January 11, 2022 • 25 mins
Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat! Kicked things off with a little covid update: Kat has it {but still recorded with us!} and Amy had a covid scare...but ended up negative. The quote for this episode is a good one: “As soon as we realize that it’s not our job to be perfect, everything gets easier and more honest and more true.” {originally posted by @adamjk - follow him on Instagram if you aren’t already!!} You’ll enjoy today's chat if adulting is hard and/or you’ve ever had to deal with negative feedback {a listener emailed in about this and offered some really good insight}. Amy & Kat also shared what TV shows they are watching right now…so if you’re looking for something new…listen until the end. ;) We hope you enjoy and have a happy Tuesday!
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing with Amy and Cat.
This is the first Amy Cat chat of two, so
we're officially back, except for we normally do this in
person because Cat and I both live in Nashville, but
we are doing it over zoom today because should we
have a drum roll? A little cat has COVID. It's
(00:25):
not funny and you can kind of hear in her
nose a little bit, a little n She was like
the little basically, and I said, there's just a little
nasal nous going on. But other than that, you seem
in good spirits. Well, I feel fine, like I feel normal.
I will say I tried to move my body today
and I felt very winded, very fast, but like physically,
(00:46):
I feel like I would be walking around the world
right now and would have no idea how was sick.
And you can't taste things because you ordered crumble cookies
and that's how you learned. Yeah, well, I'm trying to
ignore that part of my life right now. But that
the weirdest experience of COVID, and I thought that the
new variant that I guess maybe I don't have, didn't
have this part. But I was treating myself to something
(01:10):
nice yesterday because I've been alone for four five days.
Ordered crumble bit into it and was like, these are
bland this week. So I then took a bite of
each of the other flavors and they all tasted the
same amount of blandness. So I then started smelling things.
They started selling candles and I couldn't smell anything. I
(01:32):
brushed my teeth, I couldn't taste the toothpaste. It's the
the weirdest experience in the world. Yeah, I'm sure a
lot of people listening have already had it. So the
experience that I still haven't had COVID yet, at least
that I know of. Maybe I was asymptomatic at some point.
But I had a COVID scare this last weekend. My
daughter and I both I had a headache for about
(01:54):
thirty six hours and my daughter had a hundred and
one point one and I thought, okay, we have finally.
So cats parents had a COVID test. So your mom,
I guess, put one in the male mom. We went
to go get that and I did an at home
test and we were negative. Well, I didn't trust that
(02:15):
I did it correctly because there was in my mind,
we had to be positive because why else would we
have this high fever and headache and it just everyone
has it. There's some meme or something of like the
people that haven't had COVID yet and they're just doing
or whatever, yes, like dodging the lights. But yeah, that's
(02:37):
how I felt. Eventually we're going to get it, and
I kind of was like, Okay, I want to get it,
just to get it over with because I feel as
though this version or this variant our household would handle
it and then we'd have the antibodies and I am vaccinated.
But anyway, all that to say, we ended up going
to get tested by a professional and we were negative.
(02:58):
So the more money to get told I was negative again,
and I was like, I won't want so I still
haven't had it. Why did you think you did the
test wrong? Because I just thought this can't be right,
this can't be right, and I really wanted to know
for sure, for sure. I did it step by step
exactly how you were supposed to do with you just
(03:19):
like put the drops in the thing. Yeah, and then
and then it didn't have a blue line. And then
I guess after it sat for an hour, it was
results were in ten minutes, and then after it sat
for an hour, a faint blue line started to show up.
But I googled and it said, well, you can't trust
anything after too long, you never know. I was like,
oh no, what if it took that long for the
(03:40):
faint blue line? This COVID anxiety. But I will say
I felt relieved when I got it, Like when I
saw that I was positive, I was like, okay, because
now I'm not walking around every day being like afraid
of what I'm going to get it, which I think
is a weird experience. Okay, well, let's move on to
the actual episode, which we normally start the fifth thing
(04:02):
off with a quote, not COVID talk. So Cat, I
know you have our quote for today. Yes, I have
a quote, and then I have a bonus quote to
surprise everybody with, including you. And the first one comes
from So there's this guy. He's an artist and his
name is Adam j K. You can follow him on
Instagram at Adam j K. He's great. But he posted
(04:25):
this a couple of weeks ago, and then I reposted
it and saved it. And it says, as soon as
we realized that it's not our job to be perfect.
Everything gets easier, more honest, and more true. And I
just thought that was so nice. I love that. It
kind of reminds me of last Thursday. In the fourth thing,
I read a note that a listener had sent me
(04:47):
with a blanket that she made me, and she wanted
to get the blanket just perfect before she sent it
to me, and some of the stitching wasn't just right,
and she was frustrated with herself. But then as she
looked at it, she thought, in a way, and I'm
pre are phrasing, but basically it's a metaphor for life,
Like the blanket turned out great, and it was representative
(05:07):
of like everything doesn't have to line up or match
perfectly for it to be good. Yeah, for it to
be good. It kind of makes me think about puzzles,
which you and I are both into, which I left
of four things, I'm fine puzzle on my porch for you,
but I couldn't get myself to get out of that.
I haven't left in five days. It seems like a
lot of work. Yeah, well it's still on the porch
(05:29):
in come get it because you need like a better puzzle.
