February 8, 2024 • 37 mins
Amy is joined by Lisa Hayim, host of The Truthiest Life, for an OG-style episode talking about these 4 things:
- Embracing lost seasons of life & sitting in our discomfort/fear
- Getting comfortable being nude (in a non-sexual way!)
- The power of female friendships and unleashing your fierce feminine fire
Fake urgency & removing the time-scarcity mindset
Find out more about Lisa’s CAMP METREAT in Mexico this April & join Lisa for her 90-minute free METREAT this Sunday at 9:30am ET for yoga, breathwork, journaling, chanting and more! You can also find Lisa on Instagram: @LisaHayim.
Check out the amazing podcasts on the Amy Brown Podcast Network & follow the awesome hosts to show your support and engage with a strong group of women:
- Outweigh with Amy Brown and Leanne Ellington
- Soul Sessions with Amanda Rieger Green
- The Truthiest Life with Lisa Hayim
- You Need Therapy with Kat DeFatta
- What’s God Got To Do With It? with Leanne Ellington
- Write Your Story with Ally Fallon
- It’s OK That Your Not OK with Megan Devine
Send us an email at: 4thingswithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
GUEST: Lisa Hayim // lisahayim.com // @LisaHayim
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Okay, cast up little food for yourself life. Oh it's
pretty but hey, it's pretty beautiful, man, beautiful for that for.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
A little more exciting, said he. You're kicking with full
with Amy Brown.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Happy Thursday, Four Things Amy here, and my guest today
is someone that has been on the podcast before. In fact,
someone that I used to co host a podcast with
because I have Lisa haim On and she was the
co founder of Outweigh with me. That's when our friendship
really blossomed. We were friends online, but outwegh brought us
together in person and we've been friends ever since. She's
(00:56):
a registered dietitian, a mom, a wife. She's the creator
of the Me Treat and host of Truthiest Life podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Hey Lisa, Hello, Yeah, you forgot that I'm on your
podcast network, the Amy Brown Podcast Network.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I said you're the host of that. I'm happy
to have you on it.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I guess I just sometimes I feel weird bringing up
Amy Brown Podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Well, I'm going to bring it up because I want
your audience to know that you are so different than
anybody else I've ever met in my life, and I'm
so grateful to work with you and for you ish
in the network sense, and for them to know that
in this very strange season of my life the last
six months, particularly where I stopped working, stopped podcasting, you
(01:39):
who are in charge of this network, really gave me
the freedom to really like get let myself get lost
and didn't put the pressure on. And I think a
lot of relationships friendships, when business or creation is involved,
it gets tricky. And you and I have come together
many times for things and then we've moved in different
ways and we've wiggled and moved, and I just I
hope you're audience knows that you are as real as
(02:03):
it gets and what you see is what you get
with you, because for me, it's been the most refreshing
to have that in my life and to have somebody
so consistent.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So thank you, we Lisa, thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I mean, the feeling is mutual, and I love that
you're my guest today. You've got four totally different things
for us that I'm very excited to chat about. The
first thing will be embracing lost seasons of life and
sitting in our discomfort. Second thing, getting comfortable with being
nude in a non sexual way. Third thing, the power
(02:34):
of female friendships and unleashing your fierce feminine fire. And
inside that we're going to be talking about me treats
and why they're so amazing. And then fourth thing will
be a fake urgency and removing the time scarcity mindset.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, We're going everywhere today into really important topics, really
important topics.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
First, right, all right, Lisa, let's talk lost seasons of life,
life and sitting in discomfort.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
So this is a really hot one for me, and
I'm really passionate about it, and I'm also very experienced
in it. The last six months I got completely lost
and who I am, what my purpose is? If I
was even ever going to do something like being on
your podcast, do my own podcast show up on Instagram,
I'm like, I was just kind of like, I need
to let myself turn into a puddle.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
I happened to have a very intense last year.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
For anybody who's been through intense things or seasons of life,
we all have, right, you know, what comes after is
kind of like it's just all feels very daunting and heavy,
and it can also feel very hard to do simple things.
And that was kind of where I found myself burnt out,
maybe running anxious depressed, and I had to really just
like remove all of my identities and let myself get lost.
(03:48):
Now you might not have to do all of those
things that I did in order to find yourself lost.
You might just be feeling lost. But what I found
from this experience that I think we can all extract
is how important it is to reframe our relationship to
being lost. I think a lot of us think of
like lost as bad, found as being good right, But instead, like,
(04:08):
if we remove the attachment, the good, the bad, the
labels to it, they're just states of being right. Sometimes
we're lost, sometimes we're found. And every time I felt
afraid to be lost, I'd imagine myself like swimming up
to the top of the ocean looking for air, and
I find my heart beating, and I felt so scared
to be lost that I was like, I got to
figure this out. I got to come back to the surface.
(04:30):
And right before I'd come back to get air, I'd
dive back down and I'd be like, okay, be okay
being lost, be okay being lost. When this happened a
few times in my life, especially with like going off
of social media even for personal use, I found that
I became kind of obsolete in knowing like what was
going on in pop culture and things like that, where
I'd go out with my friends and I didn't know
(04:50):
what they were talking about. That made me feel like
I didn't have a sense of like belonging. I was
becoming too weird over there, but I stuck with it.
I felt nervous, but I stayed with it. And the
more I stayed with lost, the more lost became my
state of found And I know this sounds really strange,
but it's like the ego dissolved, all of my fears dissolved,
and the more I stayed in this state, the more
(05:12):
I kept opening doors that I didn't even know existed
to myself and just information about who I truly am.
So I really want to help people recognize that you
will be lost again, you will be found again, You
will be lost again, you will be found again. There
is no permanency to either of these states. And if
(05:32):
we can lean into the lost feeling and just remove
the ego, the fear, the feeling like we need to
figure it all out right now, I can't stay in
the state. If we can stay with the discomfort, it
actually gets so comfortable that the state of being changes
how it feels.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I had to spend a lot of time getting comfortable
in the uncomfortable and how did it feel? And I think, yeah,
it felt really uncomfortable for a while because what I
was used to was what was normal for me in
that season.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I mean, I have a lot of different seasons.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
But one in particular was very chaotic, and I think
when things weren't chaotic, I'm like, well, wait a second,
I kind of need them to be. So sometimes I
was my own worst enemy because I was then creating
chaos so I.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Could feel comfortable again. So that was.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Something that showed me, oh wow, I am really uncomfortable
with something that actually would be healthier for me. And
I keep going back to the pattern, back to this
other thing, because that's what I know, even though it's
toxic or not healthier. And I was part of the problem,
(06:44):
like it's it was me, and it's sure there were
other players involved, but if I ever wanted to get
unstuck from that, I had to learn to be comfortable
with the uncomfortable so I could work my way through it.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Right, So whenever you got uncomfortable, you found yourself latching
to chaos, creating it, creating drama in some way, rather
than being sitting with the.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
State of act right.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So I think that's also really beautiful and important to
recognize that when you sit in the puddle of lost
in the difficult seasons, you're going to start grasping for things,
whether that's amy creating chaos or whatever your version of
like rushing to the surface back is the best thing
you can do is recognize and become aware. And these
are normal things like amy. I hear you say it's
(07:29):
a me problem, and it's like, that's a wee problem,
and it's not even a problem.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
When we are in any state of fear, we try
to run. That is biological.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
But at some point we need to put a hand
in our heart and say, yes, this is scary, but
I am safe and I'm going to sit with this.
And that can be really hard, especially because stillness tending
to yourself are not things that we are necessarily.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Taught or normalized.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
In fact, they're probably very insidiously shamed, like we're told
to not be sensitive little girls, we're told not to cry,
we're told to get over it, you know, and even
possibly worse for men too. So really being able to
show up for yourself when you're that most vulnerable takes
becoming so acutely aware of the inner state and your
(08:15):
patterns and then dropping even further into the discomfort. But
the coolest part of that is if you drop back
into that discomfort and you stay with it for just
a minute.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
It gets comfortable and then the magic starts up.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
It's cool to get to know the different versions of you.
