October 26, 2025 • 43 mins
In this episode of Medic2Medic Podcast, I’m joined by Kelly Grayson, a veteran paramedic, author, educator, and one of the most recognized voices in EMS. You know Kelly from his EMS1.com columns, his national conference presentations, and his acclaimed memoirs En Route and On Scene.
Kelly opens up with a few personal stories about how he began writing and what drives him to tell the stories of EMS with such honesty and heart. He also shares a powerful call that forever changed him, and when he talks about it, you can hear the emotion in his voice.
This is one of those conversations that reminds us why we do what we do: real stories, real emotion, and the kind of reflection only decades in EMS can bring.
Medic2Medic is back, bringing authentic voices, untold stories, and the human side of Emergency Medical Services and beyond.
Kelly opens up with a few personal stories about how he began writing and what drives him to tell the stories of EMS with such honesty and heart. He also shares a powerful call that forever changed him, and when he talks about it, you can hear the emotion in his voice.
This is one of those conversations that reminds us why we do what we do: real stories, real emotion, and the kind of reflection only decades in EMS can bring.
Medic2Medic is back, bringing authentic voices, untold stories, and the human side of Emergency Medical Services and beyond.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:23):
to Medic Podcasting.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Come my getting attention All listeners on this frequency stand
by for an important announcement.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Welcome to Medic to Medic podcast the weekly podcast for
EMS providers, EMS leaders, EMS, medical directors and others involved
in or those who have an interest in emergency medical services.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Ladies and gentlemen, here's your host, Steve.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Cohen, coming from the Ferne Down, Washington Medical Medical Podcasts Studios.
It's another fine, fine podcast of Medical medic I want
to welcome you to this podcast where we bring you
the stories, lessons and laughter from the front lines of EMS.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
I'm your host, Steve Cohen.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
You can reach me at Medical Medic Podcasts at gmail
dot com. You can find this podcast on all your
favorite platforms of Spotify, pod being Apple Podcasts and of
course my Facebook page as well. Today's episode is one
I've been looking forward to for quite some time. My
guest is Kelly Grayson, who I guess.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
Can you know.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I don't know how to even describe how much you've
done for EMS, but when you think about EMS, it
has always made me laugh. You've always made me reflect
and somehow even tear up through some of your writings
and storytelling.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You know, I know you're an.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Author, speaker, educator, and blogger. So Kelly, welcome back to
Medical Medic Podcast.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Thank you brother, It's good to be back.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, how about just tell us a little more about
your history and bring up some new listeners about you.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Yeah, I have.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I've been a paramedic for thirty two years now. I
think originally I was a professional retriever trainer and decided
I needed to the bottom fell out of that market
and I was burned out on that as well. Looking
back on it now, I was depressed and it took
me until I was in my early fifties to recognize
(02:29):
the pattern. But I got into I wanted to get
into nursing and the local community college the nursing program
had an eighteen month.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Waiting period as well.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
The registrar said, well, you know, there's this class called
Emergency Medical Technician that some people like to speak a
waiting on a spot in the nursing class. And about
three weeks into the EMT class, I decided this is
what I wanted to to do. So I went to
work for a little mom and pop ambulance service who
needed pair of medics. So they sent me to paramedic school.
After I've been an EMT for five months, and I
(03:05):
wound up getting my paramedic one year to the day
after I got my EMT, and I've been doing.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
This ever since.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Over the years, I've you know, I've made some friends
and developed some contacts and started looking for other ways
to help my profession. And the writing and the podcasting
and the columns all serve to serve that interest. I
just you know, I made a decision. Also when I
(03:35):
started Paramedic school, I had been an EMT instructor for
about a month, so I learned fairly early on that on.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
A busy shift, I can.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Take care of twelve to fifteen patients, and those are
twelve to fifteen lives I could touch. But if I teach,
and I teach twelve students, those twelve students can go
out and take care of twelve to fifteen patients, and
I think I can make a bigger stamp on my profession.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
So that's what that's what happened.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
And uh, from from thence came the teaching and uh,
Brian Bledsoe and originally Chris call uh started me writing
for for em s one dot com and EMS World magazine.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
And some others, and it's kind of grown grown from there.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I don't know how it got this big, and I
don't know how I got to.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Be this face, but uh, that's it, man. I'm still
just a medic with a platform.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, I mean when you mentioned Chris and Brian both
have been on my podcast in the past. Actually, just
a quick story about Chris. So I moved from Raleigh,
North Carolina to out here to Ferndale, and on our
way was a stopping Bozeman and he was also during
COVID and but Chris and my wife and I went
out for dinner and in Bozeman.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Uh, it was it was. It was kind of fun.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
It was good to catch up with him as well
a few years back and we It's kind of interesting
when you talk about your teaching and how you can
pass You teach some students and they take care of
patients on my and I've said this a couple of
times in my podcast. When I took my EMT class,
my AMT instructor was a Pittsburgh Police officer and he
said something on our first day that still resonates with
(05:20):
me is that he told us in our class that yes,
you're going to be out there taking care of patients,
but you also have to pass.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
On your knowledge.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And that's something that I've done all through my career
I continue to do today. So it's kind of how
our paths are parallel, same kind of philosophy, which is
really good. Well, like you said, you've worn a lot
of hats and as a paramedic and educated and commence
and now you can sell it a guest on a
semi regular basis as well. What of those roles has
(05:50):
taught you the excuse me, I'm having a Pacific Northwest
cold here. What of those roles have taught you the
most about people? And which one has tested your patience
the most?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Well, you don't.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Quite get the personal connection with with writing that you
do with with working on a truck, and that has
been my That is how I've I've sustained myself for
over a long career. That I used to tell people
that I would work ruck until I start to hate patients,
and I teach until I start to hate students, and
I go back and forth with that, but it evolved
(06:24):
over time.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
I think I was like every typical paramedic.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
You know, you want to go out and save lives
and stamp out disease and force the grim Reaper at
every turn. And it took a couple of rough calls
for me to realize that that's not what's.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Important to my patients.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And if I set myself up for the life saving thing,
that I'm going to be a very disappointed man and
not last long in this career. So I, you know,
I had this epiphany that you need to treasure with
the small things in your career. So I think that
the thing that has affected me and shaped me most
is my work as a as a paramedic. I'm able
(07:01):
to I discovered that I have a talent for writing
and I can articulate those things, and that's been a
common thing that people have said to me over the
years is.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
That you've been in my ambulance, and.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
True I love to hear those stories that people have
had similar calls and that we all have you know,
our lives run along similar paths. But the thing for
me that really shaped two I am as a man
and a human being has been the work of the
ambulance and the personal connection with patients. Never had that
in the beginning of my career, but I can remember,
(07:36):
no remember the thirtieth, twenty twenty two or two thousand
and two was when it happened my daughter had been
born very premature, taken by emergency c section and premature,
and it was determined that she had grade for enticranial
hemorrhage and was going to have several palsy because of that.
(07:57):
And a woman from an organization called Families Helping Fams
Emily's came to visit us UH and these are people
who have their children are special needs and they there's
a support system for other families and other parents of
children with special needs. And she gave me a essay
by a woman named Emily Pearl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland,
(08:20):
and essentially the poem is or the essay is.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
You're planning this.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
You and your spect to Italy, and you've got your
tenerary all out.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
You've got to go to Venice and and go for
a gondola ride.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
You're going to see the Olive slopes in Tuscany. You're
going to go to the Vatican, You're going to go
see the Colisseum.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
You're so prepped. You have all your Italian currents, you
have your guidebook. You're ready to rock.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And when the plane linds, your Stewart says, welcome to Holland.
And nothing that you've prepared for has prepared you for Holland.
So you can spend your life bitching about not being
in Italy, or you can open your eyes and see
the beauty of Holland. And it occurred to me that
(09:07):
there's a personnel or there's a parallel in my career.
