April 12, 2026 • 28 mins
Grief
God and the timing of things
Met a man overseas
10 Commandments
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Listen
Watch
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to KFI AM sixty on demand.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Gary, Welcome to Jesus Christ Show. Hi, Hi Gary, how
can I help you? Well, make sure you've got your
radio down.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yeah, I am trying right now. Hang out to lease.
Thanks right off, right now, Grief, I lost my fiance.
Let me get the speakerphone off here to please sure. Alright,
I'm back, Okay. I lost my fiance Friday afternoon. When
I heard about it, I crust got out quite heavily.
(00:35):
I just a reaction and not even sure why I
did that off that like that, and she was a
real good woman and the best things that ever came
to be. I just wanted to know why she got
Take it so soon.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
You're not going to get an answer. It's going to
satisfy the loss that you have right now. Gary, It's
to try and ask the questions of God as to
the timing of things is really beyond comprehension. Right now
is a is the time to experience the pain. And
if you if you curse out God and you get angry,
(01:13):
the Father knows that that comes from pain. And it's
not a not a firm place in your heart.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
No it's not. And I mean will I be forgiven
for that?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Of course if you ask for it, and you if
you and you turn away from it. But God, God
wants you to talk to him, and that that means good,
bad and different. There's going to be different places.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Now.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You must give God reverence. But but as a child
of God, you that's being honest. If you said, oh
I love you God, but in your heart you felt
those things God, it was, it's the same to God.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yeah, no, No, I mean I I realize I didn't blast.
I've He's provided a lot for me and I've given
a lot back and I believe in this. But how
do I how do I handle my grief? Then? Just
one day at a time? I mean, of.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Course, of course you don't. The thing with grief is
you don't want to rush through it, but you don't
want to prolong it either. And if there is ways
to start shifting your grief eventually, and there's places where
you can get counseling and be with others who have
lost and to understand it. I know that it feels
(02:18):
that something was taken away from you and you alone,
and that's a hard position to be in. And how
did this go down? You were engaged.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Yeah, we've been engaged about fifteen years.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
And you've been engaged for fifteen years.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Well, we've known each other and probably been engaged with
like that past six and.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
You've been engaged for six years. Yeah, that's not an engagement.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Well okay, Well, there were some tax issues that.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I had then in I see, and.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
I was about three months from finishing clearing that up.
It was something I could not clear up that quick.
But she was the best thing ever came to me.
And I mean we knew it. And I showed her
a lot of the world and she helped maybe go
a better man, a lot better person. And now if
she didn't believe that heavily in God and I just
(03:08):
the way that they were brought up, I tried bringing
her around and everything this, how do we know? I know,
we don't know if wherever were going to meet each
other again someday, But I can just I guess, just
in my heart. Just keep on helping that.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
You have to trust God and the things that you
don't know. Deuteronomy twenty nine, twenty nine says the secret
things belong to the Lord. There's just going to be
parts that you won't get and you have to trust
for them. You don't know what conversations she had with
God in private. You don't know what she was going
through even in the last moments of her life on
(03:42):
this earth. So you have to trust for those things.
But the best way is to be the best example
you can in your life to motivate and inspire people
to want to learn more about God. But you can't
really know, and it's kind of a way of your
life to focus on. Well, I wonder if when it
(04:05):
comes to there's you know nothing that you do about
it at this point. So it's a matter of honoring
her life through the things that you guys experienced, through
passing those along to friends and family, to keeping her
life in healthy sharing about her and not obsessing, but
(04:28):
sharing you know, things that make her made her laugh,
or things that she enjoyed, or those things, and continue
to express those things.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Well, I mean, is it okay to I mean to
try and feel her, I mean, like from little signs
or something? Is that pop? Or am I going to
the other side now on that? Well?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Is it very human to desire to have contact with somebody? Yes,
but it's it's biblically from a Christian standpoint, there's no
purpose to it and doesn't happen. So it's more of
a an emotional comfort maybe to some to feel that
someone's looking down on them, But really that's a way
of keeping them here. I'll put it to you this way, Gary.
(05:10):
In life, there are a series of graduations that you're
moving up and on into different things. You're you're an infant,
and then a toddler, and then you start to walk,
and then you become a teenager, and then you get
into your adolescence and your adulthood, although you leave behind
(05:30):
the ways you were before as you grow out of them.
And when people try and reach into the afterlife to
keep someone here, it's it's the equivalent of a parent
trying to dress their adult child, the adult son or
daughter as a baby as an infant. You're really trying
(05:54):
to reverse the natural process of things, and it becomes
it becomes a perversion of the truth. The truth is
this person has passed on, and what you have now
or the memories to try and keep her here in
any way, shape or form, is to try and reverse
the process, the natural process, and that becomes that becomes
(06:17):
a kind of a misuse of the gift of life.
