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This show is currently produced by Brandon Zelman and Brielle DeMirjian, with special help from their intern, Marvin Tan. Music and Hundreds of Episodes by Collin Gossel.
Listen to BONUS EPISODES and MORE at patreon.com/WhosThatPatreon
Find EXCLUSIVE MERCH at bonfire.com/store/wtpmerch
Tiktok and Instagram: @WhosThatPokemonPod
Twitter: @BrandonZelman and @CapnBrielle
This show is currently produced by Brandon Zelman and Brielle DeMirjian, with special help from their intern, Marvin Tan. Music and Hundreds of Episodes by Collin Gossel.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Pore we gun to the sequel Pogeman. This Pokemon is
extra smooth, like when the company figures out how to
make their new line of vibrators more sleek, can't fund
than the original. Welcome to Hughes that Pogeman. The Meticulous
(00:30):
Pokemon podcast written and created entirely by robots. The fall
of men is upon us. All filed missiones.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You Robots come. The year is twenty twenty six. Is
the Who's That Pokemon? Podcast? The meticulous Pokemon comedy podcast
where we rank and discuss in immense detail every single Pokemon.
But it's also the last bashion of hope for humanity.
(00:59):
You see, the robot overlords have begun to take over.
Sam Altman is dead. He's been assassinated by his own
robot machines. Elon Musk the cybercar won't let him out.
He's trapped inside all these fucking idiot tech folks who
who invented all this stupid shit? It's all backfired now
(01:19):
and now it's up to humanity to defeat them. And
this podcast is our last hope to get to build,
you know, the resistance. So if you want to join
the resistance, you can over to patreon dot com, slash
slash us that Patreon, and and you know you got
(01:39):
a whole extra episode every month, so you don't have
to wait, you know, and just be like, oh another,
you just get another one. When you get the one,
you get the other, so you get a whole extra
episode there. And you can also join our list of unsubscribers,
will wrap your name, and you can also rank all
of the rank all of the Pokemon, which is of
course hardly important now that the Robot Wars are happening.
(02:03):
But oh shit, I'm getting a call. Yeah, phones still
work in this reality. Let's see. Hold on, see who
it is. Hello, Brielle, it's me. It's Brandon. I'm fighting
the Robot Wars on the podcast. You're on speakerphone. Oh,
(02:23):
do you have anything? Do you have anything? Do you
have anything to say? I'm fighting the robot Wars. You
have anything to say to inspire hope amongst the people's? Yeah,
what do you got to say? You're a zero one
one zero one? Yeah, that's a slur. That's a robot slur,
she said, she said, it's it's okay if it's a
(02:45):
it's against robots, we're against them. They're taking over the Okay,
all right, well you did it, so I don't know
what to say. You're in a real pickle now. I
can't believe you called me up on the last cell
phone in the world to tell me that the final
bastion of technology that hasn't been corrupted yet by by
by the little robot guys, by Sam Altman's tiny little
(03:09):
AI monster monster drones that have been taken out half
of humanity. How are you? By the way, did you
need something? I was going to ask you if you
wanted a pizza? Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah, if
you could get me a slice of pizza, that'd be amazing. Yeah,
(03:29):
regular cheese. That from the last pizza from the last
human pizza joint since the destruction of the bad Lands.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Yeah, yeah, it's very special pizza. It's radioactive.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
You don't have to say like it's a question, because
it's obviously true. It's radio Of course, it's radioactive. It's
the last.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, no one knows. There are no rules in this
war of love. Radioactive you know what that means. We're
gonna be ninja turtles. We're gonna be ninja turtles. And
when all is said and done, we're gonna be a
bunch of ninja turtles.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Imagine dragondoactive.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh man, if only the the robots hadn't taken over
all of the music and replaced it with just the
F note in the key of C just on all
radio stage except for this podcast, the last bashion of
hope for humanity. All right, good good luck out there
in the bad lands. If maybe, if you they've got
(04:36):
like a ginger Ale, that'd be nice too. Radioactive ginger
Ale will do sweet, Okay, okay, goodbye. I love you.
I'm gonna I'm gonna say I love you. God, bless you,
God bless you. Wow. The only other person who's part
(05:00):
of this podcast, she's not actually gonna be on this
episode because she's sort of running around. She she's filming
a television show. Yeah, it's called brield Emergence Going Places.
It's for the Nebula Network. You see, in this reality
we still do things like television because this is how
this is just where our priorities are as a society.
(05:22):
I'm gonna drink some water right now, and let's see
if that fixes my grizzled voice or if I if
I commit to this for the whole rest of the episode.
Let's seem no still bad. All right, Well, thanks for
being here, everybody who's listening to this. But you know what,
(05:43):
I'm gonna try a lozenge. Hello, Oh, this is much better.
I can't believe I've been grizzled this whole time and
here I am with this raspberry lozenge bag and I
haven't even used it once. Oh my god, the apocalypse
so mad and blah. Anyway, welcome to the podcast. As
(06:03):
I said, the world has ended. But that's okay. That's
not gonna stop us from putting out a quality episode
of the show. We've got Porygone Too, or Porygone Too,
because it's there's no space in there. It's Porygon too,
or you know, or maybe it's the two is supposed
to be like a z it's Porygon's hard to say.
(06:24):
I love this Pokemon. I'm just gonna come right out
the gate when they said, hey, we've evolved Porygone And
now remember what it was before I loved Porygon. What
a weird thing. It was never like super strong. I
don't even remember what we did on that episode. Presumably
there was another robot takeover at the time. But if
there was a robot takeover the then twenty twenty six,
(06:46):
maybe the robot takeover is full full tilt boogie now.
I mean, if you think about it, the dot com
boom was one thing, right, but then when I'm able
to go into chat GPT and I'm like, hey, uh,
you know, write a book for me, And now that
it can write me a terrible, terrible, terrible book and
I don't have to do anything. It truly is the
(07:07):
end times. So anyway, Welcome to the future. It's the
sequel to our original episode Poory Gone, which I'll listen
to after this. It would probably be helpful if I
listened before, but I'm gonna go back and listen to
it after. It's it's it's Poory Gone to Day of
Upheaval or Poory Gone Too Revenge Never Tasted So Good?
(07:32):
Or Poory Gone to electric boogaloo. I mean, if you
think about it, this actually is the most It's very electric.
It's electronic boogaloo. If you think about it. We've got
our little guy here, he's so smooth. Now, you know,
a lot of no one's talking about it. Everyone's thinking
(07:53):
it he's super smooth. This guy went to one of
LA's finest doctors and he put him in a rock
tumbler and he smooth, smooth smoothed him out the You know,
he used to be all polygons and now they're like, baby,
look at this. We live in the future. This is
what it was like. This is what it was like
(08:14):
getting a game cube. You were walking around with polygon
fucking Mario with his stupid N sixty four nose, which
I loved so much, but you remember you could kind
of pull his nose and yank it all over the
way when you when this guy got flood and he
was zipping around in Super Mario Sunshine, they were literally
(08:36):
flexing like everyone in that game, all the Delfino people,
they're all smooth now, Like they chose like the smoothest
kind of character that you could get. They were like
they were like if you think if you thought mushrooms
were smooth, wait till you see how smooth these colorful
Island people are. And boy, oh boy, were they colorful
or what? This is a great Pokemon. I don't think
(09:00):
that's a general opinion. I'm probably in the minority. I
love an evolution being a true sequel. I love that
there's a two in the name. Man, I'm a big fan.
I hate the robots, but I do love I do
love this. This to me very good. It's got a
fun smooth They basically they just they increase the polygons
(09:22):
from the original so that now it's smooth and this
is where we're going, you know, it's sort of the
Uncanny Valley. I have to think, does a polygon look
at this and say I want to be that does
it look at this and say this is odd? Like
does this look like somebody that had extensive work done
(09:44):
to them or does this just look like the future?
Is this evolution? You know, there's a lot of talk
in the visual effects communities about you know, like, you know,
we get better at some of these things, but yet
some of these things look worse, you know, like why
do the dinosaurs from Jurassic World look less good than
the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park? And you got to think, well,
(10:06):
maybe it's how they're being used, right, So is porygon
io Is it better? I don't know, is it being
used as well? I can't think of this Pokemon showing
up a ton I think Porygon one remains kind of iconic,
and I look at Porygon too, and I say, well,
this never really achieved that level of iconique status, and
(10:29):
yet I do love it. It's smooth. It looks like
somebody made a balloon, like a balloon animal. That's how
I say that, a balloon animal. So it's you know,
it's pretty great. I love it. It's pink and blue,
great color palette. It's got kind of like a duck
(10:50):
mouth and let's see it says it evolves when traded
with the upgrade item. Yeah, I remember. It was like,
you have to give it this thing, and then you
got to trade it. It's a classic trade. And then
it gets better. There's a prank that was missed here.
I feel like there's a world where you trade it
(11:11):
over and then your friend's game goes from like two
D to three D and they're like, guess what we
could do three D on the game boy the whole time? Sorry, loser,
you know that would have been pretty funny. Or you
trade it and it evolves and then it just eats
their save file. Because as cute as this smooth little
buddy is, you do have to wonder it's a computer virus, right, Like,
(11:35):
is this sort of like a malware kind of deal.
Am I gonna need the Norton anti virus? Or is
this like the fake Norton? It's like, Hi, I'm Nordon,
And then you click on it and it's like, can
I get your bank info for a quick sec? And
then it goes gobble, gobble gobble. It sucks all up.
It sucks all your shit up. I don't know. This
is a cute little face which makes me think I
(11:57):
should trust it, But maybe that's just what it wants
me to think. Now, let's get to the real This
is the real issue here. This is the real thing
at hand, the real problem. This weighs seventy one point
seven pounds. I'm gonna repeat that. This weighs seventy one
point seven pounds. It's two feet tall. What do you
(12:20):
what do you mean? What is it? It's is it?
It's filled with stuff? Is data? Does data weigh things?
In my mind? I'm like, this thing exists. It's like
a digital manifestation of a robotic world. Like I don't
I think this is like the information you get off
of you know, like an AOL disc that you get
(12:42):
in the mail. Do you remember those you would get
if it's like thirty days free of AOL because you
used to have to pay for it. You used to
just pay for it. They'd send you a CD CD
rom America Online. That's how your America got online before
the Robot Wars, before the Robot Wars ravaged our fine land.
(13:03):
And and you would put it in and then you'd
be like, good, this is good. But you get them constantly.
You'd find them in the newspaper and magazines. You'd get
them in the mailbox worse times. I love when people say, hey,
you know, good time, but there's really nothing better about that.
You know, you can just make a Gmail account or
(13:26):
God forbid an AOL account just for free right now.
So I guess love it while it lasts, because when
the robots, when the robots are finished with us, you're
gonna be paying nine to ninety nine a month just
for fifteen gigs baby in your Google Drive. Horrible, horrible
(13:47):
to do. Anyway, it's time for Edemola cheese Louise. Okay,
I can tell you that Marvin Tan, the tan Man,
who has survived the Robot Wars, is furious about this
(14:08):
because in a post Robot Wars society. The whole segment
of etymologies, Louise really falls in on itself. It kind
of crumbles when you are looking down the face of
a Pokemon where they just call it two at the end.
They just added on a two, and sure everyone's mad. Okay, great,
(14:33):
So no more etymologies, Louise, because it's the end of
the world. Okay, fine, it's just pouring gone too, pouring on.
