September 10, 2026 • 33 mins
THURSDAY HR 5
Ryan Holmes: The King of Denmark. His Highness Ryan Holmes shares the tale of booking a comedy cruise without realizing he is already booked for his OWN headlining comedy night.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lifelong Bills fan of 45 years here. Live up in
the Finger Lakes area of New York. Russ, please keep
my Bills name out of your mouth. I've been listening
long enough now to know that you are a jinx.
We have been through a lot over these 45 years.
Just leave us alone, please.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It was a good connection. Whatever connection she had, that
was good.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
She's in the room with us, Russ.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Happy Weekend Eve. What's up? I'm Russ Rollins along with
Angel Rivera. Amy, the counselor, is here. She's got a
show on Sunday.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Yep, at Savoy for the Fringe Out Festival. It's going
to be so fun. Lee Cohen is all to benefit
the center.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
All right, very nice. If you want to get tickets,
how do you get tickets?
Speaker 4 (00:47):
They can go to OrlandoFringe.com.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
And now it's time for the King of Denmark, Ryan Holmes,
to make his daily proclamation.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
And boom.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
Boom.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Get you.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Take it away, boys. It's time for the Daily Proclamation
from the King of the King's Station.
Speaker 6 (01:12):
All the way, our winner is for the J-O-T.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
K & M, I'm Roger by ThatMortgageGuyDon from ThatMortgageGuyDon.com. More
on him later. I messed up. I messed up bigger
than I've ever messed up in a long, long time.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's impossible. I've been waiting for you to bring this up. Respectfully,
I have not done it.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I've been emailing back and forth all morning long trying
to get this figured out.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Amy, wait till you hear this because this happened live
on the air.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Uh-oh.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
So the other day.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
How could this go wrong? It's almost like Angel said
that during the segment.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So two days ago, Bert Kreischer calls in on the show. Oh, yeah.
Bert Kreischer, very famous comedian, very famously a nice guy.
He's calling in to promote his cruise. Bert Kreischer's at sea,
whatever it's called. It's happening, and it's awesome. And I
was like, I shot a shot, right? I go, hey, Bert.
(02:18):
We should have an open mic on the ship.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah. Well, no, he fibbed and said, hey, Bert, I'm
going on your cruise. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Ryan.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Will you have an open mic? And then Bert, being
so nice, was like, sure, Ryan, we'd love to do
that with you. We'll have you open up for me.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
It was sold out.
Speaker 7 (02:37):
No, he basically was like, no, my wife is going first.
You're going second.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yep. So he was going to do that. We got
his contact info and all this stuff. Yeah. And so
the call ends, and Russ is like, oh, I didn't
know you were going on the cruise. I'm like, I wasn't,
but I am now. I got to sign up for it, right?
And the room that I booked, I got it on
the floor where they're staying.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Yeah, he was going to go get a cheap room
down at the bottom, but we said, listen, if you're
going to go, go big or go home. Act like
you're a superstar.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Make it real weird.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Be right next to him.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So I might run into him, you know, four grand
or something or it ended up being about about almost
five by the time tickets and everything, because I got it.
I got a sweet. I got a sweet, sweet. And
like my wife is going and stuff, too. So I
wanted to impress her as well.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
But you made your wife pay half, right?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Well, she did just get that free money, but... Oh,
I didn't tell you about this. You weren't here yesterday. So,
I call my wife. I go, hey, we're going on
a cruise with Bert. Is that cool? And she's like, yes.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Okay, good.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Put in my credit card information. Non-defundable deposit. Non-refundable deposit.
Remember that... sentence i never get the insurance for the
cruise because i think that's stupid i don't like it
so i put all my information bam bam bam i'm
super excited i'm like yo i get to go hang
out with burt kreischer and friends and like go on a.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
Sweet cruise i'm in the inner circle i'm in the
inner circle part of the open mic yeah that's cool.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah and i'm like this is great what what what
could go wrong what a fun serendipitous surprise so i
think i got all my bases covered right So we
get done with the show. I'm super excited. I go
to put it in my calendar. You know, the calendar,
the thing I should have checked before I go doing
all this stuff.
Speaker 6 (04:20):
Oh, no.
Speaker 7 (04:21):
Amy.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
No, don't tell me.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Like, is somebody having a birth?
Speaker 3 (04:25):
What?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
No.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Amy.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Even worse.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
The cruise is from November 19th to November 23rd.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Guess what we're doing on the 19th, Amy?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
On the 19th, Amy.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
What is it? What is it?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It's the Ryan Holmes comedy show at the Funny Bone
featuring the monsters in the comic of the year.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Can I do an open mic on that, Ryan?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Monsters Night of Comedy. It's our comic of the year contest.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
I'll just do it for you. Just go on the cruise.
I'll do it for you. It's fine.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Ryan's the headliner. Jack Bradshaw's been doing all kinds of
work to make this happen. Just so we can make
Ryan happy.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
What are you going to do, Ryan?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
We got logos. We got t-shirts.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
$ 5, 000.
Speaker 7 (05:07):
We've got stuff that's been put into production people have
held dates there's been binding agreements with comics.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Oh my god dude yesterday so I'm trying to get
on the phone with the person who runs the funny
bone and that's Krista.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
You're trying to move the funny bone Krista is.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
An awesome person she's one of the greatest people that
I know just a hands down sweetheart of.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
A person by the way if he's listening this is
the first Jack is hearing about this right yes.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Wow. I didn't think about that either.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
He's going to hang you. Go ahead. Continue with your story.
Speaker 7 (05:44):
Have you not seen any of the emails in the
last 24 hours?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So it took a long time to actually lock the
date down because, you know, it's a busy place.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
It's the best place in town to get your comedy.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Jack had been working his ass off to make this happen.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
So I'm on the phone with Krista going back and forth.
I'm like, hey, Krista, what's up, girl? What are you doing?
Love you, love you. Love you, man. How's life? You know,
I got to start off. I got to butter up first.
And then I'm like, hey, Krista, is there any way
we can change the date of the comedy show? Do
you have any other open dates? She's like, and I
know on the other end of the phone, she's like
(06:18):
this moron.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But like, she's like, I made that call without. Did
you tell her though? Did you tell her what was
at stake?
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Yeah. Yeah. And she's like super excited though, but she's,
she knows comedy. She knows how big of a deal
this is for someone like me to be at that level.
And so she's like, I will, I will have my
assistant look into it and we're going to, we'll, we'll
see what we can do. Turns out they got no
dates till next year. I've got an unrefundable deposit.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Can you transfer it to anybody?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
I don't know. Can your wife go without you?
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Can your wife go without you, I guess?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
My wife could go without me, but what's the point
of that?
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Can she take me?
Speaker 3 (06:55):
What I'm saying here is this. Like, yeah, this is
for me, right? But this is also a big opportunity,
not only for me, but for the show, just to
become better friends with Bert Kreiser. You know, like, we
can promote his event. He'll probably come back and talk
to us more about that. By the way, a bunch
of other big-time comedians are on this cruise, too.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So he would be like opening up for Bird, one
of the main. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
So turns out I can't get my money back from
all the emails that I've been going back and forth with.
And I can't move the comedy date. So now I
don't know really what to do. Here's where my crazy
brain is.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Okay. Number one.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I do the comedy show. Then I take a fly
out to Mexico. Yeah. Meet somewhere in Mexico. That's going
to cost thousands of dollars. Get on a cruise ship.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Get you a sponsor.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
No, no, no. Bacon illness. Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
It's already premeditated. You say it on the show.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Hold on.
Speaker 7 (07:55):
Holmes, you're going too fast off that first one.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Okay. We know two people with planes.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Do you think Mo DeWitt would fly.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Me to a group? Either Mo or Dreamer. Dream a little.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
And you show up, that'd be fancy.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
That's not going to be awkward.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
You, your wife, and her husband on that little tiny plane.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But that could be a thing.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
This is what I hate about life, guys. It's either
everything all happens on the same day or nothing is
happening at all.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Poor, poor Ryan.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It is poor Ryan.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
This is like a big fun thing.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Amy, does he do a lot of this to himself?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
What did you learn here, Ryan? You guys yell at me.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
All the time.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Anytime a famous comedian comes in here, you're like, Ryan,
you should have asked for something.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I'm proud of you for what you did. I can't
believe it. Here's what gets me. When I got something
coming up, it's all I'm thinking about, right? So it's
Ryan Holmes night, and we have the funny bone just
for you, so you can headline. It's all about you.