And you know you mentioned that this isn't going to
be You're not just lost once and then found. There's
gonna be times where you feel lost again and then
you feel found again. That terrifies, But each time you
get to learn new things about you that you never
knew and that used to be a little bit scary,
(08:50):
but now I'm like, oh, hey, new part of me
that was probably there all along, I just didn't know it.
But nice to meet you, and thanks for being here
to like help me on this journey.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I love what you said, because you said part of
myself that's always been there. And the purpose of a
metreat is not to transform. We use the word transform
a lot because you'll leave transformed, but you leave transformed
because you're coming home to yourself. And that's something that
I think. I'm also really passionate about sharing when it
comes to wellness, is like you don't have to change,
you just have to go inside, right, And it's like
(09:22):
then you go inside and yes, things change, but they're
coming from your place of truth.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
And the way you said that was really beautiful.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
All Right, So Lisa and I were on the phone
yesterday voice text. Maybe you sent me a voice text.
I sent you one which feels like a phone call
to me. But you said, hey, look, I don't know
if we can go there, but can we talk about
being okay with being nude? And I was thinking, Yeah,
I think that that's a great topic, especially the way
you wanted to approach it and what you really mean
(09:55):
by that, because it's something that I know I'm not
talking about enough in my own friend group, and I
think that this will help spark some conversations for people.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
So this just organically came up for me, the thought,
the feeling, the importance of all of it. So you
know my history, right, I came from disordered eating, I
came from body dysmorphic, I came from body checking obsessed world,
and I freed myself from all of that. And that
being said, like I get dressed with ease, and I'm
(10:23):
not looking in the mirror every day looking to see
if a new ab came in or you know, I'm
just not as obsessed as I was in my twenties,
thank god. But now that I'm in my mid thirties,
moving I guess into my late thirties thirty five exactly,
I'm starting to notice that my body is changing, and
not necessarily changing in the ways that the world obsessed about,
(10:44):
such as weight gain. It's literally changing form from stretch
marks to like gross anatomy. You know, I've had a baby,
the way my ribs are, and even if I didn't
have a baby, just we're always in relationship to gravity,
so we are like shifting in changing at all times.
Are the way our bones are laying in, our bodies
are slightly rotating, and really these subtle things are happening
(11:06):
all of the time. Anyway, have you ever been to
a Korean spa or any sort of non American spa.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Okay, well, pretty much all other cultures are doing it
so much better than us, but specifically Korean spas in general,
where the Korean culture is so beautiful. The women are
just like so in my opinion, like in their bodies,
but their nude spas essentially so you walk around completely nude,
you shower nude, you go in the pool's nude, like
everything's nud just with women. And I recently went and
(11:33):
as like a very like white American with not a
lot of these diverse cultural experiences, I was blown away
in how comfortable these women were being in their bodies.
And I obviously didn't want to stare because that's weird,
but I felt so much comfort seeing what bodies look
like ages fifty, sixty, seventy, probably eighty year olds there too,
(11:53):
just walking around, and I was like, this is so
weird because I've never seen bodies like this, And we
typically think about like commercials and women and how toxic
right like Victoria's Secret models are and the typical person
we see, But I think perhaps even more toxic is
the fact that we don't see what aging bodies look like.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
So we should know that we can't fight.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
The inevitable sag floppiness, and that there's also like beauty
in real women. And so lately I've been doing yoga
at home and I get kind of hot, and I
end up just like taking off my layers by myself completely,
and I'm starting to like notice my own body. And
with that, I'm noticing these changes and it's really cool
to just be the observer. And as I was doing that,
(12:37):
and I was just like being a witness to my body,
like Okay, this looks different, this looks different. I don't
look twenty anymore, right, not fighting that, and instead I
was like, this is why we are all struggling. We
are never with our nude bodies, right. We go to doctors'
offices and we feel so weird. Obviously, the lighting is
like awful for everybody, and nobody likes to be in
that cold, sterile environment. We go to dressing room and
(13:00):
again the bright lights are on us to the point
where like we go to sleep in pajamas, we wake up,
we get dressed. The only time that we're nude is
like if we're doing something sexual maybe, And I think
that there's something really important about like unsexualizing this conversation
and getting to know your nude body. And again this
is like a little bit I guess also I should
say a trigger warding for anybody who is going through
(13:21):
the body just more fixed stages like this was not
something I could do in my early twenties without attaching
the voice that said, Okay, you can't do this tomorrow.
You have to eat this, don't eat that, go to
the gym. You know, that voice was the constant narrative.
And so for anybody in that stage, I just want
to caution that this might not be the best fit
for you right now, it might cause extra obsessing.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
But for somebody that does.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Feel like, hmm, I'm interested to take this leap, get
on your yoga mat, get in front of a mirror,
and just like look at your body and even notice
what's coming up. Maybe even bring a journal because negative
stuff might just start trickling in there, and write it down.
If you have to get it out, get it out,
and then just be with self and any opportunities that
(14:04):
it's gonna sound weird, but to see older women's bodies
in normalcy, I just think is something that culturally I
would love to see because I think we're not just
like we're always talking about weight loss and all of that,
but I think we're all fighting to look like we're
twenty and it's literally impossible.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
No, I mean it's hard to especially when you're around
a lot of young people all the time and that's
what you're seeing, and then you I do sometimes Yeah,
I have to remind myself, Okay, yeah, I'm turning forty
three this year. Somehow the expectations are way off, you know,
especially when it comes to aging, and I would rather
meet my body where it is. And I don't have
(14:44):
my mom anymore. I feel like maybe that's another that's
an older body that I maybe would have seen, but
since she's no longer here, it's like, okay, well where
where do you find these older bodies?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It's like, even if you're not around young people like
you are, Like I'm not really around that many young people,
but still like the beauty standard in my mind is
still a more youthful tone specific body like I want
to see on billboards. I know that's like a little archaic,
but like I want to see bodies not like necessarily
covered up. And to your point about your mother, even
(15:16):
growing up, like I didn't really see my mother nude
because she too probably wasn't with her nude self. And
I think for us mothers too to be examples for
our children. And it doesn't have to be full nude, right,
we could be in our underwear or less. I just
think it's important for us to have these conversations about
our bodies without the sexualization component. Like there are people
(15:39):
encouraging to be with your body and be sexual even
in your feminine state. That's not what I'm saying here.
That's all fine, but that's not my message to My
message is just be with yourself, witness the change is happening,
so that you don't spend your entire life trying to
be the freaking impossible. Right, even the most beautiful eighty
five year old woman does not have a twenty year
(16:00):
old body. So at some point we need to recognize
the subtle changes. And I don't know, I've just found
it to be a really cool thing, especially given my past,
where if I looked at my body, it was like
how can I change it? To just be like, oh cool,
we're on our way here, like mid thirties, moving into forties.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
It's different and it's cool.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And so that's what you've been doing at home after yoga.