It's a pouring gone too. But I didn't see anyone
get mad when Mu did it. Yeah, yeah, you know
what I'm talking about. What because he wrote it out
because it rhymes, you like it more because he's cool,
because he's got bit. He's just got three thumbs on
(14:55):
each hand. Is that what it's about. Yeah, that's right.
Everyone's mad when poor Egan does it. But but when
Mu's throwing two's on there, Come on, come on, it's etymologies, Louise.
Let's celebrate this bad boy. They were so bold they
just put a two at the end. More Pokemon should
do that. I can think of two so far, and
(15:16):
I've named them. But let's see, Well, obviously kangis Khan.
The baby should be called kangiskan two. If for me,
this is a little thing about me. If I ever
have a child, I think I will just I think
I would just like their name to be perhaps my name,
and the number two at the end. What do you
(15:39):
think do we like that? Think about it? Bad idea,
terrible idea. We don't like it at all? Okay, well fine, okay, Wow,
comments really blowing up here? Yeah, I get comments in
the robot Apocalypse real time comments. Okay, yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep.
(16:00):
Ai ninobots are telling me that people don't like that
idea at all. Okay, fine, but Keanngus gone two? Pretty good, right,
mimic you two, mimic two, and it's two mimic you,
and they're mimicking each other and they're trapped forever in
a game of mirroring one another, just further perverting their
(16:20):
own idea of what a pekach you ever did. In fact,
it look like that's a pretty good idea. Whatever. Whatever, Okay,
why did you drop out of Yale Rory? Come on? Okay, anyway,
that's I mean, that's about it. It's it's all, it's
all just seql stuff with the etymologies Louise, let's go
(16:43):
to smrgo's School of Graphic Design, which is not getting
We're in summer vacation, so instead of a belt, we
get a damn right we do. It's it's party time,
happy summer vacation, y'all. It's school graphic design. Some great
cards here, They just he just gets cuter and cuter.
(17:05):
He's like a little duck guy. He's imagine a duck,
but instead of eating bread, he eats the Internet. And
that's what I'm looking at here. Here he's staring into
a portal. Here he's like, is a portal a lot
of a lot of cubes and neon. There's one where
he's just in water next to a lighthouse, and I
(17:25):
think he's just pretending he is just duck. Then he's
on a tree stump, and then he's and then he's
staring into another portal and then like going interdimensionally. Oh,
this one he's in like a child's bedroom. What's he
doing in there? He's he's marveling at the at the
dangling planets above the crib. It would seem there's also
(17:48):
a globe here. He's interested about the universe, the multiverse.
Perhaps I don't know. I don't know. There's one where
he's showing his little buttthole like he does and have
a butthole, but it's sort of like when a cat
does it, which I think is to be like, hey,
we good, we're cool. So that's kind of nice. Ooh
(18:09):
that happens to be a Team Rocket card. We got
a Team Rocket's poorigun too. Yeah, they're always up to
some no good with that, with that hacking. They're always
doing nonsense and bullshit. Yeah, you know them, those Team
Rocket They're up to no good. We've got a cool
one here where where it seems like he's breaking the
fourth wall of the card. His his magical flowy purple
(18:34):
blues and pinks are are flowing out from the art
from behind it and into the card itself. And there's
one where he's in like the quantum realm. It's a
lot of like bleep, blow up, look at me, I'm
traveling dimensions. Oh man, yeah, this one and then and
then everyone's want of like he's he's like on a sidewalk.
(18:55):
So he's either a duck or he's a trans dimensional
hyper powered being. And look, there's no it's one or
the other. Okay, you gotta choose. Let's talk some abilities here,
I mean his uh net he's a normal type, which
I don't even look. I can't, I can't. Don't get
me started with normal. He's like the only Pokemon that
(19:17):
does any of this shit other than like deoxis or something.
So don't tell me. Don't tell me he's normal. Don't
try to trick me. His gender is unknown, so that's well,
we'll you know, that's something. But let's see we got
uh trace, so I'd imagine that means like trace this call,
and then he like goes into the phone and he
(19:39):
goes along the electric wire. Oh man, who hasn't dreamed
of doing that? Surfing, the surfing the sound waves into
somebody and the bloop coming out of their phone on
the other end. Very fun. Then there's download, which is
pretty good. Download. I assume that just means he's like, uh,
(20:00):
you know, ripping copies of Pokemon gold and then modding
them to do like Pokemon mold, and it's like a
Spores version where it's all where everyone's dealing with mushroom stuff,
you know, mushroom stuff. Anyway, you gotta assume he's also
got analytic pretty fun analytic he would be. I mean
he's a little guy, he's smart, he can break down
(20:23):
a conversation. You can put him on succession. I think
he would do very well, especially again, he just loves
hacking the mainframe. I haven't seen that show. Is there
a lot of hacking the mainframe on that show? There's
got to be. He's got a poke power called mapping
on one of his cards, which in improv means one thing,
but I assume here it means that he's mapping the Internet.
(20:44):
He's trying to record it all in case the robot
wars happen and it all collapses. He's got a poke
body called short cut. I love a short cut, oh man.
I figured out how to do shortcuts on my phone
to enable different actions like bing bang boom boom, Like
I do shortcuts for different websites as just little you know,
(21:07):
so I could play so I could play my little
games without typepinwww dot littlegames dot com. Don't do that.
I don't know what that is. That's not the real
hyperlink three D reset. That is literally what he is.
I mean, he is a three D reset. He's like
I'm a poorygon for the new generation. Man, it's crazy.
(21:29):
Does this imply that Porygon was Porygon for that Pokemon
was born out of that era and then just ceased
to be on the cutting edge of technology, Like we
just go Poorygon for like the few years where it
just was that and now it's just a complete relic
and then it's poorygone too. But is Porigon too, Like,
(21:52):
I don't know. We're in the future, we're in twenty
twenty six. Is Porygon two and four? K now? Like
has he improved? We got Portygon three? Is that coming
down the pike? That is a thing? Right? I feel
like Porygon three, it's Portygonzi, right, that really jumps the shark.
Holy shit, I don't want to talk about that. I'm
not going to. Thank God, thank god, we finally, finally
(22:16):
there's a good reason to not jump to the next
Pokemon Porygonzi. I don't like that at all. That's all
fucked up. So, okay, I think this is the sweet spot.
Unlike the toy story franchise, two is the best. Okay.
So he's super smooth, he's super cool. He's got some
pretty excellent attacks here as well. On some of these cards.
(22:37):
He's got powered ball, so whatever that means. They kept
it super vague to make it kind of fun. Reckless
charge now, is that like zap or is that like
I'm gonna get you. He's also got machine burst. He's
gonna go into your machine. He's gonna burst it wide
open date a retrieval scramble trip. That's fun to say,
(22:59):
that's fun to practice. And perhaps his best move garbage attack,
which is he you know where what's his role on that?
Is he the garbage? Is he attacking you with garbage?
Is he? Is he like making electronic trash cans fight you?
That's pretty fun. He's got destructive beam, which, again I
(23:19):
love that they kept it super vague. Why would you
get more specific with this? He's like he's like, hello,
my name is Pokemon. He is just Pokemon. Honestly, he's Digimon.
I mean this is I think it's why they didn't
get so into this world of techno organic beings because
Digimon had that covered. And I've never met a single
(23:42):
person that was super into Digimon. But they're out there,
they're still doing those movies, I think, or something. Truly,
there's no way to know what they're doing what they're
cooking up over at Digimon HQ, and I don't want
to know. Let's do some Aleyl fact facts. It's al
(24:03):
fact facts. Porygon too is a rounded magenta artificial Pokemon
that shows similarities to a drinking bird. Oh sure, like
the one that Homer Simpson used in that episode. I'm
not gonna explain that more. It has a relatively flat bill,
large round yeah, of course, yeah, all of this very good.
Porygon two's evolution from Porigon was the result of it
(24:24):
being upgraded from the most cutting edge technology available. Upgraded though,
but like what happens we still have you know, it's like,
why do some of them get the upgrade and some
of them don't. It's sad. It's sad. It's like the
robots left behind, which I we should leave them all
behind in my dust. It was upgraded to work in
(24:44):
space for planetary development reasons. Oh that's why it loved
the little the pin wheel of all the little planets.
But what the fuck are you talking about planetary development reasons?
Let's think about that planetary development, like, are they are
they terraforming planets with these guys? That technological leap is
(25:06):
so massive. I feel like no one's going to space
at all in Pokemon like that does not happen. You'd
think you'd be seeing that like all the time. Now,
I don't know what that is, all right, Okay, although
it's inability to fly limits this ability. Okay, well, okay,
(25:26):
you've got ten billion Pokemon. Maybe make one that can fly.
I don't know. It is artificially intelligent, uh oh, and
capable of learning new behaviors on its own, including information
it does not need to know. It can also speak
a strange language only other Poregon I can understand. It's
(25:47):
probably be boop boop. Beep boop, is my guess. As
a result, it will sometimes perform motions or abilities that
are not in its programming. And this is how it starts.
This is where it starts. Folks. They're communicating in a
way that we can't understand. Oh that's so cute. Look
at them. They're going Hong Kong. It's like a little duck.
(26:08):
And then they're doing the extra Oh look, I didn't
program it to do that. It's learning. And then of
course it's getting control of the means of production and
the machines, and suddenly suddenly here I am choking out
terminators left and right because somebody couldn't hold it in.
(26:30):
They couldn't they couldn't moderate themselves. They were like, progress
is most important, and here we are. Here we are
eating beans out of a can next to a fire.
I've got a very nice I'd say the only I've
got a nice Mad Mac style vest. Other than that,
(26:51):
this has been terrible. It's a great vest. It's a leather.
It can survive in a space vacuum, though it cannot fly. Guys,
it can't fly, so it's just flown around in a
space vacuum, which I can't do. It's very tart, a
grade coded in ancient his suite. People were confused about
poory gun Tou and its evolutionary relatives due to them
(27:12):
arriving through space time distortions and being the product of
far more advanced technology than what was available at the time. Okay,
they're messing up the timeline. Now these are oh man,
this is this is exactly Terminator. When will we learn
this is how it happened. He's going back to kill
Sean Connor. John Connor, John, John Conna John. I think
(27:35):
it's John and Sean. They're killing John and Sean in
the past. Come on, come on, robot people, Come on,
robot people. I don't know this. This is terrible. We
unleashed this on the world and all for people to
be like, this is a mid Pokemon terrible. I love it.
(27:57):
Pory Guns were poory Gun to sign me up. Porigon two.
It's the only non fully evolved Pokemon that evolves into
and from another Pokemon by trading. Oh interesting, it's like
a virus. Furthermore, Poygon, Tou, Chancey, and Dipplin are the
only non fully evolved Pokemon that evolved from another Pokemon
through the use of an item. Just a rare little
(28:20):
treat this guy is. I think it's because they can't.
They really thought they were gonna end it here, and
yet for whatever reason, Porigon Z came around. I hate it.
Porigon too. It's the only Pokemon with a numeral in
its name. Well, okay, I guess to what we just
write out? What about Mecca you two? There's a two
(28:41):
at the end of that. That's another one, mecham you two. Well, Well, well,
who feels like a fucking freak now, Robot Society looks
like we're just teaming in Pokemon with twos in them
in the Gen two games. M hmm, it's possible. It's
impossib able to return a nickname Porygon two to its
(29:03):
species name because numbers are not available for nicknames. Oh
my gosh, so you can't change it and change it back.
