A listener introduces Amy and Kat to the concept of an ‘analog bag’ and it might be the most wholesome phone detox idea out there. Then a listener asks how Kat and Big P divide up chores at home and it opens up a bigger conversation about household labor in relationships. A University of Michigan study found that husbands add an average of seven extra hours of housework per week for their wives…which is crazy!! After a sweet voicemail explaining how fruit = the size of a baby, Kat gives the latest update on how she's feeling and what size her baby is now.
Here's the link to the analog bag video that was mentioned!
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HOSTS:
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Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps them supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Right, break it down. If you ever have feelings that
you just fonsome Amy and Cat gotcha, Cob and locking,
No brother ladies and felons, do you just follow Anna
spirit where it's all phone or real stuff to the
chill stuff and am but sway. Sometimes the best thing
you can do it Jill, stop you feel things. This
(00:35):
is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Amy and Kat. Happy Thursday, Welcome to couch Talk, Sorry Q,
and a episode of the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy,
that I'm Kat, and we got a couple emails for
you today. The first one, well, take it away, Cat.
Cat doesn't normally read the emails, you know, normally the
one giving advice.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
You know what I feel right now? What is that?
I'm in elementary school and we're popcorn reading.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yeah, because I.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Just got so nervous in my head. I was like,
don't pick me, don't pick me.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
But also when you did that, would you read ahead
to make sure you could pronounce all the.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Worse because I had to and I still couldn't end
up pronouncing them correctly. Yeah, but I'd be like, okay,
there's seven people on account, seven paragraphs. I'd be like one, two, three, four, five, six,
that's gonna be fine.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
And when you popcorn read though, can't you just choose
to read one sentence and then pop?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Oh? True? I guess I was just thinking you would
take it by paragraph, like I would try to figure
out when it was going to be my turn.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Anyway, it's my turn. Yeah, this email comes from Jamie.
I don't know where she lessens from or lives, but
but she.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Did sign it your friend, which is really kind. I
love when they do that. They've been doing that since
the fifth thing days.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Well, what would you sign it if you were writing
into somebody?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
I don't know, I mean, but that was a thing
that I asked for on the four things. Pot Like
for the fifth thing, i'd be like, we're friends, like,
sign it you're friends. And people started signing it your
friend Jamie, and they made say, might say where they're
listening from your friend? But Jamie did it.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, okay, you're friend.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
All right, Well this comes from our friend Jamie, and
I actually love this email. She said, I recently heard
of something called an analog bag and it's been such
a fun addition to my life and help me detach
from my phone and live a more analog life.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Have y'all heard of this?
Speaker 4 (02:18):
If not, I think it would be something really fun
for you to look into discuss on the podcast and
talk through what you would put in each of your
analog bags. Or if you've heard of this, how do
you feel about it? And have you implemented something like this?
It seems right up Kat's alley with her various hobbies,
ha ha. And then she says that she first heard
of this from Sierra Campbell. I think this is an
(02:39):
influencer and she sent a link. This must be the
real talking about it, so we'll put that in the
show notes of her talking about the analog bag, and
she said, in my analog bag, I have note cards,
fun pens, a journal to write down my thoughts, to
do lists, et cetera, and stop using my phone.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I have a camp Snap camera.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Do you know what that is, A needle point pouch kit,
a deck of cards, and a mini charades game. Your
friend Jamie Wait, okay, I love this.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
That sounds also like a big bag though, so where
she put this? But they are all mini okay, yeah,
I wonder what a camp snap camera is. Huh.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I want to do this. I feel like I always
carry a deck of cards around in.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
My purse, like a fifty two deck. Yeah, okay, just
in case.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Like you never know. Well you know that I've I
have Uber Eats games to the bar.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Yeah yeah, I think Actually my backpack right now I
have Monopoly Deal.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Just ready to go in case.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So you have your own little analog.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
But no, by this, I like because it's helping her
stay off of her phone, whether it's with other people
or herself. So I like the idea of having something
to do. If I did needle point, that sounds like
that takes too much attention for me. I need something
like a many little paint by numbers.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yeah, like our little tiny country book and you could
have some colored pencils or something and do adult coloring.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah, I would like that adult.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Coloring book just sounds so weird to me because like adult.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
When you said adult coloring and I was like, what
kind of adult?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
No, I just mean you're not coloring Teddy bear. It's
more abstract art maybe or something.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
So I think this is a great idea. It does
feel like right up my alley, and I think it
actually would help me. Also, I think this would help
me when I'm alone to not feel so sometimes I
feel so awkward when I'm somewhere.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
So bust out your decker cards and start playing the
game of Solitaire. Can you imagine if you're just like,
I mean, hey.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I mean I think I'd be fine if you're waiting
some Sometimes I mean oftentimes I pull my phone out
because I'm just like, what else do I do?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Stare at the wall?
Speaker 5 (04:56):
You know? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Or you could talk to the person next to you.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
That's a silly I well, sometimes there aren't people next
to me, and sometimes I'm not in the mood and
sometimes I feel anxious.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
But we should play more Solitaire with the cards in person,
Like I'll play the Solitaire game on my phone, but
why not just have a deck of cards with you
and play solitaire? I mean, it takes up some space.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
But also I hope that I run into somebody playing
Solitaire alone by themselves, because that would make me happy.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
You, yeah, that's good, dice.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Well, like if you can play dice game by yourself.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Well, yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
That'd be something small, something small.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
To have in your bag. That. Yeah, you could just like,
you know, play a fun game of like I'm gonna
roll a five? See if you roll five, sort of
like crafts. You just make your own little grass table
and you're like, give me a game.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Are you playing? It's called I'm Gonna roll? Have you
heard of it? How do you play? You just keep
rolling until you roll a five and then you go.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
WHOA, I did farkole? Have you ever played farkole? No,
It's a dice game that's a lot of fun. And
my family, we used to have farkle tournaments with my
sister ended up marrying into this family. It was my
mom's best friends, and they would have these farkle tournaments
at their house and you would all go over there
and we'd have farkle hats. But then everybody had a
(06:28):
farkle name, and all you did was replace the first
letter of your name with an F or add an
F to the front of it. So in my case,
I'd be famy, and then you would be fat, and
then my sister would be fristy, and my mom was foody.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
That's funny.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
And then I took my boyfriend with me one time
and so he was Philly. His name was Willy.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I was like Philly, Billy.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Philly, Yeah, fetal and Famie I'm trying to for her
husband was everybody had their farkle name, and it was
easy to get your farkle name, and then you would
would do a whole tournament.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Fine. I know, I've never played Yea le Guts before.
I really liked that game. And left right center is
a classic? Was it on?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Here? We were talking about majong?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Where were we talking about that?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I know, ma dong and.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
How like you can hire a tutor yes, yes, okay, yes, or.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
A coach and you because my my sister in law
went to a party and that's they had a coach.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Okay, So that was you that said that, okay. Because
I was also at brunch with some people last weekend
and they were talking about they were going to Soho
house for a Majong Saturday hang and I was like, oh,
just two pm on a Saturday meeting at Soho to
play majong.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
That sounds like something you would do when you were
like sixty five. But honestly, that sounds like an ideal Saturdakis.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
And then my friend Claire texted me the other night.
She was like, Hey, if you want to come over,
I'll teach you how to play, like just with her.