Puzzle plus our four things. Puzzle will make you happy,
but Maggie and Cara on it and it'll remind you
that it's fine. Everything's fine. So with puzzles, that was
an interesting metaphor for me when I really got into them,
was that some pieces were a little bit more challenging
(05:52):
than others, or like my dog or my cats, speaking
of Maggie or Cara, they would eat one and it
would frustrate me and it would be missing, or it
would be all bent up because I would get it
out of their mouth halfway before they chewed it completely up,
and it would be a little bit wonky, but it's okay,
Like the puzzle was still complete, Like it was just
(06:12):
representative of some pieces are going to be super easy,
like some parts of life are going to fit just
right and go with the flow and be exciting, and
then other parts are going to be a little bit
more challenging and there might be a little bit of
a hole left behind. But that's okay. It can still
be good. It can still be good. Puzzles are just
changing the world right now, I know. Alright, So what
(06:33):
is your bonus quote? So my bonus quotes from you, okay,
because you can't be very inspirational. You do know that, right, well,
but this quote is from you, like an hour ago, um,
and it's a text message. When we were talking about
recording and when we were going to record, you sent
(06:55):
me some stuff and I was like, Okay, that sounds good,
and then you texted me and said, I need to
clean my room and once I am done, we can record.
Recording is my reward for cleaning my room? Yeah? Amy Brown? Okay,
why is that a bonus quote? Well? What, I just
thought it was nice because well, the first thing I
thought when you sent that to me, and I actually
(07:17):
said this to you, but my initial thought was like, huh.
I always imagine that when I was an adult, Like,
when you become an adult, your room is always clean,
but when you're an adult, you have to still clean
your room. Yeah, And you know, when you're a child,
sometimes there's a reward waiting for you if you clean,
and so as an adult. Yeah, I don't know why.
(07:37):
I just really had a lot of clothes to put
away and hang up, and I got all my laundry done,
and I just felt like I was excited to record
with you, and I knew I could also use you
as procrastination too, so it was like, nope, I cannot
sit down and do anything with cat until I put
everything away in my room and clean it completely well.
(08:01):
It also makes me think of a couple of weeks
ago when we read those things from Mel Robbins, and
one of them is like making your bed how it's
like a gift to yourself. And it's kind of like
the same thing because it feels so good when you
do that stuff. This sounds like so miniscule, but it's not.
When I put my laundry away. Right after I do it,
I feel like I'm on top of the world, like
you've just accomplished something. It's huge, yes, And I'm like,
(08:24):
why don't I do that more often? Because it feels
so It's such a small, easy thing and it feels
so good, So why don't I do it more often?
But then I wonder, why do I feel so good
about this? Maybe we're going too deep. I don't have
an answer because I'm like, I'm getting way too proud
of myself for such a task. But maybe that's okay.
I think maybe we need to actually care more about
(08:46):
those little things, because it's like we feel really good
when we do these huge things like I'm making these up,
like I wrote a book, or I got a promotion
at work, or I did this or I did that,
And maybe we need to be more proud of ourselves
for little things. I cleaned my room today. It does
feel good, and you know what, when I go to
bed tonight, it's going to feel really good. Well, I'm
(09:09):
proud of you. Thank you. I'm forty years old, I'll
be forty one in March, and I am congratulating myself
for cleaning your room. Okay, well, hey, but I think yes,
you're right, Cat, like it is a thing of like
(09:30):
you can be proud of the mundane tasks and there
there is some sort of a hit that we're getting
from it, So why not take it soak it up.
I do have an email that I wanted to go over,
(09:52):
since typically we tend to do that here. Sometimes Cat
and I will have a different topic inspired by an
email that we got, or will actually read some emails,
and this one came to me from a listener named Cecilia.
She said, Hey, Amy, I just wanted to take the
time to tell you how much I loved the podcast.
I would also like to say how much I appreciate
your openness to constructive feedback. This is me talking here.
(10:15):
When I read the first sentence, I was like, oh,
here it comes. I thought that too, Yeah, because I
sent the email to Cat and I was like, I
want to discuss this. But honestly, I was like, Okay,
brace yourself. She's about to give me some constructive feedback
and I am then a good place to take it.
We're good, So all right back to the email. With
that being said, I recently listened to another podcast that
(10:37):
talked about how sometimes the Squeaky wheel really doesn't need Greece.
The podcast talked about how negative feedback is much easier
to be shared than positive, and so that then gives
the distortion that changes need to be made in the past.
I know you mentioned you've received feedback on your rambling
and talking about too much therapy. Well, sometimes I wonder
(10:58):
how much feedback you were receiving before you decide to
implement changes. I listened to your podcast in the car
to help with anxiety, and hearing you ramble helps me
get through my drive. Hearing all the therapy things help me.
I just hope you aren't feeling like you have to
be right for everyone, because you're just right for a
(11:20):
lot of us, just the way you are your friend
from Texas. Again, that's from Cecilia, and so I thought,
oh wow, if I were to answer that. Honestly, sometimes
I implement change after one email, like one person, one person, Yeah,
one person, if I sit with it and feel like, okay,
(11:41):
I can take that sort of like the therapy one
where she's mentioning like too much therapy. The rambling I
got from multiple people, but that's okay. I also have
gotten people that enjoy the rambling. So it's trying to
find that fine line between its because I'm wanting to
please everybody, but maybe that's not what I need to
do because I'm not going to be for everybody. But
(12:04):
I will say that the therapy one, which cat we
talked about here on the Fifth Thing, that was one email.
