while

(02:25):
at the end he oh he MichaelJackson. Gee, how'd you make that
connection? Einstein? So yeah,given a lecture by a hologram Stephen Hawking,

(02:46):
Now here's the question. Stephen Hawkingfamously had to use that voice recorder.
Are they would the hologram have tostick to that because that's how people
know it associate his voice or couldthey use his voice? He wasn't like
that since birth right right, Well, they use Stephen Hawking's voice, because
we don't know what that sounds likeunless there's old news, real footage.

(03:08):
I never saw anything where Stephen Hawkingwas speaking. There was that documentary called
Hawking Talking in the early and thelate eighteen hundreds, but you know it
was it was very very grainy,raw footage. Yeah, so you gotta
go with for the authenticity. Whatwe know is the speaking spell voice.

(03:30):
Yeah, I don't know what hesounded like. The synthetic voice he used
was modeled after the real life voiceof a scientist named Dennis Klatt. Oh,
maybe there is some Hawking talking here. He used a student to interpret
his failing speech. Okay, gotit? Okay, Oh so he was

(04:00):
very young when that happened. Yeah, okay. He underwent a broncho bronchotomy
in nineteen eighty five, putting apipe into his lungs and mall ay.
But yeah, you associate Stephen Hawking, and by the way, he's the
most well Trump Clinton. Yeah,but out of kind of the civilian ish

(04:24):
people on the Epstein thing, StephenHawking is by far the most believable person.
That's the least surprising person. Ithink these people will go, oh
my god. But I mean,didn't the dude like cheat on his wife
with his nurse? Like Hawking wasmaking stuff happen. I don't know how
you do that, but in hissituation to make that happen is I was

(04:45):
gonna say he was truly a genius, truly a classic sheet. I feel
like Stephen Hawking, he truly understoodthe mysteries of the universe. He's like,
I was at cheating babe. Ijust had to poop me once she
got my pants down. You knowThat's what I'm saying, Like, you

(05:09):
didn't want to do it for me? Babies when I found someone else too.
Yeah, a blumpkin was originally calleda hawking up with Gee, how'd
you make that connection? Einstein?We see stories all the time about teachers

(05:33):
who are doing things with their studentsthat they shouldn't be doing, and after
a while, you kind of getnumb to those kinds of stories. You
know, another usually hot teacher.I don't know when that took a turn,
because back in the day, you'relike, hey, but then all
of a sudden they got younger andhotter, and I don't know what happened.

(05:54):
I don't know where that seismic generationalshift began over the past decade or
so. But you know, peoplebecome numb to it, and so it
makes sense that if you're gonna doit, you're invariably gonna get caught.
You gotta make yourself stand out.If you're a teacher it's banging her students,

(06:15):
you got to have a hook.Ellen Phillips is a teacher in Kentucky
who's in trouble. She confessed tothe sexual assault of multiple teenage boys and
she made merch. This merch thing, boy, I mean, it's gotten
out of hand. Everybody has merchnow, even teachers banging their students.

(06:40):
Bill's got merch. Mary's got merch. Merch erybody she made. I love
hot mom's swag for the victims.She's a She's a thirty nine year old
mother of two. I was ateacher in Kentucky. And you know,

(07:02):
she's not bad looking. I meanshe looks a little bit more like a
mom than some of these other girlsdo. These stories come fast and furious
too. There's one last week abouta woman who they had to get on
the run because as soon she waslike from Texas but teaching in Missouri,
I think, but she was liketwenty four. These girls that get right

(07:23):
out of college, it was likeher first year teaching. I don't know
if these jobs are easy to getnow and so you take them for granted.
I don't know if it's the confluenceof what am I doing with my
life. Maybe these girls got marriedyoung. I don't know, but they're
always married. They usually have kids, and that to me was always the

(07:48):
creepy thing. It is like ifyou're a mom and you're banging other moms
kids. This girl in Kentucky saidthat she had had multiple sexual relationships with
teen boys in her classes, boysbetween the ages of fourteen and sixteen,

(08:09):
so full on minors. I wouldsay, so that's literally childless the last
station because it is not even eighteen, like you're a senior. He has
an old soul, like he's goingto college in the fall, and I
wanted to send him off right.No, literally, is that raping?
Respectfully, I didn't say that,but at least you're legal by I mean,
you're legal within the law, LikeI know, there's the law here

(08:31):
in Ohio, where if you're aperson of what is in a position of
power, doesn't matter what the ageis, you're going to jail at least
be eighteen. But no, she'sbanging minors. She how'd you make that
connection, Einstein? I'm allowed togive my commentary. I mean, every

(08:52):
one of these women, by theway, operates in the shadow of Mary
Kayla Turno. Right, the dudethat she was molesting was twelve, and
he knocked her up, right,and he waited for her. She's dead.
She died a couple of years ago. They got divorced, and then
she died, right, died ofa broken heart. He maybe because he

(09:15):
finally moved on. And yeah,he's like, I don't want you to
no more. Bit Like, imagineyou go through all that. I mean,
but they had a kid while shewas in prison and they were married
for fourteen years. Don't you stickit out out of spite? What do
you mean, like after you gothrough it? Well, spite is really
a big blanket for you, isn'tnot? But like, spite is a

(09:37):
huge comfy You can really wrap itaround just about any subject. She went
to prison for you, Like sheshe didn't go to prison for him.
She went to prison because she bangeda twelve year old I'm saying he waited
for her, yes, And theyhad a kid together, and they were
together all these years and fighting allodds, and everyone was like, oh,
you know, this is disgusting,and though it may be disgusting,

(10:01):
but they still were together. Andit was, uh, you know,
a flaw in their in their plan. And she couldn't for them, she
couldn't stay away from him. Thatwhole case was so wild. This is
a woman with children of her own, a good looking woman with a handsome
husband, right, Stevel Turno washer husband, and she just falls madly

(10:22):
in love with the sixth grader andthey the whole thing blows up and they
go, we're going to put youin prison for eight years. It's a
plea deal, but you can't havecontact with this kid for life. She
goes, okay, does three monthsin jail, They catch her in a
car with the kid. Three monthsthey put her back. They put her

(10:48):
back in and she has a kidin prison and she's in there for six
years, six seven years, andhe hangs out and they get married and
they're marriage for a long time.She's married to him. She was married
to him longer than she was marriedto her husband, so it's like that

(11:09):
whole thing is wild. So anyway, all of these subsequent teachers, really
Mary Kayla Turno is the patron saint. Whether they know it or not,
somebody these girls are really young andthey probably have no idea who Mary Kayla
Turno is. The Allan Cox Showa sore tooth in the mouth of broadcasting,
Oh, the Alan Cox Show onone hundred point seven WMMS. We'll

(11:31):
have a lot of thoughts on retaildropping the my pillow, Alan, I
bought two my pillows, the bodypillow and the mattress topper in a package
for three hundred dollars. It soundslike a bit of a deal though,
for all that stuff, right,Yeah, mattress toppers can be expensive.
I don't even know what a mattresstopper is. It's just like the thing
they go to all people. It'suh, he's a mattress bottomer. More.

(11:56):
The topper is the you know,the memory foam thing that you put
on top be your mattress and makeme like, what'd you think it was
called? I don't know. Ididn't even think about it. I didn't
even think there was an aim forit. Coles has also dropped. Someone
says that mine comfy pillows sets.Hey boy, m h, I love

(12:26):
my two. I love my twomy pillows. Okay, well there you
go. Some people love it.I'm reading the wrong reviews. Maybe I'm
sure there's I've never used one,but my girlfriend said the one that she
had was very lumpy, and she'dnot if we know. She doesn't like
things lumpy. She likes their boyslumpy, not her pillows, her pillows.

(12:50):
Well, okay, I want anice secular pillow. That's what I
want. Now I need some guypreaching to me about you know, how
do you even get to the pillowgame? I wonder. You just have
access to materials and you go,this is my pillows. How do you
land on pillows? Because no oneis doing no one is doing market research

(13:13):
and going there's a hole in thepillow market. Who's doing No one's doing
that. These are just companies thatgo, we got a new way for
you to sleep, because they knowpeople are having a hard time sleeping all
these things. It's balls too whenyou are the face of your company in
a situation like that where you're like, I'm the my pillow guy. I'm

(13:37):
I'm out there and I if youthink of my pillow, you think of
him sunken eyes. Well, thetrouble with that too is you get type
cast. So when you want tobranch out, you know, you want
to do a horror movie, youwant to do a comedy, they go,
you're the my pillow guy and hegoes, He goes, I could
be so much more, though,you know, I mean, whether he

(14:01):
knows it or not, he isan actor, so he goes. Well,
I think of him as a performer. There you go, salesman potato
patana, right, I mean salesis performing. Yeah, I mean the
flexial guy. He's out there doingit too, slapping it on all those
leaks and yes, making those boatsfloat again. And he was replacing a

(14:24):
beloved person. Billy Mays was BillyMay's Flexial, wasn't he. I don't
think so he was. But didn'the do flex seal too? Not sure?
But I thought Flexia was this guy'scompany. Oh, I thought he
created flexial and now he's the faceof it. Okay, Well I thought
that Billy Mays did. Uh,well, he did do oxy clean.

(14:48):
He's from mckey's rocks Pennsylvania. Billthat's a little suburb of Pittsburgh. So
he goes, guys, I'm I'mnot go to the shark tank, and
I'm gonna tell him how to putPotter in their laundry getting nice and clean.
He struck up a friendship with orangeGlow. The guy runs orange Glow.
You ever see that? Guy goes, hey, you know how you

(15:09):
get things really clean? Put someorange juice in it or whatever. Billy
May has been dead for some timenow. Uh. The Flex Seal guy
is Phil Swift. Phil Swift andhe yeah, he's an entrepreneur best known
for appearing in infomercials for Flex Seal. Oh okay, well he just bought

(15:30):
a home in Florida for twenty milliondollars. Good for him. See something
like that seems a little you know, that's not something that you can get
anywhere. A pillow you can getanywhere. This kind of stuff. It
might look silly, but you go, hey, if I can put if
I'm in a boat and that thingstarts leaking, right, put a screen

(15:52):
door down, I can put aflex seal. I can cruise the sec
That's right. That's all I wantto do if I'm in a leaky boat.
It's got multiple applications. A pillowjust goes under your head, maybe
between your knees, but you know, flexeal, orange glow whatever, this
is stuff that multiple applications. Thisguy goes, hey, I got this.

(16:15):
Uh you know, he writes abig check to whoever actually invented it
over at three M or whatever,and then he becomes the face of it.
You can sprite his crap all overwhatever holes you got, and he'll
seal them up. The wish Ihad more holes to steal up, right,
Like, I want to use flexialmore often. Yes, it makes
you envious of people that have alot of holes around them. Need a

(16:38):
leaky situation that can fix with flexseal. Yes, so who knows if
these things work? You know,now, if you have triple phobia,
that's not a you're not gonna wantanything to do with it. Let's triple
phobia the fear my wife has that, the fear of like the holes that
are right next to each other,like if you see a flower, you
see like people get freaked out bylike air bubbles and pancakes or a honey

(17:03):
carn He's called tripophobia. Yeah,holes that are right next to each other.
Now, if you're what's a guynamed Felix Phil Mortar Shark, Phil
Swift? Yeah Phil, it mightbe of the man Cato Minnesota mort Sharks.
Can you spell that for me?Yeah, it's m schwah. There's

(17:26):
an O with a line turt andthey're saying, so, uh, this
guy sees holes and he sees abusiness opportunity. He goes business solution.
So when he sees this, hegoes. Other people will look at those
holes and go eh, I lookat him and go those need to be
plugged up. Like, if Ihad the money, I would buy a

(17:47):
giant tank of water, shoot ahole in it. Yeah, and then
slap flexial on there. You cando that multiple times a day. Yeah.
Like, I've never tried the stuff, So I'm sure that there are
chemical engineers, are people who workin construction or wherever. God, that
is such nonsense. It's try thisinstead. But for the general public,
they see a guy seems affable enough, seems to want to solve your leaky

(18:11):
problems. He seems genuine in hisconcern for you and and excited. It's
one thing if a guy comes upwith something that's practical in nature. It's
another thing because these are pretty mundaneproducts. Another thing entirely to be enthused
about it to go. Not onlydo I hate leaks just like you,

(18:33):
right sure? I hate who likesleaks? No one, No one likes
leaks. How I miss those daysalready He's got you because no they'll get
in front of the crowd and belike, ah, I can't solve this
leaking problem. And then phil Swiftcomes out, well, I have just
the product for you, and theydo that whole routine. I love those

(18:56):
How many of you have used apan where every thing just sticks right right?
And then Emerald comes out, usethis? What is the copper pot?
You need a copper pot. Ifyour pot's not copper, then it's
pieces of the There you go,Oswald. Copper pot is what you want
to use? Yeah, the graniterock pan, or the lady who sells

(19:21):
the dump cakes, see those,I'm here. We go this for done
batter. You can scrub and scrape, but you can this. First of
all, these are clearly people becausethey have to make the black and white
portion of it so demented, theyreally need to oversell it. These are
people who have clearly never used apan before ever, Like it's their first
time you cooking in a pan.No sound. They're frustrated because they've done

(19:45):
it so many times and they're sickof having to get all the gunk off.
They want an easier way. Isthere one, Well, if you
didn't try to cook a dozen eggsat once, maybe you wouldn't have that
issue. The night you're sticky introducingthe granite the nightmare nightmare? You had
some nightmares? Yeah, my daughtertold me this morning that she had a

(20:06):
bad dream about being in a petstore and a bird bitter. Yeah,
there's no sticky pants. That wouldhave been a NightWare from which sticky pants
are a nightmare from which no onecan can awaken. Right, they're like,
oh, these pans will now comesgranite rock in color? I might
add, I think it's also aproblem that people are clearly using very old

(20:27):
pants because those pans are in blackand white, so clearly they've been around
a long time. You have totake your pants every once in a while.
Rock pan the world's most durable nonstick pan known to man. No,
now, again, they have noway of quantifying that right where they
go. That's the most durable nonstickpan, non stick pan. There's got

(20:49):
to be some sort of metric forthat. You can't just say something outlandish
like that and not be able toback it up seen on TV. Product
is a waste of money. Buthow would you know unless you try it
more better? Yet, we trythem for you. Yeah. See,
these are the guys who wanted toThey don't want to have a good time.
These are the guys who are quickto debunk all those pan claims,

(21:10):
and that's no fun. You wantto be transported into a world where nothing
sticks. And if something does stick, unless it's flex seal, then you
want that to stick. Right.If you're talking pans, no stick,
But if you're talking flex seal,make it stick. I like the dump
Cake Lady, the old Red,Then I don't think I know the dump
cake one. She looks like fatRoue McClanahan or something. She's up there

(21:33):
scraping pants, sticking to your pan, gotten completely out of hand, tired
of scraping, scrubbing at all thescratches. Well I've got the solution.
Hi, Kathy Mitchell here with mynew red Kathy Mitchell, and it describes
her as a cookwaar expert. Boy, that is a narrow area of expertise.
I'm a cookwar expert. Well,how'd you do that? I studied

(21:56):
pans for many, many years.Hello, Tony, Hey, what's up?
Allen? Love the show? Thankyou, sir. He must love
this guy, my pillow guy,because he's a reform crackhead, like the
guy up the mayor up in Canada, like everybody loves him. Well,
listen guy's life and order. I'mhappy about that. I mean, you

(22:17):
know, he said he achieved sobrietythrough prayer. But as with so many
people who arrive at that destination,they seem to kind of forget that when
it comes to oh, I don'tknow, suggesting that the president declare Marshall
Law, or blaming communism for bedBeth and beyond dropping his pillows. I
don't know. I'm glad. I'mglad he got himself healthy, right,

(22:40):
yeah, physically, if not mentally. Thank you, Tony Copper Cookware the
revolutionary panne dare you interrupt Kathy Mitchell? After all of the years she spent
studying cookware, nonstick ceramics, Forall I know, she could be a
chemical engineer, nonstick ceramic and superstrong copper guaranteed. Now, no one's
going to be cooking bolts. Sheshows how it doesn't scrape by cooking bolts.