I can't believe that date.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
First of all, you're just going to lie to people
right now? You can only think of things one thing
at a time. You were famously, you can only focus
on the event that's currently in front of you, then
you focus on the next event.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I'm saying this is your event. No, no, no.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I'm not selfish, okay? We got a wrestling event this Saturday.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
That you're really thinking about.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
10's gotta be there.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I've made a whole backstory for 2-2-2.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Ryan, you have four screens in front of you. Not
one of those screens has a calendar on it.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
I can't believe that Jake wasn't born.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, they do, but I got caught up in the moment.
You have to understand, Amy, I get caught up in
the moment, okay? It's the heat of passion, okay? Much
like Lindsay Clancy or whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I'm in the.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Heat of passion. So not guilty by reason of insanity for...
double booking yourself i'm.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Talking to burt chrysler i'm playing fast and loose i
shot a shot.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
Okay you fib to him too i think that's the
big issue you fib.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
To him chrysler's gonna think i'm a liar that's.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Another problem he's gonna know but yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
So so now yeah now you gotta tell him that
listen i booked it but i booked it how what
are you gonna say he's expecting you i've thought by
the way i had to get hold of his management
for ryan yeah and make sure that's all connected everything
so now do i gotta go back and say by
the way now ryan's not going no.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
You gotta do both i think dude i think what
i'm going to have to do is fly to mexico Yeah,
I think that's it.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
You're a crazy person.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
I think that's it.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
That's not a crazy person. It's your career, yeah. That's
my career.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Understand that person. I totally am with you on that.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet
now and miss the first day, fly out to where
they're at.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
So send your wife on the cruise.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
I ain't sending my wife on a cruise. She get
on the damn plane with me. I ain't sending her
on a bunch of cruises with some crazy ass comedians.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
It's going to cost more to fly both of you.
You just send her on the cruise.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
And she get everything settled.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Or she don't get to go now.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Why does she have to suffer.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
For your mistake?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
She's paying half. She gets to go.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, she paid half. Let her go.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
So she goes on the cruise, meets you in Mexico,
and then you come back with her.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Or we get a sponsor for you to get a plane.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Or can we dress up another comedian like me?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Me, I'll do it.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
We'll put a beard on Amy.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I'll grow one. I'm a middle-aged lady.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I can grow one. You're really saying all that comment there.
It was a fun one.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
It was rude.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
It was a rude comment. I mean, okay.
Speaker 7 (11:08):
I'm 44.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
One more year until I'm an age.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
What the hell do I do, man? What if we find,
what if we do this? I mean, I'm trying to
help you out, you know. What if we take one
of the other monster comics of the year and let
them host it? You know, like James John.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Isn't it called the Ryan Holmes show?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
No, no. It's the Monster Night of Comedy Comic of
the Year contest.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
That's your whole brand.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I mean, you were the headliner, but now that you're
wiggling out of this.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
I'm not wiggling.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I'm trying to make it happen. Maybe we get James
Bond or Miguel Colon.
Speaker 7 (11:40):
That would have been actually one of the winners of
the contest hosting it.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
That's what I'm saying. One of the winners of the contest.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Or just have Ross do it, right?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Ross Padden.
Speaker 5 (11:48):
Ross is reliable and checks his calendar.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
It could be one of the other comics.
Speaker 7 (11:53):
I'm willing to do this for you. I'm willing to
take this for you. I'm willing to let this be
my first cruise.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Ah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
With his wife. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
No.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Because, you know, what?
Speaker 8 (12:09):
No, no, no.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
And I'll switch a room.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Because Burt Kreischer might not even remember what you look like, right?
So he'll think Angel is you, and then Angel can
get up and do 10 minutes and do a tight 10.
I mean, how hard can that be? I don't know.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
You can run an open mic on a cruise. You
can totally do that.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
You can do that, Angel. They're all going to be hammered.
You can be Ryan Holmes.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
No one will remember the open mic ever, so it's fine.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
When it rains, it pours. My pool guy just sent
me a video of my pool pump. It's on fire.
It's literally on fire. Sort of like your wife.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I don't know what that's called.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
Kismet?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
That's called, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Can you board a cruise ship in another country?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Yeah, absolutely you can, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Can you?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah, yeah. The lead singer of Cinderella did that when
I went on the Monsters of Rock cruise.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
He missed the boat?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
No, he didn't want to cruise that much, so he
flew in, did his show, and flew out the next day.
Speaker 7 (13:07):
Do you know what islands or where this boat is stopping?
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, where's it going?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
The Bert Kreischer Fully Loaded Cruise is, let's see, it's
Miami to Cozumel. So that's, yeah, there's an airport in Cozumel.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
For sure. Yeah, why wouldn't there be?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Yeah, so I could get on going the way back.
I got 70 days to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Listen, if you need me to get one of the
actual winners of the Monster- Don't say it like that.
Comic of the Year contest, I can ask Miguel if
he can fill in for you, you know?
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Unless he's on that cruise, too.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
He might be already on the cruise. He might be headlining.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Everybody in comedy is already on the cruise.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
They bought Miguel's room and paid him.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Oh, man. No, I'm just looking at the trip route,
and it's like, okay, it leaves from Miami 7 a.m.
on Thursday morning. Then it's at sea all Friday, and
then Saturday it's in Mexico. So I'd be able to
get there Saturday.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Saturday, fly into Mexico.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
For one day on a cruise for $ 4, 000.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I want to cry, guys. I've messed up some dumb
stuff before, but this one feels very much... Very much bad.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And you can't get the money back. And it's a
non-refundable $ 4, 000 or what it was? Or five? Four. Four.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Like four six.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
4.6.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
$ 4, 600 non-refundable.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
I'll give you $ 1, 500 for it.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
You son of a bitch.
Speaker 7 (14:34):
I'll let that be my first cruise.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
No, I'm not going to... Like, no. You're not going
on a cruise and.
My wife wants to go. I could, like, I guess
I could transfer the cruise.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, transfer it to me. You can't transfer.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
It's like the universe. This is why I don't like
to get too happy. Because the second I get too happy,
the universe goes, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Amy, help him here.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
The second you get too happy, you make a choice
that makes you unhappy.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
You ruin your own life, yeah. Look at your calendar, fool.
I mean, you did this.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
What did we learn?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
What did we learn? What did we learn?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yeah, what did you learn, right?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I learned that I'm going to miss the boat. And
if you don't want to miss the boat, compare your
quote with that mortgage guy, Don, from that mortgageguydon.com.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
He's reliable. And his mortgage ship is selling fine. He
knows the calendar. Hey, he'll call you back. He knows
when you're closing on your house.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
That's a good monster shirt. Look at your calendar. Jesus.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
So go there. If you want a traditional mortgage, refi, HELOC,
whatever it might be, small business loans, whatever, go to
that mortgageguide.com. And also follow him on Instagram. He's making
a lot of fun stuff there as well. And so
it shall be.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
More with the soap opera of Ryan Holmes when we
come back. Don't go anywhere. If you want to leave
us a hot take and a message, you can. If
you listen on the iHeartRadio app, click on the microphone.
We're going to play those messages at the end of
the show.
Speaker 7 (15:59):
Yes, Angel? No, I thought you were going to have
the conversation with Amy about talking to people hard. Or
having hard conversations.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Difficult. Difficult conversation. I was, but this is so much
more fun.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Yeah, I'm having a blast.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
We'll save that for the next time. Don't go anywhere.
You're listening to The Monster of the Morning. Oh, that
could be my control issues, too. Welcome back. I'm Russ.
What are you doing, Russ? With Angel and Ryan Holmes
and Amy, the counselor.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Amy.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Okay, I'm going to tie. Why are you trying to
fix the counselor?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Well, I told her.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I said, don't read all that stupid stuff people text in.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
People say mean things.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
It hurts her feelings. They do.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
I know it's texting anything mean about her.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
She said it looks like she got a dress from
the dress barn.
Speaker 7 (16:45):
Oh, but that's a YouTube chat. No, that's a YouTube chat.
That's their way of humor. Amy.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (16:51):
I mean, there's a guy in there that goes ballistic
if I happen to wear a military-inspired shirt.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Something else.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
He doesn't like a fair weather.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Fan, does he?
