October 31, 2025 • 33 mins
Do you believe there’s more to life than what you can see?
If so, how does this affect the way you move through the world?
Does it impact how you make decisions; how you deal with disappointment; how you make meaning from your story?
What about not getting what you want?
In today’s episode, I share a message that came to me through my yoga practice and talk about how it brought peace to a situation where I’m not getting what I want.
If there’s more to life than what we see, then maybe “what we want” is about much more than getting what we want. Sounds simple on the surface but tell that to yourself when you want something and you’re not getting it.
Whatever it is that you want but can’t have right this minute, I hope this episode brings you some peace.
Host: Ally Fallon // @allyfallon // allisonfallon.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back
together with the words you write, all the beauty and
peace and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story. You got the words and said,
don't you think it's down to let them out and
write them down and cold. It's all about and write
(00:24):
your story. Write, write your story. Hello, and welcome back
to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon, I'm
your host, and on today's episode, I want to take
something that I said in a previous episode and spend
some time unpacking it. This memory came back to me
while I was practicing yoga with one of my favorite
(00:46):
teachers this past Sunday, and I just had a whole
experience with it in my hour long yoga practice with her.
This happens to me periodically. It's one of the beautiful
parts of yoga that I love so much is that yoga,
the experience of doing yoga isn't just about these physical
postures that you do. You know, you move through these
asanas or postures like Warrior one, Warrior two, Warrior three,
(01:07):
et cetera. But it's not just about these physical postures.
It's about so much more than that. And so as
I moved through the postures, I will have this meditative
experience where something becomes clear for me or something becomes
enlightened for me. And I had this experience on Sunday
and really wanted to share it with you. So the
comment that I made was a couple episodes ago, and
(01:29):
I'll link the episode here. It was part of the
two part episode that I did on becoming comfortable with
this idea of I don't know, and I made a
comment about something someone else had said to me in
regards to my journey to grow our family. I've been
really wanting to grow our family, feeling like really just pulled.
I don't know how else to explain it. It's like
(01:51):
an inexplicable urge to grow our family, feeling like I
want more kids. There are more babies out there for us,
and yet, for whatever reason, for right now, how that
has not been materializing for us. We've had two miscarriages.
I mean, there's more time. I haven't lost hope yet.
But what I was talking about is this balance of
holding in each hand. In the one hand, it's holding
(02:14):
I haven't lost hope. There's more time left. We're going
to keep trying and in the other hand, going I
have no control over this. I have no way of
making sure that this happens. I have no way of
knowing what's going to happen. So there is uncertainty, there's
a lack of control, there's a feeling of surrender, and
holding those two at the same time is really tricky.
It's like, yeah, you could easily swing toward disappointment, and
(02:37):
I shared about that in that episode, wanting to create
clarity where there is no clarity. You could easily close
the loop too early and say, forget it, We're just
gonna tie this up. We're just gonna, like, you know,
decide that two kids is enough. We're just gonna move
on with our lives. There is a part of me
that has wanted to do that as a way to
close the loop, relieve the burden of an uncertainty, relieve
(03:01):
that feeling of I'm out of control in this, I
have no way of making sure that this happens, and
feeling invited back into the uncertainty, feeling like inviting myself
into a willingness to say, I don't know, I have
no way to make this happen, and yet I'm going
to continue to put myself out there. I'm going to
continue to take steps in this direction of this thing
(03:22):
that I desire and know that I want, and whatever
that is for you. You know, you may not be
having an interest in growing in your family, but for you,
maybe it's about a relationship that you are trying to decide,
like should I stay or should I go? And you
could easily let the pendulum swing to one end or
the other and say, like, forget it, I've done putting
up with this. Maybe it is time for you to
(03:43):
say you're done putting up with this. But the pendulum
could easily swing to one side and just say, like,
I'm so tired of, you know, wondering whether this is
going to work out or not. I'm just gonna call
it quits today and you not have to deal with
this drama any longer. Or the pendulum could swing to
the other side and you could try to force or
control this thing into existence, which we all know, you know,
(04:03):
it explodes in our faces. So how can we stand
in that middle ground of going, this is something that
I desired, it's something that I want. I'm putting myself
out there, I'm keeping myself open to this and yet
I have no I'm vulnerable in it. I have no
control over making sure that this happens. I have no
certainty that it's going to happen. And living in that
(04:25):
middle space is tricky and it's uncomfortable, and yet I'm
learning to do it. So I was talking about that
on the episode and sharing that someone had said to me,
don't forget as you're navigating this time that your baby
exists in more than just the physical form. So, in
other words, just because it hasn't manifested in physical form
yet doesn't mean that it's not here, that it's not
(04:46):
that you don't have access to it. And it was
just such a good reminder for me. I know this
to be true. I believe this to be true with
every fiber of my being, that there's more to this
world than just the physical. There's more than just what
you can taste, smell and see. And if you believe
that too, then go with me here for just a second.
(05:06):
There is the physical, there is what you can touch, taste, smell,
and see, and then there's also more. And this is
what I want to unpack. I feel like there's really
something here that's significant. I was thinking about this as
I was moving through the postures on Sunday with my teacher, Missy,
I was thinking about how when you're moving through a
(05:27):
yoga practice, there is the physical asana, there is the posture,
the pose that you're moving through. There is the concern
with the physical alignment. Right like as a teacher, you're
teaching your students to get into proper physical alignment. One
to keep them safe, to make sure that they're not
injuring themselves by being out of alignment. And two, because
(05:47):
these postures are built on thousands of years of ancient
wisdom about how energy moves through the body, they're designed
to be healing postures. I couldn't even get into the
philosophy of this because I've barely barely barely scratched the
surface of yoga philosophy. But I've experienced this to be
true that as you begin to move through these yoga postures,
(06:08):
as you begin to move through this moving meditation, the
postures are not meaningless. These postures have been what they've
been for thousands of years for a reason that has
to do with the way energy moves through our body
and has to do with releasing blockages and clearing out space.
And allowing the energy to move more freely through our bodies.
(06:29):
And so I'll often have this experience where sometimes I
go to a yoga class and I just do the
yoga class and it's a nice workout, and that's also fine.
But many times I go to yoga class and I
do the yoga class, and I move through the postures,
and it's so much more than just a workout. And
that's what happened to me this Sunday. It felt like
(06:49):
I don't know what shifted, but something shifted, and this
clarity just rushed in for me that you have these
physical postures, but if you get so hyper fixated on
the physical postures that you forget that there is more
happening than just the physical postures, you've missed it. You're
not actually doing yoga. If you go to a yoga
practice and all you focus on is getting the alignment
(07:09):
perfect and you forget to breathe, you're not doing yoga.
You're doing something different. That's my teacher. Missy always says,
that's not yoga, that's something different. And she talks a
lot about Missy talks a lot about the inner yoga,
And I think there's a metaphor here. When you go
to yoga, you're doing the austin as, you're doing the
outer yoga, and you're also doing the inner yoga. There's
(07:29):
more happening than just your physical body moving through physical poses.
Take that metaphor and lay it on your life. You're
chasing after a job, you're chasing after a relationship, you're
chasing after a baby. You're wanting to grow your family.
