June 23, 2026 • 52 mins
Amy's feeling eager, Kat's feeling refreshed, and they’re getting into all the things! First up: the three traits that make someone instantly likeable (hint: it's not just being nice). Then, how does Maternal Instinct compare to Love Trapped?? Amy shares sneaky ways toxic people test if they still have access to you after they've hurt you, without ever actually apologizing, plus what to do about it. And finally, describing your ex as a store. Some of these are “afterdark”...you've been warned.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons May
and Cat, gotcha, Cob and locking no brother, ladies and bolts,
you just.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Follow an the spirit where it's on the front.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Over real stuff to the chaill stuff and am but Swayne.
Sometimes the best thing you can do it just stop
you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is feeling things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday,
Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy, I'm Cat, and I
am feeling eager. I am so eager for our trip
next week. We're going to Canyon Ranch and I am
just counting down the days. I know you normally get
really excited for things on the calendar. I don't really
do that as much. Like you love trips, Like you
(00:49):
just got back from a trip and you're going on
this souther trip. You're like, yeah, this sounds fun, let's
do it. I'd be like, oh, I just got back
from a trip. I need to not do anything for
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Oh. I know. When we were flying back from our trip,
I said to Patrick, I said, in one week, I'll
be on another plane. How do you feel about that?
And he was like, what, It's like, Yeah, I'm going
on another vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Wait, he didn't know you were going.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
He knew, but I don't think he realized how fast
it was. I was like, I have to get these
things in before the baby.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah. So eager is my feeling of the day, and
it's just exciting. Oh so that's another feeling pumped. Amped.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Well, I'm glad that you can get I've never heard
you say that you were amped before, but that makes
me happy that you are allowing yourself to feel excited
about this if you normally don't.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Like I think it's going to be good. I'm excited
to read. I was trying to figure out my book
for pull Side.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, well, are you going to bring more than one book?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
No, it's just one? Okay, what if I finish it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
What if you finish it, I'll.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Find a big one. Wait. So on your last trip,
you took My Happy Place, My Emily Henry Happy Place book.
Did you read it?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I believe I got to page seventy four or something, okay,
which is a big dealer.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
That's better than you did with THEO of Golden.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
That THEO of Golden I think on vacation I got
to page twelve. Okay. I can't speak for THEO of
Golden because no, I have not finished it yet. I
believe it's probably a very good book. It is not
a beach.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Read right, so Happy Places.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
It's very easy. I can like be in two places,
so I don't have to pay attention as much. I
can put it down, pick it up. You don't have
to THEO of Golden. You have to be in the
zone right to be in the story. Happy Place. It's
just you can. You could read it while you're walking
almost you know people do that. I've seen people on
walking trails reading a kindle.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Wow, that would be so nervous that I was gonna
It's like run into something that's true. That is the
same thing I think.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
So thank you for that book. I'm going to bring
that one with me because I don't believe i'll probably
finish it. I have read it.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Best save it for the trip. If anybody has any
good recommendation, j'all can send on my way. Hey, they're
at Feeling Things podcasts dot com. Just put book recommendation
so I can nail down the perfect book. Maybe maybe
I find one that's based in Arizona because we're going
to be in Tucson.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Well, you already read Four Winds, didn't you.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Okay, well that's in Arizona, though I don't might have
to go through Arizona to get to where they're Yeah,
I think I guess Arizona. It goes Tech Texas to California.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You have to go through Arizona. That's what I was thinking. Yeah,
they were in Arizona for a bit.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Didn't They pass through Arizona on their.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Way, So it's basically about Arizona.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
It was like the dust bowl and Arizona is dusty,
yeah and hot? Yeah. Yeah. Four Winds people, some people
did not like that book at all. I posted about
my Kristin Hannah books the other day and someone was like, ugh,
all of them except for Four Wins, And I'm like, whoa.
I really liked Four Winds. But it's just like you, like,
people obsessed with theo of Golden and you're like, I
couldn't get into it.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Okay, I'm still going to finish that book. I'm not
saying it's not good. I bet if I listened to it,
I would have been obsessed with it.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Okay, So what's your feeling of the day.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Well, I'm feeling refreshed because I just got back from vacation.
I'm about to go on another one.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
But you're to be fair, you're still working, like we're
actually working extra this week to get in our work,
and we worked extra before you left to get that done.
And then so what are your therapy patients doing?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
They're just being patient being patient patients before I left,
and then this week I have more clients packed in,
so then I could take off the other days, if
that makes any sense. So, yeah, I am still working,
but I've never taken two vacations in the same month before.
This is a new me. I like this version, yeah
(04:43):
and not.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I was thinking the other day how excited you must
be for the baby to come, because remember how excited
you were for your wedding, and then after your wedding
you got so sad because you had nothing to look
forward to. And I was like, oh, no, after Kat
has the baby, is she gonna be like, oh sad again? Okay,
it's like there, but you don't have birth to look
forward to.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Well, who said did anybody look forward to the birth?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I don't know. I'm sure there are some people I'm
getting Are you saying if you're doing this medicated or unmedicated.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
They'll be medication.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Okay, have you seen the influencers lately that are like
posting these entire documentaries or their unmedicated birth.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I don't want to watch that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, that went by documentary. I mean like five reels
in a row about each step of their unmedicatedurn.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Do whatever you want to do, I'm I. So this
is a personal journey for everybody, and for people that
want to do like a home birth or this or that,
or unmedicated or the water birth, that is great. I
am not one of those people, and I am going
to utilize every piece of modern medicine that we have.
(05:50):
I am actually really terrified of childbirth. I had a
little bit of a moment the other day just I
know I can do it, and I know after over,
I'll probably be like, that was the coolest thing ever.
And it's something I've never done before, and there are
so many unknowns and there's so many things that can happen,
and it's nobody can describe to you. They can describe it,
(06:13):
but you're not going to really understand it until you
do it. So yeah, I'll be I'll be taken the epidural.
We'll have that I'm afraid of that needle though. Have
you seen how big it is?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, but then in a matter of moments, you're not
gonna be able to even feel anything. But yeah, don't look.
Just close your eyes.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I don't think you can look, because I think it
can you, I know, but.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Like when they're preparing it or walking in, just close
be like, I don't want to see the needle. I
don't want to see the needle. Yeah, close your eyes.
That's what I have to do with the little one
that they even put in your arm. When I'm getting
like blood drawn, I'm like, I don't want to see.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, that's true. So yeah, well it'll be fine, it'll
be great, it'll be wonderful. But I will say I'm
not I'm looking forward to what comes from the birth.
I'm not looking forward to that process, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
But you're feeling refreshed, that's your feeling. I'm feeling from
your trip. I'm feeling scared. Sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I need to think about it because I need to
be realistic about it. But yeah, I'm feeling very refreshed.
We went somewhere I have never been before, to Cape Cod.
I don't know that we'll ever go back, not because
we didn't love it, but it was a kind of
a trek to get there. It was exactly what I needed.
I wanted it to be not hot but not cold.
I wanted to be on the beach. I wanted to
(07:26):
read seventy four pages of a book and relax. And
it was wonderful. The food was the food good, the food. Yes,
every day since I've had this one ice cream sandwich,
I've been thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
So I saw you post that what was so special
about this ice cream sandwich?
Speaker 2 (07:44):
It was just really good. I don't know, I don't know.
It was just so in.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
The a cookie, chocolate chip cookie, chocolate chip cookie dough
inside of like ice cream in it, and the cookie
was like soft it was it felt like it was
like freshly baked.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Probably wasn't, but felt that way. It was so good.
All the food was amazing. We went to one restaurant.
We went twice because it was so good, sushi restaurant.
Of all places, I don't even really like sushi that much,
So highly recommend Chatham, Massachusetts.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
That's what specifically rare Chatham, Chatham. So where'd you fly?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Flew to Boston drove there, and I think a lot
of people when they go to the Cape, they'll like
visit different the different towns because they're all kind of
close together, or they'll take a ferry to Martha's Vineyard
or Nantucket. We didn't do any of that because I
just wanted to, like lay. I didn't want to because
you know, exploring you have like walk your sight seeing.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Cat from my kitchen into the podcast room. She's like
out of breath.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
She's like, okay, yeah, it hit me out of nowhere.
This like my waddling. I feel like I'm walking different
and just getting If I talk too much, I get
out of breath. So I just wanted to lay. So
I did that. Highly recommend we said it Chatham bars In.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
It was so cute, so cute. Yeah, definitely made me
want to go. I've had we well. When I I
had a boyfriend. Last summer, we went on a trip
to where'd we go? Cayman's the Cayman Islands as like
our We took our kids like a little joint family
trip and Nantucket was on our list of things to do.
(09:24):
If we didn't do that, that was a but I
mean I have done other than Boston. I haven't spent
much time in any of the like Martha's Vineyard, never
done that Cape Cod. Like I didn't even know when
you said you were going to Cape Cod. I had
to look up where it was. Well, I think a
lot of people think it's in Maine. It's it's in Massachusetts.
(09:44):
It's confusing, especially if you we don't live up there.
It's not like our normal vacation. So yeah, the more
you know, well I still have So I still have
that Nantucket or Martha's Mill. That's spent on my list
ever since we were considering it, I think, and then
I was sold after I saw you post the ice
cream sandwich. Do you remember exactly where you got it?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah, it was called Buffy's ice Cream. Okay, that place
was hoppin' every night Buffies. Yes, it must be like
the place to go in Chatham because there was a
line down the sidewalk every night, and we weren't even
like June is not their season because it's still kind
of chilly, so imagine in July it's even crazier. I
(10:27):
recommend June if you don't want to sweat.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
So I know we talked about what you read on vacation.
I also know you watched Maternal Instincts because well I
had watched it, and then you watched on your trip,
which I was like, oh, what an interesting way to
spend time on your vacation with you and your husband
in your cute little hotel.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
We okay, so we just listened to what is the
podcast about Love Trapped? Me and Patrick just finished that.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Okay, I went to the Gayly Well, I don't know.