That's the purpose. It goes quickly, and it's it's temporal,
and so you're supposed to enjoy it. You don't try
and reverse it at the end. You try and enjoy
every moment of it, so that when the end comes
then you say, Okay, regardless of age, I have fulfilled X,
(06:38):
Y and Z, or I was here for this purpose,
or I've touched these many people, or I've done these things,
whatever it is, but don't try and don't try and
bring her here. For if she is with God, why
would you try and pull her from.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
I wouldn't want that union just now. And I'm of
course beating myself up saying, whatever, what would happen if
I would have kissed her a little more, held her
a little tighter or something.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And how would that have changed things?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Gary?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I know that you miss her, and I know that
to have that experience now would be wonderful to be
able to connect with her. But it's not about the
kisses you didn't give or the hugs you didn't give.
It was all those that you did right. That is
the experience was all those moments you had that were
very real and connective. Don't be little those by saying, gosh,
(07:31):
if I only had one more, that's emotional greed, because
when you look at everything that you had that was
more than many. There are those that are listening right now,
they're in a state of loneliness that have never, you know,
had the opportunity to miss somebody or experience somebody in
the way you have, because their time has not yet come.
(07:52):
But it's not about reversing things. It's about really appreciating
the experiences and the things that you are already have
experienced with her Gary, and now you let her go
in the physical and you let the fulfillment of her
life and her stand before her maker, and you continue
(08:16):
to live your life in a way that glorifies God.
That is your purpose, and that's what you're here for.
But this kind, this notion, although it's understood to that
emotional desire to want to reverse the clock or to
change things, there's always guilt, Oh I could have done this,
(08:36):
or I could have done that more, But really don't
live there. That's of the devil. The enemy would love
to taint any beauty of a relationship, of a past relationship,
anything that was a fond memory or something happy and
taint that with the what ifs, what if I did
this or what if I did that. Don't let the
devil do that. Take joy in your mourning as range
(09:00):
as that sounds, and expressed those feelings, whatever they may be,
about the loss of someone who meant something in your life. Pama,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Hi, Pamela, Hi, turned
down your radio.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Please?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
How can I help you today? Ah?
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Yes, good morning. I hope that you can help me
to make a spiritual decision. When I was approaching my forties,
I kind of put it in the hands of God
to meet a good man. And I went overseas with
some family and the perfect storm seemed to bring us
(09:44):
in each other's path, and I thought that was a
sign from God that we should be together. We dated
for about a year and a half over the phone.
We couldn't take the phone down. We talked about everything.
And as soon as this man came into the United States,
this storm has turned into a terrible hurricane. He's got
an explosive temper. If I confide in him and things now,
(10:07):
he throws it back at me during fights, things that
are very hurtful about my family past. If I talk
to him about my work. He throws it back at
me during an argument, saying that I'm just mad at
him because I'm taking out my stress from my job.
So I'm afraid to talk to this man about anything
at this point. And to add insult to misery, he's
(10:33):
come with an illness that he's acquired from get pursuing
plastic surgery which ended up with a massive infection, and
he cannot stay in the United States for more than
two or three weeks because the insurance will not cover
this and he has to be overseas. So I've turned
(10:53):
into a bank, basically funelling money to him for his treatment.
I feel I can't leave him because he needs the
money and he needs the assistance. He's got no job
where the country comes from, and when he comes to
the United States, he pummeled me with explosive temper words
(11:14):
thrown back at me. If I ignore him, he gets worse.
If I walk away, he'll follow me from room to
room or in the street. He just is very angry
and very explosive about his illness and is determined to
take it out on me, and I'm the only one
who actually can help him to get medical treatment. I
don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Well, I think you do know what to do. Does
this sound like somebody if you asked a friend, you
told them just what you told me, what would you
expect them to tell you.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Everyone that I've talked to, who's a friend I'm embarrassed
to talk about it with. My family has told me
to get a divorce from this man, but I feel
personal obligation to see him through his residency because I
signed the papers with immigration saying that I would be
responsible for him for five years and plus. Without me,
(12:10):
I don't know how he would actually get well and
get this medical problem that he's acquired and gets treated.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
The decisions you make it goes to show you how
they can last a lifetime in a moment of haste
or euphoria or what have you. I'm going to ask
you to hold non tight as we take a quick break,
because I have some thoughts. But I want to talk
to you some more. Don't go anywhere. We were talking
(12:48):
with Pamela, and Pamela you still with us, Yes, And
you met a man overseas, and you were at a
time in your life where you'd been reaching out to
God saying, hey, show me who I'm supposed to be
with and who my partner for life is going to be.
You met this man, everything clicked. He came to the
States and it started to unravel. He started to get
(13:10):
a very volatile angry. He now has some medical issues. Now,
you said that you two got married, yes, okay? And
how long did you know each other before you got married?
Speaker 4 (13:27):
It took about two years for the immigration process, so
I knew about two years. I even made a trip
over there, which is a requirement for the fiance visa.
We talked a lot over the phone. He seemed to
be best friends over the phone. He seemed to be
very understanding. Were very religious, however, although a different religion.
(13:49):
He made a point of saying that if he didn't
think there was a difference, we're all serving God said
all the right things.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Okay, but none of that none And that triggered anything
with you or the fact that your relationship was strictly
based upon phone conversations.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Well, I've dated people, As I said, I was approaching
forty I've dated people in the United States, and it
seemed to be very shallow. People go out to dates
in public and they don't really talk about intimate things.
