October 30, 2025 • 46 mins
It's news-free Friday so unpacking Buckingham Palace's announcement about Prince Andrew (let's make that just plain Andrew Mountbatten Windsor, shall we?) will have to wait until Monday when rest assured we'll be going in deep. In the meantime...
Our Em’s had enough of men playing it cool. On today's episode of MMOL, she’s responding to the Outlouders feedback on her dating life and officially campaigning for less nonchalance and more chalant male energy — attentive, enthusiastic, maybe even a little whisper this keen.
And things that have tickled our fancy. We’re rawdogging boredom, dissecting the rise of the Hybrid Rockstar (Hyrox, anyone?), and spotlighting the Halloween comment that officially finished us all off. 💀
Plus, in reccos: An unexpected podcast episode that's being touted as the interview of the year, to a mind-blowing strategy that's perfect for the Nup-resistant among us, to a film that Em insists we all have to watch, it's that good. Yep, your weekend listening and viewing is sorted.
Support independent women's media
Recommendations
Em recommends A House Of Dynamite on Netflix.
Jessie recommends The Diary of a CEO podcast interview with Louis Tomlinson.
Holly recommends Amantha Imber's podcast How I Work with special guest... Holly Wainwright.
What To Listen To Next:
- Listen to our latest episode: Mia, Nobody Wants This & A Robust Debrief
- Listen: Everything We Refuse To Spend Money On
- Listen: An Unevenly Open Marriage & ‘Likeable’ Kristen Bell
- Listen: Other People’s Marriages & Your New 'Shobby'
- Listen: The Precise Etiquette Of A 'Grudget'
- Listen: Kim K's Bush & An Office Politics Dilemma
- Listen: A 'Furious' King & The Rise Of The Barbie Waist
- Listen: The Friends Vs Family Trap & We're All Rapunzel Now
- Listen: What Did You Do Yesterday?
- Listen to our ep on Jane Goodall: A Royal Vanishing Act & Does Fashion Hate Women?
- Connect your subscription to Apple Podcasts
Discover more Mamamia Podcasts here including the very latest episode of Parenting Out Loud, the parenting podcast for people who don't listen to... parenting podcasts.
Watch Mamamia Out Loud:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to I'm Ama Mia podcast out Louders, you
will know that Friday is a news free zone for
us and that rulesticks even when a prince is stripped
of his title. We will be talking about Prince Andrew
and the King in depth on Monday's show. For now,
enjoy a break from the news cycle Friday. Hello, and
(00:33):
welcome to MoMA Mia out loud. It's what women are
actually talking about on Friday. On Friday, the thirty first
of October, which is Halloween. Friends, it is Halloween today,
and we'll do a little bit of talking about that later.
I'm Holly Waynwright and I just want to remind you
all that every Saturday morning, the newsletter that I write
(00:54):
just for out Louders will drop in your inbox if
you subscribe, and it could be about anything. It could
be about anything we've talked about on the show. I
write like an essay, I get my thoughts out. I'm
real there. I hope you like it, but if you
want to in your inbox, you've got to subscribe. There
is a link in the show notes. Go do that.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And I'm m Vernon and I'm Jesse Stevens.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And on our agenda today.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
There is a new fitness craze that has taken over
my entire life. And no, I'm not exaggerating. It's on
my Instagram, it's on my dating apps. I have no
idea what's going on.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I can't wait to hear about it. I need to
talk about a very specific Halloween tipping point that I'm
living through in my house. And I've got a hack
for saying nope when you absolutely cannot.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
And raw dogging boredom.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I've got some feedback for all those twenty year olds
flexing about how long they can stare at a wall.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
But first, so you might remember, on Friday last week,
we talked about celebrity relationships and how we feel connected
to them, and how some of those celebrity relationships can
impact our relationships in real life. We discussed a Victoria
and David Beckham. I talked about Dua Lipa and Callum
Turner and how they're so publicly obsessed with each other,
(02:07):
and I said the line, I never want a nonchalant man.
I want my men to be as chalant as possible.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
It was one of m ziconic lines.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
You know what I said listening to that I said, preach, Oh, preach,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I loved it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You know who didn't say preach a lot of the others.
But you know what, that was more about the Calum
and Dua thing, and that you were like, I want
this and I want it for thirty years, looking into
each other's eyes and laughing into each other's mouth. I
thought about Louders were like m I think they genuinely
felt very, very concerned for me. However, I did get
(02:42):
a few out louders come into my DM saying, Hey,
I'm too scared to post in the group. Oh that's
so sad.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Me post in the group like everyone's against me.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
But they said a lot of them are in.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
And by a lot of them, I mean three of
them are in long term relationships for over twenty years
and are still Dua Lipa and Calum Turner come on,
come on. So I took some of that feedback on
and I kind of revisited some of my past relationships,
and I kind of spiraled because no, I realized that
a lot of the times where I've broken up with
(03:17):
a partner I had at the time was because he
never loved me loudly.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I love this loving loudly business. It felt like a
big catalyst for like the end of relationship. I remember
I dated a guy and he hated PDA, Like, he
didn't even like to hold hands. He would give like
weird side hugs. He loved a high five. He loved
a high five.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
And it kind of in my head, I couldn't figure out,
like why he would be so intimate behind closed doors
but then feel like a platonic friend outside in the world.
And it just made me convince myself that he just
didn't like me, and I couldn't handle that in a relationship.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
And you get to demand that someone loves you loudly,
I think you are absolutely spot on. I was reading
in Cosmopolitan about how chilance, however we're going to say yes. Well,
when I read it, in my head, I say chalance.
But I feel like we should sayant how it's a
sixth love language, and if that is your love language,
then let's not especially let's be real in heterosexual relationships.
(04:17):
Let's not accept this kind of apathetic. I don't really
care whether it's buying your gifts or holding your hand.
I'm not going to do any of that. It made
me think of have you heard of the bird test. Yes,
the bird test, and I think that this is what
you mean.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Right.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
There's like the kissing and looking lovingly into each other's eyes.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
But the bird test, We've talked about it on the
show before.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
It's when you're standing in your kitchen with your partner
and you say, wow, look at that bird. And it's
about the level of enthusiasm they show to the bird.
Do they look at it.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Or even if they look up from what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
I think Brent would go wow. I think he's a
bird man, Oh definitely, and he would be very interested
in the bird. And that says something about emotional connection
and curiosity and interest.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Okay, I'm with you, and I'm very much on board
with and wanting to be loved loudly. I think there
are like two different things at play here, right, Because
the thing that I was kind of being maybe a
little patronizing about last week, I'll own it was the
idea that that limerent phase where you cannot keep your
hands off each other in public has to last forever
(05:25):
for a relationship to be real. I think that's what
a lot about louders were reacting to, right is limerate.
So limmerence is different from love because limerence is the
physical obsession you have at the beginning of.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
A relationship, like infatuation.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And some people are addicted to limerens and it can
be a red flag cough David Harbor, because it means
that you are always pursuing that, You're always pursuing that,
and when that naturally fades, because it does most of
the time, that will fade and leave, hopefully in a
good relationship, leave something even solid and beautiful and even
better in its wake. But that actual bit that, like
(06:00):
you can't walk past me without me wanting to touch you.
I think about you all the time. I just want
to say your name to my friends. That's limerens. And
if you're obsessed with limerens, it's actually means you're always
in pursuit of that. And Cereal cheetahs are often obsessed
with limerens. Sex addicts are often obsessed with limerens. Like,
what are you trying to say? No?
Speaker 6 (06:18):
No, no, no, But.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
What I'm saying is that's one thing over here right
laughing in each other's mouths all the time. I'm not
saying that is Calum and Juwa, as we know, they
both read books. We have a lot of hope for
them and their love. But the thing is is that
particular thing is very specific. Yeah, but wanting to be
loved loudly and have somebody show up for you. Absolutely.
In fact, it made me think when we were talking
about this that whenever I listened to Sabrina Carpenter singing
(06:42):
and I love her and I think she's so clever,
it makes me really sad about the standards that we're
apparently young women are accepting. Because you know, there's that song,
the one about like I get wet at the thought
of you being a responsible guy, tears run down my thighs,
and then she's like her standards for the things that
make her that excited. Are you remember how to use
your phone?
Speaker 6 (07:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
You text me first, and you treat me not even that,
just like you remember how to use your phone and
you treat me like I'm a per and with feelings.
And I'm like, Sabrina, is this how little we can see?
But that's where you are, right. Chalant is somebody who
will tell you they care, and absolutely you deserve Chalant's
my friend.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
And you deserve a lot of it, especially early I
reckon that it's a mad red flag if you're with
someone for say the first six months, and there's no chance.
And I've been in that where it's like there's no effort,
there's no excitement, there's no enthusiasm about you.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
You just go.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
We need somewhere to fall.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
We need to get to a point where it's like
there is nowhere to go but down from here in
terms of like, yeah, maybe you don't have that. You know,
you can't sleep. It's so unsustainable, right because I can't
keep you can't eat, you're so excited.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
And that's why situation ship break ups hurt so much,
because you're breaking up while you're still in the chalant's face, yes,
where everything about that person you're obsessed with. But I
think what a lot of the louders were arguing was
that I want this for like the whole relationship, Like
I don't just want it for the first phase. I
want it forever. And they were like, you can't have
(08:18):
that forever because that's not how normal relationships work.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I think what you want is effort.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
Yeah, you don't want because you see sometimes long term
relationships where people treat each other worse than they would
an acquaintance.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Absolutely, just dismissive way and the visible way, and a
lot of women break up long relationships over exactly that.
They're like, I am invisible to you. You never ever
put your hand on my ass when I walk past anymore,
and I used to like it that you did that sometimes.
Obviously that's not an example that works for everybody. Consent consent,
but they feel invisible. And that's why lots of women
(08:52):
do leave long relationships because they feel like that comfort
has gone.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
To the can I ask M for a specific example.
So you've been with your partner for thirty years, that
makes you what in your fifties? Yes, okay, what's an
example of a like a moment of cholants that you
imagine in your relationship thirty years down the track.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
So we're at home and he's like, Hey, I've just
booked a table at your favorite restaurant.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Let's just go out. Let's put something nice, let's just
go out. We're out.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
He's holding my hand and he's standing on the side
of the road. So for car comes, he gets hit,
not me. I'm safe, and we're walking to the restaurant.