(23:07):
Well, I feel like you couldsue this woman if you put those,
if someone mistook that for an ingredientin what she was cooking. I
asked for a Denver omelet. Ididn't want an omelet with bolts in it.
And you you haven't tried my motherin law's cooking scratch freight forever.
No scratch is no sticking. It'slike weight yet super strong, so it

(23:30):
won't start. They drive a carover it. I mean that happens to
my cookwar on occasion. That's themeasure of how something's. How strong something
is is they drive a car overit, never mind the fact that you
are cookwar will never come in contactwith the tires of your car. They
go, oh, it's super strong. I mean right, But how strong

(23:52):
do I need a pan to be? I just needed to cook things.
I don't need it to with bolts. I don't need it to with and
the weight of my car. Haveyou ever have you ever actually cooked bolts?
Do you even know if it's goodor not? I have tried,
Yes, they're super tough because you'llget them al dente, which is how
I like them, and then you'llthink that you're done running through the colander,

(24:15):
and then it's like molten steel inyour mouth. Yeah, chef does
not recommend actual feel or chip intoyour food. Look biscuits stiffed and cinnamon,
sugar and covered with a sticky caramelglaze. Then bake red copper is
a baking pan with a handlet goesinto the oven up to five hundred degrees
and everything slides right out up tofive hundred degrees. So if I am

(24:38):
cooking something, would the recipe costsfor my oven to be sent at seven
hundred degrees, which many do.Let's say I'm running a smelter and that's
how I like to cook my food, including your bolts. That would make
more sense. Yes, if I'mtrying to make bolt sauce, obviously I'm
going to need to crank this thingway up. But according to Kafe,

(25:00):
who is a self proclaimed cook,we're expert and I have no reason not
to believe her boring meal, thenyou need those flavor pro the amazing new
kitchen miracle that lets you make deliciousmeals firstly, so this is just one
of those flavor injectors, so you'llhave the very same people. Wait,
you say this is just one ofthose flavor injectors, like everybody has a

(25:21):
flavor injector. No, but theyare of a flavor injector. It's a
syringe that you put butter and saucesin and then you stick it into something
and shoot it. I say oneof these, because this isn't the only
one in the market. I didn'teven know this was a thing. I
didn't know. You're just shooting herfood up with flavor. That's how you
get them hooked. Oh man,the first taste is free, then you

(25:42):
got paid for the very same people. By the way, vacciny big.
Yes, the government is tracking themthrough the coronaviruspects. You're like, I
gotta shoot up a bird with butter, mall the flavor pro I know,
like basting and stuff. But Ididn't know we were just shooting things up
yeah full of yeah, all sortsof fun ingredients and yeah, well I've

(26:04):
been missing out. Now. Thisis great because for those of you who
got into early and purchased the flavoramateur that did not work so well.
The syringe would stick the flavor hobby. Yeah, not good with flavor until
now. Marinating took hours, notanymore. Simply pour your favorite marinate into
the flexible flavoriser attached the needle placeinto the flavor bro All. I gotta

(26:27):
say, marinating took hours. Youwere just back time to when you knew
you needed it. It's not likeyou had to sit there and wait for
it to marinate. You put itin that morning. Well, why would
you do that when you can justinject your food with flavor. With flavor
and presto on this Flavor Bros.Unique patented design lets you inject fix savory

(26:51):
sauces. Also, the word prestogets used a lot in these ads.
Yes, you don't hear a lotof presto. Yeah, unless you're injecting
flavor into meat. Presto you've gotYou've injected some thick sauces. That's the
selling point. It's in big boldletters, inject thick sauces. You should

(27:12):
mean that for one of your upcomingconversations, Pucake. Next time you going
to post something on your Instagram story, grab the flavor Prouh inject thick sauces.
I will do deep into meat,plumping up food with deep into meat.
Inject thick sauces deep into meat.See subliminally, this is how they

(27:33):
get you, because you're watching thisgoing how stupid? Then you notice you
have an erection? Yeah, I'mhungry and horny. Yeah, ject fix
savory sauces deep into meat. Plumpingup food with mouth watering flavor in minutes.
Inject pepper and zesty Italian dressing intofileting. Own for tender juicy steak.
Use creamy lemon dill sauce for savorysalmon filets. By the way,

(27:55):
it really is gross to watch.I mean, these are all things that
would be just fine on top ofthe meat. Convincing people that they need
to inject it into their meat.What's this thing called flavor? The flavor
pro Oozing with flavor? Oozing nevera good word, by the way,
to use with respect to food.Oozing with flavor. If somebody can still
started off, No, this isall in color. Oh the one that

(28:19):
I turned on, It started offin black and white. They want you
to see, Uh, remember atime when you couldn't inject thick sauces into
your meat? Salmon filets? Oozingwith flavor? Yeah, if you saw
that on a menu if you wereat a place white tablecloth. Majer d
comes over and says, tonight,the specials are a orange roughy. How

(28:40):
is that prepared? Well, that'syour liking, but it is oozing with
flavor to give me the salad.I've the way that when they're injecting it
into the turkey and they're just likealmost like sawing it in like they're pumping
it from Yeah, sauce, you'regonna make canola or something like, I
guess it. But you know,with a flavor Pro create mouth watering manicotti

(29:04):
and more money. O perfect forall meats, is what it says.
If you've there ain't a mate meninvented that the flavor Pro won't inject with
thick sauces. Oh, I loveit. If you've never oozed with flavor
before, now's the time to doit, alright. This garlic bread looks
incredible, though, is it oozingwith flavor? It's bursting, bursting,

(29:29):
Yeah, I do you know thatpart of your brain that regulates good decision
making. Thanks for turning that oneoff and turning on the Alan Cox Show.
Sorry about all the cocks, aboutall the Cocks, Mms Joe and
Philly. Hey, what's going on? Hey Mary, It's gonna be okay.

(29:52):
You're moving through your grieving process verywell. I know you were upset
about your not being able to cutyour tongue nails, but that was the
denil portion and that they were gettinglonger. But she's already gone through anger
too, Joe, so she's upto bargaining exactly. Yeah, well she
was at bargaining, so she wasthinking do I go to another peticurist or

(30:15):
nail tech a not? So youwent straight to sticking on it to your
original plan. Now to be wheredepression my favorite? You know it may
come soon. So yeah, thencomes acceptance and that's when you just you
just let you let the lack ofproper foot care just wash over you.

(30:36):
Right, And did you not hearthe story there's a RoboCop statue? Yeah,
I thought, thank you, Joe. I thought that was gonna get
way more. I was so excitedabout the RoboCop statue being done and ready
for service. Well, it needsto be out somewhere so I can go
take a picture with it. Thenyou guys have got Rocky Balboa. Did

(30:56):
they really move the Rocky statue.Yeah, so this pandemic has been soaking
up the headlines for I don't knowmonths now, and so people have forgot
about the epidemic of obesity and peoplebeing overweight in the country. Yeah.
So to deter heart attacks and alot of high ankle strains, they moved

(31:17):
it from the Oh my god,are you serious because because people couldn't get
up the stairs to take a picture. Woh, come up. By the
way, I don't think anyone's forgottenabout the epidemic of obesity, since there's
somewhat so many visual reminders everywhere youlook. Wow. So they were like,
we don't want people, but doesn'tthat defeat the purpose? Like and
wasn't there another way to get toit? Like there wasn't a slope on

(31:41):
the opposite side for people who couldn'tnavigate steps. Yeah, I mean,
I'm sure there's like some sort ofhandicap and something like that, but you
know, people want to run thesteps, all right. Hopefully they'll have
the RoboCop statue on level ground inDetroit. No, I want them to
put it right next to the Rockystatue and have them face off, you

(32:02):
know what I mean. I watchedthat movie. I would too, Alien
v. Predator, Rocky v.RoboCop. It's a good fly right on
that. Yeah, I guess so, okay, listen, good ideas as
always. Thank you, Joe,Yeah, all right, you too,
there's Joe and Philadelphia. Hey,Spencer, Yes, Hey, what's going

(32:22):
on? Spence? Hey, Ijust wanted to call and tell Mary to
keep hanging in there. Today's mynine months sobriety date. And uh,
to be quite honest, I've beenpart of the reason I listened to the
show is I heard Mary was inrecovery, and at that time I was

(32:49):
not in a great place and wasamazed that she could do what she does
being a stand up comedian and besober, and she was somewhat an inspiration
to me to go out and seekhelp and and get sober myself. So
well, congratulations, man, nineonce is huge. I just yeah,

(33:14):
not two years what it's good?No, But that's like I look like
nine months is when I stopped.Like that was like you're over the hump
of it being brand new, andlike you figured out kind of how to
manage your time a little bit,and you had a sober baby. Yeah.
Yeah, And I and it's weirdtoday. It's just been, you
know, one of those days thatyou get all kinds of messages that you're

(33:37):
you're doing the right thing. Igot back in contact with somebody that I
hadn't spoken to in a couple ofyears and found out he's six months sober
because of something he posted on Facebook. And now my sober community has grown

(33:57):
by six because of all of hisfriends that are also sober. That's great,
dude, Just keep at it andknow that your sobriety has touched and
inspired other people's sobriety. Well,thank you, that's very very sweet,
Pastramimi. All right, thank you, Spencer. There you go. He

(34:25):
couldn't even give it to you,could he what you were somewhat inspirational to
him? That's okay, there's otherstuff going on. One was either inspirational,
Bill, or they're not inspirational.Maybe he finds inspiration everywhere in the
trees and the sky and the clouds, and he could have said you were

(34:45):
all inspirational to the vast minority ofinspiration. All right, right, I'll
take it all right now onto thisnut bag. What are you complaining about
today? Let's get it all out. I'm not really complaining. I just
said today it's just a bad mentalhealth day. I think it may be
with the combination of my medication andbeing on my new diet. I'm just

(35:06):
a little antsy. That's all.You just wake up and you have your
good days and bad days. Andwhen I woke up this morning, I
was like, I'm gonna make itpositive. I'm gonna make it positive.
I woke up, opened the door, stub my toe on the side of
the door, and I was like, still gonna make it positive. And
then I found out I had toput up a new thing, a toothpaste.

(35:27):
I had to throw the other oneaway. That seems like a real
It seems like a real precipitous dropin like bad news. Though you stub
your toe undeniably sucks, and thenyou had to open a new tube of
toothpaste. Well, yeah, Ihad to look forward because I went grocery
shopping last night and luckily I boughtsome. But then I was like,
oh yeah, I forgot to takeit out of the package. So I

(35:49):
had to go into my car andgo get the other package. And you're
parked on the street and you wereable to pull it all together and get
How were you able to the proverbialbootstraps? The force is strong with this
one. I'll tell you what.This guy, oh my god, gets
out to the car, opens upa new tube of toothpaste. Well,
it was in. I just leftthe bag in my car, so I
had to go out and get him. Man, why didn't you bring the

(36:12):
bag with the toothpaste in? Ifor god, I had a lot of
stuff to carry last night. Andwhat did you have to carry My groceries
aren't isn't toothpaste part of the groceries? Yes, but I just forgot about
it. I forgot. You don'tbring them all in. You can't bring
them all in one trip. Ithought I did, and that's why I
was looking around for a new tubeof toothpaste. Do you put your groceries

(36:32):
in the trunk of the backseat?I put it in the in the car,
like on the front seat actually,because no one passenger seat, So
groceries are riding shotgun. Uh huh? And a toothpaste part of Did you
get the grocery the toothpaste at aseparate location? No, but what happened
to the same place. Listen whathappened? I can understand if maybe you
had some paper bags for your groceries. Had to stop off with the Walgreens

(36:53):
because you couldn't find your toothpaste ofmire or whatever. Then I get a
different bag, maybe somewhere else byitself. Toothpaste. By the way,
what kind of toothpaste it was crested, I believe. Okay, so you
explain. I'm just trying to giveyou some clarity. I had to stop
and get my prescription. Had mybackpack that I always carry around, so
I also have that, So stopat Walgreens. Then I stopped at drug

(37:15):
Mart, and I was gonna getall my groceries there because it was I
was gonna right there in the samestreet. So I was like, okay,
I'll stop it drug Mart. Thedrug Mart saves you the run around.
But it didn't though, because Iwanted some I wanted a rotissery chicken
so I could cut those and makeit. I needed a rotissary tickets.
This just kind of drug Mart hasrotisseri d they do, but they do,

(37:37):
and that's the one. Then Igo to because I know they have
that, and I was like,perfect, I can get everything I need.
Saves you the run around. I'mgonna go stop there, but they
only have them for a limited amountof time, and I was going up
because my roommate is on. Theyhave time sensitive chick. You slow down
a little bit, you are soworked up. He's very excited. Does
that new toothpaste have caffeine in it? By any chan? No? Oh

(37:58):
okay, but you start making monstertoothpaste? Okay, go ahead. So
my roommate is also dieting, sohe also wanted a rotissery chicken, and
so they have, Like what partof a diet is rotisserie chicken? You

(38:19):
don't need you cut it prep,okay, So then you can just take
it and shred it up and useit anything all week. It's actually very
convenient. I assume that people wholike rotisserie chicken also like it for the
skin. Well yeah, but itseems like a lot of work to meal
prep with a rotisseri chickens exactly not. It's pretty easy, okay. And
it's affordable too, okay, especiallya drug Mark. And so they had

(38:45):
one. It was the last ones. I was like, well, I'll
be a sport and get my roommateone, and then you know, I'll
get some bait chicken or whatever.I don't I don't care. And I
went to take it, and anotherlady came in and swooped in and she
took it. So she purloined toyour rotisserie chicken chicken. Howked chicken?

(39:05):
One fatal swoop. It's like aseagull on the beach in the Bahamas.
No, I was already there,so I was like, I might as
well get everything else I need andthen I'll drive all the way down.
I say all the way, butit's like a mile or two down the
road to Giant Eagle to get Iknow they have rotissary chicken chickens in they're
warm. So I did all myshopping eggedrug Mart, and then I stopped
to get the rotissery chickens at GiantEagle. So I have all the bags

(39:29):
from two stores, plus my backpackees two chickens. Okay, it's right,
and I'm that's annoying when it's sevenin the morning and you're tired and
you're like, I do not wantto go downstairs. That's a reminder to
double check for all. Like ifit fell down in between the war and

(39:51):
the space, I would have leftit had I had a tube left but
I didn't. When did so yourun out this morning? Yeah? And
then my so it didn't job yourmemory last night when I assume you were
brushing your teeth, it wasn't outyet. I wasn't out. I was
out this morning. I was like, damn it. It's just like when
you say you're gonna get gas andbut you're getting down to the last bit
and then you go, I remember, I forgot it. I got toothpaste.

(40:14):
I'm human. I guess I planfurther ahead than he does when he
said that gas comparison. I amnotorious for that. Or I'll get my
guess. I don't come on onthe way to work. I'm like,
all right, I'll stop when Iget home on the way home, and
then I'll get home and I'm like, all right, no, I'll just
wake up early and then I'm runninglate the next day. I'm like,
there's no way I'm gonna break downand I'm gonna run out of gas.
I'm so so bad at that.I get it. I don't like things

(40:36):
getting that close to me either,Like when I get down to it,
like I'm I'm currently I have likea quarter of a tube of toothpaste left
I got the new one unboxed inthe cup, ready to go. Yeah,
so when that one's done out newtool, that is the way to
do it. That's just but that'sjust sometimes it doesn't happen that way.
Mine's not like I don't have afear of breaking down, like because I'm

(40:57):
not getting gas. It's just I'mtoo lazy because it's the day of like
a no storm and I'm already runninglate, so I have to brush off
my car and then go get thathalf a tank of gas six dollars?
How much on a pump? Fourone chickens breath? All right, listen,
No, it's just the day.You're having a day too, And
yeah, and I was like,you know what, my toothbrush better not

(41:20):
run out of gas like I chargeyou. His day admittedly different level than
your day. Admittedly sure, Imean had a cure. Might sound silly,
but the toothpaste. Sillier didn't wantto complain. But since I have
a platform and you asked, Iwas absolutely I'm not. I like to
know the details. That's where I'veheard the devil lives, so yeah,

(41:40):
I like to know all those littledetails. It's going to go on a
date, tonight, but I'm notnecessarily in the mood, so I'm like,
I'm gonna stay mass home. We'lldo something Thursday. Do you want
to do something tonight? No.I stubbed my toe and they had to
go out for toothpaste, so walkoutside in the morning, So I can't
real But I'm not really I can't. You really get it my head work.
I don't necessarily want to go ona date because I'm new to my

(42:01):
diet, and I don't know ifhe's going to want to go out and
drink. I don't know if hewant I don't know any healthy restaurants to
go to. Yeah, because youcan't be drinking in that medication. I
can have a glass shouldass what painprosecco? Jesus, that's practically a caprice
son, all right, go aheadand have some Prosecca ask him or say,

(42:22):
hey, I'm not drinking for thenext twenty eight days. He kay,
Or you can go out and Ihave a drink. He also assumes
that you're lying and that you're onvale Trex. You have to make clear
that you're on the specific medications foranxiety and hair loss. It seems like
a vicious cycle yeah, he listensto the show. He's aware. Oh,
so you are just now telling himthat you're not going out on a

(42:45):
day tonight. Who is using thisas his messaging service? I don't think
not going out tonight. Did youhear that? Frankie or whatever his name
is, he just said, Idon't care what it was, it's frank
Now. I can't say I'm times. My spot has been blown up on
this show. Like I say I'mdoing something and was people like, hey,
you said you were doing such andsuch. I was like, oh,

(43:06):
yeah, the show. I waslike, it's is a comedy because
I'm stupid. I was making thisshow like we do. That's right,
it's not really us, do youknow that. I don't care? That's
right. Well, my boyfriend we'retalking about hanging out tonight. I didn't
text him or anything. So it'sjust all over the place this morning that
we're for a week. Listen,she's telling she's messaging you through the show.

