January 16, 2026 • 20 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh my god, So looking for your dad jokes? Run
a dad jokes eight seven seven forty four, Woody, it's
eight seven seven forty four. Wood He keep it, keep
it like, keep it fun, keep it short. Yeah, sometimes
people call up and it's yes, it's a punny like punchline.
(00:24):
But man, does it take a long time to get there.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
The suffer through. That's the way the humor was, especially
the old joke books.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
It was these like four paragraph setups for like yeah, dogs, yeah, okay,
all right.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Eight seven seven forty four, Woody Friday dad jokes. Yeah,
And we'll go right to the phones with Christian. Hey, Christian,
how are you.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Love your baby?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Baby? All right?
Speaker 4 (00:50):
What's your dad joke?
Speaker 5 (00:52):
All right?
Speaker 6 (00:53):
So why couldn't the toilet paper across the road.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Why couldn't the toilet paper across the road? Why because
it was stuck in the crack.
Speaker 6 (01:04):
So if you're talking.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
About butts, thank you, Christian, dad joke on the text,
What do you get when you sit on ice too long?
What hoolaroids.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Speak to you?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
See Sea bass I always go like, oh god, dad
jokes when you begged me to do the segment.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
But now that we've done a couple and then I
remember that you know what it is?
Speaker 6 (01:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah, I mean okay, so let's go to Sea Bess.
You guys, what do you got?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Well? I hate dad jokes for two reasons. Number one,
obviously they're just puns. Number two, the name dad. Okay,
let's get some feminist jokes in here. And as the
lead feminist on the show, did you know that we
don't need to pay the women, the women the same
as men.
Speaker 5 (01:46):
We don't.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
We don't need to pay them. No, no, just pay
men the same as women. And see how angry they
get it. Yeah, hious, crushed it.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Let's see if Trevor can one up be on that one.
Hey Trevor, what do you show?
Speaker 7 (02:03):
How's it going?
Speaker 4 (02:04):
What's up?
Speaker 6 (02:04):
Dad joke? What do you got?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a woman?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a woman? I
think I know where this is going.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
Speaker 6 (02:18):
Oh wow, that's exactly That's why I knew that was going.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
It's up a gay guy, not woman, I know, but
I think they were trying to play off of what
you said up. Yeah, yeah, exactly as a feminist.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
You should be all about that.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I hate him, Nelson, You're next up, dad.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Joy, What do you got?
Speaker 8 (02:43):
All right?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
So me and my wife walked out of a movie
theater and she said, oh my god, I'm lost, horrible,
And I said, I see a finger sing, I see strange.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I think maybe he went to the theater for the
final episode of Stranger. Let's go to Oscar. Hey, Oscar
lay a good dad joke on us? All right, So
why did the frog destroy all his clothing?
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Why did the frog destroy all his clothing?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Why?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Because his best friend kept saying rip it?
Speaker 8 (03:21):
Dreg Can did contain himself? Yeah, that one was not good,
Greg Gory. Yeah, I saw a sign on an out
of business brothel. The other guy did, Yeah, said we're
clothes beat it getting menace?
Speaker 7 (03:38):
Yes, well, I was excited to hear that Apple might
start selling its own cars.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
You do sound excited.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
Until I heard they wouldn't support windows. Part of the
frog one, What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
Speaker 4 (03:56):
What kind of send us to frogs wear?
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Open toad?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
This went off the text what's the difference between a
wife and a battery sea bass?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
What it's a preposterous notions.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
All here, batteries have a positive side.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
I figured that would play your sensibility a lot of.
Speaker 9 (04:17):
Hey, I have a question. Why did the jaguar eat
the tightrope walker?
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
Speaker 9 (04:23):
Why it was craving a well balanced meal?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
What do you call a bra that you just can't
take off? What's that a booby trap?
Speaker 7 (04:36):
Oh, breag, I love this one. You didn't read it
your It's one of your favorite says. When I die,
I want to be creamy cremated, because that's my last
chance to have a smoking, hot body.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Hey, what do you call a lazy kangaroo? What a
pouch potato?
Speaker 9 (04:57):
What do you get when you cross a lemon and
a cat? What a sour puss?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Back to the phones. Do you guys want technology? Animal?
Speaker 9 (05:09):
Animal?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Animal?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
All right, let's go to Danielle. Uh, Danielle, what's your
dad joke?
Speaker 9 (05:16):
What kind of bear has no teeth?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
What kind of bear has no teeth?
Speaker 5 (05:20):
I don't know?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Tell bear, that's a good one, Thank you, Dan, Danielle.
Let's go to technology with Buck. Hey, Buck, what's your
dad joke?
Speaker 6 (05:34):
Hey?
