December 3, 2025 • 25 mins
The art of conversation- listening and answering - is a learned experience. How do you respond to a putdown? When do you remain silent? If you regret not saying something how do you fix your resentment? If you remain silent during a venting are you the looser? These and many more examples are answered by Paulette Dale, PhD.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And we're back on Arvid and Zis Radio show, and
Ralph Nathanoko tonight's the Bookworms.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
The Bookworms and where's frank'sin out? We have with us
Doctor Pallett Dale. Doctor Dale wrote the book Did You
Say Something, Susan? How any woman can gain confidence with
assertive communication one of these subjects that has always been
kind of raw for me, and I just learned that
(00:37):
this past UH on Thanksgiving weekend UH. And that is
to say no. You know, our body language, our speech,
how we are facial expressions, or were prepared for confrontation.
But one of the most strategic critical points of life
(00:58):
is when we assert ourselves. And rather than capitulating and
saying yes, I'll do this, yes I'll do that, we
learn to assert ourselves and say no. You have a
let's see table of contents number five, just say no.
What is your strategy? How do we learn when and
(01:21):
how to say no?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Okay, saying no is what I constantly hear from readers
and from students and others. Is extremely difficult for many people,
and whole entire books are written just on that subject.
So let me discuss two simple strategies. For example, one
(01:45):
strategy for saying no for people who really are loath
to say no, and then they hate themselves later. Yes
is to use this sandwich approach to saying no. Someone
asks you to do an inconvenient or unreasonable task, or
they ask you for an inconvenient or unreasonable favor. It
(02:08):
it just doesn't suit you, what I say. The sandwich
approach is approaches. You thank them for asking you, You
tell them no, never making up inventing excuses. If you
would like to give an honest, very brief rashonale, you may,
you're not obligated to do so, and then thank them again,
(02:31):
so you sandwich the know in between two pieces of appreciation. So,
for example, Paultte, I would like you to be the
chairman of the University's College Way United Way Charity Fund
drive again this year. Can I count on you this year?
(02:56):
And my response would be, thank you so much for
your confidence and for asking me I will. I have
too much on my plate right now, so I must
decline again. Thank you for thinking of me. Okay, you
sandwich your no between two pieces of appreciation. Thank you
for thinking of me. I have too much on my plate.
(03:18):
I'm unabled. I must decline again. Thank you for asking.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Me what I have. That's the point we don't.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
We're polite and respectful. Remember, we don't need to give
them a whole bunch of reasons. Our reasons are personal.
Less is more. Thank you so much. I have too
much on my plate now. I so appreciate your thinking
of me.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Period.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
You know, Ralph, can you own me one hundred dollars?
You can afford it. You make more money than I do.
You don't have to go into you didn't pay me
back the last time, and no, I forgot my wallet.
You say, thank you so much for asking. I'm unable
to loan any money again. Thanks for asking me, pod period.
(04:17):
Whatever the inconvenient or unreasonable request is, you can sandwich
it in between two pieces of appreciation, and that makes
it much more palatable for many people who are reticent
as say no. They are much more willing to say
no if they can thank the person for asking them,
(04:37):
and then they can stick to their guns. So that's
one strategy. Another strategy which works is called the broken
record technique. Now, of course we don't have records anymore,
and younger generation doesn't even know what that is, but
basically it's where you simply repeat yourself as many times
(04:59):
as it's necessary. So, for example, oh, I would, Paultte,
I would won't you join us for Thanksgiving? I know
it's a three hour drive, but we really want you
to to come. So I might say, thank you so much.
(05:21):
It means so much to me that you're inviting me.
I'm unable to travel that for my health, won't allow it.
Thank you again. Oh but we were counting on you,
and you can take breaks and you can stop along
the way. You just say again, thank you for asking me.
I so much appreciate it. I'm unable to drive that
(05:42):
for my health won't allow it. But paul Atte, surely
if you get a good night's sleep, and so it
means so much, and thank you so much for asking me.
I'm unable to drive that for my health won't allow it.
So it's the broken or whatever you decide to say.
Oh yeah, it's the broken record technique. The people will
(06:05):
try to make you feel guilty. We're saying no, and
you simply don't. You have to be like a teflon,
just let it roll off of you. You don't have
to accept the guilt. No one can make you feel guilty.