(43:27):
No, but like we were talkingabout me tonight. Yeah, his
name is Ryan. But it waskind of the same thing where we both
could tell we weren't feeling it,you know, And he's like, I
don't know, and like, sohe's aggravated, I'm aagavat. And then
we start bickering because we're both tootired. And then we're just like,
you know what, We're just notgoing to do this time. We can
just take a night and do someseparate things, right, go to sleep.
At eight thirty, I tell Marythat my husband and I live across

(43:47):
the street from each other. Dude, he moved you. He moved into
my parents' house after my dad diedsix years ago. Weird. We've been
married for almost four in Junie's movinginto my house. He's going to be
sleep in his own room. Ilove sleeping with my dog in my bed
next to me. Those two willbe married for seventy five years. Work.
So I was like getting all hypedup and anxious about like, you

(44:10):
know, societal norms and what youhave to do in relationship blah blah blah,
and like and then I'm like thinkingabout people that I know who are
married who don't sleep in the samebed, and people who like have separate
heart works for you. Anybody whotries to tell you something different is selling
you something. It still makes youfeel a little weird, though, like
where it's like what the hell isme that I can't even again sleep next

(44:31):
to my boyfriend. It comes downto a lot of scheduling. Things has
to be up so early you areon like just your sleep schedules aren't match
up. Where he goes to bedway earlier than you. He doesn't,
though he consistently runs on like fouror five hours of sleep. Well,
that's just miserable too. I tellhim that all the time. But it's
works for him if he goes tobed at eleven and gets non stop sleep

(44:51):
until four thirty, instead of goingto bed at eleven when I'm there and
tossing and turning and being up allnight. I go to bed at like
ten thirty, and I wake upat like nine. I got a full
eleven hours of sleep. Dead seriously, no wonder you're in a bad mood
so you sleep too much? No, no, no, no, I'm
telling you I've been waking up earlierin the past couple of days. But

(45:13):
and there's also probably some depression.Yeah, I understand. But if I
get less, if I get lessthan like six or seven hours of sleep,
and that's since quarantine, I justI feel like I can't function.
I feel like I can't do anything. You should get a little bit more
than that. Yeah, so gettingnone is worse. Yes, I remember
I used to operate on four tosix hours. I stayed, dude,

(45:36):
when I have no idea how Iran that hard. Think about that.
My blood was ninety percent tequila andred Bull back in the day. Like,
and I was not a young man. I mean I was like mid
late thirties when I met her,and I was on in the morning,
and we would go out at night. I mean, my god, she'd
come over and we would be whatever, and then I'd be like, I
gotta go to work, and yeah, I'd sleep from like one at four

(46:00):
thirty am, and you'd have afull day of work. Yes, that's
what Brian does. Yeah, wego some nights of the same thing where
we get a little carried away andthen we look over, my god,
damn it, it's one thirty.He has to be hap in three hours.
Yeah, those days are over forme. That Like, those were
college days where I would party allnight and then have a seven forty five
class. And I told you,walking that big drolling and groggy hair all

(46:20):
a mess. I'm like, whatyou gonna do? What you're gonna say,
and I hate, frankly, Ihate getting all that sleep, but
it's good for you, and Ithink generally you feel better. I feel
like sleeps wasted time, but Iknow it's I know it's not good,
but it is over sleeping to whereyou then you just feel great. It's
like the Jim Gaffigan bit, like, oh, it slept too much,
I need a nap. Time fora nap. Yeah sure, Oh mama

(46:50):
crying, you're so scared, andhey man, it's coming down the gallows.
And that's what he stubbed his toethis awful day. I'm not going

(47:14):
to dancing again. See dance Braggerover he's the dance commands. Feeling good.
I'm not pooping like crazy today,so I'm in a much better mood
than I was yesterday. I didnot sew it up now advice to build
My medical advice was to check yourselfright into a cemetery. I think you
overrest my sewing abilities too. OhI thought you could do anything. If

(47:35):
you watch a YouTube video dentist squire. I mean, it's just it's getting
to my bee hole to sew itup. You've been in front of the
mirror. Yeah, I understand howto do. And I'm just saying,
like I just replaced the garbage disposal, this should be along the same lines.
Make sure you unlock the collar andthen drain the old piece and just
really turns it more into a sieve. Just remember writing who took my cheese

(47:59):
cloth? We now returned to somethingbarely worth your time, already in progress.
The whole thing is fucking pointless.The Cox Show on one hundred point
seven you m ms. Were youever in one of those screen movies you've

(48:20):
been? And everything? I wasn't, not one scream. I know.
Michael Rappaport is here. He's inCleveland. He's an actor, he's a
comedian, he's a philosopher, he'sa provocateur, and he's a probably a
hell of a dancer. Are youa good dancer at all? I'm a
married guy, right, you gottalearn you're a philosopher than a dancer.

(48:40):
And saying I'm a philosopher as astretch, Well, listen, you are
everywhere though. Yes, I hearyou on stern during football seasons saying awful
awful things to Gary. Well youcall him Gary, I call him.
I know you call him awful things. It's high larrics. It's it's interesting
that you gary a professional courtesy.Well that is not you're not really you

(49:05):
understand that. It's it's actually amonkey that they brought in from the wilderness
and shaved down and trained. Allsay, that's it. That is a
professional courtesy and somewhat of a stretch. But anyway, right, that's right.
But you have been in some ofour favorite films, some of our
favorite television shows. I love theshow Justified. You were on that Love
Justified. That's coming back. Idon't know if you have any part of

(49:29):
that, but you're in an alltime like Chappelle's show Sketchy. I mean,
you got a million things you've done. Thank you very much. Is
it is it safe to say thatyou're getting back to roots by doing stand
up? You moved out West asa young young man, did you stand
up? No? I don't lookat it like that. I don't look
at it like that. I meanI started out as a stand up when

(49:51):
I was nineteen. I didn't reallyknow exactly what I wanted to be.
I thought I was going to belike a comedian. I wanted to be
the next Eddie Murphy. That wasmy goal, and I thought everybody did
right. Everybody did, and Ithought I'd be a comedian as then the
comedian that went into acting. ButI didn't know that I would fall in
love with, you know, justdramatic acting and sort of just straight acting.

(50:16):
Were you at all Were you atall professionally trained through that? Some
people are like, it just comesout of me. I have an acumen
for it. You didn't, likeyou weren't taking cell Andndler. No.
I would get called in for auditionswhen I would be on stage being a

(50:36):
young, very very very raw comedian, and the first time I read scenes
to audition, it made more sensethan any sport that I had dreamt of
playing. And it just was likeI could do this. I was like,
not only could I do I'm goingto do this. I got this.
I'm going to do this, andyou know, and then I started

(50:59):
getting cast and films and and andyou know, and eventually stopped doing stand
up and you know, fell deeplyin love with with acting. And then
in about three or four years ago, like probably about a year before the
pandemic, I started doing stand upand then the pandemic. You know,
perfect timing, yeah, yeah,and uh, and then I've been uh,

(51:19):
you know, back doing stand upand you know, I really love
it. It's fun, it's unpredictable, it's you're in charge of of everything,
which is unlike you know, beingan actor, because as an actor,
uh, you have to defer toan editor, you have to defer
to the directors, and sometimes youknow, executives, you might not even
make it into the thing. Youget into the thing, or or the

(51:40):
thing that you wanted to make intothe thing doesn't make it into the thing,
right, But I still love it. But you know, I love,
uh, just the the sort ofthe the unpredictability of stand up and
the predictability of it. And Ialso love the fact that you know,
it's it's it's you're you're in controlsall. I really enjoy that. And
I love, you know, theimmediacy, the immediacy of being in front

(52:04):
of a crowd is the best.And especially with a guy like you who
has such a big personality and hasyou know you're somewhat opinionated, I would
say, yes, yes, yes, you've made one or two calls on
some things. Go up on stageand you can you're going to get a
reaction out of the crowd one wayor the other. Yes, it's very
fun to watch. And I meanjust you're you're an actor that has made

(52:30):
a name for himself just being apersonality, which I think is pretty rare
because a lot of times, youknow, it's everybody thinks the person on
the screen is who they are.You are, you have your own person
out of that people they hear Michael, or they hear your voice on reading
it right now, Yeah, theyknow who that is. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, you know that that thatpart of my career, that part

(52:52):
of my arsenal, that part ofmy persona was really un calculated. You
know, the the the social mediaand and in the last five or six
years of everything that's been going onin the world, and you know,
my opinions and it just sort ofhappened. I can't plan it. You

(53:13):
know, there's there's goods and there'ssome things that are bad about it.
But I'm glad it is what itis. You know. I I definitely
always had opinions, but social media, you know, people get to see
them and hear them, and everyone'sare amplified. Everybody Obviously, if you

(53:34):
have more people following you, you'restill going to be larger than life,
even in that space. But everybodyhas kind of been there. There's a
certain democracy to it. Not ameritocracy, of course, but I mean
there's certain you know, every jagOff now has a microphone, including myself.
Well we all do, right,we all do. But y So's
it's an interesting thing, and youknow, it's brought me a sort of

(53:59):
whole other sort of I don't wantto say career. It's a notariety or
something like that. I don't know, I don't know exact word. Like
I said, you know, there'syou know, there's things that are I
love about it. There's other thingsthat my wife doesn't love about it,
right, She also like is justlike shut up. You're in the other

(54:19):
room. Like I'm doing a videos. She's like, shut up. You
know. So I like to havefun where they gotta take the rough with
the smooth, honey, I don'tknow, I tell you, yeah,
exactly. So I like to havephone with it. And you know,
I'm happy to be here in Cleveland. I'm happy to be performing at the
Improv and I'm looking forward to,uh, you know, a good weekend
here and the weather just the sunjust came out for me today, which
I love and I'm excited about that. I know, this is nothing to

(54:44):
you guys, like a little snow. It's like sunbathing weather. It's a
surfing weather. This is beach weather. Yeah. So Michael Rabbitport is at
the Cleveland Improv. There's two showstonight, two shows tomorrow night. Go
to Cleveland improv dot com for thedetails. Part of I think the unpredictability
for you is the audience assume they'regonna get one guy, and you'll probably
give them another guy at least partof you know what I mean, it's

(55:06):
people. You seem like somebody thatpeople want a pigeonhole. Yeah, I
mean, you know, like Isaid, it's social media. I you
know, you definitely you know whatI'm doing. Stand up, You get
a you know, a well roundedhuman being, you know, in the
flesh. You know, a lotof times there's social media. One of
the things that people like will comeup to me, like fans or something

(55:29):
will come up to me and belike, you know what the half is?
What the haf that? You know? And I'm like, I'm not,
you know, like people expect meto be on full tilt all the
time. Obviously on one stage,I am on full tilt. But but
I you know, it's not justa you know, yelling, you know,
I talk. The thing about beinga trash talker is that I feel
like you have to make fun ofyourself first and foremost, if use the

(55:51):
whole thing, because if you're goingto talk about everybody else, I feel
like you have to be able togive it as good as you take it.
And that's definitely what I do.What is Michael Rappaport insecure? Have
been? Is will be? Man? That's a good question, man,
that's man. What am I insecureabout? I mean like if somebody weren't
to, if somebody had never beenasked, that's a good question. I

(56:12):
feel like I'm in therapist if well, because I think of the perspective of,
you know, we have some notorietyhere locally. We don't have any
fans of the show, people knowus or whatever, And every so often
you'll get an insult from someone thatyou would never tell them in a million
years really got to you and theydon't know it, but it just happened
to They got you at the rightspot and you go on with your day.

(56:34):
But it's like, God, thatsucks. They nailed me, and
I'll never tell It's a good question. I support interpersonal things. It's not
like professional things or public things.You know. I mean, you know,
you get insecure about, you know, getting older, you get insecure
about you know. My deepest insecuritiesis like you know, just like you

(56:55):
know who I am as a personand who I am you know to my
wife, and who I am asa father, and you know, those
are the things that I'm mostly concernedabout. Like as far as were you
more of a hothead as a youngerguy, I think I'm probably, to
be honest with you, I'm probablymore of a hotthead now. But but
calculated, yeah, yeah, calculated, So surgical bursts, surgical burst,

(57:20):
but I'm never hot heead Yeah,but they're like there but even then,
there's been bursts. Even then,there were when I was younger, there
was burst Like I'm not an outof control person, right that. That's
one of the things that I don'tlike about my online persona is that people
think I'm like, Yo, thisguy's crazy, right, And I will
say that, I can say you'repassionate. No, No, people think

(57:45):
I'm nuts, and I will saythat ninety nine point nine percent of my
social media stuff has all been onehundred percent calculated. And except that Walgreens
video, well that was that wasI wasn't the guy stealing, no,
I know, but did you shootit or passing? I shot it was
crazy? That was wild. Thatwas nuts. Michael's in a Walgreens.

(58:07):
He's like, I guess people arejust taking stuff now. Wild to see
that, you know, like tosee the dude just so casually just shopping
and then walk out. That wasbugged out. It was if you saw
where it was. I mean likeit was like you couldn't be in a
more busier corner. And the andthe and the security guard was like,

(58:27):
oh, it's all the time,all the time, and he's not gonna
get stabbed. He's like, I'mmaking twelve fifteen hour I like, it's
all different, all different kinds ofpeople. There's a couple of two white
duits came in the other day.They were I took a bunch of beers,
young college kids. They told mepeace when I mean they said,
it's all different kinds of people.It makes you wonder what you have to
do to lose a retail security job. Exactly. You know what I mean,

(58:50):
Like you just try and stop him. That's how you you could go
jam for that. I've told thestory. I grew up in Chicago and
thirty years ago I'm managing a blockUster video in Chicago VHS days. Right,
this dude runs into like a dusterand back then, you know the
Indiana Jones three pack was like thisand he puts it in his coat and
I chase him and I get itback, but I got way busted.

(59:15):
You got in trouble. Yes forChade. They're like, that's not policy.
That kind of stuff Jones DVD.People need to have that v that's
a popular It's not just a randomvideo. We can go. We need
that three pack. It was Raiders, it was it was Uhumble of Doom

(59:35):
and the the Sean Connery One LastCrusaders. You're a hero for that.
Well I thought so, but theydidn't think so. U. Michael rappaported
the Cleveland Improv Tonight two shows,Tomorrow night two showses you go to Cleveland
improv dot com. Is there afamilial connection to the improv? Not back
in the day, not with somuch on what is it called Wikipedia?

(01:00:01):
But my let's just say, let'sjust say my stepfather, it's not okay.
Blood. He was one of theowners of the Improv. And when
I was a teenager, like whenI would come visit, excuse me,
my sister, when in nineteen eightythree, I'd come out and visit,
you know, I'd walk into theImprov and and this is the time when

(01:00:22):
comedy is kind of like where itis now is a big boom of comedy.
So this wasn't Bud. This wassomebody no Mark okay, and uh,
you know, And and I wouldwatch these comedians at the time.
I never thought about being a comedian. I always thought I was going to
be in the NBA, which obviouslydidn't happen. I didn't get close.
Excuse me, but I, youknow, would watch all these comedians and

(01:00:44):
and you know, I mean everybody, Rodney Dangerfield, jaylen Or, Jerry
Seinfeld, Keenan Ivory, Wayne's,all of them. It's like a masterclass
watching those guys. Yeah. Wasyour dad in the radio biz, Excuse
me. My father was the generalmanager of a radio station in New York
City called w K two Disco ninetytwo. Yeah, And it was at

(01:01:07):
first it was a mellow rock station. And then in nineteen seventy eight,
sorry, he made the decision touh have them play old disco. Yeah,
and disco is white hot then andthey flipped it. Yeah, and
they went from the bottom of theratings to the top of the ratings.
And you know, I remember beingin the in the DJ booth like this
except for the DJs, you know, be playing records on h you know,

(01:01:30):
uh uh you know, with aneedle, and they and like I
was like, you know, unrulyseven eight year old, and they were
like, don't come don't don't comeover your Yeah, that's actually what they're
playing. Got to stay on therecord, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well but that disco thing too,k t you at that time. I
mean they were like white hot,but like a year and a half when
disco died, man, every radiostation that had gone discy died with it.

