The Guilt of Not Showing Up Like You Used To — Without Owing Everyone Your Whole Story (Couch Talks)
January 29, 2026 • 29 mins
Amy and Kat respond to a listener who went through a traumatic season that deeply impacted her marriage, friendships, and sense of capacity. While focusing on healing, couples therapy, and an intense grad school program, she pulled back from friends — and now, as she begins to reconnect, she’s carrying guilt for not showing up like she used to. They talk about whether we owe our friends explanations during seasons of survival, and how to navigate friendships that were strained while you were doing the best you could. Together, they explore the balance between honoring your own healing and acknowledging the hurt of others, how to communicate without over-explaining, and how to discern when a friendship needs repair, patience, or a gentle letting go.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This reminder. Even though we are answering your questions on
Couch Talks, this podcast does not serve as replacement or
a substitute for any actual mental health services. To break
it down, if you ever have feelings that you just flsme,
Amy and Kat gotcha covin locking them brother, ladies and folks,
do you just follow Anna spirit where it's all the
(00:20):
front or real stuff to the chill stuff and them?
But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
just stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, Our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm
Kat and today's email is anonymous.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Hi, Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I appreciated the couch Talks episode about self care turning
into ghosting and how much we should share with our
friends when we're going through something. I was hoping to
hear your thoughts on something I've been struggling with, which
feels like the other side of that perspective. My husband
and I have had a difficult couple of years.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Two years ago.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I experienced something pretty traumatic. My way of coping with
it as an adult was not very healthy, and it
put a strain on my marriage that came to a
head about a year ago when we nearly separated. Thankfully,
things are going much better now. My marriage is in
a better place thanks to couple's therapy and I've been
doing individual trauma therapy. I also recently started grad school
(01:28):
in an intense program. So life is busy, but moving forward.
Over the last two years, I haven't been the greatest friend.
I was overwhelmed and shut down, and when my husband
and I decided to focus on our marriage, we moved
away from friends and family for a year. We moved
back a few months ago. I'm starting to reconnect with
friends now, but haven't felt ready to share what happened
(01:50):
outside of a few very close people. I'm still processing
it in therapy, carrying a lot of shame, and I'm
not in a good place to talk about it or
hear others opinions. I don't feel like I owe the
full explanation to everyone. We have two friends I think
that we hurt during this time. We missed their wedding
while we were out of town, and after we moved back,
(02:12):
they reached out to get together. I shared that I
was feeling overwhelmed while recovering from something difficult and started
grad school and needed a few months before making plans.
One of them recently shared that they felt really hurt,
which I understand. I'm not really sure what to do.
I feel guilty for being avoidant, but I was doing
the best that I could. Going through this has also
(02:33):
helped me understand how much energy I realistically have for
friendships outside of my innermost circle. I can understand why
they would be hurt by my lack of explanation beyond
I've been going through something really hard.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
On navigating the balance between self care and listening to
your own needs versus showing up for our communities, and
when it makes sense to try to maintain a friendship
versus letting it go. Thank you both so much, and
please do keep me anonymous, which I also edited down
the email like a little bit so anonymous if you're
listening and you're like, wait, I sent arn that, or
(03:11):
that's not exactly I mean, we just had to condense
it a second, and we appreciated all of your thoughts
and a sort of different perspective for the conversation because
I'm sure other people have or may experience something like this.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, I think this is one of those situations that's
just tough all around, and there isn't a like good
way to slice it. I as you were reading that back,
there was a couple of spots where I'm like, oh,
I wish we could put it and right there like
this this is true, and this is true, this has happened,
and this has happened, and those don't both feel good.
One of them might feel better than the other. And
(03:48):
the reality for you, which it sounds also like she
has a really good handle on this situation, Like, but.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
She's doing the work.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
She seems like she's got her couples therapists and her therapists,
so she probably worked through it a lot. And that's
what I was thinking. I was like, oh, man, she's
sharing this with us and EMAILI, and what's our perspective
when I'm sure she has a lot of a lot
of guides.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Also understand wanting that extra perspective, right, or maybe even
validation or whatever it is that she's looking for.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, even I'm looking when she says I feel guilty
for being avoidant, but I was doing the best I could,
I would just change that too. I feel guilty for
being avoidant and I was doing the best I could. Like,
if you really are doing the best you can, and
it sounds like you are, like you are again going
to all the therapy you moved away to get the
space you needed. You're doing the things. It just when
you're healing from something like that. We can't expect ourselves
(04:42):
to also integrate into this like normal life when everything
is like fine and dandy, And that means that some people,
because they won't understand fully what's going on, they're going
to make up stories. That's what humans do, is we
write stories. They're usually about us and going back to
like above the line and below the line, A lot
of times when we love fact and story, our stories
(05:02):
can be very much below the line. Even if we
think we're being above the line and that might end
in people's feelings getting hurt, that does not mean you're
doing something wrong. And I also think that we can
have a little bit of guilt that says like, oh,
I wish things could be perfect. I wish I could
do all of these things, and that's not realistic. So
(05:22):
I have to also offer myself grace in that so
I can feel sad or a little bit of guilt
or x y Z, and at the same time feel
really proud of myself and feel gratitude for taking the
time that I'm needing. Now, the bigger question here is
how do people balance between self care and listening to
(05:42):
our own needs versus showing up for our communities. I
think this conversation is really hard to have in general
because it is so nuanced, because I could go on
a feel about how we need to be more invested
in our communities and like the art and the whole
idea of places, it has been lost. Do you know
what third places are? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So like, but explain it because maybe we'll not. But like,
sometimes we have home and work and we need a
third place.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Yeah, and that is communities. And we I think as
technology has been built to offer in quotes, community or
connection where we will just go from like home to
work and instead of going somewhere after work or meeting
that group, or being invested in something like a book
club or a Bible study or your neighborhood restaurant that
(06:29):
or a coffee shop that you stop by every day,
we do things that are just like easier, and so
we lose the connection with our communities. And that can
also be like volunteering in your community. I could talk
about that for days long. And there are going to
be times where you don't have anything left in you
after you go from home and work, and like you
have to save all of your energy to survive those
(06:50):
two places. So this is a long winded way for
me to say that this is a I think, a
spot where you just haven't to sit in those feelings
of I wish things could be different here, and I
wish I could have everything, but I can't, and so
I need to prioritize what is the most important. Because
if I invest in my friends because I don't want
to be a bad friend and I don't want to
hurt people's feelings, that might be sacrificing my mental health
(07:13):
and my actual safety.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Well, and you have if you have your innermost circle.