I feel like a lot of people are still learning
about Love Trapped. I am listening to that one episode
every two weeks because that's what I listened to at
my LASH appointments with Amy behind and so we are
so desperate to finish this, but we both don't want
to cheat on each other because Amy's into it, I'm
(11:18):
into it, and it's like it's like our thing, and
so she's like, okay, She'll send me a screenshot at
the end of every appointment. She's like, this is where
we left off. And so I am taking that one
every two weeks and I get to listen to it
this week with her because I have an appointment.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
But do you know what episode you're on?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, like the end of three or four oh, how
many are there's twelve? Oh my gosh, wait what okay,
I thought there was Probably you've got a six.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
You guys have got to find a different rhythms.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Have to listen to it on we're talking a little
little of the fest.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Or maybe you guys listen to one episode together when
you're and then you listen to one episode while you wait,
okay to see each other. That can be fair forever.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I know it's it's going to be Christmas before I'm done.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
What is crazy that podcast is when you first start
listening to it, You're like, I mean, that's why I
would think it would only be a couple episodes, Like
how far could this really got?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Ohka, wait, so it's gonna get?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It can crazy? Okay?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Because when I posted about Maternal Instinct, someone sent me
a message. They're like, oh my gosh, I just finished
Love Trap like these two ladies, And I was like,
I wouldn't even put these people in the same category.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Well, I actually wouldn't either, because to.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Me, she hasn't I'm not to anything. I mean, of course,
what she's doing to trap him is a little crazy,
but I'm not to like super duper duper unhinged.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Yeah, oh no, you'll get there. She is super duper
duper unhinged. There has to be like some stuff going
on with her that we just don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
What's the mental I know you can't diagnose them, but
as a therapist, like, I guess, I don't know what's
going on with these it they live in fantasy or
are they delusional or what's the.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I don't know. I think, I think. I don't want
to give anything away, but towards the end there are
some there's some speculation of like diagnoses she's had, and
I think she admits to certain things.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Sorry, love Trapped on Love Trapped.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Sorry, but the reason I brought up Love Trapped even
is because Patrick saw a ad for maternal Instincts and
was like, oh my gosh, we should watch this. It
seems similar. So we watch it and not the same vibe,
not the same vibe like.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
No, yeah, I mean some of some like lying and deception.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
But how you will feel oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
like what listening to Love Trapped, it's like, oh my gosh,
this is crazy, or like can't believe that happened, or
you know, some of it's a little funny. Or some
of it. Yeah, after watching Maternal Instinct, I was literally catatonic,
could not speak for about ten to fifteen minutes because
(13:56):
I didn't like, how do you it's disturbing. Yeah, and
you had a similar reaction because I saw you posted
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Well yeah, and then I was like, okay, I'm hungry,
and then like now suddenly I don't have an appetite.
Like the more I thought about it, like I didn't
want to eat, Like it was a it was a weird.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
And I will give a what's still called it rating? No,
like a trigger warning or a what's it calling you? Yeah,
just don't watch you.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I know you're pregnant. I mean we've said on the
Bobby Bone Show, like the preview has her getting pulled
over and she's got a baby, and then they're like,
that's not your blood, that's not you know, So that
part is out there that there's obviously something weird going on.
I will say I told Bobby to watch it with
his wife, and I wasn't thinking about how like she's
(14:48):
very posted like newly postpartum. The baby's three months old,
so it wasn't for her. She wasn't did she watch it?
I don't know if she finished it because she I
think she said, I can't keep watching this. But Bobby said, oh,
do you think that Caleb will like it? And I
was like, yeah, she'll like it. Like I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Thinking baby, she probably would have been maybe.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
It wouldn't have impacted her the same way. I mean,
I think it's impacting everybody, Like everyone's like, what in
the world. And then also I'm like, Wade, Wade, my
what Wade, poor Wade.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
No, I don't feel that way. You don't feel well, Okay,
I don't know his history, where he comes from, what
he's dealing with, but I just felt like there is
some signs that were pointing for him to maybe do
his due diligence and make sure she.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Was I just don't think he was as into it
as into her maybe as she so he was fine
with like, and there's probably a little bit of denial.
Yeah there, you know, I get what you're saying, and
we don't want to give anything away in case someone's
just not watching it. But that that is definitely, for me,
the craziest true crime thing I've ever Oh.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I've there is nothing I can there's no crime, no
podcast no, anything that I have listened to that has
made me feel that way. It is a one of
a kind. That's a one of a kind situation. Surely, hopefully,
I know.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I just feel bad that you were on vacation and
then you wait that moment.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Patrick were like, why did we watch? That? Kind of
ruined the night? Like, no, we actually we left. We
left the beach a little early so we could go
finish it because we had tried to watch it the
two nights before, but I kept falling asleep like seven
minutes in and then like twelve minutes in, So I
was like, why don't we go in early and watch
(16:49):
this before we go to dinner? So I wasted beach
time to watch this not knowing, and then we had
to go eat after. Oh gosh, yeah, so uh crazy.
And again, if you guys are you haven't watched it
and you don't know what happens, just be careful. I
(17:11):
don't want to say too much.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Again, yeah, I think we've painted a good picture of
like that. It's it's heavy. It's almost like you want
to recommend it. I felt the same way of like,
oh you want to recommend and say yes, watch it,
but and then also you want to be like, but don't.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
But why you know what? Patrick made this comment and
I was like, we are a sick community of people
because I was just distraught, and he said, well, that's
what makes it a good documentary is that you just
really had no idea what was going to happen, and
it's making you feel something. And I said, for a movie.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Sure, but this isn't victions, this is this isn't really
why I have this dissonance within myself where it's like
I love documentaries.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I love them, I love and I I don't mind
true crime stuff like I enjoy that, but also I'm
getting entertainment out of watching these, Like it's the same
thing with was it Jeffrey Dahmer, where people were like,
we're like glorifying this serial killer and that's what he wanted.
And so I don't know that that's what this person
(18:19):
wanted to be. I don't. I don't think she wanted
to be famous per se. But it is a weird
feeling of yes, we want to recommend this documentary because
it was so shocking and good and its own way
the way it was made, but also we're recommending to
perpetuate this story that in some regards, doesn't deserve to
(18:41):
be retold.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, there are other people in the story though, where
it might have been healing for them to put their
side out there. Of what because there are multiple victims
in the that story, and some of them got to
be highlighted of like how amazing they were and it's
tragic they were part of this situation.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
That is fair. That's a good way.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
And for me, I have my guard up with like
anybody knew that you kind of meet just like what.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, you just well the most charismatic.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I don't want to live that way of being suspicious. Suspicious, yes,
of everyone, because I don't think that everyone has whatever
she has going on, but gosh.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah, but how do you know? But I think also
there are some you get some glimmers of people who
did see the red flags and listen to their gut.
And so that's a good I mean, we can listen
to our gut. It's not like this is just gonna
happen to us. Willy Nelly, Well, there'll be signs. We
just have to listen to them.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, And it sounds like some of the people, like
you said, they were featured in the documentary that had
a gut feeling and then set a boundary and then
held a boundary.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, let that be an example for us all.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Well, unrelated to this, but also might be like a
good segue into toxic people, because that's definitely I guess
she would fall into more of an extreme toxic case.
But some of these people that she was friends with,
they had this weird feeling about her and they had
to set a boundary. And so I came across this
(20:31):
list of ways toxic people check in to see if
you will still let them in, like if they still
have space. Like when someone who's hurt you and you've
tried to set a boundary, they may reach out without
owning to what they did. Now, this isn't if they
apologized and y'all made amends anything like that. It's rarely
about reconnecting. Sometimes they just want to see if they
(20:52):
can still take up space in your life. So the
first way is a random thinking of you. You text
like a breezy, no context message, like they never caused
any damage at all, no apology, just checking the vibe,
seeing how things are going.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
It's like something happened and then we didn't resolve it,
and then they's like thinking of you, like being sweet,
and it makes you question, like, wait, was I being
dramatic because they're really nice. Look how nice they're being.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
They're checking in. Yeah, nostalgia bait, bringing up a fond
memory to pull you back to the good old days,
conveniently skipping the part where things fell apart with you all.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I feel like that would get me I fun together. Yeah,
well it's an old story, or yeah, a picture if
somebody sends me an old picture of a really good memory.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Talk at the old heartstrings, I know, reaching out through
other people, liking old photos, asking mutual friends how you're doing,
leaving a vague comment. They're using the grape vine to
gauge what or you're still upset. So yeah, like on Instagram,
maybe trying to connect that way or then through somebody else.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
I wonder does that include, like it says, asking mutual
friends how you're doing, like hanging out with your mutual
friends and just like making yourself like inserting yourself.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I would think so the half apology a vague sorry
if I hurt you. That sounds reflective but stops short
of real accountability.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Sorry that you felt that way.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Isn't that like the worst thing you can say to somebody,
I mean, apology related.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yeah, it just should be sorry period.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah no sorry, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
The sorry if I But sometimes sometimes it there's a
way to be genuine about saying that. Like it's one
thing if you're like, I didn't mean it that way,
but sorry, if you took it that way like that
is okay. You don't need to say it with less
words and it would be way more helpful. But there
(22:58):
are sometimes I feel like when people say I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I made you feel that way, like that
can fit, I think, right.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah, I think it depends on the context.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
And the tone versus sorry you took it that way.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Poking at old wounds, bringing up sensitive topics innocently, or
saying something borderline disrespectful to see if you still push
back or let it slide.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
That just sounds like I would make things worse.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Well I know, but if you kind of I don't know.
Does this type of toxic person want pushback because they
want that engagement with you engagement or if you let
it slide, do they think like, oh I can get
by treating you this way?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Which some of this could be a friendship that you
had to put a boundary on, or unhealthy romantic type
relationship for someone trying to weasel their way back in
and see where they could poke you. And lastly, fake
sweet check ins, been thinking about you? You okay? Question mark.
It feels caring, but it's often just fishing to see
(24:10):
if you still have feelings for them without doing any
real repair work.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah. That reminds me of the just thinking of you
text where it makes you think of oh they're being kind,
yeah you okay?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Checking in?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
That's so sweet, But then they actually never maybe apologize
or acknowledge what they did. You can be like, yeah,
I'm okay, I'm still thinking about that mean thing you
did to me.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
You know, there's still someone that sent me a message,
and now this would be on the more romantic side
of things, not a friendship. But I still have not
responded to somebody. And it's not that they did anything wrong,
but we did end on a little bit of a
shady There was some shady business going on, and then
we then I started dating somebody else for a long
(24:55):
long time, and then the minute they got when that
I broke up with that other person, I.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Got a Hey literally the minute.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Yeah, Hey, just saw that and I was like, oh
and I I really it was really hard for me
not to reply, not because I was interested, but just
because I didn't want to be rude, and also I
wanted to set the boundary of like, no, I kind
of realized like how we were and that was not cool.
