September 10, 2024 • 24 mins
From Stachira's 'urgent phone call' to Amy sharing about her first Ketamine experience...this episode is a special one full of 'Dan Dan Noodle' jokes, a marriage hack & more!
THE QUOTE: “If you are having a bad day, remember this: Life is like a wiener. Sometimes it gets hard for no reason, but it wont stay hard forever.”
Amy & Kat also talk about the new Nicole Kidman show on Netflix: 'The Perfect Couple' (watch it if you haven't already) and then they go over unrealistic expectations TV shows gave us about family life.
Is walking really a marriage hack?? Amy shares the benefits & Kat talks about what she does on her walks with her husband that is probably rare....but could be something others want to try!
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote, Well, it's a little after dark,
so kids are listening. If you're having a bad day,
remember this, life is like a wiener. Sometimes it gets
hard for no reason, but it won't stay hard forever.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
You know, life is just like a wiener. Right.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
If you end up having a difficult time later today, tomorrow,
later this week, whatever that looks like for you, hopefully
you can remember that and then it will make you laugh.
But also at the same time, it'll add some levity
to the situation with the reminder that it.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Won't be this way forever.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
This too shall pass, which is another way to say
it more PG. So, before we started recording, like we
were about to hit record, and my phone starts going
off and it's my daughter face timing me, and I
answer it. And what is the first thing she said?
When I said, Hey, it's urgent, it's urgent, And it's
not even like she needed to say that. I think
(01:06):
she saw that I had a microphone in my hand,
and so she wanted to make sure that I knew
if you're recording, we need to speak. And so I'm
thinking Okay, what is going on? I'm sitting down. Is
everything good? And then she says, what's my payway order?
Very seriously, just like I need to know right now.
(01:30):
This is my week without the kids, and the kids
are with him, and I guess he must be picking
up food. And she said, he needs to know right now,
And I don't know how to say what I like
from there, and I feel like he knows. But her
order is a little bit tricky. She likes the side
of noodles with the low Maine sauce. So sometimes if
you go there and you order the low Maine noodles
(01:52):
or chicken lomaine, it comes with all these vegetables mixed
in with the meat, and she doesn't want any of
the vegetables.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
No vegetables, got it.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
So the hack is go to the sides. Under the
sides there's noodles for like two bucks, click ad sauce,
or if you're at the cash regiser, add sauce please,
and they'll be like which one you say, lomin and
then add shrimp. So that is toa Shira's pay weight
order in case anybody wants to try.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That sounds great, Honestly, I.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Can see why it was urgent, she needed to know.
She did need to know, but it was cute. She's like,
he's in a hurry, which I think he does have
a meeting tonight, so I get it being over. That's family,
and you know he's probably running from one place to
another meeting. Stevenson may have a cross country practice and
he's trying to figure all that out. And I think
sometimes we have these unrealistic expectations of what family is
(02:39):
supposed to look like. I know I certainly did. When
we first got married and we were talking about getting
pregnant and having kids, I thought, well, when I get pregnant,
I'm for sure not going to work. I'm going to
be a stay at home mom. Oh Sta, Shar's facetiming me.
Let's just do this live. We're doing it live, hey, Stashira,
and you just like.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
You sweet.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Record myself doing what record is to Shara. I'm in
the middle of recording a podcast, so I can verbally
say it to Dad if you want me to. I
texted you out everything.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
In I copied and paste everything.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, So is he ordering it online? M hm, and
he's not there right now. No, I'll send him a
voice text okay, okay, all right, thanks, okay bye? No, no, wait,
you know you think me I said thank you? You did?
I think I said thanks and then you said bye bye.
I think I said, okay, all right, love you bye?
(03:48):
You think me like, wait a second, unrealistic expectations of
family here. All right, So now I'm going to pull
up Ben's number. I don't know that I've ever voiced
texted before, because I got into voice texting post divorcece Hey,
Sashira said, you're trying to order Payway, which her order
can get a little tricky because it's just the easiest
(04:11):
thing in the world to order, but yet hard because
it's not like on the menu. On the menu, but
it is under sides. There's noodles, so you can order
a side of noodles. When you do that, it'll say
pick a sauce, and the lo Maine sauce is the
first option from what I recall. And then somewhere you
add a side of shrimp, but I can't remember exactly
(04:32):
where or just can you order shrimp somehow? I hope
this helps. Stashira's really eager to get her Payway order correct.
Let me know.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Bye, okay, I did not know that Payway still existed,
And I'm looking at their menu right now and now
I won't Payway.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Oh yeah, it's pretty uppy.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
They have everything. Is it like fast Asian food?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Isn't it the fast version of PF Chanin's No way,
I think. So are they owned by the same people
or did I just make that up? Have you ever
eaten there?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Obviously?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Okay, Well, speaking of noodles, they're not the same as
what Stashira just Scott, But at PF Chang's the next
time you go, everybody listening, you have to get the
Dan Dan noodles. They're so good. And I only know
about them because in college I went to a date
party with a guy named Dan, and before the date party,
we all went to PF Changs to eat, and I
was like, well, I'm here at PF Chang's on a
(05:24):
date with Dan, so I must get the Dan Dan
noodles because I don't think I ever would have ordered them.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
You know, Peyway has Dan Dan noodles. See, so they
the same thing.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
That just helped answer the question of that they are
a parent company.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Well, I think they're also Asian, So I've got a
lot of Asian restaurants have Dan Dan noodles.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Well, no, I think it's exclusive to the PF Chang's
Payway family.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
This sounds strange. Ground chicken chicken.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, ground chicken in the Dan Dan noodles. I know.
