How Did Lunchbox Almost Die on Vacation?

Lunchbox is lucky to be alive after a run in on the golf course with Pitts and how his life flashed before his eyes. Ray and Lunchbox bring back stories from vacation that took them all across the United States from Newport Beach to St. Louis to Las Vegas! Ray decided to travel in the middle of the night for some odd reason and learned the new term To Goies. Ray shares all the hot spots in Newport Beach and how he almost missed the Seal Tour because he had to stop in to get something for the boat ride. Also Batters Box is upset with Lunchbox already and Ray is ready to quit Fantasy Football after what Justin did to their team at 2 AM. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
We're live.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Man, dude, I just want to say happy belated birthday
to you. I know it was on September 5th. I
am not sure what day of the week that was.
And I completely forgot. I was so engrossed in my
vacation that I forgot to send you a happy birthday text.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
All good, dude. I don't really keep track outside of parents, wife, siblings,
et cetera.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Where were you on your birthday? Were you in Vegas?
Because I saw a picture on the Sore Losers Facebook
page where you were in the high heel at the Cosmopolitan.
But I didn't know if that was an old picture
or a new picture.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
They're all new. I mean, there's no reason. Me and
my wife take like 300 pictures every vacation. So there's
no reason to pull one from the past. Yes, that
was a picture. No, it wasn't live. It was taken
a couple days previously.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
Got it. Were you back home for your birthday or
were you still on vacation?

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Back home. Back home. We did it so that we
did Newport with travel days included. Newport Beach, day and
a half. Vegas, two and a half. Back home, five days.
Holy crap. I kind of had to do some stuff
for work. I don't like being in Vegas more than
a couple days. Three would have been, if we had

(01:21):
one more day, it would have been nice.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
What about Newport Beach? Don't you want to be there longer?
Was it not awesome? I don't know anything about Newport Beach,
but I don't understand flying that far for a day
and a half at the beach. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
We had the mother-in-law watching over the house. You don't
want to burden her with a week. of stuff. We've
got a cat to come home to just like a kid.
And my birthday was really celebrated out there, out West
in Cali and Nevada. So sure. My birthday fell on
the weekend. Did we have balloons?

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Do we have any alcohol? No. Do we have a
ton of food?

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
But the celebration took place in sin city.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
Got it.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
So the day of, I wasn't too worried about people
hitting me up because I had been celebrating long into
the night days prior.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
I understand. I just saw the picture and I was like,
oh my gosh, I totally 100% forgot. That's on me though.
I mean, I'm not going to add like I remembered.
I was so engrossed in St.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
Louis. I was in the loo dominating the loo.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
That I totally forgot about you. But did you mean
for that to rhyme? No, but there was one place
we went. It was outside of our hotel at the
Union Station Hotel. They had rides. They had a carousel.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Don't even tell me.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
What?

Speaker 1 (02:48):
The gay bar. No. Oh. No. I've been to St.
Louis for a bachelor party. I thought you were talking
about that piano bar.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
No, didn't go to that.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
My kids aren't really into that. It was outside the hotel.
And it had like a big old wheel. It had
a carousel, mini golf. It had the swings. It had
a boat ride, a mini roller coaster, feed the fish.
And they had like little, an old storage container. They

(03:20):
turned into toilets and it said, Lou in the Lou.
That's why it was on my mind. Got it. That's
why I went with the rhyme.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Do they call it the Lou?

Speaker 2 (03:30):
They usually call it the Lou overseas, but they did
it just to make it rhyme.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Lou in the Lou. It's like, Nashville. Don't call Nash Vegas.
None of us call it that.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
No, don't. That is stupid because we are nothing like Vegas.
We have no gambling. Our bars close, and that is
about all that there is in Vegas. I don't understand
how we are even called Nash Vegas because we have
neon lights on the bars. Doesn't every city have neon
lights on their bars?

Speaker 1 (03:56):
And that Dajon Love guy, the fake guy, I'm not
getting into it, but he would call San Francisco San Fran,
and one of the people goes- That's how I knew
he was fake. Nobody that lives in San Francisco calls
it San Fran.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
I love that the greatest news story ever breaks while
we're on vacation. I mean, what a hilarious-ass story.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
You would have loved it.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
We're not going to get into it.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Never.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
But we should start the show. Yeah. Because I am
just happy to be here. Are you happy to be here?

Speaker 1 (04:27):
We're going to do it live. I've been ready to
be back to work for five days. The way we
planned out our vacation, we sat at home in the
100-degree heat. You really couldn't go outside for five straight days.
So I've been ready to come back and feel– Like
I'm serving our country and community in some way.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
Oh, I got back Monday night at 5 p.m.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
We know you did. Me and Abby said, yeah, he
probably just got in. We're going to do it live guys.
We're about 28 days away from the sore losers convention
brought to you by Freeland Chevrolet. Maybe wrong in the days,
give or take a couple. And here we go. We

(05:07):
are the one, two, three sore losers. What up, everybody?

Speaker 2 (05:14):
I am Lunchbox. I know the most about sports, so
I'll give you the sports facts, my sports opinions, because
I'm pretty much a sports genius.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Y'all, it's Cizan from the North, Alpha Male. I live
on the north side of Nashville with Baser, my wife, Justin,
Gunn Lake, doing something. So much to go into with him,
can't really. He had to text with his iWatch because
he lost his phone, lost his money, his wallet, his
credit cards. His dignity.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
His dignity.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
And I told him, hey, the thing about the wallet
is you didn't lose much. We know there wasn't any
in there.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Just a couple credit cards that you just got to replace.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
It's real easy.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
You go online and say cancel. They send you a
new one real quick. Coach, over to you. Man, I'm
just going to say I'm lucky to be here because
I always wonder how does someone almost die on a
golf course? And then I experienced it. I had a
near-death experience on the golf course. because before we went

(06:11):
to St. Louis, we had a few days and I
was like, I'm going to play golf. And there's someone
I don't get to play golf with often because they're busy.
I'm busy. I have kids. They don't have kids. And
his name is pits daughter guy. And so I said, pits,
let's go play around a golf. And there's a golf
course up by his house. Super nice, super fun. It's

(06:32):
very challenging. He's like, brother, I don't play that course. Like, brother,
why do you not play that course? It's three minutes
from your house. The X works there. Can't do it.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
I said, brother, you don't even have to go inside.
We'll just get a golf cart and we'll go play golf.

Speaker 1 (06:53):
No, he'll stand outside of it. He won't go in.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
He's like, all right, brother, I guess if we can
do that, I'll play. I'm like, all right. So we
have separate carts, right? Separate carts. And we play the
front nine. It's great. We're talking, chatting. But the only
problem is I'm already in a bad mood because when
I pull up to the golf course, I pull my
bag out. My driver snapped. The kids must have been

(07:20):
playing with the golf clubs, broke it and stuck it
back in there and didn't say nothing.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Looks like you're using the hybrid all day.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
So I'm like, this is going to be a long day.
So then I got to borrow his driver, one that
I don't know how to use. You're not used to
hitting it, so I'm already in a bad mood, frustrated.
Front nine, I play like absolute garbage, absolute garbage. Can't
hit anything. The driver's terrible. The irons are terrible. Everything

(07:49):
is terrible, just awful. But it's fun just getting to
catch up with the brother. Hey, brother, how you been, brother?
What do you think about them.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
Chiefs this year?