That was an email that I got that was paraphrasing here.
But basically, you know, not everyone wants to hear about
therapy all the time, especially having you cat on with
the fifth Thing and you host a podcast called You
Need Therapy and your Licensed Therapist. So that's why the
(12:24):
Fifth Thing leans more therapy ish. But I mean, I
don't feel like it's too much therapy, but I did.
I read that email and I took it straight away
and I was like, oh, Cat, we need to lean
a little bit some other directions. And that was one note.
And you know what I was thinking when I was
listening to you and when I read this when you
said it to me. At first, I was like, I
(12:44):
don't agree with the fact that it's easier to give
negative feedback than positive. But then I sat there and
I was like, Oh, I hear what she's saying. That
more people it's easier for them to to give you
feedback on something like this, like hey, I didn't like this,
and it's more likely they're gonna do that than likely
that they're going to send just a note just to
say thank you, because I guess sometimes nothing needs to
(13:07):
be said in their eyes, so then it gets heavy
on one side. And so I do think that is
especially when there are ratings involved, and like, you can
write anything on the podcast on Apple podcast. What you
think It's like, Oh, I won't say anything if I
just enjoyed that, But if I really didn't like something,
then I'm like more motivated, which is so weird. I
(13:28):
just think I want well. But here's the thing, Like,
if people are really rude about it, I'm like, why
would you act that way? If I don't really like something,
I'm just going to carry on. But I feel like
anybody that takes the time to do it kindly and
with like constructive criticism, then they actually do enjoy care.
They just have something they would like to share. It
(13:49):
doesn't mean it will be implemented, although I guess in
my case, I might try to implement it right away
because I want to please the majority of people. But
for those listening, they may not have a podcast. So
this even applies to probably anything. And if you do
like whatever work you put out there, or whatever relationship
you're in where you may get some sort of feedback,
(14:12):
it's like, is it something you're hearing from one person
or you know you've heard one time and then you
feel like you need to make this drastic change to
please that one person. And well, I say this all
the time to myself and to my friends and to clients,
is that if everybody likes everything about you, you're not
actually being yourself because that's impossible. It's impossible for every
(14:35):
single kind of human to approve of and like everything
about you that doesn't make any sense because there's so
many different kinds of people, and that goes to not
just your personality, but like the way you get things done,
the way you're organized, the way you run a business,
what you think, your belief system. But what you're saying
(14:57):
is I want everybody to like me, so the you
can't have both. You can't be authentic. You can't be
authentically yourself. Which is why people I think have been
so drawn to four things is because they do get
the authentic you, but you can't be that and every
single person like you. Right, that is true. But also
(15:17):
even when people are sharing their lives like we do
publicly on the Bobby Bones Show or here on the podcast,
you're still only getting a percentage of me. You know.
I was talking to someone the other day and they
were like, you know what, you might ask one person
about me and they might love me to death, and
you might ask another person about me and they hate me.
(15:38):
Can't stand you. And he was just like, what am
I supposed to do with that? You can't please everybody?
And I was like, oh wow, okay, Still I just
struggle with someone having a bad taste or experience. But
I that's also one thing I'm working through is that's
also not my problem to worry about the or feelings
(16:00):
or every listener's feelings out there, or every relationship I have.
Of course I can care about someone, but at the
end of the day, like I have to focus on
my side of the street, like my lane, and just
try to do my best of what I have to
offer and then see what happens. So two things popped
in my head as you're saying that. One is the
(16:21):
idea that just because somebody is upset with something or
somebody doesn't like something, doesn't mean you're doing something wrong,
which that can just you can put a period there.
The other I thought, when you said people are only
getting a percentage of me, you're an iniogram three, right, Yeah,
I think so I feel like you'll never fully just
own that. You're like, I don't know, people keep saying
(16:43):
and light on the street. Okay, So I heard this
on Annie f Downs podcast when she did like her
any Summer thing on That Sounds Fun, and she interviewed
people of each number and on the three episode. I
don't remember which year it was or any of the
details are who said it but he was talking about
his struggle with like approval and what people think about
(17:04):
him and how people see him and how much to
show and how how to be authentic and all that,
and the person the guests had this quote be authentic
with everyone and transparent with few, and I thought that
was so big At first, I was like, oh, whatever,
and I was thinking about I was like, that's actually
such a big deal if you think about it, I
can be authentic with every single person and not give
(17:26):
them all the details of my life. It doesn't mean
I'm not being real with them, but not everybody deserves
and should know everything about my life, and they don't
need to, Okay. And I hope that Cecilia's email will
just be something that somebody else out there needed to
hear today for themselves, because it certainly was powerful for me.
And I just want you all to know that, yeah,
(17:47):
sending a simple email like that could help change someone's
day in a way. Like Cecilia again, in the first sentence,
kind of thought you were about to bash me for
a second, but I mean in a loving kind way.
But you know, she ended up really making me feel
good about certain things, like even back to the rambling.
(18:09):
And I know the first five minutes of this podcast
we're kind of rambling about COVID, but it's like back
to the roots of what I want this podcast to be.