I'm telling you it's not something that I normally would
have ordered.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
But I do you still get that?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, everybody in my family eats Dan Dan noodles now because.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Of because of Dan. Where's Dan? Now?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Don't know. I think his last name is Adcock?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Where are you? Oh man? Anyway? That might be what
I'm having to I'm not getting the Dan Dan noodles?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Is that another way to say it? If you're having
a bad day? Remember this life is like Dan Adcock
sometimes just kidding, I don't know. Wouldn't that be a
hard last name.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
To have ad Cock as a kid.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Maybe at a certain level of being a kid, you
have a dirty mind.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I wasn't even thinking that. I was like, I don't
get what you're.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Saying, only because that came up in college about him making.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You guys made fun of his last name in college?
Other people did do you owe Dan Dan an apology?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I don't even know if that's for sure? His last name,
last name, and I have no idea where he is now.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Not a klue.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I don't think i've seen him since.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Well maybe he changed his last name.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Somewhere in college. Probably not, because I feel like Adcock
is fine. There are people with the last name Wiener.
There was that politician up in the east somewhere, yes,
and he got blessed sending pictures.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Oh my gosh, of his Dan Dan.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Of his Dan Dan noodle. If you're having a bad day,
remember this life is like a Dan Dan noodle. Sometimes
it gets hard for no reason, but it won't stay
hard forever. But we had zero plans of talking about
(07:35):
Hayway or Dan Dan noodles. But here we are, and
you know, just to share really is the cutest thing. Like.
I have loved where she is in this season of life.
I love her being seventeen. I love her driving. She's
a hostess now at a restaurant. I love watching her
go to work. I don't know she's helping her personality,
(07:56):
because I think it's something to have people skills.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
That was funny that call. She was serious.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
No, she's great. I love her so much. She's been
such a gift to our family. Which I think I
was talking about. When I first thought we were going
to have a family, I just thought I'll get pregnant,
quit my job, blah blah blah. Fast forward, here we are.
I have a career, and that's what I want. I
think that I didn't really know what I wanted to do,
(08:21):
but I knew I wanted to be a mom. And
it came about years after we thought, and through adoption,
which we thought it was going to be a biological
but you know, it's just not as we expected. But
it's been so much more than we ever could have
dreamt up, even though you know, Ben and I have
also gotten divorced. That's not how I saw our family either.
(08:43):
But I think sometimes we can have all these expectations
of what we want a family to be like. And
are you watching The Perfect Couple? I have one episode
less Okay, so it's about a family on Netflix, and
I don't know families that live this way, but I'm
sure that there are situations very similar where you have
like so much money. Like during one of the scenes
(09:06):
that one guy, he's being like interviewed by the cops.
This isn't giving anything away, by the way, but he
just says, you know they have like I'm bored, let's
go buy a monkey kind of money, like they can
just do whatever. But y'all, this family is very dysfunctional
and this show is so good. But apparently it was
a book and.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I kind of wish I read it before I watched
the show, but I'm obviously not going to go read
it now.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Well, speaking of Nicole Kidman and books that got turned
into TV shows, now, Nine Perfect Strangers is in my head,
which I never read that book, but I watched the
show on Hulu. Did you watch it?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Is this new?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
No, it's been out for a couple to a few
years now, but Nicole Kidman is in I never heard
of it, and it was a book. So if you're
into this once you finished The Perfect Couple, go watch
Nine Perfect Strangers.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Did I read the book first?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
If you want to? Okay, I also have that a
little top of mind and I'll share more about this
once I'm done. But through the guide of a therapist,
is that how I would say it? An expert and
a doctor and everything. I'm doing some ketamine treatments, which
makes you think of Nicole Kiddmon's character, and I don't
want to give anything away of nine Perfect Strangers, but
(10:19):
she runs like a retreat.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Does she play somebody nice?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
I think her character is Masha Masha.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
She talks like that. What accent is that? You sound
like old Masha Tree, like southern Masha.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Maybe just Masha it's been a minute, Masha or Masha Masha.
