Love vs Romance | Hour 1

Love vs Romance

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Although
it may be said that all love has romance, I
assure you all romance does not have love. Every year
in the United States and beyond, as February fourteenth, Valentine's Day,

(00:23):
people's minds turn to all things love and romance. But
don't be confused, as they are not synonymous as many
people think. Romance can be defined as an intense, often
short lived attraction, fascination, or some sort of enthusiasm for

(00:45):
something or someone. Usually, this romantic attraction is based on
some outer quality, some outside quality that is mysterious or
fascinating that they grab your attention, like something that appears
adventurous or unusually beautiful or heroic in some way, shape

(01:09):
or form, and it makes it takes your eyes off
of other things, focusing them upon this and feeling those
romantic kind of intense feelings. This type of romance is temporary.
It's rooted in fantasy, mostly never growing past the level
of infatuation. It stays at that level of what could

(01:37):
be or what it might be, or some sort of
feeling that this is like a movie or some love story.
It's like a romance novel the concept of being swept
away in some sort of perfection. But life is not
life that like that at all. If real love was

(02:02):
only romance, relationships would never really have a chance at all.
They would be be cursed to remain superficial at best. Yet,
around this time, as you and others think about Valentine's Day,
you get wrapped up in the synthetic nature of love,

(02:26):
that very superficial part. It becomes almost like the the
emotional Christmas. You know, those people in your life and
maybe this is you that don't go to church at all,
and then around Christmas or Easter they'll go. It's Valentine's

(02:50):
Day can be like that as well. You don't put
in the time, You don't really show your love. It's like, oh, well,
you know, all I have to do is get expensive
flowers or do something that shows my love in a
big way, just this one time. That should cover it
for a little while. I know, man, you are like
that quite a bit, where you will tend to throw

(03:11):
money at Valentine's Day instead of really putting in the time,
the real time in a relationship. So all this romance
stays on that synthetic very superficial level, never growing very

(03:33):
deep at all. And your love has to be more
than a greeting card's sappy notions. Your love has to
be more than a feeling, and your love, it has
to be even more than just an action, has to
be more than that, deeper than that. In this time

(03:57):
of the year, it's very very easy to get lost
in those romantic notions and not really see where romance
should be a natural offspring of true love. Sometimes romance
is used to kind of cover up the deficiencies in
a relationship, the problems that everybody knows exists but nobody
wants to talk about. If you get lost in it

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that way, then you never really see what the relationship
needs and how it can benefit from from some intense
honesty and time. Money is a commodity you can make
more of, So if you pass that along to somebody,

(04:41):
or you just dump money into a situation, that doesn't
really show everything that you have. Time is the only
commodity in your life that you cannot make more of,
So giving of your time, truly giving of your time,
that shows love and intensity. So it has to be

(05:05):
more than a feeling. Real love has to be more
than just an action. Scripture says love is more than
a feeling or an action, It is a lifetime of actions,
this state of a total and complete unselfishness toward one another.

(05:31):
And one word love is sacrifice. John fifteen thirteen says
greater love has no one than this, that one lay
down his life for his friends. This verse certainly means

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being willing to give one's life for another is the ultimate,
the height of unselfish love and sacrifice. But God also
says that you can't and you should be a living
sacrifice ongoing Romans twelve to one. Therefore, I urge you, brethren,

(06:17):
by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a
living and holy sacrifice acceptable to God, which is your
spiritual service of worship. Getting in that mindset of wanting
to give and give totally is hard to do. And

(06:38):
the reason it is is that essentially you desire as
a human to be selfish. The enemy wants you to
be in that mindset, to only be thinking about yourself.
And if you get lost in this selfish attitude, thinking
only about your needs, only about your wants, then you
can't ever give or receive true love because it only

(07:04):
is about you. It becomes only about what you want,
only about what you need, and you lose sight of
the other person. Sometimes, in if you've been to camp
as a young kid, or you've seen been to a
camp for maybe your children, sometimes they do these experience