You just if you feel the urge, then you just
strip it down and do you journal through it too,
or that's just your advice.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, that was just some advice that came up as
I was saying it. Honestly, Like, I think being in
movement has been really cool because it's one thing to
be static in front of the mirror or be in
a picture. That's what we see on Instagram, and that's
a big part of the problem. We see beautiful people
not in motion. And when we move, whether we're turning
this way that way, creases, folds, bellies, this, like, things change,
(16:51):
and so I think it's even cooler to be in
motion and see your joints moving, folds happening and being
just witnessed to it all.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
But if you're not there, we don't have to start there,
but just look.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
In the mirror or just look at your own body
and spend a little time being like, hey, that's cool,
that's new, that's different.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Okay, that's that.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Well, No, you've encouraged me, for sure.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
This is something that I haven't been intentional about at
all whatsoever. And with my forty third birthday approaching, I
think this is a really good time to start practicing this.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
From a health perspective too. I know we talk about
like breast scams all the time too, like even touching
your own body, getting to know it is a foreign
thing and again not sexual. But the more you know
your own body, the more likely you are to notice
a change in it that needs medical intervention or eyes
on it, even a mole.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Also good timing for me, because when I hang up
with you, I am headed to an obgyan appointment, and
I will be in the.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Right lights, cold, sterile, and I had what was.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Already this morning when I woke up, was already thinking
of like, oh gosh, I'm gonna have to go and
take off my clothes and put my legs. It's just
the most uncomfortable thing ever. But you know what I'm
going to practice when I get there, being with my
body in that moment and having gratitude for the care
that I'm about to get here.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
We got the.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Third, So, Lisa, when it comes to the power of
female friendships, I immediately think of the women in our
Mastermind group and the fierce female fire that I got
from our meeting last week.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I left that call feeling so good and all it
was was a sixty minute zoom with women who I
know through work, and yet the energy it was like
everybody just lifted each other up, And I feel like,
did you leave.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
That call feeling that way?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I didn't want it to end.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
The real thing that I really want to encourage people
to know is that women, when they come together in
the form of female friendship, can be the most most
incredible life changing thing. And I think a lot of
us are afraid to make female friendships, afraid to be
our true selves with women, and yet like, when we
are in truth with each other and in presence with
(19:12):
each other, the most incredible energies from within are unlocked.
I'm somebody that could easily be home and just be
a homebody to the point where.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
I forget what I need.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
But as the world shifts, and you know, I became
a mother two and a half years ago, to as
I get back out there and I spend time with women,
either virtually or in person, I'm reminded of how electric
and necessary it is that we as women stick together,
stay together, talk to each other, and also create intergenerational
leaps between us. So not just twenty year olds talking
(19:47):
to twenty year olds, not thirty year olds talking to
thirty year olds, forty whatever, but rather like thirty year
olds having conversations with fifty year olds sixty year olds,
so we can know what's coming next and not be
so jolted by every experience.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Would you have an example of what this can look like.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I have a friend she had some vaginal issues post
to having three kids. She was in her sixties, and
she was talking about the surgeries that she had to
have and the repair and then she's also newly single,
so going back out into the world with her new
lady parts, and honestly, just like the conversation was so
refreshing because I feel like it was the first time
that I had like a lens into like, maybe not
(20:24):
necessarily my future, but the future of what.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Many women are going through.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It's very rare that your body just even stays the
same or that you're talking about, like the intricacies, the
social emotional intricacies that come with surgeries and dating and
things that are happening to everyone everywhere. But even more
powerful what I have seen come alive that ignites like
a ferocity is when women in groups come together. Last year,
(20:51):
I hosted my first retreat. So it's a retreat that
I host and it's an intensive, introspective immersion and we
brought almost twenty women together from all over the US mostly,
and we were together for four or five days in
Guatemala and there was zero clickiness. And there was a
point where I looked over and I see that everybody talking,
and everybody's different races and nationalities and ages, and I'm like, wow,
(21:16):
this is beautiful, stripped of like trying to be things
that they were not. They were just talking about their
problems and each person was either deeply listening and saying
nothing and sitting back or jumping in with advice in
a way that was just awesome. And to this day,
this group stick. We talked to each other every single month.
(21:36):
We come together for a little zooms and this April,
in two months from now, we're hosting another Metria, and
this one's going to be in Mexico. And I did
a site visit with my co host, this woman Tracy,
and we left this place feeling like we unleashed our
fierce feminine energy. I don't know if you've seen the branding,
but we're using like tigers and jungle. It is in
the jungle, but like really powerful stuff and it's really
(21:59):
not for reason. It's like once you tap into that
source of yourself.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
And it's really hard to do, by.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
The way, in the worlds that we live in, where
we pay bills and we have all this these to
do lists and responsibilities. But once you connect back to
that divine source that is within each and every one
of us, a flame erupts that makes you absolutely unstoppable.
And when you're in group with other women doing that,
it's like one flame is burning the next flame and
(22:26):
it's becoming this like huge, beautiful fire and it's not
just like a fire that's blazing, it's an intentional fire.
And I've just been like so amazed and humbled by
how important feminine friendships are in our lives and how
scarce they are because of the societal norms and beliefs
that we have about how women should act with one another.
There's a little bit of like a scarcity mindset of
(22:47):
like there's not enough men where she's gonna take my man,
or like that stuff that just feels like so nineteen
eighty that we got to leave behind because this is
what we need.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Well, I love that you're bringing women together with your
me treats. If there is a way that I can
make it to this year's trip in Mexico, Like, I'll
be there and if people want to go, I know
there's limited spots and we'll link all the info in
the shown notes. But something that you're doing that is
really really cool, that is a gift to us. This Sunday,
(23:16):
February eleventh is a free mini me treat online and
I think this is really good for those that can't
get away to Mexico. So what can we expect from
this gift that you're giving us on Sunday, this virtual
mini met treat, It's.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Going to be yoga, breathwork, journaling, chanting, like just come,
don't even like ask questions, it's free, turn your video on.
You can be quiet, but just be in the presence
of what we're going to create.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Okay, details for that will be in the show notes
as well. And what would you suggest for someone that
wants to host their own little me treat like at
their house to stir up some feminine energy.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Grab a couple of your girlfriends and tell everybody that
they need to bring one journal prompt. So each person
is going to bring one prompt, bring your journals a pen,
and you're each going to go around do the prompt
write in your journal and then share together, because the
important thing here is the sharing. It's the getting it
out of your body so that you are clearing your
consciousness and putting it out there. And then it's hearing
(24:17):
back what you said, and then it's also hearing what
others have to say. And this encourages us to keep
being open and honest with each other in a way
that propels us forward as females instead of like gatekeeping
and feeling so guarded.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Well, this reminds me again of our mastermind. I mean,
I know we rotate who leads each week, but the
leader always comes with a prompt, a question or a
thought that they lay out, and then we go around
the zoom and each person shares in relationship to the prompt.
And of course when I say or hear the word prompt,
I always think of Ali Fallon, who isn't our mastermind
and also a part of the network. Her podcast is
(24:52):
called Write Your Story and she shares so many prompts there.
She also shares them on Instagram. She's at Ali Fallon
And well, since I'm at it and I talked about
Ali's podcast, I'm on with Lisa. Now we should share
everyone that's on the network. So there's Ali's Write Your Story,
there's Kat Defada You Need Therapy, Whi's also the co
host of The Fifth Thing with Me on Tuesdays. Amanda
(25:15):
Riga Green has Soul Sessions, Megan Divine has It's Okay
that You're Not Okay, Leanne Ellington has What's God Got
to Do with It? Then there's the podcast that Lisa
and I started together that's Outweigh which Leanne is on
that now, and then there's Lisa's podcast, The Truthiest Life.
And then I feel like I've got to shout out Houston,
(25:36):
our producer. I don't got to shout him out. I
want to shout him out, Houston Tilly, I mean, he's
the best. And then there's the executive producer of our network,
Elizabeth Fozzio. None of these would happen without them, so
many amazing women. I mean, Houston's a man, but I
think he appreciates our fierce feminine energy. And Lisa, I
(25:56):
feel like everyone in our Mastermind group will love your
mini me treat on Sunday, so you should definitely send
details out on our group text, which to everyone listening,
I mean it took me forever to finally start a
mastermind after having it in my back pocket for way
too long. I can't encourage you enough to start meeting
(26:18):
with women in your life in this way. And as
for Sunday, I mean, Lisa, I definitely hope that I'm
able to join in on that.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Your life will be changed. Seriously, Tracy my co host,
not because of me. Tracy my co host, is just
such an incredible guide into self. And once you tap
into that self, it's like eyes wide open, like it's
just such.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
An incredible, a live feeling.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
And I also just want to say one last thing
that if the word mastermind just feels too business y
for anybody out there who doesn't have colleagues or specific like,
it could be a sacred circle, it could be a
women's group, it could be a knitting group, like, it
can be any way that women come together and talk freely.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Okay, Lisa, this is one of my favorite newsletters that
you sent out late last year and it was titled
fake Urgency. So explain to people what fake urgency is
and why you have felt the need to write about it.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Talk about it.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I think if I ever write a book, this might
be where I'm going. So fake urgency is everywhere, and
you probably just know it as urgency things needing to
get done at a certain time, things in your own life,
having babies, getting married, the career goals, all of those things,
the urgency and the time pressures we put on on it.