So I will report back on my ketemine journey once
I'm fully done, because I wanna speak of it very responsibly,
and then maybe even my guide, my therapist, will come
on and talk about it, as long as I don't
(10:52):
retain her as a future therapist, because then that would
not be kosher.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Will she talk about your journey or just ketemine in general?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I don't know that we need to talk about specifics
of what I unpacked, but just ketamine in general so
that people could understand. Because I learned about her from
a friend talking about it, so I was very thankful
that my friend told me about it. So she was
a recommendation, and I had been thinking about it, and
once I met with her, I did a consultation, and
then I did some prep therapy and then some other things,
(11:22):
and then we actually did our first session with the
ketamine last week, And I will say one thing with
confidence right now, if you ever do think about doing it,
take the zofran. Because the doctor that I had to
also consult with to give me the prescription and I
had to go to a compounding pharmacy, which I went
to the same compounding pharmacy that makes my testosterone cream,
(11:44):
so they know me there Green Hills Pharmacy, and they
compounded the ketamine and I went to pick it up
and he said, I can also call in a zofran
for you for nausea. And I said, you know, I
think I'm going to be good. Well, yeah, I wasn't good.
I was good until I wasn't good good and then
I was vomiting and whatnot. But you know what, life's
(12:07):
a dan Dan noodle sometimes. But I think that there
are some personal things I maybe will share that aren't
like too intimately, just like you know that my sister
and I were frogs or something. So last night I'm
on the phone with my sister telling her how like
she was a frog and my little you know, time
away in La la land, and she this morning sent
(12:31):
me this text. Frogs remind us that we can transform
ourselves to any potential we want to fulfill. The core
spiritual meaning of frogs is that either a significant change
is about to happen, fertility will come into your life
sooner rather than later, or an abundance of something good
is about to come, which you know, she's not saying
(12:52):
that this is for real and that that's what the
frog situation was. But we were cute frogs.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
But that's pretty cool if that's what that means.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
But I don't know that some where in my subconscious
I have some ability to see the future. Yeah, who knows,
who knows.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
There's different levels of consciousness and him. I don't know
what's going on. All I know is one day on video,
I need to show y'all this move that I was
doing over and over and over in my head. No
matter where I was, I just kept emerging from the
water doing this one particular move. And it's hard to explain.
So I'll just have to video it one day and
show y'all. But I'm very proud, like in my mind,
(13:27):
I'm very proud of myself. So ya, we'll talk more
about that later. And apparently fertility could be on the way,
which I was never told why I couldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
What do you mean you were never told?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I was never told why I couldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
What do you mean you were never told?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
We met with fertility doctors and did tests, and they
couldn't give us a clear reason why we weren't getting pregnant.
So there was no like, oh, in her it is
this that's likely causing it, or in in him, it
is this.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
We just they said it could be anything.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
We're not able to get pregnant. I mean, I think
we were doing it right, Are you sure?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I think so.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
But we did spend a lot of time apart because
he was deployed, and so people that live together every
month even have a difficult.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You had smaller windows.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
We were never able to get pregnant. But I wasn't
on birth control at all.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
But you didn't try fertility treatments, so you.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
I did clomad for a little bit, but I did
not like the way it made me feel, so I
got off that and clomb It is just a pill
that you can take. The doctor told me a good
way to put it. It just makes your eggs more attractive
to the Dan dance, Little Dan Dance to the so uh,
that didn't work out. But who's to say what if
(15:00):
I get married again and then there's a baby because
of the frog I don't know, fertile frog tbd. Which
there have been some dates which I'm gonna talk more about.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
When you say dates, what do you mean.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
With one person? Okay, and Kat and I are going
to talk about it on You Need Therapy because it
is definitely a therapy discussion because it is someone that
I went out with a long time ago, and I
saw them one way, but it was almost like a filter.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Remember, it's like the do I remember?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Of course you remember? I know, but like will unpack
like it's Cat's podcasts. It's called you Need Therapy. But
I'm gonna allow her to ask questions and we're going
to talk through dating PD, post divorce with kids, and
also when your nervous system is used to chaos and
(15:52):
then you meet someone that is stable and you perceive
it as boring when really it's just.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
And because just like meh, yeah, like this is exciting, great, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Right, but as my nervous system has started to level out,
I'm like, oh no, he's not boring at all. He's
just normal. It's not what I'm used to, right, And
that's not saying anything about my past relationship in general whatsoever.
It is my life in general and my chaos. And
I certainly contributed to the chaos in my relationship. I
(16:30):
think we both did, but it's what we knew. And
a lot of times, no all the time, if that
is what you're subconscious, your nervous system, everything, that's what
it's going to lean towards. It's gonna find it, even
though you're like, that's not what's best for me, or.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
You're gonna try to make it like if you find
somebody who's stable, you're going to try to like poke
and prod and create some chaos in the stability. And
a lot of times those people are like, eh, I'm
not doing that dance with you.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah, So Kat and I are going to unpack some
of that and that'll or next Monday on you need therapy.
So I guess we'll raf with what I originally wanted
to talk about, which was unrealistic expectations that TV shows
give us about family. But you watch the Perfect couple
and you're like, well, this is this is all you're
even talking about me a couple, This isn't giving me
(17:18):
any expectations. But our TV shows like that we watched
as kids and then we grew up thinking that that's
what life is gonna be like, like dinner is gonna
be on the table every night, or we're gonna eat
breakfast together every morning before school, and nobody's yelling like
get ready, you get in the car, we're gonna be late,
or calling you this is urgent. What's my payway order?
