December 9, 2025 • 30 mins
Tim Conway Jr. welcomes Mark Thompson for a wild “Best Of” episode loaded with big laughs and even bigger stories. Mark kicks things off by telling the unbelievable tale of how an auction totally got the best of him, complete with twists, turns, and a lesson learned the hard way. Then Tim and Mark dive into the outrageous world of charity fundraisers — the kind where bidding starts at $100K and the pressure (and embarrassment) only goes up from there.
Things get even stranger with a “Ding Dong Texas” story involving full-body scans, questionable technology, and two grown men wondering why they agreed to this in the first place. And to top it all off, the guys unleash some classic S-Talk, including the viral “barrpp-barp” voicemail rant and why it’s insane that anyone still expects people to check their messages in 2025. A fast, funny, unpredictable ride from start to finish — this is Tim & Mark at their absolute best.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's camp.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am sixty and you're listening to The Conway Show
on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
It is the Conway Show. Mark Thompson's here.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Thank you, Tim, and thank you everyone and collected masses.
Please be seated.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I was so jealous on Sunday that you were here.
Krozier was here, and I was listening on the way
to getting my ass kicked at sant Anita, and I
heard you guys talking about how you both got worked
in auctions.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Yeah, we tell the story.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I thought, can you tell that story again?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Sure, I'll tell it again. Krozier story. I thought it
was even better.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, that was So we'll save Krozers for a second
because he leapfrogged over you.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Oh his is really good. But sort of in the
same general vein. I was am seeing an event this
past weekend and it just seemed as though it was
an autism event and you know, a beautiful anti Yeah,
it was the center. They do a lot of treatment
and outreach with families and those who are Yeah, exactly,
(01:07):
what's the callism world. It's called ed Asner Family Center.
And so this is a fundraiser for that center and Matt,
who is Ed's son, is heading things up with his
wife Nova. Anyway, So you get to the auction part
of things, and it's a fundraiser, and there are these
(01:28):
four nights in Thailand somewhere. I didn't really pay attention
to what it was. I saw a villa. It was a villa.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
How does that auction operate? You have a paddle with
your number.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
People had paddles. I didn't even have a paddle. That's
how epathetic this is. I wasn't planning on all. I
me MC. I didn't plan on buying anything or bidding
on anything necessarily. Or maybe you're just an oversight. But
we started the bidding at one thousand dollars and somebody
in the crowd bids one thousand dollars and he says,
do I hear two thousand dollars?
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And you're sing this?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I'm am seeing it. I'm not actually on stage. I'm
just I'm just kind of like there. With the opening
remarks and remarks through the night.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
You feel able is that you're all that you're an
MC and they don't have somebody with autism?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh I never thought of it that way. Yeah, Well,
we have autism in my family, so I feel connected
to it. But you make a good point. Maybe I'll
be disqualified next year, but after this they probably will
want me back. Because I noticed that there was nobody
bidding two thousand, only the thousand, and I just felt bad.
So I said two thousand.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's a trip to where.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
It's not a trip that would be different. It's not
a trip four days you get there on your own.
It's four days in this villa in time Thailands. It's
like a like, are the what are the famous vacation
spots in Thailand? That's one of them? Okay, So then
like nobody's bidding anything more, and he goes, please bid
(02:52):
something more. But then somebody said three thousand, and they
were pretty quick with it. Tim, You know, it wasn't
like sure so Ipan maybe a little earlier. I thought,
oh good, now people are getting on board. We're picking
a momentum. And so then he says, how about four thousand,
and nobody it's quiet. I'm thinking this thing is going
(03:12):
to go for three thousand dollars. It's kind of insulting,
I would sort of. So I'm going to push it along.
So I yell and raise my hand four thousand. Wow,
and uh, they said, oh that's so great. Mark Thompson,
A wow, you're gonna be You're gonna have four thousand dollars.
That's just terrific. And I'm thinking somebody else is going
to come in here for whatever, and nobody did come
(03:32):
in forever. Oh no, for whatever. And I ended up
buying a trip.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
When do you have to use it by I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I don't know any of the details except for the
fact that it's I'm going to need to go fund
me to pay for it. That's all I know. Yeah,
call st the American Express swat team met me on
the way out. Yeah, you you know you bumped it.
You bumped the card, that's why. But Krozier had a
better story even than that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You got you gotta hit with these hit with with
a an accidental purchase.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Yes.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
My first wife and I were at a some some
charity thing for some medical thing. I couldn't even tell
you what it was, something that's starting to pop up
in people about over twenty years ago. And Holly Robinson
Pete Rodney, Pete's wife was one of the sort of
co hosts, and Jason Ritter, John Rutter's kid was there
was part of it as well, and all night and
(04:23):
it was like at the Beverly Hills, you know, hotel.
So it was like high fluting, a lot of money
flowing and all this.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Stuff running the risk of radically insulting you. How were
you invited?
Speaker 5 (04:34):
My ex worked for a medical company that had something
to do with the condition, So yeah, I had.
Speaker 6 (04:40):
None to do with me personally. I was along for
the ride. But you know, so they were.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
They had a silent auction and then they had the
big auction afterwards, and money's flowing, you know, everybody's bidding
big bids, you know, thousand, But the biggest one of
the night was the very last one, and it was
a set of earrings and a necklace matching necklace. It
was like blue sapphire or something like that. Yeah, beautiful stuff.
And uh and we hadn't bid on anything, you know,
we paddle hadn't.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Moved all night.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
And they said, all right, we'll start the bid.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
Off we eight thousand dollars and wife looks at me
and I go, all right, I'll goose a little bit
eight thousand.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Not a single bit came in after that. How did
you pay for it. Did you have that kind of
do It.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
Was on a credit card?
Speaker 5 (05:29):
Oh my god, my wife got it in the divorce,
got the set.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Oh that's horrible.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
So it's eight thousand plus twenty seven percent you know interest,
you know every time every month you don't pay it off.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
For that, For that gleaming moment, everybody was like, look
at you, nice young man, well done.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
And I just well, you at least buzzed. Is that
why you did it?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
I honestly couldn't remember, but it was a fairly sober
it was, you know, it was a thought out sort
of thing, for bidden. Nobody seemed to be shy on
any of the items. So I thought, oh right, you know,
I'll partake in the fun and the festivities. Eight thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
I don't have a story like that, but I went
to one of those big events that was an auction.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
And what you do when you get there, you give.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Them your credit card information and then it's associated with
your paddle and they can make it the association pretty
quickly once you buy it, so it speeds things along.
So I get to this auction and or this charity event,
and they said Hey, you know you want to give
us your credit card, we'll give you a paddle. And
I said, buddy, I'm busted out. I don't get anything going.
