January 21, 2026 • 25 mins
News Headlines, Crazy Virgin, Good Advice & More!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is none.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
And into another new hour insensitivity training for a politically
correct world. On what he and that's great gory, h
Menace is here, We've got Sea Bass, We've got Sammy,
there's Gina grad Morgan is here. Phones are open eight
seven seven four. What he is? The phone number to call?
You can send us a text if you'd like, text
(00:26):
us over to two to nine eight seven. Uh, this hour,
we're going to talk to this uh, this woman named Lauren.
I don't even know what the status is, a friend
of mine. I'll say they're dating. They're not boyfriend girlfriend,
but they're they're seeing each other. If you're not like, yeah,
(00:48):
it's not exclusive. They're certainly not expensive going. No, they're
not going steady jacket no. But anyway, so, my uh,
my friend was a little crazy ran. He's a wild
guy manas you know him. Yeah, he's great guy. Yeah,
(01:09):
there's so many stories that guy should write a book.
He's got, dude, he's got some crazy stories involving some
pretty big celebrities that he's hung out and partied with
and everything else. He's behind stories of stories that you've
heard of. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, oh for sure. All right, anyway,
(01:29):
so I was, I was in town visiting, and he goes, oh,
hit me up later on, let's meet up for a
drinker about cool. So hit him up and he goes, oh, dude, yeah, okay,
well we'll meet at this place. He goes, check out
this thing I'm with and he's always got by the way,
(01:50):
always has like a good looking check with him. Okay,
so he is on FaceTime, you know, he flips the
camera around. I go, oh, okay, and I said, who
is this? He goes, just this chick. I'm saying, dude,
she's nuts. I go yeah, oh yeah, And he wasn't wrong.
She she's nuttier than a squirrel.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Turn.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
She's very cool, very nice. I thoroughly enjoyed, because you know,
I love characters.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yeah. Do you think that she knows she's nuts?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Like what if she heard her self described as dude,
she's nuts? Would she be offended?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
No, she's because I then hung out with her that night,
she I don't think maybe if you know, there was
a chemical imbound to that particular moment, you know what
I mean. But in general, I think she knows that
she's strange. What she's saying is that I think she
knows that she's eccentric. I think she would describe herself
as eccentric or that helps that word. Like, she knows
(02:49):
that she's not, you know, the norm. Yeah, you know,
she knows that she's special, different, She's self aware, Like
could I ever be in a relationship with this person?
Absolutely not. But here's the thing. She's a thirty four
year old virginal, so she claims that's rare. And then
it's also really interesting where she draws the lines in
(03:09):
her life about what she will and won't do. So
I'm like, as a person who loves characters, I go, man,
I gotta get you on the show. And so I
reached out to my buddy. He passed along the number.
I gave it to Morgan, and Morgan had a conversation
with her to set the call up and everything, and
Morgan's like, oh my god, I love her. But at
(03:33):
the same time like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Does she dress like a puritan? No? Really?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Oh absolutely not like short skirts, frud or something.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
No, not a.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Mega prude either.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
In fact, she was very braggadocious about how her mouth
parties are the eighth wonder of the world. So even
though she's you know, a thirty four year old virgin. Yeah,
so we'll talk to her this hour. Be ready on
the the bleep button. Guys, she's not a professional. There's
(04:05):
another crazy woman in the news. There was one in Houston.
She was working out and she noticed somebody familiar walking
in the gym. It was someone that her partner was
romantically involved with. Now what does that mean that your partner,
I guess was so not anymore? Okay. She looked at
the other chick and then yelled at her from across
(04:26):
the gym, saying, bitch, I'm gonna drop this twenty five
pound weight plate on you, damn And you know what
she did it? She chucked the weight right at the
other bitch's head, missed, missed, So there were no injuries.
Everyone was okay. The cops are called and the weight
throwing chick she was arrested, taking the jail aggravated assault,
deadly webcom thing. In addition to all the other punishments,
(04:47):
the judge says that once she's released, no drinking, no weed,
no weapons, and the worst punishment, she has to stay
two hundred feet away from the gym at all times.
Oh no, you can't go to the Jim. Hey, look,
I'd love to.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
If I have to. You're nuts, but no drinking.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
This other crazy chick Florida, out shopping ready to go home,
orders a lyft. The driver gets there and as he's
putting her bags in the trunk, she jumps behind the wheel,
steals the car, steals the lift. Didn't get very far
because the cops, you know, they just used the lift
driver I guess, had his phone still in the car,
and so they find Yeah, so they tracked it to
(05:29):
the woman's house. Turns out her license had been suspended
for over two years, and they searched her and she
had this pink glass pipe that had some cocaine residue
still on it and a full zanny, you know, for
good measure. So she was rested, taking the jail.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
She's dying to drive.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
It's been so long.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
You had the lift right there.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, And I think the craziest person is still the
person we have to talk to this hour, even with that. Lauren,
great girl, nice girl, right, but what a character. And
I'll I'll have her tell a couple of her stories
that she told me that night. And you could tell
me if you if you buy her, if you believe it.
