DAILY PODCAST: Happy Birthday Rizz I Need A Ride To Saint Charola’s | The Rizzuto Comedy Show

Rizz officially turned 48, which means it’s time to celebrate the only way responsible middle-aged adults know how: announce that birthdays are stupid, eat olives, drink approximately nine birthday beers, stay out until 1:45 in the morning and immediately begin discussing whether birthdays should be banned altogether next year.

Lern returns from Nashville after one of her favorite trips with Tim, complete with cowboy boots, Broadway people-watching and a Foo Fighters show at Nissan Stadium that was approximately three degrees cooler than walking directly into a pizza oven. She missed Queens of the Stone Age thanks to dinner running late and a forgotten phone, but made it for Foo Fighters, Shane West randomly appearing during the band's trip through its members’ musical histories, and a romantic finish listening from the pedestrian bridge while fireworks went off. Cute. Disgusting. We're happy for them.

Guns N’ Roses had their own weather problems when storms forced the band to shorten the Busch Stadium show. Naturally, this leads to the important journalistic question: if you're Guns N’ Roses and rain is coming, HOW DO YOU NOT IMMEDIATELY PLAY “NOVEMBER RAIN”? We don't make the rules. Actually, apparently neither do they.

Pin-Up Bowl goes from Rizz worrying nobody will show up to being absolutely packed. The special Dangler beer flows freely. Rizz receives spaghetti-and-meatball dangler earrings, another signed Don Mattingly baseball and a massive strawberry birthday cake featuring a photo of Rizz with a truly breathtaking hair situation. There's bowling, questionable decisions and eventually a migration to Delmar Hall — except for Scott, whom everyone insists they didn't abandon collectively. They merely abandoned him individually.

At Delmar Hall, the Blink-182 tribute brings the hits, Bangs Against the Machine brings the Rage, Rizz keeps getting handed beverages, and eventually Mrs. Rizzuto performs the evening's most important public service by shutting down the birthday shots before somebody had to replace another shower curtain.

Then comes the Quincy lottery story.

Rizz brings up a movie theory that sounds just believable enough to ruin your productivity for the next hour: could The Goonies and Back to the Future take place on the exact same day?

Back to the Future establishes October 26, 1985. Meanwhile, clues in The Goonies appear to place its adventure right around that same Saturday. Coincidence? Intentional cinematic universe? Evidence that Chunk was one DeLorean ride away from completely destroying the space-time continuum? We investigate with exactly the level of academic rigor you'd expect from this program.

Then Brian arrives with enough food to turn the studio into a French bakery: croissants, bread, ham and Swiss, smoked deviled eggs and more. This comes after the gigantic birthday cake he'd already made for Rizz, because apparently we're now trying to see whether a radio host can be defeated entirely by carbohydrates.

Nate Bargatze also sets a massive comedy ticket-sales record, sending Rafe and the crew into a genuinely interesting conversation about club comedy versus arena comedy. Rafe explains why smaller rooms create that perfect pressure cooker of laughs while superstar comics eventually reach a level where playing a 200-seat club makes about as much financial sense as opening a lemonade stand inside Costco.

The entertainment conversation keeps rolling into movies, celebrity stories and eventually Brad Pitt declaring that bad acting is so distracting he can't watch porn. This results in Rafe questioning Brad Pitt's acting credentials and nearly getting thrown off the show by everyone else. The crew debates whether Pitt is actually an elite actor, just exceptionally talented at playing Brad Pitt, or both.

The crew surprises him with cards carefully selected to remind him that he's old, grouchy and one year closer to death. Lern gives him a Tommy Wiseau pasta spoon. Then Rafe produces Italian rainbow cookies from Sweet Seven Layers, delivered by a New York/Jersey baker who listens to the show and apparently understands exactly how to win over a “greasy meatball” birthday boy.

Sweet Seven Layers has everybody losing their minds over traditional Italian rainbow cookies, pistachio and blackberry creations, cherry amaretto and enough sugar to make Moon openly admit he's buzzing. Throw in the pastries from Le Bon Boucher and we're basically broadcasting from inside a carbohydrate emergency.

Sexy Time Fun Facts arrives with a legitimately groundbreaking medical story: surgeons in Vietnam successfully performed the country's first penile transplant from a brain-dead donor.

What starts as an unbelievable medical headline turns into a surprisingly thoughtful conversation about organ