March 20, 2026 • 41 mins
Have you ever had a situation where your mind said “yes” but your body said “no”?
Or vice versa — your mind said “no” and your body said “yes”?
Maybe someone asked for your help and your mind told you that helping was the kind, generous thing to do but you also felt your stomach tighten, your breath constrict and voice shake as you agreed to be of assistance.
We’re quick to dismiss our bodies but at what cost?
The body speaks in whispers; but then when we don’t listen, it speaks louder and louder until it gets its message across.
What might your body be saying that you aren’t hearing?
How much louder will it have to speak before you listen?
Host: Ally Fallon // @allyfallon // allisonfallon.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, and welcome to you to write your story pipecast.
Good job, gilely pick up the pieces of your life,
pull them back together with the word you write. All
the beauty and peace and the magic that you'll start
too fun when you write your story. You got the
words and said, don't you think it's down to let
(00:23):
them out and write them down and cover what it's
all about and write you write your story. Write you
write your story. Hi, and welcome back to the Write
Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon, I'm your host, and
today's episode. I want to start first by giving an
(00:43):
update on how I've been feeling, because so many of
you have been asking me. Honestly, the thoughtfulness is not
lost on me at all. I've gotten so many messages
on Instagram. I've gotten emails from many of you. I've
gotten text messages from a handful of listeners who are
all wanting to know how I'm feeling. And so I
want to give you a quick update on that. I
am feeling much better. I have definitely felt symptom relief
(01:08):
from stopping the B vitamins like I talked about last week.
If you're new here and you have no idea, what's
going on. I can give you the Cliff Snes versions
really quick, so you don't necessarily have to go back
and listen to the last two episodes. But I basically
have had a handful of health scares over the course
of the last eight months that have sent me on
a long journey to try to figure out what on
earth is going wrong with me. One of the things
(01:28):
that we know for sure is that I had a
high level of B vitamins in my system after getting
an immune infusion via IV and also over the course
of several years of taking a prenatal vitamin that had
high levels of B six and B twelve in it.
By the way, like total side note, but PSA, B
vitamins are water soluble, but in my opinion, should also
(01:50):
come with a warning on the label that you can
overdose on B vitamins and that if you have too
high of levels of B vitamins in your system, it
can cause some really scary symptoms, including then are a
lot of symptoms that I've been experiencing for most of
February and now in too March. My symptoms have improved
since I've stopped taking the prenatal vitamin and my B
vitamins presumably are going back to a more normal level.
(02:12):
My symptoms are slowly improving. I am not one hundred
percent better. I'm maybe, like I would say, seventy five
or eighty percent better, depending on the day. It feels
like it kind of ebbs and flows. It's like three
steps forward, two steps back kind of a thing. And
I'm trying to figure out and narrow in on what
things I do that seem to make the symptoms worse,
because there are things that make the symptoms worse. I
(02:34):
went to a show with my husband the other night,
which I have not done. I haven't really gone out
or done anything other than just my normal daily life
in the last six weeks. But he had bought tickets
to a foy Vance show, and so I went out
to a Foidvance show with him the other night, and which,
by the way, foy Vance is amazing. I love that man,
(02:56):
I love his music, and it's so it was definitely
worth the pain to go to the show because I
realized that in this standing room only venue, that standing
for an hour and forty five minutes is not on
the table for me right now. It is just simply
not working for me at some point during the show,
I had to remove myself from the situation and go
to the very back of the room and lean against
(03:16):
a wall because I just could not stand on my
feet for that long. It made the tingling and numbness
a lot worse, and then it felt like it took
me another day and a half or so to recover
from that experience, and then same thing with hot yoga.
I have tried to go back to hot yoga. I
did my first yoga class in I don't know, at
least six weeks, maybe seven weeks, first class since the
(03:39):
beginning of February. I took on Sunday morning, and the
class felt great, and then post class, the tingling and
numbness was again much worse. So I don't know what
that means. I don't know what that says. I still
don't feel like the B vitamins are the one percent
answer to the ES. I feel like there's something else
(04:01):
probably also going on. And also I'm trying to stay
in a fairly neutral place about it, meaning I'm trying
not to go back into that panic mode that I
was in for most of February, where I was like
so obsessively trying to figure out the answers. And that's
kind of what I was talking about last week on
the episode I released last week, was that feeling of
(04:22):
moving into utter fear and helplessness and the desperation that
we feel to fix the problem, and that that desperation,
while very human of us, is also not always helpful
when it comes to actually resolving the issue. And so
what I was talking about in last week's episode was,
is there a way to stay a little more grounded,
(04:45):
a little more present, and to not frantically be needing
to fix the problem, because again, like I shared, my
frantic need to fix the problem was actually in many
ways making the problem worse. And I give myself so
much grace for that. I'm not sitting here like beating
myself up over it, because we're human beings and it's
extremely scary to have an experience where your body is
(05:07):
doing things that are outside of your control. And so
you know, I also like allowed myself to experience that fearfully.
That could be a whole other episode. Honestly, maybe that
will be next week's episode. It's not what I want
to talk about today, but there is an element of
allowing yourself to be so human that you get to
have both feet in this fear. Like that experience, as
(05:29):
miserable as it was, is now a teacher to me.
And I'm learning so much from having let myself have
that experience fully and just fully. I mean, it wasn't
even a choice that I made. It was not a
conscious choice to live in that much fear. It wasn't
like I was like, I have a choice now between
being present or living in fear, and I'm going to
choose to live in fear. No, Sometimes we have experiences
(05:52):
in life which totally overtake us, and that was what
that experience was like for me, Like it completely overtook me.
And I did have a mild awareness that I was
more than a mild awareness, I had an awareness that
I was out of control, like that my mind was
in a bad place, that I was in a dark place,
that I the sensations I was feeling were probably, you know,
(06:15):
in some ways blown out of proportion. And yet I
didn't have the ability to pull myself back in. I
didn't have the ability to come back down to earth
and put both feet on the ground. And that's very
human of me. It's so understandable, it's so normal that
I had that experience, and also now that I have
(06:36):
moved out of the experience, I can look back on
it and be informed by what I moved through, what
I walked through. So there's a balance there. I do
think there's a balance there. A lot of times I
think we over spiritualize these moments and think, like you know,
fear is bad, being present as good. So we just
need to stay in the present all the time, which
(06:56):
in an ideal world would be nice. And also, you
were a human being who's in a body and you're
having this physical experience, and sometimes that physical experience includes pain,
and sometimes it includes fear, and sometimes it includes grief,
and sometimes it includes you know, whatever else like that
the human experience includes. And so you don't need to
(07:17):
whitewash or rainbow wash your human experience and have only
one certain kind of emotions. There's space, there's room for
you to be in utter fear. And when we're in
our utter fear, when we're in that you know, in
the dark place, in our shadow, then we also have
an opportunity to be held by others who are not
in that space at that moment and to completely fall
(07:39):
apart and to be in the mess of it, and
so give yourself permission for that too. That's a side note,
that's a tangent. Maybe I'll record a whole other episode
on that. That's not what I want to talk about today.
What I want to talk about today is this idea
of what to do when the body says no. Because
sometimes our minds say yes to something and our body
says no to it, or vice versa. Our bodies say
(08:00):
yes and our minds say no. And I think that
our tendency is to override what the body is saying
and to really focus on what the mind is saying.
And I want to make an argument in today's episode
for why the body demands to be heard and why
listening to the body is so vital and important because
(08:23):
you know, in our culture, in our society, and I
could go into the history of this, it's really like
through you know, famous thinkers like Plato for example, that
we have come to rely on rational thought more than
intuitive abilities or more than extrasensory perception. This is why
(08:43):
we think things like you know, clairvoyance or clear audience
or whatever. These this idea that we could have a
sixth sense or we could feel into something and feel
the energy of something that sounds really cuckoo and woo
woo to us, whereas rational thought feels like the more
reliable path. Rational thought feels like that's something concrete that
I can rely on. You know, if it's if it's scientific,
(09:06):
if there's data behind it, if it's explained, then that's trustworthy.
But something that's more mystical or spiritual is less trustworthy.
I think we as a culture have you know, collectively
agreed that rational thought is the most trustworthy thing. When
you can see the train of thought there, you can
see why. You know, there's I'm sitting in a room
(09:28):
right now and there's a bed in front of me.
It's like there's a bed here. It's a physical thing.
I can touch it, I can feel it, I can
experience it with my senses. I can look at it.
