June 2, 2026 • 26 mins
EksAyn has been seen on Forbes.com, Speaker Magazine, TV, and various business blogs and podcasts. His books, The Key to the Gate: Principles and Techniques to Get Past Gatekeepers to the Decision Maker, and What I Want My Children to Know Before I Die have both sold internationally. But remember, success in the business world doesn't matter if we don't have success at home. Really. Business isn't as important as our families, our marriages, our children and those we love. Luckily, the principles that govern influencing others in business can also be used in our families. EksAyn website: https://xfactoredge.com/ Show notes: https://successgrid.net/sg275/ If you love this show, please leave a review. Go to https://ratethispodcast.com/successgrid Podcasting Secrets: https://successgrid.net/6c7a
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hallo, I welcome to the Success Great Podcast with also Stale.
I'm excited to introduce you to a series of conversations
with some of the most successful and sparing individuals from
various industries.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
My aim is to.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Dive into their stories behind their success and explore the knowledge, strategies, habits, mindsets,
and wisdom that have propelled their success. Each hipishode of
the Success Great Podcast will feature a different guest who
will share their unique journey, the challenges they faced, and
the ressons they have learned along the way. I would
also be covering topics from entrepreneurship and innovation to leadership
(00:34):
and personal development. Whether you are inspiring entrepreneur, a seasoned
business profession, or just someone looking to improve your life,
the Success Great Podcast is for you. My goal is
to bring you valuable insights and inspiration that will help
you achieve your own success in business and life. So
get ready to learn and be inspired. The Success Great
(00:54):
Podcast starts now, and this episode of the Success a
Great Podcast, I'm joined with Anderson to talk about how
to successfully influence people. Excellent has been seen on for
Speaker Magazine and various business blogs and podcasts. His books
The key to the gate principles and techniques to get
past gatekeepers to the decision maker, and what I want
(01:17):
my children.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
To know before I died. Both solved internationally.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
But remember that success in business war does not matter
if we don't have success at home.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
So that's a principle that Extent lives by.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
So these are the things that we are going to
be talking about, how to have influence, how to have
influence on people, and the importance of being a leader
in self and in others.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
So welcome Extent, thank you, thanks for having me on
the show.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Great have here.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
So first of all, because this is the Success Great podcast,
I want to ask you what does success means to you?
And how do you see other people have certain misconceptions
what the success is.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
That's such a good question. He's saying, thank you for asking.
So you know, success to me personally means you're doing
the things that are most important, that are most meaningful
in the world. And so so for example, you know,
a lot of times people say, well, success can be
if I you know, if if I make a million
dollars or I have a lot of success, But then
a lot of people get to the top of the
(02:21):
ladder and they find that the they have relationships with
their children or their spouse this not ideal and they
realized that their ladder was leaning on or on the
wrong wallall. So success for me is saying, you know,
let's find out what's really really real, what's really important,
and then pursue that. And so you if you make
a ton of money but you don't have good relationships
(02:42):
with those you love, I don't think does success frankrect.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, that's very important because it is it starts with
ourselves and then splits out to the bigger circle family, friends,
and community, and then goes beyond that, which is very important.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So now speak of success.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
We cann't have success like by ourselves, like we cannot
care success we are success by itself.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Doing everything alone.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
We have to have some influence to other people who
have to have some people influence us. Right, So it
is both ways. It's a to to were Street, I
guess right. So first of all, can we define what
do we mean by influence, like, because if we talk
about influencer, might let's say like someone with big social
(03:29):
media following.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
So what do we mean by influence?
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Well, the type of influence I'm talking right now is
the type of influence is interpersonal influence. So let let
me tell you. Let me tell you what I mean.
Near where I live, there is a business and this
business is always busy. They're always busy. They have customers
coming all the time. And there's one reason that this
business is successful, and it's because of it. It's actually
(03:55):
a car business, so it's a mechanic. But there's a
reason that it's successful is because one man named Mike.
And this guy named Mike is so awesome. Let me
tell you how I'm in. First of all, Mike, I
had a problem with my car and I went to
another mechanic and this mechanic told me it was going
(04:16):
to cost me fifteen hundred dollars to fix this problem
with that car. And there was something about that interaction
that maybe want to get a second opinion. So I
went down to Mike. He was close to where I lived.
I went down to Mike and I asked him, I said,
how much is this gonna cost? And he said ten bucks?
So I had one mechanic tell me fifteen hundred. Mike
had told me ten bucks, and I was surprised it
(04:41):
was only ten bucks. That's almost nothing to get a
car fixed in the area where I lived. It so
I took it to I took it to Mike. I
paid him ten bucks and the car worked great.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Well.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Later on I had another problem, and of course I
took I took the car down to Mike, and this
time it was much more than ten bucks. He said, hey,
it's going to cost you know, I can't remember the amount.
Let's just say it was five hundred bucks maybe somewhere
around that time. He told me to have it done
by the end of the day. But here's the thing.
He fixed the car. He called me about five hours earlier,
(05:17):
So if he said it was going to be done
by five, he called me around lunchtime and said, hey,
the car's done. When I got down there to pay
for it, instead of being five hundred dollars, it was
like four hundred and fifty dollars. And I get again,
I don't remember the exact amounts, but it was less
than what he said. Well, what is it that makes Mike?
Let me tell you this. I should read some of
(05:38):
these reviews for it, and I just want to see
if I can pull this up for it. My action
has people drive I found I looked him up on
Google and I saw his Google reviews, and he has
seventy five star reviews, And some of them say things
like this, I drive over four hundred miles to take
my car to mic. Some people say Google should let
me give a ten star review. Some people say, hey,
(06:01):
you know this guy's going straight to having when he dies.