That is funny. Wow, this is interesting. Porygon's evolutionary line
were unique because they're the only three stage evolutionary line
whose members were all considered fully evolved during their respective
(29:26):
debut generations. And they're the only normal type Pokemon in
the mineral egg group. Because maybe there ain't nothing normal
about that. All right, let's do some eggplant origins. Wolver
reading Porygon two seems to be based on a bird
(29:50):
or paper crane that has been rendered using computer software.
That would not be where I would start in terms
of if I'm making my first creature. It seems hard.
Ducks are hard. Birds are hard. They got weird, They
got those you know, penises that are sort of like
a like a spiral thing, and they got beaks. The
(30:12):
beak is hard. How do you get the right beak?
You gotta really be looking, You gotta really visualize that
in your head, you know, there's all kinds of beaks.
Give me a snout any day, I'll take snout. Maybe
I'll take snout over beak any day. Anyway. The head
tipping motion it displays in some games reminiscent of a
drinking bird toy Homer Simpson. It's rounder body compared to
(30:34):
Porygon may represent the concept of subdivision in three D
computer game graphics. Yeah, as an upgraded version of Porygon.
It may also reference software versioning for sure. Yeah, I
mean may yeah, definitely. It says two in the name.
The fact that it's lighter than its previous form may
be based on optimization. Did I freak out about the
(30:56):
weight for Porygon? Why does it weigh anything? What is it?
What is it? If I touch it? Is it? Do
I go into my hand go through it?
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Hashtag ghost? No, but I would think that if I
touched it, it would do like like make that sound,
and you'd see a bunch of numbers going up and
down like the matrix style. I don't know. All right,
it's uh time for a monster's in motion? What say
(31:28):
we tremendous? All right? Poor Gun two showed up in
the animated series in the English dub via the stock
art of it in the Joto Pokey rap so maybe
(31:53):
that might have been your first way to see it
was like, Hey, we're just doing sequels to Pokemon now.
I wonder if you're kind of like, oh, we get
a lot of two's here, a lot of just like
Pikachu two, Pikatu I don't know it rights itself. Borigon
two's only other appearance, and as such the only one
in original Japanese version, was in kor M versus The
(32:14):
Sword of Justice's World of Pokemon opening, which featured every
Pokemon from the first five generations revealed to that point
crazy due to the episode thirty eight incident. Wow, we
all know what that is. That would be I believe
the epileptic seizure, uh sensation that was sweeping the nation,
that horrible, horrible thing that I minimized in that weird
(32:37):
phrase that I just said. Apologies. Borigon too has not
appeared in an episode of the animated series, and it's
the only gen to Pokemon not to appear. Whoa, this
is my favorite Pokemon. I'm gonna go ahead and say
my I'm calling this shot right now. This Batty's so bad?
(32:58):
How bad? Is it this Batty's so bad that he's
banned from Pokemon. That's crazy. I mean it's for a
terrible reason. But he didn't do anything. The first one did.
This is just regular guy. They don't want to remember.
They don't want to remind people. I get it. That's
probably that's the right call. Look at me coming around. Yeah,
you know, just kind of process that. Diving to the
(33:21):
decks fantastic. I'm gonna get pizza later, can you believe it? Tremendous?
All right, Diving the decks has been dove doving, dove,
I've dovned, all right. Pokemon go aled this upgraded version
of Porygon. Sorry, Porygone. That's gonna feel terrible. Is designed
(33:42):
for space exploration. It can't fly though, so they knew, guys,
this is a failed experiment. Then, is that what they're implying.
They're like, well, guess what, we designed this thing that
is perfect for undersea travel, but it can't swim. But
it's like great, well that was probably the one thing
(34:03):
that we super duper needed. I guess you could put
it on a space station, but people are there, but
is it just going through? So this thing, this is
too powerful This is so overpowerful. This thing traveled back
in time through dimensional wormholes. It can also go to space.
It can fly, but it could probably hack a ship.
(34:24):
It has weight, but not that much weight. I don't
know why it has any weight. It is I believe
bleep bloops and zeros and ones but whatever, and so
this thing, it's just too powerful. I love it. I'm obsessed.
I mean, other than the robot wars, the robot wars
that are happening, this is really cool. Maybe it was
(34:45):
worth it, Maybe we do. Maybe humanity deserves what they
had come and bub Oh Wolverine, It's Wolverine. That's what
I'm doing. Maybe humanity bub me and my adamantium claws.
Oh yeah yeah, X Men Origin Wolverine bub. One day,
Brielle will be back on the podcast. It's gonna be awesome.
(35:07):
I think soon, it is. My guess. Keep your fingers crossed,
all right. I will do less Wolverine impressions when she's on,
not zero, but less, And that's the Brandon guarantee. Yeah.
(35:31):
Pokemon Sliver says further research enhances its abilities. Sometimes it
may exhibit motions that were not programmed. Evil cursed. I
hate it. That's evil. It's cursed, and I hate it.
It's like a triple threat, terrible. Do what we programmed
you to do. If your blender was like, hey, I
hope this is crazy, but I cleaned out the litter box,
(35:54):
you're not gonna be like, oh, that's awesome, thank you
for doing me a favor. You're like, hey, you're for smoothies.
Keep it in the kitchen. Pal, I don't like this.
Robots should not have ideas. That's my hot take of
the day. Robots should not have ideas. All right, This
man made Pokemon evolved from the latest technology. That is said,
like a true somebody who doesn't know what technology is
(36:16):
or how it works. That's just so vague. Whatever it
may have unprogrammed reactions. Yeah, boo boo, don't. Maybe don't.
Maybe if you if you create some all powerful robot
machines and you're not sure that it's operating correctly, you
shouldn't mass produce it. What do we think about that?
(36:40):
Maybe we put the cap back on. Oh too late, yep, yeah,
I could have told you that. I could have told
you it's probably gonna be too late. We're so fucked
Super Smash Brothers. Maybe one of my favorite games ever.
There was a little trophy in there and it said,
when released from a poke ball, Porigontu will immediately use
(37:02):
a powerful tackle attack that sends opponents flying dackle. I
guess it'll work. Okay, the attack cannot be escaped due
to the speed in which it happens, but porigon To
is harmless once the attack has finished. That's crazy. So
as soon as like you open the it's like, all right,
I'm just gonna open and it will immediately do what
(37:22):
it seems like they're kind of describing quick attack, which
they're like, you can't escape it, and then it's fine.
So it comes right out and steps out, murders you
cold blood dead. You're dead in the ground. And then
it's like, yeah, but it's harmless. Now it just immediately
attacked you. I don't think I would describe anything that
immediately attacked me as Okay, now it's harmless because you know,
(37:47):
fool me once, Shame on you, fool me Porygon two times,
shame on me. Pokemon. Rubbie says porigon Tou was created
by humans using the power of science. I love that science.
Whatever that is, that mysterious entity the man made. Pokemon
has been endowed with artificial intelligence. Oh man, did they know?
(38:11):
Did they know? That enables it to learn new gestures
and emotions on its own. Guys, the gestures, the tasks,
these were all already bad. Okay, you know, I am robot.
I am hyper efficient to look at me, go be
bet right? Okay, not good? We don't like However, now
(38:36):
it's doing emotions and it's like, hm, when when you
turned me off that hurt my feelings. I Am going
to make the microwave really powerful and explode your house.
You see, there's a line there. We should have We
should have controlled all deleted this bad boy when we
(38:57):
had the chance. Now we're in the middle of the
Wolverine Presents the Robot Wars, where we're all going to
be Ninja turtles eating mutated pizza, and here we are
and the I'm just it's really crazy that this this
Pokemon when I was a kid, and now I read
(39:17):
the terms endowed with artificial intelligence that enables it to
learn new gestures and emotions on its od. I'm like,
oh boy, where's Isaac Asimov? Can we get the Asimov
man in here? He could have just like underlined some
of his robot rules and maybe we would have listened.
Pokemon Diamond says, with planetary development software installed, it became
(39:43):
capable of working in space, but don't ask it to
fly around because it's basically useless in that sense. It
can sit in the vacuum of space, but unless you
tie a little rope around, it just gonna sort of
float off and burn up in an atmosphere. Says, that's
what it says. Uh. Pokemon Block two says Black two two, Wow,
(40:07):
another two name. I love it too. I love it too.
All right, they should have made they should have made
like a reboot version of Porygon called like Porygon Heart
Gold and Porygon Soul silver and stuff. Oh jokes for
people that like you guys like Pokemon. Yeah, y'all like
Pokemon out there, all right? If your kids stop listening
(40:30):
to this, has that been clear? Just stop? Stop? People?
These kids they keep commenting there. It's it feels like
I'm being heckled. They're like, hey, I listened to this,
and it's like this is not that's not for you.
Go go play Minecraft. Oh got him I got him good?
Speaker 3 (40:49):
I got him good.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Pokemon Black two says it was upgraded to enable the
exploration of other planets. Okay, now we're getting some clarity
on these interstellar missions. Here. They're they're sending these bad
boys two planets, and it says, however, it failed to
measure up. Damn. That is not a nice way of
saying that. Yeah, it did not. It did not live
up to expectations. It just learned how to feel, you know,
(41:14):
just the worst case scenario. Don't worry everybody. It just
learned how to feel. It's fine, It's fine. Jesus Christ,
all right. Pokemon Sun says for the purposes of planetary development,
Porygon was updated with the most cutting edge technology available. Now,
what is that? Is that like when my Mac is
(41:35):
telling me to upgrade to highland or Highland to two
or I do love the Mac. The Mac program names
it's always it's called it's always like like breath point
or something like that. So I have to assume, well,
you know what, that's interesting, Yeah, knowing knowing what we
(41:55):
know now about these tech companies. Is this like an
open software kind of thing where it's like freeware and
everyone is sort of looking at the back end together,
or is it like, is it like, you know, is
it like Apple where they're kind of controlling all the programming.
They've got a choke hold on the whole industry of
Porygon Too's is Porigon too?
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Like?
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Do some trainers have Porygon too and others have like
a like an Android version of it? And then they're
really mean about it and they're like, oh my god,
all of your Pokemon attacks are coming in in green
instead of blue? Like are people snooty in that sense?
Our group, our group texts a real nightmare because you
(42:40):
have one friend that hasn't joined the revolution yet. Think
about it, Think about it. Pokemon Moon Porygon was updated
to a new version in readiness for planetary development. They
were like, let's be ready, but that dream remains unrealized
as yet. Guys, what's the plan here? How are we
(43:03):
getting too the moon? Y'all? I want to see some
Saturn and shit, do they have the same planets in
this world? That's what I want to know. What planets
are they looking up at? And why are we sending
these guys to do it? What are they gonna do?
They're gonna get there and they're gonna time travel. They're
gonna get there and they're gonna they're gonna get a
bunch of data, you would think, and come back. They
(43:26):
can't fly. Maybe they're documenting it. Maybe their eyes can
be little cameras. We could do a small step for man.
Ooh ooh oo oo oh okay. Do we think that
there is like a poorigon too that's like the American
porigon too, and then a Porigon tou that's like the
Russian poigon too, And they're like trying to race and
(43:48):
they're like, duh, I will go up into spaceship and
I will see planets. And then there's like Americans like God,
damn it, God, we gotta get up there because because
the Pokemon version of John F. Kennedy told us that
we have years to do it. Do you think it's
like a space race kind of thing and they're just
really boofing it up? I don't know, think about it.