(01:01:52):
Yep, yep, yep. Andthen you know, and then K
two went to I don't know,a rock format, and then you know,
it was one hundred things after onehundreds different things. Yeah, but
you know, and but it wasa fun time, and you know it
it was something I remember and uh, you know, just being at the
radio station and there was a recordroom. There was a room, you
know where where all the DJs wouldget all the records. And it was

(01:02:15):
like, you know, probably likea room this size, and it was
just filled with the records. Yeah, it was cool. How long have
you been married. You've been marrieda long time. I have been married
now for five years. Have beenwith my wife for like thirteen years,
okay, and this is my secondmarriage. Divorce was cool. Well yeah,

(01:02:36):
yeah, so alimony is awesome sometimes, you know, you got the
only way fantastic. I just finishedchild but well I finished it last summer.
I have two kids in college.But I also because it's I'm married
twice, I have a first grader, So I started all over again.
Yes, but child support technically overone good good good good, good for

(01:03:00):
you, good for you. II I talk about a lot about that
on stage. Okay, I tooka lot about stage. It's a relatable
subject, very relatable subject subject.And and and he puts you through the
highs and lows of that child supportslash alimony. So at what point,
after you had decided to get backon stage again and had been doing it
for a while, at what pointdid you go let's take this on the

(01:03:20):
road or was it suggested to youlike six months afterwards? Uh, you
know, and you know it's itwas suggested to me. It was definitely
an idea. You know. Youknow, I I have the you know,
the fortunate situation of people knowing whoI am, right, so I

(01:03:42):
was able to use that to myadvantage to you know, go out on
the road. But it's a doubleedged sword. Though it's a double edged
sword. But you know, I'ma pro and like I will not fail
in terms of like a live show. If you come to see me,
you're going to get a show.Yeah, because I have so much respect
for the opportunity to be on yourphone to watch the Cavaliers game. I

(01:04:08):
did that, you know, towhatever, to to to Netflix and chill
to you know, to Hulu andchill to you know, uh you know,
do whatever in chill. So ifyou come out to a show,
like I'm going to give you ashow, and uh, you know,
and and like I, you know, like I I don't lollygag through you
know, on the road because it'syou know, people, people have opportunities,

(01:04:30):
and people work hard, you know, and and you know, to
come out and see you you needto give them something well, and you're
a dynamic personality too, so nobody'sgonna walk out going Yeah, definitely.
Where was the first place you wentup when you decided to go back up
and start doing stand up again?Do you remember that the Improv Lab prov
Lab in LA which is a veryvery uh small room in Hollywood, and

(01:04:54):
and uh, you know, it'sa it's a great place to sort of
practice and the I'm not older ordid you go at people knowing that you
were no unbuilt? It was BurtKreischer and Whitney Cummings. They were the
ones that no career at all thatbut they were the ones that really encouraged
me to to to to go backand start doing stand up and and I

(01:05:15):
very much appreciate both of them fordoing that because I love doing it.
But they were really like, yougotta do what you gotta do. And
then Whitney was like, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do.
And I was like and then She'slike, just come EMC for me.
I'm doing something at the lab.And I was like, all right,
all right, I'll come EMC foryou. You know, which is
low pressure you know, because youcould just get off the stage any any
night, anytime you want. Andthen I got the bug and I was

(01:05:38):
like, all right, I gotto get your sea legs. Though exactly
I definitely have to get your sealegs. Definitely have to get your sea
legs. And you know, andand and especially now nowadays, you know,
there's you know, uh, there'sso many people get so upset about
what she should say, what youcan't say, and people sometimes it feels
like people come to uh to tolike uh be like prince and take report

(01:06:00):
cards on what you said and whatyou didn't said, and they start off
with crossed arms and kind of makeme laugh that kind of thing, you
know. Yeah, and also justlike you know, like you know what's
appropriate what's not appropriate. So Ijust tried to let my hands fly and
do my thing. Speaking of Hulu, the latest season of Only Murders in
the Building, and you'll find MichaelRappaport in that awesome show, very good

(01:06:21):
show. It was fun to seeyou because you weren't in it for a
little bit in that season. Itwas very fun to see you pop up
and there he is, pop upthere. I hadn't heard anything about you
being in it, and that showis fantastic. It was fun. It
was a fun bad guy to play. It was exciting to be working cross

(01:06:42):
the camera across the way from SteveMartin and Martin Short and Sevina Gomez.
And you know, I've been sucha fan of Steve Martin and Martin Short
for so long. To like bein front of them was really cool.
And you know, it brought outyou know and excite me to me,
and of course obviously they were excitedto work with of course me as well.

(01:07:02):
Had you met any of them beforeor No? I had n't met
them. No, I hadn't meteither one of them. And and you
know, like I said, youknow, particularly Steve Martin, you know,
like from you know, the inceptionof Saturday Night Live and watching him
and he was so weird, youknow, like as a kid, he
was so weird, you know,and his hair was gray. It was

(01:07:23):
like, what the heck is upwith this dude? And you know,
then all his movies and but likemy first memory was like what you know,
and he's singing in this wild andcrazy guy. I'm like, you
know, as a kid, likeI was always my first memory, like
what is this guy's deal so tobe working with him and that context also
like to be sort of, youknow, cursing at him and all.
It was fun. It was fun. Michael Rappaport is at the Cleveland Improv

(01:07:47):
tonight. He's in town tonight fortwo shows in town tomorrow night for two
shows. That's right. You goto Cleveland Improv dot com for the details
and it's a thrill to meet you, to meet you. Thank you for
coming interview. I appreciate the question. Good luck out there, and I
love this new downtown stage here,this this studio is fantastic. If you

(01:08:08):
had a hall ass to our oldcrap hole, I heard out there.
It was out there. Yeah,about a year. It's nice to meet
your baby. Thank you for comingat the Allen Cox Show Cleveland. Listening

(01:08:29):
to the show doesn't make you abad person in the foot locker at the
end of your bed. That makesyou a bad person. The buzzard because
I got a press release this morningfrom the National Potato Counsole informing me that
today is National Potato Day, Andboy did they give me a lot of

(01:08:53):
information that I had never had before. We're going to have potatoes at the
end of the show. Yes weare potato. It is crazy when I
think about these things that seem absolutelymundane in the agricultural sector, but there
are lobbyists for it, right,bailed Jim from the National Potato Council,
And in your brain you go haha, and he goes, no,

(01:09:14):
no, really, you get awebsite and everything, National Potato counsil dot
org. I get the org.Well it's not calm, it's org I
on potatoes. The podcast are allthings potatoes, right, get it?
I that's what. So for thoseof you who are like, boy,
everybody's got a goddamn podcast, Yes, including the National Potato Council, tune

(01:09:40):
in for conversations with growers and thoughtleaders on advocacy, production and all things
potatoes. Again, these are thethings that we don't think about. Right.
They might seem silly, but thereare people, obviously who's livelihoods depend
on people having this information. Noneof you know, you're not going to

(01:10:01):
get your cheesy potatoes from anywhere ifthere are no potatoes, especially with the
way things are right now where they'reshort it is, and all sorts of
production just halting and stopping and stufflike that. So you gotta be plugged
into the Potato podcast and know what'sgoing on with your potatoes. You gotta
know. And they do a thingevery year. This year it's going to

(01:10:24):
have to be virtual. They're bigannual mating. They put out an annual
Potato yearbook, and they have advocacycampaigns on you know, they lobby on
the on the part of potato growersand you know, us trade. I

(01:10:45):
don't know we have of the potatoeaters because you can't have growers without the
eaters. I feel like that's theAmerican Medical Association. They might, but
again, I don't you know,if you're a trade ambassador to another country,
you have to you know, whatgets the headlines are steel tariffs and
all that stuff. But they gotto get out there and talk potatoes,

(01:11:10):
broccoli or corn or whatever. Thecorn lobby is probably really cut throat because
that gets used for everything. Potatoes. I feel like it's uh, you
know, maybe a little narrower.I'm sure there're all potatoes are used for
all kinds of things we're not awareof, you know. I mean,
obviously when it comes to eating them, French fries is going to be far

(01:11:30):
and away. I think everyone's numberone choice. Somebody goes, here's a
potato, how would you like it? French fried chips please? Or yeah,
fresh chip that's pretty it's pretty good, but it's not a French fries.
True. As we've established, thereis no difference whatsoever between frozen French
fries and fresh okay prefrices on typesof fries. You got the sweet potato

(01:11:55):
fries I don't like. Jo Idon't like sweet potatoes, and there's I
wish I did, because they're sogood for you. Maybe not in fry
form, but they're so good.It's like avocado, something that's so good
for you. I do not likeit, and it really bums me out
because I'm like, I should justchoke them down. I don't like sweet
potato fries. I don't care howyou dress it up. They don't want

(01:12:15):
sweet potato fry. Huh. Ittakes away the feeling like when I have
fries. It's like I have friesin a burger, like I want that
fast food feeling. Sweet potato friesseems like you're being healthy for no reason.
It's like it's not so much healthierfor you. Sweet potato fries something.
It's like a diet. They can'tbe Yeah. Yeah, it's like
I think I'm being healthy, butI'm not. I'm just not getting as
good as an experience. It comeswith some like honey cinnamon dip exactly sugar.

(01:12:38):
Yeah, I mean, I likesome sweet potato fries. They have
to do them right though they goteven real crispy. I like jojo.
I like a jojo. What isthat? A potato wedge called a jojo
that so like cut potato into maybefourths or sixes and then deep frying.
No, I know what a wedge? Okay, just making sure I had

(01:13:00):
never heard of it. Jojo.It's called it jojo? Why I don't
know that. I wonder if theytalk about that on the National Potato Console
podcast. Maybe I can write inand ask him. I giggled because I
googled the potato pests and save ourspuds right, the American serpentine leaf miner.
This is a big deal, youguys, this fly. There are

(01:13:21):
so many things that are fascinating,even though we don't know the history of
the American jojo, which is definitelynot a potato. It's definitely a potato.
Potato will clean up the oil realnice a guy started cutting them with
what is it? Jojo potato potatowedges? A variation is Mojo's, particularly

(01:13:44):
in Western Canada. Is this somethingCanadian? No, this isn't okay.
I just always heard jojo, soI just really it was a known thing.
Okay. You know in some placesthey refer to the things on ice
cream as sprinkles. Other people callthem Jimmy's. I've never heard jimmy.
That maybe is an East Coast thing. Or yeah, yeah, they're just
potato whites, that's all. Huh. The pizza place by my house had

(01:14:08):
them growing up, and that's wherewe got them. And then superhero waffle
fries or Chick fil a waffle friessuperhero superhero, mister hero. I don't
like waffle fries, to be honest, I love a waffle fry superheroff.
Waffle fries seem unnecessary to me,Superman they are, but like eating like

(01:14:29):
that, eating fast food is unnecessary, Like you want something that's gonna taste
good. If we're going fries,you're going McDonald's every time. But no,
yeah, it's gonna entertain I wantto be entertained, and waffle fries
entertains me. I don't know how. It's just a different shape. They're
cool, they interesting you. They'rejust criss cross. They're literally McDonald's fries,
but they're just he likes. Helikes his fries in octo thorpe shape.

(01:14:51):
Yea uh. The JoJo's started inPortland, Oregon, so it made
its way th about that all theway here. The modest jojo potato wedge
took the country by storm by durracho, if you will, and came all
the way to Ohio. You livingyour storm right There are a staple of

(01:15:14):
old school truck stops and bars allover Oregon and Washington. But most people
will call anything cut lengthwise into wedgesof jojo. All right, I mean
when when I'm looking, I'll tellyou what. I have never seen jojo
on a menu. It says potatowedges. I've never seen the word jojo
on a menu. I'm trying tothink. Is it called the I worked

(01:15:43):
at the Winking Lizard at the gallery, and before it was a Winking Lizard,
it was called a winkx it was, and there we had JoJo's on
menu wedges. I've never heard ofthat. Trying to think of the name
of the pizza place from the houseDante's. Maybe was that what it was
called? God, I missed thatDante's Infernos. Yeah, Dante's Pizza is
right by where I grew up inBerea, right by the airport, and

(01:16:04):
they had JoJo's, and that's wewould get them all the time. So
they started in Portland. They blewup at a National Restaurant show in Chicago.
Eh, I've never heard of JoJo's. If they blew up at home,
I've never heard of them. Theyalso sold them in Montana, Minnesota,
Nebraska, Northeast Ohio, New York, and the Pacific Northwest. Okay,

(01:16:28):
so they're not everywhere, yeah,but they are definitely in Ohio.
You guys know them because they blewup in Ohio. Okay, Well,
now I know they go. Youguys get any JoJo's at a menu,
can really go for a Jojo They'llgo, what are you talking about,
sir, dad? Damn it.They told me it was a Thingtos are
so goddamn good, though, yeah, too much. I can have like
a little bit of potato. Idon't need all that starts. I love

(01:16:50):
mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes two.According to the National Potato Council who hit
me up because they wait for it, wanted someone on the show to talk
about No. I said, no, we' zum even if it is potato
based, not doing those calls.Come on, they could have done a

(01:17:10):
regular phone call. We have somany potato questions. I'm a redskin mash
though. I like that better thanthe regular skin's on. Yeah, yeah,
that's good like potato skin. Heyguys, it's spun MACINSI with a
nastion, real potato CANSLE heard youguys had some questions. I'm happy to

(01:17:33):
answer any question you want to haveabout potatoes. We have some potatoes.
Absolutely gonna have some potatoes rolled out. This Brandon thing. It's called Joe
Joe's never been heard of before.Very excited to bring that to Ohio.
Yeah, guys, ever heard ofJojo potatoes? Very exciting. Yeah,

(01:17:53):
I've had it for years. Ohyou have? All right, Well,
anyway, the JoJo's are going tobe very just pretend for the purpose this
is pre taped, right, let'swe'll pick it up. Pretend that.
Pretend like you'd never heard of theJoe Joes. Okay, okay, try
that again to what Anyway, guys, we're really excited about something we're calling

(01:18:15):
Joe Joe potatoes. We've had thosea bunch of times. Is the connection
bad? I've got other people I'vegot to talk to, so I gotta
we're the only ones that wanted totalk about potatoes. I got to talk
to Waterloo, Isowa next, Igot to talk to got to talk to
Seattle, Washington. The whole platesof the Jojo potatoes? Can we try

(01:18:40):
it? One board time? Oneboard time? Now? Remember we're gonna
pick this up. You've never heardof the Jojoe potatoes? All right,
we're very excited about this. Three? Two? What guys? Very excited
again? Spun back in here withthe National Potato counsil so happy to roll
out the joejoet Dorothy. Still,you guys never heard of JoJo's right.

(01:19:01):
I've had him literally out. He'sbeen cold a waste of space before,
but now it's official. Alan Coxwon to god in seven w m M.

(01:19:23):
I've spoken to schools before, sure, And what did you say to
them? I forget it was likea few years ago, but they came
back and had me speak to him. And it wasn't a graduation but it
was just like you know what agebut you didn't. But yours was like
a local boy, done good typething. Right, Yeah, but still
come back and speak to the class. And I also I also went back

(01:19:44):
to my old college and spoke tothe school communication. What did you say?
Man? I forget? So ifit wasn't memorable for you, how's
it going to be memorable for them? Was it? I'm just like,
I went back, Why domorable?Why waste your time? It was how
long speaks? I WoT for likefifty minutes? You're trying to shape hearts
for fifty minutes? That's how longthe class was. And they wanted me

(01:20:05):
to do a lecture. They hadit for the school communication. Had they
heard you on this show probably thathas a long Did you come back and
tell the kids how you communicate professionally? How much of it was Q and
A only like thirty seven minutes?Yeah right, not only like the last
ten minutes. Maybe I covered allthe bases. I think, you know

(01:20:27):
what, though, you have carewhen you have like an outline on a
certain subject, that would probably beeasier to do an hour. What could
you do an hour on? Notlike comedy, but like what could you
like like stuff or like a subject, or like like a skill or something.
Could you could you teach a classor or give a lecture for fifty
minutes on something cheerleading, there yougo, gymnastics, maybe working out weight

(01:20:49):
loss. Like to know only whatworked for me, but that's I mean.
I could read books and put togethera presentation to make it more scientific,
and you come to expect the topquestions you'll get to like, I
always know how many celebrities did youmeet? Right? Well, what was
your favorite celebrity? Or how muchmoney do you make? So those are
the ones I'm like as much asa celebrity I could do who I wouldn't

(01:21:15):
be comfortable doing shoes because I Idon't feel like I know it that well.
Like I like it, but Iwouldn't say, like, there's other
people I know that would be waybetter at it. But I would rather
do something like, uh, likethis production that I do every day?
Okay, I could I could teachpeople running a live stream? Yeah,
what about you? Alan? Whatdo you know? Not much? I

(01:21:38):
used to get asked to speak atOhio Media School all the time, being
out in the yard. I haven'tbeen. I have been asked to speak
over there in a long time.I wonder what's going on over there.
I probably pissed off the wrong personor something. I did an interview,
and I'd like, I didn't likego up and speak to the class.
But I did an interview for oneof the shows that they were doing.
Who was that? I think itwas with one of our interns. I
think it might have been Timmy Okay, and it was I did one with

(01:22:00):
you, I think as well,because it was you, Allen and Erica
for my radio production. Yeah,because it used to be like Ohio Broadcasting
School or something, and they hadIllinois Broadcasting School. So when I was
on at home, I would speakat IBS and yeah, I got about
it. What's up, toot,it's my MIC. Nobody else uses it?

(01:22:26):
You don't know, And I don'thave COVID. They don't know that
either. Well, if you allhave it, you don't know that either.
You know someone that got tested thatsaid they didn't have it and have
never had it. And it's someonethat I've been in contact with. So
I feel like I'm in the cleartoo. Oh they don't have it?
Yeah, how they get a test? They are related to somebody in the

(01:22:47):
medical industry that had tests cheating thesystem. I don't want it to bulge
you. Oh yeah, obviously,I feel like we're all And then if
I haven't had it, I feellike you're all good too. I still
stand by us having it earlier thisyear when you got super sick in February
and then whatever you had, Igot two weeks later and was super super
sick. You had to take daysoff, and so did. I.