Without your consent, correct, and you don't have to allow this,
(06:25):
so you just repeat your position until the person gets tired,
because it's impossible to argue with a broken record.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
That's a good point, it is, and it's good tools
to have to know, like if you wouldn't have said that,
how would you know? And then just remember it in
your mind when you come on that situation, if you
can remember it at that time saying Okay, this is
what I'm going to use this for.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So bottom line really is we don't necessarily must respond
with the reason or reasons other than the one if
we want to give any reason at all. But assumed vies, No,
I don't want to because but we don't need to
add because that is what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
No you don't. Now, there's a big difference, Ralphinstonde, between
an explanation and an excuse. Sometimes there are no accompanied
by a truthful comment asserts that we're willing to take
responsibility for our refusal. So for example, no, I'm unable
(07:28):
to loan new money. I'm not in a position to
make loans at this time period. That's not an excuse.
That's that's a simple explanation. Oh but I know you
have the money and you can afford it, and now
you can use broken record again, thank you, and we
can combine all three strategy that we can have an
(07:48):
open face sandwich. Thank you so much for asking me.
I'm unable to loan new money. Explanation. I'm not in
a position to make owns at this time period. This
is not an ex very brief, simple explanation, and you
don't have to elaborate, and thank you for thinking of me.
(08:09):
I won't serve on the committee this year, but why well,
I have too many other commitments. But thank you so much,
So again, I have too many other commitments. Is a
brief explanation. It is not an excuse, and again it's
not necessary. You can simply say no, thank you, I
(08:32):
must decline without giving an explanation. But if you do
have a brief, truthful explanation, there's no harm in giving it.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
From the response from the feedback you've received from your readers,
have they have? They quite a few of them come
back to you with a positive or negative. As far
as your subjective explanations of how.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
It's always it's always positive, people are amazed. They say
things to me like we never realized how simple it was.
It's such simple advice. It was hard, and I often
hear it was hard for me to do the first
few times, but I made the commitment to change, so
(09:19):
I decided to try it. And it's getting easier and
easier every time. Gee, what a novel idea. The more
we practice something, the easier it gets. Assertive. Communication is
a skill, and like any skill, whether it's playing the piano,
playing tennis, being an artist, we must practice and improve
(09:41):
it to become more comfortable and to get better at it.
Being a service isn't something we're born with. It's a
skill like any other communication skill. Something else regarding saying
no is when you're on the fence. Okay, well, when
(10:02):
you're not on the fence, when you know you want
to say no, I strongly urge you not to say well,
i'll think about it.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I do that.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
You're only delaying. It's a way to avoid saying no.
But it's not a good way because that person is
only going to come back with you. Oh well, how
long do you need? If you know you don't want
to do this, or participate, or accept an invitation, whatever
it is, then don't say I'll think about it. I'll
(10:35):
let you know. Just stay right then and there. Thank
you so much. I won't be able to or I
must decline. So please don't say you'll think about it now.
If you truly do want to think about it, oh well,
thank you for asking me. I need some time to
consider this. Let me think about this and I will
(10:55):
get back to you again if you really want to decide,
and always let the person know approximately when.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
You will get back right.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yes, I promised to.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Let you know by the end of the work week.
I promise to let you know by the end of
the day. If it's a more immediate thing, you know
I need to think about this, I'll let you know
within the hour. This is up to you. But when
you do truly want to think about it before you
stay yet or no, then it's valur to say I
(11:29):
need some time to think about this, but do let
the individual know when you will let them know and
keep that promise.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Okay, we're going to we're nearing the break time. I'd
like to leave this thought. So when we come back
in case I forget to hear what it was is,
at what point do we know to speak up? And
at what point do we know to maintain silence for
whatever the reasons might be. So we'll be right back. Everybody.
(12:02):
This is our Veterans Voice for radio. We're discussing the book.