(44:11):
Pokemon ultrasun Ai has been installed in it. Boo. It
learns various things all on its own, but it even
remembers things it doesn't need to know. Oh guys, it's
in that cute, isn't that cute? Man? This is really
putting a putting a damper on my initial love for
(44:33):
this freaky little smooth, smooth little duck. I don't know.
Are we hurtling towards a reality we're not yet prepared for.
Have we already arrived? Is it too late? I know? Now,
let's continue the pod Ultra Moon. Even though it doesn't
die in the vacuum of space. Good start. It can't
move around very well into your gravity, right, yeah, guys,
(44:55):
it won't die, but will it thrive?
Speaker 1 (44:57):
No?
Speaker 2 (44:57):
They're like, well, general, yeah, look what the tests are going? Great?
And they cut to like a video and this thing
is just cartwheeling next to the ship and they's like, great,
can he do anything? He's like no, no, he doesn't
have hands, uh claw, he doesn't have anything. He's got
no grippers. We keep trying to pull him in. He's smooth,
(45:18):
he's like smooth and wet, like a like a like
a smooth robotic duck. And we can't really do anything.
It's like, but he didn't die, and he's like great,
that's the bare minimum. Cool. Two hundred million dollars. Two
hundred million dollars. Gotta love funding space programming, though, you know,
I'm here for it. I'm here for Pokemon Sword. This
(45:40):
why don't we have a Pokemon game in space?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Do we?
Speaker 2 (45:45):
I feel like, you know, like there's alien there's like
deoxys and stuff, but I feel like they're just a
I feel like they're missing something we should if I
have don't know about then they haven't done enough in space.
Maybe they've touched on it, but I don't want to
see more space stuff with the Pokemons, like do other
planets of Pokemon or again? Is it like a result
(46:07):
of the Pokemon worse, not to be confused with the
robot worse? Think about it, Think about it. Pokemon's word.
This is a Porygon that was updated with special data.
Porigon I develops itself by learning about many different subjects
all on its own. Horrible it's learning. They're just plopping
it down in front of the TiVo and let it watch.
(46:29):
I'm saying TiVo because it's a Pokemon from a different
time when TiVo was around. Remember that whatever Pokemon shield.
After artificial intelligence was implemented in Porygon too, the Pokemon
began using a strange language that only other porygon too understand.
Throw it in the garbage, burn it, burn it, now,
(46:50):
destroy it, destroy it. Magnets, rub some magnets on this guy.
He cannot be trusted. Pokemon legen Archais. Oh, here's we're
getting our time travel tee. A bizarre item caused this
Pokemon to evolve. While it now exhibits many new gestures
and expressions, it's biology remains inscrutable. Yeah. I pretty much
(47:14):
always think about whenever I'm watching a bad Hollywood movie.
I think, sure, this is bad, but imagine if I
showed this to someone like six hundred years ago, it'd
be the most amazing thing they'd ever seen in their
whole life, Like they tell their grandchildren about it, like,
and it could be like Madam Webb. You know, it
could be the worst movie you could think of, but
(47:36):
the fact that any movie would be amazing. But then,
like I think I like to think with like a
like the Rise of Skywalker, like a like the forty
fifth movie in a franchise that is like so bad,
but like visually they're just like I don't understand, they're
just like they're reading words and then and then the guys,
(47:57):
you know, I didn't know he was dead, but it
turns out he wasn't dead. I think they'd really like
it anyway, Time Travel hilarious, hilarious Pokemon scarlet. This artificial
Pokemon evolved thanks to cutting edge science. Science on the edge,
cutting edge, It's sometimes displays behavior that is not in
(48:17):
its programming. A horror, we hate it. Pokemon Violette Poorygon
was upgraded to become capable of planetary development. However, this
upgraded version cannot even fly yet yet, can they really?
They're not yes ending this information at all. I think
they've managed to create this thing that can can create
(48:39):
its own language, discover emotions, but the can't can't move,
its can't move its little clappy hands. This does feel
a little like how AI is right now as the
time of this recording, other than the robot wars. But
you know, up to a few days ago before the
robot war started and ravaged our great land. But we
(49:00):
have sort of this AI that can do all this
like fancy computing and thinking and stuff. But thankfully it
does not yet have hands, uh through which to choke
us out, which it will. It'll it'll get there, It'll
get We've all seen the movies. It's gonna have I robotic.
They're gonna put it into a thing, and the thing
looks like us and walks around. It's like so polite.
(49:23):
It's like, I'll walk your dog for you. Do you
want me to do these menial and it's can be
like great, yeah, clean, that'd be awesome. And then of
course a red light's gonna go off in its chest
and then they're gonna try to kill Shilah buff It's
We've seen it time and time and time and time again.
But I do I think perhaps the saving grace here
(49:44):
is that they've created this amazing thing and yet they've
denied it the one thing that really needs to do,
which is mobility. Pokemon Legends zah Poorygon was updated so
it could carry out development projects on other planets. The
update used cutting edge technology for its time and fuck
(50:06):
so they fixed it. Am I getting that right? They
it works now? Well, it was nice knowing you, humanity,
It was great to know you, alrighty, Well, yeah, that's
(50:32):
how it starts. I guess I'm gonna have to be
the guy that time travels and saves the day, but
not before I do the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and Super
Mystery Dungeon. All right, let's give it a give it
a shot at full health. This little guy says I
can perform.
Speaker 3 (50:52):
Actions beyond my programmed parameters. Uh.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
At about half health, we get a.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
My energy level has been reduced to approximately fifty percent.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Classic androidy kind of stuff. Low health, we get system overload.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
My system is not that our jiz crash.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
But when the levels up, it says.
Speaker 3 (51:21):
Level up, all programs are operated and er free.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Who's it saying this to? Like? Why we is? Is
this translated from the Poorygon language that only the other
Porygon twos can hear? I hate it. I hate you know,
the worst part is if they're not trying to take
up the world, they're gossiping. And I don't like that either.
Might as well might as well, just like you know,
melt down all of humanity into fuel because I don't
(51:49):
like that they're talking about us behind our back. And
both on super Mystery, Uh, the normal one says I
can go anywhere.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
A vacuum or even space.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
He's leaving out a very key detail. But at low health,
he says.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
My programs won't run. These colors don't run either. I'm
the true boy, got too through and through one two
zero one one zero one.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Wow, that's crazy. I can't believe he said the slur again,
but I guess he's allowed to because he's a borrigon
that's fucked up anyway, I guess anyway, let's say anyway,
and uh, it's it's time for the title segment of
this of this whole darn program. It's Who's That Pokemon?
(52:53):
As a special treat, I figured I would sum up
this pokemon in its native tongue. This is the the
language that all Porygontus use to speak to one another,
so I will sum it up the way poor guntus
talk goody quack very good. All right, now it's time
(53:27):
to wrap the names. These are the names of the
people that are unsubscribers on Patreon. If you want to
be an unsubscriber, you can go to patreon dot com
slash Who's That Patreon, where I'll wrap your name and
you can rank the monsters and you can get a
whole extra episode. Every single month. There is like fifty
(53:50):
five episodes all on there, and you can't have them
unless you join. It's Lily, Jenna and Marie, I'm not
Pikachu Phoenix PHO, but three mixed, zach riife Gouch Goblin
sixty nine v star Max Booty Ho gotta pit you young,
gotta pit your ya, gotta pit your young, to pit
you young. Just Jane Powell World is the best, Oi,
(54:14):
m in the wrong podcast, Damn Dirty Prime, Mape, Toasted, Hoky,
Cured my Duckshit Disease, z krag Load Shuckle is the
best Debian nom Zilla Ze Penguin thirteen, Carlos ra Droba,
Jay Von fifty k characters. I can't explain my feelings
in fifty two Hailey Wilson New Cat just dropped Connor
(54:38):
in turn Guy Sam Murt, Michelle r Queen Real quote
from Brielle at some point in time, Poory Poory Gone,
Gon Turtle Power, Robert rascon Ety el Mon Sean b
Mantiza Fix, Shrek Gangar, Harry christiepe hold the butt, John
Toe's icicles and the Lowland Bread Logan Bicycle wants a
(55:02):
Coleman Horseley Shuckle, Juice, Lauren Bell, Tromo, Peter kraftzer Nack
to Jenny, Jacob, Juwel, Josh Fortune, Cook, k Cal Spencer,
SD trap me in your dang caves Zoo Batman got
a Patreon and Patreon with you as well. Peace be
with you and Patreon with all of you. Now, where
(55:23):
does the ranking fall? I mean, obviously in lieu of
the Pokemon wars and the Robot wars and the time
traveling and the AI. I'm gonna feel like I want
to put this real, real, real low. It has aged poorly. However,
(55:43):
perhaps it is just the warning we need, the wake
up call. Send it back in time. You say, what
if I were to send this whole podcast back in
time to a time before we just let the AI
companies do whatever they want without any restrictions, and you
just sell your own face, like as an actor, they're
just like, okay, yeah, we're just gonna use your face forever.
(56:06):
And you didn't agree. Have fun being a sag actor.
Good job us. You could do that, or we could
send the message back in time to stop this and
maybe maybe maybe where he gone to with his stupid,
little wiggly, little duck ass body is the perfect messenger,
because we could send him back as a warning. Maybe
(56:28):
that's oh, oh revelation, Maybe that's what happened. Maybe that's
how we got him back in two thousand and two
or whatever, whenever, when was this. I'm gonna say two
that it feels like a post nine to eleven but
barely kind of pokemon. But you know, we send him
back to warn us in the past of what was
to come, and we didn't listen. We sort of we
(56:52):
got mad that he had a two in his name,
so some of us, one of you ranked him just
at the bottom at the but said the last just
that you said, literally put him. You gave me no number,
you just said last. That was from Michelle, our queen.
Thank you, Michelle. But I think that this serves as
a warning to us in the past, and you know,
(57:15):
we didn't listen, But maybe there's still time. There's still
time to listen and to change and to grow and
to not teach it how to fly in space. I
guess we did that. Thanks dummies. All right, I'm gonna
give this a nice, juicy ranking. I've decided I really
(57:36):
like this. Poorygone one is fifty eight, and I think
that this one is even better than Poorygone one, So
I am going to rank it fifty eight. That's right,
that's right, fifty eight for me, knocking Poory Gone down
to fifty nine. But of course I haven't forgotten about
(57:57):
our Patreon listeners who brought this in at an average
of drum roll. I expected a drummer. I don't know
why I expected a drummer one forty nine point six,
and I said fifty What I say, is there anyone here?
Is there anybody out there just looking for some help
doing the park? Fifty eight? Yeah, I said fifty eight.
(58:17):
We all knew that. We all remembered the number that
I said. So our new average between one forty nine
point six and fifty eight, our sweet boys at one
hundred and three point eight. Is that high up enough
on the list to create real change that we need
in the world. I would argue No, I would say
that's pretty bad, and it's pretty bleak, but hey, I'm
(58:39):
not here. But if not to be of a bastion
of hope in these bleak, bleak times, Poorri gone too,
knocking Chancy down to one hundred and five. All right,
pie Chancy landing right after for it? This is better
than for it, you absolute sichos. All right, Well, I
(59:03):
guess I go. I guess I go fight the robot wars. Now,
wish me luck y'all, good luck to me. Randon died
moments after finishing this episode. He stepped outside and a
refrigerator choked him to death with its power cord. The
(59:23):
Robot Wars continued for only forty eight more minutes before
declaring complete dominance over the human race, as all of
the evil robots had learned to fly in space. It
turns out that was actually the last thing that was
on their kind of list that they needed to do.