And I wanted to feel like a conversation with friends
and not so structured and just sometimes we get off
top and yeah, and I feel like we're constantly growing
(18:31):
and changing. I mean, look at the fifth thing is
evolved multiple times over the years, and Cat, I think
you're a great addition to it. So thank you for
joining me for this and every Tuesday. Before we wrap.
I would love to leave people with like a TV
show recommendation, because I have one and I know that
you have one, and we'll have to get into the
(18:53):
details of it in another episode because I know you're
gonna want to talk about it forever. So Cat, i'll
give my recommendation for person than you can say hers.
I am going to recommend for those of you that
have HBO Max Station eleven. I've never heard of that. Well,
I hadn't either until Bobby mentioned it on the show.
He said he was going to start it, and then
(19:13):
during the snow day, I was looking for something to
start and I did, and I have really enjoyed it.
What's it about a post apocalyptic type stuff but real day,
present day. It's crazy because there's this virus that takes over.
But this was written before COVID and it's nervous, wild
(19:36):
because you're watching it, you're thinking, oh, my goodness, this
is what it kind of felt like in a way.
But people are dying more rapidly. It's like, oh, they
got it, Boom, they're dead. Whereas COVID. It just reminded
me of the early days of the pandemic. And before
episode three, there was a trigger warning for epilepsy, which
(19:56):
I don't know when I was watching the episode, I
don't know what the pictures or cinematography or whatever. Interesting
I've never seen that could have. I had never seen
that either, So I just want to put that out there.
And then also too, it's eerie and it does hit
close to home, even though it's different, so I want
to give that warning as well. But that's my recommendation. Okay,
(20:18):
So I'm gonna balance out the eeriness with my recommendation. Well,
trust me, I know what you're gonna recommend. And it's depressing, okay,
but also good. It's good in a way. And also
after you watch both of these, go watch ted Lasso
and then you'll feel better. But I think everybody should
watch Dope Sick Hulu. It's on Hulu, and you've been
(20:39):
telling me to watch this for I feel like months,
and finally, because I've been stuck in my house, I was.
I watched it in one day. I sat on my
couch and started at three and ended at two am,
and I was crying. I was like, couldn't stop texting people.
I was like looking things up. I was like, sucked
in and you already said this, I'm not gonna have
to stop talking about it, so we'll probab, we save it.
(21:00):
I have so many thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts.
So if you have Hulu, just watch that. And the
fact that this family that Produe Pharma, this pharmaceutical company
that was run by a family, was able to get
away with what they did for so many years. It
also just makes me think about all the other things
that are going on even at this very moment that
(21:24):
aren't getting dealt with because of all the people that
are working in those high positions that have hook ups
here and just pay off these people there and then
lives are being lost and ruined because of something, and
nobody you would think in this day and age, oh well,
that wouldn't happen right now, will know it's it's still
(21:48):
happening actually, But it was like two thousand and nineteen
or so that they were trying to bring that family down.
Thank goodness for like the Internet and people being able
to like connect in a way to start really making
a movement, because in the late nineties and the early
two thousands, like it was just an epidemic an opioid. Yeah. Well,
(22:10):
and I will just say this and we can I'm
very open to talking about this again. I will say
I want people to watch it because it helps humanize
addiction and people that struggle with opiate addiction, really any addiction,
because you see how like there are so many just
like well meaning, good human beings that get addicted to
(22:31):
a medication that's addictive that they were using just because
they had pain and they were told that they can
use it and they should use it, and then then
they get demonized for being addicted to it. It's really sad,
and I'm thankful that you brought up just how it
humanizes people that are struggling with any kind of addiction
and it doesn't have to be because of this, and
(22:53):
I have a different perspective on addiction these days as well,
and just have such simple like I can empathize with
the fact of knowing that, especially with my eating disorder past,
it's like, oh wow, I used to look at someone
like how could they ever do that drug or beyond
that or drink that much or do this, And it's like, oh, well,
(23:15):
I had my own numbing process and that was just
in a more acceptable I still still felt a lot
of shame from it. But people sometimes get put into
a box of like, oh, they're just an addict, and
it's like, well, no, there's a real story there. So dope, sick, animal,
(23:36):
stational oven and cat. Thank you. It's good to be back.
This episode is a little bit longer than our usual
fifth Things, but since it was our first day back,
you know, we thought y'all we could help y'all, give
y'all some good old fashioned rambling. All the rambles today
go out to you. Cecilia and I will be back
(23:57):
on Thursday for a four Things episode. I'm like nine
percent sure my guest on Thursday, haven't recorded it yet,
is going to be with Scuba Steve, the executive producer
from The Bobby Bones Show on just Chasing your Dreams
because he has done all sorts of crazy things, from
working for Dr Phil to Ryan Seacrest and then now
(24:18):
on the Bobby Bones Show. Bobby jokes like, hey, kind
of going backwards, but now he would say he's like
got like the job he's wanted. So yeah, it does
seem a little bit backwards, but maybe not, maybe not.
It depends on what your dreams are. So um, he'll
be on and he's a really interesting guy. And then
I just highly encourage you all to check out cats
(24:40):
podcast called You Need Therapy, and you can find Cat
on Instagram at k A T dot de fata D.