I can grt because I'm not saving lives and running
codes and doing heroic things that you know, the television
tells us we're supposed to be as paramedics. Or I
can see the beauty of just making a little old
lady smile on the way to the hospital, soothing a
(09:30):
frightened pace, making a kid laugh when he's scared.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
To death, those kind of things.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
So shifted my focus a lot, you know, and realizing
that and approaching ums with that mindset has has been
alterable warning.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Over the years.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I mean, I still get I still get tired, I
get burnt out, but that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
That sustains me well talking about So I'm gonna do
a selfish plug here.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
One is ahead. One is that podcast I.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
Know, but I don't like doing selfish plug.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
One is that when you talk about that article, which
actually I'm going to take a look at because my
side gig is I'm a travel advisor, so I plan
a lot of trips. So if the person would be
using me from Magical Destinations by Steve, you would end
up in Italy.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Not in Holland.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
But I understand the open I'm just that was just
a selfish plug for me. But so how did no
talking about your daughter and CP, how did that change
your focus on taking care of patients as well and
how you viewed EMS and and maybe in a different
way with a.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Child with civil palsy.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And you know, this child taught me more about strength
and resilience that I've could have learned from in a
hundred lifetimes from other people, because every day for her
was a struggle, and she faced that struggle every single
day with a smile and a good attitude. She was
never sorry for herself.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
You know, it was what she was. And I look
at that and it was like, how can I be?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
How can I be any less when my two year
old daughter struggles to crawl across the floor. Now she's
she's a grown woman, now shares my sense of humor
and my love for seventies rock music. But she as
fragile as she has been. It's been tougher than any
of the human being I've ever known, because she faced
(11:26):
some major obstacles and face them every day, and she
does it with a smile on her face, and she's
just acceptance.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
She doesn't resent. For the most part, you know, she has.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
A rough days where she you know, I wish my
left arm worked right, and I wish I could walk
as well as I want to.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
I wish I didn't get sore every day.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
But for the most part, you know, she's got a
great attitude.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
She loves life. And for someone who is.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
From the very beginning, someone that still loves life and
has a has a sunny attitude.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
It's just something that I aspire to be.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I want to be as as kind and.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Resilient as my little girl. So that's that's been the
thing for me. So I look at that and.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I try to be I try to bear that attitude
when taking.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Care of patients. I look at them a little deeper and.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Is there, you know, is the way they're behaving because
of you know, a struggle or an obstacle that they're facing.
Came to realize that you see people at the at
their worst every time, you know, you see people at
your worst, and people at their worst do things that
they wouldn't do otherwise. So I kind of developed a
little thicker skin and and I developed some talent for
(12:40):
breaking through that.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
And probably that's my one thing. I like to think
I'm very clinically proficient, but if I had to boil
down the essence of Kelly as a caregiver, it's the
care part. I develop a good rapport with just about
every patient I meet.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Feel you, I understand you, And yeah, I definitely I
learned that early in my career because of and I've
said this again on my podcast prior is that my
crew chief Chuck Brandtner, who let's see, Chuck was about
the six' four two forty all. Muscle he could eat,
(13:20):
right and he could eat you, know seven quarter, pounders
especially eleven to seven. Shift never gained a weight in
anything else like. That but he told me earlier on
in my, career where you, know we're here to take
care of, people even THOUGH i was a young you,
know young pop and, ems and you, know what do
we think about. YOU i want the, TRAUMA i want the,
shooting SO i want the motor vehicle. ACCIDENTS i want
(13:41):
to suscitate every kardiak or ress. Patient and he told,
me he gave me a piece of advice That i've
always passed on as, well is that we're here to
take care of.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
People that's what we're here to, do and that is
is just so. Important i'm so.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Happy for you and your.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Daughter it just proves on how people can change their
lives and how just like get off the plane In.
Speaker 5 (14:00):
Holland you know your.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Daughter you, know was born WITH cp and you just
you and your family just rolled with it and, daughters you,
know doing, great which is. Great that's a that's a good.
THING i GUESS i want to come back a little
bit to your. Writing and you, said you have a
knack for. Writing and do you remember your first article
that you wrote for ums one dot com and what
was it? About and tell me how you progressed to
(14:22):
find that, knack.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
BECAUSE i know that you're you're known also for your
mixing humor with. Honesty so how does that all fit?
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Together? Well, actually the first, uh the first THING i,
WROTE i DISCOVERED i had a talent for. Writing.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
List you, KNOW i always thought of myself early on
as a technical.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Writer i'm A i'm a professional.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
EXPLAINER i can take complex subjects and write about them
and break them down without without dumbing it, down uh
into easily learnable. Pieces SO i thought of myself as
a technical writer THAT i can you, KNOW i can
take those stereo instructions and make them. Readable but in,
college for the second, STINT i needed an EASY a
(15:06):
to boost my g P. A i was majoring in
biology with AN i toward free. Medicine needed an EASY
a AND i took the freshman Composition and on the
first day Of Freshman, composition the teacher has to write
a diagnostic essay just to see what our writing skills
are she, said tell me about tell me about the
(15:28):
how you grew. Up SO i wrote that, essay you,
know two page, essay wrote it and turned it in
and the next DAY i came to, class she hands
it back to me with in big red, letters what
are you doing in my? Class SO i met with
her and she, Said i'm putting you on the school.
PAPER i, Said i'm not a. Reporter she, SAID i don't.
(15:50):
Care write whatever you. Want so she took me to
the editor and the faculty. Adviser she, said give this
guy BIL.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
I let him write whatever he.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Wants just make sure he turns turns in something for every.
Issue SO i spent spent two years making fun of my.
Professors the thing that she gave me was confidence in
What i'm. Doing she, said don't change a. Thing she,
said you're gonna make an a in my. Class write
(16:18):
like you.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Write you. Have you have the gift of.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Having a, voice a particular, tone and the way you convey,
things and that's something you can't, replicate you can't copy
from anyone.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Else, said trust your own voice and write what you
want to.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Write and when you, write if your voice is strong
enough and you write well, enough you can ignore every
single convention of writing that there. Is you can write
and run on, sentences you can write in, fragments you
can do all sorts of things that the rules of
writing say you can't. Do but if you're a good,
writer you can ignore those. Rules so that's WHEN i
first REALIZED i had SOMETHING i.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
COULD i could.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
DO i could a creative, outlet if you.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Will SO i think.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
The, first the first THING i wrote FOR ems one
WAS i think it was ABOUT ems and The Fire
service and marriage, counseling BECAUSE i THINK ems and The
Fire service is a very dysfunctional marriage and we really
don't belong.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Together good.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
People firefighters are, great people love, them BUT i don't think.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
It's a good marriage WITH. Ems SO i, wrote.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You, know a kind of an article about marriage counseling
with between fire AND.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
Ems AND i think that was the very first ONE i.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Wrote it might have been another one right before, that
but that's the one that stuck out and kind of
helped establish.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Me how much feedback did you get on that? Article
do you? Remember Oh, god.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
People hated my absolute ever loving, guts but people also
said yay.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Man finally somebody said.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
It so you write for those you learn early on.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Don't read the. COMMENTS i mean you read that you
want you, know so you read those.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Comments and back in the day.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
That the comments ON ems one.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Uh and still, today people that that bother to click
through and read the entire article and leave a comment
are usually people who've who've read and considered what you.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
Say.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Uh, unfortunately most of the writing tends to to uh
be geared towards the clickbait uh generation and comments and and.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Uh exposure on social.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Media, so like everything you, do not read the comments
on social. Media facebook E ms pages are the most
icely spaceport of rational. Discourse it's a wretched hive of
scum and villainy where you must be. Cautious so uh
learn write real quick nature to read those because there's
such there's such vitriol and and uh dumb assery in
(18:52):
those things that it just harshes mamelo.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Stuff, WELL i would stay on the writing theme for
a couple more. Minutes if you don't mind one thing
that you, Will, Man i'm just living in. It you
are a writer that really brings the gritty part OF
ms into your. Writing what made you decide to share
(19:16):
your personal experiences and how did you find your voice
as a? STORYTELLER i know you wrote a book and
everything as.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yep the first book WAS i was a ten year
paramedic whose wife had just left.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
HIM i was at the.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
TIME i didn't realize that it was my depression that
was doing, this AND i was kind of distant and checked,
out LIKE i tend to get WHEN i let my
depression get the better of. Me AND i came home
from teaching a class and the other end of the
state and half my stuff was, gone AND i had.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
A Dear kelly.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Letter and to realize that my wife felt like a
roommate and not a lover a partner in a relationship
kind of shook me to the. Core AND I, UH
i spent a week or two trying to be a.
DRUNK uh spent a week or two, pondering and more than,
pondering really planning to kill. SOMEONE uh found out That
(20:16):
i'm a better paramedic THAN i am a drunk or a.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Murderer, anyway ALTHOUGH i.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Had a good, PLAN i probably could have gotten away with.
It and just to keep my, SANITY i just hauled
out my laptop AND i started packing away at my
laptop on posting locations in between, calls and after two
weeks of feverishly, writing, says what the hell are you
(20:42):
doing with that computer so? Much AND i reluctantly handed
with the computer and she just wore out the scroll
wheel and handed.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
It back to.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Me said this is this is. Awesome you should you
should make this a. Book AND i said, no and she,
said really you. SHOULD i couldn't stop. Reading and you
know you you your words are, evocative you make some
people feel what you're.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Writing SO i SENT.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
I sent the the first few chapters to a friend of, mine,
uh one of the giants IN, Ems Lou.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Jordans lou was one.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Of one of R Adams cally's first e mts and
he he's got all the stories.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
And knows everybody IN.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Ems and WHAT i didn't know was That lou had
just started his own uh uh boutique publishing. House SO i, said, Hey,
lou is this just self indulgent bullshit or is there
something to?