I don't know that we could play with the two
of us, but she would just like teach me and
the kids could play. But do you just die in
my eye? And I didn't feel like going.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
I was gonna say, do you think that game is
for people that have ADHD?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I do not know because I've never played. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
It just sounds so like people make it sound so
complicated that I'm like, I'm the kind of person when
you explain the rules of the game, I don't listen
and I just like try to figure out as we go.
I think that I would struggle, you know.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I saw someone post about it the other day. Maybe
it's Abby Smyers, her husband's half of Dan and Shay
he's the Dan, and she was playing with a group
of girls and she was like, I get the hype now, Oh,
it's awesome.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Maybe we need to maybe we need to get in
on it. Maybe we do because the fat is going
to pass and we're never going to have known.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
We need to put it in our analog.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
That's not it.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
It's just like a box of domino.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
But you can't carry that around in your purse.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Domino or Domini, Dominoes. We talked about this, No do
we talk about I thought we did on dominoes or
just Dice and Die.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
I think I think it was we were talking about dominoes.
Oh we were, Yeah, because we're talking about majore So
what is it? Dominoes?
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Dominoes? Okay?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And then a single one is a domino?
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Got it?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Not a Domini?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Not a Domini?
Speaker 5 (09:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
So little things you can put in your bag, I
think a small coloring book or even a journal, like
some fun pins and then you can doodle in it.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Gel Pins, oh, I love a good gel pin.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Never underestimate that as a good gift for somebody, because
those are hard to buy for yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I almost don't want to spend the money on that.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
No. I went and I was looking at Summit Target
the other day and they were so cute, and then
it was twenty five dollars and I thought, I'm not
buying myself twenty five dollars pins. However, if someone were
to think to gift that to me with like a
cute journal or even just the pins, that would be
I would be like, oh my gosh, this is so thoughtful,
(10:04):
you know. And we might feel like, oh oh, a
pack of pins is a gift. But I think we
need to normalize that that's a beautiful, beautiful gel pens
and we need to gift those because I don't want
to buy them for myself.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
I asked for pens for Christmas two years ago.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
From who my parents. They said, Catherine, Elizabeth, Sarah, Jessica, Brittany,
what do you want for Christmas?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
And I said pens?
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Well, what was your full name again?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Katherine, Mary, Elizabeth, Francis, Sally, Brittany Defauda.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I'm never gonna remember that, by the way.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
And I got them, but I wanted nice pens for
writing at work, and I didn't want to buy. I'm
gonna buy if I'm buying pens, I'm buying the BIC
fifty for five dollars.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But my mom got me these nice like so smooth
and like like butter, yes, and the ink is like
wet when it hits the page. You know what I'm
talking about. Haven't gotten another since.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Well, we have an email asking about you and big
P that's your husband and your chores, which I went
ahead before I get into the email. It goes along
with something like an article that I saw about how
husbands add an average of seven extra hours of housework
per week for their wives on average. So that means
(11:40):
some are adding three to four hours and some are
adding ten if seven's the average.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
But is what this is average for everybody?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
It's from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research,
and it found that husbands add an average of seven
extra hours of housework per week for their wives. Now
why is that? It's largely due to differences in how
household labor is divided in many marriages. And this will
We'll get to your household when I get to the
(12:13):
listener question. Women in heterosexual marriages take on a larger
share of tasks like cleaning, cooking, kids, et cetera. Not
only that, speaking of pins and makes me think of calendars.
I mean, I have a digital calendar shout out Skylight.
But I know so many women that have to manage
(12:33):
the calendar and every single birthday, holiday, anything that comes up.
It's like even the husband's parents or mom, they have
a birthday, it's like not he doesn't have a dons
to do list. The woman has it on her to
do list to make sure that the gifts are gotten
for all the cousins and siblings, all the kids, friends,
If there's a birthday party, it's just I mean, that
(12:55):
probably falls into this list of like tasks and chores
at home. These patterns persist even when both partners work
full time jobs outside the home. Researchers say the imbalance
is influenced by long standing cultural expectations and domestic routines
that place more household responsibility on women. Again, that's from
(13:16):
the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research. So I
think it's just a good conversation for any home of
how things are being divided up. And I think, well,
let me get into the listener email. And then I mean,
I was married for seventeen years and I felt like
we had a pretty good system. And he was definitely
doing things I didn't want to do, like the yard
work would take him hours. Why why are you shocked
(13:38):
by that?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
What was he doing mowing? Like mowing doesn't equal weed eating,
I guess the Yeah, like the garden beds and stuff that.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yeah, like the whole everything, Like it would just take
a while. So here's the email. Hey, Amy and Kat,
longtime listener. I have a question for Kat, now that
she has a baby on the way. How do you
and your husband divide up chores at home?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Like?
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Who does what? Do you have a system or does
it just kind of happen naturally. I feel like this
is something nobody really talks about, but it causes so
much tension in relationships. Would love to know how you
guys make it work.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Okay, I feel really lucky when it comes to this
situation because I feel like how we do things it
has just happened naturally. We don't have a chore chart
or we've sat down and talk.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Do you know couples that do have a chore chart?
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
And I know, and I've worked with many people who
they've had to implement that because of the way their
partner operates and their needs. I think what helps Patrick
and I is our needs are very similar. We're both
kind of unorganized, We're both a little messy, and so
I think if I was somebody who was more type A,
(14:57):
this would be more of an issue.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
But we're both type B kind of people.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
So I'm just like, well, I'm gonna throw my clothes
on this chair, and I just hope that you don't
notice and don't care, and you can throw all your
t shirts in that pile in the corner, you know.
But we also like he does his own laundry. I
don't do his laundry, So.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
He has his own basket and pile, and you just
take care of yours, and he takes care of him.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
And like, if he's he works a lot more than
I do. So if he's really busy, I will fold
his laundry, but I don't put it away, just fold
it honestly.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
More so because I need to use the laundry machine.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Have y'all ever combined loads? No, No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
First of all, we do our laundry differently.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
I also got married when I was thirty four, so
I'm set in my ways too, and so I'm very particular.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Everything's on cold.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
There's a lot of stuff I don't dry, and he
throws everything in the dryer, and he has ruined many clothes.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
That I should do his laundry honestly, But he has
to learn.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
So that's just that's what works.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
For me, and I wonder if that's.
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Going to change when we have kids, because I'll be
doing the baby's laundry too. I don't know if I'll
just do it all together. I have no idea, And
I wonder if the way we do chores will be
a little different because it'll be all have a lot
more to do with the baby, and so I might
need help in other areas. But we both cook, depending
on I mean, I'm probably more likely to cook, but
(16:25):
last week I was sick and he cooked almost every meal.
And our deal is whoever cooks, the other person does the.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Dishes, vice versa.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
That's a good plan or system.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
He takes the trash out, he does the lawn work.
I schedule the cleaning lady, and I'll like I'm.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
The one who's going to pick up the house in between.
Like random times, I will say. The one thing that
does get me is he, for some reason always has
like seven pairs of shoes downstairs throw about Yes, but
I mean, yeah, I feel like most stuff as we
do together or naturally.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
So how do you handle that? Like the shoes?
