“Can we stop screwing around and just frost the whole pop tart? We have the technology!” This is a quote that Amy feels at her core. However, Kat, brings a more serious quote about seeking peace for yourself instead of trying to change others!!! Deep! Then Amy & Kat chat about all kinds of things from hiding important documents in the freezer, to end of life thoughts about being so difficult to please, to cheering on our people, to Amy’s dad putting bourbon in her bottle, what Amy is supposed to call her in-laws now that she’s no longer going to be married, because they will always be in her life……and more!!!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote, well, actually got two. I'm
going to start with mine, which is, why are we
not frosting the whole pop tart? Already? We have the technology.
I mean I saw that as a meme or something
and I haven't memorized because we do. We have the technology,
(00:25):
and why would we not frost it to the end?
Patrick likes the edges. My boyfriend likes edges. Okay, I
think it's weird. Yeah, I don't want it frosted on
both sides because I get to that point. I like
the crust, but you have a crust on the bottom.
Strawberry pop tart favorite? What's yours? Brown sugar? Oh what?
You don't like it? Strawberry all the way. I still
(00:47):
like strawberry, but brown sugar is like, and you know,
I preferred. There's a percentage of people that put butter
on their pop tart. It's a game changer. Do you
toast yours? You toast it, then you put butter on top.
I don't do that, but I've tried it because people
were raving about it and it's good. Um, I don't
toast my pop tart. But here's another question for you,
(01:09):
pop tart or toaster strudle pop tart. Okay, well, I
think that's an easy answer too. But some people love
their toaster shrudles. No, oh, mom hack, there are some
strudle thing. I know. It was a Pillsbury whatever I
don't know in the freezer that the family didn't like,
like an egg and cheese strudle, toaster things, you know,
and so nobody in the family liked them. So the
(01:32):
mom emptied it out and filled it up with her
favorite things inside. But nobody touches the box she put
her She puts all her treats. And I was like,
she took the eggs out of the pastry and put
something else in it. No, she took that items out
of the box. Okay, I'll where are you going with that?
That's disgusting. No, but it's a genius Yeah, that mom
(01:55):
mart hack. Like, if you have stuff that you love
to eat, if you don't want anybody else to eat it,
put in inside a box that nobody likes. Have you
been doing that? No? But it just seems relevant to
the conversations. Mark, when you brought up a shirtle just
imagining somebody taking a frozen pastry, digging the insides out,
and then putting something else in. Yeah, we're not known.
(02:18):
It's making me think of like weird places that people
hide things like I keep my Social Security car, my
birth certificate, and my passport in the freezer. I feel
like you shouldn't doubt people that it's not a value.
It's not like I'm saying I have ten thousand dollars
in my freezer. Then why do you keep it in
the freezer in case my house burns down? Wait? Would
(02:39):
it be safe? I have no idea. I don't know
if your if your house burns down, your fridge won't burn.
I feel like, of all the places unless I have
a fireproof safe, my freezer's my best bet. It might
not work out the way I'm hoping, but it's worth
a shot. It's better than my cabinet or my drawer
(03:00):
in my room that's for sure going to burn. Yeah,
which I don't even like talking about that out there.
I don't want my my house is going to be
alive forever. I don't want to speak negatively, but oh gosh,
my friend Kristin Lee or her house burnt down. We
were in the second third grade and it was awful.
It was a lamp timer. What and one day they
(03:20):
had a house. Next day they didn't burn to the ground.
What do you mean a lamp timer like the lamp
never went out. Well, from what I remember, maybe the
lamp timer was plugged in and it was like a
This was the nineties, so it was when the timer
ran out, it would turn the light off. But I
think it was plugged into the outlet and caused like
a spark situation and then a fire. I don't know
(03:43):
what is your quote, because I was gonna say, I'm
gonna I'm gonna change the moves. Yeah, actually not really,
but I'm gonna change the made from pop tarts. Okay,
So my quote, I don't know who this person is
Anthony de Mello. Do you know that is no? No, okay,
Well that's who said this, and it is to a
disciple who was forever plaining about others. The Master said,
if it is piece, you want, seek to change yourself,
(04:05):
not other people. It is easier to protect your feet
with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.
Yeah good, that's so good. In fact, like I would
want to take a screenshot of that and as a
reminder for myself. Yeah, oh no, for sure. And if
we want to relate this to the pop Tart quote,
(04:25):
maybe it's easier for you to just get extra icing
and ice the edges of your pop tart and not
try to change pop Tart or Kellogg whoever makes pop tarts. Wow. Yeah,
really deep, really deep. You heard it here. Okay, so
you just had a birthday. Yeah, an interesting birthday. Interesting birthday.
(04:46):
Seriously every single day for the past five days in
my head, well ever since Thursday. So whatever I've been
singing Alanis Morrisett ironic just because the irony of celebrating
my aunt's life on the day that I'm celebrating my birthday.
It's really not that big of a deal. I'm not
that big of a birthday person. So it's fine that
(05:07):
I went to a funeral on my birthday. And you
know what, multiple things can be true at the same time.
We had joy, we had celebration, and we had grief,
and we had sadness. I would say it went in
and out like that real quick. At times it was laughter, tears, smiles, tears,
oh you birthday this Oh no, at least is no
longer here, like it was in and out quickly. But
(05:29):
I loved that. It just showed that we were all
going with the flow and feeling our feelings. And I
was with family and lifelong friends that I have known
since I was born. So it was really cool. Four
of us girls that grew up together because our moms
were friends, but all four of us in the same room.
It has been a very, very, very long time. And
(05:53):
I even post on Instagram like, hey, girls, let's not
wait till the next funeral to hang out. And I
really feel like sometimes weddings funerals, Uh yeah, weddings and
funerals sometimes reunite people. I mean, think of something else.
What is it that could randomly a high school reunion? Yeah,
I can't think of that. Yeah, I was gonna say
(06:13):
a bachelotte party. That's a wedding. Yep, you nailed it.
So anyway, it's like raining on your wedding day. It's
a free ride when you've already paid. Do you know
this song? Yeah, but I'm trying to Okay, it's like
a funeral on your birthday. No, It's like it's like
ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
(06:34):
I don't know that, Larry. That's well, we can add
it's like a it's like trying to celebrate your birthday
when you're trying to celebrate someone else's life. But it
was good. And my cousin surprised me with the cake
at the like reception back at the house, Like we
went from funeral to you know, everybody goes back to
(06:56):
the house and he's out, and I had no idea
where were going to go from the funeral to the house,
and that there was going to be a cake in singing,
and you know, but I rolled with it, did you?
I was going to say, what was it like for
you to have somebody kind of transition and put attention
on you when the day was also celebrating To me, well,
it was it hard to take that. I mean, I
(07:17):
was very grateful that Amanda got the cake and had
organized that, and she gave me a birthday present and
all the things, But you know, she had just been
up at the front of the church giving eulogy about
her mom, so she made space for that, and I
was very thankful. But it's almost as though we were
both making space for each other, and so I was
(07:37):
there to help with whatever, and the fact that she
did that was very special. But I didn't there was
no expectations of it, and I do think it was
a good time for reflection and again stepping into a
new year of how do I want to live my
life and hearing her talk about her mom and what
(07:57):
others had to say. Her mom was a actionist. I
think we've talked about it here on the podcast four
because Amanda's been on the podcast and before her mom
passed away a couple of months ago, she was on it.
We're talking about her mom was very adamant, I better
die pretty, but she had you know, she had cancer,
she's in hospice. It's really hard did I pretty? But
Amanda did her best. I mean she would ice roll
(08:18):
her face because she was so hot, but it felt good.
And I had given her an ice roller when she
was visiting me in December, so she's like, you have
no idea how often I use that on my mom?
And she would pluck her chin hairs because her mom said,
if if I die with the chin hair, I will
come back to haunt you. So you know, it's just
(08:40):
her mom was the sweetest ever, but she just was
very she didn't waste the fancy. You know, she always
loved to have her lip color on. She loved to
iron everything. She loved for everything to have its place.
She loved to eat cereal out of a glass bowl
with a silver spoon and a cloth napkin. I mean
that's how she would eat a raisin. Brain. I was
(09:02):
going to ask if she used like fine china to
eat every meal, but like no paper plates. But I
think I don't know when that started for her. But
her husband died. So Amanda's dad died, Oh my gosh,
over twenty years ago, and so maybe just experiencing that,
I think somewhere around there she like shifted of like, okay,
life is short because his was sudden like hers. We
(09:23):
knew for a very long time. And she just kept
living and living and living and defying all the odds
that doctors were giving her. But her husband was a
sudden heart attack, very out of nowhere. One day fine,
next day gone, And I think that she realized, like, oh,
we have this china, we have these beautiful cloth nupkins.
(09:44):
Why am I going to do that? And Polly, who
has been on the podcast before with Reagan, they have
an Instagram at next Door Life, and they do clothing
and fun things their neighbors and they started a little
business together like that. I don't want to say little.
I'm trying not to say stuff like that because we
don't need to make things little, make things small. But
(10:06):
I think they started out as neighbors that enjoyed fashion,
and then they started posting things and they created an Instagram.
