January 27, 2026 • 54 mins
Amy and Kat check in with two of their feelings (disgusted and eager) before diving into a surprisingly effective (and slightly unsettling) skincare hack involving dandruff shampoo on your face. They unpack the difference between what’s actually toxic and what’s just uncomfortable: someone disagreeing with you, being asked to compromise, feeling guilty after you hurt someone, hearing disappointment, and the kind of conflict that can actually lead to growth (from @therapyforwomen). Then Amy shares an analogy from Dr. Matt Townsend about highly sensitive people and she’s decided that Kat is a low-end-Porsche. Plus: a legit game-changer for protein balls (thank you, One Degree), and book talk (Amy’s reading Book Lovers by Emily Henry).
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just wont Amy
and Cat gotcha, Cob and Locking No, brother, ladies and folks,
do you just follow Ann the spirit where it's all
the real stuff to the chill stuff and the m
but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
just stop you feel things. This is feeling things with
(00:28):
Amy and Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and I'm Cat,
and we both have feelings of the day, and I
can see in our doc they're very different. I have
no idea why you're feeling disgusted, but I'm feeling eager.
You go first.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I want your feeling today, you.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Know I want to feel eager.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Actually, here you go. I'm gonna twist this frown upside down.
I'm feeling disgusted because a couple of days ago I
awoke with what looks to be and you can give
your feedback on this, but it looks like I have
a rash on my face. I'm diagnosing myself with dermatitis,
which from my friend who's an esthetician, is what I've
(01:07):
gathered is just kind of like an infection of the skin.
But it can't be that.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Actually, because isn't it hormononal? Yeah? Yeah, I've had dermatitis
on my back before. I don't know if that's exactly
what it was called, but I had little teeny tiny
bombs like that are on your face and I had
on my back and I use that. Golly, what was
I got it at? You know, CBS or Walgreens, crapefruit scrub? No, no,
(01:33):
no packs. So I got a Google pack. I know
what you're saying, Packsaw, it's the X with X right.
Maybe it cleared my back. I mean I was living
with the bumps for a while and then I got
a bar of soap of the This what I'm going
to google so I'll be able to tell you what
it's called. And it cleared right up.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Wait, I wonder if I could use it on my face.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I mean maybe you could. My dermatologist told me that
you can use Dan Driff shampoo on your face, but
I don't know if that applies for hormonal bumps.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
So I'm taking a new medication that I know. That's
why I don't know, but that's why I'm assuming it's
the only thing that has changed. And I'm just disgusted
because I'm frustrated.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I think I'm more frustrated than disgusted, because I'm not
like ooh, I mean I am kind of I don't
like it.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Oh, okay, pan ox, panox soal.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
What is paxl. That's a drug, paxels so much pharmaceutical drug.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
There's the There's lots of different panox sole products. I
used the bar of soap, probably because that's familiar to me,
because I love a bar of soap. I love a
white bar of soap, unscented. This one maybe has a
scynth though, because it has a job to do. They
also have a acne banishing body spray. Just get some
(02:47):
of that sprayed on your face.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I don't know anything is gonna fix it unless I
just like, stop taking the medication. But I can't stop
taking this medication.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And so well, what we do know is this is temporary. Yeah,
and while you are feeling disgusted, you don't look just
in them lighting. Yeah, we do have dim lighting. Cat
used my guest bath and she came out and she
was like, whatever kind of lighting you have in the bathroom,
that's what I need in my office because I don't
(03:15):
think I'm going to be able to sit across from
from clients because they're gonna think I have some disease.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
It's pretty bad.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
But how close are you sitting to your client?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Not that close? And I think that's also I think
it's pretty bad because it's giving me like flashbacks of
when I had like acne in high school and I
had to take acutane, you know, and you like think
you've recovered from this. And I really like just wearing
tinted sunscreen. I don't like wearing foundation and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I feel like, if honestly, can I be really honest here, yes,
if you were to put foundation through the bad it
would look so bad. It looks like it's bumpy, like
it would look like what are you trying to cover it?
Just doesn't like, just let it breathe. And also, since
we're being honest, it's not as bad as you think
(04:01):
it is. But don't try to over make up it,
because I think that's that's never doing fairs.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So Patrick, you saying that, thank you? Pause, pause, pause,
because Patrick keeps being like, it's really not that bad
or like to the point where I'm like, Patrick, I
know you're lying to me. You're just He's like I
don't even see it like that far where.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I'm like, he might be telling truth because he's got
ma goggles. He doesn't see what we see.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Well, that's true, but I said, you can't just lie
to me anymore. You have to think of something else
to say when I'm like frustrated and like complaining about it,
because sometimes I just look the vent. So now he says,
when I'm like, oh, my face is so bad, he
just goes, I love you. It's nothing else to say.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I am acknowledging that your face feels and looks bad
to you, which I think I get where guys are
coming from. Like there's times where I have stuff going
on with my face and my boyfriend doesn't notice it.
I think he's tell the truth. And I'm telling you
as your friend because I also know that I would
notice what's going on your face, Like I don't want
(05:06):
to discount I get it you have bumps on your face.
I am also telling you they don't look as bad
as you think.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Well, thank you, But I'm if I walked in and
didn't say anything, you would notice it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It just yeah, but it's not that bad. I wouldn't
notice it and think like Kat do you have a
disease or or you know, like what happened?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Yeah, like I wouldn't. I texted you and I was like,
don't be alarmed, I'm coming over and I don't have
makeup lin I know.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
But the thing is, I didn't even see that text
before you walked in.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So what I'm doing is image management. I'm like calling
it out before.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Just sent a text.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
You walk in said it. Yes, So I do realize
I think I've.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just called image image management. Yeah, well is that a tool.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
It's something that we do when we are trying to
like get ahead of somebody else thinking something about us.
So if I'm feeling like really uncomfortable in my clothes
or something, I can walk in and be like, oh
my jeans are so tight today. So if I'm thinking
they look bad on me, then you won't think it first,
I've already said it. I've got ahead of it, and
so you can't hurt me.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So it's more of a tactic than a tool.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, sorry, I was thinking like you were like, it's
what you should be doing, and.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
It's like negative coping skull. It's the whole idea of
when you you I mean, this is literally what I've
been doing when you you're going to hang out with
friends and you're like, oh, I have this big ZiT
on my face and then they're like, well, I wasn't
even going to notice that, but now I see it,
you know what I mean? We do it because we
want to feel better, because we don't want that uncomfortable,
unknown feeling of people looking at us and thinking it.
So it's like me saying, I know what you're thinking.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So you know it's an unhealthy coping tool and you
didn't anyway, what should you do? I know, let's do
this exercise. I'm like, you are gat you're human because
I thought you were perfect? No, no, no, no, because I
(06:50):
know I'm guilty of that tactic. Others listening probably are too.
So what should we do instead? If we had that
urge to go in and announce our vulnerability out the
gates so that nobody else can.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yeah, what should we do opposite action, which is the
opposite of what I'm just say nothing, Yeah, so walk
in and just be like hey, because what happens is
usually when we do that, we're calling all this negative
attention to ourselves, where like I could have walked in
and you could have. I don't know what you would
have complimented of me today because I kind of just
like rolled out of bed. But the color of.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Your sweatshirt looks really pretty on you.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
You could have I could have walked in and you
could have been like, oh my gosh, I love that sweatshirt.
But I didn't give you the chance to do that,
so I didn't get to give myself a chance to
receive a compliment. Instead, we've just been talking about my
skin for thirty five minutes.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, you did dish out compliments. You were like, your
skin looks so good, and I'm like, you're just saying
that right now. We can feel your skin looks so beautiful.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Like I told you, it looks like what I say,
baby skin.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Oh well, it feels a little rough to me because
I started my what's it called again, retinal my retinal again,
so then I kind of had to exfoliate, So I
think that's what's happening. Retnel doesn't burn. No, I use
a very mild one from BIOPELP, but it's I'm now
putting it back into my routine, but I do it
every other night. Even though it's mild. My skin is
(08:15):
so sensitive that I'm slowly building every other night, but
it's already flaking off. Thank you, pospospous for that compliment.
But then you were also like, and your hair looks
really good. And then I was like, oh, it's so dirty,
I need to wash it, and you go, don't wash it.
It looks good.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So you did a little bit of like, uh, you
couldn't take the compliment because my hair I don't field
I was gonna wash it today, but now will you
gave me a little booze? Do not wash it? You're
having a really good hair day, which makes me think
of like, are you robbing yourself of good hair days
by washing your hair when it looks like this.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Well, it's not so much what it's looking like, it's
what I smell.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Why smell?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Wash it?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
The ends of it smell okay, But I feel like
my roots get a little stinky, like something. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I just feel like maybe making time get you some
like root freshening spray.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So you're feeling disgusted, well,
and I.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Vow to Okay, this is gonna be so hard to
me because for me, because the people that I'm gonna
see today are all people I'm really close with. But
I want to challenge myself to do opposite action today,
Like I'm gonna see my mom later. She already knows
about this on my face, so I'm gonna try not
to say anything. No need If she brings it up, though,
(09:34):
then I give myself full permission to be like, oh,
I'm so frustrated.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
That's okay to want to vent, but you there's no
need for you to upon arrival.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
To be like, look and now I've told you your
face and then at work, clearly that's gonna be easy
for me. I'm not gonna open the door to my
clients and be like, Okay, don't be alarmed. I know
I have breakouts. I would never do that, so that's
not as much of a challenge. So today I'm gonna
challenge myself to not do any image manage.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Just like open the door and run back to your
chair and then tell them you're playing a fun game
where they're going to face the wall today. It's called
face the wall work.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
It's also so traumatizing.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
You've to sit in the corner and face the wall.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yes, speaking of I know I talked about this last week.
I finished the Jody Hildebrandt documentary. Yeah, oh my gosh.
You know what, I do want to recommend it to
people because I think it's a good warning of just
the like I said last time, the power of manipulation
and all that, but evil, evil, evil, And I believe
(10:38):
in the power of forgiveness and change and transformation and
all that. But I don't think there's their sentence scene
was as bad as it should have been. Do you know,
are you familiar with the story.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I am familiar with the story, but I've not watched
the documentary. It's like, honest, I remember watching something on
Ruby Frankie Okay, I cried Franky or frank Frankie Franky Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
They'll serve four to thirty years in prison, so.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
People are interested in watching it. The Jody Hildebrandt's story
is on Netflix, and yeah, it says that it highlights
her role as a mastermind behind the abuse, tracing her
rise to power in her community and her twisted teachings.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Golly, yeah, it's sick the things that they're doing to but.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
It's like how people like that even rise in a community.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, it shows the progression, which I think that is
I think the helpful part of like, you don't just
jump into it, because when people would be like that
lady's crazy, it was a slow progression where she controlled
people and like ruin people's lives and those kids are
going to have that trauma for the rest of their lives,
like it's changed their life in a bad way. Yeah, anyway,
(11:48):
tell me about the eagerness you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Bring us up a little bit, right, This is definitely
gonna bring you up totally different. Okay, we're doing.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
A one eighty.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I ordered a new bird feeder and it arrived today.
You're back into the birds. Well, they never left me,
but I realized I put some bird feeders up around
my house. But I moved into my new house a
year and a half ago. I used to have a
bird feeder at my last house that was right by
(12:16):
my kitchen table window. And here the way my home
is set up, where my porches and my bird feeders
are out in the yard, I have to be sitting
on the screened porch to see the birds, and the
screen porch is still cold, so I can't be like
at my kitchen window and looking out and seeing the birds.
They're in my yard, so I see them, but they're far.
