April 16, 2026 • 39 mins
A listener named Lori writes in with a genuinely uncomfortable situation that happened at her mother in law's hospice bedside and it opens up a really honest conversation about family dynamics, boundaries, and knowing when to speak up and when to let something go. A caller named Ashley sets the record straight on Mahjong…it is less of a fun game and more of a full brain workout. Heather from Canada calls in to report that nobody in Canada wears shoes in the house and it is just completely normal there. Plus Amy and Kat talk about the new book Yesteryear which dives into tradwife culture in the most unexpected and brilliant way.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good a right break it down. If you ever have
feelings that you just fonsome Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking,
No brother ladies and felons, You just follow an the
spirit where it's all phone or real stuff to the
chill stuff and the m but sway. Sometimes the best
thing you can do it just stop you feel things.
(00:35):
This is Feeling Things.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
With Amy and Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat,
and our email might be a little controversial. I don't know,
based on Cat and I is a very limited conversation
about the email before we started recording. I now know
that we don't agree with how we're gonna respond like
(00:59):
we have on her point or conflicting views.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Yes, and you thought when I walked in today, you
thought I was going to be completely in agrance with
what you were yanking. Okay, Yeah, and I was completely
on the other side of it.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And to be clear, there isn't really a right or
wrong except for their kind is now they're kind of
is based on the email? Or is a in law?
I feel like when you're the son or the daughter
and I'll get in the email and then people know
what we're talking about. But it's like family versus like
you've married into the family. You just I would do
what the family's doing. Yeah, because she did the right thing.
(01:35):
She was like, I didn't want to make it about myself,
so let me read the email so people know what
we're talking about. Hey, ladies, this is from Laurie. I'm
going to try to make this story on the shorter
side while including necessary details. My husband's mom was recently
placed in hospice. His brother was sending pictures of her
in bed, not looking her best. She was a bit
bruised from a fall and pretty non responsive at this point,
(01:56):
so you can imagine how a ninety three year old
woman would look in that state. I voiced to my
husband that I thought it was odd and uncomfortable for
his brother to take pictures of himself, his wife, and
others at her bedside smiling while she clung to life.
When we went to sayah goodbyes. His brother decided it
was a good idea to take a picture of all
of the family by her bed with her completely unresponsive.
(02:18):
To say, I was mortified. As an understatement, I really
did not want to participate, but I felt like in
this case it was not about me, and if I
were to voice my feelings it would have created more
stress and drama to an already difficult situation. So I
took the picture. Since then, I have regretted it. I
don't like knowing there's a picture of me smiling at
the bedside of a dying woman, and just to be clear,
(02:40):
her face was in all the pictures. I'm glad I
did not make the situation about me, but I'm still
very uncomfortable with the picture. Am I making more of
the situation than there needs to be? Was there a
better way for me to handle it? Obviously I can't
go back, but perhaps this could help somebody else. We'd
love to hear your take on it, Lourie, which I
have no idea if will be of any help to
(03:00):
anybody else, because God and I see differently on this.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Ish well, I think that in itself can be helpful,
that there isn't one way, yeah, because I would respond
very differently than you have responded in your life.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, so we'll start with my experience with losing both
my mom and my dad. So it wasn't an in law,
it was directly my blood my parents. So similar to
your husband's brother, like that was his mom. I don't
know how my parents would have felt with the pictures
(03:38):
going around. Nothing has ever been posted publicly. It has
all stayed internal within the family. But we did this.
I mean, I think even when my dad was near death,
he did it die. So a couple of years before
he passed away, he was in he had surgery and
ended up in ICU. He was supposed to only be
(03:58):
an ICU for three days. He ended up there for
about six weeks or so. And I still have photos
of us gathered around his bed while he's I guess
I thought we were losing him. So he's got tubes
and everything, which even fast forward a couple years later
when he did die, we did have him on life support,
so we have photos around his bed and there are tubes.
(04:18):
So we have two versions. We have the ICU version,
and yeah, it is weird. I guess we're all like
sick cheese?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Are you smiling in these photos? Like what's the vibe?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I just pulled one up to show you of that's
the one where he actually died. And that was me,
my sister, my half sister, and my niece, and we
were gathered around and I can tell I look tired.
I don't have a full blown teeth smile. But we
also have masks around our faces because it was COVID,
but you can tell we pulled them down and I'm
sort of giving like a half smile, but you can
(04:50):
see my eyes are sad. And then I had been
emotional and was crying. Now, back when my mom passed away,
I think we were doing bedside family pics. But after
my mom passed away, my sister laid with her. My
sister and I laid with her for a very long time,
(05:10):
which is weird to think back on. And someone who
saw us laying with her took it upon themselves like, hey,
I'm going to capture this, and then they sent it
to us and said, I thought you might want this
if you don't delete it, I understand, but I it
seemed like a special moment. And so now somewhere we
have that photo. It's not something I ever not frankmed
(05:30):
but no in my living room slideshow. So I don't
have these photos anywhere, but I have them if we
need to access them for whatever reason or like, I
don't know what made us take photos in that moment.
Now again with my sister, my mom, and I. Someone
captured that special moment, but my mom was absolutely.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Then I think you're saying you can't answer this, but
I would like to know the inside of the brain,
Like what were you wanting out of taking the photo
with your dad when you thought he was maybe dying?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Like I can't explain it, but it's we're all gathered
in a room together. He would love that we were
gathered in a room together, especially me, my sister, and
my half siblings, because he always wanted us to be close,
which is weird because he did nothing to really nurture that,
but I think he loved it. Which were like the
not close but close type family. I mean, my sister
(06:27):
and I are very close, but my half brother and
my half sister, I can go years without much communication
without seeing but we will pick right back up or
we will be there for each other, Like if they
called me right now, and needed something, I would absolutely
be their hands down, no doubt. But I've no idea
what's been going on with my brother the last couple
(06:47):
of years. Right after my dad died, we were putting
in an attempt and I was going to Florida and
like seeing him. But we're like, yeah, the closest not
close siblings. But my dad would have loved that we
were all gathered in his hostel little room together, not
because not for him or about him, but just he
would love that we were together. So I can't again
(07:08):
quite explain it, but it's just, hey, let's should we
take a pic?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
So we did.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So that's why everybody handles it differently. Now, we had
nobody say, oh, no, I don't want to be in
this photo, or this is making me uncomfortable. My mom
or my dad didn't voice like, oh I'm uncomfortable with
pictures of me FYI while I'm in hospice. But it's
just something that happens. So while she maybe wouldn't think
of it, or her husband maybe isn't thinking of it,
(07:36):
but her husband's brother is. I think in those moments,
it's family. If someone needs that as part of their
grieving process and it's for internal stuff. Now, if he
were to throw that on social media for some attention,
for whatever reason, I would say, hey, I don't think
we should have that picture on social media. That's internal,
(07:58):
that's family, that's a private moment. I would voice that
if you felt called to. But I think LRII did
the best thing. I know she's regretting it a little bit,
but I think in that moment, with all the other things,
it could have led to unnecessary drama for an internal
family photo.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I think I agree with you on that part of it.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Where and I will say this with a caveat, I've
never been in this position, so personally I can say
what I think I would do, but you don't really know.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
And also I got to say when I pulled up
that picture a minute ago, it gives me levity now
of like, it's so hilarious we took this selfie with
dad while he's not like it's kind of life support. Yeah,
I'm not saying it's not laying with my mom as
she's dead. Is weird.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
I think that's normal. I think people do that.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, but it's a little weird. Like the corners were like, Okay, ladies,
you gotta go, like, we got to get her out
of here. The hearses out front and then we all
formed a line as they wheeled her out like a
like a like a processional.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Or recessional pro prauh is before ruh is after right, okay,
so R I don't know, I don't know, I'm making
up words.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I'm not really sure. But it wasn't her funeral. I
mean she was exiting. We had hospice at my sister's house,
so it was her like you laid with her at.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Your house, at your sister's house in the hospital bed. Oh,
I was thinking you were in the hospital. So who
was in the house being like, get up the corners?