It's actually not little, so I take that back, but
you know what I mean by that. I do that
to myself too. I'm like, oh, I have this little whatever,
I have a little podcast. It's a little So Polly
was on here and she said, don't waste your fancy.
(10:28):
That's how she put it, and said that's how I
would say. At Lisa was and it just reminded me, Okay,
I don't want to waste my fancy. I don't know
them gonna eat, you know, cereal out of a glass
bowl of the cloth napkin. However, I did inherit my
mom's silverware, which is really special and I kind of
just have it away in a box and we use
it at Christmas. So I should probably bust that out.
(10:51):
The only problem is it's not supposed to go when
the dishwashers was to hand wash it, and I just
don't really want to do that. I want to, so
I wasna, I feel like I don't do that a
lot because I don't want to like wash things. However,
this morning I made breakfast with my boyfriend and he
made coffee. My bigger plates are you can't put them
(11:12):
the diwasher or using those, and I have cups and
I have silver ware that matches and goes all together.
And he made my coffee in a normal mug and
I said, which is normal, that's not like out of character.
And I said, you know what, I want to use
the whole set today. So I poured the coffee into
another mug, so then I had a clean two. I
went and got the fancy gold forks and put them
out and I said, you can eat with whatever you want,
(11:33):
but I want to do this because it looks cute
and whiles what I have it like, I don't ever
you why do I Why did I buy it? That's
so funny? You had that egs today today literally this morning,
I mean, because we didn't talk about this. Coffee out
of a little cup that also has a saucer is
next special. There's something very comforting about that to me,
and don't not get to you try it. And you
(11:55):
know there's something too that ant Lisa shared in the
last couple of weeks of her life, and that's been
something I keep thinking about because being able to talk
to someone that is near the end of their life
is pretty It's an amazing experience because you get to
hear what they would have done differently or And there
(12:16):
is something that she told my cousin and I'll get
into that in just a second. That's probably a good
spot to take a break. We're going to start trying
to give heads up when the sponsors are coming, because
I feel as though we wouldn't be able to do
this podcast without them. So I just want to roll
into these spots and then we'll get back in just
a second and I'll share kind of I guess it's
(12:36):
one of her regrets. Okay, all right, So I was
talking to my cousin Amanda about you know, what were
your conversations like with your mom towards the end, and
(12:56):
she said that one of the things her mom said
was I just was never pleased. I know that I
was so hard to please. Does that make sense like
she's such a perfectionist that she she was saying she
wished she didn't spend so much time focusing on being pleased,
because really, at the end of the day, she was
(13:17):
hardly ever pleased. And you know, I say this with love.
I love Danley sin Amanda would even say this about
her mom. But I just share this as a a
maybe an opportunity for you to talk to your parents
or your grandparents or somebody in your life where you
would want to know, like, is there something you've realized
like or had some self awareness that you would have
(13:38):
done differently, or you don't want to wait until you
know it's too late, because I think there's stuff that
both my parents would have done differently. And I remember
my mom just thinking like she didn't really live her
life to her fullest, or you know, do enough. And
I would think that a lot of people feel that
way towards the end. But I thought this one was
(13:59):
so specific and it made me think about how I
can get a little particular about things. I am not
a perfectionist by any means, but I can get particular,
especially with my kids. And an example would be and
this may not seem like it falls into the same category,
but one hundred percent does. So we're at the grocery
store and Stevenson was picking out some flowers for my
(14:22):
mother in law, which now that I'm getting a divorce,
I don't know, do I not call her my mother
in law? Do I call her my ex mother in law?
But I was hanging out with her this weekend and
I stayed with them. Then they were at the funeral too,
and Stevenson got some time with his Mamma Bee and
Papa Bee, and we went to the grocery store separately,
and they have these cute little bouquet flowers at Whole Foods,
and I said, oh, my gosh, you should pick one
(14:44):
out for Mamma Bee. And he picked one out and
it was not the colors I liked. There was, in
my opinion, better colors, but I had just told him
to pick out one, and then I ruined it because
he did. And then I said, oh, maybe you should
get that one up there. And then I stopped myself
(15:06):
and I thought, what am I doing? Why did I
do that? Uh? But that's that's an example of something
that I do. But now I'm starting to realize I
do it, and I was kicking myself at Whole Foods,
and I'm like what And so then I immediately I'm
like no, no, and he's like, oh, you don't like
this one, and I said, oh, I just think those
colors are better. And then I'm like, oh, why did
I do that? Why did I do that? Because he
(15:28):
instantly is a little bit deflated, and I took away
his choice. I took away what he picked out for her.
Why did I do that? Well? Why can you answer?
As I wasn't pleased with the yellow one. I liked
the pink one, okay, And I thought, Mama, you would
like the pink one. But it doesn't matter. She was
gonna like whatever he picked out. It's not about the
(15:49):
color of the flowers. Absolutely, he picked out flowers for her.
So then I try to make a repair on the
spot and I say, you know, Stevenson, I did not
handle that well. I told you that you could be out,
and then I immediately corrected you in a way and
told you about a different one. So I would like
you to go get the one that you want. But
then at that point he's like, no, no, it's fine,
(16:10):
we'll get that one. Like oh, So then we go home.
It's like, I can't even forget about it because we
get out of the car and we go inside and
he's like, we call you flowers. The whole fits, and
then I'm looking at the flowers and I'm still thinking
about it. I don't need to breathe, you know, but
I think too, Like I've seen myself do it with Stashira.
You know, she's fifteen, and sometimes she'll be trying on
(16:31):
clothes and I'll be like, well, you pick out whatever
you want, and I'd be like, oh, not that one,
you know what my mom used to say. My mom
used to say she would say, where wouldever you want,
or like go whatever, get dressed, and I would get
dressed and I would come down and I would say
do you like this? And she'd say, well, my opinion
doesn't matter. I'm not the one wearing it. And you
immediately knew, like you were like, she hates this outfit.
(16:55):
But that was her way of not trying to control
or not trying to care about being pleased. But I'm like,
I know what that means. Well, So as a therapist,
what would you say to me? Like if I was
a client and I came and I was like what
are we supposed to say if we really feel strong?
I mean, I'm assuming it's nothing. Well, it depends on Okay,
(17:17):
it's actually appropriate. No, no, no, this is actually interesting
because I just had a conversation that is really directly
tied to what you're saying. But the first thing I
would say when you were saying that, I think this
is more as your friend than a therapist. But what
I wanted to say is like, oh, Okay, it's good
that you're noticing this, but I want you to like
pull back a little bit because you're being really hard
on yourself, so noticing it's great, but you're going to
(17:39):
notice it more now, and I don't want you to
just keep on being like, oh, why did I do that?
I'm so stupid, Like that's not really helpful for you. However,
on the other side of this, I was having a
conversation with somebody for unique therapy last week and we
were talking about some of her principles of friendship or
philosophies of friendship, and she said one of them was,
(18:00):
and I'm gonna give you the cliffs Notes version and
then people can go listen to you need therapy, but
it's up now. It's gonna be up in two weeks. Okay,
so in two weeks, we'll remind you. But she said
that one of her philosophies is like every selfie, like
any selfie of your friends on Instagram, just like it.
Don't contemplate if you should like it or not. Don't
sit there and be like, oh, do I want them
(18:21):
to think that I'm offraming this? And it really kind
of hit me in the gut because it's kind of
what you're saying when you're like, go pick out an
outfit and you're like, oh, don't pick out that one.
I don't like that one. It's kind of how like
I'm like, be yourself, post whatever you want to Instagram like,
but I want everybody to be authentic. And then I
see a post of my friend and I'm like, oh,
that was too ce yeah, cringe e. And I'm like,
(18:42):
that's not fair, And she said, she said liking a
post on Instagram or telling somebody they look cute. She said,
when you are with your friends, you're like, oh my gosh,
look so cute. That's just how females connect and that's
just like a way we greet people, and we don't
need to start withholding that because liking to selfie is
one of the lowest ways you can affirm somebody like
(19:03):
it's not life changing hanging fruit? Yes, yeah, So why
would I take that away? If it's going to make
somebody feel good? Is it that big of a deal?
If I think it's cringe? E Like, who am I
to be the judge of what's okay to be on
Instagram and what's not? And it like this really hit me.