(01:23:08):
See my problem is I don't getsick, and when I do, it's
terrible, like it's awful, likeI feel like I'm dying ie flu.
I didn't even say the swine flu. You just said it. Could you
speak on the swine flu for now? No? Are you sure? I'm
sure? Mi, I'll introduce you. It's my little Piggy. Everybody's gonna

(01:23:30):
come in and talk to you aboutPiggy. Thank I'll give me that guy
night. Alan. Didn't you havea recording of that commencement speech of pound
Cave? Yes? I did youthink I kept it? Is that what
you're asking me? I did notkeep it. I think it got perched
anyways, Probably I just had somefor to play the next day on the
show. I had an old peppermintmoment in the grocery stores today. Woh

(01:23:57):
yeah, yeah, I need toget ziploged backs. And right next to
it was a is a parchment paper, which I've heard before. You never
use it, but it's that's justlike wax paper, right, wax paper
is a little different. There areshades of difference, but they are different.
Yeah, but I looked like acrazy person because I'm standing alone.
I picked it up. I'm likeparchment paper. I've been using perch paper.

(01:24:18):
I have seen this in a longday. I've been meaning to write
some parchments. I did that fordirect paper a solid by three minutes.
I just sat there and giggled whileholding the part Do I need perchment or
wax paper? Which do I needperchment? Kits up? Kitchup, kits

(01:24:40):
up, kits I'm in way overmy head. I need ketchup with kets
up. They don't spell it catsup anymore, do they cats up?
I don't know. Color you ithad been down here for a while.
Sometimes you'd still see it spelled thatway a well. Speaking of old people,

(01:25:04):
a bunch of residents at a seniorliving home in Tennessee. The ones
who are still alive. I assumelaunched a new radio show during the pandemic
that they record from their rooms andseniors in other states can sign up too.
It's called Radio Recliner and they taketurns down on kind of music they
play. Bobby Darren or something likethat. Spike Jones, Eddie Canner.

(01:25:29):
I don't know what they're spinning playingtheir songs. Radio recliner dot com if
you want to check it out.Eighty eight year old Bob Coleman is one
of their DJs. A pirate radiorun by retirees. It's a bright day
in Frankston, Tennessee. This isBob Coleman, better known as the Karaoke

(01:25:51):
Cowboy. Growing up, I couldn'tbetter known as the karaoke cowboy. I
could never remember his first name.I was always like, well, I
know him as the karryoke Cowboy.I can't remember. That's that's how I
know him. Is it Jim Coleman? Is it? Oh, it's Bob
Coleman. Gary the car that wouldbe great. I'm Gary Oki Cowboy.

(01:26:13):
I'm from Oklahoma, Gary Oki.I had to get up the food bush
and come to the house and turnon the battery operated radio because that's all
we had. It brings back generallygood memories. Most everybody likes to do
that, and especially now that we'vehad this syrus that's kept everybody confined and
you go stir crazy and and Ithink it's really great. Yeah, why

(01:26:36):
not Radio Recliner get online? Listento these old coots? Uh, you
know, spend some time doing somestuff. Did they have to go with
Radio Recliner to like remind them thatthey're old and feeble and like can't really
move around. They couldn't go withsomething that's more like radio throwback or Golden
Age of radio or something like thatsitting in their recliners. I understand that,

(01:26:58):
but it's also it's like it's likeradio wheelchair radio, water Radio,
hospice radio, Last Rights Music.You can't tap your toe to the website
says Keeping Apart, Staying Together.We're a pirate radio station, which technically
illegal, but it's online. Youknow, people go online and call it

(01:27:21):
radio New shows at noon eastern everyday. Hey, you can call the
dedicated song. You can also signup to be a resident DJ there.
Silverfix you should call as Old Peppermintand try and get on a shift and

(01:27:42):
DG, D N R. Letme see here. I'm not gonna mute
my micas. Hey, it's probablya recording, right, Sorry, you

(01:28:08):
must first dial one? This number? That is good? Man? Is
this one of the shows you mustdie one? I did dial one,
you old coot? Try it again? I mean, is that how they
know if you downed one or not? Same way? Do you know if
you dilate? Roy Rogers, Kingof the Cowboys, don't fence me in?

(01:28:31):
Is on right now? Why they'replaying Roy Rogers the Hamburger guy?
Was he a Hamburger guy? Younever been to a Roy Rogers? Oh?
Come on, man, this number? I did dial one. I'm
trying to Maybe I can't dial outin that for What the hell are you
have to hit nine to dial out? I did? Oh? Maybe I
don't dial night. Hold on,okay, try to get one more time.

(01:28:55):
I've never had dial night. Ohthat's me okay, I think that's
internally it's like a hotel. IfI get a person, I have to
tell him they're on the air,But I assume it'll be recording going radio
recliner. Well, real resident DJsbroadcast from their rooms to help seniors and

(01:29:15):
everybody else stay apart and keep connected. Please leave your song, request well
wishes or shout outs to residents,loved ones and caregivers at the beat,
and if you'd like to be aresident DJ, please leave your name and
number. Thanks, and have asafe and healthy day. Please leave your
message out to the town. Whendone, hang up or press the pound

(01:29:38):
key. Hello. My name isArthur Charles. I'm calling from Okie Finocchi
and I wanted to request Eddie CanterKid Millions. Remember the song from Kid
Millions? Oh, the movie nineteenthirty four, I think it was,
and it was after making whoopee therewould have been before there. Kid Millions

(01:29:59):
was the movie? If you hadgot that song, oh golly, I'd
love to hear it. We don'tget much of that down here anymore.
But I'll tell you what. Hey, I've heard so much goddamn Roy Rogers
of the past, Code of Days. Thank you. Oh no, that's
so unfair. That's not nice.What are they gonna do with that?

(01:30:24):
He didn't leave a callback number.Man, another kid's praying? Kid?
Some young year old? No young, ninety year old. It's trying to
sound old. Well, anyway,that was for I love Bob Corman in
the afternoon. I live the GaryOkie Cowboy. He's my favorite. You're

(01:30:46):
calling from is that? Yeah?It's a swamp. That's like an oldie,
oldie timy song. It's right thereon the Floorida Georgia line. Okay,
yeah, hey, that is thebest band though. Okay, fine
suck you don't know anything. Andthere is a song about ok Finocchi yeah

(01:31:08):
by Freddy Cannon. You should haveplayed Freddy Cannon nineteen fifty nine. I
assume there'll be no epithets or cursing. There's gotta be an AM station in

(01:31:47):
Cleveland that plays this stuff still likeoldiest yeah, like, I mean real
oldies. Even oldies FM stations don'tplay this stuff anymore. I know oldies
on like Magic Are from eighty eight. Yeah, right, because you gotta
get you got to hit it up. Yeah, I mean, there's gotta
be like an AM station somewhere thatstill plays this. There we got do

(01:32:12):
Freddy Cannon coming up. Hey,yeah, okay, I think that's the
guy that did Palisades Park. Anybodyremember that song. I gave you so
much to go on there, ButI think that's what it is. Listen,
babies are getting way too much attention, and frankly, I'm sick of
it. Uh. There's a thingon TikTok where moms are flashing their babies

(01:32:36):
to get the babies to laugh andsmile. You don't see the moms,
you see the baby. Just seethe baby, and I don't care about
that. Who wants to see that? Of course the babies are going to
laugh. It's the cafeteria. Momson TikTok are doing the drop them out
challenge. Because everything's a challenge onTikTok. Nothing'll particularly challenging, but drop

(01:32:59):
them out challenge. Well, theycan't just call it the drop them out
thing that we do, just dropthem out? So drop him out?
Any challenges when the boobs are droopy? Is that a food fight? So
moms not really? Yeah, theeasiest thing there. There's a Wheeler Walker

(01:33:26):
Junior song called drop him out.To play that song and then, oh
my goodness, the kids are justso happy to see moms boobs, and
so the drop them out challenge isall over TikTok. Hey, listen,
that's pretty smart. I guarantee thatthis was not organic. I guarantee you
This is something where TikTok is like, look, we are ever Walker music

(01:33:48):
out there. No, but ouraverage user is like nine, right,
we got to get some We gottaget some moms on this thing. Does
the King of PLoP have a differentdrop them out challenge? Yeah, just
show me your boobs. It's toshow me your boobs challenge. By the
way, they're thinking something about poop. There's a lot of adults on TikTok

(01:34:09):
by the way, uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, well adults and air quotes. I
just know adult friends send me them. I'm like, dude, you're in
your thirties. He's like, Iknow, but this is so fun.
There is Okay, there is somefunny stuff that. Have you seen the
Pee your Pants Challenge? Oh?No, people are bored, man,
I mean uncomfortable people pee their pants. That's why it's awesome. The Pee
your Pants Challenge is they've got aboutfour million views and it's just people standing

(01:34:33):
there and they just announce pee yourPants Challenge and then you see their crotch
get dark and you hear like tricklingin the back of her while you were
in shorts. Well, the amazingthing is how it plays with your mind.
If you were to try to peeyour pants, you can't. You
can't, but it takes a second. He's doing it right now. I

(01:34:55):
can't do it right now. I'mnot on TikTok. I'll record it and
I'll put it on TikTok and it'sgonna smell in there. And I got
black sweatpants on. I'll wear mygray sweatpants and pee my pants and nose
and it'll be a way better challenge. So, whether you got sweatpants on
or you got on or whatever,stink the pee your pants challenge. So
if you're on the tiktoks, uh, that's a thing that's happening right now

(01:35:18):
too. You want to do itwith like a lot of pee too.
I'm gonna drink a ton of water, hold it for a while, see
how much pee I can really pee. And this is one of the things
yourself. This is one of thesethings where if this had been done at
any other time, people would havebeen real snarky and they'd be like,
oh, the world's coming to anend because people are peeing their pants,

(01:35:38):
except the world's actually coming to anend. So for things like this,
people like, hey, let's havesome fun let's pants while we still can't.
Why not while we still can't,while we still have pants to piss.
That's right, we're gonna be walkingaround with those barrels with straps over
our shoulders. You can't pay those, uh probably can't, but it's not
as visually yeah, and entertaining,and it's gonna get soaked into the wood

(01:36:01):
and that's not gonna be great.And also it'll be fun to see how
people customize them and how like Supremeis gonna sell suspenders that connected the barrel
that cost twelve hundred dollars. Listen, I do like I do like what
people will do for whatever perceived cloutthey're looking for, you know, not

(01:36:25):
that long ago might have been Marchwhere that lady h licked the toilet seat
she looked an airplane toilet seat,the coronavirus challenge or something, the poop
channel. There is always something.It's always a pooper pee or whatever.
So I see the clout amongst otherTikTokers. It's I saw somebody sure to

(01:36:45):
meme where it was like, myboyfriend will kill us if he if he
catches us texting, He's like,oh, is that the dude to switch
clothes with you on TikTok. Yeah, because then you look at him the
outside, you're like, you're wearingwomen's lauingdry is what you're doing in this
TikTok Like yeah, so you knowpeople are bored. And this was started
by boy This says it was startedby a nineteen year old comedian. All

(01:37:10):
the air quotes are mine. Butdon't feel so bad that you bombed on
the Buffalo Road. I didn't bombon the Buffalo Road. You're a comedian,
but you're not peeing your pants.This guy's paying his pants just to
get people to pay attention to whateverelse he's doing. You didn't bomb.
There were just more prepared than you. No, I did. Fine,
My jokes were over well, butyou lost My team Cleveland right under the

(01:37:33):
Mary not a leader, not likeMichael Jordan. He would take full responsibility
if he lost. It was onhim, not Mary. Mary's like,
hey, there's other people messing thingsup around here. That's right, mega
mega, mega, distract blame whatever, right, take that all off you.
It was all the job Mary.I didn't write any jokes and I

(01:37:54):
showed it up Buffalo you mean BisonAnd they were like, no, and
that was it. That was theonly thing that I wrote. So,
yes, it was all my fault. I apologize. They were all ready
to use a buffalosers them a win. You can't do Buffalo winners, and
Mary's blaming it on her teammate andthe listeners for not showing up. Just

(01:38:16):
can't can't take the l I lost. It was all me. However,
is more difficult to win when peopledon't show up? When you have four
people in a row one hundred four? How many to Buffalo bring? I
don't know, and I don't evenknow if it would if it would sway
it any even if they brought five. Yeah, it's still beat you correct

(01:38:39):
four people. I'm saying it's frompeople who comment in the chat. They're
like, hey, you're from Cleveland. It's not usually very many. Wow.
I'm not saying I'm the best jokegrad of all time. Okay,
guys, no one, no onesaid you were to make me feel bad.
I shouldn't put the blame on it. I feel bad. This guy's
peeing his pants to get attention.Yeah, granted, he's got two point

(01:38:59):
two million view Nevertheless, look whathe had to do to get it.
He had to defile himself. Sowhen you're doing your roast against Chicago and
Toronto, it's a Sisyphean task,right, No way you're gonna win that.
Nevertheless, you don't have to payyour pants. What if that's what
they wanted the whole time, Well, then defile yourself. Just get a
map of Chicago and pe on that. That'll go over huge, Just squad

(01:39:25):
over it. Yeah, do youwant to borrow? Do you want to
borrow my Blue Jays cap? Yes? All right, don't pee on it?
I will in it. No,no, no, it'll shrink.
Alan Cox a drummer, but eventhe real musician, he just makes a
noise. If he played the violinor the piano, anything that made sense,

(01:39:45):
but the drums. Three you wantto give me a text? You

(01:40:06):
can watch the show at alancoxshow dotcom, which you might want to since
it's shock collar day for pound Cake. But as today and I love following
along with these the people who believethat the rapture coincides with the solstice.
Man, huge fan of that,because boy who can argue with this logic?

(01:40:26):
And I'll leave this out here foryou. The guy who is almost
positive that some people will be rapturedtoday again. You never know who that's
going to be. So if hedoesn't say what time, I guess we
have until midnight. Midnight, that'sa good be question Jerusalem time. Don't
know, don't know, But I'lltell you what. If we get to

(01:40:50):
seven o'clock today and I'm surrounded bythree piles of clothing, I don't feel
weird. This is this guy's Ishall know. No, please, yeah,
we're we're not getting raptured under allthe year. You won't notice.
The rest of the floor will justbe piles of clothing. All four of

(01:41:10):
us will be intact. Poukay willhave extra clothing on. This guy,
says Billy Graham passed away this yearon the same day as Moses, which
was February twenty first. Remember whenMoses died on February twenty first on the
calendar, before the calendar had evenbeen created. He goes on to say,

(01:41:31):
that's exactly four months or one hundredand twenty days. I guess if
it's just four months with thirty daysbefore June twenty first, that ties in
with the one hundred and twenty jubileessince creation. I don't know what a
jubilee is I know the X mandon't know what this is in the biblical
sense. Sounds like a lot ofmaths. Well that's what I love.

(01:41:55):
I love people who use math andnumber. Well, they use numbers for
everything but math. If you askthose people to do math, but boy,
they're way into numbers, just notfor things that might help people or
move society. Alonge the day Josephdied, carry five how many children Mary
had? That's right, divided byJesus' secret siblings times Methuselah, show your

(01:42:19):
work ironically, times pie square rootof Deuteronomy. So he said, it's
all multiples of twelve of course,the twelve disciples, the twelve stars of
the twelfth revelation. Any who doyou do the numbers in the parentheticals or
the parentheses? First, I can'tremember. I don't but what parentheticals is

(01:42:41):
that? But it sounds biblical?Oh maybe sure? Yeah, I don't
know. No, wonder why there'stwelve inches in a foot. M it's
the apostles, twelve apostles. Yeah, there you go, twelve inches and
a foot twelve apostles. Twelve istwo times six, three times six,
which aren't actually a foot long.No, but what are you going to

(01:43:02):
carry the three? The Lord wantsyou to have faith, so you just
have the faith that it's twelve incheslong. That's right. So listen,
if the rapture's gonna happen today,we had a good run, and you
know, what are you gonna do? Why do you think they make you
do the sign of the cross?Why they make you do the sign of
the cross. It's a plus signbecause you're supposed to add it is a

(01:43:26):
plus sign due the twelve months hasanything to do with it? Yeah,
it's right. Since when do wecelebrate Moses's birthday? Like? Who our
death day? Ow? I kindof forgot about it? How did you
forget? That's the I'm not wearingit, that's right? Yeah, I
like I like how this guy cameup with Moses' death day so we could

(01:43:50):
forget that Moses died on February twenty. Remember there was the one guy that
was like absolutely convinced of the raptureand then he was like, oh,
sorry, my math was wrong.This is the act date and then it
didn't happen. Then what happened tothat guy? Well, it is fascinating
the people. Something but this hasbeen going on for eons where there are
just always groups who think they rememberthe Heaven's Gate cult in the late nineties

(01:44:11):
where they had the mass suicide orwhatever. Yeah, they had the sneakers
on, and yeah, there's alwayssomebody who thinks it's going to always good
to have matching outfits in case youthink there's going to be a rapture.
Sure everybody looks nice Sunday. Yeah. Lewis Farrakhan said the Gulf War was
going to bring about the end times. Yeah, you know there was twenty

(01:44:32):
twelve. Come from It's time Italked twenty It's always a twelve. I
did it when you were talking toTwenty twelve was supposed to be the year
that the Mayans predicted that the earthwas going to you know, they were
using sun dials to tell times dials. Yeah, so whatever, Hopefully we
don't all get raptured today. Butuh, you know, the Bow's Company,

(01:44:56):
by the way, and this islegitimately not an ad, but the
Bo's Company said a couple of thesesleep buds that they're trying out that they're
kind of uh, I guess markettesting or whatever that are supposed to help
you sleep better, which I desperatelyneed rightly, because I'm just not sleeping
that well. Yeah, they're supposedto, you know. I usually are
earplugs m h yeah, and thenthey kind of you know, there's those

(01:45:17):
sound machine I've got. I havea sound machine at home. Well,
I have an app. I usedto have a sound machine proper, but
then you know, you can justdownload an app on your phone. Hey,
I just have a like on mymusic player, I just play rain
sounds. Yeah, I've got mine'sgot all kinds of but I didn't realize
how many colors of sound there areon these things. Colors of sounds.