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Man, I just hope Kelsey's paying attention this year. You know,
I think last year he was too worried about getting
engaged and planning the perfect engagement. But this year he's married,
so he's got nothing to worry about. All right, brother,
back to you in the studio. You know, just talking
about live, brother. Oh, you're going to come over for
lunch after? I was like, brother, I don't think I
can come over after this. I got to get back,
you know, the kids.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
He's going to make some cold cuts?

Speaker 2 (08:20):
I don't know what he was going to make, if
we were going to go to Bub's Barbecue or what
we were going to do. But I couldn't do it.
And brother, when he plays golf, he talks the whole
time to himself, to you, to the trees, to the grass.
It is so fun to play with brother. Cause he'll
hit it. I just don't understand why you did that.

(08:42):
Why did you not hit the ball straight? You know
what I mean? Like you come out to the golf
course and hit it straight. And when you hit it
to the right, that's not a good idea. So next
time let's hit it straight. Brother, give some time for
the birds. I'm like, okay, that's good talk.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Good talk.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
All right, cool. So anyway, We drive up to number
nine and it's right next to the driving range.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
Hit it, hit it, hit it. We finished the hole
and I don't know how this happens, but hole number 10,
let's just say is you got to go North, right?
Got to go North to number 10. So I'm in
my cart and I am looking down cause I'm entering

(09:24):
my score into the 18 birdies app.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Right? Yes. Our other boss does it all the time
to show how much golf he plays.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
It's not about showing how much golf I play. It's
just to keep your score, your handicap, tell you if
you're getting any better, you still suck. And I still suck.
And thank you for the bleep. So I start driving
towards 10 as I'm looking down at my phone. And

(09:54):
I don't know how far I went. You know, I'm going, going, going.
All of a sudden, boom! Me and Pitts crash into
each other in the golf cart. Brother, I tell you what,

(10:15):
those gummies hit on the 10th. And I'm like, what
the hell are you doing? He goes, brother, you were
looking down and I was going. I was like, I'm coming.
I don't know what he's doing. My first thought is,
if you see me looking down, hit the damn brakes.

(10:36):
And why are you going south? That is not the
way to number 10. wow i mean head on collision
that had to have rattled the cage a little bit
oh dude i was so flustered.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
You're shaking i.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Am like what in the and he was like sorry
brother but i i was going.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
What a brother story an intentional t-bone accident.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
And he said he literally said i saw your head
down but i was like well i'm coming Turns out
he didn't want to drive by the clubhouse just in
case the X was in there, so he was going
to go the long way.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
And he had to make it look like everything's going good,
I'm not going to make a big U-turn, a sharp turn,
and then she thinks he saw her ass. Right.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
So he just instead is going to head-on collision into
my golf cart.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Sometimes that's what we'll do just to make the ex
think you're not looking at him at all.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
And then he just keeps on driving. He's gone. He
goes to number 10.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
Right. I've been there with him before, dude. He gets skittish.
We'll go in to get some hot dogs, missiles. And
he just, brother, I'm just going to sit out here
on the bike rack. What? He acts like he's a
bicycle and like sits on the rack and like chains
himself up. I'm like, brother, you can go see a
woman that you used to slap uglies with.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
So I'm just sitting there just going, wow, dude. And
I'm kind of shaking like that was crazy. Like, I'm
lucky I didn't get hurt because it was a boom.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Well, she definitely saw him.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
Oh, I mean, everybody on the golf course saw us, dude.
I mean, you don't hear two crunching golf carts and
not turn your head. So then he drives off.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
He had to follow through with the plot.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
And he kept going south, and he goes out on
the street, out onto the other street, and I'm like, wow, okay,
all that. I didn't understand why. Okay, I get it.
And I respect that. So then I start to drive.
My golf cart weren't turned right.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
No driver and a rightless cart.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
The wheels are messed up.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
You've got to park that thing. I'm like, oh, my God,
I'm about to pay for a golf cart. I'm going
to have to pay for a new golf cart because
the wheels screw. The front left wheel will not go
to the right. It will not turn.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yeah, those things are pretty wimpy if they actually do
get some collision. It was a collision like this. Boom!

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Like, what the?

Speaker 1 (13:05):
You got to call AAA.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
My water bottle flew out of the cup holder. I mean,
the phone flew.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
It was bad. All so that he didn't see Big Bust? Jeez.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
And.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
So then I have to get out of the cart.
She's nice, too. I was like, who is that sweetheart
in the clubhouse? Brother, that's my ex. Don't ever say it.
I had no idea. We don't talk about her. I
was like, she discounted us and everything. Gave us a
free pork missile. You never said the brunette was your ex.
My bad, brother.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
So I have to push the cart into the cart bay.
And luckily there's no one in there. And I can't
get it to turn right, so it's just diagonal in there.
And I throw my stuff on another golf cart, put
the key in it, reverse, and I'm pulling out of

(13:57):
the cart bay as some guy walks in. I'm like,
how's it going, man? And I just kept going.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Had to dispose of some trash. Hate when there's a
couple cans on the cart. Wrong turn.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
Wrong turn.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Thought the cart bay was the clubhouse. And it's an
older gentleman. And he looks at me. Oh, does he
have a surprise when he goes to clean that cart?
She ain't going right.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
He's like, why is this cart part diagonal? I didn't
have any time to explain it. I wasn't going to
take a chance. I have to pay for it. So
I zip my butt to number 10. And I mean,
play number 10. I'm just looking over my shoulder the
whole time. Like, oh, they're going to be coming. They're
going to be coming.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
Paranoid. Are we parking?

Speaker 2 (14:38):
No total golf cart is more what I'm paranoid about.
Messed up front left tire.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
Now you know how it feels. Parking, getting a ticket,
getting towed. I don't care about getting towed.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
I care about how to replace the wheel on the
front left wheel on this golf cart. And I'm like,
Oh my God. Oh my God. And the reservations under
my name. They have my phone number. Oh my God.
They're coming. They're coming. Play number 10. Then number 11
is headed back towards the clubhouse. I'm like, oh, my God.
how long is it going to take them to discover
that cart? Now you're avoiding the clubhouse. I am absolutely

(15:14):
avoiding the clubhouse. I am like, I am going to
leave the golf cart in the parking lot at the
end of this round and get the hell out of Dodge.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
After you guys chip it onto the green brother, we're good.
Let's just get going. We'll leave those balls head to 12.
That's a gimme man. That's a gimme. We'll skip 11 altogether.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Go, go, go, go, go. And we play 11 and
then number 12 is a part three where the clubhouse
can see you. And I'm just like, oh my God,
they're looking at us. They're looking at us. They're looking
at us. Play the part three. No one comes. We
coming up 18. I'm like, oh my God, they're going
to be waiting for us. They're going to be waiting