I felt that this is the first relationship that the
physicality didn't get in the way, and we would be
able to be kissy with things and talk about life,
(14:30):
how to raise children and things that although I was
close to people in the United States, that never seemed
to happen because it was very distracting.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Okay, I think that's a fair assessment. I think that's
a legitimate way of seeing a phone conversation relationship is
that there are some things that are absent, however shallow
or not in the States. Really there's a lot to
body language connecting with somebody, and the physical commitment of
(14:56):
having to get up, pick someone up, drive them somewhere,
have dinner with them. There's a lot there that I
think although the subtraction of those things, I understand the appeal,
You're going, well, gosh, we don't get wrapped up in
all of that garbage and we can just focus on
the important things. But really, a well rounded relationship is
not one or the other. It's both and and in
(15:19):
this case you're seeing that the lack of that other
part has proved to be a great problem. So now
it comes to the States and it happens very fairly
quickly that he is volatile.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
He seems to attribute it to being ill, which she
decided to get plastic surgery?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
What's the ailment?
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Friends? And that didn't go very well. So he's blaming
all of his behavior that he'll change and it's based
on his illness. But I feel that it seems like
a part of his characters. That's how he handles stress.
And I don't know every stressful situation for the next
thirty years.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
I can take this, okay, and Pamela, what is the
ailment in which he suffers?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
He had plastic surgery to his face for wrinkled and
he developed sensitivity to the product, which is not as
day approved here, so he has to get treatment overseas
and insurances decline him. So he's trying to get it
treated so that he can live here permanently. However, the
small period of time that he does have to come here,
(16:30):
it becomes very volatile. He can't seem to tolerate the
pain enough to focus to just be here for a
couple of weeks to go back home, and we've had
the police culture a home because of his volatility.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Rage.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, that's now, this is all very, very very bad
and it will only get worse, and you have to decide.
You know, you're you're bound, and you're saying, well, gosh,
now do I get a divorce? Do I do this?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Do that?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
You didn't really know the man, You didn't know how
he would react to circumstances, and you brought him into
your life, and you don't know if this man just
wanted to get citizenship in the United States. You have
no idea as to what was going on in his
head because you really don't know him very well.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Oh, he goes on and on that he hates the
United States. He thinks Friends is the best place in
the world that he should be and I darkened his
dream by removing him from there. So, oh boy, that's
quite opposite.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well, then, is he upset that you're not moving in
with him.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
He's brought that up a couple of times, that I
have a better profession here than I could ever have
in France. I can't live in the EU because I
don't have an EU profession. I don't have licensure over there,
So that's the point. So it was decided that he
would come here because he can start over a lot
easier here than I could start over there.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Well, the vanity of the of the wrinkles and how
much older than you is he? This man?
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Is that seven years younger than I am?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Seven years younger and you met him when you were
approaching forty And he's concerned about wrinkles, right.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
He's been concerned about that since he was in his twenties.
I found out recently.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
And does he have some sort of severe problem or
skin issues that would cause wrinkles prematurely?
Speaker 4 (18:21):
No, this is just a hereditary facial lines that are
is there just familial.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Dutcha and he just doesn't like them and wanted them
to go away. And his reaction is to the medication
or to the procedure itself.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
The medications okay.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Was there actual scalpel to skin injections injections like botox
or something like that.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Like that, But it's a polymer that's approved in Europe
but not approved.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Here I see, And so he's having reactions to that.
Has he just stopped the process.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
He's continuing it. But he had to go back to
his home of country. Uh, France was a country that
he immigrated to and due to coming here, he's exhausted
his he's his visa is expired to go back to France,
so he has to go back to North Africa, which
is where he's from, and he hates having to be
(19:22):
back there. But those are the that's the only place
where the physicians know what to do with this this product.
Quite frankly, here they really don't know because they don't
use that. And he's attributing his volatility and his anger
to it. But it's I'm at the receiving end of that,
(19:42):
and I feel just I've got the better for worst
thing in my mind. That's why I never got married,
because I was afraid of picking the worst. And here
I am.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
And what what faith is he a part of? He's Muslim, okay,
And quite often Muslims will believe it or not. I
know some people may not believe this, but Muslims will
believe that that Christians and Jews are people of the
Book as well, and so that that is true that
(20:19):
more often than not, Muslims will be very comfortable with
a Christian as a partner. And well, there's going to
be differences, and I think it's used probably in the
reverse too. I think that if there's a couple of
things going on here. First pain can make people do
very stupid things, and pain can absolutely change the personality
(20:42):
of somebody. That's a very real thing, and I think
it should be a part of what you're looking at, however, profession.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
So that's the only reason why I've stuck it out
this long.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
So you've seen it firsthand, right, You've seen it, and
it's oh goodness. You ever go to an emergency room,
you can't help but have your heart go out to
the medical professionals, the nurses and such that have to
deal with people in pain, because they're absolutely belligerent. So
and it comes with that territory, so understanding that you
(21:15):
can see, I understand how you're saying, Okay, there's more
to this than just the pain. Okay, But still, as
a person, you deserve not to be mistreated, and to
be treated in an ugly fashion by anybody is not okay.