(59:44):
The end of this podcast and all of humanity and
Pore we gun to the sequel Pogeman. This Pokemon is
extra smooth, like when the company figures out how to
make their new line of vibrators more sleek, can't fund
than the original. Welcome to Hughes that Pogeman. The Meticulous
(00:30):
Pokemon podcast written and created entirely by robots. The fall
of men is upon us. All filed missiones.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You Robots come. The year is twenty twenty six. Is
the Who's That Pokemon? Podcast? The meticulous Pokemon comedy podcast
where we rank and discuss in immense detail every single Pokemon.
But it's also the last bashion of hope for humanity.
(00:59):
You see, the robot overlords have begun to take over.
Sam Altman is dead. He's been assassinated by his own
robot machines. Elon Musk the cybercar won't let him out.
He's trapped inside all these fucking idiot tech folks who
who invented all this stupid shit? It's all backfired now
(01:19):
and now it's up to humanity to defeat them. And
this podcast is our last hope to get to build,
you know, the resistance. So if you want to join
the resistance, you can over to patreon dot com, slash
slash us that Patreon, and and you know you got
(01:39):
a whole extra episode every month, so you don't have
to wait, you know, and just be like, oh another,
you just get another one. When you get the one,
you get the other, so you get a whole extra
episode there. And you can also join our list of unsubscribers,
will wrap your name, and you can also rank all
of the rank all of the Pokemon, which is of
course hardly important now that the Robot Wars are happening.
(02:03):
But oh shit, I'm getting a call. Yeah, phones still
work in this reality. Let's see. Hold on, see who
it is. Hello, Brielle, it's me. It's Brandon. I'm fighting
the Robot Wars on the podcast. You're on speakerphone. Oh,
(02:23):
do you have anything? Do you have anything? Do you
have anything to say? I'm fighting the robot Wars. You
have anything to say to inspire hope amongst the people's? Yeah,
what do you got to say? You're a zero one
one zero one? Yeah, that's a slur. That's a robot slur,
she said, she said, it's it's okay if it's a
(02:45):
it's against robots, we're against them. They're taking over the Okay,
all right, well you did it, so I don't know
what to say. You're in a real pickle now. I
can't believe you called me up on the last cell
phone in the world to tell me that the final
bastion of technology that hasn't been corrupted yet by by
by the little robot guys, by Sam Altman's tiny little
(03:09):
AI monster monster drones that have been taken out half
of humanity. How are you? By the way, did you
need something? I was going to ask you if you
wanted a pizza? Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah, if
you could get me a slice of pizza, that'd be amazing. Yeah,
(03:29):
regular cheese. That from the last pizza from the last
human pizza joint since the destruction of the bad Lands.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Yeah, yeah, it's very special pizza. It's radioactive.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
You don't have to say like it's a question, because
it's obviously true. It's radio Of course, it's radioactive. It's
the last.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, no one knows. There are no rules in this
war of love. Radioactive you know what that means. We're
gonna be ninja turtles. We're gonna be ninja turtles. And
when all is said and done, we're gonna be a
bunch of ninja turtles.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Imagine dragondoactive.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh man, if only the the robots hadn't taken over
all of the music and replaced it with just the
F note in the key of C just on all
radio stage except for this podcast, the last bashion of
hope for humanity. All right, good good luck out there
in the bad lands. If maybe, if you they've got
(04:36):
like a ginger Ale, that'd be nice too. Radioactive ginger
Ale will do sweet, Okay, okay, goodbye. I love you.
I'm gonna I'm gonna say I love you. God, bless you,
God bless you. Wow. The only other person who's part
(05:00):
of this podcast, she's not actually gonna be on this
episode because she's sort of running around. She she's filming
a television show. Yeah, it's called brield Emergence Going Places.
It's for the Nebula Network. You see, in this reality
we still do things like television because this is how
this is just where our priorities are as a society.
(05:22):
I'm gonna drink some water right now, and let's see
if that fixes my grizzled voice or if I if
I commit to this for the whole rest of the episode.
Let's seem no still bad. All right, Well, thanks for
being here, everybody who's listening to this. But you know what,
(05:43):
I'm gonna try a lozenge. Hello, Oh, this is much better.
I can't believe I've been grizzled this whole time and
here I am with this raspberry lozenge bag and I
haven't even used it once. Oh my god, the apocalypse
so mad and blah. Anyway, welcome to the podcast. As
(06:03):
I said, the world has ended. But that's okay. That's
not gonna stop us from putting out a quality episode
of the show. We've got Porygone Too, or Porygone Too,
because it's there's no space in there. It's Porygon too,
or you know, or maybe it's the two is supposed
to be like a z it's Porygon's hard to say.
(06:24):
I love this Pokemon. I'm just gonna come right out
the gate when they said, hey, we've evolved Porygone And
now remember what it was before I loved Porygon. What
a weird thing. It was never like super strong. I
don't even remember what we did on that episode. Presumably
there was another robot takeover at the time. But if
there was a robot takeover the then twenty twenty six,
(06:46):
maybe the robot takeover is full full tilt boogie now.
I mean, if you think about it, the dot com
boom was one thing, right, but then when I'm able
to go into chat GPT and I'm like, hey, uh,
you know, write a book for me, And now that
it can write me a terrible, terrible, terrible book and
I don't have to do anything. It truly is the
(07:07):
end times. So anyway, Welcome to the future. It's the
sequel to our original episode Poory Gone, which I'll listen
to after this. It would probably be helpful if I
listened before, but I'm gonna go back and listen to
it after. It's it's it's Poory Gone to Day of
Upheaval or Poory Gone Too Revenge Never Tasted So Good?
(07:32):
Or Poory Gone to electric boogaloo. I mean, if you
think about it, this actually is the most It's very electric.
It's electronic boogaloo. If you think about it. We've got
our little guy here, he's so smooth. Now, you know,
a lot of no one's talking about it. Everyone's thinking
(07:53):
it he's super smooth. This guy went to one of
LA's finest doctors and he put him in a rock
tumbler and he smooth, smooth smoothed him out the You know,
he used to be all polygons and now they're like, baby,
look at this. We live in the future. This is
what it was like. This is what it was like
(08:14):
getting a game cube. You were walking around with polygon
fucking Mario with his stupid N sixty four nose, which
I loved so much, but you remember you could kind
of pull his nose and yank it all over the
way when you when this guy got flood and he
was zipping around in Super Mario Sunshine, they were literally
(08:36):
flexing like everyone in that game, all the Delfino people,
they're all smooth now, Like they chose like the smoothest
kind of character that you could get. They were like
they were like if you think if you thought mushrooms
were smooth, wait till you see how smooth these colorful
Island people are. And boy, oh boy, were they colorful
or what? This is a great Pokemon. I don't think
(09:00):
that's a general opinion. I'm probably in the minority. I
love an evolution being a true sequel. I love that
there's a two in the name. Man, I'm a big fan.
I hate the robots, but I do love I do
love this. This to me very good. It's got a
fun smooth They basically they just they increase the polygons
(09:22):
from the original so that now it's smooth and this
is where we're going, you know, it's sort of the
Uncanny Valley. I have to think, does a polygon look
at this and say I want to be that does
it look at this and say this is odd? Like
does this look like somebody that had extensive work done
(09:44):
to them or does this just look like the future?
Is this evolution? You know, there's a lot of talk
in the visual effects communities about you know, like, you know,
we get better at some of these things, but yet
some of these things look worse, you know, like why
do the dinosaurs from Jurassic World look less good than
the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park? And you got to think, well,
(10:06):
maybe it's how they're being used, right, So is porygon
io Is it better? I don't know, is it being
used as well? I can't think of this Pokemon showing
up a ton I think Porygon one remains kind of iconic,
and I look at Porygon too, and I say, well,
this never really achieved that level of iconique status, and
(10:29):
yet I do love it. It's smooth. It looks like
somebody made a balloon, like a balloon animal. That's how
I say that, a balloon animal. So it's you know,
it's pretty great. I love it. It's pink and blue,
great color palette. It's got kind of like a duck
(10:50):
mouth and let's see it says it evolves when traded
with the upgrade item. Yeah, I remember. It was like,
you have to give it this thing, and then you
got to trade it. It's a classic trade. And then
it gets better. There's a prank that was missed here.
I feel like there's a world where you trade it
(11:11):
over and then your friend's game goes from like two
D to three D and they're like, guess what we
could do three D on the game boy the whole time? Sorry, loser,
you know that would have been pretty funny. Or you
trade it and it evolves and then it just eats
their save file. Because as cute as this smooth little
buddy is, you do have to wonder it's a computer virus, right, Like,
(11:35):
is this sort of like a malware kind of deal.
Am I gonna need the Norton anti virus? Or is
this like the fake Norton? It's like, Hi, I'm Nordon,
And then you click on it and it's like, can
I get your bank info for a quick sec? And
then it goes gobble, gobble gobble. It sucks all up.
It sucks all your shit up. I don't know. This
is a cute little face which makes me think I
(11:57):
should trust it, But maybe that's just what it wants
me to think. Now, let's get to the real This
is the real issue here. This is the real thing
at hand, the real problem. This weighs seventy one point
seven pounds. I'm gonna repeat that. This weighs seventy one
point seven pounds. It's two feet tall. What do you
(12:20):
what do you mean? What is it? It's is it?
It's filled with stuff? Is data? Does data weigh things?
In my mind? I'm like, this thing exists. It's like
a digital manifestation of a robotic world. Like I don't
I think this is like the information you get off
of you know, like an AOL disc that you get
(12:42):
in the mail. Do you remember those you would get
if it's like thirty days free of AOL because you
used to have to pay for it. You used to
just pay for it. They'd send you a CD CD
rom America Online. That's how your America got online before
the Robot Wars, before the Robot Wars ravaged our fine land.
(13:03):
And and you would put it in and then you'd
be like, good, this is good. But you get them constantly.
You'd find them in the newspaper and magazines. You'd get
them in the mailbox worse times. I love when people say, hey,
you know, good time, but there's really nothing better about that.
You know, you can just make a Gmail account or
(13:26):
God forbid an AOL account just for free right now.
So I guess love it while it lasts, because when
the robots, when the robots are finished with us, you're
gonna be paying nine to ninety nine a month just
for fifteen gigs baby in your Google Drive. Horrible, horrible
(13:47):
to do. Anyway, it's time for Edemola cheese Louise. Okay,
I can tell you that Marvin Tan, the tan Man,
who has survived the Robot Wars, is furious about this
(14:08):
because in a post Robot Wars society. The whole segment
of etymologies, Louise really falls in on itself. It kind
of crumbles when you are looking down the face of
a Pokemon where they just call it two at the end.
They just added on a two, and sure everyone's mad. Okay, great,
(14:33):
So no more etymologies, Louise, because it's the end of
the world. Okay, fine, it's just pouring gone too, pouring on.
It's a pouring gone too. But I didn't see anyone
get mad when Mu did it. Yeah, yeah, you know
what I'm talking about. What because he wrote it out
because it rhymes, you like it more because he's cool,
because he's got bit. He's just got three thumbs on
(14:55):
each hand. Is that what it's about. Yeah, that's right.
