November 28, 2025 • 33 mins
It’s Black Friday, and we’re celebrating with a jam-packed Best of the Conway Jr. Show! Tim kicks things off with a painfully funny tale about a girlfriend who once invited him to the Getty Museum — during the Dodgers World Series. Mark Thompson shares a voiceover session gone wrong, and we revisit the unforgettable “You’re cute, jeans” moment that left everyone in stitches. Plus, Tim relives an awkwardly sweet double date movie night in Seattle in a segment we call “When Harry Met Seattle.”.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's camp.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am sixty and you're listening to the Conway Show
on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Getty Museum in the
one on the coast, right right the villa, I think
is what it's called or something, And I was going
out with I had a brand new girlfriend, right, We've
only been dating for like a week or two.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Museums are always kind of like go to date place right, Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
And she said she got tickets because back then you
have to have tickets in a reservation, yes, to go
to the Getty So she said, he, I have tickets
and reservation to go Saturday to the Getty Museum.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
You want to go? I said, uh, what time? How
did you put conditions? And this is like a new girlfriend.
I was like really into it. Yeah, don't tell me
it's Jen. See how that progressed forward?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Definitely was not Jen. So she said, what do you mean?
I said, well, the Dodgers are playing in the World Series, okay,
and it's tough for me to go to museum when
the Dodgers are in the World Series. And she said, well,
it took me a long time to get these.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I said, oh, I'll.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Go okay, so we go to the museum and you know,
we're taking a tour, right, So there's about twenty of
us in the tour. And I mean a tour. There
was a tour, yeah, right, she signed up for the
whole tour package. Right, So there's a tour. And and
(01:30):
she had like another friend or two there, like another
couple that she knew, and they were talking, and all
of a sudden, I realized I could slide out here.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
And you know, because you didn't have it, I didn't
have a transistor radio.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
So I so I walked to the car and I
turned the game on in the car.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Back to the car, and they hear what the score was, right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So I'm sitting there and I'm and and this Vince
Gully is not giving me the score, right, vincco, the
great announcement in the world is the score every eight seconds.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
He's not giving me the score. He's not giving me
a score.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
And I hear the fans yelling in the background and cheering,
and you know Don Sutton's involved, and yeah, it was
a crazy, crazy time nineteen eighty one. So it'd be
like like the Bobby Welch, you know, Dodgers of that era.
And I'm sitting there waiting for the scorem sweating. It's like,
I get back to the stupid tour and I'm sitting
(02:22):
in the driver's seat, waiting, waiting, waiting, and all of
a sudden, the passenger door opens up and she gets
in the car, and she goes, let's go. This is
what it sounded like all the way home. MM, all
(02:48):
the way home.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
You didn't ask to turn on the radio or anything. No,
I didn't think it was my perfect time to turn the.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Ring and heading back to the car, it was all right, Hey, well,
at least you know.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Where you stood right then I was in the I
really blew that one.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Is that the last time you saw her?
Speaker 4 (03:08):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I think.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
No.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We had been like going out for like six months
or so, and then you know, and yeah, they find
out what I'm all about.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
They're like, past, all right, I've done an assessment, I've
had the proper time to calibrate.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
But you know, it's really weird.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I've had this happen more than once, where I went
out with a couple of different girls, but this one
in particular, she and I got to be very careful.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
How I's how I talk about this because.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Maybe maybe, But she had a her father lived up
in Santa Barbara, and we would go up to her
father's house in Santa Barbara and for a barbecue everyone tomorrow,
like twice a month, right. And her dad is like
old school marine, real guy with the garage that's filled
(04:00):
with tools, you know, like a real effing guy.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
And so we went out for like six months or
eight months, and then you know, it fizzled out.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
We broke up.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And then I got a call from her dad and
and I answered the phone, and I said, Hey, what's
going on? And he says, he goes, Hey, we're having
i'm a barbecue. You want to come up for the weekend,
you know, and maybe even stay over if you want,
because that's what we used to do, stay over overnight.
And I said, I said, oh, buddy, I go look,
(04:35):
I love hanging out with you. I don't know if
you know this, but me and your daughter broke up.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
You know what he said?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
He goes, oh, I know, I'm not inviting her. He
didn't invite her. That's awesome, isn't that crazy? Probably doesn't
like museums either.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I guess not.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
But but we really like hit it off and he said,
funny guy. You know he's uh, he was. He worked
with Wood a lot. He was a big sports fan.
He used to just get drunk and used to drive
golf balls off the back of his house into like
a big ravine and stuff like. It was just a
really like a really great guy.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
So you go, yeah it went, yeah, yeah, hell right,
And she found out that I went and she didn't
go woo.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Really man, not only did it end, but God almighty,
I mean he never ever saw the end of that.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
He still be around her. I think he's I think
she's still pissed.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Like if I would if I went out with a
girl and my you know, maybe my dad or my mom,
you know, found a connection with her, and my dad
or my mom was having a barbecue and they didn't
invite me, and they invited her.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I would say, God bless them.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, like, hey, look, you know she wasn't for me,
but maybe you saw something I didn't see in her,
and you know, good luck.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Did that happen to you often where the parents liked
you more than she did the time?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah? I was always like that was me? Is that right? Yeah? Yeah?
I did.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
I did a thing once with an instructor who helped
you sort of figure out what he called were like
your essences that kind of helped you figure out how
you were, how you are perceived to other people, and
kind of combine that with uh, their first impression of you,
and you end up with these seven sort of key
words or phrases that describe uniquely you. Really, so my
(06:28):
seven were things like uh, self assured and dark corners
was one, But the one that I always thought was
the funniest was their mothers love me really Yeah, and
that's absolutely the case.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Well that's great.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, all the parents always loved me far often more
than the girls.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Well it also might be because you and I are
or little our little old school.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yeah yeah, there's a respect that yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
But I every time that I went out with a
with a girl, and trust me, it's like it wasn't
a harem. Trust me. But every time, you know, even
a blind chicken gets a colonel once in a while.
And every time I was going on some I always
had a better relationship with their parents I did with
her always. Yeah, I mean I felt like much closer
(07:14):
even to their parents than I was to her.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Like sometimes I stepped not in his head. You a
trifecta dude. Yeah, Sam, is that right? I was always
a favorite?
Speaker 6 (07:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
That crazy? Yeah, almost to almost to the fact where
you're embarrassed by it.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
It's like, man, I got invited to my girlfriend's house
for a barbecue and she wasn't invited.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's wild and awfully embarrassing toom.
Speaker 7 (07:37):
Okay, we're going for a super.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Yes, you were always like with all your boyfriends, you
were you hooked up with their parents in a different
way than you did with the boyfriend.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
Absolutely, even my ex husband's parents. Really this day, I'll
still like, hang out with his mom?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Is that right? That's wild? Does that bother him?
Speaker 7 (08:03):
Who cares?
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Or is that? Why? Is that why you do it?
Speaker 7 (08:07):
No? No, No, I mean his parents were the coolest.
I couldn't believe.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I No, I'm smelling the odor of that one, you know, like,
I can't believe that came, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Fantastic.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Do you know that in my mom's household, we were
not allowed to bring a girlfriend or my sister couldn't
bring a boyfriend home, like she had a place in
Canada and I was dating this girl and she wanted
to my mom wanted her to come out to the
house to see the house and you know, hang out
for a while. And I said, hey, why doesn't she
come out and spend the weekend. And she says, she's
(08:43):
not spending the weekend unless you're married. My mom is
very strict like that. And I said, waitmen, she's got
to drive from Toronto, which is four hours, spend the
do the barbek here, and then drive back to Toronto.