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Good faring to.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Dad joke?
Speaker 5 (05:39):
Buck.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
What do you buy from an internet dealer?
Speaker 4 (05:43):
What do you buy from an internet dealer? What Instagram?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Let's go to David, Hey, David, how are you? What's
what's your dad joke?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Hey? So turn my walked into a bar and says,
where's the bartender?
Speaker 10 (06:04):
Hey?
Speaker 11 (06:04):
Oh, I'm not getting I'm not getting like you to enthusiasm,
wants to eat the bar tender like eating tender?
Speaker 6 (06:19):
Like?
Speaker 7 (06:19):
Right?
Speaker 6 (06:19):
Am I getting? Okay? It's all right, sure is.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
Let's go to Michelle.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
What's up Michelle?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Hi?
Speaker 10 (06:34):
Okay, did you hear about the big thief escaped prison?
Speaker 6 (06:37):
I didn't.
Speaker 8 (06:39):
Well, the police are coming in the area.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
To find him.
Speaker 6 (06:44):
Michelle, Thank you? I love you guy. But hey, do
you know how to make a waterbed? Bouncier that spring water?
Speaker 4 (06:55):
As a snail riding on a turtle's back? Say?
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks in
case he got a hole in one?
Speaker 5 (07:09):
What do you call a hooker in Italy? A postitute?
Speaker 4 (07:16):
What do you call a laxative with alphabet soup?
Speaker 5 (07:19):
A laxative with alphabet soup?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:22):
What letter? Rip?
Speaker 9 (07:24):
What did a horse say after it tripped?
Speaker 6 (07:26):
What's up?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Help?
Speaker 9 (07:28):
I've fallen and I can't giddy up.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, the internet connection on my farm was very weak,
so I moved the motem to the barn. Now I
have a stable connection. Here you go. What do you
call a hundred rabbits and a conga line going backwards?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
For you?
Speaker 6 (07:47):
Bass?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
They say, a receding hairline. That's what This one's really
good for sea Bass?
Speaker 6 (07:55):
You like this one?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
How are women like hurricanes because they're strong and powerful
when they when they come, they're wet and wild. When
they leave, they take your house and your dog with that.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
How many feminists it takes to change a light bulb?
Speaker 4 (08:15):
How many?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
None?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's the light bulb that needs changing.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Truth.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
And what did the two strings do in a race?
They tied because their strings. Let's go to Amelia. Hey, Amelia, Hey, Hey, Friday,
dad joke.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
What do you got?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
All right?
Speaker 4 (08:44):
What do you call a homeboy in a nativity scene?
What do you call homeboy in a nativity scene? What
away in a manger? Like me?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Away away in a minute.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I think I'm too white to get to get it.
Speaker 5 (09:06):
I'm right there with your yeah, right, thank you, Amelia.
Speaker 9 (09:09):
I appreciate the delivery.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Let's go to Tony Hey, Tony, Hey, what are you?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Good morning?
Speaker 5 (09:16):
Good morning?
Speaker 4 (09:16):
All right, you got the final one, the final dad joke.
We make it good Man.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
From last Yeah. So a host walks into bar.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And bartender ask him, Hey, buddy, what's with the long face? Yeah, no,
I'm not saying that, menace. I know you just passed
me as Sarah Jessica Parker joke.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I'm not doing that.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
That was great.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Well that's how you do the Friday dad joke.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Three, it is time for today stumm ass context and
today's seven's contest is the.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Q iq se basks playing the game to everybody, Please.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I find a nice and drunk person and ask them
just the simplest trivia questions in the world.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
So the question to your job is not to answer
the questions.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Everyone knows the answer, but the difficulty is is this
person so drunk that they won't know the answer. So
if you can guess whether they know twice out of
three times, you win.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
All right, eight seven, seven forty four. What is the
number that we told you to call if you wanted
to play? And uh, let's go to Aaron.
Speaker 6 (10:34):
Hey, what's up?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
All right?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Addy? You suck it, sir guy. You were trying. You
were trying to jump the gun on me. I know
this and do this decade?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
No, no, what.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
No, I wouldn't Okay, okay, all right, great Aaron, you
ready to play the u IQ?
Speaker 6 (10:55):
Okay? Right?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Sweet.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
So before we get into the questions that actually count
towards you want an aprise or not, we're gonna get
to know drunk.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Person a little bit. You get little I just are
how with it or not with it?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
They are?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
And who is this person? Sea mask?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (11:06):
Chris?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
And is you about to hear he's a good old
boy and he's not doing no harm?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
All right, here is Chris.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I noticed you kind of stumbled around lighting a cigarette.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
What have you been drinking today?