(17:39):
Because Dad's in a hurry because he's got a meeting
and I'm at home and he's ordering it and we
door dash. You know, that's life, But here are some
unrealistic expectations which might be fun to revisit, depending on
what shows you watched growing up. But every conflict gets
resolved after one big fight or you get grounded, and
then it's like, okay.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
It's always well, there's a lesson at the end.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Families eat a full breakfast together every single morning. Dad
is always funny and likable, while mom is mean and uptight.
It's sort of true at times that was shown everyone
is always hanging out at home. One sibling is preppy
and popular, while the other one is an outcast or
an artist. Someone in your family will read your diary.
(18:23):
Why don't think that's an unrealistic expectation. I think that's
just fact.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, sometimes it's safety. If there's something going on, it's like, well,
just read your diary, see what's going on. Everything's okay.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I mean, I've read my daughter's before, but she knows it.
I had to end up telling her.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
You couldn't read my diary because I had this special
diary that only unlocked with like my voice passcode, and
I wrote in it with a black light pen. Oh,
but I think it is colored in it. That's legit.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Speaking of black lights, Cat and I are on my
porch recording right now, and we're sitting in chairs because
my cat peed on my couch. And see that flashlight
over there on the dresser on the consulting a black light.
It's a black light, so I'm gonna use it to
look for where the pe is. It's a black light.
I ordered on Amazon specifically for pet pee.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
So that's all it picks up.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
That on the Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Very?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Would you know what Cat's going to be on Thursday's
Four Things with me? And I saw this whole thing
of like signs he likes you more than a friend.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Maybe go over some of.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
That on Thursday, because I know so many people that
are dating and it can get confusing. You're not dating,
you're married. So we'll really close with this marriage hack
that I saw, which is nothing wild and crazy, and
I know you and Patrick do it. Are you ready
for it?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It is a very crazy, intense hack. Walking together and
that's supposed to do what says it boom ho and
doorphins while together. It's undistracted time for communication. So that
means you can't walk with your phone whatnot. Well you can,
and it builds a habit that you can do together
of movement, but you and Patrick also do pickleball and golf.
(20:14):
I feel like y'all are really.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Good at Yeah, we were moving together together in the morning,
but like sometimes we'll go on walks just to listen
to a book. I will say one time somebody passed
us when we were doing that, and they the next
day they're like, I try to say hi to you
on your walk, but you look You and Patrick looked
really mad at each other, and I was like, oh,
we're listening to a book. And it was about like
(20:35):
a murder, So we probably just were really intensely listening.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I do like that, though, y'all are still doing something
together and creating that connection. The first thing that boring secure, healthy,
stable guy, and I.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Did, Okay, you can't call him boring.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
I know he was, but I thought he was OK.
But then he's not. But I only reached back out
to him because of you, by the way, and so
we have you to thank for that. But our first
activity after all that was a walk, and it boosted
our endorphins.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, and she'll talk.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
You had an undistracted communication and it built a habit
of us hanging out walking.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I feel like it's a nice activity for whatever stage
you're in, but you don't have to look at the
person eye to eye, so sometimes it's easier to open
up and talk about things too. So that could have
been a nice way for you guys to like literally
walk back into talking to each other.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
We went to Percy Warner, which is like a really
pretty place with those big stairs, and we hiked those
which if you've ever hiked those, you get out of breath.
I was like a minute, one and done. I need
a minute. Ben just texted me, Hey, that helps, but
it doesn't allow me to do a side of shrimp.
So I just ordered shrimp low main, hoping she can
(21:49):
pick the little veggie things out and I'm like, oh,
you can't. That's why she was freaking out because I've
done it that way too, and it's just different. That's okay,
she'll survive. I'll just send her that quote sometimes life
is hard, but it's not going to stay that way.
Actually it probably won't.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
After all that works.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
She might not understand.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
She's like, life's like a wiener, Life's like a mom.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
What are you talking about my fourteen year old?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
My son?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
They're starting some sex ad at school, and I'm like, yay,
this should be fun. We just got the email from
the school today.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
But what a sex ad for them? Really? What are
they learning? All I really learned about is like a
period and what a tampon is.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Okay, let me get specific human development, relationships, family and friends,
and setting boundaries, the reproductive system, anatomy maintaining reproductive health
in parentheses, Risk of sexual activity taught from an abstinence perspective.
They say, awareness and prevention of human trafficking. Oh wow,
(22:51):
they are going there. That is just I mean good information. Yeah,
it's this is a public school family life curriculum. They
say that you can exempt your child from it if
you want to.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Oh really, mm hmmm, sort of Steen, Are you gonna
let him go?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, I'm gonna let him go.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
What great are they doing that in?
Speaker 1 (23:09):
He's in seventh grade?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Okay, I guess that's a good time for sex ed Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I think before that, but I'm sure there have been
things before. But we just got this notice for this
school year that that's what they're gonna be covering. So
there you have it, all right. I hope you're having
the day that you need to have. Talk to you later, Kat,
Where can people mind you?