Did you say something, Susan with the doctor, the author,
doctor Pallettdale. We'll be right back. I'm hoping that you're
enjoying your egg nog while we're talking. We'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
I'm doctor Tim Iinitas at Treasure Coast Dermatology. At Treasure
Coast Dermatology, we believe in the prevention and early detection
of skin cancer. We are medical doctors and we focus
on the medical aspects of dermatology. You don't need a
sales pitch for botox, collagen or wrinkle creams. You needed
a doctor that cares about you and the health of
your skin. We feel by not trying to do too much,
(12:40):
we can do more for our patients.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Cal Tolfree eight seven seven eight seven zero dirm that's
eight seven seven eight seven zero three three seven six.
Meet Norma Howell, patient of Florida I Institute.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
My sight to me is top priority because you lose
your sight, you lose all of the independence and so
with me, it was scary after meeting doctor Schuemet. I
had a joy. I knew I was going to be okay.
My life is just one hundred plus percent.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Are you ready to experience truly exceptional patient care Florida
I Institute.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Hey, did you hear the latest about our Florida High Woman?
No what, there's a new High Woman art gallery in
Vero Beach. Really where eighteen seventy two Commerce Avenue?
Speaker 5 (13:31):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (13:31):
When's it open?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Seven days a week called ninety five four five five
seven six two two six for an appointment any time?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
No kidding, Just call for your.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Appointment ninety five four by five seven six two two
six and then go to eighteen seventy two Commerce Avenue.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Wow, that's good news. A member of the Itex trading community.
Your I text dollars are welcome.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
You make me feel so young, You make me feel
so spring has sprung.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
And welcome back to Arven. On Swice radio show, It's
the buck Worms today with Ralph, Nathan Oko.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
And Frankie is learning so well? Well, Welcome back everybody.
We're having a conversation with doctor Poulette Dale regarding her book.
Did you say something Susan before anything else? By the way,
doctor Dale. Where can this book be purchased on? The
one I have is soft cover?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Well, yes, that is the most recent edition. That's the
new edition of the book. The first one was the
first edition was written over twenty years ago. So you
want a softcover book and you can get it on
just about any online bookseller. Amazon is probably the best.
Just put in the title did you say something, Susan
(14:52):
and it will come up.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
One of my dearest friends is Susan. I can't wait
to show her the cover the book. And I know
a few Karens, and none of them are Karens. They're lovely,
lovely people. So what I left in the air before
we took the break is maturity and wisdom teaches us
(15:15):
when to remain silent and when to speak. And then
if we do speak, what's the best, suitable, acceptable way
to speak? And how do you do it?
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Okay, Well, part of being assertive is also knowing when
to remain silent, not everything that triggers us to deserve
the response. And again this is a trial and every thing.
I've kicked myself on many occasions for saying something when
(15:52):
I would have been better off remaining silent, because what
we said didn't dignify a response, So not everything that
triggers us deserves the response. We do not have to
attend every argument we are invited to. However, one of
(16:13):
the questions you well, there's several questions to ask yourself
when deciding. And again, once you do this, it's automatic.
It's not like you need to carry around an index
card in your back pocket and before you speak up,
the stay to the person wait a minute, let me
look at my list, but you might. But basically you
(16:36):
ask yourself and it sort of works for no. Also, okay,
somebody asks for a favor, and remember, we love to
say yes. I just want to say of course, we
should say yes when we truly want to. We all
enjoy being gracious gracious, and it gives us pleasure to
give generously of our time and energy to appreciative people.
(16:59):
So I'm very happy to inconvenience myself in the name
of friendship and love. So we don't have to just
go around saying no, because we can. When do we
say yes when we want to? So that we have
to ask for ourselves. Do I someone asks us something
to do something? Do I want to say no? Do
(17:22):
I really want to say no, or do I really
want to speak up in this situation? And if you
say yes in your mind, then you deny yourself as
a person if you don't speak up or if you
don't say no, do I really want to? And you
have to be honest with yourself or are you saying no,
(17:47):
I don't want to speak up because you're afraid to
speak up or because you truly do not want to?
So do I want to speak up? Do I want
to say no? Okay? Am? Another question is am I
remaining silent only to avoid a conflict? Well, if the
(18:08):
answer to that is yes, then you need to speak
up if that is the only reason you are remaining silent.
