Unbroken – Life Outside the Lines with Author Adriene Caldwell - Inspired Living

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to Inspired Living with Mark Lainhart, the Intuitive Prospector.
Every Wednesday, Mark, along with his special guests, will explore
thought provoking topics and ideas that promote creativity, self help, healing,
happiness and well being to inspire you on your spiritual journey.
Each week, Mark will discuss different paths to achieving a

(00:37):
more spiritual, balanced, happy, and healthy lifestyle. Topics will elevate
consciousness and range from metaphysics, to the human and social
experience and all things spiritual. Welcome to an inspired community
that offers support, encouragement, and new ways of thinking. Mark
is a tested, certified and professional spiritual medium, metaphysical teacher, healer,

(00:59):
and spiritual advice with a spiritual practice based in Seattle, Washington.
You are the inspired and the inspiration.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
And yes, you are both the inspiration and the inspired.
So let's embrace this journey together, inspire others, and let's
make every moment count before we expire. Welcome to inspired living,
where each moment presents a chance to ignite your passion,
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(01:30):
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I just want to say, of course, happy New Year.

(03:36):
The Year of the Horse has arrived twenty twenty six.
Last year was the Year of the Snake or the year.
If you follow numerology, it was the year of the nine.
So we've now moved into a brand new year. So
I always like to say the snake helps sheds the
old skin of who we are, and the horse saddle up,
buckle up, whatever.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
You want to call it, and hold on for this ride.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
In twenty twenty six, as it's the year of the Horse,
leads us into the year of the one in new beginnings.
And I'm going to read a little bit about our
guest today who's joining us for the first time. She's
got a book that's just come out called Unbroken Life
Outside the Lines.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
I'm gonna read a little bit about her journey.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
But I also wanted to open up this show with
a quote from doctor Elizabeth Kobler Ross, who I learned
about many many years ago with my own journey of
death and dying and grief and losing our loved ones.
And it says this, and this is what she had written,
and this is at the opening of the book for
Adrian as well, but it says the most beautiful people

(04:36):
are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle,
known loss, and have found their way out of the
depths these persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an
understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and
a deep, loving concern.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
Beautiful people do not just happen. And that's from the
doctor Elizabeth.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Coobler Ross and I just want to open up the
show before I read a little bit about Adrian and
her journey, because I think that's very fitting even for
my own journey, and it's a reminder. And I haven't
seen this quote a year, so I opened up the
book and started to read through it. It was just
a reminder that, yes, beautiful people do not just happen.
And many of us that you know are, whether it's

(05:20):
a guest on the show or even just the show itself,
is a big reason of why I do what I do,
because of the sufferings and the struggle and.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
The loss, but to find a way out of those depths.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
So I just want to welcome to the show for
the first time, Miss Adrian Caldwell. And she's written this
book called Unbroken, Life Outside the Lines, which is a
powerful new book. You can get the link to her
website on all of our social media platforms and of
course through Home Times Media and it's a tale of

(05:52):
trauma and triumph over tribulations. I love that tale of
trauma and triumph over tribulations. With a gripping, first hand
account of the effects of untreated mental illness, physical abuse,
sexual assault, and traumatic foster care, Adrian's story is one
of destruction, but also one of discovery of darkness. Given
free reign and an innate light that refuses to dim.

(06:13):
With courage and honesty, she offers hope that healing is
possible and yes, the future can be brighter, a stark
depiction of her childhood trauma unbroken. Life outside the Lines
is a harrowing coming of age story defined by resilience
in the face of unimaginable odds. Born into a family
riddled with dysfunction, Adriane Codwell knows what it means to

(06:36):
be unwanted. When their mother becomes increasingly unstable, Adrian is
the only person her baby brother David, can rely on,
despite her young age, and it isn't until a brutal
attack leaves her emotionally mentally shattered that Adrian realizes that
to have even a semblance of hope for her future,
she must take her fate into her own hands. Unbroken

(06:59):
explores themes of family, love and what it means to
find your place in a world unwilling to play savior.
A gripping, first hand account of the effects of untreated
menal illness, physical abuse, sexual assault, pedophilia, and traumatic foster care.
Adrian's story is one of destruction and discovery of darkness
again given free reign in an innate light that refuses

(07:20):
to dim. You can learn more about her the book
at unbrokencoldworld dot com. And again, we have these all
posted on our social media pages. And with that, Adrian,
welcome to Inspired, Livy and how are you today?

Speaker 4 (07:34):
Mark? Thank you so much for having me on. It's
truly a privilege to be here with your listeners as
well as with you. And I am doing great. I'm
doing great. How are you?