(01:45:38):
Yeah, but like on mine,you can go through, you can have
rain, you can have a traingoing down the tracks. You can now
well, here's violet noise from myapp. It does sound very purple,
you know. It's it's just it'sjust different, so weird little aberration at
the end of that. I feellike it would wake me up. It's

(01:45:58):
just like play again. Yeah,there's like different little frequencies. Yeah,
he's gonna try to surprise his Iliterally feel like I have a beach chip
in me, like that movie Upgradeyou No, like when Eric Cartman in
South Park. His mom put thebeach of him every time. You see.

(01:46:20):
Yeah, this is literally me rightnow. So violent noise, you
know, I guess here's blue noise. And again it's just degrees of difference.
But like, would that help yousleep any better than? Yeah,
that sounds a lot like rain,particular one over the violet. There is

(01:46:42):
brown noise on there. I don'tknow if damn it, well, I
didn't mean cody brown noise. Idon't know if that would help me sleep
at all? The sounds oh sweat. There's there's pink noise too. That

(01:47:09):
sounds it's very I don't know,it's yeah, so there's all kinds of
the colors of the wind right,but yeah, it was so I've been
using that. But they sent methese little things that I'll try those out
and you can put them on.Most people are fine with just I was.
Look, I was trying to findwhite noise. Most people are just
fine with white noise, white noiseof the ring. I like that blue
noise, blue nose. Oh,I did find white noise. Build that

(01:47:30):
wall, Build that wall, buildthat wall. I don't know if that's
gonna help me sleep. No,don't you talk about about our president.
Yeah, that's right. What areyou doing? Poundcake suffering? I'm trying
to not react, just making itbetter for me. Sweating. He is
sweating. Maybe got the meat sweats? Did you have meat for lunch?

(01:47:54):
They said, that's a real thing, the meat sweat? Is it making
you? You're just you're nervous.He's having a hard day today. It's
okay, fine, are you okay? Yes, I'm fine the United Next
question, but would be worse?How dare you speak ill of our commander

(01:48:16):
of cheese and the problem with thepresident of the United States and the commander
of cheese. I love that one. Yeah, he's on the air and
whoops, but he's answering the phone. Oh okay, you don't do all
he's answering the phone. Yeah,no, wonder he'll sound busy to sue

(01:48:41):
to get Did you say your realname? No? I just thought that
it was drunk. Yeah, Alan, you need to grab one of pound
cakes owls and you recut smooth criminalwith it. That's I love how he's
holding his arm like he's got likean injured like he's favoring his arm he's
got. It's like he's wearing asmart watch but it shocks him, right,

(01:49:10):
I know, and Bill's gonna doit because he turns the camera to
him. Well, I'm not watchingthe cameras on it. Yeah, are
you right? Fine? All right? I mean I'm not gonna be able
to keep reacting to him for fourhours, but I mean, you know,
you have to him out slowly.I have a plan. Bill's got

(01:49:31):
a play. He's got a playon that, Okay, right, Because
well, some people, when wetold them earlier that we were going to
be doing this today, some peoplethought that we were only going to apply
it to pound Cake when he waslike getting salty about something. But you
can't always count on that. You'dthink that you can, but you can't
always count on that. It's nota training thing. It's just a punishment.

(01:49:51):
Why are you okay? Because youare like sweating? Don't let him
get you? Is he actually sweating? Really hot? Wait? So hot?
Don't let don't let him get youoff track? You need some water.
I have water, You're right there. Water. I kind of feel

(01:50:14):
bad. I don't feel bad.I just want to get it does hurt,
but I just want to get itover with. It'll be fine.
You only have three and a halfhours to go. Buddy, you're doing
great, You're doing really well.And I have a Miami sound machine,
but it doesn't make it easy toget to sleep, so that I do
that, I don't think you wantto use that one either. I definitely
know my wife she hates Gloria aStephan so, man, I love Gloria,

(01:50:36):
so this would not help us getto sleep at all. All right,
Gloria and the Miami sound machine.My mom ingrained it in me,
right? Is that Last Dance?No? What? Who's that? The
girls things? Last Dance or LastChance? Donna Summer? Oh okay,

(01:51:00):
Yeah, that's an old song,not even close to the same person.
Is this another gay anthem? Yeah? Is it? Yeahs and Queen?
Well, that kind of sells itself. Can't take me it's a gay song?
Since when now you're gonna tell meit's raining and men's a gay song.

(01:51:24):
My mom was weighing to Donna Summerwhen I was a kid, So
I heard all these songs. Yeah, it's crazy. When I will listen
to a seventies channel and it'll giveyou the year, because then I can
I can tell I know immediately howold I was when that song was on
the radio, and there's so Iremember songs younger than I thought I did,
you know what I mean? Like, like, I firmly believe I

(01:51:44):
don't remember too much about the firstten years of my life. I don't
know if most people are that way. I think a lot of people have
a hard time remembering, Like Idon't remember a whole lot about my childhood.
I think it gets spanked out ofme. But but no, I'll
listen to like a seventies press memories. Yeah, I'll listen to a seventies
channel and it'll I'll tell you theyear of the song ago. Oh my
god, I remember that on theradio and I was four when that was
out, so you know, butmy mom was waging at Donna summer.

(01:52:08):
I remember singing songs and not knowingwhat they meant, and then my parents
being like, what are you singingthat for? And like, I just
don't understand how you could be loversand not be friends, Like it just
doesn't make sense to me, becauseI just thought lovers is like in you're
like married, right, And they'relike, oh, okay, so you're
very in. You're not thinking aboutthis as anything sexual at all. I'm

(01:52:30):
like, well, they didn't evensay that to me, but they're just
they're a little nervous about it.They're like, why why do you sing
this song so much? Like it'sjust confusing to me, seems like a
weird song. What year did rollwith it? Steve Winwood? When did
that come out? Probably eighty sevenor eighty eight. I can remember hearing
that when it was a new songon the radio, when I was like,

(01:52:51):
a, well, you would havebeen a baby. I guess it's
it was newer. It came outthis exaus act day. I'm looking right
at it, June twenty first,nineteen eighty eight. We are getting raptured
today. It's exactly thirty years oldtoday. Now that's wild, that's amazing.
That is my mom and I song. Listening to mixed one on one

(01:53:14):
point nine, I said on Ericand Kathy Beyond in the morning, and
then god they were there. ThenOh, yeah, is it your mom's
anniversary today? Your mom and dads. It is my parents' thirty seventh wedding
anniversary Wendy party, Wendy. Yeah, so many years. Good for them.
Yeah, so you weren't even ayear old yet when that came out.

(01:53:35):
No, but I remember it waslike it got played a lot,
Like in my early years, it'sgoing to play a lot because it's a
hit. Yeah. Yeah, Junetwenty one, nineteen eighty eight. That's
crazy. It was funky. Youknow this is not funky. No.
When we when Gwen took me toRed Rocks, that surprise trip to see

(01:53:56):
Steely Dan at Red Rocks, SteveWinwood open for him, Steve Winwood,
it was so much it was ahailstorm, so he had to keep going
out and coming back on. Andyou know, but I like, I
like win What a lot he didhave. He was a kind of graphic,
blue eyed soul guy. Yes.And that Spencer was it? The
Spencer Tarney Band. Is that whathe was before that? When he was
sixteen? The Spencer Davis group whenhe was sixteen? Did that give me

(01:54:18):
some loving song? Oh? Thatwas his? He wined? What its
sixteen years old? Yes, himsinging yes, how did not know that?
You can tell? And now thatyou know, you'll hear it?
Yeah. Yeah, it's a greatsong. He was a teenager, got
I love him. They probably stillplayed this on Magic from time to time.
Oh I hear it when I'm takinga poop in the bathroom. Oh
great, Hey, it's my poopingsong. You shock him with pounk.

(01:54:43):
Just roll with it, buddy,Wow, I totally hear it. Yeah,
and he was a young kid.Boy, what does that sound?
Sixteen? Really? I'm just sorry? All right? Yeah, all right,

(01:55:19):
adding a percussive element to the song. He really is. This is
probably the most fun that Bill willhave all year long. This is gonna
be the funest punishment. We probablyshould have done it last, but it's
it's the best. It's okay,Yeah, yours is gonna be fun.
Eric is going to be fun.This one's the best. How dark are
we going to go on my oneside? Oh, we're gonna go pretty

(01:55:41):
dark. Viola dais, I'm ina half black face. It's not all
black face. That's what gets youinto trouble, as I understand it.
Jesus a woman who was hit inthe face by the Philly fanatic with a
flying hot dog, so she willnot sue the team because she just loves

(01:56:02):
them so much. You know howthe mascot will come out of a ball
game and they'll start shooting hot dogsinto the crowd. Those are fun.
If you and I have both workedsports team games for a long time,
right like in between games. Idid stuff for the Pittsburgh Penguins for many
years. I did the Chicago Skywhich is their w NBA team, did

(01:56:23):
things for the Monsters here, andit's fun when you get to either shoot
the T shirt cannon or the hotdog gun, and a lot of times
that's the domain of the mascot.Obviously, Philly fanatic fired a hot dog
into the stands and it hit awoman right between the eyes and left your

(01:56:43):
face off busted up. Now doyou eat them? If? I think
you probably would eat that one.But they should probably give you a thing
for hot dogs for life at theballpark, Like with the hot dog gun,
do you do people catch them andeat them? Oh? Yeah,
all the time, a free hotdog. I wasn't sure who was like
sanitary because it's all wrapped up inthat foil. Oh it's still in the

(01:57:08):
forest. Loose hot dogs. Loosehot dogs. They don't just like throw.
It's like it's in the bun infoil. They're not just throw and
meet at people. I know,I'll just picture people swap them. I
was thinking of that jiff of thegirl that's getting hit by all the hot

(01:57:30):
dogs. Yeah, that's when agirl says like I only hang out with
guy friends, and it's just likeshe's smack in the face. Yeah right,
I would swat those away too ifthere were bare, random flying hot
dogs coming at meuse Oh no,I would swat those away too. And
I don't even think this lady wouldhave a lawsuit on her hands because the

(01:57:50):
Philly fanatic has the right to beararmors. They'll squire hot dogs. That
one was pretty bad. I'll shockmyself. Wait, I'm not wearing Oh
boy, I forgot to tell youwhat. Bill, make this solemn out
of me right now? Okay,pound Cake will be the recipient of the
shocks for all of our bad jokestoday, all right, and just in

(01:58:15):
case we missed it, he'll beon the floor today. That applies retroactively
too. I really laid a stinkerless segment, So get him one for
that, thank you. He's gotto fan himself to be frank with you
guys. Oh god, sorry,Yeah, she did it. It's her.
That one is on Erica. Thatwas Erica gave you that shot?

(01:58:35):
Won you gave you that shot?Well hydrated because I'm worried about your sweating?
Is he really sweating? I mean, look at him. I'm fine.
I mean I can't really tell fromhere. I'm fine. I just
want to get this other way allright, to make sure you're all right.
I'm concerned. I'm not concerned.Remember when he was like, I'm

(01:58:58):
fine, when he did the poopthing and he came back and he would
pick I don't think he was fine. I just wanted to get it over
with Ivan. We're calling him Hiventhe Terrible today. Sorry, you should
get a shock for that. Pocket. You know what this is like?
Remember the did you ever study theMilgrim experiment in like college psychology where they

(01:59:19):
would shock other people and you'd itwas a test to see how much pain
people would administer someone else. AndGhostbusters, remember they're doing the cards like
can you guess this card? Idon't know a circle or three lines?
And every time the guy would guess, oh no, you're wrong, zap,
and he was actually getting him right. That's right exactly. And who

(01:59:39):
was the girl getting those right inthat movie? Oh god, the hot
blonde from Charles in Charge? Isthat where she's from? Yeah? That
pretty sure that's who it was.Anyway, here's Kathy McVeigh talking about taking
one of those wieners in the faceat the Philadelphia Phillies game. My gosh,
I never thought a hot dog couldhurt. It just came out of

(02:00:00):
nowhere. It was like hard andhard yeah, and then next thing I
know, he shoot it. Heshot it in our direction. I love
that Philly accent too. Yeah yeah, Hey, next thing I know,
came right in my face. Igot hot. Clevelanders are damn proud of
their city. Come on, youwere born here, he moved. This

(02:00:25):
is a man that has endured realtorture in a foreign setting. So who's
the real hero? I would hopepeople would listen to our heroes. Ali
on one seven w mms. HeyJeremy, Hey, how are you Howray
sir? Good? Thanks? Hey, I am a first time caller.
I have a pretty sweet beard.I just started listening. He was like

(02:00:49):
six months ago. Congratulations. Areyou from the area, Jeremy or are
you an expat from somewhere else?I am from you. I lived out
and watched one and work up inCleveland. I used to when the Brons
were worth listening to listen to asports radio here in Cleveland. But oh,
I see. Yeah, Well it'stough man, if you're trying to

(02:01:10):
do your show and you gotta yougotta hit your wagon of that star year
round. You know. Yeah,not easy. Don't worry, though,
we can give you all the sportstalk you need. Alan your thoughts on
the National Championship game. Oh,I'll tell you what they call Alabama the
Crimson Tide. Call me Deacon Blues. I think Donald Fagan said it best.
That's what I'll go with. Congratulationsto Mike Sabian. I believe that's

(02:01:31):
the coach of the all right,thank you, thank you, Jeremy.
Uh believe I'm sorry the sybyan Right. Kristen is in Dayton. Hello,
Kristin, Hey, Hello, what'sgoing on? Hello? Uh? Well,
I am a first time caller andfirst time listener, a first time

(02:01:54):
listener, so the first day,you know, And this is what I
try to impress on my compatriots here. And I learned this a long time
ago in broadcast, because it's easyto get complacent, you kind of you
got to do four hours every day. It's just a big old virtual whiteboard.
You gotta fill up with crap.Right. I always think treat every
show as though there's people listening forthe very first time, and today that
person is Kristen. So the firsttime you click in and I go,

(02:02:15):
I'm looking for first time callers,and you go, I'm two for two.
I'm calling in. Yeah. Ilike, how I didn't ask her
a question. I just told herwhat she yeah. I'm like a yeah,
and her response, right, She'slike, well, I guess I
just wasted a call. Then how'dyou stumble onto the show? Yeah?
Yeah, although I can't hear youguys anymore. I'm I live in Cleveland

(02:02:41):
for a funeral and I'm driving backto Dayton right now, and I can't
even hear it anymore. If onlythere was a way Erica that people could
listen to a show on their phone, but there is. If only there
was some kind of digital application wherethey could what is this amazing piece of
technology calls it's our iHeart Radio,and oh my god, it's free.

(02:03:05):
You're telling me we're not charging forthis. No, I would say one
hundred dollars a month for something asamazing as this, But you're telling you
it's free. Wow. Yes,I'd give one dollar to the company and
ninety nine to myself. All right, well listen, Kristin, you can
always listen on iHeartRadio. That wasn'tThat was a really interesting segue into iHeartRadio.