How do you get enough interpersonal influence that people will
drive four hundred miles to let you fix their car?
How do you get enough interpersonal influence that people will
beg Google to allow you to get ten star reviews?
How do you get enough influence where people will go
to you for twenty years and never go anywhere else.
If I read these reviews to you, you'd be like, Wow,
(06:23):
this is crazy. And there's principles that he aligns with.
So it's a really good question that we could talk about.
But that's the kind of influence we're talking about. We're
talking about what is it that makes people want to
follow you, not necessarily on social media, but just in
real life. How do I get people to want to
do business with me?
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Definitely that's very important.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Like what you're mentioning that, I think one of the
reasons maybe being him being authentic, right, because like we
know for example, and the first example you mentioned when
he chided you within bucks, what the other guy child
you fifteen hundred? I think, right, So that's a big gap.
Like they must be putting gold somewhere to fix the
(07:08):
cart there. But the authenticity of the person maybe shows
also like credibility, honesty, these kind of things that are
combined together that maybe form the influence for them that
they are trustworthy people that they are not doing to
like go lift and right to share you they are
(07:28):
to the point and they tell you exactly what it
is need to be done. And because generally people want
to go from A to Z, not go through the process.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
They want the end result. They're like, they want the
resolution by that's right.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
And I love what you said right there saying what
happened is the reason people go to mic is because
they trust him. They trust him like I looked up
his reas. Let me, I'm actually pulled him up. Prayer.
I'm gonna read a couple to you so that this
man is going straight to him and when he dies,
the most honest mechanic I've ever met never go anywhere else.
Here's the next review. Mike is absolutely excellent to work with.
(08:05):
I drove over four hundred miles. They have him take
care of my repair, right, Matt, here's the next one.
Google should allow me to give this review ten stars.
I've been coming to this shop for over six years now.
Mike is the absolute best. It's becoming increasingly difficult where
to find a mechanic you can completely trust who has
a passion for helping people. Likes that and more. Here's
(08:26):
the next one. I've been going to the shop Mike
works out for twenty years. We have four cars. He
remembers all of them, all their histories. They're on a
spare timely easily communicated with. I'm grateful the half of
a mechanic I could trust completely. Now here's the interesting thing.
When you look through all of these reviews, there's a
common theme. Most of the reviews have to do with honesty,
(08:50):
trust or fairness. In other words, they're like, I can
trust him. He's not going to try to charge me
fifteen hundred dollars when he could do it for ten. Now.
Sometimes I've paid him over I've paid him thousands of dollars,
but I know he's giving me a fair deal. Because
I could trust him. And I think that's one of
(09:10):
the things that people will like. It's this ability to trust,
and you can't do it unless you're being honest people.
You know, people think that, oh, you can kind of
cheat and not be honest. The truth is, if you're
not honest, people will get it and they don't trust you.
But Mike is completely honest. Here's what I found. Of
(09:31):
the seventy five star reviews, forty six of them mentioned
either some derivative of the word honest, trust, or fair
It was the most common theme in all the topics.
And if you think about this, who's saying nobody's got
to write a review, much less a positive review. And
Mike doesn't even ask for reviews on people. He doesn't
ask people to go for reviews. They do it on there.
(09:52):
But when people write reviews about Mike, the thing that
seems to inspire people more than anything else is trust, honesty,
and fairness. And you know, there was even some research
out of Cornell University the found that when managers perceive
that their boss has integrity, which is you know, being
fair walking their talk, that the profitability of the business
(10:14):
went up by thirteen percent just having honesty actually makes
you more money.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Definitely, because we have to align with our authenticity purpose
and serving the community around us. Because if you are
not honest with the community around you, who is going
to come to your shop?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
In general?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Yes, maybe there's someone who's three hundred miles away or whatever,
but these people are real. Most people are not going
not going to make that trip, but generally want to
serve the for example, in this type of scenario or
this example, you want to know and serve the community
around you.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
So how important do you think is a business.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Owner should have certain concrete principles that they follow.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
It's so important, it's the most important thing. If you
have a business and you'r and you're and you're not
following principles, people are going to get it and they
won't trust you. So the fact that Mike's just honest,
people trust them and they'll drive from all over it
all over four hundred miles to get to them. Now,
let me talk about one other thing that you does.
So once you once you've aligned with principles and your
(11:19):
your your people trust you because you're aligning with the
next piece. In my view, one of the things that
Mike does is well, let me put it this way.
Who's saying we have in life what are called expectations.
This is what I expect, but a lot of times
life and reality comes in lower. So I expect this,
(11:39):
but I'm only getting this. Well, what's the distance between
a high expectation and reality is coming lower? I call
this frustration. Okay, Hey, if there's a word, boar, it's
called frustration. Now, if you want to influence people, you
don't want them to be frustrated with you. And so
you've got to keep these lines together. You've got to
keep your expectations and what actually happens to you at
(12:01):
the same level at least. But one of the things
Mike does is he actually flips the lines. Look at this.
He makes it so that people's reality is better than
they expect, and then this distance is no longer frustration.