She says, yes, you're not having anybody stay under the
same roof unless you're married.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
So I was never able to convince any of the
girls I was going out with to make that drive.
They're like, f you, I'm not driving out to Toronto
for four hours and then driving home for four hours.
So up until I got married, which was two thousand
and five, I was one of the last guys get married.
Everybody around my mom's house, all the neighbors, the breast,
the hands, the curs, the Johnson's, the Dalton's, all the families,
(09:23):
they all thought I.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Was gay, even.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
The Robertson's, everybody, because I couldn't bring home a girl
and she couldn't spend the weekend, and they'd never drive
for five hours and then drive home for five hours.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So when I got married, I was like, wow, I
thought you were I thought you were gay.
Speaker 7 (09:42):
Like, no, it's my crazy bomb.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
And I just talked commercial for McDonald's their popcorn chicken.
Oh yes, and I'm big, M'm I'm gonna sorry Jack
of the Box, Jack of the Box popcorn Chicken, and
I'm a big Jack in the Box guy.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
So I had to try the popcorn chicken. Very very good.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
No, yeah, I would give it an eight out of ten,
maybe an eight point five.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I agree. Oh you've had it. It's so good. It
really is good.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
So simple and it's like this is it's a spot.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It comes in a little little container there, pop that open.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You set to go. Got to enjoy yourself. Man, what
the hell?
Speaker 5 (10:24):
I had the one of the worst voiceover sessions come
for a commercial ever that I ever had in my
career for Jack in the Box. And it wasn't Jack
in the Box's fault. It's just a bunch of stuff
came together and it was it was awful. It was nightmare.
Oh really it was on a Friday, and it was
first of all, the last session on a Friday was
(10:44):
supposed to be a four o'clock record session in Santa Monica.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Wow, and that's fine. I go there.
Speaker 5 (10:50):
I'm on time, and they said, we're having problems with
the studio. So it's a delay. It's a delayed. It
was an hour. Now it's five o'clock on a Friday, okay,
which is which is not a problem for me. But
when I tell you what happened, so and now it's
after five, it's like five twenty and I go and
they go, yeah, I'm sorry about this. I go, now,
it's no problem. I'm out here. I'm having a cup
(11:11):
of coffee. I'm reading. And finally they say, okay, we're
ready for you. I walk in and the first thing
I hear somebody say is I was supposed to be
at my kid's birthday party forty five minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
They go, oh, man, this is just awful.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
And then they said, Mark, great, nice to meet you.
Let's get let's get going because we're kind of we
like what you did with your audition.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Just do it like you know, so pressure's on you now, right.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
Right right, And it was one of those things where
there's they want you to say a lot in a
very short time. So it's like you have a thirteen
or fourteen seconds is what I recall a gap to
crush this copy, and the copy is really you have
to really rush it, and yet you also want to
(11:57):
give it though, whatever the love it needs, okay, And
without getting into a long thing about it, they said,
we need you to do it more like. And then
as they're starting to talk and I'm in a studio
in another studio. You're not in the same room with them, okay.
They're holding up this thing. It's a talkback thing. It
looks like a remote control for a TV, and it
(12:18):
isn't working now. So they say, Mark, we like what
you're doing. But and I go, gosh, I'm sorry, I
can't hear you right now. And they go and is
this any better? And they go, Mark, we need.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You to I can't.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
And all I'm thinking about now is I'm not giving
them the read I want they want. The timeframe is
so short, and everybody wants to go home, okay, and
it's not my fault.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I just got here, okay. So then.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
That continues for like five minutes and now I'm sweating
like a guy having a stroke. Okay, this guy gets
up from the corner of the room. I hadn't even
seen him before, like Brando and Apocalypse. Now he looked
like that. He was like in my mind, he was huge.
He was probably pretty good size, shaved head, and the
lighting was like right down on him. And and he said,
I'm So and so I'm Jack. I'm the guy who
(13:09):
plays you know, he's the actual guy who runs the
agency and he's the voice of Jack.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (13:13):
Okay, okay. So I go, oh my god, it's a
pleasure to meet you. I I you know, I've heard
nice things, right, He goes, uh, he says, well, it's
great to have you here. But and all of this
is while the the talkback is still breaking up.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I'm having trouble here.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
But I'm you know, I'm kind of just like going
through the pleasantries because I know what he's saying, right,
And he goes, I really need you to and I'm like,
oh my god, this is And so I just took
another run at it and it was too long and
it wasn't what and I said, you know, maybe we'll
just do this a different day. And literally the session
just evaporated. It just went away, is that right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
It's crazy, man.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
So I cannot When you're driving home, you're probably a
million thoughts you go into your head.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
And I called the agent. I said, you know, this
just got away.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
There was so much stuff going on, and we the
session and started late and people wanted to go home.
I don't think I was giving him the read I wanted,
and it was just I felt and I'm really sorry.
And then then I didn't even tell him the talkback thing,
which is but it just made it all awful.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Every note I couldn't really hear them, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I went out on commercial editions for a while, and
then I remember I was out on Sunset Boulevard for
a It was for one of those dryer sheets that
you throw in fire, and they were going to do
a real close up on it, like through a microscope
and you could see the fibers inside the dryer sheet.
(14:34):
And so the guy says he brought us in about
three at a time, and three guys come in and
we could see what the other guys were doing through
the window. And the director said, once you come in,
give us your name and then wiggle your body like
you're a fiber in one of these dryer sheets. And
I said, buddy, look, I don't think you got the
(14:57):
right guy.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I'm your guy. And he goes, no, he goes, I
want you to do this. I want to. I think
you could be I.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Think you could be great wiggling your body like a dryer,
like a fiber and a dryer sheet. And I said,
I honestly, god, I'm not. I am so not your guy.
You're wasting your time if you even put this on video.
And he said, no, no, he goes, we're running out of time.
We really want you to do it right now. I said,
I'm not going to I'm not your guy, and I
(15:25):
left and the guy called my agent. He was so pissed.
Oh wow, you know that that he he said, I
stormed out of there.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I didn't. I just said I'm not your guy for this.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
You know there's forty people in this room that can
do that better than I can.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I'm just not that guy. And I remember my I
stopped going to a commercial commercial editions, so that was
the one that did. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I said this for actors and people who were like,
you know, this is you know acceptable to ideas and
can go in and out of flowing out of things.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
That's not me. Did you ever see you saw the
spot on the air?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, and it looked they picked my guys and gallows.
But wasn't me. Man, I'm just not that kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I've never been.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I know a lot of people when they listen to
the show are like, Wow, that guy's probably a hot dancer.
But I'm really not. I'm just I don't like move
that way. I just don't think like that. You probably
dance pretty. You do dance because you dance on TV.
Speaker 5 (16:19):
I did it on Fox eleven, but you know you don't.
Let's not undercut your acting at Licorice Pizza. You distinguished
yourself quite handsome.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Was not dancing.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
By the way, do you see that guy on He's
getting a lot of publicity on TikTok and YouTube where
he's the dancing weather man.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
He's stole my act. He's stole that that's your act
and he never gave you credit for it.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Yeah, but it's been decades now, so look, you know,
I hope he does really well with it, and then
I hope he burns in a fiery pit of hell.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
But he talks about it as if he created. No,
that's that I didn't know. That's flame. That's super lame.
Speaker 6 (16:52):
All right, you're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de
Mayo from KF I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Your cute geens billion?