Speaker 6 (11:17):
Chris?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Again the darkest of the dark.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
So, Chris, you're here by yourself, you're lone wolfing it.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
No, I have a fiance over there, she dancing with
her friend.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
The girl still hit on you all soon?
Speaker 7 (11:27):
Right? No, So I'm what they like to call like
a pee wee herman pip squeak.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't have that problem. She likes pip squeaks.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Apparently he sounds like a little guy he sounds like
Minnie Matthew McConaughey Conna, Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
By the way, Matthew McConaughey trademarked all right, all.
Speaker 6 (11:48):
Right, all right, yeah her himself.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, well yeah, for the voice likeness, for the everything.
It's all the AI stuff. So it's pretty funny. The
trademark registration state it's quote. The mark consists of a
man saying, all right, all right, all right.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Where in the.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
First syllable of the first two words, is it a
lower pitch than the second syllable, Oh my god? And
the first syllable of the last word, is it a
higher pitch than the second syllable?
Speaker 4 (12:13):
That is terrific.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I didn't realize they broke it down.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Like that, and I would think whatever company produced that
movie would own that phrase.
Speaker 9 (12:20):
Yes he doesn't. He didn't write it.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Well, if they didn't copyright it, though, well.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
You don't have to once you create something. That's that's
proof of the copywriting.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
His lawyers applied for this back in December of twenty
twenty three. It was just approved last month, and he
also has seven He got seven other trademarks too.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
I'm not sure what the other ones are.
Speaker 6 (12:39):
And he is an investor in AI too.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
He knows to protect himself. Then all right, so aa Ron,
we have the drunk person here, Chris. Now we just
have a little bit better idea just how with it
or not with it? We believe he is. And then
we have Menace and Sammy, who are stone cold sober.
They're going to try to guess the answers to these questions.
But their guesses are whether you think they're gonna I
know it doesn't count, but but that's just for fun.
Speaker 6 (13:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Question number one, d U I Q.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Who's the second president of the United States?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Who is the second? Everybody knows the first one? And yes,
who was the second? The thirty fifth, and the fifteenth?
We all know those, We all know them. I would
like to start.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
I don't know the second president? Really yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
Interesting, I'm going to go tsunami triple no.
Speaker 9 (13:23):
Wow, that put me down for triple nowe yeah, I'm
going to pig youback on that one.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Triple No. Sammy and Menace, do you think that Chris
is going to give this one?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
No?
Speaker 4 (13:31):
No, you don't No, No, all right, a A Ron,
what do you think?
Speaker 2 (13:36):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
No, not at all?
Speaker 4 (13:37):
No, all right?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Question number one d u IQ.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
It was the second President of the United States.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Sammy Thomas Jefferson.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Thomas Jefferson.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Okay, menace James, any idea what that first day might be?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You're so close now, James. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Do you guys know who it is?
Speaker 6 (13:59):
I do, I did? Who is it it is? No?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
No, no, no, no.
Speaker 10 (14:04):
You want me to say, I think I thought it
was I think it's Jefferson.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
No, No, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
I have no idea.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
John Adams, correct, Greg, Why.
Speaker 9 (14:14):
Did you say no when I said if.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You didn't know, because we already knew that Thomas Jefferson
wasn't he was number three? Oha, gotcha?
Speaker 7 (14:20):
Gotcha?
Speaker 5 (14:21):
All right? All right?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
So question number one d uy q. Aaron says that
Chris won't get this one. Let's see he gets on
the board with his first point.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
He was the second President of the United States, Benjamin Franklin,
and he was well known for doing what Chris tell
folks about.
Speaker 7 (14:35):
It being on the one hundred dollars bill.
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Oh, that's what he's famous for.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
It's a weird inception thing they gave. They put him
on the hundred dollars bill because he was famous for
being on a hundred dollar bill and.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeh, that's so crazy.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
All right, well, Aaron, you're in luck. You got one
point on the d u y Q. Question number two and.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
What part of your body is your cock?
Speaker 5 (14:58):
Six?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I think I know.
Speaker 9 (15:01):
I think I do too.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Uh, I'll say I'll say no for Chris, triple no.
Speaker 10 (15:09):
Here's the thing. No for Chris, for sure. But like
Sammy's had so many weird like I feel like chiro
practic things. Maybe that's like something that I don't know
that was. I'm saying trouble now, triple.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
No, I'm saying no to Chris, no to Menace, yes
to Sammy.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I mean, all right, Sammy Menace. Do you think that
Chris gets this one? No? No, all right, Aaron, your.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Thoughts, No, he won't get it, all right?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Question number two d uy Q, what part of your
body is your cocsis?
Speaker 6 (15:46):
Menace? Writing down? I wrote down my answer, I said throat.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Okay, it was my guest pretty hot, yeah, yeah, super hot.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
I also said throat and.