So we're good.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yeah, I wouldn't. I don't know that I would use
a word as strong as toxic.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
No no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
But I would say the dynamic that was within him
and you was not what you wanted. No, And so
he does kind of fall into like that. That message
that he sent did kind of fall into some of
this was just poking, okay, like will you respond?
Speaker 1 (25:50):
But also what's crazy about that is sometimes people will
give themselves away. Because he literally said in the message,
that's not why I'm reaching out, but it was obviously
why he is reaching out.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
It's like, I heard you guys broke up, Not that
that's why I'm messaging you, but is it true if
you want to go out and get a drink, like,
is exactly why you're messaging? So he but that person also,
I hope you don't mind me saying but he also
kind of poked a couple times while you were dating,
just to I think he was trying to see if
(26:22):
you guys were still dating and you didn't take the bait.
So healthy, I.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Try to be, but not always perfect at it. But
all these are hard, especially if you have a relationship
where if it's a toxic relationship anyway, there's been unhealthy
patterns probably between both of you, and you might not
you might not see it, or if you're starting the
veil is starting to lift, and then you do, and
then implementing some of these things or sorry, recognizing some
(26:51):
of these things they might be doing is difficult at first,
but once you see it, you might not be able
to unsee it, and then you have to hold your boundary.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, I think that it would be harder for you
to hold this boundary if you had certain feelings for
that person. So yeah, it's easy for us to talk
about this kind of stuff, and it's easy in hindsight
to talk about these things, but when you're in a situation,
whether it's a friend or romantic partner, especially I think
a friend, when you especially if you have a long
(27:20):
relationship with that friend and you don't want to give
up on that friend. It's hard to acknowledge that this
is what they're doing, and I have to cut the
cord kind of, I have to stop playing this game
because yeah, there's history there and it's not as it's
not as easy as like they're toxic. It's like, well,
this person has been with me through a lot of life.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, well, I think the big takeaway from the list
is that they're not actually wondering if you're okay, and
sometimes that's hard to accept, Like they're wondering if they're
still welcome in your life or if you're over them yet,
and if there's a way, And then if you respond
warmly or neutrallly, that can signal to them that they
(28:02):
still have access. If you hold firm and ignore them,
they could escalate things, so warning with that, but they
also could back off and then just go away, which
has worked for me.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So for now. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
So some tips on what to do if you're in
this situation. Be wise to their tactics. Initiate a hard
conversation if one needs to be had, set boundaries, don't
respond at all, don't respond with much detail, limit how
vulnerable you are with them, Stay true to your character,
don't take the bait and get offended, walk away, and
(28:36):
finally pray for their maturity and growth. That could you
send that message pray for you, praying for your maturity
and growth.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Phenomas say they messedge you and they say, I've been
thinking about you. Are you okay? Yeah, I've just been
praying for your maturity and growth. I don't recommend you
doing that, but you could.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Well, I mean you could do that quietly in your
have to help them. Yeah, I'm praying for you. My
friend's going through something difficult with a toxic person, more
of a business relationship situation, and she has typed out
a very specific prayer and she's praying it every single
day because it's crushing her spirit. And so she has
(29:18):
it on her phone and she came over the other
day and we were talking through it and she was like,
I have a prayer that I've typed up. Can we
say it to Like? Would you say it with me?
She's like, I'm doing it every day no matter what.
But you know, we're two more gathered. So she's just like,
I'm desperate.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
She's so mature though I know it.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Really was, and she was. She's just in the thick
of it right now with something very scary that could
impact her entire career. And I have found myself wanting
to pray for maturity on her behalf or this other
person because what they are doing is very toxic and
it's made me wonder, like how if I can find
(29:58):
any evidence of if they been shady and deals before
prior to her. And so now I've been doing my
own googling and I'm trying to figure out that's this
person that I have no idea who they were before her, Like,
I'm not friends with this other person, They're not in
my ecosystem at all whatsoever. But I've been stalking them
(30:20):
online basically, and.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I have you found anything?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I think there's some some crazy to uncover. And I
told her she might want to hire a PI because
her lawyer has or has one that they've used for
something else. And I was like, maybe the PI could
look into this, and I was like, oh, I'm watching
too much her. I'm like, I need to back off.
But then I was like, what if you do that
(30:45):
and then she goes even more crazy?
Speaker 2 (30:48):
That could happen. But I have learned through mostly listening
to love Trapped, and I won't say too much since
you're not You're only on episode three, which also made
because you've told me about this podcast so long ago.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
But yeah, I didn't tell you that I was having
to listened to it one episode every two weeks.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
No, no, no, no, Okay, the like what do they call
the like community slouths? Like the online that thing.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's what they're called as sluts.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Okay, they are the ones that are cracking the case, Like,
if you get enough people in a Reddit thread, you
will crack a murder case, I swear these days. So
you might be onto something. I know.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I can't publicly do anything.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Reddit is private. People don't know your username. Well I know.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
But if I'm but something up about her.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yeah, yeah, she's going to situation. Yeah, but I will
say it is with like, there's a lot of issues
with social media and technology and all of that that
I feel like are making the world worse. But the
online community of whatever you want to call them, I
don't want to call them sluts because it's almost like
(31:57):
they're justice seekers, So louth sounds very negative. What does
sleuth even mean? Sluth? I hate that word.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Now, Well, I guess I've always associated with like online
vigil antes.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah, I don't see that is what?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Okay, negative, Okay, that's a better word, I think because
it's close to like slug er, because slots are cute.
Sleuth is like they're like slouthing in there. They're like
it just feels like I don't know, Maybe I'll look
up why.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I like the vigual anti were better like these online
people Like yes, sometimes I'm like, how do you have
the time to do this? But they have. There's been
multiple situations, not just with Love Trapped, where these people
have figured out and cracked cases that could not otherwise
be cracked because it's all these people coming together. So
(32:48):
you know, people.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Will be uh, you know, like, uh, maybe this isn't Sloth's. No,
I think it was Sluth's. What was that documentary about?
Like the cat?
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Were they looking at at what outlets like in the wall,
They're like that particular outlet is only yeah, manufactured in
this part of Germany. I mean they find all these
little details that will narrow down exactly what apartment this
was filmed in based on light fixtures and you know.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
What was that?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
That's pretty impressive.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Don't mess with cats or something? I never finished it
because I.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I did and I loved it and now I can't
even remember.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
But yes it was. But I think it's because you
have so many people that have the each have come
from their own place and have their own pieces of knowledge,
and then somebody is going to know where that outlet's from,
you know what I mean? So yeah, power to those people.
And if you wanted to be one of those people,
I would support you, but you probably can't do it
for your friend because you would give away some identity.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Don't f with cats? Yes, hunting an Internet killer is
what it was called. Would you call it?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Don't mess with cats? There is the PG version because
F means mess. Okay U.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Now, I know we're talking about toxic people, but I
do have three traits behind every likable person, so you
could try to be like this. Three key qualities Every
likable person boils down to this. Number One Empathy show
people you're truly listening and that you get where they're
(34:33):
coming from, even when you see things differently.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, I feel like empathy is key and anybody that
I want to hang out with.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Two authenticity. People are drawn to those who feel at
ease in their own skin. When you carry yourself with
genuine confidence. Others sense it and naturally trust you more.
Three Enthusiasm good energy spreads people gravitate towards those who
bring positivity into a room. Nobody wants to be around,
(35:05):
you know, a Debbie Downer.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Sometimes if you have to be a little Debbie Downer,
it's okay, I know, that's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
I know, I know, and I but I preface it
with like not to be won't won't, but.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Here we are. Also, I would say about authenticity. This
is something I like to talk about around this because
a lot of people think authenticity means that I am
you know everything about me, and like I'm so open
and I'm so this, and I share all might mean
you know, we've heard the stories of people on the
(35:36):
first time they hang out. They're sharing all of their
trauma and all of that. And to be authentic, I
think really means to be honest and real, not transparent.
Like you don't have to be transparent with everybody. And
so if you want to be a likable person, it
doesn't mean you have to tell everybody your deepest, dark
as secrets. You just have to be yourself. But being
(35:58):
yourself doesn't include you sharing every single piece of yourself
with everybody. It's a little word to the wise if
you're working on being likable.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yeah, you know, it's about everything on social media.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Yeah, and maybe don't.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, well, some stuff is good to share, like updates
here and there, or you don't have to be like
every single detail five paragraphs on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yes, I think a lot of times. I mean, for
some people it's their job. Fair if your job is
if you're an influencer, and like I guess, your job
is to share your life.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
But even within that there's boundaries. Right, I don't put
myself in that same exact category. But on the radio show,
for the last twenty years, we've shared a lot of
our lives, but even within that there's boundaries. Not everything
is told.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Yeah, I feel like you've kept a lot.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
And then in the last twenty years, social media has
become a part of our storytelling. But I wouldn't say
a lot of it is on there. I still share
more on the radio.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Show, but you're also not. I think that there's this
line of the people have probably heard this term like
performative vulnerability, where I'm posting this and I'm sharing the
story to appear vulnerable but not actually to be vulnerable.
And a couple of years ago, I interviewed a singer
(37:23):
Jp Sacks, and this is one of my most memorable.
There's like a couple interviews that I've had that I've
had these like memorable like responses to questions I've asked,
and this was one of them. And I asked him
because he is somebody I've probably shared this with you
more than once. He is somebody who is very feelings based,
(37:44):
like his music is very emotional. He comes off as
a more in tune with his emotions man in the world.