I'll let you spell it. You know you've always sad
it right, I know that I just got nervous. Okay, fine, fine,
I'll do it. D E f A T t A.
(25:04):
I don't know what you like choked right there? Okay, well,
well don't not know. Um at Cat de fata we
don't forget the period in between cat and defata. Okay, alright,
by Cat, Bye bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing with Amy and Cat.
This is the first Amy Cat chat of two, so
we're officially back, except for we normally do this in
person because Cat and I both live in Nashville, but
we are doing it over zoom today because should we
have a drum roll? A little cat has COVID. It's
(00:25):
not funny and you can kind of hear in her
nose a little bit, a little n She was like
the little basically, and I said, there's just a little
nasal nous going on. But other than that, you seem
in good spirits. Well, I feel fine, like I feel normal.
I will say I tried to move my body today
and I felt very winded, very fast, but like physically,
(00:46):
I feel like I would be walking around the world
right now and would have no idea how was sick.
And you can't taste things because you ordered crumble cookies
and that's how you learned. Yeah, well, I'm trying to
ignore that part of my life right now. But that
the weirdest experience of COVID, and I thought that the
new variant that I guess maybe I don't have, didn't
have this part. But I was treating myself to something
(01:10):
nice yesterday because I've been alone for four five days.
Ordered crumble bit into it and was like, these are
bland this week. So I then took a bite of
each of the other flavors and they all tasted the
same amount of blandness. So I then started smelling things.
They started selling candles and I couldn't smell anything. I
(01:32):
brushed my teeth, I couldn't taste the toothpaste. It's the
the weirdest experience in the world. Yeah, I'm sure a
lot of people listening have already had it. So the
experience that I still haven't had COVID yet, at least
that I know of. Maybe I was asymptomatic at some point.
But I had a COVID scare this last weekend. My
daughter and I both I had a headache for about
(01:54):
thirty six hours and my daughter had a hundred and
one point one and I thought, okay, we have finally.
So cats parents had a COVID test. So your mom,
I guess, put one in the male mom. We went
to go get that and I did an at home
test and we were negative. Well, I didn't trust that
(02:15):
I did it correctly because there was in my mind,
we had to be positive because why else would we
have this high fever and headache and it just everyone
has it. There's some meme or something of like the
people that haven't had COVID yet and they're just doing
or whatever, yes, like dodging the lights. But yeah, that's
(02:37):
how I felt. Eventually we're going to get it, and
I kind of was like, Okay, I want to get it,
just to get it over with because I feel as
though this version or this variant our household would handle
it and then we'd have the antibodies and I am vaccinated.
But anyway, all that to say, we ended up going
to get tested by a professional and we were negative.
(02:58):
So the more money to get told I was negative again,
and I was like, I won't want so I still
haven't had it. Why did you think you did the
test wrong? Because I just thought this can't be right,
this can't be right, and I really wanted to know
for sure, for sure. I did it step by step
exactly how you were supposed to do with you just
(03:19):
like put the drops in the thing. Yeah, and then
and then it didn't have a blue line. And then
I guess after it sat for an hour, it was
results were in ten minutes, and then after it sat
for an hour, a faint blue line started to show up.
But I googled and it said, well, you can't trust
anything after too long, you never know. I was like,
oh no, what if it took that long for the
(03:40):
faint blue line? This COVID anxiety. But I will say
I felt relieved when I got it, Like when I
saw that I was positive, I was like, okay, because
now I'm not walking around every day being like afraid
of what I'm going to get it, which I think
is a weird experience. Okay, well, let's move on to
the actual episode, which we normally start the fifth thing
(04:02):
off with a quote, not COVID talk. So Cat, I
know you have our quote for today. Yes, I have
a quote, and then I have a bonus quote to
surprise everybody with, including you. And the first one comes
from So there's this guy. He's an artist and his
name is Adam j K. You can follow him on
Instagram at Adam j K. He's great. But he posted
(04:25):
this a couple of weeks ago, and then I reposted
it and saved it. And it says, as soon as
we realized that it's not our job to be perfect.
Everything gets easier, more honest, and more true. And I
just thought that was so nice. I love that. It
kind of reminds me of last Thursday. In the fourth thing,
I read a note that a listener had sent me
(04:47):
with a blanket that she made me, and she wanted
to get the blanket just perfect before she sent it
to me, and some of the stitching wasn't just right,
and she was frustrated with herself. But then as she
looked at it, she thought, in a way, and I'm
pre are phrasing, but basically it's a metaphor for life,
Like the blanket turned out great, and it was representative
(05:07):
of like everything doesn't have to line up or match
perfectly for it to be good. Yeah, for it to
be good. It kind of makes me think about puzzles,
which you and I are both into, which I left
of four things, I'm fine puzzle on my porch for you,
but I couldn't get myself to get out of that.
I haven't left in five days. It seems like a
lot of work. Yeah, well it's still on the porch
(05:29):
in come get it because you need like a better puzzle.