He takes up my chair, I sit down. He goes,
you look so beautiful tonight, and he says that in
a loud voice, so the tables around.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Us and here, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
And then he leans in for a kiss, and then
I kiss him back, and then we eat, and then
we kiss again, and then we walk home hand in hand.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
I think that's fair, so do I, and I support
I saw it in her ambition.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I think what you heard in a lot of the
gen x derision that came me away is a little bitterness,
little judgments. Because one thing that people in long term
relationships get very defensive about is the idea that young
people are looking at them in the restaurant and going
look at those saddos. They've barely looked at each other
the whole time or touched each other the whole time,
and you don't know what they're going through. I think
(10:11):
it is fair enough to want somebody to touch you,
look at you, and say I like you. Sabrina Carpenter,
please take note. This should not be that level of
excitement that should be the base.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Out Louders High Rocks has not only taken over my
TikTok feed, but also the weekends of all of my friends.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Plus the people in their twenties, raw dogging boredom. Please
allow me to puff a fish for a moment.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh yes, out louders, We've got a list of dilemma
and we need your collective wisdom to help us and
our partners. U Ea, solve it? Please? Okay, here it is.
My friend is getting married later this year and is
very excited about the dress, celebration, and of course marrying
the love of her life. She recently had a birthday
(11:00):
and her future sister in law presented her with a
gift of earrings and said they could be her something
new for the wedding. The earrings are pretty and reasonably expensive,
but not anything like what the brid was planning to wear.
Oh she is very fashioned forward and has a completely
different look in mind for the day. Her fiance's sister,
who gave her the earrings, is quite upset about not
(11:22):
being asked to be a bridesmaid, so I think she's
trying to find a way to be part of the
special day. How can the bride to be say politely
that she doesn't want to wear the ear rings at
her wedding without hurting her future sister in law's feelings
and damaging their relationship. Further, friends, if you are this bride,
what do you do next?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Oh, I think it's a pretty ballsy move to give
something to a bride that you expect them to wear
at their wedding. Good point, But I came up with
a list of lies that she could do. I think
firstly she shouldn't wear them to the wedding, but also
not bring it up. And these are my list of lies.
I've already got these earrings gifted by my mum. Instead,
(12:04):
they're sentimental. I'm saving you earrings for my honeymoon. I
have the perfect outfit for them. Oh, I misheard you. Sorry,
Oh I forgot.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And my last one, I'm saving them for a special occasion,
more special. I didn't really think that one. Through these
lies a lot.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
I like those lies, so I was thinking deception two.
Maybe get another ear pierced, another piercing on the ear
so you can wear your nice ear rings that you
like in your big ear hole. And then maybe like
a hidden ear hole, you could kind of hang those
so you're technically doing it technically.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
And my other.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
No, because it'll be like at the top of your
ear you put your hair over it. And my other
option was maybe when you do if you do an
outfit change, then you could change earrings.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
And make a point of it.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Then, So if you want to walk down the aisle
like once all the photos are done or whatever, put
the earrings you don't really want to wear on it
and be like, look, I'm wearing the earrings. I think
I would probably just wear them to keep the peace.
But I actually what if you really hated them? I
hair down, hair down, I would just cop it.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
What do you think I think when the sister in
law at the wedding says, why are you wearing my earrings?
You say, oh, I am wearing your ear rings? Didn't
I tell you I got my nippless Okay? Any better
ideas than we would like to hear them? You can
jump in the out Loud Facebook group and if you
have a dilemma of your own, please send it to
(13:32):
us at out loud at momamea dot com dot au.
We would love to help you out.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
So not expecting that there have been a few stories
have tickled our fancy this week, and I want to
talk about raw dogging boredom.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Can we just get it on the table, friends, that
raw dogging in this context does not mean anything a
little bit ceed, a little bit inappropriate, because that's what
we all think raw dogging means. But we have redefined
it and now it just means without distraction.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
Without distraction, because it used to mean having without a condom.
So I'm seeing this everywhere, seeing it on YouTube on TikTok,
and it's mostly people in their twenties practicing boredom. One
productivity influencer his name is Rowan. He recently filmed himself
(14:20):
raw dogging boredom for an hour every day in an
attempt to improve his attention span. So it's watching a
generation trying to work out what it feels like to
disconnect because they never have, right and neuroscientists say boredom
critical for creative thinking, very very good for us. M
genuine question, do young people think they have invented meditation
(14:43):
because they just need it? On the record that from
five thousand BC maybe before, people have been doing this.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
I do think it's way too easy to go viral now.
And I also wish I kind.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Of did this first. I know, because you don't have
to do anything, you don't have.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
To do anything on behalf of young people. I do
want to apologize because I do think we can't make
staring at a wall a challenge. So we already got
so much going on what I can't afford places to
live touch. What I love about this is that you
guys think that before there were smartphones, and I lived
before there were smartphones.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
That's what we were all doing. You're just sitting around
staring at walls.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
We literally think it's gone like ice age, and then
smartphones were.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Like, what did you do before smartphones? Oh, we didn't
know what to do. We just sat at home and
staid at the wall, like that's not what happened.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Not what your grandmother did promise.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I do regularly, raw dog boredom. I just never called
it that, but I remember it's been on the record.
When we did a subscriber episode on what did you
Do Yesterday? And Sunday we were we were all talking
about what we did on Sunday, and mine was I
remember sitting in bed and just staring at a wall,
doing nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And I could have made a challenge out of it.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
We should have filmed it.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Can you not read a book because then you're doing something? No,
But I thought the point of this was to retrain
yourself from the dopamine hit of technic right, because this
isn't quite meditation, because I'm getting served a lot of
these videos, probably because you know, I'm always banging on
about how I want to be able to meditate. It's
been years now, I still haven't got there, So I'm
(16:18):
being served a lot of this. These people are not meditating.
These people are tortured. The videos I'm served are like
there's a clock at the front and it's ticking down,
and these people are sitting on the wall like looking
like they're going cold turkey from some real hardcore drug.
They're not meditating.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
That is meditation.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Well, no, it's inside your head, it's meditation. Like, why
can't they just that's how they read a book? That's
their reaction.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I saw a tweet that said, scrolling on your phone
is like a cigarette for the eyes.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yes, and I believe that not even from the eyes,
for your feelings for everything. And I was reading, so
I totally agree with the detoxy bit, like put your
phone in a drawer for an hour. I mean, do
whatever you want to do if this is your thing,
But like, you can detox from dopamine without staring at
a wall that's my point. Go for a walk outside
and go for a walk, read something, listen to music,
(17:08):
do something, because aren't we supposed to be trying to
decouple ourselves from the endless dopamine hit of New New
More More.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
But isn't it interesting?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Right?
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Because I was thinking about this in the context of
religion and religious institutions, some of them have a few.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Things to answer for.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
However, they had this covered not only with meditation but
with prayer, right Like my Nan prayed every day and
that was her moment of getting in touch with her
inner monologue. I've read the things recently about how a
lot of people don't know what the inner monologue sounds
like anymore because there's a scrolling but there's the music,
(17:44):
there's a podcast, there's books, right like, it's all input,
and so how do we just sit with no input
for a moment?
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I agree, obviously, and I love the idea that your
Nan would have called it, that what are you doing
that I'm getting in touch with my in a monologue,
Like when I'm folding, washing or scrubbing the toilet, I'm
just getting in touch with my in a monologue. That's
what we've been doing. But not that I'm comparing prey
to scrubbing toilets. Let's on the table, but I think
(18:14):
you're right about that. But I also think that there
are different levels of input. The thing that we have
with our phones is which we've talked about a lot.
I'm having a bad feeling. Must scroll, ord, must scroll, upset, tired, hungry,
must scroll. And I read in a subsett recently saying that, like,
the definition of addiction is the only thing that will
make me feel better about this thing that I'm addicted
(18:35):
to is more of this thing that I'm addicted to,
Like you just keep doing it and so breaking that
is great, but I do think it's being replaced.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I don't think we should present as the choices of
life is either being constantly on your phone or staring
at a wall, like there are a lot of other
things to do there that will get you more in
touch with yourself while not torturing yourself.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
Do you know you know recently you spoke on the
show about famous uswords and Jangodor that documentary. I was
watching that and listening to her talk about nature, and
I had to check myself and go.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
Oh, twelve hours watching a gorilla like.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Sit boring, And then I went listen to how interesting
gorilla really? But then she.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Would explain what that gorilla did, and I was like,
that is also the most profoundly interesting thing you could watch.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I'd watch that.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
And then I was away recently and I was snorkling
and I watched this sea turtle eating grass right and
this massive and as you see it and you go,
oh my god, it's sea turtle, and then you're kind
of floating there.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Watching it, and you're like, should I like keep watching
the sea.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Anything else?
Speaker 6 (19:52):
And I like come up or like go down, or
like you in an art gallery, Like when I go
to an art gallery, I judge like I have to
look at a piece of artwork, and I only move
away if someone else moves away because I don't want
them to think I don't understand what's happening with the art.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
How long do I have to engage to hang with
the turtle? Jesse, I do love a turtle.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
I keep telling people that it was like twenty five minutes,
but I reckon realistically it was five. And I just
like floated there watching it, and I went, this is
actually pretty interesting, like if you lock into it and
watch it, you know, float up and put its head
up and all of that, and you go, it's just
a different pace, right, And so that's what you're saying,
(20:32):
is that that's the opposite to looking at a wall. Yes,
that's but it's incredibly mindful and like your inner monologue
is going, it's peace, but it's a different kind of input.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Yeah, and I think that that's what we're trying to fix, right. Yeah.
I flew to Perth last week, five hours from Sydney
to Perth. Yeah. That I was sitting on the aisle
and the man in the middle of the seats was
a young man, very nice, smelt nice. That's what I
was like, that if someone's going to be sit that
close to me, smelt good. He raw dog the whole flight.
(21:02):
He didn't have a book, he didn't have a phone,
he didn't watch anything. He just sat there and occasionally
put his head down on the table, like on his arms,
as if to have a little nap. And I was
obsessed with him. What was he doing?
Speaker 5 (21:16):
Okay, Holly, And should I have asked him?
Speaker 4 (21:19):
I've kind of started doing this because I can't keep
I can't keep my eyes open if I'm still now
because I'm just tired all the time.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
And I got on my.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
Flight two and a half hours and I kind of
put my head back. I knew I wasn't going to
fall asleep, but I just had my eyes closed. I
love the places I go, like I just really I
half daydream and then I think about like, I feel
very refreshed when I opened my.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Eyes, saying that the man next to me had a
very rich in a life. Yes, yes, he was just
there frolicking in his mind.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Guard and if he asked, it pulled him out of it.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
And even when they came and said do you want
a cup of tea? Didn't want anything. He was just himself.
You probably would have tried to pick him up. He wasn't.