If you have children, maybe rushing them.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Okay, we got to.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Do this, We got to get out the door. All
of the ways that we have urgency. I'm going to
take it one step further, which I'll explain perhaps in
a moment, which is also in relationships as way to
this might be happening to you, or you might be
using it as a tactic to get close to somebody,
and that can look like creating drama like or chaos
like Amy had mentioned, to get somebody's attention urgently, or
(28:06):
using time as a threat of why you need to
make up meaning.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Like life is short.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
You're my brother, you're my sister, you're my mom, you're
my dad, we only have so much time together. And yes,
all of those things are real, but when we put
urgency with them, we stop living in truth and we
stop listening to what we actually need.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Amy.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
One of the things that I was really in pursue
of when taking the social media break, was how to
get more space in my life. So I know that
I can't change how many hours are in a day,
but I wanted to change my relationship to it, because
you know when you go out with like a girlfriend
and you have a really good time and you look
think back on the night and you can, like, it
just feels like spacious, Like you can like think about
(28:47):
all the different topics that you talked about, right.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, it's life giving.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
It's life giving, right, And then you have the moments
where you're like so stressed at a family dinner to
the point where you just feel so restricted.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Right, those are the state. Let's say they're both an
hour long. One can be life giving and one can
be life constricting. Let's just say that.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
And I wanted to figure out how I could have
more ease and spaciousness with time. And one of the
things I started to realize is that urgency is everywhere.
The phone dings with a text message, Okay, I need
to check this right now, the phone rings, I need
to pick this up right now. I have to check
my email, I need to respond to this right now.
And sure, certain things do need urgent response, but most don't.
(29:27):
And all these function as are distractions to our state
of being. And I think that this is just something
that continues even though I work on this. It sneaks
up on me, kind of like a wave behind my back,
pushing me forward, where like I'm calmcom calm, and then
all of a sudden, the wave comes. Like, for example,
January first, all December, I was in my holiday stride.
(29:49):
We were singing jingle bells at home, spacious living January
one click, and like my brain was like, okay, and
it's the next year and we need to get back
to work and we need to get this done and
this done and this done. I was like, oh, like
we made up the calendar year, like nothing actually changed
because I for the next day. So this is something
that I'm just working on and really trying to fine
(30:10):
tune so that I can be a safer presence for
other people and a safer presence for myself.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Yeah, I think there's obviously deadlines that you have to
pay attention to with work, so this can't apply to everything.
But I think that's why it's called fake urgency. It's
the urgency we put on things where really, there is
no reason that you have to reply to that text
message at that moment. And I think of times that
I'm with my kids and my phone goes off or
I see that work email and I somehow have created
(30:40):
I need to reply to this right now, So instead
of being present with you, I'm going to take time
to email this other person because they're more important. When
really I know if I were to sit and really
think about it, that I could reply to that email
even five hours from that moment. But I also just
didn't want to forget to reply or something. So I thought, Okay,
(31:01):
I need to do that in this moment. But I'm
taking away from my present state, and kids notice that,
and they notice our energy around. Come on, come on,
come on, I'm got to go, go, go, go go, Like
I don't even wake my kids up anymore. For things
with urgency. I try to be calm when I go
in to wake them up because I've done it the
(31:21):
other way, and then I have read multiple things that
talk about how it's just not a good way for
them to wake up and start their day at all.
So I have to be intentional about making sure I'm
waking them up with enough time, and that I go
in their room with a calm presence, it's time to
get up. We are going to get ready now, and
we get to go do this. And I try to
(31:42):
watch that language too of like we have to go
here now, or instead of have to it's like.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Oh, okay, we get to go do this or I
get to go do this.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
And so just approaching things with that energy has really
helped the vibe in our home.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I don't think you even needed to read the book
to even just tap into so and be like this
feels terrible for everybody. And going back to the deadline thing,
of course we have deadlines, but then there's also this
perceived urgency if I got to get it done right,
and if we could just take one step back, I
believe we could remove this like time scarcity mindset that
we have this fear of the clock ticking, that is
(32:18):
like within all of us, better answers to our deadlines
would come out, better response, is, better work, whatever it is.
If we could remove that feeling of intensity that comes
with the urgency. Yes, a deadline is of course real,
but the urgency, the impending that I only have this
much time versus I only have this much time right
(32:39):
to settle into it can just feel very different. But
we have to practice on the day to day when
we're getting swooped up and it's so interruptive to presence, like,
I don't know. I think it also like older generations.
My dad, for example, if his phone ranks, he can't
not pick it up, and he doesn't understand the idea
of I can let that go to voicemail or I'll
call them back so we can be in the middle
(32:59):
of a conversation and it's important to me, and then
he picks up the phone, Oh Hi, can I call
you back? It's like, but now we just lost our connection.
And that goes with any type of relationship, whether it's parental, romantic, sibling,
or friendship. Recognizing that things can wait is really really hard,
especially because the distractions feel good. We're not good at
(33:21):
staying with each other because we have so many distractions
by way of Instagram and social media that staying with
somebody for an extended period of time honestly could feel
feel too vulnerable. But again, stick with that and see
the connections that.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
Come from that.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I like that you clarified the mindset around a deadline,
because I think that can also apply to even moments
in your kitchen when you're cooking, because my brain immediately
went to my tone, my vibe. When last Sunday we
were doing an impromptu dinner, someone came to town, my
kids had friends over, I had another friend stopping by,
(33:57):
and I decided to just make it a dinner. But
I went to the grocery store last minute. Everything was
last minute, and now I only have this much time
to get it done. But I really I wanted to
do it, but my language around it and my there
was like my nerd Yes, it was very ough.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
It just didn't feel good.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
And then by the time we sat down at the
dining room table, every seat full and it was life giving.
At that moment, I got to calm down and relax.
But as you were speaking, I'm like, oh, well, I
was under pressure and I did only have a certain
amount of time. But I think it would have better
served me in that moment to be like, Okay, we
(34:38):
only have an hour to get all this stuff done
and it will get done and we're going to enjoy
this time.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
But I think I don't.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Think, I know I created some chaos in my kitchen
while everybody was gathering around the bar. They're all having
a good time, but I was, you know, slamming doors
and oh, ok watch the oven and get this pen
and somebody, uh you know, I think I even burnt
my hand, like guy caused extra.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
It's so relatable everything you're saying. And just because I've
talked about any of these topics today, by the way,
does not mean that I'm like pro at them. It's
just things that are hopefully everybody knows me like I don't.
I'm not sitting from a state of like, I do
this so you should. I'm sitting from like I am
working through this every day and I am getting it
wrong fifty percent of the time, and then I am like, wow, okay.
Speaker 4 (35:22):
I did it again. I did it again. But the
kitchen one with the banging and then the burning yourself
like also, clues are everywhere.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
When we are acting with urgency, our nervous systems don't
like it, and so we are clumsy, we are and
we get ourselves hurt a lot of the time.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Well, so I'll kind of en this thing with encouragement
to do impromptu things, even if they seem impossible in
the moment because you just do not feel like there's
time for it. I think that falls under this fake
urgency talk of like you doubting that you're able to
get it done when it needs.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
To get done.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Because had I had that attitude and I was super
close to not doing it on Sunday, I would have
missed out on the life giving part. Because once we
sat down at that table and then we all got up,
it was so good for the kids, It was so
good for my friends. We did those little conversation cards
and went around and everybody answered them, and then we
(36:17):
got more stuff, and we built a fire, and we
all transferred from the dining room to the living room
and started doing s'mores. And it ended up being the
best night ever. And it was totally unplanned, and thankfully
my nervous system calmed down and I was able to
enjoy it. But I'm also proud of myself for doing
it and persevering.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
But I think honestly too.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Because it's one of my friends was right there with me,
and I was like, hey, we got this, no problem.