Speaker 6 (15:54):
China gave the damn it.
Speaker 9 (15:56):
I was just I'm sorry I did.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
What would you say, chiropractical?
Speaker 6 (16:00):
That's that I know I'm wrong.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
It doesn't heiropractor couldn't do anything with your cocksicks.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I'm sure they pound on it or something.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Where is it?
Speaker 5 (16:08):
It's your tailbone, it's your.
Speaker 10 (16:11):
Do you know how the chiropractor hammers on your tailbone,
But it's part of your spine.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Okay, But they do hips, back, neck, leg, Yeah, they
do all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
It's it's not your.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Finger for instance, or your throat for instance.
Speaker 9 (16:23):
Okay, Well, it clearly made a difference.
Speaker 6 (16:26):
I don't think that was that specific.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
That was that was it was a body part that
was a helpful That was that was a narrow it
wasn't helpful well to them.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Now if he doesn't know this one, that means that
Aaron's gonna be the winner here on the d u
i Q. Question number two and what part of.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Your body is your cocksicks? Your eyeball?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
And if you lose your.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Coss what happens to you?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You go blind?
Speaker 9 (16:50):
Your eye directly connected.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
I'll tell you that's a super easy.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Right there, Aaron, congratulations, you are the winner here on
the d u i Q. Right, yeah, thank you, thank you, welcome.
Hang on one second and we will get all of
your information. And by the way, somebody had texted over
that the Matthew McConaughey trademark thing. Uh said that he
improvised those lines, and he tells a cool story about
(17:17):
it to Woody Harrelson on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
I mean that is cool, But anything you do on
that movie is still propery of that movie.
Speaker 9 (17:21):
That's what I was thinking too. It doesn't matter if
you improvise that.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
He may have.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
He may have said it later on and said, well,
that's the version I'm copyright the time that I said
swift it. Yeah, basically yeah, yeah, what yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
My question number three Matthew's version. Question number three d
u i Q.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Complete the following phrase A bird in the hand.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Oh, I know this one, little kids, this one? Uh man,
this one is easy. Uh no for Chris, Yes. For Sammy,
she likes old timey stuff. Yeah, phrase is it not?
Speaker 5 (18:05):
I guess, but all phrases kind of are I guess?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Uh menace No, all right, just Sammy. I think just
Sammy gets this one.
Speaker 6 (18:14):
Greg.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
For this round of the d u i Q, I
went triple no the entire time. I believe no. I
gave Sammy one yes, but this one again triple no.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
This would be a sweet for a missing one both
of them if they miss it.
Speaker 10 (18:25):
All right, I think Sammy does know this. I think
Menace does not. And this guy seems like folksy. I'm
gonna say yes to Chris.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Okay, logical Sammy and and Menace. Do you think that
Chris gets it?
Speaker 7 (18:39):
No?
Speaker 6 (18:39):
No, all right?
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Question number three d U I.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Q the following phrase, A bird in the hand.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
Menace is worth more than in the stove.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
It's worth more so, Q in the hand is worth
more than the stove. Bird in the hand is worth
more than in the stove.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Okay, let's could have for cooking.
Speaker 7 (19:02):
Okay, yeah, okay, it's worth two in the bush?
Speaker 5 (19:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Does that sound familiar memos? No, it doesn't really, Okay,
part of it.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Explain what that means?
Speaker 7 (19:13):
I like, That's why I'm trying to figure out as
we're talking about it.
Speaker 6 (19:16):
I'm complete.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
The following phrase, a bird in the hand is.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Worth two in the bush. I don't know what it means.
Speaker 9 (19:24):
I think you don't?
Speaker 6 (19:25):
You do, I don't.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
I'm angry at you.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
In the wait, I could take a guess. I take
a guest.
Speaker 6 (19:32):
Wait, that more worth more than two in the bush?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (19:36):
In the bush? Okay? Then yeah, because you captured them.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Right, yeah, because because at least you have one. At
least you have one. Yeah, there are there may be
two in that bush, but you don't have them, but
you at least have secured. Now I'm getting you've secured
the one.
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Okay, yeah, anything about the stove and there it's worth
three in the stove.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
Question number three, d y.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You complete the following phrase a bird in the hands,
egg in a basket. Tell folks what that means. A
bird in the hand is worth an egg in the basket.
Speaker 6 (20:08):
I guess.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
It doesn't make a difference.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Okay, half a point for that.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
The birds come out of eggs come out of birds,
I should say.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
True.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
All right, Well that's how you played the do you like?
We're gonna take a quick break more, what do you
show next hand?