Speaker 7 (17:01):
He's like, oh my gosh, you're stealing stolen valor or whatever.
He got so worked up, he got another guy worked
up about it. And the two of them were worked
up about fake shirts.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Like when I buy a Pittsburgh ice cream hat and
someone gets mad.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Same thing.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Not the same thing at all. Amy, next topic. Completely different.
So next topic was going to be this, and it
ties in perfectly. But here's the thing. You being kind
of our counselor, fake counselor, enhanced counselor. It's almost like
you're doing like 3D chess. It's a little more difficult
than regular with regular people. And here's why, because I'm
(17:35):
going to throw a little twist on this. So this
topic is having tough conversation, hard conversations with people, but
then also the fact. that I only want to have
those hard conversations on the radio. I don't really want
to do it off the air. This is all the
good stuff. It gets hairy for all of us. I
(17:56):
want the audience to hear all the hard stuff. Ryan
has to have a very hard conversation with Jack. And
he decided to do it on the air, right? He
aired all this out. Oh, today's a Jack meeting. And
I got to have a hard conversation with Onyx the
One and also with Amber Nova. And I want to
(18:19):
do it on the air. And an angel told me
this morning, oh, you probably should do that off the air.
And I'm like, one of those you should. That's against my...
It's because you have.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Control on the air and you'll be able to control
the narrative on the air.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
I control it. I'm pretty controlling. I do it off
the air too. But you lose all the spontaneity and
all the fun that the listeners listen for, right? That awkward,
oh my God, he had that conversation. And I do
it off the air and it's like, did I really
do it?
Speaker 9 (18:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
Did I really live if nobody saw me do it?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Did I really stand up for myself? Did I really
straighten anything out? No one heard it.
Speaker 7 (18:54):
It feels like it didn't happen. Again, Amy, that is
a real thought. He fundamentally, to his core, believes that.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
He wants to live his life on air.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Hey, I've got a 33-year career.
Speaker 7 (19:08):
Please, please understand. It's not a criticism. I'm just, again,
it's a authentication of it. It's like, this is, this
is not him a skit bitten right now. This is
as real as it gets. And so like, for example,
in the scenario that you plot that you're painting out there,
I would say that one of those conversations is fair
to have on the air because they're more of an employee.
(19:28):
Whereas one of them that gets real, like real, real.
And there's not, we don't have them as big as hell.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (19:34):
We don't have that buffer of, Hey, we're playing radio.
This is cartoon world.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But I figure if you're coming into cartoon world, you
need to know that this is the deal and don't
put yourself in a situation that I got to straighten
you out.
Speaker 7 (19:46):
I think there's a lot of our excluding Amy because
she seems to get it. right off the bat. But
so let's say some of our reoccurring guests need to
be reminded what Cartoon World is.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
What's real and not real.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Very good point. So before I do that, then I
should explain.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
And Amy's used to dealing with crazy. That's why she's
good at that.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
And stand up comedians.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
So I should explain Cartoon World before I.
Speaker 7 (20:08):
That's probably the better. That's probably the better conversation to have.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
No fun. And it's no fun. No fun.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
But it's called Real Radio.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah. All right. So having tough conversations.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Tell me about that.
Speaker 9 (20:21):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I mean, we go back.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Oh, crap.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Jack's here.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Well, I think they're... Why are you staring at me?
Stop staring at me, Bradshaw.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
See, I told you, there's no fun unless it's on
the air.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Go ahead. Give them a mic.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
I mean, we love the drama.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
That's probably why you do like a tough conversation because
you're getting some emotion there.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
You're getting that dopamine. So it's good to have a
tough conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Because I don't actually, I don't actually like tough conversations
to be honest with you. I don't like tough, but
they're easier on the air for me than they are
off the air.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
Why do you think that is?
Speaker 3 (20:57):
It's not real.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
Cause you get to hide a little bit. You get
to be, you get to say it was on air
rest versus real rest. And on-air Russ gets to be
a little more wild and crazy than maybe off-air Russ.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
And if somebody's feelings are hurt on air, you can
always cop out and be like, it was for the show.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Hey, it was for the show.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
It was for the show.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
So what's Ryan going to do about talking to Jack?
Let's get to it.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
I'm going to put my damn foot down, I'll tell
you that. Do we want to do it while she's here?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
He walked out.
Speaker 7 (21:23):
Talk tough now that he walked out.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jack Bradshaw knows that I'm a superstar
and he's just going to have to deal with superstar whims.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Say it to his face, Ryan.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
He's not here right now.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
No, here's the thing about tough conversations that is good.
Boundaries are love. Tough conversations are love. The more that
you have tough conversations, the closer you get to that human.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
That's right. That's what I was going to, with this
other situation, I would say, listen, I need to tell
you this.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
You're not going to, you're probably, this might not be.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
It'll be tough to hear.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
It's going to be tough to hear, but I'm telling
you this to help you.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Don't ever do this again. Right.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (21:57):
And that's how somebody knows you. Like you want someone
to see you. You want someone to know you. You
don't want someone to always just people please, because that's
not honest. That's not true. And you don't really know
that person if they're always just saying yes.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
So.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I got that. Let's go back to Ryan.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
My guy.
Speaker 7 (22:13):
Can we cool the jets on this? He's walking into
my studio.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
How does Ryan.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
It's your fault for leaving your door open, Mr. O.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
It's too hot in here. How does he deliver this
conversation to Jack that he is double booked and.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I'm going to say, listen here, daddy-o.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
No, no. Oh, yeah, that's going to go over swell.
Here's what would be my advice, and you tell me
if I'm right. Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
You want me here for?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You tell me I'm right, yeah. So, Ryan.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Hey, you, am I unaware of this?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Just say, come.
Speaker 7 (22:44):
Once he's headlining your gig, then you know what happens.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
I'm just taking over your body and space.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Explain to Jack the issue, what happened, the mistake or whatever.
And then make sure you have solutions. That way you're
not just going, oh, here's my problem. And you come
up with a solution. I got a solution.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
What's your solution?
Speaker 3 (23:00):
How about this guys?
Speaker 7 (23:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
The show, like I leave on the cruise in the morning,
7 a.m. We're leaving from Miami. Then the show is
that night. It's like 7 p.m. It's like, yeah, it's
the monster and a night of comedy. It's a comic
of the year contest. How about we set, we, we
wheel in like a big old screen. And I zoom
in for part of it.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
While I'm on the cruise.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
I get some of the people like, maybe I can
grab some other comedians. I'm like, hey, what's up? This
is Felipe Esparza.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
This is crazy.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
And he wants to talk to you guys.
Speaker 7 (23:30):
So it's our party, and you're going to zoom in
from a different party to our party.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
I'm not going to do a full headlining set, but
I'm saying I could zoom in for a little while.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's not a solution.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Okay, second solution. Puppet that looks like me.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
And I call in and you just move the mouth
of the puppet. That's a pretty good idea. That's not
a bad one.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Okay. Another idea.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Third, third, third idea.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I'll give you a thousand for it. Third idea. Angel,
we've been sent Angel on a cruise. He can go
with your wife.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Third idea. We've done nothing wrong with my wife. Third idea.
We don't tell the audience. I mean, we tell the
audience that I'm going to be there. Nothing has changed.
So more lies. More lies. And then, but I'm sick, right?
So I have to wear a face mask. You already
blew up your spot. You already blew up your spot.
No one's listening.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
They don't remember.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
They're all drunk right now. And then we send it
out there and it's me, but I've got to go, guys.
So good to see you.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
A Weekend at Bernie situation.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah, Weekend at Bernie.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
You get it. Thank you. What do you think? And
we've got Amy, the counselor here, so you can be honest.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Why don't we just get two raccoons? Remember that one
time we did that? In a trench coat, yes.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
What do you think about.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
He might need three in a trench coat, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Since Amy's here, what do you think about the idea,
if you're in this tough situation and you really think
it could help your career to go on the Chrysler cruise,
you get to open for Bert and all that stuff,
if we got Miguel to be, since he won it
one time, what do you think about him being the
headliner that night and he kind of bats for you?
Speaker 3 (25:04):
How about I do this? I'm talking to Jack Bradshaw, right?
