March 7, 2019 • 31 mins
Ron and Carolina are joined by special guests, a random man and woman who happen to be in the elevator when they get stuck at the start of the recording.
Credits:Ron Burgundy: Host, Writer, Executive ProducerCarolina Barlow: Co-Host, Writer, and Producer.Producers: Whitney Hodack, Jack O’Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick StumpfExecutive Producer: Mike FarahConsulting Producer: Andrew SteeleAssociate Producer: Anna HossniehWriter: Jake FogelnestProduction Supervisor: Colin MacDougallThis episode was Engineered, Mixed and Edited by: Nick StumpfMusic Clearance by Suzanne Coffman
Elevator guests: Marilyn Sanabria, Owen Burke
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Chu chu chucker chucker chucker chucker choo choo choo chugger.
What time are they going to be here? Okay, because
we call them twenty minutes ago? Chucker chucker choo Joe.
All aboard the Drawn Burgundy Podcast. I used train sounds,
(00:22):
That's what those were, because just like a bumpy, swerving
train ride, there is never a dull moment on this podcast.
Who are the local authorities? Because and do you even
have a number to call back on? As you can hear,
Carolina is currently using the elevator telephone to call some
local firefighters, police officers, maybe even a priest to read
(00:45):
us our last rites because you guessed it, folks. We
are currently stuck on an elevator. Uh. We are stuck
in between the eighty six and eighty seven floors of
the time X building. As you know, our podcast studio
is on the floor. Uh, and we are We are
(01:06):
currently stuck. And I thank god. We were just returning
from a field peace and so that's why I have
we have audio equipment with us. Caroline is handling the situation. Yes,
they said they'd call back in twenty with an update.
I don't know. I guess we should just sit tight
until then. So twenty minutes we're going to be in here. Yeah,
(01:28):
most likely, Yeah, most likely twenty minutes. All right, Well,
that's just too bad. That's really too bad because we had, folks,
we had President Jimmy Carter in the studio today and
we were going to interview him on what he thinks
on everything that's happened this year. Do we have word
to Jimmy Carter to please? That's that's a little misleading.
(01:50):
We have the president of the San Diego County Farm
Bureau up in the studio, and coincidentally, his name happens
to be Jimmy Carter, so it's not president, it's not
the President United States. And this year Jimmy Carter president.
It's been a crazy one for him. My god, he
had to rule on the San Diego Miniature Horse competition
and let me tell you, there might have been checkered
(02:13):
blankets and straw baskets, but that was no picnic. A
lot of tough decisions that day for Mr President Carter. Um.
Everyone thought that Pippy long Stalking, a beautiful mayor with
a chestnut Maine, was going to win, and it was
actually the black beauty Napoleon who took home the blue ribbon.
And it was a crazy night, crazy night, the anxiety,
(02:35):
the fervor and the crowd. It just was elector. I
broke up two fights and the headlines were crazy. Anyway.
I try to stay out of politics. But that contest
was stolen, no question about it. Don't you think so, Caroline,
I think it. That doesn't really matter. And so we are, Yes,
we're just giving me, giving me a little Absolutely, we're
(02:58):
going to move over a way. This man, we are
just to the listener that we are. Also in the
elevator stuck with us, are are two other people, Uh, sir,
can I ask you your name? It's some one, thank you, Owen.
And then this, uh, this lovely young woman over here.
Maria was ape Parsinalia. I did not get that. You're
(03:21):
gonna have to you. Can you give that to me again?
Me remember and the Loupez and my first lope medicine Lola,
but Marilyn okay, but in English medicine Lola, obvious medicine, Lope.
I'm gonna Marielyn Maria. I believe your name is Maria.
(03:44):
I was in medicine, Lupe, my boy and Marilyn Sas Medicine,
Loupe medicine, Lola. Oh, when do you speak Spanish? Because
I don't. I don't. I think Carolina, I don't know.
But welcome anyway. And where if I if I could
(04:05):
just ask where where are you? Where are you headed today?
Headed to my therapist office? I have a therapy appointment.
Oh and now you're stuck in an elevator. I saw
her from claustrophobia. Oh, this is a nightmare. This is
a living nightmare. Yeah, it's it's just it's hard to
breathe and I'm just trying to not have a panic.