This distance is now called delight. And this is how
he does it. He'll say, hey, I'll have your car
(12:23):
done by tomorrow at noon, But then he calls you
up at tomorrow at eight am, or that the same
day at five pm, he goes, hey, I've already got
it done. So he sets he makes your expectation here,
But then he makes his reality better. He'll say to you,
you know, hey, it's going to be five hundred dollars,
but when you show up, he says, you know what,
I found a way to get it lower. It's only
(12:44):
four hundred and fifty dollars. So he charges less than
he told them. He gets it done before, and he
charges less. So now people not they know he's honest,
but they also know that their reality is going to
be better than they expect. And he does this all
the time. And so how can you, or how can
(13:04):
any of your listeners here who are listening make people's
reality better than they expect. If you can do that
consistently and get people to trust you by just being honest,
your ability to influence people in a negotiation and a sale,
and if you're trying to sell to a government or
to a business or to an organization, that's huge. So
(13:27):
if you can imagine, if you have a pyramid, the
bottom is is you got to have trust. The next
thing is you've got to build the relationship. So the
bottoms that you've got to have trust. But the next
level up is I got to build a relationship. One
of the best ways to do that is to exceed
people's expectations. One more comment on that you're saying. I
(13:47):
know of a repair guy. He's a repair guy in
my area, and he says, if I tell people I'm
going to get the repair done by Thursday, and then
I get it done on Wednesday, everybody's thrilled, they're happy.
If I tell people I'm going to get the repair
done on Tuesday and I get it done on Wednesday,
everybody's mad at me. In both situations, the repair happened
(14:09):
on Wednesday. The only thing that changed was what was
the expectation. Did I expect it by Thursday or did
I expect it by Tuesday. So you have to you
have to underpromise and over deliver. And that works in
your relationship with your children, it works in your relationship
with businesses, It worked in relationships any relationship. If you
(14:32):
can make people's reality better than they expect, then they're
delighted with you. Now, on the other hand, if you
make their you put their expectations up here, and you're
not quite delivery, then they're frustrated with you. And that's huge.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Exactly Like it went to something very important here, which
is like overdivsiting, which is something that he for example,
but he was diving in different ways to get people
with their early cars or then then the then he promised,
and also then some kind of maybe discount, so they
over deliver, not just in a way, but more than
(15:06):
when we two ways, maybe more. So that's very important
that you want to serve people in a way that
they do not see certain things coming, certain good things
coming their way, which is a great thing that they
would like, like I mentioned, it would be a delight
and it would be like some condif a surprise like okay, great, yeah,
(15:26):
well that's very But do you think that there are
some certain positive or negative sides or influence like do
you think certain things that can happen or some people
do or business owners do that can be negative not
just positive.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Yes, absolutely, so let me tell you what the research shows.
This is a great great question to saying you're a
great host. Thanks for asking six questions of this.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I think you too.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
So they say that if you want, if you can
think of behaviors, let me back up for just a
second and answer question. If you think of a behavior
as a seed that you would plan the grant and
attention is like water. So I have water bot I
take if I water the behaviors I want to seek
grow with attention. Here's the problem in our relationships. A
(16:15):
lot of times we're watering the behaviors we don't want
to see grow with attention. So let me let me
tell you what I mean. If you've ever seen a parent,
the parent says something like this, I can't believe you
stayed out too late, and you didn't make your bed,
and you didn't you didn't put your your didn't clean
your room like I asked you. They they give all
this attention to what the child's doing wrong. Well, managers
(16:38):
do this too, They tell everybody, the employee what he's
doing wrong, where he's doing wrong is doing rough. But
the issue with that is you're actually making it more
likely that that behavior will occur. That The research shows
who saying that you if you give attention to the
good behaviors those behaviors, it actually not only will they grow,
(16:58):
but the bad behaviors start to with her. And so
it's so much more effected to be positive, to tell
people what they're doing right rather than trying to shame
them and tell them what they're doing wrong. Now, occasionally
you have to address some things. If you do have
to address some things, you want to address the negatives
in private and the positives of public praise in public,
(17:20):
you need to criticize, could criticize them private, but you
want to do the positive public could praise the page
or you want to see you apple.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So that's very important.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
And what you're talking about, what could be about the choice,
Like we could go to the uh talking about the
negatives for example, in the example of a manager, we
can show the negatives for the people and we can
show the positives and your example, Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
This is the problem.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Like in a lot of jobs, like they always criticize
the employee for the bad things, even if it's just
one mistake, for example, and there's like a hundred good
things happen, like it's not like maybe sometimes it's not
even mentioned. So they make a choice to show the
bad things, the bad stuff, and neglect the good stuff,
(18:04):
which is not a good thing. Like these people, this
person would not be a leader in my opinion, right,
and also it would be a bad influence for the
people around him.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
That's right. People gravitate towards positivity. They gravitate towards like me,
let me just give you one example, I was sitting
in a high level director's office in New York. I'm
going to tell you what happened. Look, let me tell
you how this happened. I'd sent this guy an email
because I wanted to try to sell a product to
this guy in New York. And he ignored my email.
(18:39):
He did, he didn't. He didn't say, hey, we're not interested,
or hey, somebody else handles this. He just completely ignored. Well.
I called back in, uh, maybe several days later, and
I talked to him his Well, let me do backup
even further. I'm sitting in this high level director's office
in New York. He looks at me, and he says,
you are the only salesperson I've ever let into my office. Yes, now,
(19:00):
I think he might have meant about the particular product room.
Say that's not what he said. He said, you are
the only salesperson I've ever let into my office. And
let me tell you what happened. I said, up this email,
he ignored me. I called up to talk to him
several days later, maybe a week later, so and who
answered the phone. It was his secretary. Okay, and his secretary.
(19:22):
I said, can I speak with Bob. She said, he's unavailable,
by the way, they're always unavailable. Just say you know.