You're wanting to get promoted. You're wanting to make more money,
you're wanting to change your finances. You're wanting to, I
don't know, move to a new house, build something, buy
a piece of land, make more friends, build community, whatever
(07:52):
it is that you're trying to do. There's a physical
thing that you're trying to do. But the thing that
you're trying to do is more than just the physical.
It's more than just a house. It's more than just
a partner, it's more than just a family. It's more
than just the physical. There's so much more happening. And
if we get stuck and lost thinking that it's just
the postures, if it's just the poses, if it's just
(08:13):
the physical, if it's just the baby, then we might
miss what's actually trying to unfold for us. We'll miss
what's trying to happen. We'll miss the inner yoga. And
the inner yoga doesn't work without the outer yoga. So
on the one hand, I want to say the inner
yoga is the real yoga, but that's not really true.
It's the inner and the outer together that make the
real yoga, because without the outer yoga, you never get
(08:34):
to the inner yoga. So I'm in my yoga practice
with my teacher, missy on Sunday, and I'm moving through
the yoga postures like usual, nothing different than normal, But
(08:55):
I just started to get this feeling like I'm moving
through these physical postures, but it's about so much more
than just the physical. The physical part is necessary, you
can't do the extra without the physical, but the physical
is only one small piece of the whole picture of
what's happening. And I started to think about that in
(09:18):
relationship to my life and what's unfolding in my life,
and it just gave me this broader perspective that the
question I was asking in that last episode was this
idea of like, what do you do when you want
something and you have no control over whether or not
you'll ever get it. You have choices. You can either
(09:38):
pretend like you do have control, which is what I
feel like a lot of people do. Or if you're
spiritually bypassing or over spiritualizing something, people will pretend like
they do have control over it, like all I have
to do is think the right thoughts or say the
right things, or have my mantras or whatever, and I
can manifest this thing in my life. But the fact
of the matter is, with most of the things that
really matter to us, we do not have control over
whether or not we manifest this thing. And to pretend
(10:00):
like you do have control, I think, I believe is
short circuiting the human condition. And not that we shouldn't
give people hope that they can achieve what they would
like to achieve or you see the success that they
want to see, or get the relationship or whatever. Not
that we shouldn't have hope for those things, but to
have assurance that they're coming is actually sort of delusional
(10:23):
when you start to think about it. So you can
either do that you can sort of short circuit the
human experience by saying, no, I'm certain this thing is
going to happen no matter what or you can live
in the vulnerability of that not knowing. And it was
from that place, the vulnerability of not knowing, that uncertainty,
(10:44):
swimming in that pool of uncertainty, was the place from
which I was asking this question. Why if there's a God,
if there's a loving source of energy, if there's like
you know, if we all come from a source that's
guiding us and directing us, if our lives really have purpose,
if we're on this trajectory, why would we want things
that we can't have. Why would I want another baby
(11:07):
if another baby is not available to me? And again,
I feel like I heard a lot growing up, this
concept of like, God would never put that in your
heart if it wasn't there for you. And so how
do you explain the fact that so many people live
in that longing forever? Is it because they're doing something wrong?
I just can't get there. I mean, I'm not saying
I'm right. I don't know if I'm right, I don't
(11:28):
know how this all works. But I'm telling you from
personal experience, I can't get to the place where I
believe that if someone wants something and they don't have
it or can't have it, that that must mean that
they're doing something wrong. That to me doesn't even feel
like a loving and benign god or source of energy
or anything. It feels like a god who's sending you
(11:50):
on some random scavenger hunt. Because at least for me,
I can only really speak for myself. I have been
on these journeys before where there's something that I want
and I'm overcoming these obstacles in order to achieve this thing,
and yet things seems to elude me. And I'm bringing
to the journey the most earnest energy of I'm willing.
(12:14):
I'm open to do whatever I need to do. I'm
willing to try anything to change, to accept any faults
in myself, to make any sacrifice, to put it all
on the table. And I feel like that is the
same energy I'm bringing to this experience of wanting to
grow our family. And it's the same energy that Matt
and I brought to this business that we wanted to
(12:35):
build that fell apart. And sometimes things just fall apart.
This was something that I had to work through with
my therapist because I was really in a place after
the business fell apart and we were struggling so much financially.
I was in a place where I was just like,
oh my gosh, I must have missed the memo somewhere
like I guess I got off track. I guess like
God was speaking and I did not hear what God
(12:58):
was saying to me. I guess I miss the message.
I guess I like, I don't know somehow, like I
screwed this up. And my therapist was the one who
said to me first, or maybe sometimes things just don't
work out the way that you plan. It doesn't have
to mean that you did something wrong. So that's something
that I've been wrestling with too. And also, I mean,
(13:20):
as you apply this message, the message of this episode
to that situation, it broadens your vantage point of that
situation too. It's like it was never just about what if?
Just what if it was never just about building the thing?
What if that thing you want is not just about
(13:41):
the thing you want? And this really expands upon that
idea of that what you want is sacred and also meaningless.
What if the thing you want is not just about
the thing you want? What if the thing you want
is about something so much bigger that you actually don't understand.
So the thing you want, whether it's healing for a
physical ailment, or it's something you want to build, a
(14:03):
business you want to build, or a piece of land
you want to buy, or a house you want to build,
or a you know, we're building this school next door
at my mother in law's. So maybe it's something you're
building for the community. Maybe it's a business, maybe it's
a nonprofit. Maybe it's a relationship a family. So whatever
it is that you're wanting to create, you're wanting to
make this thing out of nothing. You have this inexplicable
(14:25):
urge to follow this thing. And for me, when we
had that inexplicable urge with the business and the business
fell apart, I think I started to lose my faith.
And this was like the I've talked about it like
a second deconstruction. It's like I had already deconstructed evangelicalism
and was really starting to understand God in this new way,
(14:46):
and that felt so liberating. I was just like, oh
my gosh, like God is so much bigger than I
ever imagined. And then I had this second deconstruction and
it took me to a place of like pretty dark
depression because I was just like, maybe there is no God.
Maybe there's nobody looking out for us, and maybe all
of this is just meaningless. I don't think I've ever
really deeply believed that, but I have worried that maybe
(15:09):
that's true. So it's just taken me on a long,
dark night of the soul. All of that to say,
if you look at even that circumstance from this new
vantage point, that maybe that thing that we were trying
to build wasn't just about the thing that we were
trying to build. So the fact that we didn't get
to build it, the fact that it all fell apart
in front of our eyes, the fact that the ground
crumbled underneath of us, and that we lost everything, maybe
(15:30):
that doesn't mean that we failed at our mission. You know,
like maybe I've been looking at that all wrong. I
felt like, oh, I must have heard wrong because we
failed at our mission, and now we're being punished because
we did it wrong. Like maybe none of that's true.
I really feel like none of that is true. None
of that could be true. None of that is true
of a god that I want to be involved with.
So it's like, if I can broaden the perspective and
(15:51):
say it's there's so much more happening than just the
physical And if I think of this business that we
were building, like the asanas, we didn't do it perfectly.
Nobody says you have to do it perfectly. You show
up every day, you breathe, you put one foot in
front of the other. You do the absolute best that
you can. You try your hardest, You make adjustments for
(16:13):
the sake of alignment where needed, to try to stay healthy,
to try to stay safe. You yeah, you show up
again and do it tomorrow. Like even if ten years
into your practice you still can't do the splits, you
just still show up and do the best you can,
and you breathe through it, and you ask for more openness,
and you just show up. And we did that, you know.