I don't know who's included in that, but if you've
got like your first ring, like you said, and those
are the people that know what's going on, and then
you have your outer ring, it's like in that case,
you can provide clarity to that ring, but they don't
have to know every detail, because I think she was
also asking like, how do you know.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
What to share to share with who? Well, that's just.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Gonna be your own discernment between you and your husband,
and maybe you can even ask someone in your inner
inner circle like their.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Thoughts on that.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
But I think if you've got your your inner people
that know, maybe your outer ring, you provide the clarity
which sort of seems like you've done, like we've just
been going through a lot, and when you have that conversation,
take away the butts, Yeah, the ands of like, hey,
I've just been going through something that's been pretty life
(08:06):
changing for me and I'm doing the best that I can.
To me, I have lots of aands and.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I don't have the same capacity and butt and does
that work?
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Butt?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
And and if it's someone where you truly enjoy their
friendship and you want to nurture it in a way,
you can express that too. And our friendship means a
lot to me. This is the band what I have
right now. And if I did hurt you during that time,
I would love to know about it. I just want
(08:40):
you to know, like it wasn't intentional, this is what
I had going on. Little clarity doesn't have to be
every detail. I'm keeping this part private, Like do you
even have to say like I'd rather not share the details.
Maybe you just don't even But what if they ask?
What if they say, well, what happened?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Then I think it's fair for you to say I'm
not ready to talk about that right now. I really
like you saying the of and your and your friendship
and this relationship is really important to me, even if
the other person does not, because we can't control how
people receive things, even if they don't receive it the
way that you want to receive it. I think that
feels very true to especially this person who's writing in
(09:19):
adding the end, and this is very important to me.
I wish I could be more present or have more capacity,
but this is what I have right now. What I
do want you to know is you are important to me,
and I hope one day I find that capacity again.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I've gone through things and it can't shrink your circle. Yeah,
and maybe some of that is you realizing and prioritizing
what and who's important to you, and not that it
makes someone else less important.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
But there's only so much.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
We can't all have five hundred fronts so you know,
there's that, or it could be that they've moved on
because they don't feel like it could or it could
be just both. It naturally happens, and some friendships adjust
during those seasons, and.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
That's okay, that's okay. Yeah, I think it was Blank
Blank and Beckler. However, many times I say her last name,
I still struggle with it. But she posted recently and
when I say recently, I mean the last couple of
months about how like the amount of actual like intense
friendships you can really have close friendships, and it's like
five or six. Honestly, it might be four or five,
(10:36):
but I'm gonna go with five or six. And I
think that's really shocking to people because we think we
can have all these really intense friendships, especially because maybe
we did it when we were younger. But as you
get older too, and like you have there's more in
your life that you have to kind of like think
about and prioritize to have the like closeness of what
you want in a close friend to be. You can't
(10:58):
do that with fifteen people. That would be a full
there'll be two full time jobs to be able to
be that available and open with all those people, and
I think you saying like sometimes like some of these
events might shrink your circle. It might be a good
thing because then those friendships that you do have get
to be more I think, and not intense, but get
(11:18):
to be more special or close or authentic or any
of that, because you're not trying to spread yourself so thin.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
When I don't know what the traumatic event was that
you experienced, I guess we should also say I'm so
sorry you went through whatever it is that you went through,
but like you weren't avoiding these friends, you were surviving. Yeah,
so remind yourself of that you were doing what you
needed to do to take care of yourself, because I'm
(11:45):
sure sometimes maybe feelings of guilt come up where you're
just like, oh, why was a bad friend this way?
And maybe you could have handled it a little bit differently,
but you were having to navigate new waters, trying to
figure it out as you went.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
And again, in the perfect world where like this event
didn't happen, that's not the friend you would be. So
I think that's you have to remind yourself that this
is me acting as this is who I am right now,
and that's who I have to be. I can't compare
myself to old versions because this thing did and will
change me.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, and you had the traumatic event. You've admitted you
didn't handle it well and it was about to cost.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
You your marriage.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, you were surviving not only of the event you
went through, but you were trying.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
To save resuscitate. Yeah, is that the recescitate?
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Why does that word feel really weird to my weird
to me right now because I think the way you
said it, your your your marriage was dying and you
needed to bring it back.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
So like that's another hard thing that's piling on top
of the already difficult thing that you experienced. And props
to y'all for even I don't know your situation how
you're able to do that, but it looks like you
took every extreme measure to save your Marie, like down
the moving away for you to give yourself that, and
(13:04):
now you're coming back. It's almost like there was a
season in my sister's life where she talked about how
she felt like ear and her husband they needed to
they run.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
The fox hole.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Ooh say more.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I'm like, maybe she should say this, what kind of foxhole?
Let me look it up because that's how she described it,
but because I know the full story, which is not
my sort to tell, so I can't tell it.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
So while she's saying it to me, it makes sense.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
But if I'm trying to tell the story without what
she was going through, then it's like hard. But a
fox a small hole dug in the ground during a
war or military attack, used by a small group of
soldiers as a base for she it's not.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
An actual fox, it's a whole.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Did you have any idea? No?