(07:25):
experiments that teach about the importance of needing other people
in their lives. And one of them is the chair
of the sitting circle, the human chair circle, and that's
where you get oh, six, eight, ten people and they
stand in a circle, facing the backs of the other
person and making a circle, and they all sit down

(07:48):
at the same time, and what ends up happening is
the knees of the person behind you become your seat.
And really the only way this works is if everyone
does it. If somebody stays remains standing, there is no
seat for the person in front of them, and the
circle fails. Everyone has to participate. Now, that's with many people,

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but imagine this in a relationship. The only way the
two of you can really get what you need is
if you focus on your partner totally and they focus
on you totally, and that between the two of you,
everyone gets taken care of. If you only focus on yourself.

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You were like that that guy that remains standing, that
that child in the in the chair circle that remains standing,
and the person in front has no chair sit down.
Imagine if you will leaning completely and totally on one another,
and how in that state everyone gets covered because you're

(08:57):
relying on one another, totally, taking care of one another totally.
It's when something breaks that that harmony, when you feel
like you're not being fulfilled or you feel like you're
not being taken care of, that you break out of
that and it's kind of an every person for themselves
type attitude. The ball gets dropped and somebody will end

(09:20):
up losing in that True love thinks about everyone but itself.
True love isn't selfish, It isn't rigid and locked in
its own ways. True love, by by very definition, has
to be adaptable, ready, willing, and able to adjust to

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the needs of others. With Valentine's Day, you can't help
but be in that that love mindset, that romance mindset.
But it's important that you see the two as completely

(10:07):
different things. And that doesn't mean that they don't play
a part somewhere with one another, but they certainly are
not synonymous. And it seems that around this time more
and more people try and force them into to be
the same thing. And that doesn't mean that love doesn't
have romance in it, but not all romance has love.

(10:33):
And when you twist them together and assume that they're
the same thing, or assume that they are a part
of each other always, you can get a very skewed
perception of what love is and romantic attraction, those types
of things can be based on a lot of superficial
a lot of appearance type things. What I want you

(10:56):
to know is that real love is about sacrifice. It's
about giving things up, not only not gaining them. What
you do gain is in a relationship is a true partner,
and that's important. But there's more to it than just
those things. True love genuinely thinks about everyone but itself.

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True love, by definition, cannot be selfish or that kind
of rigidity that comes with someone that only wants what
they want and don't care about anyone else and what
they want or need or think about. It can't be rigid,
It can't be locked in its own ways. It has
to be adaptable. True love must be able to be

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ready to adapt to the needs of those around them,
willing and able to adjust to the needs of those
that are around them. Many times in scripture it refers
to someone who can't receive God's love as someone who
has hardened their heart. Always seen it in your life
as well. When someone is so rigid, so hardened, so

(12:04):
focused on themselves, they can't truly love someone else. And
maybe you're the one that falls into this category. You
get to that place where it's so much about you
and the way you want things that there's no way
to be pliable, to adapt to the needs of those
around you. That's not love at all. Love won't ever

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find its way into the that tightly woven selfishness. There's
no place for it because the only room in a
place that cramped is a room for I, not room
for we. So don't confuse love with romance. I know

(12:58):
that right now. The key thing all over the place
on television commercials, you go to the grocery store, the
aisles seem to turn to pink and red and white,
these colors of Valentine's Day, and the focus gets tied
into love but also romance, and they are two very

(13:20):
different things. It's very easy to get wrapped up in
the romance part, thinking that it's just about the feelings.
And guys pull the hair out trying to do something
that will show their wife that they care or their
girlfriend that they care, and women you do the same thing.
You're going crazy trying to show for this one day,
as if all the pressure of the relationship really comes

(13:41):
down to one day of so called romance. But if
real love was only romance, relationships would never really have
a chance. They would be cursed to remain superficial at
the very best, because romance is kind of this lived attraction,
this intensity, this fascination or excitement for for for something