(15:55):
for us. And guess what? We finish 18.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
And nobody's waiting for us. There's nobody there. There's no
one concerned about the golf cart. You want to talk
about being faster in hell, getting in that.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Vehicle and leaving that golf course and not going back
for a while.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
It's guy. I may have left tire marks in the
parking lot, but.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
They don't know that I wrecked the golf cart because pits.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Went head on. Boom, right into me.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Almost ruined my vacation on the first day of vacay
with a trip to the hospital and paying for a
brand new golf cart.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
I bet his chick did you guys a solid and
she turned a blind eye. Oh man.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
So what I learned, don't look down when pits is
in the other cart. You never know what's going to happen.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Speaker 0 7, you guys didn't come within a footfall
field radius of the clubhouse. The rest of the day.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
Nope. Nope.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Nope. He did the same damn thing when I was
with him. And now you got you doing it because
of the old girl golf cart that you battered.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
And I mean, even on whole number 10, he's like, man,
I don't know what you were doing. You were looking down.
He goes, I don't know what you wanted me to do.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
Dude, that's what women are making us do. Brother now
will do a T-bone accident over going and possibly getting
a sighting of his ex.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
That collision was so loud. I just can't even believe it.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
Brother, we were all in having hot dogs at one
time and brother was sitting out in the flower bed
hiding underneath a brush tree. I'm like, brother, what in
the hell are you doing? Brother, couldn't risk seeing her.
I hope you guys enjoy your hot dogs. All right, man.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Hey, I love brother. Listen, I love brother. And maybe
it was my fault for looking at my phone. You
shouldn't look at your phone and drive. But, man, he
was going the wrong direction. I had no idea he
was going that direction. And I can't for the life
of me understand why he wouldn't hit the brakes. And
his line was, I saw you with your head down,
but I was going.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
All right.

Speaker 2 (18:12):
So, yeah, that's how I almost died. We'll take a break,
and we'll talk about the rest of vacation right after this.
There was a lot of misses, though. A lot of misses.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
We'll be right back. Back from commercial. Thank you, guys,
for all our commercials.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
Sponsors, thank you. I would like to hear a little
bit about your vacation, man. I told you about my
near-death experience. I would love to hear some stories from
yours because you know what everybody says? man, you guys
come back from vacation and lunch takes the whole episode.
We don't hear about race.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Sorry.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
I get caught up in mine.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Do they actually say that?

Speaker 2 (18:48):
I don't know. I just say it maybe like, so
that gives you an excuse to share from yours.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Because Justin said that people are saying stuff. He goes, yeah,
people were saying they'd love to hear our draft talk.
And I went on the Facebook and I don't see
anywhere where people said they'd love to hear our draft talk.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
No, no one said anything about wanting to hear your
draft talk, but I did get a text from Justin
and said, by week three, we will find out if
Ray is still alive. He decided to take Prince or
Price in the third round. That will determine if he
lives or he dies. I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Okay. And also, he's now on the message board signing.
We did it so that he would do Justin. I
would do Cizan so people could tell the difference in
who was commenting. He now signs my name.

Speaker 2 (19:35):
I like that.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
There was a comment and I was like, I didn't
say that. And he goes, I wish I was a
part of this conversation. Susan, I never said that.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
He did say he said. uh, what did he kept saying? Oh,
I like your running backs. Your quarterback's terrible. Thanks, man. Uh,
you don't look bad, but you don't look good. We
are going for the, I've never been in this situation before. Look,
rookies we picked are real good. They just need to
see the field. Yeah. And he said the big name

(20:07):
to Darian price is What can he do in four weeks?
We'll validate if Ray is still alive because he took
him in the third round. Charbonnet will be back week five.
And so we'll see if Ray lives. And I said,
this may be your breakup. He goes, I don't want
to break up. But Ray is going to wake up
to me sending out 500 trade offers already.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
Well, he already sent one out. We don't even have
that guy anymore. He just did a blockbuster trade at
two in the morning. Dude, I want a $ 100 buyout.
I don't even want a part of this team. He
traded off our third round pick, Jadarian Price. No, he
did not. And Carnell Tate for David Montgomery. Like, that

(20:50):
was our number third round and sixth round for a
fifth round.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
That's what I said. I woke up and I said,
what have you done?

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
And he goes, I was drunk. I think I won out.
If he's willing to do a $ 100 buyout, I may
be out.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
Because he's pounding the bourbon a little too hard for
my liking. The rage texts in Vegas were at an
all-time high. And now I'm seeing from video from truck
drivers that apparently the Gun Lake Casino isn't even on water.
I was told that. I thought that it was. I
was led to believe that it was. So the whole
thing is just this mental imagery. He's just out on

(21:33):
a boat all day getting drunk. breaking his phone losing
his wallet he needs to get help and me signed
him doing those trades you don't realize the time that
we put into that and he traded it all we
we sold the entire franchise by morning that's tough oh

(21:54):
we put a lot we talked three hours on the
phone yesterday Did we love Jadarian Price? No, but Chardonnay's
not coming back until, like, November. He just had an
open leg surgery at the end of February.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
I'm with you on that. I really think they're just
hyping him up, like, oh, he's going to make a
comeback real soon. He tore his ACL in freaking January, okay?

Speaker 1 (22:15):
Like, come on.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
It's been seven months, and you're going to tell me
he's 100%? I just can't buy that.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Six months. And they're saying the minimum is... Five games.
I think it's November. I think it's middle of season
if Chardonnay comes back.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
He looks good in practice. Wait until he gets hit
on a surgically repaired knee. Man, that's a little bit tougher.
But I don't know. Hey, that's for you guys to
sort out. I would love to hear about some vacation stories.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, see, I always beat myself up about the vacation
stories because I'm like, I have them all. But it's like,
do I take notes? Do I... Do I... Continue the
trend of Vegas where we're like, okay, day one, I
made $ 10 at this machine. And like that total breakdown

(23:05):
chronologically machine by machine. Is that breakdown interesting? And it
really is. Is it the note taking? Because then I
beat myself up. Did I forget something that was super interesting?
So I'm not a radio host. So that's why I
don't even like telling stories. I just like keeping them
all inside my head.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
But we like hearing your stories. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
But I guess the trip started in Newport Beach.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Where is that by?

Speaker 1 (23:32):
California.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
Do you fly in LA?

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Apparently it's the only Republican city. But yes, no, OC. Okay.
But the trip started at like three in the morning
and we go to the bar at the airport. Dude,
that's how we have to fly.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
You guys are nuts.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
But we want to have a full day.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
No, no, your day is over because you're exhausted by
10 o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
We really are.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
Because 3 o'clock here is 1 o'clock there.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
One of the Newport days was a travel day. So
we were essentially in Newport for a day and a half.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
Seems like bad planning.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
So we get to the airport. Baser makes me drink.
At 4 a.m. we're doing mimosas. And this bartender is
a chatty Kathy. Bro, she writes on a napkin. Five
places we need to go see in Newport Beach. She
was from there.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
There you go. See, the stars are aligning, man.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
Well, and I think she played dumb, but she's from Vegas.
She's from California, but she works the bar right next
to the Vegas gate. So I think they put her
next to that gate because she has so much knowledge.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
100%.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
So she just spills it out. We get it all. Baser,
of course, already gets the lady's number. She's like 70,
lives on a golf course. She'd lived in Vegas for
30 years, worked for Wynn.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
Baser's now best friends with her.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Not best friends. We got her number, enough of that.
We get on the plane, fly there. Free drinks. Lady
never charges us for the high noons.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Always good.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
Baser forced my hand into having a high noon. The lady,
for whatever reason, didn't like us. The entire flight, not
once got us a drink. And I was like, F this.
I'm getting the last laugh here. Like, maybe 15 minutes
left of the flight. I was like, hey, can we
get two high noons? She wouldn't even look our direction.
She would ask the other people if they wanted water
and snacks. And for whatever reason, we are loved by

(25:26):
the lady at the airport. Loves us. We get on
the plane and this lady hated us.