(06:40):
I got your paddle, I barely. I mean, I park
down the street. I didn't even use the valet parking here.
This is not the guy that's going to cure AIDS
or cancer or whatever is rolling around this auditorium. I said,
I'm not that guy. And he said, well, everybody has,
you know. It gives a credit card and then you
give the paddle even if you don't use it, you know,
I said, okay, get in the credit card. So all
(07:03):
night long my paddle was frozen. It was just you know,
it was iced. It was in you know, like it's
still in.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
An ice a on it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, I went, I purposely burned it. I took it
out and burned it out.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Of the high I do destroy this battle right away.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And so the next I'm like, I'm like, two weeks later,
I see my credit card statement and they charged me
thirty five hundred dollars for an item. And I'm like, oh,
I didn't buy an item. It must have got mixed
up with somebody else's. So I called the auction. I said, hey,
I didn't buy anything. They charged me thirty five hundred
dollars and they said, oh, no, you bid on something.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I said, no, I didn't. I didn't bid on anything.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
And then they said, okay, then we'll try to figure
it out, and so like took another week and they
and they said, okay, what's somebody else's bid? But we
had four of them, and somebody thought they saw your
paddle being raised. So we're going to send you the item.
And I said, no, no, no, no, no, I said, but
I said, what's the item? And they said it's it's
(08:05):
a balloon ride in del Mar. Two nights at a
hotel with a balloon.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Ride and wine and cheese, and I.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Two nights at the waste of money hotels, right yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
And I said, I swear I'm at del Mar at
the track. I'm not with the balloons and the wine
and the crackers and the you know, couterie.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Board or coutery board or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And I said, I said, And then she says, so
you want me to reverse the charges and it's going
to affect all these kids that otherwise would have benefited.
What a great play from your thirty five hundred dollars
and I said, one hundred percent, give the kids my
number one.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
I am.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
I am not going down. I don't have that kind
of dough another kind of money of cellars.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I get sucked out of those all the time. Sadly,
it's just in the moment you do it. But yours
is truly a mistake though, right.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
But you've got to watch giving your credit card because
another buddy of mine that happened to him at an
auction where somebody made a mistake and some some people
too wealthy, they don't look at their credit card statement,
you know.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And then or in that.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Last moment when she pushed on you, they would have gone, yeah,
you're right, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, right, yeah, I think I'd do some of that
on purpose, and she she got the wrong cat. Well,
these you know, these babies are dying of you know whatever,
they were not selling it to you.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
It's a beautiful ride where you see the landscape.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
That's not me, sweetie. I'm sorry, I'm not. I told
you when I got there, I'm not your type.
Speaker 6 (09:30):
You don't like the taste of the grape, sister Conway, but.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Those things are really reserved for wealthy people. You know, man,
everybody there had a high end car. Everybody was bidding,
you know, throwing their paddle up at forty thousand dollars car.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I have it, and when we come back, I have
a story about that. And that isn't always true. You're
got a room drenched with money, and like, I'm the
only one who bids on something. Oh really, you people
could buy and something what you have in your pockets.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from k
A sixty.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Mark Thompson, who is in the house. You got a
quick follow up that story before we go just.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
You were saying that, oh, you know, those auctions are
made for people to have all this money. And I
just remember going to a really great cause. It was
in bel Air, this fundraiser for these doctors who actually
use technology to council surgeons in Africa. You know, in
Africa there's there are very few, many, many fewer doctors
(10:30):
than we have. And sometimes for a wide area, I
mean huge area one hundreds and hundred of miles, there
might be three doctors. So if you can get a
surgeon who actually knows anything, he needs outside help. So anyway,
this technology allows guys in Beverly Hills or whatever in
LA to connect with that surgeon, to actually look through
the surgeon's eyes. He wears these special glasses. So I
(10:51):
wanted to go there and support this technology, to get
this sort of life saving technology to support it, right.
So I go there and it said fundraiser in bel
Air and it's a huge house, like one of the
biggest houses I've ever seen, looked like the Aaron Spelling mansion,
and with this big roundabout in front, and I just thought,
oh my god, this is These people are cripplingly rich.
(11:12):
You know. I feel so insecure right now. So I
get out of the car. I go in and they
have art from like the most famous artist. Every word's
hanging on the wall crazy and around the room. I
look and I see other people. It's clearly, you know,
a lot of people with a lot of money. So
I'm thinking, all right, you know, I've got to knock
(11:32):
these people down some money. But I don't have a
ton of money right now, so I don't know. You know,
they get us all in this room, they say we're
going to have this movie. You're gonna see this movie.
It's a short movie about what we do, and then
this lady comes on. She says, okay, I've seen the movie.
We're gonna now ask you to support us, and I'll
start and I'm thinking in my mind, all right, five
(11:55):
hundred dollars. I'm going to give these guys five hundred dollars,
which for me was a really like a big you know,
extending myself in a big way. So she goes, we're
going to start at one hundred thousand dollars. That's how
I said, Okay, I'll go to five hundred, because I
think I was thinking about one hundred.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
So wait, they wanted the minimum bill.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
You know, they're going to start at one hundred thousand,
and we're going to drop it down until you get
to a number where you feel comfortable and then you
can bid. Right, And I'm thinking, oh my god, because
there's so many wealthy people in this room, this is
going to be extraordinary to see. And it was. There
was a lady who I think pledge two hundred and
fifty thousand dollars. It was incredible. I mean, that's the
kind of wealth that was here, but it was all
for this wonderful cause. So they go down one hundred
(12:38):
thousand then they went down to fifty thousand. Then I
think they went down to twenty five thousand, and she said,
we're going to keep going all the way down. I'm
thinking we're going to go all the way down to
whatever you can afford. I was expecting whatever you can afford.
Instead she said, we're going all the way down to
a thousand. A thousand. That's twice what I had budgeted
(13:02):
for this. So they go down they're going to and
I'm noticing that most of the room isn't bidding, most
of the room is not using their paddle, and I'm thinking,
these people are all really rich. I don't understand what's
going on. Like I thought some number like twenty five,
ten thousand, whatever it would be, they would get there.
(13:22):
So finally they got down to a thousand. I thought,
this is the last number they're going to go with.
There's nothing under this. This is lowers you're going to go.
So I thought, I have to take my five hundred
and I have to make it a thousand, which is
a little bit more than I wanted, but more to
the point, I'm sure this whole room is going to
explode to the thousand because these people have all been
sitting on their pauses whole time, and they've all got dough.
(13:44):
So a thousand. She calls it up, and I lift
up my paddle and I look around and maybe I
don't know five other people in this huge room filled
with people, I'm thinking, Man, these people definitely have money. No,
maybe they did it in a private way, they put
it on some envelope or something like that that I
wasn't aware of. But it just to your point, you think, well,
(14:07):
all these rich people, they're really gonna support this. Not always,
I mean it's.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Now, but you know, and I think people get burned out.
