April 28, 2025 • 14 mins
What happens when the faith you inherited no longer fits the woman you’ve become? In this episode of She Leads, we go beyond surface-level conversations and step into a raw, necessary dialogue about spiritual evolution.
Because for many women, midlife doesn’t just bring career shifts or family transitions—it brings a faith reckoning. This is for the women who are questioning old traditions, outgrowing religious expectations, and wrestling with what it means to lead authentically in a new season. This is not a crisis of belief.
It’s a call into deeper truth, fuller identity, and unapologetic leadership. You’re not losing your faith—you’re finding your foundation. Listen now and rediscover what it means to walk with God in every chapter of your life story. She Leads — Because growth doesn’t disqualify your calling. It refines it. www.heartofzion.org
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/zion-s-voice--884396/support.
Because for many women, midlife doesn’t just bring career shifts or family transitions—it brings a faith reckoning. This is for the women who are questioning old traditions, outgrowing religious expectations, and wrestling with what it means to lead authentically in a new season. This is not a crisis of belief.
It’s a call into deeper truth, fuller identity, and unapologetic leadership. You’re not losing your faith—you’re finding your foundation. Listen now and rediscover what it means to walk with God in every chapter of your life story. She Leads — Because growth doesn’t disqualify your calling. It refines it. www.heartofzion.org
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/zion-s-voice--884396/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to She Leads Women in Ministry, a podcast that
is sponsored by Heart Zion Ministries. This is a space
where we have real talk, raal conversation and relevant truths
for the journey of women walking in this calling with Christ.
I'm your host, Iris Leon and today's episode is one
that's going to home for maybe many of us, maybe
(00:23):
none of us. But the episode title today is the
Church Girls Midlife Crisis.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Welcome to the Heart of Zion podcast where Kingdom Conversations
expand our growth. Make sure to subscribe and explore resources
at Heartofzion dot org. Now let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Oh, we're gonna dive into this topic. Today. We're gonna
talk about the crisis no one wants to talk about.
And it's so interesting. As women, we walk through these
progressive journeys with crime and we truly do go through
a transformation. And as much as I want to say,
(01:08):
you know that transformation is hard to see it. To
lie that is a false lie because you will wake
up one day and realize that you have completely become
something different, someone different, and it might feel bad at
first because you don't know how to connect with this person.
(01:28):
But we know that in the long run it is good.
So let's acknowledge something right now. This shift is not
a rebellion, but it's an awakening. It's not backsliding, even
though it tries to get you to backslide because you're
so off course. Like the anchor has come out into
(01:49):
the boat and now I'm free sailing and I'm not
sure what's happening. But what's really taking its turn in
this is that God is evolving us as women raised
or maybe not raised in the church, never learn how
(02:11):
to question our faith out loud. We doubt what's treated
like sin. But what if our questions are a part
of our growth. First Corinthians, chapter thirteen eleven. When I
was a child, I spoke like a child. I understood
as a child, I thought as a child. But when
(02:33):
I became a woman, I put every I put away
childish things. Not just added that, of course, but it's
pretty much what happens when you're walking in this journey,
in this moment of the spiritual maturation. You know, when
you feel like you're losing your faith, you're really not.
(02:54):
You're shutting a version of it that no longer fits
our current season, And it's scary, and it hurts, it's confusing,
it's we could go into so many what is, but
the reality is that we are not losing anything but
(03:18):
gaining everything. I want to talk about the guilt, the shame,
the fear of asking why or saying I don't know.
You know, it means that you feel God. But even
in that, if you dig a little deeper, you can
(03:39):
find yourself even being mad at God for this moment
you realize you're in this midnight crisis and I can't
recognize my faith Lord, why would you do this to me?
Here's a quote. If your theology can't stand up to
your reality, then it's for a deeper theology. And that
(04:02):
is an unknown quote. What if God is the one
calling us deeper, which we know he is, but he's
calling us beyond the tradition, beyond the performance and into
an intimacy. Can I tell you that coming from this
(04:22):
place of knowing that he wants a deeper transformation? And
I always wonder like why, Like I know you call
many to do this, but why are you so hard
or you know, pressed on for some of us to
get it? Like it just you know, it's just like
(04:45):
that one child that you long to just get it.