Speaker 7 (17:00):
What is that mean?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
You know what that's from? No, your cute jeans? About
angel does and you know what that's from? Your cute jeans?
You know what that's from? Huh huh huh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Do you know what it's from? Uh uh Krosia or no,
Dana stepooge.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
No, nobody knows what that that reference is. No, your
cute genes, No you mean these genes? No, these are
my genes. No, no, your cute chens. You mean my
jeans are cute? No, your cute jeans. It's the Kardashians.
At one point, one of the Jener kids said to
their mom, your cute genes, and she goes, oh, these
are these aren't new? Because no, no, no, not those
(17:41):
your cue jenes. And she was, no, they're not your cuechans,
they're my genes. He goes, no, no, your cute genes,
your cute genes. You've never heard that that that that's
a very famous run.
Speaker 7 (17:51):
It is. Yeah, I didn't know you were so up
on the Kardashians famous.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Uh oh, I see okay.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Trying to reduce it to you know, your your inability
to you know, follow pop culture, to my obsession with them.
I got it. I get that. That's stings lilting, right, Okay,
that's cool.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Sorry, So I just look that up. It's very popular.
It's so popular.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
She actually named one of her lipstick lines after that color.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Is that right? Cute jeans?
Speaker 3 (18:19):
You're cute jeans, lipshine lacquer like Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
So what was the That's great that I know that
and you guys don't.
Speaker 7 (18:28):
It's weird.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's not you know because I saw it.
Speaker 7 (18:32):
I'm on YouTube the Kardashians in order.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Okay, in order of age.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I couldn't name them if they were sitting in front
of you name tags on them, I know, Kim, don't
don't tell me, Okay, I know. I got to write
these down. Okay, it's my knowledge.
Speaker 7 (18:48):
Are you doing it in order of age?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
No, I'm doing chronological in order of people. I would
not be uh invited to the same party.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's the chronological cardis okay?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
There's there's Kim, right, Chloe, d k Caitlyn Counts.
Speaker 7 (19:10):
Think, well we'll take that.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Bruce.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
No, I get double, I get Kardashian No, no, said
Jenner's and Kardashica. I get to there, I get one
you one and a half to I get to past
past ah, come on, okay, wait a minute, okay, uh Chloe, Kim, Caitlyn, Bruce,
(19:39):
Oh the mom, the mamager.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
What's your name?
Speaker 7 (19:44):
I love my life?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, I know that's uh. I love my friends.
Speaker 7 (19:51):
Oh yeah, I love my friends.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Okay, there's a north that is.
Speaker 7 (19:54):
A child of one of them.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
We'll accept that.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
That's her last name.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Whatever Northwest is the name?
Speaker 7 (20:03):
Mm hmm?
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Is she going in the right direction? Life? Ding dong?
All right?
Speaker 2 (20:10):
God, I don't remember that other kid's name, the one
that oh, the one that had that that Ka Sick right,
the Scott district.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Who's married to Scott Disick?
Speaker 7 (20:22):
Nobody was ever married.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
That's a girlfriend. What was that?
Speaker 7 (20:26):
Well, you need to tell us.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
No, I don't know what's her name. It begins with
the K Courtney Courtney. My niece's name is Courtney. I
should know that, all right?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Then?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Then who are the other the Jenner kids, Kylie, Yes,
that's the makeup one. Now you need the model, Oh
the model, oh models, Karen? I ava no like a
(21:00):
a no, all right, I wrote even down anyway, so
I guess remember.
Speaker 7 (21:03):
Remember they all start with.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
K oh okay I so the three the three sisters
are kkk all.
Speaker 7 (21:16):
The sisters are kkkkk.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
All right, so Kylie Corona but the k Cudweiser No,
Google country, No, just don't short three. Uh that's short,
(21:39):
isn't it? What is or what's the other kids name?
Speaker 7 (21:42):
Kendall Kendall the brother?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Oh, I know that brother's name. I'll get that brother, Steve.
He's a Kardashian. He's got a real simple name too.
He's like Mike or Jeff or Tom and Bill Bill.
Speaker 7 (21:58):
Named after his father. That should help.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, I remember that dad's name.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
What's his name?
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Robert?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Robert?
Speaker 7 (22:08):
Yes, you did pretty good, he did pretty okay.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, I don't really follow them, but I do know
the cute jeans thing.
Speaker 7 (22:15):
But you can quote them, which is your cute?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
No, but I thought that that was funny. That was
a funny long.
Speaker 7 (22:20):
You're cute geens?
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (22:21):
Right, never heard it?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Even I can't believe that nobody on the show heard that.
Speaker 7 (22:26):
I can't believe you heard it and remembered it.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yeah, of everybody on this show.
Speaker 7 (22:29):
You can't remember to button your shirt, but you remember that.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You're cute chans because it was it was funny. You're
cute genes.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Right, let me see if I can find it here
it is? All right, here's the whole run. All right,
here we go.
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Those are cute chains.
Speaker 7 (22:42):
You're cute jeans?
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Those are mine? No, No, I thought you said you're
cute jeans. Those are my jeans. No cute jeans, huh?
All right, I'm going home.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
That's it. That's a nice run. Right, you want to
hear it again. Here?
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Close are cute chains.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
You're that's the mamager. What's her name?
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Chris, Chris. That's Chris talking to Kylie? I think, all right,
Chris talking to Kylie.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
Close at chains. Your cute cheans. Those are mine? No, No,
I thought you said you're cute jeans. Those are my jeans.
No cute jeans.
Speaker 7 (23:23):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (23:24):
All right, I'm going home.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
There you go, Ding Dong crew, right, ding Dong with them?
All right? That's all I remember from that that program.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
All right, I think I did pretty well, you know,
for a guy that does not follow a lot of Hollywood.
I mean, if if seriously, if Harvey Korman and Karrabernet
were in the studio right now, I would be going, ah,
I know the guy.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
I'm just not good with names like that. You know
that is true, That's very true.
Speaker 6 (23:52):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
A M six forty.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I'm not that that hip on who celebrities are, right,
I've just never been into it. I don't watch a
little a lot of Entertainment Tonight or TMZ, and I
don't know a lot of them. So I'm in Las
Vegas with a couple of friends. Is thirty years ago
and there's one two one two three four one two
(24:18):
three four. Yeah, there are four pictures of the people
that were involved with the startup of a place called
Planet Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
They have restaurants, a lot of stars, and they had
a hotel in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I don't know if it's still there or not.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And they had four statues of these people outside. And
my buddy Jeff Warnick, God rest his soul not here anymore.
I missed that guy every day one of the smartest,
funniest guys I've ever met my life. And he said,
I'm going to give you a one hundred dollars for
every one of these celebrities that you know, and I'm
going to take one hundred dollars away for everyone you
(24:53):
don't know. And I said, oh boy, this could cost
me four hundred dollars. So we walk over the statues
and I said, okay, that one is Arnold Schwarzenegger and
he gives me a hundred dollars bill and I said
that not. The other one is Sylvester Stallone and he
gives me another hundred dollars bill, so I'm at least even.