(12:38):
So I found a solution. I was sitting at my
kitchen table and I looked over this window that's kind
of tucked. It's window right by my kitchen table, right
where my laundry room door is. The window there, though,
is behind bushes and trees like in my front landscaping. Well,
that's the perfect place. But a suction cup birdhouse onto
(13:02):
the window because you won't I wouldn't want I don't
know why, but I wouldn't want that on my front window.
When you're pulling up to my house. But because this
is disguised by bushes, you don't really see it.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Oh you can't see that window, not really, it's sort
of hidden. I don't think it's weird that you don't
want a bird feeder section cup to the front window
of your house. Okay, that's normal.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Well, thank you, well, but just in case anybody has that,
Oh okay, you do you like? That's okay, But for
me that would be off because I would be like, well,
I need well on every window because I wanted to
look well. So I had this revelation and I go
on Amazon and I find the suction cup bird feeder
(13:42):
and it has arrived. So I'm so eager to get
done with my work and a few other things that
I need to do today and I get to open
up that package because I also ordered new bird seed,
so I got a fresh bag of bird seed and
a new feeder. I'm in a suction to the outside
of that window, and the birds they're gonna come, and
they're gonna come right to my window.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
So like I don't have to be on on the
screen porch and I can be sitting at my kitchen
table and the birds can come visit.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Yeah. And do you have your little I feel like
you used to have this laminated sheet with it was
a book of like all these different birds.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
My bird book is out on my screen.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Porch or is it bird bingo or something?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I would just play, Yeah, I would play bird Bingo.
I don't have that anymore. I mean, I suppose it's somewhere,
but maybe with my new feeder, I need to bust
out a new round because I'm gonna have new visitors
to that feeder and I'll be like, hey, cardinal check,
chickad eat check.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
What's the most day check? Rare bird that you had
coming to your bird feeder before.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I mean they weren't rare. I mean I would get
excited if I could like name them and you would see.
I love seeing a tufted titmouse. I knew you were
going to say that that's my favorite. You know, A
blue jay never came to my feeter till my dad died.
No way way I had cardinals had morning, lots of
mourning doves. Does doves come in pairs?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
It's cute? Oh that is cute. I was gonna say,
does a a hummingbird? Does that have a different bird food? Yes,
that's okay. You're looking at me like.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Well, it's not like I don't know what you call it,
like a nectar, so I don't. I tried to be
a hummingbird person, but I wasn't good at changing out
the liquid stuff. And they'll come to that, but they
don't come to my bird feeder. Do you know the
only bird that can fly backwards is yeah? Did you
(15:32):
know that?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I think maybe you've told me that fact before.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Fun fact. I'm very eager. I'm very, very very very
eager to set this up, like I feel like it's
just gonna change everything.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
And should I get a bird feeder? Maybe would change
how I feel about my faith?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yes, because you get to see the the wonders of
the world of clothes. Wait, you're at awe, you're not.
I don't think you get to know them, especially if
cards visit and they have certain features at times I
can't remember the exact way, like is it called molting?
(16:08):
It's the shedding of their feathers. But cardinals, to me,
I started to be able to tell them apart in
like their feather display and their shape.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
So would the same cardinal come back to you?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yes, yes, and I'd be like, oh, there he is,
and I would like give them little nicknames. And then
of course the male cardinals are red and the female
cardinals are brown.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
But that's crazy. I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
But my mom doesn't identify.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
She's gender fluid.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah, fluid.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Okay, So I don't think i'd be a very good
bird birding birder, what do you call them? Bird burden.
So in our neighborhood there's two little pond lake things
like fishing lakes in the front when you come in
this certain entry, and there's two swans in each lake.
(16:57):
And it was getting to be cold, and and Patrick
one day we're like, when do you think those swans
are gonna like fly home or fly south or do
whatever they do in the winter because cold, and they're
still in the water. And we had lived there for
maybe four months. Those swans were fake? Which have you
(17:18):
seen them? You might not have noticed them, because I
would love to know if you thought that, if you
thought they were real. And there's two in each one,
and we always like, it's so cute. They're always together,
and there wasn't that same text they must love it there.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
You know.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
At my last house I had a pool and the
ducks would come.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
I remember that that was crazy.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
It was crazy and they were just swim in my pool.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
But wouldn't it didn't bother you, right, I know it
didn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I thought it was fantastic.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
But what if you wanted to enjoy the pool, but
then the ducks were in the pond? The pool, it's theirs.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Their polls. Now they do they like poop in it
though that would be the annoying part. They don't poop
in it. They would poop around.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah, I mean I.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Don't think they were pooping in it. If they did.
I couldn't tell, but they would. You know, around my
pool there would be more droppings than I care to
deal with. But it's not like they were there all
the times. When they would come, I'd be like, welcome.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
That was crazy, it was.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I really enjoyed that. That was that was great. I
had a birfect time Peter and a pond that they
would come to. So I just loved my visitors. Now, wait,
we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
What is the Disney character as it? That's like in
the woods and all white, snow white? You are snow white.
You literally are not anymore.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
But I'm about to be maybe a little more. I
feel like some of that is coming back. Well, and
you're your animals follow you.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Around everywhere they do.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I know, whatever room I go to, my dog and
my cats show up, it's pretty good.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah snowy oh cute.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Well that brings me comfort. Yeah, I'm grateful for them,
for sure. It brings me joy. Car used to annoy
me so much, remember, yeah, and now we've gotten better.
Sometimes she still annoys you, Yeah, but that's just because
she's kind of an annoying dog. But I love her
so much now, Like I love her like I don't
(19:14):
want to live without her. When you say to be
a really.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Dog, what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, she was just she just wants to be just
a little bit crazy now. But she used to be
at my last house. And I think it was because
of all the other toxic things going on. If you're
a new listener, you may not know. I don't speak
about the details. Those are private, but there was just
a lot happening, and she carried that as the dog.
(19:41):
So she had a lot of anxiety and she's a
rescue and she has her own drama and it was
too much.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah. Well, speaking of toxic things, I found an article.
When I say article, I mean instagram infographic about things
(20:07):
that are not toxic, just uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Oh okay, I trust me.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
You're talking what you were good going through is like
my toxicity was toxic?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Well, I guess I don't even know what what you
would call it.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
It would have had an unh some unhealthy dynamics. I
would say they're toxic.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah, you go, unhealthy dynamics, that's it. And there was
multiple players.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
It was like a really fun video. I was like,
please make this game stop, and it does. Yeah, it did.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
But I do think toxic is one of those words
now that it's thrown around way too much, and we
kind of use it as an excuse to either not
look at our own stuff or not sit with discomfort
or not. And that could be just the discomfort of
the fact that this is the way the world is,
you know, right, So I just go through them and
you can tell me if any feelings show up. And
(21:03):
this comes from therapy for women. At therapy for women, someone.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Disagreeing with you, right, that's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Not toxic, just uncomfortable, which I feel like that's a
lot of times, and it's not so simple. It's not like, oh,
she said that this hamburger wasn't good. It's if somebody
disagrees with you about a behavior or decision you made
or something like that, or you're disagreeing with them, they
have a different idea of what they need to do.
A lot of times we're like, oh, they're just being
(21:31):
toxic or they're so toxic I need to cut them
out of my life. And it's like, well, I just
think sometimes we need to leave space for some differences,
and that's okay that they think that what you did
was probably not the right decision, you can still think
it's okay.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
My boyfriend and I were having a conversation with another
couple just a couple of days ago. Actually it's very recent,
and I woke up kind of even thinking about it,
like thinking if I was a toxic person, that I
would have maybe in that conversation because we weren't agreeing.
I could have like I stared at them like they're crazy,
and then shut it down, like when we got in
(22:04):
the car, I could be like, we're not hanging out
with them anymore. But I'm proud of myself. I didn't
do it, But I don't know why I woke up
with that thought. And maybe it was like a hint
of like maybe we shouldn't hang out with them, But
I was proud of us for being able to have
a difficult conversation and everybody, you know, five minutes later
laughing about something else. We definitely did not agree. What
(22:24):
I did was I said I don't agree with that.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Good for you. That's not how I see it's healthy.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And then they're like, oh, well, this is one of
my favorite things about this person. Da da da, And
I'm like, that's not how I see that at all,
and it was a yeah, it was a healthy, I
guess disagreement. I didn't know you were going to talk
about this, But when I'm thinking about it, it was
a little uncomfortable, but not terribly. But it is weird
that I woke up this morning having that thought of, like,
(22:51):
there were probably some people that would have been that
situation and they would have just like cut it off.
I cut the relationship off because of just how black
and why so many things seem lately, especially in the
like the political landscape and oh yeah, how people are
just so my way or the highway. Like if you
don't think like I do, well, you're you know.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You're toxic, yeah, or you're bad or And I think
there are things that you can feel really strongly about
and you can have like deal breakers for yourself. Sure
that's okay, but not everything has to be a deal breaker,
And we need to learn how to sit in myself included,
Like I think I'm part of this because it's easier
to be like, oh, I don't want to deal with
that anymore, so I'm just not going to have a
relationship with them, versus like sit with the fact that like, yeah,
(23:34):
these people might believe this, and that's hard for me
to comprehend. But I think that even goes into we
talked about the drama triangle a couple weeks back, maybe
a month, that was in December. I think if you
haven't listened to that episode, I highly recommend it. Part
of the drama triangle is to lower expectations and create boundaries.
And I can just create boundaries around those things, and
(23:55):
so when I no longer have that conversation, like if
it's about something political, for instance, I don't talk about
politics with that person, and then I can start to
see the other things that I still might find redeeming
about them. And again, this is all nuanced, So I'm
sure there are plenty of reasons why you would want
to cut a relationship, relationship up, a relationship off with someone.
(24:20):
But if it's we're just saying, like, not every time
somebody disagrees with you, are they toxic people? It just
sometimes is difficult to sit with right proud of you.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Well, thanks, I mean, I wasn't sharing it free to
be proud of me at all, but I will take it, yeah,
because I guess when I think about it, I'm like,
we did handle that well yeah, huh, okay, yeah, now
it happened. If it happens again, they're done.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Two strikes, they're out. Second one is being asked to compromise.
Not toxic, just uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I feel like, if someone's asking you to compromise, how
would that ever be perceived as toxic?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
If they're asking you to give something up unclearly yeah,
and they're like, I can't believe they would ask me
of that. I mean, this is spectrum of ways that
this would show up. It's not just like hey, like,
can we meet at five thirty in set of five?
Like I don't think anybody is sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
I'm thinking like the compromises, like okay, if you don't
want salmon for dinner, and maybe you don't want beef,
can we meet in the middle on chicken?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
I think that could be like a exam. I don't
know an exact example of this, but more grand scheme
that would be more like straight with somebody, like you're
doing some business decision and like I don't see it
the way you see it, so I'm asking you to
meet me in the middle.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Or it's like you're having a compromise your integrity though.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Yeah, well that would be toxic. I don't know that
that might not even well if they're I think that
this is where it gets nuanced, because you might have
different ideas of integrity. And if it's somebody's like, hey,
we should steal from this person, that's the one thing.
But if they just like are great the line of
something that isn't that big of a deal, they might
(26:03):
not be toxic. You might just have like way stronger morals.
That doesn't mean that they're toxic. And that sounds bad.
I feel like when I even say, but there's levels
of it.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yeah, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Okay, feeling guilty when you hurt somebody isn't toxic. It's
just uncomfortable. And the alem me explain this one, because
I see you're a little confused. I think sometimes when
people hurt somebody's feelings, they are like, I don't need
to feel guilt because I did what is right. Like
I had to stick up for myself. It's that whole
(26:38):
like if it's not a hell, yes, it's a no,
or that like very strong black and white of I
have to start self caring for myself and then I
leave people out. So we talk ourselves out of feeling guilty.