Because I've learned this about Jack Bradshaw. You've got to
play hardball with him, right?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I'm going to lower it. I don't think that's the truth.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
I'm going to look at him in the eye and
I'm going to go, Hey buddy, remember when old Jim
Colbert had a dog washing event that he was supposed
to do? And then he went on a cruise.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
That always works well. Hey, because that happened.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
I mean, that did happen.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
This is going scorched earth.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
So I'm going to be like, Hey, if he gets
to do it, then you can't fault me.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He's a host.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Amy. Listen.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
It was that noise. It just came out of your face.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
Russell always trying to tell me what to do.
Speaker 9 (25:42):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Brainwashing me.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
I think you should have.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
She caught you. She caught you. She's controlling you, Amy.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
She caught you.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
It's part of my charm.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
It's bound to happen.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
My brain is all scrambly.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
It's bound to happen.
Speaker 5 (25:59):
I think you should have the listeners vote on what
you should do.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (26:03):
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Have the listeners give all that. She's really mad about
that thing you said earlier about being an old white lady.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
I'm going to hold it.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
Have all your options out and let the listeners decide
because if they really want you there, then you can't.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Let your listeners down.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Amy.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
You can't go against your listeners.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
I like that, but like, okay, let's... Do you think
we could actually... get a hold of Bert Kreischer, really
explain the situation, and then see what he thinks about it.
Speaker 7 (26:31):
You think Bert is going to think sensible about this?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
So that means you've got to tell Bert that, hey,
I lied to you at first. I bought the cruise afterwards.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
We have to tell him that part.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
No, yes, we do.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
I don't want to tell him that part.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
You have to own up to that part. And it's
the funny part because you can't.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
It's not the funny part.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
That's the embarrassing part.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
It is the embarrassing part, and that's the good part.
That's the tough conversation.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I'm willing to do it.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
But like, and you've already said it on the radio.
He could be listening right now. Right.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Because that's, that's the other thing too. Like what if
he was just saying it right. What if he was
just like, ah, you know how God did like, you know,
people are.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
So like, what if I'm doing all of this? And
he was just like, I don't even remember that. That's crazy. Right.
Get out of here.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
You're psyching yourself out now.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
So I don't know. Like I, I, I, I, I
would lead it to be a little bit more like
I feel like it's actually a concrete thing.
Speaker 7 (27:17):
It is a concrete thing. You've got to take a
man at his word.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I do. And I do. And he said he was
going to do this. He also said he was going
to show up at the North turn and didn't show up.
That was out of his hands. That was his handler.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And then he goes, oh, it's out of my hands.
I can't choose.
Speaker 7 (27:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
So I am.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
You got to go on the cruise.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
I know that that's the correct answer. See, that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
So you wouldn't want someone else to headline for you?
Speaker 3 (27:43):
That would feel weird doing that.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Letting your fans down?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
That's like seven people that would be Sam.
Speaker 4 (27:52):
The Die Hard, those seven people are going to get
you through.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
When you are headlining with Burt maybe one day, those
seven people are going to be there with you.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
What if I promise you I'll make sure that you're
not forgotten, that every comic will mention you?
Speaker 3 (28:04):
No. I'll wear Ryan mask. I've got the people going.
I've already got my five people going. Uh, and so like,
there's still stuff I got to do. I think there's
a way I can still be a part of the
show from afar.
Speaker 7 (28:16):
This is his curated event. It's all him handpicked and
he's not going to be there for it. Oh, this
is going to go for now.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Now you got to talk. We have a Jack meeting today.
So in the Jack meeting, you got to talk, you
got to discuss those with him.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Then it's going to go fantastic. He's here early. That's great.
You want Amy to stick around and.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Be your, uh, yeah moderator yeah yeah an arbiter uh
that'd be that'd be fantastic.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
All right we got to take a break when we
come back we're gonna play your hot i don't want
to hear them we're gonna play your hot takes your
best to be nice oh my god you are the
gift that keeps on giving ryan don't go anywhere you're
listening to the monsters of the morning we're back yes
sir yeah we're back dude this is a computer's freezing
oh welcome back to the monsters mornings we're radio 104.1
(29:01):
I'm Russ. Amy, the counselor, has been here today. Always
enough for you to talk about, isn't there?
Speaker 4 (29:06):
You make me go gray in my middle age, for sure.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
Oh. Sorry, it was a joke.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Thank you for saying sorry. You finally said sorry.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
I appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
I'm 44.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
I got one more year until I'm middle age. 45
is middle age.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah, thanks a lot, Ryan.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I'm 40, middle age.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
What are you doing, dude?
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Is it not?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
My God.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Most people die at 72. Technically, I think 35 is middle-aged.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
If I live to 100, 50 is technically middle-aged.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
The average lifespan for the U.S. is what age? It's 72, 78?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Listen, do you have a hard... You got a hot
take to play.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
So it's 30... It would be like 36 years old, technically.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Trying to prove you're right. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Russ hates facts.
Speaker 5 (29:47):
I do.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
We're getting away. Russ hates all things.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
That end in X.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Ryan hates calendars. We all hate something.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And time. We hate time. Damn it, man. I did
find out today.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Don't be mean to Amy. She'll never forget.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I found out today.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
Was it Batman disease?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
I got Batman disease. That's the best thing I heard today.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
You got any hot takes?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
You've got diabetes. Let's see.
Speaker 6 (30:06):
Hot takes.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
It's time for a hot take.
Speaker 7 (30:24):
He's kidding because he can't wait for this meeting. Oh,
I can't wait for this Jack meeting because this is
not my fault. I know.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Let's see. Hot take.
Speaker 8 (30:34):
Good morning, monsters. Hey, Ryan, my advice, go on the cruise.
Don't lose those 5,000 bucks, man. That's a hard hit
than missing one comedy show. So just go on the cruise,
my guy. That's my advice to you. But don't be
a dumbass. Don't do that again out of impulse.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
The best decisions are made out of impulse, okay?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
That's right. I'll give you $ 800 for it, buddy. That's
what I learned. Hot take.
Speaker 6 (31:01):
Ryan, I have the perfect solution for your comedy act.
You know how they have those masks made up that
look just like you?
Speaker 3 (31:06):
They're a picture?
Speaker 6 (31:08):
Just have somebody wear one of those. Say, oh, I
have a short throat, so they won't recognize the voice.
And boom, you're on your cruise.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Can we get James Yon to do Whiteface? Because Nicky
dresses like me. I think that would be fun. That
could be a fun one.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Hot take.
Speaker 10 (31:29):
Good morning, Monsters. Zach here from Raleigh NC. Hey, I've
got a proposal for you, Ryan. If you run the
entire 5K, not walk, not jog, but you have to run.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Never happen.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
And win.
Speaker 10 (31:42):
You get to go on your cruise. If not, you
have to lose the 5K. And your wife gets to
go on the cruise.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
No, no, no. There's none of that.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Hot take. Doppler to Morning Boys, four from Jacksonville.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Holmesy, please tell me this isn't true, dude.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
You booked the Burt Cracker Cruise on the same day
as your comedy show, bro.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Oh, my God. You don't have a touch of the tism, dude.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
You got, like, super tism.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
You got all of the tism.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
You got, like, a hand of it.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
You don't got a touch of it.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Bro. Amy, you can't laugh that hard.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
She's laughing because she knows it's true.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
That is not okay. Hot take.
Speaker 9 (32:24):
Hey guys this is steve from ocala mowing lawns in
the heat some more hey ryan this is why i
don't plan anything at all i do everything i do
on a whim because when i plan something it either
screws up gets messed up or in this case i
end up messing it up so don't plan anything go
(32:45):
on a whim Be a rebel, Ryan.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Amy, you've got a show on Sunday, right?
Speaker 5 (32:51):
I do, and I'm also going to be out in
Sanford on September 26th, opening for Johnny Pemberton from Superstar.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Stay tuned for the News Junkie right after the Monsters.
Then at 3 o'clock is Jim Colbert's show. Then you've
got Tom and Dan, Real Laughs, and we're back tomorrow
for a Friday edition of Do Our Thing from Amy
the Counselor, Angel, and Ryan Holmes.
Speaker 5 (33:09):
And!
Speaker 7 (33:10):
And the latest mess up, man, man, and what awesome psychologist.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Russell, the world's a rock, fellas.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening. We ain't
got to go home. Get the hell up out of here. Swirls.