And then he shows me the other one and he
(25:14):
and he says, who's that?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
And I said, I have no idea who that is.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
And he said, Tim, you drove him in a limousine,
a very popular celebrity, and you've driven him, you know,
you've driven him at least five times. And when you
drove a limousine, you picked him up and took him
to the airport. I said, where does he live? He goes,
he lives up in the up in the hills, like
either like Hollywood or no I'm sorry, Beverly Hills or
(25:40):
like West Los Angeles. And I said, I have no
idea who that is. And he says, okay, that's Bruce
Willis and he takes one hundred dollars away from me
and he says, and he says, there's one more.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
It's a woman. And I said, I don't know. He said, you've.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Talked about her on the radio, and you one of
your favorite movies. This this woman is the star of
that movie. And I'm like, God, I just don't know
who that is. And he said, I'll even give you
the name of the movie. And I said, what's the
name of the movie? And he said, I think he
said like terms of endearment, and I said, I still
(26:18):
don't know. And it was Demi Moore And he took
the other one hundred dollars bill. And I don't know
if he was in that movie or not, or if
he was just f point made. But he said he
couldn't believe all weekend, he kept saying, how the hell
do you pick this guy up in that limousine? Five
times in the last two years you talked to him
on the way to the airport, and you never ever
(26:40):
and you couldn't pick out his name, right, I said,
I'm just I'm just not into how he goes. You
don't have to be into Hollywood to know this stuff.
You're mentally declining, that's what's going on. This has nothing
to do with Entertainment Tonight and TMZ and you know
and and all these other celebrity shows. This is this
is a problem that you have. I said, well, maybe
(27:01):
the statue doesn't look like you know, Bruce Willis. So
he stopped people that came by, and he covered up
the name. You're standing, remember, you're standing on the on
the name, and twenty people walk by.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Hey, who's that? Oh, Bruce Willis. Who's this Bruce Willis? Hey,
who's it?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Before he could before he could finish a question, Hey,
who's Bruce Willis. This is Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis, that's
Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis right there in w WA, Bruce
Willison w ware And weren't they married for a while?
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yes, I think at the time they were still yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that's another point.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
He brought up that they were married, and I should
have gotten that too, and I didn't. But you know what,
but the reason why I don't, And let me defend
myself here. When I go to a movie, I don't
want to know the actors' names. I just want to
for the two hours i'm there, I want to be
transported into a into a place where I've never been before,
and I don't know anybody. Like I went to see
(27:51):
that Saving Private Ryan, and I'm in the movie.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
About an hour and a half into the.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Movie, I look up and I said, and I said,
I don't know it was Jenner?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Whoever's with?
Speaker 6 (27:59):
I go?
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Ted dancing?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Because yeah, that's Ted dancing. Sh I well, why is
he in this movie? Is this a war where everybody
knows your name? What's going on here? So this guy's
in Cheers? Right, you gotta shut that up? But he's
in Cheers. Now he's in my World War two movie?
He's in Cheers, because yeah, he's in Cheers. Like, I
(28:25):
can't watch this anymore. I'll be a meet outside.
Speaker 7 (28:28):
You're that guy.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I couldn't sit there and watch it anymore. Hey, who
is who is one of the stars of Sleepless in Seattle?
Speaker 7 (28:37):
Who is the woman?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Meg Ryan? So with Jeff Warnick, we went out.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
We were gonna have these two gals that knew each other,
and we were all friends. And then I don't think
he was very serious with the girl he was going with,
and I don't think I was here. We were just
all sort of friends. Maybe it was maybe wasn't, who knows.
And so he says, let's go to a Universal, go
see a movie. You know, we'll pick up the girls,
go to dinner, go see the movie. He said, okay,
I said. He said, I'll pay for everything if you
do all the arrange the reservations and buy and and
(29:02):
make the tickets and do.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
All the calls.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
And my buddy had some money, right, so I said, okay,
I'll do everything. I'll range with the girls a big
a mop, go to the you know, get reservation, eat,
go to the movie, boom bang. But you pay for everything.
He goes done, credit card bang done.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
We pick them up.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
We go to that that Mexican place where everything's big
up at Universal.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
It's really good too.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I don't know if it's sill there or not, but
we have a great meal and we go to uh
we go to the movie theater. Harry gets popcorn, you know,
candy or whatever, and we're sitting in the movie theater
and it's me one of the girls, Jeff Warnick, one
of the girls. Were sitting there, four of us and
it was a fairly packed movie theater. And the movie
starts and it says starring.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Who is the other of the comedian was in them?
Was it Tom?
Speaker 6 (29:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I thought it was okay, maybe it was Tom. And
sleep in the Seattle is Tom Hanks? Yeah? Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
So Tom Hanks comes up and and then I was
the other one's name, and I'm gonna have to write
start to understand. So Meg Ryan comes on the screen
and he leans over the over the girl and goes,
you didn't tell me he wasn't make Ryan movie. And
(30:20):
I said, I said, I didn't know to ask you.
And he goes, I don't sit through Meg ryan movies.
And I said, okay, well just sit through this one,
he said, And he sat in the lobby for two hours.
He sat in the lobby for two hours. He says,
(30:40):
I can't watch her on the screen.
Speaker 7 (30:42):
She's a door. I think she's so good.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
I thought she was terrific in that movie. That movie,
she's really a cute. She was really cute, and and
and and.
Speaker 7 (30:51):
That that's right.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
That movie made her a huge celebrity too. And but
he didn't, like right in front of this girl too,
because I don't.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Sit through the magron.
Speaker 7 (31:04):
And what did the girl think about it?
Speaker 1 (31:05):
She couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
She's like, wait, where are you gonna go? You can
walk around university. He goes, Now, I just sit on
one of those benches outside. And he sat out one
of those like red benches outside the theater that nobody
ever uses unless your wife's going to the bathroom. And
the he sit in for a second, and he sat
there for an hour and a half or two hours.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Went outside.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
He was there with his popcorn was gone, the coke
was gone. He was just sitting there like this frail
old man. Right, but man, it was so great.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
I don't go to the Meg Ryan movies and I
just for them, but for the girls. Can't you sit
through this? No, no, no, I don't do that.
Speaker 6 (31:40):
I don't do it.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
I don't do it. So okay, we'll see. That's all right.
That's my megro Ryan story.
Speaker 7 (31:45):
I'm proud of you sitting through.
Speaker 5 (31:46):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I love Meg Ryan. I thought she was.
Speaker 7 (31:49):
And it was a good movie.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, the movie's great.
Speaker 7 (31:51):
Right, he missed out.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Ah, okay, but who is the other comedian in that movie?
Speaker 7 (31:56):
I'm oh, I know Rita Wilson was in it. And
who plays her?
Speaker 2 (32:03):
The the guy who said I'll have what or not
out of what she's having? But there was a comedian.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Billy Crystal, Ye, Billy Crystal. That was Harry met Sally
with Meg Ryan. Okay, it was Harry met Sally. Really
it was Harry met Sally.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
You are it is, oh my god, comedian, that's right.
Speaker 7 (32:30):
That's why when I said Tom Hanks, you were.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Like, yeah, I was like Tom Hanks, I don't remember
in that movie.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Well maybe he was, I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Right when you got saying like the co star, I
was thinking, Bruno Kirby is one of those guys that
was in as a sidekick in all of those movies.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
And it's funny because he was a ssidekick to Billy Crystal.
So how great is that? Though?
Speaker 2 (32:48):
I can't even get these GD movies right, how am
I going to ever get? You know, Sylvester Stallone and
Bruce Willis.
Speaker 7 (32:58):
Oh, that's great, you can Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
But the whole time I was thinking Sleepless in Seattle
where she had. She faked that orgasm at that that
lunch or dinner at that deli with that Billy Crystal.
Speaker 7 (33:10):
When Harry met Yeah, when Harry met Sally. All right there,
I'm glad we worked through.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
But she was in both of those.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
She was, Oh, thank God, I thought it was going crazy.