You know, when we when we bite our tongue to
keep the peace, we start a war within ourselves. Let
me say that again, when we bite our tongues just
to keep the peace, we start a war within ourselves.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Let me ask you something about that. Real quick to
do that, because Ralph and I were talking about that
before we went on the show. That being said, you
may not know exactly what to say at that point.
So rather than starting the argument even down the you know,
the slipper, you're still worse is it better to just
not say anything until you can figure out the right thing.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Absolutely, yeah, time before responding. I have a chapter on
that in the book. It's never too late. Sometimes we're speechless,
something takes us by surprise. It's not even about starting
an argument. It's just about speaking up for yourselves or
correcting an injustice. But sometimes it gets away from us
(19:14):
and we are completely blindsided. Well, you know what, By
time before responding, you haven't lost your chance. Often, if
this is someone you know, you can meet them for
coffee a week later and say, you know, I wanted
to tell you how hurt I was by a comment
(19:38):
you made last week. Let me share with you how
it made me feel. Okay, so you don't have exactly
So when we missed our chance, it's often not too late.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
Got okay.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Let me ask you this then, the way I'm looking
at it, because I confront myself with these all the time.
Do I really want to say yes, but I'm going
to say no? Or do I really say no when
I really want to say yes? And how do I
handle it within myself? As what you just said, I
have to live with the confrontation, the self confrontation. Damn,
(20:18):
I said yes, and I didn't mean it. Damn, I
said no and I should have said yes. I know
we can always come back and change it, but at
the time, as soon as we do it, the regret
things said why didn't I speak up? So in other words,
I am pleasing them ourselves? Is my question?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Well, only you can decide that, Ralph. And here's the thing.
You can take a deep breath. You don't have to
respond as soon as the other person's question or comment
that you don't like is out of their mouths. You
can give yourself time to say, do I want to
speak up? Yep? Am I going to There's another question
(21:00):
to asked yourself? Will I be annoyed with myself later
I don't speak up?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Again, just say hold on a minute, I'm processing what
you said. They'll wait. You don't have to fill every
second with words, and you say to yourself, will I
be annoyed with myself later if I don't speak up?
Will I feel resentful of this individual? If I don't
(21:30):
speak up? And you can make and the more you
do this, the better you get out at it. You
will see you could answer that question on the spot
and you will be pleased with your own decision more
often than not.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
That's terrific. Yeah, yeah, Now I have to be the
one to assert myself with what I don't like to do.
We're almost at the tail end and we need to,
out of respect, give them a couple of minutes to
the honor roll. So doctor Pullette, thank you. Thank you
for being there for everybody out there, our listeners and
(22:05):
your patients and your students, and thank you for hopefully
all of us have helped somebody out there, and we'd
love to hear some feedback from you. You can always
call me at nine five four five five seven six
two two six seven days a week, preferably daylight hours.
If you have any questions for doctor Dale, email it,
(22:26):
text it, or call me and I will forward it
on with doctor Dale's permission.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Absolutely. And in the book, did you say something, Susan
how any woman can gain confidence with a sort of communication.
I provide my email so my welcome and I am
on LinkedIn. If anybody would like to connect with me
on LinkedIn, Paul ed Dale, I would love your feedback.
(22:52):
If you have a communication conundrum that you would like
to brainstorm with me, please contact me either through my
email or I'm linked in and I will be happy
to give you my perspective for you to consider.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Godspeed, YEP, the best of happy holiday season, Doctor Dale,
thank you very much and healthy Happy New Year.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
My pleasure, and thank you for the opportunity to your
remarkable audience.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Thank you. We're honored.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
James Dallas Boyd Junior Army, Vietnam.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
William Bill, Richard Carterrell Marine.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Corps, Gary Webster, Army.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Bart W. McDonald branch are.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Known, Lieutenant Colonel Rand Gregory Goldstein Army.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Our locksmith, David Allen, Long.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Army, Sergeant Terry Jean Sweden mash Coow first Responder, Indian
River County.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Sheriff, Joel Darrell Fletcher.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Army, Gary Wayne Buchanan, first Responder.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Colman Bass Army d Day World War.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Two, Doctor Norman Browner Army and first responder.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
And all of our other fallen, our hearers, our brothers
and sisters. Thank you from the bottom of our heart.