And I said, and I said, well, you know what,
maybe I could do. What I could do is send
the email that I sent a while ago and copy
it to you. Would that be okay? And she said,
(19:42):
well sure. And I don't know who said I. Have
you ever heard someone on the phone you can almost
hear him smiling, like they have a positive attitude. You
just almost hear their smile even though you can't see him. Well,
she was one of these people you could kind of
hear that, and I noticed it. We started talking this
a little bit and I said, you know what, thank
you so much for being so friendly A curious I'm
on the phone all day long. I just appreciate you
(20:03):
taking just being so friendly Curtis. And she said, hey, thanks.
And while she was on the phone, I pulled up
the email that I send before and I typed really
fast and I said something like this, Hussein, I said,
dear Bob, I had the opportunity of speaking with Janie.
She was very professional and helpful. I think she's an
asset to your team. By the way, I'm gonna be
(20:23):
in New York on these days. And I and she's
still the phone with me, and I sent this email
to her boss. Remember, it has a compliment about her.
The first line something nice. And then and I copied
her on the email and I said, I send the email.
And I said, hey, did that an email come through?
And she said, let me check. There was a little pause,
(20:46):
and then she said, hey, that email came through. Great.
And then she paused again, and she goes, hey, thanks
for the compliment. And I said, well, I meant to
thanks for being so positive. Well, here's the interesting thing
you saying. Yeah, fastballer, I'm back in this office. He's
just told me I'm the only the only the salesperson
he's ever let into his office. This is what he
(21:06):
said to me. Next, he said, you're the only He said,
You're the only salesperson I've let into my office. The
only the reason you're here is because you were nice
to my secretary. He said, I talked to my secretary
more than I talked to my wife. Some of these
these people will get it. Well, here's the thing that's
when you water behavior. Now. There are some people who
call up in there. They try to be rude to
(21:28):
the secretary or they try to act like they're high
and mighty and the other guys high mighty, and they say, now,
who are you doing? What is your title? Try to
be rude doesn't work. You gotta you. You got to
catch people doing something right. And when you do that
with your people you work with. It got me this
appointment with a high level director in New York. It
(21:48):
works with our children, works with our spouses, works with
people we know. If you want to be influential, catch
people doing something right and then, like you said, surprise them.
Surprise them in some way, make their expectations the reality
better than they expect. And if you do that and
your trustworthy, when you speak, your words will have more
(22:08):
power because they'll want to follow you.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, definitely, that's an amazing exemple.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Like you know, when some people took the secretaries there
just like come on, give me, give me the one
that I want to talk to and just go get down.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Through the way something like that.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
So so and throughout throughout that, what is the worst
advice that you have received and regards to influence.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Well, I'll tell you this. I heard a sales trainer
tell me or not tell I heard I heard sales
I heard of sales training. Let's just put it this way,
that say, if you can't get past the secretary, you
should act a little and diggins you now, who are you?
And what is your title? And and act like you're
high and mighty and the CEOs high and mighty, and
that the secretary is just a little pump on the road.
(22:59):
Totally just agree with that. The truth is you've got
to treat everybody like their royalty. You don't treat the
the worst. The best advice, let me go with the best.
The best advice would be to treat everyone like you
their royalty, even people who you know, some people want
to treat some people that are really important and some
(23:19):
people are not important. That's not true. Treat everyone like
they're a king or a queen and and you'll see
doors open for you. So yeah, I've heard a lot
of bad advice where people say that to be mean
to people, or sometimes like nah, you don't need to
do that. It's not gonna help.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Exactly, definitely is not going to And it's great that
we should always bete people they are the same because
they are eventually is just what they have as work
as positions as putted in So what they what they are?
These things are just positions, not who they are, which
is eventually a human being. So what's happen means to
(24:00):
me what runs through your body will runs through anyone's
body the same one day would we will not be here,
so we have the same story and then it's not
like anything different.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
So it's the same. So that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
So do you have some certain tools, resources or books
that you would recommend? Oh?
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Certain books? Oh goodness, you know. One of the best
books out there is if we're talking about this, I
have two recommendations. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
by Stephen Covey is is a great one, very famous.
But to learn this, to learn the principles of influence,
and this could be used for business. There's a parenting
book called The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham.
(24:41):
But I'll tell you it's a parenting book, but it's
a great business book. If you could take the same
principles that they teach it in that Power Positive Parenting
and apply it to your business, you'll do great. It's
it's it's it's probably a better business book than it
It's as good a business book as a disaparenting book,
but it's a it's a great book.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Of course, there are set of things that apply because
if we.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Are business owners, entrepreneurs, parents, so we want to have
an impact and have an influence on other people in
a positive way. So that's the principles would generally apply
to any situation or any position that you are in.
So that's very important. So x and where can people
learn more about you and what you do and get
(25:27):
your books?
Speaker 4 (25:28):
Oh, well, they could go to there's there's a few
different sites. You could go to X saying dot com,
which is just my first name, K has a y
n dot com. You could also go to x factor
edge dot com, which is more of the sales. Uh,
if you wanted to influence a big good influencer negotiator
sales then if they're speaking, I have another website which
(25:48):
is eks influence dot com. Any one of those, they
could find me there. And Who's saying. You've been a
great house. You ask great questions. Thank you for having
me on show.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Thank you, thank you very much for joining me. And
you provided great insights into influence that are very important
to any humans would apply eether in their business or
life or even like parents. Generally anyone can apply and
they are very important because eventually should treat each other
in a same level way and with dignity and with
(26:25):
trust and authenticity. To show that so people can come
to us at ease and have certain business with us
at east like you don't have to force anything the
day now.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
The days are of being who.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
You are, I guess, and the influence will come if
you show other people that you respect them and you
deal with them as they deserve and maybe more so.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Thank you for joining me.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Thank you for you saying been an honor to be
on your show. Thank you for having
Hallo, I welcome to the Success Great Podcast with also Stale.
