April 30, 2026 • 34 mins
News Headlines, Bert Kreischer in studio, This week in audio & More!
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Getting getting suck, get shot.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
And we are into another new hour insensitivity training for
a politically correct world. Woody, Greg, Venice, Gina, Grammy and
look who's here everybody? It's the machine.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
You know what's up? That no doubt tickets or that's
a big score. That's a good in my household. That's
a big score right now. Ye, I wouldn't be shocked
at my wife calls it.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
You guys don't know somebody for that.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I mean a lot less.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
You've been to this spear multiple times, right.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Yeah, I made David Copperfield leave. I cried so aggressively.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
YouTube is the best one and I'm a dead fan.
You two is the best one that they had. That
was amazing.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Didn't you guys piss off David Copperfield? I did at
the show? Yeah, because uh the balloon trick.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yeah, he picked me out of the crowd and he
was like showing me this balloon that was inside of
a balloon. He was supposed to make the middle part
like explode and he like he didn't give any instruction.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
Super vague to he kind of it looked like he
wanted you to taste just like.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Look at it, right, Yeah, And so like, okay, and
just see if it's like a real balloon or whatever.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So like I touched it and then I let go,
and then.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
It's like he started to fall and he's like fumbling
all in the place, and he can tell he was made.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, you want to make me disappear? Yeah, for sure.
Well the machine Bert Chiser.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yes, So Bert has the Two Bears five K at
the Rose Bowl with Toms Girl. This is the third
annual Two Bears five K and it's happening at Rose
Bowl Stadium next Saturday, May ninth. For tickets, you can
go to Two Bears five k dot com. He's got
that going on. There's the Cruise, which is coming up
later on this year. He's traveling the country on a
(02:00):
pretty sweet looking bush.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I keep the all one burned down. I keep seeing
the new bus. But he's always busy. He's got free Burt,
which is a great show. Congratulations on the show.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Thank you. Started shooting season two in June. June.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I I uh, we've we've talked
a little bit about it off the air, but it
I don't know, man, it is it's about Bert, but
I think it's kind of about all of us in
a weird way, like because I completely my wife and
I as we were watching the episodes, we just kept
making eye contact with each other. Because your youngest daughter
(02:39):
in the show, while you said your youngest daughter in life,
but like also that that character and the way it's
portrayed in the show, that is our daughter and Gina's.
I mean, it is so like the whole thing is
completely relatable.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
I wish, I wish my daughter. It's like my daughter.
My daughters have gotten very like territorial over over sharing
their lives now because they're like they're nervous and I'll
say stuff and I'll put it in the show, and
I mean and and like they'll literally say, I want
to tell you about my new boyfriend. This can't go
on stage, and I'll be like, not put that is.
(03:14):
I mean, yeah, it's tough when you have a job
like this one. It's tough when you have a job
like this one, because that's what people are there for.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
Well, yeah, you could turn it around on them and
be like, do you like this house?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Do you like what we do? Then you're part of
the show.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Yeah. Well, I have one daughter who I think has
walked away from any sort of money whatsoever. She pays
her own way, and I think she does it just
to throw it in my face.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
And then the other one, I was like, hey, I
gotta get it. I gotta bring my cat to school.
Is it crazy to get a private jet? Dad?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yeah, I gotta ask it.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
We were, we were, we were, we were looking at
apartments in her college town. And you know, Leanne is
very Leanne grew up poor, like very poor. I did not,
but I didn't grow up but I didn't grow up poor.
But uh so, like I like nicer stuff. And we're
looking at the apartments and I was like, I mean,
he don't look good at all. I was like, again,
(04:08):
she goes, what would it look like if we bought
a house? Look like, I just don't need to waste
your money spending rent, you know. And that's like what
could we get? And she goes, well, if you're gonna buy,
you don't want to, you know, just throw money at
anything you want to get something you really like. Right.
I mean, the kid is smart, she is she has
(04:30):
always had the ability to have my number. That that kid.
I miss her so much. I missed Georgia. Georgia is
more like Georgia is more like my Jiminy cricket, you know,
like she was. Georgia was just so smart and always
knew the joke, and Ila was just so bizarre. I
remember the first day of school after going back to
(04:52):
COVID and she was I had not gone to the
school yet. She was terrified, and I said, uh, I said,
there's got to be a girl more afraid than you,
and she said really, And I said, yeah, like there's
gotta be like an amputee or someone who just does it, like,
is more nervous than you. And she was like amputee.
(05:15):
And I was like, not might say and go look
for the girl in the amputee, but like, there's gonna
be a girl more nervous than you that's got like
a rescue dog or you know, like there's something. Find
that girl, befriend her. And then she did. She's the
girl in the wheelchair. And then the funniest thing happened.
They did ever tell you about the school shooting. Not
school shooting, but.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Oh that's the funniest thing that happened, the school shooting.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Bird they shut down the school. They shut down the
school because they thought they had a school shooter was
a dude the drug on campus and so they locked
it down. That's wanted to go pick up Isla And
she gets out of the out of class and she
gets in the car and I go, how was it?
I you know, it's everyone's school shooting is like the
terrible thing. And she goes, Oh, wasn't that bad? And
I went for real, she goes, yeah, you thought there
(05:56):
was a school shooter. She goes, but there wasn't. And
she I go wow. She goes, I tell you the
crazy thing, dad, And I said, what's that? She goes, No,
one moved the girl in a wheelchair, so they panicked
and everyone got to you and they left her in
the middle of the room and then and then and
(06:16):
then they were like, everyone's clear, and everyone went back
to their chairs and she was still there looking at everyone,
like I thought that was the funniest. That's what you like?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
What do they say, like, if you want to see
where you really stand with people, lose a job, have
a health issue, because everybody loves you when you have
that job, or they can when you can make money
for people, for sure. Yeah, yeah, that girl's like.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
That kid had material for me every day every day
I saw her, there was material.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
So what's the what's the rule? We have rules on
this show. We got rules in our house, you know,
for what can or can't go? Like, so, what what
are the what are the rules I have right now?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I have the best I have the absolute best bit
that I'm loving, and I have a rule that I
can't do it on stage. It's so good. You know
how couples, I'm gonna do it here, but it's it's
but it's you got understand. I can't do it on stage.
So I haven't worked on this bit, but this.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Is wait, so why can't you do it on stage?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
But you can do it here? Because if I'm doing
it on stage, it'll go on a special If I
do it here, Lean's List, it comes, radio comes, and
have a one night stand. I don't even.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
For the interests I want to hear the story is.
You're absolutely right, yeah, totally smart.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Do you know how like do you know how couples
when they've been married for a while, like Lane and
I have, sometimes they swing to uh to like bring
the spice back in the relationship, and then it messes
a relationship up and they didn't see that coming. We
did something ten times worse. We took i Q test
together and the wrong person smarter.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Dude.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I looked at her. I want to talk about this,
so baut on stage. I looked at her and I
was like one twenty eight. She goes, what's that? And
I said, it's my IQ. What did you get? She goes,
I don't want to tell you, And I was like, wait,
what did you guys? She goes, I don't want to
tell you. I go, please say it's got three numbers
in it. She goes, I can come on, sling blade,
tell me I won't make one of you. She goes,
I got one O four.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I go one O four, one o four.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Our dog has eighty seven?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Like one oh four?
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Are you out of your mind? I go I had
to go home and tape up the cutlery.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
One oh four.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
This I've never written. This is a bit. This is
all I felt bad marrying her, like I'm electing a
special needs goal. I gave her a balloon and a
lollipop and took her top off one O four. What
I cannot here's the problem.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
So what's the cutoff? Before you?