Thank you for your service. We're proudly, proudly salute you.
Rest in peace forever.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
H
And we're back on Arvid and Zis Radio show, and
Ralph Nathanoko tonight's the Bookworms.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
The Bookworms and where's frank'sin out? We have with us
Doctor Pallett Dale. Doctor Dale wrote the book Did You
Say Something, Susan? How any woman can gain confidence with
assertive communication one of these subjects that has always been
kind of raw for me, and I just learned that
(00:37):
this past UH on Thanksgiving weekend UH. And that is
to say no. You know, our body language, our speech,
how we are facial expressions, or were prepared for confrontation.
But one of the most strategic critical points of life
(00:58):
is when we assert ourselves. And rather than capitulating and
saying yes, I'll do this, yes I'll do that, we
learn to assert ourselves and say no. You have a
let's see table of contents number five, just say no.
What is your strategy? How do we learn when and
(01:21):
how to say no?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Okay, saying no is what I constantly hear from readers
and from students and others. Is extremely difficult for many people,
and whole entire books are written just on that subject.
So let me discuss two simple strategies. For example, one
(01:45):
strategy for saying no for people who really are loath
to say no, and then they hate themselves later. Yes
is to use this sandwich approach to saying no. Someone
asks you to do an inconvenient or unreasonable task, or
they ask you for an inconvenient or unreasonable favor. It
(02:08):
it just doesn't suit you, what I say. The sandwich
approach is approaches. You thank them for asking you, You
tell them no, never making up inventing excuses. If you
would like to give an honest, very brief rashonale, you may,
you're not obligated to do so, and then thank them again,
(02:31):
so you sandwich the know in between two pieces of appreciation. So,
for example, Paultte, I would like you to be the
chairman of the University's College Way United Way Charity Fund
drive again this year. Can I count on you this year?
(02:56):
And my response would be, thank you so much for
your confidence and for asking me I will. I have
too much on my plate right now, so I must
decline again. Thank you for thinking of me. Okay, you
sandwich your no between two pieces of appreciation. Thank you
for thinking of me. I have too much on my plate.
(03:18):
I'm unabled. I must decline again. Thank you for asking.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Me what I have. That's the point we don't.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
We're polite and respectful. Remember, we don't need to give
them a whole bunch of reasons. Our reasons are personal.
Less is more. Thank you so much. I have too
much on my plate now. I so appreciate your thinking
of me.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Period.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
You know, Ralph, can you own me one hundred dollars?
You can afford it. You make more money than I do.
You don't have to go into you didn't pay me
back the last time, and no, I forgot my wallet.
You say, thank you so much for asking. I'm unable
to loan any money again. Thanks for asking me, pod period.
(04:17):
Whatever the inconvenient or unreasonable request is, you can sandwich
it in between two pieces of appreciation, and that makes
it much more palatable for many people who are reticent
as say no. They are much more willing to say
no if they can thank the person for asking them,
(04:37):
and then they can stick to their guns. So that's
one strategy. Another strategy which works is called the broken
record technique. Now, of course we don't have records anymore,
and younger generation doesn't even know what that is, but
basically it's where you simply repeat yourself as many times
(04:59):
as it's necessary. So, for example, oh, I would, Paultte,
I would won't you join us for Thanksgiving? I know
it's a three hour drive, but we really want you
to to come. So I might say, thank you so much.
(05:21):
It means so much to me that you're inviting me.
I'm unable to travel that for my health, won't allow it.
Thank you again. Oh but we were counting on you,
and you can take breaks and you can stop along
the way. You just say again, thank you for asking me.
I so much appreciate it. I'm unable to drive that
(05:42):
for my health won't allow it. But paul Atte, surely
if you get a good night's sleep, and so it
means so much, and thank you so much for asking me.
I'm unable to drive that for my health won't allow it.
So it's the broken or whatever you decide to say.
Oh yeah, it's the broken record technique. The people will
(06:05):
try to make you feel guilty. We're saying no, and
you simply don't. You have to be like a teflon,
just let it roll off of you. You don't have
to accept the guilt. No one can make you feel guilty.