I can see that it's there. It feels like it
is true. It is the most true thing that you
could possibly have because it's a physical object that's in
front of me now, the presence or spirit of my
(09:50):
dad who passed us October or sorry two octobers ago,
now a little more than a year ago. I can't
see that I can't touch it, I can't experience it
with my senses. Now I have sensations and experiences that
make me believe that my Dad and his spirit are
close to me and are present in the same way
that this bed in front of me is present, or
(10:11):
maybe in a different way, but in a similar way
to the way this bed is present in front of me.
But because I don't have proof, because there's no data,
because you can't touch it, feel it, tastes it, then
it feels less true somehow. So you can see why
one thing feels more secure, more steady, more predictable, more reliable.
(10:32):
And yet my argument is in this episode is going
to be that just because you can't prove it, just
because you can't rationalize it, doesn't make it less true.
And importantly, because there are many times in life, and
I'll share an experience that I'm going through presently, where
(10:52):
our minds say yes to something, our bodies say no
to it, or vice versa. Our minds say no and
our bodies say yes. And no matter how much data
you give yourself, no matter how much rational thought you
feed into it, no matter how much convincing your body
still says no, and your body always trumps your mind.
So let me give you an example of this. The
(11:23):
example that I want to use to talk about this
is fertility, because I think this is one example in
a first world country, an extremely wealthy place and period
of time where we have a lot of control over
a lot of things. Fertility is a reminder to me
that there are some things that we still don't have
(11:45):
control over. And your brain, if your brain is not here,
if you're not in a place where you have let's
say you've never wanted to have children, or you've never
tried to conceive or anything like that, then you probably
don't think about this much. Just something that would occur
to you. But because I have been trying to grow
my husband and I've been trying to grow our family
(12:05):
for the past couple of years, maybe a year and
a half or two years total, and it's something that
has not happened for us, And because of that, it's
in my face all the time. I'm watching reels on
Instagram of I've talked about this. One of my favorite
pastimes is watching reels on Instagram of women who are
taking pregnancy tests or women who are going through IVF,
for women who are doing fertility treatments women who are
(12:28):
hoping to conceive, and I love it, like I will
ride the roller coaster all day long of watching utter
strangers on the internet take a pregnancy test because it
makes me feel less alone, you know. I just love
like even if the test is negative or positive, doesn't matter,
Like I'm riding that wave with these women. And my
(12:49):
husband likes to laugh at me because I'll be like
tearing up in bed at night and he's like, oh,
another stranger taking your pregnancy test, and I'm like, yeah,
it's just like I will get so invested in these
people's lives who some of them are influencers, but many
of them are not. Many of them are just you know,
popping into my algorithm, because the algorithm knows what you
(13:09):
like and will dish it up to you in full force.
So I'll sit in bed and watch these women taking
pregnancy tests, and it's in my space at all times,
like I'm reading about it, researching about it, watching these reels,
experiencing it in real time. I'm tracking my ovulation, I'm
tracking my you know, my hormones. I'm taking the ovulation tests.
(13:31):
I'm looking on my apps. I have multiple different apps
to see how they agree and how they disagree in
all the things. And also like I'm paying, you know,
like ultra close attention to every symptom that I have,
every sensation in my body. I'm you know, this most
recent round of fertility treatments, I was taking pregnancy tests
(13:53):
every day to watch the trigger shot leave my system,
because the trigger shot has hCG in it, so it
leaves your system slowly, and then if you are pregnant,
you'll see the two lines on the test slowly disappear,
and then a second line will reappear if you're pregnant.
So taking tests every day like watching for the faintest
little change in the line. Is it darker, is it lighter,
(14:15):
is it whatever? And I'm just like in this mode
in full force. And so I'm reminded daily of how
just because you want something, just because you've decided in
your mind that this is something that you want, it's
something you desire, it's something you crave, just because you
have an overwhelming sensation that this is supposed to be true,
(14:39):
there are times when the body says no, and I
will say too. From watching reels and reading comments, I
see stories of people who became pregnant without meaning to
meaning like, let's say their husband had had of a
sectomy already and they were done having kids quote unquote
done having kids. Then they find out that they're pregnant
even though their husband is out of a sectomy nine
months ago. I see women commenting like, oh, this happened
(15:01):
to me too. My husband had to aseecton me and
we were on birth control and I still got pregnant.
So they are all these incidents where a pregnancy can
occur even though you were taking precautions, and so many incidents,
just as many where a woman is desperate to have
a baby and her husband is also desperate to have
a baby, and they're doing every possible thing that they
(15:23):
know how to do, you know, using every tool at
their disposal, and all the advances in science and medicine,
you know, putting everything on the table in order to
make this a reality. And yet the reality doesn't materialize
the way that they would like it to. And this
has been my experience too. You know, I feel an
(15:43):
overwhelming urge to grow our family. I feel a connection
to babies that I believe, you know, are connected to
our family or connected to me at least, and yet
these babies are not materializing in physical form, and so
you know, what am I meant to do with that?
There's like what my mind is telling me, and then
(16:05):
there's also what my body is telling me, and the
body is saying no. So sometimes the body says yes
to this experience of pregnancy and childbirth, even though the
mind might say, you know, I'll watch videos, watch reels
of women taking your pregnancy test and like panicking that
the test is positive, and I've just it's wild to me.
(16:26):
The similarities. There is a similarity between taking a negative
test and feeling devastated and taking a positive test and
feeling panicked. There the similarity here is the connection point
is my mind is saying one thing and my body
is saying something different. And even if fertility is not
your thing, Like even if you're like, that's just not
(16:46):
the phase of life I'm in or I'm not interested in,
you know, that's something not something I've ever experienced or
not something I'm interested in, there are other aspects of
our life where this becomes true too. So think of
any aspect in your life where you think, in your mind,
I would like for it to go this way. I
really want to get this job, or I want to,
(17:09):
you know, move to this place, or I want to
start this business, or I want to you know, have
a romantic relationship with this person, and you can play
out the whole thing in your mind, like you can
imagine what it's going to be like, you can dream
it up into existence, and yet in terms of materializing
that thing, it's it's simply just not materializing in the
(17:32):
physical world. And I was in this place for a
long time with a romantic relationship too, you know, before
I met my first husband, and then even while I
was with him, I could imagine in my mind the
type of romantic relationship that I wanted to be involved in,
and yet that romantic relationship was not materializing itself. And
over time you start to feel like, am I crazy?
(17:54):
Like the fact that I am imagining this, the fact
that my mind is saying this is what I want,
this is what I desire, my heart is calling me
in this direction, and yet in actual practicality, the relationship
that I'm living inside of is nothing like the one
that I want. It's nothing like the one that I imagine.
(18:14):
And what am I supposed to do with that contradiction.
I think a lot of the material that's out there
presently on manifestation is at least in my experience, I
will say, and I'm willing to be wrong on this front.
I'm willing to later say, oh, I was missing something.
There was a piece that I was missing that I
(18:35):
just didn't understand at the time, and maybe later I'll
understand this. But I'm just speaking from present current experience.
There's a piece of the teaching around manifestation that I
feel is missing. And manifestation, to be clear, is taught
in virtually every circle. The way that it's taught and
evangelical Christianity is different than how it's taught outside in
(18:57):
secular culture. But that concept of manifestation, the idea that
you can pray, you can ask God, you can you know,
believe and visualize a certain reality and then it will materialize,
it will come into being. This idea that I learned
growing up in church that if you have the desire
for something, that means that God put that desire on
(19:18):
your heart, so of course that thing is coming to you.
It doesn't really speak to what it feels like or
what it means to be in a period of time
where you're waiting on that thing to come. And I
also want to mention that it doesn't touch on this
idea that sometimes the answer is no, sometimes the body
(19:39):
says no. And I'm using the word body. I don't
know if that fully encompasses what I'm talking about, but
what I mean is like, sometimes the answer in the
physical realm is no, and sometimes it's no for a time,
and sometimes it's no forever. And I think that we
mistakenly feel like we have utter control over our circumstances
(20:01):
and then anything we believe we can, you know, we
can create, we can manifest. That has not been my
personal experience in life. I'm not saying, you know, I'm
glad that I held out hope of manifesting a better
relationship even when I was in a shitty one. I'm
glad that I held out hope of the marriage I
now have even when I didn't have a relationship, even
(20:23):
when I was in a period of waiting. So I'm
not saying give up on your dreams. I am saying
we have to find a way to make peace with
either a period of time or a longer period of time,
because in the scope of you know, I don't know
what you believe about. You have eighty to ninety years
on this Earth, hopefully best case scenario. Then when you
(20:48):
leave this Earth, whatever you believe about what happens then, Like,
do you believe you go to heaven and or do
you believe you, you know, live in eternity on the
other side of whatever is here, the other side of
physical reality, bel you're reincarnated. I don't know. I don't
know what I believe about that. But my point is
like it's either for your whole ninety years on planet Earth,
(21:09):
you are craving something, wanting something, desperate for something, living
for something that you never get to manifest, you never
get to see in the material world, or maybe it's
ten years, but ten years can feel like an maybe
it's six months, and six months can feel like an eternity.
