7UP'S NEW FORMULA, CELEBRITY TIPPING & A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE

There are certain moments when you realize the world you knew is gone forever. Your childhood home gets cleaned out. The cars you remember disappear. Your favorite mascot gets replaced. And, most devastating of all, 7UP decides it needs to become more lime-forward.

We know. Take all the time you need.

Episode 83 starts with some actual show business as the crew talks about trying to land a role — or at least get their faces somewhere in the background — in Sheriff Justice: The Series. There’s also some movie talk surrounding Scott’s short-film adventures before we arrive at the cultural earthquake nobody was prepared for: 7UP is changing its recipe.

For the first time in 15 years, the lemon-lime soda is going lime-lemon.

That announcement sends this comedy podcast directly into nostalgia mode as Rafe and Moon remember the glory days of 7UP's Uncola marketing, old-school glasses and, most importantly, Cool Spot. Remember Cool Spot? The red dot with sunglasses, sneakers and enough ’90s attitude to somehow get his own Sega Genesis game? THAT was branding. Naturally, the conversation becomes a referendum on every mascot decision 7UP has made since, including poor Fido Dido catching strays decades after the fact.

The trip down memory lane keeps rolling when the crew talks about cars disappearing from the market, including the Ford Escape, Jaguar F-Pace, Toyota GR Supra and Tesla Model S. That somehow brings Smart cars back into the conversation, which reminds everybody of that brief period when society tried to convince us driving something the size of a roller skate was the future.

Then we Crap on Celebrities.

Matthew McConaughey tells a story about using his Wedding Planner connection to Jennifer Lopez to help get himself out of a sticky traffic-stop situation in Mexico. Which raises an important question: if Matthew McConaughey still has to name-drop somebody else, what hope do the rest of us have?

There’s Barbie sequel drama involving Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Greta Gerwig and some potentially enormous paydays. Kelly Ripa talks about needing gum-graft surgery. Selena Gomez and her Wondermind company face allegations in a lawsuit. Spider-Man is putting up gigantic box-office numbers, and the crew dives into a list of movies people online have branded some of the most boring films of the century.

Then Anne Hathaway floats the idea that movies where dogs die should automatically get an R rating.

Honestly, Old Yeller has been emotionally mugging children for generations, so at least somebody finally opened the investigation.

We also get into the return of Ted Lasso, Axl Rose dealing with jaw problems while performing, and Lionel Richie cracking a joke about Usher and Chris Brown that predictably becomes an online debate. Because nothing said into a microphone is allowed to simply be a joke anymore. It must immediately become a panel discussion involving 40,000 strangers.

But the centerpiece of the celebrity chaos is a game that deserves its own home edition: Good Tipper or Bad Tipper?

The crew works through anecdotal stories involving John Cena, Chuck Norris, David Lee Roth, Dave Chappelle, Scottie Pippen, Shaq, Maria Shriver, 50 Cent, Stanley Tucci, Post Malone, Miley Cyrus, Bruce Willis, Elvis Presley, Jay-Z, Tina Fey, Jennifer Lopez, Kevin Hart, Jane Fonda and Jack Black.

Some allegedly tipped huge. Some allegedly tipped terribly. Some stories immediately make the crew question humanity. And Scottie Pippen inspires a nickname so painfully obvious that humanity should be ashamed it took this long: No Tippin’ Pippen.

Again, these are anecdotes discussed during the show, not our personal surveillance operation into celebrities paying restaurant checks. We barely have enough resources to monitor our own lunch orders.

The episode wraps with celebrity birthdays, Steve Martin age guesses, Reginald VelJohnson’s incredible history of playing cops and the usual collection of references that make this comedy podcast feel less like a structured entertainment program and more like being trapped at a table with friends who remember every useless cultural detail except why they originally started talking.

So pour yourself a 7UP — lemon-lime or the terrifying new lime-lemon variety — tip your server, fire up the Sega Genesis and enjoy another comedy podcast from The Rizzuto Show.

Cool Spot, wherever you are: we remember you.

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