You're cute jeans. God a mighty man. I gotta get
some help. We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway
Show on demand on the iHeart Radio app. Now you
can always hear us live on kf I am six
forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime
(33:40):
on demand on the iHeart Radio app
It's camp.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am sixty and you're listening to the Conway Show
on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Getty Museum in the
one on the coast, right right the villa, I think
is what it's called or something, And I was going
out with I had a brand new girlfriend, right, We've
only been dating for like a week or two.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Museums are always kind of like go to date place right, Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
And she said she got tickets because back then you
have to have tickets in a reservation, yes, to go
to the Getty So she said, he, I have tickets
and reservation to go Saturday to the Getty Museum.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
You want to go? I said, uh, what time? How
did you put conditions? And this is like a new girlfriend.
I was like really into it. Yeah, don't tell me
it's Jen. See how that progressed forward?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Definitely was not Jen. So she said, what do you mean?
I said, well, the Dodgers are playing in the World Series, okay,
and it's tough for me to go to museum when
the Dodgers are in the World Series. And she said, well,
it took me a long time to get these.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I said, oh, I'll.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Go okay, so we go to the museum and you know,
we're taking a tour, right, So there's about twenty of
us in the tour. And I mean a tour. There
was a tour, yeah, right, she signed up for the
whole tour package. Right, So there's a tour. And and
(01:30):
she had like another friend or two there, like another
couple that she knew, and they were talking, and all
of a sudden, I realized I could slide out here.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
And you know, because you didn't have it, I didn't
have a transistor radio.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
So I so I walked to the car and I
turned the game on in the car.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Back to the car, and they hear what the score was, right.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
So I'm sitting there and I'm and and this Vince
Gully is not giving me the score, right, vincco, the
great announcement in the world is the score every eight seconds.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
He's not giving me the score. He's not giving me
a score.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
And I hear the fans yelling in the background and cheering,
and you know Don Sutton's involved, and yeah, it was
a crazy, crazy time nineteen eighty one. So it'd be
like like the Bobby Welch, you know, Dodgers of that era.
And I'm sitting there waiting for the scorem sweating. It's like,
I get back to the stupid tour and I'm sitting
(02:22):
in the driver's seat, waiting, waiting, waiting, and all of
a sudden, the passenger door opens up and she gets
in the car, and she goes, let's go. This is
what it sounded like all the way home. MM, all
(02:48):
the way home.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
You didn't ask to turn on the radio or anything. No,
I didn't think it was my perfect time to turn the.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Ring and heading back to the car, it was all right, Hey, well,
at least you know.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Where you stood right then I was in the I
really blew that one.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Is that the last time you saw her?
Speaker 4 (03:08):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I think.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
No.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We had been like going out for like six months
or so, and then you know, and yeah, they find
out what I'm all about.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
They're like, past, all right, I've done an assessment, I've
had the proper time to calibrate.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
But you know, it's really weird.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I've had this happen more than once, where I went
out with a couple of different girls, but this one
in particular, she and I got to be very careful.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
How I's how I talk about this because.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Maybe maybe, But she had a her father lived up
in Santa Barbara, and we would go up to her
father's house in Santa Barbara and for a barbecue everyone tomorrow,
like twice a month, right. And her dad is like
old school marine, real guy with the garage that's filled
(04:00):
with tools, you know, like a real effing guy.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
And so we went out for like six months or
eight months, and then you know, it fizzled out.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
We broke up.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
And then I got a call from her dad and
and I answered the phone, and I said, Hey, what's
going on? And he says, he goes, Hey, we're having
i'm a barbecue. You want to come up for the weekend,
you know, and maybe even stay over if you want,
because that's what we used to do, stay over overnight.
And I said, I said, oh, buddy, I go look,
(04:35):
I love hanging out with you. I don't know if
you know this, but me and your daughter broke up.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
You know what he said?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
He goes, oh, I know, I'm not inviting her. He
didn't invite her. That's awesome, isn't that crazy? Probably doesn't
like museums either.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I guess not.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
But but we really like hit it off and he said,
funny guy. You know he's uh, he was. He worked
with Wood a lot. He was a big sports fan.
He used to just get drunk and used to drive
golf balls off the back of his house into like
a big ravine and stuff like. It was just a
really like a really great guy.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
So you go, yeah it went, yeah, yeah, hell right,
And she found out that I went and she didn't
go woo.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Really man, not only did it end, but God almighty,
I mean he never ever saw the end of that.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
He still be around her. I think he's I think
she's still pissed.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Like if I would if I went out with a
girl and my you know, maybe my dad or my mom,
you know, found a connection with her, and my dad
or my mom was having a barbecue and they didn't
invite me, and they invited her.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I would say, God bless them.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, like, hey, look, you know she wasn't for me,
but maybe you saw something I didn't see in her,
and you know, good luck.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Did that happen to you often where the parents liked
you more than she did the time?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah? I was always like that was me? Is that right? Yeah? Yeah?
I did.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
I did a thing once with an instructor who helped
you sort of figure out what he called were like
your essences that kind of helped you figure out how
you were, how you are perceived to other people, and
kind of combine that with uh, their first impression of you,
and you end up with these seven sort of key
words or phrases that describe uniquely you. Really, so my
(06:28):
seven were things like uh, self assured and dark corners
was one, But the one that I always thought was
the funniest was their mothers love me really Yeah, and
that's absolutely the case.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Well that's great.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, all the parents always loved me far often more
than the girls.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Well it also might be because you and I are
or little our little old school.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yeah yeah, there's a respect that yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
But I every time that I went out with a
with a girl, and trust me, it's like it wasn't
a harem. Trust me. But every time, you know, even
a blind chicken gets a colonel once in a while.
And every time I was going on some I always
had a better relationship with their parents I did with
her always. Yeah, I mean I felt like much closer
(07:14):
even to their parents than I was to her.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Like sometimes I stepped not in his head. You a
trifecta dude. Yeah, Sam, is that right? I was always
a favorite?
Speaker 6 (07:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
That crazy? Yeah, almost to almost to the fact where
you're embarrassed by it.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
It's like, man, I got invited to my girlfriend's house
for a barbecue and she wasn't invited.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's wild and awfully embarrassing toom.
Speaker 7 (07:37):
Okay, we're going for a super.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Yes, you were always like with all your boyfriends, you
were you hooked up with their parents in a different
way than you did with the boyfriend.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
Absolutely, even my ex husband's parents. Really this day, I'll
still like, hang out with his mom?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Is that right? That's wild? Does that bother him?
Speaker 7 (08:03):
Who cares?
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Or is that? Why? Is that why you do it?
Speaker 7 (08:07):
No? No, No, I mean his parents were the coolest.
I couldn't believe.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I No, I'm smelling the odor of that one, you know, like,
I can't believe that came, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Fantastic.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Do you know that in my mom's household, we were
not allowed to bring a girlfriend or my sister couldn't
bring a boyfriend home, like she had a place in
Canada and I was dating this girl and she wanted
to my mom wanted her to come out to the
house to see the house and you know, hang out
for a while. And I said, hey, why doesn't she
come out and spend the weekend. And she says, she's
(08:43):
not spending the weekend unless you're married. My mom is
very strict like that. And I said, waitmen, she's got
to drive from Toronto, which is four hours, spend the
do the barbek here, and then drive back to Toronto.
She says, yes, you're not having anybody stay under the
same roof unless you're married.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
So I was never able to convince any of the
girls I was going out with to make that drive.
They're like, f you, I'm not driving out to Toronto
for four hours and then driving home for four hours.