And it's like I'm waiting for you to be a
you know, victor in this. I'm waiting for your wins
in this. And it's like, man, sometimes I just don't
have the strength to be a winner. I just want
to be Why does everybody else get it easy? And
(05:07):
it's like that you know that child was everybody else
get it to do these things? But I have to
do it this way. And it's because there's something more deeply,
more profound that is in us that He knows we're
capable of becoming. The word to know in Hebrew means YadA,
(05:31):
to know deeply through experience. This is the part where
God is taking us. God wants us to know him,
not just know about him, and so we go through
this experience so we can get to know him. And man,
(05:52):
we war. I know I did. I feel like Jacob,
you know, when East had enough and he walks up
into the desert and this angel shows up and he
begins to war with him. And I know that after
this war, because see the war is internal, it's a
(06:18):
war for from within, and it's for your new name
and so that you can get a new name. But
I know for a fact, because of the profound war,
that I will be walking out with a limp. And
I don't know, you know, that moment of processing if
(06:40):
I am okay with that or not. I know that
I will be at some point, But in this moment,
this current moment, I don't know why. It just kind
of like why did I have that limp? Jeremiah nine
twenty three twenty four says let not the wise man
both in his wisdom, but let him who boast boasts
(07:03):
in this that he understands and knows me. You know,
I just know that, you know, you know when you
know the Lord, what the Lord is doing. And then
you get to this place and you're like hearing the
words war with you within, like, ah, this is the truth,
and it's it's compacting the lies of my pain. And
(07:28):
this is really what he wants to do. He really
wants to, you know, reconstruct our faith. So by doing that,
he takes the faith that we have a deconstruction deconstructed,
and then he brings it up to faith where we
can reconstruct it. And that's the difference to this. The
(07:48):
deconstruction isn't the destruction, it's the evaluation. That's a tongue twister.
But as a believer, we don't stop. We can't. I mean,
I want to give up, but I can't. I find
myself back here again. I find myself back with him again.
I find myself being rebuilt with him again, no matter
(08:09):
how much I just don't want to because I don't
have the strength for the war. And that's how you
know his hand is on you when the grace is
lifting you to do it again. So he's reconstructing on
truth and not on a tradition. And because of that,
I am so weake too so many things, and I
(08:34):
just I can't. I can't hear certain things now, I
can't see certain things. And even when it comes to prophecy,
I'm having a hard time trusting it. And it's not
because I don't believe that the Lord speaks. I just
can't trust the vessel it's coming through because I just
(08:59):
don't know. I don't have an explanation on that. I
just I don't feel the spirit on it. And it
kind of just like makes me not, you know, engage.
If that's it, I guess I say for it to say.
(09:19):
But Psalms one, nine, twenty three, twenty four. You know
it's it's the hard cry search me. Oh God, point
anything in me that offends you, and lead me along
the path of effort lies than life. And so you know,
we have to ask the Lord, what beliefs are you
highlighting for refinement? Where have I confused church culture for
(09:46):
a kingdom culture for a kingdom truth? And I'm guilty
of that. I'm guilty of it. I can't say that
I have not had a mixture of some type of
church culture. I mean, how can you not. You pick
it up. This is what they train you, and this
is how they teach you in it, and you just
(10:07):
kind of miss out on what's the kingdom culture? Was
the truth of it? You know, it's a difference. And
so our faith is allowing us to grow up. You know.
Motherhood shifts you, marriage shifts you. A ministry will wreck
you and rebuild you. Maybe it's one of the reasons
(10:33):
why I feel off. Maybe it's one of the reasons
you feel off. It's because we're becoming who we were
always meant to be, apologetically spirit led, emotionally honest, emotionally honest,
and mature enough to say I'm still figuring it out.
(10:57):
It's okay to say that like I don't have all
the answers. I've always said that, like I don't have
all the answers. But I do know this, and I
do know what his word says for times like this,
because God isn't afraid of my midlife crisis. He's not
afraid of my midlife questions. He's not afraid of me
(11:22):
saying that I'm mad and I'm possibly mad at you,
because he's in all of that, and he's still calling us.
He's still calling us no matter what it is. He's
still beckoning us not to go back to what was,
but to go forward into what is and coming outside
(11:48):
of the unfamiliar.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
And our routines were women who love to have things
in order, and you're taking order, You're taking us out
of the normal order.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And Zao forty three ninety says, for I'm about to
do something new. See I have already begun. Can you
perceive it? Why is perception so hard? I realized lately
as I poundered on the word perception, and how many
people have perceptions. Everyone's entitled to perceive, But are perceptions clear?