There's one in particular about a cop that pulled her
(06:11):
over and what happened while she was pulled over. We'll
see if you believe it.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Okay, all right, this is the show. No crap.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So how would you guys like to meet a thirty
four year old virgin? I would very much like to
do that. Yeah, you got on the line. Her name
is Lauren's bring Lauren?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Are you there? Hey?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Woody, Hey girl, we're doing great.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Ever since I met you, I've been telling everybody about you.
Uh Now, I don't, Okay, I haven't. I haven't mentioned
anything else specific to the audience so far, other than
you told me a thousand times how you're thirty four
years old and you are you're a virgin.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
That's correct. I am a vaginal version. I have never
had sex.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Never a vaginal so not like a not like a
born again virgin.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
I am not a born again version, rehabilitated slut.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Literally have never.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Had a penis in my vagina.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Now.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I heard those.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Words the night that I met Laura. Yeah, because Lauren,
Lauren is. I don't even know what you guys are.
Are you guys dating on a friend of mine and uh,
and so I met I met them out. They were
out on the town and just met up for a drink.
And this is my first experience meeting Lauren. And she
must have said, I have never had a penis in
my vagina literally a thousand times just in the matter
(07:42):
of a couple of hours. But I think that was
And we can get into the virginity thing here a second.
But she had so many other stories that that she
was that she was telling me that night, and I
wanted to like kind of revisit them to see if
they're the same, because they were so wild. I'm like,
she's got to be making this up. She's got to
be this. I want to see if the story. I
want to see if the stories match up. Now, how
are you thirty four years old in a virgin what's
(08:02):
the what's the reason for this? Because it's not like
you're an unattractive person. You're a good looking girl. You
can certainly, uh, you know, get dudes and get late
if you wanted to. So why a virgin?
Speaker 4 (08:13):
So Ever, since I was younger, I was raised very
religiously and very strict Christian. As I grew older, I
always felt led in my spirit to wait till I
was married. I just felt like it was something God
specifically called me to do.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
So you would think that she's walking around important. You
think she's walking around like in you know, pure white
dresses and things like living this very pure like. This
is the other part that I found was interesting in
talking to you is that you seem to draw the
line in a in a very weird way. So you
know that you were talking about, uh, you know, other
things that you do, not not even like sexually, but
just in general. Like you know, most people people who
(08:54):
are super religious sometimes don't drink, and they so.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
I don't drink, They don't.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Do drugs, but you do drugs.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Right. So here's the thing. The first time I got
to share my virginity testimony on like a big public
setting was actually when I met Gene Simmons. So, Jene
Simmons was at wizard World and at that time, I'm
working with exotic animals, right, so I've got this big
python on me. So Gene comes on over and he's like, hey,
(09:21):
what are you doing with that big snake? And we
start talking and I say, you know, Gene, I think
it's wonderful that you've had sex with ten thousand women,
you might find it interesting to know that I'm actually
a virgin. And he said, no way. Well I've never
done drugs or alcohol. And I said, well, no way.
(09:42):
You wouldn't think that the man that had sex with
ten thousand women would never have drank alcohol or done
a drug. But yes, I'm very much virginity is sexy,
so I'm gonna wear the thongs, I'm gonna wear the
fish nuts. I think that virginity is sexy and it's powerful.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
But you said you were you were pretty braggadocious about
to talk about a brag leg sea beast, and she
was talking about what you call your mouth parties, like
your your oral skills. She said, they're the eighth wonder
of the world.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
It's been called the eighth wonder world.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, right, Like.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
You know what, I will say this, no hole is safe.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
So I know people that are just like her who
party hard, but they are super religious and virginity is
like a big thing for them. Now you just said
no hole is safe. A workaround they have done is
anal Yeah, have you done?
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I asked this question. That was one of my first parts.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
Of Penis and my vagina. I never had kinetrate of sex. Yeah,
life is good and it keeps getting better. But no,
I uh, at this point, I'm thirty four, and uh,
I feel like I'm just gonna keep going. Man, And
we've already made it this far. Let's just keep going
to the finish line. But at this point, if I,
(11:07):
you know, never get married and I dia Vergin, that's
totally great because I'll just put on my tombstone. No
man was worthy and.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I'm good with that.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
That is just this is your personality. Is that why
you want to keep on with it?
Speaker 4 (11:23):
I am still. I am still you know in the faith.
As of right now, I'm going on fourteen days of
no food.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah, I heard about this, So I am doing.
Speaker 4 (11:35):
Doing a fast right now with my church. So shout
out to faithchurch dot com and Saint Louis.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
What's the other thing you talk about? Yeah, so you're
having water right now?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Right, Lauren, We're doing a twenty one day fast in January.
So starting January sixth up until now, I have not
had a single piece of food. I am only Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
And did you weigh yourself? Have you lost weight? Are
you keeping track of that?
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Maybe about five or ten pounds.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
She didn't really have any weight to begin with. She's
very skinny.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I do, only I don't understand that willpower. Is that
the Lord guiding you?