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Yeah, no, no, this definition works okay, But like when
she said foxhole, were you thinking an actual fox?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Because I was, Well, I think it still comes from
let me go to the original original meeting. She meant
it as a foxhole in what military people were using
to like bunker down in. Like she wasn't popping up
and doing any sneak shots or sneak attacks, but she
was definitely down in the foxhole away from harm because
(14:17):
she knew the minute she popped her head up it
wasn't safe, so she wanted to retreat to the foxhole
and do the work so that when she did pop up,
it didn't kill Seems dramatic, but I guess for the
sake of the analogy, like got her Yeah, because it
was it was it was ruining her.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
I mean, she couldn't function.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
So because of the circumstance and the situation, she retreated
to the foxhole. But I guess in my mind, I
was picturing maybe they went away to their own little
foxhole to get their lives together and then they can
come back.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
As better people.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
But what, let me see, why why do they call
it a fox hole?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You never know what you're gonna learn. Okay, you're with us.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
A foxhole is called that because soldier soldiers burrowed, borrowed.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I think it's burrowed.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
No, in this case, they borrowed the term from nature.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Oh but my head was reading burrowed because that's what Okay,
let me just start over. A foxhole is called that
because soldiers borrowed the term from nature where foxes dig
dens aka foxholes for shelter.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Mm hmm, so that's it.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's one or two person pits used for protection from
enery fire.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Cool. The more you know, you know, do you know?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So that's what you know.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Some of my sister's story of like why she would
need to be in a foxhole. Oh okay, never mind. Yeah,
she didn't really talk about it. It's very private.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And that's also too, Like privacy is so great. Yeah,
you don't have to tell everybody everything. There's so many
parts of my life that are private. I'm not being secret,
I'm being private. And we can all have that in
our own little communities, whether you have a forward facing
you're a forward facing person in your community, or you've
(16:15):
got a following online or you have a podcast or
whatever it is where you're used to sharing a lot
of your life. Okay, well does that mean you share
every bit of your life?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
We've lost the art of privacy and it really shouldn't
even be an art. It should be just a basic
thing we all practice and we get to have. But
I think a lot of times the message online is
like you should be authentic, and that doesn't always mean
be completely transparent. Oh and be vulnerable, yes, and vulnerable,
and that I think a lot of times when we're
talking about oh, this is a whole nother thing, but
(16:46):
when we are talking about especially this is not the
same thing, but social media vulnerability, a lot of that
ends up being manufactured and then we miss out on
real true vulnerability, which usually doesn't happen on grand schemes.
It happens between one person in another.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
You know, this is like a week or two ago,
just reminding you of something when I pulled up social media.
So this isn't like hot news at the moment, which
I'm like, why is this even news? But it's probably
because I didn't know these people and maybe they felt
the need because they shared so much. But the husband
of bringing up the baits or something, like I pull
up Instagram and like, People magazine has this picture of
(17:22):
this cute couple, which I guess they're the couple in
bringing up baits or something, and it's like husband admits
to an affair a day after wife shares miscarriage and
I'm like, so much information, like so much very personal
private stuff, which I'm sure for her to share that,
(17:45):
And I don't know how much they share. Obviously there
the reality show with the family, I guess, so sharing
and sharing a miscarriage that's also very different. That can
be very comforting to a lot of people that have
gone through it. Also in the same day, sharing an
affair can be comforting to a lot of people that
have gone through something similar. Of like I'm not alone.
It just felt like bam bam bam, like a lot
at once.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
And I don't even know these people know.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
This, Yeah, like where is the privacy?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Because I didn't know and maybe now people know more
about it and I haven't taken the time to look
it up. But it was like if the wife chose
to share that one day, did she know he was
gonna then come on Instagram and admit to his affair.
I mean, and he was remorseful and apologetic, and you
know was at least in this article. That's what they
(18:32):
were saying in his stories. I didn't watch the Instagram stories,
but that he put up a series of stories saying
that he's getting help and he's so sorry and all
the things. But I'm like, you seem like you should
be in the fox hole right now. Yeah, circle back
to that of like you and your wife need to
be hunkering down and taking care of things and not
like they have enemy fire coming at them in that case,
(18:54):
but this fox hole maybe would just be more to
retreat to heal and then maybe come for with your
story to be It's like.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
The timeline I think, and this is a part like
you don't have the timeline. Maybe on like they could
be like this could have been four years ago or whatever.
But I think that's what I see becoming problematic is
the timeline we share things and again, everything this should
just be part of the disclaimer. Everything is nuanced, including
what I'm about to say. The timeline where we share
(19:24):
vulnerable information with the public, whether that's on our Instagram followings,
whether those are large or small, or on a reality
show or in a magazine, I think becomes the problem.
If I am in the moment going through something, what
is the most most healthy for people is for me
(19:44):
to be sharing that one on one with a human
that I can like, feel and be attuned to. Let's
say I have a miscarriage. Let's say I have a miscarriage.
(20:04):
I'm not putting judgment on any of the story because
I don't really know that much about it, but I
get the sentiment of what you're sharing. I would want
to share that with you, and so I can be
comforted and be there with you like and you can
be there for me and I can have that real
emotional exchange versus the day it happens. I haven't processed it,
but I'm posting it on my Instagram. That becomes a
(20:26):
little bit manufactured in a sense. And I think with
in I just want to say Instagram influencers, but any
kind of influencer, that's their job, and that becomes very confusing.
And then those people end up being some of the
most lonely people. They have a thousand people messaging them,
but they don't really know them. And you can't really
(20:46):
feel that through a screen, right Versus when I'm with
you and I can like feel your emotion and all
of that, and you can even like give me a hug.
That becomes I think the problem is we're going first
to this versus I share that with my people, and
then eventually I might share that with more people, because
hearing about those stories sometimes is very helpful, right, But
(21:08):
then there's no discernment of what do I want to share,
how do I want to share it, and like what
presentation of whatever? And I come back to this all
the time. When I interviewed Jp Sacks, who was a
singer songwriter years ago, he had recently gone through a
breakup and then he wrote some music about it, and
I asked him, like, what's it like for you to
be so vulnerable and share all this your story on
(21:31):
all these things that you're going through with people. And
he said, fine, this is not vulnerable to me. These
songs and this music and all of that. I've presented
it and created it and made it into a way
where exactly how I want you to receive it is
how I'm putting it out there. And so the vulnerability
is when those things were going on and I was
(21:52):
with my people and I was feeling the feelings and
I was going through the thing that was vulnerable because
it wasn't curated. But once I put out a product
that that I want you to like, I want you
to like my music, so that to me does not
feel it's vulnerable because it's something that I've put a
lot of effort and intention in all of that. It's
not my raw emotions anymore. And I really like that.