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Okay, okay, bring it up? You ready when you say
what you say, BMI special When they say, okay, so
what's considered genius level?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
What's considered like this.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Is what you're doing? Return and you say, hey, Sirie,
what does one of four look like? And it says
one of four is capable of independent living? Google, look
like one hundred? Like you now, so like, so one
hundred is the norm? Okay, one hundred is the norm?
(09:20):
Now wait, one the norm. That's the that's that's the average,
that's the American average, which is Yeah, it's cool to
know that I married a base hit that I married.
I married something that dribbled in between first and second.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
My god, because it made me giggle.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I can'tnot see one of four. I came home the
other day and she's standing in the middle of the living room,
fully dressed, giggling to herself. What's up one of four? Huh?
You want me to poison towards a window? What is
going on in that brainier? So no, wonders, I go,
what do you want for? He goes, I don't know.
I go, let me explain dinner to you. Takes the
(10:04):
meal after lunch like genius or like.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
You're what one twenty eight which is intelligence and superior
I would take. So it is well, yeah, yeah, what's
involved in me? I don't think I've ever taken an IQ.
What do you guys have to take an IQ? Tell
but hold on, no, no, no, no, So what are the
questions or what's the what are the exercises?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
It's it's a lot of pattern recognition. Okay, so it's
we what I got was online for a dollar. So
the wife is the same one? Yeah, well she didn't
often is equal. One of four didn't understand the test.
She was taking it first, so for the first eight
questions she was lost. She goes, what is this? I
(10:49):
don't even know what it is? And then by the
time she got it, she goes, well, I'm done. I
didn't understand the beginning for first part. And then I
was like, I didn't understand the beginning first part, but
then you have like twenty seconds to take it or
twenty minutes to take it. So I went back and
I went through and I did the test again. That's
what one twenty eight does in like, yeah, yeah, you know,
one twenty eight doesn't see a yellow light and go
(11:10):
plunge it. Baby four she's I cannot stop. And by
the way, right now you're in the car. If you're
listening to this, you're like, I want to do this
with my husband, do not? It is it? It really
did mess things up for because I couldn't stop making
fun of her. Yeah, and it bothered her, it really,
And that's why I won't be able to tell them
(11:31):
I'm what I will do because I will. I will
put this in my pocket and hope that times goes
by that I can put this on a special because
it I can't stop calling her one of four and
it makes me giggle so hard.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Now, I don't take Leanne as the person who would
care that was out there, but you're saying that she does.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I think if I was closer and IQ to her,
I just smoked her so bad. Yeah. Like it was
like she was like, what's one twenty eight? And I
was like, you weren't understand that it's a lot of complex.
I mean I went to the couple's therapy with her.
The first thing I said is she's one of four
onmost twenty ain't any big questions I'll handle. And one
twenty eight in therapy is like, is wildly deeper than
(12:15):
one O four? One of four wants to talk about
like we got into a fight about dot dot dot
one eight. It's like, ask my therapist, I go, are
you gay? She's like why? And I see two different
subarus in the driveway. That's what does Yeah like a
pattern recognition good? I didn't even know.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
Somebody text means saying I hope my niece with down
syndrome needs someone as good as birds.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah, apparently it's what I've been dragted to. It made
me laugh so hard. And then and then I and
but then we gave the test to our smartest friend,
the guy that we have a friend who's without a doubt. No,
I don't think he went to college. I think he
graduated high school. Started like he's just he's a big
(13:07):
movie producer and he is the smartest guy we know.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Now, why do you say he's smart? Like what what zophe?
He doesn't have like some big impressive degree from some school,
Like so what he like smart streets? Smart's kind of.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
He's the guy that when they when they go to
doing uh tenant or in like what's the big Christopher
Nolan movies? Oh yeah, like we got to figure out
how to make this movie go forward and back and
we need to block off a whole street in Serbia
a highway, and we gotta figure. He's the one that
does the figuring out of all of the kid, the
(13:43):
smartest guy I've ever met. If you say, like, if
you said to him, uh, he's bizarre, Like if you go, yeah,
I gotta fly uh to Mexico, and I would, I
would wouldn't mind getting a mid sized jetty go, well,
the Cessna six. He has every he just retains. Yeah,
it's like Rogan. Rogan retains everything. He got one oh
(14:06):
eight and yeah, and he did the same thing. Leanded.
He didn't have time for the test. He was like,
he was like, I just keep going, keep going.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So if you have like an attention deficit disorder like that,
that's not going to help you.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I think the test we took, I should send you
guys the test. You guys should take it. And then
you guys should put the IQs up on the board. Yeah,
and play a game and yeah, and then and then
whoever gets the lost the whole week.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And we can't use each other's names, we can only
use each other's stores.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And let me tell you, let me tell you someone's
going to be double digits and it'll mess with your head. Yeah,
it'll if you if you show up at a ninety two,
then you go, wow, I'm just about a house cat.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I have a question for you. How did you do
on like standard eyed testing in school? Like were you good?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah? I gotta like I got a thirteen hundred on
the essay?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
T Oh wow, so you already knew you were above out.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
I listen, here's the deal. I don't I can't do
what you. I can't I can do me and you
have the same brain. Yeah, like we're not well. I
don't know about that. You sound just you saying what
you got on the s A T. No, you're talking
about this test. We can You are by far smarter
than I am. No, but we can create our own world. Yeah,
we think the same. We can create our own world.
We can live in our own world. I see the
world differently than everyone else. I did not do well
(15:22):
on tests. I never understood how to study. Like when
they said, uh, everyone take notes, I didn't understand how
to do that. Like, I didn't under I was like,
what part of do I write down? Like? And I'm
not great at retaining knowledge, Like if I tell you
history facts, you're half of them will be right because
I don't because when what I hear what is important
(15:44):
to me in the conversation is not the thing that Like,
I get really upset when I listen to people on
podcasts and they tell you about a book they read,
like I can do this because he's my friend. Brian
Callen is my friend. I heard him on Rogan and
he was talking about this book. I couldn't even tell
you the name of it was. He was right siting
the book. And then I thought, I don't want to
hear about anyone reciting facts. I want to hear original thoughts,
(16:09):
Like I want to hear the guy that goes you know,
I brushed my teeth with toothbrushes to kill time, Like
I want to hear a crazy original thought and so
I but I don't have I don't have time for
like like anyone that regurgitates memorizes information. I'm not that guy.
I like. I like I'm successful, but not because I
(16:31):
sit well.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
And that's why you did so well in that test
because it wasn't just regurgitating facts.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Yeah it's coming up. Yeah, yeah, Like I'm the guy
that I'm the guy that is a perfect example when
the Pandemic hit. I called my agent March twentieth, and
I was like, look, my special just came out. It's
trending number two behind Tiger King. This is going to
be huge. Everyone's in the Pandemic is home and my
specials aren't. It's the only thing on Netflix for a week.
(17:00):
It is going to be human. I'm gonna tour and
he was like, well, this is the country shut down.
And I said, get drive in movie theaters. And he
was like, what I said, get drive in movie theaters.
Let's figure out a way to produce it and drive
in movie theaters. We can do stand up on the
road and drive it. Everyone's separated in the car. We'll
play the music into the car. But we'll do it
around the country. There's driving movie theater. And he goes,
that's not a thing. I go, let's make it a thing.
(17:21):
And I had to kind of fight with my agent
and my manager to do it. We did it.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So we do have the same brain. That's exactly how
things work around here.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
We get told no, and I well, how can we know?