You know, if you do like three, four five of
those a year, you just you know, you don't have
that kind.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Of doll Yeah. There's something in the charity world called
donor fatigue, and it does happen, like if you.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
With it with the title that dead on.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I mean it is with all these creative people in
this city, they came up with donor fatigue.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
I don't think it's a marketing thing. I think it's
just a fact, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Tired of but tired of supporting charity fatigue.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, But at the point is you can only squeeze
so much. That's the Yeah. Anyway, So there you go.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Did you end up giving a thousand?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
I did? Yeah, give them a thousand and and hopefully
that you know, it goes to good good causes.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, you're the best.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
All right.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
This happened. This is the story. Who requested this.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
This guy Greg, who wrote into my show and he
listens to you clearly on this show. Greg Hutton, this
is his last name.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
All right, I haven't told this story in years.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
He said, Mark. Here's a fun fact. There's a real Tali.
This is my my email address on my show. Is
that the Mark Thompson Show at gmail dot com. So
this is what we came in through that. Here's a
fun fact. There's a real town named ding Dong, Texas
where you can view the eclipse. I hope you and
Conway make it out there. When you're on the Conway
Show today, will you tell the story of the body scan?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Okay, okay, here's here's here's what happened. There was a
new advertiser that was going to do a full body scan,
and I always like to experience, you know, to go
down and meet an advertiser and talk with them in
person and you know, get a vibe of what they
are because you just you know, you have to talk
about on the air. And I feel like you're cheating
the audience if you don't experience it, or at least
(16:00):
them and have lunch with them and talk to them
about their business. So they said, we're doing full body
scans and we're going to do yours for free, and
you're going to be a new advertiser and it's gonna
be all great.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And I said okay. I said, hey, Mark, you want
to do this?
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And Mark said, I don't really want to do the
body scan, but I will go down there and we'll
have lunch and we'll.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
Yeah, that'll make a chance for you and me to
hang out. Yeah right, yeah, it's an Orange County.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
And we couldn't.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
I was coming from I think I was coming from
Sam Bernardino and you were in the valley. I'm like, oh, hey,
you know, I'm not gonna be able to get back
to Burbank. I'll meet you down there. And you were
still like, fine, we'll meet down there at lunch. I
think we had lunch before. Yeah, I don't know that
we had.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
My recollection of the entire thing was that the hopes
we had to hang out together kind of evaporated because
of maybe geographics or whatever logistics. But we get down
there and everybody was really great. The doctor's really cool.
We get into this conference room, there's a you know,
a handful of people there and everybody's in a very
kind of bulliant, positive mood. And then Tim goes in
(16:58):
and I do my body scan and you do your body's.
It doesn't take long. I might have taken I don't know,
less than five minutes.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That's right. And I come out and then they say
to me.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
And they say and Mark, do you want it? And
I said no, no, no, I'm just here to hang out
with Connor.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And Mark's been saying no the entire time. I don't
want to do it. I don't want to do it.
And then I came out. I go, Mark, it's not
a big deal. You're in there for two minutes. And
then the other people were putting pressure on him and
they were all.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Got come on, it's so and you'll be it's it's
such a relief. You do the bodies can and you say,
and then they So we're sitting there and then they
come in with the results for Tim.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Well, okay, so Mark go's in and does it. I
go in and do it. Then they come back with
the results like a half hour later.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
No wait, wait, wait, but you came back, as I recall,
maybe I have remembering this wrong, but they came in
with your results, and I'd still knock gone in. Oh,
I see, I don't want I don't want to go in.
I don't want to do it. I don't need to
do it. Thank you, but I don't wan.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
That's right, that's right. So they give me my results
and you're fine. And not only do they say I'm fine,
but the doctor says to me, he says, i'm are
you a runner? And at that point I was drinking
a lot and smoking a lot, and I said, I'm
am I a runner?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
And I said, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And he says, you have the heart of an athlete,
and your veins and your body. It comes back with
all like nines and tens, like you're a professional athlete.
And then so I get really depressed, thinking, Okay, this
equipment sucks because obviously I haven't worked out since you know,
(18:27):
mister Vineyards class in junior High in Portola, since in
the late seventies. I don't work out, I don't go
to the gym, I don't run and do anything. Crap
too much time, and I'm depressed that everything's come back
that I have the cardiovascular system of an athlete.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
That's not true.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
No, I didn't. I didn't know any of it.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
It's not true.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I just remember that came in and you whatever depression
you had, or disappointment you had, or disillusionment you had,
you certainly concealed it because they were all over the
moon to tell you how great you word, how great
your tests were.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I didn't believe it.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
And then they turn to me and they go, you see,
you see how easy it is. Why don't you just
go in there? And then you say, it really is easy, man.
It's like it's maybe two minutes. And I said, okay, fine,
I'll go in. So they lead me into the thing.
You take all this stuff out of your pockets, you
just go into this little tube. They lower you in
the tube. Boom. It just does only take two minutes
(19:23):
and then you come out and now we're just kind
of hanging out we're waiting. I think we're having like
a bottle of water, whatever it must be. And then
the nurse comes in and she says, Mark, I'll go yeah.
I'm thinking, hell, you're gonna well, you'll be. I got
good news, same as Conway. You are clear. The doctor
would like to see you in the next office. And
(19:43):
I said it's okay, he can come in. Tell everybody
we're all palsires. She said, no, I really think you
need to he really wants to see you privately.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
And I'm walking in with Mark into the office and
the nurse says, no, no, no, we just needed to
speak to Mark privately.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
So now I'm starting to really wonder what's going on.
And still though with this confidence, like come on, I mean,
if Conway got the clear, Bill, I'm going to get
the clear. And then he says, I want you to
look at something. And then he points out this thing.
I can barely see it, which I guess is the
(20:16):
way the body works. It's a little circle. It's a
little like tiny circle, and it's in my lungs. He said,
I think we need to watch this said, I'm not
saying it's anything, but we need to make sure it's
not growing, So I'd like you to have another scan
(20:39):
in another I forget what he said three months, six months, whatever,
And now I am legit depressed. I mean, I'm like,
this is horrible. I didn't even want this thing, and
now I might have something serious and.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
We're going to go get some deep afterwards. And you
were so depressed. I'm like, hey, I got to get
out of here. And I remember driving away and looking
in the rear view mirror. I'm like, oh, I just
fed up my buddy's life. He had this scan. Now
he's a hypochondriact. Anyway, he's gonna be worried that he's dying.