So this one is saying like, it's okay for you
to feel guilty if you hurt somebody's feelings, that's not toxic.
(26:58):
It's okay to feel that. Because I think lady, we've
been studying, we the world has been setting the message
of like you don't have to feel bad for that,
and like it's actually okay to have some guilt.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Oh good, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Because if we hurt somebody these feelings, it's okay to
be like, yeah, I didn't like that. I do feel
a little bit guilty of that.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah, let's feel stuff around that. Yeah it should feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah, it should feel uncomfortable. Because then what happens is
like there is again it's a nuance. It's a fine line.
There are things that like I'll sit with a client
and they'll be like they'll say, like, I feel so guilty,
and I'll ask them, well, tell me what you did wrong.
Guilt is helping you, like stay in your moral compass,
Like it's helping you do the right thing, So tell
me what you did wrong. And sometimes they can identify
(27:43):
something like okay, well that makes sense. It sounds like
in that scenario, there wasn't a way for you to
get what you needed and also not hurt anybody in
the process. So like, maybe there is a repair you
might want to make, who knows, And also you might
want to give yourself grace because you were putting a
hard position. But then there's also people who are like,
(28:04):
I did this thing, and I'm not going to feel
bad about it because xyz, even if they stepped on
people's what is it step on their toes or they yeah,
hurt people in the process. And I think that is
our way of trying to reconcile, getting your needs met
and also not having to have feelings. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah? Back to the if it's not a hell yes,
it's a no. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Hate it?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
You hate it?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
When at first first people will started saying that, I
was like, heck, yeah, that was in like peak hustle culture.
Speaking of the twenty sixteen you know, it's been a
thing lately of reminiscing on twenty sixteen. I feel like
that's when that got really big around that time.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
If it's not a hell yes, it's a no.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
It was a girl boss all of that, And I
think that is black and white.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yeah, and there's so much great. I feel like sometimes
I would try to apply that and I'd be like, but,
like I've probably said, like but I don't really know
for sure, like is.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
It a but I kind of want to do it?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Yeah, And then I'm like, but I guess if it's
not a definite clear yes. Now I understand some things
like if you need to make a quick decision, that
could be a quick method you use of like if
you're making me make up my mind right now and
I'm only like a little bit in then okay, I'm out.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah. I think it was that was intended. See, we
just take everything too far. That was intended to help
people say no, because it was really targeted towards women,
I think a lot.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Okay, what about this one? No is a complete sentence?
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Okay, another one that I used to love and now
I feel torn on because sometimes explanations are needed, sometimes
they're not. The intention I think behind that was so
people didn't feel like they had to over explain themselves.
But if you asked me a question, name something that
you would ask me for, Like, I don't know what
(29:58):
do you need from me?
Speaker 2 (30:01):
While I'm trying to think of how serious do we
want to make it?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Okay, if you ask, if you text me and you're like,
oh my gosh, my car it broke down on the
side of the road. I'm gonna be late for work.
Can you come pick me up? And I just said no,
I just n period sent it to you.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah, that would be that was aggressive. That would just
be weird, Like we don't talk like that, Okay, But
I don't know that that's what it's for, right, Like
what if it were?
Speaker 1 (30:26):
But I think that's the point is it's intended for this,
and then we've used it for all these other we
exaggerate to make us less uncomfortable about doing that.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Okay, here's one where I think maybe it applies more.
I love the car example, but that's just like not
like you would never be like no, But if someone
was trying to protect their personal peace and maybe they
had a lot going on and they didn't have the
bandwidth for somebody else's drama, and maybe I call you
and you know that I have something dramatic going on,
and I'm like, or I text you to give you
(30:56):
a heads up, like, hey, do you have time to
talk today about like this just happens drive me crazy,
and then you, knowing where you are with your mental
health for this day, you're like, I really don't have
the capacity for her drama today, so you just replied
that no again. But that's to protect your peace, I know,
But I feel like someone that might be a case
where someone might be like, I don't need to explain myself.
(31:18):
I just don't have time for them today.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
No.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
But then that is weird because I would want you
to say. What I would really appreciate from you is, Hey,
I know you're going through a lot, and I would
love to work through this with you. I don't have
the bandwidth for it today, but maybe tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yes, you're using that like the phrase like it knows
a complete sentence. I think it's supposed is supposed to
and like the Grand scheme of things help people say
sentences like you said not just say an oh, it's
been taken to literally if that makes sense, Like that
was just me saying no, because if you did ask
me that, I would be like, oh, I can't today,
but here's another day x y Z. And some people
(31:57):
could even say like I don't have the time today.
I'm so sorry, Like what but just me being like, oh,
my therapist said knows a complete sentence, so I should
practice doing that, and me just saying n O period
to you, you would probably be like that was harsh.
What's going on with her? And like whoops? And so
it's not clear. I don't think that that's clear. And
(32:18):
you've taught me like being clear as kind? Or is
it Brene Brown that taught you that?
Speaker 2 (32:23):
No, I mean, I don't know who originally said it.
I'm sure a lot of people say it, but my
mentor of sorts, you know, her name's Alex. Yeah, she
has drilled into me clear ast kind. Also I got
it from Janet way back in the day therapy. No
clear is kind? Unclear is unkind? Okay, A lot of
people in the recovery space too, you hear.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
It a lot.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
So SIT's bro, it's a good reminder.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
So no complete can be a complete sentence. And that's
not the sentence that we use. When we use it exactly,
it doesn't sound as good and instagram graphic. I think
that's part of the problem there.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Okay, So what else isn't toxic? Just uncomfy?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Someone expressing disappointment, Like if somebody shares with you that
they're like disappointed in something or it could be something
you did, it could be something whatever. They're not being toxic.
It's okay to do that.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
It's just uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Yeah, to hear it, just hear that. Yeah. Now again,
this is all nuanced. So there's levels of this, and
the last one is conflict that leads to growth. So
any conflict that leads to growth most likely is not
going to be toxic to be healthy, conflict that leads
to growth versus disruption and destruction.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
I will say too, like, certain things are uncomfortable. This
isn't profound, like nothing, Like what's she going to say?
You're gonna be like, well, yeah, duh. But it's helpful
to consider in your thoughts when pondering comfort. Things are
uncomfortable until they're not.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Okay, funny because you set it up. But I know
that is a good pension.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
My My point is, when I'm looking back over the
last five or six years, some stuff that used to
be so uncomfortable for me isn't uncomfortable anymore because I
leaned into the uncomfort. I got comfortable with the uncomfortable too.
(34:36):
So now new situations, circumstances arise and you have to
navigate those waters. And now I'm just picturing like a
bicep lifting like a dumb bell, like but because I exercised,
Like it's this picture a dumbell that's like says uncomfortable,
(34:57):
and I'm like lifting it like the more I lift it,
the easier it gets, and so it's not uncomfortable anymore.
Like over time, not in that same overtime. No, Like
I'm talking like some of the stuff maybe took two
years or and I'm talking about in ways of how
you communicate, in ways of how you operate in relationships,
(35:18):
of how you handle something toxic or uncomfortable. But because
you exercise that that muscle, like, the more we avoid,
because then that's you never face the uncomfortable, so you
don't learn how to lift it. Yeah, now you've follow it.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
No, I love what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
It was just your setup that really got me. You've
never pictured a dumb bell that says uncomfortable, never use that,
but who knows I might use that? Now? Be like
picture it. You're at the gym and you go over
to the weight rack and you pick up the dumb
bell that says uncomfortable. You know because like one day, Oh,
(36:00):
I was at the gym with my boyfriend the other
day and we were doing what's the bench an incline bench,
and I was doing chest presses, yeah, like on an incline.
And I've seen and read from many experts in perimenopause
that perimenopausal women need to be lifting to exertion, like
(36:24):
by the eight rep it should be very very difficult,
like maybe eight is your max. And you know, a
lot of time, like I grew up in a lifting
weights of like three sets of fifteen, you know, and
then you just kind of do it, and it's you know,
by the time you get fifteen, it's hard but whatever.
But we're talking like by the time you're doing eight,
it's like I can barely right. So my boyfriend is
(36:45):
even spotting me because I normally lift like five or
ten pounds, but he I got twenty five pound dumbbells
in each arm.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
But I mean he was there so that if it
fell like or if I, yeah, like I buckled and
like dropped it, I would be fine. But I told
him I wanted to practice maxing out and I could
only make it to eight, and then we set him down,
and then I tried it again and I made it,
Like I think by the third time, I started to
trust myself a little more and I made it to nine.
(37:15):
But I know next time we go back, I'll be
more comfortable to be like, OK, yeah, let's get the
twenty five, because when he first bought me the twenty five,
I was like, stop, no, let's try twenty He's like, no, no, no,
let's try this. But I'll be more inclined to lay
down and be like, yeah, give me the twenty fives
because I know I can do it, And then fast
forward maybe two or three more gym visits, and I'd
(37:36):
be like, get the thirties.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
And even the confidence that I can even see like
happening after your time story.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
So when something uncomfortable happens, my point is you're ready
for it. Yeah, and you're gonna be like this isn't
gonna be easy to lift, but I know I can
do it. Well.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
It's what you're saying too, is like the only way
through is through.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Don't get me through us through? Yeah, and the you know,
like I said a couple of minutes ago, at the beginning,
things are uncomfortable, are uncomfortable till they're not.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
You heard it here first Ladies and Gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Quoter what was I don't even remember the exact quote,
but it's like things are uncomfortable until they're not.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
That literally, the thing was sweet. Nobody's ever probably said
that before either, so you can really I'm kidding. I'm sorry.
That was kind of mean. You got excited.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Well you're toxic, okay, So so that ends that segment. Yeah,
so things that aren't toxic just uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
And this is not an exhausted list, obviously, it's just
this one little thing I found online that I liked
good reminders.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
So I made protein balls the other night that were
not good at all, and my boyfriend had to say, like,
this isn't your best work. But I had to improvise
because I didn't have everything, and you know, I typically
if I'm putting protein powder in them, it's unflavored. Way, well,
I was out, so I'm unflavored. So I used a vanilla.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
That's where you went wrong.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
It went so wrong, and then I thought, well, i'll
fix this. I'll add a little milk ew I know,
wait's I don't know, I don't know it needed. I
just thought, well, I'm just gonna go rogue from the
recipe and just like try something different and create it.
And then it was like mushballs and they eventually hardened.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Did you eat them or did you throw them out? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
When you saw me eating one earlier, that was one
of them. I'm not going to waste it.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
I was gonna say, you're really good at not wasting.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Food, thank you. So wasn't my best work at all.
And I had to take that feedback from him, like
he wasn't being toxic. Though. It was uncomfortable because I
was like, well, shoot, dang, I didn't like hearing it.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Well, and did you kind of like know though? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
I kind of like knew, but I mean I didn't
think they were like terrible. But he was just like, oh,
it's not your best work.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yeah, it would be a little bit harder for you
to hear that probably if you're like, oh my gosh,
these are so good taste someone.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
He was like, oh, oh yeah, that would be difficult
and said I knew I went rogue. I said, well,
I had improvise and this is what we got, so
take it or leave it, buddy. So then last night
I was at his house and he had all the
ingredients for the balls minus protein powders, so these aren't
protein balls. We just made balls and he had everything else.
(40:38):
And he's like, okay, do it your way. So I
pull up the Feeling Things podcast, like, I go to that.