Without your consent, correct, and you don't have to allow this,
(06:25):
so you just repeat your position until the person gets tired,
because it's impossible to argue with a broken record.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
That's a good point, it is, and it's good tools
to have to know, like if you wouldn't have said that,
how would you know? And then just remember it in
your mind when you come on that situation, if you
can remember it at that time saying Okay, this is
what I'm going to use this for.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So bottom line really is we don't necessarily must respond
with the reason or reasons other than the one if
we want to give any reason at all. But assumed vies, No,
I don't want to because but we don't need to
add because that is what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
No you don't. Now, there's a big difference, Ralphinstonde, between
an explanation and an excuse. Sometimes there are no accompanied
by a truthful comment asserts that we're willing to take
responsibility for our refusal. So for example, no, I'm unable
(07:28):
to loan new money. I'm not in a position to
make loans at this time period. That's not an excuse.
That's that's a simple explanation. Oh but I know you
have the money and you can afford it, and now
you can use broken record again, thank you, and we
can combine all three strategy that we can have an
(07:48):
open face sandwich. Thank you so much for asking me.
I'm unable to loan new money. Explanation. I'm not in
a position to make owns at this time period. This
is not an ex very brief, simple explanation, and you
don't have to elaborate, and thank you for thinking of me.
(08:09):
I won't serve on the committee this year, but why well,
I have too many other commitments. But thank you so much,
So again, I have too many other commitments. Is a
brief explanation. It is not an excuse, and again it's
not necessary. You can simply say no, thank you, I
(08:32):
must decline without giving an explanation. But if you do
have a brief, truthful explanation, there's no harm in giving it.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
From the response from the feedback you've received from your readers,
have they have? They quite a few of them come
back to you with a positive or negative. As far
as your subjective explanations of how.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
It's always it's always positive, people are amazed. They say
things to me like we never realized how simple it was.
It's such simple advice. It was hard, and I often
hear it was hard for me to do the first
few times, but I made the commitment to change, so
(09:19):
I decided to try it. And it's getting easier and
easier every time. Gee, what a novel idea. The more
we practice something, the easier it gets. Assertive. Communication is
a skill, and like any skill, whether it's playing the piano,
playing tennis, being an artist, we must practice and improve
(09:41):
it to become more comfortable and to get better at it.
Being a service isn't something we're born with. It's a
skill like any other communication skill. Something else regarding saying
no is when you're on the fence. Okay, well, when
(10:02):
you're not on the fence, when you know you want
to say no, I strongly urge you not to say well,
i'll think about it.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I do that.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
You're only delaying. It's a way to avoid saying no.
But it's not a good way because that person is
only going to come back with you. Oh well, how
long do you need? If you know you don't want
to do this, or participate, or accept an invitation, whatever
it is, then don't say I'll think about it. I'll
(10:35):
let you know. Just stay right then and there. Thank
you so much. I won't be able to or I
must decline. So please don't say you'll think about it now.
If you truly do want to think about it, oh well,
thank you for asking me. I need some time to
consider this. Let me think about this and I will
(10:55):
get back to you again if you really want to decide,
and always let the person know approximately when.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
You will get back right.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yes, I promised to.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Let you know by the end of the work week.
I promise to let you know by the end of
the day. If it's a more immediate thing, you know
I need to think about this, I'll let you know
within the hour. This is up to you. But when
you do truly want to think about it before you
stay yet or no, then it's valur to say I
(11:29):
need some time to think about this, but do let
the individual know when you will let them know and
keep that promise.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Okay, we're going to we're nearing the break time. I'd
like to leave this thought. So when we come back
in case I forget to hear what it was is,
at what point do we know to speak up? And
at what point do we know to maintain silence for
whatever the reasons might be. So we'll be right back. Everybody.
(12:02):
This is our Veterans Voice for radio. We're discussing the book.
Did you say something, Susan with the doctor, the author,
doctor Pallettdale. We'll be right back. I'm hoping that you're
enjoying your egg nog while we're talking. We'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
I'm doctor Tim Iinitas at Treasure Coast Dermatology. At Treasure
Coast Dermatology, we believe in the prevention and early detection
of skin cancer. We are medical doctors and we focus
on the medical aspects of dermatology. You don't need a
sales pitch for botox, collagen or wrinkle creams. You needed
a doctor that cares about you and the health of
your skin. We feel by not trying to do too much,
(12:40):
we can do more for our patients.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Cal Tolfree eight seven seven eight seven zero dirm that's
eight seven seven eight seven zero three three seven six.