And so I asked him, like, what's it like to
put all this stuff out there because this music is
about his own life, and what's it like to be
so vulnerable as a male in our society? And he said, well,
that's what's interesting is I don't really consider a lot
(38:07):
of my music vulnerable because I've curated it to be
exactly what I want it to be and so that
you hear exactly what I want you to hear. It's
not me just sharing something off of like the tip
of my heart, like I've worked on this, I've again
curated it and so it's not vulnerable. That's not what
I would consider vulnerable. And I was like, thank you
(38:28):
for saying that, because I feel like that was a
very honest answer. In our world, I feel like vulnerability
and vulnerable and authenticity all those words are very big buzzwords,
and so people want to appear that way. So they
say those words and they try to appear that way
to gain whatever it is they're looking for, whether that's
attention or connection or admiration or whatever. But a lot
(38:53):
of what we're putting out there on social media is curated,
like we've put we've recorded this video four times in
till we've got it to look the way we want
it to look, or we've written it out before we've
said it, or we planned this thing, or you know,
we've forced the tears or whatever, or we were posting
the video of us crying because we want to get something,
(39:14):
not because we're open to what true vulnerability is, which
is the unknown, like we don't know what's gonna like.
To be vulnerable is to say, I don't know what
the reaction is going to be versus when I curate something,
I'm expecting the reaction to be like, oh, that was
so real or raw or beautiful or whatever.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Well, it makes me think of when I opened up
about my divorce for the first time that had already
been going on for over a year when you first
tr okay, So, I mean the separation, And there's still
so many details about that that haven't been shared, and
I don't know if one day they will. But I
(40:09):
knew when I was ready to announce it. I knew
what I would say, and he was aware. My ex
husband was aware I was going to talk about it,
the kids were aware. But so many things were already
in motion that information wasn't happening in real time. So
part of that felt weird. It didn't feel part of
(40:30):
that season didn't feel authentic because it was something so
personal and I wanted to be careful with how I
talked about it, and so I wasn't sharing it. So
it felt weird to kind of show up and try
to do everything that I do and talk about it
like when I had shared Let's say, probably the first
(40:51):
real vulnerable thing that I shared on the radio was
my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I would be
doing the show like from Houston. If she was MD Anderson,
I would go into the Houston studio do it from there.
So that was live. You weren't curing experience, No, was
it curating that. But that was something difficult that I
was experiencing that was happening in real time, and listeners
knew it was happening in real time because it was like, oh,
you know, Amy's not in the studio, she's in Houston.
(41:13):
I'm like, oh, yeah, my mom's having But that was
the first hard thing that I shared, but it was
happening also in real time. So I guess it also
depends on what it is you're sharing and how you're
going about it, because that was a situation where that
made sense and my mom was also okay with it.
(41:33):
Obviously there was some stuff and there we shared some
stuff we didn't and we had support, and then other
people were going through it, and then the pimp and
joy movement and all of that sort of made sense.
But then, you know, fast forward to another really big
life event. I was absolutely not sharing anything in real time,
even if I was in a different studio working on
(41:54):
something to do with the divorce or whatever the case. Like,
I wasn't saying that's what I was doing. So I
feel like depending on on what the life experiences. Some
of it might be in real time just because of
your yeah you said your job or your circumstance and
what you're willing to share, and then other stuff you
might be learning well after the fact, you think it
might be more real time. Like some people that might
(42:15):
have been news to them and they're like, oh, wow,
they're getting a divorce right now and then, but some
online sleuths had figured it out well before. I guess
there were some people who kind of were onto it,
or like oh, I haven't seen her husband in forever.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
But that did feel authentic though, like you got situations.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Yeah, they're different, those were shared differently, but both felt
authentic to me. I'm just saying it felt a little
weird when I was in like not saying anything, like
having to show up, or if listeners would be like,
oh my gosh, how's your husband or call in and
like we just had to like divert yeah, oh, because
I wasn't ready to talk about it, or I would
(42:52):
still tell stories like oh we're you know, and that
felt a little well.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
And I don't want you to think that I'm saying
that you had prefer formative vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
I didn't take it that way. I don't think I did,
because yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
I hope I did it. And there's there's a you
can I want people to be vulnerable online to an
I want them to do it authentically. Yeah, I wanted
to do that authentically, And I think that's what you
did in both of those situations. Is it made sense
you weren't getting some you weren't doing it to get
this secondary gain that wasn't to just be honest and real. Yeah,
(43:26):
does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Yeah? I just think that there is, like JP Sacks
was saying, I think there is something like you're putting
out something that's curated his is art, yes, right. And
then sometimes there's real, live in the moment stuff, which
some people because of the way of the world and
social media and all the content that's out there, there's
things that can be happening in real time and you
just have to gauge. Yeah, are some people doing it
(43:48):
in a performative manner?
Speaker 2 (43:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Sure? Are some people genuinely just sharing some of their
life and hoping that it can be helpful to others
and they want support from their community. Okay, Sure, I
think both of those can be happening. Speaking of x'es
my ex husband. I saw this funny thing from the
tender blog. You can describe your ex as a store.
(44:13):
And I'm going to read these and I think that
you will laugh.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
A woman asks people to compare their exes to a store,
and some of these are a little after dark, So
heads up if your kids are listening. But I don't
think they'll be able to figure it out. Okay, sheen,
you know that fast fashion website for people's shop. He
lied about the size see after dark Little Netflix because
(44:41):
I share with him for their girls and I'm the
only one paying h and M him and his mom.
I don't get it. And Uber because everyone got a ride.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
These people have terrible axes. Should be like, I don't know,
wait for this one.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Microsoft, oh micro and day it? Okay, Apple because the
updates but never changes. Get it like a software update. Okay,
Hello Kitty because he said hello to every kitty. Roll
(45:28):
X because he rolled back to his ex.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Oh I've had one of those.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
You did, I thought, very gay? Oh no, is that
something different that happened to Yeah, well you send somebody
back to their ex and you.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Said somebody no, no, no, I don't want to say that.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Okay, I've had a lot of interest seen relationships.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
Yep. Okay, I'm getting hot right now.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Due Lingo because I never learned my lesson Starbucks because
he screamed the wrong name. Oh no, I kia. He
looked amazing at first, but he came with too many issues.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Not enough parts. So okay, I thought that was just
kind of nobody has a positive store for.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Their gus would be funny because they're exit.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
That wouldn't be funny. It would just be like sweet and.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Why are you with them?
Speaker 2 (46:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (46:33):
What's a cute one? Like, let's do a cute One's
a store that you love? Like if you love Ari?
I ready every into meant time? Like what fresh Mark?
Think like he's so fresh all the times? What's another one?
Speaker 3 (46:54):
H g B hitting every booty HGV.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
His last name is but Herbert. But really, okay, what's
what's some what are some positive ones?
Speaker 2 (47:07):
I'm just trying to think of a store I like
and you know when like you have to think of
some one store?
Speaker 4 (47:11):
I like t Get he hits the door guy.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
What else? What stores? Chipotle?
Speaker 2 (47:23):
He's got a lot of different kinds of chip.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
Something maybe about the fuck tortilla he can rap me.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
I don't know. And taco.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
I'm trying to think of things, Okay, idea.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
First full of just going as good menu.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
Yeah, lots to offer gratis. Ship Chipotle because you know,
you always know what you're gonna get. We want a
consistent man.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
See sometimes it's not consistent Spice. Yeah, you can switch.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
He's consistent with options Chipotle.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
See we got there.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
You just have to like be patient. What else do
we like?
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Papa john Oh my gosh, I love Papa John's pizza.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
Sauce, the butter did the.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Best cheese I feel like on their pizza, or like
mellow mushroom. They're the best crust.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
So it's mellow mushroom.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
He's got a mellow mushroom. Oh, I don't know, but
that's good.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Hold on, let's think of a few more. What are
some other stores we like? Shirley. We have to like
home Depot, goods, home Depot. He's so handy.
Speaker 2 (48:57):
He has all the tools that you ever need.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Yes, that that they from from from the garage to
the bedroom to the to therapy to the mind. I
like when they have good therapy tools.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Okay, I was just I was thinking too literal home.
I'm saying home goods. Home goods would be another story
to I could stay in there for hours.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Yes see, Yeah, you're never gonna leave. They're disappointed.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah, you'll always find something extra the checkout.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
You're never like why I buy this, but you.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Kind of are. You're always wondering.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
I love those videos where people they go with their
friend and they make those little silly videos where they're like,
I'm looking for a big sized Chinese box that could
double as an end table in my living room, and
then and then it pans to like this random side
table Chinese box that you would like never see.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Did you see avery of those videos where people were
collecting like from home goods, the like food stools.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
Do you know?
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Okay, clearly you did it, so you'll notice them now
when you go there. They oftentimes have like a stool
of like a food like it would be like I
don't know, a taco or a margarita, but it's a
as big as like a nightstand. And so there's a
lot of people that collect those. So if you find one,
(50:22):
post it because somebody's probably looking for it.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
Okay, might be a want to make some.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
Money doesn't really look like your vibe of your house.
Speaker 1 (50:28):
No, what about chick fil a? It's always his pleasure
or my pleasure?
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Well, they say it's my pleasure, but it's always his
pleasure or he's It really would be like.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Chick fil A always, but you want it to be
my pleasure, so it's always my pleasure. Okay, it's always
my pleasure. That's good. That's another good one, chick. Well
we should in there.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yeah, unless you guys have some more passive one centem
our way, Yeah, maybe it should be. How would you
describe your current partner as a store cream? You just
couldn't wait to get that out. So what's the tagline
and the doughnut?
Speaker 1 (51:16):
I don't know. He's always I always do the whole
to his donut. No, no, hell, he's the donut. Okay,
she hadn't saying we need to wrap it. We've gone
too far. I told she was a little after dark.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
If you have a positive store for your maarison for
your current partner.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
Yeah, we're your'rer guy listening. No, well, I mean if
you have a positive relationship as your ex.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah, yeah, let us know talco bell it always rings
my bell.
Speaker 1 (51:58):
Makes me want to run for the border. That would
be negative. That's good McDonald's, Oh, what's burger Kings? Have
it your way? Yeah, McDonald's says I'm loving it.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Yeah, So it's both would work and they could both
not work. You say I'm never loving it, or it
was I never had it my way.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
Oh yeah, it's a lot easier to be negative.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
It really is. And I think that's a problem in
our world.
