July 16, 2026 • 51 mins
A listener is dreading her annual friends trip with former coworkers and wants to know if it's okay to just stop going. Amy & Kat weigh in. Then, two emails about ADHD bring on a bigger conversation…Katelyn was diagnosed after becoming a mom and wants to hear more about how Amy & Kat navigate ADHD and motherhood, and Sawyer is trying to support her brother Cedar who was just diagnosed at 41 and is grieving the years he didn't know. Amy shares resources including a book by Kim and Penn Holderness that makes ADHD actually digestible. Plus, Jen from Houston calls in with a “salt tip” for Amy and her experience with Twilight births.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
To good break it down. If you ever have feelings
that you just falls home, Amy and Cat gotcha, Cob
and locking the ladies and folks, We just follow ann
the spirit where it's ounds us front or real stuff
to the chill stuff and the m but sway.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Sometimes the best thing you can do it jes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Stop you feel. This is Feeling Things.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
With Happy Thursday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy and
I'm cut And we got some ADHD questions today. This
is our Q and a episode of the Feeling Things podcast.
And Cat and I are not experts on ADHD. We
just have it so we know how to function with it.
That everybody's different, even Cat and I have a different
experience with our own ADHD, so we'll answer the questions
(01:01):
as best as we can. Two of those came in.
We also got an email from someone who wants to
be anonymous about a friend trip because she recently listened
to one of our friendship episodes. So we'll start off
strong with that. And then we got a voicemail from
someone that is bringing up a topic that I have
to make amends on something. I accused my daughter of
stealing something from me and I was wrong, So I'll
(01:24):
address that first. Up is the anonymous email. She said,
I just started listening to your podcast. I'm a loyal
Bobby Bone show listener, though, and I listened to Amy's
previous podcast. I just listened to the episode on friendship,
and boy did that hit home. I'm going to guess
that my friends probably sorry, are not going to listen
to this, but please don't use my name. Ha ha ha ha.
(01:46):
So here goes. I am a retired public safety dispatcher.
My friends retired before me, and at that point we
decided to start going on a yearly trip while I
was working. I don't enjoy it. It does not bring
me away at all. I see them often enough, and
we have a text thread that has been going on
for years and years. Is it wrong that I don't
(02:08):
want to go on these trips rehashing everything, talking about
how bad things have gotten, who is doing what and working?
Where the list goes on. I've never stepped foot back
in the department since the day I left. I begged
off one of these trips one year and I was
fine with that. Now they are ramping up for the
next one. There will be hurt feelings help exclamation point. Yeah,
(02:33):
there will be hurt feelings. That's valid. And I just think,
because this is a trip, a getaway, my advice would
be those are feelings they need to navigate.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, a trip is a big investment in time, money,
and energy. So going on a trip to manage somebody
else's feelings that it is not the way to do it.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, And it's got to be hard to hear, like, oh,
this person's like I was thinking about how, Yeah, we
did recently take our girls trip and let's just say
we made it an annual thing. We haven't yet, but
you know, annuals even tough. Like that's a lot on people.
But you and I've traveled a bit together and let's say,
you know, we did New York a couple of years ago,
and then we just did Arizona and then coming up.
(03:19):
But you realize, like trips with me are just not
your cup of tea, but we're still friends. Like, imagine
having to tell me you just don't want to.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Go on a trip with you. But I also think
this is a group a little different. It's a group
and it's a yearly trip that happens every single year.
So it's a little different than me just saying like
I don't ever want to travel with you again. Okay,
this is a group of people, and I can understand
a yearly trip is a huge investment, I think.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
And commitment.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, you don't have I mean it sounds like she's retired,
so I don't know. She might have a part time
job now. But to take time every single year to
do do something, regardless of if you enjoy it or not,
I think is a lot to ask of somebody.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
I think your friendship group, if it's like a local
thing on a Saturday night, you just suck it up
and go, even if it's not your cup of tea.
Those are your friends and you go. But a trip
it seems different.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah, So I would recommend you listening to your feelings
and also thinking about, well, what do I need in
order to sit with the anxiety or fear or whatever
the feeling is I have about disappointing somebody or hurting
somebody's feelings or letting somebody down. They're all adults, and
I would hope that this wouldn't be a friendship ender.
(04:40):
But if it is, I think that you're getting some information.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
There, information like do these friends really care about how
you feel?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, it's like, well, what is the investment I have
to give to maintain these friendships? Is it worth it?
If I have to give, If I have to give
this trip every single year for the rest of my life,
I'm going to dread going on, I'm going to resent it,
I'm going to wish I was somewhere else. If I
do that every year to maintain these friendships, you have
(05:09):
to ask yourself is that worth the friendship or not?
If it is worth it, it's like, okay, well i'd
hate this, but if my friendship is going to end
because I don't go on these trips, then you might
just go on it. I also don't know that your
friendships are going to end if you don't go on
this trip.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
Yeah, that would be the extreme first, sure, it would be.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Extreme, And so I think that's what I'm I'm wanting
you to think about it is if it would if
it would ruin the friendship, that's information for you. About
what the friendship is asking of you and do you
have that.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
The older I get, the more I appreciate low maintenance
friendships that still mean a lot. Yeah, like still very
close connected. I'm here for you no matter what, and
I'm cool if we don't talk all the time. Cool
if we never want to drive together, or if you
(06:03):
or if you if you forgot to text me back
like you know, there might be some addressing that needs
to happen if it's ongoing, but if it's just like
the occasional, like I don't want that pressure. Yeah, I
think that's one thing I've enjoyed about our relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But I think part of that, and this is a
perfect segue, but part of our understanding of each other
is we both do struggle with some of the same things.
So if you don't text me back my if you
don't have if you don't struggle with ADHD or something
of the like, then that sounds like a very adult sentence.
(06:43):
Then then you might not Your first thought is not
going to be, oh, they're mad at me. Your first
thought might be they're mad at me.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Oh I don't think that of you? Well, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
That's My whole point is because you do have ADHD.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Sorry now I'm tracking AD. It's clicking. Now, it's clicking.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Now.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
You're saying with other people you might think that, but
with me, you don't.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I'm saying other people might think that if something happens
because we know what it's like, and I'm like, oh,
I've done that before. Like, she didn't ignore me. She
probably just like dropped her phone behind the couch and
hasn't thought about getting it for three hours, not that
she saw my text and didn't want to respond. But
for people that don't think like that, they're like, well,
(07:28):
if I get a text, I'm going to respond. They're
going to be more quick to make an assumption like that.
So that's helped our friendship because our quick assumptions usually are, oh,
well that's you know her ADHD, not she's mad at me,
she's a bad friend. I mean, how many times you've
(07:49):
talked about this? So many times? How many times have
I forgotten your birthday?
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Every year?
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yeah, yours is December fourth, March eight you got it,
I know, But it doesn't mean when March eighteenth throlls
around that you'll that.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I'll know if it's I think your birthday is still
in my phone on the seventeenth, because I put it
in there at some point, and you've told me so
many times it's the eighteenth, but my brain has not gone, oh,
you should go fix that.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
Yeah, and that's okay, So I get it. Calendars, that's
what their fourth, but yours, I remember December fourth.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I wonder why that's so easy for you to remember that.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
But that's also another I guess you're just in some information.
That's another meet of information that, like our stuff, shows
up a little differently too. So we were talking about
this earlier about how we operate with time. You think
time is infinite and I'm always running out of time.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Yeah, that's why when we travel together, you have such
anxiety about getting to the airport and speaking of texting
with you. I know, even though sometimes I mess up
and I send you notes like hey, we need to
talk later, I know that's the worst thing I could
ever send to you, because you are going to freak
out over what it is like you cannot handle Hey,
let's talk later, or have something to tell you you
(09:07):
just need to know, or you don't want to you
don't want the teaser or the setup.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
You just I want the setup if you can tell
me a little.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Bit, okay, if I tell you like, hey, it's not
that big of a deal.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yes, yeah, if you say we need to talk or
there's something important we need to talk about.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
You hate that.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
We hate that. And sour cream, yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Do sour cream on your brain.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Well, when you came over earlier, I was eating chips
dipping it in Greek yogurt, and when you asked me
what it was, for whatever reason, I just said, oh,
sour cream. And I was like, wait, no, it's yogurt.
Because sour cream. That seemed gross to be dipping my
chips in. Although I would enjoy that, and they taste similar,
like I use Greek yogurt as a sour cream substitute,
so to me, they are very similar. But I just
(09:56):
like that there's more protein in the Greek yogurt, and
I love dipping chips in there. I got those snackish chips.
Have you seen those? I saw Wait, it's the funny
girl cat sickler stickler stickler Okay, the one that was
seeing John may Or.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I thought to say, the one that maybe dated John Mayor.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Maybe yeah, and I guess she invested in a company.
So I first saw her post about them, and then
I was at Target and I saw them.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So what's special about it?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I had to get every flavor? Is that my adha?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
That's Amy hyperfixating on a new snack?
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Yes, Because I had to get the plane. Then I
had to get the deal pickle, which I don't like pickles,
but I like dill pickle type.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
What were you dipping into the Greek yogurt?
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Uh? The deal pickle one? And then I got the
jalapeno one, and then they had a barbecue one, but
barbecue's not my thing, so I wasn't intrigued. I love
salt and vinegar. She salt and vinegar, so I got
that one too, and I'm doing my own little taste test,
so farther all good?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Do you like them over a different ship?
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Though?
Speaker 4 (10:59):
What's the I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed. The ingredients
are just really good and the flavor and the crunch.
It was a whoever made them, whoever she partnered with
is a mom that had some other successful business and
then she was like eating snacks with her kid one
day and she was like, why is there not a
good snack for my kid or something that we can
all enjoy. So whila. She created it, and I was
(11:21):
sitting there eating and I was like, I have not
ever had a chip quite like this. So she concocted
it's like the perfect crunch. And I would say the
flavor and the bags look smaller, but I was thinking
about this too. The bags look smaller, but they're pretty full,
so I can appreciate the fact that they just made
(11:41):
appropriate size bags for what's inside, because I might be
buying another bag that looks bigger, but it's full of
the air.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
You know what bag of chips I think is the
worst at that.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
I just called it the air. It's full of the air.
The air, but it's special air. It's supposed to it is.
It's not just air, it's something else because it helps
keep the chips fresh. Sure, okay, special air.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
I feel like baked do you ever? You probably don't
ever have. I've never seen any.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Baked as oh I used to crush baked.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I love the baked sour cum and cheddar or whatever
they are. I love those. That bag of chips unlike
any other. It's probably like the bottom six of the
bag has chips in it, So then you eat a
whole bag of chips and you're like, I can't believe
you ate that whole bag, But really, I'm like, it
was not. There was like three chips in there, So
(12:46):
I can appreciate this brand. They're honest and what you
see is what you get versus am I gonna get
three chips? Am I gonna get a whole bag of chips?