(04:30):
I start to panic, folks. Just to describe, this is
a very tight elevator. This elevator is four ft by
eight feet UM and uh, very low ceiling. It's a
very cheaply made elevator. It looks like it's about a
six ft ceiling. So we're it's a bit of a
hot box. Yeah. The more you talk about it, the
(04:50):
more I just sort of okay, we won't mention. Yeah,
if everyone, thank you, madam, thank you, loop, thank you, Lope. Well,
so here we are, we're just going to I guess
(05:11):
we should just keep going with the show. We have
to bank this episode the best of it. Ut Okay,
that was quite oh man ah all right, um everyone,
(05:38):
all right, yeah, I feel like we dropped fifteen floors
at least. Um, do we need to contact the authorities?
Do you need to get back on the phone or
I mean yeah, I can. First let me let me
get to my restaurant review segment. Okay, let's just do that,
all right, get that out of the way, because if
(05:59):
I forget to do it, we'll never get to it. Um.
I am a man who likes a good, rare pile
of meat and a sip from a crystal goblet now
and then I'll even smoke one of those thin cigarettes
worn Buffett passes around and circles at his men's only club.
To put it simply, I like to indulge. So it's
(06:21):
no wonder I enjoyed my two days at the cheesecake factory.
You just keep leaning into me. Excuse me, A man
is talking here, A man is doing his restaurant report. Sorry,
there's so little room in here. I know I'm doing
my best drifting. Um. That was owen for those of
(06:44):
you listening, uh, and to give you a visual of
what Owen looks like he's about five ft tall, with
one single strand of hair that has slipped down over
his bald head. I have a full head of hair
and two orange teeth, one on either side of his mouth.
Perhaps that's why his voice sounds so weird. This is
just because he interrupted your Cheesecake Factor. Yes, yes, I
(07:07):
stayed there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for two days.
It's called investigative reporting, Carolina. Try it sometime in between
your episodes of Mrs Maizel. It wasn't okay, So your
cheesecake The Cheesecake Factor was an investigative piece. What did
you discover? Are their employees paid for their wages? Is
the food safety? I investigated a lot. They have a
(07:29):
cheesecake sandwich, so I investigated that I'd like to try
cheesecake subs wherever I can. I especially airports because of
all the different cultures that meet there. I investigated their
shrimp scampy twice in the same day. I actually couldn't
finish it, so I brought some with me. Oh my god,
that's why it smells like warm shrimping here. That's exactly
(07:49):
why I wear Yeah, that that might be the gumbo,
I forget. I wanted to eat it on the road,
so I just had them put it in a side
room cup. I'm gonna get sick. Hey, everyone needs to
rely acts, all right, especially you owen Loope, trinquilo, tranquil, Relax,
all relaxo. Okay, you've said your piece. Okay, I've lost
(08:16):
my place in my restaurant review? Did I get to
my review of the cheesecake kit? Hold on, take a
wide brace, take a wide stance. Everyone. You're on my foot,
I'm on your well, you're in between my legs loope. Please,
(08:41):
now is not the time for discouraging words. Can you
just can you just finish this recording or whatever so
we can just get out of your No, because this
bobcast this once told me when I attacked his security guard,
(09:03):
this show must go on. Did that really happen? Bad
things happen, Carolina. It's not all sunshine and Fleet Fox's songs. Okay,
God to think that we have President Jimmy Carter upstairs
and I'm stuck in an elevator with these bozos. No offense, sir,
that is offensive. No offense, sir. No, you don't just
(09:25):
get to say no, offense when you're being offensive. Um,
it's not just doesn't just clear you of being offensive.
So are you getting fitted for a wig today? No,
I'm on my way to see my therapist. I already
told you. Then, what sort of therapy are you working?
(09:45):
Is it Freudan? I don't know if it's for it.
I just have issues. I have claustrophobic, I have anxiety.
And are you going to see a therapist as well? I?
(10:12):
Oh my god, it's hot in here, isn't it. The
more you talk about it, the more. If you didn't
move around so much, you're creating heat. Well, one thing
we have to think about in the event that the
authorities don't get here in time. I hate to jump
to this conclusion, Um, but we will have to pick
(10:37):
straws at one point for what to see if we're
gonna have to kill one or the other to eat
to survive. I don't think you because my bellies rumbling.
You have shrimp in your pocket. You brought shrimp, I know,
but after I'm done with my shrimp and your gumbo
(10:59):
and gambo. I don't even know why. It's just something.