Do you ever do that? Like? I literally go to
our cooking made post so many times. I know, but
I just didn't after my mishap.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah, I didn't like, I can't take any chance.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
I didn't trust myself. So I went to on our
Instagram page and I went to the cooking video of
the first time we made the protein balls, and I
was like verbat him and I had measuring cups out
and I'm like, we're not messing these up. Well, he
doesn't like chocolate chips, which is something we put in there.
He doesn't like them. He'll pick them out.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yeah, he doesn't like the flavor.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
He doesn't like chocolate speaking of bumps. He's like it
breaks me out. And I'm like one chocolate chip and
he's like, well there's not one, there's like half a cup.
Does he like the flavor of chocolate? Not really, he
just doesn't. He's like, I've never been someone habit and
trust me. He's like, if I when I have chocolate,
I my skin is different. So it's like, I don't
mess with it.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
You think that my bumps. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Is it chocolate?
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I don't think it. Wait, that is so interesting. I
feel like you don't meet that many people that like
don't like love chocolate.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, he does not love chocolkay, so I said, And
he did have chocolate chips. I mean he has kids.
So I was like, do you want me to not
put in the chocolate chips? I said, but I feel
like it's going to miss something because, like to me,
the chocolate chips yes, a little crunch. And he's like, well,
I have rice crisps like Cereal. Why are you?
Speaker 1 (42:05):
At first, I was thinking, right.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Well, the degree the brand specifically, because I will say
the puff in these is nice. The brand is one degree.
I looked at the box. One degree maybe brown rice puffs?
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (42:18):
He said he got them at Whole Foods, but I'm
sure you could get them at public Sir Kroger, I
don't know. And HB shout out from a Texas listeners
and let me tell you, we didn't put chocolate chips.
We put the brown rice crisppuff ball thingies so good.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
I'm imagining that being good.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
I mean, game changer. You could even add it with
the chocolate.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Can I still have the chocolate ships?
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah, well I think I have rice cake.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
So i'magining it just like adds a little bit more
like airy crunched.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
And airy crunch is a good way to put it.
And let me tell you, as soon as I get
I'm out of ingredients at my house. But now that
I've made this at his, and I got to go
get my own box of one degree and I got
to get some unflavored way because I like having the
protein in them. I'm making these with the chocolate chips
and the puffs and it's it's like our recipe elevator.
(43:10):
It's the twenty twenty six version. I cannot wait.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
I have a question about this though, because do you
need to add more wet ingredients in.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
There so they stay together? No?
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Oh really nope, because sometimes mine are a little dry,
so I add a little extra honey or peanut butter.
So this was still okay.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
How much of the of it did you use? Like
a cup did not measure? Because I just was like, oh, well,
I'm just adding it in for an extra crunch. So
I just sprinkled it. So I have to get a
measurement if people want that, But I think you could
just like sprinkle to you'll till you're content. Okay, so
do you sort of like with the chocolate chips, I
think we have a measurement on our recipe.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
But like something you too much, too much?
Speaker 2 (43:50):
I agree, sometimes it's too much, so you could do less,
just add as you go, figure out what works for you.
And I gotta say, this is one of those things
that was born out of maybe some uncomfortableness because I
had to go through the crappy balls and and my
boyfriend say like, oh, not your best work to then
(44:10):
the next night me wanting to prove myself at his
house to be like I got you. I know last
night they were pretty bad, but I can do this
and I'm going to make you some good balls.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
And I did it, and I did it, but it
life was forever change.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
But I probably wouldn't have made them. Yeah, So like
also look at it that way when you're going through
something uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yeah, it's giving you the push you need what to
get to you?
Speaker 2 (44:35):
What is going to come from it.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah, well, what does this make possible? Better balls? Better balls?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Crunch your crunch your bone.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
Crunch your balls. So that was a game changer.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
I want to try that. Yeah, I'm loving I'm loving
those balls. In fact, I'm going to go over to
my boyfriend's house today and there's going to be some
left and I can't wait to eat one since I
don't have the ingredients at my house yet. So I'm
going to be eating more those today and I'm going
to be finishing book Lovers. Finishing, Yeah, let me finishing it.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
When did you start it.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Two days ago? Maybe when I right when I finished Nightingale?
I picked it right up, which is quite the difference
because Nightingale, uh was obviously historical fiction, very heavy, like
I was crying, and so I was happy to roll
into something lighter, and I decided to make my first
(45:32):
Emily Henry read Book Lovers.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
Can you give us a summary of what it's about?
Because the title doesn't really make me want to read it?
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Okay, Well, it's two people. They love books crazy, and
so they're one is a book editor and one as
a book a literary agent.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Are they women as one a man?
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Are they one as a man and one as a woman.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Oh, the book Lovers Love is multi dimensional there, Yeah,
isn't it? Okay?
Speaker 2 (46:03):
But it's I'm like, really cute. Oh and there's a
cute sister of relationship happening. Okay, I like also in
The Nightingale there was a sister relationship. Well, define it's cute.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, it's different. I was gonna say I like her
books because they're easy read. So that's what sounds like.
That was easy read, like you're you're almost done with this?
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Yes, Although Nightingale I appreciated the font on the book
was a little bit bigger. So switching from that to
Book Lovers, the book is smaller. And I need my
reading glasses. I need reading classes. I got mine by
prescription and then I lost them, and I've been so
upset about them because they were expensive that I've refused
(46:45):
to get new ones because I keep hoping i'll find them.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
But yeah, I don't. I think maybe if they are
glasses that help you see.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah, but I can see. I can still see.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
If you're straining to read, I think that makes your
eyesight worse.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Right, Really, it's not like a muscle. I'm not exercising it.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
No, I think it's straining makes your eyesight worse.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Oh. I feel like if you start to use glasses
too soon before you need it, you become too dependent
and you weaken your eye. Did I just make that up?
At least that's what I'm hope.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I don't know either. I was just hoping for that
being the case, you know.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Yeah, I don't know. I think if you need glasses,
the best solution is like to wear them, get them
and wear them.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Get them and wear them. What are you reading?
Speaker 1 (47:33):
So? Well? I put this book in the newsletter last week,
but I've been reading. I'm on a Kristin Hannah kick,
which is who wrote The Nightingale. But I'm saving The
Nightingale because I want to read that, and I listen
to all my books. So what's going to happen is
I'm probably never going to read The Nightingale.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
No, you have to. I know it might be my
favorite book ever, and I know I just finished it.
But okay, it catapulted its first place.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Okay, Well, her my favorite book is one of her books.
It was It's the Winter and the one that I
months ago talked about.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Well, that's what I need to read next.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
It's so good. But I'm reading listening to Four Wins,
which is about the Great Depression and the dust Bowl
and people moving to California for jobs and then the
startup unions. Sounds so boring if you would have told
me that. Oh literally, when it was done, I was
upset that there wasn't more of it, like I wanted
(48:25):
to keep going. Very good and you learn. That's the
best part about historical fiction is you learn. Yeah, and
I love learning.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
You know us learn learn, learn, which I sent you
something to teach you something about cars and humans. We
can end on that. It was an Instagram video that
popped up of doctor Matt Townsend. He was doing looks
like a podcast interview with somebody, and he looked like.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
The sweetest he did little man.
Speaker 2 (48:56):
At first, I was like, is he real?
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Is this ai?
Speaker 2 (48:59):
Like everything, I'm questioning everything, But he's I googled him.
He's real. He's got a PhD. And he was talking
about highly sensitive people. But he broke us into two categories.
Humans put humans in two categories, Like you're either a
Chevy or a Ferrari, Right, is that what he said?
Speaker 1 (49:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (49:22):
Both are good cars. Both are great cars. It's not
about that it's about horsepower. It's not about that it's
a good car or not. It's that Ferraris. I don't
know how many times faster, but he described highly sensitive
people as being four times more sensitive to stimuli, smell, circumstances,
(49:42):
emotional events, news, probably anything in the world. So that's
more of like the Ferrari. So just for the sake
of the story, it's probably does to have four times
the horsepower. I don't know, but Ferraris are these people,
and it made me think of you. And I was like,
I think CAP might be a Ferrari, And so I
send it to Kat and she was like, Okay, I
(50:03):
think I am a little bit Like I don't think
I'm a Chevy, but I don't think I'm a Ferrari.
So then I googled what's in between and a lower
end Porsche.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Which I don't love that it says lower end. Can
I just be a Porsche?
Speaker 2 (50:15):
Well, because there's certain Porsches, I guess Porsches, but do
you know Porsches.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
Porsche, Yeah, you said it that way earlier feels elevated.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
So certain Porsches have more horsepower, like a super high
I'm on the lower end.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Okay, I'm still high, and again the Chevy's still good.
But I think also the information he was giving was
to help people understand that these people have so many
gifts to be more sensitive in that word sensitive not
supposed to be negative. They have so many more gifts
where they can attune to things differently, and they can
prepare differently and all of that. But the problem is
(50:53):
when you aren't aware of that, it's easy to get
off track, and it's easy for all the stimuli to
get you off the track versus help you get where
you need to go faster. Yeah, you just said it
in different words. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
He was talking about how a Ferrari on a track
is awesome, like it's doing its thing and it's gonna win.
But yeah, you take it off the track and it's
a little disaster.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:14):
So make sure if you're a highly sensitive person, you
get on track, get it together, keep it together, be aware,
be aware where the track is, be aware where the
track is. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
Yeah, so where would you what would you be?
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Because yeah, I don't think that you're I'm not a Ferrari,
but I don't think I'm a Chevy either.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
But I don't think you're at my level. Like I
think I'm a little more sensitive than you, not in
a I'm better than you.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
I think it's true a chill than yeah, like you
have to get to the airport like five hours early,
or like parking the other night we went to dinner
and you were like, I have to hang up the phone.
That's parking lot stressing me out. And then your husband
is like he got there before you, and you got
a really good parking spot on the street, and he
(51:55):
even knows how you are, so he texted me and
was like, hey, do you want my parking spot, because
he knew that just giving you that spot would like
then ease your mind.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
It was too stressful for me to switch and park
into that spot because it was parallel, so I ended
up parking in a big parking lot. He walked over
in the rain to my car, got in the driver's seat,
and then parked my car for me.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
Oh, and it.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
Was raining and it was dark, and I have a
stigmatism and I can't see at night very well.
Speaker 2 (52:20):
Right to you being highly sensitive, it's just it's just
one of the things I see you too, as like
very intuitive and like I thank you. I trust your gut.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
You're more like flow a lot of times.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
Yeah yeah, but I just so organized my silverware precisely,
oh very in a very precise way.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
When I got here today, I brought my oatmeal, but
I didn't have a spoon, and so I opened her
silver ward war and I just feel like I looked
at you blankly and was like, that's gone on in
this drawer because every spoon and fork is perfectly set
on top of the next, and they even look pristine
(53:09):
like there.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
And it's the way I stack them up and down
like I have a method. Oh yeah, it's I don't
know what it is, but I love when I'm unliving
the dishwasher. I'm like, and one, I don't know that
that's when your porch comes out. Maybe I'm like, I
wish you would show up in other things because there's
a lot of stuff. I don't need to be that
(53:30):
organized at all. But that's a drawer that I take
a lot of pride in it.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
I appreciate that drawer. It honestly, that dor calmed me
down a little bit.
Speaker 2 (53:39):
Really Yeah, okay, good, happy I could do that. Okay,
So just be aware where are you on the sensitivity
scale and know when you're off track.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yeah cool, because.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
When you're off track, then get wet.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Yeah another quote by anyone.