So anyway, I don't like that you were well, let
me rephrase that I would never dip a chip in
sour cream or Greek yogurt because I despise both of
those things. But you were enjoying it, and I'm really
happy that.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
You sure, And I can I tell you about another
little thing I'm doing with Greek yogurt and chips. So
I tested this out, so I'm going to post it soon,
a little recipe thing. But it's Tailor Farms salad kits.
They have a Southwest one which is kind of Mexican
dype flavors, the chopped kit and you chop it up
(13:27):
extra and you use all the ingredients that come in
the salad bag and then you add half a cup
of Greek yogurt mix it and then it's now a
salad dip. And then I got tortilla chips and dip
it into there, and it's like you're having the full
blown salad, but you've just turned it into a dip.
So it's a totally different experience.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Do you come up with that by yourself?
Speaker 4 (13:50):
I got inspo online, like I was looking for some
things to do. It wasn't that. I don't know if
it's the exact thing. I first tested out with a
fourth a cup of Greek yogurt. That wasn't cutting it,
so I added another fourth of a cup, and half
a cup is a sweet spot. I tested out squeezing
some lime on top. Not necessary.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
So I'm going to give an alternative for people that
don't like Greek yogurt like me. Mash up an avocado
ooh and make it into like a almost like a
guacam only type text, and then maybe it will work
because that's how I do chicken salad.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Oh, you make chicken salad.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
With avocado because I don't like mayonnaise, so you do
shredded chicken all whatever whatever you like in your chicken salad.
I like grapes and nuts and celery.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I love a grape and a chicken salad.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
But the only thing about this is you can't pre
make this. You can pre make all the ingredients, but
you can't like pre mix the avocado because it will
turn brown.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Can I give you another sweet alternative to the grape?
And a way to do it too? If you don't
have grapes but you have an apple, and then take
the apple and slice it through a cheese grater and
it shreads up the apple into tiny little.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Bit like the crunch.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Though, well I do, It's just sometimes you don't always
have a grape, but you have an apple.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Well, I'm saying if you chop an apple, then you
have a crunch.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
True there, but I don't know. There's something about the
grating an apple.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
You're like, this is creative of me.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Well, I can't take credit. I saw someone else do it.
Who knows it was years ago? Maybe it was, oh,
you know who I first saw grate an egg? I
think it's Gwyneth Paltrow maybe, but it is kind of genius.
If you like a hard boiled egg on your avocado toast,
you do. You CAATs eggs too, but take a hard
(15:43):
boiled egg and grate it. On a cheese grater and
it grates perfectly on top of the avocado toast.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
That could be a way to get somebody to eat
an egg incognito. Maybe I wouldn't know what it was,
but now I know the tricks. If you treat it
on me, that's a French You not answer my attacks
will end our friendship. If you hide eggs in something
and give it to me, I will not talk to
you for probably a week or two.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
That's it. Just a week or two.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
That's like a long time.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Speaking of food, we do have a voicemail from Jen
who listens in Houston. She's talking about twilight births, but
she also is talking about salts, which is food. So
that's my segue into this. Here's the voicemail.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Hi ladies, this is Jen from Houston. I am fifty
four and I have three things about your June thirtieth podcast.
Number one, love the compliment to totally going to use it.
Number two, as far as salt goes or to go
orders from the house, I found these cute little little
bitty containers at the Dollar Tree that I use Fimalaian
(16:47):
seasal as well and or Celtic sea sal and I
will use the little plastic container, put some salt in there,
put it in my lunch kit. That way, I'm not
having to take a whole salt to go at home.
If you could pick some of those up and then
your daughter can have them to go on her way
out the door. The third thing is I am fifty
(17:09):
four years old. I was born in nineteen seventy two.
My sister was born in nineteen seventy four, and my
mother did twilight births for both of us. And it's
shocking to even think about that. That happened in the
seventies and a few times that I talked to my
mom about first and everything, she's always said how she
never remembers anything because she was asleep and she woke
(17:30):
up and then she had a baby. And you know,
my sister and I are both healthy and were I
don't think it affected us in any particular way. But yeah,
nineteen seventy two and nineteen seventy four, just to let
you know, all right, thank you and am happy day
you need.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
To have I thank you. Jin Kat is very pregnant
and I feel like twilight births if you'all missed with
those are it's the mom would just get knocked out
and give birth.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Not completely knocked out. She was still like, because you
have to put you have to push, but they give
you something to give you amnesia, so you don't remember it.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Okay, but that is crazy. I thought we thought it
was happening in the fifties.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I thought it was happening in like the twenties.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Okay, but they did it in seventy two and seventy.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Four, long ago.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
And I love how she's like, I don't think it
impacted us at all. Any little thing that I had
to just like happened with me. I'd be like, is
this because my mom was put under for my birth?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Also, if you're unfamiliar with the compliment tip, it was
Amy you came up with these, I think where instead
of saying I love your shirt, you'd say you look
so good in that shirt. So you make somebody else feelah,
like it's about them versus about like my opinion so important.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
Yeah, Or it's like, oh, your house is decorated so cute.
It's like, oh, you've really put a lot of thought
and care, you're very good at styling your home, or yeah,
just really focus on the person instead of versus I
love your house the thing yeah, or you using the
word I. And then as for the salt thing, yes,
these little travel things for my daughter would be nice.
(19:11):
I definitely accused her of taking the huge, the big
salt shaker, and she didn't take it. I found it
in a.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Drawer how long after all of this, like a week.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
And and I thought I asked about it. She's like,
I didn't take it. And I still was like, yeah, right,
she just doesn't remember or is somewhere in her car
and I'm gonna find it. And then I opened up
a drawer that I don't open often and Laila there.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It was, So did maybe she put it in the
wrong spot.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
She did, she put it there. And that's on me
for not searching every drawering cabinet in the kitchen, because
it wouldn't have been that hard for me to open
up certain things and tried to look for it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
But that is something that I think I've had to
learn to be careful with. Is I'm quick. I can
be quick to be like they did this to me,
or so and so did whatever. But I think I
shared this with you. On our baby moon, my bathing
suit went missing. Did I share this video. Yes, I
(20:14):
couldn't find it anywhere, and I don't have many bathing
suits right now to fit me, so I obviously only
brought two. And so I was like, the cleaners stole
my bathings. They did that, they take my maternity bathing
suits and it was dirty too, like because I've been using.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Jack thought I have been looking for a dirty maternity swimsuit.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I've been using that color Science sunscreen that somebody recommended,
and it's tinted, so like, yeah, the insides of it
where it's white were like brown from the sunscreen, so
like it was not it wasn't appealing probably to anybody.
But then I was like, well, maybe they took it
because they it was with towels or something and they
took our towels and the accidentally took it. But I
(21:01):
went down to the front desk to ask about it,
and I had to talk. I had to like tell myself,
do not accuse anybody of doing anything. Be curious about
where your bathing suit might be, because if they didn't
take it, then you're gonna feel really stupid and love
and behold. I went down talked to the guy. He
made some phone calls. He said I'll let you know.
(21:23):
And I was like, Okay, I'm just really disappointed. I
was gonna wear that today. But I didn't say they
took it. I said I can't find it, and I'm
curious if they accidentally picked.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
It up with the towels, and you're disappointed.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I didn't say that. That's the I had to do
something out.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
It feels so good that I said that.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
So then I go upstairs and I'm like, Patrick, let's
look one more time for it. It was in my
beach bag. Yeah, there it is, but I don't think
I put it in there, so maybe I was.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Maybe they put it in Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
That was my compromise of like they must have put
it in my beach fag because I know I put it
with my dirty clothes anyway. So I just a lesson,
stay curious about it.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
Curious it. Speaking and my daughter, something happened on my
Netflix account where I got bumped up to like a
premium and I got some email and I'm like, well,
it probably was Ta Sharra. So I sent her a
text and I'm like, did you bump my Netflix account
up to premium which takes it from fifteen dollars a
month to twenty two something, and I'm thinking, yeah, she
(22:29):
probably did this because it gives you access to more
screens and if she was at her dad's house or
wanted on her computer and it was already running on TVs,
then she wanted to be able to watch something, so
she probably did it. Just clicked on it, thinking oh,
it's home mom. Later she can cancel. And I fired
off a text sure enough, thinking that she did it,
and she's like, no, it wasn't me. But I'm still like, hmmm,
(22:50):
did she do it though? And turns out she definitely
did it. I'm like, whoa, I've got No, it wasn't me.
I don't know why they sent me that email. It
turns out I've been.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Pre all.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
But it said you just changed. And then when I
checked the prices and then I went, I did it. No,
I didn't. I've been premium, like okay the whole time.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Once I went and like checked my bills, I was like, oh,
I am paying twenty two dollars, so I must already
be premium. But why'd they send me that email? Then
it made me think when we went on our trip,
you know, in our hotel room, I logged into my
Netflix account, so I thought, whatever guests checked in after us.
This is my next running theory is I gotta call
the hotel because the guests that were staying there went
(23:35):
into my Netflix again upgraded me. Yeah, and I'm like, shady, shady, shady. Really,
I don't know. And then I don't know why they
sent me that email with now which now I'm wondering
if it was a scammer Netflix email where it wasn't
really from Netflix and they're trying to get you to
click on something. But that's something that just popped in
(23:55):
my head.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Which could be because those emails are getting really like
they have logos and everything on them.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Now, Yeah, I fell for PayPal once. Yeah, something about
my that my PayPal account had been compromised, so I
needed to click this link to fix it, and I
clicked it.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
What happened.
Speaker 4 (24:12):
Well, later on I tried to go to Chick fil
A and they wouldn't accept my card and I was like, well,
why are you not? This is Chick fil A, Like
this is eight ninety nine, Like why are you not
accepting my order? Well, my bank had frozen my card
because of some recent big purchases like at home depot
or something in like another city, so they froze it.
(24:33):
So I wasn't able to get my Chick fil A.
And then I called the bank and they were like, yeah,
we stopped something and I was like, oh no. When
I clicked on that PayPal link, they were like, we
got them order that stuff from home depot we wanted.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Okay, I have a question that doesn't come up. If
you get a call from a scammer, and you have
the call, you think they're a scammer, you hang up.
Are you ever calling them back? No, to check in
(25:08):
on them.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Or check on check on what.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Okay, Well, this isn't a very good setup because recently
something happened where somebody called my dad and pretended to
be a bank, their bank and asked for some information.
But my dad had the wherewithal to be like, this
is weird that my bank's asking for this. They should
have this information whatever, So it's kind of weirded out.