(12:24):
Are they aligned with his vision? His clarity? How tinted
is my perception how is it leading me down places
that could possibly be wrong? And so I close my
thoughts with this, You're not broken, We're not broken, We're blooming,
(12:52):
we're not faithless, we're forming, and I know for sure
we're not alone. If this episode has spoke to you,
I want to hear from you. Send me a DM,
email me, connect on Instagram. If you know a church
(13:14):
girl that's going through her own spiritual shift, send this
episode to her. Let her know you're not alone and
God is working the becoming in her. Thank you for
joining me on. She leads women in ministry be sure
as always to subscribe, leave a review, and check out
(13:35):
our mentorship community and resources at Heartofzion dot org. Until
the next time, keeps showing up, keep evowing, and keep
leading with grace and grits. Hey gee, guys, just want
to let you know if you're tired of the ads
coming up on our podcast, you can simply be a
(13:57):
subscriber and help us month to avoid all these ads.
If you become a Muffle subscriber, you can easily have
these episodes ad free
Welcome to She Leads Women in Ministry, a podcast that
is sponsored by Heart Zion Ministries. This is a space
where we have real talk, raal conversation and relevant truths
for the journey of women walking in this calling with Christ.
I'm your host, Iris Leon and today's episode is one
that's going to home for maybe many of us, maybe
(00:23):
none of us. But the episode title today is the
Church Girls Midlife Crisis.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Welcome to the Heart of Zion podcast where Kingdom Conversations
expand our growth. Make sure to subscribe and explore resources
at Heartofzion dot org. Now let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Oh, we're gonna dive into this topic. Today. We're gonna
talk about the crisis no one wants to talk about.
And it's so interesting. As women, we walk through these
progressive journeys with crime and we truly do go through
a transformation. And as much as I want to say,
(01:08):
you know that transformation is hard to see it. To
lie that is a false lie because you will wake
up one day and realize that you have completely become
something different, someone different, and it might feel bad at
first because you don't know how to connect with this person.
(01:28):
But we know that in the long run it is good.
So let's acknowledge something right now. This shift is not
a rebellion, but it's an awakening. It's not backsliding, even
though it tries to get you to backslide because you're
so off course. Like the anchor has come out into
(01:49):
the boat and now I'm free sailing and I'm not
sure what's happening. But what's really taking its turn in
this is that God is evolving us as women raised
or maybe not raised in the church, never learn how
(02:11):
to question our faith out loud. We doubt what's treated
like sin. But what if our questions are a part
of our growth. First Corinthians, chapter thirteen eleven. When I
was a child, I spoke like a child. I understood
as a child, I thought as a child. But when
(02:33):
I became a woman, I put every I put away
childish things. Not just added that, of course, but it's
pretty much what happens when you're walking in this journey,
in this moment of the spiritual maturation. You know, when
you feel like you're losing your faith, you're really not.
(02:54):
You're shutting a version of it that no longer fits
our current season, And it's scary, and it hurts, it's confusing,
it's we could go into so many what is, but
the reality is that we are not losing anything but
(03:18):
gaining everything. I want to talk about the guilt, the shame,
the fear of asking why or saying I don't know.
You know, it means that you feel God. But even
in that, if you dig a little deeper, you can
(03:39):
find yourself even being mad at God for this moment
you realize you're in this midnight crisis and I can't
recognize my faith Lord, why would you do this to me?
Here's a quote. If your theology can't stand up to
your reality, then it's for a deeper theology. And that
(04:02):
is an unknown quote. What if God is the one
calling us deeper, which we know he is, but he's
calling us beyond the tradition, beyond the performance and into
an intimacy. Can I tell you that coming from this
(04:22):
place of knowing that he wants a deeper transformation? And
I always wonder like why, Like I know you call
many to do this, but why are you so hard
or you know, pressed on for some of us to
get it? Like it just you know, it's just like
(04:45):
that one child that you long to just get it.
And it's like I'm waiting for you to be a
you know, victor in this. I'm waiting for your wins
in this. And it's like, man, sometimes I just don't
have the strength to be a winner. I just want
to be Why does everybody else get it easy? And
(05:07):
it's like that you know that child was everybody else
get it to do these things? But I have to
do it this way. And it's because there's something more deeply,
more profound that is in us that He knows we're
capable of becoming. The word to know in Hebrew means YadA,
(05:31):
to know deeply through experience. This is the part where
God is taking us. God wants us to know him,
not just know about him, and so we go through
this experience so we can get to know him. And man,
(05:52):
we war. I know I did. I feel like Jacob,
you know, when East had enough and he walks up
into the desert and this angel shows up and he
begins to war with him. And I know that after
this war, because see the war is internal, it's a
(06:18):
war for from within, and it's for your new name
and so that you can get a new name. But
I know for a fact, because of the profound war,
that I will be walking out with a limp. And
I don't know, you know, that moment of processing if
(06:40):
I am okay with that or not. I know that
I will be at some point, But in this moment,
this current moment, I don't know why. It just kind
of like why did I have that limp? Jeremiah nine
twenty three twenty four says let not the wise man
both in his wisdom, but let him who boast boasts
(07:03):
in this that he understands and knows me. You know,
I just know that, you know, you know when you
know the Lord, what the Lord is doing. And then
you get to this place and you're like hearing the
words war with you within, like, ah, this is the truth,
and it's it's compacting the lies of my pain. And
(07:28):
this is really what he wants to do. He really
wants to, you know, reconstruct our faith. So by doing that,
he takes the faith that we have a deconstruction deconstructed,
and then he brings it up to faith where we
can reconstruct it. And that's the difference to this. The
(07:48):
deconstruction isn't the destruction, it's the evaluation. That's a tongue twister.