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Yeah? Absolutely so. Honestly, I want everybody to know that
as humans, I think we're sleeping on ourselves. I don't
think we've really appreciated how supernatural we are and how
really strong we are. And I think that humans are
capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
(12:39):
I want everybody to internally harness that power. People fast
for a lot of different reasons, whether it's health related,
maybe overcoming a smoking addiction or a drug addiction, getting
closer in your spirituality, trying to hear God's voice in
a way maybe you've never heard before.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
We're being stranded at sea.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
I think, let's see right, But I think there's power
in it all. I think that abstinence is power, because
if you can't control yourself, then what can you control?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
This is This is Lauren, and uh she is I'm
just gonna say she's. She's dating a friend of mine, Okay,
and that's how that's how I met her. And she
kept telling me this story about how she's a thirty
four year old virgin. I had the same question menus,
well have you done an No, she's not one of
those kind of virgins. She's doing it. It's based in
her faith, but for being such a religious person. Like
just some of these other stories that she was telling me,
(13:35):
which we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll
come back with Lauren. I want to get into a
couple of these other stories that that you told me.
And I know some other people have some questions as well.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
There has been booty whole play, other.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Has some booty see. Well, I mean, what's going on here?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Man?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Sorry, we're back, hold on, welcome, welcome back everybody. We
still have we still have Lauren on the line, and yeah,
we're doing some follow up questions, you know, off the
air and everything. Now, okay, So Lauren told me a
couple of stories when we were hanging out. She's a
thirty four year old version if you guys are just
tuning in. But it doesn't mean she just hasn't done
other things. She calls her her mouth parties the eighth
wonder of the world. As you just heard coming back
(14:15):
from the break, you know, booty play.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
I guess yeah, a penis.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
And you gotta be very we've got to be very
specific about that part. Yes, there's that, But when it
comes to drugs, I mean, have you pretty much done
all the drugs cocaine?
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Yeah, So let me just be honest. I live in
Saint Louis, Missouri. I've had a fake ID since I
was sixteen years old. I was going to the East
Side at sixteen, partying just like the rest of them.
You know, I did recreational cocaine, recreational weed, molly exasut.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
That was just last night.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Everybody else I'm recreation. I'm actually abstinate right now. I
am abstinate sober because the fasting.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
She's she's doing the fasting too. Yeah, you just water
so far since januine January. She's so at Laura.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
But I did quit drinking at twenty.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Two, Like, how are you younger and inebriated? How did
nothing ever happen? Like how there was like not even
a tip there never in there no no like no
like just a tip.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Action because there's like straight dudes that go like gay
when they're high, you know, Like.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, there's no like so to say, like a chick
who is like wanted to be a virgin until she
stays married, Like she gets a little ripped on some
cocaine and you know, drinking.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
And all judgment goes out there.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
One absolutely absolutely not. I one hundred percent guaranteed, never
a slip. That's why I've never got white. People were like, oh,
it just happened. I just fell on and oh what
Like I'm like, you can't pull that with me, dude,
I'm thirty four years old. I've never had a penis
in my vagiant, So no.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Wastah all right? So people ask she she lives this
life where she's gone out and she's doing different things.
She just got back from a you want on a
ski weekend? I heard, so that must have been fun.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Yes, shot out the Hidden Valley as well.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Okay, now what are you doing for a living?
Speaker 1 (16:11):
What?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Like, what do you do for work?
Speaker 4 (16:12):
So as of right now, I've been on a sabbatical
enjoying life, traveling, but.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
How do you pay for stuff? Like how do you
afford to you know, have a roof over your head
and eat food? Well, not that you're not eating now,
but in regular in regular times, Like how do you
do that?
Speaker 4 (16:29):
So I was incredibly blessed that I owned a retail
store at the mall for several years, so I was
a business.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Owner kind of store. It's a T shirt shop, right,
that's right.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
So I could have put your face on a shirt
and said, Woody best ever, Right, could have done that.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You want Now the reason you don't have that store anymore,
And this is one of the stories I was getting to.
One of the reasons she doesn't have that store anymore
is because she got raided by the Department of Homeland Security.
Is that true, Lauren?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
That is absolutely true. So yeah, here I am at
my shop, just doing my business for the day, making
all the fun custom T shirts, world's greatest grandma, best dad,
put your face on a shirt. I just had three
guys walk up to me and they were wearing jeans
and a T shirt and baseball caps and backpacks, and
they were like, ma'am, we're here for your shirts, and
(17:24):
we're with the federal government. So it turns out that
my graphic design warehouse that I would order my prints
from on the East Coast, they were under federal indictment
and were getting investigated. Apparently they didn't have the right
copyright to their logos. And they literally didn't have their
(17:48):
licensing correct, and it's like, how would you ever think
that would happen? And how could I know that.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
The Department of Homeland Security shows up and shuts you
down there? That was the end of the T shirt shop.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Oh know, I just I got the best lawyer in
town and then it went away.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
So as far as how did she support herself, she
made dumb T shirt money, I guess. I mean she
had all that T shirt money and so she like
lives off that. You said you were working with exotic
animals at one point, what other kind of jobs? What
kind of jobs did you have?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Let's see, T shirt shop, exotic animals. We were on
an animal planet briefly called bare Hands Rescue. And then
I've been a marketing director, a financial advisor.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I worked at joy my social advisor, yep.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
I worked at Northwestern Mutuals a financial advisor, okay, and
then but my favorite job obviously was I worked for
Joyce Meyer, who's a Christian televangelist, and I was on
Prayer Wine.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So what does that mean exactly?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
People would call in and pray with me all day
so people could call in for free counseling or prayer.