I'm excited to introduce you to a series of conversations
with some of the most successful and sparing individuals from
various industries.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
My aim is to.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Dive into their stories behind their success and explore the knowledge, strategies, habits, mindsets,
and wisdom that have propelled their success. Each hipishode of
the Success Great Podcast will feature a different guest who
will share their unique journey, the challenges they faced, and
the ressons they have learned along the way. I would
also be covering topics from entrepreneurship and innovation to leadership
(00:34):
and personal development. Whether you are inspiring entrepreneur, a seasoned
business profession, or just someone looking to improve your life,
the Success Great Podcast is for you. My goal is
to bring you valuable insights and inspiration that will help
you achieve your own success in business and life. So
get ready to learn and be inspired. The Success Great
(00:54):
Podcast starts now, and this episode of the Success a
Great Podcast, I'm joined with Anderson to talk about how
to successfully influence people. Excellent has been seen on for
Speaker Magazine and various business blogs and podcasts. His books
The key to the gate principles and techniques to get
past gatekeepers to the decision maker, and what I want
(01:17):
my children.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
To know before I died. Both solved internationally.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
But remember that success in business war does not matter
if we don't have success at home.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
So that's a principle that Extent lives by.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
So these are the things that we are going to
be talking about, how to have influence, how to have
influence on people, and the importance of being a leader
in self and in others.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
So welcome Extent, thank you, thanks for having me on
the show.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Great have here.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
So first of all, because this is the Success Great podcast,
I want to ask you what does success means to you?
And how do you see other people have certain misconceptions
what the success is.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
That's such a good question. He's saying, thank you for asking.
So you know, success to me personally means you're doing
the things that are most important, that are most meaningful
in the world. And so so for example, you know,
a lot of times people say, well, success can be
if I you know, if if I make a million
dollars or I have a lot of success, But then
a lot of people get to the top of the
(02:21):
ladder and they find that the they have relationships with
their children or their spouse this not ideal and they
realized that their ladder was leaning on or on the
wrong wallall. So success for me is saying, you know,
let's find out what's really really real, what's really important,
and then pursue that. And so you if you make
a ton of money but you don't have good relationships
(02:42):
with those you love, I don't think does success frankrect.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, that's very important because it is it starts with
ourselves and then splits out to the bigger circle family, friends,
and community, and then goes beyond that, which is very important.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So now speak of success.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
We cann't have success like by ourselves, like we cannot
care success we are success by itself.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Doing everything alone.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
We have to have some influence to other people who
have to have some people influence us. Right, So it
is both ways. It's a to to were Street, I
guess right. So first of all, can we define what
do we mean by influence, like, because if we talk
about influencer, might let's say like someone with big social
(03:29):
media following.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
So what do we mean by influence?
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Well, the type of influence I'm talking right now is
the type of influence is interpersonal influence. So let let
me tell you. Let me tell you what I mean.
Near where I live, there is a business and this
business is always busy. They're always busy. They have customers
coming all the time. And there's one reason that this
business is successful, and it's because of it. It's actually
(03:55):
a car business, so it's a mechanic. But there's a
reason that it's successful is because one man named Mike.
And this guy named Mike is so awesome. Let me
tell you how I'm in. First of all, Mike, I
had a problem with my car and I went to
another mechanic and this mechanic told me it was going
(04:16):
to cost me fifteen hundred dollars to fix this problem
with that car. And there was something about that interaction
that maybe want to get a second opinion. So I
went down to Mike. He was close to where I lived.
I went down to Mike and I asked him, I said,
how much is this gonna cost? And he said ten bucks?
So I had one mechanic tell me fifteen hundred. Mike
had told me ten bucks, and I was surprised it
(04:41):
was only ten bucks. That's almost nothing to get a
car fixed in the area where I lived. It so
I took it to I took it to Mike. I
paid him ten bucks and the car worked great.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Well.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Later on I had another problem, and of course I
took I took the car down to Mike, and this
time it was much more than ten bucks. He said, hey,
it's going to cost you know, I can't remember the amount.
Let's just say it was five hundred bucks maybe somewhere
around that time. He told me to have it done
by the end of the day. But here's the thing.
He fixed the car. He called me about five hours earlier,
(05:17):
So if he said it was going to be done
by five, he called me around lunchtime and said, hey,
the car's done. When I got down there to pay
for it, instead of being five hundred dollars, it was
like four hundred and fifty dollars. And I get again,
I don't remember the exact amounts, but it was less
than what he said. Well, what is it that makes Mike?
Let me tell you this. I should read some of
(05:38):
these reviews for it, and I just want to see
if I can pull this up for it. My action
has people drive I found I looked him up on
Google and I saw his Google reviews, and he has
seventy five star reviews, And some of them say things
like this, I drive over four hundred miles to take
my car to mic. Some people say Google should let
me give a ten star review. Some people say, hey,
(06:01):
you know this guy's going straight to having when he dies.
How do you get enough interpersonal influence that people will
drive four hundred miles to let you fix their car?
How do you get enough interpersonal influence that people will
beg Google to allow you to get ten star reviews?