I will say like even six weeks of being very,
very very sick felt like an absolute eternity. It might
as well have been Hell. I mean, I am of
(21:32):
the belief that Hell is not, you know, an eternal
place that we go, but it feels eternal when you're
living in it. It's a place that you go in
your mind and it feels absolutely eternal when you're living
in it. I would absolutely classify my experience in the
month of February as my own personal hell. It was
horrible and maybe one of the worst experiences I've ever
(21:54):
had in life. All that to say, when your mind says,
I want to be well, I want to be healthy,
I want to grow our family, I want to have
this love, I want to start this business. I want
to be wealthy. I want to be able to travel.
I want to have this experience or that experience, or
go this place, or meet this person, or live in
such a way, or you know, live out this ideal
(22:16):
or have this value in my life. And yet your
physical reality, your body is saying no, not right now. No,
you don't get to experience that right this second. No,
right now, you're sick, No, right now, you're not pregnant. No,
right now, The answer is no. And how do we
live in that tension and live in utter acceptance of
(22:37):
the no and then also maybe never really let go
of the dream or the hope or the vision of
what we wanted. I still am figuring out that balance
of how much is healthy to hold on to and
how much you know if you're living an utter acceptance.
You have let go of the thing that you want,
(22:58):
and yet have you really let go of it? Like
is it still there? This is the reality that I'm
living in now because you know, Matt and I, like
I said, we've been trying to grow our family for
just about two years now. I mean we've taken breaks
in there, so it hasn't been like two years straight,
but just about two years now. I've gotten pregnant four
(23:18):
times and had two real miscarriages to chemical pregnancies. Although
I have been told by an ear doctor that I
should call chemical pregnancies miscarriages. So that's why if you
hear me say I've had four miscarriages, that's why, because
she gave me permission to call those a miscarriage. In
my mind, the chemical pregnancy, which the only real difference
between a chemical pregnancy and the miscarriage is just how
(23:39):
long you carry the pregnancy. So if you carry past
six weeks, they call that a miscarriage. If you carry
not quite six weeks, then that's considered a chemical pregnancy.
But she was explaining to me, you know, the hormone
dip that you experienced, the loss of life, that you experienced,
the whole experience really is no different than a miscarriage.
And I've had two pregnancies that end, you know, within
(24:01):
about a week of finding out as pregnant, so like
right around five weeks. And then I've had two true miscarriages,
one at seven weeks and one at nine and half weeks.
So we've been trying for tears for pregnancy losses, and
(24:24):
then most recently two rounds of fertility treatments, neither of
which worked. I am at a point where I said
to Matt, I have to accept the fact that my
body is saying no, and in fact, my body is
saying no so loudly that not only will my body
refuse to get pregnant, but also my body is screaming
at me with these symptoms. It's just saying not only no,
(24:46):
but hell no. You know, like, there's this thing that
you want. You're trying to make it happen. You're trying
to make it a reality. You're doing everything that you can.
You're throwing everything at it, You're putting everything on the table.
You're all your energy, all your attention, all your work,
all of your resources are going towards this idea that
you want to manifest and yet your reality is saying no,
(25:08):
and not just no, but hell no, absolutely not not happening.
And in fact, I'm going to throw something at you
that's so painful that you know you're going to move
in the opposite direction. And I finally just said to
Matth this week, I have to accept the fact that
my body is telling me no. I cannot keep going
the way that we've been going because my body is
(25:30):
just suffering and there's no point in gripping so obsessively
to this idea that we need to grow our family
that I end up hurting myself so drastically in the process.
I have to find a way to let go of
this idea that these other babies are out there. And again, like,
(25:50):
I'm still learning what this means. So I'm not saying
that I don't still want this. I think that would
be a lie if I said I don't still want
to have a baby. What I'm saying is I have
to find a way to let it be okay, to
make peace with the fact that for now and for
an unknown amount of time, my body is saying no,
(26:13):
even though my mind says yet, even though my heart
still pulls me in this direction, my body has said no,
and I have to find a way to live in
that tension. I have to find a way to relax
around even the idea that I could manifest this. It's
like if you can dream it up, if you can
believe it, you can be it kind of thing. I'm
(26:34):
not saying that those statements are not true. I don't
know if I believe if they're true or not true.
I think they don't really fully get at the complexity
of what it means to be in a human body.
And no matter how much you dream or wish or
hope to be fully healthy, sometimes the body says no,
no matter how much you dream or wish or hope
(26:56):
to be in a romantic partnership. Sometimes the body says no,
not now. No matter how much you dream or wish
or hope to grow your family. Sometimes the body says no,
not right this minute. And I do believe we have
to respect what our bodies are saying to us. The
other thing I want to add to this equation is
I really believe that our bodies are infinitely wise in
ways that our rational thought could never be. And if
(27:18):
we believe this, if we allow ourselves to accept that
our bodies know things that we don't necessarily know in
a conscious way. Then we bow in deep reverence to
the body and listen when the body speaks. So the
body speaks and says no, no pregnancy right now. And
instead of being in an argument with the body like
(27:39):
I'm going to you know, I don't know, like try
a stronger drug or again like this, there's no judgment around.
We've done fertility treatments, like do whatever you want to
do in order to manifest the reality that you're hoping for.
But I believe you come to a point where you say,
I've tried everything I know how to try, and now
(27:59):
I have to listen to what my body is saying,
because my body is speaking some wisdom to me that's
too quiet almost for me to even understand it. And
so I need to slow down and turn the volume
down so that I can tune in and listen in
to what the body is wanting to tell me, because
the body has something to say to me that the
mind has never considered. And maybe that's all part of
(28:23):
what is meant to be happening during this time is
like if I had never tried to get pregnant, and
I've said this to many different health practitioners, like, if
I was not trying to get pregnant, none of this
stuff would be happening with my body. It feels like
the fertility treatments, on the hormones and the all of
that are a contributing factor to what's going on with
my symptoms because they do seem to be The symptoms
(28:46):
seem to be triggered by either miscarriage or fertility treatments,
or hormone injections, or you know, the list goes on.
So you know, if I wasn't trying to get pregnant,
maybe I would never have even tuned in. The symptoms
would have been too quiet for me to pay attention to.
(29:07):
And so maybe there's something for me there in that
that it's like, this whole thing is happening so that
the symptoms get turned up up to ten so that
you actually listen ali to what your body is trying
to tell you. And I think for the last two
years I have been unwilling to listen. I've been wanting
to override the body in order to make this thing
(29:28):
happen because that's what I want, and by golly, I'm
going to get it and I think some of the
manifestation teaching of present times, and equally the teaching of
my Christian faith growing up, they're really not that different. Equally,
both teachings encourage this idea of overriding what the body
(29:51):
is saying to in order to get to the outcome,
which is the baby or the husband, or the black
Mercedes or whatever it is that we're trying, or the
million dollars in your bank account or whatever you're trying
to manifest. No shame for whatever you're trying to manifest.
I mean, our desires are also there for a reason.
I believe that deeply, and could record a whole episode
about that. Our desires are there for a reason, and
(30:13):
they are guiding you. Speaking of the body speaking to you,
your desire is your body speaking to you and taking
you on a journey. And yet what do we do
when we reach a roadblock in that journey? Do we
focus on the outcome and push forward and ignore the
signals that the body is sending us, or do we
(30:33):
go Oh, this is why I came down this road,
and the whole first place was to hear this message
that the body is trying to send me. Right now,
this is the whole freaking point and purpose of all
of this. Can I turn the volume down enough and
can I pause for long enough to listen to what
my body is trying to say? And that's what I
(30:55):
am doing right now. And it's the argument that I'm
making in this episode is can you slow down for
long enough and tune in for long enough to hear
what your body is trying to say to you? Because
your body might be saying something different to you than
what your brain is saying. Your brain is saying. You know,
there's only so much time left. I'm forty two years old.
I'm about to be forty three in May. I've got
(31:15):
to hurry up and get this on lockdown because my
eggs are running dry and I've got to, you know,
have a baby no hour. It's never going to happen
for me, and my body is saying something totally different
to me. In fact, this is a writing prompt that
I've taught several times before, so it's not brand new,
but I'll just as a refresher remind you that one
of my favorite writing prompts is just I do this
(31:36):
on my iPhone. I pull out my iPhone, I open
my notes app I open up a brand new note,
and at the top of the note, I type, okay, body,
what do you want to say? Or sometimes I'll say,
you know, okay, God, what do you want to tell me?