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Do you line them upstairs or I'll throw them in
the hall closet, or I have a little shoe basket,
but he I think he likes all of his shoes
down there, because then when he's leaving, he's like, what
pair of shoes do I want to wear? Put them
in your closet.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah, I really want to go back to being a
no shoe house. I did it once for like two days.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
I do Okay, I could do that.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I could do that, but I cannot walk around the
house barefoot.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Well, you can wear slippers.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
I usually I usually have slippers on, or thick socks.
It can't even be like the sock I'm wearing now
is not enough. I hate the feeling.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Hate it.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I'm just your foot on floor, barefoot on floor, foot
on floor. Cannot take it, no foot on floor. I've
I've I've tried to do this more than once, the
longest I've done it, and to be fair, it was
more than two days. I'll at least give it a
full school week. So like maybe I'm on EA through
Friday and then I've tried it ever since then and
(18:05):
last like a day and I even got little booties.
But it's like I get my shoes on and then
I get in the car, like this morning, for example,
when I was leaving, I got in my car, and
then my car wouldn't start, and I realized, like, oh,
my key's not in my bag. It's my other purse.
So I have to run back inside. But I already
have my shoes on. So I've got to run back inside.
My purses up in my room. So I'm gonna go
through the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs
(18:27):
into my room. So Megan have to take my shoes
off to do that.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
You wouldn't put your shoes on until you were like
right by the door. Yes, So.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
To be a no shoe household. And then I think
of like my kids being at school all day and
they're coming home and they're sneakers, And then I get it.
We have a dog and a cat too, and they're
running around their palls. I'm trying to clean their palls more.
I got these little wipes, so I'm trying to do that.
But if you were their shoes are all day, or
(18:58):
like when we travel and you go into a public
bathroom and you come home and you just walk on
your rug like it's normal.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I get that. How do you handle when a guest
comes over, well, do you say.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Like shoes That's where it got problematic because I didn't
want to be awkward, and then I didn't I didn't
have the tenacity to just stick with it.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Wait, I remember when you were on no shoe household
and I kept being like, oh no, I wore my shoes.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
And I'm like, it's fine because you never would set
me yes, and I would have. I had a little
basket by the door where you could put your shoes,
and then I also had those blue booty covers so
like workers But okay, what what I ordered like a
thousand pack from Amazons.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It was so cheap.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
I still have them. I have tons of them.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
You want your guests to put that on their feet, Well, I.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Know they don't have to.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
They could take their shoes off, but.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
They could take their shoes off. But also if I
was like, let's say I was in this situation. I
was in this morning where I had to run back
through the house, I guess instead of taking off my shoes,
I could put the booties on if I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
So what if you have a dinner party, Well.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
That's when I think you just need to have everybody
wear their shoes and then you do a good cleaning
after they leave and then go back to being a
no shoe household. But you know, I have some friends
that have it, and when I go to their house,
I just put my shoes by the door and carry on.
Have they ever been like, oh, yeah, yeah, this is
Bobby and Caitlin's house And well, nope, not in the moment,
but the next day on the show, Bobby's like, and
(20:26):
you left your shoes on?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
That I feel like that's on the I forgot the
person whoever's house it is. It's on them to remind
their guests, because I'm not thinking that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
No, I don't think he noticed at first. It was
just when I left, like I was like, oh shoot,
because when I got in the car, I looked down
and I was like, oh, I love my shoes on.
So it just depends, and I get it because they've
worked really hard to like implement this system, and I
think even for him at the beginning it was hard.
But then once he started doing it, he realized like, oh,
this is actually good. Yeah, and I can walk around
(20:56):
the house and not have There are some cultures and
that's just how they have been raised, and they think
we're literally crazy that. You know, some people think it's
crazy to take your shoes off.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I don't think it's crazy. I just think it's like
a lot of work.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Well you you were like to make me put this
booty on.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Well that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
I'd rather ask me to take my shoe off than
be like, oh, can you play.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I know.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I'm just saying there's options. You can take your shoe off,
or you can put the look bloom beyond. I was
trying to have it there as convenient. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, to be convenient for people and so that
they don't feel awkward.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Can I just say one, please let me know what
you decide on this, because I would like to respect
your home.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Well, of course, I don't even respect my home when
I whenever I've set out to do it. And there
have been times where I'm like, this is the time,
and the floors are really clean and everything and nothing,
and I I get I last maybe twelve hours.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
What would you do if somebody sat on your couch
with tennis shoes on? Oh, put their feet on the couch,
because you also have like an ivory couch.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
No, we're going to need to not I'd be like,
can you take your shoes?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Off please, Okay you would say that, Uh, I think so.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I've just never who would do that?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
People do it?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Oh, not anybody.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
You would think somebody wouldn't do it on the color
of your couch, especially though.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You put any couch like I don't do. Kids like,
do you do airplane clothes in your house if you've
been on an airplane and you're traveling, Like, do you
go just then let you and do you go lay
in your bed?
Speaker 2 (22:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I don't think I've ever gone from airplane to bed.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Okay, what about side clothes, Like I would not get
into my sheets right now to take a nap with
my outside clothes.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Well, I wouldn't do it because that doesn't look comfortable.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
But I could not say I had on sweats and
I had been out running errands and doing things and
sitting and I went to the school and sat in
the bleachers. Doesn't I would go you would go get
in bed and take a nap.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yeah, I would wear this outfit and get in bed
and take a nap.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
And I've been outside.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I didn't do that.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Okay, Well something that's just how I'm particular. It's sort
of like your particular about your laundry, yes, and how
Patrick does his verses. I feel like when Ben and
I were married, we did all of our laundry together,
like we got.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Married a lot younger too.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
I feel like I wonder, I wonder if the way
we do things would have been different if I would
have gotten married like before I was thirty, because I'm
just set in the way I do things, and he's
kind of set in the way he does things, and
we just are like, okay, you know. But if I
got married at like twenty three, it's you're just learning
how to be an adult, so that might be the way,
(23:52):
you know, But this does This study is very interesting
to me because I thought it was going to be
My question was going to be, is it women who
don't also work outside of the home? But it sounds
like no matter what, women are doing more and I
think we need Unless you like it, some women might like.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
It, and they might like the sense of control, or
they just like the way they do things. But I
think we need to stick up for ourselves a little bit.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yeah, have you seen gas Lip by my husband? It's
a movie on a Lifetime but now Netflix has it.
I don't know if it's new to Netflix, but it
popped up on my suggested just this last weekend, so
I watched it. And it doesn't necessarily have much to
do with this. I was just thinking of like jerk husbands.
(24:41):
That might be if, like, say a wife, when your
husband's like, hey, I'm feeling like the extra load. I'm
also working full time. Can we divide this up? And
if he's a jerk about it. It's what made me
think about this guy, because he's just this narcissistic husband
that did awful things to his wife. Won't give anything
away because some people will watch it, but it's based
on a true story.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
It's a movie.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
It's a movie. Yeah, this really happened to a woman.
I recommend knowing that it's based on a true story
because it's kind of crazy that the things he did,
and the big thing he did is so psychotic. Yeah,
and the fact that he thought he was going to
get away with it, it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
It reminds me and he made her feel crazy. This
reminds me of that Dear John show or what what
it was called. This was like five six years ago,
and it was this narcissistic, like pathological liar that mayor
his name was John, and he married somebody and he
had his whole other life. Did you does this ringing
a bell?
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Yeah? Did they end up doing a show about it?