Puzzle plus our four things. Puzzle will make you happy,
but Maggie and Cara on it and it'll remind you
that it's fine. Everything's fine. So with puzzles, that was
an interesting metaphor for me when I really got into them,
was that some pieces were a little bit more challenging
(05:52):
than others, or like my dog or my cats, speaking
of Maggie or Cara, they would eat one and it
would frustrate me and it would be missing, or it
would be all bent up because I would get it
out of their mouth halfway before they chewed it completely up,
and it would be a little bit wonky, but it's okay,
Like the puzzle was still complete, Like it was just
(06:12):
representative of some pieces are going to be super easy,
like some parts of life are going to fit just
right and go with the flow and be exciting, and
then other parts are going to be a little bit
more challenging and there might be a little bit of
a hole left behind. But that's okay. It can still
be good. It can still be good. Puzzles are just
changing the world right now, I know. Alright, So what
(06:33):
is your bonus quote? So my bonus quotes from you, okay,
because you can't be very inspirational. You do know that, right, well,
but this quote is from you, like an hour ago, um,
and it's a text message. When we were talking about
recording and when we were going to record, you sent
(06:55):
me some stuff and I was like, Okay, that sounds good,
and then you texted me and said, I need to
clean my room and once I am done, we can record.
Recording is my reward for cleaning my room? Yeah? Amy Brown? Okay,
why is that a bonus quote? Well? What, I just
thought it was nice because well, the first thing I
thought when you sent that to me, and I actually
(07:17):
said this to you, but my initial thought was like, huh.
I always imagine that when I was an adult, Like,
when you become an adult, your room is always clean,
but when you're an adult, you have to still clean
your room. Yeah, And you know, when you're a child,
sometimes there's a reward waiting for you if you clean,
and so as an adult. Yeah, I don't know why.
(07:37):
I just really had a lot of clothes to put
away and hang up, and I got all my laundry done,
and I just felt like I was excited to record
with you, and I knew I could also use you
as procrastination too, so it was like, nope, I cannot
sit down and do anything with cat until I put
everything away in my room and clean it completely well.
(08:01):
It also makes me think of a couple of weeks
ago when we read those things from Mel Robbins, and
one of them is like making your bed how it's
like a gift to yourself. And it's kind of like
the same thing because it feels so good when you
do that stuff. This sounds like so miniscule, but it's not.
When I put my laundry away. Right after I do it,
I feel like I'm on top of the world, like
you've just accomplished something. It's huge, yes, And I'm like,
(08:24):
why don't I do that more often? Because it feels
so It's such a small, easy thing and it feels
so good, So why don't I do it more often?
But then I wonder, why do I feel so good
about this? Maybe we're going too deep. I don't have
an answer because I'm like, I'm getting way too proud
of myself for such a task. But maybe that's okay.
I think maybe we need to actually care more about
(08:46):
those little things, because it's like we feel really good
when we do these huge things like I'm making these up,
like I wrote a book, or I got a promotion
at work, or I did this or I did that,
And maybe we need to be more proud of ourselves
for little things. I cleaned my room today. It does
feel good, and you know what, when I go to
bed tonight, it's going to feel really good. Well, I'm
(09:09):
proud of you. Thank you. I'm forty years old, I'll
be forty one in March, and I am congratulating myself
for cleaning your room. Okay, well, hey, but I think yes,
you're right, Cat, like it is a thing of like
(09:30):
you can be proud of the mundane tasks and there
there is some sort of a hit that we're getting
from it, So why not take it soak it up.
I do have an email that I wanted to go over,
(09:52):
since typically we tend to do that here. Sometimes Cat
and I will have a different topic inspired by an
email that we got, or will actually read some emails,
and this one came to me from a listener named Cecilia.
She said, Hey, Amy, I just wanted to take the
time to tell you how much I loved the podcast.
I would also like to say how much I appreciate
your openness to constructive feedback. This is me talking here.
(10:15):
When I read the first sentence, I was like, oh,
here it comes. I thought that too, Yeah, because I
sent the email to Cat and I was like, I
want to discuss this. But honestly, I was like, Okay,
brace yourself. She's about to give me some constructive feedback
and I am then a good place to take it.
We're good, So all right back to the email. With
that being said, I recently listened to another podcast that
(10:37):
talked about how sometimes the Squeaky wheel really doesn't need Greece.
The podcast talked about how negative feedback is much easier
to be shared than positive, and so that then gives
the distortion that changes need to be made in the past.
I know you mentioned you've received feedback on your rambling
and talking about too much therapy. Well, sometimes I wonder
(10:58):
how much feedback you were receiving before you decide to
implement changes. I listened to your podcast in the car
to help with anxiety, and hearing you ramble helps me
get through my drive. Hearing all the therapy things help me.
I just hope you aren't feeling like you have to
be right for everyone, because you're just right for a
(11:20):
lot of us, just the way you are your friend
from Texas. Again, that's from Cecilia, and so I thought,
oh wow, if I were to answer that. Honestly, sometimes
I implement change after one email, like one person, one person, Yeah,
one person, if I sit with it and feel like, okay,
(11:41):
I can take that sort of like the therapy one
where she's mentioning like too much therapy. The rambling I
got from multiple people, but that's okay. I also have
gotten people that enjoy the rambling. So it's trying to
find that fine line between its because I'm wanting to
please everybody, but maybe that's not what I need to
do because I'm not going to be for everybody. But
(12:04):
I will say that the therapy one, which cat we
talked about here on the Fifth Thing, that was one email.
That was an email that I got that was paraphrasing here.