But if it had been up to me, I would
have missed out on Sunday. So I leave you with
that encouragement on this fake urgency thing of don't get
in the way of a life giving time because you
think there's not time for it.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
Beautiful night drop
Speaker 1 (37:00):
O
Okay, cast up little food for yourself life. Oh it's
pretty but hey, it's pretty beautiful, man, beautiful for that for.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
A little more exciting, said he. You're kicking with full
with Amy Brown.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Happy Thursday, Four Things Amy here, and my guest today
is someone that has been on the podcast before. In fact,
someone that I used to co host a podcast with
because I have Lisa haim On and she was the
co founder of Outweigh with me. That's when our friendship
really blossomed. We were friends online, but outwegh brought us
together in person and we've been friends ever since. She's
(00:56):
a registered dietitian, a mom, a wife. She's the creator
of the Me Treat and host of Truthiest Life podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Hey Lisa, Hello, Yeah, you forgot that I'm on your
podcast network, the Amy Brown Podcast Network.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I said you're the host of that. I'm happy
to have you on it.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I guess I just sometimes I feel weird bringing up
Amy Brown Podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Well, I'm going to bring it up because I want
your audience to know that you are so different than
anybody else I've ever met in my life, and I'm
so grateful to work with you and for you ish
in the network sense, and for them to know that
in this very strange season of my life the last
six months, particularly where I stopped working, stopped podcasting, you
(01:39):
who are in charge of this network, really gave me
the freedom to really like get let myself get lost
and didn't put the pressure on. And I think a
lot of relationships friendships, when business or creation is involved,
it gets tricky. And you and I have come together
many times for things and then we've moved in different
ways and we've wiggled and moved, and I just I
hope you're audience knows that you are as real as
(02:03):
it gets and what you see is what you get
with you, because for me, it's been the most refreshing
to have that in my life and to have somebody
so consistent.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So thank you, we Lisa, thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I mean, the feeling is mutual, and I love that
you're my guest today. You've got four totally different things
for us that I'm very excited to chat about. The
first thing will be embracing lost seasons of life and
sitting in our discomfort. Second thing, getting comfortable with being
nude in a non sexual way. Third thing, the power
(02:34):
of female friendships and unleashing your fierce feminine fire. And
inside that we're going to be talking about me treats
and why they're so amazing. And then fourth thing will
be a fake urgency and removing the time scarcity mindset.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, We're going everywhere today into really important topics, really
important topics.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
First, right, all right, Lisa, let's talk lost seasons of life,
life and sitting in discomfort.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
So this is a really hot one for me, and
I'm really passionate about it, and I'm also very experienced
in it. The last six months I got completely lost
and who I am, what my purpose is? If I
was even ever going to do something like being on
your podcast, do my own podcast show up on Instagram,
I'm like, I was just kind of like, I need
to let myself turn into a puddle.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
I happened to have a very intense last year.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
For anybody who's been through intense things or seasons of life,
we all have, right, you know, what comes after is
kind of like it's just all feels very daunting and heavy,
and it can also feel very hard to do simple things.
And that was kind of where I found myself burnt out,
maybe running anxious depressed, and I had to really just
like remove all of my identities and let myself get lost.
(03:48):
Now you might not have to do all of those
things that I did in order to find yourself lost.
You might just be feeling lost. But what I found
from this experience that I think we can all extract
is how important it is to reframe our relationship to
being lost. I think a lot of us think of
like lost as bad, found as being good right, But instead, like,
(04:08):
if we remove the attachment, the good, the bad, the
labels to it, they're just states of being right. Sometimes
we're lost, sometimes we're found. And every time I felt
afraid to be lost, I'd imagine myself like swimming up
to the top of the ocean looking for air, and
I find my heart beating, and I felt so scared
to be lost that I was like, I got to
figure this out. I got to come back to the surface.
(04:30):
And right before I'd come back to get air, I'd
dive back down and I'd be like, okay, be okay
being lost, be okay being lost. When this happened a
few times in my life, especially with like going off
of social media even for personal use, I found that
I became kind of obsolete in knowing like what was
going on in pop culture and things like that, where
I'd go out with my friends and I didn't know
(04:50):
what they were talking about. That made me feel like
I didn't have a sense of like belonging. I was
becoming too weird over there, but I stuck with it.
I felt nervous, but I stayed with it. And the
more I stayed with lost, the more lost became my
state of found And I know this sounds really strange,
but it's like the ego dissolved, all of my fears dissolved,
and the more I stayed in this state, the more
(05:12):
I kept opening doors that I didn't even know existed
to myself and just information about who I truly am.
So I really want to help people recognize that you
will be lost again, you will be found again, You
will be lost again, you will be found again. There
is no permanency to either of these states. And if
(05:32):
we can lean into the lost feeling and just remove
the ego, the fear, the feeling like we need to
figure it all out right now, I can't stay in
the state. If we can stay with the discomfort, it
actually gets so comfortable that the state of being changes
how it feels.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I had to spend a lot of time getting comfortable
in the uncomfortable and how did it feel? And I think, yeah,
it felt really uncomfortable for a while because what I
was used to was what was normal for me in
that season.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I mean, I have a lot of different seasons.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
But one in particular was very chaotic, and I think
when things weren't chaotic, I'm like, well, wait a second,
I kind of need them to be. So sometimes I
was my own worst enemy because I was then creating
chaos so I.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Could feel comfortable again. So that was.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Something that showed me, oh wow, I am really uncomfortable
with something that actually would be healthier for me. And
I keep going back to the pattern, back to this
other thing, because that's what I know, even though it's
toxic or not healthier. And I was part of the problem,
(06:44):
like it's it was me, and it's sure there were
other players involved, but if I ever wanted to get
unstuck from that, I had to learn to be comfortable
with the uncomfortable so I could work my way through it.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Right, So whenever you got uncomfortable, you found yourself latching
to chaos, creating it, creating drama in some way, rather
than being sitting with the.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
State of act right.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So I think that's also really beautiful and important to
recognize that when you sit in the puddle of lost
in the difficult seasons, you're going to start grasping for things,
whether that's amy creating chaos or whatever your version of
like rushing to the surface back is the best thing
you can do is recognize and become aware. And these
are normal things like amy. I hear you say it's
(07:29):
a me problem, and it's like, that's a wee problem,
and it's not even a problem.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
When we are in any state of fear, we try
to run. That is biological.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
But at some point we need to put a hand
in our heart and say, yes, this is scary, but
I am safe and I'm going to sit with this.
And that can be really hard, especially because stillness tending
to yourself are not things that we are necessarily.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
Taught or normalized.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
In fact, they're probably very insidiously shamed, like we're told
to not be sensitive little girls, we're told not to cry,
we're told to get over it, you know, and even
possibly worse for men too. So really being able to
show up for yourself when you're that most vulnerable takes
becoming so acutely aware of the inner state and your
(08:15):
patterns and then dropping even further into the discomfort. But
the coolest part of that is if you drop back
into that discomfort and you stay with it for just
a minute.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
It gets comfortable and then the magic starts up.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
It's cool to get to know the different versions of you.
And you know you mentioned that this isn't going to
be You're not just lost once and then found. There's
gonna be times where you feel lost again and then
you feel found again. That terrifies, But each time you
get to learn new things about you that you never
knew and that used to be a little bit scary,
(08:50):
but now I'm like, oh, hey, new part of me
that was probably there all along, I just didn't know it.