(22:13):
I was like, well, that sounds pretty healthy because you
get to have agency over what the world sees. I
think there's still an element of vulnerability because you're putting
out something that you want people to enjoy, but it's
in a different way. That's vulnerability of your art and
not vulnerability of your actual life.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Right, Yeah, And I guess back to this guy and
publicly sharing it like that they have kids, and I
would say, just like, think of your life and all
the different people impacted by your announcement. And maybe that's
what his wife wanted. She's like publicly proclaim you're do
it shame and I will will be a little bit better.
(22:51):
I mean, I don't know. Maybe they're both used to
just sharing everything, so that's what makes the most sense
to them. But they're always on a bigger scale if
they're being covered by People magazine. But like if you
narrow it down even to your tiny community, like you
don't have to stand on a box and share with
every single person you know what happened.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
It becomes easier, I think, don't you think, Like sometimes
we post things on Instagram that we really need comfort
or something in because that's easier than me calling you.
I think that's become part of like the loneliness epidemic,
is we're so lonely because we don't know how to
connect in real life anymore.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Oh true. I was just trying to circle back to
the email.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Or like who in her who in her community? Like
how does she navigate what to tell them and what
to not. I mean, and that's ultimately we can't make
that decision for you. That's gonna be something you're gonna
have to just trust yourself with, like you and your husband.
But just know that if you need permission, which sounds
like you have good help around you that like clarity
(23:51):
is good, details are for you. You can provide clarity
without too many details, and that way those people that
are maybe feeling a little bit like what the heck
if they have clarity that like, oh wow, she's going
through something has nothing to do with me, so whatever
story I'd made up. Yeah, and hopefully they'll have that
compassion for you know that you've went through it and
they'll have the boundaries. But if they keep pushing and
(24:13):
you're not ready to tell them, then that's not a friendship.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Maybe you need to Yeah, I would have a lot
of questions about that of like respecting somebody's boundaries in
a sense of to be sure.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Yeah, but props for your foxhole for a year.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Yeah, Yeah, I love that, learning that new little metaphor
thank you the foxhole foxhole.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
Yeah, anytime.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
But that's where my sister was and it was helpful.
There was something I was going to say, and now
I can't think of what it was, and gosh, you
know it was probably good.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Did you spin your ring around on your finger?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I don't have my rings on today. That's the problem.
That's the problem, because I.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Would move my pinky ring to my other finger where
it only goes to the past the first knuckle, and
then I'd be like, I would remember, but I think, oof, hmm.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
You would remember that you had something to say, but
would you remember what it was?
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Oftentimes, because then I would kind of rub it.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
But no, There's been times where I've moved my pe
I move it over there, like if I'm driving and
I'm like, oh, I'll remember that, and I get home
and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Why did I move it? Why did I move it?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
I don't trust myself fully with that anymore. If I
have the time, I will email myself a keyword or
text myself, but I prefer email because text get like lost.
But I'll email myself and I might email myself one
word like fox, and then I'll remember, like, oh, foxhole.
But then if I don't remember, I'll be like fox,
why did I send myself fox?
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Like fox? Which? Speaking of my what are your thoughts
on this.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
My mom had a fox fur coat and on the
inside there's like silk and it has her initials embroidered.
It's really special. It's from the seventies or the eighties.
I don't know, something my dad got her and I
love it. I don't know where I am with wearing
it though, because you know how we went to dinner
(26:01):
the other night it was raining, so I didn't wear it,
but I thought about it.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
But it's it's not something I bought.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
You're thinking morally, how you feel? Right? Like?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Also, I have the deerhead hanging in my dining room
and I post that on Instagram more like I posted
some stuff about that room, and people like, oh the deerhead.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Volmit.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Oh, I can't stand to look at your room anymore.
You're suck Oh my, it's not treating.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
But I'm like, that was my grandpa's, Like I think
he shot it in like nineteen thirty something, so I
don't hunt so it's not mine. But then my fox
coat was my mom's and I inherited it, so if
I wear it, I just feel like, do I need
to give the details for clear?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I was gonna say, what do you need to hear
right now, because I think that we could answer this
multiple ways, and people have to know that it's real.
You can just like, oh, it's faux from the seventies.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
It looks real, but okay, I could just be I.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Wouldn't be able to tell it fell Fox, right. Do
you wear real leather jackets?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I have in the past.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
My latest leather jacket from Zara was less than one
hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
But I think that, yeah, if that bothers you, it.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Doesn't like I have a leather boots. I have a
leather bag. Okay, okay, so it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I know.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I guess I'm just like a fur is so like
is am I gonna be walking and someone's gonna throw
paint on me?
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I sure, hope not.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Well, you know some people do.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
I thought you were gonna say when you were talking
about what you wore the other night. I thought you
were gonna say, you don't know how you feel about
wearing it because you don't want it to be raining.
So the nuggets ruined because you know, I wore those
swede boots and then I was really stressed out about it.
I didn't know it was gonna be raining.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Yeah, so, but you need to scotch guard if if
y'all got anything swayed.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
I'm trying to teach this a cat like uggs.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
What do you like?