Or what do you want to show me? Or sometimes
I'll ask my guides or even like you know, I've
mentioned before that these two babies, like their souls that
(31:56):
I sense very close to me, they can they will
communicate with me. They'll tell me different things, and I'll
sometimes ask them like what do you want to show me?
You know, and I feel like I'm in this relationship
with them already, where even though they are not here
in the physical, we have these conversations back and forth.
And this is a really really powerful writing prompt, and
it's a writing prompt that will tune you in to
(32:17):
your extrasensory perception. So this is not rational or logical,
and trust me, like my rational logical brain is like
this is BS, like my red flags are waving high,
and my rational mind wants to talk me out of
doing this at certain points. And it's fine that your
rational mind is going to do that. It doesn't even
this is how I talk myself through it. It doesn't
(32:38):
even matter if this is quote unquote real, Like, what
does it mean for it to be real? Like? Am
I really communicating with the soul of my uh? You
know these two babies from the other side. I don't know.
But worst case scenario, this is my own wisdom speaking
back to me. Worst case scenario, I am communicating with
a higher wisdom that lives inside of me. And this
(33:00):
is just my human way of understanding it. So I
just wanted to give you this example. This was a
couple of weeks ago. I typed at the top of
the page, Okay, body, what do you want to say
or what do you want to show me? And my
body said I'm tired. I've had enough, And I asked
the question enough of what? So this is another way
(33:21):
to kind of do this writing prompt is you can
ask more questions, like after your body speaks, or after
your guides speak, or after God speaks to you. You
can type what do you mean by that? And I wrote,
I'm tired. I've had enough enough of what. Enough of
the same old shit, enough of the world's lowest people
having the highest self esteem, enough of the status quo?
(33:43):
And I wrote what do you need from me? And
then I wrote, I need you to slow down, to
be patient with me, to have grace with the process,
to trust, to let it be really messy. And this
wisdom has guided me over the course of the past
couple of weeks. There have definitely been times when I've
lost track of it or last touch with this wisdom.
But this wisdom of letting it be really messy, of
(34:05):
having grace with the process, of slowing way way down,
of trusting that my body is saying to me, I'm
so tired. I've had enough of this. I cannot deal.
There's this is too much to metabolize. Like you're asking
me to metabolize the last six years of trauma in
your own personal life. You're asking me to metabolize for
pregnancy losses. You're asking me to metabolize the loss of
(34:28):
your dad. You're asking me to metabolize the Epstein files,
the absolute utter chaos of our current political administration, you know,
the everything that's going on around you. You're asking me
to process all of this, and you're expecting me to
do it with such efficiency that you're not even allowed
to have a night where you want to sleep ten hours.
(34:50):
You're not even allowed to like have a day where
you don't feel like working out, or it was like
my body was just telling me, like, what are you
doing to me? It's like the mind wants there to
be such efficiency, such productivity, such a heartless way to
move through the world that you're just like, no, you
just have to go go go doo dooo doo. Be
(35:11):
whatever everyone else in the world needs you to be.
And if you have a day where you're feeling like
run down, or you're feeling like a mess, or you're
feeling like you don't have it together, there's no space
for that. There's no room for that. My mind was
trying to boss my body around, and my body is like, no,
I refuse to be bossed around. In fact, I'm going
to get so loud that you're not going to be
(35:32):
able to ignore me any longer. And I believe the
wisdom of the body is so profound, and also the
wisdom of the body speaks very loudly when it needs to,
and you can ignore it for a certain amount of time,
but then once you get to the place where you
can't ignore it anymore, it's kind of too late. And
so what would it look like for us to tune
into our bodies a little sooner, and to ask our
bodies for wisdom sooner, and to slow down sooner so
(35:55):
that we could hear what our body wants us to say,
or so that we could hear what our body wants
wants to say to us. I'll share a few other examples,
just because I'm in my notes app and I want
to share a few other examples of how this writing
exercise plays out. It's really powerful. I challenge you to
do this writing exercise because it's super simple. It takes
like three minutes or five minutes, you know, at the max,
(36:16):
and I get such profound wisdom out of it. I
asked the two spirit babies that I feel connected to,
what do you want to show me today? And they
said to me, you are okay. The essential essence of
life is good and loving. They said, do not let
fear lead burn through this fear to find yourself. They said,
(36:37):
stop worrying about us. We're fine. No matter what you do.
We need nothing from you. We are taking you deeper
into your life. That one really stuck with me. I
think I actually wrote this. Yep, I'm looking at the
date I wrote this from the er waiting room. We
are taking you deeper into your life. We are with you,
even if we don't incarnate. We are so close. You
are our mother. I'll read you one more, this one.
(37:01):
I just asked my guides, what do you want to
show me today? And I wrote, they wrote, I don't know.
My higher wisdom wrote, you should trust yourself more, they wrote,
I wrote, everything you're sensing is true. You do have
another book in you. You are being guided. Nothing has
been an accident. Every single thing you've been through as
(37:21):
an intention, and you are exactly where you're meant to be. Yes,
what you need is more confidence. You're correct about that,
or we might use the word assurance. Stop avoiding discomfort
or fear. We know that you're going to be hard
on yourself about that, but there's no need to be
hard on yourself. You're doing great. You're doing better than
you think you are. Don't give yourself too much credit.
In other words, like what I sense that they meant
(37:44):
by that was like you being hard on yourself is
giving yourself too much credit. Know that, like you're in
this with us, and that you're not alone, Like you're
connected to all these people around you and to your
guides and to God. And to the universe, like you're
connected to all of it, and so don't this all
on your shoulders, like it's your job to make this
all work out. You're going to figure this out, and
(38:05):
you're probably going to do it by quote unquote accident,
or rather not by obsessively trying to figure it all out.
This is what I was talking about at the beginning
of the episode. You're going to unlock all the answers
when you stop looking for them and relax into living
your life. Just relax, let it happen. Trust. Even these
health issues are a way for your body to take
you deeper. Trust yourself. You aren't crazy. Anyway this goes on,
(38:29):
I'll stop there. But the reason I even read these
is just to say it's such an amazing exercise where
in three minutes or five minutes, you can really bring
yourself back to yourself. And it doesn't matter at all
who you type this note to, like if for you,
if it makes the most sense for you to say,
like Dear God, what do you want to show me today?
Or angels, what do you want to show me today?
(38:49):
Or guides or your grandmother who you lost, or your
father or your sibling or someone else, a friend who
you've lost, who has been gone for a while, whoever
it is that you want to speak with, and either
way that you swing it, it's all like, yeah, it's
just the collective pool of wisdom that we're all drawing from.
(39:11):
So it really doesn't matter who you're talking to. What's
so profound is that just as you let your fingers
move across the keys, that you access this wisdom effortlessly,
like effortlessly, within minutes. And this has become a favorite
activity of mine to do. I was just giving myself
a hard time the other day because I really don't
do that much writing recently. I just haven't since my
(39:32):
kids have been around. It's so much harder to find
a moment of free time. I don't wake up early
in the mornings anymore unless my kids wake up early.
They usually wake up around, you know, somewhere between six
and seven, and I'm usually up with them, making breakfast
and getting them ready for the day. And that used
to be my writing time. So I've had like moments
where I kick myself over that, and then I'm like,
(39:52):
this is my writing practice right now, and it really
is enough. It's more than enough. It's like a way
too quickly access the beauty. The wisdom that writing has
always given me is right there for me, and all
I have to do is pick up my phone and
open a note. So I challenge you to try this
and to do it and let me know you know
what unfolds for you and what kind of wisdom comes through,
(40:15):
because we all have access, in my belief, to the
same pool of wisdom, like inspiration. The collective unconscious is
what we're all drawing from, and we're all drawing from
that same kind of pool, but it comes through in
different ways based on your unique makeup. You know, your
personality and your voice and all of that. And this
(40:36):
is why it's such a cool thing to have many
different people who talk about the same subjects or who
share about the same ideas, because you experience it differently
when it comes through the words of Brene Brown and
Malcolm Godwell and Simon Sinek and your words and my words,
and you know people you've never heard of. So it's
(40:57):
such a beautiful thing to get to contribute to that
collect of body of work. And this is just one
really powerful way that I choose to do that. So
I hope you give it a try. I hope you'll
let me know how that works for you, and I
hope that no matter what you do, that you will
listen to what your body is saying. Because your body
is infinitely wise. It may say something different to you
(41:18):
than what your mind says, and what your body says
will probably scare the shit out of you. More than likely,
it will scare the shit out of you because usually
the thing our body wants to tell us is something
our mind has gone through great links to conceal or
to cover up. But your body is speaking, So tune in,
flow down, listen up, Thanks for listening, and I'll see
(41:39):
you back next week on the Write Your Story podcast
Hi, and welcome to you to write your story pipecast.