But nice to meet you, and thanks for being here
to like help me on this journey.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I love what you said, because you said part of
myself that's always been there. And the purpose of a
metreat is not to transform. We use the word transform
a lot because you'll leave transformed, but you leave transformed
because you're coming home to yourself. And that's something that
I think. I'm also really passionate about sharing when it
comes to wellness, is like you don't have to change,
you just have to go inside, right, And it's like
(09:22):
then you go inside and yes, things change, but they're
coming from your place of truth.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
And the way you said that was really beautiful.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
All Right, So Lisa and I were on the phone
yesterday voice text. Maybe you sent me a voice text.
I sent you one which feels like a phone call
to me. But you said, hey, look, I don't know
if we can go there, but can we talk about
being okay with being nude? And I was thinking, Yeah,
I think that that's a great topic, especially the way
you wanted to approach it and what you really mean
(09:55):
by that, because it's something that I know I'm not
talking about enough in my own friend group, and I
think that this will help spark some conversations for people.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
So this just organically came up for me, the thought,
the feeling, the importance of all of it. So you
know my history, right, I came from disordered eating, I
came from body dysmorphic, I came from body checking obsessed world,
and I freed myself from all of that. And that
being said, like I get dressed with ease, and I'm
(10:23):
not looking in the mirror every day looking to see
if a new ab came in or you know, I'm
just not as obsessed as I was in my twenties,
thank god. But now that I'm in my mid thirties,
moving I guess into my late thirties thirty five exactly,
I'm starting to notice that my body is changing, and
not necessarily changing in the ways that the world obsessed about,
(10:44):
such as weight gain. It's literally changing form from stretch
marks to like gross anatomy. You know, I've had a baby,
the way my ribs are, and even if I didn't
have a baby, just we're always in relationship to gravity,
so we are like shifting in changing at all times.
Are the way our bones are laying in, our bodies
are slightly rotating, and really these subtle things are happening
(11:06):
all of the time. Anyway, have you ever been to
a Korean spa or any sort of non American spa.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Okay, well, pretty much all other cultures are doing it
so much better than us, but specifically Korean spas in general,
where the Korean culture is so beautiful. The women are
just like so in my opinion, like in their bodies,
but their nude spas essentially so you walk around completely nude,
you shower nude, you go in the pool's nude, like
everything's nud just with women. And I recently went and
(11:33):
as like a very like white American with not a
lot of these diverse cultural experiences, I was blown away
in how comfortable these women were being in their bodies.
And I obviously didn't want to stare because that's weird,
but I felt so much comfort seeing what bodies look
like ages fifty, sixty, seventy, probably eighty year olds there too,
(11:53):
just walking around, and I was like, this is so
weird because I've never seen bodies like this, And we
typically think about like commercials and women and how toxic
right like Victoria's Secret models are and the typical person
we see, But I think perhaps even more toxic is
the fact that we don't see what aging bodies look like.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
So we should know that we can't fight.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
The inevitable sag floppiness, and that there's also like beauty
in real women. And so lately I've been doing yoga
at home and I get kind of hot, and I
end up just like taking off my layers by myself completely,
and I'm starting to like notice my own body. And
with that, I'm noticing these changes and it's really cool
to just be the observer. And as I was doing that,
(12:37):
and I was just like being a witness to my body,
like Okay, this looks different, this looks different. I don't
look twenty anymore, right, not fighting that, and instead I
was like, this is why we are all struggling. We
are never with our nude bodies, right. We go to doctors'
offices and we feel so weird. Obviously, the lighting is
like awful for everybody, and nobody likes to be in
that cold, sterile environment. We go to dressing room and
(13:00):
again the bright lights are on us to the point
where like we go to sleep in pajamas, we wake up,
we get dressed. The only time that we're nude is
like if we're doing something sexual maybe, And I think
that there's something really important about like unsexualizing this conversation
and getting to know your nude body. And again this
is like a little bit I guess also I should
say a trigger warding for anybody who is going through
(13:21):
the body just more fixed stages like this was not
something I could do in my early twenties without attaching
the voice that said, Okay, you can't do this tomorrow.
You have to eat this, don't eat that, go to
the gym. You know, that voice was the constant narrative.
And so for anybody in that stage, I just want
to caution that this might not be the best fit
for you right now, it might cause extra obsessing.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
But for somebody that does.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Feel like, hmm, I'm interested to take this leap, get
on your yoga mat, get in front of a mirror,
and just like look at your body and even notice
what's coming up. Maybe even bring a journal because negative
stuff might just start trickling in there, and write it down.
If you have to get it out, get it out,
and then just be with self and any opportunities that
(14:04):
it's gonna sound weird, but to see older women's bodies
in normalcy, I just think is something that culturally I
would love to see because I think we're not just
like we're always talking about weight loss and all of that,
but I think we're all fighting to look like we're
twenty and it's literally impossible.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
No, I mean it's hard to especially when you're around
a lot of young people all the time and that's
what you're seeing, and then you I do sometimes Yeah,
I have to remind myself, Okay, yeah, I'm turning forty
three this year. Somehow the expectations are way off, you know,
especially when it comes to aging, and I would rather
meet my body where it is. And I don't have
(14:44):
my mom anymore. I feel like maybe that's another that's
an older body that I maybe would have seen, but
since she's no longer here, it's like, okay, well where
where do you find these older bodies?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
And that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It's like, even if you're not around young people like
you are, Like I'm not really around that many young people,
but still like the beauty standard in my mind is
still a more youthful tone specific body like I want
to see on billboards. I know that's like a little archaic,
but like I want to see bodies not like necessarily
covered up. And to your point about your mother, even
(15:16):
growing up, like I didn't really see my mother nude
because she too probably wasn't with her nude self. And
I think for us mothers too to be examples for
our children. And it doesn't have to be full nude, right,
we could be in our underwear or less. I just
think it's important for us to have these conversations about
our bodies without the sexualization component. Like there are people
(15:39):
encouraging to be with your body and be sexual even
in your feminine state. That's not what I'm saying here.
That's all fine, but that's not my message to My
message is just be with yourself, witness the change is happening,
so that you don't spend your entire life trying to
be the freaking impossible. Right, even the most beautiful eighty
five year old woman does not have a twenty year
(16:00):
old body. So at some point we need to recognize
the subtle changes. And I don't know, I've just found
it to be a really cool thing, especially given my past,
where if I looked at my body, it was like
how can I change it? To just be like, oh cool,
we're on our way here, like mid thirties, moving into forties.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
It's different and it's cool.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And so that's what you've been doing at home after yoga.
You just if you feel the urge, then you just
strip it down and do you journal through it too,
or that's just your advice.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, that was just some advice that came up as
I was saying it. Honestly, Like, I think being in
movement has been really cool because it's one thing to
be static in front of the mirror or be in
a picture. That's what we see on Instagram, and that's
a big part of the problem. We see beautiful people
not in motion. And when we move, whether we're turning
this way that way, creases, folds, bellies, this, like, things change,
(16:51):
and so I think it's even cooler to be in
motion and see your joints moving, folds happening and being
just witnessed to it all.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
But if you're not there, we don't have to start there,
but just look.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
In the mirror or just look at your own body
and spend a little time being like, hey, that's cool,
that's new, that's different.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Okay, that's that.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Well, No, you've encouraged me, for sure.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
This is something that I haven't been intentional about at
all whatsoever. And with my forty third birthday approaching, I
think this is a really good time to start practicing this.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
From a health perspective too. I know we talk about
like breast scams all the time too, like even touching
your own body, getting to know it is a foreign
thing and again not sexual. But the more you know
your own body, the more likely you are to notice
a change in it that needs medical intervention or eyes
on it, even a mole.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Also good timing for me, because when I hang up
with you, I am headed to an obgyan appointment, and
I will be in the.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Right lights, cold, sterile, and I had what was.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Already this morning when I woke up, was already thinking
of like, oh gosh, I'm gonna have to go and
take off my clothes and put my legs. It's just
the most uncomfortable thing ever. But you know what I'm
going to practice when I get there, being with my
body in that moment and having gratitude for the care
that I'm about to get here.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
We got the.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Third, So, Lisa, when it comes to the power of
female friendships, I immediately think of the women in our
Mastermind group and the fierce female fire that I got
from our meeting last week.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I left that call feeling so good and all it
was was a sixty minute zoom with women who I
know through work, and yet the energy it was like
everybody just lifted each other up, And I feel like,
did you leave.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
That call feeling that way?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I didn't want it to end.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
The real thing that I really want to encourage people
to know is that women, when they come together in
the form of female friendship, can be the most most
incredible life changing thing. And I think a lot of
us are afraid to make female friendships, afraid to be
our true selves with women, and yet like, when we
are in truth with each other and in presence with
(19:12):
each other, the most incredible energies from within are unlocked.