Speaker 2 (23:29):
On Instagram? At Kat van Buren.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And at You Need Therapy podcast and I am at
Radio Amy and we'll see you Thursday on Four Things
and then next Monday for You Need Therapy? Bye everybody.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I wish I did read it though, because it is
such a good show.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Can you hear that founding Houston? I surely hate some
of the stun. That's my dog, Okay, Houston can cut
out her barking.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Houston's gonna be so happy when the work's done at
your house. Oh, or on the peaceful hills of Brentwood,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote, Well, it's a little after dark,
so kids are listening. If you're having a bad day,
remember this, life is like a wiener. Sometimes it gets
hard for no reason, but it won't stay hard forever.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
You know, life is just like a wiener. Right.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
If you end up having a difficult time later today, tomorrow,
later this week, whatever that looks like for you, hopefully
you can remember that and then it will make you laugh.
But also at the same time, it'll add some levity
to the situation with the reminder that it.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Won't be this way forever.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
This too shall pass, which is another way to say
it more PG. So, before we started recording, like we
were about to hit record, and my phone starts going
off and it's my daughter face timing me, and I
answer it. And what is the first thing she said?
When I said, Hey, it's urgent, it's urgent, And it's
not even like she needed to say that. I think
(01:06):
she saw that I had a microphone in my hand,
and so she wanted to make sure that I knew
if you're recording, we need to speak. And so I'm
thinking Okay, what is going on? I'm sitting down. Is
everything good? And then she says, what's my payway order?
Very seriously, just like I need to know right now.
(01:30):
This is my week without the kids, and the kids
are with him, and I guess he must be picking
up food. And she said, he needs to know right now,
And I don't know how to say what I like
from there, and I feel like he knows. But her
order is a little bit tricky. She likes the side
of noodles with the low Maine sauce. So sometimes if
you go there and you order the low Maine noodles
(01:52):
or chicken lomaine, it comes with all these vegetables mixed
in with the meat, and she doesn't want any of
the vegetables.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
No vegetables, got it.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
So the hack is go to the sides. Under the
sides there's noodles for like two bucks, click ad sauce,
or if you're at the cash regiser, add sauce please,
and they'll be like which one you say, lomin and
then add shrimp. So that is toa Shira's pay weight
order in case anybody wants to try.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That sounds great, Honestly, I.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Can see why it was urgent, she needed to know.
She did need to know, but it was cute. She's like,
he's in a hurry, which I think he does have
a meeting tonight, so I get it being over. That's family,
and you know he's probably running from one place to
another meeting. Stevenson may have a cross country practice and
he's trying to figure all that out. And I think
sometimes we have these unrealistic expectations of what family is
(02:39):
supposed to look like. I know I certainly did. When
we first got married and we were talking about getting
pregnant and having kids, I thought, well, when I get pregnant,
I'm for sure not going to work. I'm going to
be a stay at home mom. Oh Sta, Shar's facetiming me.
Let's just do this live. We're doing it live, hey, Stashira,
and you just like.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
You sweet.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Record myself doing what record is to Shara. I'm in
the middle of recording a podcast, so I can verbally
say it to Dad if you want me to. I
texted you out everything.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
In I copied and paste everything.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Okay, So is he ordering it online? M hm, and
he's not there right now. No, I'll send him a
voice text okay, okay, all right, thanks, okay bye? No, no, wait,
you know you think me I said thank you? You did?
I think I said thanks and then you said bye bye.
I think I said, okay, all right, love you bye?
(03:48):
You think me like, wait a second, unrealistic expectations of
family here. All right, So now I'm going to pull
up Ben's number. I don't know that I've ever voiced
texted before, because I got into voice texting post divorcece Hey,
Sashira said, you're trying to order Payway, which her order
can get a little tricky because it's just the easiest
(04:11):
thing in the world to order, but yet hard because
it's not like on the menu. On the menu, but
it is under sides. There's noodles, so you can order
a side of noodles. When you do that, it'll say
pick a sauce, and the lo Maine sauce is the
first option from what I recall. And then somewhere you
add a side of shrimp, but I can't remember exactly
(04:32):
where or just can you order shrimp somehow? I hope
this helps. Stashira's really eager to get her Payway order correct.
Let me know.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Bye, okay, I did not know that Payway still existed,
And I'm looking at their menu right now and now
I won't Payway.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Oh yeah, it's pretty uppy.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
They have everything. Is it like fast Asian food?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Isn't it the fast version of PF Chanin's No way,
I think. So are they owned by the same people
or did I just make that up? Have you ever
eaten there?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Obviously?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Okay, Well, speaking of noodles, they're not the same as
what Stashira just Scott, But at PF Chang's the next
time you go, everybody listening, you have to get the
Dan Dan noodles. They're so good. And I only know
about them because in college I went to a date
party with a guy named Dan, and before the date party,
we all went to PF Changs to eat, and I
was like, well, I'm here at PF Chang's on a
(05:24):
date with Dan, so I must get the Dan Dan
noodles because I don't think I ever would have ordered them.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
You know, Peyway has Dan Dan noodles. See, so they
the same thing.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
That just helped answer the question of that they are
a parent company.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Well, I think they're also Asian, So I've got a
lot of Asian restaurants have Dan Dan noodles.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Well, no, I think it's exclusive to the PF Chang's
Payway family.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
This sounds strange. Ground chicken chicken.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, ground chicken in the Dan Dan noodles. I know.