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or someone, but it's it tends to always be based
on this kind of outer shell of of something going
on or person, or a perception of what you think
someone is. Oh they seem very adventurous, or oh they
seem so strong or heroic or very kind, or they

(14:27):
seem there's something about their beauty that is so different.
It's compelling, But that's not based in reality. You have
to you have to check and see what these emotions
are tied to. They can't be just subjective. You have
to be objective in them. Producer Neil often jokes around

(14:48):
with me about when he falls in love that the
feelings he gets are similar to seasick. You know when
he's being when he's seasick, he might get sweaty hand,
a little clam and a little quiver and stomach. And
when he fell in love with his wife, you know
he had the same feelings. But you don't want to

(15:10):
combine them and think that they're the exact same thing.
You have to put them against the backdrop of reality
to see if it's sea sickness or possibly an illness,
or it's love. God, love has to be more than
just a feeling. It has to be more than that.
It's got to be more than just a greeting card
with really nice things written in it. Your love has

(15:32):
to be even more than an action. Scripture says that
love it's a lifetime of actions. You have to be unselfish,
you have to sacrifice. You read scripture and you see
people that have just hardened their hearts to things. These
are the type of people that can't love. They squeeze

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only enough room in their life for themselves and themselves alone.
They're once the desires only. That's selfishness. There's no place
for anyone else in that kind of scenario. You need
to ask yourself, do you look for the needs of
others or are you constantly thinking about yourself and yourself alone.

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Selfishness is one of the most destructive concoctions of the enemy.
Like a horse with blinders on, selfishness can make you
oblivious to anything that isn't just right in front of
you or only about you. When people are looking for mates, unfortunately,

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they often only look for their side of things, what
they're gonna get out of the relationship, what they'll get
from the other person, and not what they can give
to the other person. It's easy to let fantasies run
wild with thoughts of your partner who will follow you everywhere,

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doing everything you want to do, listening to everything you say,
enjoying everything you enjoy. You know how often I hear
people get excited about the possibility of getting into relationship
say oh, I can't wait for them to go and
do this or go and do that, assuming that they're

(17:32):
going to only want to do what you want to do.
It's like saying I can't wait till my child is
old enough to be able to grab the remote for
me and I can't find it or it's too far
for me to get up and grab it. How silly
that is to think that that's what a person whittles
down to as being somebody who's there only to take
pictures of you, rather than to be in it with you.

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A true relationship isn't looking for a passenger in your life,
a partner in the adventure. Now, men, you're you're not
always good with this. You oftentimes make the woman the adventure,
but the woman is not the adventure. The woman is
a fellow adventurer wanting to be alongside you, to be

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a part of the adventure, not something that you're meant
to conquer. And everything tells you, oh, well, this is
what you're shooting for. Know, what you're looking for is
not climbing a mountain. You're looking for a partner to
help me, as scripture says, somebody who will be with

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you and you with them. Don't get lost in those
fantasies about how life is going to be so great
now that somebody's there to watch you do everything. That's
not a partnership at all. Not looking for that passenger,
but the partner. Now, I don't want you to be
a welcome matt either to be walked on by others.
When I say that I want you to be a

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giver and want you to be selfless and sacrificing to
those who you love and to your partner, what I'm
saying is that I want you to give one hundred
percent of yourself. I hope you wouldn't give a hundred
percent of yourself to somebody who's not worthy of it.
That's a mixed mismatch in a totally different direction. I

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don't want you to constantly be giving yourself to someone
who one doesn't appreciate you and two is taking advantage
of it. That's not godly, That doesn't promote health and
a good honest relationship. That doesn't promote love. So don't
take my words wrong thinking that I want you to

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be this doormat that somebody abuses. What I want from
you is to find someone that you feel totally comfortable with.
I hear people criticize the church all the time when
it comes to giving money. Oh, well, the church asks
for money this or I don't feel comfortable giving my
church money or that much money when they request it.