Speaker 4 (21:38):
This and he sent me back a. Contract he, said
right when.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
You get, done send it to me and we'll publish.
It and if a bigger publisher notices.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
You one day and you need to get out of your.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Contract, well Then i'll Have i'll have done WHAT i
wanted to. Do so he gave me my, first uh
my first book, contract and it was the kind of
royalty agreement that you will never get anywhere else in traditional.
Publishing he's, like we split it fifty to. Fifty, wow you,
Know Stephen king didn't get fifty to. Fifty but shortly,
(22:15):
thereafter an editor From Kathlin press was trolling the blogs
and he's checking out the blogs and he saw my
BLOG A day in The life of An Ambulance driver.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
And, said, HEY i like this guy's writing.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Style and he took my first book and republished it
under their imprint and basically ruined.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
It you, KNOW i got a harsh lesson in traditional
publishing early on and.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Learned those lessons for subsequent. Books but they took my
book said all these passages are are too. Dark you
need to take these out this this will turn people.
Off and the over helming feedback on the book was,
great except it feels like there are stories.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
Missing are there are things that this seems more? Disconnected.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
DUH i took out six or, ten you, KNOW i
think ten chapters that were at the request of the
publisher and WHEN i and.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Then they never marketed the.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Books where the day, on the editor that had set
all this up went to another publishing, house which is
pretty common for the, industry and they just worfened the whole.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Project so when after five.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Or six, years they remaindered the rest of my books
and gave me my rights back AND i republished.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
It on my own AND i sold more of my
books THAN i ever. Did.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Uh and from that point, forward you, KNOW i had
a platform Through Kendall Direct publishing WHERE i COULD i
could publish, independently AND i just scratched the itch with
with the stories from then.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
On but a, story all, Right let's move on from
the writing component of your life TO ems.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
CULTURE i know you've written a.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Lot you've talked about, leadership, burnout professionalism for so many,
decades and we won't see how many decades in the
in the, field what's changed for the better and what
still needs.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Fixing you, KNOW i spread my wings and started writing. Fiction.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Uh and that's that's a pretty good creative outlet for.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
ME i love writing the.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Fiction as far as the stories, go THE ems centric
STUFF i always subscribe To Ernest hemingway's writing. Advice he,
said it's easy to. Write just sit at the typewriter.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
And, bleed and that's. It that's that's kind of where
the honesty comes.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
THROUGH i try not to hold anything, back, unfortunately you.
Know that's and it's odd THAT i. CAN i can
share things and be open on a page at a,
keyboard but SOMETIMES i don't hate those lessons into my personal.
Life And i've had problems with my with my wife
(25:05):
and originally and and uh an OCCASIONAL uh set to
With NANCY uh my current, partner who is? UH i
want to say current. Partner she is my you know she.
Is she's my better half in every. Way and it's odd,
that you, know the THINGS i would share with, strangers
uh in a book or in a column on the,
(25:27):
INTERNET i wouldn't share with my.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
WIFE.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Uh took that was a harsh lesson to realize that
THAT i was not BEING, UH i was not giving
her the same uh honesty and openness AS i was literal.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
Strangers so ONCE i learned that, lesson things got a lot.
Better BUT, uh you know WHEN.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I WHEN i branched out into creative writing and doing
more than just ems, Stories, UH i kind of found my.
Niche SO i indulge my my sense of whimsy and
writing short stories and.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Books SO i wrote a book about some.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Dude you, know and everybody IN ms knows who some dude.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
Is you. Know some dude is the guy who sold
you the. Drugs some dude is the guy who jumped.
You and when you.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Were sitting there on your front porch reading The bible
and drinking a wholesome glass of, milk and when all
of a, sudden for no, reason some dude just jumped you.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
And beat you.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Up SO i made the premise that some dude was a,
supernatural immortal entity and his job is to wreak.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
Havoc throughout the.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
World SO i started a trilogy of novels on That
i'm currently working on the second.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
One but the real thing is.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
WHEN i just get to BECAUSE i have a skewed
sense of, humor And i'm more than just a little.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Goofy i'm very.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Goofy SO i get to turn the goofy side loose
in my short. Stories you, Know i've got a short
stories about about Waffle.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
House you, know.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
If you've ever In, washington you went From North, carolina.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Didn't you originally In North.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Carolina so you've probably been to a waffle. House but
if you haven't been to a waffle, house it is
a thing that must be experienced that cannot be. Described
and you meet some interesting specimens of humanity at at waffle.
House and like people say about About, Denny's denny's is waffle.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
House for people who don't know how to.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Fight SO i made up a series of stories that
the people you meet at waffle house at two o'clock
in the morning are not really. People they're actually supernatural
creatures and waffle house is their neutral.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Ground SO i and did that sort of. Thing i'm
having fun with.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
It it's, good all. Right now get back to my original.
Question is that's, okay that's. Right it's my job to
try to bring it back to try to get that question.
Answered or you don't want to, answer that's okay. Too
what has changed for the better and what's dont need
to fix?
Speaker 4 (28:01):
It in THE?
Speaker 5 (28:02):
EMS i?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Gotcha what has changed for the?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Better, well now THAT i have an, OUTLET i think
my mental health is. BETTER i looked. Back you, KNOW
i got into EM s because of. Depression didn't realize
at the TIME i THOUGHT i.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
WAS i was burnt out on retriever. Training WAS i
was not doing a good job as a retriever.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Trainer i'd wake up in the morning And i'd hate
the FACE i looked in, them looked at in the.
MIRROR i was not training the. DOGS i was lying
to my clients and taking their. Money and WHEN i
decided to get, OUT i, said. OKAY I one of
my clients who had treated well had a payday loan,
company so he loaned me ten grand on a signature,
(28:47):
note AND i paid back all my, clients sent their
dogs home and refunded the last three months of their.
Training AND i got INTO, ems went TO emt, school
and that was, expensive you, know ten, thousand ten thousand
dollars loan at payday loan.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Rates it's.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Horrendous BUT i got INTO, ems And i'd been IN
ems for ten years or so BEFORE i realized, That,
uh it wasn't just burnt, out it was depression and
it's and it's sick with.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Pan Then i'll have my peaks And i'm back in the.
Valley and over TIME i learned the learned the.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Warning, signs and learned the the the things that get
me out of my. Depression AND i rely on people
Like nancy who who you know sometimes you, know show
me the, cold hard truth and give me my wake
up call That i'm getting back into that depressive.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Pattern so things have.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Evened oubt there's less peaks at valleys and the valleys
the peaks are still pretty, high BUT i don't get deep.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Into the valley Where i'm sitting with a laptop on my,
lap you, know and.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Forty pizza boxes piled in the corner BECAUSE i hadn't
been outside the house in a, month And i've got
twelve open word documents with just the title on, them
and BECAUSE i haven't written, anything And i'm doing drive By.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
Facebook post at three.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Am because when you're, depressed When i'm, depressed that's my
human contact and it's a pale imitation of the real.
Thing SO i Realize i'm getting in that, rut AND
i take my social media. HIATUS i get away from,
it AND i seek out rewarding AND i work on
my personal.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Relationships that's what's gotten.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
BETTER i have realizing and being able to, say, Hey i'm, depressed.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
And shining a light on it helps me not be.
Depressed so that's.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
The one thing that's gotten. Better my mental health has
improved along with my. Writing and the other thing that
helped improve my mental health IS i quit engaging and
Ams facebook. Groups that's a wonder for your mental. Health
if you don't do battle with trolls and idiots every,
day you feel much much better about.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
YOURSELF i believe our mental health AND ems and public
safety has gotten a little bit. Better BUT i think
on the other, SIDE i think there'd be some people
that would disagree with that statement because we're still having
way too many people that are losing their lives to
suicide and public, safety and there's still a lot of
bullying that goes along with in public, safety both, ms
(31:32):
fire and police that people are still afraid to talk.
Speaker 5 (31:37):
About that's a tough. SUBJECT i.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
KNOW i know we're taking a little bit of a
dark turn here a little, Bit BUT i guess my
personal opinion is that we should be doing a better
job of helping people in our, profession AND i don't
think we're doing. That, yeah you're, right social med people
will turn to social, media and it's really easy to
hide behind social media and that anonymous post or whatever
(31:59):
it may. Be BUT i think what it comes down
to is that when we recognize somebody is, struggling why
we still hesitant to react or? Help AND i guess
happy for, you AND i understand the mental health component
Because i've gone through my peaks and valleys as. Well
BUT i just think that we could do a better
job IN. Fos we, can you.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Know AND.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I was part Of Code green campaign early, on and
they do good. Work but at a, point there comes
a point where you, say you, know why are we raising?