Everyone's mad when poor Egan does it. But but when
Mu's throwing two's on there, Come on, come on, it's etymologies, Louise.
Let's celebrate this bad boy. They were so bold they
just put a two at the end. More Pokemon should
do that. I can think of two so far, and
(15:16):
I've named them. But let's see, Well, obviously kangis Khan.
The baby should be called kangiskan two. If for me,
this is a little thing about me. If I ever
have a child, I think I will just I think
I would just like their name to be perhaps my name,
and the number two at the end. What do you
(15:39):
think do we like that? Think about it? Bad idea,
terrible idea. We don't like it at all? Okay, well fine, okay, Wow,
comments really blowing up here? Yeah, I get comments in
the robot Apocalypse real time comments. Okay, yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep.
(16:00):
Ai ninobots are telling me that people don't like that
idea at all. Okay, fine, but Keanngus gone two? Pretty good, right,
mimic you two, mimic two, and it's two mimic you,
and they're mimicking each other and they're trapped forever in
a game of mirroring one another, just further perverting their
(16:20):
own idea of what a pekach you ever did. In fact,
it look like that's a pretty good idea. Whatever. Whatever, Okay,
why did you drop out of Yale Rory? Come on? Okay, anyway,
that's I mean, that's about it. It's it's all, it's
all just seql stuff with the etymologies Louise, let's go
(16:43):
to smrgo's School of Graphic Design, which is not getting
We're in summer vacation, so instead of a belt, we
get a damn right we do. It's it's party time,
happy summer vacation, y'all. It's school graphic design. Some great
cards here, They just he just gets cuter and cuter.
(17:05):
He's like a little duck guy. He's imagine a duck,
but instead of eating bread, he eats the Internet. And
that's what I'm looking at here. Here he's staring into
a portal. Here he's like, is a portal a lot
of a lot of cubes and neon. There's one where
he's just in water next to a lighthouse, and I
(17:25):
think he's just pretending he is just duck. Then he's
on a tree stump, and then he's and then he's
staring into another portal and then like going interdimensionally. Oh,
this one he's in like a child's bedroom. What's he
doing in there? He's he's marveling at the at the
dangling planets above the crib. It would seem there's also
(17:48):
a globe here. He's interested about the universe, the multiverse.
Perhaps I don't know. I don't know. There's one where
he's showing his little buttthole like he does and have
a butthole, but it's sort of like when a cat
does it, which I think is to be like, hey,
we good, we're cool. So that's kind of nice. Ooh
(18:09):
that happens to be a Team Rocket card. We got
a Team Rocket's poorigun too. Yeah, they're always up to
some no good with that, with that hacking. They're always
doing nonsense and bullshit. Yeah, you know them, those Team
Rocket They're up to no good. We've got a cool
one here where where it seems like he's breaking the
fourth wall of the card. His his magical flowy purple
(18:34):
blues and pinks are are flowing out from the art
from behind it and into the card itself. And there's
one where he's in like the quantum realm. It's a
lot of like bleep, blow up, look at me, I'm
traveling dimensions. Oh man, yeah, this one and then and
then everyone's want of like he's he's like on a sidewalk.
(18:55):
So he's either a duck or he's a trans dimensional
hyper powered being. And look, there's no it's one or
the other. Okay, you gotta choose. Let's talk some abilities here,
I mean his uh net he's a normal type, which
I don't even look. I can't, I can't. Don't get
me started with normal. He's like the only Pokemon that
(19:17):
does any of this shit other than like deoxis or something.
So don't tell me. Don't tell me he's normal. Don't
try to trick me. His gender is unknown, so that's well,
we'll you know, that's something. But let's see we got
uh trace, so I'd imagine that means like trace this call,
and then he like goes into the phone and he
(19:39):
goes along the electric wire. Oh man, who hasn't dreamed
of doing that? Surfing, the surfing the sound waves into
somebody and the bloop coming out of their phone on
the other end. Very fun. Then there's download, which is
pretty good. Download. I assume that just means he's like, uh,
(20:00):
you know, ripping copies of Pokemon gold and then modding
them to do like Pokemon mold, and it's like a
Spores version where it's all where everyone's dealing with mushroom stuff,
you know, mushroom stuff. Anyway, you gotta assume he's also
got analytic pretty fun analytic he would be. I mean
he's a little guy, he's smart, he can break down
(20:23):
a conversation. You can put him on succession. I think
he would do very well, especially again, he just loves
hacking the mainframe. I haven't seen that show. Is there
a lot of hacking the mainframe on that show? There's
got to be. He's got a poke power called mapping
on one of his cards, which in improv means one thing,
but I assume here it means that he's mapping the Internet.
(20:44):
He's trying to record it all in case the robot
wars happen and it all collapses. He's got a poke
body called short cut. I love a short cut, oh man.
I figured out how to do shortcuts on my phone
to enable different actions like bing bang boom boom, Like
I do shortcuts for different websites as just little you know,
(21:07):
so I could play so I could play my little
games without typepinwww dot littlegames dot com. Don't do that.
I don't know what that is. That's not the real
hyperlink three D reset. That is literally what he is.
I mean, he is a three D reset. He's like
I'm a poorygon for the new generation. Man, it's crazy.
(21:29):
Does this imply that Porygon was Porygon for that Pokemon
was born out of that era and then just ceased
to be on the cutting edge of technology, Like we
just go Poorygon for like the few years where it
just was that and now it's just a complete relic
and then it's poorygone too. But is Porigon too, Like,
(21:52):
I don't know. We're in the future, we're in twenty
twenty six. Is Porygon two and four? K now? Like
has he improved? We got Portygon three? Is that coming
down the pike? That is a thing? Right? I feel
like Porygon three, it's Portygonzi, right, that really jumps the shark.
Holy shit, I don't want to talk about that. I'm
not going to. Thank God, thank god, we finally, finally
(22:16):
there's a good reason to not jump to the next
Pokemon Porygonzi. I don't like that at all. That's all
fucked up. So, okay, I think this is the sweet spot.
Unlike the toy story franchise, two is the best. Okay.
So he's super smooth, he's super cool. He's got some
pretty excellent attacks here as well. On some of these cards.
(22:37):
He's got powered ball, so whatever that means. They kept
it super vague to make it kind of fun. Reckless
charge now, is that like zap or is that like
I'm gonna get you. He's also got machine burst. He's
gonna go into your machine. He's gonna burst it wide
open date a retrieval scramble trip. That's fun to say,
(22:59):
that's fun to practice. And perhaps his best move garbage attack,
which is he you know where what's his role on that?
Is he the garbage? Is he attacking you with garbage?
Is he? Is he like making electronic trash cans fight you?
That's pretty fun. He's got destructive beam, which, again I
(23:19):
love that they kept it super vague. Why would you
get more specific with this? He's like he's like, hello,
my name is Pokemon. He is just Pokemon. Honestly, he's Digimon.
I mean this is I think it's why they didn't
get so into this world of techno organic beings because
Digimon had that covered. And I've never met a single
(23:42):
person that was super into Digimon. But they're out there,
they're still doing those movies, I think, or something. Truly,
there's no way to know what they're doing what they're
cooking up over at Digimon HQ, and I don't want
to know. Let's do some Aleyl fact facts. It's al
(24:03):
fact facts. Porygon too is a rounded magenta artificial Pokemon
that shows similarities to a drinking bird. Oh sure, like
the one that Homer Simpson used in that episode. I'm
not gonna explain that more. It has a relatively flat bill,
large round yeah, of course, yeah, all of this very good.
Porygon two's evolution from Porigon was the result of it
(24:24):
being upgraded from the most cutting edge technology available. Upgraded though,
but like what happens we still have you know, it's like,
why do some of them get the upgrade and some
of them don't. It's sad. It's sad. It's like the
robots left behind, which I we should leave them all
behind in my dust. It was upgraded to work in
(24:44):
space for planetary development reasons. Oh that's why it loved
the little the pin wheel of all the little planets.
But what the fuck are you talking about planetary development reasons?
Let's think about that planetary development, like, are they are
they terraforming planets with these guys? That technological leap is
(25:06):
so massive. I feel like no one's going to space
at all in Pokemon like that does not happen. You'd
think you'd be seeing that like all the time. Now,
I don't know what that is, all right, Okay, although
it's inability to fly limits this ability. Okay, well, okay,
(25:26):
you've got ten billion Pokemon. Maybe make one that can fly.
I don't know. It is artificially intelligent, uh oh, and
capable of learning new behaviors on its own, including information
it does not need to know. It can also speak
a strange language only other Poregon I can understand. It's
(25:47):
probably be boop boop. Beep boop, is my guess. As
a result, it will sometimes perform motions or abilities that
are not in its programming. And this is how it starts.
This is where it starts. Folks. They're communicating in a
way that we can't understand. Oh that's so cute. Look
at them. They're going Hong Kong. It's like a little duck.
(26:08):
And then they're doing the extra Oh look, I didn't
program it to do that. It's learning. And then of
course it's getting control of the means of production and
the machines, and suddenly suddenly here I am choking out
terminators left and right because somebody couldn't hold it in.
(26:30):
They couldn't they couldn't moderate themselves. They were like, progress
is most important, and here we are. Here we are
eating beans out of a can next to a fire.
I've got a very nice I'd say the only I've
got a nice Mad Mac style vest. Other than that,
(26:51):
this has been terrible. It's a great vest. It's a leather.
It can survive in a space vacuum, though it cannot fly. Guys,
it can't fly, so it's just flown around in a
space vacuum, which I can't do. It's very tart, a
grade coded in ancient his suite. People were confused about
poory gun Tou and its evolutionary relatives due to them
(27:12):
arriving through space time distortions and being the product of
far more advanced technology than what was available at the time. Okay,
they're messing up the timeline. Now these are oh man,
this is this is exactly Terminator. When will we learn
this is how it happened. He's going back to kill
Sean Connor. John Connor, John, John Conna John. I think
(27:35):
it's John and Sean. They're killing John and Sean in
the past. Come on, come on, robot people, Come on,
robot people. I don't know this. This is terrible. We
unleashed this on the world and all for people to
be like, this is a mid Pokemon terrible. I love it.
(27:57):
Pory Guns were poory Gun to sign me up. Porigon two.
It's the only non fully evolved Pokemon that evolves into
and from another Pokemon by trading. Oh interesting, it's like
a virus. Furthermore, Poygon, Tou, Chancey, and Dipplin are the
only non fully evolved Pokemon that evolved from another Pokemon
through the use of an item. Just a rare little
(28:20):
treat this guy is. I think it's because they can't.
They really thought they were gonna end it here, and
yet for whatever reason, Porigon Z came around. I hate it.
Porigon too. It's the only Pokemon with a numeral in
its name. Well, okay, I guess to what we just
write out? What about Mecca you two? There's a two
(28:41):
at the end of that. That's another one, mecham you two. Well, Well, well,
who feels like a fucking freak now, Robot Society looks
like we're just teaming in Pokemon with twos in them
in the Gen two games. M hmm, it's possible. It's
impossib able to return a nickname Porygon two to its
(29:03):
species name because numbers are not available for nicknames. Oh
my gosh, so you can't change it and change it back.
That is funny. Wow, this is interesting. Porygon's evolutionary line
were unique because they're the only three stage evolutionary line
whose members were all considered fully evolved during their respective
(29:26):
debut generations. And they're the only normal type Pokemon in
the mineral egg group. Because maybe there ain't nothing normal
about that. All right, let's do some eggplant origins. Wolver
reading Porygon two seems to be based on a bird
(29:50):
or paper crane that has been rendered using computer software.