It's a long term thought down the road, if even
for her for two days. It shouldn't have to come
to killing someone. All right, Well we should think about it.
I know we'll draw straws. Well, I'm not going to
do that. If I had to pick someone at this point,
(11:23):
I think it'd be owing. I know Judo, So good luck,
you look delicious. Well thank you. I sort of thank you.
But I know Judo, So you're not going to eat me?
That sounds like that sounds like a book your therapist
would give you. I know Judo, So you're not going
to eat me. U Ways to Cope through the Day
(11:45):
by Dr Loewenstein. Have you ever seen a therapist? Do
you know what they've been to? Therapy? Yes? How dare you?
How dare you? It's very healthy thing to do. If
you haven't done it, you should seeing a therapy. This
is very healthy. It's a good way to unbot My
therapist is a walk on the beach collecting driftwood. How
(12:08):
often do you do that? Not as much as I
would like to. I saw a therapist wants you did? Well,
that's good. I saw her in a supermarket. She was
talking to her friend and mentioned her therapy practice. I
thought to myself, Wow, I just saw a therapist. I
(12:28):
technically saw a therapist. No, No, that's not seeing a therapist. Yes,
you you saw a THERAPI. When I see my therapist,
I sit down with her for like an hour a
week and we just go how I'm feeling. So you
don't see a therapist. You stare at a therapist. Yeah,
that's what you do. It's not just staring. I think
what On is doing is a lot more emotional than that.
(12:49):
Sounds like he's really going through some stuff. Well, I
don't know if I needed sounds really depressed, and he
sounds like, I mean, we don't need have to kill anything. Now,
what if President Jimmy Carter ever saw a therapist? Right not?
I don't know. It's different for every bit, Bunny, I
don't know if I need his opinion on that. Yeah,
(13:11):
don't though, real quick to break the tension, Uh, I
think we should do a lightning round real quick, just
for the show. So lightning round go? What are we talking?
I don't know how do you start a lightning round.
I've never done a light Oh my god, we've got
(13:42):
to get out of here. We either have to get
out of here or we have to eat someone. Did
you have to do what what did you say about
your PP? I don't know. I just was emotional. I
just said I exclaimed things. I don't know what I said.
What does anyone recall what they actually said? And screamed? Said? Whoa, whoa?
I said, yeah, and I didn't. I'm not a child.
(14:07):
Run It's okay. But if you needed to the bathroom,
then we should figure something out. Never say, I would
never mention my genitalia a high tent, high stakes moment
like this. This is like we're in towering inferno right now.
As my therapist would say, sometimes, you know, stressful situations
reveal something about ourselves, like maybe when you feared your life,
(14:30):
you were really fearing your life of your penis or
your ability to procreate. Your dad? Are your father? I
am a father. Yes, we have a beautiful son, Walter.
And so maybe you thinking of Wonter in a way
when you're thinking about your life bluepe or do you
(14:50):
have children? Talking about Pep? Do you have children? That's
what I asked, why it's a part of denis Ninos
quadru four. Well she didn't say her Come on, baby no, baby,
(15:19):
baby no, no? What about what are your feelings on
al Nino? It is two in the end. This, Yeah,
it's all pig Latin to me. My my Spanish basically
(15:43):
breaks down to enchilada burrito, Jimmy charga. But I guess
I don't know. It's interesting that it's all food based
and it's something about it seems like you're was time.
Then what would your theroist this say about that? Well,
that maybe you're trying to fill something inside of you
(16:03):
that you know, you're always trying to put something in
your body to fill a hole. Maybe that's there or um,
you know that you always feel like you can never
get enough. Is that something that you can relate that
I'm never associated right? Well, I do. If I have
(16:25):
a box of Oreo cookies in front of me, I'll
go through the whole thing. Yeah, that sounds like, Yeah,
that sounds exactly what I'm talking about. And how do
you feel when the box is empty at the end
of the box? Do you feel stated, Yeah, that's actually
a big problem in the office, that you'll go through
a box of those marshmallow cookies, the with the Graham
(16:49):
cracker and the marshmallow malam malamars do do you have
have you heard of Malabar's before they is that? Wait
did we just did we now go up ten floors?
They moved up? At? What floor are we on? Now?
(17:10):
I can't say. I mean, I mean, I don't know.