Speaker 5 (09:39):
No.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I think we thought okay, it's time, okay, because the
corners were there and they had been there and they
were waiting to take her, and I think they maybe
have a schedule. So we were like, oh, okay, but
you can do hospice at a hospice house, which that's
where my mom started out. But before my mom lost consciousness,
she's like, I really want to go home. I don't
want and the hospice house was amazing. It's Christopher House
(10:03):
in Austin. They were lovely. It was nothing against them.
It was actually really comforting and adorable. However, my mom
just really wanted to be home or my sister's house.
So that's where we went and transformed my sister's bedroom, like,
moved out her bed, put in a hospital bed, and
it was a revolving door of people. So for a
(10:23):
couple of days her hospice was people in and out,
just saying they're goodbyes and maybe even taking pics. I
don't know. Maybe they did, maybe they did it. Yeah,
but my mom didn't say like no picks, which I
get you maybe had a take on what you were
saying about if that were you on your deathbed.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
I have two takes because, yeah, the perspective of if
it was me, and then also like I cannot imagine
a world where I want a picture of me with
my mom while she's dying. But that's how I cope
with things, Like I'd rather have look back on pictures
where she's full of life and have those and make
(11:02):
sure I take as many as I can.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Now I don't think that I would want that.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
So I can relate to what Laurie's saying when she's
like this was really weird. Now I do think that
people and I think it's different, like what they're taking
pictures of, but like people do document people in the
hospital and that's normal. Like my niece was in the
hospital a couple years ago and we would get pictures
of her and like how she's doing. She wasn't dying.
(11:27):
But there's nuance to this, right, so I can What
I want Laurid to know is I can relate to you.
I think I would have done the same thing you
did and default to what the kids like. The actual
what's the word I'm looking for. I think it's kids
like their mother, like they're blood related because she's the
end having pregnancy. Brain is Yes, I think I would
(11:50):
do the same thing, but I probably would feel I
think Laurie's feelings make a lot of sense from my perspective,
me never being in that position.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I agree. After reading her email out loud, I'm like, oh,
I get the uncomfortableness of this situation, and you absolutely
did the right thing, and I think now you need
to just let that go because I think her final
part of the email, the question was was there a
better way for me to handle it?
Speaker 4 (12:14):
No?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
No, no, you handled it perfectly and.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Then you process your feelings of what that was like
privately with your husband. Maybe you can I mean, which she.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Said, am I making more of this situation than there
needs to be? And at this point now I would
say yes, like I would let this go. There's like
you can't go back and change it. It wasn't about
you at all, but you know that and it could
help you know what you want for your life down
the road with your kids.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Like, hey, right, which is my other perspective is this
is what I'm saying as of now in the age
I am. Now, this could change. We all can change.
This is for you too, since you have a history
of doing this. I'm in the hospital and I'm dying,
no fix, no pics now if I'm awake and I'm alert,
and I'm like, oh, I just broke my arm, Like
(12:58):
we can take a picture, but if I'm not able
to give consent on this photo, I don't want that
photo taken. Let's just take some photos now you can
have of me.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Okay, that's good to know now we know.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Yeah, so maybe these are conversations we need to have
with the.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Like, yeah, you need to talk to Patrick about that,
because what if Patrick's.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Like, he's not gonna here. He doesn't you know, he's
a nine. He's like, I don't care whatever you want, Okay,
but I will ask him to see if he does
have an opinion. I wonder if I would want to
take a picture of Patrick. See, you never know till
you're in a situation and thinking about my mother. But no,
I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I mean. Oh, Also, Shannon confirmed recessional is exit. I'm
sure we have some listeners that were yelling like it's recessional,
it's recessional, and then processional is interest, So I recorrect. Yes,
(14:01):
we do have a fun voicemail about Majong. And get this,
because we've been talking about Majong. My aunt sent me
a text the other day saying that my grandma, Mama Chris,
I wasn't with her when she died, so I have
no picks of that. Sadly had a real tile Majong set,
which maybe is there fancy fake tile or like domino
(14:26):
plastic ones. Okay, so this she had the real deal
and she would have Majong parties with dainty little coffee
cups and ash trays on the card table sixty five
years ago.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
So people have been playing majong. It's just resurfacing.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I guess my grandma. I was like, wow, my grandmother
really was a gamer and a gather of people like.
She loved bridge. She had her bridge group, and.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
I think bridge is big in the elderly community.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yes, and she loved to bowl shit her bowling community
and even at bowling at the bowling alley, they would
sit at a table and play bridge and smoke their cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Yeah, oh that's funny.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
So shout out to Mama Chris and her majong set.
Which where is that? Bad boy?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
My grandma was always searching for a bridge gift. I
guess you win a prize when you host. I don't know,
but every time we would go shopping, she would always
be like, well, this'd be a good prize for bridge.
She's always looking for it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
All right, let's play the voicemail. This is from Ashley.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Hi Amy, Hi Kat. I have been listening for a
long time, and I heard a couple of weeks ago
y'all talking about Majong. And then I'm listening to I
believe it's Today's podcast April second, and y'all are talking
about it again. And I have been playing majong for
about four years now, I think with three other girlfriends
(15:51):
of mine and I am forty two years old, just
turned forty two March twenty fourth, and we love it.
Kat would saying people with ADHD like she wasn't sure
how they would do or whatever. And I'm not saying
I have ADHD, but I just know from listening to
y'all her so I feel like we're bss that I
(16:12):
know that y'all could do it. I will say, I
don't ever describe it to people as being fun per se.
It is literally like a workout for your brain. And
when you play long enough at one setting, you will
get what I mean, because we play for two hours
at a time, and about an hour and a half
in our brains are like, we can't do this anymore.
(16:33):
But it's fun like a workout is fun. And then
also if you want to add in, you know, a
glass of wine or some rose or something or mimosas
of course, it can be even more fun. So I
just wanted to call and tell you that I hope
you'll have today you need to have.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Oh, thanks, Ashley.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
We must be talking about Masha on a lot because
she was like, you're talking about one day and then
you were talking about today again.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Today, well, talking about again so much. So my aunt
texted me, you know, like Majong runs in your blood.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Meanwhile, neither of us have ever played, So now if
we're gonna keep talking about it, we have to try
to play.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Okay, well, we're gonna need to just get that coach.
We need to have a party. We need to make
it a party and just have the coach come and
teach whoever wants. Like, we send a text out to
some girlfriends, Hey, if you all want to get together,
we're having a coach come explain Majong to us.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
And then yeah, if anybody there wants to continue, if
they enjoy it, then we can make a little Majong group. Right.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
This made me.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Also think about I feel like I've talked about this
with you before, the types of fun, the three types
of fun? Have you heard of the three types of fun?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well, if you've talked to me about it before, then
I guess I have. However, refresh my memory.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
I don't know if we have. My memories not so great.
So there's three types of fun? Want the first one
and Shannon, you might have to fact check me because
it's been a while since I've looked at this. But
the first type of fun is just fun. Think about
a hobby that is enjoyable, Why you do it? What
is that fable? Yes, that could actually be in multiple categories,
but for me, that would be type one fun, like
I have fun while I'm doing it, easy peasy. Then
(18:04):
the second type of fun is fun but like there's
effort into it. Like I guess a workout for me
would be a type two fun where I am kind
of enjoying it, but I'm also like wanting to be
over at the same time, Like indoor cycling was that
for me. It was really hard while you're doing it,
but you're enjoying it at the same time, and then
when it's over, you're like, I want to do that again.
(18:25):
And there's type three fun, and that type of fun
it's not really fun. It's like running a marathon or
a twenty mile hike if you go somewhere and do
some crazy thing like that, where after it you're like,
I never want to do that again, but I'm so
glad I did it. So Type three builds character, and
like you, I think you learn about yourself and all
(18:46):
of that, Like you challenge yourself, you do things you
never thought you could do. But like I don't want to.
I mean some people, some people, a marathon might be
type two fun. For me, ito's type three fun. Majong
sounds like it's type two fun.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, type two. I I was gonna I'm doing duelingo
learning French, and it feels type two.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Yeah, like you kind of have to talk yourself into
doing it. But then yes, you do it.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
My lesson of the day. And then while I'm doing it,
when I get something right and it like gives me,
you know, confetti or something, I'm like, yay, that's fun.