Meet Norma Howell, patient of Florida I Institute.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
My sight to me is top priority because you lose
your sight, you lose all of the independence and so
with me, it was scary after meeting doctor Schuemet. I
had a joy. I knew I was going to be okay.
My life is just one hundred plus percent.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Are you ready to experience truly exceptional patient care Florida
I Institute.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Hey, did you hear the latest about our Florida High Woman?
No what, there's a new High Woman art gallery in
Vero Beach. Really where eighteen seventy two Commerce Avenue?
Speaker 5 (13:31):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (13:31):
When's it open?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Seven days a week called ninety five four five five
seven six two two six for an appointment any time?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
No kidding, Just call for your.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Appointment ninety five four by five seven six two two
six and then go to eighteen seventy two Commerce Avenue.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Wow, that's good news. A member of the Itex trading community.
Your I text dollars are welcome.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
You make me feel so young, You make me feel
so spring has sprung.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
And welcome back to Arven. On Swice radio show, It's
the buck Worms today with Ralph, Nathan Oko.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
And Frankie is learning so well? Well, Welcome back everybody.
We're having a conversation with doctor Poulette Dale regarding her book.
Did you say something Susan before anything else? By the way,
doctor Dale. Where can this book be purchased on? The
one I have is soft cover?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Well, yes, that is the most recent edition. That's the
new edition of the book. The first one was the
first edition was written over twenty years ago. So you
want a softcover book and you can get it on
just about any online bookseller. Amazon is probably the best.
Just put in the title did you say something, Susan
(14:52):
and it will come up.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
One of my dearest friends is Susan. I can't wait
to show her the cover the book. And I know
a few Karens, and none of them are Karens. They're lovely,
lovely people. So what I left in the air before
we took the break is maturity and wisdom teaches us
(15:15):
when to remain silent and when to speak. And then
if we do speak, what's the best, suitable, acceptable way
to speak? And how do you do it?
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Okay, Well, part of being assertive is also knowing when
to remain silent, not everything that triggers us to deserve
the response. And again this is a trial and every thing.
I've kicked myself on many occasions for saying something when
(15:52):
I would have been better off remaining silent, because what
we said didn't dignify a response, So not everything that
triggers us deserves the response. We do not have to
attend every argument we are invited to. However, one of
(16:13):
the questions you well, there's several questions to ask yourself
when deciding. And again, once you do this, it's automatic.
It's not like you need to carry around an index
card in your back pocket and before you speak up,
the stay to the person wait a minute, let me
look at my list, but you might. But basically you
(16:36):
ask yourself and it sort of works for no. Also, okay,
somebody asks for a favor, and remember, we love to
say yes. I just want to say of course, we
should say yes when we truly want to. We all
enjoy being gracious gracious, and it gives us pleasure to
give generously of our time and energy to appreciative people.
(16:59):
So I'm very happy to inconvenience myself in the name
of friendship and love. So we don't have to just
go around saying no, because we can. When do we
say yes when we want to? So that we have
to ask for ourselves. Do I someone asks us something
to do something? Do I want to say no? Do
(17:22):
I really want to say no, or do I really
want to speak up in this situation? And if you
say yes in your mind, then you deny yourself as
a person if you don't speak up or if you
don't say no, do I really want to? And you
have to be honest with yourself or are you saying no,
(17:47):
I don't want to speak up because you're afraid to
speak up or because you truly do not want to?
So do I want to speak up? Do I want
to say no? Okay? Am? Another question is am I
remaining silent only to avoid a conflict? Well, if the
(18:08):
answer to that is yes, then you need to speak
up if that is the only reason you are remaining silent.
You know, when we when we bite our tongue to
keep the peace, we start a war within ourselves. Let
me say that again, when we bite our tongues just
to keep the peace, we start a war within ourselves.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Let me ask you something about that. Real quick to
do that, because Ralph and I were talking about that
before we went on the show. That being said, you
may not know exactly what to say at that point.