(16:34):
And the physical asanas are for a purpose, like the
reasons that we wanted to build the physical thing is
the physical thing mattered, but it wasn't the only thing
that mattered. I guess is what I'm saying to myself
and to you. The physical thing mattered, but it wasn't
the only thing that mattered. It mattered enough that it
got us to show up every day for years on end.
(16:55):
It got us to put our money where our mouth
was and invest every penny of our life savings into
this project. It mattered enough to get us there. But
maybe the fact that we never got to build the
thing doesn't mean that we failed at our mission, because
the mission was actually so much bigger than the physical thing.
Am I making any sense? I'm not sure I'm making
(17:15):
sense to myself. It actually like relieves this tremendous amount
of pressure for me to frame that situation this way.
It's like the desire was so holy and so sacred
that it took us on this long journey. But the
fact that we weren't able to achieve the desire in
the way that we thought we were going to doesn't
(17:35):
mean that we didn't do it. It doesn't mean that we failed.
It just means that what was happening for us was
about so much more than just that physical thing that
we were building. Same with these yoga postures, that you
show up and you do the postures, and you do
them every day, and you don't do them perfectly, but
you show up and you breathe through it. And the
inner yoga is so much a part of yoga that
(17:56):
if you're not doing the inner yoga, you're not really
doing yoga. You can show up and you can do
the physical postures every day, and this is part of yoga,
So it doesn't mean that you're, you know, doing anything
wrong to just show up and do the physical postures.
But at some point the physical postures become about so
much more than just the physical postures. And for this
time that I'm living in now, where I have this deep,
(18:17):
inexplicable urge to grow our family, I can broaden my
perspective by thinking about this through the lens of what
if what I want isn't about just what I want?
What if wanting the baby isn't about just the baby?
And what if never getting the baby doesn't mean that
I did something wrong or that I wasn't listening, or
(18:38):
that my intuition was wrong and there wasn't really a
baby for us or something like that. It's like, what
if the urge, the desire to create this thing is
enough in itself. Oh my gosh, that's it. What if
the urge, the desire to create its thing is an
end in itself. What if the desire to write the
(18:59):
book is the whole thing. What if the desire to
build the business is the whole thing? What if the
desire to start the nonprofit is the whole thing? What
if this is way more about you and how, you know,
what's trying to happen for you, like how you're trying
to transform? What if that's it? What if that's the
whole thing? And I have felt that so often about
this podcast because sometimes I record these episodes and I'm
(19:21):
really terrible about like promoting myself, and so I could
probably like get on social media and you know, like
blast out the links or whatever, which I don't really do.
But sometimes I record these episodes and I'm like, does
anyone even care? I don't feel like I don't know.
That's not me feeling sorry for myself. It's actually me
being like is what I'm saying even important? Or am
I just like rambling into the void? Like am I
(19:43):
just trying to process my own life and it doesn't
really matter to anybody else? But then I'm like, what
if that's the whole thing? Like what if our creative
work is just us trying to understand who the hell
am I? What am I doing here? What is going on?
What is life? What? What does any of this mean?
Why does it matter? How am I connected? What's important?
(20:03):
Who is God? Like, what does it matter what I
think about God? You know, like, what's the purpose of
my life? Where am I going with all of this?
What if our creative work is just about us asking
those inherent, innate, beautiful, life changing questions that we have
to ask about our lives. And what if who listens
to it or you know, who connects with it isn't
(20:26):
all that there is? And I don't want to say
it doesn't matter. I think for a lot of my
career I've been like the New York Times list doesn't matter.
Who listens to this, doesn't matter. How many people read it,
doesn't matter. That's none of your business. There's some truth
to that. But what I want to do is think
about those things, like the physical awestiness, they do matter.
The fact that you're thinking, like, oh gosh, am I
(20:47):
going to write a book and nobody's ever going to
read it tells me that that who reads it does matter.
So it's not that who reads it doesn't matter. It's
not that it doesn't matter if anyone ever reads it.
That does matter. It's just not the only thing that matters.
And maybe wanting people to read it is part of
what sets you in motion. Wanting people to read the book,
wanting people to listen to the podcast, wanting people to
(21:09):
connect with what you're saying, wanting to share your story
from a stage like maybe those things are part of
what set you in motion. They're part of the story,
but they're just such a small part of the story.
It's like, there's the physical table in front of me
that I can touch it. It's solid, i can knock
on it. It makes sounds, oh, maybe the dog bark.
But there's more to life than just a table. And
(21:32):
yet a table matters. It's a place where we sit.
Our family sits here and eats. We do artwork at
this table. We do, you know, not really homework. We
don't really have school age kids quite like that yet,
but we do artwork at this table. We have coffee
at this table in the mornings, we sit and chat
with each other. There's a lot that happens around this table,
and the physical table does matter. But there's so much
more to life than just the table. So I know
(21:53):
that's kind of a silly example, but expanding on what
I'm saying here, one last thing I'll share and then
I'll wrap up. I was talking about my teacher Missy,
who I love so much, and she is not only
a yoga teacher, she's also a yoga therapist. And she
(22:15):
was telling me that as she's been going through these
hundreds of hours of training to get her I think
it's like a couple thousand hours of training to become
certified as a yoga therapist. That she has met many
other people who have asked her, Okay, now that you're
a yoga therapist, when are you going to stop teaching
power flow? And if you don't, if you don't practice
yoga or you don't know much about this, that probably
(22:36):
doesn't mean much to you. But essentially this idea that
the studio that I go to is a Bikram studio.
I guess there's like a mix between Vinyasa yoga and
Hot twenty six, which is technically Beakram. But the studio
is heated. Some classes are unheated or in what we
call the warm room, but many of the classes are
heated to like, you know, ninety eight degrees plus, like
(22:58):
somewhere between ninety eight one hundred and five. And you're
moving pretty quickly through these poses, so you're working up
a really good sweat. It's an amazing workout. It's called
power flow. A power flow class, meaning like this is
not like a stretching yoga class where you're just going
to kind of chill and stand poses for a long time.
You're moving through these poses pretty quickly, you're working up
a really good sweat, you're getting your heart rate up,
(23:20):
you're working your cardiovascular system. It's a great workout, and
it's like really good for the muscles. And if you're
someone who just like you know, loves that kind of thing,
likes the output of energy, wants to stay in shape,
powerflow yoga is a great option. And I guess there's
this kind of idea in maybe more yen yoga or
(23:40):
more like a more passive version of yoga, or in
yoga therapy, that powerflow is like kind of I don't
know how to say it, like it's less awakened. It's like,
if you just want a good workout, you do power flow,
but like once you're a yoga therapist, you kind of
move on from powerflow. And I loved what Missy was saying.
It really applies to this conversation, which is that powerflow
(24:05):
yoga is included inside of yoga therapy. The yoga asanas
and going to one of Missy's classes. I mean, she
is such a loving teacher and holds such a beautiful
space for you to just be who you are and
show up in whatever way you need to on that day.