(02:03:30):
I didn't even I didn't even meanto do that, right, I
just see how I slipped it professional, very very subtly. I slipped it
in there, right, all right, have a safe trip, Kristin.
Well, thank you, all right, there's great though. Thank you.
Well we try. Here's Kristin,who's headed back to Dayton. What's in

(02:03:54):
Dayton? Dick? Dick? Yeah? Hellos the right brothers hellone, they're
not there, yeah, yeah,los, right, but there's the yeah,
the parents. There's like a museumlike the first in flight. Yeah,
but but what's the museum they hadthere? Like a flight museum there,
right, flight museum. I don'tknow if it's what it's called,
but it's pretty impressive. It waswhen I went there when I was like

(02:04:16):
eleven, is a cub Scout.Sure, it's very cool. My sister
in law is from Dayton, butI've never been. I don't know.
Hey, Sean, Sean is yourname? Sean? Oh no, you
totally nailed it. It's the weirdestthing. Oh okay, yeah. Well,

(02:04:38):
well, okay, I got togo back into work now. But
I'll just let you know that Iwent to the Steve O concert or show
over the over the weekend and itwas literally the radest I saw. He
showed up at the Perfect Season perYeah, and Ryan Dalton was opening.
Just missed it and you had funwith Steve. Oh, dude, he
was so cool because after the show, I was just like showing up the

(02:04:59):
side a cigarette and he walks out, and I was with this other darde
who is like a meme, likesomeone made a meme of him like years
ago, and he has a specifictattoo in his armtfit of email legs.
Right, you were hanging out witha human meme. Yeah, wasn't it
bad luck? Brian No was somedude named Joe Joe. I'm a gird

(02:05:23):
girl. I don't care about rightor the cash me outside here, cash
me outside. I'm having to smokewith Steve O and Sean Right, okay,
get back to work, Sean ohfor sure? All right, thanks
sir. Hey Alex, I wonderhow many people can get fired? What's
going on? People get the firsttime? I've been listening for about three
years now, congratulations, but inthree years. Congratulations. I'll tell you

(02:05:45):
what. If I had a prizefor you, i'd give it to you,
but I don't, so I won't. But I'll tell you what.
You can hang up this phone,resolute in the knowledge that you've changed some
lives today. Alex. Yeah,I'm going to Cleveland right now tonight.
From where Oh, I'll tell youwhat. It is a scenic scenic route

(02:06:10):
to come from the falls to Cleveland, you know, so enjoy every every
scenic view on that trip, Alex, Thank you, sir. Hey,
it's divorced season. I'm just tryingto make people feel better. January is
the biggest season of the year,biggest month of the year, biggest time
of the year for people to engagein some conscious uncoupling. Was that because
like you don't want to break upduring the holidays, because like maybe the

(02:06:33):
kids, you know, you wantto sure the Christmas is normal and then
after that or me maybe I thinkI think it's a resolution people go screw
you. And frankly, a lotof people they don't want to do anything
for Valentine's Day. So like Igot a window here about five weeks before
I have to come clean and go. I didn't get you anything because I

(02:06:54):
hate your guts. Everybody knows thatthat's the cut off point, like from
the seventh to the fifteenth is whenyou do it. I've been broken up
with Valentine's Week a couple of times. Guys will do that if they didn't
get a gift. I feel likeit's just that simple, like I didn't
get you anything, that must meansomething. It's time to splay. Yeah,
I think it's just a time Valentine'sDay. Unfortunately, it's just a

(02:07:15):
time where guys to make a break, they reevaluate their relationships or all people
that your relationship. Well, maybeI don't. I don't think a lot
of this was because a guy didn'tget me something or he couldn't afford to
get me something. I think itwas more just like they were like,
all right, well I'm about tocelebrate this holiday of love and I'm not
feeling the love. So by yeah, you go directly from cuffing season to

(02:07:38):
divorce season. Yeah, you knowfor people who are you got to pack
a lot in there, a lotin there. Well, the Cavaliers got
mauled by the Timberwolves. That wasthe headline. I saw this morning.
Ninety was embarrassing. That was JimmyButler's scores for them. They wasn't terrible
last night, all right, thatit's hard to watch. Not worried about

(02:08:00):
it because Alabama won. That meanslebron wins. Okay, you're sticking with
that. I'm sticking with it.Yep, I uh I was. We
had that on it. But Bachelorwas also on at the same exact time
as a Calves game. The Bachelor. Actually what they had a thing that
was called the Bachelor yesterday because theywere doing a car derby where they crashed

(02:08:22):
into each other. What's that calledit demolition derby. They're having a demolition
derby and they called it The Bachelorand pretty clever. Yeah, I kept
thinking of pound Ca the Bachelor.But anyway, I'm thinking of reasons to
think about me. Oh whatever,please not in a good way. That
makes better averse they thinking about me. But we're watching this game and they
out the gate. It was likefour to twenty. At one point they

(02:08:43):
had four points within like six minutesof the of the first They weren't in
actual cars, No, No,I'm talking about the Calves. Calves had
four points to twenty points, okay, and I'm like, Ian, let's
just flip over to the The Bachelor. Let's just flip over. Let's just
slip over. And I flip overthat he's complaining and whining about that.

(02:09:05):
I'm like, really, do yousee the cas game that's happening right now?
Could you not just agree that maybeThe Bachelor might actually be a little
bit more palatable, some mindless entertainmentto take yourself out of the game.
But he he sat there and ridiculedme for watching The Bachelor the entire time,
and that's why I don't like watchingwith him, because I don't want
the judgment. I just want towatch. And then he kept flipping over

(02:09:28):
the Cavs game, like can weturn it off now? How about they're
losing by forty now, how aboutnow? Finally, within like like three
minutes left, he let me justkeep the Bachelor out. He let me,
yeah, you know what, honey, keep the Bachelor on. Yeah.
Well, we only have one TVthat has cable connected to it,
so if there's anything we want towatch live, it's a fight. But
I was being accommodating. I saywe could flip over the Cavs game until

(02:09:48):
they were losing by like a millionpoints. Okay, but it's a commercial
break, that's what I'm saying.And that's a very smart setup for two
people who are constantly at each other'sthroats over viewing habits. Well one television
that only gets cable. It worksgreat. Yeah, that's awesome. Anyway,
Calves take a big loss of thetimber Wolves there off tonight and tomorrow

(02:10:09):
night, and they'll be back toplay Chris Bosh and the Toronto Raptors.
Nope, I'm sorry, Nope,Chris Bosh hasn't played in a couple of
years now. That can't be right. They'll be in Toronto to play the
Raptors on Thursday night. That's aneight o'clock game, So seven thirty here
on MMS is when that pre gamewill start. Hasn't played for the Raptors
in at least like seven or eightyears. He didn't play it all anymore,

(02:10:31):
right now, he got jacked upor what. He's got some stuff,
leg stuff. It's like a bloodclot thing. Oh, velociraptor problems.
Right, who's left on Raptors?Because isn't a tedt to Kempo Bempo
Lempo guy. Isn't he gone?No onto the tempo is the Bucks,
isn't it with the Bucks on theRaptors, it's uh DeMar de Rosen and

(02:10:52):
who oh DeRozan? Yeah? Who'sthere the guy? Yeah he's good.
Uh Lowry, I think they gota good team. Start the stakes second.
Yeah, yes, season Salt Lowry. Right now, the Raptors are
marinate all over the Cavaliers sight Frank. I don't know what to tell you,

(02:11:13):
but wow, salty out there.Nike, by the way, going
to release the special Lebron sneaker forBlack History Month, the shortest month,
the biggest sneaker. They'll be soldout on Lebron's thirty third birthday. I
say sold out because I think that'sa pretty good prediction. Oh yeah,

(02:11:33):
birthday. Birthday was a couple ofweeks ago. His birthday is January the
fifteenth. About his birthday was inDecember for some reason. All right now,
I'm kidding. They just did someon his birthday. The new ones
are dropping on the fifteenth. Isaw the Caves tweet out like, happy
birthday, Lebron James. That's right. So the new Black History Month sneaks

(02:11:56):
will retail for one hundred and eightyfive dollars. That's actually not too bad.
I got that one pair, thenew pair of the ghost Ones.
Love them. They're very very comfortable. Those are over two hundred weren't they
no the same like or whatever?These are red packs and everything. They're
twenty red and green knit together torepresent the colors of the Pan African flag
with b HM for Black History Monthsin the tongue of the sneaker in gold

(02:12:22):
stitch. Now, if you're awhite guy, I mean, is it
socially acceptable to buy those? Yeah, it's yeah. Your money's just as
green as anybody else's. That's allthey care about. We love white people
who are allies. It would bean ally why not? And if the
most you can bring yourself to dois buy a pair of sneakers, buy

(02:12:43):
a pair of sneakers, stitch blmon those two. And it's also not
like overtly African looking at all.Oh, I see, it's a very
ling like the red and green isvery very subtle in it. Overtly African?
Is that box supper club? They'rereally they look like cross colors from
like the early ueties. Yep.If you like reggae, check out overtly

(02:13:05):
African. Hey Adam, Oh,hey, yes, this is me.
What's going on? Hey, firsttime color been listening since you had Charlie
on. That's a long first day. I'm sorry, literally day one.
Hey. Hey, he stared lovinglyinto each other's else. What's that,
Adam? I said, get thebell ready? My heart ready? Right?

(02:13:26):
Sure? Long, that's right,thank you, Adam. Yeah,
just back from Vegas? How didCleveland? How did Vegas go? Well?
I don't bet much. My wifewants more and uh I got two
dollars and cents I wont so Wow, he's you're up two dollars. Yeah.

(02:13:48):
See, he's basically paid the tipfor the cab to the you know,
to the to the airport. Adamis a smart guy because when you
go to Vegas, they don't wantyou going in any direction where you're not
gambling. So they have slop machinesat the airport and the shoeshine guys are
doing three card money and you know, but he's only up to two dollars
and ninety five cents. How muchdid your wife lose? I haven't answer

(02:14:09):
yet. She gonna tell you themorning. So she's just about getting up.
Oh, you just got back.Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Oh, now you're gonna make hersleep in the garage once she tells you?
Maybe, but where I want togo? He wants to sleep in
the garage. Right, A fewdays in Vegas with the wife, he's
ready to uh a little decompress abit. Did you go to the cat

(02:14:31):
house? What that? Did yougo to the cat house? We went
everywhere he was out with his wife. Man, okay, you probably can
go to the brothel. So theycould go to the catouse. They have
a trump off out in Carson City. Yeah right, I didn't know that
was actually I think, oh yeah, can you can females go there and
absolutely sure have a lesbian encounter.Well, then I have to go back.

(02:14:58):
Honey, you can't come with methis time. Why because you lost
too much money last time. That'swhy. That's right. You stay here
and cook me some eggs. Allright, Thank you, Adam, congratulations
on coming back up two dollars andninety five cents. I bet the weather
was still nice in Vegas. Idon't know they got they got snow in
the Sahara saw that the hottest desertguts snow. I don't know what anything

(02:15:24):
looks like anymore. Hey, Mike, Hey there, what's going on?
First? Hey, look at thatMike. Welcome, Welcome to the travel
travel around all day listening to youguys. You know what do you do?
Mike? I delivered parts. Youdrive parts. I deliver them like

(02:15:45):
auto parts, not truck parts.Truck parts. Okay. I wonder if
anybody has a job where they justdeliver parts of people. Well, no,
there's anything they're like, you knowthey Oh, you need truck parts,
here's a cardboard. Oh I needan Allen wrench for an ikea night
stand. Here you go. Igot that part two. Just a parts
truck. We can get you Allenwrench. Yeah. I was gonna say

(02:16:09):
it till Bill at the place indating is right, Patterson Air Force Base
there it is, Yeah, Andthat's where the museum is a big place.
Is that where the museum is?Though I wish I've never been.
I've always wanted to go there whenI was like eleven or so, and
it was really really cool, AndI can imagine it's got to be even
better now because they have so manymore jets and airplanes and stuff. There

(02:16:30):
probably drones children drones, right,you know, New Jersey just passed the
law you can't drink and drone anymore, no more drunken droning. So as
if GoPro didn't have enough problems.All right, thank you, Mike,
all right, thank you. Becareful out there. Bridget is in see
anal Fulton? I don't know whatthat is? Canton? Oh? Where

(02:16:52):
is where is canal? It's notwhere is canal Fulton, Bridget it's by
Green and Maslin and oh yeah,ok. Canton, Yeah, like North
Canton? All right? And doesit have a canal? Yes? All
right. A lot of places don'thave the thing they're named after. It's

(02:17:16):
it seems a legitimate question. Doyou see anal there? Not frequently when
she looks over her shoulder. Sowhat's going on? Bridget? Well,
first of all, I hate theshow. Thank you, sir, ma'am
till sir. Thanks. Yesterday,when you guys were talking about your guys'

(02:17:39):
ages, yes, Alan had broughtit up. My kids were in the
car listening, and he asked,what the other you're cutting out? He
asked what? He asked who everybody? What everybody else's ages were? Uh
huh? And he asked in thesame pound cake he called him cupcake.

(02:18:00):
All how old is your kid?He's eight? Huh, he's payingcake,
cupcake. We call them all kindsof things, you know, all all
terms of endearment. I don't mind. We listen to you guys all the
time. Well one is appropriate anyway, Thank you talented. Right. Trouble
is when you got kids in thecar, you never know when it's going

(02:18:20):
to become immediately inappropriate, which iswhen I love so that happens abruptly.
Sure, why not? Yeah,I kind of fulton. That's right,
the anal out there. Bridget allright, thank you so much. She
was so kind there. Thank youso much. Hey, Pete, Oh,

(02:18:41):
how you doing. I'm fine,thank you, hey, I'm all
Since the beginning, listener, youguys have been the highlight of my day.
Thank you, Pete. Thank you. This is the highlight of my
day too. I wanted to saythat I think that Erica, yeah,
the very beginning as really her senseof humor, Like your jokes are really

(02:19:01):
funny now, like you can reallyroll with everybody. I like that about
you. I didn't really I hatedI didn't know how much I hated guy
Dumac until he was gone, andI was rooting for Bill during that whole
process of getting Bill on board.Is town Cake is definitely the perfect amount
of fluff fluff for the show.He does have a fluffer right right right,

(02:19:28):
I've been you are a clever bastard. That's all I really had to
ry for everyone. As long asI'm a bastard, Pete will be fine.
Hey, yeah, that's that's what'sthe important part. I wanted to
say to that Burt Krasier show,the last show that got added, last
time he was in town, thankyou so much for throwing that out because
I got to see that show,that eleven o'clock show, and what a

(02:19:50):
kick ass show that was. Yeah, we love Burt, Yeah, yep,
Oh dude, that was so muchfun. I thought to have a
long time fan of his. AndI was so disappointed that I couldn't get
tickets and you got I said that, and I was immediately on the phone
to hilarities like, oh my god, I gotta go look at that.
Just we're breaking things out of thinair, Pete. Just for you,
right right. I appreciate it.I felt like it was just from me
outen beautiful all right, thank youbuy it all right? Thanks all right,

(02:20:13):
there's Pete in Madonna. You know, we go from feast to famine
and back again. With Donnie,our old intern. We used to play
a game called where in the worldis Donnie san Diego in? There is?
Because he used to move around allthe time after he left our programs
some years ago. Right he washe hit the road in search of fame

(02:20:37):
and fortune? And what else?Were you in search of Donnie? Fame
and fortune and what else? Uh? Find someplace just to settle down,
settle down right, settle his mind, settle his body, settle his his
goods and services. Last time wehad him on he kept dropping expletives and

(02:20:58):
so I want to Punlgie for that. Well, fad a lot of good
that does me now, Donny.But pro tip, if a cop pulls
you over, and Ny hear youlistening to this, we're probably just gonna
let you go because you know,I figured you suffered enough. Car show

(02:21:18):
one point seven dommas. We're talkingabout the Kioska McDonald's. And they're not
alone in that, these Kiosks.So the first foray into them, not
having anyone behind the counter, wewent to a conveyor belt sushi joint on
Friday because we were out Friday becauseof the Guardians game. Have you been
over to one of these places?To my knowledge, it's the only one

(02:21:39):
of its kind so far. There'sgonna be somebody who's gonna take that,
uh, take that concept and doit somewhere else. It's in other cities.
Uh, it's it's it's an oldplace that we used to get sushi
all the time. Used to becalled charm Tie. It was easily one
of my favorite sushi places in theair and is right there Parma. And

(02:22:01):
now it's another place. It's calledwhat Tommy and it is a conveyor belt
sushi restaurant. Yeah. My friendwas there yesterday actually and said that they
enjoyed the concept but didn't love thesushi. That the food is great,
okay, Yeah, I mean forwhat you might have expected from it,
we thought it was awesome, okay. And you just it just comes by

(02:22:22):
and all the plates have different colors, and the menu it tells you,
yeah, red and yellow are raw, these are cooked, These are two
seventy five, These are three seventyfive because they have a bunch on there.
It's got like three like rolls.Right, No, no, no,
no, it's a full, it'sa huge, it's a huge.
Yeah. No, no, Imean like each plate doesn't have like a

(02:22:45):
ton of sushi on it. Wellyou get three little things, yeah,
yeah, which is what kind ofwhat you normally get. I think at
some places, you know, someof these places where you get seventy's that's
about right for like you know theprice yea, yeah, yeah, sometimes
and everybody wanted sushi and it's liketwelve dollars, but you're getting a giant
amount of sushi for that twelve dollars. Yeah, I guess. Yeah,

(02:23:07):
they give you like a hole fullon roll. Yeah. I don't need
that. I'm much rather other stuff, and they much rather had the tiny
plates. Coming by was great,So I will lead up a small plate,
Yes, I will, in abooth with my back to everyone.
Well, because they put us towardsit back and as I was turning around
to see because we got there alittle early ish and by the time we
left the place was there was aline at the door. But as I

(02:23:28):
turned around the people behind us,the guy goes hate the show, and
I go, oh, hey,thanks, and I said something dumb like
how was your conveyor sushi, Idon't know, make a small talk and
they're like, okay, we're gettingout of here. But yeah, no,
it was great. It's dynamite.So there's got to be somebody that's
going to be ready to like ripthis off and do it somewhere else.
But for what they were doing there, the chefs that were back there working,

(02:23:52):
boy, working overtime because they gotto constantly fill the gaps in the
belt, and everybody ends up witha stack, you know, of tons
of plates. We ended up withlike twenty plates sushi. Well, because
they're also they're running the dessert spy, and they're running the drink spy,
and they're running the you know thateverything kind of is yeah, I mean

(02:24:15):
our daughter was with us. Sothey have like, you know, apple
juice boxes. You grab that andtake that down. They got the little
like Japanese sodas, the little uncarbonatedthe little peach things in the plastic.
You take those down. And sometimesit's difficult to ascertain what's what because they're
on plates, but they're under domes, you know, and you're looking at

(02:24:37):
you're trying to kind of match itwith what's on the menu. And but
after a while I was like,I was like, I'll just try this.
Yeah, I'll pull this down.And you know, was there a
time when you had your eye onsomething you see it coming down the conveyor
belt and you're just hoping it makesit past the gauntlet of other booths and
because it could get snatched up beforeit gets to you. No, because

(02:25:00):
we were right next to where theywere preparing the so whatever they put on.
Literally there was one booth on theother side of us. Went to
them for a second. But theconveyor runs through the entire restaurants. So
if you're like later in it andyou're just like, that's what I've been
waiting for, and I've been waitingfor a spicy Philadelphia role, and you
see it coming your way and itkeeps getting snatched by tables in front of

(02:25:24):
you. Like God didn't have thatproblem, probably because of where we were
sitting. We go again, andif we're seated in the middle of the
restaurant, maybe I'll have a differentreport for you. But it was It
was a very it was entertaining,and it was good. And yes,
I wish I like seafood more,like I never was like a sushi guy
and people, the people that likesushi, like they swear by, They're

(02:25:45):
like, I can't believe you don'tlike sushi, And well, I can
fully believe when somebody doesn't like sushi. I think it's an acquired taste.
Yeah, I just never I'm neversurprised that somebody goes, I don't like
sushi, Okay, I love it, like I don't like sushi out.
I don't like shrimp, but Ido like crab and lobster, if that
makes sense. You can get salmon. You could get a crab roll,
yeah, or a salmon roll becausethey were salmon is like smoked salmon,

(02:26:09):
so you might like that. Iwas just thinking, what about shrimp tempura
where they deep fry it and thenthey roll it like that. I don't
know it's a texture, but Ifigured he'd like. I don't think I've
ever had it, but I justremember that, you know that dinner we
had on the beach in Jamaica,and that was the first time I had

(02:26:30):
because it was in Jamaica, Iwasn't gonna turn it down. They had
jumbo shrimp and I'm like, Idon't really like this, but I'm not
going to not try it. Andit was okay. You could in a
situation like that, you could alwaysfeign an allergy. No, but I
I think I would be mad atmyself if I didn't try it, because
I'm like, even if it's likeshrimp, the way they prepare it might
be different than they prepared it inthe States, so I might like it.