I was like, I'm guilty of this. I'm so guilty
of this. But it's the same thing if somebody's like,
(19:24):
do you like my outfit? And I'm like, you know
when people and you can also like you can ask
like are you looking for feedback on your outfit? Or
you just like want to feel confident so you want
me to validate you. But you know, most of the
time when somebody's like just wanting you to say I
like it. What about the one time that you were
buying those boots and you had multiple pairs and you
(19:46):
were asking us our opinion, and did it like we
could be yeah, it's good to be like and not
those but you maybe really liked those? Well yes, But
I think the thing about that is. I was very
very directive. So what happens? I two boots and I
didn't know which ones to keep, and I could only
keep one of them and they were very different. Oh wait, no,
(20:08):
this is when I had the ones with the silver
zipper and the one with Yes, they actually are basically
the same. But I asked your opinion. I think my
other friend was over too, and I was asking your opinion,
but I really wanted to. I wanted your feedback. I
was saying, which ones do you like? Why? We talked
about it for a while. But when I'm saying I'm
not just coming to you and be like, oh my gosh,
look my boots. Do you like them? If I'm doing that,
(20:29):
you better say oh, they're so cute, because what does
it matter if you don't. My mom would say, oh,
they're not really my style, but they look like you
so and I would be like, oh, you should have
gotten the pink ones. Nothing yellow. Why'd you get the
pink ones? I know? But when I was talking about
the silver and the gold zipper, You're not I'm saying
which one do you like? You're not. I'm not saying,
(20:52):
look at these boots with a gold zipper and you're
saying you should have got the silver. What if someone
was like, do you like my boyfriend? Well, you know,
I think it depends like that, stuff really depends. But
when you when it's Tashara just being like or like
a friend who just got something they're excited on or about,
or put on an outfit that they think is cute
(21:13):
and they want you to like cheer them on, or
took really cute pictures and wants to post them. Oh,
you're saying cheer on makes me think of yes, cheerleaders,
like we can be. Yeah, That's how I felt with
the girls that I was with this weekend. One in
particular name Jill, who's a therapist as well. She lived
three houses down for me, and we did all kinds
(21:34):
of things together, like well, we loved Pretty Woman when
we were kids. Everybody, well not everybody, but I've told
the story million times how my parents took me to
see that in the movie theater when I was like
way too young and I didn't understand exactly what was happening,
but he covered my eyes. But Jill's parents they let
her watch Pretty Woman too, so we liked it and
we would dress up in heels and skirts, and we'd
(21:59):
walk up and down straight from my house her house.
We just thought we were walking back and forth to
each other's houses. But we were like, you know, welcome
to Hollywood. For the first half of that story, when
you said pretty women, I thought little woman. So I
was imagine you putting like an old like long skirt
(22:20):
on and then like the bun yeah. And then I
as you said the heels, I was like, oh, this
is a different movie and that's a different outfit. Yeah, okay,
sefer Vibe. I have known her for a very very,
very long time, and you know, her mom sort of
raised me too, and she kind of told me another
(22:40):
story too, about how my dad used to put bourbon
in my bottle because I was colloquy or like I
was it a thing. Well in the eighties, I guess,
And I was like, well, this could explain a lot,
you know, I did not need to know this. But
and now my parents aren't here, And honestly, I think
in the eighties, yes, or even decades before, that probably
totally fine. This day and age probably wouldn't fly, no,
(23:02):
not at all. But I don't think it was when
my mom was around. It was when he was in
charge of me, and he was like, this baby will
not calm down. She said, it wasn't too much. Just
a little teeth teettle, little bourbon in the bottle, I'd
be just fine. Don't recommend this, but that's the information
I was given this weekend, also about my dad, but
back to Jill and my dad. She was telling me
(23:25):
about how she's a therapist, but she wants to start
another section of her business where she can still do
her license therapy work, but there couldn't be crossover. She'd
have those clients and then a separate group of clients
because she loves fashion and home decor, and she's like,
I love helping people from the inside out, but I
would like to have another layer of my business where
(23:47):
I kind of help people from the outside in. And
some people just don't know how to put certain things
together and they don't feel confident and they want that
extra help. And she loves especially finding deals, like she's
very thrifty and was a good find, and she thinks
that that could be a whole other section of her
business where it's more of a life coach situation. But
(24:07):
she said she was like talking to her parents about
it and they're like, you know, I don't really know.
And then I said, oh, my gosh, two bad Cliff's
not here, because he would be your biggest cheerleader. And
she was like, oh, yes, he was, like he was
a cheer leader. And that's something I feel as though
last week I sort of said, well this week too,
I staid, he put bourbon in my bottle, and then
(24:28):
last week I kind of said he bailed out on
us as kids, which which you know he did, but
I always tryed to say he was a good dad,
but you know, he had he wasn't good at connecting,
but he had his strengths. He was a cheer leader,
like he loved cheering people on. He wanted to see
people sore. And I love that even though he's no
longer around or my mom's not. But like us, the kids,
(24:49):
all of our parents were friends, and we're sitting around
and we're getting to bring in some of our parents
to the conversation and be like, well, what would Judy
say or this is what Cliff would do, and so
I think she's going to do it, and she was
a little bit hesitant, but I feel like after we
all sat around and talked about it, She's like, Okay, yeah,
I think. I think I'm going to do it, and
I'm so excited for her. So cheering our friends on
(25:12):
sometimes all they need to hear is oh, my gosh,
yeah you should do that. Even if her parents think
it's a terrible idea, I don't know, maybe they should
be like, absolutely, if that's what you want to do,
let's go what's the worst that can happen? Right? And
I think in their mind they're like, oh, the worst
that could happen is and then they start thinking of
all the worst but well and going back to two
(25:32):
like cheering people on in different ways when you said,
what do you say if somebody says do you like
my boyfriend and you don't, Well, there's one camp where
like maybe the boyfriend is abusive or something, and like, yes,
we need to share that. But if you just like
don't like him, what does it hurt if she does?
You know? And the same thing, if that's not a business,
you would start like, what's the worst that can happen?
(25:52):
It doesn't go the way she planned it, and maybe
she has to make some changes or maybe she doesn't
want to do it, But what does that matter? If
it's something she wants to try. Or if I want
to wear this outfit and you're like, I would never
put that together. If I like it, what does it
matter that you don't If I'm enjoying my life wearing that,
you know, yeah, I know, I think to put a
bow on the pleasing conversation is yeah, it's like, why
(26:17):
sometimes are we all so hard to please? And I
don't want to And I'm not saying everybody is like that.
And again I wasn't to at Lisa's level, but I
did a walk away from that weekend knowing that that's
what she shared with Amanda at the end of her
life is like, uh, basically, in a nutshell, I wish
I wasn't so hard to please. And what is it
that she needed to work through and let go of
(26:38):
to release some of that control? And what do I
need to let go of to work through why I
tried to control the flowers? There's something? Yeah, I mean
that's just one example, but it's rooted in something. No,
I'm gonna have to get to the bottom of it.
A good thing. You have a good therapist. I know
(27:00):
Janet am I allowed to say her name. Yes, I
love that you always bring this topic up. You can
say whatever you want about your therapist. Your therapist cannot
say whatever she wants about you, so she can't say
your name, she can't talk about that she loves her
client amy in public or to anybody other than you.
(27:22):
You can say whatever you want, that's your information. Can
say whatever I want. And we're gonna be saying whatever
we want the Saturday at our Lives. Yeah, we are.
I know. I'm very excited in my first week of
forty two years of life on this earth on Saturday,
that will be exactly a week. I will be so
(27:44):
wise because I will be a week end to forty
two older, wiser a lot. We're days away from more
wisdom and I can't wait. Actually, I feel as though
I'm bringing in the experts in the guides. I feel
as though I am I'm a liaison to the guides
because I am brain learning. I'm a bridge from the
(28:06):
audience to the guides on stage, and then I'll be
sharing some stuff and what I've learned, but I'm going
to be leaning into what the experts were saying too.
There was there's a guy today actually that I saw
that's coming to the show. With this other girl, and
you know it's going to be predominantly women, but there's
going to be guys there. And he's like, so what
should I expect? And I have such a hard time
(28:28):
trying to describe it to men because I've no problem
describing it to women because I know for a fact
they're going to walk away impacted in some way or
another Somewhere. It's going to hit them because there's four
amazing women joining me on stage, and people are going
to relate to something that's being said, and they're going
to leave feeling different or wanting to think more about
(28:52):
whatever we've talked about, dig a little deeper, or they're
going to leave like feeling seen and again refreshed and empowered.
But like to him, I have really struggled saying that.
I'm like, so, you know, so do you struggle with
feeling worthy? And you know he may, but I just
was automatically assigning to him because he's a man that
he doesn't struggle with any self worth. I think men
(29:15):
struggle differently, for sure. Whatever men are coming, I have
three men coming. Oh gosh, my dad, my little brother,
he better come. And Patrick. Okay, so make sure they
don't ask me what to but what I think what
is cool? Even if they don't get what some of
the women are coming because they struggle in different ways
with their worthiness. What's really cool is there in a
(29:37):
group of predominantly women listening to a bunch of women
speak and it can give them a perspective of this
is what women go through and this is what women
sometimes feel. And also some respect for the women that
are on the stage, like oh wow, those I feel
weird saying this because I'm gonna be doing it, but
like having some respect for what women can do. Yeah,
(29:58):
you know. So it might just be like it's empowering
them to cheer women on. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Men cheer us on. Please, let's do another quick word
from our sponsors and then we'll be back before we wrap.
(30:23):
What do I call my in laws? Now? You feel
like thinking not this this whole time? What do you
want to call them? I don't know. They can't be
my in laws forever because would have been gets remarried
or I get remarried. It can't be like, oh my
in laws my former in laws. That feels weird. MoMA
and Papa be I think you can call them that. Okay, right,
I know, but they're not my grandparents. That's what the
(30:46):
kids call them. But you know, we actually know what
I'm saying. Help because people could email us. What do
you do? Yeah, well, I'm thinking because Patrick's mom, I'm
just trying to remember what she says. She says Patrick's dad.