And then when I get done, I'm like, oh my
lesson's already over and I feel accomplished, like oh I
just did.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
That, like and then you want to go do it again,
like yeah versus like I said, the marathon for me,
I didn't really want. But as soon as I finished
my first marathon, first thing I said is somebody who's
don't ever let me sign up for another one.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Same, So I'm never doing that again, and I haven't.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
I did it one more time.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
You did it because I wanted to do it. I
did it for my thirtieth birthday.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
I ran another one just to like prove I could
do it, and then after that I said I'm done.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I got into triathlons after that's worse. No, it's actually
easier because running you're doing the same thing for twenty
six point two miles. This was broken up. I mean, sure,
you're swimming, biking and running, but it was fun at
the time. Like the break, it was better on my joints,
(20:08):
so my knee wasn't hurting as bad, and I liked
the cycling at the time. I do not anymore. I
was in my Lance Armstrong season in Austin because I
joined this gem and I was single, and everybody there
some of them were even like would cycle with him
or something? I have no idea, but it was from Austin. Yeah,
he was living there, and I mean, I don't know
(20:30):
him at all. In fact, I've never heard positive, great
things about him. But that's not what this podcast is about.
I just walked. You could watch the documentary I find
that out. But ooh, speaking of documentaries, did you watch
did you watch the False Profit one on Netflix?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Wait? No way, I've watched forty five minutes of it.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Okay. I finished it last weekend, and I would say
the first forty five minutes were the least interesting. I
don't want to use the word entertaining because it's such
a heavy topic, but you're right, like interesting, I feel
episodes two, three, and four. You're dialed in. You know
that's good to hear you want to keep watching.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
I actually chose not to watch it again today because
I was watching it while I'm on the treadmill, and
today I chose something else because I was like, oh,
I think I got what I needed after I.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Don't watching a show while you walk in the treadmill fun.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
That makes it the type two fun, type one fun. Yes,
But now I'll go back and watch it because I
really was like, Okay, I think I get what they're
putting down. I'm done with it, m okay.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I mean it's disturbing, disturbing and makes you wonder how
many other little groups like that are scattered about and
sadly living that way without knowing there's another way to live.
Like one of the girls, she even said, FLDS is
that what it's called.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
It's fundamental LDS, so it's yes, more strict Mormon.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
There's you know, more multiple wives. And in this case,
this guy's proclaiming he's the prophet, and so they want
to be his wives because they were born into that,
and they truly if they think he's the prophet, they
are eager to be with him. I mean, I think
deep down some things gnawing at them that, like it's
not right, but they want to be obedient because they
want to go to heaven and they are very submissive
(22:22):
to their prophet. And obviously with this particular story, I
don't want to give too much away, but it's just
sad because the ages of these girls.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
It's like a lot of brainwashing and like they're not
making some people it looks like they're making these choices.
But how can they really be making these choices if
they've been brainwashed to believe certain things and they haven't
had the other side of knowing like this also could
be true. All I was thinking is that lady what
was her name, the one that went to go to
help them.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, I can't remember. Oh my gosh, what a good person. Yeah. Well,
so I don't want to give anything away. She has
a reason why she cares, so I think we all
care about it, But are we all going to infiltrate,
infiltrate ourselves into it to film it? And she moved
her life to help these women. Yes, and she didn't
(23:15):
to be clear, and this is not giving anything away,
but she Yeah, what a saint because she wanted to
go help them. And then things got risky because of
the information she was learning, which was far more than
she ever expected, Like she thought it was bad, but
it ended up far worse. So now I was worried
(23:37):
for her, like is this dangerous now for her to
be this informant type person and collecting all this data
because obviously someone who's thinking they're this profit is not
mentally well, right, so what links are they willing to
go to?
Speaker 4 (23:52):
But I guess once you're that far into it, it's like, well,
I can't abandon these people and have to help them.
It's worth it now.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
But I also really liked to and I only watched
thirty forty five minutes of it, but I liked what
she said in the beginning before because I haven't gotten
to the I'm just getting to the part where she's
learning some crazy stuff.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
But she was just helping this.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Community of people that were of a different faith and
live different lifestyle of hers and she talked about and
she said there was I wish I had that actual
quote she said, but she was like, I never wanted
to come off as judgmental. I just wanted to in
the community feel they liked her, like they were welcoming
to her because she was helping them and being so kind.
And she was like, you can't if I'm judgmental towards
(24:32):
these people and giving off that vibe, there's no way
for me to build trust with them. And I want
them to trust me so I can help them. And
I was like, that's so fair. If you ever in
your life are around people, and this can be sure,
it can be something that has to do with a cult,
but it also can just be like if your friend's
in a scary relationship that you don't think is healthy,
(24:52):
or you think somebody that you know where close to
is struggling with addiction and eating disorder or something like that,
show up really judgmental and you are telling them they're
doing this that and whatever wrong, or they're weird or
whatever it is. They're not going to listen to you,
and so you have to show up with like love
and care, so they actually want to hear what you
(25:14):
have to say. And I think that's hard when you
see stuff that is so extreme, because my first response
I was watching this is like, what the heck? I
don't think I could be as kind to specifically that
man as she was.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well, she had a mission, yes, so she knew what
she needed to do to get the job done, and
so she was she.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Didn't want to make the yeah, and she didn't want
to make the women feel bad or wrong either. She's
like yeah, I just.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Yeah, good example, Keep watching because you'll learn more as
to why it's important to her. And her name is
Christine okay, and then her fiancee, her husband was a photographer.
Her name is Tolga. I remember that name, and so
if y'all aren't familiar yet, it's on Netflix called Trust Me.
The False Prophet is the official name. I think I
was calling it. I think you called it that did
(26:02):
I okay, good, that's what I heard in my brain.
Well you are. I didn't know you started watching it,
so I was just curious. I'm so glad you brought
it up because I never would have gone back and
watched it. I almost didn't keep going but I saw
so many people posting and talking about it, and then
it was number one on Netflix, and I'm like, I
gotta keep going because there's a reason why people are
watching this.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Did you watch DTF Saint Louis? Did you watch DTF
Saint Louis?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
No, but Bobby did.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
Okay, it's so weird, but it is so funny. It's
kind of like it feels a little satire at parts,
so you have to watch it kind of with a
grain of salt. You're not interested in.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
The No, I have it on my list, like it, Yeah,
I have it on my list. I'm just trying to
I'm I've been reading so much lately that I'm watching less.
The Profit thing is the first thing I've watched in
a little bit. I mean, I was obviously doing Paradise,
but that was one episode a week.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
The False Prophet it was four episodes that I binged
over the weekend, not all in a row. But I
feel like, oh, this is something I want to finish
right now. And I've started reading Yesteryear.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
I've seen so many people post that they're reading this.
It's about it's about an influencer who I think maybe
I don't know. I haven't searched this up, but you
know that influencer Ballerina Farms. Yes, whatever, I am picturing
her while I'm reading this. I have no idea if
(27:43):
she was any sort of inspo from the author at all,
but that's who I'm picturing. Because it's taking place on
a farm. The farm is called Yesteryear. And actually I'm
just going to read the what it's about, Kaushanna, just
put it up here because I don't want to give
anything away. Yesteryear by Carol Claire Burke is a novel
about a trad wife influencer, Natalie Heller Mills, who projects
(28:08):
a perfect, old fashioned life online but secretly lives a modern,
privileged one, only to wake up one day in the
harsh reality of the eighteen hundreds, forcing her to confront
the life she'd been faking. The book explores themes of
social media, performance, authenticity, and the trad wife phenomenon, blending thriller,
social commentary, and dark comedy as Natalie tries to survive
(28:31):
and understand her situation. It's a recent debut novel that
became a Good Morning America book Club pick in April
twenty twenty six, So that's maybe why you're seeing so
many people read it. I didn't know it was a
Good Morning America book Club pick.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
But okay, I have to read this because the trad
wife phenomenon that's going on right now is so interesting
to me. It is so interesting, and I think probably
half of the people that we are seeing do this.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Online they're doing it for yeah, and it's.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Like, that's true. It's like they're making so much money.