Those my favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
You tell me no? And I go like, when I'll
give you another example, we I said, this is my brain.
I go. I noticed that I'm watching a lot of
hip hop dance videos online. I said, for October one year,
we should do a hip hop dance video challenge where
we all learn a hip hop dance throughout the entire month.
Then we put them online. We compete to see who
as the best hip hop dance video. Rogan's like, that's
the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I do it. I
(17:54):
renounce a tour behind a hip hop dance video. It
sells out. It was so good and by the way,
look just I love numbers and I know this is gross,
but I had a two hundred and fifty thousand dollars
marketing budget to support that tour. The video costs twelve
hundred dollars I saved, so like I don't have a
great brain, Like I can't like if you go, hey,
(18:14):
can you run a McDonald's. These are the orders I'm
never gonna remember it, Like if you tell me that's why.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
You need one on four? One on four seems like
she is the greatest, is the greatest caregiver for you?
Because you are you really are? I love you for it,
like you're a you're an adult child. I think you
can both of us.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
She was reading the I guess we got everyone got
the testing testing. Uh what is it called elections? The
ballot ballots in the middle today, so we do write
in ballots. And Leanne was reading all of the qualifications
for all the governor candidates. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
See, I'm gonna, I'm gonna does not spend one twenty
eight looks at pictures.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, if you if you're first of all, if you're
a dude of color, maybe I'll check you out. If
you're a check I check you out, and then I
vote for the white guy.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Bert Kreischer is here way more to get to with. Bert.
I do want to I do want to defend lee
Ane because man, I watch her in action, like when
we are doing business stuff, Like, dude, she has so
many things going on. She keeps you so organized. I
talk to her and she's like, boom boom boom.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Okay one eight. Tom's probably a one one forty right,
one twenty eight. Came up with the idea for the
five K, one twenty eight. That's my idea. I said
to Tom, we should do a five K. Tom goes,
I love it. That's a great idea I don't know
how to execute. I said, let me call one.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
O four one four got it done. One O four calls.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Netflix and it's like, yo, we got this idea. Netflix
is like, we love it, we'll pay for it. Let's
get the road. And then one of four goes let's
call Spartan. Spartan shows up. If you go to this
five K, I swear to God, you'll you'll look, you'll
seek out one O four and you'll give her a
hug and go. This is an amazing way to spend
a Saturday. I had nothing to do with it. I
(20:09):
just wanted my fans to stay alive because I need
to sell tickets. One in my sixties, Yeah, well what
do you hugger?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Don't call her one of the thirty annual two Bears.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
If you see her four just say what you real
slow because you don't understand I said this. This is
in the circle of.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Trust, circle trusty three the thirty call her one O four.
The thirty annual two Bears five K run the Rose
Bowl Stadium next Saturday, May ninth. For tickets and more information,
go to two Bears five K dot com. More with
Burt Kreischer next.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Show.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
All right, welcome back. Bert Kreischer is here. Uh two
Bears five K coming up at Rose Bowl Rose Ball
Stadium Saturday, May ninth, two Bears five k dot com.
So first fun question for you, Soot, I want to
see if this is a scam or not. Do you
have a guy that works three named Jason no event
(21:06):
manager Bert Kreischer. All right, you have an event imager. Okay,
why because Sea Bass set this to us yesterday and
I'm like this, something seems pretty scammy about this. Yeah,
he got this email from somebody. So you know, SeaBASS
is cart Narks where he goes to the parking lots
and shames people for not putting their cards back and
(21:27):
there's confrontations and all the time thing on emails on
all the socials.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yeah, I do that. I do that, but I don't.
I just very aggressively. I'm gonna put this way.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
For your.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
So, the you know, the cart Narks thing is big.
So anyway, he got this email and it says high Cartnarks.
My name is Jason, event manager for Bert Kreischer. We
love to invite you to join Bert for a live
Instagram collaboration hosted by Bert himself. The session would be
a fun, engaging conversation about your journey, one of your
(22:02):
favorite words, goals and achievements, with live interaction from Bert's
global audience. There is no cost involved, just meaningful collaboration.
If you're interested, please reply and I'll be happy to
share dates and details. Best regards, Jason Hayman Event manager,
Bert Kreischer.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Jason Hayman is my agent that there's no way. Well, Jason,
let's call it. Jason, you're out. I'll pull back the
no no, no, no, no no, Jason Hayman, I'm Jason
right now. Jason amonds like easy, Burt, I am your agent,
but we're working on TV shows. Jason Amon would never
email you, and he's not my event manager. He is
(22:42):
my he is my agent.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
It is his email, Burt Krusher Podcast at gmail dot com.
Down here's the thing, this is not my first rodeo.
I've been getting these for I probably got fifty of these,
and this is the new scam for like middle tier
influencers like quote unquote like myself is they'll they'll do
a little bit of research. So like I've gotten this
for the Amy Polar podcast and Joe Rogan podcast and
(23:04):
Mark Marin et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
And so they get that.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Then they funny.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Then they get some of them off for money. They'll
say in return for your time, well, here's a three
thousand dollars benefit. So it's just a it's another phishing scam.
It's they want to get my Instagram log in, they
want to get my PayPal for whatever, they want to
collaborate online.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
So they're trying to steal your information.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Yeah, log in right.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
So they'll ask me to like using your name for right,
just what the Indian scammers do. Well, they'll give me
like here's a zoom link. Can we can we get
on your computer to do some things real quick? And
then you're locked out and they get all your stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Oh, can't tell you a crazy one. I just heard
this yesterday. I hope this goes through ease. It was
pretty funny. My Christine is her name, Christine Pierce. Oh,
she's gonna get blown up. But she does all my
podcast booking. And she goes, hey, do you want to
have bone Thugs and Harmony on? And I was like,
(23:56):
so I go wait, yeah, how did you get bone
Thugs in Harmony? She goes some one fish scammed them
and said do you want to be on Birth's podcasts?
And they sent it to us saying is this real?
And then she said no, and they said, well we
got it. Can we be on Birth' podcast? I was like, hell, yeah, great, dude,
that's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
People fall for this.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
I know celebrities who've fallen for this, like mid tier
celebrities who've got like Amy Polar wants you to be
on a podcast and then and luckily they didn't get
you know, their their info stolen, but they they fell
for the first few steps of it.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
I've done it before, different people who I know personally
whose numbers I have, and they start talking to me
about this person. I go, oh, really, let's call them
FaceTime on my grider. I did that with Charlotte and
the God once. This cars was like oh man, me
and Charlack, Oh really, I AT's call him yeah, and
he picked up, yeah your first name. He's like, yeah,
what's up? And I'm like, hey, I said, I'm here
with your boy, and he's like.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Oh okay. So just so we're clear, I am. I
don't like confrontations. So if you ever did that with me,
I'd be like, what's up. Yeah, I love you, I
love you, and then I I don't know that I
have such when people tell me. There's a when I
went to Florida State to go to do the Alabama game,
(25:05):
there was a girl that came up to me and
she goes, you dated my mom in college. I dated
two girls in college. That's it. Two girls. I've only
had sex with six two in college? Is that right? Yeah? Too?
I mean I only dated two girls. And I was like,
and I know their names and I know what they're doing.
And I was like, oh, that's awesome. She was like,
(25:26):
you guys like dated like pretty seriously. And I was
like yeah. And my it was like, wait, whose daughter
is that? Kristen's or Alex's And I go neither, I
don't know who that is. And he goes, why would
you say you dated her mom? I go because I
don't want her mom to look like a liar. Yea,
her mom said that to her. You know, it's like
her mom probably was like just drunk one night. It
(25:47):
was like I dated him. I had never even cared.