Good job, gilely pick up the pieces of your life,
pull them back together with the word you write. All
the beauty and peace and the magic that you'll start
too fun when you write your story. You got the
words and said, don't you think it's down to let
(00:23):
them out and write them down and cover what it's
all about and write you write your story. Write you
write your story. Hi, and welcome back to the Write
Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon, I'm your host, and
today's episode. I want to start first by giving an
(00:43):
update on how I've been feeling, because so many of
you have been asking me. Honestly, the thoughtfulness is not
lost on me at all. I've gotten so many messages
on Instagram. I've gotten emails from many of you. I've
gotten text messages from a handful of listeners who are
all wanting to know how I'm feeling. And so I
want to give you a quick update on that. I
am feeling much better. I have definitely felt symptom relief
(01:08):
from stopping the B vitamins like I talked about last week.
If you're new here and you have no idea, what's
going on. I can give you the Cliff Snes versions
really quick, so you don't necessarily have to go back
and listen to the last two episodes. But I basically
have had a handful of health scares over the course
of the last eight months that have sent me on
a long journey to try to figure out what on
earth is going wrong with me. One of the things
(01:28):
that we know for sure is that I had a
high level of B vitamins in my system after getting
an immune infusion via IV and also over the course
of several years of taking a prenatal vitamin that had
high levels of B six and B twelve in it.
By the way, like total side note, but PSA, B
vitamins are water soluble, but in my opinion, should also
(01:50):
come with a warning on the label that you can
overdose on B vitamins and that if you have too
high of levels of B vitamins in your system, it
can cause some really scary symptoms, including then are a
lot of symptoms that I've been experiencing for most of
February and now in too March. My symptoms have improved
since I've stopped taking the prenatal vitamin and my B
vitamins presumably are going back to a more normal level.
(02:12):
My symptoms are slowly improving. I am not one hundred
percent better. I'm maybe, like I would say, seventy five
or eighty percent better, depending on the day. It feels
like it kind of ebbs and flows. It's like three
steps forward, two steps back kind of a thing. And
I'm trying to figure out and narrow in on what
things I do that seem to make the symptoms worse,
because there are things that make the symptoms worse. I
(02:34):
went to a show with my husband the other night,
which I have not done. I haven't really gone out
or done anything other than just my normal daily life
in the last six weeks. But he had bought tickets
to a foy Vance show, and so I went out
to a Foidvance show with him the other night, and which,
by the way, foy Vance is amazing. I love that man,
(02:56):
I love his music, and it's so it was definitely
worth the pain to go to the show because I
realized that in this standing room only venue, that standing
for an hour and forty five minutes is not on
the table for me right now. It is just simply
not working for me at some point during the show,
I had to remove myself from the situation and go
to the very back of the room and lean against
(03:16):
a wall because I just could not stand on my
feet for that long. It made the tingling and numbness
a lot worse, and then it felt like it took
me another day and a half or so to recover
from that experience, and then same thing with hot yoga.
I have tried to go back to hot yoga. I
did my first yoga class in I don't know, at
least six weeks, maybe seven weeks, first class since the
(03:39):
beginning of February. I took on Sunday morning, and the
class felt great, and then post class, the tingling and
numbness was again much worse. So I don't know what
that means. I don't know what that says. I still
don't feel like the B vitamins are the one percent
answer to the ES. I feel like there's something else
(04:01):
probably also going on. And also I'm trying to stay
in a fairly neutral place about it, meaning I'm trying
not to go back into that panic mode that I
was in for most of February, where I was like
so obsessively trying to figure out the answers. And that's
kind of what I was talking about last week on
the episode I released last week, was that feeling of
(04:22):
moving into utter fear and helplessness and the desperation that
we feel to fix the problem, and that that desperation,
while very human of us, is also not always helpful
when it comes to actually resolving the issue. And so
what I was talking about in last week's episode was,
is there a way to stay a little more grounded,
(04:45):
a little more present, and to not frantically be needing
to fix the problem, because again, like I shared, my
frantic need to fix the problem was actually in many
ways making the problem worse. And I give myself so
much grace for that. I'm not sitting here like beating
myself up over it, because we're human beings and it's
extremely scary to have an experience where your body is
(05:07):
doing things that are outside of your control. And so
you know, I also like allowed myself to experience that fearfully.
That could be a whole other episode. Honestly, maybe that
will be next week's episode. It's not what I want
to talk about today, but there is an element of
allowing yourself to be so human that you get to
have both feet in this fear. Like that experience, as
(05:29):
miserable as it was, is now a teacher to me.
And I'm learning so much from having let myself have
that experience fully and just fully. I mean, it wasn't
even a choice that I made. It was not a
conscious choice to live in that much fear. It wasn't
like I was like, I have a choice now between
being present or living in fear, and I'm going to
choose to live in fear. No, Sometimes we have experiences
(05:52):
in life which totally overtake us, and that was what
that experience was like for me, Like it completely overtook me.
And I did have a mild awareness that I was
more than a mild awareness, I had an awareness that
I was out of control, like that my mind was
in a bad place, that I was in a dark place,
that I the sensations I was feeling were probably, you know,
(06:15):
in some ways blown out of proportion. And yet I
didn't have the ability to pull myself back in. I
didn't have the ability to come back down to earth
and put both feet on the ground. And that's very
human of me. It's so understandable, it's so normal that
I had that experience, and also now that I have
(06:36):
moved out of the experience, I can look back on
it and be informed by what I moved through, what
I walked through. So there's a balance there. I do
think there's a balance there. A lot of times I
think we over spiritualize these moments and think, like you know,
fear is bad, being present as good. So we just
need to stay in the present all the time, which
(06:56):
in an ideal world would be nice. And also, you
were a human being who's in a body and you're
having this physical experience, and sometimes that physical experience includes pain,
and sometimes it includes fear, and sometimes it includes grief,
and sometimes it includes you know, whatever else like that
the human experience includes. And so you don't need to
(07:17):
whitewash or rainbow wash your human experience and have only
one certain kind of emotions. There's space, there's room for
you to be in utter fear. And when we're in
our utter fear, when we're in that you know, in
the dark place, in our shadow, then we also have
an opportunity to be held by others who are not
in that space at that moment and to completely fall
(07:39):
apart and to be in the mess of it, and
so give yourself permission for that too. That's a side note,
that's a tangent. Maybe I'll record a whole other episode
on that. That's not what I want to talk about today.
What I want to talk about today is this idea
of what to do when the body says no. Because
sometimes our minds say yes to something and our body
says no to it, or vice versa. Our bodies say
(08:00):
yes and our minds say no. And I think that
our tendency is to override what the body is saying
and to really focus on what the mind is saying.
And I want to make an argument in today's episode
for why the body demands to be heard and why
listening to the body is so vital and important because
(08:23):
you know, in our culture, in our society, and I
could go into the history of this, it's really like
through you know, famous thinkers like Plato for example, that
we have come to rely on rational thought more than
intuitive abilities or more than extrasensory perception. This is why
(08:43):
we think things like you know, clairvoyance or clear audience
or whatever. These this idea that we could have a
sixth sense or we could feel into something and feel
the energy of something that sounds really cuckoo and woo
woo to us, whereas rational thought feels like the more
reliable path. Rational thought feels like that's something concrete that
I can rely on. You know, if it's if it's scientific,
(09:06):
if there's data behind it, if it's explained, then that's trustworthy.
But something that's more mystical or spiritual is less trustworthy.
I think we as a culture have you know, collectively
agreed that rational thought is the most trustworthy thing. When
you can see the train of thought there, you can
see why. You know, there's I'm sitting in a room
(09:28):
right now and there's a bed in front of me.
It's like there's a bed here. It's a physical thing.
I can touch it, I can feel it, I can
experience it with my senses. I can look at it.
I can see that it's there. It feels like it
is true. It is the most true thing that you
could possibly have because it's a physical object that's in
front of me now, the presence or spirit of my
(09:50):
dad who passed us October or sorry two octobers ago,
now a little more than a year ago. I can't
see that I can't touch it, I can't experience it
with my senses. Now I have sensations and experiences that
make me believe that my Dad and his spirit are
close to me and are present in the same way
that this bed in front of me is present, or
(10:11):
maybe in a different way, but in a similar way
to the way this bed is present in front of me.