Really you were a schalant man.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
He sounds chalant.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
So there is a new fitness craze that has taken
over my life, and I actually feel like I'm going crazy.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
I have been.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Seeing on my Instagram, on my TikTok, on my dating apps,
different variations of the specific type of photo, and this
photo usually includes two men, both really good looking, both
with aps, both sweating a bit. They have their shirts off,
and they're standing hand in hand in front of this
(22:35):
big TV that has like a time stamp on it,
so like one hour sixteen minutes. And this is a
new type of fitness workout. It is called high rocks,
which is an abbreviation for hybrid rock stars.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I found out recently.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
I prefer the abbreviation to the meaning yes, this thing,
And now that I've said it, I feel like you'll
see it all over your Instagram as well. It is
a massive global competition where people can take part in
and they compete in this big circuit that includes an
eight k run that's split up in between workout stations.
So for example, you would do run for one k
(23:14):
and then you'll do like a sled push and you
run another k and then you do something else. So
it's like this big kind of course that they do,
and they host these massive events in different countries and
it's now been a huge global thing.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
So apparently it's gained popularity because you know how there's
run clubs. Yeah, but a lot of those people don't
want to run marathons, and there's also strength training, but
those people don't necessarily want to compete at CrossFit, you know,
they have those mad.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Hout like competitions is it like CrossFit more accessible?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
So the thing about CrossFit is that when it gets
to the competition level, like it's really really hard. My
friends who do this say anyone can do it. I
say that I can't do it. But pushing something or
rowing like if you practice and practice you can get
good at that. It's not like as skills based as.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Some of these insurance.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
It markets itself as for anybody.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Yeah, and are you telling me that their pictures of
their buff bodies with their time behind them on their
dating profiles? And is that the hot? Do you find
it hot?
Speaker 3 (24:16):
I thought it was kind of like a joke thing.
So then I sent it to some like a group
of my friends and I was like, are you guys
seeing this? And this is like a group of friends
that's like both men and women, and I was like
are you seeing this? And a lot of the women
were like, what the hell's going on? All the men
were like, I can't believe he did that in that
short of time.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Do women do high rocks?
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Two?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Women do high Rocks?
Speaker 6 (24:36):
Two?
Speaker 3 (24:36):
But the reason I found out about high Rocks was
because it was a scandal at the Sydney High Rocks event.
This is what happened, like.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Guys, missus because I just painted and like, well it's
a deck because it's unresponsive, and you just kept doing
the war balls and then crossed the line by himself.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
He's leftod what a piece of shit?
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Speaking of chalants, can we just talk about the umby
up the.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Made me want to row?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
People don't go to raves anymore, right, so they go
do this instead?
Speaker 2 (25:10):
They go do this.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yeah, speaking of chalance, if your girlfriend is unconscious in
any context, we stop our race.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Can we all agree, I don't just stop your race,
you pick her up like she's a princess and you
continue on time. She needs to write a song about that.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
It should be part of our etiquette guide that we've
been putting together.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Come on, actually, we should totally do one for how
and then everyone can pass angli like tag people with it. Anyway,
we digress. So what happened? A woman collapse?
Speaker 3 (25:39):
A woman collapse at the Sydney High Rocks event. She
was doing it with her partner, so allegedly she collapsed
and then he was checking in on her and then
he What it looked like from spectators was that she
was on the floor. People had to come help her,
and he just continued to him and.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
He asked, this is the allegation that he did, ask
do I need her to finish it?
Speaker 5 (26:00):
And they were like no, and so he kept going.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And then a lot of comments were like, well, what
could he do? They will paramedics, they would.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
Have asked him to stay out of the way.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
In the background.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
You'll be all right, women were commenting, going The first
question I'd ask when I came to was did you finish?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And what was your time?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
The first question? What is wrong with people? I think
if this is on the dating app, this is red flag.
You think it's a red berg. Well, I have a
thing about like guys with really intense hobbies and this
level of like working out great, like look after yourself
great and everything. But if that's on your dating app,
what you're telling me is I'm not going to see
(26:47):
you very often because you are going to be at
the gym now locked.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Now you're wrong, You're.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Wrong unless you're both into it.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
No, Holly, he's inevitably going to get injured. He's going
to do his a cl which is six or twelve months.
There is nothing more holand needs you to help me
more down.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
So right, Okay, well that's another red flag. So are
you never going to see him and then you're going
to see him way too much because you're going to
be being his nurse made Exactly do you think this
is one of the things I'm interested in? I was
when I was listening to this Is Why We Fight,
you know, the new Moment Here podcast that's like couples counseling.
It's so good, utterly obs Yes, it's so interesting. So
the first episode it had this couple. So, David is
(27:30):
a musician. So being a musician at the level that
he's doing it involves going out at night. Jess does
not like going out at night hanging around in nightclubs
with lots of sexy, interesting people. He had not shown
himself to be very sensitive to how that made just
feel very insecure. So she didn't like going to nightclubs
and being you know, around sexy, interesting people because she
thought he liked them a bit too much. Also, it
means that this is his number one thing, being a musician,
(27:53):
and she didn't seem interested in seeing him being a
musician at all. So here's a problem. If you fall
in love with someone who has like a mad hobby
or passion or shobby or whatever we want to call it,
and you feel yourself to be in competition with it,
it's always going to be a problem. Is that true?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
I don't really see it as a red flag because
they're putting on their dating profile. So if I swipe right,
I know exactly what I'm going to get. I know
I'm going to get a guy, a really attractive man
who's at the gym twenty four seven. I think I
take issue with it if that's not on his dating profile,
and then he starts becoming a hybrid rock star like
two months into us dating, and that changes the whole dynamic.
(28:32):
I feel like, and I never thought I'd ever say this,
but I feel like, if you're going to take on
an intense hobby and you're in a relationship and that
hobby's going to take up most like eighty percent of
your life, that needs to be a conversation before you
take it on.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Or but also if you're already doing it at the beginning,
you need to think about that because the problem is
if you go, oh, this is cute, but then everything
changes a few months in and you're like, hold on,
why are you always doing this? On a Saturday morning,
and he's like, well, I've always done this on a
Saturday morning. Either maybe you like doing the same thing
or you love having that time to do your own thing.
But if it makes you insecure or leaves you all
(29:06):
alone with kids for hours, problem, Jesse, do you think?
Or unconscious on the floor or unconscious on the floor,
do you think?
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Look, there's terms like golf widow and like someone who
loses their husband to go for like.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Widow, triathling widow. Like there's a lot of story. I
say that then be a hybrid rock star widow. But
there's and this happens a lot to middle aged dudes.
I've suddenly become obsessed with the lycra and the cycling
and stuff. And it's great because fitness, because activity, because
socializing with other people. But if it takes you away
for five hours every day.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Look, it's just interesting.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Who has the time for a hobby that takes up
twenty hours of your wait?
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Is what I'll say.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Because I'm just not seeing a lot of women going, Hey,
I now play golf for eight hours on a Saturday
and a Sunday and also on Wednesday afternoon.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I just don't say.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
It do you think that Dave and Jess should broke off?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
That isn't off my conversation.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I have to get something off my chest about Halloween.
As you're listening to us today, it is Halloween thirty
first of October. We're not going to have one of
those conversations about whether it's American or not. It's done.
It's here, deal with here. You can deal with it everybody.
But your relationship with this event is entirely dependent on
your life stage. Right, you're either not really aware of
(30:24):
it at all, or when you're young and carefree, it
just means a piss up costume party, which is always fun, right,
people like that? Apparently this year very popular costumes for
grown ups. K Pop demon Hunters, the Louver Heisters, Yes,
so black, like cat Burglar with dripping diamonds. That's been
Travis and Taylor, Oh so big. I wonder if we're
(30:46):
not going to see a late surgeon Lily Allen, David
Harber costumes. Oh really, I'd go as their house like
really paper, I love it. So there's that phase of
your life, right. Then there's the little kids, which is
pumpkin outfits and trying to avoid them being traumatized every
time they go to Bunnings or anywhere like that big
(31:07):
for kids, Oh huge, really getting huger all the time.
But actually I read a piece in the Herald this week.
I love to know what you think about this, Jesse,
because this is your life stage from a writer called
Cherry Gilmour complaining about the fact that you can't escape
Halloween at the minute. So if you do go to Bonnings,
there's like a blood dripping zombie at the door. You
go into Spotlight, there's death with the side like come
(31:28):
on it, and how little kids get traumatized and that's
really hard for parents. So there's actually a petition, big
petition being circulated about pulling that in. What are your
thoughts about that?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Saying there is walking down the street with a two
year old at ten am and there's a dead body.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
On a lawn.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
It's such a hard thing to explain.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
And then there's like a decapitated man holding his own
head or whatever, and you're like that man's bleeding from
the arteries in and necks that they've lost or like
this time for a biology less like there's skeleton heads
and it's like that's what we call a decomposing body,
can you set like? And then Lerna looks at it
(32:05):
the other day there's a spider bigger than me, right,
spider bigger than mummy, and she's like scary, like scary spider,
and I was like it's funny, and I was like, hell.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
It's a whole thing. So there's that phase of your
life where a petition you're just raging against, the petition
to watch stop Halloween. Well, no, it's more than I'll
tell you what they want. It says mums need hobbies
protect children from distressing Halloween displays in shopping centers. One
petitioner wrote, we wouldn't let our children be exposed to
(32:39):
horror films at a young age, but placing them at
the front of the store, you're taking away the choice
of exposure. Blah blah. The idea is that you should
know that you're stepping into scary space. So there's that
whole era of being outraged by Halloween. And then there's
the primary school era kids and tweens, which is like
lots of scary, cute dress ups and fake blood and stuff.
I have tipped now into the teen parenting era of Halloween,
(33:01):
and I don't want to go into too much detail.
But suddenly it's sexy princesses, sexy fire, sexy witch, sexy cat,
everything's sexy, and you're suddenly like, oh, we're here, are
we now? Personally, I find Halloween hell because I'm on
the record of saying I hate costume parties, hate dress ups,
and that this is like the national holiday for people
(33:22):
who love it. But has it become compulsory?
Speaker 4 (33:25):
You guys, I think it's about whether or not you're single,
because it's not just the teen girls. It's a divorced
like that's forty year olds who are like, it is
time for me to relaunch my breasts, and you don't
get a lot of opportunities to do that. So you
go as Christina Aguilera from the dirty film Claer, which, like,
(33:47):
I guess it's scary, but it's also mostly hot and
I appreciate that. Emm, are you going hot this year?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I'm going semi hot? Emma, are you going to a party?