Lifelong Bills fan of 45 years here. Live up in
the Finger Lakes area of New York. Russ, please keep
my Bills name out of your mouth. I've been listening
long enough now to know that you are a jinx.
We have been through a lot over these 45 years.
Just leave us alone, please.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
It was a good connection. Whatever connection she had, that
was good.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
She's in the room with us, Russ.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Happy Weekend Eve. What's up? I'm Russ Rollins along with
Angel Rivera. Amy, the counselor, is here. She's got a
show on Sunday.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Yep, at Savoy for the Fringe Out Festival. It's going
to be so fun. Lee Cohen is all to benefit
the center.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
All right, very nice. If you want to get tickets,
how do you get tickets?
Speaker 4 (00:47):
They can go to OrlandoFringe.com.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
And now it's time for the King of Denmark, Ryan Holmes,
to make his daily proclamation.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
And boom.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
Boom.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Get you.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Take it away, boys. It's time for the Daily Proclamation
from the King of the King's Station.
Speaker 6 (01:12):
All the way, our winner is for the J-O-T.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
K & M, I'm Roger by ThatMortgageGuyDon from ThatMortgageGuyDon.com. More
on him later. I messed up. I messed up bigger
than I've ever messed up in a long, long time.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's impossible. I've been waiting for you to bring this up. Respectfully,
I have not done it.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I've been emailing back and forth all morning long trying
to get this figured out.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Amy, wait till you hear this because this happened live
on the air.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Uh-oh.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
So the other day.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
How could this go wrong? It's almost like Angel said
that during the segment.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
So two days ago, Bert Kreischer calls in on the show. Oh, yeah.
Bert Kreischer, very famous comedian, very famously a nice guy.
He's calling in to promote his cruise. Bert Kreischer's at sea,
whatever it's called. It's happening, and it's awesome. And I
was like, I shot a shot, right? I go, hey, Bert.
(02:18):
We should have an open mic on the ship.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah. Well, no, he fibbed and said, hey, Bert, I'm
going on your cruise. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Ryan.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Will you have an open mic? And then Bert, being
so nice, was like, sure, Ryan, we'd love to do
that with you. We'll have you open up for me.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
It was sold out.
Speaker 7 (02:37):
No, he basically was like, no, my wife is going first.
You're going second.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yep. So he was going to do that. We got
his contact info and all this stuff. Yeah. And so
the call ends, and Russ is like, oh, I didn't
know you were going on the cruise. I'm like, I wasn't,
but I am now. I got to sign up for it, right?
And the room that I booked, I got it on
the floor where they're staying.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Yeah, he was going to go get a cheap room
down at the bottom, but we said, listen, if you're
going to go, go big or go home. Act like
you're a superstar.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Make it real weird.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Be right next to him.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So I might run into him, you know, four grand
or something or it ended up being about about almost
five by the time tickets and everything, because I got it.
I got a sweet. I got a sweet, sweet. And
like my wife is going and stuff, too. So I
wanted to impress her as well.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
But you made your wife pay half, right?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Well, she did just get that free money, but... Oh,
I didn't tell you about this. You weren't here yesterday. So,
I call my wife. I go, hey, we're going on
a cruise with Bert. Is that cool? And she's like, yes.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Okay, good.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Put in my credit card information. Non-defundable deposit. Non-refundable deposit.
Remember that... sentence i never get the insurance for the
cruise because i think that's stupid i don't like it
so i put all my information bam bam bam i'm
super excited i'm like yo i get to go hang
out with burt kreischer and friends and like go on a.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
Sweet cruise i'm in the inner circle i'm in the
inner circle part of the open mic yeah that's cool.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah and i'm like this is great what what what
could go wrong what a fun serendipitous surprise so i
think i got all my bases covered right So we
get done with the show. I'm super excited. I go
to put it in my calendar. You know, the calendar,
the thing I should have checked before I go doing
all this stuff.
Speaker 6 (04:20):
Oh, no.
Speaker 7 (04:21):
Amy.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
No, don't tell me.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Like, is somebody having a birth?
Speaker 3 (04:25):
What?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
No.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Amy.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Even worse.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
The cruise is from November 19th to November 23rd.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Guess what we're doing on the 19th, Amy?
Speaker 3 (04:33):
On the 19th, Amy.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
What is it? What is it?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It's the Ryan Holmes comedy show at the Funny Bone
featuring the monsters in the comic of the year.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Can I do an open mic on that, Ryan?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Monsters Night of Comedy. It's our comic of the year contest.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
I'll just do it for you. Just go on the cruise.
I'll do it for you. It's fine.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Ryan's the headliner. Jack Bradshaw's been doing all kinds of
work to make this happen. Just so we can make
Ryan happy.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
What are you going to do, Ryan?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
We got logos. We got t-shirts.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
$ 5, 000.
Speaker 7 (05:07):
We've got stuff that's been put into production people have
held dates there's been binding agreements with comics.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Oh my god dude yesterday so I'm trying to get
on the phone with the person who runs the funny
bone and that's Krista.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
You're trying to move the funny bone Krista is.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
An awesome person she's one of the greatest people that
I know just a hands down sweetheart of.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
A person by the way if he's listening this is
the first Jack is hearing about this right yes.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Wow. I didn't think about that either.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
He's going to hang you. Go ahead. Continue with your story.
Speaker 7 (05:44):
Have you not seen any of the emails in the
last 24 hours?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So it took a long time to actually lock the
date down because, you know, it's a busy place.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
It's the best place in town to get your comedy.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Jack had been working his ass off to make this happen.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
So I'm on the phone with Krista going back and forth.
I'm like, hey, Krista, what's up, girl? What are you doing?
Love you, love you. Love you, man. How's life? You know,
I got to start off. I got to butter up first.
And then I'm like, hey, Krista, is there any way
we can change the date of the comedy show? Do
you have any other open dates? She's like, and I
know on the other end of the phone, she's like
(06:18):
this moron.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But like, she's like, I made that call without. Did
you tell her though? Did you tell her what was
at stake?
Speaker 3 (06:25):
Yeah. Yeah. And she's like super excited though, but she's,
she knows comedy. She knows how big of a deal
this is for someone like me to be at that level.
And so she's like, I will, I will have my
assistant look into it and we're going to, we'll, we'll
see what we can do. Turns out they got no
dates till next year. I've got an unrefundable deposit.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Can you transfer it to anybody?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
I don't know. Can your wife go without you?
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Can your wife go without you, I guess?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
My wife could go without me, but what's the point
of that?
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Can she take me?
Speaker 3 (06:55):
What I'm saying here is this. Like, yeah, this is
for me, right? But this is also a big opportunity,
not only for me, but for the show, just to
become better friends with Bert Kreiser. You know, like, we
can promote his event. He'll probably come back and talk
to us more about that. By the way, a bunch
of other big-time comedians are on this cruise, too.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So he would be like opening up for Bird, one
of the main. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
So turns out I can't get my money back from
all the emails that I've been going back and forth with.
And I can't move the comedy date. So now I
don't know really what to do. Here's where my crazy
brain is.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Okay. Number one.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I do the comedy show. Then I take a fly
out to Mexico. Yeah. Meet somewhere in Mexico. That's going
to cost thousands of dollars. Get on a cruise ship.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Get you a sponsor.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
No, no, no. Bacon illness. Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
It's already premeditated. You say it on the show.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Hold on.
Speaker 7 (07:55):
Holmes, you're going too fast off that first one.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Okay. We know two people with planes.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Do you think Mo DeWitt would fly.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Me to a group? Either Mo or Dreamer. Dream a little.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
And you show up, that'd be fancy.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
That's not going to be awkward.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
You, your wife, and her husband on that little tiny plane.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But that could be a thing.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
This is what I hate about life, guys. It's either
everything all happens on the same day or nothing is
happening at all.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Poor, poor Ryan.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It is poor Ryan.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
This is like a big fun thing.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Amy, does he do a lot of this to himself?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
What did you learn here, Ryan? You guys yell at me.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
All the time.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Anytime a famous comedian comes in here, you're like, Ryan,
you should have asked for something.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I'm proud of you for what you did. I can't
believe it. Here's what gets me. When I got something
coming up, it's all I'm thinking about, right? So it's
Ryan Holmes night, and we have the funny bone just
for you, so you can headline. It's all about you.