But because I don't have proof, because there's no data,
because you can't touch it, feel it, tastes it, then
it feels less true somehow. So you can see why
one thing feels more secure, more steady, more predictable, more reliable.
(10:32):
And yet my argument is in this episode is going
to be that just because you can't prove it, just
because you can't rationalize it, doesn't make it less true.
And importantly, because there are many times in life, and
I'll share an experience that I'm going through presently, where
(10:52):
our minds say yes to something, our bodies say no
to it, or vice versa. Our minds say no and
our bodies say yes. And no matter how much data
you give yourself, no matter how much rational thought you
feed into it, no matter how much convincing your body
still says no, and your body always trumps your mind.
So let me give you an example of this. The
(11:23):
example that I want to use to talk about this
is fertility, because I think this is one example in
a first world country, an extremely wealthy place and period
of time where we have a lot of control over
a lot of things. Fertility is a reminder to me
that there are some things that we still don't have
(11:45):
control over. And your brain, if your brain is not here,
if you're not in a place where you have let's
say you've never wanted to have children, or you've never
tried to conceive or anything like that, then you probably
don't think about this much. Just something that would occur
to you. But because I have been trying to grow
my husband and I've been trying to grow our family
(12:05):
for the past couple of years, maybe a year and
a half or two years total, and it's something that
has not happened for us, And because of that, it's
in my face all the time. I'm watching reels on
Instagram of I've talked about this. One of my favorite
pastimes is watching reels on Instagram of women who are
taking pregnancy tests or women who are going through IVF,
for women who are doing fertility treatments women who are
(12:28):
hoping to conceive, and I love it, like I will
ride the roller coaster all day long of watching utter
strangers on the internet take a pregnancy test because it
makes me feel less alone, you know. I just love
like even if the test is negative or positive, doesn't matter,
Like I'm riding that wave with these women. And my
(12:49):
husband likes to laugh at me because I'll be like
tearing up in bed at night and he's like, oh,
another stranger taking your pregnancy test, and I'm like, yeah,
it's just like I will get so invested in these
people's lives who some of them are influencers, but many
of them are not. Many of them are just you know,
popping into my algorithm, because the algorithm knows what you
(13:09):
like and will dish it up to you in full force.
So I'll sit in bed and watch these women taking
pregnancy tests, and it's in my space at all times,
like I'm reading about it, researching about it, watching these reels,
experiencing it in real time. I'm tracking my ovulation, I'm
tracking my you know, my hormones. I'm taking the ovulation tests.
(13:31):
I'm looking on my apps. I have multiple different apps
to see how they agree and how they disagree in
all the things. And also like I'm paying, you know,
like ultra close attention to every symptom that I have,
every sensation in my body. I'm you know, this most
recent round of fertility treatments, I was taking pregnancy tests
(13:53):
every day to watch the trigger shot leave my system,
because the trigger shot has hCG in it, so it
leaves your system slowly, and then if you are pregnant,
you'll see the two lines on the test slowly disappear,
and then a second line will reappear if you're pregnant.
So taking tests every day like watching for the faintest
little change in the line. Is it darker, is it lighter,
(14:15):
is it whatever? And I'm just like in this mode
in full force. And so I'm reminded daily of how
just because you want something, just because you've decided in
your mind that this is something that you want, it's
something you desire, it's something you crave, just because you
have an overwhelming sensation that this is supposed to be true,
(14:39):
there are times when the body says no, and I
will say too. From watching reels and reading comments, I
see stories of people who became pregnant without meaning to
meaning like, let's say their husband had had of a
sectomy already and they were done having kids quote unquote
done having kids. Then they find out that they're pregnant
even though their husband is out of a sectomy nine
months ago. I see women commenting like, oh, this happened
(15:01):
to me too. My husband had to aseecton me and
we were on birth control and I still got pregnant.
So they are all these incidents where a pregnancy can
occur even though you were taking precautions, and so many incidents,
just as many where a woman is desperate to have
a baby and her husband is also desperate to have
a baby, and they're doing every possible thing that they
(15:23):
know how to do, you know, using every tool at
their disposal, and all the advances in science and medicine,
you know, putting everything on the table in order to
make this a reality. And yet the reality doesn't materialize
the way that they would like it to. And this
has been my experience too. You know, I feel an
(15:43):
overwhelming urge to grow our family. I feel a connection
to babies that I believe, you know, are connected to
our family or connected to me at least, and yet
these babies are not materializing in physical form, and so
you know, what am I meant to do with that?
There's like what my mind is telling me, and then
(16:05):
there's also what my body is telling me, and the
body is saying no. So sometimes the body says yes
to this experience of pregnancy and childbirth, even though the
mind might say, you know, I'll watch videos, watch reels
of women taking your pregnancy test and like panicking that
the test is positive, and I've just it's wild to me.
(16:26):
The similarities. There is a similarity between taking a negative
test and feeling devastated and taking a positive test and
feeling panicked. There the similarity here is the connection point
is my mind is saying one thing and my body
is saying something different. And even if fertility is not
your thing, Like even if you're like, that's just not
(16:46):
the phase of life I'm in or I'm not interested in,
you know, that's something not something I've ever experienced or
not something I'm interested in, there are other aspects of
our life where this becomes true too. So think of
any aspect in your life where you think, in your mind,
I would like for it to go this way. I
really want to get this job, or I want to,
(17:09):
you know, move to this place, or I want to
start this business, or I want to you know, have
a romantic relationship with this person, and you can play
out the whole thing in your mind, like you can
imagine what it's going to be like, you can dream
it up into existence, and yet in terms of materializing
that thing, it's it's simply just not materializing in the
(17:32):
physical world. And I was in this place for a
long time with a romantic relationship too, you know, before
I met my first husband, and then even while I
was with him, I could imagine in my mind the
type of romantic relationship that I wanted to be involved in,
and yet that romantic relationship was not materializing itself. And
over time you start to feel like, am I crazy?
(17:54):
Like the fact that I am imagining this, the fact
that my mind is saying this is what I want,
this is what I desire, my heart is calling me
in this direction, and yet in actual practicality, the relationship
that I'm living inside of is nothing like the one
that I want. It's nothing like the one that I imagine.
(18:14):
And what am I supposed to do with that contradiction.
I think a lot of the material that's out there
presently on manifestation is at least in my experience, I
will say, and I'm willing to be wrong on this front.
I'm willing to later say, oh, I was missing something.
There was a piece that I was missing that I
(18:35):
just didn't understand at the time, and maybe later I'll
understand this. But I'm just speaking from present current experience.
There's a piece of the teaching around manifestation that I
feel is missing. And manifestation, to be clear, is taught
in virtually every circle. The way that it's taught and
evangelical Christianity is different than how it's taught outside in
(18:57):
secular culture. But that concept of manifestation, the idea that
you can pray, you can ask God, you can you know,
believe and visualize a certain reality and then it will materialize,
it will come into being. This idea that I learned
growing up in church that if you have the desire
for something, that means that God put that desire on
(19:18):
your heart, so of course that thing is coming to you.
It doesn't really speak to what it feels like or
what it means to be in a period of time
where you're waiting on that thing to come. And I
also want to mention that it doesn't touch on this
idea that sometimes the answer is no, sometimes the body
(19:39):
says no. And I'm using the word body. I don't
know if that fully encompasses what I'm talking about, but
what I mean is like, sometimes the answer in the
physical realm is no, and sometimes it's no for a time,
and sometimes it's no forever. And I think that we
mistakenly feel like we have utter control over our circumstances
(20:01):
and then anything we believe we can, you know, we
can create, we can manifest. That has not been my
personal experience in life. I'm not saying, you know, I'm
glad that I held out hope of manifesting a better
relationship even when I was in a shitty one. I'm
glad that I held out hope of the marriage I
now have even when I didn't have a relationship, even
(20:23):
when I was in a period of waiting. So I'm
not saying give up on your dreams. I am saying
we have to find a way to make peace with
either a period of time or a longer period of time,
because in the scope of you know, I don't know
what you believe about. You have eighty to ninety years
on this Earth, hopefully best case scenario. Then when you
(20:48):
leave this Earth, whatever you believe about what happens then, Like,
do you believe you go to heaven and or do
you believe you, you know, live in eternity on the
other side of whatever is here, the other side of
physical reality, bel you're reincarnated. I don't know. I don't
know what I believe about that. But my point is
like it's either for your whole ninety years on planet Earth,
(21:09):
you are craving something, wanting something, desperate for something, living
for something that you never get to manifest, you never
get to see in the material world, or maybe it's
ten years, but ten years can feel like an maybe
it's six months, and six months can feel like an eternity.