And Connie Britton Connie Britain? Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
John is the name that's popping up in my head,
like old John or John something.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Dirty John, Dirty John? Oh John? Yes, it was crazy.
I listened to Dirty John around the same time that
I listened to Doctor Death.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Oh, because that was a podcast first.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Yes, and then they came out with the true crime
series Dirty John. Do was it on Bravo that it aired?
I don't know. I think I probably watched it on Netflix.
I feel like, but that story is crazy. People are
be careful who you marry not so be careful who
you date.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Always do a background check.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Be careful who you make babies with. Yeah, well, speaking of,
I have a voicemail about your baby. Okay to play
and then I want to know the size of the
baby after we hear the voicemail, like what fruit? What
vegetable or fruit or object is the baby now? Because
that's what this voicemail is about.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
Here you go, Hi, Amy and Cat. I am listening
to the podcast where well those podcasts after the podcast
were a Cat announced though she's pregnant and yay Cat,
I'm so excited for you. You guys talking about how
last week she was the size of a baby carrot
and a lemon and a bunch of different things. Whenever
(27:08):
the apps are comparing the baby to something, it's the length,
not like the whole size of it. It's just like how.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Long it is.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
So hope that helps when you guys are talking about
how cute the little baby is growing and I'm so
excited to be on the little journey and hearing all
of the updates and coats. Again, Kat, You're gonna be
the best mom. Bye.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Okay, So Kat, based on that, she's saying, you know,
we were confused about the size of your baby. It's
like the length.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yes, that's very helpful, and that actually.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Clears a lot up. But blah blah blah blah. But
a lemon and a baby carrot are still different lengths
to me. Okay, you know, but it does, I mean
it clears it actually makes sense because based off of
my app, it does say the like right now, gosh,
I haven't looked at this week's yet. Actually, right now,
(28:03):
it's three and a half to four inches that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
And two ounces.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Oh, it's a good shot.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
And the fruit is a orange.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
Like a clementine.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
No, like an orange like a navel orange. That feels big.
It's the length.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
Remember I also different categories Disney baby milestones.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
It's as big as Mulan's comb. You wouldn't know because
you've never seen Mulan.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
A baseball Ooh, a package of bubble tape.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
You know that bubble gum.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Oh yeah, bubble tape. I loved bubble tape when I
was a kid.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Sports is a I'm gonna wonder if you know what
this is. This is sports, the category of sports. You
have to tell me what this thing is.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Okay, your baby is as big as a shuttlecock.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Humm, I feel like I've heard of a shuttlecock before.
Is that have to do with hockey?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
No clothes? You're probably thinking of puck? Okay, okay, what
is it?
Speaker 4 (29:06):
It looks like the thing from badminton like that. Oh yes, okay,
it's called like a birdie or something.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Or it's an apple.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Okay, so there's a link length.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
But also apples come in different shapes and sizes.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Right now, I put a baked apple recipe up the
other day and it's really I don't have measurements, but
someone's asking how I make it because sometimes my kids
will request it. It's so yummy. Have you ever done
baked apples? And I'm like, I don't know. The teaspoon
of cinnamon, tablespoons of butter, and like five apples, but
(29:39):
then yeah, apples, like just normal sized apple. It's not large,
because some apples are really big. And then really you
can't go wrong. And then you can just sprinkle some
sugar on top or some monk fruit or whatever type
of sweetener you want, and you don't have to measure.
But it's just yummy to have all those flavors mixed together.
And then you bake them at three fifty in the oven,
(30:01):
like dice them up into little cubes the size of
Cat's baby, and wait, how many inches are you going
to half out? No? No, no, no, Cat's baby a couple
of weeks ago when it was like maybe one to
two inches, and then put it in a baking dish
and then put it in the oven, and then after
about ten minutes, the butter will have melt and stuff
(30:22):
and you can stir and everything will mix up and
then go for another ten and maybe stir it again,
and then go for another five or ten and the delicious.
You can also do it on the skillet if you want.
If you don't want to do the oven, you could
do it in the skillet.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
And if you wanted to get crazy at the end,
sprinkle a little granola on top.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Yeah, and bake that part too.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
You wouldn't have to bake that, but it'll just give
it a little crunch.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Like. I like that idea. You know, I'm I'm I'm
not in I'm not in a granola phase right now,
but that sounds delicious. You're usually in a I know,
I don't know. I don't know what it is. The
only way I can explain it is I was at
the store yesterday and I was on the granola aslan
and I was like, I don't want it. I always
(31:08):
have granola always.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
I think, I see you eat it almost every week.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
Right, But I've I've I think I've hit yeah, my limit.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You had a food jag? Is that?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (31:18):
And then you get over it over I've had. I
guess you could call them food jags. With this pregnancy,
I was obsessed with the oranges, now it's apples and pickles.
And last week I had the strongest craving for cucumbers
and ranch, like so strong, I got up from.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
The couch, went to the grocery store and bought it.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
That sounds pretty good. I mean, ranch with anything sounds good.
But I'm kind of shocked you wanted the ranch.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
I know, but a cucumber and ranches.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
I just didn't think you liked anything white.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
I like ranch dressing, oh, but I don't want to know.
I don't want to watch people make it. But I
do like the flavorite. But it was like the idea
of the cucumb It just sounded so crisp and like
the water in it. I just was I don't know
how to describe it. Like last night, I wanted a
salad with iceberg lettuce. I think it's because I'm just
(32:10):
need more hydrogen.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Yeah, but earlier I was eating cottage cheese. I thought
I was gonna make you vomit.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
I was trying to act normal while you're doing that.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
That's why sometimes I forget that you can study ranch, because.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Well, cottage cheese. First of all, you're eating cottage cheese
and salsa.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
That was so good. Oh, I didn't have any yogurt,
because let me tell you what I like to do.
I like to mix plain yogurt with which.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Takes sour cream. That's normal, Yes.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Sour cream or yogurt with salsa. I love that combo.
I'm out. I have no sour cream. I have no yogurt.
So what did I have? I had cottage cheese, which
was the next best thing, which gives me that similar
vibe of just this creaminess with the salsa.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But look, I didn't say anything, and I just like
to have that.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Now.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
It's like Katherin be normal. She's enjoying this normal.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Over there, like gagging like, oh god. Okay, well, little
little baby is the size of a shuttlecock. Shuttlecock cock
cock cock cock, You're like a hockey puck. Okay, well,
(33:25):
there you go. That's our that's our episode. Thanks for
the emails, thanks for the voicemail, and you can hit
us up anytime. Hey, they're at Feeling Things podcast dot
com is where you can send an email and eight
seven seven two o seven two oh seven seven is
where you can leave us a voicemail. We love love
love hearing from you.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
We really love it.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
We really love it. We've had lots of had some
good ones good correspondence lately, So thank you. And just
because your email doesn't end up on an episode, even
shortly after you send it, you never know, like we
still appreciate the correspondence and it could be so professional. Well,
I mean this is the fact that they take the time.