So up until I got married, which was two thousand
and five, I was one of the last guys get married.
Everybody around my mom's house, all the neighbors, the breast,
the hands, the curs, the Johnson's, the Dalton's, all the families,
(09:23):
they all thought I.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Was gay, even.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
The Robertson's, everybody, because I couldn't bring home a girl
and she couldn't spend the weekend, and they'd never drive
for five hours and then drive home for five hours.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So when I got married, I was like, wow, I
thought you were I thought you were gay.
Speaker 7 (09:42):
Like, no, it's my crazy bomb.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
And I just talked commercial for McDonald's their popcorn chicken.
Oh yes, and I'm big, M'm I'm gonna sorry Jack
of the Box, Jack of the Box popcorn Chicken, and
I'm a big Jack in the Box guy.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
So I had to try the popcorn chicken. Very very good.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
No, yeah, I would give it an eight out of ten,
maybe an eight point five.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
I agree. Oh you've had it. It's so good. It
really is good.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
So simple and it's like this is it's a spot.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
It comes in a little little container there, pop that open.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
You set to go. Got to enjoy yourself. Man, what
the hell?
Speaker 5 (10:24):
I had the one of the worst voiceover sessions come
for a commercial ever that I ever had in my
career for Jack in the Box. And it wasn't Jack
in the Box's fault. It's just a bunch of stuff
came together and it was it was awful. It was nightmare.
Oh really it was on a Friday, and it was
first of all, the last session on a Friday was
(10:44):
supposed to be a four o'clock record session in Santa Monica.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Wow, and that's fine. I go there.
Speaker 5 (10:50):
I'm on time, and they said, we're having problems with
the studio. So it's a delay. It's a delayed. It
was an hour. Now it's five o'clock on a Friday, okay,
which is which is not a problem for me. But
when I tell you what happened, so and now it's
after five, it's like five twenty and I go and
they go, yeah, I'm sorry about this. I go, now,
it's no problem. I'm out here. I'm having a cup
(11:11):
of coffee. I'm reading. And finally they say, okay, we're
ready for you. I walk in and the first thing
I hear somebody say is I was supposed to be
at my kid's birthday party forty five minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
They go, oh, man, this is just awful.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
And then they said, Mark, great, nice to meet you.
Let's get let's get going because we're kind of we
like what you did with your audition.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Just do it like you know, so pressure's on you now, right.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
Right right, And it was one of those things where
there's they want you to say a lot in a
very short time. So it's like you have a thirteen
or fourteen seconds is what I recall a gap to
crush this copy, and the copy is really you have
to really rush it, and yet you also want to
(11:57):
give it though, whatever the love it needs, okay, And
without getting into a long thing about it, they said,
we need you to do it more like. And then
as they're starting to talk and I'm in a studio
in another studio. You're not in the same room with them, okay.
They're holding up this thing. It's a talkback thing. It
looks like a remote control for a TV, and it
(12:18):
isn't working now. So they say, Mark, we like what
you're doing. But and I go, gosh, I'm sorry, I
can't hear you right now. And they go and is
this any better? And they go, Mark, we need.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You to I can't.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
And all I'm thinking about now is I'm not giving
them the read I want they want. The timeframe is
so short, and everybody wants to go home, okay, and
it's not my fault.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I just got here, okay. So then.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
That continues for like five minutes and now I'm sweating
like a guy having a stroke. Okay, this guy gets
up from the corner of the room. I hadn't even
seen him before, like Brando and Apocalypse. Now he looked
like that. He was like in my mind, he was huge.
He was probably pretty good size, shaved head, and the
lighting was like right down on him. And and he said,
I'm So and so I'm Jack. I'm the guy who
(13:09):
plays you know, he's the actual guy who runs the
agency and he's the voice of Jack.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (13:13):
Okay, okay. So I go, oh my god, it's a
pleasure to meet you. I I you know, I've heard
nice things, right, He goes, uh, he says, well, it's
great to have you here. But and all of this
is while the the talkback is still breaking up.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I'm having trouble here.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
But I'm you know, I'm kind of just like going
through the pleasantries because I know what he's saying, right,
And he goes, I really need you to and I'm like,
oh my god, this is And so I just took
another run at it and it was too long and
it wasn't what and I said, you know, maybe we'll
just do this a different day. And literally the session
just evaporated. It just went away, is that right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
It's crazy, man.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
So I cannot When you're driving home, you're probably a
million thoughts you go into your head.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
And I called the agent. I said, you know, this
just got away.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
There was so much stuff going on, and we the
session and started late and people wanted to go home.
I don't think I was giving him the read I wanted,
and it was just I felt and I'm really sorry.
And then then I didn't even tell him the talkback thing,
which is but it just made it all awful.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Every note I couldn't really hear them, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I went out on commercial editions for a while, and
then I remember I was out on Sunset Boulevard for
a It was for one of those dryer sheets that
you throw in fire, and they were going to do
a real close up on it, like through a microscope
and you could see the fibers inside the dryer sheet.
(14:34):
And so the guy says he brought us in about
three at a time, and three guys come in and
we could see what the other guys were doing through
the window. And the director said, once you come in,
give us your name and then wiggle your body like
you're a fiber in one of these dryer sheets. And
I said, buddy, look, I don't think you got the
(14:57):
right guy.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I'm your guy. And he goes, no, he goes, I
want you to do this. I want to. I think
you could be I.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Think you could be great wiggling your body like a dryer,
like a fiber and a dryer sheet. And I said,
I honestly, god, I'm not. I am so not your guy.
You're wasting your time if you even put this on video.
And he said, no, no, he goes, we're running out of time.
We really want you to do it right now. I said,
I'm not going to I'm not your guy, and I
(15:25):
left and the guy called my agent. He was so pissed.
Oh wow, you know that that he he said, I
stormed out of there.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I didn't. I just said I'm not your guy for this.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
You know there's forty people in this room that can
do that better than I can.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I'm just not that guy. And I remember my I
stopped going to a commercial commercial editions, so that was
the one that did. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I said this for actors and people who were like,
you know, this is you know acceptable to ideas and
can go in and out of flowing out of things.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
That's not me. Did you ever see you saw the
spot on the air?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, and it looked they picked my guys and gallows.
But wasn't me. Man, I'm just not that kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I've never been.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
I know a lot of people when they listen to
the show are like, Wow, that guy's probably a hot dancer.
But I'm really not. I'm just I don't like move
that way. I just don't think like that. You probably
dance pretty. You do dance because you dance on TV.
Speaker 5 (16:19):
I did it on Fox eleven, but you know you don't.
Let's not undercut your acting at Licorice Pizza. You distinguished
yourself quite handsome.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Was not dancing.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
By the way, do you see that guy on He's
getting a lot of publicity on TikTok and YouTube where
he's the dancing weather man.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
He's stole my act. He's stole that that's your act
and he never gave you credit for it.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Yeah, but it's been decades now, so look, you know,
I hope he does really well with it, and then
I hope he burns in a fiery pit of hell.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
But he talks about it as if he created. No,
that's that I didn't know. That's flame. That's super lame.
Speaker 6 (16:52):
All right, you're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de
Mayo from KF I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Your cute geens billion?
Speaker 7 (17:00):
What is that mean?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
You know what that's from? No, your cute jeans? About
angel does and you know what that's from? Your cute jeans?
You know what that's from? Huh huh huh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Do you know what it's from? Uh uh Krosia or no,
Dana stepooge.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
No, nobody knows what that that reference is. No, your
cute genes, No you mean these genes? No, these are
my genes. No, no, your cute chens. You mean my
jeans are cute? No, your cute jeans. It's the Kardashians.