She doesn't never say my ex husband. She said Patrick's
dad or calls him his name. So I think you
can say, see my kid's grandparents, okay, or Ben's parents,
(31:08):
Ben's parents, but then who oh, who's been Oh my
ex husband? You know, do I have to be like
my this is my kid's dad's parents, my kid's grandparents.
It reminds me when my dad was dating my sister's
husband's grandma. That was always a ten sister, my sister's
husband's grandmother. Yeah, your dad was dating you. You've told
(31:31):
me this before and this blowing my mind again. Yeah.
The easier way to explain it is to my sister's kids.
Grandpa was dating great grandma on the other side. Obviously
not incestuous like I was about to say incestuously, but
I don't even know if that were incestuous, and said
(31:53):
I was gonna say incestuously. They weren't dating incestuously, but
sometimes we make words up here. I feel like that
could be a word. Okay, yeah, that's pretty wild. I
don't know. Yeah, you should have a call out to
the listeners. What are they? What are we all? Okay,
well we'll see a lot of you on Friday at
the pop up shop for Haiti. People are coming of RSVPD,
which I'm pretty sure it's like at the Max, but hey,
(32:15):
if you want to come, there's no limit. I guess
when we're trying. We're selling a lot of stuff, a
lot of pimp and joy four things. The Shop Forward
sent a lot, a lot, a lot, and it's a
pop up shop for My Life Speaks in Haiti. All
proceeds are going to them and it's just a win
win like fun happy hour flash sales situations. So stuff's
gonna be fifty percent off. I didn't know that. Yeah,
(32:37):
that's amazing. I know in the Shop Forward they have
to like dictate what is like people, and it's just
something like, okay, hey, this is like a one time
fun thing. You've never done anything like this before, so okay,
let's blow it out of the water. So that's what's
happening on Friday, and then Saturday will be the Lives
So Fun weekend. If you're in Nashville and you want
to come, come to the pop up shop if there's
(32:59):
still left. I think there's some to the three PM,
but I feel like those are going to go buy showtime,
So be a full house both shows. Lots of fun.
Can't wait to see y'all. Okay, Cat to Fata. Where
can people find you on Instagram at Kat dot de
fata and at You Need Therapy podcast and I'm at
Radio Amy and you can also go to radio amy
dot com now and a little thing you will pop
(33:20):
up where you can click on it. Like right when
you go to the website, this thing pops up that says,
do you want to enter your email address and be
a part of a newsletter? And you can enter it
or you can exit out if you don't want to.
That's fine. But the newsletter thing hasn't really started yet.
We're still building, building, building, and then bam, it's gonna
(33:41):
start and then it'll be a consistent thing, just like
this podcast is consistent. Every Tuesday, every Thursday. Cat has
nied therapy every Monday, every Wednesday. Consistency is key, and
then newsletters will go out consistently. Just still trying to
figure out what day that's going to be. Is it
going to be weekly or buy weekly? I give you
some feedback, Yes, I think that you should attempt to
(34:03):
do it bi weekly before you just go ahead shron
into week. That's why I have it. That's why I'm
not loading them out yet, because I'm going to be
very prepared, because you like have stuff ready to dish.
It's not just going to be like, oh shoot, what
do I do? Yeah? I love I talked about this
all the time. We talked about it last time. Lisa's
newsletters hers are great. She's a newsletter Queen Lisa Ham
which her podcast is Truthius Life. My cousin Amanda, she's
(34:26):
starting a podcast on the network called Soul Sessions. It's
gonna be amazing. And then Ali Fallon, who's going to
be at the Live on Saturday. She's starting a podcast
called Write Your Story. She texted me the day She's like,
I just met with Donald you know, Don Miller. Did
she call him Donald or don Let me go? And
she was like, we were just talking about it, and
he thinks like a you know, a May June launch
(34:49):
would be great, Like if you know, I think she
sent that all my birth She's like, say this for
another day, because I know you have a lot going on.
It's your birthday. But I talked to Don yesterday and
I'd love to have season one go live in May
or June. Then I'll also have to talk to her
about what does she mean by season one, because we
just roll. Some people do seasons, but we just for
all the time consistent. So thank y'all for those of
(35:12):
you that are here and loyal and listening all the
time and like and subscribe and all the things makes
me think of cryocat. She goes, like and subscribe do
you tell people to do that on you Neni therapy?
I like to do it every once in a a while,
but I don't do it every time because I feel
kind of silly. Oh gosh, you just called yourself silly,
and I just called myself bad, which I'm trying not to.
It's like, right when I said it, now I'm so
(35:33):
aware of the negative words that I'm like, I'm bad
at it. I should say, let me think about it.
This is the problem. It takes too long to think
about how I want to say it positively, and I'm like, oh,
that's something I really need to work on, or that's
something I would like to work on saying like and
subscribe instead of saying I'm really bad at that, and
you just say, oh, so what do I say? I'm
going to work at that. I'm going to work at
(35:54):
being better at that. See the positive words you would say, Wait,
what's yours? Sometimes I feel silly being Okay, I don't know.
I need to work on my confidence with asking people
to I got it. I am gonna own saying like
and subscribe. Oprah does it? She does? Yes, Well, if
(36:16):
Oprah does it, I guess them. And sometimes she's doing
I'm like, why is Oprah doing that? She doesn't have
to do this. People are should have to ask, right,
That's what it is. It's like, oh, I shouldn't have
to ask. I don't want to have to ask. But no,
if Oprah asked, I can ask? Who am I? I mean?
I can't. I am great. I'm just as great as
see me, Rare, I can't remember, you know? She on
(36:36):
her Soul conversations. Do you ever listen to it? Super
Soul Conversations Now I can't think of the little her tagline,
but she does it. And then she also encourages you
to go follow like subscribe all the thing. If you
haven't already, make sure you go. And I'm like, okay, Oprah.
So it's a soothing voice and she says it. Maybe
she like hypnotizes you to go like and subscribe. All right, everybody,
(37:00):
I hope you have the day that you need to
have and go like and subscribe. We'll see you later.
I'll see his Thursday. I'm having doctor Mark Himan on.
I'm sure he's talked Obrah. I think he has. He's
a doctor that's very into like health and wellness that
could be borderline. His is all about inflammation and disease, right,
(37:22):
he's a doctor. But this is where you can get
tricky because we come from an eating disorder background where
I don't want anybody to get tripped up on the
fact that like, oh, you're saying I have to eat
this way and no, he's not saying you have to
eat this way. I haven't even recorded it yet, so
I'm nervous about it though, because it's like my first
interview like this since being in recovery, and I guess
I just don't want to throw anybody for a loop.
(37:45):
But you know, we've talked about that pendulum swinging, and
it's like, Okay, yes, the pendulum can swing, and I
swung all the way over towards like oh. I probably
would never have an interview with him before, especially when
I was in my like I'm just gonna not work
out and eat oreos if I want them, because I
had to go through that season, right, And now that
(38:06):
I'm leveling back out, it's like, oh, and I've been
leveled back out for a while. Now we've been discussed
how like it's cool now to think of blueberries and
avocados and walnuts and think of, wow, these are this
is stuff that's so good for my brain, instead of
thinking like, oh, I need to just eat blueberries and
walnuts because there was weight or all this other stuff
(38:28):
attached to it being this clean food. And now I
feel as though I'm in a place where I can
have him on and I want the information. I was
just in my aunt's funeral. She died of cancer. My
mom died of cancer, my dad cancer. I've got stuff
that runs in my family, which, good gosh, have we
talked about we didn't talk about your gynecologe's appointment, but
(38:49):
we'll just save that. Yeah, we can save that story.
But I want to get for next time because Kat
has a Kat has a health update from her gynecologe.
But do you know what I mean? Like I want
to I want I want information of how to care
for my body. But it doesn't mean that you can't
ever enjoy something else. Although I think he may take
that stance because he's like, hey, look, if you want
(39:10):
to live along like inflammation, hopefully maybe disease free life.
Obviously he can't guarantee that, but his research and science
says this, not that. Yeah, I would definitely recommend recommend
you doing a trigger warning on that okay episode before,
because there's some people that aren't gonna be able to
listen to that okay the way you can you say
(39:32):
the trigger warning in a soft soothing voice for me
right now, Like how should I say, Oh, hi, Hi,
it's amy here. You're about to listen to something that
might be uncomfortable for you depending on where you are.
I don't want to talk like this beforeing on where
you are in your journey, because at one point in
time it would have been uncomfortable for me, and I
(39:53):
recognize that. And what I say about recovery a lot
is is it's not about willpower. It's about making the
easiest it can be for you. And so if you're
in a place where it might trigger you, or it
might be hard for you to listen to that, or
it might bring up old stuff, there's no really need
for you to listen to it. Just pass and then
listen to the next week. So you can give something
(40:15):
like that, And you can also talk to him and
say in the beginning, just so you know, like, this
is my background, so we might weave in some of
that into this conversation. Because not everybody can live and
this only eat this, don't eat that. We can't all
do that, So you can invite that into the conversation
with him. It might be actually really interesting. Okay, thank you, TBD,
thank you, and yeah, well now officially I think we
(40:38):
stood by a couple of times, but for real, for real,
bye bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote, well, actually got two. I'm
going to start with mine, which is, why are we
not frosting the whole pop tart? Already? We have the technology.