There's no way that they're like making every single thing
in their life from scratch all day every day when
they're making millions and millions and millions of dollars from
acting like they do.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yeah, So like schul obviously it was very performative, but
it looks like she's running fun. I feel like I
can say this and it's fine, but you would think
a lot of influencers they're running on social media. You
think it's just them, but they're running a whole operation, right,
and there's like multiple employees and nannies and all these
(29:35):
things that you don't see. Yes, their camera.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Nanny, they're taking care of the child, and there're probably
is a cameraman videoing this person making their whatever sourdough
cereal whatever.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
That they're making sourdough cereal.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
People make everything out of sourdough these days, I swear
to God. But that is so interesting too, of like
you live, you act like you're which, sure, maybe somebody's
doing this, but to be able to do all of
that from scratch and also raise your kids.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
How there's not enough time in the day.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Your kids don't nap that long, well, they shouldn't be
napping that long for you to do that. So, okay,
should I read this before I read THEO of Golden?
Speaker 1 (30:17):
They're totally different. The of Golden's just so good. Okay,
they are very, very drastically different. Like I'm walking away
from this, and there it is. There is dark comedy,
like you get a peek into her brain of like
I love the way the author she'll be speaking, but
then it also gives her thoughts at the same time,
and it totally contradicts, like it'd be like if you
(30:40):
said something to me and I was like, oh, that's
so lovely, but in my head, I'm like, screw you.
So you get both versions of you get her performative
side and then what she's really thinking. And I like that,
and of course I can't help it start to think
of all these influencers sometimes that I see, and.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
I wonder if the I mean, the Ballerina farm Girl
has to be clued in that this might be like
I have no idea or point inspired by her.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Maybe maybe yeah. I don't know if there's any other
super super famous because in this fictional situation, she's got
five million followers, which is a lot. It's interesting to
see how it grows. I mean, it's not all the
same things. But her husband is wealthy, and I believe
Ballerina Farm's girl her husband is like the Jet Blue family.
They're very wealthy. But it's not like this is an
(31:33):
airline situation, like it's a politician. I don't know if
y'all can hear Maggie. If she just barged in here
me owing, she's like hello, she's probably like somebody fish.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
She said, Mom, I want you to be a trad wife,
which we should probably tell people in case they don't
know what that is. Shannon put the actual definition, it's
a social media based subculture of women who embrace the
nineteen fifty style gender roles, prioritizing homemade In submission, to
their husbands, which could not be farther than what I
aspire to.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Be speaking of in the home and taking care of
your home. And you know, we did get a voicemail
from Heather, she's an international listener's from She's from Canada.
(32:27):
Crazy and guess what you'll hear in the voicemail that
she says her age, which I think she did that
because we talked about that on the podcast recently of
yeah saying who you are if you feel comfortable, we
will keep you anonymous if need be, to let us
know where you are calling from and your age.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
And Ashley told us her age too, Majong Ashley day, we're.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Getting ages locations. Oh did Majong Ashley give us location? No,
Al's right, that's okay, that's okay. We're not going to
always know. But you know how people have those maps
and they put a pin every time they get a difference.
We have one, you mean you and Patrick, Yeah, for
when you travel somewhere.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
We should do it for all of our voicemails. That's
a great idea and like pin every time. In that way,
it incentivizes people to make sure they give us their location. Yeah,
I mean not exact location, just city.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
And state will do or country country, especially if you're
in a different one.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Yeah, like Heather, So here is what Heather sent us.
Speaker 6 (33:32):
Hi. This is Heather Pelton and I have called before.
I'm from Alberta, Canada. And you know I was one
of the Mama Bears who ranted about the lady being
met at you about how you talked about what she
thought was non sat But anyways, I am fifty three.
That's probably why I'm more Mama bearrish than some of
your viewers. Maybe or not viewers, I guess, but I
(33:55):
was just listening to your podcast about the shoe free house,
and being from Canada, pretty much everybody here has a
shoe free house. So to me, it feels really weird
to wear shoes in a house. I feel like it
would be loud, but maybe it's not like outside. If
(34:15):
I have to, I have when we're bare feet upside too,
and I would just wear shoes like when we're going
out like that, I would make the party idea. When
I was thinking about that, I thought, I'm usually in Canada,
they have such a large front room area or entrance
wayed everybody just dumps the shoes off. I've never heard
that being heard of an outfit unless you're going out
(34:38):
somewhere like tolf a haul or a restaurant or something
like that. I've never really ever considered wearing shoes into
someone's house. Lots of people that have cold feet have
a basket of slippers by their front door. I have
hot feet, soup that has never been an issue for me.
But I have a pair of like little like broken
stock styles, the sandals that I have at my back
(34:59):
door and stuff I have to run outside quickly. Yeah,
but I think maybe it's the climate here that has
made it part of our tradition in Canada, because it's
cold and wet and rainy and snowy, and I can't
imagine wearing snow boots so side then coming in with them.
So I guess you'd have maybe if I shoes if
you were in a snowy area. I don't know how
(35:20):
that works for people in the US that have snowy climate.
So anyways, I'm rambling now, and also I just wanted
to say Monima here. So I'm so excited for you,
Kat that you're pregnant.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
I know that.
Speaker 6 (35:32):
So I've been a lot of from what you've told us.
I know it's been a lot of heartache and worry
and a lot of work to get to make this happen,
so I'm super happy it was successful for you. And
how the day you do cash nice.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
So there you go. Two of our biggest topics lately
were discussed in these voicemails. So we got no shoes
in the household in Masong. Okay, you feel like we've
been talking about those two things for a month and now.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
And maybe we should retire them. But yeah, it seems
like people are interested in those topics so well, and
I feel.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
That I feel too, like it is based on this
just culturally, Yeah, where you grow up and how you
grow up. It's not that weird because so many people
are like, oh, I believe you want to be a
no shoe household, and I'm like, which is weirder to
wear your dirty shoes around the house and they act
like there's not germs, which I do every day. But
(36:25):
it's also the shout out to the people that just
naturally have been taking their shoes off all along, because
I feel like they fall. This is not the same
thing as taking a picture with a dead person. I
feel like this one does have a right in or wrong.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
You're not well you are you're wearing your shoes. I
took my shoes off at the door. If you didn't
notice today.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
I haven't become a no shoe household.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Okay, but I was gonna say, like again, I think
you're probably wearing no shoes more than you realize in
your house. Like when you get home from work, do
you keep your shoes on?
Speaker 1 (36:53):
I don't know right now. I do because I came
home from work and we're still working, so I'm staying dressed.
But yeah, I will put on my slippers. But like
my son comes home from school, Yeah, my daughter comes
home and there's shoes have been who knows where? That's
true all over their school bathrooms. Do you think in
and then coming home? Yeah, I know when you really.
Speaker 4 (37:12):
Think about it, it is gross. Okay, it is gross,
but I think it's it's not weird because it's normal
to us. But I had just had this thought. In places,
like you know, in Asian cultures, it's very normal for
them not to wear shoes and homes when they go
to like restaurants and stuff. I wonder if there's certain
places that you take your shoes off. I mean it's public,
so like maybe not, but I wonder in the in
(37:34):
the cultures that it's very very normal for you to
not wear shoes inside, Like if there are public places
that you don't wear shoes, like in like places of worship,
do you wear your shoes? I wonder it would not
be crazy if I mean, it would be crazy because
we don't do it in Christian churches. But if that
was like something that people did at places of worship,
(37:54):
I'd make Oh, that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
So here we are still talking about it, but never again,
just kidding us. We'll never bring it up again unless
we have a listener in another part of the world
that wants to tell us about their culture and your
experience with them.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Are going to like I listened to the same podcast
three weeks in a row about Mashong and no shoes
in the house.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
We get it, But of course I think the voicemails
at a different element because they're contributing to the conversation.
They both we got good intel from both our listeners,
Heather and Ashley.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
Yeah, and I did say this before we started recording,
when I knew we were going to talk about the
pictures with the dying family members. I was like, I
wish we had a hotline that people called in live
and could give us their like opinion during the episode.
But because we don't have that, it has to be
broken up in two episodes. We give the story and
then people call the hot line.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Yeah, this is you know, delayed hot line.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
So we'll probably be talking about taking pictures with dead
family members next week.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah, and maybe even Masong. But we would love to
hear from you. Make sure you email us Hey, theyre
at Feeling Things podcast dot com and you can also
call us obviously not live though, eight seven seven two
o seven two o seven seven, And we hope wherever
you are, you have the day you need to have.