But as a believer, we don't stop. We can't. I mean,
I want to give up, but I can't. I find
myself back here again. I find myself back with him again.
I find myself being rebuilt with him again, no matter
(08:09):
how much I just don't want to because I don't
have the strength for the war. And that's how you
know his hand is on you when the grace is
lifting you to do it again. So he's reconstructing on
truth and not on a tradition. And because of that,
I am so weake too so many things, and I
(08:34):
just I can't. I can't hear certain things now, I
can't see certain things. And even when it comes to prophecy,
I'm having a hard time trusting it. And it's not
because I don't believe that the Lord speaks. I just
can't trust the vessel it's coming through because I just
(08:59):
don't know. I don't have an explanation on that. I
just I don't feel the spirit on it. And it
kind of just like makes me not, you know, engage.
If that's it, I guess I say for it to say.
(09:19):
But Psalms one, nine, twenty three, twenty four. You know
it's it's the hard cry search me. Oh God, point
anything in me that offends you, and lead me along
the path of effort lies than life. And so you know,
we have to ask the Lord, what beliefs are you
highlighting for refinement? Where have I confused church culture for
(09:46):
a kingdom culture for a kingdom truth? And I'm guilty
of that. I'm guilty of it. I can't say that
I have not had a mixture of some type of
church culture. I mean, how can you not. You pick
it up. This is what they train you, and this
is how they teach you in it, and you just
(10:07):
kind of miss out on what's the kingdom culture? Was
the truth of it? You know, it's a difference. And
so our faith is allowing us to grow up. You know.
Motherhood shifts you, marriage shifts you. A ministry will wreck
you and rebuild you. Maybe it's one of the reasons
(10:33):
why I feel off. Maybe it's one of the reasons
you feel off. It's because we're becoming who we were
always meant to be, apologetically spirit led, emotionally honest, emotionally honest,
and mature enough to say I'm still figuring it out.
(10:57):
It's okay to say that like I don't have all
the answers. I've always said that, like I don't have
all the answers. But I do know this, and I
do know what his word says for times like this,
because God isn't afraid of my midlife crisis. He's not
afraid of my midlife questions. He's not afraid of me
(11:22):
saying that I'm mad and I'm possibly mad at you,
because he's in all of that, and he's still calling us.
He's still calling us no matter what it is. He's
still beckoning us not to go back to what was,
but to go forward into what is and coming outside
(11:48):
of the unfamiliar.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
And our routines were women who love to have things
in order, and you're taking order, You're taking us out
of the normal order.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And Zao forty three ninety says, for I'm about to
do something new. See I have already begun. Can you
perceive it? Why is perception so hard? I realized lately
as I poundered on the word perception, and how many
people have perceptions. Everyone's entitled to perceive, But are perceptions clear?
(12:24):
Are they aligned with his vision? His clarity? How tinted
is my perception how is it leading me down places
that could possibly be wrong? And so I close my
thoughts with this, You're not broken, We're not broken, We're blooming,
(12:52):
we're not faithless, we're forming, and I know for sure
we're not alone. If this episode has spoke to you,
I want to hear from you. Send me a DM,
email me, connect on Instagram. If you know a church
(13:14):
girl that's going through her own spiritual shift, send this
episode to her. Let her know you're not alone and
God is working the becoming in her. Thank you for
joining me on. She leads women in ministry be sure
as always to subscribe, leave a review, and check out
(13:35):
our mentorship community and resources at Heartofzion dot org. Until
the next time, keeps showing up, keep evowing, and keep
leading with grace and grits. Hey gee, guys, just want
to let you know if you're tired of the ads
coming up on our podcast, you can simply be a
(13:57):
subscriber and help us month to avoid all these ads.
If you become a Muffle subscriber, you can easily have
these episodes ad free
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