While I was on prayer line, they encouraged us to
use our prophetic gifts, kind of like psychic.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
So do you have a psyche so you have a Laura,
do you have a psychic ability?
Speaker 4 (19:11):
I think it comes with the virgin thing that makes
so I do have prophetic dreams and I do have
prophetic visions, so I see things before they happen. The
craziest one was I got woken up in the middle
of the night at like two am, and God spoke
(19:33):
to me and he told me to go to a
gas station that I needed to pray for people to
be comforted. So I get up and I go to
the circle pay and the doors are locked and it
has a sign up and it says emergency closed. And
I'm like, wow, why didn't you waste my time at two?
And God appreciated start banging, start banging on the door.
(19:56):
Sure enough, they answer they had just been robbed at
nice point. I actually got there before the news and
before the police, and so I got a chance with
them them.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Now the Lauren, the thirty four year old virgin who's
dating a friend of mine, and you can see why,
Like I hang out with her for like a couple
of hours, I hear a ton of stories and I'm like, dude,
I've got to introduce you to the audience. We need
you in our lives. Yeah, so thirty four year old virgin,
she has never had was it? You've never had a penis?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Never had a penis?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Am I vagin? Ye?
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Virgin?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Still yeah? Still yeah, okay, vaginal virgin. Now the one,
the one last story. And this is the one that
I found. Of all the stuff that we've heard, this
is the one I find still the most unbelievable. I'm
not sure that this actually happened. Maybe this is one
of your dreams. Lauren told me a story about how
she ended up on the side of a highway in
a fist fight with a police officer. What did you win? Well, nope,
(20:57):
they're punching each other. I'll let her tell the story.
There punching each other, and the story ends with the
cop saying, let's just call it even after the fight.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
So I want to give a shout out to God again. So, yeah,
I get pulled over. Me and the cop get into
such a seated argument. I get out of the car,
but why.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Like, what do you what do you even know, what
do you even what's to argue about? What are you
arguing about?
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Well, he was pulling me over for a lane change violation,
and I felt like he was pulling me over for
a false ticket. So I got out of the car.
We start yelling at each other's faces and it gets physical.
We literally start wrestling.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh wait, so who but somebody always started? Like? Were
you the one that started it? Was? Was he the
one that started it? How that work?
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Could not remember? We were most extremely wrong in this
situation to be wrestling on the side of the highway.
And I wish I could have been a bystander because
it was hilarious.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
So here we are.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So you're wrestling with the cop. Now like punches start
getting thrown you.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
So at this point I'm in a headlock, and as
I'm in a headlock, he stops and he looks at
the back of my car. And on the back of
my car I had a neon hot pink Jesus fish
And he goes, wait, are you a Christian? And I
look up at him in the headlock and I go yep,
(22:40):
And he goes, damn, we shouldn't be acting like this.
And at that point we just broke and he said,
you want to just shake hands and call it even,
and I said yes and amen, yes and amen.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Away.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
That's prayers that that's exactly what she told me the stories,
so either actually happened or it was such a realistic
dream that she believes it happened. Happens all right, all right,
well Lauren, Uh god, it's been a pleasure forever. There
are so many other to the.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Incredible partners that I've been with. I've had so many
partners for years who have stood by me. I haven't
missed out on anything, Woodie. They've always supported me. They've
always loved me and believed in me. And just having
people that are interested in learning about, you know, an
evolution of love. I mean basically, what I tell people
(23:36):
is this, if your husband's got chopped off, would you
still be with him?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I like, but you know, okay, all right, And that's the.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Thing is you got to be able at least I
know that with what I'm doing waiting till marriage, I
know every partner I'm with, I can look them in
the eyes and know, hey, we're together because we really
love each other, and it's intimacy beyond sex. It's because
you really like them, you really get to know about them.
I mean, you're not just chasing an orgasm or an
(24:13):
oxytocin chemical, you know what I mean. Well, I really
encourage it, really selling it.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
You've made it this far thirty four years, ladies and gentlemen,
with never having what is it, never having a penis.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
In my vagina?
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Vagina? Yeah, there you go, Lauren to the third four
year old. I love you, Yeah, hy Lauren.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Hey, guys, there's so many more out there than you realize.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
All right, yeah, but not by choice, not just me.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
I Well, look, thank you for taking the time and
chatting with us, and uh, we appreciate that. And we'll
see you soon. I'm sure i'll see you next time.
I'm hanging out with your boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Absolutely, what a huge pleasure and blessing. Thank you so
very much to all of you, guys and up from
Saint Louis.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
You guys don't want to Laura. All right, there's a
there's Lauren. Everybody. I told you, yeah, all day, I
told you. All right, Uh, we got to take a break.
We got some more. What a show for you?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Next?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Hang on the what do you show? We'll be right
back
This is none.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
And into another new hour insensitivity training for a politically
correct world. On what he and that's great gory, h
Menace is here, We've got Sea Bass, We've got Sammy,
there's Gina grad Morgan is here. Phones are open eight
seven seven four. What he is? The phone number to call?
You can send us a text if you'd like, text
(00:26):
us over to two to nine eight seven. Uh, this hour,
we're going to talk to this uh, this woman named Lauren.