How do you get enough influence where people will go
to you for twenty years and never go anywhere else.
If I read these reviews to you, you'd be like, Wow,
(06:23):
this is crazy. And there's principles that he aligns with.
So it's a really good question that we could talk about.
But that's the kind of influence we're talking about. We're
talking about what is it that makes people want to
follow you, not necessarily on social media, but just in
real life. How do I get people to want to
do business with me?
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Definitely that's very important.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Like what you're mentioning that, I think one of the
reasons maybe being him being authentic, right, because like we
know for example, and the first example you mentioned when
he chided you within bucks, what the other guy child
you fifteen hundred? I think, right, So that's a big gap.
Like they must be putting gold somewhere to fix the
(07:08):
cart there. But the authenticity of the person maybe shows
also like credibility, honesty, these kind of things that are
combined together that maybe form the influence for them that
they are trustworthy people that they are not doing to
like go lift and right to share you they are
(07:28):
to the point and they tell you exactly what it
is need to be done. And because generally people want
to go from A to Z, not go through the process.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
They want the end result. They're like, they want the
resolution by that's right.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
And I love what you said right there saying what
happened is the reason people go to mic is because
they trust him. They trust him like I looked up
his reas. Let me, I'm actually pulled him up. Prayer.
I'm gonna read a couple to you so that this
man is going straight to him and when he dies,
the most honest mechanic I've ever met never go anywhere else.
Here's the next review. Mike is absolutely excellent to work with.
(08:05):
I drove over four hundred miles. They have him take
care of my repair, right, Matt, here's the next one.
Google should allow me to give this review ten stars.
I've been coming to this shop for over six years now.
Mike is the absolute best. It's becoming increasingly difficult where
to find a mechanic you can completely trust who has
a passion for helping people. Likes that and more. Here's
(08:26):
the next one. I've been going to the shop Mike
works out for twenty years. We have four cars. He
remembers all of them, all their histories. They're on a
spare timely easily communicated with. I'm grateful the half of
a mechanic I could trust completely. Now here's the interesting thing.
When you look through all of these reviews, there's a
common theme. Most of the reviews have to do with honesty,
(08:50):
trust or fairness. In other words, they're like, I can
trust him. He's not going to try to charge me
fifteen hundred dollars when he could do it for ten. Now.
Sometimes I've paid him over I've paid him thousands of dollars,
but I know he's giving me a fair deal. Because
I could trust him. And I think that's one of
(09:10):
the things that people will like. It's this ability to trust,
and you can't do it unless you're being honest people.
You know, people think that, oh, you can kind of
cheat and not be honest. The truth is, if you're
not honest, people will get it and they don't trust you.
But Mike is completely honest. Here's what I found. Of
(09:31):
the seventy five star reviews, forty six of them mentioned
either some derivative of the word honest, trust, or fair
It was the most common theme in all the topics.
And if you think about this, who's saying nobody's got
to write a review, much less a positive review. And
Mike doesn't even ask for reviews on people. He doesn't
ask people to go for reviews. They do it on there.
(09:52):
But when people write reviews about Mike, the thing that
seems to inspire people more than anything else is trust, honesty,
and fairness. And you know, there was even some research
out of Cornell University the found that when managers perceive
that their boss has integrity, which is you know, being
fair walking their talk, that the profitability of the business
(10:14):
went up by thirteen percent just having honesty actually makes
you more money.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Definitely, because we have to align with our authenticity purpose
and serving the community around us. Because if you are
not honest with the community around you, who is going
to come to your shop?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
In general?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Yes, maybe there's someone who's three hundred miles away or whatever,
but these people are real. Most people are not going
not going to make that trip, but generally want to
serve the for example, in this type of scenario or
this example, you want to know and serve the community
around you.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
So how important do you think is a business.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Owner should have certain concrete principles that they follow.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
It's so important, it's the most important thing. If you
have a business and you'r and you're and you're not
following principles, people are going to get it and they
won't trust you. So the fact that Mike's just honest,
people trust them and they'll drive from all over it
all over four hundred miles to get to them. Now,
let me talk about one other thing that you does.
So once you once you've aligned with principles and your
(11:19):
your your people trust you because you're aligning with the
next piece. In my view, one of the things that
Mike does is well, let me put it this way.
Who's saying we have in life what are called expectations.
This is what I expect, but a lot of times
life and reality comes in lower. So I expect this,
(11:39):
but I'm only getting this. Well, what's the distance between
a high expectation and reality is coming lower? I call
this frustration. Okay, Hey, if there's a word, boar, it's
called frustration. Now, if you want to influence people, you
don't want them to be frustrated with you. And so
you've got to keep these lines together. You've got to
keep your expectations and what actually happens to you at
(12:01):
the same level at least. But one of the things
Mike does is he actually flips the lines. Look at this.
He makes it so that people's reality is better than
they expect, and then this distance is no longer frustration.