I will say like even six weeks of being very,
very very sick felt like an absolute eternity. It might
as well have been Hell. I mean, I am of
(21:32):
the belief that Hell is not, you know, an eternal
place that we go, but it feels eternal when you're
living in it. It's a place that you go in
your mind and it feels absolutely eternal when you're living
in it. I would absolutely classify my experience in the
month of February as my own personal hell. It was
horrible and maybe one of the worst experiences I've ever
(21:54):
had in life. All that to say, when your mind says,
I want to be well, I want to be healthy,
I want to grow our family, I want to have
this love, I want to start this business. I want
to be wealthy. I want to be able to travel.
I want to have this experience or that experience, or
go this place, or meet this person, or live in
such a way, or you know, live out this ideal
(22:16):
or have this value in my life. And yet your
physical reality, your body is saying no, not right now. No,
you don't get to experience that right this second. No,
right now, you're sick, No, right now, you're not pregnant. No,
right now, The answer is no. And how do we
live in that tension and live in utter acceptance of
(22:37):
the no and then also maybe never really let go
of the dream or the hope or the vision of
what we wanted. I still am figuring out that balance
of how much is healthy to hold on to and
how much you know if you're living an utter acceptance.
You have let go of the thing that you want,
(22:58):
and yet have you really let go of it? Like
is it still there? This is the reality that I'm
living in now because you know, Matt and I, like
I said, we've been trying to grow our family for
just about two years now. I mean we've taken breaks
in there, so it hasn't been like two years straight,
but just about two years now. I've gotten pregnant four
(23:18):
times and had two real miscarriages to chemical pregnancies. Although
I have been told by an ear doctor that I
should call chemical pregnancies miscarriages. So that's why if you
hear me say I've had four miscarriages, that's why, because
she gave me permission to call those a miscarriage. In
my mind, the chemical pregnancy, which the only real difference
between a chemical pregnancy and the miscarriage is just how
(23:39):
long you carry the pregnancy. So if you carry past
six weeks, they call that a miscarriage. If you carry
not quite six weeks, then that's considered a chemical pregnancy.
But she was explaining to me, you know, the hormone
dip that you experienced, the loss of life, that you experienced,
the whole experience really is no different than a miscarriage.
And I've had two pregnancies that end, you know, within
(24:01):
about a week of finding out as pregnant, so like
right around five weeks. And then I've had two true miscarriages,
one at seven weeks and one at nine and half weeks.
So we've been trying for tears for pregnancy losses, and
(24:24):
then most recently two rounds of fertility treatments, neither of
which worked. I am at a point where I said
to Matt, I have to accept the fact that my
body is saying no, and in fact, my body is
saying no so loudly that not only will my body
refuse to get pregnant, but also my body is screaming
at me with these symptoms. It's just saying not only no,
(24:46):
but hell no. You know, like, there's this thing that
you want. You're trying to make it happen. You're trying
to make it a reality. You're doing everything that you can.
You're throwing everything at it, You're putting everything on the table.
You're all your energy, all your attention, all your work,
all of your resources are going towards this idea that
you want to manifest and yet your reality is saying no,
(25:08):
and not just no, but hell no, absolutely not not happening.
And in fact, I'm going to throw something at you
that's so painful that you know you're going to move
in the opposite direction. And I finally just said to
Matth this week, I have to accept the fact that
my body is telling me no. I cannot keep going
the way that we've been going because my body is
(25:30):
just suffering and there's no point in gripping so obsessively
to this idea that we need to grow our family
that I end up hurting myself so drastically in the process.
I have to find a way to let go of
this idea that these other babies are out there. And again, like,
(25:50):
I'm still learning what this means. So I'm not saying
that I don't still want this. I think that would
be a lie if I said I don't still want
to have a baby. What I'm saying is I have
to find a way to let it be okay, to
make peace with the fact that for now and for
an unknown amount of time, my body is saying no,
(26:13):
even though my mind says yet, even though my heart
still pulls me in this direction, my body has said no,
and I have to find a way to live in
that tension. I have to find a way to relax
around even the idea that I could manifest this. It's
like if you can dream it up, if you can
believe it, you can be it kind of thing. I'm
(26:34):
not saying that those statements are not true. I don't
know if I believe if they're true or not true.
I think they don't really fully get at the complexity
of what it means to be in a human body.
And no matter how much you dream or wish or
hope to be fully healthy, sometimes the body says no,
no matter how much you dream or wish or hope
(26:56):
to be in a romantic partnership. Sometimes the body says no,
not now. No matter how much you dream or wish
or hope to grow your family. Sometimes the body says no,
not right this minute. And I do believe we have
to respect what our bodies are saying to us. The
other thing I want to add to this equation is
I really believe that our bodies are infinitely wise in
ways that our rational thought could never be. And if
(27:18):
we believe this, if we allow ourselves to accept that
our bodies know things that we don't necessarily know in
a conscious way. Then we bow in deep reverence to
the body and listen when the body speaks. So the
body speaks and says no, no pregnancy right now. And
instead of being in an argument with the body like
(27:39):
I'm going to you know, I don't know, like try
a stronger drug or again like this, there's no judgment around.
We've done fertility treatments, like do whatever you want to
do in order to manifest the reality that you're hoping for.
But I believe you come to a point where you say,
I've tried everything I know how to try, and now
(27:59):
I have to listen to what my body is saying,
because my body is speaking some wisdom to me that's
too quiet almost for me to even understand it. And
so I need to slow down and turn the volume
down so that I can tune in and listen in
to what the body is wanting to tell me, because
the body has something to say to me that the
mind has never considered. And maybe that's all part of
(28:23):
what is meant to be happening during this time is
like if I had never tried to get pregnant, and
I've said this to many different health practitioners, like, if
I was not trying to get pregnant, none of this
stuff would be happening with my body. It feels like
the fertility treatments, on the hormones and the all of
that are a contributing factor to what's going on with
my symptoms because they do seem to be The symptoms
(28:46):
seem to be triggered by either miscarriage or fertility treatments,
or hormone injections, or you know, the list goes on.
So you know, if I wasn't trying to get pregnant,
maybe I would never have even tuned in. The symptoms
would have been too quiet for me to pay attention to.
(29:07):
And so maybe there's something for me there in that
that it's like, this whole thing is happening so that
the symptoms get turned up up to ten so that
you actually listen ali to what your body is trying
to tell you. And I think for the last two
years I have been unwilling to listen. I've been wanting
to override the body in order to make this thing
(29:28):
happen because that's what I want, and by golly, I'm
going to get it and I think some of the
manifestation teaching of present times, and equally the teaching of
my Christian faith growing up, they're really not that different. Equally,
both teachings encourage this idea of overriding what the body
(29:51):
is saying to in order to get to the outcome,
which is the baby or the husband, or the black
Mercedes or whatever it is that we're trying, or the
million dollars in your bank account or whatever you're trying
to manifest. No shame for whatever you're trying to manifest.
I mean, our desires are also there for a reason.
I believe that deeply, and could record a whole episode
about that. Our desires are there for a reason, and
(30:13):
they are guiding you. Speaking of the body speaking to you,
your desire is your body speaking to you and taking
you on a journey. And yet what do we do
when we reach a roadblock in that journey? Do we
focus on the outcome and push forward and ignore the
signals that the body is sending us, or do we
(30:33):
go Oh, this is why I came down this road,
and the whole first place was to hear this message
that the body is trying to send me. Right now,
this is the whole freaking point and purpose of all
of this. Can I turn the volume down enough and
can I pause for long enough to listen to what
my body is trying to say? And that's what I
(30:55):
am doing right now. And it's the argument that I'm
making in this episode is can you slow down for
long enough and tune in for long enough to hear
what your body is trying to say to you? Because
your body might be saying something different to you than
what your brain is saying. Your brain is saying. You know,
there's only so much time left. I'm forty two years old.
I'm about to be forty three in May. I've got
(31:15):
to hurry up and get this on lockdown because my
eggs are running dry and I've got to, you know,
have a baby no hour. It's never going to happen
for me, and my body is saying something totally different
to me. In fact, this is a writing prompt that
I've taught several times before, so it's not brand new,
but I'll just as a refresher remind you that one
of my favorite writing prompts is just I do this
(31:36):
on my iPhone. I pull out my iPhone, I open
my notes app I open up a brand new note,
and at the top of the note, I type, okay, body,
what do you want to say? Or sometimes I'll say,
you know, okay, God, what do you want to tell me?