I think also they might have been asking for money.
(25:33):
I don't know the whole details of it, but anyway,
so he calls his bank and the bank's like that whatever,
that wasn't us. We don't know who that is. So
he calls the number back. He was at my house.
I felt very I was like, Dad, don't call back.
He called the number back, and at first he was
like who is this? And if you know my dad,
he was like who is this? And she was like
(25:54):
this is whatever. Then he was like, well, I don't
think you are who you're saying you are. Yeah, and
then she was like, oh sir. So she ended up
lying and then convincing my dad that she was the bank.
She did a whole three sixty youngs. She's like, oh, yes,
we're aware that there's scammers that they're they're they're taking
our number and they're using it fraudulently, and we know
(26:16):
what they're doing, and we're on it. We're so sorry
for the confusion, but we are aware the problem. Thank
you for calling back and letting us know. So she
pretended like she so she do you see how she
liked totally. But I never would have called them back
in the first place.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Okay, I wouldn't normally. Now there is a time on
the Bobby Bone Show where we called a scammer that
had emailed me, and then I started corresponding with him
and then we were like, well, let's get him on
the phone. So we called and we got him on
the phone, and we knew we were onto him, but
he didn't know we were onto him. So then we
were playing along like we were going to do.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
It, and what were they wanting from you?
Speaker 4 (26:53):
They were wanting me to They reached out about booking
me on someone's podcast, but they were going to, like,
that's very creative, a few thousand dollars to come be
a guest. And so then they wanted to set up
a zoom with me, like a pre interview before the thing,
and I think they get you to click on the
(27:13):
zoom and then I don't know what they do after
you click the zoom link. I didn't I wasn't gonna
go that far, so I didn't end up clicking on it.
But when we called Thick Thick Accent and we're like,
so you are representing a podcast host here in America,
you know, like it just wasn't really padding up. But
that's the one time we called back to try to
(27:34):
and then he got all worked up, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But okay, that's just my thought for both of those
situations is you know how when people like tap your phone,
they need you on the phone for a certain amount
of time before they can like tap into your Have
you ever seen that on like crime shows?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Yes? Okay, like you have to say, or if they're
trying to track you, like they're like stolen stall and
we almost got their location.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yes, So that's why I'm like, don't call them back
because I how is there a way that they can
get information just from being in contact with you? You know,
like that's funny and I get it. You probably did
it for like the Oh this is funny, Yeah, we
were doing it. Is like what if they then tapped
into your phone and they're still tracking you to this day, Yeah,
and they're stealing money from you one penny a day
(28:17):
or something. Anyway, don't call the scammers back is the
lesson there unless you want it for content.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
But here we are talking about scammers, which we had
no intention of talking about scammers. That that's sad ehd
Are you like how yeah, how did we even get
their assaults? Stealing?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
What was that?
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Taking things? Oh? Netflix, netflix, netflix, netflix, email, That's how
we got there?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
What was that? You sent me a meme that was
like or maybe you tagged me in it that said
my special or my super hard, my superpower or whatever
it is. My trait is I can tell four stories
while trying to tell one. Yeah, like that literally is
we can tell twenty stories. I'm trying to tell one.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
The gift of me telling you is a story, is
you get four for one? Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
And I think, yes, that was it. I think you're
a great storyteller.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
Oh my gosh, I'm terrible.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
I think a lot of people. I think it's because
you tell stories like I tell stories, and I want
people to think that I'm a good storyteller, like because
you get you give so much information and like I
learned so much in that story versus like did didn't.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
But here's what I'll do, which is got to be
so annoying. In the middle of me giving a fact
about the story that I'm telling, I'll just do another
fact like without of course, yeah, I get off course,
but not any like, oh hey, let me reference this part.
I just kind of start telling the story and then
(29:44):
I go, oh, reference something else, and then I come
back and I'm like, that's got to be really annoying.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
I don't know that. Well. See example, this is what
I was talking about earlier, is I don't find those
things annoying because I understand them and I do them.
I like it all right, so I I think you're
a great story.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
Onto the first ADHD email from Caitlin and Virginia, Hey,
Amy and kat I wanted to reach out because I've
really appreciated hearing you both talk about ADHD. Huh, You're welcome,
and I was hoping you might consider discussing it even
more on the podcast. I was diagnosed with ADHD about
a year and a half after becoming a mom, and
it completely changed how I understand my life. Looking back,
(30:23):
so many of the struggles I experienced finally made sense.
I get that motherhood was really the catalyst that led
to my diagnosis, and while it's been incredibly validating, it's
also been a challenging journey. I also live with.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
GAD GADGID generalized anxiety disorder. You have that I'm not
diagnosed with it, but I could sure get a diagnosis quick.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah, okay, Illness anxiety disorder from childhood and medical trauma
and OCD. So balancing all of that while raising a
toddler can feel overwhelming at times. One of the things
that's helped me the most has been hearing other women
share their experiences. It reminds me that I'm not alone.
I'd especially love to hear more about your personal ADHD journeys.
What surprised you after your diagnosis, what parenting challenges you faced,
(31:11):
What challenges you faced in pregnancy, Kat, I've never been pregnant,
That's why my kids are adopted. In case you're new here,
what strategies have actually helped, how you manage the mental load,
and any practical tips you've learned along the way. I
think there are so many moms like me who are
diagnosed later in life and are trying to figure out
how to navigate parenting while also learning about themselves for
(31:32):
the first time. Thanks for all that you share. Your
openness has helped me feel understood. I also love the
feeling of the day. I have a group chat where
my friends and I voice message are feeling of the
day every week and it's been a great conversation starter.
Love you guys, Caitlin, Virginia, thirty two years old. I
love that group friend voice chat thing with feeling of
the day. It's a good way to stay connected to
(31:53):
your friends. Yeah, and I love that it once a week,
no pressure. It's not like they're like every day.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Well, with ADHD, I don't think we would make it
very far doing not every day every day, which is
a great tips like make your goals smaller than you
really want them to be. I always say, start with
something you know you can do. I know I could
have a feeling of the day once a month with you.
So I'm going to start with that, then get some confidence,
(32:19):
then move up. Versus. I want to start this and
I want to do it every day. I'm going to
do it perfectly, because then you'll you won't do it
at all.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
I love that. And Kat and I were talking about this.
Since we've got this email and another email coming up,
and we've had other ADHD emails in the past as well,
we're going to look for an expert to potentially bring
on because while Kat and I do have it and
have lived with it, I was diagnosed at twenty nineteen.
(32:46):
I guess nineteen twenty years old. I know that it
was my sophomore year of college. How old were you?
Speaker 1 (32:52):
I think I was twenty nine, Okay, so were that long?
It wasn't that long ago.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
I was just you know, years ago, in your twenties, But.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
I I thought I had just anxiety. So I went
to a new I think it was a psychiatrist and
was talking about and for the longest, if I never
became a therapist, hopefully I would figure this out another way.
But the reason I even found out, like, you have
anxiety is because learning about it that way, I just
(33:24):
thought that's how people's brains worked. So I grew up
just thinking like, this is how brains work, and life
is just hard, hard, yeah. And so I went to
a psychiatrist to see if I could get some anxiety
medication or even just like talk about what do I do?
And she was like, you have I think ADHD, and
(33:45):
the anxiety is a symptom of that because you want
to be this way, but I can't be that way
because I have all this stuff going on. And she
was talking about how, like I, I struggle remembering things,
and it made me feel very dumb for lack of
a better way work inconsiderate. Well, this was more like
(34:08):
with work in school. Oh okay, that like I just
felt like I wasn't as smart as the people around me,
and I had an imposter syndrome with where I went
to grad school. I was like, how did I get
in here, and she was like, you're very intelligent and
you can learn things and you retain information, but your
brain forgets where you put it. And lo and behold
(34:28):
getting help with ADHD. I still struggle, but I can
access that information easier now because I'm more My brain
can be more organized the better I am working on
these things.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
Yeah, I threw an inconsiderate in there, because yeah, on
your level, yes, but when your personal relationships, yeah it can.
It's perceived as inconsiderate because you don't remember certain things
and you're not trying to be distant from those people
or forgetful or intention like oh I don't care about
(35:02):
their birthday or.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
The lunch we had planned.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
Yeah, like, oh how could you do that? But that's
where the calendar became my best friend and really relying
on that. And I didn't start using a calendar full
blown until six years ago, maybe maybe seven, but for
sure in the last five years, like I rely on
(35:25):
it so heavily and now because my calendar's used to
it and our phones are more savvy, like I'll get
the notifications on my phone, like if you've texted someone
happy birthday the year before, your phone will be like, Hey,
maybe it's so and so's birthday on this day because
this time last year you texted them. So there's things
that help us, but it's putting those systems in place.
(35:49):
And for me, at twenty one or twenty whenever it
was nineteen twenty, I was I was medicated, and then
I got off of it immediately, and we looked up
what the doctor put me on because it's straterra, and
I didn't realize that was a non stimulant because adderall
is a stimulant. And I think at that age I
(36:10):
was so terrified of adderall.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
And why do you think you were terrified of it?
Speaker 4 (36:14):
I don't know, because I thought I should be tested
in high school. My mom probably never would have medicated me.
I think maybe she was scared of adderall. I just
think if I had had adderall when I was in school,
I would have excelled like an who knows this sky's
the limit. Instead, school was really really freaking hard for me.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Do you think maybe you would have gotten a different
answer on your career test? Yes, because remind everybody what
they said you should do operate heavy machinery.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Which probably shouldn't get that right, probably not, but I
think they were like, we don't really know what to
do with this person, and not that if that is
your job, that means anything. But that's not where my
passion lies. That's not where my brain is going. But
I think career wise, I just didn't know how to focus.
And anyway, school was hard, time is hard. All these
(37:10):
things are hard. And I think getting the right systems
in play for you, which sometimes that might be medication.
I'm not medicated right now, shocker. But I think Kat
and I were talking about this earlier, and you thought
I got diagnosed in my thirties or forties and that
was my dyslexia. And also I just remembered that our
(37:34):
nurse practitioner that we both know, I went and did
some tests with her because if she was going to
prescribe me after all, she wanted me to do the
ADHD testing. And so as a forty something year old,
I was doing the test and I remember when I
was taking it, I was like, what if she comes
back it's like you don't have it, you know, and
then would that have sure enough? But would you it's positive?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Would you have liked that? A lot of people I
guess you get both ways For me, it was like,
it's a relief, a relief. But a lot of people
are like, I don't want to diagnosis. But I wonder
if if she was like, you don't have it, then
would you be sitting here being like, well, then what.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Do I have with me? I know, I think it's
just just sharing a thought I had.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
But that is that must be why I thought that's
when you got diagnosed, because I remember you getting the testing.