Awareness people are, aware we get. It you, know we
have a screwed up. Profession it takes a physical and
emotional toll on. Us uh and some people seek the
(32:43):
final solution way too many of.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
Us people are. Aware if you're any.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
A mess and you don't know that we have a
mental health, PROBLEM i challenge your perceptions and your mental
cognition because it's obvious to everyone who's been in the.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
Profession, so you.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Know raising awareness kind of left me with a sour,
note AND i realized that you know you. Can you
can lobby.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Your YOUR ms agencies.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
And the leaders IN ms to provide better mental health
care benefits and to lobby your your legislators to to
pass laws that help support our mental health and you,
know make insurance easier and that sort of. Thing and
that's all, useful but it peels in comparison to being
caring and thoughtful about the person sitting eighteen inches away from.
(33:38):
You that is where the rubber meets the road in
ems mental. Health taking care of your, partner you, know
realizing every one of, US i say it this, way
every one of us would have our partners back in
the fight if if we had a patient attack. Us
you take your partner's side every, time you'd.
Speaker 4 (33:56):
Have their back in a.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Fight but what we don't often have is is taking
their back in a fight with their own. Demons they
don't articulate those demons to, us and and often we're.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
Oblivious but we should. Be we should be.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Taking our partner's side and have their back in the
fight with their own with their own personal. Demons and
if you do, that we wouldn't have these these suicide.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Rate that we.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Do you, Know being, kind caring and thinking about your
partner and supporting him or, HER i think is where
we get the most bang for the buck and mental health.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Support i've got to ask you one more question, Here,
Uh you've got such a great gift of. Storytelling is
there one story from your career that still gives you,
chills makes you, laugh or reminds you why you fell
in love with ems in the first.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Place probably the most famous story is the ostyrich attack.
Story that's the one that everybody wants to. Hear and,
uh here's a helpful hint from your, Uncle. Kelly folks
don't mess with an ostrich they're modern day.
Speaker 4 (35:02):
Olociraptors but probably for me was the.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
Call the epiphany that that really shook me as a paramedic.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
And and made me be a better.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
One I'VE i tell people that took five years for
my skills and knowledge to catch, up catch.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
Up with my. Ego, uh and they're still making. Neck.
Uh my ego is very.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
HEALTHY i try not to manifest it as a cocky.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Paramedic But i'm confident in WHAT i do AND i
Think i'm good at.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
It. Uh but at the, TIME i couldn't walk the,
walk AND i took a patient THAT i COULDN'T i
shouldn't have. TAKEN i should have been a better advocate
and say, No i'm going to stabilize this guy here
BEFORE i take him. Somewhere at the, time my thoughts, Were,
okay let's get him out of this band aid station
before the er staff kill.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
Him, Uh AND.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I overestimated my ability to manage, him and he long story,
short he started vomiting blood and such a mouse THAT
i couldn't keep his airway open and filled up.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
A suction canister in short.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Order and it was back in the day when you
didn't have nice suction units like to have. Now he
had a thing that ran off the vacuum system of
your view of your ambulance's, engine and.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
It had plastic.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Wiaters you had to put it together in such a
way and just just the right, way or the damn
thing didn't. Work AND i reassembled it the wrong, way
and then the suction was, gone AND i tried to
intubate him to protect his, airway AND.
Speaker 4 (36:39):
I couldn't see anything for all the, blood AND i
wound up intubating.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Him and my rationale, Was i'm just gonna tube and
IF i get it in the, esophagus well, great then
all this blood that's making it into his airway will
now be shooting out of a seven point five.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Tube onto the. Floor OR i get it in this.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Trachea AND i can catch up and catch up with
the desuctioning and maintain his airway. Meanwhile SO i just
blindly tubed and sure enough went in as.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
ESOPHAGUS. Uh and THEN i felt the AMBULANCE uh.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Turned in the backup alarm go, off and oh my,
God i'm at the hospital. Now and the first thing
the doctor said, was you, know he bagged the patient,
once which.
Speaker 4 (37:22):
My bag wasn't. Attached. Uh he hooked up the bag
bags in his stomach and he pulled it, out AND
i flipped.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
OUT i had been screaming at this guy the whole,
time or when he started to go.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
South you, know don't you die on, me you son of.
Them you, know nobody dies in my. Ambulance you gotta wake,
up you gotta.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Fight And i'm just hysterically screaming at. Him and the
entire Time i'm doing, this his aunt is in the
front seat of the. Ambulance she can hear all this going.
On so WHEN i just lost it emotionally.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
And went after the er, doctor they pulled.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Us up art AND i went to the nurse's lounge
and noticed THAT i had blood in my, hair blood
up to my. ELBOWS i looked like a Wrecked my
uniform shirt was. Wrecked and a nurse came in and
gave me a pair of. Scrubs she, says we just
called the. CODE i, SAID i. FIGURED i figured. That she,
(38:19):
said it makes you feel any. Better the doctor couldn't
get an airway, either AND i, said, well thank you
for telling me, that but it doesn't make me feel any.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
Better so WHEN i left and went to THE i
went back.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
To my ambulance and WHEN i walked, outside this, woman
his aunt was standing in the ambulance space smoking a,
cigarette AND i could choked.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Up still talking about. This BUT i did the cowards.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Thing AND i tried to avoid, her and she caught
my arm AS i walked, past AND i JUST i,
froze and she turned me around and she pulled my
head down to her shoulder and wrapped her arms around
me and thanked. Me said you KNEW i did my,
best and thanked me for everything THAT i.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
Did and, man.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
You never know shame until a family member thanks to
you for killing their.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Family AND i went back to the ambulance.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
STATION i climbed in the shower AND i turned the
hot water on and cried myself to, sleep woke up
with in cold water and went to bed and THINKING
i don't THINK i can do this. Anymore AND i
made a decision THEN i, said you, know you can
(39:39):
either let this run you out OF, ems or you
can prove that you belong and you can get. Better
so that was the call that made me get, better
made me learn, more made me actually make sure that
my knowledge and my skills kept up with my. Ego
AND i still remember his. Name you know his, Name Frederick.
(40:00):
Main IF i wanted, TO i. CAN i can tell
you his address and his. BIRTHDAY i used to have
nightmares about that. KID i used to have nightmares about.
HIM i would wake up trying to screaming and trying
to secure an airway and covered at AN ems conference
one day after AN ms conference THAT i didn't, HAVE
(40:21):
i told that story AND i broke down giving a keynote,
speech and ONCE i got control of, MYSELF i went
on with the. Speech BUT i discovered that after THAT
i didn't have nightmares About Frederic mayin.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
Anymore and that's.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
It it's shine a light on, it h and kind
of like cockroaches when you when you.
Speaker 4 (40:42):
Turn on the, lights they. Scatter so.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
That's, uh that one probably affected me the most and
has spurred the rest of my career in seeking knowledge
and trying to improve.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Myself, well you can see how it still affects you
today after all these decades in the.
Speaker 5 (40:59):
Field it.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Does but, uh And i've used this in my. Writing
it's like every EVERY. E. M. T, doctor, nurse you
have your own psychic. Graveyard the thing is is that
the pressure is not what gets. You you, know the
pressure and the and the blood and the death and
(41:20):
the corners that we, see that's you, know you can
rationalize and, say most of those people are going to
die no matter what you. Do you try your. Best
sometimes you, can you can change. Things many times you.
Cannot but what is truly mentally healthy is when you
when you realize that that you're you can only control
(41:41):
what you, control.
Speaker 4 (41:44):
And that we are our own harshest, judges, family the.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Public their expectations are THINGS i can.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Meet BUT i. Can't OFTEN i can't always meet my
own expectations for. Myself.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Uh so you you learn to forgive yourself when you
realize that you have more unrealistic expectations than anyone.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
Else could ever have about.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
You suddenly that psychic graveyard of all the, stones the
headstones of the people you think you. Failed and that's
what that graveyard. Is it's not people that it's not
bad calls, necessarily it's not people that you've worked on and.
Died it's the ones where you thought you could have
done better and you were the reason someone, died the
(42:26):
ones you blame yourself. For so you can let those
gravestones haunt, you or you can make friends with. Ghosts
so that's WHAT i. DID i learned to make friends
with the. GHOSTS i forgive myself for, them AND i
try to let each make each lesson make me a
better person.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
And a better.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Paramedic, kelly this has been a fantastic. Conversation thank. You
thank you for sharing your, experience, wisdom and of course
your trademark humor with us.
Speaker 5 (42:52):
Today for our.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Listeners you can Find kelly's, BOOKS i guess On amazon
anywhere else they can find.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
It look up Under Stephen Kelly grayson On. Amazon It's
Stephen Kelly grayson On amazon and you'll find all my books.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
There and of course you should always take a look
at his writings if you ever go to ANY ms
conference And.