At one point, one of the Jener kids said to
their mom, your cute genes, and she goes, oh, these
are these aren't new? Because no, no, no, not those
(17:41):
your cue jenes. And she was, no, they're not your cuechans,
they're my genes. He goes, no, no, your cute genes,
your cute genes. You've never heard that that that that's
a very famous run.
Speaker 7 (17:51):
It is. Yeah, I didn't know you were so up
on the Kardashians famous.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Uh oh, I see okay.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Trying to reduce it to you know, your your inability
to you know, follow pop culture, to my obsession with them.
I got it. I get that. That's stings lilting, right, Okay,
that's cool.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Sorry, So I just look that up. It's very popular.
It's so popular.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
She actually named one of her lipstick lines after that color.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Is that right? Cute jeans?
Speaker 3 (18:19):
You're cute jeans, lipshine lacquer like Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
So what was the That's great that I know that
and you guys don't.
Speaker 7 (18:28):
It's weird.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's not you know because I saw it.
Speaker 7 (18:32):
I'm on YouTube the Kardashians in order.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Okay, in order of age.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I couldn't name them if they were sitting in front
of you name tags on them, I know, Kim, don't
don't tell me, Okay, I know. I got to write
these down. Okay, it's my knowledge.
Speaker 7 (18:48):
Are you doing it in order of age?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
No, I'm doing chronological in order of people. I would
not be uh invited to the same party.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's the chronological cardis okay?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
There's there's Kim, right, Chloe, d k Caitlyn Counts.
Speaker 7 (19:10):
Think, well we'll take that.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Bruce.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
No, I get double, I get Kardashian No, no, said
Jenner's and Kardashica. I get to there, I get one
you one and a half to I get to past
past ah, come on, okay, wait a minute, okay, uh Chloe, Kim, Caitlyn, Bruce,
(19:39):
Oh the mom, the mamager.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
What's your name?
Speaker 7 (19:44):
I love my life?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, I know that's uh. I love my friends.
Speaker 7 (19:51):
Oh yeah, I love my friends.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Okay, there's a north that is.
Speaker 7 (19:54):
A child of one of them.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
We'll accept that.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
That's her last name.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Whatever Northwest is the name?
Speaker 7 (20:03):
Mm hmm?
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Is she going in the right direction? Life? Ding dong?
All right?
Speaker 2 (20:10):
God, I don't remember that other kid's name, the one
that oh, the one that had that that Ka Sick right,
the Scott district.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Who's married to Scott Disick?
Speaker 7 (20:22):
Nobody was ever married.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
That's a girlfriend. What was that?
Speaker 7 (20:26):
Well, you need to tell us.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
No, I don't know what's her name. It begins with
the K Courtney Courtney. My niece's name is Courtney. I
should know that, all right?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Then?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Then who are the other the Jenner kids, Kylie, Yes,
that's the makeup one. Now you need the model, Oh
the model, oh models, Karen? I ava no like a
(21:00):
a no, all right, I wrote even down anyway, so
I guess remember.
Speaker 7 (21:03):
Remember they all start with.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
K oh okay I so the three the three sisters
are kkk all.
Speaker 7 (21:16):
The sisters are kkkkk.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
All right, so Kylie Corona but the k Cudweiser No,
Google country, No, just don't short three. Uh that's short,
(21:39):
isn't it? What is or what's the other kids name?
Speaker 7 (21:42):
Kendall Kendall the brother?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Oh, I know that brother's name. I'll get that brother, Steve.
He's a Kardashian. He's got a real simple name too.
He's like Mike or Jeff or Tom and Bill Bill.
Speaker 7 (21:58):
Named after his father. That should help.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah, I remember that dad's name.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
What's his name?
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Robert?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Robert?
Speaker 7 (22:08):
Yes, you did pretty good, he did pretty okay.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, I don't really follow them, but I do know
the cute jeans thing.
Speaker 7 (22:15):
But you can quote them, which is your cute?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
No, but I thought that that was funny. That was
a funny long.
Speaker 7 (22:20):
You're cute geens?
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (22:21):
Right, never heard it?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Even I can't believe that nobody on the show heard that.
Speaker 7 (22:26):
I can't believe you heard it and remembered it.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yeah, of everybody on this show.
Speaker 7 (22:29):
You can't remember to button your shirt, but you remember that.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You're cute chans because it was it was funny. You're
cute genes.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Right, let me see if I can find it here
it is? All right, here's the whole run. All right,
here we go.
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Those are cute chains.
Speaker 7 (22:42):
You're cute jeans?
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Those are mine? No, No, I thought you said you're
cute jeans. Those are my jeans. No cute jeans, huh?
All right, I'm going home.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
That's it. That's a nice run. Right, you want to
hear it again. Here?
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Close are cute chains.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
You're that's the mamager. What's her name?
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Chris, Chris. That's Chris talking to Kylie? I think, all right,
Chris talking to Kylie.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
Close at chains. Your cute cheans. Those are mine? No, No,
I thought you said you're cute jeans. Those are my jeans.
No cute jeans.
Speaker 7 (23:23):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (23:24):
All right, I'm going home.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
There you go, Ding Dong crew, right, ding Dong with them?
All right? That's all I remember from that that program.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
All right, I think I did pretty well, you know,
for a guy that does not follow a lot of Hollywood.
I mean, if if seriously, if Harvey Korman and Karrabernet
were in the studio right now, I would be going, ah,
I know the guy.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
I'm just not good with names like that. You know
that is true, That's very true.
Speaker 6 (23:52):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
A M six forty.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I'm not that that hip on who celebrities are, right,
I've just never been into it. I don't watch a
little a lot of Entertainment Tonight or TMZ, and I
don't know a lot of them. So I'm in Las
Vegas with a couple of friends. Is thirty years ago
and there's one two one two three four one two
(24:18):
three four. Yeah, there are four pictures of the people
that were involved with the startup of a place called
Planet Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
They have restaurants, a lot of stars, and they had
a hotel in Vegas.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
I don't know if it's still there or not.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
And they had four statues of these people outside. And
my buddy Jeff Warnick, God rest his soul not here anymore.
I missed that guy every day one of the smartest,
funniest guys I've ever met my life. And he said,
I'm going to give you a one hundred dollars for
every one of these celebrities that you know, and I'm
going to take one hundred dollars away for everyone you
(24:53):
don't know. And I said, oh boy, this could cost
me four hundred dollars. So we walk over the statues
and I said, okay, that one is Arnold Schwarzenegger and
he gives me a hundred dollars bill and I said
that not. The other one is Sylvester Stallone and he
gives me another hundred dollars bill, so I'm at least even.
And then he shows me the other one and he
(25:14):
and he says, who's that?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
And I said, I have no idea who that is.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
And he said, Tim, you drove him in a limousine,
a very popular celebrity, and you've driven him, you know,
you've driven him at least five times. And when you
drove a limousine, you picked him up and took him
to the airport. I said, where does he live? He goes,
he lives up in the up in the hills, like
either like Hollywood or no I'm sorry, Beverly Hills or
(25:40):
like West Los Angeles. And I said, I have no
idea who that is. And he says, okay, that's Bruce
Willis and he takes one hundred dollars away from me
and he says, and he says, there's one more.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
It's a woman. And I said, I don't know. He said, you've.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Talked about her on the radio, and you one of
your favorite movies. This this woman is the star of
that movie. And I'm like, God, I just don't know
who that is. And he said, I'll even give you
the name of the movie. And I said, what's the
name of the movie? And he said, I think he
said like terms of endearment, and I said, I still
(26:18):
don't know. And it was Demi Moore And he took
the other one hundred dollars bill. And I don't know
if he was in that movie or not, or if
he was just f point made. But he said he
couldn't believe all weekend, he kept saying, how the hell
do you pick this guy up in that limousine? Five
times in the last two years you talked to him
on the way to the airport, and you never ever
(26:40):
and you couldn't pick out his name, right, I said,
I'm just I'm just not into how he goes. You
don't have to be into Hollywood to know this stuff.