I don't even know what the status is, a friend
of mine. I'll say they're dating. They're not boyfriend girlfriend,
but they're they're seeing each other. If you're not like, yeah,
(00:48):
it's not exclusive. They're certainly not expensive going. No, they're
not going steady jacket no. But anyway, so, my uh,
my friend was a little crazy ran. He's a wild
guy manas you know him. Yeah, he's great guy. Yeah,
(01:09):
there's so many stories that guy should write a book.
He's got, dude, he's got some crazy stories involving some
pretty big celebrities that he's hung out and partied with
and everything else. He's behind stories of stories that you've
heard of. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, oh for sure. All right, anyway,
(01:29):
so I was, I was in town visiting, and he goes, oh,
hit me up later on, let's meet up for a
drinker about cool. So hit him up and he goes, oh, dude, yeah, okay,
well we'll meet at this place. He goes, check out
this thing I'm with and he's always got by the way,
(01:50):
always has like a good looking check with him. Okay,
so he is on FaceTime, you know, he flips the
camera around. I go, oh, okay, and I said, who
is this? He goes, just this chick. I'm saying, dude,
she's nuts. I go yeah, oh yeah, And he wasn't wrong.
She she's nuttier than a squirrel.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Turn.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
She's very cool, very nice. I thoroughly enjoyed, because you know,
I love characters.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yeah. Do you think that she knows she's nuts?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Like what if she heard her self described as dude,
she's nuts? Would she be offended?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
No, she's because I then hung out with her that night,
she I don't think maybe if you know, there was
a chemical imbound to that particular moment, you know what
I mean. But in general, I think she knows that
she's strange. What she's saying is that I think she
knows that she's eccentric. I think she would describe herself
as eccentric or that helps that word. Like, she knows
(02:49):
that she's not, you know, the norm. Yeah, you know,
she knows that she's special, different, She's self aware, Like
could I ever be in a relationship with this person?
Absolutely not. But here's the thing. She's a thirty four
year old virginal, so she claims that's rare. And then
it's also really interesting where she draws the lines in
(03:09):
her life about what she will and won't do. So
I'm like, as a person who loves characters, I go, man,
I gotta get you on the show. And so I
reached out to my buddy. He passed along the number.
I gave it to Morgan, and Morgan had a conversation
with her to set the call up and everything, and
Morgan's like, oh my god, I love her. But at
(03:33):
the same time like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Does she dress like a puritan? No? Really?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Oh absolutely not like short skirts, frud or something.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
No, not a.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Mega prude either.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
In fact, she was very braggadocious about how her mouth
parties are the eighth wonder of the world. So even
though she's you know, a thirty four year old virgin. Yeah,
so we'll talk to her this hour. Be ready on
the the bleep button. Guys, she's not a professional. There's
(04:05):
another crazy woman in the news. There was one in Houston.
She was working out and she noticed somebody familiar walking
in the gym. It was someone that her partner was
romantically involved with. Now what does that mean that your partner,
I guess was so not anymore? Okay. She looked at
the other chick and then yelled at her from across
(04:26):
the gym, saying, bitch, I'm gonna drop this twenty five
pound weight plate on you, damn And you know what
she did it? She chucked the weight right at the
other bitch's head, missed, missed, So there were no injuries.
Everyone was okay. The cops are called and the weight
throwing chick she was arrested, taking the jail aggravated assault,
deadly webcom thing. In addition to all the other punishments,
(04:47):
the judge says that once she's released, no drinking, no weed,
no weapons, and the worst punishment, she has to stay
two hundred feet away from the gym at all times.
Oh no, you can't go to the Jim. Hey, look,
I'd love to.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
If I have to. You're nuts, but no drinking.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
This other crazy chick Florida, out shopping ready to go home,
orders a lyft. The driver gets there and as he's
putting her bags in the trunk, she jumps behind the wheel,
steals the car, steals the lift. Didn't get very far
because the cops, you know, they just used the lift
driver I guess, had his phone still in the car,
and so they find Yeah, so they tracked it to
(05:29):
the woman's house. Turns out her license had been suspended
for over two years, and they searched her and she
had this pink glass pipe that had some cocaine residue
still on it and a full zanny, you know, for
good measure. So she was rested, taking the jail.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
She's dying to drive.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
It's been so long.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
You had the lift right there.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, And I think the craziest person is still the
person we have to talk to this hour, even with that. Lauren,
great girl, nice girl, right, but what a character. And
I'll I'll have her tell a couple of her stories
that she told me that night. And you could tell
me if you if you buy her, if you believe it.
There's one in particular about a cop that pulled her
(06:11):
over and what happened while she was pulled over. We'll
see if you believe it.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Okay, all right, this is the show. No crap.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So how would you guys like to meet a thirty
four year old virgin? I would very much like to
do that. Yeah, you got on the line. Her name
is Lauren's bring Lauren?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Are you there? Hey?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Woody, Hey girl, we're doing great.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Ever since I met you, I've been telling everybody about you.
Uh Now, I don't, Okay, I haven't. I haven't mentioned
anything else specific to the audience so far, other than
you told me a thousand times how you're thirty four
years old and you are you're a virgin.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
That's correct. I am a vaginal version. I have never
had sex.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Never a vaginal so not like a not like a
born again virgin.