Speaker 4 (38:17):
But I also but that was for my adderall and
that's when I finally surrendered and was like, Okay, fine,
I'll take adderall. And I did, and it was fabulous
for me until it wasn't. And now I'm just like, eh,
I'll do without, and I have other things that I do.
So Cat and I's journeys are different, and we can
(38:37):
go in more depth in a special ADHD episode one day,
and at least now you have this answer and you
can learn how to navigate it. And then the Cat
and I naturally weave it into episodes so you'll hear
us talking about it. And then the Cat's having her baby.
So who knows when we'll land this expert and when
we'll have them on because we're doing very few interviews
(38:58):
these days. If at all.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
We've done one in the existence, well.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Then I did one. I did a bous episode with
Matt Smallbones, So we've done to you since the start
of feeling big.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Yeah, I do want to say because we did talk
about this, and this is something that I think maybe
less through pregnancy and more I'm anticipating this as a mom.
Is something that could help universally people with ADHD. Is
(39:31):
delegation of tasks because we want to do everything. I'll
speak for myself. I want to be able to handle everything,
and I want to be able to do what everybody
else does, and I want to be able to operate
on that level, and sometimes I even want to operate
a little higher. And I think what I have learned
is I don't have the capacity and I can do
certain things really well, and I can do a small
(39:51):
amount of things really well, but I also need a
lot of help sometimes in accepting help and asking for
help are huge and they don't make you, they can
make you better. Yeah, they can make you a better friend.
And I've learned something like if I've planned something with
a friend, I'll say, can you please remind me? Because
I'll forget. Then it's like I put it out.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
There, I warned you, I warned you.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
You're right.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
I think help and delegating because you as with your pregnancy. Yeah,
you'll have new things you're experiencing once you become a mom.
And for me in my career and through Yeah, when
our jobs first started in radio, it was like, Okay,
we had one thing to do. That has evolved over
the last twenty years, so I have way more responsibilities.
(40:39):
I've got my hands in a lot of different things,
and the last five years have an assistant that helps
me with things, Shannon, and sometimes you'll hear us reference
her here on the podcast, and that is very helpful
to me and even managing She'll help me manage work stuff,
but also some kid things too, so where balls might
get ropped, I I do wonder where she saves the
(41:03):
day with that. If we didn't have her, my ex
husband would probably take on some more responsibilities, because that's
what when we were married. His role was a little
bit more that stuff like getting the kids registered for
school or something like I remember when we first got them,
like he did that.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
You're like, I don't know, that sounds hard.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
That sounds really that sounds really overwhelm. Okay, but it
sounds overweight, and some people might be like, stop being ridiculous.
That's like you're a horrible mom, or that's just the
thought they had in my head, and I'm like, no, no, no,
you don't get it to me. That sounds really overwhelming.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
I am relating to this. I keep seeing videos online
that are giving like new moms to do list of things,
and one of them is like registering for a Social
Security number, and I'm like, I can't do that. Wouldn't
said a form. I can filt online because I don't
want to call anybody, so Patrick will be doing that
and likeing them on our insurance and that stuff all
(42:04):
hard to me. And even I'm gonna say this a
little scary. I can do a lot of really hard things.
I just people to know that. But stuff those little
like tasks what do you call those like admin tasks?
I can spiral over them.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
Here's the woe.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
That's where I really ask for help.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Spiral is a word, but then paralyzed is the word.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
I get paralyzed, and then I prolong them, and then
that prolonging them. You think this is the trap, guys,
your anxiety about this says, if I prolong this, if
I push this, if I procrastinate, the anxiety will go
a wakes. I don't have to do it, but what
happens is you pushing it away makes the anxiety perpetuates it.
And so then this reminds me of like your driver's license.
(42:52):
Can I say that? Sure, okay, I didn't know if
that was If we've talked about that, you're it expired,
long time expired.
Speaker 4 (43:01):
Yeah, but that doesn't stress me out.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
But well then why didn't you go do it? Oh?
Speaker 4 (43:06):
Sorry, it stressed me out.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
To go do it, that is what I'm saying. But
here inspired it didn't.
Speaker 4 (43:11):
It didn't stress me out that it was expired.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Which is crazy, both of those things.
Speaker 4 (43:16):
But like if it that's where we're different.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yeah, but you you didn't do it, And then the
longer you didn't do it, the bigger the thing becomes.
And that's where we get to ask for help or
like this, getting a Social Security number from my child
sounds so scary. I'm sure there's an easy way to
do it. I will be asking my husband to hold
my hand or just do it. Honestly, he can.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
I've been he can probably handle it. And I'm thinking,
like Ben won the lottery because a lot of the
responsibilities that now I delegate to Shannon he used to do.
And I'm like, well, he's kind of winning there.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
Yeah. Also I'm thinking back, if if we really want
something with ADHD, like really really really want it, like
adopting the kids, I really wanted to be a mom.
And I'm thinking back to probably two thousand and fourteen,
when we're in the thick of dossier's and that's your
(44:14):
big paperwork folder that's due for the child services in Haiti.
I mean, there was so much stuff. I remember my
dining room at our old house was like the whole
floor was covered in paperwork and different organized stacks where
I stayed up one night all night figuring this out.
And I didn't have help back then. I didn't Again,
(44:37):
my career was in a different place at that point,
so I had more time, but also I couldn't afford
help like that, so I needed to do that. And
it's something I really really really wanted.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
You're hyper focusing on it.
Speaker 4 (44:51):
And Ben was deployed in Afghanistan, so I was like, well,
this is due the responsibilities on me and I was
able to get it done, but it took like a
It was almost like I was tapping into this little
superpower that I don't have access to all the time.
It has to be the perfect storm of circumstances to
where I'm like able to get that done, where somebody
(45:11):
else might be like, oh, yeah, Darcia, I need to
check this box. Check check, check check. Okay, got it
all organized like I was. I mean, I took pictures.
I was proud of myself. It took a video. Look
at all this paperwork. I did this, and thinking back,
I'm like, I did that, but.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
It had to be done. Yeah, it's different. We don't
have Yeah, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
So that's another thing, is a mom when like stuff
will kick in for you. If it's something you really
want and that must be done, that would be the answer. Actually,
they said sometimes they weed people out through the extensive
process of adoption because some people think they want to adopt,
and then they go through all the different steps and
hoops that you have to go through. And I remember
(45:48):
saying to somebody throughout the process of this is just
so much like other people just get to do it
one night and randomly get pregnant. Yeah, and like here
we are, I mean having to do my fingerprints multiple
times for federal and local. Like, oh, there was different
versions of it every year to prove that I'm still
(46:09):
not a criminal and nothing changed. Still still haven't been arrested.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
You're still afraid of retaliation?
Speaker 4 (46:20):
Yeah, very And they were like, well, yeah, part of
this too. While all this does need to be done
and it is necessary, it's like also you weed out
people that maybe really don't want it and that might
change their mind too. Okay. Quick final ADHD email from Sawyer. Hey, Amy,
I'm a listener down in Florida and I'm reaching out
(46:41):
to get your perspective on navigating a late in life
a PhD diagnosis. My older brother, Cedar forty one in Chicago,
was just diagnosed in recent years. He's in therapy, but
he's currently in a heavy slump and dealing with a
lot of isolation and the grief of finding out so late.
He feels like his past was wasted. He is active,
looking to make a big career move right now, but
(47:02):
the mental fatigue and executive dysfunction are making it incredibly
hard for him to find his momentum. He has no
kids and is not married, so it's just him in Chicago.
I know you've been incredibly open about your adult ADHD journey.
I'm trying to do my homework to learn how to
truly understand his brain and support him, but I want
to make sure I'm doing it without becoming a burden
or suffocating him. If you have a quick moment, I
(47:24):
would love to know. Do you have any specific resources, books, podcasts,
or pieces of advice that helped you or your loved
ones wrap their heads around an adult diagnosis. Any direction
you could point a sin for myself or my brother
would mean the world. Thanks for always being a safe
space for the neuro divergent community. Sawyer Brown.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
I like their names, Theedor and Sawyer.
Speaker 4 (47:46):
Yeah, their parents good kid names. There is a book
called ADHD Is Awesome and it's written by the Holderness couple.
You haven't seen this husband and wife. I was telling
Kat about him before we were recording. She's like, I
don't know them. They pop up in my feed with
cute little videos. And then they wrote a book about ADHD.
So the husband had it first and wrote this whole Sorry. Yeah,
(48:10):
he was diagnosed first and he wrote the book, and
so his wife was more of like, this is my
companion in this process. Well then I think just last
year she got diagnosed, so she's like way late to
the party. So she They have a perspective of a
partner who was trying to support someone with ADHD and
then later realized, oh wait, I have it too, and
(48:31):
so for later in life diagnoses. They have a book,
ADHD Is Awesome, a Guide to mostly Thriving with ADHD,
and I love that they put that in there, Mostly
thriving and the book goes through what it's actually like
to live with an ADHD brain, how to find humor
in the pitfalls, sob stories, unbelievable triumphs, which I think
(48:54):
would be encouraging for your brother who's in a slump. Wait,
they won the amazing right.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I saw that. Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (49:03):
How to tackle the challenges ADHD presents with a positive outlook,
targeted tools and techniques to play to your new unique strengths.
Fun extras like ADHD Bingo, an ode to cargo pants,
and what the world would look like if adhders were
in charge. So that could be a fun book for you,
(49:24):
which shout out to you being such a supportive sister
for you and your brother to check out and then
maybe follow them, Yeah, maybe follow them online. My heart
hurts that he's grieving, you know, all the time where
he probably felt like something's off but he didn't have
an answer, And I think there is a process in
(49:47):
grieving that. But I hope he can grieve it and
move on sooner than later, because now we just need
to This is the card we've been dealt, and now
you can move forward. So like, oh yay, I'm thankful
for this information, and now I want to do something
with this. See what is now possible? Like the question
Donald Miller gave us, what does this make possible? Because
(50:08):
if we spend too much time stuck in the past,
that's going to get us nowhere except for just stuck.
And he I assume would like to propel forward, but
I know that's easier said than done. Yeah cool, So
like that wrack. And then, like I said, Kat and
I are going to be looking and doing a targeted
(50:28):
episode about this, so hopefully some of your questions will
get answered then and we'll continue as we talk about
our ADHD. But you being there for him is probably
the best thing, Like she sounds like a really sweet.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
Sister that she's asking for resources to help. Yeah, that's
a big deal. Not everybody. That seems like second nature,
but not.
Speaker 4 (50:51):
Everybody would do that, no, no, no no. Yeah. So
he's lucky to have you, Sawyer, and hopefully we'll have
more answers for you. But recommendation when we start with
that book and then resources, uh, and encouragement. That's our tips.
