Garlic, Baby Bets & The Great Non-Alcoholic Beer Debate

Scott Rizzuto has apparently reached the stage of adulthood where there’s a 75% chance that if you contact him between 4 and 5 p.m., he’s peeling garlic. Not relaxing. Not enjoying a hobby. Peeling garlic. Meanwhile, Lern accidentally ordered enough garlic to make her house legally inaccessible to vampires, which sends the crew into garlic oil, home remedies and other advice nobody should blindly follow just because five people with microphones said it confidently.

And somehow, that’s one of the more normal conversations in this comedy podcast.

King Scott’s baby is getting CLOSE, which means it’s time to dig up the official baby pool and see who predicted the date, time and weight correctly. Scott says he’s about 60% ready, the go-bag exists somewhere, and the car seat installation is still hanging out on the to-do list. So basically, fatherhood is proceeding exactly according to plan.

That turns into kid birthday party etiquette, whether “NO GIFTS” actually means no gifts, and the worst possible present you could give a five-year-old if your real goal is making sure the parents never invite you anywhere again. Drum set? Puppy? Gold bars? The Rizz Show remains committed to providing absolutely terrible parenting resources free of charge.

Then school season arrives and brings back memories of first-day outfits, high school parking spaces, Scott spray-painting his initials onto school property like a criminal mastermind who also signed the evidence, college costs, and the crew trying to understand why Illinois keeps catching strays.

But eventually we arrive at the question that could divide America:

Can you drink a non-alcoholic beer at work?

More specifically, what happens if your SURGEON walks into the room before your operation holding one?

Technically, it’s non-alcoholic. Emotionally? Your brain has already requested another doctor.

The crew runs the experiment through surgeons, pilots, school bus drivers, air traffic controllers and other professions where “don’t worry, it’s an NA” probably isn't the comforting sentence you were hoping to hear. Then Rafe introduces an equally troubling alternative: your heart surgeon walking in with a Capri Sun and struggling to get the straw into the pouch.

Choose your fighter.

From there, today's comedy podcast tackles low-key addictions, Rafe's mint supply, bad-breath paranoia, online shopping, Amazon delivery drivers asking customers to stop ordering cases of bottled water, and whether water baking in a brutally hot delivery truck makes that expensive alkaline stuff slightly less impressive.

Then we get into homeowner association insanity, because apparently owning your house doesn't necessarily mean you're allowed to sit wherever the hell you want on it. One homeowner gets accused of doing “porch-type activity” while sitting in his garage — yes, that's apparently a category now — while another woman deals with HOA fines over a dead bush by simply spray-painting the thing green.

Problem solved. Botanists hate this one simple trick.

It's another comedy podcast packed with daily humor, weird news, St. Louis stories, ridiculous arguments, parenting panic and the sort of pop culture commentary that starts with a reasonable question and ends with five adults debating whether they'd trust a surgeon holding a Capri Sun.

So, another productive morning at The Rizzuto Show.

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Hear The Rizz Show daily on the radio at 105.7 The Point | Hubbard Radio in St. Louis, MO.

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