(21:36):
And you have to decide if there's something, there's something
legitimately here that needs to be taken care of, then
take care of it. And if that means him stopping
this process that he's going through for vanity reasons, who
does he need to look good for If he's married
and you love him for who he is. It's really
(21:58):
a silly process at this point. So he needs to
decide and see and go off the procedure so you
can get some sort of control to counter and see
if that's it.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
If it's no, he's not doing the procedure for vanity.
He's doing the procedure to remove the product which was
placed in there, which he cannot live with any longer.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
So this is going to stop eventually.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
Right, That's what I'm hoping.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Okay, So when all this stops the procedure, whichever if
it's the first procedure, of the second procedure, the third procedure,
there's going to be a point in time where that's
out of his system.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Right, and then when he gets ill again, because he
says he reacts this way when he gets ill. So
each time something happens in life, I'm going to have
to be beaten down.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Okay, he's telling you, then, he's telling you that this
is the life that you have chosen. So either you
continue down this path or you make a decision to
not be in this relationship. But it's all your choice,
you know. I hear a lot of times people say
(23:04):
that I'm confused and I'll tell you what confusion is.
Confusion is knowing what is the right thing to do
and not wanting to do it because it's time consuming,
it's you know, it's emotionally embarrassing, whatever it might be.
All these reasons, it's not what you want to do,
it's not the convenient, fun thing, whatever it is. But
really you know what you need to do, because if
(23:25):
any of your friends called you up and gave you
this scenario, you'd say run, don't walk to the nearest exit,
and the ultimatum can be on him. But really it's
your choice, and you could say, I don't want this
in my life. You are not the person that I'm married,
and you have gotten to the point where you get
(23:47):
progressively worse with your hate and your anger towards me,
and I will not deal with it, period. It is
unacceptable and there is no lee way for you to
treat me that way. Period. And see how uh and
see how that plays out. But you have to protect
yourself in the long run from anything that comes to
(24:08):
hurt you. Jim, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I am. I would like to know if you can
explain this for me. In the Book of James in
the Book of James, Chapter two, verses eight through eleven,
we see where the law the ten command of law,
because two of those are mentioned there, I think, feel
(24:38):
and kill, and where these are not only applicable still today,
but we're told that if we break one of them,
that we break all of them. And you and I
know there's ten and well, actually.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
There's over there's many more than ten commandments. Although it's
it's talking about specifically those particular laws here. There's more
than ten that need to be obeyed. Yeah, but yes,
if you break one, you break all.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah. Well, the thing is is it's specifically talking about
the ten here, because he mentioned steel and he mentioned
the kill, and that's the ten Commandments. It's not the
ceremonial laws, all those numerous laws. It is the ten Commandments.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yes, But as it goes on in verse twelve, it
also mentions the law of liberty, which is a different
set of laws as well.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Okay, I guess my question is many many pastors, as
you know, and James has written thirty years after the Cross,
more than thirty years, many pastors are teaching that the
law was done away with at the Cross, and certainly
the ceremonial laws were That's why the lamb ran away
and the veil was torn from top to bottom. Yes, correct,
the ten Commandment law was written with the finger of God,
(25:55):
and it was written in stone, never to be changed.
And in Genesis two two and three, And this is
my point, I admit right here, in Genesis two to
two and three, the seventh day Sabbath was handed out
a creation twenty three hundred years before the first Jew
stepped on the earth. So it was for all of
God's children. And so my question is, why is the
(26:18):
Christian world I do want to stay with James two
eight to eleven. Why are these New Testament scholars still
teaching the ten Commandment law? We see it in Revelation
fourteen twelve, Revelation twelve seventeen, and today the Christian world
was keeping nine out of ten of those commandments?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Are you Are you a Seventh day Adventist, Jim.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Well, I didn't think we wanted to get into nominations here.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
No, I'm a I'm asking if that's where this is
coming from.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Well, it's coming from Scripture. Why are these New Testament
scholars still teaching?
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Okay, well, it's an excellent qu It's an excellent question. Now,
of course, if you remember in Matthew five seventeen and
says they not that I came to destroy the law
or the prophets. I did not come to destroy, but
to fulfill. The law is not destroyed, it is fulfilled,
it is made full. And that means that certain ceremonial
laws do go by the wayside, and certain don't. When
(27:14):
it comes to the Ten Commandments, keep in mind they
the concept of the Commandments, the way they're broken down
and the like, are kind of based on the way
the way scripture has been parsed. It's not that that
law has been abolished, it's that a new law has
superseded it. For instance, the Christians don't celebrate the Sabbath anymore.
(27:39):
They don't worship on the Sabbath. They worship on the
Lord's Day, which is completely different and seen in scripture,
in the Book of Acts and so on, that there
was other days that they were that they worshiped on.
It's not about abolishing anything in the Ten Commandments. The
fullness of the Ten Commandments is being explained to a
deeper level. When we get back, I'm gonna explain what
(27:59):
that is. And why that is kf I a M
six forty on demand MHM
You're listening to KFI AM sixty on demand.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Gary, Welcome to Jesus Christ Show. Hi, Hi Gary, how
can I help you? Well, make sure you've got your
radio down.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yeah, I am trying right now. Hang out to lease.