Speaker 3 (07:48):
I'm doing great.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
I just just got a little bit over that cold
that was kind of go around the United State. It's
a big flu season this year, so both my wife
and I are finally recovered from that. But yeah, no complaints,
just here in the present moment, and I just want
to say thank you for coming on and sharing your
book and your story publicly, because I know this can't
be easy. This takes a lot of courage to talk about,
to write about, and to share your experiences. And before

(08:13):
we dive in, Adrian, I just want to read a
quick disclaimer from the book because I think that's.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
Very important here.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
I can find it here, So for those that are
listening to today's show, or you go and get this
book and read it.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
There is trigger warnings.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
There is we're going to be discussing, not necessarily in
full detail, but emotion and physical abuse, sexual assault of
a child, the drowning death of a child, extreme poverty,
mental illness, homelessness, abuse of foster care, pedophiliographical sexual descriptions, violence, bolimia, incest, death,
and suicide, So please proceed with caution. I just wanted
to read that before this show as well, because this

(08:50):
could also just listening versus reading, could also be a
trigger warning for those that have had or have gone
through those experiences. So thank you for putting that in
the book as well, Adrian, and tell us tell us
a little bit about yourself, where you're coming in from
the world, why you decided to write this book and
have the courage to step out publicly and share it
with our global community today.

Speaker 4 (09:12):
The abuse that I endured while I was in foster care.
I've had nightmares about it as recently as a year ago,
where I wake up crime. And that is compared to
my schizophrenic, physically abusive mom, who basically the last meeting
was with the wooden dow rod from the closet what

(09:35):
you hang your clothes on, so essentially a baseball. I've
never had a nightmare about my mother, but the foster
mother that I was with, I still have nightmares about
her to this day. And there are just some stocking
statistics about foster care and the system. Twenty percent of

(09:57):
the US prison population is made up of former foster
kids at one point or another. They were in the
system one out of five and then girls by the
time that they get to twenty one years old, seven
out of ten of them party have children. So we're

(10:20):
not we're not breaking the cycle. As soon as they
have that child, they're continuing the line of poverty and
probably abuse. So I really would like my book to
become a platform for a few social issues, but foster

(10:42):
care is absolutely one of them.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah, and I've done that for several years now. I
had a friend of mine that was in foster care.
And this is going back to the you know, late seventies,
so you know, I'm a little bit dated here, but
even back then, you know, just the system itself is
a pipeline, like you said, to the system of incarceration,
you know, young women having children at young ages and

(11:06):
repeating that pattern. So speaking out about this, have you
have you received any pushback for bringing a light to
such a.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Sensitive topic? Is not just foster.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Care about what you've gone through in writing this book,
and thank you for sharing.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
I have the book in front of me, but like you.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
Said, it's not coming out till March, just some editing,
so just the inspired listeners then they can.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
Know to get that in March.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
But have you received any kind of like people that
push back against you or because you're bringing a light
into this dark space. I'm always curious if people receive
you know, you know, maybe warnings or death threats or
you shouldn't be talking about this, including friends and family.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
Tell me a little bit about that.

Speaker 4 (11:50):
No, I've actually received the opposite, the exact opposite. About
halfway through writing, I went on fiver and found about
twenty three beta readers, and my readers gave me feedback
they supported me. They sympathized I was treated during foster year.

Speaker 5 (12:20):
So no, I did not have that at all. I
felt supported. Now the book.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
Isn't public yet, you know, I've I've sent out advanced
reader copies, so we'll see what the backlash is. But
even even one of my friends, of my daughter's fab
friend's father, he is he works with juvenile probation and

(12:55):
he is actually spoken with his higher ups and therein
talks to have me come in to speak with them.
Because I do have the firsthand experience. But I also
have what most other trauma memoirs and trauma survivors don't have.

(13:16):
I have my children's Protective Services case file, so I
have the psychiatric evaluations, the therapist reports, the foster parent reports.
I have the clinical component to my life as well.
So you marry the two. You know, the first hand account,

(13:38):
and then you provide the case file. I hope to
see my book and the case file us in classrooms
to help educate you know, future social workers, case workers, counselors, therapists.