Speaker 2 (27:53):
You have your ugs? Did you scotch guard? That's why
they look like, Oh yeah, I spray them down. Just
get didn't even think about that.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Just get some spray at the store and then just
treat them. Oh okay, it will help. Okay, So there
you go.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Thanks.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
The more you know, the more you know.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
All right, thank you Anonymous for sending the email. If
anybody else would like to share with us, whether you're
sharing something, you have a response for this listener, you
have a question, you have some encouragement, hit us up. Hey,
they're at Feeling Things podcast dot com. That's it, And
then on Instagram and TikTok we are Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
We could see you over there.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
You never know when we might open up, get vulnerable,
share something crazy, admit to who knows what? Oh like
that guy the baits guy bringing up faith.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
No, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
We hope whatever you're doing right now, wherever you are,
that you are having the day you need to have.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Bye. Bye,
This reminder. Even though we are answering your questions on
Couch Talks, this podcast does not serve as replacement or
a substitute for any actual mental health services. To break
it down, if you ever have feelings that you just flsme,
Amy and Kat gotcha covin locking them brother, ladies and folks,
do you just follow Anna spirit where it's all the
(00:20):
front or real stuff to the chill stuff and them?
But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
just stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, Our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm
Kat and today's email is anonymous.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Hi, Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I appreciated the couch Talks episode about self care turning
into ghosting and how much we should share with our
friends when we're going through something. I was hoping to
hear your thoughts on something I've been struggling with, which
feels like the other side of that perspective. My husband
and I have had a difficult couple of years.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Two years ago.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I experienced something pretty traumatic. My way of coping with
it as an adult was not very healthy, and it
put a strain on my marriage that came to a
head about a year ago when we nearly separated. Thankfully,
things are going much better now. My marriage is in
a better place thanks to couple's therapy and I've been
doing individual trauma therapy. I also recently started grad school
(01:28):
in an intense program. So life is busy, but moving forward.
Over the last two years, I haven't been the greatest friend.
I was overwhelmed and shut down, and when my husband
and I decided to focus on our marriage, we moved
away from friends and family for a year. We moved
back a few months ago. I'm starting to reconnect with
friends now, but haven't felt ready to share what happened
(01:50):
outside of a few very close people. I'm still processing
it in therapy, carrying a lot of shame, and I'm
not in a good place to talk about it or
hear others opinions. I don't feel like I owe the
full explanation to everyone. We have two friends I think
that we hurt during this time. We missed their wedding
while we were out of town, and after we moved back,
(02:12):
they reached out to get together. I shared that I
was feeling overwhelmed while recovering from something difficult and started
grad school and needed a few months before making plans.
One of them recently shared that they felt really hurt,
which I understand. I'm not really sure what to do.
I feel guilty for being avoidant, but I was doing
the best that I could. Going through this has also
(02:33):
helped me understand how much energy I realistically have for
friendships outside of my innermost circle. I can understand why
they would be hurt by my lack of explanation beyond
I've been going through something really hard.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
On navigating the balance between self care and listening to
your own needs versus showing up for our communities, and
when it makes sense to try to maintain a friendship
versus letting it go. Thank you both so much, and
please do keep me anonymous, which I also edited down
the email like a little bit so anonymous if you're
listening and you're like, wait, I sent arn that, or
(03:11):
that's not exactly I mean, we just had to condense
it a second, and we appreciated all of your thoughts
and a sort of different perspective for the conversation because
I'm sure other people have or may experience something like this.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, I think this is one of those situations that's
just tough all around, and there isn't a like good
way to slice it. I as you were reading that back,
there was a couple of spots where I'm like, oh,
I wish we could put it and right there like
this this is true, and this is true, this has happened,
and this has happened, and those don't both feel good.
One of them might feel better than the other. And
(03:48):
the reality for you, which it sounds also like she
has a really good handle on this situation, Like, but.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
She's doing the work.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
She seems like she's got her couples therapists and her therapists,
so she probably worked through it a lot. And that's
what I was thinking. I was like, oh, man, she's
sharing this with us and EMAILI, and what's our perspective
when I'm sure she has a lot of a lot
of guides.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, and I.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Also understand wanting that extra perspective, right, or maybe even
validation or whatever it is that she's looking for.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, even I'm looking when she says I feel guilty
for being avoidant, but I was doing the best I could,
I would just change that too. I feel guilty for
being avoidant and I was doing the best I could. Like,
if you really are doing the best you can, and
it sounds like you are, like you are again going
to all the therapy you moved away to get the
space you needed. You're doing the things. It just when
you're healing from something like that. We can't expect ourselves
(04:42):
to also integrate into this like normal life when everything
is like fine and dandy, And that means that some people,
because they won't understand fully what's going on, they're going
to make up stories. That's what humans do, is we
write stories. They're usually about us and going back to
like above the line and below the line, A lot
of times when we love fact and story, our stories
(05:02):
can be very much below the line. Even if we
think we're being above the line and that might end
in people's feelings getting hurt, that does not mean you're
doing something wrong. And I also think that we can
have a little bit of guilt that says like, oh,
I wish things could be perfect. I wish I could
do all of these things, and that's not realistic. So
(05:22):
I have to also offer myself grace in that so
I can feel sad or a little bit of guilt
or x y Z, and at the same time feel
really proud of myself and feel gratitude for taking the
time that I'm needing. Now, the bigger question here is
how do people balance between self care and listening to
(05:42):
our own needs versus showing up for our communities. I
think this conversation is really hard to have in general
because it is so nuanced, because I could go on
a feel about how we need to be more invested
in our communities and like the art and the whole
idea of places, it has been lost. Do you know
what third places are? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So like, but explain it because maybe we'll not. But like,
sometimes we have home and work and we need a
third place.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Yeah, and that is communities. And we I think as
technology has been built to offer in quotes, community or
connection where we will just go from like home to
work and instead of going somewhere after work or meeting
that group, or being invested in something like a book
club or a Bible study or your neighborhood restaurant that
(06:29):
or a coffee shop that you stop by every day,
we do things that are just like easier, and so
we lose the connection with our communities. And that can
also be like volunteering in your community. I could talk
about that for days long. And there are going to
be times where you don't have anything left in you
after you go from home and work, and like you
have to save all of your energy to survive those
(06:50):
two places. So this is a long winded way for
me to say that this is a I think, a
spot where you just haven't to sit in those feelings
of I wish things could be different here, and I
wish I could have everything, but I can't, and so
I need to prioritize what is the most important. Because
if I invest in my friends because I don't want
to be a bad friend and I don't want to
hurt people's feelings, that might be sacrificing my mental health
(07:13):
and my actual safety.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Well, and you have if you have your innermost circle.