Thanks right off, right now, Grief, I lost my fiance.
Let me get the speakerphone off here to please sure. Alright,
I'm back, Okay. I lost my fiance Friday afternoon. When
I heard about it, I crust got out quite heavily.
(00:35):
I just a reaction and not even sure why I
did that off that like that, and she was a
real good woman and the best things that ever came
to be. I just wanted to know why she got
Take it so soon.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
You're not going to get an answer. It's going to
satisfy the loss that you have right now. Gary, It's
to try and ask the questions of God as to
the timing of things is really beyond comprehension. Right now
is a is the time to experience the pain. And
if you if you curse out God and you get angry,
(01:13):
the Father knows that that comes from pain. And it's
not a not a firm place in your heart.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
No it's not. And I mean will I be forgiven
for that?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Of course if you ask for it, and you if
you and you turn away from it. But God, God
wants you to talk to him, and that that means good,
bad and different. There's going to be different places.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Now.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You must give God reverence. But but as a child
of God, you that's being honest. If you said, oh
I love you God, but in your heart you felt
those things God, it was, it's the same to God.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yeah, no, No, I mean I I realize I didn't blast.
I've He's provided a lot for me and I've given
a lot back and I believe in this. But how
do I how do I handle my grief? Then? Just
one day at a time? I mean, of.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Course, of course you don't. The thing with grief is
you don't want to rush through it, but you don't
want to prolong it either. And if there is ways
to start shifting your grief eventually, and there's places where
you can get counseling and be with others who have
lost and to understand it. I know that it feels
(02:18):
that something was taken away from you and you alone,
and that's a hard position to be in. And how
did this go down? You were engaged.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Yeah, we've been engaged about fifteen years.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
And you've been engaged for fifteen years.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Well, we've known each other and probably been engaged with
like that past six and.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
You've been engaged for six years. Yeah, that's not an engagement.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Well okay, Well, there were some tax issues that.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
I had then in I see, and.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
I was about three months from finishing clearing that up.
It was something I could not clear up that quick.
But she was the best thing ever came to me.
And I mean we knew it. And I showed her
a lot of the world and she helped maybe go
a better man, a lot better person. And now if
she didn't believe that heavily in God and I just
(03:08):
the way that they were brought up, I tried bringing
her around and everything this, how do we know? I know,
we don't know if wherever were going to meet each
other again someday, But I can just I guess, just
in my heart. Just keep on helping that.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
You have to trust God and the things that you
don't know. Deuteronomy twenty nine, twenty nine says the secret
things belong to the Lord. There's just going to be
parts that you won't get and you have to trust
for them. You don't know what conversations she had with
God in private. You don't know what she was going
through even in the last moments of her life on
(03:42):
this earth. So you have to trust for those things.
But the best way is to be the best example
you can in your life to motivate and inspire people
to want to learn more about God. But you can't
really know, and it's kind of a way of your
life to focus on. Well, I wonder if when it
(04:05):
comes to there's you know nothing that you do about
it at this point. So it's a matter of honoring
her life through the things that you guys experienced, through
passing those along to friends and family, to keeping her
life in healthy sharing about her and not obsessing, but
(04:28):
sharing you know, things that make her made her laugh,
or things that she enjoyed, or those things, and continue
to express those things.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Well, I mean, is it okay to I mean to
try and feel her, I mean, like from little signs
or something? Is that pop? Or am I going to
the other side now on that? Well?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Is it very human to desire to have contact with somebody? Yes,
but it's it's biblically from a Christian standpoint, there's no
purpose to it and doesn't happen. So it's more of
a an emotional comfort maybe to some to feel that
someone's looking down on them, But really that's a way
of keeping them here. I'll put it to you this way, Gary.
(05:10):
In life, there are a series of graduations that you're
moving up and on into different things. You're you're an infant,
and then a toddler, and then you start to walk,
and then you become a teenager, and then you get
into your adolescence and your adulthood, although you leave behind
(05:30):
the ways you were before as you grow out of them.
And when people try and reach into the afterlife to
keep someone here, it's it's the equivalent of a parent
trying to dress their adult child, the adult son or
daughter as a baby as an infant. You're really trying
(05:54):
to reverse the natural process of things, and it becomes
it becomes a perversion of the truth. The truth is
this person has passed on, and what you have now
or the memories to try and keep her here in
any way, shape or form, is to try and reverse
the process, the natural process, and that becomes that becomes
(06:17):
a kind of a misuse of the gift of life.
That's the purpose. It goes quickly, and it's it's temporal,
and so you're supposed to enjoy it. You don't try
and reverse it at the end. You try and enjoy
every moment of it, so that when the end comes
then you say, Okay, regardless of age, I have fulfilled X,
(06:38):
Y and Z, or I was here for this purpose,
or I've touched these many people, or I've done these things,
whatever it is, but don't try and don't try and
bring her here. For if she is with God, why
would you try and pull her from.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
I wouldn't want that union just now. And I'm of
course beating myself up saying, whatever, what would happen if
I would have kissed her a little more, held her
a little tighter or something.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And how would that have changed things?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Gary?