(02:26:54):
But it was still shrimp, andit still had the shrimp texture.
But it was huge. I've neverseen a shrimp that big before us.
You don't want to get some paintedinto a corner where you come back home
and you go, I'm sorry,I'm gonna need the shrimp the way it
was prepared to me on the beachin Jamaica, Thank you very much.
Off with you now, that's right. Yeah. The only time I'll have
a dinner better than that is ifI eat at the White House, which

(02:27:15):
might not ever happen. It mightnot what a second, So to you,
it's Jamaica beach with a private chef, white House. There's there's no
I don't know. That's the onlyconceivable step off the White House. I
don't know was during the Trump WhiteHouse it was all big Max and chicken
nuggets. Well, I'm just saying, I don't know in which like a

(02:27:37):
scenario that I would have a mealbetter than that? What scenario would I
have a nine what was it?A nine course meal? Someone like the
beach, and each meal came withlike a story, and the waiters came
and like took the little silver topoff in front of you. So you
made all the pomp and things,not just the food being catered to,

(02:27:58):
like the whole dinner itself. Itwas. Well, maybe you'll have that.
Maybe you'll be in a situation wherethat'll have. You know, I've
gone on many many junkets over thecourse of my broadcasting career, and maybe
you'll have an opportunity to do somethinglike that. Again, I thought you
were just talking about the quality ofthe food, No, which was dynamite.
But okay, see, I'm alwaysmade, I'm always a little I'm

(02:28:20):
always I've become a little uncomfortable withall that pomp and circumstance. I don't
need that. I'm too Midwestern forthat. Just you know, you can
tell me how it was made andthen I'll you know, but the whole
thing, the scimitars and the flamingtorches, and you know, you don't
want to put on a show foryou. But it was cracking me up
because I was just thinking about meand Ian were dying because you know,

(02:28:41):
we're having these big labor mills.We're having zim and baked in bamboo and
the jumbo shrimp and whatever else wehad. And then the guy comes out
like Caesar salad. He said,I'm like, what stories behind this?
It's let us howe me, howyou going jazz it up? He's making
a LinkedIn profile for salad. You'relike, come on, sell it,

(02:29:03):
Sell it to me, homie.But that's what they're there for. Like,
you know, I just I wondered, did he get like the short
end of the stick. Did hecome to work late that day and everyone's
having these, you know, incrediblemeals and side dishes, and he's like,
Caesar salad. What is is thisany special? Nope? Is Caesar
dressing. Are these crutons made?Nope, just regular creutons. These are

(02:29:24):
made from Jamaican wheat or something.You know, was this foothills in the
mountains? Was this lettuce grown inlike uh one of the Bob mar one
of the Marley's backyards. Nope,just regular. We got it from the
store. Just the anchoby pace justread did you catch the anchobies yourself?
Did you grow the romain? Ijust think back on that. Nope,

(02:29:45):
just regular caesar salad. These aresalad. Yeah, just a caesar salad.
But maybe when they do those kindsof dinners at that resort, maybe
they each take turns being caesar saladguy. Maybe he's like he's son of
a bitch. They go say,man, be cool. Tomorrow night,
you get to be bamboo fried shrimpguy, and I'll be caesar salad guy.
They probably draw a short straw andthey yeah, they probably fight over

(02:30:09):
who's gonna like it's probably like ahaze hazing type thing. Who's going to
get trolled in front of the Americans. So it's just like a joke they
play on each other, like,oh Salentine, Oh you got me with
theesar salad, homie, I gotyou. I remember working in fine dining,
you know my one of my well, yeah, one of my only

(02:30:31):
square jobs before showbiz was I wasworking in fine dining and I had to
make table side caesar salads. Andyou got to do the whole thing right.
You got to have the romaine,you got to have the palm,
the creutons, the sea, youknow, but you also have to make
the dressing. So I'm there withthe big wooden bowl and I've got the
ingredients, I've got my and I'mreally doing a show, because you know,

(02:30:54):
this is what it was, abig thing table side seas. And
so I got the lemon juice inthe egg and the marlk and the thing.
I'm and I'm mixing all of itup for the dressing. And invariably
there would be and that you gotto put little flare into it too,
the Worcester saw us and the thing, and you'd be making it invariably midway
through. You want to talk abouta whole crone, some a whole crone

(02:31:15):
today? Can I? Can Iget awayout the worshisters. I'm like,
lady, do you know what's incaesar dressing? But I'm bucking for tips
right as a white tablecloth joint moneyedclients. Of course, let me redo
it, sto over it. Ionly have twenty four tops other than you.

(02:31:37):
You tell me ahead of time.But that was my fault because I
didn't ask enough questions. This wasnot an era when you asked thirty plus
years ago. This wasn't an erawhen you ask people if they had any
dietary requirements, you assumed if theyhad dietary requirements, they wouldn't order that,
or they wouldn't order that. OhI can't have Well, then you

(02:31:58):
don't order that. Then do youexcited about the new business venture that I
have, which is uh Caesar Salads. But it's on a conveyor belt and
it's just one ingredient at a time. You have to make your own and
you make it. You slowly assemblea salad as all the ingredients go by,
and that way you don't have toworry about it because you know what

(02:32:18):
you like. So you don't wantthe Worcester sauce, then you don't have
to put it on there. Youknow, after Big Billy's burger buffet out
there in international waters, it makessense that you would also want to have
something here stateside. Yeah, somethingin it. So Bill Squire's Caesar belt,
what's it going to be called?Belt o Caesar? I don't know,

(02:32:41):
Caesar's Palace. I don't think nobody'susing that. Nope. What about
Orange Julius Caesar where you're making smoothiesat one end and you're making salads at
the other right, there's something.I think there's something really there. Let's
have the restaurants for the Orange Julius. The other side is for Caesar.
Sound. That's right, It's likethe cat Cafe. I went to this

(02:33:05):
room. It's the Machias. Thisroom's right down the mitt. Yeah,
so well, listen, maybe poundCake will have an opportunity to do that
again. Maybe we will, Maybewe'll have another show trip. Who knows.
And then you can put that theoryto the test. Maybe you can
pretend to be allergic to something thatyou're not. You can say you have

(02:33:31):
a sour tummy, you're worried aboutthat plane, whereas a bunch of people
vomiting that Oh god, no toLeigh, is it a chain reaction thing
started it? Just like in uhstand by me. I think a lot
of these Listen, all these headlinesare click bait. But when they say
plane full of vomiting passengers and thenthey say like three or four people puked,

(02:33:56):
still a lot of people with puke. And if only one person pukes
on a flight, the whole planesmells it. That permeates very quickly,
so you have three or four You'reright that is more than enough. Baltimore
to Raleigh a southwest flight. Thisis not a long flight Baltimore to Raleigh.
It's like as soon as you getthe cruising altitude, they're like,
all right, we're going to beginour descent. Turn into a nine hour

(02:34:20):
nightmare involving vomiting passengers and an abandonedairport. The flight was supposed to take
around seventy five minutes. They ranlow on fuel and hit really bad weather
near Raleigh, and as they begantheir descent, the whole thing started shaking.

(02:34:41):
People thought the plane was coming apart. One woman said that three people
near them began to vomit. Nowthey're doing this in bags. It's not
like anybody's seemed Triangle in Sadness.You could vomit in a bag. You
can't drink milk out of a bag. I think I've seen the movie Triangle
of Sadness. There's quite an extendedsequence where there's a bunch of people,

(02:35:03):
rich people vomiting on a cruise.So one like that, but a bunch
of people around them were puking.Another person passed out, people were having
panic attacks. That's got to befun. The landing was aborted. At
about thirteen hundred feet. It's theonly kind of abortion that they will allow
in North Carolina. It was redirectedto Myrtle Beach and then they were held

(02:35:28):
on the plane for two hours.So then you're sitting there for two hours
on a plane where multiple people havevomited, and then they let them off
the plane and they had to sitin the terminal which was closed for another
four hours, and they said wecouldn't go anywhere because it wouldn't give us
our luggage. Ah air travel,it just gets better and better, doesn't
it. I mean, these arethe kind of stories that make the news,

(02:35:52):
But there are thousands of flights everysingle day, so obviously these are
the ones are going to get theattention. One passenger said that a group
of guys found a bar in theterminal and went behind it and just started
pouring themselves drinks because there was nosecurity there. You go. Then an
empty plane showed up around one amand flew them all to Raleigh, which

(02:36:13):
was their intended destination. But yeah, boy, you get on there and
you never know what's gonna I can'tbelieve, given everything else was going on,
I can't believe there at least wasn'tone TikTok video of some woman screaming
and crying and running up and downtearing her clothes off. That's usually what
happens before any of the vomiting orthe panic attacks that seems to be almost

(02:36:39):
more common. You're gonna have oneor two people freaking the f out.
That's one of the pros actually wearinga mask on a plane. Like if
someone was to vomit, you can'tsmell anything, like you smell your own
breath. You don't smell anybody else. It smells like my breath and pukan
here, what's going on? Youstill might get a melanium like just the

(02:37:01):
sound of it. Might be preparedhave earbuds. With earbuds anyways, and
then if you have the mask on, you're immune to everything. Sit in
the back of mind. I usedto be very sensitive to puking, and
I've gotten over that over the years, but it was at one point like
where if there was a puke happeningaround me, Oh, you're one of
those guys. I was. You'relike, don't puke, please, don't

(02:37:22):
puke. Yeah, I'm fine nowthough, how'd you get over it?
I don't even know it just itwas something that like when I was probably
like eleven or twelve, I remembermy sister being sick when we were on
vacation. Every time we went onvacation, and so we got sick and
I was just hearing it and puking, and like had a few other incidents
like that over the years, butnot a problem anymore. So I don't

(02:37:45):
know how I got out over it. I just it doesn't happen. Hey,
Randy, Hey, I think I'vegot a good name for Bill's restaurant
since it's a Caesar salad centric Mimiv D Veggie. We came, we
saw, we filled our bellies.Yes, I love it that I appreh

(02:38:13):
al. Did you have the twofoot pep wooden pepper gunder two? Yes?
I did, Fresh Papa. Ifonly I had had pound cakes one
sound effect that would have come inhandy back then, Fresh Pepa. Yes,
please say when you do, that'sexactly what it was. Mills search

(02:38:33):
in Caesar. What's the searching though? And you're searching through the conveyor boat,
the conveyor belt. Hello, Jeff, Hey, Ellen, how's it
going. How are you man?Good? Thanks? My wife, who's
a nurse practitioner and I were onour flight to Florida with our kids,

(02:38:56):
and the time comes on and says, we need medical assistance in the back
of the plane. Anybody who wasa nurse or doctor. BRI's come right
away, and my wife goes backthere, spends twenty forty minutes back there,

(02:39:16):
comes back and tells me that thewoman at the back of the plane
had puked all over herself and shewas back there with a woman who was
a family practitioner. The woman thatpuked all over herself spoke Spanish, my
wife's didn't. Family practitioner did cometo find out that she hadn't taken all

(02:39:39):
her blood pressure medicine and was havingreaction to that. And my wife was
able to talk to the pilot sayshe's stable, we can land in the
final destination and not have to divertas an emergency. And so it wasn't.
She was like a, I don'tknow, she wasn't transporting anything she

(02:40:03):
shouldn't have been transporting. I guess, So your wife saved this woman.
My wife and this this this woman. The other one was a doctor.
My wife's the nurse practitioner who workedin an emergency room for years and medical
intentive care in it was able toassess the situation quickly and get the pilot

(02:40:24):
to agree to fly to the finaldestination. Yeah. Hm was there?
Did she receive a round of applause? Jeff, No, it was kind
of on the down low. Shewas. She didn't want anything to do
with it. You know, it'slike it's like what she does, you
know, it's it's there was anothersituation that happened to long ago that you

(02:40:45):
got to get involved to help somebodyelse. Right, all right, well,
good, all right, kudos tothe medical medical staff. That's a
pound cake, says Okay, thankyou, Jeff, yep, thanks good,
Here you go, you two Allan. That's called hitting the bathroom animal
style. Yes, it is good. I've realized that I the way I

(02:41:07):
used to drink is no more likeI break the seal immediately. What do
you mean you pee right away?Yeah? Like that the moment I have,
like the moment I finished like awhite claw. I'm like, oh,
got a pee, and then I'mpeeing for the rest of the night.
If I have one, if everydrink, I have to pee at
least once. And it's maybe you'renot hydrating properly throughout the day. Yeah,

(02:41:30):
is that where that comes from?Kind of? I mean if people
who drink a lot of water,I mean I don't I drink a lot
of water. I don't go tothe bathroom every five minutes. Yeah,
I mean I don't drink that often, but I've noticed times when I do,
I'm like, damn, why Igot a peace so much so that
that's literally maybe you should just getlike one of those bladders that you put
in the inside of your pants andso that way you don't have to be
when you're gonna go out for anight of drinking, you just gotta pee.

(02:41:52):
Yeah, you don't have to goto the bathroom hour move of course,
and you look like a hero ifanybody's paying attention until the end of
the night when you have huge inflatedpants sitting there flirting with the bartender and
he's just like, wow, dude, this duesu is dying. He has
he's been down in beers all nightand has he even moved from that chair
y bulge too dangling. Yeah,it looks like he's wearing John person like

(02:42:16):
he's racing in the Kentucky Derby.The next day his make and it just
feels the pants like that point outon the side. Yeah, they flare
out. Now I must leave youas the Brady bunch is on and I
find four of those children incredibly arousing. Get at it. Be careful of
what you say, Be careful inevery way, Be careful of what you

(02:42:43):
do. Big Brother is watching you. Be circumspect and discreet. Stay light
on your mental feet. One slipand you know who you're through. Big
Brother is watching. You can awith all narratives. Remember obedience pain,

(02:43:07):
And when you watch that davy screens, remember it works both ways. You
disappear in a wink. Unless youcan double think, you'll vanish into the
blue. Big Brother is watching you.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC
Let's Be Clear with Shannen Doherty

Let's Be Clear with Shannen Doherty

Let’s Be Clear… a new podcast from Shannen Doherty. The actress will open up like never before in a live memoir. She will cover everything from her TV and film credits, to her Stage IV cancer battle, friendships, divorces and more. She will share her own personal stories, how she manages the lows all while celebrating the highs, and her hopes and dreams for the future. As Shannen says, it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, it’s about how you get back up. So, LET’S BE CLEAR… this is the truth and nothing but. Join Shannen Doherty each week. Let’s Be Clear, an iHeartRadio podcast.

The Dan Bongino Show

The Dan Bongino Show

He’s a former Secret Service Agent, former NYPD officer, and New York Times best-selling author. Join Dan Bongino each weekday as he tackles the hottest political issues, debunking both liberal and Republican establishment rhetoric.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2024 iHeartMedia, Inc.