Speaker 2 (53:55):
All right, well, thank you for listening. We appreciate you
so much. You can follow on socials, Feeling Things podcasts
on Instagram, TikTok All the Things, and email us for
couch talks. Hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com.
And we hope wherever you are, you are having the
day you.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Need to have. Bye.
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just wont Amy
and Cat gotcha, Cob and Locking No, brother, ladies and folks,
do you just follow Ann the spirit where it's all
the real stuff to the chill stuff and the m
but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
just stop you feel things. This is feeling things with
(00:28):
Amy and Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy and I'm Cat,
and we both have feelings of the day, and I
can see in our doc they're very different. I have
no idea why you're feeling disgusted, but I'm feeling eager.
You go first.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I want your feeling today, you.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Know I want to feel eager.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Actually, here you go. I'm gonna twist this frown upside down.
I'm feeling disgusted because a couple of days ago I
awoke with what looks to be and you can give
your feedback on this, but it looks like I have
a rash on my face. I'm diagnosing myself with dermatitis,
which from my friend who's an esthetician, is what I've
(01:07):
gathered is just kind of like an infection of the skin.
But it can't be that.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Actually, because isn't it hormononal? Yeah? Yeah, I've had dermatitis
on my back before. I don't know if that's exactly
what it was called, but I had little teeny tiny
bombs like that are on your face and I had
on my back and I use that. Golly, what was
I got it at? You know, CBS or Walgreens, crapefruit scrub? No, no,
(01:33):
no packs. So I got a Google pack. I know
what you're saying, Packsaw, it's the X with X right.
Maybe it cleared my back. I mean I was living
with the bumps for a while and then I got
a bar of soap of the This what I'm going
to google so I'll be able to tell you what
it's called. And it cleared right up.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Wait, I wonder if I could use it on my face.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I mean maybe you could. My dermatologist told me that
you can use Dan Driff shampoo on your face, but
I don't know if that applies for hormonal bumps.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
So I'm taking a new medication that I know. That's
why I don't know, but that's why I'm assuming it's
the only thing that has changed. And I'm just disgusted
because I'm frustrated.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I think I'm more frustrated than disgusted, because I'm not
like ooh, I mean I am kind of I don't
like it.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Oh, okay, pan ox, panox soal.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
What is paxl. That's a drug, paxels so much pharmaceutical drug.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
There's the There's lots of different panox sole products. I
used the bar of soap, probably because that's familiar to me,
because I love a bar of soap. I love a
white bar of soap, unscented. This one maybe has a
scynth though, because it has a job to do. They
also have a acne banishing body spray. Just get some
(02:47):
of that sprayed on your face.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I don't know anything is gonna fix it unless I
just like, stop taking the medication. But I can't stop
taking this medication.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And so well, what we do know is this is temporary. Yeah,
and while you are feeling disgusted, you don't look just
in them lighting. Yeah, we do have dim lighting. Cat
used my guest bath and she came out and she
was like, whatever kind of lighting you have in the bathroom,
that's what I need in my office because I don't
(03:15):
think I'm going to be able to sit across from
from clients because they're gonna think I have some disease.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
It's pretty bad.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
But how close are you sitting to your client?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Not that close? And I think that's also I think
it's pretty bad because it's giving me like flashbacks of
when I had like acne in high school and I
had to take acutane, you know, and you like think
you've recovered from this. And I really like just wearing
tinted sunscreen. I don't like wearing foundation and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I feel like, if honestly, can I be really honest here, yes,
if you were to put foundation through the bad it
would look so bad. It looks like it's bumpy, like
it would look like what are you trying to cover it?
Just doesn't like, just let it breathe. And also, since
we're being honest, it's not as bad as you think
(04:01):
it is. But don't try to over make up it,
because I think that's that's never doing fairs.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
So Patrick, you saying that, thank you? Pause, pause, pause,
because Patrick keeps being like, it's really not that bad
or like to the point where I'm like, Patrick, I
know you're lying to me. You're just He's like I
don't even see it like that far where.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I'm like, he might be telling truth because he's got
ma goggles. He doesn't see what we see.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Well, that's true, but I said, you can't just lie
to me anymore. You have to think of something else
to say when I'm like frustrated and like complaining about it,
because sometimes I just look the vent. So now he says,
when I'm like, oh, my face is so bad, he
just goes, I love you. It's nothing else to say.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I am acknowledging that your face feels and looks bad
to you, which I think I get where guys are
coming from. Like there's times where I have stuff going
on with my face and my boyfriend doesn't notice it.
I think he's tell the truth. And I'm telling you
as your friend because I also know that I would
notice what's going on your face, Like I don't want
(05:06):
to discount I get it you have bumps on your face.
I am also telling you they don't look as bad
as you think.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Well, thank you, But I'm if I walked in and
didn't say anything, you would notice it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
It just yeah, but it's not that bad. I wouldn't
notice it and think like Kat do you have a
disease or or you know, like what happened?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Yeah, like I wouldn't. I texted you and I was like,
don't be alarmed, I'm coming over and I don't have
makeup lin I know.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
But the thing is, I didn't even see that text
before you walked in.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So what I'm doing is image management. I'm like calling
it out before.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Just sent a text.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
You walk in said it. Yes, So I do realize
I think I've.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just called image image management. Yeah, well is that a tool.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
It's something that we do when we are trying to
like get ahead of somebody else thinking something about us.
So if I'm feeling like really uncomfortable in my clothes
or something, I can walk in and be like, oh
my jeans are so tight today. So if I'm thinking
they look bad on me, then you won't think it first,
I've already said it. I've got ahead of it, and
so you can't hurt me.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So it's more of a tactic than a tool.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, sorry, I was thinking like you were like, it's
what you should be doing, and.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
It's like negative coping skull. It's the whole idea of
when you you I mean, this is literally what I've
been doing when you you're going to hang out with
friends and you're like, oh, I have this big ZiT
on my face and then they're like, well, I wasn't
even going to notice that, but now I see it,
you know what I mean? We do it because we
want to feel better, because we don't want that uncomfortable,
unknown feeling of people looking at us and thinking it.
So it's like me saying, I know what you're thinking.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So you know it's an unhealthy coping tool and you
didn't anyway, what should you do? I know, let's do
this exercise. I'm like, you are gat you're human because
I thought you were perfect? No, no, no, no, because I
(06:50):
know I'm guilty of that tactic. Others listening probably are too.
So what should we do instead? If we had that
urge to go in and announce our vulnerability out the
gates so that nobody else can.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yeah, what should we do opposite action, which is the
opposite of what I'm just say nothing, Yeah, so walk
in and just be like hey, because what happens is
usually when we do that, we're calling all this negative
attention to ourselves, where like I could have walked in
and you could have. I don't know what you would
have complimented of me today because I kind of just
like rolled out of bed. But the color of.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Your sweatshirt looks really pretty on you.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
You could have I could have walked in and you
could have been like, oh my gosh, I love that sweatshirt.
But I didn't give you the chance to do that,
so I didn't get to give myself a chance to
receive a compliment. Instead, we've just been talking about my
skin for thirty five minutes.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, you did dish out compliments. You were like, your
skin looks so good, and I'm like, you're just saying
that right now. We can feel your skin looks so beautiful.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Like I told you, it looks like what I say,
baby skin.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Oh well, it feels a little rough to me because
I started my what's it called again, retinal my retinal again,
so then I kind of had to exfoliate, So I
think that's what's happening. Retnel doesn't burn. No, I use
a very mild one from BIOPELP, but it's I'm now
putting it back into my routine, but I do it
every other night. Even though it's mild. My skin is
(08:15):
so sensitive that I'm slowly building every other night, but
it's already flaking off. Thank you, pospospous for that compliment.
But then you were also like, and your hair looks
really good. And then I was like, oh, it's so dirty,
I need to wash it, and you go, don't wash it.
It looks good.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So you did a little bit of like, uh, you
couldn't take the compliment because my hair I don't field
I was gonna wash it today, but now will you
gave me a little booze? Do not wash it? You're
having a really good hair day, which makes me think
of like, are you robbing yourself of good hair days
by washing your hair when it looks like this.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Well, it's not so much what it's looking like, it's
what I smell.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Why smell?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Wash it?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
The ends of it smell okay, But I feel like
my roots get a little stinky, like something. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I just feel like maybe making time get you some
like root freshening spray.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So you're feeling disgusted, well,
and I.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Vow to Okay, this is gonna be so hard to
me because for me, because the people that I'm gonna
see today are all people I'm really close with. But
I want to challenge myself to do opposite action today,
Like I'm gonna see my mom later. She already knows
about this on my face, so I'm gonna try not
to say anything. No need If she brings it up, though,
(09:34):
then I give myself full permission to be like, oh,
I'm so frustrated.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
That's okay to want to vent, but you there's no
need for you to upon arrival.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
To be like, look and now I've told you your
face and then at work, clearly that's gonna be easy
for me. I'm not gonna open the door to my
clients and be like, Okay, don't be alarmed. I know
I have breakouts. I would never do that, so that's
not as much of a challenge. So today I'm gonna
challenge myself to not do any image manage.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Just like open the door and run back to your
chair and then tell them you're playing a fun game
where they're going to face the wall today. It's called
face the wall work.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
It's also so traumatizing.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
You've to sit in the corner and face the wall.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yes, speaking of I know I talked about this last week.
I finished the Jody Hildebrandt documentary. Yeah, oh my gosh.
You know what, I do want to recommend it to
people because I think it's a good warning of just
the like I said last time, the power of manipulation
and all that, but evil, evil, evil, And I believe
(10:38):
in the power of forgiveness and change and transformation and
all that. But I don't think there's their sentence scene
was as bad as it should have been. Do you know,
are you familiar with the story.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I am familiar with the story, but I've not watched
the documentary. It's like, honest, I remember watching something on
Ruby Frankie Okay, I cried Franky or frank Frankie Franky Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
They'll serve four to thirty years in prison, so.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
People are interested in watching it. The Jody Hildebrandt's story
is on Netflix, and yeah, it says that it highlights
her role as a mastermind behind the abuse, tracing her
rise to power in her community and her twisted teachings.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Golly, yeah, it's sick the things that they're doing to but.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
It's like how people like that even rise in a community.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, it shows the progression, which I think that is
I think the helpful part of like, you don't just
jump into it, because when people would be like that
lady's crazy, it was a slow progression where she controlled
people and like ruin people's lives and those kids are
going to have that trauma for the rest of their lives,
like it's changed their life in a bad way. Yeah, anyway,
(11:48):
tell me about the eagerness you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Bring us up a little bit, right, This is definitely
gonna bring you up totally different. Okay, we're doing.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
A one eighty.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I ordered a new bird feeder and it arrived today.
You're back into the birds. Well, they never left me,
but I realized I put some bird feeders up around
my house. But I moved into my new house a
year and a half ago. I used to have a
bird feeder at my last house that was right by
(12:16):
my kitchen table window. And here the way my home
is set up, where my porches and my bird feeders
are out in the yard, I have to be sitting
on the screened porch to see the birds, and the
screen porch is still cold, so I can't be like
at my kitchen window and looking out and seeing the birds.
They're in my yard, so I see them, but they're far.
(12:38):
So I found a solution. I was sitting at my
kitchen table and I looked over this window that's kind
of tucked. It's window right by my kitchen table, right
where my laundry room door is. The window there, though,
is behind bushes and trees like in my front landscaping. Well,
that's the perfect place. But a suction cup birdhouse onto
(13:02):
the window because you won't I wouldn't want I don't
know why, but I wouldn't want that on my front window.