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And I've always thought it strange that you would trust
a church with your spiritual health, but you wouldn't trust
them with your finances or your wallet. So if you
can't trust a church to use money that you give
them wisely, then get out. Why would you ever be

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a part of that and take the spirituality? And in
a relationship, it's the same way. If you can't trust
your partner to be someone who will enjoy and respect
all that you give them rather than abuse it or
take advantage of it. If you can't find a partner
like that that respects it and appreciates it, then why
would you want to be with them at all? If

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you're thinking for one moment, well, if I did that,
they're only going to take advantage or then I don't
know if they're gonna come back and do things for me,
then I'm going to be left out. Then oh, you're
thinking about it all wrong and this is the wrong
person for you. You should be freely giving, knowing that you
will receive. By the very nature of a healthy relationship,

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it's about seeking to take care of someone else's needs,
trusting they will take care of yours. That is partnership.
A great match is finding someone who will be selflessly
looking out only for you, as you too are selflessly
looking out only for them. You've got their back and

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they've got yours. Even with all these things being said,
and even if you are dedicated, even if you are
hard working, it can be a struggle to be in
a good relationship, even a healthy one, and to really
apply love in your life. But remind yourself each day

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that it is about your partner, that it's about them,
and giving your life to them and dedicating yourself to
them in a loving and healthy and godly way, and
your love will grow. If you don't do these things.
If you reject giving yourself in that way, if you
reject giving all who you are, then it will never

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come back and return either. There will never be a
true bond and a healthy experience that's focused on love,
not romance, not some greeting card, but true, deep and
honest love. So it could be said that all love

(22:41):
has romance, but not all romance has love. And Valentine's
Day obviously brings these things up, as people get excited
to show their love to one another and get wrapped
up in romance. But romance often is just superficial. It's
just on the surface there, and people forget that love
is about sacrifice. If you had to whittle it down

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to one word, it absolutely sacrifice. John fifteen thirteen says
greater love has no one than this, that one laid
down his life for his friends. Now that verse definitely
is looking at the ultimate giving of something, the ultimate sacrifice.
But in addition to that, God calls you to be

(23:22):
a living sacrifice. So daily finding ways to do things
for your loved one, daily find ways to giving, of
giving yourself to your partner, and they giving themselves to you.
Paul says in Romans thirteen ten, love does no harm
to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.

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This means that there are rules to abide by in love,
not just romance. You mustn't think of love as just
that emotional romantic response you feel towards someone. How sad
when the incredible apth of true love is somehow reduced
whittled down to the shallow feeling of sweaty palms, or

(24:08):
your your heart feeling as if it's skipped a beat.
I know much of that can be wonderful to feel,
but only when it's birthed from real love. Love comes
from fulfilling the rules and laws in a relationship. It's
about connecting in a practical way, finding things to do
for each other. You'll get absolutely lost if you're looking

(24:30):
for these liver quivers or warm, fuzzy feelings. You get
back to taking care of the practical needs of a
healthy relationship. The emotions absolutely follow. Scripture is God's love
letter to mankind, the most amazing Valentine card ever written,

(24:50):
and its pages it has the description of the ultimate
act of love, the ultimate act of sacrifice, and also
God's bluep prince for true love and true romance. And
although if you've ever been to a Christian wedding, you've
probably hear these words over and over in your head
because you've heard them so much, but please hear them

(25:12):
today with a fresh pair of ears, and take them
to heart in a new way. First Corinthians thirteen four
through seven, and I'll add verse thirteen as well to that.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
It does not boast. It is not proud. It does
not dishonor others. It is not self seeking, It is

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not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love
does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects always, trusts, always, hopes, always preserves Verse thirteen.
And now these three remain faith, hope, and love. But

(25:54):
the greatest of these is love. So I ask you this,
What is your love made of surface romance or real
romance rooted in unselfish sacrifice. Is it all about what
you want to get from someone else? Or is it
all about what you want to give? Kfi Am six

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forty on demand