(34:07):
We even had an email on this week's feeling things
the other day. We're just like, I've never eat welled
a podcast before, and it's not lost on us that
that's like a big step to like get out your
email and send us a note. So I say that
because you never know when we're going to pull from
the pile from the pile and when it might end
up on an episode. So thank you for taking the
(34:29):
time to be a part of this community.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
How did you feel saying that?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Not great? But I think we decided that's what we are.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Well, yeah, we literally that's what we So we are.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
We're community. So things are being a part of it,
and we hope wherever you are there you have the day.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
You need to have.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
Bye bye.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I saw you struggling with that.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Oh,
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps them supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Right, break it down. If you ever have feelings that
you just fonsome Amy and Cat gotcha, Cob and locking,
No brother ladies and felons, do you just follow Anna
spirit where it's all phone or real stuff to the
chill stuff and am but sway. Sometimes the best thing
you can do it Jill, stop you feel things. This
(00:35):
is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Amy and Kat. Happy Thursday, Welcome to couch Talk, Sorry Q,
and a episode of the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy,
that I'm Kat, and we got a couple emails for
you today. The first one, well, take it away, Cat.
Cat doesn't normally read the emails, you know, normally the
one giving advice.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
You know what I feel right now? What is that?
I'm in elementary school and we're popcorn reading.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Yeah, because I.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Just got so nervous in my head. I was like,
don't pick me, don't pick me.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
But also when you did that, would you read ahead
to make sure you could pronounce all the.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Worse because I had to and I still couldn't end
up pronouncing them correctly. Yeah, but I'd be like, okay,
there's seven people on account, seven paragraphs. I'd be like one, two, three, four, five, six,
that's gonna be fine.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
And when you popcorn read though, can't you just choose
to read one sentence and then pop?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Oh? True? I guess I was just thinking you would
take it by paragraph, like I would try to figure
out when it was going to be my turn.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Anyway, it's my turn. Yeah, this email comes from Jamie.
I don't know where she lessens from or lives, but
but she.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Did sign it your friend, which is really kind. I
love when they do that. They've been doing that since
the fifth thing days.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Well, what would you sign it if you were writing
into somebody?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
I don't know, I mean, but that was a thing
that I asked for on the four things. Pot Like
for the fifth thing, i'd be like, we're friends, like,
sign it you're friends. And people started signing it your
friend Jamie, and they made say, might say where they're
listening from your friend? But Jamie did it.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yeah, okay, you're friend.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
All right, Well this comes from our friend Jamie, and
I actually love this email. She said, I recently heard
of something called an analog bag and it's been such
a fun addition to my life and help me detach
from my phone and live a more analog life.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Have y'all heard of this?
Speaker 4 (02:18):
If not, I think it would be something really fun
for you to look into discuss on the podcast and
talk through what you would put in each of your
analog bags. Or if you've heard of this, how do
you feel about it? And have you implemented something like this?
It seems right up Kat's alley with her various hobbies,
ha ha. And then she says that she first heard
of this from Sierra Campbell. I think this is an
(02:39):
influencer and she sent a link. This must be the
real talking about it, so we'll put that in the
show notes of her talking about the analog bag, and
she said, in my analog bag, I have note cards,
fun pens, a journal to write down my thoughts, to
do lists, et cetera, and stop using my phone.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I have a camp Snap camera.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Do you know what that is, A needle point pouch kit,
a deck of cards, and a mini charades game. Your
friend Jamie Wait, okay, I love this.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
That sounds also like a big bag though, so where
she put this? But they are all mini okay, yeah,
I wonder what a camp snap camera is. Huh.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I want to do this. I feel like I always
carry a deck of cards around in.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
My purse, like a fifty two deck. Yeah, okay, just
in case.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Like you never know. Well you know that I've I
have Uber Eats games to the bar.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Yeah yeah, I think Actually my backpack right now I
have Monopoly Deal.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Just ready to go in case.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So you have your own little analog.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
But no, by this, I like because it's helping her
stay off of her phone, whether it's with other people
or herself. So I like the idea of having something
to do. If I did needle point, that sounds like
that takes too much attention for me. I need something
like a many little paint by numbers.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yeah, like our little tiny country book and you could
have some colored pencils or something and do adult coloring.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yeah, I would like that adult.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Coloring book just sounds so weird to me because like adult.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
When you said adult coloring and I was like, what
kind of adult?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
No, I just mean you're not coloring Teddy bear. It's
more abstract art maybe or something.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
So I think this is a great idea. It does
feel like right up my alley, and I think it
actually would help me. Also, I think this would help
me when I'm alone to not feel so sometimes I
feel so awkward when I'm somewhere.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
So bust out your decker cards and start playing the
game of Solitaire. Can you imagine if you're just like,
I mean, hey.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I mean I think I'd be fine if you're waiting
some Sometimes I mean oftentimes I pull my phone out
because I'm just like, what else do I do?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Stare at the wall?
Speaker 5 (04:56):
You know? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Or you could talk to the person next to you.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
That's a silly I well, sometimes there aren't people next
to me, and sometimes I'm not in the mood and
sometimes I feel anxious.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
But we should play more Solitaire with the cards in person,
Like I'll play the Solitaire game on my phone, but
why not just have a deck of cards with you
and play solitaire? I mean, it takes up some space.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
But also I hope that I run into somebody playing
Solitaire alone by themselves, because that would make me happy.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
You, yeah, that's good, dice.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Well, like if you can play dice game by yourself.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Well, yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
That'd be something small, something small.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
To have in your bag. That. Yeah, you could just like,
you know, play a fun game of like I'm gonna
roll a five? See if you roll five, sort of
like crafts. You just make your own little grass table
and you're like, give me a game.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Are you playing? It's called I'm Gonna roll? Have you
heard of it? How do you play? You just keep
rolling until you roll a five and then you go.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
WHOA, I did farkole? Have you ever played farkole? No,
It's a dice game that's a lot of fun. And
my family, we used to have farkle tournaments with my
sister ended up marrying into this family. It was my
mom's best friends, and they would have these farkle tournaments
at their house and you would all go over there
and we'd have farkle hats. But then everybody had a
(06:28):
farkle name, and all you did was replace the first
letter of your name with an F or add an
F to the front of it. So in my case,
I'd be famy, and then you would be fat, and
then my sister would be fristy, and my mom was foody.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
That's funny.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
And then I took my boyfriend with me one time
and so he was Philly. His name was Willy.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I was like Philly, Billy.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Philly, Yeah, fetal and Famie I'm trying to for her
husband was everybody had their farkle name, and it was
easy to get your farkle name, and then you would
would do a whole tournament.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Fine. I know, I've never played Yea le Guts before.
I really liked that game. And left right center is
a classic? Was it on?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Here? We were talking about majong?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Where were we talking about that?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I know, ma dong and.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
How like you can hire a tutor yes, yes, okay, yes, or.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
A coach and you because my my sister in law
went to a party and that's they had a coach.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Okay, So that was you that said that, okay. Because
I was also at brunch with some people last weekend
and they were talking about they were going to Soho
house for a Majong Saturday hang and I was like, oh,
just two pm on a Saturday meeting at Soho to
play majong.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
That sounds like something you would do when you were
like sixty five. But honestly, that sounds like an ideal Saturdakis.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
And then my friend Claire texted me the other night.
She was like, Hey, if you want to come over,
I'll teach you how to play, like just with her.
I don't know that we could play with the two
of us, but she would just like teach me and
the kids could play. But do you just die in
my eye? And I didn't feel like going.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
I was gonna say, do you think that game is
for people that have ADHD?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
I do not know because I've never played. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
It just sounds so like people make it sound so
complicated that I'm like, I'm the kind of person when
you explain the rules of the game, I don't listen
and I just like try to figure out as we go.