And now he's driving all the way home worrying about
(21:16):
this scan.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
So six months later, I go down six months for
the same scan, now only no conway, no room full
of people, just me and the nurse checking me in.
I get in the gown or whatever it is, and
I lie in the tube. They do it again and
it looks the same or with such minuscule growth that
(21:37):
it's not a concern. So I'm thinking great, only he says, no,
I really want to see it again in another six months.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Well that went on two more. No way, I didn't
know that. I was not out of the woods until
four scans. Wow.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
But that all happened because we were going to go
to Lynchen, Orange County after it. Yeah, sponsor meeting, nice job.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But to drive away looking in my rear view mirror
at this guy and he's got the paperwork with him,
he's looking down at it and he's depressed out of
his mind, and I look at the rear view mirror
and I drive away.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I'm like, oh, man, I just f this guy up.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
This guy is going to be a basket case for
the next three years. It was what what was it though?
I mean, they have a determined I don't know whatever
it is.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
It's it's not growing at a rate that they're that
can that they're concerned with.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I felt horrible.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
I felt it was definitely a because the anxiety creates
is not helpful.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
No, no, it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
The anxiety attached to it is worse than the actual
you know spot exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah, it's the worst.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Man.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I couldn't believe that was the scan story. That's so horrible.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
I talked you into the scale and screwed your life
up for like two years.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
I think I know other people who've done and the
discovered things, and they've been glad they've done it.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Though, Oh I recommend it.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Yeah, it's really a positive thing. It's just that that
particular one took a right turn because I was I
wasn't there to get one.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
That's right, buddy, that's right man. No more lunch is
with me, Jing Dong.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
You're listening to Tim conwaytun You're on demyl from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
This is a sign of the times where I check
I check email every day three four times a day.
I check my text probably ten times an hour maybe
maybe ten times an hour on average, and I check
voicemail about once every other month maybe. And there was
(23:41):
a woman in I'm sorry, there's a person in sales.
Figure there's a person in sales who I've told them.
I said, hey, I never checked my voicemail. Don't please,
don't leave me a voicemail, just text me. I'll call
you back immediately. And person said okay. And I get
(24:04):
a voicemail all the time all the time, like, hey,
it's it's Hostally.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
The same person. I'm sorry, what did you just say, Hey.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
It's.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
It's it's Honstally.
Speaker 6 (24:20):
You know you're saying her name.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
What you're not doing your Yeah, I got my right?
Speaker 6 (24:28):
No, no, no, it's off today.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
No, it's notice. We know exactly who you're talking about.
You know what you're talking about?
Speaker 3 (24:33):
Who?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Leslie? I don't know is there Leslie?
Speaker 6 (24:37):
And you think you sound like this?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I do, but really you sound like this. Okay, I
screwed that up?
Speaker 3 (24:46):
What the hell?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
But man, oh man, it's it's like pulling teeth with
this one. And she always leaves a voicemail going, oh
that's right. You don't check voicemail for every month? Call
me right knowing.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
That I'm not going. I don't check it. I don't
check voicemail. Nobody checks voicemail.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
You know, you'd have to be rude to constantly a
you know, voicemail people. So you call her back, I
didn't you know what she said? Hey, there's a meeting
in ten minutes. It was three weeks ago. So I go,
So I missed out on that meeting. I mean, I look,
I told her I'll call you back immediately on text.
(25:26):
But I just don't check voicemail other voicemails.
Speaker 6 (25:29):
Hey, where are you at? We're having the meeting right now?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Yeah, because nobody ever calls me.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
You know, I think it's rude to call people now
in today's day and age, I think you have to
text somebody and say, hey, you got a second.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Can I call you?
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Yeah? You always do that with me.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
I always have it like do you have a couple
of minutes?
Speaker 6 (25:44):
Can I call you?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Like that?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, all of a sudden, because if not, it's rude.
Like my wife and I are driving in the car
and we're just driving, talking, driving, talking. All of a sudden, bang, Oh,
my buddy's in the car with us too, right, the
three of us. All of a sudden, it's like opening
the door and getting in the car with the couple.
You know, that's what you're doing, you know, saying oh, Billy, Hey,
(26:09):
how you doing, Rob.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Nice to see you. Hey, we're just yeah, traveling.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
And you always always have to say you're with your wife,
or you're with your girlfriend or your daughter, because most
guys will go into the you know, describing their last
s that they took. It's not a thing women do,
but the thing guys do. And you sure, yes, Crozier,
(26:36):
don't deny it.
Speaker 6 (26:38):
I mean I do mean that.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Oh that's great, that's a great save I was gonna
think less of you if you did, if you didn't
talk about your s with your friends like you're really
good friends believe Well, yeah, I didn't make it home
for the rest. I had to stop at a mpm
oh Man, me too. I think it was the potatoes.
(27:06):
As you get older, the conversations get more frequent. But yeah,
guys do that. You know, guys will say I was
at the airport, parking at the airport, and I saw
the biggest you know, duty in the parking lot, and like,
take a picture of it and send it to the friends,
Go look at this thing.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I don't think we didn't do that.
Speaker 6 (27:26):
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
I don't do that.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
But but if you do take a photo, you also
have to be careful in your rolodex.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Who you you know, send that off to.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I'm constantly going no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 6 (27:43):
Yes, yes, probably wouldn't just leave it in there afterwards.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
No, no, it's got to be deleted, and it's got
to only go to a certain level.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Of guys who would find this amusing.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah, mostly track guys. And then you know what, the
you run the risk of them sending another one back.
You think that's something it's a competition about this. I
saw this at Hollywood Park in nineteen seventy eight. Wait,
how do you have that on your phone? Well, I
transferred it. I paid to have a transfer to. Oh well,
it's kind of worth it, kind of worth it. That
is spectacular. Fish, that is kind of spectacular. Somebody really
(28:16):
went for it. But but Billio, I can ask you
as a woman. You're a woman, right, yeah, okay, girl.
Women don't do that, do they?
Speaker 6 (28:26):
No? No, gosh no. And I don't know, wouldn't admit
it if they did.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I think they would they. I think they like to
be like guys that way where they are admitted. But
they're just.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
There's some people that were at the station that you
can say that's true, that's totally true.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
I mean, are you talking about a picture of it? No, no, no, no,
bull no no, no, no no no. But if you
just do we just connect with you?
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Do we just connect with you?
Speaker 3 (28:52):
No? No, no, no, I just I take a picture of
my dogs doing and send it to people.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Oh god, no, I don't. I think that's a whole
new levels this.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, this is can't what happened to Rush Limbaugh?
Speaker 3 (29:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I don't know, so when I went downhill after he left.
What you're stuck with? I want to change my answer.