I mean I saw that as a meme or something
and I haven't memorized because we do. We have the technology,
(00:25):
and why would we not frost it to the end?
Patrick likes the edges. My boyfriend likes edges. Okay, I
think it's weird. Yeah, I don't want it frosted on
both sides because I get to that point. I like
the crust, but you have a crust on the bottom.
Strawberry pop tart favorite? What's yours? Brown sugar? Oh what?
You don't like it? Strawberry all the way. I still
(00:47):
like strawberry, but brown sugar is like, and you know,
I preferred. There's a percentage of people that put butter
on their pop tart. It's a game changer. Do you
toast yours? You toast it, then you put butter on top.
I don't do that, but I've tried it because people
were raving about it and it's good. Um, I don't
toast my pop tart. But here's another question for you,
(01:09):
pop tart or toaster strudle pop tart. Okay, well, I
think that's an easy answer too. But some people love
their toaster shrudles. No, oh, mom hack, there are some
strudle thing. I know. It was a Pillsbury whatever I
don't know in the freezer that the family didn't like,
like an egg and cheese strudle, toaster things, you know,
and so nobody in the family liked them. So the
(01:32):
mom emptied it out and filled it up with her
favorite things inside. But nobody touches the box she put
her She puts all her treats. And I was like,
she took the eggs out of the pastry and put
something else in it. No, she took that items out
of the box. Okay, I'll where are you going with that?
That's disgusting. No, but it's a genius Yeah, that mom
(01:55):
mart hack. Like, if you have stuff that you love
to eat, if you don't want anybody else to eat it,
put in inside a box that nobody likes. Have you
been doing that? No? But it just seems relevant to
the conversations. Mark, when you brought up a shirtle just
imagining somebody taking a frozen pastry, digging the insides out,
and then putting something else in. Yeah, we're not known.
(02:18):
It's making me think of like weird places that people
hide things like I keep my Social Security car, my
birth certificate, and my passport in the freezer. I feel
like you shouldn't doubt people that it's not a value.
It's not like I'm saying I have ten thousand dollars
in my freezer. Then why do you keep it in
the freezer in case my house burns down? Wait? Would
(02:39):
it be safe? I have no idea. I don't know
if your if your house burns down, your fridge won't burn.
I feel like, of all the places unless I have
a fireproof safe, my freezer's my best bet. It might
not work out the way I'm hoping, but it's worth
a shot. It's better than my cabinet or my drawer
(03:00):
in my room that's for sure going to burn. Yeah,
which I don't even like talking about that out there.
I don't want my my house is going to be
alive forever. I don't want to speak negatively, but oh gosh,
my friend Kristin Lee or her house burnt down. We
were in the second third grade and it was awful.
It was a lamp timer. What and one day they
(03:20):
had a house. Next day they didn't burn to the ground.
What do you mean a lamp timer like the lamp
never went out. Well, from what I remember, maybe the
lamp timer was plugged in and it was like a
This was the nineties, so it was when the timer
ran out, it would turn the light off. But I
think it was plugged into the outlet and caused like
a spark situation and then a fire. I don't know
(03:43):
what is your quote, because I was gonna say, I'm
gonna I'm gonna change the moves. Yeah, actually not really,
but I'm gonna change the made from pop tarts. Okay,
So my quote, I don't know who this person is
Anthony de Mello. Do you know that is no? No, okay,
Well that's who said this, and it is to a
disciple who was forever plaining about others. The Master said,
if it is piece, you want, seek to change yourself,
(04:05):
not other people. It is easier to protect your feet
with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.
Yeah good, that's so good. In fact, like I would
want to take a screenshot of that and as a
reminder for myself. Yeah, oh no, for sure. And if
we want to relate this to the pop Tart quote,
(04:25):
maybe it's easier for you to just get extra icing
and ice the edges of your pop tart and not
try to change pop Tart or Kellogg whoever makes pop tarts. Wow. Yeah,
really deep, really deep. You heard it here. Okay, so
you just had a birthday. Yeah, an interesting birthday. Interesting birthday.
(04:46):
Seriously every single day for the past five days in
my head, well ever since Thursday. So whatever I've been
singing Alanis Morrisett ironic just because the irony of celebrating
my aunt's life on the day that I'm celebrating my birthday.
It's really not that big of a deal. I'm not
that big of a birthday person. So it's fine that
(05:07):
I went to a funeral on my birthday. And you
know what, multiple things can be true at the same time.
We had joy, we had celebration, and we had grief,
and we had sadness. I would say it went in
and out like that real quick. At times it was laughter, tears, smiles, tears,
oh you birthday this Oh no, at least is no
longer here, like it was in and out quickly. But
(05:29):
I loved that. It just showed that we were all
going with the flow and feeling our feelings. And I
was with family and lifelong friends that I have known
since I was born. So it was really cool. Four
of us girls that grew up together because our moms
were friends, but all four of us in the same room.
It has been a very, very, very long time. And
(05:53):
I even post on Instagram like, hey, girls, let's not
wait till the next funeral to hang out. And I
really feel like sometimes weddings funerals, Uh yeah, weddings and
funerals sometimes reunite people. I mean, think of something else.
What is it that could randomly a high school reunion? Yeah,
I can't think of that. Yeah, I was gonna say
(06:13):
a bachelotte party. That's a wedding. Yep, you nailed it.
So anyway, it's like raining on your wedding day. It's
a free ride when you've already paid. Do you know
this song? Yeah, but I'm trying to Okay, it's like
a funeral on your birthday. No, It's like it's like
ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
(06:34):
I don't know that, Larry. That's well, we can add
it's like a it's like trying to celebrate your birthday
when you're trying to celebrate someone else's life. But it
was good. And my cousin surprised me with the cake
at the like reception back at the house, Like we
went from funeral to you know, everybody goes back to
(06:56):
the house and he's out, and I had no idea
where were going to go from the funeral to the house,
and that there was going to be a cake in singing,
and you know, but I rolled with it, did you?
I was going to say, what was it like for
you to have somebody kind of transition and put attention
on you when the day was also celebrating To me, well,
it was it hard to take that. I mean, I
(07:17):
was very grateful that Amanda got the cake and had
organized that, and she gave me a birthday present and
all the things, But you know, she had just been
up at the front of the church giving eulogy about
her mom, so she made space for that, and I
was very thankful. But it's almost as though we were
both making space for each other, and so I was
(07:37):
there to help with whatever, and the fact that she
did that was very special. But I didn't there was
no expectations of it, and I do think it was
a good time for reflection and again stepping into a
new year of how do I want to live my
life and hearing her talk about her mom and what
(07:57):
others had to say. Her mom was a actionist. I
think we've talked about it here on the podcast four
because Amanda's been on the podcast and before her mom
passed away a couple of months ago, she was on it.
We're talking about her mom was very adamant, I better
die pretty, but she had you know, she had cancer,
she's in hospice. It's really hard did I pretty? But
Amanda did her best. I mean she would ice roll
(08:18):
her face because she was so hot, but it felt good.
And I had given her an ice roller when she
was visiting me in December, so she's like, you have
no idea how often I use that on my mom?
And she would pluck her chin hairs because her mom said,
if if I die with the chin hair, I will
come back to haunt you. So you know, it's just
(08:40):
her mom was the sweetest ever, but she just was
very she didn't waste the fancy. You know, she always
loved to have her lip color on. She loved to
iron everything. She loved for everything to have its place.
She loved to eat cereal out of a glass bowl
with a silver spoon and a cloth napkin. I mean
that's how she would eat a raisin. Brain. I was
(09:02):
going to ask if she used like fine china to
eat every meal, but like no paper plates. But I
think I don't know when that started for her. But
her husband died. So Amanda's dad died, Oh my gosh,
over twenty years ago, and so maybe just experiencing that,
I think somewhere around there she like shifted of like, okay,
life is short because his was sudden like hers. We
(09:23):
knew for a very long time. And she just kept
living and living and living and defying all the odds
that doctors were giving her. But her husband was a
sudden heart attack, very out of nowhere. One day fine,
next day gone, And I think that she realized, like, oh,
we have this china, we have these beautiful cloth nupkins.
(09:44):
Why am I going to do that? And Polly, who
has been on the podcast before with Reagan, they have
an Instagram at next Door Life, and they do clothing
and fun things their neighbors and they started a little
business together like that. I don't want to say little.
I'm trying not to say stuff like that because we
don't need to make things little, make things small. But
(10:06):
I think they started out as neighbors that enjoyed fashion,
and then they started posting things and they created an Instagram.
It's actually not little, so I take that back, but
you know what I mean by that. I do that
to myself too. I'm like, oh, I have this little whatever,
I have a little podcast. It's a little So Polly
was on here and she said, don't waste your fancy.