Those are our tips. I I think that's it. And
(51:12):
Cat and I hope wherever you are right now, you
have the day you need to have. Bye. Bye
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
To good break it down. If you ever have feelings
that you just falls home, Amy and Cat gotcha, Cob
and locking the ladies and folks, We just follow ann
the spirit where it's ounds us front or real stuff
to the chill stuff and the m but sway.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Sometimes the best thing you can do it jes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Stop you feel. This is Feeling Things.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
With Happy Thursday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy and
I'm cut And we got some ADHD questions today. This
is our Q and a episode of the Feeling Things podcast.
And Cat and I are not experts on ADHD. We
just have it so we know how to function with it.
That everybody's different, even Cat and I have a different
experience with our own ADHD, so we'll answer the questions
(01:01):
as best as we can. Two of those came in.
We also got an email from someone who wants to
be anonymous about a friend trip because she recently listened
to one of our friendship episodes. So we'll start off
strong with that. And then we got a voicemail from
someone that is bringing up a topic that I have
to make amends on something. I accused my daughter of
stealing something from me and I was wrong, So I'll
(01:24):
address that first. Up is the anonymous email. She said,
I just started listening to your podcast. I'm a loyal
Bobby Bone show listener, though, and I listened to Amy's
previous podcast. I just listened to the episode on friendship,
and boy did that hit home. I'm going to guess
that my friends probably sorry, are not going to listen
to this, but please don't use my name. Ha ha ha ha.
(01:46):
So here goes. I am a retired public safety dispatcher.
My friends retired before me, and at that point we
decided to start going on a yearly trip while I
was working. I don't enjoy it. It does not bring
me away at all. I see them often enough, and
we have a text thread that has been going on
for years and years. Is it wrong that I don't
(02:08):
want to go on these trips rehashing everything, talking about
how bad things have gotten, who is doing what and working?
Where the list goes on. I've never stepped foot back
in the department since the day I left. I begged
off one of these trips one year and I was
fine with that. Now they are ramping up for the
next one. There will be hurt feelings help exclamation point. Yeah,
(02:33):
there will be hurt feelings. That's valid. And I just think,
because this is a trip, a getaway, my advice would
be those are feelings they need to navigate.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, a trip is a big investment in time, money,
and energy. So going on a trip to manage somebody
else's feelings that it is not the way to do it.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, And it's got to be hard to hear, like, oh,
this person's like I was thinking about how, Yeah, we
did recently take our girls trip and let's just say
we made it an annual thing. We haven't yet, but
you know, annuals even tough. Like that's a lot on people.
But you and I've traveled a bit together and let's say,
you know, we did New York a couple of years ago,
and then we just did Arizona and then coming up.
(03:19):
But you realize, like trips with me are just not
your cup of tea, but we're still friends. Like, imagine
having to tell me you just don't want to.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Go on a trip with you. But I also think
this is a group a little different. It's a group
and it's a yearly trip that happens every single year.
So it's a little different than me just saying like
I don't ever want to travel with you again. Okay,
this is a group of people, and I can understand
a yearly trip is a huge investment, I think.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
And commitment.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, you don't have I mean it sounds like she's retired,
so I don't know. She might have a part time
job now. But to take time every single year to
do do something, regardless of if you enjoy it or not,
I think is a lot to ask of somebody.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
I think your friendship group, if it's like a local
thing on a Saturday night, you just suck it up
and go, even if it's not your cup of tea.
Those are your friends and you go. But a trip
it seems different.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah, So I would recommend you listening to your feelings
and also thinking about, well, what do I need in
order to sit with the anxiety or fear or whatever
the feeling is I have about disappointing somebody or hurting
somebody's feelings or letting somebody down. They're all adults, and
I would hope that this wouldn't be a friendship ender.
(04:40):
But if it is, I think that you're getting some information.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
There, information like do these friends really care about how
you feel?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Well, it's like, well, what is the investment I have
to give to maintain these friendships? Is it worth it?
If I have to give, If I have to give
this trip every single year for the rest of my life,
I'm going to dread going on, I'm going to resent it,
I'm going to wish I was somewhere else. If I
do that every year to maintain these friendships, you have
(05:09):
to ask yourself is that worth the friendship or not?
If it is worth it, it's like, okay, well i'd
hate this, but if my friendship is going to end
because I don't go on these trips, then you might
just go on it. I also don't know that your
friendships are going to end if you don't go on
this trip.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
Yeah, that would be the extreme first, sure, it would be.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Extreme, And so I think that's what I'm I'm wanting
you to think about it is if it would if
it would ruin the friendship, that's information for you. About
what the friendship is asking of you and do you
have that.
Speaker 4 (05:42):
The older I get, the more I appreciate low maintenance
friendships that still mean a lot. Yeah, like still very
close connected. I'm here for you no matter what, and
I'm cool if we don't talk all the time. Cool
if we never want to drive together, or if you
(06:03):
or if you if you forgot to text me back
like you know, there might be some addressing that needs
to happen if it's ongoing, but if it's just like
the occasional, like I don't want that pressure. Yeah, I
think that's one thing I've enjoyed about our relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But I think part of that, and this is a
perfect segue, but part of our understanding of each other
is we both do struggle with some of the same things.
So if you don't text me back my if you
don't have if you don't struggle with ADHD or something
of the like, then that sounds like a very adult sentence.
(06:43):
Then then you might not Your first thought is not
going to be, oh, they're mad at me. Your first
thought might be they're mad at me.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Oh I don't think that of you? Well, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
That's My whole point is because you do have ADHD.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Sorry now I'm tracking AD. It's clicking. Now, it's clicking.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Now.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
You're saying with other people you might think that, but
with me, you don't.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I'm saying other people might think that if something happens
because we know what it's like, and I'm like, oh,
I've done that before. Like, she didn't ignore me. She
probably just like dropped her phone behind the couch and
hasn't thought about getting it for three hours, not that
she saw my text and didn't want to respond. But
for people that don't think like that, they're like, well,
(07:28):
if I get a text, I'm going to respond. They're
going to be more quick to make an assumption like that.
So that's helped our friendship because our quick assumptions usually are, oh,
well that's you know her ADHD, not she's mad at me,
she's a bad friend. I mean, how many times you've
(07:49):
talked about this? So many times? How many times have
I forgotten your birthday?
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Every year?
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yeah, yours is December fourth, March eight you got it,
I know, But it doesn't mean when March eighteenth throlls
around that you'll that.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I'll know if it's I think your birthday is still
in my phone on the seventeenth, because I put it
in there at some point, and you've told me so
many times it's the eighteenth, but my brain has not gone, oh,
you should go fix that.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
Yeah, and that's okay, So I get it. Calendars, that's
what their fourth, but yours, I remember December fourth.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I wonder why that's so easy for you to remember that.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
But that's also another I guess you're just in some information.
That's another meet of information that, like our stuff, shows
up a little differently too. So we were talking about
this earlier about how we operate with time. You think
time is infinite and I'm always running out of time.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Yeah, that's why when we travel together, you have such
anxiety about getting to the airport and speaking of texting
with you. I know, even though sometimes I mess up
and I send you notes like hey, we need to
talk later, I know that's the worst thing I could
ever send to you, because you are going to freak
out over what it is like you cannot handle Hey,
let's talk later, or have something to tell you you
(09:07):
just need to know, or you don't want to you
don't want the teaser or the setup.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
You just I want the setup if you can tell
me a little.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Bit, okay, if I tell you like, hey, it's not
that big of a deal.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yes, yeah, if you say we need to talk or
there's something important we need to talk about.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
You hate that.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
We hate that. And sour cream, yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Do sour cream on your brain.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
Well, when you came over earlier, I was eating chips
dipping it in Greek yogurt, and when you asked me
what it was, for whatever reason, I just said, oh,
sour cream. And I was like, wait, no, it's yogurt.
Because sour cream. That seemed gross to be dipping my
chips in. Although I would enjoy that, and they taste similar,
like I use Greek yogurt as a sour cream substitute,
so to me, they are very similar. But I just
(09:56):
like that there's more protein in the Greek yogurt, and
I love dipping chips in there. I got those snackish chips.
Have you seen those? I saw Wait, it's the funny
girl cat sickler stickler stickler Okay, the one that was
seeing John may Or.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I thought to say, the one that maybe dated John Mayor.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Maybe yeah, and I guess she invested in a company.
So I first saw her post about them, and then
I was at Target and I saw them.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So what's special about it?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I had to get every flavor? Is that my adha?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
That's Amy hyperfixating on a new snack?
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Yes, Because I had to get the plane. Then I
had to get the deal pickle, which I don't like pickles,
but I like dill pickle type.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
What were you dipping into the Greek yogurt?
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Uh? The deal pickle one? And then I got the
jalapeno one, and then they had a barbecue one, but
barbecue's not my thing, so I wasn't intrigued. I love
salt and vinegar. She salt and vinegar, so I got
that one too, and I'm doing my own little taste test,
so farther all good?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Do you like them over a different ship?
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Though?
Speaker 4 (10:59):
What's the I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed. The ingredients
are just really good and the flavor and the crunch.
It was a whoever made them, whoever she partnered with
is a mom that had some other successful business and
then she was like eating snacks with her kid one
day and she was like, why is there not a
good snack for my kid or something that we can
all enjoy. So whila. She created it, and I was
(11:21):
sitting there eating and I was like, I have not
ever had a chip quite like this. So she concocted
it's like the perfect crunch. And I would say the
flavor and the bags look smaller, but I was thinking
about this too. The bags look smaller, but they're pretty full,
so I can appreciate the fact that they just made
(11:41):
appropriate size bags for what's inside, because I might be
buying another bag that looks bigger, but it's full of
the air.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
You know what bag of chips I think is the
worst at that.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
I just called it the air. It's full of the air.
The air, but it's special air. It's supposed to it is.
It's not just air, it's something else because it helps
keep the chips fresh. Sure, okay, special air.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
I feel like baked do you ever? You probably don't
ever have. I've never seen any.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Baked as oh I used to crush baked.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I love the baked sour cum and cheddar or whatever
they are. I love those. That bag of chips unlike
any other. It's probably like the bottom six of the
bag has chips in it, So then you eat a
whole bag of chips and you're like, I can't believe
you ate that whole bag, But really, I'm like, it
was not. There was like three chips in there, So
(12:46):
I can appreciate this brand. They're honest and what you
see is what you get versus am I gonna get
three chips? Am I gonna get a whole bag of chips?