Speaker 5 (43:12):
Kelly is, speaking you need to go to.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Whatever if it's the, keynote if it's a, breakout you'll
eve inspired and probably you'll probably laugh a little bit as.
Well So, kelly thank you very much for coming back
On Medical metic.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Podcast it's been a while since we've we've talked.
Speaker 4 (43:28):
TOGETHER i enjoyed.
Speaker 5 (43:30):
It, YEAH i appreciate. It thank. You ah hi, brother
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(00:23):
to Medic Podcasting.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Come my getting attention All listeners on this frequency stand
by for an important announcement.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Welcome to Medic to Medic podcast the weekly podcast for
EMS providers, EMS leaders, EMS, medical directors and others involved
in or those who have an interest in emergency medical services.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Ladies and gentlemen, here's your host, Steve.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Cohen, coming from the Ferne Down, Washington Medical Medical Podcasts Studios.
It's another fine, fine podcast of Medical medic I want
to welcome you to this podcast where we bring you
the stories, lessons and laughter from the front lines of EMS.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
I'm your host, Steve Cohen.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
You can reach me at Medical Medic Podcasts at gmail
dot com. You can find this podcast on all your
favorite platforms of Spotify, pod being Apple Podcasts and of
course my Facebook page as well. Today's episode is one
I've been looking forward to for quite some time. My
guest is Kelly Grayson, who I guess.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
Can you know.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I don't know how to even describe how much you've
done for EMS, but when you think about EMS, it
has always made me laugh. You've always made me reflect
and somehow even tear up through some of your writings
and storytelling.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
You know, I know you're an.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Author, speaker, educator, and blogger. So Kelly, welcome back to
Medical Medic Podcast.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Thank you brother, It's good to be back.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, how about just tell us a little more about
your history and bring up some new listeners about you.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Yeah, I have.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I've been a paramedic for thirty two years now. I
think originally I was a professional retriever trainer and decided
I needed to the bottom fell out of that market
and I was burned out on that as well. Looking
back on it now, I was depressed and it took
me until I was in my early fifties to recognize
(02:29):
the pattern. But I got into I wanted to get
into nursing and the local community college the nursing program
had an eighteen month.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Waiting period as well.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
The registrar said, well, you know, there's this class called
Emergency Medical Technician that some people like to speak a
waiting on a spot in the nursing class. And about
three weeks into the EMT class, I decided this is
what I wanted to to do. So I went to
work for a little mom and pop ambulance service who
needed pair of medics. So they sent me to paramedic school.
After I've been an EMT for five months, and I
(03:05):
wound up getting my paramedic one year to the day
after I got my EMT, and I've been doing.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
This ever since.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Over the years, I've you know, I've made some friends
and developed some contacts and started looking for other ways
to help my profession. And the writing and the podcasting
and the columns all serve to serve that interest. I
just you know, I made a decision. Also when I
(03:35):
started Paramedic school, I had been an EMT instructor for
about a month, so I learned fairly early on that on.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
A busy shift, I can.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Take care of twelve to fifteen patients, and those are
twelve to fifteen lives I could touch. But if I teach,
and I teach twelve students, those twelve students can go
out and take care of twelve to fifteen patients, and
I think I can make a bigger stamp on my profession.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
So that's what that's what happened.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
And uh, from from thence came the teaching and uh,
Brian Bledsoe and originally Chris call uh started me writing
for for em s one dot com and EMS World magazine.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
And some others, and it's kind of grown grown from there.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I don't know how it got this big, and I
don't know how I got to.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
Be this face, but uh, that's it, man. I'm still
just a medic with a platform.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, I mean when you mentioned Chris and Brian both
have been on my podcast in the past. Actually, just
a quick story about Chris. So I moved from Raleigh,
North Carolina to out here to Ferndale, and on our
way was a stopping Bozeman and he was also during
COVID and but Chris and my wife and I went
out for dinner and in Bozeman.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Uh, it was it was. It was kind of fun.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
It was good to catch up with him as well
a few years back and we It's kind of interesting
when you talk about your teaching and how you can
pass You teach some students and they take care of
patients on my and I've said this a couple of
times in my podcast. When I took my EMT class,
my AMT instructor was a Pittsburgh Police officer and he
said something on our first day that still resonates with
(05:20):
me is that he told us in our class that yes,
you're going to be out there taking care of patients,
but you also have to pass.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
On your knowledge.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And that's something that I've done all through my career
I continue to do today. So it's kind of how
our paths are parallel, same kind of philosophy, which is
really good. Well, like you said, you've worn a lot
of hats and as a paramedic and educated and commence
and now you can sell it a guest on a
semi regular basis as well. What of those roles has
(05:50):
taught you the excuse me, I'm having a Pacific Northwest
cold here. What of those roles have taught you the
most about people? And which one has tested your patience
the most?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Well, you don't.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Quite get the personal connection with with writing that you
do with with working on a truck, and that has
been my That is how I've I've sustained myself for
over a long career. That I used to tell people
that I would work ruck until I start to hate patients,
and I teach until I start to hate students, and
I go back and forth with that, but it evolved
(06:24):
over time.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
I think I was like every typical paramedic.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
You know, you want to go out and save lives
and stamp out disease and force the grim Reaper at
every turn. And it took a couple of rough calls
for me to realize that that's not what's.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Important to my patients.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And if I set myself up for the life saving thing,
that I'm going to be a very disappointed man and
not last long in this career. So I, you know,
I had this epiphany that you need to treasure with
the small things in your career. So I think that
the thing that has affected me and shaped me most
is my work as a as a paramedic. I'm able
(07:01):
to I discovered that I have a talent for writing
and I can articulate those things, and that's been a
common thing that people have said to me over the
years is.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
That you've been in my ambulance, and.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
True I love to hear those stories that people have
had similar calls and that we all have you know,
our lives run along similar paths. But the thing for
me that really shaped two I am as a man
and a human being has been the work of the
ambulance and the personal connection with patients. Never had that
in the beginning of my career, but I can remember,
(07:36):
no remember the thirtieth, twenty twenty two or two thousand
and two was when it happened my daughter had been
born very premature, taken by emergency c section and premature,
and it was determined that she had grade for enticranial
hemorrhage and was going to have several palsy because of that.
(07:57):
And a woman from an organization called Families Helping Fams
Emily's came to visit us UH and these are people
who have their children are special needs and they there's
a support system for other families and other parents of
children with special needs. And she gave me a essay
by a woman named Emily Pearl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland,
(08:20):
and essentially the poem is or the essay is.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
You're planning this.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
You and your spect to Italy, and you've got your
tenerary all out.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
You've got to go to Venice and and go for
a gondola ride.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
You're going to see the Olive slopes in Tuscany. You're
going to go to the Vatican, You're going to go
see the Colisseum.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
You're so prepped. You have all your Italian currents, you
have your guidebook. You're ready to rock.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And when the plane linds, your Stewart says, welcome to Holland.
And nothing that you've prepared for has prepared you for Holland.
So you can spend your life bitching about not being
in Italy, or you can open your eyes and see
the beauty of Holland. And it occurred to me that
(09:07):
there's a personnel or there's a parallel in my career.
I can grt because I'm not saving lives and running
codes and doing heroic things that you know, the television
tells us we're supposed to be as paramedics. Or I
can see the beauty of just making a little old
lady smile on the way to the hospital, soothing a
(09:30):
frightened pace, making a kid laugh when he's scared.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
To death, those kind of things.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
So shifted my focus a lot, you know, and realizing
that and approaching ums with that mindset has has been
alterable warning.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
Over the years.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I mean, I still get I still get tired, I
get burnt out, but that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
That sustains me well talking about So I'm gonna do
a selfish plug here.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
One is ahead. One is that podcast I.
Speaker 5 (09:57):
Know, but I don't like doing selfish plug.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
One is that when you talk about that article, which
actually I'm going to take a look at because my
side gig is I'm a travel advisor, so I plan
a lot of trips. So if the person would be
using me from Magical Destinations by Steve, you would end
up in Italy.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Not in Holland.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
But I understand the open I'm just that was just
a selfish plug for me. But so how did no
talking about your daughter and CP, how did that change
your focus on taking care of patients as well and
how you viewed EMS and and maybe in a different
way with a.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Child with civil palsy.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And you know, this child taught me more about strength
and resilience that I've could have learned from in a
hundred lifetimes from other people, because every day for her
was a struggle, and she faced that struggle every single
day with a smile and a good attitude. She was
never sorry for herself.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
You know, it was what she was. And I look
at that and it was like, how can I be?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
How can I be any less when my two year
old daughter struggles to crawl across the floor. Now she's
she's a grown woman, now shares my sense of humor
and my love for seventies rock music. But she as
fragile as she has been. It's been tougher than any
of the human being I've ever known, because she faced
(11:26):
some major obstacles and face them every day, and she
does it with a smile on her face, and she's
just acceptance.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
She doesn't resent. For the most part, you know, she has.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
A rough days where she you know, I wish my
left arm worked right, and I wish I could walk
as well as I want to.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
I wish I didn't get sore every day.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
But for the most part, you know, she's got a
great attitude.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
She loves life. And for someone who is.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
From the very beginning, someone that still loves life and
has a has a sunny attitude.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
It's just something that I aspire to be.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I want to be as as kind and.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Resilient as my little girl. So that's that's been the
thing for me. So I look at that and.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I try to be I try to bear that attitude
when taking.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Care of patients. I look at them a little deeper and.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Is there, you know, is the way they're behaving because
of you know, a struggle or an obstacle that they're facing.