(10:28):
That's how she put it, and said that's how I
would say. At Lisa was and it just reminded me, Okay,
I don't want to waste my fancy. I don't know
them gonna eat, you know, cereal out of a glass
bowl of the cloth napkin. However, I did inherit my
mom's silverware, which is really special and I kind of
just have it away in a box and we use
it at Christmas. So I should probably bust that out.
(10:51):
The only problem is it's not supposed to go when
the dishwashers was to hand wash it, and I just
don't really want to do that. I want to, so
I wasna, I feel like I don't do that a
lot because I don't want to like wash things. However,
this morning I made breakfast with my boyfriend and he
made coffee. My bigger plates are you can't put them
(11:12):
the diwasher or using those, and I have cups and
I have silver ware that matches and goes all together.
And he made my coffee in a normal mug and
I said, which is normal, that's not like out of character.
And I said, you know what, I want to use
the whole set today. So I poured the coffee into
another mug, so then I had a clean two. I
went and got the fancy gold forks and put them
out and I said, you can eat with whatever you want,
(11:33):
but I want to do this because it looks cute
and whiles what I have it like, I don't ever
you why do I Why did I buy it? That's
so funny? You had that egs today today literally this morning,
I mean, because we didn't talk about this. Coffee out
of a little cup that also has a saucer is
next special. There's something very comforting about that to me,
and don't not get to you try it. And you
(11:55):
know there's something too that ant Lisa shared in the
last couple of weeks of her life, and that's been
something I keep thinking about because being able to talk
to someone that is near the end of their life
is pretty It's an amazing experience because you get to
hear what they would have done differently or And there
(12:16):
is something that she told my cousin and I'll get
into that in just a second. That's probably a good
spot to take a break. We're going to start trying
to give heads up when the sponsors are coming, because
I feel as though we wouldn't be able to do
this podcast without them. So I just want to roll
into these spots and then we'll get back in just
a second and I'll share kind of I guess it's
(12:36):
one of her regrets. Okay, all right, So I was
talking to my cousin Amanda about you know, what were
your conversations like with your mom towards the end, and
(12:56):
she said that one of the things her mom said
was I just was never pleased. I know that I
was so hard to please. Does that make sense like
she's such a perfectionist that she she was saying she
wished she didn't spend so much time focusing on being pleased,
because really, at the end of the day, she was
(13:17):
hardly ever pleased. And you know, I say this with love.
I love Danley sin Amanda would even say this about
her mom. But I just share this as a a
maybe an opportunity for you to talk to your parents
or your grandparents or somebody in your life where you
would want to know, like, is there something you've realized
like or had some self awareness that you would have
(13:38):
done differently, or you don't want to wait until you
know it's too late, because I think there's stuff that
both my parents would have done differently. And I remember
my mom just thinking like she didn't really live her
life to her fullest, or you know, do enough. And
I would think that a lot of people feel that
way towards the end. But I thought this one was
(13:59):
so specific and it made me think about how I
can get a little particular about things. I am not
a perfectionist by any means, but I can get particular,
especially with my kids. And an example would be and
this may not seem like it falls into the same category,
but one hundred percent does. So we're at the grocery
store and Stevenson was picking out some flowers for my
(14:22):
mother in law, which now that I'm getting a divorce,
I don't know, do I not call her my mother
in law? Do I call her my ex mother in law?
But I was hanging out with her this weekend and
I stayed with them. Then they were at the funeral too,
and Stevenson got some time with his Mamma Bee and
Papa Bee, and we went to the grocery store separately,
and they have these cute little bouquet flowers at Whole Foods,
and I said, oh, my gosh, you should pick one
(14:44):
out for Mamma Bee. And he picked one out and
it was not the colors I liked. There was, in
my opinion, better colors, but I had just told him
to pick out one, and then I ruined it because
he did. And then I said, oh, maybe you should
get that one up there. And then I stopped myself
(15:06):
and I thought, what am I doing? Why did I
do that? Uh? But that's that's an example of something
that I do. But now I'm starting to realize I
do it, and I was kicking myself at Whole Foods,
and I'm like what And so then I immediately I'm
like no, no, and he's like, oh, you don't like
this one, and I said, oh, I just think those
colors are better. And then I'm like, oh, why did
I do that? Why did I do that? Because he
(15:28):
instantly is a little bit deflated, and I took away
his choice. I took away what he picked out for her.
Why did I do that? Well? Why can you answer?
As I wasn't pleased with the yellow one. I liked
the pink one, okay, And I thought, Mama, you would
like the pink one. But it doesn't matter. She was
gonna like whatever he picked out. It's not about the
(15:49):
color of the flowers. Absolutely, he picked out flowers for her.
So then I try to make a repair on the
spot and I say, you know, Stevenson, I did not
handle that well. I told you that you could be out,
and then I immediately corrected you in a way and
told you about a different one. So I would like
you to go get the one that you want. But
then at that point he's like, no, no, it's fine,
(16:10):
we'll get that one. Like oh, So then we go home.
It's like, I can't even forget about it because we
get out of the car and we go inside and
he's like, we call you flowers. The whole fits, and
then I'm looking at the flowers and I'm still thinking
about it. I don't need to breathe, you know, but
I think too, Like I've seen myself do it with Stashira.
You know, she's fifteen, and sometimes she'll be trying on
(16:31):
clothes and I'll be like, well, you pick out whatever
you want, and I'd be like, oh, not that one,
you know what my mom used to say. My mom
used to say she would say, where wouldever you want,
or like go whatever, get dressed, and I would get
dressed and I would come down and I would say
do you like this? And she'd say, well, my opinion
doesn't matter. I'm not the one wearing it. And you
immediately knew, like you were like, she hates this outfit.
(16:55):
But that was her way of not trying to control
or not trying to care about being pleased. But I'm like,
I know what that means. Well, So as a therapist,
what would you say to me? Like if I was
a client and I came and I was like what
are we supposed to say if we really feel strong?
I mean, I'm assuming it's nothing. Well, it depends on Okay,
(17:17):
it's actually appropriate. No, no, no, this is actually interesting
because I just had a conversation that is really directly
tied to what you're saying. But the first thing I
would say when you were saying that, I think this
is more as your friend than a therapist. But what
I wanted to say is like, oh, Okay, it's good
that you're noticing this, but I want you to like
pull back a little bit because you're being really hard
on yourself, so noticing it's great, but you're going to
(17:39):
notice it more now, and I don't want you to
just keep on being like, oh, why did I do that?
I'm so stupid, Like that's not really helpful for you. However,
on the other side of this, I was having a
conversation with somebody for unique therapy last week and we
were talking about some of her principles of friendship or
philosophies of friendship, and she said one of them was,
(18:00):
and I'm gonna give you the cliffs Notes version and
then people can go listen to you need therapy, but
it's up now. It's gonna be up in two weeks. Okay,
so in two weeks, we'll remind you. But she said
that one of her philosophies is like every selfie, like
any selfie of your friends on Instagram, just like it.
Don't contemplate if you should like it or not. Don't
sit there and be like, oh, do I want them
(18:21):
to think that I'm offraming this? And it really kind
of hit me in the gut because it's kind of
what you're saying when you're like, go pick out an
outfit and you're like, oh, don't pick out that one.
I don't like that one. It's kind of how like
I'm like, be yourself, post whatever you want to Instagram like,
but I want everybody to be authentic. And then I
see a post of my friend and I'm like, oh,
that was too ce yeah, cringe e. And I'm like,
(18:42):
that's not fair, And she said, she said liking a
post on Instagram or telling somebody they look cute. She said,
when you are with your friends, you're like, oh my gosh,
look so cute. That's just how females connect and that's
just like a way we greet people, and we don't
need to start withholding that because liking to selfie is
one of the lowest ways you can affirm somebody like
(19:03):
it's not life changing hanging fruit? Yes, yeah, So why
would I take that away? If it's going to make
somebody feel good? Is it that big of a deal?
If I think it's cringe? E Like, who am I
to be the judge of what's okay to be on
Instagram and what's not? And it like this really hit me.