And yet she pushes you to go beyond what you
(24:28):
think that you're physically capable of, and that physical aspect
to the yoga is part of it too. And so
I just I want to emphasize this because I think
this is important to this conversation. It's like, it's not
just about the physical, but don't discount the physical, because
the physical is also important. So it's about so much
more than the business you're trying to build, or the baby,
(24:49):
or the house you want to manifest, or the partner,
the love relationship, the marriage, like whatever it is you're
trying to make, the book you're wanting to write, it
isn't just about the physical, but it is about the
physical too. It is yes, and it includes the physical
and beyond. Because one of the reasons why I was
able to have this moment of clarity inside of Missy's
(25:12):
class is because she pushes us physically to the point
where your mind that is chattering at you all day
finally shuts up. And sometimes I'm not saying this is
always true, because there are people who can find that
silence within through stillness, and you can meditate and be still,
and you can also find that quietness of mind. But
sometimes you find that quietness of mind through pushing yourself physically.
(25:35):
When we did our yoga training over the summer, we
went to Montana and Brooke, who owns the studio and
does the training, has a place out in Montana where
she leads these trainings. And Brooke is like one of
my most athletic, amazing friends. Like I genuinely don't know
anyone else in the world like Brook. She's just so
(25:55):
full of energy and can literally take on any physical
challenge and just like crush her competitors. She's so she
would be like years ago when I was first in Nashville,
she and my friend Coula would be like, Hey, we're
going on a run. Do you want to come with us?
And I'm like, oh yeah, I'm like I've done some
distance running. I can like no problem, you know. They're like,
or We're just doing a short little thing, just like
six miles, So I'd be like, okay, coming out trying
(26:19):
to run with them, and I'm like, these crazy ladies
are running like seven and a half minute miles for
their just like kick around six mile morning run. And
then they go, you know, take a bunch of yoga
classes and teach yoga classes all day. And I'm like,
that isn't just insane. I mean just painting a picture
for you of how athletic and physical and amazing Brook is.
(26:42):
But so Brooke decided that as part of the training,
because part of a yoga training is pushing you physically,
and so all of us were doing, you know, daily
yoga classes. We were taking yoga six days a week
leading up to this trip to Montana. Then once we
get there, we're doing two yoga classes a day, and
we're doing these physical chatsallenges. We're doing bike rides and hikes.
And she took us on this hike that I want
(27:03):
to say it was like thirteen or fourteen miles and
I can't remember what the elevation gain was, but it
was a really challenging hike. I mean, I'm forty two
years old. I feel like I'm in decent physical shape
for my age, but I'm still forty two. Most of
The people that were part of this training were younger
than me, but we were all struggling to get up
this mountain. And I'm sure you've had this experience, or
(27:24):
if you haven't, I would highly recommend it. But when
I was training for a marathon, I had this experience.
I had this experience during my training and also during
the actual marathon itself when I hiked Machu Pichu, I
had this experience. I've had this experience so many different
times doing physical challenges where I'm trying to keep up
(27:44):
with Brook because Brook is just like flying up the mountain.
So I'm like trying to keep up with Brook, which
about halfway up the mountain, I realized I'm not even
gonna try because I'm not gonna be able to keep
up with her. But I'm just chugging up this mountain
as best I can and thinking I'm not gonna be
able to make it, like this is so hard, my
legs are about to give out, and yet the feeling
(28:07):
of achieving this physical challenge is unmatched. It is not
just about climbing the mountain. You climb the mountain, yes,
it's amazing. You get to see the view from the
top but there's so much more happening inside of your
psyche and inside of your internal world than just the mountain.
You realize, oh my gosh, like I am capable of
anything that I want to set my mind to, and
(28:28):
my body, like is so much more than just my mind.
Like my mind tells me I can't, I have to stop,
and yet my body will keep going. And when you
push your body past your mind, you start to realize
that your mind isn't as fixed as you thought it was.
Like what your mind tells you that you're capable of,
or what your mind tells you you can do, or
what you're allowed to do or whatever is just simply
(28:50):
not true most of the time. And so pushing yourself
physically gives you this really concrete example of how you
can you can go past what your mind says. And
I have that experience with again, running a marathon, with
hiking Machupeachu, with this hike in Montana, with yoga teacher
training in general, I pushed myself way past what I
thought I could do physically. It's the most ecstatic feeling
(29:15):
to be like I freaking did that. I didn't think
I could do it, and I did it. And something
changes inside of you when that happens. This is not benign.
This is not just neutral. Okay, something shifts inside of
you when you do something that you didn't think that
you could do. So the physical matters, it's just not
the only thing that matters. And what Missy was saying
about powerflow yoga is that yoga therapists are quick to
(29:37):
dismiss powerflow like, well, that's for people who are just
only focused on the physical. And I think this is
a tendency that so many spiritual or more esoteric people
have as they begin to kind of get into this
realm of spirituality and they're like really intrigued by it
and they realize like, oh, there's more to life than
the physical. People can allow the pendulum to just swing
the other direction and do what but I think is spiritual.
(30:01):
Bypassing to dismiss the physical is spiritual, bypassing to say
the physical doesn't matter. Yeah. I grew up in evangelical
spaces where a lot of times we would talk about
how one day we were going to go to heaven,
so what happens here on earth really doesn't matter. We're
just kind of pilgrims. We're passing through and to me
now from this vantage point in my life, I think
that's spiritual bypassing. I think, of course what we do
(30:23):
here matters. Of course, our life here matters. Of course,
our purpose here matters. Of course, the imprint that we
leave on the planet here matters. It's not the only
thing that matters. It's not all there is, but it
does matter. So allow the physical to matter, and just
know that there's more to life than the physical. Let
it matter enough to take you on the journey. This
baby that I sense, they are actually two babies. I'm
(30:46):
gonna sound so nuts, but I'm telling you I sense
two babies that are in my I don't even know
how to say it. It's gonna sound weird no matter
how I say it. Babies that are in my ether
like I can connect with the spirit of the these
two babies. Imagine maybe you've had this experience after a
loved one has passed away, where you still feel like
you can connect with their essence. That's how I feel
(31:06):
with these two little spirits of babies that I feel
like could come into our space. I don't know if
they will materialize into the physical or not, but it's
not going to stop me from keeping that door open.
It's not going to stop me from staying in the
unknown uncertainty of it. It's not going to stop me
from opening my heart and staying vulnerable and allowing myself.
(31:29):
You know, sometimes you'll hear people say like, you don't
want to get to attached, or you don't want to
set yourself up for disappointment, or you don't want to
you know, like that's just going to set you up
for heartbreak. It's like, set yourself up for freaking heartbreak.
Stay vulnerable, keep your heart open to the possibilities, not
because you're certain that it is coming, but because you're not,
and because no one could ever be. And yet maybe
(31:50):
this is the deeper purpose. It's like, it's really not
about the physical thing. It's about the opening of your heart.
And if wanting a baby is what's going to open
your freaking heart, then let yourself want that baby, let
yourself love that baby before that baby's even here. Let
yourself not know whether the baby's gonna come. And maybe
(32:11):
the open heart is way more significant than the baby
materializing in the physical form, although the baby materializing is
also important. I do hope and pray and stay open
to the idea that we will be able to grow
our family. I don't know if that will happen, but
I'm holding that space for you too. Whatever it is
that you're longing for that it is not here yet.