(13:58):
You know, it's not my first audience. My initial audience
are the people who are struggling just trying to get
through the day. But it's absolutely a long term goal
to see if it's putting it's putting my book in
the classroom can help, because I've received feedback from two

(14:22):
separate interns now counselors that my book not only helped,
but it even helped the girl choose her career field.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
To kind of pave that way for you know, putting
You know these books which you know at certain times,
and the reason I asked the question about pushback where
you know, in this day and age, everybody has an
opinion about something. And I've been I've been in the
public sphere now for this is I guess our eleventh
season of Inspired Living, and there are times when you
go public and your book isn't technically published yet publicly,

(14:58):
you know, for our listeners out there, it takes courage
because you're going to get pushback.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
You're going to get people that have an opinion. You know,
Aristotle said at the best to avoid criticism.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
The only way to avoid criticism is by saying nothing,
doing nothing, and being nothing right.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
And I know, Adrian, that's not where you want to be.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
So putting this book in the hands of people which
you know down the road could be a controversial book.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
Where they're going to say, we're going to burn this book, right,
you know.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
So that's what I'm bringing up for our listeners is
it takes great courage. So if you have something that
you've gone through and you want to write about it
or share about it, or come on this podcast and
talk with me about it, it takes great courage because
there at some point publicly, there will be some critics
or pundits or backlash based on what you do. And

(15:42):
so the point is to keep going because awareness is
the greatest agent for change. And what you're doing is
you're bringing this book and this detailed story of your
journey into.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Other people's lives.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
It not only helps people say, you know what, I've
been a victim of this, or maybe I can choose
a career path that's going to help people like a
career counselor or social worker like you said, that enables them.
And I think, you know, it's brilliant that you're putting
this out there, because again, awareness is a great agagent
for change, and you and I both know that this
has been going on for a long long time, whether

(16:16):
it's the foster care system, the jail system, and everything
in between.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
These are things that you just didn't.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Talk about, and now we're having more open expression, and
that's awareness and that will bring change eventually. But I
just wanted to point that out, that question specific because
somebody's listening to the show right now, Adrian saying, I've
got a story to tell, but I'm too worried about
what people are going to say or what people are
going to do. And you got to go past that
criticism because you're going to get opinionated no matter what

(16:44):
you do in life.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
That's just part of life.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
I'll be honest with you, Mark, I am terrified. I
am terrified. Once it's actually published one it's out there,
I know for a fact that there will be trolls,
I will receive criticism. In fact, when I put my
book in front of my data readers, I got feedback saying,

(17:08):
you know, Adrian, sometimes you don't portray yourself in the
best life. Sometimes you know, you look like the antagonists,
not the protagonists. Maybe you should think about changing that.
And I refused, and I said, no, I am telling
my story. I am telling my truth. And some of

(17:31):
the things that I did and said really were horrible.
They were bad and I'm owning it. I'm not going
to sugarcoat it so that readers like me better. But
I am my strategy for dealing with the criticism. But

(17:54):
it's inevitably going to come, because I do share every
thing in my book is to have my husband read.
At first, he's going to scream for me and then reinterpret.
But yeah, I know it's gonna come because of what

(18:16):
I've done.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
So but you're but.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
You're ready for it, right, You're ready because there's gonna be,
like you said, there's gonna be trolls, there's gonna be
there's even gonna be bots that aren't even real people
that just pick it up and just try to you know,
that's the technology of what we live in, right, But
you know, knowing yourself and staying true to your authentic
self and being the editor of your own story because again,
people are always going to have an opinion. I'll give
you a great story real quick, and then I've got

(18:41):
another question for you this. Actually, I'm a big Star
Wars fan. So if you ever saw my studio, if
we were on television, you see my studio, and I've
got Star Wars posters because I grew up with Star
Wars and I just I just learned that there's a
famous line in Empire Strikes Back where Leah says to
Han Solo, I love you. And Harrison Ford didn't want

(19:02):
to say I love you back because he just felt
like it was like just didn't fit the narrative who
he was, and so he actually said, I know, so
that in history now we know it is where.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
Leah says to Han, I love you and Han responds.

Speaker 2 (19:14):
Back, I know, but the original script was written by
Lucas to say I love you back, And they fought
for days over this about shoot he said I love
you back, and so Harrison Ford stuck to his guns
on this, and they went and watched the movie and
got feedback and everybody loved it because it fit who
he was. And that's what I'm saying for you, Adrian,
is this is your story. And I always there's always

(19:34):
going to be a director or a punnit that's going
to say, oh, you need to do this, stop being
the antagonist, or you'd be the protagonist, you know whatever.
But you stay true to who you are because it's
your story of unbroken life outside the lines. And I
always remind my students and my listeners that as an alchemist,
we don't fear the darkness.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
We study the darkness.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
And some people get into those opinions because they fear
of what's being said.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
Or fear of that darkness.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
So, at what time did you know to share your
story publicly, Adrian to say, you know what, I'm going
to put this out there and get in front of
a community in beta writers and beta reviewers and all
of that.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
When did you know what was there?