Speaker 1 (52:26):
We'll work on this, solve.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
That next week.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Okay, y'all can email us Hey, they're at Feeling Things
podcast dot com, or give us a call eight seven
seven two o seven two oh seven seven.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
And have the day you need to have. Bye. Bye,
All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons May
and Cat, gotcha, Cob and locking no brother, ladies and bolts,
you just.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Follow an the spirit where it's on the front.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Over real stuff to the chaill stuff and am but Swayne.
Sometimes the best thing you can do it just stop
you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is feeling things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday,
Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy, I'm Cat, and I
am feeling eager. I am so eager for our trip
next week. We're going to Canyon Ranch and I am
just counting down the days. I know you normally get
really excited for things on the calendar. I don't really
do that as much. Like you love trips, Like you
(00:49):
just got back from a trip and you're going on
this souther trip. You're like, yeah, this sounds fun, let's
do it. I'd be like, oh, I just got back
from a trip. I need to not do anything for
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Oh. I know. When we were flying back from our trip,
I said to Patrick, I said, in one week, I'll
be on another plane. How do you feel about that?
And he was like, what, It's like, Yeah, I'm going
on another vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Wait, he didn't know you were going.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
He knew, but I don't think he realized how fast
it was. I was like, I have to get these
things in before the baby.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah. So eager is my feeling of the day, and
it's just exciting. Oh so that's another feeling pumped. Amped.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Well, I'm glad that you can get I've never heard
you say that you were amped before, but that makes
me happy that you are allowing yourself to feel excited
about this if you normally don't.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Like I think it's going to be good. I'm excited
to read. I was trying to figure out my book
for pull Side.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, well, are you going to bring more than one book?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
No, it's just one? Okay, what if I finish it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
What if you finish it, I'll.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Find a big one. Wait. So on your last trip,
you took My Happy Place, My Emily Henry Happy Place book.
Did you read it?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I believe I got to page seventy four or something, okay,
which is a big dealer.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
That's better than you did with THEO of Golden.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
That THEO of Golden I think on vacation I got
to page twelve. Okay. I can't speak for THEO of
Golden because no, I have not finished it yet. I
believe it's probably a very good book. It is not
a beach.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Read right, so Happy Places.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
It's very easy. I can like be in two places,
so I don't have to pay attention as much. I
can put it down, pick it up. You don't have
to THEO of Golden. You have to be in the
zone right to be in the story. Happy Place. It's
just you can. You could read it while you're walking
almost you know people do that. I've seen people on
walking trails reading a kindle.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Wow, that would be so nervous that I was gonna
It's like run into something that's true. That is the
same thing I think.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
So thank you for that book. I'm going to bring
that one with me because I don't believe i'll probably
finish it. I have read it.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Best save it for the trip. If anybody has any
good recommendation, j'all can send on my way. Hey, they're
at Feeling Things podcasts dot com. Just put book recommendation
so I can nail down the perfect book. Maybe maybe
I find one that's based in Arizona because we're going
to be in Tucson.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Well, you already read Four Winds, didn't you.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Okay, well that's in Arizona, though I don't might have
to go through Arizona to get to where they're Yeah,
I think I guess Arizona. It goes Tech Texas to California.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You have to go through Arizona. That's what I was thinking. Yeah,
they were in Arizona for a bit.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Didn't They pass through Arizona on their.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Way, So it's basically about Arizona.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
It was like the dust bowl and Arizona is dusty,
yeah and hot? Yeah. Yeah. Four Winds people, some people
did not like that book at all. I posted about
my Kristin Hannah books the other day and someone was like, ugh,
all of them except for Four Wins, And I'm like, whoa.
I really liked Four Winds. But it's just like you, like,
people obsessed with theo of Golden and you're like, I
couldn't get into it.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Okay, I'm still going to finish that book. I'm not
saying it's not good. I bet if I listened to it,
I would have been obsessed with it.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Okay, So what's your feeling of the day.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Well, I'm feeling refreshed because I just got back from vacation.
I'm about to go on another one.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
But you're to be fair, you're still working, like we're
actually working extra this week to get in our work,
and we worked extra before you left to get that done.
And then so what are your therapy patients doing?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
They're just being patient being patient patients before I left,
and then this week I have more clients packed in,
so then I could take off the other days, if
that makes any sense. So, yeah, I am still working,
but I've never taken two vacations in the same month before.
This is a new me. I like this version, yeah
(04:43):
and not.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I was thinking the other day how excited you must
be for the baby to come, because remember how excited
you were for your wedding, and then after your wedding
you got so sad because you had nothing to look
forward to. And I was like, oh, no, after Kat
has the baby, is she gonna be like, oh sad again? Okay,
it's like there, but you don't have birth to look
forward to.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Well, who said did anybody look forward to the birth?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I don't know. I'm sure there are some people I'm
getting Are you saying if you're doing this medicated or unmedicated.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
They'll be medication.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Okay, have you seen the influencers lately that are like
posting these entire documentaries or their unmedicated birth.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I don't want to watch that.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, that went by documentary. I mean like five reels
in a row about each step of their unmedicatedurn.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Do whatever you want to do, I'm I. So this
is a personal journey for everybody, and for people that
want to do like a home birth or this or that,
or unmedicated or the water birth, that is great. I
am not one of those people, and I am going
to utilize every piece of modern medicine that we have.
(05:50):
I am actually really terrified of childbirth. I had a
little bit of a moment the other day just I
know I can do it, and I know after over,
I'll probably be like, that was the coolest thing ever.
And it's something I've never done before, and there are
so many unknowns and there's so many things that can happen,
and it's nobody can describe to you. They can describe it,
(06:13):
but you're not going to really understand it until you
do it. So yeah, I'll be I'll be taken the epidural.
We'll have that I'm afraid of that needle though. Have
you seen how big it is?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah, but then in a matter of moments, you're not
gonna be able to even feel anything. But yeah, don't look.
Just close your eyes.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I don't think you can look, because I think it
can you, I know, but.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Like when they're preparing it or walking in, just close
be like, I don't want to see the needle. I
don't want to see the needle. Yeah, close your eyes.
That's what I have to do with the little one
that they even put in your arm. When I'm getting
like blood drawn, I'm like, I don't want to see.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, that's true. So yeah, well it'll be fine, it'll
be great, it'll be wonderful. But I will say I'm
not I'm looking forward to what comes from the birth.
I'm not looking forward to that process, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
But you're feeling refreshed, that's your feeling. I'm feeling from
your trip. I'm feeling scared. Sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I need to think about it because I need to
be realistic about it. But yeah, I'm feeling very refreshed.
We went somewhere I have never been before, to Cape Cod.
I don't know that we'll ever go back, not because
we didn't love it, but it was a kind of
a trek to get there. It was exactly what I needed.
I wanted it to be not hot but not cold.
I wanted to be on the beach. I wanted to
(07:26):
read seventy four pages of a book and relax. And
it was wonderful. The food was the food good, the food. Yes,
every day since I've had this one ice cream sandwich,
I've been thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
So I saw you post that what was so special
about this ice cream sandwich?
Speaker 2 (07:44):
It was just really good. I don't know, I don't know.
It was just so in.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
The a cookie, chocolate chip cookie, chocolate chip cookie dough
inside of like ice cream in it, and the cookie
was like soft it was it felt like it was
like freshly baked.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Probably wasn't, but felt that way. It was so good.
All the food was amazing. We went to one restaurant.
We went twice because it was so good, sushi restaurant.
Of all places, I don't even really like sushi that much,
So highly recommend Chatham, Massachusetts.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
That's what specifically rare Chatham, Chatham. So where'd you fly?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Flew to Boston drove there, and I think a lot
of people when they go to the Cape, they'll like
visit different the different towns because they're all kind of
close together, or they'll take a ferry to Martha's Vineyard
or Nantucket. We didn't do any of that because I
just wanted to, like lay. I didn't want to because
you know, exploring you have like walk your sight seeing.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Cat from my kitchen into the podcast room. She's like
out of breath.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
She's like, okay, yeah, it hit me out of nowhere.
This like my waddling. I feel like I'm walking different
and just getting If I talk too much, I get
out of breath. So I just wanted to lay. So
I did that. Highly recommend we said it Chatham bars In.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
It was so cute, so cute. Yeah, definitely made me
want to go. I've had we well. When I I
had a boyfriend. Last summer, we went on a trip
to where'd we go? Cayman's the Cayman Islands as like
our We took our kids like a little joint family
trip and Nantucket was on our list of things to do.
(09:24):
If we didn't do that, that was a but I
mean I have done other than Boston. I haven't spent
much time in any of the like Martha's Vineyard, never
done that Cape Cod. Like I didn't even know when
you said you were going to Cape Cod. I had
to look up where it was. Well, I think a
lot of people think it's in Maine. It's it's in Massachusetts.
(09:44):
It's confusing, especially if you we don't live up there.
It's not like our normal vacation. So yeah, the more
you know, well I still have So I still have
that Nantucket or Martha's Mill. That's spent on my list
ever since we were considering it, I think, and then
I was sold after I saw you post the ice
cream sandwich. Do you remember exactly where you got it?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah, it was called Buffy's ice Cream. Okay, that place
was hoppin' every night Buffies. Yes, it must be like
the place to go in Chatham because there was a
line down the sidewalk every night, and we weren't even
like June is not their season because it's still kind
of chilly, so imagine in July it's even crazier. I
(10:27):
recommend June if you don't want to sweat.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
So I know we talked about what you read on vacation.
I also know you watched Maternal Instincts because well I
had watched it, and then you watched on your trip,
which I was like, oh, what an interesting way to
spend time on your vacation with you and your husband
in your cute little hotel.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
We okay, so we just listened to what is the
podcast about Love Trapped? Me and Patrick just finished that.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Okay, I went to the Gayly Well, I don't know.