Speaker 3 (20:26):
So?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
What do you show?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Will be right back
Oh my god, So looking for your dad jokes? Run
a dad jokes eight seven seven forty four, Woody, it's
eight seven seven forty four. Wood He keep it, keep
it like, keep it fun, keep it short. Yeah, sometimes
people call up and it's yes, it's a punny like punchline.
(00:24):
But man, does it take a long time to get there.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
The suffer through. That's the way the humor was, especially
the old joke books.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
It was these like four paragraph setups for like yeah, dogs, yeah, okay,
all right.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Eight seven seven forty four, Woody Friday dad jokes. Yeah,
And we'll go right to the phones with Christian. Hey, Christian,
how are you.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Love your baby?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Baby? All right?
Speaker 4 (00:50):
What's your dad joke?
Speaker 5 (00:52):
All right?
Speaker 6 (00:53):
So why couldn't the toilet paper across the road.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Why couldn't the toilet paper across the road? Why because
it was stuck in the crack.
Speaker 6 (01:04):
So if you're talking.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
About butts, thank you, Christian, dad joke on the text,
What do you get when you sit on ice too long?
What hoolaroids.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Speak to you?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
See Sea bass I always go like, oh god, dad
jokes when you begged me to do the segment.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
But now that we've done a couple and then I
remember that you know what it is?
Speaker 6 (01:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah, I mean okay, so let's go to Sea Bess.
You guys, what do you got?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Well? I hate dad jokes for two reasons. Number one,
obviously they're just puns. Number two, the name dad. Okay,
let's get some feminist jokes in here. And as the
lead feminist on the show, did you know that we
don't need to pay the women, the women the same
as men.
Speaker 5 (01:46):
We don't.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
We don't need to pay them. No, no, just pay
men the same as women. And see how angry they
get it. Yeah, hious, crushed it.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Let's see if Trevor can one up be on that one.
Hey Trevor, what do you show?
Speaker 7 (02:03):
How's it going?
Speaker 4 (02:04):
What's up?
Speaker 6 (02:04):
Dad joke? What do you got?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a woman?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a woman? I
think I know where this is going.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
Speaker 6 (02:18):
Oh wow, that's exactly That's why I knew that was going.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
It's up a gay guy, not woman, I know, but
I think they were trying to play off of what
you said up. Yeah, yeah, exactly as a feminist.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
You should be all about that.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
I hate him, Nelson, You're next up, dad.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Joy, What do you got?
Speaker 8 (02:43):
All right?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
So me and my wife walked out of a movie
theater and she said, oh my god, I'm lost, horrible,
And I said, I see a finger sing, I see strange.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I think maybe he went to the theater for the
final episode of Stranger. Let's go to Oscar. Hey, Oscar
lay a good dad joke on us? All right, So
why did the frog destroy all his clothing?
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Why did the frog destroy all his clothing?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Why?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Because his best friend kept saying rip it?
Speaker 8 (03:21):
Dreg Can did contain himself? Yeah, that one was not good,
Greg Gory. Yeah, I saw a sign on an out
of business brothel. The other guy did, Yeah, said we're
clothes beat it getting menace?
Speaker 7 (03:38):
Yes, well, I was excited to hear that Apple might
start selling its own cars.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
You do sound excited.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
Until I heard they wouldn't support windows. Part of the
frog one, What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
Speaker 4 (03:56):
What kind of send us to frogs wear?
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Open toad?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
This went off the text what's the difference between a
wife and a battery sea bass?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
What it's a preposterous notions.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
All here, batteries have a positive side.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
I figured that would play your sensibility a lot of.
Speaker 9 (04:17):
Hey, I have a question. Why did the jaguar eat
the tightrope walker?
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
Speaker 9 (04:23):
Why it was craving a well balanced meal?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
What do you call a bra that you just can't
take off? What's that a booby trap?
Speaker 7 (04:36):
Oh, breag, I love this one. You didn't read it
your It's one of your favorite says. When I die,
I want to be creamy cremated, because that's my last
chance to have a smoking, hot body.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Hey, what do you call a lazy kangaroo? What a
pouch potato?
Speaker 9 (04:57):
What do you get when you cross a lemon and
a cat? What a sour puss?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Back to the phones. Do you guys want technology? Animal?
Speaker 9 (05:09):
Animal?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Animal?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
All right, let's go to Danielle. Uh, Danielle, what's your
dad joke?
Speaker 9 (05:16):
What kind of bear has no teeth?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
What kind of bear has no teeth?
Speaker 5 (05:20):
I don't know?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Tell bear, that's a good one, Thank you, Dan, Danielle.
Let's go to technology with Buck. Hey, Buck, what's your
dad joke?
Speaker 6 (05:34):
Hey?
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Good faring to.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Dad joke?