I don't know who's included in that, but if you've
got like your first ring, like you said, and those
are the people that know what's going on, and then
you have your outer ring, it's like in that case,
you can provide clarity to that ring, but they don't
have to know every detail, because I think she was
also asking like, how do you know.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
What to share to share with who? Well, that's just.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Gonna be your own discernment between you and your husband,
and maybe you can even ask someone in your inner
inner circle like their.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Thoughts on that.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
But I think if you've got your your inner people
that know, maybe your outer ring, you provide the clarity
which sort of seems like you've done, like we've just
been going through a lot, and when you have that conversation,
take away the butts, Yeah, the ands of like, hey,
I've just been going through something that's been pretty life
(08:06):
changing for me and I'm doing the best that I can.
To me, I have lots of aands and.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I don't have the same capacity and butt and does
that work?
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Butt?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
And and if it's someone where you truly enjoy their
friendship and you want to nurture it in a way,
you can express that too. And our friendship means a
lot to me. This is the band what I have
right now. And if I did hurt you during that time,
I would love to know about it. I just want
(08:40):
you to know, like it wasn't intentional, this is what
I had going on. Little clarity doesn't have to be
every detail. I'm keeping this part private, Like do you
even have to say like I'd rather not share the details.
Maybe you just don't even But what if they ask?
What if they say, well, what happened?
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Then I think it's fair for you to say I'm
not ready to talk about that right now. I really
like you saying the of and your and your friendship
and this relationship is really important to me, even if
the other person does not, because we can't control how
people receive things, even if they don't receive it the
way that you want to receive it. I think that
feels very true to especially this person who's writing in
(09:19):
adding the end, and this is very important to me.
I wish I could be more present or have more capacity,
but this is what I have right now. What I
do want you to know is you are important to me,
and I hope one day I find that capacity again.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I've gone through things and it can't shrink your circle. Yeah,
and maybe some of that is you realizing and prioritizing
what and who's important to you, and not that it
makes someone else less important.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
But there's only so much.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
We can't all have five hundred fronts so you know,
there's that, or it could be that they've moved on
because they don't feel like it could or it could
be just both. It naturally happens, and some friendships adjust
during those seasons, and.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
That's okay, that's okay. Yeah, I think it was Blank
Blank and Beckler. However, many times I say her last name,
I still struggle with it. But she posted recently and
when I say recently, I mean the last couple of
months about how like the amount of actual like intense
friendships you can really have close friendships, and it's like
five or six. Honestly, it might be four or five,
(10:36):
but I'm gonna go with five or six. And I
think that's really shocking to people because we think we
can have all these really intense friendships, especially because maybe
we did it when we were younger. But as you
get older too, and like you have there's more in
your life that you have to kind of like think
about and prioritize to have the like closeness of what
you want in a close friend to be. You can't
(10:58):
do that with fifteen people. That would be a full
there'll be two full time jobs to be able to
be that available and open with all those people, and
I think you saying like sometimes like some of these
events might shrink your circle. It might be a good
thing because then those friendships that you do have get
to be more I think, and not intense, but get
(11:18):
to be more special or close or authentic or any
of that, because you're not trying to spread yourself so thin.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
When I don't know what the traumatic event was that
you experienced, I guess we should also say I'm so
sorry you went through whatever it is that you went through,
but like you weren't avoiding these friends, you were surviving. Yeah,
so remind yourself of that you were doing what you
needed to do to take care of yourself, because I'm
(11:45):
sure sometimes maybe feelings of guilt come up where you're
just like, oh, why was a bad friend this way?
And maybe you could have handled it a little bit differently,
but you were having to navigate new waters, trying to
figure it out as you went.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
And again, in the perfect world where like this event
didn't happen, that's not the friend you would be. So
I think that's you have to remind yourself that this
is me acting as this is who I am right now,
and that's who I have to be. I can't compare
myself to old versions because this thing did and will
change me.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, and you had the traumatic event. You've admitted you
didn't handle it well and it was about to cost.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
You your marriage.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, you were surviving not only of the event you
went through, but you were trying.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
To save resuscitate. Yeah, is that the recescitate?
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Why does that word feel really weird to my weird
to me right now because I think the way you
said it, your your your marriage was dying and you
needed to bring it back.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
So like that's another hard thing that's piling on top
of the already difficult thing that you experienced. And props
to y'all for even I don't know your situation how
you're able to do that, but it looks like you
took every extreme measure to save your Marie, like down
the moving away for you to give yourself that, and
(13:04):
now you're coming back. It's almost like there was a
season in my sister's life where she talked about how
she felt like ear and her husband they needed to
they run.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
The fox hole.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Ooh say more.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I'm like, maybe she should say this, what kind of foxhole?
Let me look it up because that's how she described it,
but because I know the full story, which is not
my sort to tell, so I can't tell it.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
So while she's saying it to me, it makes sense.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
But if I'm trying to tell the story without what
she was going through, then it's like hard. But a
fox a small hole dug in the ground during a
war or military attack, used by a small group of
soldiers as a base for she it's not.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
An actual fox, it's a whole.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Did you have any idea? No?