(39:16):
Bye Bye,
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good a right break it down. If you ever have
feelings that you just fonsome Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking,
No brother ladies and felons, You just follow an the
spirit where it's all phone or real stuff to the
chill stuff and the m but sway. Sometimes the best
thing you can do it just stop you feel things.
(00:35):
This is Feeling Things.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
With Amy and Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat,
and our email might be a little controversial. I don't know,
based on Cat and I is a very limited conversation
about the email before we started recording. I now know
that we don't agree with how we're gonna respond like
(00:59):
we have on her point or conflicting views.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Yes, and you thought when I walked in today, you
thought I was going to be completely in agrance with
what you were yanking. Okay, Yeah, and I was completely
on the other side of it.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And to be clear, there isn't really a right or
wrong except for their kind is now they're kind of
is based on the email? Or is a in law?
I feel like when you're the son or the daughter
and I'll get in the email and then people know
what we're talking about. But it's like family versus like
you've married into the family. You just I would do
what the family's doing. Yeah, because she did the right thing.
(01:35):
She was like, I didn't want to make it about myself,
so let me read the email so people know what
we're talking about. Hey, ladies, this is from Laurie. I'm
going to try to make this story on the shorter
side while including necessary details. My husband's mom was recently
placed in hospice. His brother was sending pictures of her
in bed, not looking her best. She was a bit
bruised from a fall and pretty non responsive at this point,
(01:56):
so you can imagine how a ninety three year old
woman would look in that state. I voiced to my
husband that I thought it was odd and uncomfortable for
his brother to take pictures of himself, his wife, and
others at her bedside smiling while she clung to life.
When we went to sayah goodbyes. His brother decided it
was a good idea to take a picture of all
of the family by her bed with her completely unresponsive.
(02:18):
To say, I was mortified. As an understatement, I really
did not want to participate, but I felt like in
this case it was not about me, and if I
were to voice my feelings it would have created more
stress and drama to an already difficult situation. So I
took the picture. Since then, I have regretted it. I
don't like knowing there's a picture of me smiling at
the bedside of a dying woman, and just to be clear,
(02:40):
her face was in all the pictures. I'm glad I
did not make the situation about me, but I'm still
very uncomfortable with the picture. Am I making more of
the situation than there needs to be? Was there a
better way for me to handle it? Obviously I can't
go back, but perhaps this could help somebody else. We'd
love to hear your take on it, Lourie, which I
have no idea if will be of any help to
(03:00):
anybody else, because God and I see differently on this.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Ish well, I think that in itself can be helpful,
that there isn't one way, yeah, because I would respond
very differently than you have responded in your life.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, so we'll start with my experience with losing both
my mom and my dad. So it wasn't an in law,
it was directly my blood my parents. So similar to
your husband's brother, like that was his mom. I don't
know how my parents would have felt with the pictures
(03:38):
going around. Nothing has ever been posted publicly. It has
all stayed internal within the family. But we did this.
I mean, I think even when my dad was near death,
he did it die. So a couple of years before
he passed away, he was in he had surgery and
ended up in ICU. He was supposed to only be
(03:58):
an ICU for three days. He ended up there for
about six weeks or so. And I still have photos
of us gathered around his bed while he's I guess
I thought we were losing him. So he's got tubes
and everything, which even fast forward a couple years later
when he did die, we did have him on life support,
so we have photos around his bed and there are tubes.
(04:18):
So we have two versions. We have the ICU version,
and yeah, it is weird. I guess we're all like
sick cheese?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Are you smiling in these photos? Like what's the vibe?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I just pulled one up to show you of that's
the one where he actually died. And that was me,
my sister, my half sister, and my niece, and we
were gathered around and I can tell I look tired.
I don't have a full blown teeth smile. But we
also have masks around our faces because it was COVID,
but you can tell we pulled them down and I'm
sort of giving like a half smile, but you can
(04:50):
see my eyes are sad. And then I had been
emotional and was crying. Now, back when my mom passed away,
I think we were doing bedside family pics. But after
my mom passed away, my sister laid with her. My
sister and I laid with her for a very long time,
(05:10):
which is weird to think back on. And someone who
saw us laying with her took it upon themselves like, hey,
I'm going to capture this, and then they sent it
to us and said, I thought you might want this
if you don't delete it, I understand, but I it
seemed like a special moment. And so now somewhere we
have that photo. It's not something I ever not frankmed
(05:30):
but no in my living room slideshow. So I don't
have these photos anywhere, but I have them if we
need to access them for whatever reason or like, I
don't know what made us take photos in that moment.
Now again with my sister, my mom, and I. Someone
captured that special moment, but my mom was absolutely.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Then I think you're saying you can't answer this, but
I would like to know the inside of the brain,
Like what were you wanting out of taking the photo
with your dad when you thought he was maybe dying?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Like I can't explain it, but it's we're all gathered
in a room together. He would love that we were
gathered in a room together, especially me, my sister, and
my half siblings, because he always wanted us to be close,
which is weird because he did nothing to really nurture that,
but I think he loved it. Which were like the
not close but close type family. I mean, my sister
(06:27):
and I are very close, but my half brother and
my half sister, I can go years without much communication
without seeing but we will pick right back up or
we will be there for each other, Like if they
called me right now, and needed something, I would absolutely
be their hands down, no doubt. But I've no idea
what's been going on with my brother the last couple
(06:47):
of years. Right after my dad died, we were putting
in an attempt and I was going to Florida and
like seeing him. But we're like, yeah, the closest not
close siblings. But my dad would have loved that we
were all gathered in his hostel little room together, not
because not for him or about him, but just he
would love that we were together. So I can't again
(07:08):
quite explain it, but it's just, hey, let's should we
take a pic?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
So we did.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So that's why everybody handles it differently. Now, we had
nobody say, oh, no, I don't want to be in
this photo, or this is making me uncomfortable. My mom
or my dad didn't voice like, oh I'm uncomfortable with
pictures of me FYI while I'm in hospice. But it's
just something that happens. So while she maybe wouldn't think
of it, or her husband maybe isn't thinking of it,
(07:36):
but her husband's brother is. I think in those moments,
it's family. If someone needs that as part of their
grieving process and it's for internal stuff. Now, if he
were to throw that on social media for some attention,
for whatever reason, I would say, hey, I don't think
we should have that picture on social media. That's internal,
(07:58):
that's family, that's a private moment. I would voice that
if you felt called to. But I think LRII did
the best thing. I know she's regretting it a little bit,
but I think in that moment, with all the other things,
it could have led to unnecessary drama for an internal
family photo.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I think I agree with you on that part of it.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Where and I will say this with a caveat, I've
never been in this position, so personally I can say
what I think I would do, but you don't really know.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
And also I got to say when I pulled up
that picture a minute ago, it gives me levity now
of like, it's so hilarious we took this selfie with
dad while he's not like it's kind of life support. Yeah,
I'm not saying it's not laying with my mom as
she's dead. Is weird.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
I think that's normal. I think people do that.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, but it's a little weird. Like the corners were like, Okay, ladies,
you gotta go, like, we got to get her out
of here. The hearses out front and then we all
formed a line as they wheeled her out like a
like a like a processional.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Or recessional pro prauh is before ruh is after right, okay,
so R I don't know, I don't know, I'm making
up words.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I'm not really sure. But it wasn't her funeral. I
mean she was exiting. We had hospice at my sister's house,
so it was her like you laid with her at.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Your house, at your sister's house in the hospital bed. Oh,
I was thinking you were in the hospital. So who
was in the house being like, get up the corners?
Speaker 5 (09:39):
No.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I think we thought okay, it's time, okay, because the
corners were there and they had been there and they
were waiting to take her, and I think they maybe
have a schedule. So we were like, oh, okay, but
you can do hospice at a hospice house, which that's
where my mom started out. But before my mom lost consciousness,
she's like, I really want to go home. I don't
want and the hospice house was amazing. It's Christopher House
(10:03):
in Austin. They were lovely. It was nothing against them.