Speaker 5 (05:39):
Buck.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
What do you buy from an internet dealer?
Speaker 4 (05:43):
What do you buy from an internet dealer? What Instagram?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Let's go to David, Hey, David, how are you? What's
what's your dad joke?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Hey? So turn my walked into a bar and says,
where's the bartender?
Speaker 10 (06:04):
Hey?
Speaker 11 (06:04):
Oh, I'm not getting I'm not getting like you to enthusiasm,
wants to eat the bar tender like eating tender?
Speaker 6 (06:19):
Like?
Speaker 7 (06:19):
Right?
Speaker 6 (06:19):
Am I getting? Okay? It's all right, sure is.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
Let's go to Michelle.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
What's up Michelle?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Hi?
Speaker 10 (06:34):
Okay, did you hear about the big thief escaped prison?
Speaker 6 (06:37):
I didn't.
Speaker 8 (06:39):
Well, the police are coming in the area.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
To find him.
Speaker 6 (06:44):
Michelle, Thank you? I love you guy. But hey, do
you know how to make a waterbed? Bouncier that spring water?
Speaker 4 (06:55):
As a snail riding on a turtle's back? Say?
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks in
case he got a hole in one?
Speaker 5 (07:09):
What do you call a hooker in Italy? A postitute?
Speaker 4 (07:16):
What do you call a laxative with alphabet soup?
Speaker 5 (07:19):
A laxative with alphabet soup?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:22):
What letter? Rip?
Speaker 9 (07:24):
What did a horse say after it tripped?
Speaker 6 (07:26):
What's up?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Help?
Speaker 9 (07:28):
I've fallen and I can't giddy up.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yeah, the internet connection on my farm was very weak,
so I moved the motem to the barn. Now I
have a stable connection. Here you go. What do you
call a hundred rabbits and a conga line going backwards?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
For you?
Speaker 6 (07:47):
Bass?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
They say, a receding hairline. That's what This one's really
good for sea Bass?
Speaker 6 (07:55):
You like this one?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
How are women like hurricanes because they're strong and powerful
when they when they come, they're wet and wild. When
they leave, they take your house and your dog with that.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
How many feminists it takes to change a light bulb?
Speaker 4 (08:15):
How many?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
None?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's the light bulb that needs changing.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Truth.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
And what did the two strings do in a race?
They tied because their strings. Let's go to Amelia. Hey, Amelia, Hey, Hey, Friday,
dad joke.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
What do you got?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
All right?
Speaker 4 (08:44):
What do you call a homeboy in a nativity scene?
What do you call homeboy in a nativity scene? What
away in a manger? Like me?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Away away in a minute.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
I think I'm too white to get to get it.
Speaker 5 (09:06):
I'm right there with your yeah, right, thank you, Amelia.
Speaker 9 (09:09):
I appreciate the delivery.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Let's go to Tony Hey, Tony, Hey, what are you?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Good morning?
Speaker 5 (09:16):
Good morning?
Speaker 4 (09:16):
All right, you got the final one, the final dad joke.
We make it good Man.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
From last Yeah. So a host walks into bar.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And bartender ask him, Hey, buddy, what's with the long face? Yeah, no,
I'm not saying that, menace. I know you just passed
me as Sarah Jessica Parker joke.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I'm not doing that.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
That was great.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Well that's how you do the Friday dad joke.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Three, it is time for today stumm ass context and
today's seven's contest is the.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Q iq se basks playing the game to everybody, Please.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I find a nice and drunk person and ask them
just the simplest trivia questions in the world.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
So the question to your job is not to answer
the questions.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Everyone knows the answer, but the difficulty is is this
person so drunk that they won't know the answer. So
if you can guess whether they know twice out of
three times, you win.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
All right, eight seven, seven forty four. What is the
number that we told you to call if you wanted
to play? And uh, let's go to Aaron.
Speaker 6 (10:34):
Hey, what's up?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
All right?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Addy? You suck it, sir guy. You were trying. You
were trying to jump the gun on me. I know
this and do this decade?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
No, no, what.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
No, I wouldn't Okay, okay, all right, great Aaron, you
ready to play the u IQ?
Speaker 6 (10:55):
Okay? Right?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Sweet.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
So before we get into the questions that actually count
towards you want an aprise or not, we're gonna get
to know drunk.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Person a little bit. You get little I just are
how with it or not with it?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
They are?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
And who is this person? Sea mask?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (11:06):
Chris?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
And is you about to hear he's a good old
boy and he's not doing no harm?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
All right, here is Chris.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I noticed you kind of stumbled around lighting a cigarette.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
What have you been drinking today?