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Something inside it just clicked and you said, I'm going
to step into my courage, I'm going.

Speaker 3 (20:17):
To take the leap of faith. I'm going to learn
how to fly by leaving the nest. What was it
for you?

Speaker 4 (20:23):
Well, a little bit of background. I was a ward
of the State of Texas until I was eighteen years old.
A couple of years after I got out of custody,
I received a document asking if I wanted a copy
of my case file of the why they were going
to dispose of it and meeting me. I said yes, absolutely,

(20:45):
And I received this giant box with these two huge
stacks of paper and I tried to go through it
and I couldn't, and I shoved it under the couch
and in the back of a closet, and every three,
four or five years I would try to go through it,
and I just I couldn't. It was too triggering, it

(21:08):
was too upsetting. I couldn't. And at forty years old,
I was going through some things and I pulled the
box back out and I started going through it. And
I had to in order to write my book, I

(21:32):
had to deal with all of the repressed emotions and
the compartmentalization that I had done for the past thirty
plus years in order to survive. So writing it really
was the result of going through that box, being angry

(21:57):
about the way that I was treated, and the other
thing that prompted me. So again, a little more backstory.
I went to thirteen schools by the time I graduated
high school.

Speaker 6 (22:12):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (22:13):
And when you do that, I learned how to meet people,
and I also learned how to keep the conversation always
on them, never on me. And the few instances were
I would discuss myself, my trauma history, what was going
on with me, I kept getting the same feedback I've

(22:36):
heard from the time I was sixteen years old, you
should write a book. I've heard that just repeatedly throughout
my life. So at forty years old, going through the
case file, going through you know, looking at the abuse
I endured during foster care, reliving the traumas of my schizophrenic,

(22:57):
physically abusive mother, and you know, having having the feedback
from you know, tons of different people, not tons, because
I I rarely shared my story. I decided that it
was time to write a book. And there was nothing
to be done about the foster parent who abused me,

(23:21):
who dehumanized us foster girls. But and anyone who says
emotional psychological abuse isn't real abuse, I will. I won't.

Speaker 6 (23:37):
Yeah, now I.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
Wrote along with you, my friend, because.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
What she did to me was far worse than my
schizophrenic abuse of mother. So it was I felt it
was time for me to claim my story, to claim
my truth, and to share it. And I do so
unconditionally and without filters, And at times, I want to

(24:08):
be very very clear, very upfront. The book is dark,
it's heavy, it's a difficult read at some point, and
my words to the readers are to keep going because
ultimately it is a book about redemption. It is about

(24:29):
triumphing over just horrible travesties and living through things that
no one should have to live through. But I'm on
the other side of it. I have a life now
that I am blessed and I am so grateful, But

(24:50):
I wouldn't be here if I hadn't had the experiences
that I.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Did exactly, and that becoming a page off even if
you're starting to dream to this day.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
You know, education leads us to you know, knowledge.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Life experiences lead us to knowledge and you know, and
that leads us through age to that sense of wisdom, wisdom.
And that's why I wanted to have you on the
show today to talk about this, because you're not the
only one out there and that there are other people
and I think it would be a good read. And
one of the things I talk about in my own
personal journey is the trauma and tragedy or which I
refer to back then at the age of twenty seven,

(25:23):
the TNT that literally blew my life up. It literally
completely changed the course of my life. My belief systems,
my learn behaviors, everything change. And so I call it
the T and T, the trauma tragedy. And when I
saw this for you, the trauma tragedy but over triumphs
is you know this dark read that you're talking about
ends up being at the end of the day, the

(25:44):
dawn still comes to light. Right, You're that lighthouse in
the darkness that is going to help out of people
that have gone through what you've gone through and be
that lighthouse and all those shifts out there on a
dark story night to find their way. And that's why
I wanted to have you on and talk about this.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
This story.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
And so we're going to go to our first break
and when we come back, we're going to talk about
the tribes.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
We're going to talk We're going to talk about.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
The successes of what Adrian has done and talk about
that positive inspiration that comes from this darkness of what
we're talking about today. So today's guest Adrian Caldwell talking
about her new book, Unbroken, Life Outside the Lines.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
We'll be right back here on Inspired Les Stick.