I kissed two girls in college, that's it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I think we talked about it before because you have
this reputation of like, you know, party did. Yeah, you
were the guy, the party man, the machine. Yeah you know,
and uh yeah I was.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
I said the game against that. Ever, say to a
woman at a bar in college. She was she I
want to say her name, shout out to Melanie. She
was like, hey, let's go back to your place, and
I want to excuse me. She goes, let's go back
to your place and I went, I'm going to pass,
and she went, wait, I'm a sure thing, and I went, yeah,
(26:27):
I understand that. She was like, well, why won't you
won't you go back and don't you want to just
have sex? And I went no. She goes, then what
are you doing out tonight? And I said, I'm looking
for my forever person. I didn't wait my buddy for
(26:47):
her that night and they dated and he asked her
to marry him. Wow, I meant it. Yeah, I was.
I was looking for someone that wanted to If you
had said to me at a bar, hey, do you
want to just get out of here, go get a
pizza and watch Fletch, I'd be like yes.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yes, yes, yes dude. That's why people think it's weird.
Like I've never had a one night stand because I
would have felt bad. I would have felt guilty.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
I had one one night stand in my life.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
She was, do you feel bad about it afterwards?
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Like?
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Like in other words like oh, I hope she didn't
feel like I let her on or no.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
I her and her sister. Her and her sister came
to my there from Liverpool, and I'd met them at
a bar and they were going to Great Adventures the
next day or whatever. It's great six Flags, yeah, and
they were. They came over. They needed a place to
stay and I said, you guys can stay at my place.
You can sleep on the couch. They were from Liverpool,
both pretty attractive, and she came into my room that night.
(27:42):
The older one came into my room that night. She
was a little older than her sister, and she started
making out with me and then we had sex. And
I told her before it started, I go, hey, you
don't have to do this to spend the night at
my house. You can just sleep at my house. She said, no,
I wanted to have sex with you. Here's the sidebar
to that. She she drank vassier and smoked cool cigarette.
(28:02):
So the whole time I had sex with her. I thought,
this is what was my like to have sex with
Tupac and sidebar, sidebar, my only one. I said, I'm
so much there's so much unrapple unpacked her. She was
tongue tied. Do you know what that is?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
No?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Tongue is when the underneath, when the bottom of your
tongue is connected to the bottom of your mouth. So
she couldn't put her tongue out of her mouth more
than so, I couldn't. No, no, that never happened. I
couldn't kiss. I had to put my tongue into her
mouth and her tongue couldn't leave her mouth. So so
weird to kiss. And she had this She sounded like
(28:40):
I was having sex with the beetles. She's like, that
is good, lingle, lingle, and then and then and then one,
and then we all and then I'd never ridden roller coaster,
so we all went I'm so not a man. We
went to I went to Great Adventures with them. The
(29:01):
next day. I didn't ride roller coasters. I'm scared roller coasters.
By the way, sidebar, I end up getting a TV
showing for the concheroll I do is ride roller coasters.
And then she I, we've changed umburds, and I said,
you know, I've never really had like a one night stand,
so I'd love to keep in touch and and and.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
See, I'd love to keep in touch. That would have
been like, oh no, I would have full intentions of calling,
which I'm sure you did.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
I called. I called one night. I was hammered and
I called and I was like, how you doing? She goes,
we just had a car bombing outside my house. And
I was like, well, this is more complicated than I need. God,
I wonder what happened to her anyway, Yeah, one one
night stand. That's it. Well.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Bert Kreischer is here the Two Bears five K.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Let me explain to you right now, if you're hearing this,
why you need to come out next Saturday to do
the five K. It is wildly achievable. Jelly Roll ran
is for and Jelly roll WI will be back this year.
I'm announcing it. Jelly Roll said, not to say anything.
I'm announcing it and if he and if he's got
a problem with that, he can call me. Perce that
was like, because hes been talking about it forever, right, Yeah,
but he was out for a second. If Jelly has
(30:04):
gotten so famous that like he's gotten not he's got more.
He's got the most phones out of all my famous friends.
He's got so many phones. I now have his bat
phone and so but Jelly's been in and out and
they've asked us not to like announce it because he's
so big. But I don't care. He's my friend and
I know that he's running the five k. He will
be there, Tommy will be there, that Tiffany Hattis will
(30:26):
be there. There's a lot of celebrities that are going out.
But it's if you're thinking, can I run a five k,
that's not the point. It's a great reason to get out,
get a little exercise. We have the whole rose Ball
to ourselves. We have activations everywhere, cold plunge, sauna, we
have it is a huge party. We have Poroso's vodka.
There will be weed. I don't I can't say that
(30:49):
that that's been cleared by anybody's like, but I'm and
I am falling off the wagon that day on marijuana.
I am smoking marijuana for the first time that day.
I can't wait. I've been sober for almost four months.
I have had what they call sober fatigue. I have
done with it. I have done with it, so I
will smoke weed that is greenlit, but it sign up
(31:11):
today and get you and your husband. I say that
because I imagine that all their one of fours are
gonna sign him. But get yourselves out on a Saturday.
Go out to the Rose Bowl. Do a five k.
Challenge yourself, walk, run, jog, break a sweat, feel good
about yourself. Let this be the change you need. Because
it happened for Jelly. It was his first five k
(31:31):
and look at the journey he's been on.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
It totally changed my Polly Shore.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
He was walking his dog and he looks at me
and I'm gassed out. I can barely run, and he
goes It's a real wake up call, isn't it. And
then that dude that day I called my doctor and
I've lost.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Sixty five pounds since that great thanks man.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I'm down fifty. I think though this, you can do this.
Don't be overwhelmed by the idea of a five k.
It is three point one miles. We're just gonna walk
around the golf course and back into the road. It's
so many people are supportive, and and you and and you.
(32:13):
Then the best part is if you especially if you're inactive,
you're gonna wake up the next day sore and you're
gonna go like, God, I feel good about myself and
then you'll keep doing it and you'll keep doing it.
But that's the reason we started, is to keep our
fans healthy so that we can keep selling tickets.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Makes sense. Yeah, well, go see the guys for yourself.
Go see it for yourself. Two bears five k dot com.
You can sign up there. It's a it's super easy.
I know, medic and I are going to be out
there that day and looking forward to you know, this
is where the first one was, so back to the
scene of the crime, you know, and the.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Joke is wild to have a show that we're doing
the store the other night before I'm saying, I'm like,
I'm gonna go to that too, and I'm like, oh,
I'm like, how's Burken to do?
Speaker 1 (33:01):
That?
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Starts at like four p m.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Shack once he's so badly He's like, you know, to
tell people they can roast me. I was like, Mark Norman, Samuel.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Dobby, Yeah, well, Burt Chrischer, dude, love you man, I
love you, I love having you, and I love every
opportunity that we ever have and we get to just
kind of chop it up and whatever, because you're right,
like I think we do share. Uh we have. We
have so much in common with your dad in Pittsburgh,
and he was like, my dad and step mom went
(33:32):
to the show and then Bert sent me a picture like, oh,
a pig picture back. It made their It made their.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
Whole weeks a lot like my dad like kind of
like they're I think they're blown away.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
They had a kid that the kid they had did
something nobody expected anything.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Do you believe that? I mean, he does it all
the time.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Well, love you, man, and thank you for coming in Riture.
We'll see the Two Bears five k Bert Krescher, everybody, Yeah, alright,
mortal he shows next, hang on the Woodie Show reserves.