Speaker 6 (29:19):
I guess some women do.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Anybody you know, I've never heard you do it? Four syllables?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
All right, very good.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Isn't there a murder we can talk about or a
crime or something? Ah? All right, we got to take
a break care we're live. I apologize for that. That's,
you know one Every once in a while, you know,
you get a brain fart and it gets away on
you Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now,
you can always hear us live on KFI Am six
(30:15):
forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime
on demand on the iHeartRadio app
It's camp.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am sixty and you're listening to The Conway Show
on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
It is the Conway Show. Mark Thompson's here.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
Thank you, Tim, and thank you everyone and collected masses.
Please be seated.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I was so jealous on Sunday that you were here.
Krozier was here, and I was listening on the way
to getting my ass kicked at sant Anita, and I
heard you guys talking about how you both got worked
in auctions.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Yeah, we tell the story.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I thought, can you tell that story again?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Sure, I'll tell it again. Krozier story. I thought it
was even better.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, that was So we'll save Krozers for a second
because he leapfrogged over you.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Oh his is really good. But sort of in the
same general vein. I was am seeing an event this
past weekend and it just seemed as though it was
an autism event and you know, a beautiful anti Yeah,
it was the center. They do a lot of treatment
and outreach with families and those who are Yeah, exactly,
(01:07):
what's the callism world. It's called ed Asner Family Center.
And so this is a fundraiser for that center and Matt,
who is Ed's son, is heading things up with his
wife Nova. Anyway, So you get to the auction part
of things, and it's a fundraiser, and there are these
(01:28):
four nights in Thailand somewhere. I didn't really pay attention
to what it was. I saw a villa. It was a villa.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
How does that auction operate? You have a paddle with
your number.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
People had paddles. I didn't even have a paddle. That's
how epathetic this is. I wasn't planning on all. I
me MC. I didn't plan on buying anything or bidding
on anything necessarily. Or maybe you're just an oversight. But
we started the bidding at one thousand dollars and somebody
in the crowd bids one thousand dollars and he says,
do I hear two thousand dollars?
Speaker 1 (01:57):
And you're sing this?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I'm am seeing it. I'm not actually on stage. I'm
just I'm just kind of like there. With the opening
remarks and remarks through the night.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
You feel able is that you're all that you're an
MC and they don't have somebody with autism?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh I never thought of it that way. Yeah, Well,
we have autism in my family, so I feel connected
to it. But you make a good point. Maybe I'll
be disqualified next year, but after this they probably will
want me back. Because I noticed that there was nobody
bidding two thousand, only the thousand, and I just felt bad.
So I said two thousand.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It's a trip to where.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
It's not a trip that would be different. It's not
a trip four days you get there on your own.
It's four days in this villa in time Thailands. It's
like a like, are the what are the famous vacation
spots in Thailand? That's one of them? Okay, So then
like nobody's bidding anything more, and he goes, please bid
(02:52):
something more. But then somebody said three thousand, and they
were pretty quick with it. Tim, You know, it wasn't
like sure so Ipan maybe a little earlier. I thought,
oh good, now people are getting on board. We're picking
a momentum. And so then he says, how about four thousand,
and nobody it's quiet. I'm thinking this thing is going
(03:12):
to go for three thousand dollars. It's kind of insulting,
I would sort of. So I'm going to push it along.
So I yell and raise my hand four thousand. Wow,
and uh, they said, oh that's so great. Mark Thompson,
A wow, you're gonna be You're gonna have four thousand dollars.
That's just terrific. And I'm thinking somebody else is going
to come in here for whatever, and nobody did come
(03:32):
in forever. Oh no, for whatever. And I ended up
buying a trip.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
When do you have to use it by I don't know.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I don't know any of the details except for the
fact that it's I'm going to need to go fund
me to pay for it. That's all I know. Yeah,
call st the American Express swat team met me on
the way out. Yeah, you you know you bumped it.
You bumped the card, that's why. But Krozier had a
better story even than that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You got you gotta hit with these hit with with
a an accidental purchase.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Yes.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
My first wife and I were at a some some
charity thing for some medical thing. I couldn't even tell
you what it was, something that's starting to pop up
in people about over twenty years ago. And Holly Robinson
Pete Rodney, Pete's wife was one of the sort of
co hosts, and Jason Ritter, John Rutter's kid was there
was part of it as well, and all night and
(04:23):
it was like at the Beverly Hills, you know, hotel.
So it was like high fluting, a lot of money
flowing and all this.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Stuff running the risk of radically insulting you. How were
you invited?
Speaker 5 (04:34):
My ex worked for a medical company that had something
to do with the condition, So yeah, I had.
Speaker 6 (04:40):
None to do with me personally. I was along for
the ride. But you know, so they were.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
They had a silent auction and then they had the
big auction afterwards, and money's flowing, you know, everybody's bidding
big bids, you know, thousand, But the biggest one of
the night was the very last one, and it was
a set of earrings and a necklace matching necklace. It
was like blue sapphire or something like that. Yeah, beautiful stuff.
And uh and we hadn't bid on anything, you know,
we paddle hadn't.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Moved all night.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
And they said, all right, we'll start the bid.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
Off we eight thousand dollars and wife looks at me
and I go, all right, I'll goose a little bit
eight thousand.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Not a single bit came in after that. How did
you pay for it. Did you have that kind of
do It.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
Was on a credit card?
Speaker 5 (05:29):
Oh my god, my wife got it in the divorce,
got the set.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Oh that's horrible.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
So it's eight thousand plus twenty seven percent you know interest,
you know every time every month you don't pay it off.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
For that, For that gleaming moment, everybody was like, look
at you, nice young man, well done.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
And I just well, you at least buzzed. Is that
why you did it?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
I honestly couldn't remember, but it was a fairly sober
it was, you know, it was a thought out sort
of thing, for bidden. Nobody seemed to be shy on
any of the items. So I thought, oh right, you know,
I'll partake in the fun and the festivities. Eight thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
I don't have a story like that, but I went
to one of those big events that was an auction.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
And what you do when you get there, you give.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Them your credit card information and then it's associated with
your paddle and they can make it the association pretty
quickly once you buy it, so it speeds things along.
So I get to this auction and or this charity event,
and they said Hey, you know you want to give
us your credit card, we'll give you a paddle. And
I said, buddy, I'm busted out. I don't get anything going.
(06:40):
I got your paddle, I barely. I mean, I park
down the street. I didn't even use the valet parking here.