I was like, I'm guilty of this. I'm so guilty
of this. But it's the same thing if somebody's like,
(19:24):
do you like my outfit? And I'm like, you know
when people and you can also like you can ask
like are you looking for feedback on your outfit? Or
you just like want to feel confident so you want
me to validate you. But you know, most of the
time when somebody's like just wanting you to say I
like it. What about the one time that you were
buying those boots and you had multiple pairs and you
(19:46):
were asking us our opinion, and did it like we
could be yeah, it's good to be like and not
those but you maybe really liked those? Well yes, But
I think the thing about that is. I was very
very directive. So what happens? I two boots and I
didn't know which ones to keep, and I could only
keep one of them and they were very different. Oh wait, no,
(20:08):
this is when I had the ones with the silver
zipper and the one with Yes, they actually are basically
the same. But I asked your opinion. I think my
other friend was over too, and I was asking your opinion,
but I really wanted to. I wanted your feedback. I
was saying, which ones do you like? Why? We talked
about it for a while. But when I'm saying I'm
not just coming to you and be like, oh my gosh,
look my boots. Do you like them? If I'm doing that,
(20:29):
you better say oh, they're so cute, because what does
it matter if you don't. My mom would say, oh,
they're not really my style, but they look like you
so and I would be like, oh, you should have
gotten the pink ones. Nothing yellow. Why'd you get the
pink ones? I know? But when I was talking about
the silver and the gold zipper, You're not I'm saying
which one do you like? You're not. I'm not saying,
(20:52):
look at these boots with a gold zipper and you're
saying you should have got the silver. What if someone
was like, do you like my boyfriend? Well, you know,
I think it depends like that, stuff really depends. But
when you when it's Tashara just being like or like
a friend who just got something they're excited on or about,
or put on an outfit that they think is cute
(21:13):
and they want you to like cheer them on, or
took really cute pictures and wants to post them. Oh,
you're saying cheer on makes me think of yes, cheerleaders,
like we can be. Yeah, That's how I felt with
the girls that I was with this weekend. One in
particular name Jill, who's a therapist as well. She lived
three houses down for me, and we did all kinds
(21:34):
of things together, like well, we loved Pretty Woman when
we were kids. Everybody, well not everybody, but I've told
the story million times how my parents took me to
see that in the movie theater when I was like
way too young and I didn't understand exactly what was happening,
but he covered my eyes. But Jill's parents they let
her watch Pretty Woman too, so we liked it and
we would dress up in heels and skirts, and we'd
(21:59):
walk up and down straight from my house her house.
We just thought we were walking back and forth to
each other's houses. But we were like, you know, welcome
to Hollywood. For the first half of that story, when
you said pretty women, I thought little woman. So I
was imagine you putting like an old like long skirt
(22:20):
on and then like the bun yeah. And then I
as you said the heels, I was like, oh, this
is a different movie and that's a different outfit. Yeah, okay,
sefer Vibe. I have known her for a very very,
very long time, and you know, her mom sort of
raised me too, and she kind of told me another
(22:40):
story too, about how my dad used to put bourbon
in my bottle because I was colloquy or like I
was it a thing. Well in the eighties, I guess,
And I was like, well, this could explain a lot,
you know, I did not need to know this. But
and now my parents aren't here, And honestly, I think
in the eighties, yes, or even decades before, that probably
totally fine. This day and age probably wouldn't fly, no,
(23:02):
not at all. But I don't think it was when
my mom was around. It was when he was in
charge of me, and he was like, this baby will
not calm down. She said, it wasn't too much. Just
a little teeth teettle, little bourbon in the bottle, I'd
be just fine. Don't recommend this, but that's the information
I was given this weekend, also about my dad, but
back to Jill and my dad. She was telling me
(23:25):
about how she's a therapist, but she wants to start
another section of her business where she can still do
her license therapy work, but there couldn't be crossover. She'd
have those clients and then a separate group of clients
because she loves fashion and home decor, and she's like,
I love helping people from the inside out, but I
would like to have another layer of my business where
(23:47):
I kind of help people from the outside in. And
some people just don't know how to put certain things
together and they don't feel confident and they want that
extra help. And she loves especially finding deals, like she's
very thrifty and was a good find, and she thinks
that that could be a whole other section of her
business where it's more of a life coach situation. But
(24:07):
she said she was like talking to her parents about
it and they're like, you know, I don't really know.
And then I said, oh, my gosh, two bad Cliff's
not here, because he would be your biggest cheerleader. And
she was like, oh, yes, he was, like he was
a cheer leader. And that's something I feel as though
last week I sort of said, well this week too,
I staid, he put bourbon in my bottle, and then
(24:28):
last week I kind of said he bailed out on
us as kids, which which you know he did, but
I always tryed to say he was a good dad,
but you know, he had he wasn't good at connecting,
but he had his strengths. He was a cheer leader,
like he loved cheering people on. He wanted to see
people sore. And I love that even though he's no
longer around or my mom's not. But like us, the kids,
(24:49):
all of our parents were friends, and we're sitting around
and we're getting to bring in some of our parents
to the conversation and be like, well, what would Judy
say or this is what Cliff would do, and so
I think she's going to do it, and she was
a little bit hesitant, but I feel like after we
all sat around and talked about it, She's like, Okay, yeah,
I think. I think I'm going to do it, and
I'm so excited for her. So cheering our friends on
(25:12):
sometimes all they need to hear is oh, my gosh,
yeah you should do that. Even if her parents think
it's a terrible idea, I don't know, maybe they should
be like, absolutely, if that's what you want to do,
let's go what's the worst that can happen? Right? And
I think in their mind they're like, oh, the worst
that could happen is and then they start thinking of
all the worst but well and going back to two
(25:32):
like cheering people on in different ways when you said,
what do you say if somebody says do you like
my boyfriend and you don't, Well, there's one camp where
like maybe the boyfriend is abusive or something, and like, yes,
we need to share that. But if you just like
don't like him, what does it hurt if she does?
You know? And the same thing, if that's not a business,
you would start like, what's the worst that can happen?
(25:52):
It doesn't go the way she planned it, and maybe
she has to make some changes or maybe she doesn't
want to do it, But what does that matter? If
it's something she wants to try. Or if I want
to wear this outfit and you're like, I would never
put that together. If I like it, what does it
matter that you don't If I'm enjoying my life wearing that,
you know, yeah, I know, I think to put a
bow on the pleasing conversation is yeah, it's like, why
(26:17):
sometimes are we all so hard to please? And I
don't want to And I'm not saying everybody is like that.
And again I wasn't to at Lisa's level, but I
did a walk away from that weekend knowing that that's
what she shared with Amanda at the end of her
life is like, uh, basically, in a nutshell, I wish
I wasn't so hard to please. And what is it
that she needed to work through and let go of
(26:38):
to release some of that control? And what do I
need to let go of to work through why I
tried to control the flowers? There's something? Yeah, I mean
that's just one example, but it's rooted in something. No,
I'm gonna have to get to the bottom of it.
A good thing. You have a good therapist. I know
(27:00):
Janet am I allowed to say her name. Yes, I
love that you always bring this topic up. You can
say whatever you want about your therapist. Your therapist cannot
say whatever she wants about you, so she can't say
your name, she can't talk about that she loves her
client amy in public or to anybody other than you.
(27:22):
You can say whatever you want, that's your information. Can
say whatever I want. And we're gonna be saying whatever
we want the Saturday at our Lives. Yeah, we are.
I know. I'm very excited in my first week of
forty two years of life on this earth on Saturday,
that will be exactly a week. I will be so
(27:44):
wise because I will be a week end to forty
two older, wiser a lot. We're days away from more
wisdom and I can't wait. Actually, I feel as though
I'm bringing in the experts in the guides. I feel
as though I am I'm a liaison to the guides
because I am brain learning. I'm a bridge from the
(28:06):
audience to the guides on stage, and then I'll be
sharing some stuff and what I've learned, but I'm going
to be leaning into what the experts were saying too.
There was there's a guy today actually that I saw
that's coming to the show. With this other girl, and
you know it's going to be predominantly women, but there's
going to be guys there. And he's like, so what
should I expect? And I have such a hard time
(28:28):
trying to describe it to men because I've no problem
describing it to women because I know for a fact
they're going to walk away impacted in some way or
another Somewhere. It's going to hit them because there's four
amazing women joining me on stage, and people are going
to relate to something that's being said, and they're going
to leave feeling different or wanting to think more about
(28:52):
whatever we've talked about, dig a little deeper, or they're
going to leave like feeling seen and again refreshed and empowered.
But like to him, I have really struggled saying that.
I'm like, so, you know, so do you struggle with
feeling worthy? And you know he may, but I just
was automatically assigning to him because he's a man that
he doesn't struggle with any self worth. I think men
(29:15):
struggle differently, for sure. Whatever men are coming, I have
three men coming. Oh gosh, my dad, my little brother,
he better come. And Patrick. Okay, so make sure they
don't ask me what to but what I think what
is cool? Even if they don't get what some of
the women are coming because they struggle in different ways
with their worthiness. What's really cool is there in a
(29:37):
group of predominantly women listening to a bunch of women
speak and it can give them a perspective of this
is what women go through and this is what women
sometimes feel. And also some respect for the women that
are on the stage, like oh wow, those I feel
weird saying this because I'm gonna be doing it, but
like having some respect for what women can do. Yeah,
(29:58):
you know. So it might just be like it's empowering
them to cheer women on. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Men cheer us on. Please, let's do another quick word
from our sponsors and then we'll be back before we wrap.
(30:23):
What do I call my in laws? Now? You feel
like thinking not this this whole time? What do you
want to call them? I don't know. They can't be
my in laws forever because would have been gets remarried
or I get remarried. It can't be like, oh my
in laws my former in laws. That feels weird. MoMA
and Papa be I think you can call them that. Okay, right,
I know, but they're not my grandparents. That's what the
(30:46):
kids call them. But you know, we actually know what
I'm saying. Help because people could email us. What do
you do? Yeah, well, I'm thinking because Patrick's mom, I'm
just trying to remember what she says. She says Patrick's dad.