I feel like a lot of people are still learning
about Love Trapped. I am listening to that one episode
every two weeks because that's what I listened to at
my LASH appointments with Amy behind and so we are
so desperate to finish this, but we both don't want
to cheat on each other because Amy's into it, I'm
(11:18):
into it, and it's like it's like our thing, and
so she's like, okay, She'll send me a screenshot at
the end of every appointment. She's like, this is where
we left off. And so I am taking that one
every two weeks and I get to listen to it
this week with her because I have an appointment.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
But do you know what episode you're on?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, like the end of three or four oh, how
many are there's twelve? Oh my gosh, wait what okay,
I thought there was Probably you've got a six.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
You guys have got to find a different rhythms.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Have to listen to it on we're talking a little
little of the fest.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Or maybe you guys listen to one episode together when
you're and then you listen to one episode while you wait,
okay to see each other. That can be fair forever.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I know it's it's going to be Christmas before I'm done.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
What is crazy that podcast is when you first start
listening to it, You're like, I mean, that's why I
would think it would only be a couple episodes, Like
how far could this really got?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Ohka, wait, so it's gonna get?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It can crazy? Okay?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Because when I posted about Maternal Instinct, someone sent me
a message. They're like, oh my gosh, I just finished
Love Trap like these two ladies, And I was like,
I wouldn't even put these people in the same category.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Well, I actually wouldn't either, because to.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Me, she hasn't I'm not to anything. I mean, of course,
what she's doing to trap him is a little crazy,
but I'm not to like super duper duper unhinged.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Yeah, oh no, you'll get there. She is super duper
duper unhinged. There has to be like some stuff going
on with her that we just don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
What's the mental I know you can't diagnose them, but
as a therapist, like, I guess, I don't know what's
going on with these it they live in fantasy or
are they delusional or what's the.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I don't know. I think, I think. I don't want
to give anything away, but towards the end there are
some there's some speculation of like diagnoses she's had, and
I think she admits to certain things.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Sorry, love Trapped on Love Trapped.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Sorry, but the reason I brought up Love Trapped even
is because Patrick saw a ad for maternal Instincts and
was like, oh my gosh, we should watch this. It
seems similar. So we watch it and not the same vibe,
not the same vibe like.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
No, yeah, I mean some of some like lying and deception.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
But how you will feel oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
like what listening to Love Trapped, it's like, oh my gosh,
this is crazy, or like can't believe that happened, or
you know, some of it's a little funny. Or some
of it. Yeah, after watching Maternal Instinct, I was literally catatonic,
could not speak for about ten to fifteen minutes because
(13:56):
I didn't like, how do you it's disturbing. Yeah, and
you had a similar reaction because I saw you posted
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Well yeah, and then I was like, okay, I'm hungry,
and then like now suddenly I don't have an appetite.
Like the more I thought about it, like I didn't
want to eat, Like it was a it was a weird.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
And I will give a what's still called it rating? No,
like a trigger warning or a what's it calling you? Yeah,
just don't watch you.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I know you're pregnant. I mean we've said on the
Bobby Bone Show, like the preview has her getting pulled
over and she's got a baby, and then they're like,
that's not your blood, that's not you know, So that
part is out there that there's obviously something weird going on.
I will say I told Bobby to watch it with
his wife, and I wasn't thinking about how like she's
(14:48):
very posted like newly postpartum. The baby's three months old,
so it wasn't for her. She wasn't did she watch it?
I don't know if she finished it because she I
think she said, I can't keep watching this. But Bobby said, oh,
do you think that Caleb will like it? And I
was like, yeah, she'll like it. Like I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Thinking baby, she probably would have been maybe.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
It wouldn't have impacted her the same way. I mean,
I think it's impacting everybody, Like everyone's like, what in
the world. And then also I'm like, Wade, Wade, my
what Wade, poor Wade.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
No, I don't feel that way. You don't feel well, Okay,
I don't know his history, where he comes from, what
he's dealing with, but I just felt like there is
some signs that were pointing for him to maybe do
his due diligence and make sure she.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Was I just don't think he was as into it
as into her maybe as she so he was fine
with like, and there's probably a little bit of denial.
Yeah there, you know, I get what you're saying, and
we don't want to give anything away in case someone's
just not watching it. But that that is definitely, for me,
the craziest true crime thing I've ever Oh.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I've there is nothing I can there's no crime, no
podcast no, anything that I have listened to that has
made me feel that way. It is a one of
a kind. That's a one of a kind situation. Surely, hopefully,
I know.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I just feel bad that you were on vacation and
then you wait that moment.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Patrick were like, why did we watch? That? Kind of
ruined the night? Like, no, we actually we left. We
left the beach a little early so we could go
finish it because we had tried to watch it the
two nights before, but I kept falling asleep like seven
minutes in and then like twelve minutes in, So I
was like, why don't we go in early and watch
(16:49):
this before we go to dinner? So I wasted beach
time to watch this not knowing, and then we had
to go eat after. Oh gosh, yeah, so uh crazy.
And again, if you guys are you haven't watched it
and you don't know what happens, just be careful. I
(17:11):
don't want to say too much.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Again, yeah, I think we've painted a good picture of
like that. It's it's heavy. It's almost like you want
to recommend it. I felt the same way of like,
oh you want to recommend and say yes, watch it,
but and then also you want to be like, but don't.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
But why you know what? Patrick made this comment and
I was like, we are a sick community of people
because I was just distraught, and he said, well, that's
what makes it a good documentary is that you just
really had no idea what was going to happen, and
it's making you feel something. And I said, for a movie.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Sure, but this isn't victions, this is this isn't really
why I have this dissonance within myself where it's like
I love documentaries.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
I love them, I love and I I don't mind
true crime stuff like I enjoy that, but also I'm
getting entertainment out of watching these, Like it's the same
thing with was it Jeffrey Dahmer, where people were like,
we're like glorifying this serial killer and that's what he wanted.
And so I don't know that that's what this person
(18:19):
wanted to be. I don't. I don't think she wanted
to be famous per se. But it is a weird
feeling of yes, we want to recommend this documentary because
it was so shocking and good and its own way
the way it was made, but also we're recommending to
perpetuate this story that in some regards, doesn't deserve to
(18:41):
be retold.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, there are other people in the story though, where
it might have been healing for them to put their
side out there. Of what because there are multiple victims
in the that story, and some of them got to
be highlighted of like how amazing they were and it's
tragic they were part of this situation.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
That is fair. That's a good way.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
And for me, I have my guard up with like
anybody knew that you kind of meet just like what.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, you just well the most charismatic.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I don't want to live that way of being suspicious. Suspicious, yes,
of everyone, because I don't think that everyone has whatever
she has going on, but gosh.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Yeah, but how do you know? But I think also
there are some you get some glimmers of people who
did see the red flags and listen to their gut.
And so that's a good I mean, we can listen
to our gut. It's not like this is just gonna
happen to us. Willy Nelly, Well, there'll be signs. We
just have to listen to them.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, And it sounds like some of the people, like
you said, they were featured in the documentary that had
a gut feeling and then set a boundary and then
held a boundary.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, let that be an example for us all.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Well, unrelated to this, but also might be like a
good segue into toxic people, because that's definitely I guess
she would fall into more of an extreme toxic case.
But some of these people that she was friends with,
they had this weird feeling about her and they had
to set a boundary. And so I came across this
(20:31):
list of ways toxic people check in to see if
you will still let them in, like if they still
have space. Like when someone who's hurt you and you've
tried to set a boundary, they may reach out without
owning to what they did. Now, this isn't if they
apologized and y'all made amends anything like that. It's rarely
about reconnecting. Sometimes they just want to see if they
(20:52):
can still take up space in your life. So the
first way is a random thinking of you. You text
like a breezy, no context message, like they never caused
any damage at all, no apology, just checking the vibe,
seeing how things are going.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
It's like something happened and then we didn't resolve it,
and then they's like thinking of you, like being sweet,
and it makes you question, like, wait, was I being
dramatic because they're really nice. Look how nice they're being.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
They're checking in. Yeah, nostalgia bait, bringing up a fond
memory to pull you back to the good old days,
conveniently skipping the part where things fell apart with you all.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I feel like that would get me I fun together. Yeah,
well it's an old story, or yeah, a picture if
somebody sends me an old picture of a really good memory.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Talk at the old heartstrings, I know, reaching out through
other people, liking old photos, asking mutual friends how you're doing,
leaving a vague comment. They're using the grape vine to
gauge what or you're still upset. So yeah, like on Instagram,
maybe trying to connect that way or then through somebody else.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
I wonder does that include, like it says, asking mutual
friends how you're doing, like hanging out with your mutual
friends and just like making yourself like inserting yourself.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I would think so the half apology a vague sorry
if I hurt you. That sounds reflective but stops short
of real accountability.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Sorry that you felt that way.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Isn't that like the worst thing you can say to somebody,
I mean, apology related.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yeah, it just should be sorry period.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah no sorry, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
The sorry if I But sometimes sometimes it there's a
way to be genuine about saying that. Like it's one
thing if you're like, I didn't mean it that way,
but sorry, if you took it that way like that
is okay. You don't need to say it with less
words and it would be way more helpful. But there
(22:58):
are sometimes I feel like when people say I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I made you feel that way, like that
can fit, I think, right.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah, I think it depends on the context.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
And the tone versus sorry you took it that way.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Poking at old wounds, bringing up sensitive topics innocently, or
saying something borderline disrespectful to see if you still push
back or let it slide.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
That just sounds like I would make things worse.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Well I know, but if you kind of I don't know.
Does this type of toxic person want pushback because they
want that engagement with you engagement or if you let
it slide, do they think like, oh I can get
by treating you this way?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Which some of this could be a friendship that you
had to put a boundary on, or unhealthy romantic type
relationship for someone trying to weasel their way back in
and see where they could poke you. And lastly, fake
sweet check ins, been thinking about you? You okay? Question mark.
It feels caring, but it's often just fishing to see
(24:10):
if you still have feelings for them without doing any
real repair work.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah. That reminds me of the just thinking of you
text where it makes you think of oh they're being kind,
yeah you okay?
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Checking in?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
That's so sweet, But then they actually never maybe apologize
or acknowledge what they did. You can be like, yeah,
I'm okay, I'm still thinking about that mean thing you
did to me.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
You know, there's still someone that sent me a message,
and now this would be on the more romantic side
of things, not a friendship. But I still have not
responded to somebody. And it's not that they did anything wrong,
but we did end on a little bit of a
shady There was some shady business going on, and then
we then I started dating somebody else for a long
(24:55):
long time, and then the minute they got when that
I broke up with that other person, I.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Got a Hey literally the minute.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Yeah, Hey, just saw that and I was like, oh
and I I really it was really hard for me
not to reply, not because I was interested, but just
because I didn't want to be rude, and also I
wanted to set the boundary of like, no, I kind
of realized like how we were and that was not cool.