So anyway, I don't like that you were well, let
me rephrase that I would never dip a chip in
sour cream or Greek yogurt because I despise both of
those things. But you were enjoying it, and I'm really
happy that.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
You sure, And I can I tell you about another
little thing I'm doing with Greek yogurt and chips. So
I tested this out, so I'm going to post it soon,
a little recipe thing. But it's Tailor Farms salad kits.
They have a Southwest one which is kind of Mexican
dype flavors, the chopped kit and you chop it up
(13:27):
extra and you use all the ingredients that come in
the salad bag and then you add half a cup
of Greek yogurt mix it and then it's now a
salad dip. And then I got tortilla chips and dip
it into there, and it's like you're having the full
blown salad, but you've just turned it into a dip.
So it's a totally different experience.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Do you come up with that by yourself?
Speaker 4 (13:50):
I got inspo online, like I was looking for some
things to do. It wasn't that. I don't know if
it's the exact thing. I first tested out with a
fourth a cup of Greek yogurt. That wasn't cutting it,
so I added another fourth of a cup, and half
a cup is a sweet spot. I tested out squeezing
some lime on top. Not necessary.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
So I'm going to give an alternative for people that
don't like Greek yogurt like me. Mash up an avocado
ooh and make it into like a almost like a
guacam only type text, and then maybe it will work
because that's how I do chicken salad.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Oh, you make chicken salad.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
With avocado because I don't like mayonnaise, so you do
shredded chicken all whatever whatever you like in your chicken salad.
I like grapes and nuts and celery.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I love a grape and a chicken salad.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
But the only thing about this is you can't pre
make this. You can pre make all the ingredients, but
you can't like pre mix the avocado because it will
turn brown.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
Can I give you another sweet alternative to the grape?
And a way to do it too? If you don't
have grapes but you have an apple, and then take
the apple and slice it through a cheese grater and
it shreads up the apple into tiny little.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Bit like the crunch.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Though, well I do, It's just sometimes you don't always
have a grape, but you have an apple.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Well, I'm saying if you chop an apple, then you
have a crunch.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
True there, but I don't know. There's something about the
grating an apple.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
You're like, this is creative of me.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Well, I can't take credit. I saw someone else do it.
Who knows it was years ago? Maybe it was, oh,
you know who I first saw grate an egg? I
think it's Gwyneth Paltrow maybe, but it is kind of genius.
If you like a hard boiled egg on your avocado toast,
you do. You CAATs eggs too, but take a hard
(15:43):
boiled egg and grate it. On a cheese grater and
it grates perfectly on top of the avocado toast.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
That could be a way to get somebody to eat
an egg incognito. Maybe I wouldn't know what it was,
but now I know the tricks. If you treat it
on me, that's a French You not answer my attacks
will end our friendship. If you hide eggs in something
and give it to me, I will not talk to
you for probably a week or two.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
That's it. Just a week or two.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
That's like a long time.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Speaking of food, we do have a voicemail from Jen
who listens in Houston. She's talking about twilight births, but
she also is talking about salts, which is food. So
that's my segue into this. Here's the voicemail.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Hi ladies, this is Jen from Houston. I am fifty
four and I have three things about your June thirtieth podcast.
Number one, love the compliment to totally going to use it.
Number two, as far as salt goes or to go
orders from the house, I found these cute little little
bitty containers at the Dollar Tree that I use Fimalaian
(16:47):
seasal as well and or Celtic sea sal and I
will use the little plastic container, put some salt in there,
put it in my lunch kit. That way, I'm not
having to take a whole salt to go at home.
If you could pick some of those up and then
your daughter can have them to go on her way
out the door. The third thing is I am fifty
(17:09):
four years old. I was born in nineteen seventy two.
My sister was born in nineteen seventy four, and my
mother did twilight births for both of us. And it's
shocking to even think about that. That happened in the
seventies and a few times that I talked to my
mom about first and everything, she's always said how she
never remembers anything because she was asleep and she woke
(17:30):
up and then she had a baby. And you know,
my sister and I are both healthy and were I
don't think it affected us in any particular way. But yeah,
nineteen seventy two and nineteen seventy four, just to let
you know, all right, thank you and am happy day
you need.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
To have I thank you. Jin Kat is very pregnant
and I feel like twilight births if you'all missed with
those are it's the mom would just get knocked out
and give birth.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Not completely knocked out. She was still like, because you
have to put you have to push, but they give
you something to give you amnesia, so you don't remember it.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
Okay, but that is crazy. I thought we thought it
was happening in the fifties.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
I thought it was happening in like the twenties.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Okay, but they did it in seventy two and seventy.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Four, long ago.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
And I love how she's like, I don't think it
impacted us at all. Any little thing that I had
to just like happened with me. I'd be like, is
this because my mom was put under for my birth?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Also, if you're unfamiliar with the compliment tip, it was
Amy you came up with these, I think where instead
of saying I love your shirt, you'd say you look
so good in that shirt. So you make somebody else feelah,
like it's about them versus about like my opinion so important.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
Yeah, Or it's like, oh, your house is decorated so cute.
It's like, oh, you've really put a lot of thought
and care, you're very good at styling your home, or yeah,
just really focus on the person instead of versus I
love your house the thing yeah, or you using the
word I. And then as for the salt thing, yes,
these little travel things for my daughter would be nice.
(19:11):
I definitely accused her of taking the huge, the big
salt shaker, and she didn't take it. I found it
in a.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Drawer how long after all of this, like a week.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
And and I thought I asked about it. She's like,
I didn't take it. And I still was like, yeah, right,
she just doesn't remember or is somewhere in her car
and I'm gonna find it. And then I opened up
a drawer that I don't open often and Laila there.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It was, So did maybe she put it in the
wrong spot.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
She did, she put it there. And that's on me
for not searching every drawering cabinet in the kitchen, because
it wouldn't have been that hard for me to open
up certain things and tried to look for it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
But that is something that I think I've had to
learn to be careful with. Is I'm quick. I can
be quick to be like they did this to me,
or so and so did whatever. But I think I
shared this with you. On our baby moon, my bathing
suit went missing. Did I share this video. Yes, I
(20:14):
couldn't find it anywhere, and I don't have many bathing
suits right now to fit me, so I obviously only
brought two. And so I was like, the cleaners stole
my bathings. They did that, they take my maternity bathing
suits and it was dirty too, like because I've been using.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Jack thought I have been looking for a dirty maternity swimsuit.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I've been using that color Science sunscreen that somebody recommended,
and it's tinted, so like, yeah, the insides of it
where it's white were like brown from the sunscreen, so
like it was not it wasn't appealing probably to anybody.
But then I was like, well, maybe they took it
because they it was with towels or something and they
took our towels and the accidentally took it. But I
(21:01):
went down to the front desk to ask about it,
and I had to talk. I had to like tell myself,
do not accuse anybody of doing anything. Be curious about
where your bathing suit might be, because if they didn't
take it, then you're gonna feel really stupid and love
and behold. I went down talked to the guy. He
made some phone calls. He said I'll let you know.
(21:23):
And I was like, Okay, I'm just really disappointed. I
was gonna wear that today. But I didn't say they
took it. I said I can't find it, and I'm
curious if they accidentally picked.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
It up with the towels, and you're disappointed.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I didn't say that. That's the I had to do
something out.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
It feels so good that I said that.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
So then I go upstairs and I'm like, Patrick, let's
look one more time for it. It was in my
beach bag. Yeah, there it is, but I don't think
I put it in there, so maybe I was.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Maybe they put it in Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
That was my compromise of like they must have put
it in my beach fag because I know I put it
with my dirty clothes anyway. So I just a lesson,
stay curious about it.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
Curious it. Speaking and my daughter, something happened on my
Netflix account where I got bumped up to like a
premium and I got some email and I'm like, well,
it probably was Ta Sharra. So I sent her a
text and I'm like, did you bump my Netflix account
up to premium which takes it from fifteen dollars a
month to twenty two something, and I'm thinking, yeah, she
(22:29):
probably did this because it gives you access to more
screens and if she was at her dad's house or
wanted on her computer and it was already running on TVs,
then she wanted to be able to watch something, so
she probably did it. Just clicked on it, thinking oh,
it's home mom. Later she can cancel. And I fired
off a text sure enough, thinking that she did it,
and she's like, no, it wasn't me. But I'm still like, hmmm,
(22:50):
did she do it though? And turns out she definitely
did it. I'm like, whoa, I've got No, it wasn't me.
I don't know why they sent me that email. It
turns out I've been.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Pre all.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
But it said you just changed. And then when I
checked the prices and then I went, I did it. No,
I didn't. I've been premium, like okay the whole time.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
Once I went and like checked my bills, I was like, oh,
I am paying twenty two dollars, so I must already
be premium. But why'd they send me that email? Then
it made me think when we went on our trip,
you know, in our hotel room, I logged into my
Netflix account, so I thought, whatever guests checked in after us.
This is my next running theory is I gotta call
the hotel because the guests that were staying there went
(23:35):
into my Netflix again upgraded me. Yeah, and I'm like, shady, shady, shady. Really,
I don't know. And then I don't know why they
sent me that email with now which now I'm wondering
if it was a scammer Netflix email where it wasn't
really from Netflix and they're trying to get you to
click on something. But that's something that just popped in
(23:55):
my head.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Which could be because those emails are getting really like
they have logos and everything on them.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
Now, Yeah, I fell for PayPal once. Yeah, something about
my that my PayPal account had been compromised, so I
needed to click this link to fix it, and I
clicked it.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
What happened.
Speaker 4 (24:12):
Well, later on I tried to go to Chick fil
A and they wouldn't accept my card and I was like, well,
why are you not? This is Chick fil A, Like
this is eight ninety nine, Like why are you not
accepting my order? Well, my bank had frozen my card
because of some recent big purchases like at home depot
or something in like another city, so they froze it.
(24:33):
So I wasn't able to get my Chick fil A.
And then I called the bank and they were like, yeah,
we stopped something and I was like, oh no. When
I clicked on that PayPal link, they were like, we
got them order that stuff from home depot we wanted.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Okay, I have a question that doesn't come up. If
you get a call from a scammer, and you have
the call, you think they're a scammer, you hang up.
Are you ever calling them back? No, to check in
(25:08):
on them.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Or check on check on what.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Okay, Well, this isn't a very good setup because recently
something happened where somebody called my dad and pretended to
be a bank, their bank and asked for some information.
But my dad had the wherewithal to be like, this
is weird that my bank's asking for this. They should
have this information whatever, So it's kind of weirded out.
I think also they might have been asking for money.
(25:33):
I don't know the whole details of it, but anyway,
so he calls his bank and the bank's like that whatever,
that wasn't us. We don't know who that is. So
he calls the number back. He was at my house.
I felt very I was like, Dad, don't call back.