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Yeah, no, no, this definition works okay, But like when
she said foxhole, were you thinking an actual fox?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Because I was, Well, I think it still comes from
let me go to the original original meeting. She meant
it as a foxhole in what military people were using
to like bunker down in. Like she wasn't popping up
and doing any sneak shots or sneak attacks, but she
was definitely down in the foxhole away from harm because
(14:17):
she knew the minute she popped her head up it
wasn't safe, so she wanted to retreat to the foxhole
and do the work so that when she did pop up,
it didn't kill Seems dramatic, but I guess for the
sake of the analogy, like got her Yeah, because it
was it was it was ruining her.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
I mean, she couldn't function.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
So because of the circumstance and the situation, she retreated
to the foxhole. But I guess in my mind, I
was picturing maybe they went away to their own little
foxhole to get their lives together and then they can
come back.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
As better people.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
But what, let me see, why why do they call
it a fox hole?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You never know what you're gonna learn. Okay, you're with us.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
A foxhole is called that because soldier soldiers burrowed, borrowed.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I think it's burrowed.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
No, in this case, they borrowed the term from nature.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Oh but my head was reading burrowed because that's what Okay,
let me just start over. A foxhole is called that
because soldiers borrowed the term from nature where foxes dig
dens aka foxholes for shelter.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Mm hmm, so that's it.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's one or two person pits used for protection from
enery fire.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Cool. The more you know, you know, do you know?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So that's what you know.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Some of my sister's story of like why she would
need to be in a foxhole. Oh okay, never mind. Yeah,
she didn't really talk about it. It's very private.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And that's also too, Like privacy is so great. Yeah,
you don't have to tell everybody everything. There's so many
parts of my life that are private. I'm not being secret,
I'm being private. And we can all have that in
our own little communities, whether you have a forward facing
you're a forward facing person in your community, or you've
(16:15):
got a following online or you have a podcast or
whatever it is where you're used to sharing a lot
of your life. Okay, well does that mean you share
every bit of your life?
Speaker 1 (16:25):
We've lost the art of privacy and it really shouldn't
even be an art. It should be just a basic
thing we all practice and we get to have. But
I think a lot of times the message online is
like you should be authentic, and that doesn't always mean
be completely transparent. Oh and be vulnerable, yes, and vulnerable,
and that I think a lot of times when we're
talking about oh, this is a whole nother thing, but
(16:46):
when we are talking about especially this is not the
same thing, but social media vulnerability, a lot of that
ends up being manufactured and then we miss out on
real true vulnerability, which usually doesn't happen on grand schemes.
It happens between one person in another.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
You know, this is like a week or two ago,
just reminding you of something when I pulled up social media.
So this isn't like hot news at the moment, which
I'm like, why is this even news? But it's probably
because I didn't know these people and maybe they felt
the need because they shared so much. But the husband
of bringing up the baits or something, like I pull
up Instagram and like, People magazine has this picture of
(17:22):
this cute couple, which I guess they're the couple in
bringing up baits or something, and it's like husband admits
to an affair a day after wife shares miscarriage and
I'm like, so much information, like so much very personal
private stuff, which I'm sure for her to share that,
(17:45):
And I don't know how much they share. Obviously there
the reality show with the family, I guess, so sharing
and sharing a miscarriage that's also very different. That can
be very comforting to a lot of people that have
gone through it. Also in the same day, sharing an
affair can be comforting to a lot of people that
have gone through something similar. Of like I'm not alone.
It just felt like bam bam bam, like a lot
at once.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
And I don't even know these people know.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
This, Yeah, like where is the privacy?
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Because I didn't know and maybe now people know more
about it and I haven't taken the time to look
it up. But it was like if the wife chose
to share that one day, did she know he was
gonna then come on Instagram and admit to his affair.
I mean, and he was remorseful and apologetic, and you
know was at least in this article. That's what they
(18:32):
were saying in his stories. I didn't watch the Instagram stories,
but that he put up a series of stories saying
that he's getting help and he's so sorry and all
the things. But I'm like, you seem like you should
be in the fox hole right now. Yeah, circle back
to that of like you and your wife need to
be hunkering down and taking care of things and not
like they have enemy fire coming at them in that case,
(18:54):
but this fox hole maybe would just be more to
retreat to heal and then maybe come for with your
story to be It's like.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
The timeline I think, and this is a part like
you don't have the timeline. Maybe on like they could
be like this could have been four years ago or whatever.
But I think that's what I see becoming problematic is
the timeline we share things and again, everything this should
just be part of the disclaimer. Everything is nuanced, including
what I'm about to say. The timeline where we share
(19:24):
vulnerable information with the public, whether that's on our Instagram followings,
whether those are large or small, or on a reality
show or in a magazine, I think becomes the problem.
If I am in the moment going through something, what
is the most most healthy for people is for me
(19:44):
to be sharing that one on one with a human
that I can like, feel and be attuned to. Let's
say I have a miscarriage. Let's say I have a miscarriage.
(20:04):
I'm not putting judgment on any of the story because
I don't really know that much about it, but I
get the sentiment of what you're sharing. I would want
to share that with you, and so I can be
comforted and be there with you like and you can
be there for me and I can have that real
emotional exchange versus the day it happens. I haven't processed it,
but I'm posting it on my Instagram. That becomes a
(20:26):
little bit manufactured in a sense. And I think with
in I just want to say Instagram influencers, but any
kind of influencer, that's their job, and that becomes very confusing.
And then those people end up being some of the
most lonely people. They have a thousand people messaging them,
but they don't really know them. And you can't really
(20:46):
feel that through a screen, right Versus when I'm with
you and I can like feel your emotion and all
of that, and you can even like give me a hug.
That becomes I think the problem is we're going first
to this versus I share that with my people, and
then eventually I might share that with more people, because
hearing about those stories sometimes is very helpful, right, But
(21:08):
then there's no discernment of what do I want to share,
how do I want to share it, and like what
presentation of whatever? And I come back to this all
the time. When I interviewed Jp Sacks, who was a
singer songwriter years ago, he had recently gone through a
breakup and then he wrote some music about it, and
I asked him, like, what's it like for you to
be so vulnerable and share all this your story on
(21:31):
all these things that you're going through with people. And
he said, fine, this is not vulnerable to me. These
songs and this music and all of that. I've presented
it and created it and made it into a way
where exactly how I want you to receive it is
how I'm putting it out there. And so the vulnerability
is when those things were going on and I was
(21:52):
with my people and I was feeling the feelings and
I was going through the thing that was vulnerable because
it wasn't curated. But once I put out a product
that that I want you to like, I want you
to like my music, so that to me does not
feel it's vulnerable because it's something that I've put a
lot of effort and intention in all of that. It's
not my raw emotions anymore. And I really like that.