When you're pulling up to my house. But because this
is disguised by bushes, you don't really see it.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Oh you can't see that window, not really, it's sort
of hidden. I don't think it's weird that you don't
want a bird feeder section cup to the front window
of your house. Okay, that's normal.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Well, thank you, well, but just in case anybody has that,
Oh okay, you do you like? That's okay, But for
me that would be off because I would be like, well,
I need well on every window because I wanted to
look well. So I had this revelation and I go
on Amazon and I find the suction cup bird feeder
(13:42):
and it has arrived. So I'm so eager to get
done with my work and a few other things that
I need to do today and I get to open
up that package because I also ordered new bird seed,
so I got a fresh bag of bird seed and
a new feeder. I'm in a suction to the outside
of that window, and the birds they're gonna come, and
they're gonna come right to my window.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
So like I don't have to be on on the
screen porch and I can be sitting at my kitchen
table and the birds can come visit.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Yeah. And do you have your little I feel like
you used to have this laminated sheet with it was
a book of like all these different birds.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
My bird book is out on my screen.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Porch or is it bird bingo or something?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I would just play, Yeah, I would play bird Bingo.
I don't have that anymore. I mean, I suppose it's somewhere,
but maybe with my new feeder, I need to bust
out a new round because I'm gonna have new visitors
to that feeder and I'll be like, hey, cardinal check,
chickad eat check.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
What's the most day check? Rare bird that you had
coming to your bird feeder before.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I mean they weren't rare. I mean I would get
excited if I could like name them and you would see.
I love seeing a tufted titmouse. I knew you were
going to say that that's my favorite. You know, A
blue jay never came to my feeter till my dad died.
No way way I had cardinals had morning, lots of
mourning doves. Does doves come in pairs?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
It's cute? Oh that is cute. I was gonna say,
does a a hummingbird? Does that have a different bird food? Yes,
that's okay. You're looking at me like.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Well, it's not like I don't know what you call it,
like a nectar, so I don't. I tried to be
a hummingbird person, but I wasn't good at changing out
the liquid stuff. And they'll come to that, but they
don't come to my bird feeder. Do you know the
only bird that can fly backwards is yeah? Did you
(15:32):
know that?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I think maybe you've told me that fact before.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Fun fact. I'm very eager. I'm very, very very very
eager to set this up, like I feel like it's
just gonna change everything.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
And should I get a bird feeder? Maybe would change
how I feel about my faith?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yes, because you get to see the the wonders of
the world of clothes. Wait, you're at awe, you're not.
I don't think you get to know them, especially if
cards visit and they have certain features at times I
can't remember the exact way, like is it called molting?
(16:08):
It's the shedding of their feathers. But cardinals, to me,
I started to be able to tell them apart in
like their feather display and their shape.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
So would the same cardinal come back to you?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yes, yes, and I'd be like, oh, there he is,
and I would like give them little nicknames. And then
of course the male cardinals are red and the female
cardinals are brown.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
But that's crazy. I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
But my mom doesn't identify.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
She's gender fluid.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah, fluid.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Okay, So I don't think i'd be a very good
bird birding birder, what do you call them? Bird burden.
So in our neighborhood there's two little pond lake things
like fishing lakes in the front when you come in
this certain entry, and there's two swans in each lake.
(16:57):
And it was getting to be cold, and and Patrick
one day we're like, when do you think those swans
are gonna like fly home or fly south or do
whatever they do in the winter because cold, and they're
still in the water. And we had lived there for
maybe four months. Those swans were fake? Which have you
(17:18):
seen them? You might not have noticed them, because I
would love to know if you thought that, if you
thought they were real. And there's two in each one,
and we always like, it's so cute. They're always together,
and there wasn't that same text they must love it there.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
You know.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
At my last house I had a pool and the
ducks would come.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
I remember that that was crazy.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
It was crazy and they were just swim in my pool.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
But wouldn't it didn't bother you, right, I know it
didn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I thought it was fantastic.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
But what if you wanted to enjoy the pool, but
then the ducks were in the pond? The pool, it's theirs.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Their polls. Now they do they like poop in it
though that would be the annoying part. They don't poop
in it. They would poop around.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah, I mean I.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Don't think they were pooping in it. If they did.
I couldn't tell, but they would. You know, around my
pool there would be more droppings than I care to
deal with. But it's not like they were there all
the times. When they would come, I'd be like, welcome.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
That was crazy, it was.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I really enjoyed that. That was that was great. I
had a birfect time Peter and a pond that they
would come to. So I just loved my visitors. Now, wait,
we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
What is the Disney character as it? That's like in
the woods and all white, snow white? You are snow white.
You literally are not anymore.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
But I'm about to be maybe a little more. I
feel like some of that is coming back. Well, and
you're your animals follow you.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Around everywhere they do.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
I know, whatever room I go to, my dog and
my cats show up, it's pretty good.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah snowy oh cute.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Well that brings me comfort. Yeah, I'm grateful for them,
for sure. It brings me joy. Car used to annoy
me so much, remember, yeah, and now we've gotten better.
Sometimes she still annoys you, Yeah, but that's just because
she's kind of an annoying dog. But I love her
so much now, Like I love her like I don't
(19:14):
want to live without her. When you say to be
a really.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Dog, what do you mean?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, she was just she just wants to be just
a little bit crazy now. But she used to be
at my last house. And I think it was because
of all the other toxic things going on. If you're
a new listener, you may not know. I don't speak
about the details. Those are private, but there was just
a lot happening, and she carried that as the dog.
(19:41):
So she had a lot of anxiety and she's a
rescue and she has her own drama and it was
too much.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Yeah. Well, speaking of toxic things, I found an article.
When I say article, I mean instagram infographic about things
(20:07):
that are not toxic, just uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Oh okay, I trust me.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
You're talking what you were good going through is like
my toxicity was toxic?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Well, I guess I don't even know what what you
would call it.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
It would have had an unh some unhealthy dynamics. I
would say they're toxic.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Yeah, you go, unhealthy dynamics, that's it. And there was
multiple players.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
It was like a really fun video. I was like,
please make this game stop, and it does. Yeah, it did.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
But I do think toxic is one of those words
now that it's thrown around way too much, and we
kind of use it as an excuse to either not
look at our own stuff or not sit with discomfort
or not. And that could be just the discomfort of
the fact that this is the way the world is,
you know, right, So I just go through them and
you can tell me if any feelings show up. And
(21:03):
this comes from therapy for women. At therapy for women, someone.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Disagreeing with you, right, that's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Not toxic, just uncomfortable, which I feel like that's a
lot of times, and it's not so simple. It's not like, oh,
she said that this hamburger wasn't good. It's if somebody
disagrees with you about a behavior or decision you made
or something like that, or you're disagreeing with them, they
have a different idea of what they need to do.
A lot of times we're like, oh, they're just being
(21:31):
toxic or they're so toxic I need to cut them
out of my life. And it's like, well, I just
think sometimes we need to leave space for some differences,
and that's okay that they think that what you did
was probably not the right decision, you can still think
it's okay.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
My boyfriend and I were having a conversation with another
couple just a couple of days ago. Actually it's very recent,
and I woke up kind of even thinking about it,
like thinking if I was a toxic person, that I
would have maybe in that conversation because we weren't agreeing.
I could have like I stared at them like they're crazy,
and then shut it down, like when we got in
(22:04):
the car, I could be like, we're not hanging out
with them anymore. But I'm proud of myself. I didn't
do it, But I don't know why I woke up
with that thought. And maybe it was like a hint
of like maybe we shouldn't hang out with them, But
I was proud of us for being able to have
a difficult conversation and everybody, you know, five minutes later
laughing about something else. We definitely did not agree. What
(22:24):
I did was I said I don't agree with that.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Good for you. That's not how I see it's healthy.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And then they're like, oh, well, this is one of
my favorite things about this person. Da da da, And
I'm like, that's not how I see that at all,
and it was a yeah, it was a healthy, I
guess disagreement. I didn't know you were going to talk
about this, But when I'm thinking about it, it was
a little uncomfortable, but not terribly. But it is weird
that I woke up this morning having that thought of, like,
(22:51):
there were probably some people that would have been that
situation and they would have just like cut it off.
I cut the relationship off because of just how black
and why so many things seem lately, especially in the
like the political landscape and oh yeah, how people are
just so my way or the highway. Like if you
don't think like I do, well, you're you know.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You're toxic, yeah, or you're bad or And I think
there are things that you can feel really strongly about
and you can have like deal breakers for yourself. Sure
that's okay, but not everything has to be a deal breaker,
And we need to learn how to sit in myself included,
Like I think I'm part of this because it's easier
to be like, oh, I don't want to deal with
that anymore, so I'm just not going to have a
relationship with them, versus like sit with the fact that like, yeah,
(23:34):
these people might believe this, and that's hard for me
to comprehend. But I think that even goes into we
talked about the drama triangle a couple weeks back, maybe
a month, that was in December. I think if you
haven't listened to that episode, I highly recommend it. Part
of the drama triangle is to lower expectations and create boundaries.
And I can just create boundaries around those things, and
(23:55):
so when I no longer have that conversation, like if
it's about something political, for instance, I don't talk about
politics with that person, and then I can start to
see the other things that I still might find redeeming
about them. And again, this is all nuanced, So I'm
sure there are plenty of reasons why you would want
to cut a relationship, relationship up, a relationship off with someone.
(24:20):
But if it's we're just saying, like, not every time
somebody disagrees with you, are they toxic people? It just
sometimes is difficult to sit with right proud of you.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Well, thanks, I mean, I wasn't sharing it free to
be proud of me at all, but I will take it, yeah,
because I guess when I think about it, I'm like,
we did handle that well yeah, huh, okay, yeah, now
it happened. If it happens again, they're done.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Two strikes, they're out. Second one is being asked to compromise.
Not toxic, just uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I feel like, if someone's asking you to compromise, how
would that ever be perceived as toxic?
Speaker 1 (24:59):
If they're asking you to give something up unclearly yeah,
and they're like, I can't believe they would ask me
of that. I mean, this is spectrum of ways that
this would show up. It's not just like hey, like,
can we meet at five thirty in set of five?
Like I don't think anybody is sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
I'm thinking like the compromises, like okay, if you don't
want salmon for dinner, and maybe you don't want beef,
can we meet in the middle on chicken?
Speaker 1 (25:22):
I think that could be like a exam. I don't
know an exact example of this, but more grand scheme
that would be more like straight with somebody, like you're
doing some business decision and like I don't see it
the way you see it, so I'm asking you to
meet me in the middle.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Or it's like you're having a compromise your integrity though.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Yeah, well that would be toxic. I don't know that
that might not even well if they're I think that
this is where it gets nuanced, because you might have
different ideas of integrity. And if it's somebody's like, hey,
we should steal from this person, that's the one thing.
But if they just like are great the line of
something that isn't that big of a deal, they might
(26:03):
not be toxic. You might just have like way stronger morals.
That doesn't mean that they're toxic. And that sounds bad.
I feel like when I even say, but there's levels
of it.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yeah, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Okay, feeling guilty when you hurt somebody isn't toxic. It's
just uncomfortable. And the alem me explain this one, because
I see you're a little confused. I think sometimes when
people hurt somebody's feelings, they are like, I don't need
to feel guilt because I did what is right. Like
I had to stick up for myself. It's that whole
(26:38):
like if it's not a hell, yes, it's a no,
or that like very strong black and white of I
have to start self caring for myself and then I
leave people out. So we talk ourselves out of feeling guilty.
So this one is saying like, it's okay for you
to feel guilty if you hurt somebody's feelings, that's not toxic.