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I know that you miss her, and I know that
to have that experience now would be wonderful to be
able to connect with her. But it's not about the
kisses you didn't give or the hugs you didn't give.
It was all those that you did right. That is
the experience was all those moments you had that were
very real and connective. Don't be little those by saying, gosh,
(07:31):
if I only had one more, that's emotional greed, because
when you look at everything that you had that was
more than many. There are those that are listening right now,
they're in a state of loneliness that have never, you know,
had the opportunity to miss somebody or experience somebody in
the way you have, because their time has not yet come.
(07:52):
But it's not about reversing things. It's about really appreciating
the experiences and the things that you are already have
experienced with her Gary, and now you let her go
in the physical and you let the fulfillment of her
life and her stand before her maker, and you continue
(08:16):
to live your life in a way that glorifies God.
That is your purpose, and that's what you're here for.
But this kind, this notion, although it's understood to that
emotional desire to want to reverse the clock or to
change things, there's always guilt, Oh I could have done this,
(08:36):
or I could have done that more, But really don't
live there. That's of the devil. The enemy would love
to taint any beauty of a relationship, of a past relationship,
anything that was a fond memory or something happy and
taint that with the what ifs, what if I did
this or what if I did that. Don't let the
devil do that. Take joy in your mourning as range
(09:00):
as that sounds, and expressed those feelings, whatever they may be,
about the loss of someone who meant something in your life. Pama,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Hi, Pamela, Hi, turned
down your radio.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Please?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
How can I help you today? Ah?
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Yes, good morning. I hope that you can help me
to make a spiritual decision. When I was approaching my forties,
I kind of put it in the hands of God
to meet a good man. And I went overseas with
some family and the perfect storm seemed to bring us
(09:44):
in each other's path, and I thought that was a
sign from God that we should be together. We dated
for about a year and a half over the phone.
We couldn't take the phone down. We talked about everything.
And as soon as this man came into the United States,
this storm has turned into a terrible hurricane. He's got
an explosive temper. If I confide in him and things now,
(10:07):
he throws it back at me during fights, things that
are very hurtful about my family past. If I talk
to him about my work. He throws it back at
me during an argument, saying that I'm just mad at
him because I'm taking out my stress from my job.
So I'm afraid to talk to this man about anything
at this point. And to add insult to misery, he's
(10:33):
come with an illness that he's acquired from get pursuing
plastic surgery which ended up with a massive infection, and
he cannot stay in the United States for more than
two or three weeks because the insurance will not cover
this and he has to be overseas. So I've turned
(10:53):
into a bank, basically funelling money to him for his treatment.
I feel I can't leave him because he needs the
money and he needs the assistance. He's got no job
where the country comes from, and when he comes to
the United States, he pummeled me with explosive temper words
(11:14):
thrown back at me. If I ignore him, he gets worse.
If I walk away, he'll follow me from room to
room or in the street. He just is very angry
and very explosive about his illness and is determined to
take it out on me, and I'm the only one
who actually can help him to get medical treatment. I
don't know what to do.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Well, I think you do know what to do. Does
this sound like somebody if you asked a friend, you
told them just what you told me, what would you
expect them to tell you.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Everyone that I've talked to, who's a friend I'm embarrassed
to talk about it with. My family has told me
to get a divorce from this man, but I feel
personal obligation to see him through his residency because I
signed the papers with immigration saying that I would be
responsible for him for five years and plus. Without me,
(12:10):
I don't know how he would actually get well and
get this medical problem that he's acquired and gets treated.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
The decisions you make it goes to show you how
they can last a lifetime in a moment of haste
or euphoria or what have you. I'm going to ask
you to hold non tight as we take a quick break,
because I have some thoughts. But I want to talk
to you some more. Don't go anywhere. We were talking
(12:48):
with Pamela, and Pamela you still with us, Yes, And
you met a man overseas, and you were at a
time in your life where you'd been reaching out to
God saying, hey, show me who I'm supposed to be
with and who my partner for life is going to be.
You met this man, everything clicked. He came to the
States and it started to unravel. He started to get
(13:10):
a very volatile angry. He now has some medical issues. Now,
you said that you two got married, yes, okay? And
how long did you know each other before you got married?
Speaker 4 (13:27):
It took about two years for the immigration process, so
I knew about two years. I even made a trip
over there, which is a requirement for the fiance visa.
We talked a lot over the phone. He seemed to
be best friends over the phone. He seemed to be
very understanding. Were very religious, however, although a different religion.
(13:49):
He made a point of saying that if he didn't
think there was a difference, we're all serving God said
all the right things.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Okay, but none of that none And that triggered anything
with you or the fact that your relationship was strictly
based upon phone conversations.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Well, I've dated people, As I said, I was approaching
forty I've dated people in the United States, and it
seemed to be very shallow. People go out to dates
in public and they don't really talk about intimate things.