I think that I would struggle, you know.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I saw someone post about it the other day. Maybe
it's Abby Smyers, her husband's half of Dan and Shay
he's the Dan, and she was playing with a group
of girls and she was like, I get the hype now, Oh,
it's awesome.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Maybe we need to maybe we need to get in
on it. Maybe we do because the fat is going
to pass and we're never going to have known.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
We need to put it in our analog.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
That's not it.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
It's just like a box of domino.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
But you can't carry that around in your purse.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Domino or Domini, Dominoes. We talked about this, No do
we talk about I thought we did on dominoes or
just Dice and Die.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
I think I think it was we were talking about dominoes.
Oh we were, Yeah, because we're talking about majore So
what is it? Dominoes?
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Dominoes? Okay?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And then a single one is a domino?
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Got it?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Not a Domini?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Not a Domini?
Speaker 5 (09:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
So little things you can put in your bag, I
think a small coloring book or even a journal, like
some fun pins and then you can doodle in it.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Gel Pins, oh, I love a good gel pin.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Never underestimate that as a good gift for somebody, because
those are hard to buy for yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I almost don't want to spend the money on that.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
No. I went and I was looking at Summit Target
the other day and they were so cute, and then
it was twenty five dollars and I thought, I'm not
buying myself twenty five dollars pins. However, if someone were
to think to gift that to me with like a
cute journal or even just the pins, that would be
I would be like, oh my gosh, this is so thoughtful,
(10:04):
you know. And we might feel like, oh oh, a
pack of pins is a gift. But I think we
need to normalize that that's a beautiful, beautiful gel pens
and we need to gift those because I don't want
to buy them for myself.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
I asked for pens for Christmas two years ago.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
From who my parents. They said, Catherine, Elizabeth, Sarah, Jessica, Brittany,
what do you want for Christmas?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
And I said pens?
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Well, what was your full name again?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Katherine, Mary, Elizabeth, Francis, Sally, Brittany Defauda.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I'm never gonna remember that, by the way.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
And I got them, but I wanted nice pens for
writing at work, and I didn't want to buy. I'm
gonna buy if I'm buying pens, I'm buying the BIC
fifty for five dollars.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But my mom got me these nice like so smooth
and like like butter, yes, and the ink is like
wet when it hits the page. You know what I'm
talking about. Haven't gotten another since.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Well, we have an email asking about you and big
P that's your husband and your chores, which I went
ahead before I get into the email. It goes along
with something like an article that I saw about how
husbands add an average of seven extra hours of housework
per week for their wives on average. So that means
(11:40):
some are adding three to four hours and some are
adding ten if seven's the average.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
But is what this is average for everybody?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
It's from the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research,
and it found that husbands add an average of seven
extra hours of housework per week for their wives. Now
why is that? It's largely due to differences in how
household labor is divided in many marriages. And this will
We'll get to your household when I get to the
(12:13):
listener question. Women in heterosexual marriages take on a larger
share of tasks like cleaning, cooking, kids, et cetera. Not
only that, speaking of pins and makes me think of calendars.
I mean, I have a digital calendar shout out Skylight.
But I know so many women that have to manage
(12:33):
the calendar and every single birthday, holiday, anything that comes up.
It's like even the husband's parents or mom, they have
a birthday, it's like not he doesn't have a dons
to do list. The woman has it on her to
do list to make sure that the gifts are gotten
for all the cousins and siblings, all the kids, friends,
If there's a birthday party, it's just I mean, that
(12:55):
probably falls into this list of like tasks and chores
at home. These patterns persist even when both partners work
full time jobs outside the home. Researchers say the imbalance
is influenced by long standing cultural expectations and domestic routines
that place more household responsibility on women. Again, that's from
(13:16):
the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research. So I
think it's just a good conversation for any home of
how things are being divided up. And I think, well,
let me get into the listener email. And then I mean,
I was married for seventeen years and I felt like
we had a pretty good system. And he was definitely
doing things I didn't want to do, like the yard
work would take him hours. Why why are you shocked
(13:38):
by that?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
What was he doing mowing? Like mowing doesn't equal weed eating,
I guess the Yeah, like the garden beds and stuff that.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yeah, like the whole everything, Like it would just take
a while. So here's the email. Hey, Amy and Kat,
longtime listener. I have a question for Kat, now that
she has a baby on the way. How do you
and your husband divide up chores at home?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Like?
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Who does what? Do you have a system or does
it just kind of happen naturally. I feel like this
is something nobody really talks about, but it causes so
much tension in relationships. Would love to know how you
guys make it work.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Okay, I feel really lucky when it comes to this
situation because I feel like how we do things it
has just happened naturally. We don't have a chore chart
or we've sat down and talk.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Do you know couples that do have a chore chart?
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
And I know, and I've worked with many people who
they've had to implement that because of the way their
partner operates and their needs. I think what helps Patrick
and I is our needs are very similar. We're both
kind of unorganized, We're both a little messy, and so
I think if I was somebody who was more type A,
(14:57):
this would be more of an issue.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
But we're both type B kind of people.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
So I'm just like, well, I'm gonna throw my clothes
on this chair, and I just hope that you don't
notice and don't care, and you can throw all your
t shirts in that pile in the corner, you know.
But we also like he does his own laundry. I
don't do his laundry, So.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
He has his own basket and pile, and you just
take care of yours, and he takes care of him.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
And like, if he's he works a lot more than
I do. So if he's really busy, I will fold
his laundry, but I don't put it away, just fold
it honestly.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
More so because I need to use the laundry machine.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Have y'all ever combined loads? No, No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
First of all, we do our laundry differently.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
I also got married when I was thirty four, so
I'm set in my ways too, and so I'm very particular.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Everything's on cold.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
There's a lot of stuff I don't dry, and he
throws everything in the dryer, and he has ruined many clothes.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
That I should do his laundry honestly, But he has
to learn.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
So that's just that's what works.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
For me, and I wonder if that's.
Speaker 4 (16:02):
Going to change when we have kids, because I'll be
doing the baby's laundry too. I don't know if I'll
just do it all together. I have no idea, And
I wonder if the way we do chores will be
a little different because it'll be all have a lot
more to do with the baby, and so I might
need help in other areas. But we both cook, depending
on I mean, I'm probably more likely to cook, but
(16:25):
last week I was sick and he cooked almost every meal.
And our deal is whoever cooks, the other person does the.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Dishes, vice versa.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
That's a good plan or system.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
He takes the trash out, he does the lawn work.
I schedule the cleaning lady, and I'll like I'm.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
The one who's going to pick up the house in between.
Like random times, I will say. The one thing that
does get me is he, for some reason always has
like seven pairs of shoes downstairs throw about Yes, but
I mean, yeah, I feel like most stuff as we
do together or naturally.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
So how do you handle that? Like the shoes?
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Do you line them upstairs or I'll throw them in
the hall closet, or I have a little shoe basket,
but he I think he likes all of his shoes
down there, because then when he's leaving, he's like, what
pair of shoes do I want to wear? Put them
in your closet.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Yeah, I really want to go back to being a
no shoe house. I did it once for like two days.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
I do Okay, I could do that.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I could do that, but I cannot walk around the
house barefoot.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Well, you can wear slippers.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
I usually I usually have slippers on, or thick socks.