Speaker 3 (33:57):
I'm going to a party on the weekend, And I'm
going as Doughci, the rapper who want to Grammy And
she wears like a lot of like mix of like
sexy outfits, but also really fun rungy, like big office suits,
and I'm going as a fun grungy big office suits.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
A little bit as sexy going there's a little bit
of sexy, but I get really good.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
I'm at that age where, yes, I'm single, but I'm
also at that age where it's kind of like try
hard if you go a bit too sexy, like you're
meant to have fun with it and be like cool,
and I was. I was in a conversation with two
friends and they were talking about how one day one
of the friends went as Ursula from Yeah, a little
moment and like like really like tentacles everywhere, like went overboard.
(34:38):
And then the other friend was like, but it was
fine because she was in a relationship. Yeah, she was
trying to find any It was fine she could do that.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
I think a lot of this is summed up by
an excellent substack quote that I saw by Claire Zulki,
and she said, a young lady becomes a woman the Halloween.
She stops dressing up as a sexy something and starts
dressing as an unattractive man. It's so true. Maybe like
a jewel fief.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
After the break.
Speaker 4 (35:07):
It's our best records, including one of the best celebrity
interviews I've listened to, and Holly has a hack for
those of us who just can't say no.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
One unlimited out loud access. We drop episodes every Tuesday
and Thursday exclusively for Mamma MIAs subscribers. Follow the link
at the show notes to get us in your ears
five days a week. And a huge thank you to
all our current subscribers. Vibes ideas Atosphere, something casual, something fun.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
This is my best recommendation.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
It's Friday, so we want to help set up your
weekend with our best recommendations. M I want to hear
your reco first.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Please.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Okay, a movie just dropped on Netflix last week. It
is called a House of Dynamite, and I need you
both to watch it immediately because.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
I need to talk about it. What does the genre?
It is like, drama, thriller, respens right, dispense, Idris Elba,
yeahber Caitlin Deaver who played Bell Gibson, and also Rebecca Ferguson.
Really good cast.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
So the whole idea of the movie is a missile
is coming to the USA and the President and his
government friends have to stop it.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
I've seen this movie before Missus.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
But I love this movie.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Like I said, they've made this movie many times. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
This movie is the most intense thing I've ever watched. Okay,
I need to explain it. It's in three parts and
the whole movie is about how the president and all
these government officials are on this big call to figure
out how to stop this missile from coming to the US,
and each part shows the different perspective from each person
on that call. It is so intense. I saw an
(36:57):
article on Slate and the headline because I immediately researched
everything about this movie afterwards, and the headline was I've
been reporting on nuclear war for decades and no movie
has shaken me more like this one.
Speaker 6 (37:08):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (37:09):
I saw that and I wondered what movie it was about.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Okay, So, and now this is the facts, right. We
have put five hundred billion dollars into these devices called gbis,
which stand for ground based interceptors that are meant to
like intercept a missile if they are coming into reiltry. Yeah,
five hundred billion dollars. These interceptors only have a sixty
one percent success rate. And that's what that whole movie
(37:35):
is about. It's not like action e Like, you don't
see any like crazy things happen, but it's all about
the tenth moment of how are they going to stop?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
This does not sound relaxing. It's not relaxing, very stress inducing.
But I do enjoy that sometimes.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Yeah, and I it ends in a way that's not
going to make you satisfied.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Ooh, don't tell me how it ends. I didn't. How
are my interests so hot?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
I love and so Okay, I'm so into that and
I'm going to tack on another reco onto that, and
which is I just finished the late season of The Diplomat.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
I do love that show.
Speaker 4 (38:08):
And in terms of Nuclear Wolf, like that kind of
comes up as a bit of a theme again. Brilliant again,
Cliff hang up, which just makes me need to watch
the next thing.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Well, so very satisfying this season. I've started watching it
for people who's watched The West Wing because C. J.
Craig is the former Vice President of the US and
her husband is Josh Josh from the West. If you
don't watch The West Wing, you don't what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
From the Hammettel yeah yeah, ah.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
And so seeing them together on screen again, you should
know who Josh is because he's the patron saint of
wearing a backpack, and you always wear Josh for a backpack. Anyway,
I dig West. Only West wing people are interested in
anything coming out of my map. Now stop talking.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
The Diplomat's brilliant. It's so good.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Love the diplomat.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
But this is my other recommendation for this week. When
I was away, my Claire, my sister, sent me this.
My Claire sent me this and said, this is maybe
the best interview I've listened to.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
And it was.
Speaker 4 (39:02):
Louis Tomlinson from One Direction, From One Direction on Diary
of the CEO. And I was like, nothing about this
would necessarily interest me. I'm not a mad one directioner.
I'm quite agnostic and lots of love to Louis. But
is he among the top three.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Most famous one directioners.
Speaker 5 (39:22):
He's not Harry stars He's not Harry Starles. Let's just
say that.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Now I knew Harry Stiles doesn't do this kind of thing.
I wonder if he will when he does his album Kravitz. Maybe. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
I didn't know a lot about him, which was what
made this interview so great.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
So it covers a few things.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
The one massive thing is sort of the relaunch of
his career. When he was twenty four, One direction split
and he went from doing Wembley Stadm to ninety thousand
people to these tiny events with two thousand, and he
would cover songs from one direction and literally in the
period of a few years, he'd gone from ninety thousand
(39:59):
to singing the same song looking out to no.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
One that it's a bit like spice.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Girls, like yeah, I guess you forget, like how hard
they continue to try, And he's going, I knew at
twenty four that the heights of my career were behind me.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
How do you.
Speaker 4 (40:16):
Then reassess what success looks like? So that was one part,
But the most interesting part was his discussions around grief.
And I won't go into it, but I did not
realize that at thirty three he had experienced.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
So much loss.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
And there's this bit where he says, you know, you kick.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Your toe, and your response to that is so irrational,
like you kick your toe and you just go of course,
I've kicked my toe.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Of course this would happen to me.
Speaker 4 (40:44):
And he got in this state of mind of just
like the world was against him because all these bad
things kept happening, and he talks about how he got
out of that, and also lots of different experiences with
people who died who he felt it was his job
to look after, and the guilt he carries. He's so
articulate and insightful. It is a brilliant interview. We have
a link in our show notes.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I've got a life hack because you know, I'm a guru. Totally.
I could meditate. How's due lingo going? Exactly? My little
owl is really mad with me. He just keeps emailing me,
like what does it take. We talked last week actually
about NAP. We talked about how it was time to
remember that the year isn't over and you can it's
(41:26):
still time to hold onto your not like notop energy
being kind of I don't have to do all these
things everybody wants me to do. I'm going to protect
my piece, et cetera, and how I'm shit at it anyway.
I found a new strategy that a very smart woman
who you probably know, Jesse Amantha Imbas. She's like a
productivity guru. I've had her on mid before and I
did her podcast. I think you've done it before. It's
called How I Work. She does a podcast called How
(41:48):
I Work, and it's all about work and productivity and stuff,
and I did that recently, and when I was talking
to her and telling her about my massive failures with
NAP in terms of like saying no to things and
managing your time, she said, I've got a strategy for you.
It's for people who can't say no. It's called the
yes but strategy. So the idea there is, instead of
a no or even a nup, you give them a
(42:10):
boundaryad yes right. Here are some examples. So, Yes, I
can host that birthday for your sister, but I can't
do the food, so everyone needs to bring a plate. Yes,
I can travel in to come to that in person meeting,
but if I absolutely can't dial in, it needs to
(42:30):
be on this day at around this time. Yes, I
can organize the costumes for the end of your dance party,
but I can't make them, so I'll be buying them
from this big box store. Here's how you transfer money bank,
So it's a yes but rather than a nup. So
you can do a thing and not close yourself off
from things you want to do or a helpful or
(42:50):
community building because you know how we talk about how
often at the minute, we're all getting so boundaried that
we kind of cut ourselves off from anything, when really
we can just ask for what we want. So like, yes,
I will do that, but it has to X, y
Z for me.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
It blew my mind and I feel more comfortable with
that because I feel like I've given them what they wanted,
and then it's like more of a negotiation. I've never
considered that I could kind of do that, because often
it's a lack of boundaries in the aftermath.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
That's what makes itself.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Make it crazy, because you say yes, I'll host Melissa's
birthday party, and then suddenly you're responsible for the guest
list and the drinks and this and this and this.
But somebody's got a host Melissa's birthday party or she
doesn't get it right. And I guess in a professional sense,
and I mean I said this in the interview, but
you're really lucky and privileged if you're in a position
in your life where people are coming at you and
asking you for things. Very often it's because your career
(43:45):
is doing well or whatever. Oh because you always say yes, yeah,
or because you're but also if you say yes, but
this is what I need. Then one of two things
will happen after that. Either that won't work and it's
a no, So that's fine, right. So like if if
somebody says, can you come and do this event for me?
And I say yes, but it'll have to be a
Tuesday night and they're like it can't be, then it's
a no, right, or they'll go, yeah, I can make
(44:05):
it a Tuesday night and you're that you're needing it.
And I remember when I interviewed Julie Good when a
years ago from Master Chef. She said this, She said
when her mental health is in the toilet, and she
was like, but I don't want to give up my
work and all the things that I love doing. She's like,
but I need to make some changes. She said. You
will be amazed how many times when you ask people
for what you need and you're like tying yourself up
(44:27):
about it, as women do, going like, oh, I sound
like a diva, I sound like I'm ungrateful, I sound
like I'm a terrible person. People just go okay, sure,
and then you're like, oh, and that's the yes, but strategy,
oh is it helpful?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Good I'm glad to be of service. I just say no,
she's a boundary. I love it.
Speaker 4 (44:49):
A big thank you to all of you the out
louders for listening to today's show, and our fabulous team
for putting this show together. Do not forget that you
can watch us on YouTube and you can't necessarily see
this on YouTube. But throughout the course of this episode,
my belly.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Button has popped.
Speaker 4 (45:03):
Ooh, like I've been touching it and I felt it
this morning, kind of come out of it.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Wait, that happened.
Speaker 4 (45:08):
Yeah, and it's happened really really early. It's feeling like
really quite. Can you show us after Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I will, but it's definitely it's just too early.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
To It's got to watch the episode on YouTube and
tell us if you can.
Speaker 4 (45:18):
Pick the exact moment when bell belly button pop m
read us out.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
A big thank you to our team, our group executive
producer Route Divine, our executive producer Sasha Tanic, our senior
audio producer is Leah Porge's, our video producer is Josh Green,
and our junior content producer is Tessa Kodovic.