Right after these messages, I had more energy, more and
the coach zero over fo Hi here
Getting getting suck, get shot.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
And we are into another new hour insensitivity training for
a politically correct world. Woody, Greg, Venice, Gina, Grammy and
look who's here everybody? It's the machine.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
You know what's up? That no doubt tickets or that's
a big score. That's a good in my household. That's
a big score right now. Ye, I wouldn't be shocked
at my wife calls it.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
You guys don't know somebody for that.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
I mean a lot less.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
You've been to this spear multiple times, right.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Yeah, I made David Copperfield leave. I cried so aggressively.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
YouTube is the best one and I'm a dead fan.
You two is the best one that they had. That
was amazing.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Didn't you guys piss off David Copperfield? I did at
the show? Yeah, because uh the balloon trick.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yeah, he picked me out of the crowd and he
was like showing me this balloon that was inside of
a balloon. He was supposed to make the middle part
like explode and he like he didn't give any instruction.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
Super vague to he kind of it looked like he
wanted you to taste just like.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Look at it, right, Yeah, And so like, okay, and
just see if it's like a real balloon or whatever.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
So like I touched it and then I let go,
and then.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
It's like he started to fall and he's like fumbling
all in the place, and he can tell he was made.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, you want to make me disappear? Yeah, for sure.
Well the machine Bert Chiser.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yes, So Bert has the Two Bears five K at
the Rose Bowl with Toms Girl. This is the third
annual Two Bears five K and it's happening at Rose
Bowl Stadium next Saturday, May ninth. For tickets, you can
go to Two Bears five k dot com. He's got
that going on. There's the Cruise, which is coming up
later on this year. He's traveling the country on a
(02:00):
pretty sweet looking bush.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I keep the all one burned down. I keep seeing
the new bus. But he's always busy. He's got free Burt,
which is a great show. Congratulations on the show.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
Thank you. Started shooting season two in June. June.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I I uh, we've we've talked
a little bit about it off the air, but it
I don't know, man, it is it's about Bert, but
I think it's kind of about all of us in
a weird way, like because I completely my wife and
I as we were watching the episodes, we just kept
making eye contact with each other. Because your youngest daughter
(02:39):
in the show, while you said your youngest daughter in life,
but like also that that character and the way it's
portrayed in the show, that is our daughter and Gina's.
I mean, it is so like the whole thing is
completely relatable.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
I wish, I wish my daughter. It's like my daughter.
My daughters have gotten very like territorial over over sharing
their lives now because they're like they're nervous and I'll
say stuff and I'll put it in the show, and
I mean and and like they'll literally say, I want
to tell you about my new boyfriend. This can't go
on stage, and I'll be like, not put that is.
(03:14):
I mean, yeah, it's tough when you have a job
like this one. It's tough when you have a job
like this one, because that's what people are there for.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
Well, yeah, you could turn it around on them and
be like, do you like this house?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Do you like what we do? Then you're part of
the show.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Yeah. Well, I have one daughter who I think has
walked away from any sort of money whatsoever. She pays
her own way, and I think she does it just
to throw it in my face.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
And then the other one, I was like, hey, I
gotta get it. I gotta bring my cat to school.
Is it crazy to get a private jet? Dad?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yeah, I gotta ask it.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
We were, we were, we were, we were looking at
apartments in her college town. And you know, Leanne is
very Leanne grew up poor, like very poor. I did not,
but I didn't grow up but I didn't grow up poor.
But uh so, like I like nicer stuff. And we're
looking at the apartments and I was like, I mean,
he don't look good at all. I was like, again,
(04:08):
she goes, what would it look like if we bought
a house? Look like, I just don't need to waste
your money spending rent, you know. And that's like what
could we get? And she goes, well, if you're gonna buy,
you don't want to, you know, just throw money at
anything you want to get something you really like. Right.
I mean, the kid is smart, she is she has
(04:30):
always had the ability to have my number. That that kid.
I miss her so much. I missed Georgia. Georgia is
more like Georgia is more like my Jiminy cricket, you know,
like she was. Georgia was just so smart and always
knew the joke, and Ila was just so bizarre. I
remember the first day of school after going back to
(04:52):
COVID and she was I had not gone to the
school yet. She was terrified, and I said, uh, I said,
there's got to be a girl more afraid than you,
and she said really, And I said, yeah, like there's
gotta be like an amputee or someone who just does it, like,
is more nervous than you. And she was like amputee.
(05:15):
And I was like, not might say and go look
for the girl in the amputee, but like, there's gonna
be a girl more nervous than you that's got like
a rescue dog or you know, like there's something. Find
that girl, befriend her. And then she did. She's the
girl in the wheelchair. And then the funniest thing happened.
They did ever tell you about the school shooting. Not
school shooting, but.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Oh that's the funniest thing that happened, the school shooting.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Bird they shut down the school. They shut down the
school because they thought they had a school shooter was
a dude the drug on campus and so they locked
it down. That's wanted to go pick up Isla And
she gets out of the out of class and she
gets in the car and I go, how was it?
I you know, it's everyone's school shooting is like the
terrible thing. And she goes, Oh, wasn't that bad? And
I went for real, she goes, yeah, you thought there
(05:56):
was a school shooter. She goes, but there wasn't. And
she I go wow. She goes, I tell you the
crazy thing, dad, And I said, what's that? She goes, No,
one moved the girl in a wheelchair, so they panicked
and everyone got to you and they left her in
the middle of the room and then and then and
(06:16):
then they were like, everyone's clear, and everyone went back
to their chairs and she was still there looking at everyone,
like I thought that was the funniest. That's what you like?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
What do they say, like, if you want to see
where you really stand with people, lose a job, have
a health issue, because everybody loves you when you have
that job, or they can when you can make money
for people, for sure. Yeah, yeah, that girl's like.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
That kid had material for me every day every day
I saw her, there was material.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
So what's the what's the rule? We have rules on
this show. We got rules in our house, you know,
for what can or can't go? Like, so, what what
are the what are the rules I have right now?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I have the best I have the absolute best bit
that I'm loving, and I have a rule that I
can't do it on stage. It's so good. You know
how couples, I'm gonna do it here, but it's it's
but it's you got understand. I can't do it on stage.
So I haven't worked on this bit, but this.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Is wait, so why can't you do it on stage?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
But you can do it here? Because if I'm doing
it on stage, it'll go on a special If I
do it here, Lean's List, it comes, radio comes, and
have a one night stand. I don't even.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
For the interests I want to hear the story is.
You're absolutely right, yeah, totally smart.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Do you know how like do you know how couples
when they've been married for a while, like Lane and
I have, sometimes they swing to uh to like bring
the spice back in the relationship, and then it messes
a relationship up and they didn't see that coming. We
did something ten times worse. We took i Q test
together and the wrong person smarter.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Dude.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I looked at her. I want to talk about this,
so baut on stage. I looked at her and I
was like one twenty eight. She goes, what's that? And
I said, it's my IQ. What did you get? She goes,
I don't want to tell you, And I was like, wait,
what did you guys? She goes, I don't want to
tell you. I go, please say it's got three numbers
in it. She goes, I can come on, sling blade,
tell me I won't make one of you. She goes,
I got one O four.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I go one O four, one o four.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Our dog has eighty seven?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Like one oh four?
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Are you out of your mind? I go I had
to go home and tape up the cutlery.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
One oh four.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
This I've never written. This is a bit. This is
all I felt bad marrying her, like I'm electing a
special needs goal. I gave her a balloon and a
lollipop and took her top off one O four. What
I cannot here's the problem.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
So what's the cutoff? Before you?