I'm somebody that could easily be home and just be
a homebody to the point where.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
I forget what I need.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
But as the world shifts, and you know, I became
a mother two and a half years ago, to as
I get back out there and I spend time with women,
either virtually or in person, I'm reminded of how electric
and necessary it is that we as women stick together,
stay together, talk to each other, and also create intergenerational
leaps between us. So not just twenty year olds talking
(19:47):
to twenty year olds, not thirty year olds talking to
thirty year olds, forty whatever, but rather like thirty year
olds having conversations with fifty year olds sixty year olds,
so we can know what's coming next and not be
so jolted by every experience.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Would you have an example of what this can look like.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I have a friend she had some vaginal issues post
to having three kids. She was in her sixties, and
she was talking about the surgeries that she had to
have and the repair and then she's also newly single,
so going back out into the world with her new
lady parts, and honestly, just like the conversation was so
refreshing because I feel like it was the first time
that I had like a lens into like, maybe not
(20:24):
necessarily my future, but the future of what.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Many women are going through.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It's very rare that your body just even stays the
same or that you're talking about, like the intricacies, the
social emotional intricacies that come with surgeries and dating and
things that are happening to everyone everywhere. But even more
powerful what I have seen come alive that ignites like
a ferocity is when women in groups come together. Last year,
(20:51):
I hosted my first retreat. So it's a retreat that
I host and it's an intensive, introspective immersion and we
brought almost twenty women together from all over the US mostly,
and we were together for four or five days in
Guatemala and there was zero clickiness. And there was a
point where I looked over and I see that everybody talking,
and everybody's different races and nationalities and ages, and I'm like, wow,
(21:16):
this is beautiful, stripped of like trying to be things
that they were not. They were just talking about their
problems and each person was either deeply listening and saying
nothing and sitting back or jumping in with advice in
a way that was just awesome. And to this day,
this group stick. We talked to each other every single month.
(21:36):
We come together for a little zooms and this April,
in two months from now, we're hosting another Metria, and
this one's going to be in Mexico. And I did
a site visit with my co host, this woman Tracy,
and we left this place feeling like we unleashed our
fierce feminine energy. I don't know if you've seen the branding,
but we're using like tigers and jungle. It is in
the jungle, but like really powerful stuff and it's really
(21:59):
not for reason. It's like once you tap into that
source of yourself.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
And it's really hard to do, by.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
The way, in the worlds that we live in, where
we pay bills and we have all this these to
do lists and responsibilities. But once you connect back to
that divine source that is within each and every one
of us, a flame erupts that makes you absolutely unstoppable.
And when you're in group with other women doing that,
it's like one flame is burning the next flame and
(22:26):
it's becoming this like huge, beautiful fire and it's not
just like a fire that's blazing, it's an intentional fire.
And I've just been like so amazed and humbled by
how important feminine friendships are in our lives and how
scarce they are because of the societal norms and beliefs
that we have about how women should act with one another.
There's a little bit of like a scarcity mindset of
(22:47):
like there's not enough men where she's gonna take my man,
or like that stuff that just feels like so nineteen
eighty that we got to leave behind because this is
what we need.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Well, I love that you're bringing women together with your
me treats. If there is a way that I can
make it to this year's trip in Mexico, Like, I'll
be there and if people want to go, I know
there's limited spots and we'll link all the info in
the shown notes. But something that you're doing that is
really really cool, that is a gift to us. This Sunday,
(23:16):
February eleventh is a free mini me treat online and
I think this is really good for those that can't
get away to Mexico. So what can we expect from
this gift that you're giving us on Sunday, this virtual
mini met treat, It's.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Going to be yoga, breathwork, journaling, chanting, like just come,
don't even like ask questions, it's free, turn your video on.
You can be quiet, but just be in the presence
of what we're going to create.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Okay, details for that will be in the show notes
as well. And what would you suggest for someone that
wants to host their own little me treat like at
their house to stir up some feminine energy.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Grab a couple of your girlfriends and tell everybody that
they need to bring one journal prompt. So each person
is going to bring one prompt, bring your journals a pen,
and you're each going to go around do the prompt
write in your journal and then share together, because the
important thing here is the sharing. It's the getting it
out of your body so that you are clearing your
consciousness and putting it out there. And then it's hearing
(24:17):
back what you said, and then it's also hearing what
others have to say. And this encourages us to keep
being open and honest with each other in a way
that propels us forward as females instead of like gatekeeping
and feeling so guarded.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Well, this reminds me again of our mastermind. I mean,
I know we rotate who leads each week, but the
leader always comes with a prompt, a question or a
thought that they lay out, and then we go around
the zoom and each person shares in relationship to the prompt.
And of course when I say or hear the word prompt,
I always think of Ali Fallon, who isn't our mastermind
and also a part of the network. Her podcast is
(24:52):
called Write Your Story and she shares so many prompts there.
She also shares them on Instagram. She's at Ali Fallon
And well, since I'm at it and I talked about
Ali's podcast, I'm on with Lisa. Now we should share
everyone that's on the network. So there's Ali's Write Your Story,
there's Kat Defada You Need Therapy, Whi's also the co
host of The Fifth Thing with Me on Tuesdays. Amanda
(25:15):
Riga Green has Soul Sessions, Megan Divine has It's Okay
that You're Not Okay, Leanne Ellington has What's God Got
to Do with It? Then there's the podcast that Lisa
and I started together that's Outweigh which Leanne is on
that now, and then there's Lisa's podcast, The Truthiest Life.
And then I feel like I've got to shout out Houston,
(25:36):
our producer. I don't got to shout him out. I
want to shout him out, Houston Tilly, I mean, he's
the best. And then there's the executive producer of our network,
Elizabeth Fozzio. None of these would happen without them, so
many amazing women. I mean, Houston's a man, but I
think he appreciates our fierce feminine energy. And Lisa, I
(25:56):
feel like everyone in our Mastermind group will love your
mini me treat on Sunday, so you should definitely send
details out on our group text, which to everyone listening,
I mean it took me forever to finally start a
mastermind after having it in my back pocket for way
too long. I can't encourage you enough to start meeting
(26:18):
with women in your life in this way. And as
for Sunday, I mean, Lisa, I definitely hope that I'm
able to join in on that.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Your life will be changed. Seriously, Tracy my co host,
not because of me. Tracy my co host, is just
such an incredible guide into self. And once you tap
into that self, it's like eyes wide open, like it's
just such.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
An incredible, a live feeling.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
And I also just want to say one last thing
that if the word mastermind just feels too business y
for anybody out there who doesn't have colleagues or specific like,
it could be a sacred circle, it could be a
women's group, it could be a knitting group, like, it
can be any way that women come together and talk freely.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Thing with Amy Brown.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Okay, Lisa, this is one of my favorite newsletters that
you sent out late last year and it was titled
fake Urgency. So explain to people what fake urgency is
and why you have felt the need to write about it.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Talk about it.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I think if I ever write a book, this might
be where I'm going. So fake urgency is everywhere, and
you probably just know it as urgency things needing to
get done at a certain time, things in your own life,
having babies, getting married, the career goals, all of those things,
the urgency and the time pressures we put on on it.