I felt that this is the first relationship that the
physicality didn't get in the way, and we would be
able to be kissy with things and talk about life,
(14:30):
how to raise children and things that although I was
close to people in the United States, that never seemed
to happen because it was very distracting.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Okay, I think that's a fair assessment. I think that's
a legitimate way of seeing a phone conversation relationship is
that there are some things that are absent, however shallow
or not in the States. Really there's a lot to
body language connecting with somebody, and the physical commitment of
(14:56):
having to get up, pick someone up, drive them somewhere,
have dinner with them. There's a lot there that I
think although the subtraction of those things, I understand the appeal,
You're going, well, gosh, we don't get wrapped up in
all of that garbage and we can just focus on
the important things. But really, a well rounded relationship is
not one or the other. It's both and and in
(15:19):
this case you're seeing that the lack of that other
part has proved to be a great problem. So now
it comes to the States and it happens very fairly
quickly that he is volatile.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
He seems to attribute it to being ill, which she
decided to get plastic surgery?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
What's the ailment?
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Friends? And that didn't go very well. So he's blaming
all of his behavior that he'll change and it's based
on his illness. But I feel that it seems like
a part of his characters. That's how he handles stress.
And I don't know every stressful situation for the next
thirty years.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
I can take this, okay, and Pamela, what is the
ailment in which he suffers?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
He had plastic surgery to his face for wrinkled and
he developed sensitivity to the product, which is not as
day approved here, so he has to get treatment overseas
and insurances decline him. So he's trying to get it
treated so that he can live here permanently. However, the
small period of time that he does have to come here,
(16:30):
it becomes very volatile. He can't seem to tolerate the
pain enough to focus to just be here for a
couple of weeks to go back home, and we've had
the police culture a home because of his volatility.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Rage.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, that's now, this is all very, very very bad
and it will only get worse, and you have to decide.
You know, you're you're bound, and you're saying, well, gosh,
now do I get a divorce? Do I do this?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Do that?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
You didn't really know the man, You didn't know how
he would react to circumstances, and you brought him into
your life, and you don't know if this man just
wanted to get citizenship in the United States. You have
no idea as to what was going on in his
head because you really don't know him very well.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Oh, he goes on and on that he hates the
United States. He thinks Friends is the best place in
the world that he should be and I darkened his
dream by removing him from there. So, oh boy, that's
quite opposite.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well, then, is he upset that you're not moving in
with him.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
He's brought that up a couple of times, that I
have a better profession here than I could ever have
in France. I can't live in the EU because I
don't have an EU profession. I don't have licensure over there,
So that's the point. So it was decided that he
would come here because he can start over a lot
easier here than I could start over there.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Well, the vanity of the of the wrinkles and how
much older than you is he? This man?
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Is that seven years younger than I am?
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Seven years younger and you met him when you were
approaching forty And he's concerned about wrinkles, right.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
He's been concerned about that since he was in his twenties.
I found out recently.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
And does he have some sort of severe problem or
skin issues that would cause wrinkles prematurely?
Speaker 4 (18:21):
No, this is just a hereditary facial lines that are
is there just familial.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Dutcha and he just doesn't like them and wanted them
to go away. And his reaction is to the medication
or to the procedure itself.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
The medications okay.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Was there actual scalpel to skin injections injections like botox
or something like that.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Like that, But it's a polymer that's approved in Europe
but not approved.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Here I see, And so he's having reactions to that.
Has he just stopped the process.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
He's continuing it. But he had to go back to
his home of country. Uh, France was a country that
he immigrated to and due to coming here, he's exhausted
his he's his visa is expired to go back to France,
so he has to go back to North Africa, which
is where he's from, and he hates having to be
(19:22):
back there. But those are the that's the only place
where the physicians know what to do with this this product.
Quite frankly, here they really don't know because they don't
use that. And he's attributing his volatility and his anger
to it. But it's I'm at the receiving end of that,
(19:42):
and I feel just I've got the better for worst
thing in my mind. That's why I never got married,
because I was afraid of picking the worst. And here
I am.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
And what what faith is he a part of? He's Muslim, okay,
And quite often Muslims will believe it or not. I
know some people may not believe this, but Muslims will
believe that that Christians and Jews are people of the
Book as well, and so that that is true that
(20:19):
more often than not, Muslims will be very comfortable with
a Christian as a partner. And well, there's going to
be differences, and I think it's used probably in the
reverse too. I think that if there's a couple of
things going on here. First pain can make people do
very stupid things, and pain can absolutely change the personality
(20:42):
of somebody. That's a very real thing, and I think
it should be a part of what you're looking at, however, profession.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
So that's the only reason why I've stuck it out
this long.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
So you've seen it firsthand, right, You've seen it, and
it's oh goodness. You ever go to an emergency room,
you can't help but have your heart go out to
the medical professionals, the nurses and such that have to
deal with people in pain, because they're absolutely belligerent. So
and it comes with that territory, so understanding that you
(21:15):
can see, I understand how you're saying, Okay, there's more
to this than just the pain. Okay, But still, as
a person, you deserve not to be mistreated, and to
be treated in an ugly fashion by anybody is not okay.
(21:36):
And you have to decide if there's something, there's something
legitimately here that needs to be taken care of, then
take care of it. And if that means him stopping
this process that he's going through for vanity reasons, who
does he need to look good for If he's married
and you love him for who he is. It's really
(21:58):
a silly process at this point. So he needs to
decide and see and go off the procedure so you
can get some sort of control to counter and see
if that's it.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
If it's no, he's not doing the procedure for vanity.