Speaker 4 (45:38):
On yesterday's subscriber episode, we have such a treat which
is that Maya elbowed her way back in because she
was desperate to talk about the latest season of Nobody
Wants This We go Deep, a total dissection. She wanted
to talk about the Jewish elements. She wanted to talk
about the era of.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
I say that I think that this show exists in
a peculiarly ageless universe. Yeah, we discussed that quite a lot.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
It is the big debrief that you have been way
from one of the biggest shows of the year. If
you want to become a subscriber, there is a link
in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
You know, when you finish out Loud and you think
I need more of this energy, I need more Amelia Lester, Well,
I've got you. We have got a sister show called
Parenting out Loud, and it's everything parents are secretly thinking
about right now. It drops once a week on Saturday mornings,
and it might be exactly what your podcast feed's been missing.
It's been a big week for celebrity honesty in the
(46:33):
parenting department. Jennifer Aniston said something very honest about adoption,
and Hailey Bieber's comments about motherhood have the Internet losing
its mind. It's the same vibe to get here just
parenting coded, search, parenting out loud, tap, follow, and thank
us later links in the show notes
You're listening to I'm Ama Mia podcast out Louders, you
will know that Friday is a news free zone for
us and that rulesticks even when a prince is stripped
of his title. We will be talking about Prince Andrew
and the King in depth on Monday's show. For now,
enjoy a break from the news cycle Friday. Hello, and
(00:33):
welcome to MoMA Mia out loud. It's what women are
actually talking about on Friday. On Friday, the thirty first
of October, which is Halloween. Friends, it is Halloween today,
and we'll do a little bit of talking about that later.
I'm Holly Waynwright and I just want to remind you
all that every Saturday morning, the newsletter that I write
(00:54):
just for out Louders will drop in your inbox if
you subscribe, and it could be about anything. It could
be about anything we've talked about on the show. I
write like an essay, I get my thoughts out. I'm
real there. I hope you like it, but if you
want to in your inbox, you've got to subscribe. There
is a link in the show notes. Go do that.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And I'm m Vernon and I'm Jesse Stevens.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
And on our agenda today.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
There is a new fitness craze that has taken over
my entire life. And no, I'm not exaggerating. It's on
my Instagram, it's on my dating apps. I have no
idea what's going on.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I can't wait to hear about it. I need to
talk about a very specific Halloween tipping point that I'm
living through in my house. And I've got a hack
for saying nope when you absolutely cannot.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
And raw dogging boredom.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I've got some feedback for all those twenty year olds
flexing about how long they can stare at a wall.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
But first, so you might remember, on Friday last week,
we talked about celebrity relationships and how we feel connected
to them, and how some of those celebrity relationships can
impact our relationships in real life. We discussed a Victoria
and David Beckham. I talked about Dua Lipa and Callum
Turner and how they're so publicly obsessed with each other,
(02:07):
and I said the line, I never want a nonchalant man.
I want my men to be as chalant as possible.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
It was one of m ziconic lines.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
You know what I said listening to that I said, preach, Oh, preach,
for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I loved it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You know who didn't say preach a lot of the others.
But you know what, that was more about the Calum
and Dua thing, and that you were like, I want
this and I want it for thirty years, looking into
each other's eyes and laughing into each other's mouth. I
thought about Louders were like m I think they genuinely
felt very, very concerned for me. However, I did get
(02:42):
a few out louders come into my DM saying, Hey,
I'm too scared to post in the group. Oh that's
so sad.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Me post in the group like everyone's against me.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
But they said a lot of them are in.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
And by a lot of them, I mean three of
them are in long term relationships for over twenty years
and are still Dua Lipa and Calum Turner come on,
come on. So I took some of that feedback on
and I kind of revisited some of my past relationships,
and I kind of spiraled because no, I realized that
a lot of the times where I've broken up with
(03:17):
a partner I had at the time was because he
never loved me loudly.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
I love this loving loudly business. It felt like a
big catalyst for like the end of relationship. I remember
I dated a guy and he hated PDA, Like, he
didn't even like to hold hands. He would give like
weird side hugs. He loved a high five. He loved
a high five.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
And it kind of in my head, I couldn't figure out,
like why he would be so intimate behind closed doors
but then feel like a platonic friend outside in the world.
And it just made me convince myself that he just
didn't like me, and I couldn't handle that in a relationship.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
And you get to demand that someone loves you loudly,
I think you are absolutely spot on. I was reading
in Cosmopolitan about how chilance, however we're going to say yes. Well,
when I read it, in my head, I say chalance.
But I feel like we should sayant how it's a
sixth love language, and if that is your love language,
then let's not especially let's be real in heterosexual relationships.
(04:17):
Let's not accept this kind of apathetic. I don't really
care whether it's buying your gifts or holding your hand.
I'm not going to do any of that. It made
me think of have you heard of the bird test. Yes,
the bird test, and I think that this is what
you mean.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Right.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
There's like the kissing and looking lovingly into each other's eyes.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
But the bird test, We've talked about it on the
show before.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
It's when you're standing in your kitchen with your partner
and you say, wow, look at that bird. And it's
about the level of enthusiasm they show to the bird.
Do they look at it.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Or even if they look up from what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
I think Brent would go wow. I think he's a
bird man, Oh definitely, and he would be very interested
in the bird. And that says something about emotional connection
and curiosity and interest.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Okay, I'm with you, and I'm very much on board
with and wanting to be loved loudly. I think there
are like two different things at play here, right, Because
the thing that I was kind of being maybe a
little patronizing about last week, I'll own it was the
idea that that limerent phase where you cannot keep your
hands off each other in public has to last forever
(05:25):
for a relationship to be real. I think that's what
a lot about louders were reacting to, right is limerate.
So limmerence is different from love because limerence is the
physical obsession you have at the beginning of.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
A relationship, like infatuation.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And some people are addicted to limerens and it can
be a red flag cough David Harbor, because it means
that you are always pursuing that, You're always pursuing that,
and when that naturally fades, because it does most of
the time, that will fade and leave, hopefully in a
good relationship, leave something even solid and beautiful and even
better in its wake. But that actual bit that, like
(06:00):
you can't walk past me without me wanting to touch you.
I think about you all the time. I just want
to say your name to my friends. That's limerens. And
if you're obsessed with limerens, it's actually means you're always
in pursuit of that. And Cereal cheetahs are often obsessed
with limerens. Sex addicts are often obsessed with limerens. Like,
what are you trying to say? No?
Speaker 6 (06:18):
No, no, no, But.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
What I'm saying is that's one thing over here right
laughing in each other's mouths all the time. I'm not
saying that is Calum and Juwa, as we know, they
both read books. We have a lot of hope for
them and their love. But the thing is is that
particular thing is very specific. Yeah, but wanting to be
loved loudly and have somebody show up for you. Absolutely.
In fact, it made me think when we were talking
about this that whenever I listened to Sabrina Carpenter singing
(06:42):
and I love her and I think she's so clever,
it makes me really sad about the standards that we're
apparently young women are accepting. Because you know, there's that song,
the one about like I get wet at the thought
of you being a responsible guy, tears run down my thighs,
and then she's like her standards for the things that
make her that excited. Are you remember how to use
your phone?
Speaker 6 (07:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
You text me first, and you treat me not even that,
just like you remember how to use your phone and
you treat me like I'm a per and with feelings.
And I'm like, Sabrina, is this how little we can see?
But that's where you are, right. Chalant is somebody who
will tell you they care, and absolutely you deserve Chalant's
my friend.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
And you deserve a lot of it, especially early I
reckon that it's a mad red flag if you're with
someone for say the first six months, and there's no chance.
And I've been in that where it's like there's no effort,
there's no excitement, there's no enthusiasm about you.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
You just go.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
We need somewhere to fall.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
We need to get to a point where it's like
there is nowhere to go but down from here in
terms of like, yeah, maybe you don't have that. You know,
you can't sleep. It's so unsustainable, right because I can't
keep you can't eat, you're so excited.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
And that's why situation ship break ups hurt so much,
because you're breaking up while you're still in the chalant's face, yes,
where everything about that person you're obsessed with. But I
think what a lot of the louders were arguing was
that I want this for like the whole relationship, Like
I don't just want it for the first phase. I
want it forever. And they were like, you can't have
(08:18):
that forever because that's not how normal relationships work.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I think what you want is effort.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
Yeah, you don't want because you see sometimes long term
relationships where people treat each other worse than they would
an acquaintance.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Absolutely, just dismissive way and the visible way, and a
lot of women break up long relationships over exactly that.
They're like, I am invisible to you. You never ever
put your hand on my ass when I walk past anymore,
and I used to like it that you did that sometimes.
Obviously that's not an example that works for everybody. Consent consent,
but they feel invisible. And that's why lots of women
(08:52):
do leave long relationships because they feel like that comfort
has gone.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
To the can I ask M for a specific example.
So you've been with your partner for thirty years, that
makes you what in your fifties? Yes, okay, what's an
example of a like a moment of cholants that you
imagine in your relationship thirty years down the track.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
So we're at home and he's like, Hey, I've just
booked a table at your favorite restaurant.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Let's just go out. Let's put something nice, let's just
go out. We're out.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
He's holding my hand and he's standing on the side
of the road. So for car comes, he gets hit,
not me. I'm safe, and we're walking to the restaurant.
He takes up my chair, I sit down. He goes,
you look so beautiful tonight, and he says that in
a loud voice, so the tables around.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Us and here, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
And then he leans in for a kiss, and then
I kiss him back, and then we eat, and then
we kiss again, and then we walk home hand in hand.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
I think that's fair, so do I, and I support
I saw it in her ambition.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I think what you heard in a lot of the
gen x derision that came me away is a little bitterness,
little judgments. Because one thing that people in long term
relationships get very defensive about is the idea that young
people are looking at them in the restaurant and going
look at those saddos. They've barely looked at each other
the whole time or touched each other the whole time,
and you don't know what they're going through. I think
(10:11):
it is fair enough to want somebody to touch you,
look at you, and say I like you. Sabrina Carpenter,
please take note. This should not be that level of
excitement that should be the base.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Out Louders High Rocks has not only taken over my
TikTok feed, but also the weekends of all of my friends.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Plus the people in their twenties, raw dogging boredom. Please
allow me to puff a fish for a moment.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh yes, out louders, We've got a list of dilemma
and we need your collective wisdom to help us and
our partners. U Ea, solve it? Please? Okay, here it is.
My friend is getting married later this year and is
very excited about the dress, celebration, and of course marrying
the love of her life. She recently had a birthday
(11:00):
and her future sister in law presented her with a
gift of earrings and said they could be her something
new for the wedding. The earrings are pretty and reasonably expensive,
but not anything like what the brid was planning to wear.