It was actually really comforting and adorable. However, my mom
just really wanted to be home or my sister's house.
So that's where we went and transformed my sister's bedroom, like,
moved out her bed, put in a hospital bed, and
it was a revolving door of people. So for a
(10:23):
couple of days her hospice was people in and out,
just saying they're goodbyes and maybe even taking pics. I
don't know. Maybe they did, maybe they did it. Yeah,
but my mom didn't say like no picks, which I
get you maybe had a take on what you were
saying about if that were you on your deathbed.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
I have two takes because, yeah, the perspective of if
it was me, and then also like I cannot imagine
a world where I want a picture of me with
my mom while she's dying. But that's how I cope
with things, Like I'd rather have look back on pictures
where she's full of life and have those and make
(11:02):
sure I take as many as I can.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Now I don't think that I would want that.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
So I can relate to what Laurie's saying when she's
like this was really weird. Now I do think that
people and I think it's different, like what they're taking
pictures of, but like people do document people in the
hospital and that's normal. Like my niece was in the
hospital a couple years ago and we would get pictures
of her and like how she's doing. She wasn't dying.
(11:27):
But there's nuance to this, right, so I can What
I want Laurid to know is I can relate to you.
I think I would have done the same thing you
did and default to what the kids like. The actual
what's the word I'm looking for. I think it's kids
like their mother, like they're blood related because she's the
end having pregnancy. Brain is Yes, I think I would
(11:50):
do the same thing, but I probably would feel I
think Laurie's feelings make a lot of sense from my perspective,
me never being in that position.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I agree. After reading her email out loud, I'm like, oh,
I get the uncomfortableness of this situation, and you absolutely
did the right thing, and I think now you need
to just let that go because I think her final
part of the email, the question was was there a
better way for me to handle it?
Speaker 4 (12:14):
No?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
No, no, you handled it perfectly and.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Then you process your feelings of what that was like
privately with your husband. Maybe you can I mean, which she.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Said, am I making more of this situation than there
needs to be? And at this point now I would
say yes, like I would let this go. There's like
you can't go back and change it. It wasn't about
you at all, but you know that and it could
help you know what you want for your life down
the road with your kids.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Like, hey, right, which is my other perspective is this
is what I'm saying as of now in the age
I am. Now, this could change. We all can change.
This is for you too, since you have a history
of doing this. I'm in the hospital and I'm dying,
no fix, no pics now if I'm awake and I'm alert,
and I'm like, oh, I just broke my arm, Like
(12:58):
we can take a picture, but if I'm not able
to give consent on this photo, I don't want that
photo taken. Let's just take some photos now you can
have of me.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Okay, that's good to know now we know.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Yeah, so maybe these are conversations we need to have
with the.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Like, yeah, you need to talk to Patrick about that,
because what if Patrick's.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
Like, he's not gonna here. He doesn't you know, he's
a nine. He's like, I don't care whatever you want, Okay,
but I will ask him to see if he does
have an opinion. I wonder if I would want to
take a picture of Patrick. See, you never know till
you're in a situation and thinking about my mother. But no,
I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I mean. Oh, Also, Shannon confirmed recessional is exit. I'm
sure we have some listeners that were yelling like it's recessional,
it's recessional, and then processional is interest, So I recorrect. Yes,
(14:01):
we do have a fun voicemail about Majong. And get this,
because we've been talking about Majong. My aunt sent me
a text the other day saying that my grandma, Mama Chris,
I wasn't with her when she died, so I have
no picks of that. Sadly had a real tile Majong set,
which maybe is there fancy fake tile or like domino
(14:26):
plastic ones. Okay, so this she had the real deal
and she would have Majong parties with dainty little coffee
cups and ash trays on the card table sixty five
years ago.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
So people have been playing majong. It's just resurfacing.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I guess my grandma. I was like, wow, my grandmother
really was a gamer and a gather of people like.
She loved bridge. She had her bridge group, and.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
I think bridge is big in the elderly community.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yes, and she loved to bowl shit her bowling community
and even at bowling at the bowling alley, they would
sit at a table and play bridge and smoke their cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Yeah, oh that's funny.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
So shout out to Mama Chris and her majong set.
Which where is that? Bad boy?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
My grandma was always searching for a bridge gift. I
guess you win a prize when you host. I don't know,
but every time we would go shopping, she would always
be like, well, this'd be a good prize for bridge.
She's always looking for it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
All right, let's play the voicemail. This is from Ashley.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Hi Amy, Hi Kat. I have been listening for a
long time, and I heard a couple of weeks ago
y'all talking about Majong. And then I'm listening to I
believe it's Today's podcast April second, and y'all are talking
about it again. And I have been playing majong for
about four years now, I think with three other girlfriends
(15:51):
of mine and I am forty two years old, just
turned forty two March twenty fourth, and we love it.
Kat would saying people with ADHD like she wasn't sure
how they would do or whatever. And I'm not saying
I have ADHD, but I just know from listening to
y'all her so I feel like we're bss that I
(16:12):
know that y'all could do it. I will say, I
don't ever describe it to people as being fun per se.
It is literally like a workout for your brain. And
when you play long enough at one setting, you will
get what I mean, because we play for two hours
at a time, and about an hour and a half
in our brains are like, we can't do this anymore.
(16:33):
But it's fun like a workout is fun. And then
also if you want to add in, you know, a
glass of wine or some rose or something or mimosas
of course, it can be even more fun. So I
just wanted to call and tell you that I hope
you'll have today you need to have.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Oh, thanks, Ashley.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
We must be talking about Masha on a lot because
she was like, you're talking about one day and then
you were talking about today again.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Today, well, talking about again so much. So my aunt
texted me, you know, like Majong runs in your blood.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Meanwhile, neither of us have ever played, So now if
we're gonna keep talking about it, we have to try
to play.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Okay, well, we're gonna need to just get that coach.
We need to have a party. We need to make
it a party and just have the coach come and
teach whoever wants. Like, we send a text out to
some girlfriends, Hey, if you all want to get together,
we're having a coach come explain Majong to us.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
And then yeah, if anybody there wants to continue, if
they enjoy it, then we can make a little Majong group. Right.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
This made me.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Also think about I feel like I've talked about this
with you before, the types of fun, the three types
of fun? Have you heard of the three types of fun?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well, if you've talked to me about it before, then
I guess I have. However, refresh my memory.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
I don't know if we have. My memories not so great.
So there's three types of fun? Want the first one
and Shannon, you might have to fact check me because
it's been a while since I've looked at this. But
the first type of fun is just fun. Think about
a hobby that is enjoyable, Why you do it? What
is that fable? Yes, that could actually be in multiple categories,
but for me, that would be type one fun, like
I have fun while I'm doing it, easy peasy. Then
(18:04):
the second type of fun is fun but like there's
effort into it. Like I guess a workout for me
would be a type two fun where I am kind
of enjoying it, but I'm also like wanting to be
over at the same time, Like indoor cycling was that
for me. It was really hard while you're doing it,
but you're enjoying it at the same time, and then
when it's over, you're like, I want to do that again.
(18:25):
And there's type three fun, and that type of fun
it's not really fun. It's like running a marathon or
a twenty mile hike if you go somewhere and do
some crazy thing like that, where after it you're like,
I never want to do that again, but I'm so
glad I did it. So Type three builds character, and
like you, I think you learn about yourself and all
(18:46):
of that, Like you challenge yourself, you do things you
never thought you could do. But like I don't want to.
I mean some people, some people, a marathon might be
type two fun. For me, ito's type three fun. Majong
sounds like it's type two fun.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, type two. I I was gonna I'm doing duelingo
learning French, and it feels type two.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Yeah, like you kind of have to talk yourself into
doing it. But then yes, you do it.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
My lesson of the day. And then while I'm doing it,
when I get something right and it like gives me,
you know, confetti or something, I'm like, yay, that's fun.