This distance is now called delight. And this is how
he does it. He'll say, hey, I'll have your car
(12:23):
done by tomorrow at noon, But then he calls you
up at tomorrow at eight am, or that the same
day at five pm, he goes, hey, I've already got
it done. So he sets he makes your expectation here,
But then he makes his reality better. He'll say to you,
you know, hey, it's going to be five hundred dollars,
but when you show up, he says, you know what,
I found a way to get it lower. It's only
(12:44):
four hundred and fifty dollars. So he charges less than
he told them. He gets it done before, and he
charges less. So now people not they know he's honest,
but they also know that their reality is going to
be better than they expect. And he does this all
the time. And so how can you, or how can
(13:04):
any of your listeners here who are listening make people's
reality better than they expect. If you can do that
consistently and get people to trust you by just being honest,
your ability to influence people in a negotiation and a sale,
and if you're trying to sell to a government or
to a business or to an organization, that's huge. So
(13:27):
if you can imagine, if you have a pyramid, the
bottom is is you got to have trust. The next
thing is you've got to build the relationship. So the
bottoms that you've got to have trust. But the next
level up is I got to build a relationship. One
of the best ways to do that is to exceed
people's expectations. One more comment on that you're saying. I
(13:47):
know of a repair guy. He's a repair guy in
my area, and he says, if I tell people I'm
going to get the repair done by Thursday, and then
I get it done on Wednesday, everybody's thrilled, they're happy.
If I tell people I'm going to get the repair
done on Tuesday and I get it done on Wednesday,
everybody's mad at me. In both situations, the repair happened
(14:09):
on Wednesday. The only thing that changed was what was
the expectation. Did I expect it by Thursday or did
I expect it by Tuesday. So you have to you
have to underpromise and over deliver. And that works in
your relationship with your children, it works in your relationship
with businesses, It worked in relationships any relationship. If you
(14:32):
can make people's reality better than they expect, then they're
delighted with you. Now, on the other hand, if you
make their you put their expectations up here, and you're
not quite delivery, then they're frustrated with you. And that's huge.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Exactly Like it went to something very important here, which
is like overdivsiting, which is something that he for example,
but he was diving in different ways to get people
with their early cars or then then the then he promised,
and also then some kind of maybe discount, so they
over deliver, not just in a way, but more than
(15:06):
when we two ways, maybe more. So that's very important
that you want to serve people in a way that
they do not see certain things coming, certain good things
coming their way, which is a great thing that they
would like, like I mentioned, it would be a delight
and it would be like some condif a surprise like okay, great, yeah,
(15:26):
well that's very But do you think that there are
some certain positive or negative sides or influence like do
you think certain things that can happen or some people
do or business owners do that can be negative not
just positive.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Yes, absolutely, so let me tell you what the research shows.
This is a great great question to saying you're a
great host. Thanks for asking six questions of this.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I think you too.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
So they say that if you want, if you can
think of behaviors, let me back up for just a
second and answer question. If you think of a behavior
as a seed that you would plan the grant and
attention is like water. So I have water bot I
take if I water the behaviors I want to seek
grow with attention. Here's the problem in our relationships. A
(16:15):
lot of times we're watering the behaviors we don't want
to see grow with attention. So let me let me
tell you what I mean. If you've ever seen a parent,
the parent says something like this, I can't believe you
stayed out too late, and you didn't make your bed,
and you didn't you didn't put your your didn't clean
your room like I asked you. They they give all
this attention to what the child's doing wrong. Well, managers
(16:38):
do this too, They tell everybody, the employee what he's
doing wrong, where he's doing wrong is doing rough. But
the issue with that is you're actually making it more
likely that that behavior will occur. That The research shows
who saying that you if you give attention to the
good behaviors those behaviors, it actually not only will they grow,
(16:58):
but the bad behaviors start to with her. And so
it's so much more effected to be positive, to tell
people what they're doing right rather than trying to shame
them and tell them what they're doing wrong. Now, occasionally
you have to address some things. If you do have
to address some things, you want to address the negatives
in private and the positives of public praise in public,
(17:20):
you need to criticize, could criticize them private, but you
want to do the positive public could praise the page
or you want to see you apple.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So that's very important.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
And what you're talking about, what could be about the choice,
Like we could go to the uh talking about the
negatives for example, in the example of a manager, we
can show the negatives for the people and we can
show the positives and your example, Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
This is the problem.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Like in a lot of jobs, like they always criticize
the employee for the bad things, even if it's just
one mistake, for example, and there's like a hundred good
things happen, like it's not like maybe sometimes it's not
even mentioned. So they make a choice to show the
bad things, the bad stuff, and neglect the good stuff,
(18:04):
which is not a good thing. Like these people, this
person would not be a leader in my opinion, right,
and also it would be a bad influence for the
people around him.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
That's right. People gravitate towards positivity. They gravitate towards like me,
let me just give you one example, I was sitting
in a high level director's office in New York. I'm
going to tell you what happened. Look, let me tell
you how this happened. I'd sent this guy an email
because I wanted to try to sell a product to
this guy in New York. And he ignored my email.
(18:39):
He did, he didn't. He didn't say, hey, we're not interested,
or hey, somebody else handles this. He just completely ignored. Well.
I called back in, uh, maybe several days later, and
I talked to him his Well, let me do backup
even further. I'm sitting in this high level director's office
in New York. He looks at me, and he says,
you are the only salesperson I've ever let into my office. Yes, now,
(19:00):
I think he might have meant about the particular product room.
Say that's not what he said. He said, you are
the only salesperson I've ever let into my office. And
let me tell you what happened. I said, up this email,
he ignored me. I called up to talk to him
several days later, maybe a week later, so and who
answered the phone. It was his secretary. Okay, and his secretary.
(19:22):
I said, can I speak with Bob. She said, he's unavailable,
by the way, they're always unavailable. Just say you know.
And I said, and I said, well, you know what,
maybe I could do. What I could do is send
the email that I sent a while ago and copy
it to you. Would that be okay? And she said,
(19:42):
well sure. And I don't know who said I. Have
you ever heard someone on the phone you can almost
hear him smiling, like they have a positive attitude. You
just almost hear their smile even though you can't see him. Well,
she was one of these people you could kind of
hear that, and I noticed it. We started talking this
a little bit and I said, you know what, thank
you so much for being so friendly A curious I'm
on the phone all day long. I just appreciate you
(20:03):
taking just being so friendly Curtis. And she said, hey, thanks.