Came to realize that you see people at the at
their worst every time, you know, you see people at
your worst, and people at their worst do things that
they wouldn't do otherwise. So I kind of developed a
little thicker skin and and I developed some talent for
(12:40):
breaking through that.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
And probably that's my one thing. I like to think
I'm very clinically proficient, but if I had to boil
down the essence of Kelly as a caregiver, it's the
care part. I develop a good rapport with just about
every patient I meet.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Feel you, I understand you, And yeah, I definitely I
learned that early in my career because of and I've
said this again on my podcast prior is that my
crew chief Chuck Brandtner, who let's see, Chuck was about
the six' four two forty all. Muscle he could eat,
(13:20):
right and he could eat you, know seven quarter, pounders
especially eleven to seven. Shift never gained a weight in
anything else like. That but he told me earlier on
in my, career where you, know we're here to take
care of, people even THOUGH i was a young you,
know young pop and, ems and you, know what do
we think about. YOU i want the, TRAUMA i want the,
shooting SO i want the motor vehicle. ACCIDENTS i want
(13:41):
to suscitate every kardiak or ress. Patient and he told,
me he gave me a piece of advice That i've
always passed on as, well is that we're here to
take care of.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
People that's what we're here to, do and that is
is just so. Important i'm so.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Happy for you and your.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Daughter it just proves on how people can change their
lives and how just like get off the plane In.
Speaker 5 (14:00):
Holland you know your.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Daughter you, know was born WITH cp and you just
you and your family just rolled with it and, daughters you,
know doing, great which is. Great that's a that's a good.
THING i GUESS i want to come back a little
bit to your. Writing and you, said you have a
knack for. Writing and do you remember your first article
that you wrote for ums one dot com and what
was it? About and tell me how you progressed to
(14:22):
find that, knack.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
BECAUSE i know that you're you're known also for your
mixing humor with. Honesty so how does that all fit?
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Together? Well, actually the first, uh the first THING i,
WROTE i DISCOVERED i had a talent for. Writing.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
List you, KNOW i always thought of myself early on
as a technical.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Writer i'm A i'm a professional.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
EXPLAINER i can take complex subjects and write about them
and break them down without without dumbing it, down uh
into easily learnable. Pieces SO i thought of myself as
a technical writer THAT i can you, KNOW i can
take those stereo instructions and make them. Readable but in,
college for the second, STINT i needed an EASY a
(15:06):
to boost my g P. A i was majoring in
biology with AN i toward free. Medicine needed an EASY
a AND i took the freshman Composition and on the
first day Of Freshman, composition the teacher has to write
a diagnostic essay just to see what our writing skills
are she, said tell me about tell me about the
(15:28):
how you grew. Up SO i wrote that, essay you,
know two page, essay wrote it and turned it in
and the next DAY i came to, class she hands
it back to me with in big red, letters what
are you doing in my? Class SO i met with
her and she, Said i'm putting you on the school.
PAPER i, Said i'm not a. Reporter she, SAID i don't.
(15:50):
Care write whatever you. Want so she took me to
the editor and the faculty. Adviser she, said give this
guy BIL.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
I let him write whatever he.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Wants just make sure he turns turns in something for every.
Issue SO i spent spent two years making fun of my.
Professors the thing that she gave me was confidence in
What i'm. Doing she, said don't change a. Thing she,
said you're gonna make an a in my. Class write
(16:18):
like you.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Write you. Have you have the gift of.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Having a, voice a particular, tone and the way you convey,
things and that's something you can't, replicate you can't copy
from anyone.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Else, said trust your own voice and write what you
want to.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Write and when you, write if your voice is strong
enough and you write well, enough you can ignore every
single convention of writing that there. Is you can write
and run on, sentences you can write in, fragments you
can do all sorts of things that the rules of
writing say you can't. Do but if you're a good,
writer you can ignore those. Rules so that's WHEN i
first REALIZED i had SOMETHING i.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
COULD i could.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
DO i could a creative, outlet if you.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Will SO i think.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
The, first the first THING i wrote FOR ems one
WAS i think it was ABOUT ems and The Fire
service and marriage, counseling BECAUSE i THINK ems and The
Fire service is a very dysfunctional marriage and we really
don't belong.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Together good.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
People firefighters are, great people love, them BUT i don't think.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
It's a good marriage WITH. Ems SO i, wrote.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You, know a kind of an article about marriage counseling
with between fire AND.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
Ems AND i think that was the very first ONE i.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Wrote it might have been another one right before, that
but that's the one that stuck out and kind of
helped establish.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Me how much feedback did you get on that? Article
do you? Remember Oh, god.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
People hated my absolute ever loving, guts but people also
said yay.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Man finally somebody said.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
It so you write for those you learn early on.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Don't read the. COMMENTS i mean you read that you
want you, know so you read those.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Comments and back in the day.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
That the comments ON ems one.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Uh and still, today people that that bother to click
through and read the entire article and leave a comment
are usually people who've who've read and considered what you.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
Say.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Uh, unfortunately most of the writing tends to to uh
be geared towards the clickbait uh generation and comments and and.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Uh exposure on social.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Media, so like everything you, do not read the comments
on social. Media facebook E ms pages are the most
icely spaceport of rational. Discourse it's a wretched hive of
scum and villainy where you must be. Cautious so uh
learn write real quick nature to read those because there's
such there's such vitriol and and uh dumb assery in
(18:52):
those things that it just harshes mamelo.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Stuff, WELL i would stay on the writing theme for
a couple more. Minutes if you don't mind one thing
that you, Will, Man i'm just living in. It you
are a writer that really brings the gritty part OF
ms into your. Writing what made you decide to share
(19:16):
your personal experiences and how did you find your voice
as a? STORYTELLER i know you wrote a book and
everything as.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yep the first book WAS i was a ten year
paramedic whose wife had just left.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
HIM i was at the.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
TIME i didn't realize that it was my depression that
was doing, this AND i was kind of distant and checked,
out LIKE i tend to get WHEN i let my
depression get the better of. Me AND i came home
from teaching a class and the other end of the
state and half my stuff was, gone AND i had.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
A Dear kelly.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Letter and to realize that my wife felt like a
roommate and not a lover a partner in a relationship
kind of shook me to the. Core AND I, UH
i spent a week or two trying to be a.
DRUNK uh spent a week or two, pondering and more than,
pondering really planning to kill. SOMEONE uh found out That
(20:16):
i'm a better paramedic THAN i am a drunk or a.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Murderer, anyway ALTHOUGH i.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Had a good, PLAN i probably could have gotten away with.
It and just to keep my, SANITY i just hauled
out my laptop AND i started packing away at my
laptop on posting locations in between, calls and after two
weeks of feverishly, writing, says what the hell are you
(20:42):
doing with that computer so? Much AND i reluctantly handed
with the computer and she just wore out the scroll
wheel and handed.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
It back to.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Me said this is this is. Awesome you should you
should make this a. Book AND i said, no and she,
said really you. SHOULD i couldn't stop. Reading and you
know you you your words are, evocative you make some
people feel what you're.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Writing SO i SENT.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
I sent the the first few chapters to a friend of, mine,
uh one of the giants IN, Ems Lou.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Jordans lou was one.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Of one of R Adams cally's first e mts and
he he's got all the stories.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
And knows everybody IN.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Ems and WHAT i didn't know was That lou had
just started his own uh uh boutique publishing. House SO i, said, Hey,
lou is this just self indulgent bullshit or is there
something to?
Speaker 4 (21:38):
This and he sent me back a. Contract he, said
right when.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
You get, done send it to me and we'll publish.
It and if a bigger publisher notices.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
You one day and you need to get out of your.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Contract, well Then i'll Have i'll have done WHAT i
wanted to. Do so he gave me my, first uh
my first book, contract and it was the kind of
royalty agreement that you will never get anywhere else in traditional.