(32:32):
I am right here with you, breathing into this space
of longing, asking for something that I have no control over,
asking who knows who. I wish I had more clarity
about who we are what I'm asking, Trying to stay
connected to the energy and spirit of these children without
knowing yeah, what that even means or what it will bring,
(32:56):
just staying in the vulnerability of it. And I'm right
here with you, and I hope that you something helpful
in this episode, and I'll see you back next week
on to Write Your Story podcast
Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back
together with the words you write, all the beauty and
peace and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story. You got the words and said,
don't you think it's down to let them out and
write them down and cold. It's all about and write
(00:24):
your story. Write, write your story. Hello, and welcome back
to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon, I'm
your host, and on today's episode, I want to take
something that I said in a previous episode and spend
some time unpacking it. This memory came back to me
while I was practicing yoga with one of my favorite
(00:46):
teachers this past Sunday, and I just had a whole
experience with it in my hour long yoga practice with her.
This happens to me periodically. It's one of the beautiful
parts of yoga that I love so much is that yoga,
the experience of doing yoga isn't just about these physical
postures that you do. You know, you move through these
asanas or postures like Warrior one, Warrior two, Warrior three,
(01:07):
et cetera. But it's not just about these physical postures.
It's about so much more than that. And so as
I moved through the postures, I will have this meditative
experience where something becomes clear for me or something becomes
enlightened for me. And I had this experience on Sunday
and really wanted to share it with you. So the
comment that I made was a couple episodes ago, and
(01:29):
I'll link the episode here. It was part of the
two part episode that I did on becoming comfortable with
this idea of I don't know, and I made a
comment about something someone else had said to me in
regards to my journey to grow our family. I've been
really wanting to grow our family, feeling like really just pulled.
I don't know how else to explain it. It's like
(01:51):
an inexplicable urge to grow our family, feeling like I
want more kids. There are more babies out there for us,
and yet, for whatever reason, for right now, how that
has not been materializing for us. We've had two miscarriages.
I mean, there's more time. I haven't lost hope yet.
But what I was talking about is this balance of
holding in each hand. In the one hand, it's holding
(02:14):
I haven't lost hope. There's more time left. We're going
to keep trying and in the other hand, going I
have no control over this. I have no way of
making sure that this happens. I have no way of
knowing what's going to happen. So there is uncertainty, there's
a lack of control, there's a feeling of surrender, and
holding those two at the same time is really tricky.
It's like, yeah, you could easily swing toward disappointment, and
(02:37):
I shared about that in that episode, wanting to create
clarity where there is no clarity. You could easily close
the loop too early and say, forget it, We're just
gonna tie this up. We're just gonna, like, you know,
decide that two kids is enough. We're just gonna move
on with our lives. There is a part of me
that has wanted to do that as a way to
close the loop, relieve the burden of an uncertainty, relieve
(03:01):
that feeling of I'm out of control in this, I
have no way of making sure that this happens, and
feeling invited back into the uncertainty, feeling like inviting myself
into a willingness to say, I don't know, I have
no way to make this happen, and yet I'm going
to continue to put myself out there. I'm going to
continue to take steps in this direction of this thing
(03:22):
that I desire and know that I want, and whatever
that is for you. You know, you may not be
having an interest in growing in your family, but for you,
maybe it's about a relationship that you are trying to decide,
like should I stay or should I go? And you
could easily let the pendulum swing to one end or
the other and say, like, forget it, I've done putting
up with this. Maybe it is time for you to
(03:43):
say you're done putting up with this. But the pendulum
could easily swing to one side and just say, like,
I'm so tired of, you know, wondering whether this is
going to work out or not. I'm just gonna call
it quits today and you not have to deal with
this drama any longer. Or the pendulum could swing to
the other side and you could try to force or
control this thing into existence, which we all know, you know,
(04:03):
it explodes in our faces. So how can we stand
in that middle ground of going, this is something that
I desired, it's something that I want. I'm putting myself
out there, I'm keeping myself open to this and yet
I have no I'm vulnerable in it. I have no
control over making sure that this happens. I have no
certainty that it's going to happen. And living in that
(04:25):
middle space is tricky and it's uncomfortable, and yet I'm
learning to do it. So I was talking about that
on the episode and sharing that someone had said to me,
don't forget as you're navigating this time that your baby
exists in more than just the physical form. So, in
other words, just because it hasn't manifested in physical form
yet doesn't mean that it's not here, that it's not
(04:46):
that you don't have access to it. And it was
just such a good reminder for me. I know this
to be true. I believe this to be true with
every fiber of my being, that there's more to this
world than just the physical. There's more than just what
you can taste, smell and see. And if you believe
that too, then go with me here for just a second.
(05:06):
There is the physical, there is what you can touch, taste, smell,
and see, and then there's also more. And this is
what I want to unpack. I feel like there's really
something here that's significant. I was thinking about this as
I was moving through the postures on Sunday with my teacher, Missy,
I was thinking about how when you're moving through a
(05:27):
yoga practice, there is the physical asana, there is the posture,
the pose that you're moving through. There is the concern
with the physical alignment. Right like as a teacher, you're
teaching your students to get into proper physical alignment. One
to keep them safe, to make sure that they're not
injuring themselves by being out of alignment. And two, because
(05:47):
these postures are built on thousands of years of ancient
wisdom about how energy moves through the body, they're designed
to be healing postures. I couldn't even get into the
philosophy of this because I've barely barely barely scratched the
surface of yoga philosophy. But I've experienced this to be
true that as you begin to move through these yoga postures,
(06:08):
as you begin to move through this moving meditation, the
postures are not meaningless. These postures have been what they've
been for thousands of years for a reason that has
to do with the way energy moves through our body
and has to do with releasing blockages and clearing out space.
And allowing the energy to move more freely through our bodies.
(06:29):
And so I'll often have this experience where sometimes I
go to a yoga class and I just do the
yoga class and it's a nice workout, and that's also fine.
But many times I go to yoga class and I
do the yoga class, and I move through the postures,
and it's so much more than just a workout. And
that's what happened to me this Sunday. It felt like
(06:49):
I don't know what shifted, but something shifted, and this
clarity just rushed in for me that you have these
physical postures, but if you get so hyper fixated on
the physical postures that you forget that there is more
happening than just the physical postures, you've missed it. You're
not actually doing yoga. If you go to a yoga
practice and all you focus on is getting the alignment
(07:09):
perfect and you forget to breathe, you're not doing yoga.
You're doing something different. That's my teacher. Missy always says,
that's not yoga, that's something different. And she talks a
lot about Missy talks a lot about the inner yoga,
And I think there's a metaphor here. When you go
to yoga, you're doing the austin as, you're doing the
outer yoga, and you're also doing the inner yoga. There's
(07:29):
more happening than just your physical body moving through physical poses.
Take that metaphor and lay it on your life. You're
chasing after a job, you're chasing after a relationship, you're
chasing after a baby. You're wanting to grow your family.
You're wanting to get promoted. You're wanting to make more money,
you're wanting to change your finances. You're wanting to, I
don't know, move to a new house, build something, buy
a piece of land, make more friends, build community, whatever
(07:52):
it is that you're trying to do. There's a physical
thing that you're trying to do. But the thing that
you're trying to do is more than just the physical.