Speaker 7 (26:20):
Around the best of the holistic, spiritual and conscious world
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life offers us many opportunities and learning experiences. Are you
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(27:05):
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(27:28):
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Speaker 2 (28:26):
Our guest today Adriane Colo, with her new book coming
out in March of this year, Unbroken Life Outside of
the Lines. And Adrian, I just want to jump into
the book, and I want to say, since the second
half of this show, I want to start with chapter four,
which is you. You called it New Beginnings, and we
know that the first chapters. And what I like about

(28:47):
the book is you put your psychological evaluations at the
top of each chapter.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
So this one.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
Says twelve one, nineteen ninety two, so just to give
your perspective, and just graduated from high school this quote,
Adrian has led a transit life, having lived with her
mother and shelters and other people's homes end quote.

Speaker 3 (29:07):
And what you do is in each chapter you put your.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
Own psychological evaluations, which I thought was brilliant because your
given perspective of somebody that's actually looking at what you've
gone through. But your chapter four stopped starts talking about okay,
new beginnings because you know through this journey that you've
gone through, it's about turning pain into purpose.

Speaker 3 (29:27):
Of what you talk.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
About and writing about trauma is not only just deeply personal,
but now you're sharing it publicly, but you know, finding this,
finding this strength to revisit painful memory memories while maintaining
hope and balance through the writing process.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
This is going to take years.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
I'm sure you've gone through years of counseling and transformation
and self healing, but that ends up being a lifetime
of healing that everything that we go through. But it's
about how we can turn our pain into purpose or
to use another Star Wars quote from Yoda, Yoda said
that pain is our greatest teacher.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
Right, so I'm gonna say backwards, really can't.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Say it like Yoda, but uh yeah, pain is our
greatest teacher.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
Teacher the paint is or you know however Yoda says,
but it is how do you turn paint into purpose?

Speaker 2 (30:13):
Starting with chapter four about new beginnings.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
So.

Speaker 6 (30:20):
I I always well, I went through dark times once
I entered college and.

Speaker 4 (30:35):
Was really on my own, didn't have any safety nets anymore.
My aunt and uncle with my periodically lived growing up.
They they were not involved in my life. Basically, no
one was involved in my life. And I was going

(30:57):
down a really dark road, and I made the decision
that I was dealing with cocaine addiction. And I made
the decision that if I kept going down that road,
it was going to ruin my life. And while I

(31:22):
have endured some truly horrific experiences, I've also been incredibly blessed.
Duke Duke University had a talent identification program. Students who
scored highly on standardized testing, they were recognized, sought out.

(31:48):
And while I was in foster care and I refused
to give her name, I call her the Witch from
how except with a B so she's of age. While
I was living with her, a camp sent a college

(32:11):
camp sent me a brochure saying, do you want to
come stay three weeks on campus, live in the dorm,
and you can do a year's worth of high school
work in three weeks? And I was all over it.
I loved that idea because one it got me out
of the hell that I was living through by being

(32:35):
in foster care without woman. But it put me around.
It put me in a group of peers, others who
valued education and really focused on it and thrived. So
that was the one opportunity that really blessed me. It

(32:57):
actually enabled me. So I went for three summer. It's
the reason I was able to graduate high school in
three years. Another opportunity that I had, I was selected
to participate in a one year foreign exchange that was

(33:19):
hosted by the US Congress and the German buddhistac We
were essentially junior ambassadors to Germany. So I left this
horrific foster home where we were just dehumanized, treated worse

(33:41):
than animals, and I had this amazing host family and
I met of friends that I'm friends with to this day,
and it changed the entire trajectory of my life. I

(34:02):
lost thirty pounds, I got my haircut, sure, I got
my belly button piers like I experienced independence, and it
was amazing coming from what I had been living through
in foster care, where we were not leaving. The foster

(34:22):
girls were not allowed to sit on the furniture, We
had to sit on the floor like dogs. We had
separate silverware and dishes. Whenever I washed the foster parents,
the foster family dishes, I had to add bleach to
the dishwater. And there was It was a three bedroom,

(34:44):
one and a half bath house, so the foster girls
got the master bedroom because there were between four and
eight of us at any time, and we had the
half bath, which was the toilet and the sink, and
we were only a allowed to use that toilet. The
full bathroom that where everybody had to shower. It was

(35:07):
only one bathroom in the in the whole house. The
last foster girl to take a shower had to clean
the tub with a bleach cleaner before any member of
the foster family would get in the tub.

Speaker 5 (35:23):
Think about what that.