She doesn't never say my ex husband. She said Patrick's
dad or calls him his name. So I think you
can say, see my kid's grandparents, okay, or Ben's parents,
(31:08):
Ben's parents, but then who oh, who's been Oh my
ex husband? You know, do I have to be like
my this is my kid's dad's parents, my kid's grandparents.
It reminds me when my dad was dating my sister's
husband's grandma. That was always a ten sister, my sister's
husband's grandmother. Yeah, your dad was dating you. You've told
(31:31):
me this before and this blowing my mind again. Yeah.
The easier way to explain it is to my sister's kids.
Grandpa was dating great grandma on the other side. Obviously
not incestuous like I was about to say incestuously, but
I don't even know if that were incestuous, and said
(31:53):
I was gonna say incestuously. They weren't dating incestuously, but
sometimes we make words up here. I feel like that
could be a word. Okay, yeah, that's pretty wild. I
don't know. Yeah, you should have a call out to
the listeners. What are they? What are we all? Okay,
well we'll see a lot of you on Friday at
the pop up shop for Haiti. People are coming of RSVPD,
which I'm pretty sure it's like at the Max, but hey,
(32:15):
if you want to come, there's no limit. I guess
when we're trying. We're selling a lot of stuff, a
lot of pimp and joy four things. The Shop Forward
sent a lot, a lot, a lot, and it's a
pop up shop for My Life Speaks in Haiti. All
proceeds are going to them and it's just a win
win like fun happy hour flash sales situations. So stuff's
gonna be fifty percent off. I didn't know that. Yeah,
(32:37):
that's amazing. I know in the Shop Forward they have
to like dictate what is like people, and it's just
something like, okay, hey, this is like a one time
fun thing. You've never done anything like this before, so okay,
let's blow it out of the water. So that's what's
happening on Friday, and then Saturday will be the Lives
So Fun weekend. If you're in Nashville and you want
to come, come to the pop up shop if there's
(32:59):
still left. I think there's some to the three PM,
but I feel like those are going to go buy showtime,
So be a full house both shows. Lots of fun.
Can't wait to see y'all. Okay, Cat to Fata. Where
can people find you on Instagram at Kat dot de
fata and at You Need Therapy podcast and I'm at
Radio Amy and you can also go to radio amy
dot com now and a little thing you will pop
(33:20):
up where you can click on it. Like right when
you go to the website, this thing pops up that says,
do you want to enter your email address and be
a part of a newsletter? And you can enter it
or you can exit out if you don't want to.
That's fine. But the newsletter thing hasn't really started yet.
We're still building, building, building, and then bam, it's gonna
(33:41):
start and then it'll be a consistent thing, just like
this podcast is consistent. Every Tuesday, every Thursday. Cat has
nied therapy every Monday, every Wednesday. Consistency is key, and
then newsletters will go out consistently. Just still trying to
figure out what day that's going to be. Is it
going to be weekly or buy weekly? I give you
some feedback, Yes, I think that you should attempt to
(34:03):
do it bi weekly before you just go ahead shron
into week. That's why I have it. That's why I'm
not loading them out yet, because I'm going to be
very prepared, because you like have stuff ready to dish.
It's not just going to be like, oh shoot, what
do I do? Yeah? I love I talked about this
all the time. We talked about it last time. Lisa's
newsletters hers are great. She's a newsletter Queen Lisa Ham
which her podcast is Truthius Life. My cousin Amanda, she's
(34:26):
starting a podcast on the network called Soul Sessions. It's
gonna be amazing. And then Ali Fallon, who's going to
be at the Live on Saturday. She's starting a podcast
called Write Your Story. She texted me the day She's like,
I just met with Donald you know, Don Miller. Did
she call him Donald or don Let me go? And
she was like, we were just talking about it, and
he thinks like a you know, a May June launch
(34:49):
would be great, Like if you know, I think she
sent that all my birth She's like, say this for
another day, because I know you have a lot going on.
It's your birthday. But I talked to Don yesterday and
I'd love to have season one go live in May
or June. Then I'll also have to talk to her
about what does she mean by season one, because we
just roll. Some people do seasons, but we just for
all the time consistent. So thank y'all for those of
(35:12):
you that are here and loyal and listening all the
time and like and subscribe and all the things makes
me think of cryocat. She goes, like and subscribe do
you tell people to do that on you Neni therapy?
I like to do it every once in a a while,
but I don't do it every time because I feel
kind of silly. Oh gosh, you just called yourself silly,
and I just called myself bad, which I'm trying not to.
It's like, right when I said it, now I'm so
(35:33):
aware of the negative words that I'm like, I'm bad
at it. I should say, let me think about it.
This is the problem. It takes too long to think
about how I want to say it positively, and I'm like, oh,
that's something I really need to work on, or that's
something I would like to work on saying like and
subscribe instead of saying I'm really bad at that, and
you just say, oh, so what do I say? I'm
going to work at that. I'm going to work at
(35:54):
being better at that. See the positive words you would say, Wait,
what's yours? Sometimes I feel silly being Okay, I don't know.
I need to work on my confidence with asking people
to I got it. I am gonna own saying like
and subscribe. Oprah does it? She does? Yes, Well, if
(36:16):
Oprah does it, I guess them. And sometimes she's doing
I'm like, why is Oprah doing that? She doesn't have
to do this. People are should have to ask, right,
That's what it is. It's like, oh, I shouldn't have
to ask. I don't want to have to ask. But no,
if Oprah asked, I can ask? Who am I? I mean?
I can't. I am great. I'm just as great as
see me, Rare, I can't remember, you know? She on
(36:36):
her Soul conversations. Do you ever listen to it? Super
Soul Conversations Now I can't think of the little her tagline,
but she does it. And then she also encourages you
to go follow like subscribe all the thing. If you
haven't already, make sure you go. And I'm like, okay, Oprah.
So it's a soothing voice and she says it. Maybe
she like hypnotizes you to go like and subscribe. All right, everybody,
(37:00):
I hope you have the day that you need to
have and go like and subscribe. We'll see you later.
I'll see his Thursday. I'm having doctor Mark Himan on.
I'm sure he's talked Obrah. I think he has. He's
a doctor that's very into like health and wellness that
could be borderline. His is all about inflammation and disease, right,
(37:22):
he's a doctor. But this is where you can get
tricky because we come from an eating disorder background where
I don't want anybody to get tripped up on the
fact that like, oh, you're saying I have to eat
this way and no, he's not saying you have to
eat this way. I haven't even recorded it yet, so
I'm nervous about it though, because it's like my first
interview like this since being in recovery, and I guess
I just don't want to throw anybody for a loop.
(37:45):
But you know, we've talked about that pendulum swinging, and
it's like, Okay, yes, the pendulum can swing, and I
swung all the way over towards like oh. I probably
would never have an interview with him before, especially when
I was in my like I'm just gonna not work
out and eat oreos if I want them, because I
had to go through that season, right, And now that
(38:06):
I'm leveling back out, it's like, oh, and I've been
leveled back out for a while. Now we've been discussed
how like it's cool now to think of blueberries and
avocados and walnuts and think of, wow, these are this
is stuff that's so good for my brain, instead of
thinking like, oh, I need to just eat blueberries and
walnuts because there was weight or all this other stuff
(38:28):
attached to it being this clean food. And now I
feel as though I'm in a place where I can
have him on and I want the information. I was
just in my aunt's funeral. She died of cancer. My
mom died of cancer, my dad cancer. I've got stuff
that runs in my family, which, good gosh, have we
talked about we didn't talk about your gynecologe's appointment, but
(38:49):
we'll just save that. Yeah, we can save that story.
But I want to get for next time because Kat
has a Kat has a health update from her gynecologe.
But do you know what I mean? Like I want
to I want I want information of how to care
for my body. But it doesn't mean that you can't
ever enjoy something else. Although I think he may take
that stance because he's like, hey, look, if you want
(39:10):
to live along like inflammation, hopefully maybe disease free life.
Obviously he can't guarantee that, but his research and science
says this, not that. Yeah, I would definitely recommend recommend
you doing a trigger warning on that okay episode before,
because there's some people that aren't gonna be able to
listen to that okay the way you can you say
(39:32):
the trigger warning in a soft soothing voice for me
right now, Like how should I say, Oh, hi, Hi,
it's amy here. You're about to listen to something that
might be uncomfortable for you depending on where you are.
I don't want to talk like this beforeing on where
you are in your journey, because at one point in
time it would have been uncomfortable for me, and I
(39:53):
recognize that. And what I say about recovery a lot
is is it's not about willpower. It's about making the
easiest it can be for you. And so if you're
in a place where it might trigger you, or it
might be hard for you to listen to that, or
it might bring up old stuff, there's no really need
for you to listen to it. Just pass and then
listen to the next week. So you can give something
(40:15):
like that, And you can also talk to him and
say in the beginning, just so you know, like, this
is my background, so we might weave in some of
that into this conversation. Because not everybody can live and
this only eat this, don't eat that. We can't all
do that, So you can invite that into the conversation
with him. It might be actually really interesting. Okay, thank you, TBD,
thank you, and yeah, well now officially I think we
(40:38):
stood by a couple of times, but for real, for real,
bye bye,
4 Things with Amy Brown News
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