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Okay, okay, bring it up? You ready when you say
what you say, BMI special When they say, okay, so
what's considered genius level?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
What's considered like this.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Is what you're doing? Return and you say, hey, Sirie,
what does one of four look like? And it says
one of four is capable of independent living? Google, look
like one hundred? Like you now, so like, so one
hundred is the norm? Okay, one hundred is the norm?
(09:20):
Now wait, one the norm. That's the that's that's the average,
that's the American average, which is Yeah, it's cool to
know that I married a base hit that I married.
I married something that dribbled in between first and second.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
My god, because it made me giggle.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I can'tnot see one of four. I came home the
other day and she's standing in the middle of the living room,
fully dressed, giggling to herself. What's up one of four? Huh?
You want me to poison towards a window? What is
going on in that brainier? So no, wonders, I go,
what do you want for? He goes, I don't know.
I go, let me explain dinner to you. Takes the
(10:04):
meal after lunch like genius or like.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
You're what one twenty eight which is intelligence and superior
I would take. So it is well, yeah, yeah, what's
involved in me? I don't think I've ever taken an IQ.
What do you guys have to take an IQ? Tell
but hold on, no, no, no, no, So what are the
questions or what's the what are the exercises?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
It's it's a lot of pattern recognition. Okay, so it's
we what I got was online for a dollar. So
the wife is the same one? Yeah, well she didn't
often is equal. One of four didn't understand the test.
She was taking it first, so for the first eight
questions she was lost. She goes, what is this? I
(10:49):
don't even know what it is? And then by the
time she got it, she goes, well, I'm done. I
didn't understand the beginning for first part. And then I
was like, I didn't understand the beginning first part, but
then you have like twenty seconds to take it or
twenty minutes to take it. So I went back and
I went through and I did the test again. That's
what one twenty eight does in like, yeah, yeah, you know,
one twenty eight doesn't see a yellow light and go
(11:10):
plunge it. Baby four she's I cannot stop. And by
the way, right now you're in the car. If you're
listening to this, you're like, I want to do this
with my husband, do not? It is it? It really
did mess things up for because I couldn't stop making
fun of her. Yeah, and it bothered her, it really,
And that's why I won't be able to tell them
(11:31):
I'm what I will do because I will. I will
put this in my pocket and hope that times goes
by that I can put this on a special because
it I can't stop calling her one of four and
it makes me giggle so hard.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Now, I don't take Leanne as the person who would
care that was out there, but you're saying that she does.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I think if I was closer and IQ to her,
I just smoked her so bad. Yeah. Like it was
like she was like, what's one twenty eight? And I
was like, you weren't understand that it's a lot of complex.
I mean I went to the couple's therapy with her.
The first thing I said is she's one of four
onmost twenty ain't any big questions I'll handle. And one
twenty eight in therapy is like, is wildly deeper than
(12:15):
one O four? One of four wants to talk about
like we got into a fight about dot dot dot
one eight. It's like, ask my therapist, I go, are
you gay? She's like why? And I see two different
subarus in the driveway. That's what does Yeah like a
pattern recognition good? I didn't even know.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
Somebody text means saying I hope my niece with down
syndrome needs someone as good as birds.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah, apparently it's what I've been dragted to. It made
me laugh so hard. And then and then I and
but then we gave the test to our smartest friend,
the guy that we have a friend who's without a doubt. No,
I don't think he went to college. I think he
graduated high school. Started like he's just he's a big
(13:07):
movie producer and he is the smartest guy we know.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Now, why do you say he's smart? Like what what zophe?
He doesn't have like some big impressive degree from some school,
Like so what he like smart streets? Smart's kind of.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
He's the guy that when they when they go to
doing uh tenant or in like what's the big Christopher
Nolan movies? Oh yeah, like we got to figure out
how to make this movie go forward and back and
we need to block off a whole street in Serbia
a highway, and we gotta figure. He's the one that
does the figuring out of all of the kid, the
(13:43):
smartest guy I've ever met. If you say, like, if
you said to him, uh, he's bizarre, Like if you go, yeah,
I gotta fly uh to Mexico, and I would, I
would wouldn't mind getting a mid sized jetty go, well,
the Cessna six. He has every he just retains. Yeah,
it's like Rogan. Rogan retains everything. He got one oh
(14:06):
eight and yeah, and he did the same thing. Leanded.
He didn't have time for the test. He was like,
he was like, I just keep going, keep going.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So if you have like an attention deficit disorder like that,
that's not going to help you.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
I think the test we took, I should send you
guys the test. You guys should take it. And then
you guys should put the IQs up on the board. Yeah,
and play a game and yeah, and then and then
whoever gets the lost the whole week.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
And we can't use each other's names, we can only
use each other's stores.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And let me tell you, let me tell you someone's
going to be double digits and it'll mess with your head. Yeah,
it'll if you if you show up at a ninety two,
then you go, wow, I'm just about a house cat.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I have a question for you. How did you do
on like standard eyed testing in school? Like were you good?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah? I gotta like I got a thirteen hundred on
the essay?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
T Oh wow, so you already knew you were above out.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
I listen, here's the deal. I don't I can't do
what you. I can't I can do me and you
have the same brain. Yeah, like we're not well. I
don't know about that. You sound just you saying what
you got on the s A T. No, you're talking
about this test. We can You are by far smarter
than I am. No, but we can create our own world. Yeah,
we think the same. We can create our own world.
We can live in our own world. I see the
world differently than everyone else. I did not do well
(15:22):
on tests. I never understood how to study. Like when
they said, uh, everyone take notes, I didn't understand how
to do that. Like, I didn't under I was like,
what part of do I write down? Like? And I'm
not great at retaining knowledge, Like if I tell you
history facts, you're half of them will be right because
I don't because when what I hear what is important
(15:44):
to me in the conversation is not the thing that Like,
I get really upset when I listen to people on
podcasts and they tell you about a book they read,
like I can do this because he's my friend. Brian
Callen is my friend. I heard him on Rogan and
he was talking about this book. I couldn't even tell
you the name of it was. He was right siting
the book. And then I thought, I don't want to
hear about anyone reciting facts. I want to hear original thoughts,
(16:09):
Like I want to hear the guy that goes you know,
I brushed my teeth with toothbrushes to kill time, Like
I want to hear a crazy original thought and so
I but I don't have I don't have time for
like like anyone that regurgitates memorizes information. I'm not that guy.
I like. I like I'm successful, but not because I
(16:31):
sit well.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
And that's why you did so well in that test
because it wasn't just regurgitating facts.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Yeah it's coming up. Yeah, yeah, Like I'm the guy
that I'm the guy that is a perfect example when
the Pandemic hit. I called my agent March twentieth, and
I was like, look, my special just came out. It's
trending number two behind Tiger King. This is going to
be huge. Everyone's in the Pandemic is home and my
specials aren't. It's the only thing on Netflix for a week.
(17:00):
It is going to be human. I'm gonna tour and
he was like, well, this is the country shut down.
And I said, get drive in movie theaters. And he
was like, what I said, get drive in movie theaters.
Let's figure out a way to produce it and drive
in movie theaters. We can do stand up on the
road and drive it. Everyone's separated in the car. We'll
play the music into the car. But we'll do it
around the country. There's driving movie theater. And he goes,
that's not a thing. I go, let's make it a thing.
(17:21):
And I had to kind of fight with my agent
and my manager to do it. We did it.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So we do have the same brain. That's exactly how
things work around here.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
We get told no, and I well, how can we know?
Those my favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
You tell me no? And I go like, when I'll
give you another example, we I said, this is my brain.