I'm telling you it's not something that I normally would
have ordered.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
But I do you still get that?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, everybody in my family eats Dan Dan noodles now because.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Of because of Dan. Where's Dan? Now?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Don't know. I think his last name is Adcock?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Where are you? Oh man? Anyway? That might be what
I'm having to I'm not getting the Dan Dan noodles?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Is that another way to say it? If you're having
a bad day? Remember this life is like Dan Adcock
sometimes just kidding, I don't know. Wouldn't that be a
hard last name.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
To have ad Cock as a kid.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Maybe at a certain level of being a kid, you
have a dirty mind.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I wasn't even thinking that. I was like, I don't
get what you're.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Saying, only because that came up in college about him making.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You guys made fun of his last name in college?
Other people did do you owe Dan Dan an apology?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I don't even know if that's for sure? His last name,
last name, and I have no idea where he is now.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Not a klue.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I don't think i've seen him since.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Well maybe he changed his last name.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Somewhere in college. Probably not, because I feel like Adcock
is fine. There are people with the last name Wiener.
There was that politician up in the east somewhere, yes,
and he got blessed sending pictures.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Oh my gosh, of his Dan Dan.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Of his Dan Dan noodle. If you're having a bad day,
remember this life is like a Dan Dan noodle. Sometimes
it gets hard for no reason, but it won't stay
hard forever. But we had zero plans of talking about
(07:35):
Hayway or Dan Dan noodles. But here we are, and
you know, just to share really is the cutest thing. Like.
I have loved where she is in this season of life.
I love her being seventeen. I love her driving. She's
a hostess now at a restaurant. I love watching her
go to work. I don't know she's helping her personality,
(07:56):
because I think it's something to have people skills.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
That was funny that call. She was serious.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
No, she's great. I love her so much. She's been
such a gift to our family. Which I think I
was talking about. When I first thought we were going
to have a family, I just thought I'll get pregnant,
quit my job, blah blah blah. Fast forward, here we are.
I have a career, and that's what I want. I
think that I didn't really know what I wanted to do,
(08:21):
but I knew I wanted to be a mom. And
it came about years after we thought, and through adoption,
which we thought it was going to be a biological
but you know, it's just not as we expected. But
it's been so much more than we ever could have
dreamt up, even though you know, Ben and I have
also gotten divorced. That's not how I saw our family either.
(08:43):
But I think sometimes we can have all these expectations
of what we want a family to be like. And
are you watching The Perfect Couple? I have one episode
less Okay, so it's about a family on Netflix, and
I don't know families that live this way, but I'm
sure that there are situations very similar where you have
like so much money. Like during one of the scenes
(09:06):
that one guy, he's being like interviewed by the cops.
This isn't giving anything away, by the way, but he
just says, you know they have like I'm bored, let's
go buy a monkey kind of money, like they can
just do whatever. But y'all, this family is very dysfunctional
and this show is so good. But apparently it was
a book and.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I kind of wish I read it before I watched
the show, but I'm obviously not going to go read
it now.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Well, speaking of Nicole Kidman and books that got turned
into TV shows, now, Nine Perfect Strangers is in my head,
which I never read that book, but I watched the
show on Hulu. Did you watch it?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Is this new?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
No, it's been out for a couple to a few
years now, but Nicole Kidman is in I never heard
of it, and it was a book. So if you're
into this once you finished The Perfect Couple, go watch
Nine Perfect Strangers.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Did I read the book first?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
If you want to? Okay, I also have that a
little top of mind and I'll share more about this
once I'm done. But through the guide of a therapist,
is that how I would say it? An expert and
a doctor and everything. I'm doing some ketamine treatments, which
makes you think of Nicole Kiddmon's character, and I don't
want to give anything away of nine Perfect Strangers, but
(10:19):
she runs like a retreat.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Does she play somebody nice?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
I think her character is Masha Masha.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
She talks like that. What accent is that? You sound
like old Masha Tree, like southern Masha.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Maybe just Masha it's been a minute, Masha or Masha Masha.
So I will report back on my ketemine journey once
I'm fully done, because I wanna speak of it very responsibly,
and then maybe even my guide, my therapist, will come
on and talk about it, as long as I don't
(10:52):
retain her as a future therapist, because then that would
not be kosher.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Will she talk about your journey or just ketemine in general?
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I don't know that we need to talk about specifics
of what I unpacked, but just ketamine in general so
that people could understand. Because I learned about her from
a friend talking about it, so I was very thankful
that my friend told me about it. So she was
a recommendation, and I had been thinking about it, and
once I met with her, I did a consultation, and
then I did some prep therapy and then some other things,
(11:22):
and then we actually did our first session with the
ketamine last week, And I will say one thing with
confidence right now, if you ever do think about doing it,
take the zofran. Because the doctor that I had to
also consult with to give me the prescription and I
had to go to a compounding pharmacy, which I went
to the same compounding pharmacy that makes my testosterone cream,
(11:44):
so they know me there Green Hills Pharmacy, and they
compounded the ketamine and I went to pick it up
and he said, I can also call in a zofran
for you for nausea. And I said, you know, I
think I'm going to be good. Well, yeah, I wasn't good.