I mean we're either on the if we went down,
we're probably like on the seventieth floor, sixty floor or
something like that. Do you think maybe we've passed away
and this is what heaven is? Like? Wow? Is this?
This is it? Wow? Now I think I don't think
(17:34):
this would be heaven. I don't for some reason, I
think it would be not heaven if we were all
stuck in an elevator together right now, and the way
I feel right now, I don't feel like I'm in Baronites.
Here's the question, if you were in heaven, who three
people in history you'd have dinner with? I'll go first
stand Musual, Bows of the Clown and Little Richard. Okay, Carolina, Um,
(18:01):
I guess my mom, um, my sister, and my new
puppy Grandma. But they're still living. I know, but I
just couldn't go to heaven without them. Loupe, No, no, no, really,
I can keep no no, no, no, that's not helpful. Owen,
(18:33):
how would guess Mahatma Gandhi Um, Susan b. Anthony. I
really would love to hear more about her, and I
just a little Richard, I no, ok um like if
a musician, maybe John Lennon, John Legend, John Legend, John Lennon,
he was a Beatle from the Beatles. Is he married
(18:56):
Chrissy Tigan. Oh, I loved Legend. I love John Legend too.
Seems so nice and his wife is so pretty, and
their babies pretty too, and they're outspoken, they're real advocates. Yeah,
do you like Do you like John Legend? Lupe Malmonos? No, no, no,
(19:22):
the boy and I did. Why the what the What's
with the fascination with John Legend. I don't have a fascination.
I like John Legend, but I was talking about John
Christmas Special. It was so good. I'm so glad this
is finally taking my mind off the elevator. Do you
like Christmas? Lupe? Guys, once again, I think we need
(19:51):
to get back at the survival mode. I think we
need to discreetly turn from the other three in a
rotation and collect our urine in some sort of receptacle,
and then we will drink it to survive. I don't
even think we're there yet. We've been here for fifteen minutes,
but it has not been fifteen minutes. Okay, well it's
been half an hour. Maybe that short. It's like a
(20:13):
been a day. No, no, not at all, and we
just had lunch. But just as a proactive measure, we
should store our urine. Is there something we can oh?
And can I use your baseball cap? No? No, you
can't use my baseball cap. And I use your purse?
When are you look it? Ango and Elliott? Thank you?
(20:35):
I appreciate that. So I'm gonna fill Loupe's purse full
of my year in. I'll start first, Mason jar you
brought in with you, not my bug collection. Get rid
of the just shake out the bus. No, I was
showing these. These are my dragonflies. I'm gonna show to
Jimmy Carter President, Jimmy Carter, al right, where you can
put those in that towel right there and just have
(20:57):
them there and use the jar? I can't. As soon
as I in the jar, they will fly away. How
are they're going to rest on this towel? I thought
they were dead. They looked dead. Why is there a
beach towel in the bottom of this. I don't know later.
I just thought you said this was going to be
a regular day at the beach. Oh, that's right, we
brought beach towels. I don't know if those dragonflies are alive.
(21:21):
Did you put air holes on the top of that jar? Oh,
survey says zero, meaning no, Yeah, I got that. You
can use the mason jar then too. Okay, I will
not urinate in your in your purse and your purse.
(21:47):
I wonder if I could cocka in this mason jar
because I kind of need the cock everyone. Could everyone
please turn away? You have to. I think we need
to cut to parents. Let's cut two commercials. Welcome back
to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. It is our ten uh
(22:09):
here in the elevator. Has it been ten hours? It
has been an hour, okay. I've had to rip apart
um my jacket to tie over our faces round defecated.
He tried to hit the mason jar. It's about he missed,
if I would say half a foot. I got nervous
(22:30):
because everyone was watching, and we just threw a beach
towel over it. Um. Yeah, we're just trying to get through.
I believe It's beyond me that you would do this
like it just you couldn't hold it. You are you
a child? Like you can't. This is when you gotta go.
You gotta go. That's not true. It is ninety eight
degrees in here. It smells of shrimp gumbo and human
(22:53):
feces sweat. It could be the worst day in my life.
And more you talk about it feels like doesn't it
feel like the walls are closing in. Stop saying stuff
like that. Please, it's just you're just it feels like
we're in Alice in the looking glass and going through
that little tiny doorway at the end, and it's getting
smaller and smaller and smaller and small bag. Please, is
(23:20):
your job being a communicator and understanding what your audience
can respond to that? Right now, all the rules are
throwing out the window. Okay, we are in survival mode.