And while she was on the phone, I pulled up
the email that I send before and I typed really
fast and I said something like this, Hussein, I said,
dear Bob, I had the opportunity of speaking with Janie.
She was very professional and helpful. I think she's an
asset to your team. By the way, I'm gonna be
(20:23):
in New York on these days. And I and she's
still the phone with me, and I sent this email
to her boss. Remember, it has a compliment about her.
The first line something nice. And then and I copied
her on the email and I said, I send the email.
And I said, hey, did that an email come through?
And she said, let me check. There was a little pause,
(20:46):
and then she said, hey, that email came through. Great.
And then she paused again, and she goes, hey, thanks
for the compliment. And I said, well, I meant to
thanks for being so positive. Well, here's the interesting thing
you saying. Yeah, fastballer, I'm back in this office. He's
just told me I'm the only the only the salesperson
he's ever let into his office. This is what he
(21:06):
said to me. Next, he said, you're the only He said,
You're the only salesperson I've let into my office. The
only the reason you're here is because you were nice
to my secretary. He said, I talked to my secretary
more than I talked to my wife. Some of these
these people will get it. Well, here's the thing that's
when you water behavior. Now. There are some people who
call up in there. They try to be rude to
(21:28):
the secretary or they try to act like they're high
and mighty and the other guys high mighty, and they say, now,
who are you doing? What is your title? Try to
be rude doesn't work. You gotta you. You got to
catch people doing something right. And when you do that
with your people you work with. It got me this
appointment with a high level director in New York. It
(21:48):
works with our children, works with our spouses, works with
people we know. If you want to be influential, catch
people doing something right and then, like you said, surprise them.
Surprise them in some way, make their expectations the reality
better than they expect. And if you do that and
your trustworthy, when you speak, your words will have more
(22:08):
power because they'll want to follow you.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, definitely, that's an amazing exemple.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Like you know, when some people took the secretaries there
just like come on, give me, give me the one
that I want to talk to and just go get down.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Through the way something like that.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
So so and throughout throughout that, what is the worst
advice that you have received and regards to influence.
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Well, I'll tell you this. I heard a sales trainer
tell me or not tell I heard I heard sales
I heard of sales training. Let's just put it this way,
that say, if you can't get past the secretary, you
should act a little and diggins you now, who are you?
And what is your title? And and act like you're
high and mighty and the CEOs high and mighty, and
that the secretary is just a little pump on the road.
(22:59):
Totally just agree with that. The truth is you've got
to treat everybody like their royalty. You don't treat the
the worst. The best advice, let me go with the best.
The best advice would be to treat everyone like you
their royalty, even people who you know, some people want
to treat some people that are really important and some
(23:19):
people are not important. That's not true. Treat everyone like
they're a king or a queen and and you'll see
doors open for you. So yeah, I've heard a lot
of bad advice where people say that to be mean
to people, or sometimes like nah, you don't need to
do that. It's not gonna help.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Exactly, definitely is not going to And it's great that
we should always bete people they are the same because
they are eventually is just what they have as work
as positions as putted in So what they what they are?
These things are just positions, not who they are, which
is eventually a human being. So what's happen means to
(24:00):
me what runs through your body will runs through anyone's
body the same one day would we will not be here,
so we have the same story and then it's not
like anything different.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
So it's the same. So that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
So do you have some certain tools, resources or books
that you would recommend? Oh?
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Certain books? Oh goodness, you know. One of the best
books out there is if we're talking about this, I
have two recommendations. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
by Stephen Covey is is a great one, very famous.
But to learn this, to learn the principles of influence,
and this could be used for business. There's a parenting
book called The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham.
(24:41):
But I'll tell you it's a parenting book, but it's
a great business book. If you could take the same
principles that they teach it in that Power Positive Parenting
and apply it to your business, you'll do great. It's
it's it's it's probably a better business book than it
It's as good a business book as a disaparenting book,
but it's a it's a great book.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Of course, there are set of things that apply because
if we.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Are business owners, entrepreneurs, parents, so we want to have
an impact and have an influence on other people in
a positive way. So that's the principles would generally apply
to any situation or any position that you are in.
So that's very important. So x and where can people
learn more about you and what you do and get
(25:27):
your books?
Speaker 4 (25:28):
Oh, well, they could go to there's there's a few
different sites. You could go to X saying dot com,
which is just my first name, K has a y
n dot com. You could also go to x factor
edge dot com, which is more of the sales. Uh,
if you wanted to influence a big good influencer negotiator
sales then if they're speaking, I have another website which
(25:48):
is eks influence dot com. Any one of those, they
could find me there. And Who's saying. You've been a
great house. You ask great questions. Thank you for having
me on show.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Thank you, thank you very much for joining me. And
you provided great insights into influence that are very important
to any humans would apply eether in their business or
life or even like parents. Generally anyone can apply and
they are very important because eventually should treat each other
in a same level way and with dignity and with
(26:25):
trust and authenticity. To show that so people can come
to us at ease and have certain business with us
at east like you don't have to force anything the
day now.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
The days are of being who.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
You are, I guess, and the influence will come if
you show other people that you respect them and you
deal with them as they deserve and maybe more so.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Thank you for joining me.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
Thank you for you saying been an honor to be
on your show. Thank you for having
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