I was good until I wasn't good good and then
I was vomiting and whatnot. But you know what, life's
(12:07):
a dan Dan noodle sometimes. But I think that there
are some personal things I maybe will share that aren't
like too intimately, just like you know that my sister
and I were frogs or something. So last night I'm
on the phone with my sister telling her how like
she was a frog and my little you know, time
away in La la land, and she this morning sent
(12:31):
me this text. Frogs remind us that we can transform
ourselves to any potential we want to fulfill. The core
spiritual meaning of frogs is that either a significant change
is about to happen, fertility will come into your life
sooner rather than later, or an abundance of something good
is about to come, which you know, she's not saying
(12:52):
that this is for real and that that's what the
frog situation was. But we were cute frogs.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
But that's pretty cool if that's what that means.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
But I don't know that some where in my subconscious
I have some ability to see the future. Yeah, who knows,
who knows.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
There's different levels of consciousness and him. I don't know
what's going on. All I know is one day on video,
I need to show y'all this move that I was
doing over and over and over in my head. No
matter where I was, I just kept emerging from the
water doing this one particular move. And it's hard to explain.
So I'll just have to video it one day and
show y'all. But I'm very proud, like in my mind,
(13:27):
I'm very proud of myself. So ya, we'll talk more
about that later. And apparently fertility could be on the way,
which I was never told why I couldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
What do you mean you were never told?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
I was never told why I couldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
What do you mean you were never told?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
We met with fertility doctors and did tests, and they
couldn't give us a clear reason why we weren't getting pregnant.
So there was no like, oh, in her it is
this that's likely causing it, or in in him, it
is this.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
We just they said it could be anything.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
We're not able to get pregnant. I mean, I think
we were doing it right, Are you sure?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
I think so.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
But we did spend a lot of time apart because
he was deployed, and so people that live together every
month even have a difficult.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You had smaller windows.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
We were never able to get pregnant. But I wasn't
on birth control at all.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
But you didn't try fertility treatments, so you.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
I did clomad for a little bit, but I did
not like the way it made me feel, so I
got off that and clomb It is just a pill
that you can take. The doctor told me a good
way to put it. It just makes your eggs more attractive
to the Dan dance, Little Dan Dance to the so uh,
that didn't work out. But who's to say what if
(15:00):
I get married again and then there's a baby because
of the frog I don't know, fertile frog tbd. Which
there have been some dates which I'm gonna talk more about.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
When you say dates, what do you mean.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
With one person? Okay, and Kat and I are going
to talk about it on You Need Therapy because it
is definitely a therapy discussion because it is someone that
I went out with a long time ago, and I
saw them one way, but it was almost like a filter.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Remember, it's like the do I remember?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Of course you remember? I know, but like will unpack
like it's Cat's podcasts. It's called you Need Therapy. But
I'm gonna allow her to ask questions and we're going
to talk through dating PD, post divorce with kids, and
also when your nervous system is used to chaos and
(15:52):
then you meet someone that is stable and you perceive
it as boring when really it's just.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
And because just like meh, yeah, like this is exciting, great, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Right, but as my nervous system has started to level out,
I'm like, oh no, he's not boring at all. He's
just normal. It's not what I'm used to, right, And
that's not saying anything about my past relationship in general whatsoever.
It is my life in general and my chaos. And
I certainly contributed to the chaos in my relationship. I
(16:30):
think we both did, but it's what we knew. And
a lot of times, no all the time, if that
is what you're subconscious, your nervous system, everything, that's what
it's going to lean towards. It's gonna find it, even
though you're like, that's not what's best for me, or.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
You're gonna try to make it like if you find
somebody who's stable, you're going to try to like poke
and prod and create some chaos in the stability. And
a lot of times those people are like, eh, I'm
not doing that dance with you.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah, So Kat and I are going to unpack some
of that and that'll or next Monday on you need therapy.
So I guess we'll raf with what I originally wanted
to talk about, which was unrealistic expectations that TV shows
give us about family. But you watch the Perfect couple
and you're like, well, this is this is all you're
even talking about me a couple, This isn't giving me
(17:18):
any expectations. But our TV shows like that we watched
as kids and then we grew up thinking that that's
what life is gonna be like, like dinner is gonna
be on the table every night, or we're gonna eat
breakfast together every morning before school, and nobody's yelling like
get ready, you get in the car, we're gonna be late,
or calling you this is urgent. What's my payway order?
(17:39):
Because Dad's in a hurry because he's got a meeting
and I'm at home and he's ordering it and we
door dash. You know, that's life, But here are some
unrealistic expectations which might be fun to revisit, depending on
what shows you watched growing up. But every conflict gets
resolved after one big fight or you get grounded, and
then it's like, okay.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
It's always well, there's a lesson at the end.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Families eat a full breakfast together every single morning. Dad
is always funny and likable, while mom is mean and uptight.