It can't even be like the sock I'm wearing now
is not enough. I hate the feeling.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Hate it.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I'm just your foot on floor, barefoot on floor, foot
on floor. Cannot take it, no foot on floor. I've
I've I've tried to do this more than once, the
longest I've done it, and to be fair, it was
more than two days. I'll at least give it a
full school week. So like maybe I'm on EA through
Friday and then I've tried it ever since then and
(18:05):
last like a day and I even got little booties.
But it's like I get my shoes on and then
I get in the car, like this morning, for example,
when I was leaving, I got in my car, and
then my car wouldn't start, and I realized, like, oh,
my key's not in my bag. It's my other purse.
So I have to run back inside. But I already
have my shoes on. So I've got to run back inside.
My purses up in my room. So I'm gonna go
through the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs
(18:27):
into my room. So Megan have to take my shoes
off to do that.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
You wouldn't put your shoes on until you were like
right by the door. Yes, So.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
To be a no shoe household. And then I think
of like my kids being at school all day and
they're coming home and they're sneakers, And then I get it.
We have a dog and a cat too, and they're
running around their palls. I'm trying to clean their palls more.
I got these little wipes, so I'm trying to do that.
But if you were their shoes are all day, or
(18:58):
like when we travel and you go into a public
bathroom and you come home and you just walk on
your rug like it's normal.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I get that. How do you handle when a guest
comes over, well, do you say.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Like shoes That's where it got problematic because I didn't
want to be awkward, and then I didn't I didn't
have the tenacity to just stick with it.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Wait, I remember when you were on no shoe household
and I kept being like, oh no, I wore my shoes.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
And I'm like, it's fine because you never would set
me yes, and I would have. I had a little
basket by the door where you could put your shoes,
and then I also had those blue booty covers so
like workers But okay, what what I ordered like a
thousand pack from Amazons.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It was so cheap.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
I still have them. I have tons of them.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
You want your guests to put that on their feet, Well, I.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Know they don't have to.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
They could take their shoes off, but.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
They could take their shoes off. But also if I
was like, let's say I was in this situation. I
was in this morning where I had to run back
through the house, I guess instead of taking off my shoes,
I could put the booties on if I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
So what if you have a dinner party, Well.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
That's when I think you just need to have everybody
wear their shoes and then you do a good cleaning
after they leave and then go back to being a
no shoe household. But you know, I have some friends
that have it, and when I go to their house,
I just put my shoes by the door and carry on.
Have they ever been like, oh, yeah, yeah, this is
Bobby and Caitlin's house And well, nope, not in the moment,
but the next day on the show, Bobby's like, and
(20:26):
you left your shoes on?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
That I feel like that's on the I forgot the
person whoever's house it is. It's on them to remind
their guests, because I'm not thinking that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
No, I don't think he noticed at first. It was
just when I left, like I was like, oh shoot,
because when I got in the car, I looked down
and I was like, oh, I love my shoes on.
So it just depends, and I get it because they've
worked really hard to like implement this system, and I
think even for him at the beginning it was hard.
But then once he started doing it, he realized like, oh,
this is actually good. Yeah, and I can walk around
(20:56):
the house and not have There are some cultures and
that's just how they have been raised, and they think
we're literally crazy that. You know, some people think it's
crazy to take your shoes off.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I don't think it's crazy. I just think it's like
a lot of work.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Well you you were like to make me put this
booty on.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Well that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
I'd rather ask me to take my shoe off than
be like, oh, can you play.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I know.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I'm just saying there's options. You can take your shoe off,
or you can put the look bloom beyond. I was
trying to have it there as convenient. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, to be convenient for people and so that
they don't feel awkward.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Can I just say one, please let me know what
you decide on this, because I would like to respect
your home.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Well, of course, I don't even respect my home when
I whenever I've set out to do it. And there
have been times where I'm like, this is the time,
and the floors are really clean and everything and nothing,
and I I get I last maybe twelve hours.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
What would you do if somebody sat on your couch
with tennis shoes on? Oh, put their feet on the couch,
because you also have like an ivory couch.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
No, we're going to need to not I'd be like,
can you take your shoes?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Off please, Okay you would say that, Uh, I think so.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I've just never who would do that?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
People do it?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Oh, not anybody.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
You would think somebody wouldn't do it on the color
of your couch, especially though.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You put any couch like I don't do. Kids like,
do you do airplane clothes in your house if you've
been on an airplane and you're traveling, Like, do you
go just then let you and do you go lay
in your bed?
Speaker 2 (22:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I don't think I've ever gone from airplane to bed.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Okay, what about side clothes, Like I would not get
into my sheets right now to take a nap with
my outside clothes.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Well, I wouldn't do it because that doesn't look comfortable.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
But I could not say I had on sweats and
I had been out running errands and doing things and
sitting and I went to the school and sat in
the bleachers. Doesn't I would go you would go get
in bed and take a nap.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yeah, I would wear this outfit and get in bed
and take a nap.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
And I've been outside.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
I didn't do that.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Okay, Well something that's just how I'm particular. It's sort
of like your particular about your laundry, yes, and how
Patrick does his verses. I feel like when Ben and
I were married, we did all of our laundry together,
like we got.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Married a lot younger too.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
I feel like I wonder, I wonder if the way
we do things would have been different if I would
have gotten married like before I was thirty, because I'm
just set in the way I do things, and he's
kind of set in the way he does things, and
we just are like, okay, you know. But if I
got married at like twenty three, it's you're just learning
how to be an adult, so that might be the way,
(23:52):
you know, But this does This study is very interesting
to me because I thought it was going to be
My question was going to be, is it women who
don't also work outside of the home? But it sounds
like no matter what, women are doing more and I
think we need Unless you like it, some women might like.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
It, and they might like the sense of control, or
they just like the way they do things. But I
think we need to stick up for ourselves a little bit.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Yeah, have you seen gas Lip by my husband? It's
a movie on a Lifetime but now Netflix has it.
I don't know if it's new to Netflix, but it
popped up on my suggested just this last weekend, so
I watched it. And it doesn't necessarily have much to
do with this. I was just thinking of like jerk husbands.
(24:41):
That might be if, like, say a wife, when your
husband's like, hey, I'm feeling like the extra load. I'm
also working full time. Can we divide this up? And
if he's a jerk about it. It's what made me
think about this guy, because he's just this narcissistic husband
that did awful things to his wife. Won't give anything
away because some people will watch it, but it's based
on a true story.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
It's a movie.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
It's a movie. Yeah, this really happened to a woman.
I recommend knowing that it's based on a true story
because it's kind of crazy that the things he did,
and the big thing he did is so psychotic. Yeah,
and the fact that he thought he was going to
get away with it, it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
It reminds me and he made her feel crazy. This
reminds me of that Dear John show or what what
it was called. This was like five six years ago,
and it was this narcissistic, like pathological liar that mayor
his name was John, and he married somebody and he
had his whole other life. Did you does this ringing
a bell?
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Yeah? Did they end up doing a show about it?
And Connie Britton Connie Britain? Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
John is the name that's popping up in my head,
like old John or John something.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Dirty John, Dirty John? Oh John? Yes, it was crazy.
I listened to Dirty John around the same time that
I listened to Doctor Death.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Oh, because that was a podcast first.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Yes, and then they came out with the true crime
series Dirty John. Do was it on Bravo that it aired?