But basically, you know, not everyone wants to hear about
therapy all the time, especially having you cat on with
the fifth Thing and you host a podcast called You
Need Therapy and your Licensed Therapist. So that's why the
(12:24):
Fifth Thing leans more therapy ish. But I mean, I
don't feel like it's too much therapy, but I did.
I read that email and I took it straight away
and I was like, oh, Cat, we need to lean
a little bit some other directions. And that was one note.
And you know what I was thinking when I was
listening to you and when I read this when you
said it to me. At first, I was like, I
(12:44):
don't agree with the fact that it's easier to give
negative feedback than positive. But then I sat there and
I was like, Oh, I hear what she's saying. That
more people it's easier for them to to give you
feedback on something like this, like hey, I didn't like this,
and it's more likely they're gonna do that than likely
that they're going to send just a note just to
say thank you, because I guess sometimes nothing needs to
(13:07):
be said in their eyes, so then it gets heavy
on one side. And so I do think that is
especially when there are ratings involved, and like, you can
write anything on the podcast on Apple podcast. What you
think It's like, Oh, I won't say anything if I
just enjoyed that, But if I really didn't like something,
then I'm like more motivated, which is so weird. I
(13:28):
just think I want well. But here's the thing, Like,
if people are really rude about it, I'm like, why
would you act that way? If I don't really like something,
I'm just going to carry on. But I feel like
anybody that takes the time to do it kindly and
with like constructive criticism, then they actually do enjoy care.
They just have something they would like to share. It
(13:49):
doesn't mean it will be implemented, although I guess in
my case, I might try to implement it right away
because I want to please the majority of people. But
for those listening, they may not have a podcast. So
this even applies to probably anything. And if you do
like whatever work you put out there, or whatever relationship
you're in where you may get some sort of feedback,
(14:12):
it's like, is it something you're hearing from one person
or you know you've heard one time and then you
feel like you need to make this drastic change to
please that one person. And well, I say this all
the time to myself and to my friends and to clients,
is that if everybody likes everything about you, you're not
actually being yourself because that's impossible. It's impossible for every
(14:35):
single kind of human to approve of and like everything
about you that doesn't make any sense because there's so
many different kinds of people, and that goes to not
just your personality, but like the way you get things done,
the way you're organized, the way you run a business,
what you think, your belief system. But what you're saying
(14:57):
is I want everybody to like me, so the you
can't have both. You can't be authentic. You can't be
authentically yourself. Which is why people I think have been
so drawn to four things is because they do get
the authentic you, but you can't be that and every
single person like you. Right, that is true. But also
(15:17):
even when people are sharing their lives like we do
publicly on the Bobby Bones Show or here on the podcast,
you're still only getting a percentage of me. You know.
I was talking to someone the other day and they
were like, you know what, you might ask one person
about me and they might love me to death, and
you might ask another person about me and they hate me.
(15:38):
Can't stand you. And he was just like, what am
I supposed to do with that? You can't please everybody?
And I was like, oh wow, okay, Still I just
struggle with someone having a bad taste or experience. But
I that's also one thing I'm working through is that's
also not my problem to worry about the or feelings
(16:00):
or every listener's feelings out there, or every relationship I have.
Of course I can care about someone, but at the
end of the day, like I have to focus on
my side of the street, like my lane, and just
try to do my best of what I have to
offer and then see what happens. So two things popped
in my head as you're saying that. One is the
(16:21):
idea that just because somebody is upset with something or
somebody doesn't like something, doesn't mean you're doing something wrong,
which that can just you can put a period there.
The other I thought, when you said people are only
getting a percentage of me, you're an iniogram three, right, Yeah,
I think so I feel like you'll never fully just
own that. You're like, I don't know, people keep saying
(16:43):
and light on the street. Okay, So I heard this
on Annie f Downs podcast when she did like her
any Summer thing on That Sounds Fun, and she interviewed
people of each number and on the three episode. I
don't remember which year it was or any of the
details are who said it but he was talking about
his struggle with like approval and what people think about
(17:04):
him and how people see him and how much to
show and how how to be authentic and all that,
and the person the guests had this quote be authentic
with everyone and transparent with few, and I thought that
was so big At first, I was like, oh, whatever,
and I was thinking about I was like, that's actually
such a big deal if you think about it, I
can be authentic with every single person and not give
(17:26):
them all the details of my life. It doesn't mean
I'm not being real with them, but not everybody deserves
and should know everything about my life, and they don't
need to, Okay. And I hope that Cecilia's email will
just be something that somebody else out there needed to
hear today for themselves, because it certainly was powerful for me.
And I just want you all to know that, yeah,
(17:47):
sending a simple email like that could help change someone's
day in a way. Like Cecilia again, in the first sentence,
kind of thought you were about to bash me for
a second, but I mean in a loving kind way.
But you know, she ended up really making me feel
good about certain things, like even back to the rambling.
(18:09):
And I know the first five minutes of this podcast
we're kind of rambling about COVID, but it's like back
to the roots of what I want this podcast to be.
And I wanted to feel like a conversation with friends
and not so structured and just sometimes we get off
top and yeah, and I feel like we're constantly growing
(18:31):
and changing. I mean, look at the fifth thing is
evolved multiple times over the years, and Cat, I think
you're a great addition to it. So thank you for
joining me for this and every Tuesday. Before we wrap.
