DAILY PODCAST: There Is No Sheila Off Road Knobbin | The Rizzuto Comedy Show

It’s the final day of August, Moon is somewhere in parts unknown, Lern is back, and The Rizzuto Show has officially entered King Scott's BABY WATCH. The baby is now past the due date, predictions are flying around the studio, and Rizz is keeping his ringer on because that phone call could come at any moment. Naturally, while waiting for the miracle of life, the crew spends a significant amount of time celebrating another miracle: Rafe Williams finally has legal license plates.

Yes, Rafe went to the DMV. Voluntarily. Sort of.

What should have been a routine trip to get his truck squared away became a full-blown battle with Missouri bureaucracy. There’s a packed Creve Coeur DMV, a confusing sign-in system, expired temp tags, paperwork, an emissions-test surprise and a ticking clock. At one point Rafe has until 4:30 to get an emissions test completed or face the horrifying possibility of coming back Monday and waiting all over again.

That’s when a listener at the auto shop recognizes him, gets the Tacoma squeezed in, and sends our hero racing back to the DMV with paperwork held high like he just returned from the Crusades. By the end, Rafe is trying to get the entire waiting room to cheer for the woman who helped him. This is the kind of inspirational story your favorite comedy podcast provides because apparently our standards for heroism have become “successfully registering a motor vehicle.”

The DMV adventure also sends the crew into everything from old people trying to navigate touchscreen kiosks to modern cars putting every basic function behind another touchscreen. We have reached the future, and the future apparently requires three menus just to turn down the air conditioning.

Then Lern returns from Colorado with stories involving the Grizzly Rose, mechanical bulls, mountain towns, wineries, peaches, e-bikes and some legitimately terrifying drives through the Rockies. Her relaxing family getaway somehow includes bull riding and flying around mountain roads, because nobody associated with this show is capable of having a normal vacation.

Rizz has his own driving adventure after the intro to “Money for Nothing” hits at exactly the wrong—or right—time and suddenly he’s doing 80 with a police officer behind him. Is getting completely lost in a song a valid speeding defense? Legally, probably don't take our advice. Spiritually? Absolutely.

The weekend recaps keep rolling as Rizz gets his first full Friday Night Lights experience watching his daughter cheer at Lafayette, then attends a 40th birthday party extravagant enough to make everyone reconsider their current tax bracket. Meanwhile, Rafe survives Jamie Rivers’ bachelor party, gets his first real taste of the Cafe Napoli scene and discovers that former professional hockey players apparently possess a completely different transmission when it comes to staying out late.

Rizz has a problem. For years, he thought sending someone a 👍 meant something along the lines of “sounds good,” “got it” or “cool.”

Welcome to another episode of The Rizzuto Show, where daily comedy begins with Rizz discovering that the thumbs-up emoji has evolved into something cold, dismissive and potentially passive-aggressive. Lern and Rafe attempt to explain that context matters and that, depending on who sends it, a simple thumbs-up can basically be the texting equivalent of “K.”

From there, things somehow get worse when Sexy Time Fun Facts introduces us to “pheromone maxing.”

What is pheromone maxing? Imagine somebody hearing that humans may be attracted to natural scent and deciding the logical next step is to stop showering and quit using deodorant before a date. According to the trend discussed on the show, some guys are even wearing unwashed clothes in an attempt to amplify their natural musk.

The theory is that maximizing your natural scent will make you “biologically irresistible.” Lern has an alternative dating strategy: shower. Rafe also points out that if somebody is naturally attracted to your scent, your pheromones can probably survive a light application of deodorant.

Cushioning is when someone in a committed relationship keeps another potential romantic partner hanging around in the background. They’re not necessarily dating the backup person, but they maintain enough flirty texts, DMs, casual communication or coffee meetups to keep that option warm just in case the current relationship explodes.

Basically, romance now apparently requires a depth chart.

The crew gets into back burners, rosters, dating multiple people and the difference between casually seeing different people while single versus keeping someone emotionally invested while you're already committed. Rafe