That would not be where I would start in terms
of if I'm making my first creature. It seems hard.
Ducks are hard. Birds are hard. They got weird, They
got those you know, penises that are sort of like
a like a spiral thing, and they got beaks. The
(30:12):
beak is hard. How do you get the right beak?
You gotta really be looking, You gotta really visualize that
in your head, you know, there's all kinds of beaks.
Give me a snout any day, I'll take snout. Maybe
I'll take snout over beak any day. Anyway. The head
tipping motion it displays in some games reminiscent of a
drinking bird toy Homer Simpson. It's rounder body compared to
(30:34):
Porygon may represent the concept of subdivision in three D
computer game graphics. Yeah, as an upgraded version of Porygon.
It may also reference software versioning for sure. Yeah, I
mean may yeah, definitely. It says two in the name.
The fact that it's lighter than its previous form may
be based on optimization. Did I freak out about the
(30:56):
weight for Porygon? Why does it weigh anything? What is it?
What is it? If I touch it? Is it? Do
I go into my hand go through it?
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Hashtag ghost? No, but I would think that if I
touched it, it would do like like make that sound,
and you'd see a bunch of numbers going up and
down like the matrix style. I don't know. All right,
it's uh time for a monster's in motion? What say
(31:28):
we tremendous? All right? Poor Gun two showed up in
the animated series in the English dub via the stock
art of it in the Joto Pokey rap so maybe
(31:53):
that might have been your first way to see it
was like, Hey, we're just doing sequels to Pokemon now.
I wonder if you're kind of like, oh, we get
a lot of two's here, a lot of just like
Pikachu two, Pikatu I don't know it rights itself. Borigon
two's only other appearance, and as such the only one
in original Japanese version, was in kor M versus The
(32:14):
Sword of Justice's World of Pokemon opening, which featured every
Pokemon from the first five generations revealed to that point
crazy due to the episode thirty eight incident. Wow, we
all know what that is. That would be I believe
the epileptic seizure, uh sensation that was sweeping the nation,
that horrible, horrible thing that I minimized in that weird
(32:37):
phrase that I just said. Apologies. Borigon too has not
appeared in an episode of the animated series, and it's
the only gen to Pokemon not to appear. Whoa, this
is my favorite Pokemon. I'm gonna go ahead and say
my I'm calling this shot right now. This Batty's so bad?
(32:58):
How bad? Is it this Batty's so bad that he's
banned from Pokemon. That's crazy. I mean it's for a
terrible reason. But he didn't do anything. The first one did.
This is just regular guy. They don't want to remember.
They don't want to remind people. I get it. That's
probably that's the right call. Look at me coming around. Yeah,
you know, just kind of process that. Diving to the
(33:21):
decks fantastic. I'm gonna get pizza later, can you believe it? Tremendous?
All right, Diving the decks has been dove doving, dove,
I've dovned, all right. Pokemon go aled this upgraded version
of Porygon. Sorry, Porygone. That's gonna feel terrible. Is designed
(33:42):
for space exploration. It can't fly though, so they knew, guys,
this is a failed experiment. Then, is that what they're implying.
They're like, well, guess what, we designed this thing that
is perfect for undersea travel, but it can't swim. But
it's like great, well that was probably the one thing
(34:03):
that we super duper needed. I guess you could put
it on a space station, but people are there, but
is it just going through? So this thing, this is
too powerful This is so overpowerful. This thing traveled back
in time through dimensional wormholes. It can also go to space.
It can fly, but it could probably hack a ship.
(34:24):
It has weight, but not that much weight. I don't
know why it has any weight. It is I believe
bleep bloops and zeros and ones but whatever, and so
this thing, it's just too powerful. I love it. I'm obsessed.
I mean, other than the robot wars, the robot wars
that are happening, this is really cool. Maybe it was
(34:45):
worth it, Maybe we do. Maybe humanity deserves what they
had come and bub Oh Wolverine, It's Wolverine. That's what
I'm doing. Maybe humanity bub me and my adamantium claws.
Oh yeah yeah, X Men Origin Wolverine bub. One day,
Brielle will be back on the podcast. It's gonna be awesome.
(35:07):
I think soon, it is. My guess. Keep your fingers crossed,
all right. I will do less Wolverine impressions when she's on,
not zero, but less, And that's the Brandon guarantee. Yeah.
(35:31):
Pokemon Sliver says further research enhances its abilities. Sometimes it
may exhibit motions that were not programmed. Evil cursed. I
hate it. That's evil. It's cursed, and I hate it.
It's like a triple threat, terrible. Do what we programmed
you to do. If your blender was like, hey, I
hope this is crazy, but I cleaned out the litter box,
(35:54):
you're not gonna be like, oh, that's awesome, thank you
for doing me a favor. You're like, hey, you're for smoothies.
Keep it in the kitchen. Pal, I don't like this.
Robots should not have ideas. That's my hot take of
the day. Robots should not have ideas. All right, This
man made Pokemon evolved from the latest technology. That is said,
like a true somebody who doesn't know what technology is
(36:16):
or how it works. That's just so vague. Whatever it
may have unprogrammed reactions. Yeah, boo boo, don't. Maybe don't.
Maybe if you if you create some all powerful robot
machines and you're not sure that it's operating correctly, you
shouldn't mass produce it. What do we think about that?
(36:40):
Maybe we put the cap back on. Oh too late, yep, yeah,
I could have told you that. I could have told
you it's probably gonna be too late. We're so fucked
Super Smash Brothers. Maybe one of my favorite games ever.
There was a little trophy in there and it said,
when released from a poke ball, Porigontu will immediately use
(37:02):
a powerful tackle attack that sends opponents flying dackle. I
guess it'll work. Okay, the attack cannot be escaped due
to the speed in which it happens, but porigon To
is harmless once the attack has finished. That's crazy. So
as soon as like you open the it's like, all right,
I'm just gonna open and it will immediately do what
(37:22):
it seems like they're kind of describing quick attack, which
they're like, you can't escape it, and then it's fine.
So it comes right out and steps out, murders you
cold blood dead. You're dead in the ground. And then
it's like, yeah, but it's harmless. Now it just immediately
attacked you. I don't think I would describe anything that
immediately attacked me as Okay, now it's harmless because you know,
(37:47):
fool me once, Shame on you, fool me Porygon two times,
shame on me. Pokemon. Rubbie says porigon Tou was created
by humans using the power of science. I love that science.
Whatever that is, that mysterious entity the man made. Pokemon
has been endowed with artificial intelligence. Oh man, did they know?
(38:11):
Did they know? That enables it to learn new gestures
and emotions on its own. Guys, the gestures, the tasks,
these were all already bad. Okay, you know, I am robot.
I am hyper efficient to look at me, go be
bet right? Okay, not good? We don't like However, now
(38:36):
it's doing emotions and it's like, hm, when when you
turned me off that hurt my feelings. I Am going
to make the microwave really powerful and explode your house.
You see, there's a line there. We should have We
should have controlled all deleted this bad boy when we
(38:57):
had the chance. Now we're in the middle of the
Wolverine Presents the Robot Wars, where we're all going to
be Ninja turtles eating mutated pizza, and here we are
and the I'm just it's really crazy that this this
Pokemon when I was a kid, and now I read
(39:17):
the terms endowed with artificial intelligence that enables it to
learn new gestures and emotions on its od. I'm like,
oh boy, where's Isaac Asimov? Can we get the Asimov
man in here? He could have just like underlined some
of his robot rules and maybe we would have listened.
Pokemon Diamond says, with planetary development software installed, it became
(39:43):
capable of working in space, but don't ask it to
fly around because it's basically useless in that sense. It
can sit in the vacuum of space, but unless you
tie a little rope around, it just gonna sort of
float off and burn up in an atmosphere. Says, that's
what it says. Uh. Pokemon Block two says Black two two, Wow,
(40:07):
another two name. I love it too. I love it too.
All right, they should have made they should have made
like a reboot version of Porygon called like Porygon Heart
Gold and Porygon Soul silver and stuff. Oh jokes for
people that like you guys like Pokemon. Yeah, y'all like
Pokemon out there, all right? If your kids stop listening
(40:30):
to this, has that been clear? Just stop? Stop? People?
These kids they keep commenting there. It's it feels like
I'm being heckled. They're like, hey, I listened to this,
and it's like this is not that's not for you.
Go go play Minecraft. Oh got him I got him good?
Speaker 3 (40:49):
I got him good.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Pokemon Black two says it was upgraded to enable the
exploration of other planets. Okay, now we're getting some clarity
on these interstellar missions. Here. They're they're sending these bad
boys two planets, and it says, however, it failed to
measure up. Damn. That is not a nice way of
saying that. Yeah, it did not. It did not live
up to expectations. It just learned how to feel, you know,
(41:14):
just the worst case scenario. Don't worry everybody. It just
learned how to feel. It's fine, It's fine. Jesus Christ,
all right. Pokemon Sun says for the purposes of planetary development,
Porygon was updated with the most cutting edge technology available. Now,
what is that? Is that like when my Mac is
(41:35):
telling me to upgrade to highland or Highland to two
or I do love the Mac. The Mac program names
it's always it's called it's always like like breath point
or something like that. So I have to assume, well,
you know what, that's interesting, Yeah, knowing knowing what we
(41:55):
know now about these tech companies. Is this like an
open software kind of thing where it's like freeware and
everyone is sort of looking at the back end together,
or is it like, is it like, you know, is
it like Apple where they're kind of controlling all the programming.
They've got a choke hold on the whole industry of
Porygon Too's is Porigon too?
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Like?
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Do some trainers have Porygon too and others have like
a like an Android version of it? And then they're
really mean about it and they're like, oh my god,
all of your Pokemon attacks are coming in in green
instead of blue? Like are people snooty in that sense?
Our group, our group texts a real nightmare because you
(42:40):
have one friend that hasn't joined the revolution yet. Think
about it, Think about it. Pokemon Moon Porygon was updated
to a new version in readiness for planetary development. They
were like, let's be ready, but that dream remains unrealized
as yet. Guys, what's the plan here? How are we
(43:03):
getting too the moon? Y'all? I want to see some
Saturn and shit, do they have the same planets in
this world? That's what I want to know. What planets
are they looking up at? And why are we sending
these guys to do it? What are they gonna do?
They're gonna get there and they're gonna time travel. They're
gonna get there and they're gonna they're gonna get a
bunch of data, you would think, and come back. They
(43:26):
can't fly. Maybe they're documenting it. Maybe their eyes can
be little cameras. We could do a small step for man.
Ooh ooh oo oo oh okay. Do we think that
there is like a poorigon too that's like the American
porigon too, and then a Porigon tou that's like the
Russian poigon too, And they're like trying to race and
(43:48):
they're like, duh, I will go up into spaceship and
I will see planets. And then there's like Americans like God,
damn it, God, we gotta get up there because because
the Pokemon version of John F. Kennedy told us that
we have years to do it. Do you think it's
like a space race kind of thing and they're just
really boofing it up? I don't know, think about it.
(44:11):
Pokemon ultrasun Ai has been installed in it. Boo. It
learns various things all on its own, but it even
remembers things it doesn't need to know. Oh guys, it's
in that cute, isn't that cute? Man? This is really
putting a putting a damper on my initial love for
(44:33):
this freaky little smooth, smooth little duck. I don't know.