Speaker 2 (25:31):
I thought she loved you because she gave you free
high noons, but I didn't know it was at the
end of the flight.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
And so we get those, shoot them back. Obviously can't
take them off the plane. I've seen dudes before. Oh,
I can't take this off the plane. No, dude, because
they'll ask for two. Yeah. And it's like, no, you can't.
You got to consume it on the plane. They'll just
throw it away.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
They do. They want to just toss it in the trash.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
And so we get there and we get to Newport.
And again, it is it's early.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Oh, it has to be early.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
And we're cooking. We get immediately to the resort, but
it's like 11 a.m. So we're at that weird place.
And Baser's busy as balls with her job. I'm busy
with mine. We really didn't even have time to talk
about the trip. Packing was fine, but not our best job.
So I'm like, can we even check into our room?
What are we going to do in Newport with two

(26:17):
500-pound suitcases and backpacks? And it's like, I guess I'll
just say, we had a crap load of money with
us because we're going to Vegas.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
So we're also like, where do we put a backpack
with thousands of dollars in it?

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
And there's also this. We planned it. It was a
decision where I said, hey, you don't want to go
to Vegas first, then Newport. But then also, in Newport,
we land and we're like, kind of wish we were
in Vegas. It's one of those, you know? Vegas is
a crazy animal that you yearn that much for it.
That's funny. So we're like, we got to enjoy it. Immediately,

(26:58):
I get big-dicked. The guy is like 300 pounds, 6'7,
could lift a car. Bro, I'm struggling with my bag,
my suitcase. And it's like cobblestone, so it's like... Dude,
this guy from Moana comes over, lifts both our bags up,
and he goes, where's your room? takes both of the, dude,

(27:21):
I wasn't even lifting mine up. It was that heavy.
This guy lifts them both up over my head already
in front of my chick in Newport. I'm like, wow,
I really stack up here. Carries them to the room.
Doesn't want to tip. I'm like, I thought the California,
they're wanting tips, but anyway, super nice guy already in,
in Cali. I'm not mounting up. So that was that

(27:41):
we go, I guess this was going to be a
day where we were just going to go and go
to like a beach bar that Kevin, the guy in
the truck, production team at bobby bone show he recommended
he's like i go to this uh it's called mutts
oh good spot we go to mutts and there's definitely
no air conditioning in california yeah and it's unseasonably hot

(28:02):
and you're at the beach people are like man why'd
you come visit us during the hottest time of the
year i'm like man we don't pick our vacations leave
me alone If I had a dollar for every time
somebody said, why would you come visit us in August?

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Oh, why did you guys wait until Labor Day? I'm like, well,
I mean, it's not my choice.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
When I would tell these people we were on vacation,
they looked at us like we were stupid.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah, they're like, aren't your kids back in school? The
first day we were at breakfast, the waitress was like, oh,
one last hurrah before school starts? And we're like. And
she goes, or are they homeschooled? And I'm like, no, neither.
They're already in school.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
And she goes, oh, makes no sense.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
That seems like a good time to go on vacay.
I was like, all right. Same. I'm like, I don't
know what to tell you, lady.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
So we sit at this beach bar, and I should
have told Kevin, hey, my wife's a little bit more
reserved now. No frat daddy bars. Dude, we go walk in.
There's 25 frat dudes. There's 20 sorority chicks. It's a
great bar right there on the ocean. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
I bet you a lot of energy.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
There's a port. There's a jetty. You got your families
out at the beach. It's right on the beach. So
you can see the water. The Pacific. If you get
a seat right there, it's probably the best people watching ever.
We had to kind of go to the back shelf,
but it was perfect. College football's on.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
And I get talking to a dude. There was a
fantasy football prank outside. Two dudes dressed in gold condoms
had to go stand on the boardwalk where all the
people walk.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Because they got last place.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Because they got last place. It doesn't end.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
It doesn't. It's nonstop.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
And so his buddies were taking pictures with him. Oh,
my gosh. Look at him. Look at him. All these guys.
Every dude there wears a T-shirt, like a surf shirt, T-shirt,
and a backwards hat. They're like, oh, look at him.
Look at him. All these California guys. Look at him
taking pictures.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
I mean, we sound old, but if we were 22
and we made our buddies do that, funny as hell.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
But they're running in and out of the bar. Get
another picture. Get one for Instagram. Gold condoms. And I
look over at the bartender. She's like, what are they doing?
I was like, I'm pretty sure it's a fantasy football
prank or it's a frat, but they look a little
too old for that. She's like, I asked. It's fantasy football. Yeah.
And I mean, the bartender's there... Very, very sweet and

(30:20):
very great to talk to, man. I bet. I mean,
it's like I was like, Kevin, I mean, did you
send us to the bar with like the best bartender talent? Oh, man.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
I bet you they are just.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
I don't know. They were they were no bras there.
I mean, it's like you can't even look at them.
The one girl's like just broke up with my boyfriend.
He's in. Oh, you guys are from Nashville. It's where
my ex is from. No bra whatsoever. Serving drinks.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
Just like golden tan.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
I might maybe start with let's class it up a
little bit. Throw a bra. Hey, like skin is glistening.
There's a little bit of a sweat. They're all tan, dude.

Speaker 2 (30:52):
Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
Well, and I mean, they're serving fish bowls. That's what
they're known for. I'm talking drinks this big. Yeah. Baser
got one. We drank maybe a teaspoon of it. I'm like,
what do I do with the rest of this liquid
in this thing? We're not drinking this. The girls are,
as they're carrying them, they're dumping them all over themselves.
So they're sopping wet by the end of the shift.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah. But the story was like a terrible place.

Speaker 1 (31:12):
Story wasn't about the frat or the talent. Oh, but yes,
that's right. It's like if you're going to bartend, do
it at the beach. You're freaking tan. Like you feel
the ocean breeze. Everybody's in a good mood at the beach.
It does. Everybody doesn't smell like Broadway, but the convention
will be smelling a lot better.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
It'll be great. Sore losers dot com.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
So I'm sitting next to this dude. Same as the bartender.
This dude's jacked. Tan. Like, looks like he's worked out
every day of his life. I'm like, holy crap, I
need to work out more. And we're talking to him,
rapping out. I'm like, oh, college football. He's like, oh, yeah,
just good. It's back on. I'm like, yeah, good. It's
back on. His sister's out of town. He gets hammered
right along the beach for three days while his sister's

(31:53):
out of town. He's from Florida or something like that.
So she's like, hey, have my beach house for three days.
There's bars right next door. Get drunk and just walk home. So...
He reaches over, though. Oh. And we were talking. He's, like, surfing.
You know, he's talking to Baser, talking to me, surfing
and skimboarding and all that. And I asked Baser at
the end of it all, I was like, did you

(32:13):
notice that? And she goes, no. And I go, when
he reached over. And she's like, no, not at all. So,
I mean, you know how the Pacific. Have you seen
these videos where there's, like, sharks swimming around?