Or what do you want to show me? Or sometimes
I'll ask my guides or even like you know, I've
mentioned before that these two babies, like their souls that
(31:56):
I sense very close to me, they can they will
communicate with me. They'll tell me different things, and I'll
sometimes ask them like what do you want to show me?
You know, and I feel like I'm in this relationship
with them already, where even though they are not here
in the physical, we have these conversations back and forth.
And this is a really really powerful writing prompt, and
it's a writing prompt that will tune you in to
(32:17):
your extrasensory perception. So this is not rational or logical,
and trust me, like my rational logical brain is like
this is BS, like my red flags are waving high,
and my rational mind wants to talk me out of
doing this at certain points. And it's fine that your
rational mind is going to do that. It doesn't even
this is how I talk myself through it. It doesn't
(32:38):
even matter if this is quote unquote real, Like, what
does it mean for it to be real? Like? Am
I really communicating with the soul of my uh? You
know these two babies from the other side. I don't know.
But worst case scenario, this is my own wisdom speaking
back to me. Worst case scenario, I am communicating with
a higher wisdom that lives inside of me. And this
(33:00):
is just my human way of understanding it. So I
just wanted to give you this example. This was a
couple of weeks ago. I typed at the top of
the page, Okay, body, what do you want to say
or what do you want to show me? And my
body said I'm tired. I've had enough, And I asked
the question enough of what? So this is another way
(33:21):
to kind of do this writing prompt is you can
ask more questions, like after your body speaks, or after
your guides speak, or after God speaks to you. You
can type what do you mean by that? And I wrote,
I'm tired. I've had enough enough of what. Enough of
the same old shit, enough of the world's lowest people
having the highest self esteem, enough of the status quo?
(33:43):
And I wrote what do you need from me? And
then I wrote, I need you to slow down, to
be patient with me, to have grace with the process,
to trust, to let it be really messy. And this
wisdom has guided me over the course of the past
couple of weeks. There have definitely been times when I've
lost track of it or last touch with this wisdom.
But this wisdom of letting it be really messy, of
(34:05):
having grace with the process, of slowing way way down,
of trusting that my body is saying to me, I'm
so tired. I've had enough of this. I cannot deal.
There's this is too much to metabolize. Like you're asking
me to metabolize the last six years of trauma in
your own personal life. You're asking me to metabolize for
pregnancy losses. You're asking me to metabolize the loss of
(34:28):
your dad. You're asking me to metabolize the Epstein files,
the absolute utter chaos of our current political administration, you know,
the everything that's going on around you. You're asking me
to process all of this, and you're expecting me to
do it with such efficiency that you're not even allowed
to have a night where you want to sleep ten hours.
(34:50):
You're not even allowed to like have a day where
you don't feel like working out, or it was like
my body was just telling me, like, what are you
doing to me? It's like the mind wants there to
be such efficiency, such productivity, such a heartless way to
move through the world that you're just like, no, you
just have to go go go doo dooo doo. Be
(35:11):
whatever everyone else in the world needs you to be.
And if you have a day where you're feeling like
run down, or you're feeling like a mess, or you're
feeling like you don't have it together, there's no space
for that. There's no room for that. My mind was
trying to boss my body around, and my body is like, no,
I refuse to be bossed around. In fact, I'm going
to get so loud that you're not going to be
(35:32):
able to ignore me any longer. And I believe the
wisdom of the body is so profound, and also the
wisdom of the body speaks very loudly when it needs to,
and you can ignore it for a certain amount of time,
but then once you get to the place where you
can't ignore it anymore, it's kind of too late. And
so what would it look like for us to tune
into our bodies a little sooner, and to ask our
bodies for wisdom sooner, and to slow down sooner so
(35:55):
that we could hear what our body wants us to say,
or so that we could hear what our body wants
wants to say to us. I'll share a few other examples,
just because I'm in my notes app and I want
to share a few other examples of how this writing
exercise plays out. It's really powerful. I challenge you to
do this writing exercise because it's super simple. It takes
like three minutes or five minutes, you know, at the max,
(36:16):
and I get such profound wisdom out of it. I
asked the two spirit babies that I feel connected to,
what do you want to show me today? And they
said to me, you are okay. The essential essence of
life is good and loving. They said, do not let
fear lead burn through this fear to find yourself. They said,
(36:37):
stop worrying about us. We're fine. No matter what you do.
We need nothing from you. We are taking you deeper
into your life. That one really stuck with me. I
think I actually wrote this. Yep, I'm looking at the
date I wrote this from the er waiting room. We
are taking you deeper into your life. We are with you,
even if we don't incarnate. We are so close. You
are our mother. I'll read you one more, this one.
(37:01):
I just asked my guides, what do you want to
show me today? And I wrote, they wrote, I don't know.
My higher wisdom wrote, you should trust yourself more, they wrote,
I wrote, everything you're sensing is true. You do have
another book in you. You are being guided. Nothing has
been an accident. Every single thing you've been through as
(37:21):
an intention, and you are exactly where you're meant to be. Yes,
what you need is more confidence. You're correct about that,
or we might use the word assurance. Stop avoiding discomfort
or fear. We know that you're going to be hard
on yourself about that, but there's no need to be
hard on yourself. You're doing great. You're doing better than
you think you are. Don't give yourself too much credit.
In other words, like what I sense that they meant
(37:44):
by that was like you being hard on yourself is
giving yourself too much credit. Know that, like you're in
this with us, and that you're not alone, Like you're
connected to all these people around you and to your
guides and to God. And to the universe, like you're
connected to all of it, and so don't this all
on your shoulders, like it's your job to make this
all work out. You're going to figure this out, and
(38:05):
you're probably going to do it by quote unquote accident,
or rather not by obsessively trying to figure it all out.
This is what I was talking about at the beginning
of the episode. You're going to unlock all the answers
when you stop looking for them and relax into living
your life. Just relax, let it happen. Trust. Even these
health issues are a way for your body to take
you deeper. Trust yourself. You aren't crazy. Anyway this goes on,
(38:29):
I'll stop there. But the reason I even read these
is just to say it's such an amazing exercise where
in three minutes or five minutes, you can really bring
yourself back to yourself. And it doesn't matter at all
who you type this note to, like if for you,
if it makes the most sense for you to say,
like Dear God, what do you want to show me today?
Or angels, what do you want to show me today?
(38:49):
Or guides or your grandmother who you lost, or your
father or your sibling or someone else, a friend who
you've lost, who has been gone for a while, whoever
it is that you want to speak with, and either
way that you swing it, it's all like, yeah, it's
just the collective pool of wisdom that we're all drawing from.
(39:11):
So it really doesn't matter who you're talking to. What's
so profound is that just as you let your fingers
move across the keys, that you access this wisdom effortlessly,
like effortlessly, within minutes. And this has become a favorite
activity of mine to do. I was just giving myself
a hard time the other day because I really don't
do that much writing recently. I just haven't since my
(39:32):
kids have been around. It's so much harder to find
a moment of free time. I don't wake up early
in the mornings anymore unless my kids wake up early.
They usually wake up around, you know, somewhere between six
and seven, and I'm usually up with them, making breakfast
and getting them ready for the day. And that used
to be my writing time. So I've had like moments
where I kick myself over that, and then I'm like,
(39:52):
this is my writing practice right now, and it really
is enough. It's more than enough. It's like a way
too quickly access the beauty. The wisdom that writing has
always given me is right there for me, and all
I have to do is pick up my phone and
open a note. So I challenge you to try this
and to do it and let me know you know
what unfolds for you and what kind of wisdom comes through,
(40:15):
because we all have access, in my belief, to the
same pool of wisdom, like inspiration. The collective unconscious is
what we're all drawing from, and we're all drawing from
that same kind of pool, but it comes through in
different ways based on your unique makeup. You know, your
personality and your voice and all of that. And this
(40:36):
is why it's such a cool thing to have many
different people who talk about the same subjects or who
share about the same ideas, because you experience it differently
when it comes through the words of Brene Brown and
Malcolm Godwell and Simon Sinek and your words and my words,
and you know people you've never heard of. So it's
(40:57):
such a beautiful thing to get to contribute to that
collect of body of work. And this is just one
really powerful way that I choose to do that. So
I hope you give it a try. I hope you'll
let me know how that works for you, and I
hope that no matter what you do, that you will
listen to what your body is saying. Because your body
is infinitely wise. It may say something different to you
(41:18):
than what your mind says, and what your body says
will probably scare the shit out of you. More than likely,
it will scare the shit out of you because usually
the thing our body wants to tell us is something
our mind has gone through great links to conceal or
to cover up. But your body is speaking, So tune in,
flow down, listen up, Thanks for listening, and I'll see
(41:39):
you back next week on the Write Your Story podcast
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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