Speaker 4 (07:11):
I am not a born again version, rehabilitated slut.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Literally have never.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Had a penis in my vagina.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Now.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I heard those.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Words the night that I met Laura. Yeah, because Lauren,
Lauren is. I don't even know what you guys are.
Are you guys dating on a friend of mine and uh,
and so I met I met them out. They were
out on the town and just met up for a drink.
And this is my first experience meeting Lauren. And she
must have said, I have never had a penis in
my vagina literally a thousand times just in the matter
(07:42):
of a couple of hours. But I think that was
And we can get into the virginity thing here a second.
But she had so many other stories that that she
was that she was telling me that night, and I
wanted to like kind of revisit them to see if
they're the same, because they were so wild. I'm like,
she's got to be making this up. She's got to
be this. I want to see if the story. I
want to see if the stories match up. Now, how
are you thirty four years old in a virgin what's
(08:02):
the what's the reason for this? Because it's not like
you're an unattractive person. You're a good looking girl. You
can certainly, uh, you know, get dudes and get late
if you wanted to. So why a virgin?
Speaker 4 (08:13):
So Ever, since I was younger, I was raised very
religiously and very strict Christian. As I grew older, I
always felt led in my spirit to wait till I
was married. I just felt like it was something God
specifically called me to do.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
So you would think that she's walking around important. You
think she's walking around like in you know, pure white
dresses and things like living this very pure like. This
is the other part that I found was interesting in
talking to you is that you seem to draw the
line in a in a very weird way. So you
know that you were talking about, uh, you know, other
things that you do, not not even like sexually, but
just in general. Like you know, most people people who
(08:54):
are super religious sometimes don't drink, and they so.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
I don't drink, They don't.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Do drugs, but you do drugs.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Right. So here's the thing. The first time I got
to share my virginity testimony on like a big public
setting was actually when I met Gene Simmons. So, Jene
Simmons was at wizard World and at that time, I'm
working with exotic animals, right, so I've got this big
python on me. So Gene comes on over and he's like, hey,
(09:21):
what are you doing with that big snake? And we
start talking and I say, you know, Gene, I think
it's wonderful that you've had sex with ten thousand women,
you might find it interesting to know that I'm actually
a virgin. And he said, no way. Well I've never
done drugs or alcohol. And I said, well, no way.
(09:42):
You wouldn't think that the man that had sex with
ten thousand women would never have drank alcohol or done
a drug. But yes, I'm very much virginity is sexy,
so I'm gonna wear the thongs, I'm gonna wear the
fish nuts. I think that virginity is sexy and it's powerful.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
But you said you were you were pretty braggadocious about
to talk about a brag leg sea beast, and she
was talking about what you call your mouth parties, like
your your oral skills. She said, they're the eighth wonder
of the world.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
It's been called the eighth wonder world.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, right, Like.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
You know what, I will say this, no hole is safe.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
So I know people that are just like her who
party hard, but they are super religious and virginity is
like a big thing for them. Now you just said
no hole is safe. A workaround they have done is
anal Yeah, have you done?
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I asked this question. That was one of my first parts.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
Of Penis and my vagina. I never had kinetrate of sex. Yeah,
life is good and it keeps getting better. But no,
I uh, at this point, I'm thirty four, and uh,
I feel like I'm just gonna keep going. Man, And
we've already made it this far. Let's just keep going
to the finish line. But at this point, if I,
(11:07):
you know, never get married and I dia Vergin, that's
totally great because I'll just put on my tombstone. No
man was worthy and.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I'm good with that.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
That is just this is your personality. Is that why
you want to keep on with it?
Speaker 4 (11:23):
I am still. I am still you know in the faith.
As of right now, I'm going on fourteen days of
no food.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah, I heard about this, So I am doing.
Speaker 4 (11:35):
Doing a fast right now with my church. So shout
out to faithchurch dot com and Saint Louis.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
What's the other thing you talk about? Yeah, so you're
having water right now?
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Right, Lauren, We're doing a twenty one day fast in January.
So starting January sixth up until now, I have not
had a single piece of food. I am only Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
And did you weigh yourself? Have you lost weight? Are
you keeping track of that?
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Maybe about five or ten pounds.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
She didn't really have any weight to begin with. She's
very skinny.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I do, only I don't understand that willpower. Is that
the Lord guiding you?
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Yeah? Absolutely so. Honestly, I want everybody to know that
as humans, I think we're sleeping on ourselves. I don't
think we've really appreciated how supernatural we are and how
really strong we are. And I think that humans are
capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
(12:39):
I want everybody to internally harness that power. People fast
for a lot of different reasons, whether it's health related,
maybe overcoming a smoking addiction or a drug addiction, getting
closer in your spirituality, trying to hear God's voice in
a way maybe you've never heard before.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
We're being stranded at sea.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
I think, let's see right, But I think there's power
in it all. I think that abstinence is power, because
if you can't control yourself, then what can you control?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
This is This is Lauren, and uh she is I'm
just gonna say she's. She's dating a friend of mine, Okay,
and that's how that's how I met her. And she
kept telling me this story about how she's a thirty
four year old virgin. I had the same question menus,
well have you done an No, she's not one of
those kind of virgins. She's doing it. It's based in
her faith, but for being such a religious person. Like
just some of these other stories that she was telling me,
(13:35):
which we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll
come back with Lauren. I want to get into a
couple of these other stories that that you told me.