Oh she is very fashioned forward and has a completely
different look in mind for the day. Her fiance's sister,
who gave her the earrings, is quite upset about not
(11:22):
being asked to be a bridesmaid, so I think she's
trying to find a way to be part of the
special day. How can the bride to be say politely
that she doesn't want to wear the ear rings at
her wedding without hurting her future sister in law's feelings
and damaging their relationship. Further, friends, if you are this bride,
what do you do next?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Oh, I think it's a pretty ballsy move to give
something to a bride that you expect them to wear
at their wedding. Good point, But I came up with
a list of lies that she could do. I think
firstly she shouldn't wear them to the wedding, but also
not bring it up. And these are my list of lies.
I've already got these earrings gifted by my mum. Instead,
(12:04):
they're sentimental. I'm saving you earrings for my honeymoon. I
have the perfect outfit for them. Oh, I misheard you. Sorry,
Oh I forgot.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And my last one, I'm saving them for a special occasion,
more special. I didn't really think that one. Through these
lies a lot.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
I like those lies, so I was thinking deception two.
Maybe get another ear pierced, another piercing on the ear
so you can wear your nice ear rings that you
like in your big ear hole. And then maybe like
a hidden ear hole, you could kind of hang those
so you're technically doing it technically.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
And my other.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
No, because it'll be like at the top of your
ear you put your hair over it. And my other
option was maybe when you do if you do an
outfit change, then you could change earrings.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
And make a point of it.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Then, So if you want to walk down the aisle
like once all the photos are done or whatever, put
the earrings you don't really want to wear on it
and be like, look, I'm wearing the earrings. I think
I would probably just wear them to keep the peace.
But I actually what if you really hated them? I
hair down, hair down, I would just cop it.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
What do you think I think when the sister in
law at the wedding says, why are you wearing my earrings?
You say, oh, I am wearing your ear rings? Didn't
I tell you I got my nippless Okay? Any better
ideas than we would like to hear them? You can
jump in the out Loud Facebook group and if you
have a dilemma of your own, please send it to
(13:32):
us at out loud at momamea dot com dot au.
We would love to help you out.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
So not expecting that there have been a few stories
have tickled our fancy this week, and I want to
talk about raw dogging boredom.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Can we just get it on the table, friends, that
raw dogging in this context does not mean anything a
little bit ceed, a little bit inappropriate, because that's what
we all think raw dogging means. But we have redefined
it and now it just means without distraction.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
Without distraction, because it used to mean having without a condom.
So I'm seeing this everywhere, seeing it on YouTube on TikTok,
and it's mostly people in their twenties practicing boredom. One
productivity influencer his name is Rowan. He recently filmed himself
(14:20):
raw dogging boredom for an hour every day in an
attempt to improve his attention span. So it's watching a
generation trying to work out what it feels like to
disconnect because they never have, right and neuroscientists say boredom
critical for creative thinking, very very good for us. M
genuine question, do young people think they have invented meditation
(14:43):
because they just need it? On the record that from
five thousand BC maybe before, people have been doing this.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
I do think it's way too easy to go viral now.
And I also wish I kind.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Of did this first. I know, because you don't have
to do anything, you don't have.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
To do anything on behalf of young people. I do
want to apologize because I do think we can't make
staring at a wall a challenge. So we already got
so much going on what I can't afford places to
live touch. What I love about this is that you
guys think that before there were smartphones, and I lived
before there were smartphones.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
That's what we were all doing. You're just sitting around
staring at walls.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
We literally think it's gone like ice age, and then
smartphones were.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Like, what did you do before smartphones? Oh, we didn't
know what to do. We just sat at home and
staid at the wall, like that's not what happened.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Not what your grandmother did promise.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I do regularly, raw dog boredom. I just never called
it that, but I remember it's been on the record.
When we did a subscriber episode on what did you
Do Yesterday? And Sunday we were we were all talking
about what we did on Sunday, and mine was I
remember sitting in bed and just staring at a wall,
doing nothing.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And I could have made a challenge out of it.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
We should have filmed it.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Can you not read a book because then you're doing something? No,
But I thought the point of this was to retrain
yourself from the dopamine hit of technic right, because this
isn't quite meditation, because I'm getting served a lot of
these videos, probably because you know, I'm always banging on
about how I want to be able to meditate. It's
been years now, I still haven't got there, So I'm
(16:18):
being served a lot of this. These people are not meditating.
These people are tortured. The videos I'm served are like
there's a clock at the front and it's ticking down,
and these people are sitting on the wall like looking
like they're going cold turkey from some real hardcore drug.
They're not meditating.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
That is meditation.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Well, no, it's inside your head, it's meditation. Like, why
can't they just that's how they read a book? That's
their reaction.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I saw a tweet that said, scrolling on your phone
is like a cigarette for the eyes.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yes, and I believe that not even from the eyes,
for your feelings for everything. And I was reading, so
I totally agree with the detoxy bit, like put your
phone in a drawer for an hour. I mean, do
whatever you want to do if this is your thing,
But like, you can detox from dopamine without staring at
a wall that's my point. Go for a walk outside
and go for a walk, read something, listen to music,
(17:08):
do something, because aren't we supposed to be trying to
decouple ourselves from the endless dopamine hit of New New
More More.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
But isn't it interesting?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Right?
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Because I was thinking about this in the context of
religion and religious institutions, some of them have a few.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Things to answer for.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
However, they had this covered not only with meditation but
with prayer, right Like my Nan prayed every day and
that was her moment of getting in touch with her
inner monologue. I've read the things recently about how a
lot of people don't know what the inner monologue sounds
like anymore because there's a scrolling but there's the music,
(17:44):
there's a podcast, there's books, right like, it's all input,
and so how do we just sit with no input
for a moment?
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I agree, obviously, and I love the idea that your
Nan would have called it, that what are you doing
that I'm getting in touch with my in a monologue,
Like when I'm folding, washing or scrubbing the toilet, I'm
just getting in touch with my in a monologue. That's
what we've been doing. But not that I'm comparing prey
to scrubbing toilets. Let's on the table, but I think
(18:14):
you're right about that. But I also think that there
are different levels of input. The thing that we have
with our phones is which we've talked about a lot.
I'm having a bad feeling. Must scroll, ord, must scroll, upset, tired, hungry,
must scroll. And I read in a subsett recently saying that, like,
the definition of addiction is the only thing that will
make me feel better about this thing that I'm addicted
(18:35):
to is more of this thing that I'm addicted to,
Like you just keep doing it and so breaking that
is great, but I do think it's being replaced.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I don't think we should present as the choices of
life is either being constantly on your phone or staring
at a wall, like there are a lot of other
things to do there that will get you more in
touch with yourself while not torturing yourself.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
Do you know you know recently you spoke on the
show about famous uswords and Jangodor that documentary. I was
watching that and listening to her talk about nature, and
I had to check myself and go.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
Oh, twelve hours watching a gorilla like.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Sit boring, And then I went listen to how interesting
gorilla really? But then she.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Would explain what that gorilla did, and I was like,
that is also the most profoundly interesting thing you could watch.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I'd watch that.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
And then I was away recently and I was snorkling
and I watched this sea turtle eating grass right and
this massive and as you see it and you go,
oh my god, it's sea turtle, and then you're kind
of floating there.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Watching it, and you're like, should I like keep watching
the sea.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Anything else?
Speaker 6 (19:52):
And I like come up or like go down, or
like you in an art gallery, Like when I go
to an art gallery, I judge like I have to
look at a piece of artwork, and I only move
away if someone else moves away because I don't want
them to think I don't understand what's happening with the art.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
How long do I have to engage to hang with
the turtle? Jesse, I do love a turtle.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
I keep telling people that it was like twenty five minutes,
but I reckon realistically it was five. And I just
like floated there watching it, and I went, this is
actually pretty interesting, like if you lock into it and
watch it, you know, float up and put its head
up and all of that, and you go, it's just
a different pace, right, And so that's what you're saying,
(20:32):
is that that's the opposite to looking at a wall. Yes,
that's but it's incredibly mindful and like your inner monologue
is going, it's peace, but it's a different kind of input.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Yeah, and I think that that's what we're trying to fix, right. Yeah.
I flew to Perth last week, five hours from Sydney
to Perth. Yeah. That I was sitting on the aisle
and the man in the middle of the seats was
a young man, very nice, smelt nice. That's what I
was like, that if someone's going to be sit that
close to me, smelt good. He raw dog the whole flight.
(21:02):
He didn't have a book, he didn't have a phone,
he didn't watch anything. He just sat there and occasionally
put his head down on the table, like on his arms,
as if to have a little nap. And I was
obsessed with him. What was he doing?
Speaker 5 (21:16):
Okay, Holly, And should I have asked him?
Speaker 4 (21:19):
I've kind of started doing this because I can't keep
I can't keep my eyes open if I'm still now
because I'm just tired all the time.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
And I got on my.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
Flight two and a half hours and I kind of
put my head back. I knew I wasn't going to
fall asleep, but I just had my eyes closed. I
love the places I go, like I just really I
half daydream and then I think about like, I feel
very refreshed when I opened my.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Eyes, saying that the man next to me had a
very rich in a life. Yes, yes, he was just
there frolicking in his mind.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Guard and if he asked, it pulled him out of it.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
And even when they came and said do you want
a cup of tea? Didn't want anything. He was just himself.
You probably would have tried to pick him up. He wasn't.
Really you were a schalant man.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
He sounds chalant.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
So there is a new fitness craze that has taken
over my life, and I actually feel like I'm going crazy.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
I have been.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Seeing on my Instagram, on my TikTok, on my dating apps,
different variations of the specific type of photo, and this
photo usually includes two men, both really good looking, both
with aps, both sweating a bit. They have their shirts off,
and they're standing hand in hand in front of this
(22:35):
big TV that has like a time stamp on it,
so like one hour sixteen minutes. And this is a
new type of fitness workout. It is called high rocks,
which is an abbreviation for hybrid rock stars.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I found out recently.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
I prefer the abbreviation to the meaning yes, this thing,
And now that I've said it, I feel like you'll
see it all over your Instagram as well. It is
a massive global competition where people can take part in
and they compete in this big circuit that includes an
eight k run that's split up in between workout stations.