It's more than just a house. It's more than just
a partner, it's more than just a family. It's more
than just the physical. There's so much more happening. And
if we get stuck and lost thinking that it's just
the postures, if it's just the poses, if it's just
(08:13):
the physical, if it's just the baby, then we might
miss what's actually trying to unfold for us. We'll miss
what's trying to happen. We'll miss the inner yoga. And
the inner yoga doesn't work without the outer yoga. So
on the one hand, I want to say the inner
yoga is the real yoga, but that's not really true.
It's the inner and the outer together that make the
real yoga, because without the outer yoga, you never get
(08:34):
to the inner yoga. So I'm in my yoga practice
with my teacher, missy on Sunday, and I'm moving through
the yoga postures like usual, nothing different than normal, But
(08:55):
I just started to get this feeling like I'm moving
through these physical postures, but it's about so much more
than just the physical. The physical part is necessary, you
can't do the extra without the physical, but the physical
is only one small piece of the whole picture of
what's happening. And I started to think about that in
(09:18):
relationship to my life and what's unfolding in my life,
and it just gave me this broader perspective that the
question I was asking in that last episode was this
idea of like, what do you do when you want
something and you have no control over whether or not
you'll ever get it. You have choices. You can either
(09:38):
pretend like you do have control, which is what I
feel like a lot of people do. Or if you're
spiritually bypassing or over spiritualizing something, people will pretend like
they do have control over it, like all I have
to do is think the right thoughts or say the
right things, or have my mantras or whatever, and I
can manifest this thing in my life. But the fact
of the matter is, with most of the things that
really matter to us, we do not have control over
whether or not we manifest this thing. And to pretend
(10:00):
like you do have control, I think, I believe is
short circuiting the human condition. And not that we shouldn't
give people hope that they can achieve what they would
like to achieve or you see the success that they
want to see, or get the relationship or whatever. Not
that we shouldn't have hope for those things, but to
have assurance that they're coming is actually sort of delusional
(10:23):
when you start to think about it. So you can
either do that you can sort of short circuit the
human experience by saying, no, I'm certain this thing is
going to happen no matter what or you can live
in the vulnerability of that not knowing. And it was
from that place, the vulnerability of not knowing, that uncertainty,
(10:44):
swimming in that pool of uncertainty, was the place from
which I was asking this question. Why if there's a God,
if there's a loving source of energy, if there's like
you know, if we all come from a source that's
guiding us and directing us, if our lives really have purpose,
if we're on this trajectory, why would we want things
that we can't have. Why would I want another baby
(11:07):
if another baby is not available to me? And again,
I feel like I heard a lot growing up, this
concept of like, God would never put that in your
heart if it wasn't there for you. And so how
do you explain the fact that so many people live
in that longing forever? Is it because they're doing something wrong?
I just can't get there. I mean, I'm not saying
I'm right. I don't know if I'm right, I don't
(11:28):
know how this all works. But I'm telling you from
personal experience, I can't get to the place where I
believe that if someone wants something and they don't have
it or can't have it, that that must mean that
they're doing something wrong. That to me doesn't even feel
like a loving and benign god or source of energy
or anything. It feels like a god who's sending you
(11:50):
on some random scavenger hunt. Because at least for me,
I can only really speak for myself. I have been
on these journeys before where there's something that I want
and I'm overcoming these obstacles in order to achieve this thing,
and yet things seems to elude me. And I'm bringing
to the journey the most earnest energy of I'm willing.
(12:14):
I'm open to do whatever I need to do. I'm
willing to try anything to change, to accept any faults
in myself, to make any sacrifice, to put it all
on the table. And I feel like that is the
same energy I'm bringing to this experience of wanting to
grow our family. And it's the same energy that Matt
and I brought to this business that we wanted to
(12:35):
build that fell apart. And sometimes things just fall apart.
This was something that I had to work through with
my therapist because I was really in a place after
the business fell apart and we were struggling so much financially.
I was in a place where I was just like,
oh my gosh, I must have missed the memo somewhere
like I guess I got off track. I guess like
God was speaking and I did not hear what God
(12:58):
was saying to me. I guess I miss the message.
I guess I like, I don't know somehow, like I
screwed this up. And my therapist was the one who
said to me first, or maybe sometimes things just don't
work out the way that you plan. It doesn't have
to mean that you did something wrong. So that's something
that I've been wrestling with too. And also, I mean,
(13:20):
as you apply this message, the message of this episode
to that situation, it broadens your vantage point of that
situation too. It's like it was never just about what if?
Just what if it was never just about building the thing?
What if that thing you want is not just about
(13:41):
the thing you want? And this really expands upon that
idea of that what you want is sacred and also meaningless.
What if the thing you want is not just about
the thing you want? What if the thing you want
is about something so much bigger that you actually don't understand.
So the thing you want, whether it's healing for a
physical ailment, or it's something you want to build, a
(14:03):
business you want to build, or a piece of land
you want to buy, or a house you want to build,
or a you know, we're building this school next door
at my mother in law's. So maybe it's something you're
building for the community. Maybe it's a business, maybe it's
a nonprofit. Maybe it's a relationship a family. So whatever
it is that you're wanting to create, you're wanting to
make this thing out of nothing. You have this inexplicable
(14:25):
urge to follow this thing. And for me, when we
had that inexplicable urge with the business and the business
fell apart, I think I started to lose my faith.
And this was like the I've talked about it like
a second deconstruction. It's like I had already deconstructed evangelicalism
and was really starting to understand God in this new way,
(14:46):
and that felt so liberating. I was just like, oh
my gosh, like God is so much bigger than I
ever imagined. And then I had this second deconstruction and
it took me to a place of like pretty dark
depression because I was just like, maybe there is no God.
Maybe there's nobody looking out for us, and maybe all
of this is just meaningless. I don't think I've ever
really deeply believed that, but I have worried that maybe
(15:09):
that's true. So it's just taken me on a long,
dark night of the soul. All of that to say,
if you look at even that circumstance from this new
vantage point, that maybe that thing that we were trying
to build wasn't just about the thing that we were
trying to build. So the fact that we didn't get
to build it, the fact that it all fell apart
in front of our eyes, the fact that the ground
crumbled underneath of us, and that we lost everything, maybe
(15:30):
that doesn't mean that we failed at our mission. You know,
like maybe I've been looking at that all wrong. I
felt like, oh, I must have heard wrong because we
failed at our mission, and now we're being punished because
we did it wrong. Like maybe none of that's true.
I really feel like none of that is true. None
of that could be true. None of that is true
of a god that I want to be involved with.
So it's like, if I can broaden the perspective and
(15:51):
say it's there's so much more happening than just the
physical And if I think of this business that we
were building, like the asanas, we didn't do it perfectly.
Nobody says you have to do it perfectly. You show
up every day, you breathe, you put one foot in
front of the other. You do the absolute best that
you can. You try your hardest, You make adjustments for
(16:13):
the sake of alignment where needed, to try to stay healthy,
to try to stay safe. You yeah, you show up
again and do it tomorrow. Like even if ten years
into your practice you still can't do the splits, you
just still show up and do the best you can,
and you breathe through it, and you ask for more openness,
and you just show up. And we did that, you know.
(16:34):
And the physical asanas are for a purpose, like the
reasons that we wanted to build the physical thing is
the physical thing mattered, but it wasn't the only thing
that mattered. I guess is what I'm saying to myself
and to you. The physical thing mattered, but it wasn't
the only thing that mattered. It mattered enough that it
got us to show up every day for years on end.