Speaker 4 (35:25):
Does to use psychologically, like it's in it ingrained in
you that you are unworthy, that you are dirty, that
you're you're not deserving, that you're that you're less than human.
And this this woman, I have forgiven everyone and I

(35:49):
at four years old, I made attempts at making restitution
and really apologizing for the people that I hurt. I
can't think of the word making amends. And she, the

(36:13):
foster mother, is the one person I haven't been able
to forgive, and I wish I could, because it's only
causing me pain. She's not hurting from it. If I
could forgive her, it would it would lighten me, It would,
it would lighten my burdens. So back to Germany and

(36:35):
my incredible host family. Now, I did live in northern Germany,
so we ate a ton of fish, which I don't like.
The weather was always cold, it was always gray. We
literally lived on the north coast like there there was
a beechee section and I've I've put my toes in

(36:55):
the North Sea. But it was amazing. I met a
girl down the road. We started jogging and we're friends
to this day. And my host's mom, I send her
flowers every Christmas because they were an example of a normal,

(37:17):
functioning family, something that I had never seen before in
my life. I had never seen those dynamics or healthy communication.
So I've been incredibly blessed. I received that Congressional scholarship

(37:38):
to do before in Exchange, and it was highly highly competitive.
Three hundred students were selected out of thousands, and I
thank God for being selected because it put me on

(37:59):
a better paths. It gave me those healthy examples and
and showed me what life could look like, whereas before
all I had seen was poverty and of use. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
Well, and you know, thank you for sharing that with
us and the listeners, because yeah, that that road, you
know that you talked about drugs, cocaine, that's that ends
up being a dead end road at some point, right,
So I'm glad that you got off that that fast
track to nowhere. And you know, one of the things
you said, I think is very important for the listeners
as well, is there's the there's the old saying that
unforgiveness keeps them in control and when you can move

(38:41):
into your own forgiveness and move and transform.

Speaker 3 (38:45):
Not easy, but it lets it let's go.

Speaker 2 (38:48):
Of that pass and it lets go of them being
in control of you because you have moved forward.

Speaker 3 (38:52):
So that's a very powerful statement.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
It is moving forward in healing and then of course
the new beginnings because you know, people are portals and
we know from our history past what you were describing
sounded very similar to what we've done to the indigenous
cultures around the world, what we're done to the Jews
in World War Two, what we're done to people that
don't look like you and I that are maybe a
different color, you know, whether it's the civil rights movement,

(39:16):
you know, being treated as less less than a human.
So we know that that is out there that exists,
and that you know, people are portals. But there's also
the other side of this coin where you start to
you know, get opportunities. And you found your tribe, you
found your what I talk about all the time community.
If you look at the word community, you break it down,
it literally says unity and finding those people to help

(39:37):
you see the good in life, because there is a
lot of good in life, but we also balance that.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
With the dark and the light every time.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
Right, And so you found your you found your way,
and it's it's it's beneficial because you're talking with.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Me today on this show. Otherwise we could have had
a completely.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Different outcome and I would have never learned your inspiring story.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
And so thank you for sharing that. While you were talking.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
I had to look at because I was not saying yoda, right,
I was paraphrasing, but this is this will make sense
to what I'm saying now and he and he says,
at this it wasn't about pain, but pain failure is
a part of pain as well, right, And I always
I always teach my students and I always tell my
listeners failure is first attempt in learning. And sometimes those
lessons that we learned are very dark, very very you know,

(40:23):
psychologically impactful for the rest of our lives. They said here,
this is from Yoda, pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery,
but weakness, folly, failure also, yes, failure most of all
the greatest teacher failure is.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
And so we're here through failure, and you should be.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Might try to find my community and really start thriving,
whether you're in Germany and then you know, sticking your
toes in the North Sea, or you're now here, uninspired,
living talking to me.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
So thank you for sharing again. This takes a lot
of courage to share stories like this, Adrian.

Speaker 4 (41:09):
It's really it's really an honor. It's an honor to
be here, to be able to share my story with
your audience, with you. It is scary, but it is
I feel like I have support. You're being incredibly supportive

(41:29):
and I feel safe.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
So yeah, yeah, and you're bringing awareness to other people,
you know, I've always said when I started doing the
show eleven seasons ago, I said, if we can reach
one person out there through the show format, through our
amazing guests that we've had on over the eleven seasons,
if we can reach one person, then I'm doing my
job because it's not necessarily about reaching the masses. It's
about changing that one person's life that picks up your

(41:54):
book and says, you know what, I'm going to become
a career counselor because of this book. I'm going to
do this because of what Adrian went through, and I
want to make sure that that that type of abuse
and that type of system doesn't stay in place. And
this this creates the next generation of uh, you know,
more emotional, highly critical thinking people. Even though it was
very you know, hard for you and very you know,