This is not the guy that's going to cure AIDS
or cancer or whatever is rolling around this auditorium. I said,
I'm not that guy. And he said, well, everybody has,
you know. It gives a credit card and then you
give the paddle even if you don't use it, you know,
I said, okay, get in the credit card. So all
(07:03):
night long my paddle was frozen. It was just you know,
it was iced. It was in you know, like it's
still in.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
An ice a on it.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, I went, I purposely burned it. I took it
out and burned it out.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Of the high I do destroy this battle right away.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
And so the next I'm like, I'm like, two weeks later,
I see my credit card statement and they charged me
thirty five hundred dollars for an item. And I'm like, oh,
I didn't buy an item. It must have got mixed
up with somebody else's. So I called the auction. I said, hey,
I didn't buy anything. They charged me thirty five hundred
dollars and they said, oh, no, you bid on something.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I said, no, I didn't. I didn't bid on anything.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
And then they said, okay, then we'll try to figure
it out, and so like took another week and they
and they said, okay, what's somebody else's bid? But we
had four of them, and somebody thought they saw your
paddle being raised. So we're going to send you the item.
And I said, no, no, no, no, no, I said, but
I said, what's the item? And they said it's it's
(08:05):
a balloon ride in del Mar. Two nights at a
hotel with a balloon.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Ride and wine and cheese, and I.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Two nights at the waste of money hotels, right yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
And I said, I swear I'm at del Mar at
the track. I'm not with the balloons and the wine
and the crackers and the you know, couterie.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Board or coutery board or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And I said, I said, And then she says, so
you want me to reverse the charges and it's going
to affect all these kids that otherwise would have benefited.
What a great play from your thirty five hundred dollars
and I said, one hundred percent, give the kids my
number one.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
I am.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
I am not going down. I don't have that kind
of dough another kind of money of cellars.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I get sucked out of those all the time. Sadly,
it's just in the moment you do it. But yours
is truly a mistake though, right.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
But you've got to watch giving your credit card because
another buddy of mine that happened to him at an
auction where somebody made a mistake and some some people
too wealthy, they don't look at their credit card statement,
you know.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
And then or in that.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Last moment when she pushed on you, they would have gone, yeah,
you're right, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, right, yeah, I think I'd do some of that
on purpose, and she she got the wrong cat. Well,
these you know, these babies are dying of you know whatever,
they were not selling it to you.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
It's a beautiful ride where you see the landscape.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
That's not me, sweetie. I'm sorry, I'm not. I told
you when I got there, I'm not your type.
Speaker 6 (09:30):
You don't like the taste of the grape, sister Conway, but.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Those things are really reserved for wealthy people. You know, man,
everybody there had a high end car. Everybody was bidding,
you know, throwing their paddle up at forty thousand dollars car.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I have it, and when we come back, I have
a story about that. And that isn't always true. You're
got a room drenched with money, and like, I'm the
only one who bids on something. Oh really, you people
could buy and something what you have in your pockets.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from k
A sixty.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Mark Thompson, who is in the house. You got a
quick follow up that story before we go just.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
You were saying that, oh, you know, those auctions are
made for people to have all this money. And I
just remember going to a really great cause. It was
in bel Air, this fundraiser for these doctors who actually
use technology to council surgeons in Africa. You know, in
Africa there's there are very few, many, many fewer doctors
(10:30):
than we have. And sometimes for a wide area, I
mean huge area one hundreds and hundred of miles, there
might be three doctors. So if you can get a
surgeon who actually knows anything, he needs outside help. So anyway,
this technology allows guys in Beverly Hills or whatever in
LA to connect with that surgeon, to actually look through
the surgeon's eyes. He wears these special glasses. So I
(10:51):
wanted to go there and support this technology, to get
this sort of life saving technology to support it, right.
So I go there and it said fundraiser in bel
Air and it's a huge house, like one of the
biggest houses I've ever seen, looked like the Aaron Spelling mansion,
and with this big roundabout in front, and I just thought,
oh my god, this is These people are cripplingly rich.
(11:12):
You know. I feel so insecure right now. So I
get out of the car. I go in and they
have art from like the most famous artist. Every word's
hanging on the wall crazy and around the room. I
look and I see other people. It's clearly, you know,
a lot of people with a lot of money. So
I'm thinking, all right, you know, I've got to knock
(11:32):
these people down some money. But I don't have a
ton of money right now, so I don't know. You know,
they get us all in this room, they say we're
going to have this movie. You're gonna see this movie.
It's a short movie about what we do, and then
this lady comes on. She says, okay, I've seen the movie.
We're gonna now ask you to support us, and I'll
start and I'm thinking in my mind, all right, five
(11:55):
hundred dollars. I'm going to give these guys five hundred dollars,
which for me was a really like a big you know,
extending myself in a big way. So she goes, we're
going to start at one hundred thousand dollars. That's how
I said, Okay, I'll go to five hundred, because I
think I was thinking about one hundred.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
So wait, they wanted the minimum bill.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
You know, they're going to start at one hundred thousand,
and we're going to drop it down until you get
to a number where you feel comfortable and then you
can bid. Right, And I'm thinking, oh my god, because
there's so many wealthy people in this room, this is
going to be extraordinary to see. And it was. There
was a lady who I think pledge two hundred and
fifty thousand dollars. It was incredible. I mean, that's the
kind of wealth that was here, but it was all
for this wonderful cause. So they go down one hundred
(12:38):
thousand then they went down to fifty thousand. Then I
think they went down to twenty five thousand, and she said,
we're going to keep going all the way down. I'm
thinking we're going to go all the way down to
whatever you can afford. I was expecting whatever you can afford.
Instead she said, we're going all the way down to
a thousand. A thousand. That's twice what I had budgeted
(13:02):
for this. So they go down they're going to and
I'm noticing that most of the room isn't bidding, most
of the room is not using their paddle, and I'm thinking,
these people are all really rich. I don't understand what's
going on. Like I thought some number like twenty five,
ten thousand, whatever it would be, they would get there.
(13:22):
So finally they got down to a thousand. I thought,
this is the last number they're going to go with.
There's nothing under this. This is lowers you're going to go.
So I thought, I have to take my five hundred
and I have to make it a thousand, which is
a little bit more than I wanted, but more to
the point, I'm sure this whole room is going to
explode to the thousand because these people have all been
sitting on their pauses whole time, and they've all got dough.
(13:44):
So a thousand. She calls it up, and I lift
up my paddle and I look around and maybe I
don't know five other people in this huge room filled
with people, I'm thinking, Man, these people definitely have money. No,
maybe they did it in a private way, they put
it on some envelope or something like that that I
wasn't aware of. But it just to your point, you think, well,
(14:07):
all these rich people, they're really gonna support this. Not always,
I mean it's.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Now, but you know, and I think people get burned out.