(26:58):
It's okay to feel that. Because I think lady, we've
been studying, we the world has been setting the message
of like you don't have to feel bad for that,
and like it's actually okay to have some guilt.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Oh good, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Because if we hurt somebody these feelings, it's okay to
be like, yeah, I didn't like that. I do feel
a little bit guilty of that.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah, let's feel stuff around that. Yeah it should feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah, it should feel uncomfortable. Because then what happens is
like there is again it's a nuance. It's a fine line.
There are things that like I'll sit with a client
and they'll be like they'll say, like, I feel so guilty,
and I'll ask them, well, tell me what you did wrong.
Guilt is helping you, like stay in your moral compass,
Like it's helping you do the right thing, So tell
me what you did wrong. And sometimes they can identify
(27:43):
something like okay, well that makes sense. It sounds like
in that scenario, there wasn't a way for you to
get what you needed and also not hurt anybody in
the process. So like, maybe there is a repair you
might want to make, who knows, And also you might
want to give yourself grace because you were putting a
hard position. But then there's also people who are like,
(28:04):
I did this thing, and I'm not going to feel
bad about it because xyz, even if they stepped on
people's what is it step on their toes or they yeah,
hurt people in the process. And I think that is
our way of trying to reconcile, getting your needs met
and also not having to have feelings. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah? Back to the if it's not a hell yes,
it's a no. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Hate it?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
You hate it?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
When at first first people will started saying that, I
was like, heck, yeah, that was in like peak hustle culture.
Speaking of the twenty sixteen you know, it's been a
thing lately of reminiscing on twenty sixteen. I feel like
that's when that got really big around that time.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
If it's not a hell yes, it's a no.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
It was a girl boss all of that, And I
think that is black and white.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yeah, and there's so much great. I feel like sometimes
I would try to apply that and I'd be like, but,
like I've probably said, like but I don't really know
for sure, like is.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
It a but I kind of want to do it?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Yeah, And then I'm like, but I guess if it's
not a definite clear yes. Now I understand some things
like if you need to make a quick decision, that
could be a quick method you use of like if
you're making me make up my mind right now and
I'm only like a little bit in then okay, I'm out.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Yeah. I think it was that was intended. See, we
just take everything too far. That was intended to help
people say no, because it was really targeted towards women,
I think a lot.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Okay, what about this one? No is a complete sentence?
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Okay, another one that I used to love and now
I feel torn on because sometimes explanations are needed, sometimes
they're not. The intention I think behind that was so
people didn't feel like they had to over explain themselves.
But if you asked me a question, name something that
you would ask me for, Like, I don't know what
(29:58):
do you need from me?
Speaker 2 (30:01):
While I'm trying to think of how serious do we
want to make it?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Okay, if you ask, if you text me and you're like,
oh my gosh, my car it broke down on the
side of the road. I'm gonna be late for work.
Can you come pick me up? And I just said no,
I just n period sent it to you.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Yeah, that would be that was aggressive. That would just
be weird, Like we don't talk like that, Okay, But
I don't know that that's what it's for, right, Like
what if it were?
Speaker 1 (30:26):
But I think that's the point is it's intended for this,
and then we've used it for all these other we
exaggerate to make us less uncomfortable about doing that.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Okay, here's one where I think maybe it applies more.
I love the car example, but that's just like not
like you would never be like no, But if someone
was trying to protect their personal peace and maybe they
had a lot going on and they didn't have the
bandwidth for somebody else's drama, and maybe I call you
and you know that I have something dramatic going on,
and I'm like, or I text you to give you
(30:56):
a heads up, like, hey, do you have time to
talk today about like this just happens drive me crazy,
and then you, knowing where you are with your mental
health for this day, you're like, I really don't have
the capacity for her drama today, so you just replied
that no again. But that's to protect your peace, I know,
But I feel like someone that might be a case
where someone might be like, I don't need to explain myself.
(31:18):
I just don't have time for them today.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
No.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
But then that is weird because I would want you
to say. What I would really appreciate from you is, Hey,
I know you're going through a lot, and I would
love to work through this with you. I don't have
the bandwidth for it today, but maybe tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yes, you're using that like the phrase like it knows
a complete sentence. I think it's supposed is supposed to
and like the Grand scheme of things help people say
sentences like you said not just say an oh, it's
been taken to literally if that makes sense, Like that
was just me saying no, because if you did ask
me that, I would be like, oh, I can't today,
but here's another day x y Z. And some people
(31:57):
could even say like I don't have the time today.
I'm so sorry, Like what but just me being like, oh,
my therapist said knows a complete sentence, so I should
practice doing that, and me just saying n O period
to you, you would probably be like that was harsh.
What's going on with her? And like whoops? And so
it's not clear. I don't think that that's clear. And
(32:18):
you've taught me like being clear as kind? Or is
it Brene Brown that taught you that?
Speaker 2 (32:23):
No, I mean, I don't know who originally said it.
I'm sure a lot of people say it, but my
mentor of sorts, you know, her name's Alex. Yeah, she
has drilled into me clear ast kind. Also I got
it from Janet way back in the day therapy. No
clear is kind? Unclear is unkind? Okay, A lot of
people in the recovery space too, you hear.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
It a lot.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
So SIT's bro, it's a good reminder.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
So no complete can be a complete sentence. And that's
not the sentence that we use. When we use it exactly,
it doesn't sound as good and instagram graphic. I think
that's part of the problem there.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
Okay, So what else isn't toxic? Just uncomfy?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Someone expressing disappointment, Like if somebody shares with you that
they're like disappointed in something or it could be something
you did, it could be something whatever. They're not being toxic.
It's okay to do that.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
It's just uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Yeah, to hear it, just hear that. Yeah. Now again,
this is all nuanced. So there's levels of this, and
the last one is conflict that leads to growth. So
any conflict that leads to growth most likely is not
going to be toxic to be healthy, conflict that leads
to growth versus disruption and destruction.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
I will say too, like, certain things are uncomfortable. This
isn't profound, like nothing, Like what's she going to say?
You're gonna be like, well, yeah, duh. But it's helpful
to consider in your thoughts when pondering comfort. Things are
uncomfortable until they're not.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Okay, funny because you set it up. But I know
that is a good pension.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
My My point is, when I'm looking back over the
last five or six years, some stuff that used to
be so uncomfortable for me isn't uncomfortable anymore because I
leaned into the uncomfort. I got comfortable with the uncomfortable too.
(34:36):
So now new situations, circumstances arise and you have to
navigate those waters. And now I'm just picturing like a
bicep lifting like a dumb bell, like but because I exercised,
Like it's this picture a dumbell that's like says uncomfortable,
(34:57):
and I'm like lifting it like the more I lift it,
the easier it gets, and so it's not uncomfortable anymore.
Like over time, not in that same overtime. No, Like
I'm talking like some of the stuff maybe took two
years or and I'm talking about in ways of how
you communicate, in ways of how you operate in relationships,
(35:18):
of how you handle something toxic or uncomfortable. But because
you exercise that that muscle, like, the more we avoid,
because then that's you never face the uncomfortable, so you
don't learn how to lift it. Yeah, now you've follow it.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
No, I love what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
It was just your setup that really got me. You've
never pictured a dumb bell that says uncomfortable, never use that,
but who knows I might use that? Now? Be like
picture it. You're at the gym and you go over
to the weight rack and you pick up the dumb
bell that says uncomfortable. You know because like one day, Oh,
(36:00):
I was at the gym with my boyfriend the other
day and we were doing what's the bench an incline bench,
and I was doing chest presses, yeah, like on an incline.
And I've seen and read from many experts in perimenopause
that perimenopausal women need to be lifting to exertion, like
(36:24):
by the eight rep it should be very very difficult,
like maybe eight is your max. And you know, a
lot of time, like I grew up in a lifting
weights of like three sets of fifteen, you know, and
then you just kind of do it, and it's you know,
by the time you get fifteen, it's hard but whatever.
But we're talking like by the time you're doing eight,
it's like I can barely right. So my boyfriend is
(36:45):
even spotting me because I normally lift like five or
ten pounds, but he I got twenty five pound dumbbells
in each arm.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
But I mean he was there so that if it
fell like or if I, yeah, like I buckled and
like dropped it, I would be fine. But I told
him I wanted to practice maxing out and I could
only make it to eight, and then we set him down,
and then I tried it again and I made it,
Like I think by the third time, I started to
trust myself a little more and I made it to nine.
(37:15):
But I know next time we go back, I'll be
more comfortable to be like, OK, yeah, let's get the
twenty five, because when he first bought me the twenty five,
I was like, stop, no, let's try twenty He's like, no, no, no,
let's try this. But I'll be more inclined to lay
down and be like, yeah, give me the twenty fives
because I know I can do it, And then fast
forward maybe two or three more gym visits, and I'd
(37:36):
be like, get the thirties.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
And even the confidence that I can even see like
happening after your time story.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
So when something uncomfortable happens, my point is you're ready
for it. Yeah, and you're gonna be like this isn't
gonna be easy to lift, but I know I can
do it. Well.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
It's what you're saying too, is like the only way
through is through.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Don't get me through us through? Yeah, and the you know,
like I said a couple of minutes ago, at the beginning,
things are uncomfortable, are uncomfortable till they're not.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
You heard it here first Ladies and Gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Quoter what was I don't even remember the exact quote,
but it's like things are uncomfortable until they're not.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
That literally, the thing was sweet. Nobody's ever probably said
that before either, so you can really I'm kidding. I'm sorry.
That was kind of mean. You got excited.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Well you're toxic, okay, So so that ends that segment. Yeah,
so things that aren't toxic just uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
And this is not an exhausted list, obviously, it's just
this one little thing I found online that I liked
good reminders.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
So I made protein balls the other night that were
not good at all, and my boyfriend had to say, like,
this isn't your best work. But I had to improvise
because I didn't have everything, and you know, I typically
if I'm putting protein powder in them, it's unflavored. Way, well,
I was out, so I'm unflavored. So I used a vanilla.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
That's where you went wrong.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
It went so wrong, and then I thought, well, i'll
fix this. I'll add a little milk ew I know,
wait's I don't know, I don't know it needed. I
just thought, well, I'm just gonna go rogue from the
recipe and just like try something different and create it.
And then it was like mushballs and they eventually hardened.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Did you eat them or did you throw them out? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:44):
When you saw me eating one earlier, that was one
of them. I'm not going to waste it.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
I was gonna say, you're really good at not wasting.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Food, thank you. So wasn't my best work at all.
And I had to take that feedback from him, like
he wasn't being toxic. Though. It was uncomfortable because I
was like, well, shoot, dang, I didn't like hearing it.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Well, and did you kind of like know though? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:04):
I kind of like knew, but I mean I didn't
think they were like terrible. But he was just like, oh,
it's not your best work.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yeah, it would be a little bit harder for you
to hear that probably if you're like, oh my gosh,
these are so good taste someone.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
He was like, oh, oh yeah, that would be difficult
and said I knew I went rogue. I said, well,
I had improvise and this is what we got, so
take it or leave it, buddy. So then last night
I was at his house and he had all the
ingredients for the balls minus protein powders, so these aren't
protein balls. We just made balls and he had everything else.
(40:38):
And he's like, okay, do it your way. So I
pull up the Feeling Things podcast, like, I go to that.
Do you ever do that? Like? I literally go to
our cooking made post so many times. I know, but
I just didn't after my mishap.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Yeah, I didn't like, I can't take any chance.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
I didn't trust myself. So I went to on our
Instagram page and I went to the cooking video of
the first time we made the protein balls, and I
was like verbat him and I had measuring cups out
and I'm like, we're not messing these up. Well, he
doesn't like chocolate chips, which is something we put in there.