(42:17):
just listening to it, just you know it, just make
sure your your skin crawl, right.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
It's just but it's you're you're the you're the author.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Of your story and sharing this is going to change
somebody's life, whether it's through this podcast or the book
being put out in more, you know, publications. But you're
turning your pain. And again this comes back to what
I was talking about failure and pain. You turned your
pain into a purpose. And at some point, Adrian, you're
going to give your pain, but also you're going to

(42:47):
give purpose to somebody else because of your pain.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
That's how I look at it there.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
You know, we don't have time to go into my backstory,
but you know a lot of what I do is
because of the pain, but turning pain into purpose to
inspire others.

Speaker 3 (42:57):
That's why I do what I do today.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
And and you know you went from surviving to living,
you know, because it's that early point in your life.

Speaker 3 (43:05):
You're just surviving.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
You were just trying to make it through the day, right,
and then trying to find you know, alternatives, whether it's
cocaine or alcohol or whatever vices as the humans go
to to lessen the pain, to distract from life, to
escape life.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
And so you know, how did.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Your understanding of healing change as you moved from that
simply surviving state of mind to experiences to truly finding
who Adrian is and living again.

Speaker 4 (43:31):
I well, first I want to say that I like
what you said about changing one person. That's actually my
barometer for success. I will consider all of the pain
that it took to write my book, which it's taken
me five years it's been hell, it's been incredibly painful,

(43:56):
but I feel like it will be a success. If
I can truly, profoundly, deeply impact one person's life, if
I can truly change one person's life, then I will
feel like it is a success. And the the power

(44:21):
to write. Going through all of this, what I've what
I've come out the other side with, is forgiving myself.
There are things that I share in the book that
I am deeply ashamed of and that I had not

(44:46):
forgiven myself. I was not showing the love to myself
that I would show to anybody else who had gone
through a similar situation. So that's that's where where it
took me. It allowed me to have perspectives and to

(45:13):
really be gentle with myself, be kind to myself. Understand
that when I was doing those bad things, it wasn't
because I was trying to hurt the other person or
you know, intentionally causing damage. I didn't have any other

(45:35):
coping mechanisms. I didn't have, you know, I would manipulate people.
I would manipulate men because I didn't know how to
have a healthy relationships that had never been mirrored for me.
I didn't have a mom and a dad to provide

(45:56):
that example for me growing up. I've had to you
and it's it's true to this day. I've had to
learn these skills and sometimes I just miss things because
I didn't have those role models. I didn't have those experienced.

(46:19):
So learning to forgive myself, to let some of the
shame go, and to just be kind to myself is
really what I've what I've come away with, oh.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Brilliant, And it's it's such an odd point, Adrian. You know,
forgiveness for self, forgiveness for others. Like I said, unforgiveness
keeps them in control. And having that awareness to you know,
because sometimes, like you said, you know, the coping, having
the tools to cope with such things.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
You know, I had.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
I lived with survivor's guilt for almost twenty years. I
didn't even know that I was living with.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Survivors gill because both my brothers had died.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
In the same week. And that's a big part of
my journey of who I am today. But sometimes you know,
you're not given these tools to understand to cope with.
And you know, if we go back just to be fair,
you know, if we go back in the in the
last fifty plus years, you didn't really talk about it openly, right,
And you know, I'm a child of the seventies, So
when we were talking, if you were talking about being
sensitive or you have feelings, especially as a man, then

(47:23):
you know, there's a lot of labels that come with that,
or they're going to you know, have this wa this
white wagon with two guys and going to load you
up in a straight jacket and take you off to
the mental hospital. You know, it was it was the
fear of talking about it. But in today, you know especially,
this is another reason I do the podcast is we
can talk about this in an open, safe environment, without judgment,
without opinion, and.

Speaker 3 (47:45):
We can help other people there.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
I guarantee you, because we have a global audience ager
and so I guarantee you we're reaching one person through
this topic today.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
I guarantee it. I'll bet my mortgage on it.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
And you know, the thing that we are really seeing
in mainstream society is we're seeing, you know, a list actors,
We're seeing professional athletes talk about mental health, talking about
their struggles with you know, how to cope with certain things.
And so I think, you know, as we move forward,
this will be more Again, awareness is the greatest agent

(48:15):
for change, and this is what we're doing because this
is the power of storytelling as well. How to go
from surviving to living, how to move from pain to purpose,
how to move from forgiving, forgiving yourself, forgiving others. These
are all very, very powerful, you know, but also navigating
that vulnerability.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
How did you handle the fear.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
Or hesitation that came with being so open and honest
in this writing because it's not an easy read for
the listeners out there. There's even diagrams at the end
of the book the amendments that show pictures of your
abuse in full detail, right, you know, a chart like
you'd see something in a case in a trial, and
you know that's not easy to look at, but it's

(48:59):
it's it's happen. It is what was done to you,
and you're sharing that. So what is you know, how
do you navigate this vulnerability on a day to day basis?