Speaker 6 (11:17):
Chris?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Again the darkest of the dark.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
So, Chris, you're here by yourself, you're lone wolfing it.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
No, I have a fiance over there, she dancing with
her friend.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
The girl still hit on you all soon?
Speaker 7 (11:27):
Right? No, So I'm what they like to call like
a pee wee herman pip squeak.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't have that problem. She likes pip squeaks.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Apparently he sounds like a little guy he sounds like
Minnie Matthew McConaughey Conna, Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
By the way, Matthew McConaughey trademarked all right, all.
Speaker 6 (11:48):
Right, all right, yeah her himself.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, well yeah, for the voice likeness, for the everything.
It's all the AI stuff. So it's pretty funny. The
trademark registration state it's quote. The mark consists of a
man saying, all right, all right, all right.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Where in the.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
First syllable of the first two words, is it a
lower pitch than the second syllable, Oh my god? And
the first syllable of the last word, is it a
higher pitch than the second syllable?
Speaker 4 (12:13):
That is terrific.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I didn't realize they broke it down.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Like that, and I would think whatever company produced that
movie would own that phrase.
Speaker 9 (12:20):
Yes he doesn't. He didn't write it.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Well, if they didn't copyright it, though, well.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
You don't have to once you create something. That's that's
proof of the copywriting.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
His lawyers applied for this back in December of twenty
twenty three. It was just approved last month, and he
also has seven He got seven other trademarks too.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
I'm not sure what the other ones are.
Speaker 6 (12:39):
And he is an investor in AI too.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
He knows to protect himself. Then all right, so aa Ron,
we have the drunk person here, Chris. Now we just
have a little bit better idea just how with it
or not with it? We believe he is. And then
we have Menace and Sammy, who are stone cold sober.
They're going to try to guess the answers to these questions.
But their guesses are whether you think they're gonna I
know it doesn't count, but but that's just for fun.
Speaker 6 (13:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Question number one, d U I Q.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Who's the second president of the United States?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Who is the second? Everybody knows the first one? And yes,
who was the second? The thirty fifth, and the fifteenth?
We all know those, We all know them. I would
like to start.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
I don't know the second president? Really yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
Interesting, I'm going to go tsunami triple no.
Speaker 9 (13:23):
Wow, that put me down for triple nowe yeah, I'm
going to pig youback on that one.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Triple No. Sammy and Menace, do you think that Chris
is going to give this one?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
No?
Speaker 4 (13:31):
No, you don't No, No, all right, a A Ron,
what do you think?
Speaker 2 (13:36):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
No, not at all?
Speaker 4 (13:37):
No, all right?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Question number one d u IQ.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
It was the second President of the United States.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Sammy Thomas Jefferson.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Thomas Jefferson.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Okay, menace James, any idea what that first day might be?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You're so close now, James. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Do you guys know who it is?
Speaker 6 (13:59):
I do, I did? Who is it it is? No?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
No, no, no, no.
Speaker 10 (14:04):
You want me to say, I think I thought it
was I think it's Jefferson.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
No, No, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
I have no idea.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
John Adams, correct, Greg, Why.
Speaker 9 (14:14):
Did you say no when I said if.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You didn't know, because we already knew that Thomas Jefferson
wasn't he was number three? Oha, gotcha?
Speaker 7 (14:20):
Gotcha?
Speaker 5 (14:21):
All right? All right?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
So question number one d uy q. Aaron says that
Chris won't get this one. Let's see he gets on
the board with his first point.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
He was the second President of the United States, Benjamin Franklin,
and he was well known for doing what Chris tell
folks about.
Speaker 7 (14:35):
It being on the one hundred dollars bill.
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Oh, that's what he's famous for.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
It's a weird inception thing they gave. They put him
on the hundred dollars bill because he was famous for
being on a hundred dollar bill and.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeh, that's so crazy.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
All right, well, Aaron, you're in luck. You got one
point on the d u y Q. Question number two and.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
What part of your body is your cock?
Speaker 5 (14:58):
Six?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I think I know.
Speaker 9 (15:01):
I think I do too.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Uh, I'll say I'll say no for Chris, triple no.
Speaker 10 (15:09):
Here's the thing. No for Chris, for sure. But like
Sammy's had so many weird like I feel like chiro
practic things. Maybe that's like something that I don't know
that was. I'm saying trouble now, triple.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
No, I'm saying no to Chris, no to Menace, yes
to Sammy.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I mean, all right, Sammy Menace. Do you think that
Chris gets this one? No? No, all right, Aaron, your.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Thoughts, No, he won't get it, all right?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Question number two d uy Q, what part of your
body is your cocsis?
Speaker 6 (15:46):
Menace? Writing down? I wrote down my answer, I said throat.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Okay, it was my guest pretty hot, yeah, yeah, super hot.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
I also said throat and.