Speaker 2 (32:25):
No.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Dude, so this guy reached his hand over, talking about,
he's like, yeah, I ran over to the jetty. Yeah,
I'm always out there and everything. Reached over his hand
to grab his bill or something. He was missing from
the pinky to the middle finger, all knobbed off.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
Freaking shark attack, dude. Oh. It ain't over. He goes
to get up. He knows the back way because he's
like at a house three doors down.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
He's like, all right, you guys are. He was so nice.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
He's like, hey, you guys are great. Awesome talking to you.
He wasn't even like trying to overly talk. So chill
watching the game, drinking his fishbowl. I got a fishbowl.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Baser's got a fishbowl. Just fish flying everywhere. Fish fry.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Okay. And so then he's like, all right, you guys
are great. So then I was like, oh, my gosh.
He had his hand not off from those sharks. I'm
not getting in the water. As he's walking away, I said, man,
he's like kind of hobbling. I looked down. Bro, the
shark took one of his legs, too.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Those freaking sharks. I didn't touch the water the next
day and a half. I'm like, so your sister let
you come see the house.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
So you still get the water after what happened down
there and up there?

Speaker 1 (33:36):
No, that's okay.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
I think I'd stay away from the beach, man.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
But he can run. He said he ran three miles
that morning. Wow. Dude, he was not off.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
I was like, Baser, put your bikini back in your backpack.
Save it for Vegas, girl. There's no sharks there. Stay
on the pier. But we didn't touch the water, dude.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Did you guys lay out at the beach?

Speaker 1 (34:02):
It wasn't one to do that. I asked Kevin going in. Well,
he said you either just, you kind of like chill
up there, feel the ocean breeze. We went to the pier.
It was the next day of stuff.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, but I mean, you're not, he's like, you either
go to the beach or you hit the bars and
you kind of do the boardwalk and stuff. And so
that day was really just, Faking like we were going in.
There's only air conditioning in the stores. No bars. So
we dropped to one other bar. Another girl, glistening tan.
Broke up with my ex. I'm single. You know, just

(34:31):
single on the beach. All the hot.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Bartenders, all of a sudden, are single. You know what
I mean? When you're married, they're single. It's amazing.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
But yeah, so you fake like you're looking at stores
so you can get air conditioning. So we're just basically like,
why are you looking at tube socks? I was like,
this is the air conditioning. I'm fake shopping. And so
we did that. I go back to the place. She
wanted to go to some housewives place called Quiet Woman.
Went there, had reservations, and they put us at a
table for 10. And we were two people. Nice. We

(35:00):
were sitting at a Lord's Supper table. I was like,
how is that? Oh, it's good? Your oysters, they're good? Okay. Oh, yeah,
the cheese balls are good. That's the only thing on
the menu I could see that I would somewhat like.
What was that? Okay, yes, yes, yes. Everybody's dressed up.
They're rich families. Did that back to home, went to bed.
And what do you know? Woke up at 3 a.m.

(35:23):
We're going to take a break. All we got time
for is Newport. We can't even get into Vegas. We
ain't even got it for Vegas.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
We'll take a break.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
We'll be right back. Well, and you guys say, oh,
radio people, you guys got the best jobs ever. Dude,
my sleep schedule's effed out there. I woke up at
three in the morning. There's no, nothing's open.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
No, it's not open. The only thing that's open is
the beach. And you know who's there? Unhoused people. Yep.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
No. Thank you for saying that. Apparently, they get arrested.
There's no homeless people in Newport Beach. If you're homeless,
you get arrested. Really? Yeah. Uber guy told us that.
And he kept telling us about some fashion island where
they're shopping. He goes, oh, yeah, you and your wife
could walk there. One morning I ran there. I still
didn't see the shopping. So I had this island he

(36:12):
talked about. Maybe you guys have been there.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
He goes, yes.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Whatever you buy at Fashion Island, there's only one of
it on the earth. Oh. It's like that exclusive. And
I'm like, well, I ran the other day and still
never saw it. But I saw Fashion Island. If you
guys could tell me how to find it, let me know.
But I'm up at 3 a.m. Bro, there's nobody awake.
You guys say we have the best lives ever. My
sleep schedule's effed. Bazer's up 4 a.m. I'm up at

(36:36):
3 a.m. I'm like, hey, I was able to get
us a jerky and a Pringles. And the security guard.
You want to go to breakfast? We got to wait
three hours till something opens. You want to know how
tough security is at Newport? I walk in. Every door
is open at the Hyatt. Security guard both days. Arms
on the armrest. Lazy boy. Both mornings from 3 until 5.

(37:01):
Saw the lumber. I mean, we could have been robbed.
We could have been sent to Mexico, to Tijuana. Here's
your security guard in a chair. I mean, we were safe, man.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
He had that couch on lock.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
I'm like, Bazer, same security guard, same exact couch, same
exact hand positions. Like a zombie. Dunzo. And so, yeah,
that was me. I was getting our little convenience stuff
for two hours. Hey, when is the coffee? Oh, the
coffee's at 5 a.m.? Okay, cool. Oh, it's only 3.30 a.m.? Like,

(37:38):
there was a lady at the front desk, you know. Like,
she was faking like she was awake. She was in
the bag sleeping, too. She's like, yeah, it opens at 5.
I mean, literally still wiping the sleepers out of her eyes.
I'm like, oh, cool, cool, fine.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
Is there anywhere I can get something to eat around here? No,
it's 3.30 in the morning, man. Like, leave me alone.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
And so, dude, finally it all opens up. It's 7 a.m.
or whatever. We get our mimosas. And, I mean, there's Moana.
That guy's there again. He's out. He's doing luggage.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
He sees us.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
He's like, hey, my favorite couple. Giving us dabs. We
got mimosas. The whole staff loved us because we just
kind of brought the party.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
That's what you guys do. You bring the energy. You
guys are a vibe.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
So everybody else is like... hi there uh two for
your oatmeal breakfast dude we roll and we're like hey
can we get two mimosas we're not trying to eat
with y'all we're gonna go eat at the lighthouse and
they're like oh yeah we'll come bring them they bring
us to go cups moana's out what's up guys what
are we doing today everybody's vibing it's all cool and
but this is it this is our last day in
newport it's like.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
It's already over yeah i forgot we're only there a
day and a half i forgot about this.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
Oh and i forgot to tell you there was randomly
a nine hole golf course it was free Oh, so
I went and played that the day before just in
the afternoon for 40 minutes.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
That's pretty nice.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
And there was also a pickleball tournament, but it was
also the same time as the U S open who
won pickleball. It was, there was, so there was a
bunch of 35, 40, 50, 60 year old people all
in pickleball outfits. The guys are wearing their pickleball shirts
with no arms. Girls are wearing their tennis skirts all
over the resort.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
And everybody's serious about it. So I walk in there
and basically, oh, this is curious. What is this? And
I knew it was a stupid pickleball thing. And like, oh,
my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
It's the U.S.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Open, honey. And like, it's time right now is the U.S. Open. Yeah. No,
I know.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
Shelton won last night.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
Four of the workers. The biggest belly laughs I've ever had. Oh,
my gosh. So you're telling me they have a sense
of humor. Dying laughing.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Dude, because at the Arch, they have no sense of humor. Like,
we're sitting there and we're walking in to where you
get in the trams to go up the arch in St.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
Louis.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
And there's two workers standing there. And I was like, oh,
this way to the baseball game? Right in here to
the baseball game? And they didn't even smile.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
Big Mac land.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
And my wife goes, stop.