So for example, you would do run for one k
(23:14):
and then you'll do like a sled push and you
run another k and then you do something else. So
it's like this big kind of course that they do,
and they host these massive events in different countries and
it's now been a huge global thing.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
So apparently it's gained popularity because you know how there's
run clubs. Yeah, but a lot of those people don't
want to run marathons, and there's also strength training, but
those people don't necessarily want to compete at CrossFit, you know,
they have those mad.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Hout like competitions is it like CrossFit more accessible?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
So the thing about CrossFit is that when it gets
to the competition level, like it's really really hard. My
friends who do this say anyone can do it. I
say that I can't do it. But pushing something or
rowing like if you practice and practice you can get
good at that. It's not like as skills based as.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Some of these insurance.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
It markets itself as for anybody.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Yeah, and are you telling me that their pictures of
their buff bodies with their time behind them on their
dating profiles? And is that the hot? Do you find
it hot?
Speaker 3 (24:16):
I thought it was kind of like a joke thing.
So then I sent it to some like a group
of my friends and I was like, are you guys
seeing this? And this is like a group of friends
that's like both men and women, and I was like
are you seeing this? And a lot of the women
were like, what the hell's going on? All the men
were like, I can't believe he did that in that
short of time.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Do women do high rocks?
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Two?
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Women do high Rocks?
Speaker 6 (24:36):
Two?
Speaker 3 (24:36):
But the reason I found out about high Rocks was
because it was a scandal at the Sydney High Rocks event.
This is what happened, like.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Guys, missus because I just painted and like, well it's
a deck because it's unresponsive, and you just kept doing
the war balls and then crossed the line by himself.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
He's leftod what a piece of shit?
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Speaking of chalants, can we just talk about the umby
up the.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Made me want to row?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
People don't go to raves anymore, right, so they go
do this instead?
Speaker 2 (25:10):
They go do this.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yeah, speaking of chalance, if your girlfriend is unconscious in
any context, we stop our race.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Can we all agree, I don't just stop your race,
you pick her up like she's a princess and you
continue on time. She needs to write a song about that.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
It should be part of our etiquette guide that we've
been putting together.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Come on, actually, we should totally do one for how
and then everyone can pass angli like tag people with it. Anyway,
we digress. So what happened? A woman collapse?
Speaker 3 (25:39):
A woman collapse at the Sydney High Rocks event. She
was doing it with her partner, so allegedly she collapsed
and then he was checking in on her and then
he What it looked like from spectators was that she
was on the floor. People had to come help her,
and he just continued to him and.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
He asked, this is the allegation that he did, ask
do I need her to finish it?
Speaker 5 (26:00):
And they were like no, and so he kept going.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And then a lot of comments were like, well, what
could he do? They will paramedics, they would.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
Have asked him to stay out of the way.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
In the background.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
You'll be all right, women were commenting, going The first
question I'd ask when I came to was did you finish?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And what was your time?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
The first question? What is wrong with people? I think
if this is on the dating app, this is red flag.
You think it's a red berg. Well, I have a
thing about like guys with really intense hobbies and this
level of like working out great, like look after yourself
great and everything. But if that's on your dating app,
what you're telling me is I'm not going to see
(26:47):
you very often because you are going to be at
the gym now locked.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Now you're wrong, You're.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Wrong unless you're both into it.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
No, Holly, he's inevitably going to get injured. He's going
to do his a cl which is six or twelve months.
There is nothing more holand needs you to help me
more down.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
So right, Okay, well that's another red flag. So are
you never going to see him and then you're going
to see him way too much because you're going to
be being his nurse made Exactly do you think this
is one of the things I'm interested in? I was
when I was listening to this Is Why We Fight,
you know, the new Moment Here podcast that's like couples counseling.
It's so good, utterly obs Yes, it's so interesting. So
the first episode it had this couple. So, David is
(27:30):
a musician. So being a musician at the level that
he's doing it involves going out at night. Jess does
not like going out at night hanging around in nightclubs
with lots of sexy, interesting people. He had not shown
himself to be very sensitive to how that made just
feel very insecure. So she didn't like going to nightclubs
and being you know, around sexy, interesting people because she
thought he liked them a bit too much. Also, it
means that this is his number one thing, being a musician,
(27:53):
and she didn't seem interested in seeing him being a
musician at all. So here's a problem. If you fall
in love with someone who has like a mad hobby
or passion or shobby or whatever we want to call it,
and you feel yourself to be in competition with it,
it's always going to be a problem. Is that true?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
I don't really see it as a red flag because
they're putting on their dating profile. So if I swipe right,
I know exactly what I'm going to get. I know
I'm going to get a guy, a really attractive man
who's at the gym twenty four seven. I think I
take issue with it if that's not on his dating profile,
and then he starts becoming a hybrid rock star like
two months into us dating, and that changes the whole dynamic.
(28:32):
I feel like, and I never thought I'd ever say this,
but I feel like, if you're going to take on
an intense hobby and you're in a relationship and that
hobby's going to take up most like eighty percent of
your life, that needs to be a conversation before you
take it on.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Or but also if you're already doing it at the beginning,
you need to think about that because the problem is
if you go, oh, this is cute, but then everything
changes a few months in and you're like, hold on,
why are you always doing this? On a Saturday morning,
and he's like, well, I've always done this on a
Saturday morning. Either maybe you like doing the same thing
or you love having that time to do your own thing.
But if it makes you insecure or leaves you all
(29:06):
alone with kids for hours, problem, Jesse, do you think?
Or unconscious on the floor or unconscious on the floor,
do you think?
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Look, there's terms like golf widow and like someone who
loses their husband to go for like.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Widow, triathling widow. Like there's a lot of story. I
say that then be a hybrid rock star widow. But
there's and this happens a lot to middle aged dudes.
I've suddenly become obsessed with the lycra and the cycling
and stuff. And it's great because fitness, because activity, because
socializing with other people. But if it takes you away
for five hours every day.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Look, it's just interesting.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Who has the time for a hobby that takes up
twenty hours of your wait?
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Is what I'll say.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Because I'm just not seeing a lot of women going, Hey,
I now play golf for eight hours on a Saturday
and a Sunday and also on Wednesday afternoon.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I just don't say.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
It do you think that Dave and Jess should broke off?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
That isn't off my conversation.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I have to get something off my chest about Halloween.
As you're listening to us today, it is Halloween thirty
first of October. We're not going to have one of
those conversations about whether it's American or not. It's done.
It's here, deal with here. You can deal with it everybody.
But your relationship with this event is entirely dependent on
your life stage. Right, you're either not really aware of
(30:24):
it at all, or when you're young and carefree, it
just means a piss up costume party, which is always fun, right,
people like that? Apparently this year very popular costumes for
grown ups. K Pop demon Hunters, the Louver Heisters, Yes,
so black, like cat Burglar with dripping diamonds. That's been
Travis and Taylor, Oh so big. I wonder if we're
(30:46):
not going to see a late surgeon Lily Allen, David
Harber costumes. Oh really, I'd go as their house like
really paper, I love it. So there's that phase of
your life, right. Then there's the little kids, which is
pumpkin outfits and trying to avoid them being traumatized every
time they go to Bunnings or anywhere like that big
(31:07):
for kids, Oh huge, really getting huger all the time.
But actually I read a piece in the Herald this week.
I love to know what you think about this, Jesse,
because this is your life stage from a writer called
Cherry Gilmour complaining about the fact that you can't escape
Halloween at the minute. So if you do go to Bonnings,
there's like a blood dripping zombie at the door. You
go into Spotlight, there's death with the side like come
(31:28):
on it, and how little kids get traumatized and that's
really hard for parents. So there's actually a petition, big
petition being circulated about pulling that in. What are your
thoughts about that?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Saying there is walking down the street with a two
year old at ten am and there's a dead body.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
On a lawn.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
It's such a hard thing to explain.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
And then there's like a decapitated man holding his own
head or whatever, and you're like that man's bleeding from
the arteries in and necks that they've lost or like
this time for a biology less like there's skeleton heads
and it's like that's what we call a decomposing body,
can you set like? And then Lerna looks at it
(32:05):
the other day there's a spider bigger than me, right,
spider bigger than mummy, and she's like scary, like scary spider,
and I was like it's funny, and I was like, hell.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
It's a whole thing. So there's that phase of your
life where a petition you're just raging against, the petition
to watch stop Halloween. Well, no, it's more than I'll
tell you what they want. It says mums need hobbies
protect children from distressing Halloween displays in shopping centers. One
petitioner wrote, we wouldn't let our children be exposed to
(32:39):
horror films at a young age, but placing them at
the front of the store, you're taking away the choice
of exposure. Blah blah. The idea is that you should
know that you're stepping into scary space. So there's that
whole era of being outraged by Halloween. And then there's
the primary school era kids and tweens, which is like
lots of scary, cute dress ups and fake blood and stuff.
I have tipped now into the teen parenting era of Halloween,
(33:01):
and I don't want to go into too much detail.
But suddenly it's sexy princesses, sexy fire, sexy witch, sexy cat,
everything's sexy, and you're suddenly like, oh, we're here, are
we now? Personally, I find Halloween hell because I'm on
the record of saying I hate costume parties, hate dress ups,
and that this is like the national holiday for people
(33:22):
who love it. But has it become compulsory?
Speaker 4 (33:25):
You guys, I think it's about whether or not you're single,
because it's not just the teen girls. It's a divorced
like that's forty year olds who are like, it is
time for me to relaunch my breasts, and you don't
get a lot of opportunities to do that. So you
go as Christina Aguilera from the dirty film Claer, which, like,
(33:47):
I guess it's scary, but it's also mostly hot and
I appreciate that. Emm, are you going hot this year?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
I'm going semi hot? Emma, are you going to a party?
Speaker 3 (33:57):
I'm going to a party on the weekend, And I'm
going as Doughci, the rapper who want to Grammy And
she wears like a lot of like mix of like
sexy outfits, but also really fun rungy, like big office suits,
and I'm going as a fun grungy big office suits.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
A little bit as sexy going there's a little bit
of sexy, but I get really good.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
I'm at that age where, yes, I'm single, but I'm
also at that age where it's kind of like try
hard if you go a bit too sexy, like you're
meant to have fun with it and be like cool,
and I was. I was in a conversation with two
friends and they were talking about how one day one
of the friends went as Ursula from Yeah, a little
moment and like like really like tentacles everywhere, like went overboard.
(34:38):
And then the other friend was like, but it was
fine because she was in a relationship. Yeah, she was
trying to find any It was fine she could do that.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
I think a lot of this is summed up by
an excellent substack quote that I saw by Claire Zulki,
and she said, a young lady becomes a woman the Halloween.
She stops dressing up as a sexy something and starts
dressing as an unattractive man. It's so true. Maybe like
a jewel fief.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
After the break.