So we're good.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yeah, I wouldn't. I don't know that I would use
a word as strong as toxic.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
No no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
But I would say the dynamic that was within him
and you was not what you wanted. No, And so
he does kind of fall into like that. That message
that he sent did kind of fall into some of
this was just poking, okay, like will you respond?
Speaker 1 (25:50):
But also what's crazy about that is sometimes people will
give themselves away. Because he literally said in the message,
that's not why I'm reaching out, but it was obviously
why he is reaching out.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
It's like, I heard you guys broke up, Not that
that's why I'm messaging you, but is it true if
you want to go out and get a drink, like,
is exactly why you're messaging? So he but that person also,
I hope you don't mind me saying but he also
kind of poked a couple times while you were dating,
just to I think he was trying to see if
(26:22):
you guys were still dating and you didn't take the bait.
So healthy, I.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Try to be, but not always perfect at it. But
all these are hard, especially if you have a relationship
where if it's a toxic relationship anyway, there's been unhealthy
patterns probably between both of you, and you might not
you might not see it, or if you're starting the
veil is starting to lift, and then you do, and
then implementing some of these things or sorry, recognizing some
(26:51):
of these things they might be doing is difficult at first,
but once you see it, you might not be able
to unsee it, and then you have to hold your boundary.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, I think that it would be harder for you
to hold this boundary if you had certain feelings for
that person. So yeah, it's easy for us to talk
about this kind of stuff, and it's easy in hindsight
to talk about these things, but when you're in a situation,
whether it's a friend or romantic partner, especially I think
a friend, when you especially if you have a long
(27:20):
relationship with that friend and you don't want to give
up on that friend. It's hard to acknowledge that this
is what they're doing, and I have to cut the
cord kind of, I have to stop playing this game
because yeah, there's history there and it's not as it's
not as easy as like they're toxic. It's like, well,
this person has been with me through a lot of life.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, well, I think the big takeaway from the list
is that they're not actually wondering if you're okay, and
sometimes that's hard to accept, Like they're wondering if they're
still welcome in your life or if you're over them yet,
and if there's a way, And then if you respond
warmly or neutrallly, that can signal to them that they
(28:02):
still have access. If you hold firm and ignore them,
they could escalate things, so warning with that, but they
also could back off and then just go away, which
has worked for me.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So for now. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
So some tips on what to do if you're in
this situation. Be wise to their tactics. Initiate a hard
conversation if one needs to be had, set boundaries, don't
respond at all, don't respond with much detail, limit how
vulnerable you are with them, Stay true to your character,
don't take the bait and get offended, walk away, and
(28:36):
finally pray for their maturity and growth. That could you
send that message pray for you, praying for your maturity
and growth.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Phenomas say they messedge you and they say, I've been
thinking about you. Are you okay? Yeah, I've just been
praying for your maturity and growth. I don't recommend you
doing that, but you could.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Well, I mean you could do that quietly in your
have to help them. Yeah, I'm praying for you. My
friend's going through something difficult with a toxic person, more
of a business relationship situation, and she has typed out
a very specific prayer and she's praying it every single
day because it's crushing her spirit. And so she has
(29:18):
it on her phone and she came over the other
day and we were talking through it and she was like,
I have a prayer that I've typed up. Can we
say it to Like? Would you say it with me?
She's like, I'm doing it every day no matter what.
But you know, we're two more gathered. So she's just like,
I'm desperate.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
She's so mature though I know it.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Really was, and she was. She's just in the thick
of it right now with something very scary that could
impact her entire career. And I have found myself wanting
to pray for maturity on her behalf or this other
person because what they are doing is very toxic and
it's made me wonder, like how if I can find
(29:58):
any evidence of if they been shady and deals before
prior to her. And so now I've been doing my
own googling and I'm trying to figure out that's this
person that I have no idea who they were before her, Like,
I'm not friends with this other person, They're not in
my ecosystem at all whatsoever. But I've been stalking them
(30:20):
online basically, and.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I have you found anything?
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I think there's some some crazy to uncover. And I
told her she might want to hire a PI because
her lawyer has or has one that they've used for
something else. And I was like, maybe the PI could
look into this, and I was like, oh, I'm watching
too much her. I'm like, I need to back off.
But then I was like, what if you do that
(30:45):
and then she goes even more crazy?
Speaker 2 (30:48):
That could happen. But I have learned through mostly listening
to love Trapped, and I won't say too much since
you're not You're only on episode three, which also made
because you've told me about this podcast so long ago.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
But yeah, I didn't tell you that I was having
to listened to it one episode every two weeks.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
No, no, no, no, Okay, the like what do they call
the like community slouths? Like the online that thing.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's what they're called as sluts.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Okay, they are the ones that are cracking the case, Like,
if you get enough people in a Reddit thread, you
will crack a murder case, I swear these days. So
you might be onto something. I know.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I can't publicly do anything.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Reddit is private. People don't know your username. Well I know.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
But if I'm but something up about her.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yeah, yeah, she's going to situation. Yeah, but I will
say it is with like, there's a lot of issues
with social media and technology and all of that that
I feel like are making the world worse. But the
online community of whatever you want to call them, I
don't want to call them sluts because it's almost like
(31:57):
they're justice seekers, So louth sounds very negative. What does
sleuth even mean? Sluth? I hate that word.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Now, Well, I guess I've always associated with like online
vigil antes.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah, I don't see that is what?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Okay, negative, Okay, that's a better word, I think because
it's close to like slug er, because slots are cute.
Sleuth is like they're like slouthing in there. They're like
it just feels like I don't know, Maybe I'll look
up why.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I like the vigual anti were better like these online
people Like yes, sometimes I'm like, how do you have
the time to do this? But they have. There's been
multiple situations, not just with Love Trapped, where these people
have figured out and cracked cases that could not otherwise
be cracked because it's all these people coming together. So
(32:48):
you know, people.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Will be uh, you know, like, uh, maybe this isn't Sloth's. No,
I think it was Sluth's. What was that documentary about?
Like the cat?
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Were they looking at at what outlets like in the wall,
They're like that particular outlet is only yeah, manufactured in
this part of Germany. I mean they find all these
little details that will narrow down exactly what apartment this
was filmed in based on light fixtures and you know.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
What was that?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
That's pretty impressive.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Don't mess with cats or something? I never finished it
because I.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I did and I loved it and now I can't
even remember.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
But yes it was. But I think it's because you
have so many people that have the each have come
from their own place and have their own pieces of knowledge,
and then somebody is going to know where that outlet's from,
you know what I mean? So yeah, power to those people.
And if you wanted to be one of those people,
I would support you, but you probably can't do it
for your friend because you would give away some identity.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Don't f with cats? Yes, hunting an Internet killer is
what it was called. Would you call it?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Don't mess with cats? There is the PG version because
F means mess. Okay U.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Now, I know we're talking about toxic people, but I
do have three traits behind every likable person, so you
could try to be like this. Three key qualities Every
likable person boils down to this. Number One Empathy show
people you're truly listening and that you get where they're
(34:33):
coming from, even when you see things differently.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, I feel like empathy is key and anybody that
I want to hang out with.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Two authenticity. People are drawn to those who feel at
ease in their own skin. When you carry yourself with
genuine confidence. Others sense it and naturally trust you more.
Three Enthusiasm good energy spreads people gravitate towards those who
bring positivity into a room. Nobody wants to be around,
(35:05):
you know, a Debbie Downer.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Sometimes if you have to be a little Debbie Downer,
it's okay, I know, that's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
I know, I know, and I but I preface it
with like not to be won't won't, but.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Here we are. Also, I would say about authenticity. This
is something I like to talk about around this because
a lot of people think authenticity means that I am
you know everything about me, and like I'm so open
and I'm so this, and I share all might mean
you know, we've heard the stories of people on the
(35:36):
first time they hang out. They're sharing all of their
trauma and all of that. And to be authentic, I
think really means to be honest and real, not transparent.
Like you don't have to be transparent with everybody. And
so if you want to be a likable person, it
doesn't mean you have to tell everybody your deepest, dark
as secrets. You just have to be yourself. But being
(35:58):
yourself doesn't include you sharing every single piece of yourself
with everybody. It's a little word to the wise if
you're working on being likable.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Yeah, you know, it's about everything on social media.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Yeah, and maybe don't.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, well, some stuff is good to share, like updates
here and there, or you don't have to be like
every single detail five paragraphs on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yes, I think a lot of times. I mean, for
some people it's their job. Fair if your job is
if you're an influencer, and like I guess, your job
is to share your life.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
But even within that there's boundaries. Right, I don't put
myself in that same exact category. But on the radio show,
for the last twenty years, we've shared a lot of
our lives, but even within that there's boundaries. Not everything
is told.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Yeah, I feel like you've kept a lot.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
And then in the last twenty years, social media has
become a part of our storytelling. But I wouldn't say
a lot of it is on there. I still share
more on the radio.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Show, but you're also not. I think that there's this
line of the people have probably heard this term like
performative vulnerability, where I'm posting this and I'm sharing the
story to appear vulnerable but not actually to be vulnerable.
And a couple of years ago, I interviewed a singer
(37:23):
Jp Sacks, and this is one of my most memorable.
There's like a couple interviews that I've had that I've
had these like memorable like responses to questions I've asked,
and this was one of them. And I asked him
because he is somebody I've probably shared this with you
more than once. He is somebody who is very feelings based,
(37:44):
like his music is very emotional. He comes off as
a more in tune with his emotions man in the world.