You know, if you do like three, four five of
those a year, you just you know, you don't have
that kind.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Of doll Yeah. There's something in the charity world called
donor fatigue, and it does happen, like if you.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
With it with the title that dead on.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I mean it is with all these creative people in
this city, they came up with donor fatigue.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
I don't think it's a marketing thing. I think it's
just a fact, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Tired of but tired of supporting charity fatigue.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, But at the point is you can only squeeze
so much. That's the Yeah. Anyway, So there you go.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Did you end up giving a thousand?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
I did? Yeah, give them a thousand and and hopefully
that you know, it goes to good good causes.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yeah, you're the best.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
All right.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
This happened. This is the story. Who requested this.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
This guy Greg, who wrote into my show and he
listens to you clearly on this show. Greg Hutton, this
is his last name.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
All right, I haven't told this story in years.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
He said, Mark. Here's a fun fact. There's a real Tali.
This is my my email address on my show. Is
that the Mark Thompson Show at gmail dot com. So
this is what we came in through that. Here's a
fun fact. There's a real town named ding Dong, Texas
where you can view the eclipse. I hope you and
Conway make it out there. When you're on the Conway
Show today, will you tell the story of the body scan?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Okay, okay, here's here's here's what happened. There was a
new advertiser that was going to do a full body scan,
and I always like to experience, you know, to go
down and meet an advertiser and talk with them in
person and you know, get a vibe of what they
are because you just you know, you have to talk
about on the air. And I feel like you're cheating
the audience if you don't experience it, or at least
(16:00):
them and have lunch with them and talk to them
about their business. So they said, we're doing full body
scans and we're going to do yours for free, and
you're going to be a new advertiser and it's gonna
be all great.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And I said okay. I said, hey, Mark, you want
to do this?
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And Mark said, I don't really want to do the
body scan, but I will go down there and we'll
have lunch and we'll.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
Yeah, that'll make a chance for you and me to
hang out. Yeah right, yeah, it's an Orange County.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
And we couldn't.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
I was coming from I think I was coming from
Sam Bernardino and you were in the valley. I'm like, oh, hey,
you know, I'm not gonna be able to get back
to Burbank. I'll meet you down there. And you were
still like, fine, we'll meet down there at lunch. I
think we had lunch before. Yeah, I don't know that
we had.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
My recollection of the entire thing was that the hopes
we had to hang out together kind of evaporated because
of maybe geographics or whatever logistics. But we get down
there and everybody was really great. The doctor's really cool.
We get into this conference room, there's a you know,
a handful of people there and everybody's in a very
kind of bulliant, positive mood. And then Tim goes in
(16:58):
and I do my body scan and you do your body's.
It doesn't take long. I might have taken I don't know,
less than five minutes.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
That's right. And I come out and then they say
to me.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
And they say and Mark, do you want it? And
I said no, no, no, I'm just here to hang out
with Connor.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And Mark's been saying no the entire time. I don't
want to do it. I don't want to do it.
And then I came out. I go, Mark, it's not
a big deal. You're in there for two minutes. And
then the other people were putting pressure on him and
they were all.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Got come on, it's so and you'll be it's it's
such a relief. You do the bodies can and you say,
and then they So we're sitting there and then they
come in with the results for Tim.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Well, okay, so Mark go's in and does it. I
go in and do it. Then they come back with
the results like a half hour later.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
No wait, wait, wait, but you came back, as I recall,
maybe I have remembering this wrong, but they came in
with your results, and I'd still knock gone in. Oh,
I see, I don't want I don't want to go in.
I don't want to do it. I don't need to
do it. Thank you, but I don't wan.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
That's right, that's right. So they give me my results
and you're fine. And not only do they say I'm fine,
but the doctor says to me, he says, i'm are
you a runner? And at that point I was drinking
a lot and smoking a lot, and I said, I'm
am I a runner?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
And I said, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And he says, you have the heart of an athlete,
and your veins and your body. It comes back with
all like nines and tens, like you're a professional athlete.
And then so I get really depressed, thinking, Okay, this
equipment sucks because obviously I haven't worked out since you know,
(18:27):
mister Vineyards class in junior High in Portola, since in
the late seventies. I don't work out, I don't go
to the gym, I don't run and do anything. Crap
too much time, and I'm depressed that everything's come back
that I have the cardiovascular system of an athlete.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
That's not true.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
No, I didn't. I didn't know any of it.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
It's not true.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I just remember that came in and you whatever depression
you had, or disappointment you had, or disillusionment you had,
you certainly concealed it because they were all over the
moon to tell you how great you word, how great
your tests were.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I didn't believe it.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
And then they turn to me and they go, you see,
you see how easy it is. Why don't you just
go in there? And then you say, it really is easy, man.
It's like it's maybe two minutes. And I said, okay, fine,
I'll go in. So they lead me into the thing.
You take all this stuff out of your pockets, you
just go into this little tube. They lower you in
the tube. Boom. It just does only take two minutes
(19:23):
and then you come out and now we're just kind
of hanging out we're waiting. I think we're having like
a bottle of water, whatever it must be. And then
the nurse comes in and she says, Mark, I'll go yeah.
I'm thinking, hell, you're gonna well, you'll be. I got
good news, same as Conway. You are clear. The doctor
would like to see you in the next office. And
(19:43):
I said it's okay, he can come in. Tell everybody
we're all palsires. She said, no, I really think you
need to he really wants to see you privately.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
And I'm walking in with Mark into the office and
the nurse says, no, no, no, we just needed to
speak to Mark privately.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
So now I'm starting to really wonder what's going on.
And still though with this confidence, like come on, I mean,
if Conway got the clear, Bill, I'm going to get
the clear. And then he says, I want you to
look at something. And then he points out this thing.
I can barely see it, which I guess is the
(20:16):
way the body works. It's a little circle. It's a
little like tiny circle, and it's in my lungs. He said,
I think we need to watch this said, I'm not
saying it's anything, but we need to make sure it's
not growing, So I'd like you to have another scan
(20:39):
in another I forget what he said three months, six months, whatever,
And now I am legit depressed. I mean, I'm like,
this is horrible. I didn't even want this thing, and
now I might have something serious and.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
We're going to go get some deep afterwards. And you
were so depressed. I'm like, hey, I got to get
out of here. And I remember driving away and looking
in the rear view mirror. I'm like, oh, I just
fed up my buddy's life. He had this scan. Now
he's a hypochondriact. Anyway, he's gonna be worried that he's dying.
And now he's driving all the way home worrying about
(21:16):
this scan.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
So six months later, I go down six months for
the same scan, now only no conway, no room full
of people, just me and the nurse checking me in.