Publishing he's, like we split it fifty to. Fifty, wow you,
Know Stephen king didn't get fifty to. Fifty but shortly,
(22:15):
thereafter an editor From Kathlin press was trolling the blogs
and he's checking out the blogs and he saw my
BLOG A day in The life of An Ambulance driver.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
And, said, HEY i like this guy's writing.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Style and he took my first book and republished it
under their imprint and basically ruined.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
It you, KNOW i got a harsh lesson in traditional
publishing early on and.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Learned those lessons for subsequent. Books but they took my
book said all these passages are are too. Dark you
need to take these out this this will turn people.
Off and the over helming feedback on the book was,
great except it feels like there are stories.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
Missing are there are things that this seems more? Disconnected.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
DUH i took out six or, ten you, KNOW i
think ten chapters that were at the request of the
publisher and WHEN i and.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Then they never marketed the.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Books where the day, on the editor that had set
all this up went to another publishing, house which is
pretty common for the, industry and they just worfened the whole.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Project so when after five.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Or six, years they remaindered the rest of my books
and gave me my rights back AND i republished.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
It on my own AND i sold more of my
books THAN i ever. Did.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Uh and from that point, forward you, KNOW i had
a platform Through Kendall Direct publishing WHERE i COULD i
could publish, independently AND i just scratched the itch with
with the stories from then.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
On but a, story all, Right let's move on from
the writing component of your life TO ems.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
CULTURE i know you've written a.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Lot you've talked about, leadership, burnout professionalism for so many,
decades and we won't see how many decades in the
in the, field what's changed for the better and what
still needs.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Fixing you, KNOW i spread my wings and started writing. Fiction.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Uh and that's that's a pretty good creative outlet for.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
ME i love writing the.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Fiction as far as the stories, go THE ems centric
STUFF i always subscribe To Ernest hemingway's writing. Advice he,
said it's easy to. Write just sit at the typewriter.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
And, bleed and that's. It that's that's kind of where
the honesty comes.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
THROUGH i try not to hold anything, back, unfortunately you.
Know that's and it's odd THAT i. CAN i can
share things and be open on a page at a,
keyboard but SOMETIMES i don't hate those lessons into my personal.
Life And i've had problems with my with my wife
(25:05):
and originally and and uh an OCCASIONAL uh set to
With NANCY uh my current, partner who is? UH i
want to say current. Partner she is my you know she.
Is she's my better half in every. Way and it's odd,
that you, know the THINGS i would share with, strangers
uh in a book or in a column on the,
(25:27):
INTERNET i wouldn't share with my.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
WIFE.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Uh took that was a harsh lesson to realize that
THAT i was not BEING, UH i was not giving
her the same uh honesty and openness AS i was literal.
Speaker 4 (25:40):
Strangers so ONCE i learned that, lesson things got a lot.
Better BUT, uh you know WHEN.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I WHEN i branched out into creative writing and doing
more than just ems, Stories, UH i kind of found my.
Niche SO i indulge my my sense of whimsy and
writing short stories and.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Books SO i wrote a book about some.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Dude you, know and everybody IN ms knows who some dude.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
Is you. Know some dude is the guy who sold
you the. Drugs some dude is the guy who jumped.
You and when you.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Were sitting there on your front porch reading The bible
and drinking a wholesome glass of, milk and when all
of a, sudden for no, reason some dude just jumped you.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
And beat you.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Up SO i made the premise that some dude was a,
supernatural immortal entity and his job is to wreak.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
Havoc throughout the.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
World SO i started a trilogy of novels on That
i'm currently working on the second.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
One but the real thing is.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
WHEN i just get to BECAUSE i have a skewed
sense of, humor And i'm more than just a little.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Goofy i'm very.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Goofy SO i get to turn the goofy side loose
in my short. Stories you, Know i've got a short
stories about about Waffle.
Speaker 4 (27:01):
House you, know.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
If you've ever In, washington you went From North, carolina.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Didn't you originally In North.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Carolina so you've probably been to a waffle. House but
if you haven't been to a waffle, house it is
a thing that must be experienced that cannot be. Described
and you meet some interesting specimens of humanity at at waffle.
House and like people say about About, Denny's denny's is waffle.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
House for people who don't know how to.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Fight SO i made up a series of stories that
the people you meet at waffle house at two o'clock
in the morning are not really. People they're actually supernatural
creatures and waffle house is their neutral.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Ground SO i and did that sort of. Thing i'm
having fun with.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
It it's, good all. Right now get back to my original.
Question is that's, okay that's. Right it's my job to
try to bring it back to try to get that question.
Answered or you don't want to, answer that's okay. Too
what has changed for the better and what's dont need
to fix?
Speaker 4 (28:01):
It in THE?
Speaker 5 (28:02):
EMS i?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Gotcha what has changed for the?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Better, well now THAT i have an, OUTLET i think
my mental health is. BETTER i looked. Back you, KNOW
i got into EM s because of. Depression didn't realize
at the TIME i THOUGHT i.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
WAS i was burnt out on retriever. Training WAS i
was not doing a good job as a retriever.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Trainer i'd wake up in the morning And i'd hate
the FACE i looked in, them looked at in the.
MIRROR i was not training the. DOGS i was lying
to my clients and taking their. Money and WHEN i
decided to get, OUT i, said. OKAY I one of
my clients who had treated well had a payday loan,
company so he loaned me ten grand on a signature,
(28:47):
note AND i paid back all my, clients sent their
dogs home and refunded the last three months of their.
Training AND i got INTO, ems went TO emt, school
and that was, expensive you, know ten, thousand ten thousand
dollars loan at payday loan.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Rates it's.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Horrendous BUT i got INTO, ems And i'd been IN
ems for ten years or so BEFORE i realized, That,
uh it wasn't just burnt, out it was depression and
it's and it's sick with.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
Pan Then i'll have my peaks And i'm back in the.
Valley and over TIME i learned the learned the.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Warning, signs and learned the the the things that get
me out of my. Depression AND i rely on people
Like nancy who who you know sometimes you, know show
me the, cold hard truth and give me my wake
up call That i'm getting back into that depressive.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Pattern so things have.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Evened oubt there's less peaks at valleys and the valleys
the peaks are still pretty, high BUT i don't get deep.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Into the valley Where i'm sitting with a laptop on my,
lap you, know and.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Forty pizza boxes piled in the corner BECAUSE i hadn't
been outside the house in a, month And i've got
twelve open word documents with just the title on, them
and BECAUSE i haven't written, anything And i'm doing drive By.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
Facebook post at three.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Am because when you're, depressed When i'm, depressed that's my
human contact and it's a pale imitation of the real.
Thing SO i Realize i'm getting in that, rut AND
i take my social media. HIATUS i get away from,
it AND i seek out rewarding AND i work on
my personal.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Relationships that's what's gotten.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
BETTER i have realizing and being able to, say, Hey i'm, depressed.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
And shining a light on it helps me not be.
Depressed so that's.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
The one thing that's gotten. Better my mental health has
improved along with my. Writing and the other thing that
helped improve my mental health IS i quit engaging and
Ams facebook. Groups that's a wonder for your mental. Health
if you don't do battle with trolls and idiots every,
day you feel much much better about.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
YOURSELF i believe our mental health AND ems and public
safety has gotten a little bit. Better BUT i think
on the other, SIDE i think there'd be some people
that would disagree with that statement because we're still having
way too many people that are losing their lives to
suicide and public, safety and there's still a lot of
bullying that goes along with in public, safety both, ms
(31:32):
fire and police that people are still afraid to talk.
Speaker 5 (31:37):
About that's a tough. SUBJECT i.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
KNOW i know we're taking a little bit of a
dark turn here a little, Bit BUT i guess my
personal opinion is that we should be doing a better
job of helping people in our, profession AND i don't
think we're doing. That, yeah you're, right social med people
will turn to social, media and it's really easy to
hide behind social media and that anonymous post or whatever
(31:59):
it may. Be BUT i think what it comes down
to is that when we recognize somebody is, struggling why
we still hesitant to react or? Help AND i guess
happy for, you AND i understand the mental health component
Because i've gone through my peaks and valleys as. Well
BUT i just think that we could do a better
job IN. Fos we, can you.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Know AND.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I was part Of Code green campaign early, on and
they do good. Work but at a, point there comes
a point where you, say you, know why are we raising?
Awareness people are, aware we get. It you, know we
have a screwed up. Profession it takes a physical and
emotional toll on. Us uh and some people seek the
(32:43):
final solution way too many of.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
Us people are. Aware if you're any.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
A mess and you don't know that we have a
mental health, PROBLEM i challenge your perceptions and your mental
cognition because it's obvious to everyone who's been in the.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
Profession, so you.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Know raising awareness kind of left me with a sour,
note AND i realized that you know you. Can you
can lobby.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Your YOUR ms agencies.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
And the leaders IN ms to provide better mental health
care benefits and to lobby your your legislators to to
pass laws that help support our mental health and you,
know make insurance easier and that sort of. Thing and
that's all, useful but it peels in comparison to being
caring and thoughtful about the person sitting eighteen inches away from.