If you have children, maybe rushing them.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Okay, we got to.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Do this, We got to get out the door. All
of the ways that we have urgency. I'm going to
take it one step further, which I'll explain perhaps in
a moment, which is also in relationships as way to
this might be happening to you, or you might be
using it as a tactic to get close to somebody,
and that can look like creating drama like or chaos
like Amy had mentioned, to get somebody's attention urgently, or
(28:06):
using time as a threat of why you need to
make up meaning.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Like life is short.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
You're my brother, you're my sister, you're my mom, you're
my dad, we only have so much time together. And yes,
all of those things are real, but when we put
urgency with them, we stop living in truth and we
stop listening to what we actually need.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Amy.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
One of the things that I was really in pursue
of when taking the social media break, was how to
get more space in my life. So I know that
I can't change how many hours are in a day,
but I wanted to change my relationship to it, because
you know when you go out with like a girlfriend
and you have a really good time and you look
think back on the night and you can, like, it
just feels like spacious, Like you can like think about
(28:47):
all the different topics that you talked about, right.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Yeah, it's life giving.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
It's life giving, right, And then you have the moments
where you're like so stressed at a family dinner to
the point where you just feel so restricted.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Right, those are the state. Let's say they're both an
hour long. One can be life giving and one can
be life constricting. Let's just say that.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
And I wanted to figure out how I could have
more ease and spaciousness with time. And one of the
things I started to realize is that urgency is everywhere.
The phone dings with a text message, Okay, I need
to check this right now, the phone rings, I need
to pick this up right now. I have to check
my email, I need to respond to this right now.
And sure, certain things do need urgent response, but most don't.
(29:27):
And all these function as are distractions to our state
of being. And I think that this is just something
that continues even though I work on this. It sneaks
up on me, kind of like a wave behind my back,
pushing me forward, where like I'm calmcom calm, and then
all of a sudden, the wave comes. Like, for example,
January first, all December, I was in my holiday stride.
(29:49):
We were singing jingle bells at home, spacious living January
one click, and like my brain was like, okay, and
it's the next year and we need to get back
to work and we need to get this done and
this done and this done. I was like, oh, like
we made up the calendar year, like nothing actually changed
because I for the next day. So this is something
that I'm just working on and really trying to fine
(30:10):
tune so that I can be a safer presence for
other people and a safer presence for myself.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Yeah, I think there's obviously deadlines that you have to
pay attention to with work, so this can't apply to everything.
But I think that's why it's called fake urgency. It's
the urgency we put on things where really, there is
no reason that you have to reply to that text
message at that moment. And I think of times that
I'm with my kids and my phone goes off or
I see that work email and I somehow have created
(30:40):
I need to reply to this right now, So instead
of being present with you, I'm going to take time
to email this other person because they're more important. When
really I know if I were to sit and really
think about it, that I could reply to that email
even five hours from that moment. But I also just
didn't want to forget to reply or something. So I thought, Okay,
(31:01):
I need to do that in this moment. But I'm
taking away from my present state, and kids notice that,
and they notice our energy around. Come on, come on,
come on, I'm got to go, go, go, go go, Like
I don't even wake my kids up anymore. For things
with urgency. I try to be calm when I go
in to wake them up because I've done it the
(31:21):
other way, and then I have read multiple things that
talk about how it's just not a good way for
them to wake up and start their day at all.
So I have to be intentional about making sure I'm
waking them up with enough time, and that I go
in their room with a calm presence, it's time to
get up. We are going to get ready now, and
we get to go do this. And I try to
(31:42):
watch that language too of like we have to go
here now, or instead of have to it's like.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Oh, okay, we get to go do this or I
get to go do this.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
And so just approaching things with that energy has really
helped the vibe in our home.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I don't think you even needed to read the book
to even just tap into so and be like this
feels terrible for everybody. And going back to the deadline thing,
of course we have deadlines, but then there's also this
perceived urgency if I got to get it done right,
and if we could just take one step back, I
believe we could remove this like time scarcity mindset that
we have this fear of the clock ticking, that is
(32:18):
like within all of us, better answers to our deadlines
would come out, better response, is, better work, whatever it is.
If we could remove that feeling of intensity that comes
with the urgency. Yes, a deadline is of course real,
but the urgency, the impending that I only have this
much time versus I only have this much time right
(32:39):
to settle into it can just feel very different. But
we have to practice on the day to day when
we're getting swooped up and it's so interruptive to presence, like,
I don't know. I think it also like older generations.
My dad, for example, if his phone ranks, he can't
not pick it up, and he doesn't understand the idea
of I can let that go to voicemail or I'll
call them back so we can be in the middle
(32:59):
of a conversation and it's important to me, and then
he picks up the phone, Oh Hi, can I call
you back? It's like, but now we just lost our connection.
And that goes with any type of relationship, whether it's parental, romantic, sibling,
or friendship. Recognizing that things can wait is really really hard,
especially because the distractions feel good. We're not good at
(33:21):
staying with each other because we have so many distractions
by way of Instagram and social media that staying with
somebody for an extended period of time honestly could feel
feel too vulnerable. But again, stick with that and see
the connections that.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
Come from that.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I like that you clarified the mindset around a deadline,
because I think that can also apply to even moments
in your kitchen when you're cooking, because my brain immediately
went to my tone, my vibe. When last Sunday we
were doing an impromptu dinner, someone came to town, my
kids had friends over, I had another friend stopping by,
(33:57):
and I decided to just make it a dinner. But
I went to the grocery store last minute. Everything was
last minute, and now I only have this much time
to get it done. But I really I wanted to
do it, but my language around it and my there
was like my nerd Yes, it was very ough.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
It just didn't feel good.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
And then by the time we sat down at the
dining room table, every seat full and it was life giving.
At that moment, I got to calm down and relax.
But as you were speaking, I'm like, oh, well, I
was under pressure and I did only have a certain
amount of time. But I think it would have better
served me in that moment to be like, Okay, we
(34:38):
only have an hour to get all this stuff done
and it will get done and we're going to enjoy
this time.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
But I think I don't.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Think, I know I created some chaos in my kitchen
while everybody was gathering around the bar. They're all having
a good time, but I was, you know, slamming doors
and oh, ok watch the oven and get this pen
and somebody, uh you know, I think I even burnt
my hand, like guy caused extra.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
It's so relatable everything you're saying. And just because I've
talked about any of these topics today, by the way,
does not mean that I'm like pro at them. It's
just things that are hopefully everybody knows me like I don't.
I'm not sitting from a state of like, I do
this so you should. I'm sitting from like I am
working through this every day and I am getting it
wrong fifty percent of the time, and then I am like, wow, okay.
Speaker 4 (35:22):
I did it again. I did it again. But the
kitchen one with the banging and then the burning yourself
like also, clues are everywhere.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
When we are acting with urgency, our nervous systems don't
like it, and so we are clumsy, we are and
we get ourselves hurt a lot of the time.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Well, so I'll kind of en this thing with encouragement
to do impromptu things, even if they seem impossible in
the moment because you just do not feel like there's
time for it. I think that falls under this fake
urgency talk of like you doubting that you're able to
get it done when it needs.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
To get done.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Because had I had that attitude and I was super
close to not doing it on Sunday, I would have
missed out on the life giving part. Because once we
sat down at that table and then we all got up,
it was so good for the kids, It was so
good for my friends. We did those little conversation cards
and went around and everybody answered them, and then we
(36:17):
got more stuff, and we built a fire, and we
all transferred from the dining room to the living room
and started doing s'mores. And it ended up being the
best night ever. And it was totally unplanned, and thankfully
my nervous system calmed down and I was able to
enjoy it. But I'm also proud of myself for doing
it and persevering.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
But I think honestly too.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Because it's one of my friends was right there with me,
and I was like, hey, we got this, no problem.
But if it had been up to me, I would
have missed out on Sunday. So I leave you with
that encouragement on this fake urgency thing of don't get
in the way of a life giving time because you
think there's not time for it.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
Beautiful night drop
Speaker 1 (37:00):
O
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