I get in the gown or whatever it is, and
I lie in the tube. They do it again and
it looks the same or with such minuscule growth that
(21:37):
it's not a concern. So I'm thinking great, only he says, no,
I really want to see it again in another six months.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Well that went on two more. No way, I didn't
know that. I was not out of the woods until
four scans. Wow.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
But that all happened because we were going to go
to Lynchen, Orange County after it. Yeah, sponsor meeting, nice job.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But to drive away looking in my rear view mirror
at this guy and he's got the paperwork with him,
he's looking down at it and he's depressed out of
his mind, and I look at the rear view mirror
and I drive away.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I'm like, oh, man, I just f this guy up.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
This guy is going to be a basket case for
the next three years. It was what what was it though?
I mean, they have a determined I don't know whatever
it is.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
It's it's not growing at a rate that they're that
can that they're concerned with.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
I felt horrible.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
I felt it was definitely a because the anxiety creates
is not helpful.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
No, no, it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
The anxiety attached to it is worse than the actual
you know spot exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah, it's the worst.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Man.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I couldn't believe that was the scan story. That's so horrible.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
I talked you into the scale and screwed your life
up for like two years.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
I think I know other people who've done and the
discovered things, and they've been glad they've done it.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Though, Oh I recommend it.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Yeah, it's really a positive thing. It's just that that
particular one took a right turn because I was I
wasn't there to get one.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
That's right, buddy, that's right man. No more lunch is
with me, Jing Dong.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
You're listening to Tim conwaytun You're on demyl from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
This is a sign of the times where I check
I check email every day three four times a day.
I check my text probably ten times an hour maybe
maybe ten times an hour on average, and I check
voicemail about once every other month maybe. And there was
(23:41):
a woman in I'm sorry, there's a person in sales.
Figure there's a person in sales who I've told them.
I said, hey, I never checked my voicemail. Don't please,
don't leave me a voicemail, just text me. I'll call
you back immediately. And person said okay. And I get
(24:04):
a voicemail all the time all the time, like, hey,
it's it's Hostally.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
The same person. I'm sorry, what did you just say, Hey.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
It's.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
It's it's Honstally.
Speaker 6 (24:20):
You know you're saying her name.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
What you're not doing your Yeah, I got my right?
Speaker 6 (24:28):
No, no, no, it's off today.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
No, it's notice. We know exactly who you're talking about.
You know what you're talking about?
Speaker 3 (24:33):
Who?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Leslie? I don't know is there Leslie?
Speaker 6 (24:37):
And you think you sound like this?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I do, but really you sound like this. Okay, I
screwed that up?
Speaker 3 (24:46):
What the hell?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
But man, oh man, it's it's like pulling teeth with
this one. And she always leaves a voicemail going, oh
that's right. You don't check voicemail for every month? Call
me right knowing.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
That I'm not going. I don't check it. I don't
check voicemail. Nobody checks voicemail.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
You know, you'd have to be rude to constantly a
you know, voicemail people. So you call her back, I
didn't you know what she said? Hey, there's a meeting
in ten minutes. It was three weeks ago. So I go,
So I missed out on that meeting. I mean, I look,
I told her I'll call you back immediately on text.
(25:26):
But I just don't check voicemail other voicemails.
Speaker 6 (25:29):
Hey, where are you at? We're having the meeting right now?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Yeah, because nobody ever calls me.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
You know, I think it's rude to call people now
in today's day and age, I think you have to
text somebody and say, hey, you got a second.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Can I call you?
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Yeah? You always do that with me.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
I always have it like do you have a couple
of minutes?
Speaker 6 (25:44):
Can I call you?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Like that?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, all of a sudden, because if not, it's rude.
Like my wife and I are driving in the car
and we're just driving, talking, driving, talking. All of a sudden, bang, Oh,
my buddy's in the car with us too, right, the
three of us. All of a sudden, it's like opening
the door and getting in the car with the couple.
You know, that's what you're doing, you know, saying oh, Billy, Hey,
(26:09):
how you doing, Rob.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Nice to see you. Hey, we're just yeah, traveling.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
And you always always have to say you're with your wife,
or you're with your girlfriend or your daughter, because most
guys will go into the you know, describing their last
s that they took. It's not a thing women do,
but the thing guys do. And you sure, yes, Crozier,
(26:36):
don't deny it.
Speaker 6 (26:38):
I mean I do mean that.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Oh that's great, that's a great save I was gonna
think less of you if you did, if you didn't
talk about your s with your friends like you're really
good friends believe Well, yeah, I didn't make it home
for the rest. I had to stop at a mpm
oh Man, me too. I think it was the potatoes.
(27:06):
As you get older, the conversations get more frequent. But yeah,
guys do that. You know, guys will say I was
at the airport, parking at the airport, and I saw
the biggest you know, duty in the parking lot, and like,
take a picture of it and send it to the friends,
Go look at this thing.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I don't think we didn't do that.
Speaker 6 (27:26):
I didn't know.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
I don't do that.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
But but if you do take a photo, you also
have to be careful in your rolodex.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Who you you know, send that off to.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I'm constantly going no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 6 (27:43):
Yes, yes, probably wouldn't just leave it in there afterwards.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
No, no, it's got to be deleted, and it's got
to only go to a certain level.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Of guys who would find this amusing.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah, mostly track guys. And then you know what, the
you run the risk of them sending another one back.
You think that's something it's a competition about this. I
saw this at Hollywood Park in nineteen seventy eight. Wait,
how do you have that on your phone? Well, I
transferred it. I paid to have a transfer to. Oh well,
it's kind of worth it, kind of worth it. That
is spectacular. Fish, that is kind of spectacular. Somebody really
(28:16):
went for it. But but Billio, I can ask you
as a woman. You're a woman, right, yeah, okay, girl.
Women don't do that, do they?
Speaker 6 (28:26):
No? No, gosh no. And I don't know, wouldn't admit
it if they did.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I think they would they. I think they like to
be like guys that way where they are admitted. But
they're just.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
There's some people that were at the station that you
can say that's true, that's totally true.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
I mean, are you talking about a picture of it? No, no, no, no,
bull no no, no, no no no. But if you
just do we just connect with you?
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Do we just connect with you?
Speaker 3 (28:52):
No? No, no, no, I just I take a picture of
my dogs doing and send it to people.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Oh god, no, I don't. I think that's a whole
new levels this.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, this is can't what happened to Rush Limbaugh?
Speaker 3 (29:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I don't know, so when I went downhill after he left.
What you're stuck with? I want to change my answer.
Speaker 6 (29:19):
I guess some women do.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Anybody you know, I've never heard you do it? Four syllables?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
All right, very good.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Isn't there a murder we can talk about or a
crime or something? Ah? All right, we got to take
a break care we're live. I apologize for that. That's,
you know one Every once in a while, you know,
you get a brain fart and it gets away on
you Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now,
you can always hear us live on KFI Am six
(30:15):
forty four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime
on demand on the iHeartRadio app
Tim Conway Jr. on Demand News
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com