Speaker 1 (39:53):
Stop. And I was like, what?

Speaker 2 (39:55):
She goes, they didn't even smile. They did not enjoy
that whatsoever. And I was like, that is funny.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Because you're obviously not going to the baseball game.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Obviously we're going into the Arch. I understand that. But
I said, oh, this way to the baseball game right
in here? Is this the outfield seats? And I mean,
didn't get a smile from the two workers at all.
No sense of humor at the Arch. No joking around.
All business. And so we're going to the Lighthouse. And
this was recommended by Morgan No. 2 from The Big

(40:24):
Show previously. And it was phenomenal.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
It's like a... government building but you can order food
and drink out of it really yeah so like if
you go to the bathrooms there's people showering that are
going to the beach and stuff and it's like like
in one area you get your passport and the other
area you get your driver's license and the other area
you go to a restaurant drink mimosas wow because it's
literally the government lighthouse that's cool so but we're just

(40:51):
i mean you are right on the water that's fun
yeah there's quarter million dollar million dollar yachts rolling up
you know And I'm all talking. I was doing some videos,
acting like I was the rich people. Oh, father, father,
today at school was tough. I was not able to
get the filet mignon. There's a freaking billion-dollar family there sitting,
having breakfast on the yacht.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
That's funny.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
Like, stop.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
I like that.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
And so then I just faked like I had a
yacht and went and walked down there and went and
looked at them all. It's just phenomenal boat watching. But
this was interesting at the lighthouse because they use this
new word I'd never heard of before, to goey. So
they gave us these carafs of mimosas, just massive jugs.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Please explain what caraf means, Rich.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
It's like your glass water things when you go to
a restaurant, but it was full of mimosas.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
What is that? Pellegrino? The green bottle. Pellegrino. Yeah. Got it.

Speaker 1 (41:47):
So it's a caraf, and it's just too much. And
so our host, our waiter, goes, hey, I can bring
you guys to-go-ies. I mean, kind of an effeminate word, to-go-y.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
I've never really used to go.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Kind of sounds sissy.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
And he was a phenomenal waiter. Just killed it. But
I think he was going on his break. And I
don't think they want to be like, hey, I'm going
on my break, guys. You got it. They don't want
to ruin the party. So I think he just disappears
to his break. So another guy comes around a little
bit broken English and he goes to go. He's. And
I'm like, oh, my gosh, here's this term again. I'm like, yeah, yeah,
for sure to go. He's. But he never brought the to-go-ies.

(42:21):
So it's just like we're 0 for 2 on the to-go-ies.
And I'm like, that's crazy that everybody uses this word.
Then comes another waiter bragging to the table beside us. Oh, yeah,
I come here. I make $ 1, 000 a day on the water.
Down on the boardwalk, another $ 500 a week. He's like,
I'm cleaning up every week. Okay, buddy, shut up. You're
making more than a CEO.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
Here we go.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
But he's that kind of vibe. He goes, hey, you
guys want some to-go-ies? And I'm like, there's this word. Yeah, dude.
Can we get some to-go-ies? Mark me down for two to-go-ies.
And I'm like, not comfortable using this word. And so
I've never used it before. I've said roadies. I've never said, hey,
you guys want to get some to-go-ies? And so he goes, hey,

(43:06):
two to-go-ies? I'm like, yeah, yeah, for sure. Get us
a couple to-go-ies. So he comes behind us to a table,
takes their order. Another table takes their order, bringing out food.
He doesn't have the to-go-ies. So we were 0 for
3 on to-go-ies. So we signed our bills, and we
left half a care of a mimosa each because they

(43:28):
were so dang tall. And I'm like, I never got
to experience to-go-ies.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
So whatever, you never figured it out?

Speaker 1 (43:37):
No, it was just like this word that everybody used,
and I'm like, dang.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Oh, maybe it's like you're ready to go-ie.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Like, I just wanted to be like, Baser, me, her, boardwalking,
just with these to-goies, and we just never got to
experience that moment.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
That's unfortunate.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
But I gave the truckers, you guys use that at
the truck stop, Flying J. But that day, then went
to the wedge. Disgusting. It's the biggest waves because they
come off the jetty. They, like, reflect off of it.
You're talking 12, 8-foot gnarly overhead. Guys are getting pipelined.
Skim boarders were rocking it. No surfers. It was all
skim boarders. They start from the shore, go towards the jetty.

(44:14):
It's a double wave, and then they come back around. Oh,
how did you do on the skim? Didn't do it.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Why?

Speaker 1 (44:19):
I mean, Costa Rica I did, different type waves. But
when it was reflecting off the jetty, it was a
little too gnarly for me. I would have gotten washed out.
I'm not trying to get boarded like that.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
Got it.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
But watching it, and now if you guys watch the news,
I mean, they're getting like 20-foot waves right now from
the Hawaii hurricane.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
Oh, the Hawaii hurricane.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
And it's washing out where we were at, the Wedge.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
No.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
And where did we get the wedge from? The bartender
at the Nashville airport when she told us the five
places to visit. Oh. In Newport. That was not going
to be my guess. I'm glad I didn't guess. She
wrote it on a napkin.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
I was going to say the bartender at the first bar, Muffy's.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Mutt's. Mutt's. But the Uber driver, then he's like, go
to this cruiser's bar. We go there. Uber driver's like, hey,
do you guys care if I come in with you?

Speaker 2 (45:06):
What?