He's doing the procedure to remove the product which was
placed in there, which he cannot live with any longer.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
So this is going to stop eventually.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
Right, That's what I'm hoping.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Okay, So when all this stops the procedure, whichever if
it's the first procedure, of the second procedure, the third procedure,
there's going to be a point in time where that's
out of his system.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Right, and then when he gets ill again, because he
says he reacts this way when he gets ill. So
each time something happens in life, I'm going to have
to be beaten down.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Okay, he's telling you, then, he's telling you that this
is the life that you have chosen. So either you
continue down this path or you make a decision to
not be in this relationship. But it's all your choice,
you know. I hear a lot of times people say
(23:04):
that I'm confused and I'll tell you what confusion is.
Confusion is knowing what is the right thing to do
and not wanting to do it because it's time consuming,
it's you know, it's emotionally embarrassing, whatever it might be.
All these reasons, it's not what you want to do,
it's not the convenient, fun thing, whatever it is. But
really you know what you need to do, because if
(23:25):
any of your friends called you up and gave you
this scenario, you'd say run, don't walk to the nearest exit,
and the ultimatum can be on him. But really it's
your choice, and you could say, I don't want this
in my life. You are not the person that I'm married,
and you have gotten to the point where you get
(23:47):
progressively worse with your hate and your anger towards me,
and I will not deal with it, period. It is
unacceptable and there is no lee way for you to
treat me that way. Period. And see how uh and
see how that plays out. But you have to protect
yourself in the long run from anything that comes to
(24:08):
hurt you. Jim, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I am. I would like to know if you can
explain this for me. In the Book of James in
the Book of James, Chapter two, verses eight through eleven,
we see where the law the ten command of law,
because two of those are mentioned there, I think, feel
(24:38):
and kill, and where these are not only applicable still today,
but we're told that if we break one of them,
that we break all of them. And you and I
know there's ten and well, actually.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
There's over there's many more than ten commandments. Although it's
it's talking about specifically those particular laws here. There's more
than ten that need to be obeyed. Yeah, but yes,
if you break one, you break all.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah. Well, the thing is is it's specifically talking about
the ten here, because he mentioned steel and he mentioned
the kill, and that's the ten Commandments. It's not the
ceremonial laws, all those numerous laws. It is the ten Commandments.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yes, But as it goes on in verse twelve, it
also mentions the law of liberty, which is a different
set of laws as well.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Okay, I guess my question is many many pastors, as
you know, and James has written thirty years after the Cross,
more than thirty years, many pastors are teaching that the
law was done away with at the Cross, and certainly
the ceremonial laws were That's why the lamb ran away
and the veil was torn from top to bottom. Yes, correct,
the ten Commandment law was written with the finger of God,
(25:55):
and it was written in stone, never to be changed.
And in Genesis two two and three, And this is
my point, I admit right here, in Genesis two to
two and three, the seventh day Sabbath was handed out
a creation twenty three hundred years before the first Jew
stepped on the earth. So it was for all of
God's children. And so my question is, why is the
(26:18):
Christian world I do want to stay with James two
eight to eleven. Why are these New Testament scholars still
teaching the ten Commandment law? We see it in Revelation
fourteen twelve, Revelation twelve seventeen, and today the Christian world
was keeping nine out of ten of those commandments?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Are you Are you a Seventh day Adventist, Jim.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Well, I didn't think we wanted to get into nominations here.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
No, I'm a I'm asking if that's where this is
coming from.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Well, it's coming from Scripture. Why are these New Testament
scholars still teaching?
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Okay, well, it's an excellent qu It's an excellent question. Now,
of course, if you remember in Matthew five seventeen and
says they not that I came to destroy the law
or the prophets. I did not come to destroy, but
to fulfill. The law is not destroyed, it is fulfilled,
it is made full. And that means that certain ceremonial
laws do go by the wayside, and certain don't. When
(27:14):
it comes to the Ten Commandments, keep in mind they
the concept of the Commandments, the way they're broken down
and the like, are kind of based on the way
the way scripture has been parsed. It's not that that
law has been abolished, it's that a new law has
superseded it. For instance, the Christians don't celebrate the Sabbath anymore.
(27:39):
They don't worship on the Sabbath. They worship on the
Lord's Day, which is completely different and seen in scripture,
in the Book of Acts and so on, that there
was other days that they were that they worshiped on.
It's not about abolishing anything in the Ten Commandments. The
fullness of the Ten Commandments is being explained to a
deeper level. When we get back, I'm gonna explain what
(27:59):
that is. And why that is kf I a M
six forty on demand MHM
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Hey Jonas!
Hey Jonas! The official Jonas Brothers podcast. Hosted by Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas. It’s the Jonas Brothers you know... musicians, actors, and well, yes, brothers. Now, they’re sharing another side of themselves in the playful, intimate, and irreverent way only they can. Spend time with the Jonas Brothers here and stay a little bit longer for deep conversations like never before.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by Audiochuck Media Company.