He doesn't like them. He'll pick them out.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yeah, he doesn't like the flavor.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
He doesn't like chocolate speaking of bumps. He's like it
breaks me out. And I'm like one chocolate chip and
he's like, well there's not one, there's like half a cup.
Does he like the flavor of chocolate? Not really, he
just doesn't. He's like, I've never been someone habit and
trust me. He's like, if I when I have chocolate,
I my skin is different. So it's like, I don't
mess with it.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
You think that my bumps. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Is it chocolate?
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I don't think it. Wait, that is so interesting. I
feel like you don't meet that many people that like
don't like love chocolate.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, he does not love chocolkay, so I said, And
he did have chocolate chips. I mean he has kids.
So I was like, do you want me to not
put in the chocolate chips? I said, but I feel
like it's going to miss something because, like to me,
the chocolate chips yes, a little crunch. And he's like, well,
I have rice crisps like Cereal. Why are you?
Speaker 1 (42:05):
At first, I was thinking, right.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Well, the degree the brand specifically, because I will say
the puff in these is nice. The brand is one degree.
I looked at the box. One degree maybe brown rice puffs?
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (42:18):
He said he got them at Whole Foods, but I'm
sure you could get them at public Sir Kroger, I
don't know. And HB shout out from a Texas listeners
and let me tell you, we didn't put chocolate chips.
We put the brown rice crisppuff ball thingies so good.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
I'm imagining that being good.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
I mean, game changer. You could even add it with
the chocolate.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Can I still have the chocolate ships?
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah, well I think I have rice cake.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
So i'magining it just like adds a little bit more
like airy crunched.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
And airy crunch is a good way to put it.
And let me tell you, as soon as I get
I'm out of ingredients at my house. But now that
I've made this at his, and I got to go
get my own box of one degree and I got
to get some unflavored way because I like having the
protein in them. I'm making these with the chocolate chips
and the puffs and it's it's like our recipe elevator.
(43:10):
It's the twenty twenty six version. I cannot wait.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
I have a question about this though, because do you
need to add more wet ingredients in.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
There so they stay together? No?
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Oh really nope, because sometimes mine are a little dry,
so I add a little extra honey or peanut butter.
So this was still okay.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
How much of the of it did you use? Like
a cup did not measure? Because I just was like, oh, well,
I'm just adding it in for an extra crunch. So
I just sprinkled it. So I have to get a
measurement if people want that, But I think you could
just like sprinkle to you'll till you're content. Okay, so
do you sort of like with the chocolate chips, I
think we have a measurement on our recipe.
Speaker 1 (43:48):
But like something you too much, too much?
Speaker 2 (43:50):
I agree, sometimes it's too much, so you could do less,
just add as you go, figure out what works for you.
And I gotta say, this is one of those things
that was born out of maybe some uncomfortableness because I
had to go through the crappy balls and and my
boyfriend say like, oh, not your best work to then
(44:10):
the next night me wanting to prove myself at his
house to be like I got you. I know last
night they were pretty bad, but I can do this
and I'm going to make you some good balls.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
And I did it, and I did it, but it
life was forever change.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
But I probably wouldn't have made them. Yeah, So like
also look at it that way when you're going through
something uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yeah, it's giving you the push you need what to
get to you?
Speaker 2 (44:35):
What is going to come from it.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah, well, what does this make possible? Better balls? Better balls?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Crunch your crunch your bone.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
Crunch your balls. So that was a game changer.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
I want to try that. Yeah, I'm loving I'm loving
those balls. In fact, I'm going to go over to
my boyfriend's house today and there's going to be some
left and I can't wait to eat one since I
don't have the ingredients at my house yet. So I'm
going to be eating more those today and I'm going
to be finishing book Lovers. Finishing, Yeah, let me finishing it.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
When did you start it.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Two days ago? Maybe when I right when I finished Nightingale?
I picked it right up, which is quite the difference
because Nightingale, uh was obviously historical fiction, very heavy, like
I was crying, and so I was happy to roll
into something lighter, and I decided to make my first
(45:32):
Emily Henry read Book Lovers.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
Can you give us a summary of what it's about?
Because the title doesn't really make me want to read it?
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Okay, Well, it's two people. They love books crazy, and
so they're one is a book editor and one as
a book a literary agent.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Are they women as one a man?
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Are they one as a man and one as a woman.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Oh, the book Lovers Love is multi dimensional there, Yeah,
isn't it? Okay?
Speaker 2 (46:03):
But it's I'm like, really cute. Oh and there's a
cute sister of relationship happening. Okay, I like also in
The Nightingale there was a sister relationship. Well, define it's cute.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, it's different. I was gonna say I like her
books because they're easy read. So that's what sounds like.
That was easy read, like you're you're almost done with this?
Speaker 2 (46:22):
Yes, Although Nightingale I appreciated the font on the book
was a little bit bigger. So switching from that to
Book Lovers, the book is smaller. And I need my
reading glasses. I need reading classes. I got mine by
prescription and then I lost them, and I've been so
upset about them because they were expensive that I've refused
(46:45):
to get new ones because I keep hoping i'll find them.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
But yeah, I don't. I think maybe if they are
glasses that help you see.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah, but I can see. I can still see.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
If you're straining to read, I think that makes your
eyesight worse.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Right, Really, it's not like a muscle. I'm not exercising it.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
No, I think it's straining makes your eyesight worse.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Oh. I feel like if you start to use glasses
too soon before you need it, you become too dependent
and you weaken your eye. Did I just make that up?
At least that's what I'm hope.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I don't know either. I was just hoping for that
being the case, you know.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Yeah, I don't know. I think if you need glasses,
the best solution is like to wear them, get them
and wear them.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Get them and wear them. What are you reading?
Speaker 1 (47:33):
So? Well? I put this book in the newsletter last week,
but I've been reading. I'm on a Kristin Hannah kick,
which is who wrote The Nightingale. But I'm saving The
Nightingale because I want to read that, and I listen
to all my books. So what's going to happen is
I'm probably never going to read The Nightingale.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
No, you have to. I know it might be my
favorite book ever, and I know I just finished it.
But okay, it catapulted its first place.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Okay, Well, her my favorite book is one of her books.
It was It's the Winter and the one that I
months ago talked about.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Well, that's what I need to read next.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
It's so good. But I'm reading listening to Four Wins,
which is about the Great Depression and the dust Bowl
and people moving to California for jobs and then the
startup unions. Sounds so boring if you would have told
me that. Oh literally, when it was done, I was
upset that there wasn't more of it, like I wanted
(48:25):
to keep going. Very good and you learn. That's the
best part about historical fiction is you learn. Yeah, and
I love learning.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
You know us learn learn, learn, which I sent you
something to teach you something about cars and humans. We
can end on that. It was an Instagram video that
popped up of doctor Matt Townsend. He was doing looks
like a podcast interview with somebody, and he looked like.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
The sweetest he did little man.
Speaker 2 (48:56):
At first, I was like, is he real?
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Is this ai?
Speaker 2 (48:59):
Like everything, I'm questioning everything, But he's I googled him.
He's real. He's got a PhD. And he was talking
about highly sensitive people. But he broke us into two categories.
Humans put humans in two categories, Like you're either a
Chevy or a Ferrari, Right, is that what he said?
Speaker 1 (49:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (49:22):
Both are good cars. Both are great cars. It's not
about that it's about horsepower. It's not about that it's
a good car or not. It's that Ferraris. I don't
know how many times faster, but he described highly sensitive
people as being four times more sensitive to stimuli, smell, circumstances,
(49:42):
emotional events, news, probably anything in the world. So that's
more of like the Ferrari. So just for the sake
of the story, it's probably does to have four times
the horsepower. I don't know, but Ferraris are these people,
and it made me think of you. And I was like,
I think CAP might be a Ferrari, And so I
send it to Kat and she was like, Okay, I
(50:03):
think I am a little bit Like I don't think
I'm a Chevy, but I don't think I'm a Ferrari.
So then I googled what's in between and a lower
end Porsche.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
Which I don't love that it says lower end. Can
I just be a Porsche?
Speaker 2 (50:15):
Well, because there's certain Porsches, I guess Porsches, but do
you know Porsches.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
Porsche, Yeah, you said it that way earlier feels elevated.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
So certain Porsches have more horsepower, like a super high
I'm on the lower end.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Okay, I'm still high, and again the Chevy's still good.
But I think also the information he was giving was
to help people understand that these people have so many
gifts to be more sensitive in that word sensitive not
supposed to be negative. They have so many more gifts
where they can attune to things differently, and they can
prepare differently and all of that. But the problem is
(50:53):
when you aren't aware of that, it's easy to get
off track, and it's easy for all the stimuli to
get you off the track versus help you get where
you need to go faster. Yeah, you just said it
in different words. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
He was talking about how a Ferrari on a track
is awesome, like it's doing its thing and it's gonna win.
But yeah, you take it off the track and it's
a little disaster.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:14):
So make sure if you're a highly sensitive person, you
get on track, get it together, keep it together, be aware,
be aware where the track is, be aware where the
track is. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
Yeah, so where would you what would you be?
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Because yeah, I don't think that you're I'm not a Ferrari,
but I don't think I'm a Chevy either.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
But I don't think you're at my level. Like I
think I'm a little more sensitive than you, not in
a I'm better than you.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
I think it's true a chill than yeah, like you
have to get to the airport like five hours early,
or like parking the other night we went to dinner
and you were like, I have to hang up the phone.
That's parking lot stressing me out. And then your husband
is like he got there before you, and you got
a really good parking spot on the street, and he
(51:55):
even knows how you are, so he texted me and
was like, hey, do you want my parking spot, because
he knew that just giving you that spot would like
then ease your mind.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
It was too stressful for me to switch and park
into that spot because it was parallel, so I ended
up parking in a big parking lot. He walked over
in the rain to my car, got in the driver's seat,
and then parked my car for me.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
Oh, and it.
Speaker 1 (52:16):
Was raining and it was dark, and I have a
stigmatism and I can't see at night very well.
Speaker 2 (52:20):
Right to you being highly sensitive, it's just it's just
one of the things I see you too, as like
very intuitive and like I thank you. I trust your gut.
Speaker 1 (52:38):
You're more like flow a lot of times.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
Yeah yeah, but I just so organized my silverware precisely,
oh very in a very precise way.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
When I got here today, I brought my oatmeal, but
I didn't have a spoon, and so I opened her
silver ward war and I just feel like I looked
at you blankly and was like, that's gone on in
this drawer because every spoon and fork is perfectly set
on top of the next, and they even look pristine
(53:09):
like there.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
And it's the way I stack them up and down
like I have a method. Oh yeah, it's I don't
know what it is, but I love when I'm unliving
the dishwasher. I'm like, and one, I don't know that
that's when your porch comes out. Maybe I'm like, I
wish you would show up in other things because there's
a lot of stuff. I don't need to be that
(53:30):
organized at all. But that's a drawer that I take
a lot of pride in it.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
I appreciate that drawer. It honestly, that dor calmed me
down a little bit.
Speaker 2 (53:39):
Really Yeah, okay, good, happy I could do that. Okay,
So just be aware where are you on the sensitivity
scale and know when you're off track.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yeah cool, because.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
When you're off track, then get wet.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Yeah another quote by anyone.
Speaker 2 (53:55):
All right, well, thank you for listening. We appreciate you
so much. You can follow on socials, Feeling Things podcasts
on Instagram, TikTok All the Things, and email us for
couch talks. Hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com.
And we hope wherever you are, you are having the
day you.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Need to have. Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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