PREMIER LEAGUE: Arsenal outlasts Chelsea in a wrestling match masquerading as a soccer game, thanks in part to the Blues' tendency for childish petulance (which says a lot about the club's lack of leadership). Brentford controversially pips Burnley in and unexpected thriller. Being on the wrong end of 50-50 calls by referees is becoming an unfortunate way of life for Tottenham, leaving the club with a must-win home game on Thursday against 14th place Palace in early March (woof).
HALFTIME: What If the USL players go on strike and the league scours local pub leagues and offers you a chance to be a scab and cross the picket line... you seizing the opportunity?
REST OF WORLD: Extra spicy Hit-It-N-Quit-It MLS Minute
STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs
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