I can't believe that date.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
First of all, you're just going to lie to people
right now? You can only think of things one thing
at a time. You were famously, you can only focus
on the event that's currently in front of you, then
you focus on the next event.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I'm saying this is your event. No, no, no.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I'm not selfish, okay? We got a wrestling event this Saturday.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
That you're really thinking about.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
10's gotta be there.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I've made a whole backstory for 2-2-2.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Ryan, you have four screens in front of you. Not
one of those screens has a calendar on it.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
I can't believe that Jake wasn't born.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, they do, but I got caught up in the moment.
You have to understand, Amy, I get caught up in
the moment, okay? It's the heat of passion, okay? Much
like Lindsay Clancy or whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
I'm in the.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Heat of passion. So not guilty by reason of insanity for...
double booking yourself i'm.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Talking to burt chrysler i'm playing fast and loose i
shot a shot.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
Okay you fib to him too i think that's the
big issue you fib.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
To him chrysler's gonna think i'm a liar that's.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Another problem he's gonna know but yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
So so now yeah now you gotta tell him that
listen i booked it but i booked it how what
are you gonna say he's expecting you i've thought by
the way i had to get hold of his management
for ryan yeah and make sure that's all connected everything
so now do i gotta go back and say by
the way now ryan's not going no.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
You gotta do both i think dude i think what
i'm going to have to do is fly to mexico Yeah,
I think that's it.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
You're a crazy person.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
I think that's it.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
That's not a crazy person. It's your career, yeah. That's
my career.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Understand that person. I totally am with you on that.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet
now and miss the first day, fly out to where
they're at.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
So send your wife on the cruise.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
I ain't sending my wife on a cruise. She get
on the damn plane with me. I ain't sending her
on a bunch of cruises with some crazy ass comedians.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
It's going to cost more to fly both of you.
You just send her on the cruise.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
And she get everything settled.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Or she don't get to go now.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Why does she have to suffer.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
For your mistake?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
She's paying half. She gets to go.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, she paid half. Let her go.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
So she goes on the cruise, meets you in Mexico,
and then you come back with her.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Or we get a sponsor for you to get a plane.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Or can we dress up another comedian like me?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Me, I'll do it.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
We'll put a beard on Amy.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I'll grow one. I'm a middle-aged lady.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
I can grow one. You're really saying all that comment there.
It was a fun one.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
It was rude.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
It was a rude comment. I mean, okay.
Speaker 7 (11:08):
I'm 44.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
One more year until I'm an age.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
What the hell do I do, man? What if we find,
what if we do this? I mean, I'm trying to
help you out, you know. What if we take one
of the other monster comics of the year and let
them host it? You know, like James John.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Isn't it called the Ryan Holmes show?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
No, no. It's the Monster Night of Comedy Comic of
the Year contest.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
That's your whole brand.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I mean, you were the headliner, but now that you're
wiggling out of this.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
I'm not wiggling.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I'm trying to make it happen. Maybe we get James
Bond or Miguel Colon.
Speaker 7 (11:40):
That would have been actually one of the winners of
the contest hosting it.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
That's what I'm saying. One of the winners of the contest.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Or just have Ross do it, right?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Ross Padden.
Speaker 5 (11:48):
Ross is reliable and checks his calendar.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
It could be one of the other comics.
Speaker 7 (11:53):
I'm willing to do this for you. I'm willing to
take this for you. I'm willing to let this be
my first cruise.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Ah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
With his wife. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
No.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Because, you know, what?
Speaker 8 (12:09):
No, no, no.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
And I'll switch a room.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Because Burt Kreischer might not even remember what you look like, right?
So he'll think Angel is you, and then Angel can
get up and do 10 minutes and do a tight 10.
I mean, how hard can that be? I don't know.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
You can run an open mic on a cruise. You
can totally do that.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
You can do that, Angel. They're all going to be hammered.
You can be Ryan Holmes.
Speaker 4 (12:28):
No one will remember the open mic ever, so it's fine.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
When it rains, it pours. My pool guy just sent
me a video of my pool pump. It's on fire.
It's literally on fire. Sort of like your wife.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I don't know what that's called.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
Kismet?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
That's called, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Can you board a cruise ship in another country?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Yeah, absolutely you can, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Can you?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah, yeah. The lead singer of Cinderella did that when
I went on the Monsters of Rock cruise.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
He missed the boat?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
No, he didn't want to cruise that much, so he
flew in, did his show, and flew out the next day.
Speaker 7 (13:07):
Do you know what islands or where this boat is stopping?
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, where's it going?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
The Bert Kreischer Fully Loaded Cruise is, let's see, it's
Miami to Cozumel. So that's, yeah, there's an airport in Cozumel.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
For sure. Yeah, why wouldn't there be?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Yeah, so I could get on going the way back.
I got 70 days to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Listen, if you need me to get one of the
actual winners of the Monster- Don't say it like that.
Comic of the Year contest, I can ask Miguel if
he can fill in for you, you know?
Speaker 4 (13:38):
Unless he's on that cruise, too.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
He might be already on the cruise. He might be headlining.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Everybody in comedy is already on the cruise.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
They bought Miguel's room and paid him.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Oh, man. No, I'm just looking at the trip route,
and it's like, okay, it leaves from Miami 7 a.m.
on Thursday morning. Then it's at sea all Friday, and
then Saturday it's in Mexico. So I'd be able to
get there Saturday.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Saturday, fly into Mexico.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
For one day on a cruise for $ 4, 000.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I want to cry, guys. I've messed up some dumb
stuff before, but this one feels very much... Very much bad.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And you can't get the money back. And it's a
non-refundable $ 4, 000 or what it was? Or five? Four. Four.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Like four six.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
4.6.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
$ 4, 600 non-refundable.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
I'll give you $ 1, 500 for it.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
You son of a bitch.
Speaker 7 (14:34):
I'll let that be my first cruise.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
No, I'm not going to... Like, no. You're not going
on a cruise and.
My wife wants to go. I could, like, I guess
I could transfer the cruise.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, transfer it to me. You can't transfer.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
It's like the universe. This is why I don't like
to get too happy. Because the second I get too happy,
the universe goes, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Amy, help him here.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
The second you get too happy, you make a choice
that makes you unhappy.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
You ruin your own life, yeah. Look at your calendar, fool.
I mean, you did this.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
What did we learn?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
What did we learn? What did we learn?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yeah, what did you learn, right?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I learned that I'm going to miss the boat. And
if you don't want to miss the boat, compare your
quote with that mortgage guy, Don, from that mortgageguydon.com.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
He's reliable. And his mortgage ship is selling fine. He
knows the calendar. Hey, he'll call you back. He knows
when you're closing on your house.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
That's a good monster shirt. Look at your calendar. Jesus.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
So go there. If you want a traditional mortgage, refi, HELOC,
whatever it might be, small business loans, whatever, go to
that mortgageguide.com. And also follow him on Instagram. He's making
a lot of fun stuff there as well. And so
it shall be.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
More with the soap opera of Ryan Holmes when we
come back. Don't go anywhere. If you want to leave
us a hot take and a message, you can. If
you listen on the iHeartRadio app, click on the microphone.
We're going to play those messages at the end of
the show.
Speaker 7 (15:59):
Yes, Angel? No, I thought you were going to have
the conversation with Amy about talking to people hard. Or
having hard conversations.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Difficult. Difficult conversation. I was, but this is so much
more fun.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Yeah, I'm having a blast.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
We'll save that for the next time. Don't go anywhere.
You're listening to The Monster of the Morning. Oh, that
could be my control issues, too. Welcome back. I'm Russ.
What are you doing, Russ? With Angel and Ryan Holmes
and Amy, the counselor.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Amy.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Okay, I'm going to tie. Why are you trying to
fix the counselor?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Well, I told her.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I said, don't read all that stupid stuff people text in.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
People say mean things.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
It hurts her feelings. They do.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
I know it's texting anything mean about her.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
She said it looks like she got a dress from
the dress barn.
Speaker 7 (16:45):
Oh, but that's a YouTube chat. No, that's a YouTube chat.
That's their way of humor. Amy.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 7 (16:51):
I mean, there's a guy in there that goes ballistic
if I happen to wear a military-inspired shirt.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Something else.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
He doesn't like a fair weather.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Fan, does he?
Speaker 7 (17:01):
He's like, oh my gosh, you're stealing stolen valor or whatever.