So rather than starting the argument even down the you know,
the slipper, you're still worse is it better to just
not say anything until you can figure out the right thing.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Absolutely, yeah, time before responding. I have a chapter on
that in the book. It's never too late. Sometimes we're speechless,
something takes us by surprise. It's not even about starting
an argument. It's just about speaking up for yourselves or
correcting an injustice. But sometimes it gets away from us
(19:14):
and we are completely blindsided. Well, you know what, By
time before responding, you haven't lost your chance. Often, if
this is someone you know, you can meet them for
coffee a week later and say, you know, I wanted
to tell you how hurt I was by a comment
(19:38):
you made last week. Let me share with you how
it made me feel. Okay, so you don't have exactly
So when we missed our chance, it's often not too late.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
Got okay.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Let me ask you this then, the way I'm looking
at it, because I confront myself with these all the time.
Do I really want to say yes, but I'm going
to say no? Or do I really say no when
I really want to say yes? And how do I
handle it within myself? As what you just said, I
have to live with the confrontation, the self confrontation. Damn,
(20:18):
I said yes, and I didn't mean it. Damn, I
said no and I should have said yes. I know
we can always come back and change it, but at
the time, as soon as we do it, the regret
things said why didn't I speak up? So in other words,
I am pleasing them ourselves? Is my question?
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Well, only you can decide that, Ralph. And here's the thing.
You can take a deep breath. You don't have to
respond as soon as the other person's question or comment
that you don't like is out of their mouths. You
can give yourself time to say, do I want to
speak up? Yep? Am I going to There's another question
(21:00):
to asked yourself? Will I be annoyed with myself later
I don't speak up?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Again, just say hold on a minute, I'm processing what
you said. They'll wait. You don't have to fill every
second with words, and you say to yourself, will I
be annoyed with myself later if I don't speak up?
Will I feel resentful of this individual? If I don't
(21:30):
speak up? And you can make and the more you
do this, the better you get out at it. You
will see you could answer that question on the spot
and you will be pleased with your own decision more
often than not.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
That's terrific. Yeah, yeah, Now I have to be the
one to assert myself with what I don't like to do.
We're almost at the tail end and we need to,
out of respect, give them a couple of minutes to
the honor roll. So doctor Pullette, thank you. Thank you
for being there for everybody out there, our listeners and
(22:05):
your patients and your students, and thank you for hopefully
all of us have helped somebody out there, and we'd
love to hear some feedback from you. You can always
call me at nine five four five five seven six
two two six seven days a week, preferably daylight hours.
If you have any questions for doctor Dale, email it,
(22:26):
text it, or call me and I will forward it
on with doctor Dale's permission.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Absolutely. And in the book, did you say something, Susan
how any woman can gain confidence with a sort of communication.
I provide my email so my welcome and I am
on LinkedIn. If anybody would like to connect with me
on LinkedIn, Paul ed Dale, I would love your feedback.
(22:52):
If you have a communication conundrum that you would like
to brainstorm with me, please contact me either through my
email or I'm linked in and I will be happy
to give you my perspective for you to consider.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Godspeed, YEP, the best of happy holiday season, Doctor Dale,
thank you very much and healthy Happy New Year.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
My pleasure, and thank you for the opportunity to your
remarkable audience.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Thank you. We're honored.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
James Dallas Boyd Junior Army, Vietnam.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
William Bill, Richard Carterrell Marine.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Corps, Gary Webster, Army.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Bart W. McDonald branch are.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Known, Lieutenant Colonel Rand Gregory Goldstein Army.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Our locksmith, David Allen, Long.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Army, Sergeant Terry Jean Sweden mash Coow first Responder, Indian
River County.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Sheriff, Joel Darrell Fletcher.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Army, Gary Wayne Buchanan, first Responder.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Colman Bass Army d Day World War.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Two, Doctor Norman Browner Army and first responder.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
And all of our other fallen, our hearers, our brothers
and sisters. Thank you from the bottom of our heart.
Thank you for your service. We're proudly, proudly salute you.
Rest in peace forever.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
H
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.