And then when I get done, I'm like, oh my
lesson's already over and I feel accomplished, like oh I
just did.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
That, like and then you want to go do it again,
like yeah versus like I said, the marathon for me,
I didn't really want. But as soon as I finished
my first marathon, first thing I said is somebody who's
don't ever let me sign up for another one.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Same, So I'm never doing that again, and I haven't.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
I did it one more time.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
You did it because I wanted to do it. I
did it for my thirtieth birthday.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
I ran another one just to like prove I could
do it, and then after that I said I'm done.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
I got into triathlons after that's worse. No, it's actually
easier because running you're doing the same thing for twenty
six point two miles. This was broken up. I mean, sure,
you're swimming, biking and running, but it was fun at
the time. Like the break, it was better on my joints,
(20:08):
so my knee wasn't hurting as bad, and I liked
the cycling at the time. I do not anymore. I
was in my Lance Armstrong season in Austin because I
joined this gem and I was single, and everybody there
some of them were even like would cycle with him
or something? I have no idea, but it was from Austin. Yeah,
he was living there, and I mean, I don't know
(20:30):
him at all. In fact, I've never heard positive, great
things about him. But that's not what this podcast is about.
I just walked. You could watch the documentary I find
that out. But ooh, speaking of documentaries, did you watch
did you watch the False Profit one on Netflix?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Wait? No way, I've watched forty five minutes of it.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Okay. I finished it last weekend, and I would say
the first forty five minutes were the least interesting. I
don't want to use the word entertaining because it's such
a heavy topic, but you're right, like interesting, I feel
episodes two, three, and four. You're dialed in. You know
that's good to hear you want to keep watching.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
I actually chose not to watch it again today because
I was watching it while I'm on the treadmill, and
today I chose something else because I was like, oh,
I think I got what I needed after I.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Don't watching a show while you walk in the treadmill fun.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
That makes it the type two fun, type one fun. Yes,
But now I'll go back and watch it because I
really was like, Okay, I think I get what they're
putting down. I'm done with it, m okay.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I mean it's disturbing, disturbing and makes you wonder how
many other little groups like that are scattered about and
sadly living that way without knowing there's another way to live.
Like one of the girls, she even said, FLDS is
that what it's called.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
It's fundamental LDS, so it's yes, more strict Mormon.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
There's you know, more multiple wives. And in this case,
this guy's proclaiming he's the prophet, and so they want
to be his wives because they were born into that,
and they truly if they think he's the prophet, they
are eager to be with him. I mean, I think
deep down some things gnawing at them that, like it's
not right, but they want to be obedient because they
want to go to heaven and they are very submissive
(22:22):
to their prophet. And obviously with this particular story, I
don't want to give too much away, but it's just
sad because the ages of these girls.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
It's like a lot of brainwashing and like they're not
making some people it looks like they're making these choices.
But how can they really be making these choices if
they've been brainwashed to believe certain things and they haven't
had the other side of knowing like this also could
be true. All I was thinking is that lady what
was her name, the one that went to go to
help them.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, I can't remember. Oh my gosh, what a good person. Yeah. Well,
so I don't want to give anything away. She has
a reason why she cares, so I think we all
care about it, But are we all going to infiltrate,
infiltrate ourselves into it to film it? And she moved
her life to help these women. Yes, and she didn't
(23:15):
to be clear, and this is not giving anything away,
but she Yeah, what a saint because she wanted to
go help them. And then things got risky because of
the information she was learning, which was far more than
she ever expected, Like she thought it was bad, but
it ended up far worse. So now I was worried
(23:37):
for her, like is this dangerous now for her to
be this informant type person and collecting all this data
because obviously someone who's thinking they're this profit is not
mentally well, right, so what links are they willing to
go to?
Speaker 4 (23:52):
But I guess once you're that far into it, it's like, well,
I can't abandon these people and have to help them.
It's worth it now.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
But I also really liked to and I only watched
thirty forty five minutes of it, but I liked what
she said in the beginning before because I haven't gotten
to the I'm just getting to the part where she's
learning some crazy stuff.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
But she was just helping this.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Community of people that were of a different faith and
live different lifestyle of hers and she talked about and
she said there was I wish I had that actual
quote she said, but she was like, I never wanted
to come off as judgmental. I just wanted to in
the community feel they liked her, like they were welcoming
to her because she was helping them and being so kind.
And she was like, you can't if I'm judgmental towards
(24:32):
these people and giving off that vibe, there's no way
for me to build trust with them. And I want
them to trust me so I can help them. And
I was like, that's so fair. If you ever in
your life are around people, and this can be sure,
it can be something that has to do with a cult,
but it also can just be like if your friend's
in a scary relationship that you don't think is healthy,
(24:52):
or you think somebody that you know where close to
is struggling with addiction and eating disorder or something like that,
show up really judgmental and you are telling them they're
doing this that and whatever wrong, or they're weird or
whatever it is. They're not going to listen to you,
and so you have to show up with like love
and care, so they actually want to hear what you
(25:14):
have to say. And I think that's hard when you
see stuff that is so extreme, because my first response
I was watching this is like, what the heck? I
don't think I could be as kind to specifically that
man as she was.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Well, she had a mission, yes, so she knew what
she needed to do to get the job done, and
so she was she.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
Didn't want to make the yeah, and she didn't want
to make the women feel bad or wrong either. She's
like yeah, I just.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Yeah, good example, Keep watching because you'll learn more as
to why it's important to her. And her name is
Christine okay, and then her fiancee, her husband was a photographer.
Her name is Tolga. I remember that name, and so
if y'all aren't familiar yet, it's on Netflix called Trust Me.
The False Prophet is the official name. I think I
was calling it. I think you called it that did
(26:02):
I okay, good, that's what I heard in my brain.
Well you are. I didn't know you started watching it,
so I was just curious. I'm so glad you brought
it up because I never would have gone back and
watched it. I almost didn't keep going but I saw
so many people posting and talking about it, and then
it was number one on Netflix, and I'm like, I
gotta keep going because there's a reason why people are
watching this.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Did you watch DTF Saint Louis? Did you watch DTF
Saint Louis?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
No, but Bobby did.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
Okay, it's so weird, but it is so funny. It's
kind of like it feels a little satire at parts,
so you have to watch it kind of with a
grain of salt. You're not interested in.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
The No, I have it on my list, like it, Yeah,
I have it on my list. I'm just trying to
I'm I've been reading so much lately that I'm watching less.
The Profit thing is the first thing I've watched in
a little bit. I mean, I was obviously doing Paradise,
but that was one episode a week.
Speaker 4 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
The False Prophet it was four episodes that I binged
over the weekend, not all in a row. But I
feel like, oh, this is something I want to finish
right now. And I've started reading Yesteryear.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
I've seen so many people post that they're reading this.
It's about it's about an influencer who I think maybe
I don't know. I haven't searched this up, but you
know that influencer Ballerina Farms. Yes, whatever, I am picturing
her while I'm reading this. I have no idea if
(27:43):
she was any sort of inspo from the author at all,
but that's who I'm picturing. Because it's taking place on
a farm. The farm is called Yesteryear. And actually I'm
just going to read the what it's about, Kaushanna, just
put it up here because I don't want to give
anything away. Yesteryear by Carol Claire Burke is a novel
about a trad wife influencer, Natalie Heller Mills, who projects
(28:08):
a perfect, old fashioned life online but secretly lives a modern,
privileged one, only to wake up one day in the
harsh reality of the eighteen hundreds, forcing her to confront
the life she'd been faking. The book explores themes of
social media, performance, authenticity, and the trad wife phenomenon, blending thriller,
social commentary, and dark comedy as Natalie tries to survive
(28:31):
and understand her situation. It's a recent debut novel that
became a Good Morning America book Club pick in April
twenty twenty six, So that's maybe why you're seeing so
many people read it. I didn't know it was a
Good Morning America book Club pick.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
But okay, I have to read this because the trad
wife phenomenon that's going on right now is so interesting
to me. It is so interesting, and I think probably
half of the people that we are seeing do this.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Online they're doing it for yeah, and it's.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Like, that's true. It's like they're making so much money.