Speaker 4 (49:09):
Well, I still fall back into old patterns of repressing
it and pushing it down, and I have to I
have to be conscious and aware of what I'm doing.

(49:31):
Sometimes it's okay to to, you know, take a break
from it for a while, but I have to know
the difference between taking a break and hiding. And I'm
at the point in my life where i don't need
to hide anymore. I'm not going to hide anymore. My

(49:54):
story is my story, it's my truth, and I will
tell because I do believe it can impact people. It
can help people. And then to the social worker, case workers, therapists, counselors, psychologists,

(50:17):
I included the abuse diagram that you referenced, as well
as the full psychiatric evaluation at the end of the book,
because I do want it to be to be used
in classrooms, the first hand account from a survivor and
the clinical components. You know, what the diagnoses were, how

(50:42):
it appeared from a clinical standpoint.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
So yeah, and just full transparency.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
And that's that's what I love, and that's why I
read at the beginning of the show, just the disclaimer,
you know, for those for those that are going to
go order the book when it comes out or is
that are you know social media pages or listen to
this podcast because it can be a trigger. But triggers
are also awareness moments, and like you said, there are
times that you push it down, there's times that you're

(51:11):
fully aware of it.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
Right.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
But at some point along your journey, Adrian, this went
one of the mantras that I love to use, is it.
This didn't happen to me as a victim, even though
you are a victim. But now where you're at in
your journey and who you are today, it happened for
you because what you're doing is you're now inspiring, You're
actually sharing, you're actually acknowledging, you're bringing awareness, and you

(51:34):
know that's that's what a leader is. And you know,
those some of the most amazing guests that I've talked
to and over eleven seasons, I'm inspired living are people
like yourself because you've endured and struggled so painfully and deeply,
but yet you still find a way to be kind,
you still find a way to you know, have happiness,
a way to help others. And that's one of the

(51:55):
things I've taken away from, you know, being on this
show for eleven seasons, And what's next for you? What's
you know, what's the future writing projects, what's the speaking
or continuing to share your message in new ways? You're
already sharing your message, so it's out there with this
show and a global audience. So congratulations on sharing the story.
But what's next for you?

Speaker 4 (52:14):
Thank you so book launch, getting through book launch, I
would love to be a speaker at conventions or events
for the people in the field, the juvenile probation, going

(52:34):
and speaking to them. I would love to really have
the case file so I've got unbroken life outside the lines.
I'd love to have the case file, the companion text

(52:54):
and be able to introduce it in the classroom and
to see it change how people approached trauma or early
childhood trauma and what differences it can make, how it
can help them better understand it and see it. But

(53:15):
for me, I'm going to continue speaking out. I'm going
to continue sharing my story, and I would really so
I do want to say my book is not for
people under eighteen. But the Elizabeth Kugler Ross quote, I'm

(53:37):
actually in touch with her children. I have permission to
use that quote in the book. And some friends, some
of my husband's friends, after I shared a little of
my story with them, they sent me that magnet and
it's on my fridge and I just thought it was

(53:57):
so poignant, so beautiful, brilliant.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
Yeah yeah, well, Adrian, thank you so much for sharing
your story. Lausu reminds us the journey of a thousand
miles begins with that single step.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
The psychic in me is telling me that you're going
to go far and do well.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
You can learn more about this show at Unbrokencoldwell dot com.
The book is called Unbroken Life Outside the Lines by
Adrian Caldwell. It's been a pleasure having you on the
show today and let us know in the future how
this turns out for you.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
Okay, my friend, absolutely, thank you so much, Marga great.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
You're welcome.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
All right, listeners, until our next soul adventure together, Be kind,
be caring, be compassionate. Most importantly, wherever you're at, dare
to dream, dare to explore, Dare to live and discover
the diamond within and the many hidden gems that are
all around us.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
We'll see you next time here on Inspired Living. Take care,

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Unbroken – Life Outside the Lines with Author Adriene Caldwell

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Unbroken – Life Outside the Lines with Author Adriene Caldwell