Speaker 4 (35:07):
It's our best records, including one of the best celebrity
interviews I've listened to, and Holly has a hack for
those of us who just can't say no.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
One unlimited out loud access. We drop episodes every Tuesday
and Thursday exclusively for Mamma MIAs subscribers. Follow the link
at the show notes to get us in your ears
five days a week. And a huge thank you to
all our current subscribers. Vibes ideas Atosphere, something casual, something fun.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
This is my best recommendation.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
It's Friday, so we want to help set up your
weekend with our best recommendations. M I want to hear
your reco first.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Please.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
Okay, a movie just dropped on Netflix last week. It
is called a House of Dynamite, and I need you
both to watch it immediately because.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
I need to talk about it. What does the genre?
It is like, drama, thriller, respens right, dispense, Idris Elba,
yeahber Caitlin Deaver who played Bell Gibson, and also Rebecca Ferguson.
Really good cast.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
So the whole idea of the movie is a missile
is coming to the USA and the President and his
government friends have to stop it.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
I've seen this movie before Missus.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
But I love this movie.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Like I said, they've made this movie many times. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
This movie is the most intense thing I've ever watched. Okay,
I need to explain it. It's in three parts and
the whole movie is about how the president and all
these government officials are on this big call to figure
out how to stop this missile from coming to the US,
and each part shows the different perspective from each person
on that call. It is so intense. I saw an
(36:57):
article on Slate and the headline because I immediately researched
everything about this movie afterwards, and the headline was I've
been reporting on nuclear war for decades and no movie
has shaken me more like this one.
Speaker 6 (37:08):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (37:09):
I saw that and I wondered what movie it was about.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Okay, So, and now this is the facts, right. We
have put five hundred billion dollars into these devices called gbis,
which stand for ground based interceptors that are meant to
like intercept a missile if they are coming into reiltry. Yeah,
five hundred billion dollars. These interceptors only have a sixty
one percent success rate. And that's what that whole movie
(37:35):
is about. It's not like action e Like, you don't
see any like crazy things happen, but it's all about
the tenth moment of how are they going to stop?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
This does not sound relaxing. It's not relaxing, very stress inducing.
But I do enjoy that sometimes.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Yeah, and I it ends in a way that's not
going to make you satisfied.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Ooh, don't tell me how it ends. I didn't. How
are my interests so hot?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
I love and so Okay, I'm so into that and
I'm going to tack on another reco onto that, and
which is I just finished the late season of The Diplomat.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
I do love that show.
Speaker 4 (38:08):
And in terms of Nuclear Wolf, like that kind of
comes up as a bit of a theme again. Brilliant again,
Cliff hang up, which just makes me need to watch
the next thing.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Well, so very satisfying this season. I've started watching it
for people who's watched The West Wing because C. J.
Craig is the former Vice President of the US and
her husband is Josh Josh from the West. If you
don't watch The West Wing, you don't what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
From the Hammettel yeah yeah, ah.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
And so seeing them together on screen again, you should
know who Josh is because he's the patron saint of
wearing a backpack, and you always wear Josh for a backpack. Anyway,
I dig West. Only West wing people are interested in
anything coming out of my map. Now stop talking.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
The Diplomat's brilliant. It's so good.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Love the diplomat.
Speaker 4 (38:50):
But this is my other recommendation for this week. When
I was away, my Claire, my sister, sent me this.
My Claire sent me this and said, this is maybe
the best interview I've listened to.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
And it was.
Speaker 4 (39:02):
Louis Tomlinson from One Direction, From One Direction on Diary
of the CEO. And I was like, nothing about this
would necessarily interest me. I'm not a mad one directioner.
I'm quite agnostic and lots of love to Louis. But
is he among the top three.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Most famous one directioners.
Speaker 5 (39:22):
He's not Harry stars He's not Harry Starles. Let's just
say that.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Now I knew Harry Stiles doesn't do this kind of thing.
I wonder if he will when he does his album Kravitz. Maybe. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
I didn't know a lot about him, which was what
made this interview so great.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
So it covers a few things.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
The one massive thing is sort of the relaunch of
his career. When he was twenty four, One direction split
and he went from doing Wembley Stadm to ninety thousand
people to these tiny events with two thousand, and he
would cover songs from one direction and literally in the
period of a few years, he'd gone from ninety thousand
(39:59):
to singing the same song looking out to no.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
One that it's a bit like spice.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Girls, like yeah, I guess you forget, like how hard
they continue to try, And he's going, I knew at
twenty four that the heights of my career were behind me.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
How do you.
Speaker 4 (40:16):
Then reassess what success looks like? So that was one part,
But the most interesting part was his discussions around grief.
And I won't go into it, but I did not
realize that at thirty three he had experienced.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
So much loss.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
And there's this bit where he says, you know, you kick.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Your toe, and your response to that is so irrational,
like you kick your toe and you just go of course,
I've kicked my toe.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Of course this would happen to me.
Speaker 4 (40:44):
And he got in this state of mind of just
like the world was against him because all these bad
things kept happening, and he talks about how he got
out of that, and also lots of different experiences with
people who died who he felt it was his job
to look after, and the guilt he carries. He's so
articulate and insightful. It is a brilliant interview. We have
a link in our show notes.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I've got a life hack because you know, I'm a guru. Totally.
I could meditate. How's due lingo going? Exactly? My little
owl is really mad with me. He just keeps emailing me,
like what does it take. We talked last week actually
about NAP. We talked about how it was time to
remember that the year isn't over and you can it's
(41:26):
still time to hold onto your not like notop energy
being kind of I don't have to do all these
things everybody wants me to do. I'm going to protect
my piece, et cetera, and how I'm shit at it anyway.
I found a new strategy that a very smart woman
who you probably know, Jesse Amantha Imbas. She's like a
productivity guru. I've had her on mid before and I
did her podcast. I think you've done it before. It's
called How I Work. She does a podcast called How
(41:48):
I Work, and it's all about work and productivity and stuff,
and I did that recently, and when I was talking
to her and telling her about my massive failures with
NAP in terms of like saying no to things and
managing your time, she said, I've got a strategy for you.
It's for people who can't say no. It's called the
yes but strategy. So the idea there is, instead of
a no or even a nup, you give them a
(42:10):
boundaryad yes right. Here are some examples. So, Yes, I
can host that birthday for your sister, but I can't
do the food, so everyone needs to bring a plate. Yes,
I can travel in to come to that in person meeting,
but if I absolutely can't dial in, it needs to
(42:30):
be on this day at around this time. Yes, I
can organize the costumes for the end of your dance party,
but I can't make them, so I'll be buying them
from this big box store. Here's how you transfer money bank,
So it's a yes but rather than a nup. So
you can do a thing and not close yourself off
from things you want to do or a helpful or
(42:50):
community building because you know how we talk about how
often at the minute, we're all getting so boundaried that
we kind of cut ourselves off from anything, when really
we can just ask for what we want. So like, yes,
I will do that, but it has to X, y
Z for me.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
It blew my mind and I feel more comfortable with
that because I feel like I've given them what they wanted,
and then it's like more of a negotiation. I've never
considered that I could kind of do that, because often
it's a lack of boundaries in the aftermath.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
That's what makes itself.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Make it crazy, because you say yes, I'll host Melissa's
birthday party, and then suddenly you're responsible for the guest
list and the drinks and this and this and this.
But somebody's got a host Melissa's birthday party or she
doesn't get it right. And I guess in a professional sense,
and I mean I said this in the interview, but
you're really lucky and privileged if you're in a position
in your life where people are coming at you and
asking you for things. Very often it's because your career
(43:45):
is doing well or whatever. Oh because you always say yes, yeah,
or because you're but also if you say yes, but
this is what I need. Then one of two things
will happen after that. Either that won't work and it's
a no, So that's fine, right. So like if if
somebody says, can you come and do this event for me?
And I say yes, but it'll have to be a
Tuesday night and they're like it can't be, then it's
a no, right, or they'll go, yeah, I can make
(44:05):
it a Tuesday night and you're that you're needing it.
And I remember when I interviewed Julie Good when a
years ago from Master Chef. She said this, She said
when her mental health is in the toilet, and she
was like, but I don't want to give up my
work and all the things that I love doing. She's like,
but I need to make some changes. She said. You
will be amazed how many times when you ask people
for what you need and you're like tying yourself up
(44:27):
about it, as women do, going like, oh, I sound
like a diva, I sound like I'm ungrateful, I sound
like I'm a terrible person. People just go okay, sure,
and then you're like, oh, and that's the yes, but strategy,
oh is it helpful?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
I like that a lot.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Good I'm glad to be of service. I just say no,
she's a boundary. I love it.
Speaker 4 (44:49):
A big thank you to all of you the out
louders for listening to today's show, and our fabulous team
for putting this show together. Do not forget that you
can watch us on YouTube and you can't necessarily see
this on YouTube. But throughout the course of this episode,
my belly.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Button has popped.
Speaker 4 (45:03):
Ooh, like I've been touching it and I felt it
this morning, kind of come out of it.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Wait, that happened.
Speaker 4 (45:08):
Yeah, and it's happened really really early. It's feeling like
really quite. Can you show us after Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I will, but it's definitely it's just too early.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
To It's got to watch the episode on YouTube and
tell us if you can.
Speaker 4 (45:18):
Pick the exact moment when bell belly button pop m
read us out.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
A big thank you to our team, our group executive
producer Route Divine, our executive producer Sasha Tanic, our senior
audio producer is Leah Porge's, our video producer is Josh Green,
and our junior content producer is Tessa Kodovic.
Speaker 4 (45:38):
On yesterday's subscriber episode, we have such a treat which
is that Maya elbowed her way back in because she
was desperate to talk about the latest season of Nobody
Wants This We go Deep, a total dissection. She wanted
to talk about the Jewish elements. She wanted to talk
about the era of.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
I say that I think that this show exists in
a peculiarly ageless universe. Yeah, we discussed that quite a lot.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
It is the big debrief that you have been way
from one of the biggest shows of the year. If
you want to become a subscriber, there is a link
in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
You know, when you finish out Loud and you think
I need more of this energy, I need more Amelia Lester, Well,
I've got you. We have got a sister show called
Parenting out Loud, and it's everything parents are secretly thinking
about right now. It drops once a week on Saturday mornings,
and it might be exactly what your podcast feed's been missing.
It's been a big week for celebrity honesty in the
(46:33):
parenting department. Jennifer Aniston said something very honest about adoption,
and Hailey Bieber's comments about motherhood have the Internet losing
its mind. It's the same vibe to get here just
parenting coded, search, parenting out loud, tap, follow, and thank
us later links in the show notes
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.