And I know some other people have some questions as well.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
There has been booty whole play, other.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Has some booty see. Well, I mean, what's going on here?
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Man?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Sorry, we're back, hold on, welcome, welcome back everybody. We
still have we still have Lauren on the line, and yeah,
we're doing some follow up questions, you know, off the
air and everything. Now, okay, So Lauren told me a
couple of stories when we were hanging out. She's a
thirty four year old version if you guys are just
tuning in. But it doesn't mean she just hasn't done
other things. She calls her her mouth parties the eighth
wonder of the world. As you just heard coming back
(14:15):
from the break, you know, booty play.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
I guess yeah, a penis.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
And you gotta be very we've got to be very
specific about that part. Yes, there's that, But when it
comes to drugs, I mean, have you pretty much done
all the drugs cocaine?
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Yeah, So let me just be honest. I live in
Saint Louis, Missouri. I've had a fake ID since I
was sixteen years old. I was going to the East
Side at sixteen, partying just like the rest of them.
You know, I did recreational cocaine, recreational weed, molly exasut.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
That was just last night.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
Everybody else I'm recreation. I'm actually abstinate right now. I
am abstinate sober because the fasting.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
She's she's doing the fasting too. Yeah, you just water
so far since januine January. She's so at Laura.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
But I did quit drinking at twenty.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Two, Like, how are you younger and inebriated? How did
nothing ever happen? Like how there was like not even
a tip there never in there no no like no
like just a tip.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Action because there's like straight dudes that go like gay
when they're high, you know, Like.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, there's no like so to say, like a chick
who is like wanted to be a virgin until she
stays married, Like she gets a little ripped on some
cocaine and you know, drinking.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
And all judgment goes out there.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
One absolutely absolutely not. I one hundred percent guaranteed, never
a slip. That's why I've never got white. People were like, oh,
it just happened. I just fell on and oh what
Like I'm like, you can't pull that with me, dude,
I'm thirty four years old. I've never had a penis
in my vagiant, So no.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Wastah all right? So people ask she she lives this
life where she's gone out and she's doing different things.
She just got back from a you want on a
ski weekend? I heard, so that must have been fun.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Yes, shot out the Hidden Valley as well.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Okay, now what are you doing for a living?
Speaker 1 (16:11):
What?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Like, what do you do for work?
Speaker 4 (16:12):
So as of right now, I've been on a sabbatical
enjoying life, traveling, but.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
How do you pay for stuff? Like how do you
afford to you know, have a roof over your head
and eat food? Well, not that you're not eating now,
but in regular in regular times, Like how do you
do that?
Speaker 4 (16:29):
So I was incredibly blessed that I owned a retail
store at the mall for several years, so I was
a business.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Owner kind of store. It's a T shirt shop, right,
that's right.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
So I could have put your face on a shirt
and said, Woody best ever, Right, could have done that.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You want Now the reason you don't have that store anymore,
And this is one of the stories I was getting to.
One of the reasons she doesn't have that store anymore
is because she got raided by the Department of Homeland Security.
Is that true, Lauren?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
That is absolutely true. So yeah, here I am at
my shop, just doing my business for the day, making
all the fun custom T shirts, world's greatest grandma, best dad,
put your face on a shirt. I just had three
guys walk up to me and they were wearing jeans
and a T shirt and baseball caps and backpacks, and
they were like, ma'am, we're here for your shirts, and
(17:24):
we're with the federal government. So it turns out that
my graphic design warehouse that I would order my prints
from on the East Coast, they were under federal indictment
and were getting investigated. Apparently they didn't have the right
copyright to their logos. And they literally didn't have their
(17:48):
licensing correct, and it's like, how would you ever think
that would happen? And how could I know that.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
The Department of Homeland Security shows up and shuts you
down there? That was the end of the T shirt shop.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Oh know, I just I got the best lawyer in
town and then it went away.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
So as far as how did she support herself, she
made dumb T shirt money, I guess. I mean she
had all that T shirt money and so she like
lives off that. You said you were working with exotic
animals at one point, what other kind of jobs? What
kind of jobs did you have?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Let's see, T shirt shop, exotic animals. We were on
an animal planet briefly called bare Hands Rescue. And then
I've been a marketing director, a financial advisor.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I worked at joy my social advisor, yep.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
I worked at Northwestern Mutuals a financial advisor, okay, and
then but my favorite job obviously was I worked for
Joyce Meyer, who's a Christian televangelist, and I was on
Prayer Wine.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
So what does that mean exactly?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
People would call in and pray with me all day
so people could call in for free counseling or prayer.
While I was on prayer line, they encouraged us to
use our prophetic gifts, kind of like psychic.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
So do you have a psyche so you have a Laura,
do you have a psychic ability?
Speaker 4 (19:11):
I think it comes with the virgin thing that makes
so I do have prophetic dreams and I do have
prophetic visions, so I see things before they happen. The
craziest one was I got woken up in the middle
of the night at like two am, and God spoke
(19:33):
to me and he told me to go to a
gas station that I needed to pray for people to
be comforted. So I get up and I go to
the circle pay and the doors are locked and it
has a sign up and it says emergency closed. And
I'm like, wow, why didn't you waste my time at two?