(16:55):
It got us to put our money where our mouth
was and invest every penny of our life savings into
this project. It mattered enough to get us there. But
maybe the fact that we never got to build the
thing doesn't mean that we failed at our mission, because
the mission was actually so much bigger than the physical thing.
Am I making any sense? I'm not sure I'm making
(17:15):
sense to myself. It actually like relieves this tremendous amount
of pressure for me to frame that situation this way.
It's like the desire was so holy and so sacred
that it took us on this long journey. But the
fact that we weren't able to achieve the desire in
the way that we thought we were going to doesn't
(17:35):
mean that we didn't do it. It doesn't mean that we failed.
It just means that what was happening for us was
about so much more than just that physical thing that
we were building. Same with these yoga postures, that you
show up and you do the postures, and you do
them every day, and you don't do them perfectly, but
you show up and you breathe through it. And the
inner yoga is so much a part of yoga that
(17:56):
if you're not doing the inner yoga, you're not really
doing yoga. You can show up and you can do
the physical postures every day, and this is part of yoga,
So it doesn't mean that you're, you know, doing anything
wrong to just show up and do the physical postures.
But at some point the physical postures become about so
much more than just the physical postures. And for this
time that I'm living in now, where I have this deep,
(18:17):
inexplicable urge to grow our family, I can broaden my
perspective by thinking about this through the lens of what
if what I want isn't about just what I want?
What if wanting the baby isn't about just the baby?
And what if never getting the baby doesn't mean that
I did something wrong or that I wasn't listening, or
(18:38):
that my intuition was wrong and there wasn't really a
baby for us or something like that. It's like, what
if the urge, the desire to create this thing is
enough in itself. Oh my gosh, that's it. What if
the urge, the desire to create its thing is an
end in itself. What if the desire to write the
(18:59):
book is the whole thing. What if the desire to
build the business is the whole thing? What if the
desire to start the nonprofit is the whole thing? What
if this is way more about you and how, you know,
what's trying to happen for you, like how you're trying
to transform? What if that's it? What if that's the
whole thing? And I have felt that so often about
this podcast because sometimes I record these episodes and I'm
(19:21):
really terrible about like promoting myself, and so I could
probably like get on social media and you know, like
blast out the links or whatever, which I don't really do.
But sometimes I record these episodes and I'm like, does
anyone even care? I don't feel like I don't know.
That's not me feeling sorry for myself. It's actually me
being like is what I'm saying even important? Or am
I just like rambling into the void? Like am I
(19:43):
just trying to process my own life and it doesn't
really matter to anybody else? But then I'm like, what
if that's the whole thing? Like what if our creative
work is just us trying to understand who the hell
am I? What am I doing here? What is going on?
What is life? What? What does any of this mean?
Why does it matter? How am I connected? What's important?
(20:03):
Who is God? Like, what does it matter what I
think about God? You know, like, what's the purpose of
my life? Where am I going with all of this?
What if our creative work is just about us asking
those inherent, innate, beautiful, life changing questions that we have
to ask about our lives. And what if who listens
to it or you know, who connects with it isn't
(20:26):
all that there is? And I don't want to say
it doesn't matter. I think for a lot of my
career I've been like the New York Times list doesn't matter.
Who listens to this, doesn't matter. How many people read it,
doesn't matter. That's none of your business. There's some truth
to that. But what I want to do is think
about those things, like the physical awestiness, they do matter.
The fact that you're thinking, like, oh gosh, am I
(20:47):
going to write a book and nobody's ever going to
read it tells me that that who reads it does matter.
So it's not that who reads it doesn't matter. It's
not that it doesn't matter if anyone ever reads it.
That does matter. It's just not the only thing that matters.
And maybe wanting people to read it is part of
what sets you in motion. Wanting people to read the book,
wanting people to listen to the podcast, wanting people to
(21:09):
connect with what you're saying, wanting to share your story
from a stage like maybe those things are part of
what set you in motion. They're part of the story,
but they're just such a small part of the story.
It's like, there's the physical table in front of me
that I can touch it. It's solid, i can knock
on it. It makes sounds, oh, maybe the dog bark.
But there's more to life than just a table. And
(21:32):
yet a table matters. It's a place where we sit.
Our family sits here and eats. We do artwork at
this table. We do, you know, not really homework. We
don't really have school age kids quite like that yet,
but we do artwork at this table. We have coffee
at this table in the mornings, we sit and chat
with each other. There's a lot that happens around this table,
and the physical table does matter. But there's so much
more to life than just the table. So I know
(21:53):
that's kind of a silly example, but expanding on what
I'm saying here, one last thing I'll share and then
I'll wrap up. I was talking about my teacher Missy,
who I love so much, and she is not only
a yoga teacher, she's also a yoga therapist. And she
(22:15):
was telling me that as she's been going through these
hundreds of hours of training to get her I think
it's like a couple thousand hours of training to become
certified as a yoga therapist. That she has met many
other people who have asked her, Okay, now that you're
a yoga therapist, when are you going to stop teaching
power flow? And if you don't, if you don't practice
yoga or you don't know much about this, that probably
(22:36):
doesn't mean much to you. But essentially this idea that
the studio that I go to is a Bikram studio.
I guess there's like a mix between Vinyasa yoga and
Hot twenty six, which is technically Beakram. But the studio
is heated. Some classes are unheated or in what we
call the warm room, but many of the classes are
heated to like, you know, ninety eight degrees plus, like
(22:58):
somewhere between ninety eight one hundred and five. And you're
moving pretty quickly through these poses, so you're working up
a really good sweat. It's an amazing workout. It's called
power flow. A power flow class, meaning like this is
not like a stretching yoga class where you're just going
to kind of chill and stand poses for a long time.
You're moving through these poses pretty quickly, you're working up
a really good sweat, you're getting your heart rate up,
(23:20):
you're working your cardiovascular system. It's a great workout, and
it's like really good for the muscles. And if you're
someone who just like you know, loves that kind of thing,
likes the output of energy, wants to stay in shape,
powerflow yoga is a great option. And I guess there's
this kind of idea in maybe more yen yoga or
(23:40):
more like a more passive version of yoga, or in
yoga therapy, that powerflow is like kind of I don't
know how to say it, like it's less awakened. It's like,
if you just want a good workout, you do power flow,
but like once you're a yoga therapist, you kind of
move on from powerflow. And I loved what Missy was saying.
It really applies to this conversation, which is that powerflow
(24:05):
yoga is included inside of yoga therapy. The yoga asanas
and going to one of Missy's classes. I mean, she
is such a loving teacher and holds such a beautiful
space for you to just be who you are and
show up in whatever way you need to on that day.
And yet she pushes you to go beyond what you
(24:28):
think that you're physically capable of, and that physical aspect
to the yoga is part of it too. And so
I just I want to emphasize this because I think
this is important to this conversation. It's like, it's not
just about the physical, but don't discount the physical, because
the physical is also important. So it's about so much
more than the business you're trying to build, or the baby,
(24:49):
or the house you want to manifest, or the partner,
the love relationship, the marriage, like whatever it is you're
trying to make, the book you're wanting to write, it
isn't just about the physical, but it is about the
physical too. It is yes, and it includes the physical
and beyond. Because one of the reasons why I was
able to have this moment of clarity inside of Missy's
(25:12):
class is because she pushes us physically to the point
where your mind that is chattering at you all day
finally shuts up. And sometimes I'm not saying this is
always true, because there are people who can find that
silence within through stillness, and you can meditate and be still,
and you can also find that quietness of mind. But
sometimes you find that quietness of mind through pushing yourself physically.