I go. I noticed that I'm watching a lot of
hip hop dance videos online. I said, for October one year,
we should do a hip hop dance video challenge where
we all learn a hip hop dance throughout the entire month.
Then we put them online. We compete to see who
as the best hip hop dance video. Rogan's like, that's
the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I do it. I
(17:54):
renounce a tour behind a hip hop dance video. It
sells out. It was so good and by the way,
look just I love numbers and I know this is gross,
but I had a two hundred and fifty thousand dollars
marketing budget to support that tour. The video costs twelve
hundred dollars I saved, so like I don't have a
great brain, Like I can't like if you go, hey,
(18:14):
can you run a McDonald's. These are the orders I'm
never gonna remember it, Like if you tell me that's why.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
You need one on four? One on four seems like
she is the greatest, is the greatest caregiver for you?
Because you are you really are? I love you for it,
like you're a you're an adult child. I think you
can both of us.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
She was reading the I guess we got everyone got
the testing testing. Uh what is it called elections? The
ballot ballots in the middle today, so we do write
in ballots. And Leanne was reading all of the qualifications
for all the governor candidates. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
See, I'm gonna, I'm gonna does not spend one twenty
eight looks at pictures.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, if you if you're first of all, if you're
a dude of color, maybe I'll check you out. If
you're a check I check you out, and then I
vote for the white guy.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Bert Kreischer is here way more to get to with. Bert.
I do want to I do want to defend lee
Ane because man, I watch her in action, like when
we are doing business stuff, Like, dude, she has so
many things going on. She keeps you so organized. I
talk to her and she's like, boom boom boom.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Okay one eight. Tom's probably a one one forty right,
one twenty eight. Came up with the idea for the
five K, one twenty eight. That's my idea. I said
to Tom, we should do a five K. Tom goes,
I love it. That's a great idea I don't know
how to execute. I said, let me call one.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
O four one four got it done. One O four calls.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Netflix and it's like, yo, we got this idea. Netflix
is like, we love it, we'll pay for it. Let's
get the road. And then one of four goes let's
call Spartan. Spartan shows up. If you go to this
five K, I swear to God, you'll you'll look, you'll
seek out one O four and you'll give her a
hug and go. This is an amazing way to spend
a Saturday. I had nothing to do with it. I
(20:09):
just wanted my fans to stay alive because I need
to sell tickets. One in my sixties, Yeah, well what
do you hugger?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Don't call her one of the thirty annual two Bears.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
If you see her four just say what you real
slow because you don't understand I said this. This is
in the circle of.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Trust, circle trusty three the thirty call her one O four.
The thirty annual two Bears five K run the Rose
Bowl Stadium next Saturday, May ninth. For tickets and more information,
go to two Bears five K dot com. More with
Burt Kreischer next.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Show.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
All right, welcome back. Bert Kreischer is here. Uh two
Bears five K coming up at Rose Bowl Rose Ball
Stadium Saturday, May ninth, two Bears five k dot com.
So first fun question for you, Soot, I want to
see if this is a scam or not. Do you
have a guy that works three named Jason no event
(21:06):
manager Bert Kreischer. All right, you have an event imager. Okay,
why because Sea Bass set this to us yesterday and
I'm like this, something seems pretty scammy about this. Yeah,
he got this email from somebody. So you know, SeaBASS
is cart Narks where he goes to the parking lots
and shames people for not putting their cards back and
(21:27):
there's confrontations and all the time thing on emails on
all the socials.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yeah, I do that. I do that, but I don't.
I just very aggressively. I'm gonna put this way.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
For your.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
So, the you know, the cart Narks thing is big.
So anyway, he got this email and it says high Cartnarks.
My name is Jason, event manager for Bert Kreischer. We
love to invite you to join Bert for a live
Instagram collaboration hosted by Bert himself. The session would be
a fun, engaging conversation about your journey, one of your
(22:02):
favorite words, goals and achievements, with live interaction from Bert's
global audience. There is no cost involved, just meaningful collaboration.
If you're interested, please reply and I'll be happy to
share dates and details. Best regards, Jason Hayman Event manager,
Bert Kreischer.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Jason Hayman is my agent that there's no way. Well, Jason,
let's call it. Jason, you're out. I'll pull back the
no no, no, no, no no, Jason Hayman, I'm Jason
right now. Jason amonds like easy, Burt, I am your agent,
but we're working on TV shows. Jason Amon would never
email you, and he's not my event manager. He is
(22:42):
my he is my agent.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
It is his email, Burt Krusher Podcast at gmail dot com.
Down here's the thing, this is not my first rodeo.
I've been getting these for I probably got fifty of these,
and this is the new scam for like middle tier
influencers like quote unquote like myself is they'll they'll do
a little bit of research. So like I've gotten this
for the Amy Polar podcast and Joe Rogan podcast and
(23:04):
Mark Marin et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
And so they get that.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Then they funny.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Then they get some of them off for money. They'll
say in return for your time, well, here's a three
thousand dollars benefit. So it's just a it's another phishing scam.
It's they want to get my Instagram log in, they
want to get my PayPal for whatever, they want to
collaborate online.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
So they're trying to steal your information.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Yeah, log in right.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
So they'll ask me to like using your name for right,
just what the Indian scammers do. Well, they'll give me
like here's a zoom link. Can we can we get
on your computer to do some things real quick? And
then you're locked out and they get all your stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Oh, can't tell you a crazy one. I just heard
this yesterday. I hope this goes through ease. It was
pretty funny. My Christine is her name, Christine Pierce. Oh,
she's gonna get blown up. But she does all my
podcast booking. And she goes, hey, do you want to
have bone Thugs and Harmony on? And I was like,
(23:56):
so I go wait, yeah, how did you get bone
Thugs in Harmony? She goes some one fish scammed them
and said do you want to be on Birth's podcasts?
And they sent it to us saying is this real?
And then she said no, and they said, well we
got it. Can we be on Birth' podcast? I was like, hell, yeah, great, dude,
that's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
People fall for this.
Speaker 5 (24:16):
I know celebrities who've fallen for this, like mid tier
celebrities who've got like Amy Polar wants you to be
on a podcast and then and luckily they didn't get
you know, their their info stolen, but they they fell
for the first few steps of it.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
I've done it before, different people who I know personally
whose numbers I have, and they start talking to me
about this person. I go, oh, really, let's call them
FaceTime on my grider. I did that with Charlotte and
the God once. This cars was like oh man, me
and Charlack, Oh really, I AT's call him yeah, and
he picked up, yeah your first name. He's like, yeah,
what's up? And I'm like, hey, I said, I'm here
with your boy, and he's like.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Oh okay. So just so we're clear, I am. I
don't like confrontations. So if you ever did that with me,
I'd be like, what's up. Yeah, I love you, I
love you, and then I I don't know that I
have such when people tell me. There's a when I
went to Florida State to go to do the Alabama game,
(25:05):
there was a girl that came up to me and
she goes, you dated my mom in college. I dated
two girls in college. That's it. Two girls. I've only
had sex with six two in college? Is that right? Yeah? Too?
I mean I only dated two girls. And I was like,
and I know their names and I know what they're doing.
And I was like, oh, that's awesome. She was like,
(25:26):
you guys like dated like pretty seriously. And I was
like yeah. And my it was like, wait, whose daughter
is that? Kristen's or Alex's And I go neither, I
don't know who that is. And he goes, why would
you say you dated her mom? I go because I
don't want her mom to look like a liar. Yea,
her mom said that to her. You know, it's like
her mom probably was like just drunk one night. It
(25:47):
was like I dated him. I had never even cared.