And so I asked him, like, what's it like to
put all this stuff out there because this music is
about his own life, and what's it like to be
so vulnerable as a male in our society? And he said, well,
that's what's interesting is I don't really consider a lot
(38:07):
of my music vulnerable because I've curated it to be
exactly what I want it to be and so that
you hear exactly what I want you to hear. It's
not me just sharing something off of like the tip
of my heart, like I've worked on this, I've again
curated it and so it's not vulnerable. That's not what
I would consider vulnerable. And I was like, thank you
(38:28):
for saying that, because I feel like that was a
very honest answer. In our world, I feel like vulnerability
and vulnerable and authenticity all those words are very big buzzwords,
and so people want to appear that way. So they
say those words and they try to appear that way
to gain whatever it is they're looking for, whether that's
attention or connection or admiration or whatever. But a lot
(38:53):
of what we're putting out there on social media is curated,
like we've put we've recorded this video four times in
till we've got it to look the way we want
it to look, or we've written it out before we've
said it, or we planned this thing, or you know,
we've forced the tears or whatever, or we were posting
the video of us crying because we want to get something,
(39:14):
not because we're open to what true vulnerability is, which
is the unknown, like we don't know what's gonna like.
To be vulnerable is to say, I don't know what
the reaction is going to be versus when I curate something,
I'm expecting the reaction to be like, oh, that was
so real or raw or beautiful or whatever.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Well, it makes me think of when I opened up
about my divorce for the first time that had already
been going on for over a year when you first
tr okay, So, I mean the separation, And there's still
so many details about that that haven't been shared, and
I don't know if one day they will. But I
(40:09):
knew when I was ready to announce it. I knew
what I would say, and he was aware. My ex
husband was aware I was going to talk about it,
the kids were aware. But so many things were already
in motion that information wasn't happening in real time. So
part of that felt weird. It didn't feel part of
(40:30):
that season didn't feel authentic because it was something so
personal and I wanted to be careful with how I
talked about it, and so I wasn't sharing it. So
it felt weird to kind of show up and try
to do everything that I do and talk about it
like when I had shared Let's say, probably the first
(40:51):
real vulnerable thing that I shared on the radio was
my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I would be
doing the show like from Houston. If she was MD Anderson,
I would go into the Houston studio do it from there.
So that was live. You weren't curing experience, No, was
it curating that. But that was something difficult that I
was experiencing that was happening in real time, and listeners
knew it was happening in real time because it was like, oh,
you know, Amy's not in the studio, she's in Houston.
(41:13):
I'm like, oh, yeah, my mom's having But that was
the first hard thing that I shared, but it was
happening also in real time. So I guess it also
depends on what it is you're sharing and how you're
going about it, because that was a situation where that
made sense and my mom was also okay with it.
(41:33):
Obviously there was some stuff and there we shared some
stuff we didn't and we had support, and then other
people were going through it, and then the pimp and
joy movement and all of that sort of made sense.
But then, you know, fast forward to another really big
life event. I was absolutely not sharing anything in real time,
even if I was in a different studio working on
(41:54):
something to do with the divorce or whatever the case. Like,
I wasn't saying that's what I was doing. So I
feel like depending on on what the life experiences. Some
of it might be in real time just because of
your yeah you said your job or your circumstance and
what you're willing to share, and then other stuff you
might be learning well after the fact, you think it
might be more real time. Like some people that might
(42:15):
have been news to them and they're like, oh, wow,
they're getting a divorce right now and then, but some
online sleuths had figured it out well before. I guess
there were some people who kind of were onto it,
or like oh, I haven't seen her husband in forever.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
But that did feel authentic though, like you got situations.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
Yeah, they're different, those were shared differently, but both felt
authentic to me. I'm just saying it felt a little
weird when I was in like not saying anything, like
having to show up, or if listeners would be like,
oh my gosh, how's your husband or call in and
like we just had to like divert yeah, oh, because
I wasn't ready to talk about it, or I would
(42:52):
still tell stories like oh we're you know, and that
felt a little well.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
And I don't want you to think that I'm saying
that you had prefer formative vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
I didn't take it that way. I don't think I did,
because yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
I hope I did it. And there's there's a you
can I want people to be vulnerable online to an
I want them to do it authentically. Yeah, I wanted
to do that authentically, And I think that's what you
did in both of those situations. Is it made sense
you weren't getting some you weren't doing it to get
this secondary gain that wasn't to just be honest and real. Yeah,
(43:26):
does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Yeah? I just think that there is, like JP Sacks
was saying, I think there is something like you're putting
out something that's curated his is art, yes, right. And
then sometimes there's real, live in the moment stuff, which
some people because of the way of the world and
social media and all the content that's out there, there's
things that can be happening in real time and you
just have to gauge. Yeah, are some people doing it
(43:48):
in a performative manner?
Speaker 2 (43:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Sure? Are some people genuinely just sharing some of their
life and hoping that it can be helpful to others
and they want support from their community. Okay, Sure, I
think both of those can be happening. Speaking of x'es
my ex husband. I saw this funny thing from the
tender blog. You can describe your ex as a store.
(44:13):
And I'm going to read these and I think that
you will laugh.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
A woman asks people to compare their exes to a store,
and some of these are a little after dark, So
heads up if your kids are listening. But I don't
think they'll be able to figure it out. Okay, sheen,
you know that fast fashion website for people's shop. He
lied about the size see after dark Little Netflix because
(44:41):
I share with him for their girls and I'm the
only one paying h and M him and his mom.
I don't get it. And Uber because everyone got a ride.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
These people have terrible axes. Should be like, I don't know,
wait for this one.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Microsoft, oh micro and day it? Okay, Apple because the
updates but never changes. Get it like a software update. Okay,
Hello Kitty because he said hello to every kitty. Roll
(45:28):
X because he rolled back to his ex.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Oh I've had one of those.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
You did, I thought, very gay? Oh no, is that
something different that happened to Yeah, well you send somebody
back to their ex and you.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Said somebody no, no, no, I don't want to say that.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Okay, I've had a lot of interest seen relationships.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
Yep. Okay, I'm getting hot right now.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Due Lingo because I never learned my lesson Starbucks because
he screamed the wrong name. Oh no, I kia. He
looked amazing at first, but he came with too many issues.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Not enough parts. So okay, I thought that was just
kind of nobody has a positive store for.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Their gus would be funny because they're exit.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
That wouldn't be funny. It would just be like sweet and.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Why are you with them?
Speaker 2 (46:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (46:33):
What's a cute one? Like, let's do a cute One's
a store that you love? Like if you love Ari?
I ready every into meant time? Like what fresh Mark?
Think like he's so fresh all the times? What's another one?
Speaker 3 (46:54):
H g B hitting every booty HGV.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
His last name is but Herbert. But really, okay, what's
what's some what are some positive ones?
Speaker 2 (47:07):
I'm just trying to think of a store I like
and you know when like you have to think of
some one store?
Speaker 4 (47:11):
I like t Get he hits the door guy.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
What else? What stores? Chipotle?
Speaker 2 (47:23):
He's got a lot of different kinds of chip.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
Something maybe about the fuck tortilla he can rap me.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
I don't know. And taco.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
I'm trying to think of things, Okay, idea.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
First full of just going as good menu.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
Yeah, lots to offer gratis. Ship Chipotle because you know,
you always know what you're gonna get. We want a
consistent man.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
See sometimes it's not consistent Spice. Yeah, you can switch.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
He's consistent with options Chipotle.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
See we got there.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
You just have to like be patient. What else do
we like?
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Papa john Oh my gosh, I love Papa John's pizza.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
Sauce, the butter did the.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Best cheese I feel like on their pizza, or like
mellow mushroom. They're the best crust.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
So it's mellow mushroom.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
He's got a mellow mushroom. Oh, I don't know, but
that's good.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Hold on, let's think of a few more. What are
some other stores we like? Shirley. We have to like
home Depot, goods, home Depot. He's so handy.
Speaker 2 (48:57):
He has all the tools that you ever need.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Yes, that that they from from from the garage to
the bedroom to the to therapy to the mind. I
like when they have good therapy tools.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Okay, I was just I was thinking too literal home.
I'm saying home goods. Home goods would be another story
to I could stay in there for hours.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Yes see, Yeah, you're never gonna leave. They're disappointed.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah, you'll always find something extra the checkout.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
You're never like why I buy this, but you.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Kind of are. You're always wondering.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
I love those videos where people they go with their
friend and they make those little silly videos where they're like,
I'm looking for a big sized Chinese box that could
double as an end table in my living room, and
then and then it pans to like this random side
table Chinese box that you would like never see.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Did you see avery of those videos where people were
collecting like from home goods, the like food stools.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
Do you know?
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Okay, clearly you did it, so you'll notice them now
when you go there. They oftentimes have like a stool
of like a food like it would be like I
don't know, a taco or a margarita, but it's a
as big as like a nightstand. And so there's a
lot of people that collect those. So if you find one,
(50:22):
post it because somebody's probably looking for it.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
Okay, might be a want to make some.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
Money doesn't really look like your vibe of your house.
Speaker 1 (50:28):
No, what about chick fil a? It's always his pleasure
or my pleasure?
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Well, they say it's my pleasure, but it's always his
pleasure or he's It really would be like.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Chick fil A always, but you want it to be
my pleasure, so it's always my pleasure. Okay, it's always
my pleasure. That's good. That's another good one, chick. Well
we should in there.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yeah, unless you guys have some more passive one centem
our way, Yeah, maybe it should be. How would you
describe your current partner as a store cream? You just
couldn't wait to get that out. So what's the tagline
and the doughnut?
Speaker 1 (51:16):
I don't know. He's always I always do the whole
to his donut. No, no, hell, he's the donut. Okay,
she hadn't saying we need to wrap it. We've gone
too far. I told she was a little after dark.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
If you have a positive store for your maarison for
your current partner.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
Yeah, we're your'rer guy listening. No, well, I mean if
you have a positive relationship as your ex.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah, yeah, let us know talco bell it always rings
my bell.
Speaker 1 (51:58):
Makes me want to run for the border. That would
be negative. That's good McDonald's, Oh, what's burger Kings? Have
it your way? Yeah, McDonald's says I'm loving it.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Yeah, So it's both would work and they could both
not work. You say I'm never loving it, or it
was I never had it my way.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
Oh yeah, it's a lot easier to be negative.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
It really is. And I think that's a problem in
our world.
Speaker 1 (52:26):
We'll work on this, solve.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
That next week.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Okay, y'all can email us Hey, they're at Feeling Things
podcast dot com, or give us a call eight seven
seven two o seven two oh seven seven.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
And have the day you need to have. Bye. Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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