Powerball Dreams, Small Town Schemes & The Urine Chronicles

Somebody in Quincy, Illinois just became insanely rich, somebody else allegedly treated a Morgan Wallen concert like his own personal bathroom, and somehow that’s only the beginning of today’s Rizzuto Show.

The crew kicks things off with the massive Powerball jackpot and the one winning ticket sold in Quincy, Illinois. Naturally, instead of simply congratulating this newly minted billionaire and moving along like mature adults, we immediately start spending their money for them. Lump sum or annuity? Buy an island or stay in the same house? Disappear forever or become the richest tractor enthusiast in the Midwest? This funny podcast tackles all the responsible financial questions that absolutely nobody should trust us to answer.

Moon also wonders whether the mystery winner could somehow be his cousin, which leads to dreams of farmland, giant gardens, tractors, demolition derby cars and the kind of billionaire lifestyle that says, “Yes, I have generational wealth, but I still know how to fix this carburetor.”

Then things take a hard turn. And by “hard turn,” we mean the kind of conversational detour only The Rizzuto Show could make.

We get an update on Michael Phillips, the North Carolina man who previously went viral for openly discussing his micropenis condition and is now preparing for an enhancement procedure. Rizz actually donated to the crowdfunding campaign, because apparently this show occasionally uses its powers for good between making every possible inappropriate joke about the situation.

From there, welcome to The Urine Chronicles.

The man accused of urinating on seated concertgoers during a Morgan Wallen show has finally been arrested, reopening one of the great philosophical debates of our time: what exactly are you legally, morally and spiritually allowed to do when a stranger starts peeing on you? Rizz has some thoughts. Rafe has some extremely specific defensive strategies. Lern consults the internet. Moon attempts to introduce reason into the discussion, which—as longtime listeners know—is usually where everything goes wrong.

There’s also a trip through history as the crew marks the anniversary of the Berlin Wall going up, complete with escape stories, Moon’s memories of visiting Berlin and the historically impeccable reminder that David Hasselhoff personally brought the whole thing down. Please do not cite this funny podcast in your dissertation.

Then it’s time for Crap on Celebrities, featuring Diddy’s prison update and a debate over whether celebrities can ever truly become untouchable after major scandals. The crew gets into Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” passing one billion Spotify streams, new Phoebe Bridgers music, upcoming rock documentaries, Jason Sudeikis joining Mumford & Sons for the Ted Lasso theme, Seinfeld remaining comfort-food television, Rory Scovel’s comedy special, Star Wars fatigue, Ewan McGregor’s willingness to return as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Julie Andrews stepping away from Princess Diaries 3.

Plus, celebrity fan encounters get deeply weird. Dolly Parton once had a baby left on her doorstep. The Jonas Brothers received a preserved baby shark. Rupert Grint apparently accepted an invitation to party with drag queens until 4 a.m. And James McAvoy got presented with perhaps the most direct hall-pass proposal imaginable.

Throw in birthdays, St. Louis references, inappropriate detours and enough pop culture commentary to make your search history look deeply concerning, and you’ve got another funny podcast from The Rizzuto Show.

Come for the billion-dollar dreams. Stay because we're apparently litigating concert pee.

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