I kissed two girls in college, that's it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I think we talked about it before because you have
this reputation of like, you know, party did. Yeah, you
were the guy, the party man, the machine. Yeah you know,
and uh yeah I was.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
I said the game against that. Ever, say to a
woman at a bar in college. She was she I
want to say her name, shout out to Melanie. She
was like, hey, let's go back to your place, and
I want to excuse me. She goes, let's go back
to your place and I went, I'm going to pass,
and she went, wait, I'm a sure thing, and I went, yeah,
(26:27):
I understand that. She was like, well, why won't you
won't you go back and don't you want to just
have sex? And I went no. She goes, then what
are you doing out tonight? And I said, I'm looking
for my forever person. I didn't wait my buddy for
(26:47):
her that night and they dated and he asked her
to marry him. Wow, I meant it. Yeah, I was.
I was looking for someone that wanted to If you
had said to me at a bar, hey, do you
want to just get out of here, go get a
pizza and watch Fletch, I'd be like yes.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yes, yes, yes dude. That's why people think it's weird.
Like I've never had a one night stand because I
would have felt bad. I would have felt guilty.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
I had one one night stand in my life.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
She was, do you feel bad about it afterwards?
Speaker 5 (27:13):
Like?
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Like in other words like oh, I hope she didn't
feel like I let her on or no.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
I her and her sister. Her and her sister came
to my there from Liverpool, and I'd met them at
a bar and they were going to Great Adventures the
next day or whatever. It's great six Flags, yeah, and
they were. They came over. They needed a place to
stay and I said, you guys can stay at my place.
You can sleep on the couch. They were from Liverpool,
both pretty attractive, and she came into my room that night.
(27:42):
The older one came into my room that night. She
was a little older than her sister, and she started
making out with me and then we had sex. And
I told her before it started, I go, hey, you
don't have to do this to spend the night at
my house. You can just sleep at my house. She said, no,
I wanted to have sex with you. Here's the sidebar
to that. She she drank vassier and smoked cool cigarette.
(28:02):
So the whole time I had sex with her. I thought,
this is what was my like to have sex with
Tupac and sidebar, sidebar, my only one. I said, I'm
so much there's so much unrapple unpacked her. She was
tongue tied. Do you know what that is?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
No?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Tongue is when the underneath, when the bottom of your
tongue is connected to the bottom of your mouth. So
she couldn't put her tongue out of her mouth more
than so, I couldn't. No, no, that never happened. I
couldn't kiss. I had to put my tongue into her
mouth and her tongue couldn't leave her mouth. So so
weird to kiss. And she had this She sounded like
(28:40):
I was having sex with the beetles. She's like, that
is good, lingle, lingle, and then and then and then one,
and then we all and then I'd never ridden roller coaster,
so we all went I'm so not a man. We
went to I went to Great Adventures with them. The
(29:01):
next day. I didn't ride roller coasters. I'm scared roller coasters.
By the way, sidebar, I end up getting a TV
showing for the concheroll I do is ride roller coasters.
And then she I, we've changed umburds, and I said,
you know, I've never really had like a one night stand,
so I'd love to keep in touch and and and.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
See, I'd love to keep in touch. That would have
been like, oh no, I would have full intentions of calling,
which I'm sure you did.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
I called. I called one night. I was hammered and
I called and I was like, how you doing? She goes,
we just had a car bombing outside my house. And
I was like, well, this is more complicated than I need. God,
I wonder what happened to her anyway, Yeah, one one
night stand. That's it. Well.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Bert Kreischer is here the Two Bears five K.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Let me explain to you right now, if you're hearing this,
why you need to come out next Saturday to do
the five K. It is wildly achievable. Jelly Roll ran
is for and Jelly roll WI will be back this year.
I'm announcing it. Jelly Roll said, not to say anything.
I'm announcing it and if he and if he's got
a problem with that, he can call me. Perce that
was like, because hes been talking about it forever, right, Yeah,
but he was out for a second. If Jelly has
(30:04):
gotten so famous that like he's gotten not he's got more.
He's got the most phones out of all my famous friends.
He's got so many phones. I now have his bat
phone and so but Jelly's been in and out and
they've asked us not to like announce it because he's
so big. But I don't care. He's my friend and
I know that he's running the five k. He will
be there, Tommy will be there, that Tiffany Hattis will
(30:26):
be there. There's a lot of celebrities that are going out.
But it's if you're thinking, can I run a five k,
that's not the point. It's a great reason to get out,
get a little exercise. We have the whole rose Ball
to ourselves. We have activations everywhere, cold plunge, sauna, we
have it is a huge party. We have Poroso's vodka.
There will be weed. I don't I can't say that
(30:49):
that that's been cleared by anybody's like, but I'm and
I am falling off the wagon that day on marijuana.
I am smoking marijuana for the first time that day.
I can't wait. I've been sober for almost four months.
I have had what they call sober fatigue. I have
done with it. I have done with it, so I
will smoke weed that is greenlit, but it sign up
(31:11):
today and get you and your husband. I say that
because I imagine that all their one of fours are
gonna sign him. But get yourselves out on a Saturday.
Go out to the Rose Bowl. Do a five k.
Challenge yourself, walk, run, jog, break a sweat, feel good
about yourself. Let this be the change you need. Because
it happened for Jelly. It was his first five k
(31:31):
and look at the journey he's been on.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
It totally changed my Polly Shore.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
He was walking his dog and he looks at me
and I'm gassed out. I can barely run, and he
goes It's a real wake up call, isn't it. And
then that dude that day I called my doctor and
I've lost.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Sixty five pounds since that great thanks man.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I'm down fifty. I think though this, you can do this.
Don't be overwhelmed by the idea of a five k.
It is three point one miles. We're just gonna walk
around the golf course and back into the road. It's
so many people are supportive, and and you and and you.
(32:13):
Then the best part is if you especially if you're inactive,
you're gonna wake up the next day sore and you're
gonna go like, God, I feel good about myself and
then you'll keep doing it and you'll keep doing it.
But that's the reason we started, is to keep our
fans healthy so that we can keep selling tickets.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Makes sense. Yeah, well, go see the guys for yourself.
Go see it for yourself. Two bears five k dot com.
You can sign up there. It's a it's super easy.
I know, medic and I are going to be out
there that day and looking forward to you know, this
is where the first one was, so back to the
scene of the crime, you know, and the.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Joke is wild to have a show that we're doing
the store the other night before I'm saying, I'm like,
I'm gonna go to that too, and I'm like, oh,
I'm like, how's Burken to do?
Speaker 1 (33:01):
That?
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Starts at like four p m.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
Shack once he's so badly He's like, you know, to
tell people they can roast me. I was like, Mark Norman, Samuel.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Dobby, Yeah, well, Burt Chrischer, dude, love you man, I
love you, I love having you, and I love every
opportunity that we ever have and we get to just
kind of chop it up and whatever, because you're right,
like I think we do share. Uh we have. We
have so much in common with your dad in Pittsburgh,
and he was like, my dad and step mom went
(33:32):
to the show and then Bert sent me a picture like, oh,
a pig picture back. It made their It made their.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
Whole weeks a lot like my dad like kind of
like they're I think they're blown away.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
They had a kid that the kid they had did
something nobody expected anything.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Do you believe that? I mean, he does it all
the time.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Well, love you, man, and thank you for coming in Riture.
We'll see the Two Bears five k Bert Krescher, everybody, Yeah, alright,
mortal he shows next, hang on the Woodie Show reserves.
Right after these messages, I had more energy, more and
the coach zero over fo Hi here
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