He called the number back, and at first he was
like who is this? And if you know my dad,
he was like who is this? And she was like
(25:54):
this is whatever. Then he was like, well, I don't
think you are who you're saying you are. Yeah, and
then she was like, oh sir. So she ended up
lying and then convincing my dad that she was the bank.
She did a whole three sixty youngs. She's like, oh, yes,
we're aware that there's scammers that they're they're they're taking
our number and they're using it fraudulently, and we know
(26:16):
what they're doing, and we're on it. We're so sorry
for the confusion, but we are aware the problem. Thank
you for calling back and letting us know. So she
pretended like she so she do you see how she
liked totally. But I never would have called them back
in the first place.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Okay, I wouldn't normally. Now there is a time on
the Bobby Bone Show where we called a scammer that
had emailed me, and then I started corresponding with him
and then we were like, well, let's get him on
the phone. So we called and we got him on
the phone, and we knew we were onto him, but
he didn't know we were onto him. So then we
were playing along like we were going to do.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
It, and what were they wanting from you?
Speaker 4 (26:53):
They were wanting me to They reached out about booking
me on someone's podcast, but they were going to, like,
that's very creative, a few thousand dollars to come be
a guest. And so then they wanted to set up
a zoom with me, like a pre interview before the thing,
and I think they get you to click on the
(27:13):
zoom and then I don't know what they do after
you click the zoom link. I didn't I wasn't gonna
go that far, so I didn't end up clicking on it.
But when we called Thick Thick Accent and we're like,
so you are representing a podcast host here in America,
you know, like it just wasn't really padding up. But
that's the one time we called back to try to
(27:34):
and then he got all worked up, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
But okay, that's just my thought for both of those
situations is you know how when people like tap your phone,
they need you on the phone for a certain amount
of time before they can like tap into your Have
you ever seen that on like crime shows?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Yes? Okay, like you have to say, or if they're
trying to track you, like they're like stolen stall and
we almost got their location.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yes, So that's why I'm like, don't call them back
because I how is there a way that they can
get information just from being in contact with you? You know,
like that's funny and I get it. You probably did
it for like the Oh this is funny, Yeah, we
were doing it. Is like what if they then tapped
into your phone and they're still tracking you to this day, Yeah,
and they're stealing money from you one penny a day
(28:17):
or something. Anyway, don't call the scammers back is the
lesson there unless you want it for content.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
But here we are talking about scammers, which we had
no intention of talking about scammers. That that's sad ehd
Are you like how yeah, how did we even get
their assaults? Stealing?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
What was that?
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Taking things? Oh? Netflix, netflix, netflix, netflix, email, That's how
we got there?
Speaker 1 (28:43):
What was that? You sent me a meme that was
like or maybe you tagged me in it that said
my special or my super hard, my superpower or whatever
it is. My trait is I can tell four stories
while trying to tell one. Yeah, like that literally is
we can tell twenty stories. I'm trying to tell one.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
The gift of me telling you is a story, is
you get four for one? Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
And I think, yes, that was it. I think you're
a great storyteller.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
Oh my gosh, I'm terrible.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
I think a lot of people. I think it's because
you tell stories like I tell stories, and I want
people to think that I'm a good storyteller, like because
you get you give so much information and like I
learned so much in that story versus like did didn't.
Speaker 4 (29:23):
But here's what I'll do, which is got to be
so annoying. In the middle of me giving a fact
about the story that I'm telling, I'll just do another
fact like without of course, yeah, I get off course,
but not any like, oh hey, let me reference this part.
I just kind of start telling the story and then
(29:44):
I go, oh, reference something else, and then I come
back and I'm like, that's got to be really annoying.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
I don't know that. Well. See example, this is what
I was talking about earlier, is I don't find those
things annoying because I understand them and I do them.
I like it all right, so I I think you're
a great story.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
Onto the first ADHD email from Caitlin and Virginia, Hey,
Amy and kat I wanted to reach out because I've
really appreciated hearing you both talk about ADHD. Huh, You're welcome,
and I was hoping you might consider discussing it even
more on the podcast. I was diagnosed with ADHD about
a year and a half after becoming a mom, and
it completely changed how I understand my life. Looking back,
(30:23):
so many of the struggles I experienced finally made sense.
I get that motherhood was really the catalyst that led
to my diagnosis, and while it's been incredibly validating, it's
also been a challenging journey. I also live with.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
GAD GADGID generalized anxiety disorder. You have that I'm not
diagnosed with it, but I could sure get a diagnosis quick.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah, okay, Illness anxiety disorder from childhood and medical trauma
and OCD. So balancing all of that while raising a
toddler can feel overwhelming at times. One of the things
that's helped me the most has been hearing other women
share their experiences. It reminds me that I'm not alone.
I'd especially love to hear more about your personal ADHD journeys.
What surprised you after your diagnosis, what parenting challenges you faced,
(31:11):
What challenges you faced in pregnancy, Kat, I've never been pregnant,
That's why my kids are adopted. In case you're new here,
what strategies have actually helped, how you manage the mental load,
and any practical tips you've learned along the way. I
think there are so many moms like me who are
diagnosed later in life and are trying to figure out
how to navigate parenting while also learning about themselves for
(31:32):
the first time. Thanks for all that you share. Your
openness has helped me feel understood. I also love the
feeling of the day. I have a group chat where
my friends and I voice message are feeling of the
day every week and it's been a great conversation starter.
Love you guys, Caitlin, Virginia, thirty two years old. I
love that group friend voice chat thing with feeling of
the day. It's a good way to stay connected to
(31:53):
your friends. Yeah, and I love that it once a week,
no pressure. It's not like they're like every day.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Well, with ADHD, I don't think we would make it
very far doing not every day every day, which is
a great tips like make your goals smaller than you
really want them to be. I always say, start with
something you know you can do. I know I could
have a feeling of the day once a month with you.
So I'm going to start with that, then get some confidence,
(32:19):
then move up. Versus. I want to start this and
I want to do it every day. I'm going to
do it perfectly, because then you'll you won't do it
at all.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
I love that. And Kat and I were talking about this.
Since we've got this email and another email coming up,
and we've had other ADHD emails in the past as well,
we're going to look for an expert to potentially bring
on because while Kat and I do have it and
have lived with it, I was diagnosed at twenty nineteen.
(32:46):
I guess nineteen twenty years old. I know that it
was my sophomore year of college. How old were you?
Speaker 1 (32:52):
I think I was twenty nine, Okay, so were that long?
It wasn't that long ago.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
I was just you know, years ago, in your twenties, But.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
I I thought I had just anxiety. So I went
to a new I think it was a psychiatrist and
was talking about and for the longest, if I never
became a therapist, hopefully I would figure this out another way.
But the reason I even found out, like, you have
anxiety is because learning about it that way, I just
(33:24):
thought that's how people's brains worked. So I grew up
just thinking like, this is how brains work, and life
is just hard, hard, yeah. And so I went to
a psychiatrist to see if I could get some anxiety
medication or even just like talk about what do I do?
And she was like, you have I think ADHD, and
(33:45):
the anxiety is a symptom of that because you want
to be this way, but I can't be that way
because I have all this stuff going on. And she
was talking about how, like I, I struggle remembering things,
and it made me feel very dumb for lack of
a better way work inconsiderate. Well, this was more like
(34:08):
with work in school. Oh okay, that like I just
felt like I wasn't as smart as the people around me,
and I had an imposter syndrome with where I went
to grad school. I was like, how did I get
in here, and she was like, you're very intelligent and
you can learn things and you retain information, but your
brain forgets where you put it. And lo and behold
(34:28):
getting help with ADHD. I still struggle, but I can
access that information easier now because I'm more My brain
can be more organized the better I am working on
these things.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
Yeah, I threw an inconsiderate in there, because yeah, on
your level, yes, but when your personal relationships, yeah it can.
It's perceived as inconsiderate because you don't remember certain things
and you're not trying to be distant from those people
or forgetful or intention like oh I don't care about
(35:02):
their birthday or.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
The lunch we had planned.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
Yeah, like, oh how could you do that? But that's
where the calendar became my best friend and really relying
on that. And I didn't start using a calendar full
blown until six years ago, maybe maybe seven, but for
sure in the last five years, like I rely on
(35:25):
it so heavily and now because my calendar's used to
it and our phones are more savvy, like I'll get
the notifications on my phone, like if you've texted someone
happy birthday the year before, your phone will be like, Hey,
maybe it's so and so's birthday on this day because
this time last year you texted them. So there's things
that help us, but it's putting those systems in place.
(35:49):
And for me, at twenty one or twenty whenever it
was nineteen twenty, I was I was medicated, and then
I got off of it immediately, and we looked up
what the doctor put me on because it's straterra, and
I didn't realize that was a non stimulant because adderall
is a stimulant. And I think at that age I
(36:10):
was so terrified of adderall.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
And why do you think you were terrified of it?
Speaker 4 (36:14):
I don't know, because I thought I should be tested
in high school. My mom probably never would have medicated me.
I think maybe she was scared of adderall. I just
think if I had had adderall when I was in school,
I would have excelled like an who knows this sky's
the limit. Instead, school was really really freaking hard for me.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Do you think maybe you would have gotten a different
answer on your career test? Yes, because remind everybody what
they said you should do operate heavy machinery.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Which probably shouldn't get that right, probably not, but I
think they were like, we don't really know what to
do with this person, and not that if that is
your job, that means anything. But that's not where my
passion lies. That's not where my brain is going. But
I think career wise, I just didn't know how to focus.
And anyway, school was hard, time is hard. All these
(37:10):
things are hard. And I think getting the right systems
in play for you, which sometimes that might be medication.
I'm not medicated right now, shocker. But I think Kat
and I were talking about this earlier, and you thought
I got diagnosed in my thirties or forties and that
was my dyslexia. And also I just remembered that our
(37:34):
nurse practitioner that we both know, I went and did
some tests with her because if she was going to
prescribe me after all, she wanted me to do the
ADHD testing. And so as a forty something year old,
I was doing the test and I remember when I
was taking it, I was like, what if she comes
back it's like you don't have it, you know, and
then would that have sure enough? But would you it's positive?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Would you have liked that? A lot of people I
guess you get both ways For me, it was like,
it's a relief, a relief. But a lot of people
are like, I don't want to diagnosis. But I wonder
if if she was like, you don't have it, then
would you be sitting here being like, well, then what.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Do I have with me? I know, I think it's
just just sharing a thought I had.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
But that is that must be why I thought that's
when you got diagnosed, because I remember you getting the testing.
Speaker 4 (38:17):
But I also but that was for my adderall and
that's when I finally surrendered and was like, Okay, fine,
I'll take adderall. And I did, and it was fabulous
for me until it wasn't. And now I'm just like, eh,
I'll do without, and I have other things that I do.