Speaker 1 (45:06):
I don't know if you had any friends. Uber driver
rolls in with us to cruisers, has a drink. Baser
gets his number and he takes a picture with us.
Baser is a woman of numbers, dude. So she's texting
a random Uber driver, random lady at the airport.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Jeez, man.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
She probably got the luggage guy's number if we needed
help with luggage ever again.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
Or if you need furniture moved to your house, she's
going to call him. Hey man, can you come move
my couch? Cause my husband sure can't.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
And so dude wedged it. And then what would, what
did we do? Oh, then we did. There's like a
Ferris wheel went and saw some sea lions.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Oh, did you do the big Ferris wheel on the boardwalk?
It's not, we were the only people on it.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
It's so it's like, I don't, maybe I think the
one you're talking about is like Venice beach. Oh, this
is like Newport.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
My bad.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
That may be on me. And we went to another
spot there. It was called Newport Landing. If you all
want to check it out, the macaroni and cheese and
lobster was insane. And that was it. That was closure
time because we went to bed. We had Vegas the
next day.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Did you leave for Vegas at like 6.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
A.m.? Pretty much. Oh, Baser passed out. Went back. Baser
passes out. Oh, as we're going to the Sea Lion Tour,
we got to take a break.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
Yeah, we'll take a break. Oh, we'll take a break.
We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
See, that's my biggest fear for getting something. So as
we're doing the sea lion tour, the guy goes, hey,
there's no alcohol on board. You guys look like you've
been having yourselves a good time. Some to go is
he didn't say it, but I was like, no, no.
If there's to go, he's the new word that I
never knew. But I'm like, he's like, hey, but you
can go to the liquor store and get them. And

(46:47):
he's like, but you only have five minutes. And so, dude,
I hoof it to this liquor store. And I'm on
the phone with Banzer. I'm like, hey, they got tall boys.
You want a nooner? There's bachelor parties in the liquor store.
They're all dying laughing because I'm talking loud as balls.
I'm like, guys, amazing race. I only got five minutes. Literally,
the sea lion tour is leaving. And Banzer's like, hey.
And she sounds like a southern girl. And she's like, well,

(47:08):
make sure you get a couple shooters. And I'm like, okay,
they got fireballs. She's like, yes, get me two fireball shooters.
And I'm like, all right, I got the nooners. And
they'd never heard nooners. They're like, what? what, what is
this nooners? I'm like, everybody calls it nooners. And then
what we're exchanging nicknames. None of us use the same
nicknames for stuff.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
And so boom, I check out and I'm running and
I have video. I can post all these videos and
make a thing of it and put it on our
Instagram sore losers as I'm running. And I make it
to the sea lion as the boat's pulling off. He
held the boat, all these families, all these tourists of families,
the boat, And I get on with a brown paper
sack with shooters falling out of it. They held the

(47:48):
boat for an alcoholic to hop on.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
How were the sea lions, man?

Speaker 1 (47:54):
It was that. The coolest thing was we were able
to tell me that isn't a fake message. We were
able to see the owner's house. It's all these rich
people that live there. And so either the guy was
totally pulling our leg or it really was the house
of the Utah Jazz owner.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
It was pretty disgusting. Oh, yeah. It says, his boat
says pass gas. I was hoping it would say Utah Jazz.
Apparently that's Utah Jazz's house.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
That's legit, man. So he would point them out. That's
his vacay home.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
There was really no other notable ones that were like that. But, yeah,
the sea lions are freaking crazy. They just, like, sleep
out on, like, a little past the jetty on one
of the buoys.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
They're kind of like, I don't know, they're like cats,
kind of. They're like purrings.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
Did you get to pet him?

Speaker 1 (48:41):
No, we could only get semi-close. And I was like
yelling at him and Bazer's yelling at me, you know.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Seen dolphins?

Speaker 1 (48:47):
No dolphins. There was a separate tour. You could do
the dolphins. But, I mean, talk about great dates. We're
on whatever, a paid sea lion thing. There's yachts. Then
there's dudes on the free canoes with their chicks. And
they got little shooters in the canoes.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Oh, and they're just going out.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
They're just going out, dude. Going to town. on the
open water.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
That's romance, man.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
But then we'd hit him with a little wave Boy's
trying to get his Mac on, you know, his chick
in the canoe paddleboard is like, Oh, he's trying to neck.
And so then dude, it was back to bed. We
had to get back to bed for Vegas. Baser went
to bed. I stayed up another three hours.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
What?

Speaker 1 (49:31):
Threw some shorts on sandals, went to the hotel bar.
It was the night Joker lost us open tennis.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
And didn't know he lost these two finance guys. Talk
to them for hours about finance. Didn't learn a thing,
but me and them put down dozens of espressos combined
and high noons. And I mean, they couldn't believe I
was 40. They were in suits. I was literally in
flip-flop shorts and a cutoff and they were at a conference.

(50:01):
It was, it was a conference guys, conference guys. And
I was holding a conversation with them.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
And you know what? That feels good. They're like, man,
there's hope for us. When we're 40, we're still going
to be having fun.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
The next day, we're about to head to the airport.
I'm like, I can't see those guys. I mean, no
telling what I talked to them about for three hours.
So we're in the lobby, and I'm hiding under a pillow, dude.
I can't see those guys again.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
Putting shades on, hats down low, hood is over your head.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (50:40):
Slurping out, sneaking out of the hotel. And we're off
to Vegas.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
Man, I can't wait to hear about Vegas on Friday.
We are off to Vegas. I mean, Friday we'll talk Vegas.
And I mean, I know guys, football's back and we're
supposed to talk about football.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
It starts tonight. I get it.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
I understand that. Friday, we will tell you who's going
to win the Super Bowl. We're going to have our predictions.
We're going to have all that on Friday. But we
had to give some vacay stuff. But I will say
that I'm on vacay, right? And it was, what night
was it? God, it had to be Saturday night, I guess.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
First night.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
And I get a call. And it's batter's box. He's like,
did you just see that? Did you just see that?

Speaker 1 (51:23):
It had to have been Joker.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
And I'm like, see what? He goes, the ending to
the Michigan game.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
Oh, that was the following Saturday.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
And I said, nope, didn't see it. He goes, what
do you mean you didn't see it? I'm like, hey, man,
I'm on vacation in St.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Louis.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
We literally just walked in the hotel room on Saturday.
I don't know exactly what we did. It was, oh,
that's when we went to the illusionist museum. That was amazing.
It was so freaking fun, dude. It was so trippy
what they could do to mentally mess with your head
with just a picture. And there's some smart people in
this world, okay? I'm just going to tell you that.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Oh, this house is crooked.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
And it's really not crooked. It's just the way they
put the wood, and it's like your mind sees it
as crooked. Fascinating stuff.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
So fun. Kids had a blast. It was great. Anyway,
he's like, oh, my God.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
And he goes over it step by step about them
versus Western Michigan, right?

Speaker 1 (52:30):
So there was one second left.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
I'm like, wow, man, that's pretty crazy. He goes, it
is the first weekend of college football, and I am
already pissed off. About you not watching sports.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
You could have probably watched that game back at the hotel.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
No, no, we had just walked in. Guess what game
would not be on my radar to watch?

Speaker 1 (52:54):
It was on mine from halftime on. Okay, great.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
I wasn't looking at the score because I assumed Michigan was,
I didn't even know they were playing Western Michigan.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
40, or it was, I guess that was Arkansas that
was 40-point favorites. Michigan was 30 or 40. It was significant.
Four touchdown favorites.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Right. It wasn't on my radar. So I wasn't going
to watch it. There wasn't games that got my excitement.
When I'm on vacation, I'm not going to sit down
to watch a football game. I'm there to enjoy the
city that I've never been to and explored.