It's sort of true at times that was shown everyone
is always hanging out at home. One sibling is preppy
and popular, while the other one is an outcast or
an artist. Someone in your family will read your diary.
(18:23):
Why don't think that's an unrealistic expectation. I think that's
just fact.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, sometimes it's safety. If there's something going on, it's like, well,
just read your diary, see what's going on. Everything's okay.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I mean, I've read my daughter's before, but she knows it.
I had to end up telling her.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
You couldn't read my diary because I had this special
diary that only unlocked with like my voice passcode, and
I wrote in it with a black light pen. Oh,
but I think it is colored in it. That's legit.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Speaking of black lights, Cat and I are on my
porch recording right now, and we're sitting in chairs because
my cat peed on my couch. And see that flashlight
over there on the dresser on the consulting a black light.
It's a black light, so I'm gonna use it to
look for where the pe is. It's a black light.
I ordered on Amazon specifically for pet pee.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
So that's all it picks up.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
That on the Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Very?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Would you know what Cat's going to be on Thursday's
Four Things with me? And I saw this whole thing
of like signs he likes you more than a friend.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Maybe go over some of.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
That on Thursday, because I know so many people that
are dating and it can get confusing. You're not dating,
you're married. So we'll really close with this marriage hack
that I saw, which is nothing wild and crazy, and
I know you and Patrick do it. Are you ready
for it?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It is a very crazy, intense hack. Walking together and
that's supposed to do what says it boom ho and
doorphins while together. It's undistracted time for communication. So that
means you can't walk with your phone whatnot. Well you can,
and it builds a habit that you can do together
of movement, but you and Patrick also do pickleball and golf.
(20:14):
I feel like y'all are really.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Good at Yeah, we were moving together together in the morning,
but like sometimes we'll go on walks just to listen
to a book. I will say one time somebody passed
us when we were doing that, and they the next
day they're like, I try to say hi to you
on your walk, but you look You and Patrick looked
really mad at each other, and I was like, oh,
we're listening to a book. And it was about like
(20:35):
a murder, So we probably just were really intensely listening.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I do like that, though, y'all are still doing something
together and creating that connection. The first thing that boring secure, healthy,
stable guy, and I.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Did, Okay, you can't call him boring.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
I know he was, but I thought he was OK.
But then he's not. But I only reached back out
to him because of you, by the way, and so
we have you to thank for that. But our first
activity after all that was a walk, and it boosted
our endorphins.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, and she'll talk.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
You had an undistracted communication and it built a habit
of us hanging out walking.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I feel like it's a nice activity for whatever stage
you're in, but you don't have to look at the
person eye to eye, so sometimes it's easier to open
up and talk about things too. So that could have
been a nice way for you guys to like literally
walk back into talking to each other.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
We went to Percy Warner, which is like a really
pretty place with those big stairs, and we hiked those
which if you've ever hiked those, you get out of breath.
I was like a minute, one and done. I need
a minute. Ben just texted me, Hey, that helps, but
it doesn't allow me to do a side of shrimp.
So I just ordered shrimp low main, hoping she can
(21:49):
pick the little veggie things out and I'm like, oh,
you can't. That's why she was freaking out because I've
done it that way too, and it's just different. That's okay,
she'll survive. I'll just send her that quote sometimes life
is hard, but it's not going to stay that way.
Actually it probably won't.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
After all that works.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
She might not understand.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
She's like, life's like a wiener, Life's like a mom.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
What are you talking about my fourteen year old?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
My son?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
They're starting some sex ad at school, and I'm like, yay,
this should be fun. We just got the email from
the school today.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
But what a sex ad for them? Really? What are
they learning? All I really learned about is like a
period and what a tampon is.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Okay, let me get specific human development, relationships, family and friends,
and setting boundaries, the reproductive system, anatomy maintaining reproductive health
in parentheses, Risk of sexual activity taught from an abstinence perspective.
They say, awareness and prevention of human trafficking. Oh wow,
(22:51):
they are going there. That is just I mean good information. Yeah,
it's this is a public school family life curriculum. They
say that you can exempt your child from it if
you want to.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Oh really, mm hmmm, sort of Steen, Are you gonna
let him go?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, I'm gonna let him go.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
What great are they doing that in?
Speaker 1 (23:09):
He's in seventh grade?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Okay, I guess that's a good time for sex ed Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I think before that, but I'm sure there have been
things before. But we just got this notice for this
school year that that's what they're gonna be covering. So
there you have it, all right. I hope you're having
the day that you need to have. Talk to you later, Kat,
Where can people mind you?
Speaker 2 (23:29):
On Instagram? At Kat van Buren.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And at You Need Therapy podcast and I am at
Radio Amy and we'll see you Thursday on Four Things
and then next Monday for You Need Therapy? Bye everybody.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I wish I did read it though, because it is
such a good show.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Can you hear that founding Houston? I surely hate some
of the stun. That's my dog, Okay, Houston can cut
out her barking.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Houston's gonna be so happy when the work's done at
your house. Oh, or on the peaceful hills of Brentwood,
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Host
Amy Brown
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.