(22:13):
I was like, well, that sounds pretty healthy because you
get to have agency over what the world sees. I
think there's still an element of vulnerability because you're putting
out something that you want people to enjoy, but it's
in a different way. That's vulnerability of your art and
not vulnerability of your actual life.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Right, Yeah, And I guess back to this guy and
publicly sharing it like that they have kids, and I
would say, just like, think of your life and all
the different people impacted by your announcement. And maybe that's
what his wife wanted. She's like publicly proclaim you're do
it shame and I will will be a little bit better.
(22:51):
I mean, I don't know. Maybe they're both used to
just sharing everything, so that's what makes the most sense
to them. But they're always on a bigger scale if
they're being covered by People magazine. But like if you
narrow it down even to your tiny community, like you
don't have to stand on a box and share with
every single person you know what happened.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
It becomes easier, I think, don't you think, Like sometimes
we post things on Instagram that we really need comfort
or something in because that's easier than me calling you.
I think that's become part of like the loneliness epidemic,
is we're so lonely because we don't know how to
connect in real life anymore.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Oh true. I was just trying to circle back to
the email.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Or like who in her who in her community? Like
how does she navigate what to tell them and what
to not. I mean, and that's ultimately we can't make
that decision for you. That's gonna be something you're gonna
have to just trust yourself with, like you and your husband.
But just know that if you need permission, which sounds
like you have good help around you that like clarity
(23:51):
is good, details are for you. You can provide clarity
without too many details, and that way those people that
are maybe feeling a little bit like what the heck
if they have clarity that like, oh wow, she's going
through something has nothing to do with me, so whatever
story I'd made up. Yeah, and hopefully they'll have that
compassion for you know that you've went through it and
they'll have the boundaries. But if they keep pushing and
(24:13):
you're not ready to tell them, then that's not a friendship.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Maybe you need to Yeah, I would have a lot
of questions about that of like respecting somebody's boundaries in
a sense of to be sure.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Yeah, but props for your foxhole for a year.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Yeah, Yeah, I love that, learning that new little metaphor
thank you the foxhole foxhole.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
Yeah, anytime.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
But that's where my sister was and it was helpful.
There was something I was going to say, and now
I can't think of what it was, and gosh, you
know it was probably good.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Did you spin your ring around on your finger?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I don't have my rings on today. That's the problem.
That's the problem, because I.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Would move my pinky ring to my other finger where
it only goes to the past the first knuckle, and
then I'd be like, I would remember, but I think, oof, hmm.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
You would remember that you had something to say, but
would you remember what it was?
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Oftentimes, because then I would kind of rub it.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
But no, There's been times where I've moved my pe
I move it over there, like if I'm driving and
I'm like, oh, I'll remember that, and I get home
and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Why did I move it? Why did I move it?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
I don't trust myself fully with that anymore. If I
have the time, I will email myself a keyword or
text myself, but I prefer email because text get like lost.
But I'll email myself and I might email myself one
word like fox, and then I'll remember, like, oh, foxhole.
But then if I don't remember, I'll be like fox,
why did I send myself fox?
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Like fox? Which? Speaking of my what are your thoughts
on this.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
My mom had a fox fur coat and on the
inside there's like silk and it has her initials embroidered.
It's really special. It's from the seventies or the eighties.
I don't know, something my dad got her and I
love it. I don't know where I am with wearing
it though, because you know how we went to dinner
(26:01):
the other night it was raining, so I didn't wear it,
but I thought about it.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
But it's it's not something I bought.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
You're thinking morally, how you feel? Right? Like?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Also, I have the deerhead hanging in my dining room
and I post that on Instagram more like I posted
some stuff about that room, and people like, oh the deerhead.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Volmit.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Oh, I can't stand to look at your room anymore.
You're suck Oh my, it's not treating.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
But I'm like, that was my grandpa's, Like I think
he shot it in like nineteen thirty something, so I
don't hunt so it's not mine. But then my fox
coat was my mom's and I inherited it, so if
I wear it, I just feel like, do I need
to give the details for clear?
Speaker 1 (26:46):
I was gonna say, what do you need to hear
right now, because I think that we could answer this
multiple ways, and people have to know that it's real.
You can just like, oh, it's faux from the seventies.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
It looks real, but okay, I could just be I.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Wouldn't be able to tell it fell Fox, right. Do
you wear real leather jackets?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I have in the past.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
My latest leather jacket from Zara was less than one
hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
But I think that, yeah, if that bothers you, it.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Doesn't like I have a leather boots. I have a
leather bag. Okay, okay, so it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I know.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I guess I'm just like a fur is so like
is am I gonna be walking and someone's gonna throw
paint on me?
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I sure, hope not.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Well, you know some people do.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
I thought you were gonna say when you were talking
about what you wore the other night. I thought you
were gonna say, you don't know how you feel about
wearing it because you don't want it to be raining.
So the nuggets ruined because you know, I wore those
swede boots and then I was really stressed out about it.
I didn't know it was gonna be raining.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Yeah, so, but you need to scotch guard if if
y'all got anything swayed.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
I'm trying to teach this a cat like uggs.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
What do you like?
Speaker 2 (27:53):
You have your ugs? Did you scotch guard? That's why
they look like, Oh yeah, I spray them down. Just
get didn't even think about that.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Just get some spray at the store and then just
treat them. Oh okay, it will help. Okay, So there
you go.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Thanks.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
The more you know, the more you know.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
All right, thank you Anonymous for sending the email. If
anybody else would like to share with us, whether you're
sharing something, you have a response for this listener, you
have a question, you have some encouragement, hit us up. Hey,
they're at Feeling Things podcast dot com. That's it, And
then on Instagram and TikTok we are Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
We could see you over there.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
You never know when we might open up, get vulnerable,
share something crazy, admit to who knows what? Oh like
that guy the baits guy bringing up faith.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
No, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
We hope whatever you're doing right now, wherever you are,
that you are having the day you need to have.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Bye. Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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