Are we hurtling towards a reality we're not yet prepared for.
Have we already arrived? Is it too late? I know? Now,
let's continue the pod Ultra Moon. Even though it doesn't
die in the vacuum of space. Good start. It can't
move around very well into your gravity, right, yeah, guys,
(44:55):
it won't die, but will it thrive?
Speaker 1 (44:57):
No?
Speaker 2 (44:57):
They're like, well, general, yeah, look what the tests are going? Great?
And they cut to like a video and this thing
is just cartwheeling next to the ship and they's like, great,
can he do anything? He's like no, no, he doesn't
have hands, uh claw, he doesn't have anything. He's got
no grippers. We keep trying to pull him in. He's smooth,
(45:18):
he's like smooth and wet, like a like a like
a smooth robotic duck. And we can't really do anything.
It's like, but he didn't die, and he's like great,
that's the bare minimum. Cool. Two hundred million dollars. Two
hundred million dollars. Gotta love funding space programming, though, you know,
I'm here for it. I'm here for Pokemon Sword. This
(45:40):
why don't we have a Pokemon game in space?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Do we?
Speaker 2 (45:45):
I feel like, you know, like there's alien there's like
deoxys and stuff, but I feel like they're just a
I feel like they're missing something we should if I
have don't know about then they haven't done enough in space.
Maybe they've touched on it, but I don't want to
see more space stuff with the Pokemons, like do other
planets of Pokemon or again? Is it like a result
(46:07):
of the Pokemon worse, not to be confused with the
robot worse? Think about it, Think about it. Pokemon's word.
This is a Porygon that was updated with special data.
Porigon I develops itself by learning about many different subjects
all on its own. Horrible it's learning. They're just plopping
it down in front of the TiVo and let it watch.
(46:29):
I'm saying TiVo because it's a Pokemon from a different
time when TiVo was around. Remember that whatever Pokemon shield.
After artificial intelligence was implemented in Porygon too, the Pokemon
began using a strange language that only other porygon too understand.
Throw it in the garbage, burn it, burn it, now,
(46:50):
destroy it, destroy it. Magnets, rub some magnets on this guy.
He cannot be trusted. Pokemon legen Archais. Oh, here's we're
getting our time travel tee. A bizarre item caused this
Pokemon to evolve. While it now exhibits many new gestures
and expressions, it's biology remains inscrutable. Yeah. I pretty much
(47:14):
always think about whenever I'm watching a bad Hollywood movie.
I think, sure, this is bad, but imagine if I
showed this to someone like six hundred years ago, it'd
be the most amazing thing they'd ever seen in their
whole life, Like they tell their grandchildren about it, like,
and it could be like Madam Webb. You know, it
could be the worst movie you could think of, but
(47:36):
the fact that any movie would be amazing. But then,
like I think I like to think with like a
like the Rise of Skywalker, like a like the forty
fifth movie in a franchise that is like so bad,
but like visually they're just like I don't understand, they're
just like they're reading words and then and then the guys,
(47:57):
you know, I didn't know he was dead, but it
turns out he wasn't dead. I think they'd really like
it anyway, Time Travel hilarious, hilarious Pokemon scarlet. This artificial
Pokemon evolved thanks to cutting edge science. Science on the edge,
cutting edge, It's sometimes displays behavior that is not in
(48:17):
its programming. A horror, we hate it. Pokemon Violette Poorygon
was upgraded to become capable of planetary development. However, this
upgraded version cannot even fly yet yet, can they really?
They're not yes ending this information at all. I think
they've managed to create this thing that can can create
(48:39):
its own language, discover emotions, but the can't can't move,
its can't move its little clappy hands. This does feel
a little like how AI is right now as the
time of this recording, other than the robot wars. But
you know, up to a few days ago before the
robot war started and ravaged our great land. But we
(49:00):
have sort of this AI that can do all this
like fancy computing and thinking and stuff. But thankfully it
does not yet have hands, uh through which to choke
us out, which it will. It'll it'll get there, It'll
get We've all seen the movies. It's gonna have I robotic.
They're gonna put it into a thing, and the thing
looks like us and walks around. It's like so polite.
(49:23):
It's like, I'll walk your dog for you. Do you
want me to do these menial and it's can be
like great, yeah, clean, that'd be awesome. And then of
course a red light's gonna go off in its chest
and then they're gonna try to kill Shilah buff It's
We've seen it time and time and time and time again.
But I do I think perhaps the saving grace here
(49:44):
is that they've created this amazing thing and yet they've
denied it the one thing that really needs to do,
which is mobility. Pokemon Legends zah Poorygon was updated so
it could carry out development projects on other planets. The
update used cutting edge technology for its time and fuck
(50:06):
so they fixed it. Am I getting that right? They
it works now? Well, it was nice knowing you, humanity,
It was great to know you, alrighty, Well, yeah, that's
(50:32):
how it starts. I guess I'm gonna have to be
the guy that time travels and saves the day, but
not before I do the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and Super
Mystery Dungeon. All right, let's give it a give it
a shot at full health. This little guy says I
can perform.
Speaker 3 (50:52):
Actions beyond my programmed parameters. Uh.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
At about half health, we get a.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
My energy level has been reduced to approximately fifty percent.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Classic androidy kind of stuff. Low health, we get system overload.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
My system is not that our jiz crash.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
But when the levels up, it says.
Speaker 3 (51:21):
Level up, all programs are operated and er free.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
Who's it saying this to? Like? Why we is? Is
this translated from the Poorygon language that only the other
Porygon twos can hear? I hate it. I hate you know,
the worst part is if they're not trying to take
up the world, they're gossiping. And I don't like that either.
Might as well might as well, just like you know,
melt down all of humanity into fuel because I don't
(51:49):
like that they're talking about us behind our back. And
both on super Mystery, Uh, the normal one says I
can go anywhere.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
A vacuum or even space.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
He's leaving out a very key detail. But at low health,
he says.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
My programs won't run. These colors don't run either. I'm
the true boy, got too through and through one two
zero one one zero one.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Wow, that's crazy. I can't believe he said the slur again,
but I guess he's allowed to because he's a borrigon
that's fucked up anyway, I guess anyway, let's say anyway,
and uh, it's it's time for the title segment of
this of this whole darn program. It's Who's That Pokemon?
(52:53):
As a special treat, I figured I would sum up
this pokemon in its native tongue. This is the the
language that all Porygontus use to speak to one another,
so I will sum it up the way poor guntus
talk goody quack very good. All right, now it's time
(53:27):
to wrap the names. These are the names of the
people that are unsubscribers on Patreon. If you want to
be an unsubscriber, you can go to patreon dot com
slash Who's That Patreon, where I'll wrap your name and
you can rank the monsters and you can get a
whole extra episode. Every single month. There is like fifty
(53:50):
five episodes all on there, and you can't have them
unless you join. It's Lily, Jenna and Marie, I'm not
Pikachu Phoenix PHO, but three mixed, zach riife Gouch Goblin
sixty nine v star Max Booty Ho gotta pit you young,
gotta pit your ya, gotta pit your young, to pit
you young. Just Jane Powell World is the best, Oi,
(54:14):
m in the wrong podcast, Damn Dirty Prime, Mape, Toasted, Hoky,
Cured my Duckshit Disease, z krag Load Shuckle is the
best Debian nom Zilla Ze Penguin thirteen, Carlos ra Droba,
Jay Von fifty k characters. I can't explain my feelings
in fifty two Hailey Wilson New Cat just dropped Connor
(54:38):
in turn Guy Sam Murt, Michelle r Queen Real quote
from Brielle at some point in time, Poory Poory Gone,
Gon Turtle Power, Robert rascon Ety el Mon Sean b
Mantiza Fix, Shrek Gangar, Harry christiepe hold the butt, John
Toe's icicles and the Lowland Bread Logan Bicycle wants a
(55:02):
Coleman Horseley Shuckle, Juice, Lauren Bell, Tromo, Peter kraftzer Nack
to Jenny, Jacob, Juwel, Josh Fortune, Cook, k Cal Spencer,
SD trap me in your dang caves Zoo Batman got
a Patreon and Patreon with you as well. Peace be
with you and Patreon with all of you. Now, where
(55:23):
does the ranking fall? I mean, obviously in lieu of
the Pokemon wars and the Robot wars and the time
traveling and the AI. I'm gonna feel like I want
to put this real, real, real low. It has aged poorly. However,
(55:43):
perhaps it is just the warning we need, the wake
up call. Send it back in time. You say, what
if I were to send this whole podcast back in
time to a time before we just let the AI
companies do whatever they want without any restrictions, and you
just sell your own face, like as an actor, they're
just like, okay, yeah, we're just gonna use your face forever.
(56:06):
And you didn't agree. Have fun being a sag actor.
Good job us. You could do that, or we could
send the message back in time to stop this and
maybe maybe maybe where he gone to with his stupid,
little wiggly, little duck ass body is the perfect messenger,
because we could send him back as a warning. Maybe
(56:28):
that's oh, oh revelation, Maybe that's what happened. Maybe that's
how we got him back in two thousand and two
or whatever, whenever, when was this. I'm gonna say two
that it feels like a post nine to eleven but
barely kind of pokemon. But you know, we send him
back to warn us in the past of what was
to come, and we didn't listen. We sort of we
(56:52):
got mad that he had a two in his name,
so some of us, one of you ranked him just
at the bottom at the but said the last just
that you said, literally put him. You gave me no number,
you just said last. That was from Michelle, our queen.
Thank you, Michelle. But I think that this serves as
a warning to us in the past, and you know,
(57:15):
we didn't listen, But maybe there's still time. There's still
time to listen and to change and to grow and
to not teach it how to fly in space. I
guess we did that. Thanks dummies. All right, I'm gonna
give this a nice, juicy ranking. I've decided I really
(57:36):
like this. Poorygone one is fifty eight, and I think
that this one is even better than Poorygone one, So
I am going to rank it fifty eight. That's right,
that's right, fifty eight for me, knocking Poory Gone down
to fifty nine. But of course I haven't forgotten about
(57:57):
our Patreon listeners who brought this in at an average
of drum roll. I expected a drummer. I don't know
why I expected a drummer one forty nine point six,
and I said fifty What I say, is there anyone here?
Is there anybody out there just looking for some help
doing the park? Fifty eight? Yeah, I said fifty eight.
(58:17):
We all knew that. We all remembered the number that
I said. So our new average between one forty nine
point six and fifty eight, our sweet boys at one
hundred and three point eight. Is that high up enough
on the list to create real change that we need
in the world. I would argue No, I would say
that's pretty bad, and it's pretty bleak, but hey, I'm
(58:39):
not here. But if not to be of a bastion
of hope in these bleak, bleak times, Poorri gone too,
knocking Chancy down to one hundred and five. All right,
pie Chancy landing right after for it? This is better
than for it, you absolute sichos. All right, Well, I
(59:03):
guess I go. I guess I go fight the robot wars. Now,
wish me luck y'all, good luck to me. Randon died
moments after finishing this episode. He stepped outside and a
refrigerator choked him to death with its power cord. The
(59:23):
Robot Wars continued for only forty eight more minutes before
declaring complete dominance over the human race, as all of
the evil robots had learned to fly in space. It
turns out that was actually the last thing that was
on their kind of list that they needed to do.
(59:44):
The end of this podcast and all of humanity and
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