Speaker 1 (53:29):
But at halftime, when Western is either winning or very close,
that needs to be on your radar.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
Well, he could have texted me at halftime and said, hey,
close game, Michigan. But he didn't say nothing. Didn't say
a damn thing. Because you know what he thought, probably? Oh,
second half, Michigan will pull away. So, no, I wasn't watching.
He was like, the fact that it's the first weekend
of college football and you're not watching, it's just mind-blowing.
It's mind-blowing to me. I said, I understand it's mind-blowing,

(53:57):
but I got things to do, man.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
Nothing was like watching it live. I saw the whole
dang thing live. I love SportsCenter, but it was awesome live.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
He was like, I just can't believe it. He goes,
you just don't even watch football anymore.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
I'm like, it's week one, man. Calm down.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
It's like week one of college where nobody is playing anybody.
Let's relax on. I never watch it. I'll watch Ohio state,
Texas this weekend. I hope that's a big one. That's
a big one. But yeah, so I didn't see any
college football. The NFL starts tonight. I will, we'll tell
you who's going to win the Superbowl on Friday. Yes.
There'll be a two games or whatever that had been
played by then, but.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
That doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
That doesn't change who the Superbowl champ will be, who
they're going to play. We'll tell you who's going to
make the playoffs. We'll have more vacation stories.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
I mean, we are action-packed. Yeah, Vegas, sadly, is going
to trump Newport. I mean, we knew it was going
to happen, but Vegas is going to just pull its
pants down and show the world why it's Las Vegas.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
And I got so much for you to note for
when you go to Vegas in a week.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
Wow, okay.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
I have got the exact machines. Really? Really.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Dude, I'm telling you, back in the day, this is crazy.
You never believe that a certain machine is going to
hit every time, right? Never. And I am telling you,
the lady that lived next door to my grandparents, she
literally told me one time, I was like, I'm going
to Vegas, staying at the Cosmo, blah, blah, blah. She goes, listen,

(55:33):
if you ever need money, if you're down, you're losing,
There's a machine at the Aria that will pay out
every time you play it. I'm like, yeah, right. She
drew me a diagram of where this damn machine was.
And I'm at the Cosmo with my wife. My roommate

(55:56):
from college drove in from Desert Palm, California. He was
a Marine.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
Palm Desert.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
Whatever the heck it's called.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Palm Springs.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
One of those. And he drove in, and we're losing
and losing and losing. And I said, dude, you guys
want to go next door to the Aria? I got
a machine. And I pulled out this diagram. And we
took the right, and right there by the player's desk
or whatever, player's club, there's the machine. I was like, guys,

(56:29):
this is it. I'm going to put $ 100 in there.
And I looked at John, and I said, you want
to split it with me? And he said, yeah. I said,
all right, I got to put it. He goes, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I don't know if I can split it with you.
I don't think this isn't going to work. I was like,
all right.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
He goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
I'm going to split it with you, 50-50. I was like,
all right. So we put it in. I mean, like
three spins, we won $ 675. Sheesh! But then they remodeled
and they moved some machines around. Now I don't know
where that machine is. And my grandparents, unfortunately, are no
longer here, so I can't talk to the neighbor. If

(57:06):
she still goes to Vegas and finds a machine, I
don't even know her name.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
Grandpa, before you go, I have one question.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
What's your neighbor's name? Oh, man, we're back, guys. Enjoy
football tonight. Batter's box is already depressed. Yeah, he's worried
about the Niners. He's worried about how the Rams are
going to be stopped. They're going to be so unbelievable.
They're going to be the greatest team to ever play football.
That's what everybody says.

Speaker 1 (57:34):
According to Vegas.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
You guys have a great Wednesday.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
I got a soccer game at 930. Going to be
a late one. See you Friday. Man, I hope you
and Justin survive, dude. I really do.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
What's bad? Man.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
Good times, man. Good freaking times. I can't believe football
starts at night.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
Yeah, those Newport spots, guys. It's Mutt Lynch's and then
Stag Bar and then Lighthouse and then Newport Landing for
the mac and cheese with lobster.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
And if you're in St. Louis, the City Museum, even
if you're not a kid, absolutely most phenomenal place on
this planet. Unbelievable. Un-freaking- so much freaking fun.

Speaker 1 (58:25):
And if you want to go to the bar that's
the number one apparently NFL bar, With TVs everywhere. It's
called Cruisers. That's where we went with our Uber driver.
Really good guy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
And then if you're going to go to the Arch,
don't joke that you're going to a baseball game. They
don't appreciate that in St.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
Louis. But the Arch is cool. The Arch is cool.
You could have made a McDonald's joke. Love a Big
Mac with fries.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
Dude, that would have been great.

Speaker 1 (58:53):
Isn't this thing supposed to be golden? How's it going, Lunchbox?

Speaker 2 (58:57):
Can I tell you a funny story, though? So we
get back into town. We got to pick up the
dog and we go to pick up the dog. And
there's this place that has a little arch. I don't
even know what it is, but it's in a shopping center,
and it had a little arch that was holding up
their sign. And my six-year-old goes, oh, there's the arch.

(59:18):
And he goes, it's not as big as I remember it. What?

Speaker 1 (59:25):
So he just thinks every city has an arch, but dude.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
It was such committed comedic perfection for a six-year-old to
look at it and go, it's not as big as
I remember it. I mean, just that is so solid.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
Yeah. And I was like, this dude gets humor. Maybe
in a year you'll learn to ask where's the baseball game.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Okay. But I did when I got off the little tram,
I was like, man, I can't believe that broke down
for an hour.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
People are diving out of it.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
Dude, people waiting in line, do not smile, don't laugh.
My wife's like, I told you not to do that.
I told you not to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
So many people second guess that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
Can't believe we were up there for an hour, man.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
What were you idiots doing at the concert when we
were walking through it?

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Oh, I say, whoever, whatever. Can't believe they're sick, man.
I can't believe they had to cancel. Or I can't
believe they got laryngitis and can't sing. All that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
Because we were downstage or something like, let's say, CMA
Awards or it was maybe a concert and we just
went for one artist. And so we're leaving out the
entrance and you guys would say whatever the main artist was, man,
can't believe they can't speak that there's a fill-in artist.
And people are like, what? Everybody believes it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
It's like we're in Vegas one time. We're leaving breakfast, right?
And there's a big old long line, long line of people.
And I walk out and I'm like, gosh, I can't
believe they ran out of eggs. At least two women go, what?
I go, I'm just messing with you guys.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
It's hilarious.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
It works every time, dude. It's the most fun you
can have with people. You always screw with people when
you're leaving and they're waiting in line. Oh, it's the best.
It's so fun.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
Egg slut.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
Oh, that place is good, dude.

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
That'll be part of my stories.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Oh, man. Well, I had, I mean, I, yeah. I'll
tell you about mine later. But we did go on
the big wheel in St.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
Louis.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
You know, like they have in Vegas, the big.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
I don't think it was running.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
Well.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
I didn't see that thing spin once. Well, the thing
about St.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Louis is they didn't have a very big skyline, so
it really wasn't that majestic. But the kids really. And
they need to clean the windows on it. It was
all dirty. It was hard to see out of them.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
Same with the Vegas one. If you don't go at night.

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
We did ours at night. The convention.

Speaker 2 (01:01:44):
So cool.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
It was cool at night. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
I got to sneeze. All right. I got to sneeze
one more time. My goodness. All right, we got to go, man.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
We got to go. Bless you, man.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Thank you.