(33:38):
You that is where the rubber meets the road in
ems mental. Health taking care of your, partner you, know
realizing every one of, US i say it this, way
every one of us would have our partners back in
the fight if if we had a patient attack. Us
you take your partner's side every, time you'd.
Speaker 4 (33:56):
Have their back in a.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Fight but what we don't often have is is taking
their back in a fight with their own. Demons they
don't articulate those demons to, us and and often we're.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
Oblivious but we should. Be we should be.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Taking our partner's side and have their back in the
fight with their own with their own personal. Demons and
if you do, that we wouldn't have these these suicide.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Rate that we.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Do you, Know being, kind caring and thinking about your
partner and supporting him or, HER i think is where
we get the most bang for the buck and mental health.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Support i've got to ask you one more question, Here,
Uh you've got such a great gift of. Storytelling is
there one story from your career that still gives you,
chills makes you, laugh or reminds you why you fell
in love with ems in the first.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Place probably the most famous story is the ostyrich attack.
Story that's the one that everybody wants to. Hear and,
uh here's a helpful hint from your, Uncle. Kelly folks
don't mess with an ostrich they're modern day.
Speaker 4 (35:02):
Olociraptors but probably for me was the.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
Call the epiphany that that really shook me as a paramedic.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
And and made me be a better.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
One I'VE i tell people that took five years for
my skills and knowledge to catch, up catch.
Speaker 4 (35:21):
Up with my. Ego, uh and they're still making. Neck.
Uh my ego is very.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
HEALTHY i try not to manifest it as a cocky.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
Paramedic But i'm confident in WHAT i do AND i
Think i'm good at.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
It. Uh but at the, TIME i couldn't walk the,
walk AND i took a patient THAT i COULDN'T i
shouldn't have. TAKEN i should have been a better advocate
and say, No i'm going to stabilize this guy here
BEFORE i take him. Somewhere at the, time my thoughts, Were,
okay let's get him out of this band aid station
before the er staff kill.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
Him, Uh AND.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I overestimated my ability to manage, him and he long story,
short he started vomiting blood and such a mouse THAT
i couldn't keep his airway open and filled up.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
A suction canister in short.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Order and it was back in the day when you
didn't have nice suction units like to have. Now he
had a thing that ran off the vacuum system of
your view of your ambulance's, engine and.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
It had plastic.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Wiaters you had to put it together in such a
way and just just the right, way or the damn
thing didn't. Work AND i reassembled it the wrong, way
and then the suction was, gone AND i tried to
intubate him to protect his, airway AND.
Speaker 4 (36:39):
I couldn't see anything for all the, blood AND i
wound up intubating.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Him and my rationale, Was i'm just gonna tube and
IF i get it in the, esophagus well, great then
all this blood that's making it into his airway will
now be shooting out of a seven point five.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Tube onto the. Floor OR i get it in this.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Trachea AND i can catch up and catch up with
the desuctioning and maintain his airway. Meanwhile SO i just
blindly tubed and sure enough went in as.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
ESOPHAGUS. Uh and THEN i felt the AMBULANCE uh.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Turned in the backup alarm go, off and oh my,
God i'm at the hospital. Now and the first thing
the doctor said, was you, know he bagged the patient,
once which.
Speaker 4 (37:22):
My bag wasn't. Attached. Uh he hooked up the bag
bags in his stomach and he pulled it, out AND
i flipped.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
OUT i had been screaming at this guy the whole,
time or when he started to go.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
South you, know don't you die on, me you son of.
Them you, know nobody dies in my. Ambulance you gotta wake,
up you gotta.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Fight And i'm just hysterically screaming at. Him and the
entire Time i'm doing, this his aunt is in the
front seat of the. Ambulance she can hear all this going.
On so WHEN i just lost it emotionally.
Speaker 4 (37:57):
And went after the er, doctor they pulled.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Us up art AND i went to the nurse's lounge
and noticed THAT i had blood in my, hair blood
up to my. ELBOWS i looked like a Wrecked my
uniform shirt was. Wrecked and a nurse came in and
gave me a pair of. Scrubs she, says we just
called the. CODE i, SAID i. FIGURED i figured. That she,
(38:19):
said it makes you feel any. Better the doctor couldn't
get an airway, either AND i, said, well thank you
for telling me, that but it doesn't make me feel any.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
Better so WHEN i left and went to THE i
went back.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
To my ambulance and WHEN i walked, outside this, woman
his aunt was standing in the ambulance space smoking a,
cigarette AND i could choked.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Up still talking about. This BUT i did the cowards.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Thing AND i tried to avoid, her and she caught
my arm AS i walked, past AND i JUST i,
froze and she turned me around and she pulled my
head down to her shoulder and wrapped her arms around
me and thanked. Me said you KNEW i did my,
best and thanked me for everything THAT i.
Speaker 4 (39:05):
Did and, man.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
You never know shame until a family member thanks to
you for killing their.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Family AND i went back to the ambulance.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
STATION i climbed in the shower AND i turned the
hot water on and cried myself to, sleep woke up
with in cold water and went to bed and THINKING
i don't THINK i can do this. Anymore AND i
made a decision THEN i, said you, know you can
(39:39):
either let this run you out OF, ems or you
can prove that you belong and you can get. Better
so that was the call that made me get, better
made me learn, more made me actually make sure that
my knowledge and my skills kept up with my. Ego
AND i still remember his. Name you know his, Name Frederick.
(40:00):
Main IF i wanted, TO i. CAN i can tell
you his address and his. BIRTHDAY i used to have
nightmares about that. KID i used to have nightmares about.
HIM i would wake up trying to screaming and trying
to secure an airway and covered at AN ems conference
one day after AN ms conference THAT i didn't, HAVE
(40:21):
i told that story AND i broke down giving a keynote,
speech and ONCE i got control of, MYSELF i went
on with the. Speech BUT i discovered that after THAT
i didn't have nightmares About Frederic mayin.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
Anymore and that's.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
It it's shine a light on, it h and kind
of like cockroaches when you when you.
Speaker 4 (40:42):
Turn on the, lights they. Scatter so.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
That's, uh that one probably affected me the most and
has spurred the rest of my career in seeking knowledge
and trying to improve.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Myself, well you can see how it still affects you
today after all these decades in the.
Speaker 5 (40:59):
Field it.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Does but, uh And i've used this in my. Writing
it's like every EVERY. E. M. T, doctor, nurse you
have your own psychic. Graveyard the thing is is that
the pressure is not what gets. You you, know the
pressure and the and the blood and the death and
(41:20):
the corners that we, see that's you, know you can
rationalize and, say most of those people are going to
die no matter what you. Do you try your. Best
sometimes you, can you can change. Things many times you.
Cannot but what is truly mentally healthy is when you
when you realize that that you're you can only control
(41:41):
what you, control.
Speaker 4 (41:44):
And that we are our own harshest, judges, family the.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Public their expectations are THINGS i can.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Meet BUT i. Can't OFTEN i can't always meet my
own expectations for. Myself.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Uh so you you learn to forgive yourself when you
realize that you have more unrealistic expectations than anyone.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
Else could ever have about.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
You suddenly that psychic graveyard of all the, stones the
headstones of the people you think you. Failed and that's
what that graveyard. Is it's not people that it's not
bad calls, necessarily it's not people that you've worked on and.
Died it's the ones where you thought you could have
done better and you were the reason someone, died the
(42:26):
ones you blame yourself. For so you can let those
gravestones haunt, you or you can make friends with. Ghosts
so that's WHAT i. DID i learned to make friends
with the. GHOSTS i forgive myself for, them AND i
try to let each make each lesson make me a
better person.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
And a better.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Paramedic, kelly this has been a fantastic. Conversation thank. You
thank you for sharing your, experience, wisdom and of course
your trademark humor with us.
Speaker 5 (42:52):
Today for our.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Listeners you can Find kelly's, BOOKS i guess On amazon
anywhere else they can find.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
It look up Under Stephen Kelly grayson On. Amazon It's
Stephen Kelly grayson On amazon and you'll find all my books.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
There and of course you should always take a look
at his writings if you ever go to ANY ms
conference And.
Speaker 5 (43:12):
Kelly is, speaking you need to go to.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Whatever if it's the, keynote if it's a, breakout you'll
eve inspired and probably you'll probably laugh a little bit as.
Well So, kelly thank you very much for coming back
On Medical metic.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
Podcast it's been a while since we've we've talked.
Speaker 4 (43:28):
TOGETHER i enjoyed.
Speaker 5 (43:30):
It, YEAH i appreciate. It thank. You ah hi, brother
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