I don't know. I think I probably watched it on Netflix.
I feel like, but that story is crazy. People are
be careful who you marry not so be careful who
you date.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Always do a background check.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Be careful who you make babies with. Yeah, well, speaking of,
I have a voicemail about your baby. Okay to play
and then I want to know the size of the
baby after we hear the voicemail, like what fruit? What
vegetable or fruit or object is the baby now? Because
that's what this voicemail is about.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
Here you go, Hi, Amy and Cat. I am listening
to the podcast where well those podcasts after the podcast
were a Cat announced though she's pregnant and yay Cat,
I'm so excited for you. You guys talking about how
last week she was the size of a baby carrot
and a lemon and a bunch of different things. Whenever
(27:08):
the apps are comparing the baby to something, it's the length,
not like the whole size of it. It's just like how.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Long it is.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
So hope that helps when you guys are talking about
how cute the little baby is growing and I'm so
excited to be on the little journey and hearing all
of the updates and coats. Again, Kat, You're gonna be
the best mom. Bye.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Okay, So Kat, based on that, she's saying, you know,
we were confused about the size of your baby. It's
like the length.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yes, that's very helpful, and that actually.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Clears a lot up. But blah blah blah blah. But
a lemon and a baby carrot are still different lengths
to me. Okay, you know, but it does, I mean
it clears it actually makes sense because based off of
my app, it does say the like right now, gosh,
I haven't looked at this week's yet. Actually, right now,
(28:03):
it's three and a half to four inches that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
And two ounces.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Oh, it's a good shot.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
And the fruit is a orange.
Speaker 3 (28:19):
Like a clementine.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
No, like an orange like a navel orange. That feels big.
It's the length.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
Remember I also different categories Disney baby milestones.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
It's as big as Mulan's comb. You wouldn't know because
you've never seen Mulan.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
A baseball Ooh, a package of bubble tape.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
You know that bubble gum.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Oh yeah, bubble tape. I loved bubble tape when I
was a kid.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Sports is a I'm gonna wonder if you know what
this is. This is sports, the category of sports. You
have to tell me what this thing is.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Okay, your baby is as big as a shuttlecock.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Humm, I feel like I've heard of a shuttlecock before.
Is that have to do with hockey?
Speaker 1 (28:59):
No clothes? You're probably thinking of puck? Okay, okay, what
is it?
Speaker 4 (29:06):
It looks like the thing from badminton like that. Oh yes, okay,
it's called like a birdie or something.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Or it's an apple.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Okay, so there's a link length.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
But also apples come in different shapes and sizes.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Right now, I put a baked apple recipe up the
other day and it's really I don't have measurements, but
someone's asking how I make it because sometimes my kids
will request it. It's so yummy. Have you ever done
baked apples? And I'm like, I don't know. The teaspoon
of cinnamon, tablespoons of butter, and like five apples, but
(29:39):
then yeah, apples, like just normal sized apple. It's not large,
because some apples are really big. And then really you
can't go wrong. And then you can just sprinkle some
sugar on top or some monk fruit or whatever type
of sweetener you want, and you don't have to measure.
But it's just yummy to have all those flavors mixed together.
And then you bake them at three fifty in the oven,
(30:01):
like dice them up into little cubes the size of
Cat's baby, and wait, how many inches are you going
to half out? No? No, no, no, Cat's baby a couple
of weeks ago when it was like maybe one to
two inches, and then put it in a baking dish
and then put it in the oven, and then after
about ten minutes, the butter will have melt and stuff
(30:22):
and you can stir and everything will mix up and
then go for another ten and maybe stir it again,
and then go for another five or ten and the delicious.
You can also do it on the skillet if you want.
If you don't want to do the oven, you could
do it in the skillet.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
And if you wanted to get crazy at the end,
sprinkle a little granola on top.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Yeah, and bake that part too.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
You wouldn't have to bake that, but it'll just give
it a little crunch.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Like. I like that idea. You know, I'm I'm I'm
not in I'm not in a granola phase right now,
but that sounds delicious. You're usually in a I know,
I don't know. I don't know what it is. The
only way I can explain it is I was at
the store yesterday and I was on the granola aslan
and I was like, I don't want it. I always
(31:08):
have granola always.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
I think, I see you eat it almost every week.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
Right, But I've I've I think I've hit yeah, my limit.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You had a food jag? Is that?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (31:18):
And then you get over it over I've had. I
guess you could call them food jags. With this pregnancy,
I was obsessed with the oranges, now it's apples and pickles.
And last week I had the strongest craving for cucumbers
and ranch, like so strong, I got up from.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
The couch, went to the grocery store and bought it.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
That sounds pretty good. I mean, ranch with anything sounds good.
But I'm kind of shocked you wanted the ranch.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
I know, but a cucumber and ranches.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
I just didn't think you liked anything white.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
I like ranch dressing, oh, but I don't want to know.
I don't want to watch people make it. But I
do like the flavorite. But it was like the idea
of the cucumb It just sounded so crisp and like
the water in it. I just was I don't know
how to describe it. Like last night, I wanted a
salad with iceberg lettuce. I think it's because I'm just
(32:10):
need more hydrogen.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Yeah, but earlier I was eating cottage cheese. I thought
I was gonna make you vomit.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
I was trying to act normal while you're doing that.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
That's why sometimes I forget that you can study ranch, because.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Well, cottage cheese. First of all, you're eating cottage cheese
and salsa.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
That was so good. Oh, I didn't have any yogurt,
because let me tell you what I like to do.
I like to mix plain yogurt with which.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Takes sour cream. That's normal, Yes.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Sour cream or yogurt with salsa. I love that combo.
I'm out. I have no sour cream. I have no yogurt.
So what did I have? I had cottage cheese, which
was the next best thing, which gives me that similar
vibe of just this creaminess with the salsa.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But look, I didn't say anything, and I just like
to have that.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Now.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
It's like Katherin be normal. She's enjoying this normal.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Over there, like gagging like, oh god. Okay, well, little
little baby is the size of a shuttlecock. Shuttlecock cock
cock cock cock, You're like a hockey puck. Okay, well,
(33:25):
there you go. That's our that's our episode. Thanks for
the emails, thanks for the voicemail, and you can hit
us up anytime. Hey, they're at Feeling Things podcast dot
com is where you can send an email and eight
seven seven two o seven two oh seven seven is
where you can leave us a voicemail. We love love
love hearing from you.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
We really love it.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
We really love it. We've had lots of had some
good ones good correspondence lately, So thank you. And just
because your email doesn't end up on an episode, even
shortly after you send it, you never know, like we
still appreciate the correspondence and it could be so professional. Well,
I mean this is the fact that they take the time.
(34:07):
We even had an email on this week's feeling things
the other day. We're just like, I've never eat welled
a podcast before, and it's not lost on us that
that's like a big step to like get out your
email and send us a note. So I say that
because you never know when we're going to pull from
the pile from the pile and when it might end
up on an episode. So thank you for taking the
(34:29):
time to be a part of this community.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
How did you feel saying that?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Not great? But I think we decided that's what we are.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Well, yeah, we literally that's what we So we are.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
We're community. So things are being a part of it,
and we hope wherever you are there you have the day.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
You need to have.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
Bye bye.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I saw you struggling with that.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Oh,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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