I would love to leave people with like a TV
show recommendation, because I have one and I know that
you have one, and we'll have to get into the
(18:53):
details of it in another episode because I know you're
gonna want to talk about it forever. So Cat, i'll
give my recommendation for person than you can say hers.
I am going to recommend for those of you that
have HBO Max Station eleven. I've never heard of that. Well,
I hadn't either until Bobby mentioned it on the show.
He said he was going to start it, and then
(19:13):
during the snow day, I was looking for something to
start and I did, and I have really enjoyed it.
What's it about a post apocalyptic type stuff but real day,
present day. It's crazy because there's this virus that takes over.
But this was written before COVID and it's nervous, wild
(19:36):
because you're watching it, you're thinking, oh, my goodness, this
is what it kind of felt like in a way.
But people are dying more rapidly. It's like, oh, they
got it, Boom, they're dead. Whereas COVID. It just reminded
me of the early days of the pandemic. And before
episode three, there was a trigger warning for epilepsy, which
(19:56):
I don't know when I was watching the episode, I
don't know what the pictures or cinematography or whatever. Interesting
I've never seen that could have. I had never seen
that either, So I just want to put that out there.
And then also too, it's eerie and it does hit
close to home, even though it's different, so I want
to give that warning as well. But that's my recommendation. Okay,
(20:18):
So I'm gonna balance out the eeriness with my recommendation. Well,
trust me, I know what you're gonna recommend. And it's depressing, okay,
but also good. It's good in a way. And also
after you watch both of these, go watch ted Lasso
and then you'll feel better. But I think everybody should
watch Dope Sick Hulu. It's on Hulu, and you've been
(20:39):
telling me to watch this for I feel like months,
and finally, because I've been stuck in my house, I was.
I watched it in one day. I sat on my
couch and started at three and ended at two am,
and I was crying. I was like, couldn't stop texting people.
I was like looking things up. I was like, sucked
in and you already said this, I'm not gonna have
to stop talking about it, so we'll probab, we save it.
(21:00):
I have so many thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts.
So if you have Hulu, just watch that. And the
fact that this family that Produe Pharma, this pharmaceutical company
that was run by a family, was able to get
away with what they did for so many years. It
also just makes me think about all the other things
that are going on even at this very moment that
(21:24):
aren't getting dealt with because of all the people that
are working in those high positions that have hook ups
here and just pay off these people there and then
lives are being lost and ruined because of something, and
nobody you would think in this day and age, oh well,
that wouldn't happen right now, will know it's it's still
(21:48):
happening actually, But it was like two thousand and nineteen
or so that they were trying to bring that family down.
Thank goodness for like the Internet and people being able
to like connect in a way to start really making
a movement, because in the late nineties and the early
two thousands, like it was just an epidemic an opioid. Yeah. Well,
(22:10):
and I will just say this and we can I'm
very open to talking about this again. I will say
I want people to watch it because it helps humanize
addiction and people that struggle with opiate addiction, really any addiction,
because you see how like there are so many just
like well meaning, good human beings that get addicted to
(22:31):
a medication that's addictive that they were using just because
they had pain and they were told that they can
use it and they should use it, and then then
they get demonized for being addicted to it. It's really sad,
and I'm thankful that you brought up just how it
humanizes people that are struggling with any kind of addiction
and it doesn't have to be because of this, and
(22:53):
I have a different perspective on addiction these days as well,
and just have such simple like I can empathize with
the fact of knowing that, especially with my eating disorder past,
it's like, oh wow, I used to look at someone
like how could they ever do that drug or beyond
that or drink that much or do this, And it's like, oh, well,
(23:15):
I had my own numbing process and that was just
in a more acceptable I still still felt a lot
of shame from it. But people sometimes get put into
a box of like, oh, they're just an addict, and
it's like, well, no, there's a real story there. So dope, sick, animal,
(23:36):
stational oven and cat. Thank you. It's good to be back.
This episode is a little bit longer than our usual
fifth Things, but since it was our first day back,
you know, we thought y'all we could help y'all, give
y'all some good old fashioned rambling. All the rambles today
go out to you. Cecilia and I will be back
(23:57):
on Thursday for a four Things episode. I'm like nine
percent sure my guest on Thursday, haven't recorded it yet,
is going to be with Scuba Steve, the executive producer
from The Bobby Bones Show on just Chasing your Dreams
because he has done all sorts of crazy things, from
working for Dr Phil to Ryan Seacrest and then now
(24:18):
on the Bobby Bones Show. Bobby jokes like, hey, kind
of going backwards, but now he would say he's like
got like the job he's wanted. So yeah, it does
seem a little bit backwards, but maybe not, maybe not.
It depends on what your dreams are. So um, he'll
be on and he's a really interesting guy. And then
I just highly encourage you all to check out cats
(24:40):
podcast called You Need Therapy, and you can find Cat
on Instagram at k A T dot de fata D.
I'll let you spell it. You know you've always sad
it right, I know that I just got nervous. Okay, fine, fine,
I'll do it. D E f A T t A.
(25:04):
I don't know what you like choked right there? Okay, well,
well don't not know. Um at Cat de fata we
don't forget the period in between cat and defata. Okay, alright,
by Cat, Bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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