Speaker 6 (15:54):
China gave the damn it.
Speaker 9 (15:56):
I was just I'm sorry I did.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
What would you say, chiropractical?
Speaker 6 (16:00):
That's that I know I'm wrong.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
It doesn't heiropractor couldn't do anything with your cocksicks.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I'm sure they pound on it or something.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Where is it?
Speaker 5 (16:08):
It's your tailbone, it's your.
Speaker 10 (16:11):
Do you know how the chiropractor hammers on your tailbone,
But it's part of your spine.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Okay, But they do hips, back, neck, leg, Yeah, they
do all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
It's it's not your.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Finger for instance, or your throat for instance.
Speaker 9 (16:23):
Okay, Well, it clearly made a difference.
Speaker 6 (16:26):
I don't think that was that specific.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
That was that was it was a body part that
was a helpful That was that was a narrow it
wasn't helpful well to them.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Now if he doesn't know this one, that means that
Aaron's gonna be the winner here on the d u
i Q. Question number two and what part of.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Your body is your cocksicks? Your eyeball?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
And if you lose your.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Coss what happens to you?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You go blind?
Speaker 9 (16:50):
Your eye directly connected.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
I'll tell you that's a super easy.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Right there, Aaron, congratulations, you are the winner here on
the d u i Q. Right, yeah, thank you, thank you, welcome.
Hang on one second and we will get all of
your information. And by the way, somebody had texted over
that the Matthew McConaughey trademark thing. Uh said that he
improvised those lines, and he tells a cool story about
(17:17):
it to Woody Harrelson on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
I mean that is cool, But anything you do on
that movie is still propery of that movie.
Speaker 9 (17:21):
That's what I was thinking too. It doesn't matter if
you improvise that.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
He may have.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
He may have said it later on and said, well,
that's the version I'm copyright the time that I said
swift it. Yeah, basically yeah, yeah, what yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
My question number three Matthew's version. Question number three d
u i Q.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Complete the following phrase A bird in the hand.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Oh, I know this one, little kids, this one? Uh man,
this one is easy. Uh no for Chris, Yes. For Sammy,
she likes old timey stuff. Yeah, phrase is it not?
Speaker 5 (18:05):
I guess, but all phrases kind of are I guess?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Uh menace No, all right, just Sammy. I think just
Sammy gets this one.
Speaker 6 (18:14):
Greg.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
For this round of the d u i Q, I
went triple no the entire time. I believe no. I
gave Sammy one yes, but this one again triple no.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
This would be a sweet for a missing one both
of them if they miss it.
Speaker 10 (18:25):
All right, I think Sammy does know this. I think
Menace does not. And this guy seems like folksy. I'm
gonna say yes to Chris.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Okay, logical Sammy and and Menace. Do you think that
Chris gets it?
Speaker 7 (18:39):
No?
Speaker 6 (18:39):
No, all right?
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Question number three d U I.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Q the following phrase, A bird in the hand.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
Menace is worth more than in the stove.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
It's worth more so, Q in the hand is worth
more than the stove. Bird in the hand is worth
more than in the stove.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Okay, let's could have for cooking.
Speaker 7 (19:02):
Okay, yeah, okay, it's worth two in the bush?
Speaker 5 (19:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Does that sound familiar memos? No, it doesn't really, Okay,
part of it.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Explain what that means?
Speaker 7 (19:13):
I like, That's why I'm trying to figure out as
we're talking about it.
Speaker 6 (19:16):
I'm complete.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
The following phrase, a bird in the hand is.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Worth two in the bush. I don't know what it means.
Speaker 9 (19:24):
I think you don't?
Speaker 6 (19:25):
You do, I don't.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
I'm angry at you.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
In the wait, I could take a guess. I take
a guest.
Speaker 6 (19:32):
Wait, that more worth more than two in the bush?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (19:36):
In the bush? Okay? Then yeah, because you captured them.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Right, yeah, because because at least you have one. At
least you have one. Yeah, there are there may be
two in that bush, but you don't have them, but
you at least have secured. Now I'm getting you've secured
the one.
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Okay, yeah, anything about the stove and there it's worth
three in the stove.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
Question number three, d y.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You complete the following phrase a bird in the hands,
egg in a basket. Tell folks what that means. A
bird in the hand is worth an egg in the basket.
Speaker 6 (20:08):
I guess.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
It doesn't make a difference.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Okay, half a point for that.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
The birds come out of eggs come out of birds,
I should say.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
True.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
All right, Well that's how you played the do you like?
We're gonna take a quick break more, what do you
show next hand?
Speaker 3 (20:26):
So?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
What do you show?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Will be right back
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