So Cat and I's journeys are different, and we can
(38:37):
go in more depth in a special ADHD episode one day,
and at least now you have this answer and you
can learn how to navigate it. And then the Cat
and I naturally weave it into episodes so you'll hear
us talking about it. And then the Cat's having her baby.
So who knows when we'll land this expert and when
we'll have them on because we're doing very few interviews
(38:58):
these days. If at all.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
We've done one in the existence, well.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Then I did one. I did a bous episode with
Matt Smallbones, So we've done to you since the start
of feeling big.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Yeah, I do want to say because we did talk
about this, and this is something that I think maybe
less through pregnancy and more I'm anticipating this as a mom.
Is something that could help universally people with ADHD. Is
(39:31):
delegation of tasks because we want to do everything. I'll
speak for myself. I want to be able to handle everything,
and I want to be able to do what everybody
else does, and I want to be able to operate
on that level, and sometimes I even want to operate
a little higher. And I think what I have learned
is I don't have the capacity and I can do
certain things really well, and I can do a small
(39:51):
amount of things really well, but I also need a
lot of help sometimes in accepting help and asking for
help are huge and they don't make you, they can
make you better. Yeah, they can make you a better friend.
And I've learned something like if I've planned something with
a friend, I'll say, can you please remind me? Because
I'll forget. Then it's like I put it out.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
There, I warned you, I warned you.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
You're right.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
I think help and delegating because you as with your pregnancy. Yeah,
you'll have new things you're experiencing once you become a mom.
And for me in my career and through Yeah, when
our jobs first started in radio, it was like, Okay,
we had one thing to do. That has evolved over
the last twenty years, so I have way more responsibilities.
(40:39):
I've got my hands in a lot of different things,
and the last five years have an assistant that helps
me with things, Shannon, and sometimes you'll hear us reference
her here on the podcast, and that is very helpful
to me and even managing She'll help me manage work stuff,
but also some kid things too, so where balls might
get ropped, I I do wonder where she saves the
(41:03):
day with that. If we didn't have her, my ex
husband would probably take on some more responsibilities, because that's
what when we were married. His role was a little
bit more that stuff like getting the kids registered for
school or something like I remember when we first got them,
like he did that.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
You're like, I don't know, that sounds hard.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
That sounds really that sounds really overwhelm. Okay, but it
sounds overweight, and some people might be like, stop being ridiculous.
That's like you're a horrible mom, or that's just the
thought they had in my head, and I'm like, no, no, no,
you don't get it to me. That sounds really overwhelming.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
I am relating to this. I keep seeing videos online
that are giving like new moms to do list of things,
and one of them is like registering for a Social
Security number, and I'm like, I can't do that. Wouldn't
said a form. I can filt online because I don't
want to call anybody, so Patrick will be doing that
and likeing them on our insurance and that stuff all
(42:04):
hard to me. And even I'm gonna say this a
little scary. I can do a lot of really hard things.
I just people to know that. But stuff those little
like tasks what do you call those like admin tasks?
I can spiral over them.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
Here's the woe.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
That's where I really ask for help.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Spiral is a word, but then paralyzed is the word.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
I get paralyzed, and then I prolong them, and then
that prolonging them. You think this is the trap, guys,
your anxiety about this says, if I prolong this, if
I push this, if I procrastinate, the anxiety will go
a wakes. I don't have to do it, but what
happens is you pushing it away makes the anxiety perpetuates it.
And so then this reminds me of like your driver's license.
(42:52):
Can I say that? Sure, okay, I didn't know if
that was If we've talked about that, you're it expired,
long time expired.
Speaker 4 (43:01):
Yeah, but that doesn't stress me out.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
But well then why didn't you go do it? Oh?
Speaker 4 (43:06):
Sorry, it stressed me out.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
To go do it, that is what I'm saying. But
here inspired it didn't.
Speaker 4 (43:11):
It didn't stress me out that it was expired.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Which is crazy, both of those things.
Speaker 4 (43:16):
But like if it that's where we're different.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yeah, but you you didn't do it, And then the
longer you didn't do it, the bigger the thing becomes.
And that's where we get to ask for help or
like this, getting a Social Security number from my child
sounds so scary. I'm sure there's an easy way to
do it. I will be asking my husband to hold
my hand or just do it. Honestly, he can.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
I've been he can probably handle it. And I'm thinking,
like Ben won the lottery because a lot of the
responsibilities that now I delegate to Shannon he used to do.
And I'm like, well, he's kind of winning there.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
Yeah. Also I'm thinking back, if if we really want
something with ADHD, like really really really want it, like
adopting the kids, I really wanted to be a mom.
And I'm thinking back to probably two thousand and fourteen,
when we're in the thick of dossier's and that's your
(44:14):
big paperwork folder that's due for the child services in Haiti.
I mean, there was so much stuff. I remember my
dining room at our old house was like the whole
floor was covered in paperwork and different organized stacks where
I stayed up one night all night figuring this out.
And I didn't have help back then. I didn't Again,
(44:37):
my career was in a different place at that point,
so I had more time, but also I couldn't afford
help like that, so I needed to do that. And
it's something I really really really wanted.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
You're hyper focusing on it.
Speaker 4 (44:51):
And Ben was deployed in Afghanistan, so I was like, well,
this is due the responsibilities on me and I was
able to get it done, but it took like a
It was almost like I was tapping into this little
superpower that I don't have access to all the time.
It has to be the perfect storm of circumstances to
where I'm like able to get that done, where somebody
(45:11):
else might be like, oh, yeah, Darcia, I need to
check this box. Check check, check check. Okay, got it
all organized like I was. I mean, I took pictures.
I was proud of myself. It took a video. Look
at all this paperwork. I did this, and thinking back,
I'm like, I did that, but.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
It had to be done. Yeah, it's different. We don't
have Yeah, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
So that's another thing, is a mom when like stuff
will kick in for you. If it's something you really
want and that must be done, that would be the answer. Actually,
they said sometimes they weed people out through the extensive
process of adoption because some people think they want to adopt,
and then they go through all the different steps and
hoops that you have to go through. And I remember
(45:48):
saying to somebody throughout the process of this is just
so much like other people just get to do it
one night and randomly get pregnant. Yeah, and like here
we are, I mean having to do my fingerprints multiple
times for federal and local. Like, oh, there was different
versions of it every year to prove that I'm still
(46:09):
not a criminal and nothing changed. Still still haven't been arrested.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
You're still afraid of retaliation?
Speaker 4 (46:20):
Yeah, very And they were like, well, yeah, part of
this too. While all this does need to be done
and it is necessary, it's like also you weed out
people that maybe really don't want it and that might
change their mind too. Okay. Quick final ADHD email from Sawyer. Hey, Amy,
I'm a listener down in Florida and I'm reaching out
(46:41):
to get your perspective on navigating a late in life
a PhD diagnosis. My older brother, Cedar forty one in Chicago,
was just diagnosed in recent years. He's in therapy, but
he's currently in a heavy slump and dealing with a
lot of isolation and the grief of finding out so late.
He feels like his past was wasted. He is active,
looking to make a big career move right now, but
(47:02):
the mental fatigue and executive dysfunction are making it incredibly
hard for him to find his momentum. He has no
kids and is not married, so it's just him in Chicago.
I know you've been incredibly open about your adult ADHD journey.
I'm trying to do my homework to learn how to
truly understand his brain and support him, but I want
to make sure I'm doing it without becoming a burden
or suffocating him. If you have a quick moment, I
(47:24):
would love to know. Do you have any specific resources, books, podcasts,
or pieces of advice that helped you or your loved
ones wrap their heads around an adult diagnosis. Any direction
you could point a sin for myself or my brother
would mean the world. Thanks for always being a safe
space for the neuro divergent community. Sawyer Brown.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
I like their names, Theedor and Sawyer.
Speaker 4 (47:46):
Yeah, their parents good kid names. There is a book
called ADHD Is Awesome and it's written by the Holderness couple.
You haven't seen this husband and wife. I was telling
Kat about him before we were recording. She's like, I
don't know them. They pop up in my feed with
cute little videos. And then they wrote a book about ADHD.
So the husband had it first and wrote this whole Sorry. Yeah,
(48:10):
he was diagnosed first and he wrote the book, and
so his wife was more of like, this is my
companion in this process. Well then I think just last
year she got diagnosed, so she's like way late to
the party. So she They have a perspective of a
partner who was trying to support someone with ADHD and
then later realized, oh wait, I have it too, and
(48:31):
so for later in life diagnoses. They have a book,
ADHD Is Awesome, a Guide to mostly Thriving with ADHD,
and I love that they put that in there, Mostly
thriving and the book goes through what it's actually like
to live with an ADHD brain, how to find humor
in the pitfalls, sob stories, unbelievable triumphs, which I think
(48:54):
would be encouraging for your brother who's in a slump. Wait,
they won the amazing right.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I saw that. Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (49:03):
How to tackle the challenges ADHD presents with a positive outlook,
targeted tools and techniques to play to your new unique strengths.
Fun extras like ADHD Bingo, an ode to cargo pants,
and what the world would look like if adhders were
in charge. So that could be a fun book for you,
(49:24):
which shout out to you being such a supportive sister
for you and your brother to check out and then
maybe follow them, Yeah, maybe follow them online. My heart
hurts that he's grieving, you know, all the time where
he probably felt like something's off but he didn't have
an answer, And I think there is a process in
(49:47):
grieving that. But I hope he can grieve it and
move on sooner than later, because now we just need
to This is the card we've been dealt, and now
you can move forward. So like, oh yay, I'm thankful
for this information, and now I want to do something
with this. See what is now possible? Like the question
Donald Miller gave us, what does this make possible? Because
(50:08):
if we spend too much time stuck in the past,
that's going to get us nowhere except for just stuck.
And he I assume would like to propel forward, but
I know that's easier said than done. Yeah cool, So
like that wrack. And then, like I said, Kat and
I are going to be looking and doing a targeted
(50:28):
episode about this, so hopefully some of your questions will
get answered then and we'll continue as we talk about
our ADHD. But you being there for him is probably
the best thing, Like she sounds like a really sweet.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
Sister that she's asking for resources to help. Yeah, that's
a big deal. Not everybody. That seems like second nature,
but not.
Speaker 4 (50:51):
Everybody would do that, no, no, no no. Yeah. So
he's lucky to have you, Sawyer, and hopefully we'll have
more answers for you. But recommendation when we start with
that book and then resources, uh, and encouragement. That's our tips.
Those are our tips. I I think that's it. And
(51:12):
Cat and I hope wherever you are right now, you
have the day you need to have. Bye. Bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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