He got so worked up, he got another guy worked
up about it. And the two of them were worked
up about fake shirts.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Like when I buy a Pittsburgh ice cream hat and
someone gets mad.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Same thing.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Not the same thing at all. Amy, next topic. Completely different.
So next topic was going to be this, and it
ties in perfectly. But here's the thing. You being kind
of our counselor, fake counselor, enhanced counselor. It's almost like
you're doing like 3D chess. It's a little more difficult
than regular with regular people. And here's why, because I'm
(17:35):
going to throw a little twist on this. So this
topic is having tough conversation, hard conversations with people, but
then also the fact. that I only want to have
those hard conversations on the radio. I don't really want
to do it off the air. This is all the
good stuff. It gets hairy for all of us. I
(17:56):
want the audience to hear all the hard stuff. Ryan
has to have a very hard conversation with Jack. And
he decided to do it on the air, right? He
aired all this out. Oh, today's a Jack meeting. And
I got to have a hard conversation with Onyx the
One and also with Amber Nova. And I want to
(18:19):
do it on the air. And an angel told me
this morning, oh, you probably should do that off the air.
And I'm like, one of those you should. That's against my...
It's because you have.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Control on the air and you'll be able to control
the narrative on the air.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
I control it. I'm pretty controlling. I do it off
the air too. But you lose all the spontaneity and
all the fun that the listeners listen for, right? That awkward,
oh my God, he had that conversation. And I do
it off the air and it's like, did I really
do it?
Speaker 9 (18:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:47):
Did I really live if nobody saw me do it?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Did I really stand up for myself? Did I really
straighten anything out? No one heard it.
Speaker 7 (18:54):
It feels like it didn't happen. Again, Amy, that is
a real thought. He fundamentally, to his core, believes that.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
He wants to live his life on air.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Hey, I've got a 33-year career.
Speaker 7 (19:08):
Please, please understand. It's not a criticism. I'm just, again,
it's a authentication of it. It's like, this is, this
is not him a skit bitten right now. This is
as real as it gets. And so like, for example,
in the scenario that you plot that you're painting out there,
I would say that one of those conversations is fair
to have on the air because they're more of an employee.
(19:28):
Whereas one of them that gets real, like real, real.
And there's not, we don't have them as big as hell.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (19:34):
We don't have that buffer of, Hey, we're playing radio.
This is cartoon world.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But I figure if you're coming into cartoon world, you
need to know that this is the deal and don't
put yourself in a situation that I got to straighten
you out.
Speaker 7 (19:46):
I think there's a lot of our excluding Amy because
she seems to get it. right off the bat. But
so let's say some of our reoccurring guests need to
be reminded what Cartoon World is.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
What's real and not real.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Very good point. So before I do that, then I
should explain.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
And Amy's used to dealing with crazy. That's why she's
good at that.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
And stand up comedians.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
So I should explain Cartoon World before I.
Speaker 7 (20:08):
That's probably the better. That's probably the better conversation to have.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
No fun. And it's no fun. No fun.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
But it's called Real Radio.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yeah. All right. So having tough conversations.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Tell me about that.
Speaker 9 (20:21):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I mean, we go back.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Oh, crap.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Jack's here.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Well, I think they're... Why are you staring at me?
Stop staring at me, Bradshaw.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
See, I told you, there's no fun unless it's on
the air.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Go ahead. Give them a mic.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
I mean, we love the drama.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
That's probably why you do like a tough conversation because
you're getting some emotion there.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
You're getting that dopamine. So it's good to have a
tough conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Because I don't actually, I don't actually like tough conversations
to be honest with you. I don't like tough, but
they're easier on the air for me than they are
off the air.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
Why do you think that is?
Speaker 3 (20:57):
It's not real.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
Cause you get to hide a little bit. You get
to be, you get to say it was on air
rest versus real rest. And on-air Russ gets to be
a little more wild and crazy than maybe off-air Russ.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
And if somebody's feelings are hurt on air, you can
always cop out and be like, it was for the show.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Hey, it was for the show.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
It was for the show.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
So what's Ryan going to do about talking to Jack?
Let's get to it.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
I'm going to put my damn foot down, I'll tell
you that. Do we want to do it while she's here?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
He walked out.
Speaker 7 (21:23):
Talk tough now that he walked out.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jack Bradshaw knows that I'm a superstar
and he's just going to have to deal with superstar whims.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Say it to his face, Ryan.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
He's not here right now.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
No, here's the thing about tough conversations that is good.
Boundaries are love. Tough conversations are love. The more that
you have tough conversations, the closer you get to that human.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
That's right. That's what I was going to, with this
other situation, I would say, listen, I need to tell
you this.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
You're not going to, you're probably, this might not be.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
It'll be tough to hear.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
It's going to be tough to hear, but I'm telling
you this to help you.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Don't ever do this again. Right.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (21:57):
And that's how somebody knows you. Like you want someone
to see you. You want someone to know you. You
don't want someone to always just people please, because that's
not honest. That's not true. And you don't really know
that person if they're always just saying yes.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
So.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I got that. Let's go back to Ryan.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
My guy.
Speaker 7 (22:13):
Can we cool the jets on this? He's walking into
my studio.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
How does Ryan.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
It's your fault for leaving your door open, Mr. O.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
It's too hot in here. How does he deliver this
conversation to Jack that he is double booked and.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I'm going to say, listen here, daddy-o.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
No, no. Oh, yeah, that's going to go over swell.
Here's what would be my advice, and you tell me
if I'm right. Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
You want me here for?
Speaker 2 (22:37):
You tell me I'm right, yeah. So, Ryan.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Hey, you, am I unaware of this?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Just say, come.
Speaker 7 (22:44):
Once he's headlining your gig, then you know what happens.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
I'm just taking over your body and space.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Explain to Jack the issue, what happened, the mistake or whatever.
And then make sure you have solutions. That way you're
not just going, oh, here's my problem. And you come
up with a solution. I got a solution.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
What's your solution?
Speaker 3 (23:00):
How about this guys?
Speaker 7 (23:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
The show, like I leave on the cruise in the morning,
7 a.m. We're leaving from Miami. Then the show is
that night. It's like 7 p.m. It's like, yeah, it's
the monster and a night of comedy. It's a comic
of the year contest. How about we set, we, we
wheel in like a big old screen. And I zoom
in for part of it.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
While I'm on the cruise.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
I get some of the people like, maybe I can
grab some other comedians. I'm like, hey, what's up? This
is Felipe Esparza.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
This is crazy.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
And he wants to talk to you guys.
Speaker 7 (23:30):
So it's our party, and you're going to zoom in
from a different party to our party.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
I'm not going to do a full headlining set, but
I'm saying I could zoom in for a little while.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's not a solution.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Okay, second solution. Puppet that looks like me.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
And I call in and you just move the mouth
of the puppet. That's a pretty good idea. That's not
a bad one.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Okay. Another idea.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Third, third, third idea.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I'll give you a thousand for it. Third idea. Angel,
we've been sent Angel on a cruise. He can go
with your wife.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Third idea. We've done nothing wrong with my wife. Third idea.
We don't tell the audience. I mean, we tell the
audience that I'm going to be there. Nothing has changed.
So more lies. More lies. And then, but I'm sick, right?
So I have to wear a face mask. You already
blew up your spot. You already blew up your spot.
No one's listening.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
They don't remember.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
They're all drunk right now. And then we send it
out there and it's me, but I've got to go, guys.
So good to see you.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
A Weekend at Bernie situation.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah, Weekend at Bernie.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
You get it. Thank you. What do you think? And
we've got Amy, the counselor here, so you can be honest.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
Why don't we just get two raccoons? Remember that one
time we did that? In a trench coat, yes.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
What do you think about.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
He might need three in a trench coat, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Since Amy's here, what do you think about the idea,
if you're in this tough situation and you really think
it could help your career to go on the Chrysler cruise,
you get to open for Bert and all that stuff,
if we got Miguel to be, since he won it
one time, what do you think about him being the
headliner that night and he kind of bats for you?
Speaker 3 (25:04):
How about I do this? I'm talking to Jack Bradshaw, right?