You're mentally declining, that's what's going on. This has nothing
to do with Entertainment Tonight and TMZ and you know
and and all these other celebrity shows. This is this
is a problem that you have. I said, well, maybe
(27:01):
the statue doesn't look like you know, Bruce Willis. So
he stopped people that came by, and he covered up
the name. You're standing, remember, you're standing on the on
the name, and twenty people walk by.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Hey, who's that? Oh, Bruce Willis. Who's this Bruce Willis? Hey,
who's it?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Before he could before he could finish a question, Hey,
who's Bruce Willis. This is Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis, that's
Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis right there in w WA, Bruce
Willison w ware And weren't they married for a while?
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yes, I think at the time they were still yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that's another point.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
He brought up that they were married, and I should
have gotten that too, and I didn't. But you know what,
but the reason why I don't, And let me defend
myself here. When I go to a movie, I don't
want to know the actors' names. I just want to
for the two hours i'm there, I want to be
transported into a into a place where I've never been before,
and I don't know anybody. Like I went to see
(27:51):
that Saving Private Ryan, and I'm in the movie.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
About an hour and a half into the.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Movie, I look up and I said, and I said,
I don't know it was Jenner?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Whoever's with?
Speaker 6 (27:59):
I go?
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Ted dancing?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Because yeah, that's Ted dancing. Sh I well, why is
he in this movie? Is this a war where everybody
knows your name? What's going on here? So this guy's
in Cheers? Right, you gotta shut that up? But he's
in Cheers. Now he's in my World War two movie?
He's in Cheers, because yeah, he's in Cheers. Like, I
(28:25):
can't watch this anymore. I'll be a meet outside.
Speaker 7 (28:28):
You're that guy.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
I couldn't sit there and watch it anymore. Hey, who
is who is one of the stars of Sleepless in Seattle?
Speaker 7 (28:37):
Who is the woman?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Meg Ryan? So with Jeff Warnick, we went out.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
We were gonna have these two gals that knew each other,
and we were all friends. And then I don't think
he was very serious with the girl he was going with,
and I don't think I was here. We were just
all sort of friends. Maybe it was maybe wasn't, who knows.
And so he says, let's go to a Universal, go
see a movie. You know, we'll pick up the girls,
go to dinner, go see the movie. He said, okay,
I said. He said, I'll pay for everything if you
do all the arrange the reservations and buy and and
(29:02):
make the tickets and do.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
All the calls.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
And my buddy had some money, right, so I said, okay,
I'll do everything. I'll range with the girls a big
a mop, go to the you know, get reservation, eat,
go to the movie, boom bang. But you pay for everything.
He goes done, credit card bang done.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
We pick them up.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
We go to that that Mexican place where everything's big
up at Universal.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
It's really good too.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I don't know if it's sill there or not, but
we have a great meal and we go to uh
we go to the movie theater. Harry gets popcorn, you know,
candy or whatever, and we're sitting in the movie theater
and it's me one of the girls, Jeff Warnick, one
of the girls. Were sitting there, four of us and
it was a fairly packed movie theater. And the movie
starts and it says starring.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Who is the other of the comedian was in them?
Was it Tom?
Speaker 6 (29:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I thought it was okay, maybe it was Tom. And
sleep in the Seattle is Tom Hanks? Yeah? Okay.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
So Tom Hanks comes up and and then I was
the other one's name, and I'm gonna have to write
start to understand. So Meg Ryan comes on the screen
and he leans over the over the girl and goes,
you didn't tell me he wasn't make Ryan movie. And
(30:20):
I said, I said, I didn't know to ask you.
And he goes, I don't sit through Meg ryan movies.
And I said, okay, well just sit through this one,
he said, And he sat in the lobby for two hours.
He sat in the lobby for two hours. He says,
(30:40):
I can't watch her on the screen.
Speaker 7 (30:42):
She's a door. I think she's so good.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
I thought she was terrific in that movie. That movie,
she's really a cute. She was really cute, and and
and and.
Speaker 7 (30:51):
That that's right.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
That movie made her a huge celebrity too. And but
he didn't, like right in front of this girl too,
because I don't.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Sit through the magron.
Speaker 7 (31:04):
And what did the girl think about it?
Speaker 1 (31:05):
She couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
She's like, wait, where are you gonna go? You can
walk around university. He goes, Now, I just sit on
one of those benches outside. And he sat out one
of those like red benches outside the theater that nobody
ever uses unless your wife's going to the bathroom. And
the he sit in for a second, and he sat
there for an hour and a half or two hours.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Went outside.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
He was there with his popcorn was gone, the coke
was gone. He was just sitting there like this frail
old man. Right, but man, it was so great.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
I don't go to the Meg Ryan movies and I
just for them, but for the girls. Can't you sit
through this? No, no, no, I don't do that.
Speaker 6 (31:40):
I don't do it.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
I don't do it. So okay, we'll see. That's all right.
That's my megro Ryan story.
Speaker 7 (31:45):
I'm proud of you sitting through.
Speaker 5 (31:46):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I love Meg Ryan. I thought she was.
Speaker 7 (31:49):
And it was a good movie.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, the movie's great.
Speaker 7 (31:51):
Right, he missed out.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Ah, okay, but who is the other comedian in that movie?
Speaker 7 (31:56):
I'm oh, I know Rita Wilson was in it. And
who plays her?
Speaker 2 (32:03):
The the guy who said I'll have what or not
out of what she's having? But there was a comedian.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Billy Crystal, Ye, Billy Crystal. That was Harry met Sally
with Meg Ryan. Okay, it was Harry met Sally. Really
it was Harry met Sally.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
You are it is, oh my god, comedian, that's right.
Speaker 7 (32:30):
That's why when I said Tom Hanks, you were.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Like, yeah, I was like Tom Hanks, I don't remember
in that movie.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Well maybe he was, I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Right when you got saying like the co star, I
was thinking, Bruno Kirby is one of those guys that
was in as a sidekick in all of those movies.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
And it's funny because he was a ssidekick to Billy Crystal.
So how great is that? Though?
Speaker 2 (32:48):
I can't even get these GD movies right, how am
I going to ever get? You know, Sylvester Stallone and
Bruce Willis.
Speaker 7 (32:58):
Oh, that's great, you can Kylie Jenner.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
But the whole time I was thinking Sleepless in Seattle
where she had. She faked that orgasm at that that
lunch or dinner at that deli with that Billy Crystal.
Speaker 7 (33:10):
When Harry met Yeah, when Harry met Sally. All right there,
I'm glad we worked through.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
But she was in both of those.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
She was, Oh, thank God, I thought it was going crazy.
You're cute jeans. God a mighty man. I gotta get
some help. We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway
Show on demand on the iHeart Radio app. Now you
can always hear us live on kf I am six
forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime
(33:40):
on demand on the iHeart Radio app
Tim Conway Jr. on Demand News
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