There's no way that they're like making every single thing
in their life from scratch all day every day when
they're making millions and millions and millions of dollars from
acting like they do.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yeah, So like schul obviously it was very performative, but
it looks like she's running fun. I feel like I
can say this and it's fine, but you would think
a lot of influencers they're running on social media. You
think it's just them, but they're running a whole operation, right,
and there's like multiple employees and nannies and all these
(29:35):
things that you don't see. Yes, their camera.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Nanny, they're taking care of the child, and there're probably
is a cameraman videoing this person making their whatever sourdough
cereal whatever.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
That they're making sourdough cereal.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
People make everything out of sourdough these days, I swear
to God. But that is so interesting too, of like
you live, you act like you're which, sure, maybe somebody's
doing this, but to be able to do all of
that from scratch and also raise your kids.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
How there's not enough time in the day.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Your kids don't nap that long, well, they shouldn't be
napping that long for you to do that. So, okay,
should I read this before I read THEO of Golden?
Speaker 1 (30:17):
They're totally different. The of Golden's just so good. Okay,
they are very, very drastically different. Like I'm walking away
from this, and there it is. There is dark comedy,
like you get a peek into her brain of like
I love the way the author she'll be speaking, but
then it also gives her thoughts at the same time,
and it totally contradicts, like it'd be like if you
(30:40):
said something to me and I was like, oh, that's
so lovely, but in my head, I'm like, screw you.
So you get both versions of you get her performative
side and then what she's really thinking. And I like that,
and of course I can't help it start to think
of all these influencers sometimes that I see, and.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
I wonder if the I mean, the Ballerina farm Girl
has to be clued in that this might be like
I have no idea or point inspired by her.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Maybe maybe yeah. I don't know if there's any other
super super famous because in this fictional situation, she's got
five million followers, which is a lot. It's interesting to
see how it grows. I mean, it's not all the
same things. But her husband is wealthy, and I believe
Ballerina Farm's girl her husband is like the Jet Blue family.
They're very wealthy. But it's not like this is an
(31:33):
airline situation, like it's a politician. I don't know if
y'all can hear Maggie. If she just barged in here
me owing, she's like hello, she's probably like somebody fish.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
She said, Mom, I want you to be a trad wife,
which we should probably tell people in case they don't
know what that is. Shannon put the actual definition, it's
a social media based subculture of women who embrace the
nineteen fifty style gender roles, prioritizing homemade In submission, to
their husbands, which could not be farther than what I
aspire to.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Be speaking of in the home and taking care of
your home. And you know, we did get a voicemail
from Heather, she's an international listener's from She's from Canada.
(32:27):
Crazy and guess what you'll hear in the voicemail that
she says her age, which I think she did that
because we talked about that on the podcast recently of
yeah saying who you are if you feel comfortable, we
will keep you anonymous if need be, to let us
know where you are calling from and your age.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
And Ashley told us her age too, Majong Ashley day, we're.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Getting ages locations. Oh did Majong Ashley give us location? No,
Al's right, that's okay, that's okay. We're not going to
always know. But you know how people have those maps
and they put a pin every time they get a difference.
We have one, you mean you and Patrick, Yeah, for
when you travel somewhere.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
We should do it for all of our voicemails. That's
a great idea and like pin every time. In that way,
it incentivizes people to make sure they give us their location. Yeah,
I mean not exact location, just city.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
And state will do or country country, especially if you're
in a different one.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Yeah, like Heather, So here is what Heather sent us.
Speaker 6 (33:32):
Hi. This is Heather Pelton and I have called before.
I'm from Alberta, Canada. And you know I was one
of the Mama Bears who ranted about the lady being
met at you about how you talked about what she
thought was non sat But anyways, I am fifty three.
That's probably why I'm more Mama bearrish than some of
your viewers. Maybe or not viewers, I guess, but I
(33:55):
was just listening to your podcast about the shoe free house,
and being from Canada, pretty much everybody here has a
shoe free house. So to me, it feels really weird
to wear shoes in a house. I feel like it
would be loud, but maybe it's not like outside. If
(34:15):
I have to, I have when we're bare feet upside too,
and I would just wear shoes like when we're going
out like that, I would make the party idea. When
I was thinking about that, I thought, I'm usually in Canada,
they have such a large front room area or entrance
wayed everybody just dumps the shoes off. I've never heard
that being heard of an outfit unless you're going out
(34:38):
somewhere like tolf a haul or a restaurant or something
like that. I've never really ever considered wearing shoes into
someone's house. Lots of people that have cold feet have
a basket of slippers by their front door. I have
hot feet, soup that has never been an issue for me.
But I have a pair of like little like broken
stock styles, the sandals that I have at my back
(34:59):
door and stuff I have to run outside quickly. Yeah,
but I think maybe it's the climate here that has
made it part of our tradition in Canada, because it's
cold and wet and rainy and snowy, and I can't
imagine wearing snow boots so side then coming in with them.
So I guess you'd have maybe if I shoes if
you were in a snowy area. I don't know how
(35:20):
that works for people in the US that have snowy climate.
So anyways, I'm rambling now, and also I just wanted
to say Monima here. So I'm so excited for you,
Kat that you're pregnant.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
I know that.
Speaker 6 (35:32):
So I've been a lot of from what you've told us.
I know it's been a lot of heartache and worry
and a lot of work to get to make this happen,
so I'm super happy it was successful for you. And
how the day you do cash nice.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
So there you go. Two of our biggest topics lately
were discussed in these voicemails. So we got no shoes
in the household in Masong. Okay, you feel like we've
been talking about those two things for a month and now.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
And maybe we should retire them. But yeah, it seems
like people are interested in those topics so well, and
I feel.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
That I feel too, like it is based on this
just culturally, Yeah, where you grow up and how you
grow up. It's not that weird because so many people
are like, oh, I believe you want to be a
no shoe household, and I'm like, which is weirder to
wear your dirty shoes around the house and they act
like there's not germs, which I do every day. But
(36:25):
it's also the shout out to the people that just
naturally have been taking their shoes off all along, because
I feel like they fall. This is not the same
thing as taking a picture with a dead person. I
feel like this one does have a right in or wrong.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
You're not well you are you're wearing your shoes. I
took my shoes off at the door. If you didn't
notice today.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
I haven't become a no shoe household.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Okay, but I was gonna say, like again, I think
you're probably wearing no shoes more than you realize in
your house. Like when you get home from work, do
you keep your shoes on?
Speaker 1 (36:53):
I don't know right now. I do because I came
home from work and we're still working, so I'm staying dressed.
But yeah, I will put on my slippers. But like
my son comes home from school, Yeah, my daughter comes
home and there's shoes have been who knows where? That's
true all over their school bathrooms. Do you think in
and then coming home? Yeah, I know when you really.
Speaker 4 (37:12):
Think about it, it is gross. Okay, it is gross,
but I think it's it's not weird because it's normal
to us. But I had just had this thought. In places,
like you know, in Asian cultures, it's very normal for
them not to wear shoes and homes when they go
to like restaurants and stuff. I wonder if there's certain
places that you take your shoes off. I mean it's public,
so like maybe not, but I wonder in the in
(37:34):
the cultures that it's very very normal for you to
not wear shoes inside, Like if there are public places
that you don't wear shoes, like in like places of worship,
do you wear your shoes? I wonder it would not
be crazy if I mean, it would be crazy because
we don't do it in Christian churches. But if that
was like something that people did at places of worship,
(37:54):
I'd make Oh, that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
So here we are still talking about it, but never again,
just kidding us. We'll never bring it up again unless
we have a listener in another part of the world
that wants to tell us about their culture and your
experience with them.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Are going to like I listened to the same podcast
three weeks in a row about Mashong and no shoes
in the house.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
We get it, But of course I think the voicemails
at a different element because they're contributing to the conversation.
They both we got good intel from both our listeners,
Heather and Ashley.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
Yeah, and I did say this before we started recording,
when I knew we were going to talk about the
pictures with the dying family members. I was like, I
wish we had a hotline that people called in live
and could give us their like opinion during the episode.
But because we don't have that, it has to be
broken up in two episodes. We give the story and
then people call the hot line.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Yeah, this is you know, delayed hot line.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
So we'll probably be talking about taking pictures with dead
family members next week.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Yeah, and maybe even Masong. But we would love to
hear from you. Make sure you email us Hey, theyre
at Feeling Things podcast dot com and you can also
call us obviously not live though, eight seven seven two
o seven two o seven seven, And we hope wherever
you are, you have the day you need to have.
(39:16):
Bye Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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