Because I've learned this about Jack Bradshaw. You've got to
play hardball with him, right?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I'm going to lower it. I don't think that's the truth.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
I'm going to look at him in the eye and
I'm going to go, Hey buddy, remember when old Jim
Colbert had a dog washing event that he was supposed
to do? And then he went on a cruise.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
That always works well. Hey, because that happened.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
I mean, that did happen.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
This is going scorched earth.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
So I'm going to be like, Hey, if he gets
to do it, then you can't fault me.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He's a host.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Amy. Listen.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
It was that noise. It just came out of your face.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
Russell always trying to tell me what to do.
Speaker 9 (25:42):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Brainwashing me.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
I think you should have.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
She caught you. She caught you. She's controlling you, Amy.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
She caught you.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
It's part of my charm.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
It's bound to happen.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
My brain is all scrambly.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
It's bound to happen.
Speaker 5 (25:59):
I think you should have the listeners vote on what
you should do.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (26:03):
Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Have the listeners give all that. She's really mad about
that thing you said earlier about being an old white lady.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
I'm going to hold it.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
Have all your options out and let the listeners decide
because if they really want you there, then you can't.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Let your listeners down.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Amy.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
You can't go against your listeners.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
I like that, but like, okay, let's... Do you think
we could actually... get a hold of Bert Kreischer, really
explain the situation, and then see what he thinks about it.
Speaker 7 (26:31):
You think Bert is going to think sensible about this?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
So that means you've got to tell Bert that, hey,
I lied to you at first. I bought the cruise afterwards.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
We have to tell him that part.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
No, yes, we do.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
I don't want to tell him that part.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
You have to own up to that part. And it's
the funny part because you can't.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
It's not the funny part.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
That's the embarrassing part.
Speaker 5 (26:48):
It is the embarrassing part, and that's the good part.
That's the tough conversation.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I'm willing to do it.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
But like, and you've already said it on the radio.
He could be listening right now. Right.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Because that's, that's the other thing too. Like what if
he was just saying it right. What if he was
just like, ah, you know how God did like, you know,
people are.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
So like, what if I'm doing all of this? And
he was just like, I don't even remember that. That's crazy. Right.
Get out of here.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
You're psyching yourself out now.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
So I don't know. Like I, I, I, I, I
would lead it to be a little bit more like
I feel like it's actually a concrete thing.
Speaker 7 (27:17):
It is a concrete thing. You've got to take a
man at his word.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I do. And I do. And he said he was
going to do this. He also said he was going
to show up at the North turn and didn't show up.
That was out of his hands. That was his handler.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And then he goes, oh, it's out of my hands.
I can't choose.
Speaker 7 (27:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
So I am.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
You got to go on the cruise.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
I know that that's the correct answer. See, that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
So you wouldn't want someone else to headline for you?
Speaker 3 (27:43):
That would feel weird doing that.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Letting your fans down?
Speaker 3 (27:50):
That's like seven people that would be Sam.
Speaker 4 (27:52):
The Die Hard, those seven people are going to get
you through.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
When you are headlining with Burt maybe one day, those
seven people are going to be there with you.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
What if I promise you I'll make sure that you're
not forgotten, that every comic will mention you?
Speaker 3 (28:04):
No. I'll wear Ryan mask. I've got the people going.
I've already got my five people going. Uh, and so like,
there's still stuff I got to do. I think there's
a way I can still be a part of the
show from afar.
Speaker 7 (28:16):
This is his curated event. It's all him handpicked and
he's not going to be there for it. Oh, this
is going to go for now.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Now you got to talk. We have a Jack meeting today.
So in the Jack meeting, you got to talk, you
got to discuss those with him.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Then it's going to go fantastic. He's here early. That's great.
You want Amy to stick around and.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Be your, uh, yeah moderator yeah yeah an arbiter uh
that'd be that'd be fantastic.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
All right we got to take a break when we
come back we're gonna play your hot i don't want
to hear them we're gonna play your hot takes your
best to be nice oh my god you are the
gift that keeps on giving ryan don't go anywhere you're
listening to the monsters of the morning we're back yes
sir yeah we're back dude this is a computer's freezing
oh welcome back to the monsters mornings we're radio 104.1
(29:01):
I'm Russ. Amy, the counselor, has been here today. Always
enough for you to talk about, isn't there?
Speaker 4 (29:06):
You make me go gray in my middle age, for sure.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
Oh. Sorry, it was a joke.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Thank you for saying sorry. You finally said sorry.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
I appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
I'm 44.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
I got one more year until I'm middle age. 45
is middle age.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yeah, thanks a lot, Ryan.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
I'm 40, middle age.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
What are you doing, dude?
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Is it not?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
My God.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Most people die at 72. Technically, I think 35 is middle-aged.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
If I live to 100, 50 is technically middle-aged.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
The average lifespan for the U.S. is what age? It's 72, 78?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Listen, do you have a hard... You got a hot
take to play.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
So it's 30... It would be like 36 years old, technically.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Trying to prove you're right. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Russ hates facts.
Speaker 5 (29:47):
I do.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
We're getting away. Russ hates all things.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
That end in X.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
Ryan hates calendars. We all hate something.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And time. We hate time. Damn it, man. I did
find out today.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Don't be mean to Amy. She'll never forget.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I found out today.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
Was it Batman disease?
Speaker 2 (30:03):
I got Batman disease. That's the best thing I heard today.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
You got any hot takes?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
You've got diabetes. Let's see.
Speaker 6 (30:06):
Hot takes.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
It's time for a hot take.
Speaker 7 (30:24):
He's kidding because he can't wait for this meeting. Oh,
I can't wait for this Jack meeting because this is
not my fault. I know.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Let's see. Hot take.
Speaker 8 (30:34):
Good morning, monsters. Hey, Ryan, my advice, go on the cruise.
Don't lose those 5,000 bucks, man. That's a hard hit
than missing one comedy show. So just go on the cruise,
my guy. That's my advice to you. But don't be
a dumbass. Don't do that again out of impulse.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
The best decisions are made out of impulse, okay?
Speaker 2 (30:55):
That's right. I'll give you $ 800 for it, buddy. That's
what I learned. Hot take.
Speaker 6 (31:01):
Ryan, I have the perfect solution for your comedy act.
You know how they have those masks made up that
look just like you?
Speaker 3 (31:06):
They're a picture?
Speaker 6 (31:08):
Just have somebody wear one of those. Say, oh, I
have a short throat, so they won't recognize the voice.
And boom, you're on your cruise.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Can we get James Yon to do Whiteface? Because Nicky
dresses like me. I think that would be fun. That
could be a fun one.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Hot take.
Speaker 10 (31:29):
Good morning, Monsters. Zach here from Raleigh NC. Hey, I've
got a proposal for you, Ryan. If you run the
entire 5K, not walk, not jog, but you have to run.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Never happen.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
And win.
Speaker 10 (31:42):
You get to go on your cruise. If not, you
have to lose the 5K. And your wife gets to
go on the cruise.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
No, no, no. There's none of that.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Hot take. Doppler to Morning Boys, four from Jacksonville.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Holmesy, please tell me this isn't true, dude.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
You booked the Burt Cracker Cruise on the same day
as your comedy show, bro.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Oh, my God. You don't have a touch of the tism, dude.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
You got, like, super tism.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
You got all of the tism.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
You got, like, a hand of it.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
You don't got a touch of it.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Bro. Amy, you can't laugh that hard.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
She's laughing because she knows it's true.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
That is not okay. Hot take.
Speaker 9 (32:24):
Hey guys this is steve from ocala mowing lawns in
the heat some more hey ryan this is why i
don't plan anything at all i do everything i do
on a whim because when i plan something it either
screws up gets messed up or in this case i
end up messing it up so don't plan anything go
(32:45):
on a whim Be a rebel, Ryan.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Amy, you've got a show on Sunday, right?
Speaker 5 (32:51):
I do, and I'm also going to be out in
Sanford on September 26th, opening for Johnny Pemberton from Superstar.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Stay tuned for the News Junkie right after the Monsters.
Then at 3 o'clock is Jim Colbert's show. Then you've
got Tom and Dan, Real Laughs, and we're back tomorrow
for a Friday edition of Do Our Thing from Amy
the Counselor, Angel, and Ryan Holmes.
Speaker 5 (33:09):
And!
Speaker 7 (33:10):
And the latest mess up, man, man, and what awesome psychologist.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Russell, the world's a rock, fellas.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening. We ain't
got to go home. Get the hell up out of here. Swirls.
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