(25:35):
When we did our yoga training over the summer, we
went to Montana and Brooke, who owns the studio and
does the training, has a place out in Montana where
she leads these trainings. And Brooke is like one of
my most athletic, amazing friends. Like I genuinely don't know
anyone else in the world like Brook. She's just so
(25:55):
full of energy and can literally take on any physical
challenge and just like crush her competitors. She's so she
would be like years ago when I was first in Nashville,
she and my friend Coula would be like, Hey, we're
going on a run. Do you want to come with us?
And I'm like, oh yeah, I'm like I've done some
distance running. I can like no problem, you know. They're like,
or We're just doing a short little thing, just like
six miles, So I'd be like, okay, coming out trying
(26:19):
to run with them, and I'm like, these crazy ladies
are running like seven and a half minute miles for
their just like kick around six mile morning run. And
then they go, you know, take a bunch of yoga
classes and teach yoga classes all day. And I'm like,
that isn't just insane. I mean just painting a picture
for you of how athletic and physical and amazing Brook is.
(26:42):
But so Brooke decided that as part of the training,
because part of a yoga training is pushing you physically,
and so all of us were doing, you know, daily
yoga classes. We were taking yoga six days a week
leading up to this trip to Montana. Then once we
get there, we're doing two yoga classes a day, and
we're doing these physical chatsallenges. We're doing bike rides and hikes.
And she took us on this hike that I want
(27:03):
to say it was like thirteen or fourteen miles and
I can't remember what the elevation gain was, but it
was a really challenging hike. I mean, I'm forty two
years old. I feel like I'm in decent physical shape
for my age, but I'm still forty two. Most of
The people that were part of this training were younger
than me, but we were all struggling to get up
this mountain. And I'm sure you've had this experience, or
(27:24):
if you haven't, I would highly recommend it. But when
I was training for a marathon, I had this experience.
I had this experience during my training and also during
the actual marathon itself when I hiked Machu Pichu, I
had this experience. I've had this experience so many different
times doing physical challenges where I'm trying to keep up
(27:44):
with Brook because Brook is just like flying up the mountain.
So I'm like trying to keep up with Brook, which
about halfway up the mountain, I realized I'm not even
gonna try because I'm not gonna be able to keep
up with her. But I'm just chugging up this mountain
as best I can and thinking I'm not gonna be
able to make it, like this is so hard, my
legs are about to give out, and yet the feeling
(28:07):
of achieving this physical challenge is unmatched. It is not
just about climbing the mountain. You climb the mountain, yes,
it's amazing. You get to see the view from the
top but there's so much more happening inside of your
psyche and inside of your internal world than just the mountain.
You realize, oh my gosh, like I am capable of
anything that I want to set my mind to, and
(28:28):
my body, like is so much more than just my mind.
Like my mind tells me I can't, I have to stop,
and yet my body will keep going. And when you
push your body past your mind, you start to realize
that your mind isn't as fixed as you thought it was.
Like what your mind tells you that you're capable of,
or what your mind tells you you can do, or
what you're allowed to do or whatever is just simply
(28:50):
not true most of the time. And so pushing yourself
physically gives you this really concrete example of how you
can you can go past what your mind says. And
I have that experience with again, running a marathon, with
hiking Machupeachu, with this hike in Montana, with yoga teacher
training in general, I pushed myself way past what I
thought I could do physically. It's the most ecstatic feeling
(29:15):
to be like I freaking did that. I didn't think
I could do it, and I did it. And something
changes inside of you when that happens. This is not benign.
This is not just neutral. Okay, something shifts inside of
you when you do something that you didn't think that
you could do. So the physical matters, it's just not
the only thing that matters. And what Missy was saying
about powerflow yoga is that yoga therapists are quick to
(29:37):
dismiss powerflow like, well, that's for people who are just
only focused on the physical. And I think this is
a tendency that so many spiritual or more esoteric people
have as they begin to kind of get into this
realm of spirituality and they're like really intrigued by it
and they realize like, oh, there's more to life than
the physical. People can allow the pendulum to just swing
the other direction and do what but I think is spiritual.
(30:01):
Bypassing to dismiss the physical is spiritual, bypassing to say
the physical doesn't matter. Yeah. I grew up in evangelical
spaces where a lot of times we would talk about
how one day we were going to go to heaven,
so what happens here on earth really doesn't matter. We're
just kind of pilgrims. We're passing through and to me
now from this vantage point in my life, I think
that's spiritual bypassing. I think, of course what we do
(30:23):
here matters. Of course, our life here matters. Of course,
our purpose here matters. Of course, the imprint that we
leave on the planet here matters. It's not the only
thing that matters. It's not all there is, but it
does matter. So allow the physical to matter, and just
know that there's more to life than the physical. Let
it matter enough to take you on the journey. This
baby that I sense, they are actually two babies. I'm
(30:46):
gonna sound so nuts, but I'm telling you I sense
two babies that are in my I don't even know
how to say it. It's gonna sound weird no matter
how I say it. Babies that are in my ether
like I can connect with the spirit of the these
two babies. Imagine maybe you've had this experience after a
loved one has passed away, where you still feel like
you can connect with their essence. That's how I feel
(31:06):
with these two little spirits of babies that I feel
like could come into our space. I don't know if
they will materialize into the physical or not, but it's
not going to stop me from keeping that door open.
It's not going to stop me from staying in the
unknown uncertainty of it. It's not going to stop me
from opening my heart and staying vulnerable and allowing myself.
(31:29):
You know, sometimes you'll hear people say like, you don't
want to get to attached, or you don't want to
set yourself up for disappointment, or you don't want to
you know, like that's just going to set you up
for heartbreak. It's like, set yourself up for freaking heartbreak.
Stay vulnerable, keep your heart open to the possibilities, not
because you're certain that it is coming, but because you're not,
and because no one could ever be. And yet maybe
(31:50):
this is the deeper purpose. It's like, it's really not
about the physical thing. It's about the opening of your heart.
And if wanting a baby is what's going to open
your freaking heart, then let yourself want that baby, let
yourself love that baby before that baby's even here. Let
yourself not know whether the baby's gonna come. And maybe
(32:11):
the open heart is way more significant than the baby
materializing in the physical form, although the baby materializing is
also important. I do hope and pray and stay open
to the idea that we will be able to grow
our family. I don't know if that will happen, but
I'm holding that space for you too. Whatever it is
that you're longing for that it is not here yet.
(32:32):
I am right here with you, breathing into this space
of longing, asking for something that I have no control over,
asking who knows who. I wish I had more clarity
about who we are what I'm asking, Trying to stay
connected to the energy and spirit of these children without
knowing yeah, what that even means or what it will bring,
(32:56):
just staying in the vulnerability of it. And I'm right
here with you, and I hope that you something helpful
in this episode, and I'll see you back next week
on to Write Your Story podcast
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Amy Brown
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