And God appreciated start banging, start banging on the door.
(19:56):
Sure enough, they answer they had just been robbed at
nice point. I actually got there before the news and
before the police, and so I got a chance with
them them.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Now the Lauren, the thirty four year old virgin who's
dating a friend of mine, and you can see why,
Like I hang out with her for like a couple
of hours, I hear a ton of stories and I'm like, dude,
I've got to introduce you to the audience. We need
you in our lives. Yeah, so thirty four year old virgin,
she has never had was it? You've never had a penis?
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Never had a penis?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Am I vagin? Ye?
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Virgin?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Still yeah? Still yeah, okay, vaginal virgin. Now the one,
the one last story. And this is the one that
I found. Of all the stuff that we've heard, this
is the one I find still the most unbelievable. I'm
not sure that this actually happened. Maybe this is one
of your dreams. Lauren told me a story about how
she ended up on the side of a highway in
a fist fight with a police officer. What did you win? Well, nope,
(20:57):
they're punching each other. I'll let her tell the story.
There punching each other, and the story ends with the
cop saying, let's just call it even after the fight.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
So I want to give a shout out to God again. So, yeah,
I get pulled over. Me and the cop get into
such a seated argument. I get out of the car,
but why.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Like, what do you what do you even know, what
do you even what's to argue about? What are you
arguing about?
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Well, he was pulling me over for a lane change violation,
and I felt like he was pulling me over for
a false ticket. So I got out of the car.
We start yelling at each other's faces and it gets physical.
We literally start wrestling.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Oh wait, so who but somebody always started? Like? Were
you the one that started it? Was? Was he the
one that started it? How that work?
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Could not remember? We were most extremely wrong in this
situation to be wrestling on the side of the highway.
And I wish I could have been a bystander because
it was hilarious.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
So here we are.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
So you're wrestling with the cop. Now like punches start
getting thrown you.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
So at this point I'm in a headlock, and as
I'm in a headlock, he stops and he looks at
the back of my car. And on the back of
my car I had a neon hot pink Jesus fish
And he goes, wait, are you a Christian? And I
look up at him in the headlock and I go yep,
(22:40):
And he goes, damn, we shouldn't be acting like this.
And at that point we just broke and he said,
you want to just shake hands and call it even,
and I said yes and amen, yes and amen.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Away.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
That's prayers that that's exactly what she told me the stories,
so either actually happened or it was such a realistic
dream that she believes it happened. Happens all right, all right,
well Lauren, Uh god, it's been a pleasure forever. There
are so many other to the.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Incredible partners that I've been with. I've had so many
partners for years who have stood by me. I haven't
missed out on anything, Woodie. They've always supported me. They've
always loved me and believed in me. And just having
people that are interested in learning about, you know, an
evolution of love. I mean basically, what I tell people
(23:36):
is this, if your husband's got chopped off, would you
still be with him?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I like, but you know, okay, all right, And that's the.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Thing is you got to be able at least I
know that with what I'm doing waiting till marriage, I
know every partner I'm with, I can look them in
the eyes and know, hey, we're together because we really
love each other, and it's intimacy beyond sex. It's because
you really like them, you really get to know about them.
I mean, you're not just chasing an orgasm or an
(24:13):
oxytocin chemical, you know what I mean. Well, I really
encourage it, really selling it.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
You've made it this far thirty four years, ladies and gentlemen,
with never having what is it, never having a penis.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
In my vagina?
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Vagina? Yeah, there you go, Lauren to the third four
year old. I love you, Yeah, hy Lauren.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Hey, guys, there's so many more out there than you realize.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
All right, yeah, but not by choice, not just me.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
I Well, look, thank you for taking the time and
chatting with us, and uh, we appreciate that. And we'll
see you soon. I'm sure i'll see you next time.
I'm hanging out with your boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Absolutely, what a huge pleasure and blessing. Thank you so
very much to all of you, guys and up from
Saint Louis.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
You guys don't want to Laura. All right, there's a
there's Lauren. Everybody. I told you, yeah, all day, I
told you. All right, Uh, we got to take a break.
We got some more. What a show for you?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
Next?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Hang on the what do you show? We'll be right
back
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Two Guys (Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers). Five Rings (you know, from the Olympics logo). One essential podcast for the 2026 Milan-Cortina Winter Olympics. Bowen Yang (SNL, Wicked) and Matt Rogers (Palm Royale, No Good Deed) of Las Culturistas are back for a second season of Two Guys, Five Rings, a collaboration with NBC Sports and iHeartRadio. In this 15-episode event, Bowen and Matt discuss the top storylines, obsess over Italian culture, and find out what really goes on in the Olympic Village.
iHeartOlympics: The Latest
Listen to the latest news from the 2026 Winter Olympics.
Milan Cortina Winter Olympics
The 2026 Winter Olympics in Milan Cortina are here and have everyone talking. iHeartPodcasts is buzzing with content in honor of the XXV Winter Olympics We’re bringing you episodes from a variety of iHeartPodcast shows to help you keep up with the action. Follow Milan Cortina Winter Olympics so you don’t miss any coverage of the 2026 Winter Olympics, and if you like what you hear, be sure to follow each Podcast in the feed for more great content from iHeartPodcasts.