We have we have all nominated. Owen will be the
first one that we eat if that time comes. I
really don't think it should. I don't think it should
come to that. I mean, I didn't think that we
should have to go the floor. May I ask you
(23:45):
this question? Can I just as a sample bite into
the back of your calf, and just to see if
your calf meat is tender and delicious. I'll just know
the answers know it won't be tender and delicious. So
obviously missing his therapist, do you will you be charged
(24:07):
for your therapy session? Well, I hope not. I mean,
I hope she understands that I stuck in an elevator.
What is the meat? Carolina? Do you have any read
on the media must be going crazy, ron Berger, and
he's stuck in an elevator. I don't think the media
is really paying attention to this issue. I mean, I
think probably going to get a medal to get out
(24:27):
of this alive. Maybe it wasn't necessarily you might get
a bill for that. The carpet on the bottom of
the elevator, Yeah, that's it has soiled the carpet of
the elevator because in my effort to a little bit
of on my pant leg, in an effort to get
(24:49):
it off, I stepped in it and smushed it more
into the carpet. They just we all. I don't know
why you're whatever audience listens to you. I don't know
why they would want any of these specifics. Ron says,
He likes to keep things one hundred with his audiences
and wants everything out on the open. LUPI, what's your
relationship with Jimmy Carter? President Jimmy Carter drama? Despite his reputation,
(25:23):
he really was a visionary if you think about it,
I mean, outside of the hostage situation, which was just
somewhat bad. Lucky you know, Middi's peace process, his views
on environmentalism, conservation, solar panels on the White House pretty progressive,
fellow huho and Gabo? Yes, and handsome unless what are
(25:44):
you saying? I'm handsome? No, myelia, thank you, I'm used
to it now. Oh no, we're writing. Oh, here we
go the elevator. Finally engaged, everyone can go. What a
(26:12):
wonderful experience. This was amazing. I learned so much about
all of you. Let's um, should we trade information? Well, no,
I'm not gonna do that. I'm just excited and go
my therapist. Whoa you have sex with your therapist? Yeah?
Impaired to talk? Then afterwards, well, well, I'm not gonna say.
Because I'm a gentleman, I don't kiss and town. But yeah, okay, wow,
(26:39):
there's a problem. Yeah, I'm gonna run and get some
pine sail, and you're gonna clean this up yourself. Of
course that's nice. I always have a motto, what is
it When Ron Burgundy craps in public? He cleans it up.
He doesn't let someone else clean it up. And that's
not a metaphor that it's literal, it's literally. How the
(27:01):
fact that it's a motto means that you've done it
many times, many many, many many times. I never, I
never have ever timed out my personal bathroom schedule. I've
always been terrible at that. But maybe just I don't
know you very well. I don't know how you gotta go.
You gotta go. Yeah, I just think that maybe that's
the mottel you need to change. When you gotta go,
(27:22):
you gotta go, because you don't always gotta go. When
you gotta go, it's bad for the body to hold
that stuff in. If it's a matter of ten fifteen minutes,
I think it's okay, and yeah, it'll be fine. I've
pooped up the opera. I've pooped in a Charger game,
UH popped pet kennels. I've pooped during a broadcast once
(27:44):
what broadcast? It was just a six o'clock news. Oh
my god, Loupe, thank you so much and lovely. That
should be written on a eating card. Well, um, thank
you all, go about your day. We should get out
(28:06):
of this elevator. We'll be right back. Hello and welcome
back to the Round Burgundy podcast. Carolina and I. We
are safely, safely ensconced back in our studio here on
the ninety floor. And that was that was that was
(28:31):
hair raising at times. You took a in that elevator, Yes, yes,
yes I did. I still can't get over. It wasn't
the first time, it won't be the last I saw you.
I was reduced to my basic animal form, and because
we must have been there for an hour and a half,
(28:52):
but you know, the mind is not working in a rational,
rational way, and I just thought, oh my god, if
I keep this in my bow any longer, it's gonna
kill me. So I just had to go. Yeah. I mean,
did you eat the rest of that gumbo? I did
right after because I was starving. M And then what
(29:15):
about the dragonflies? I totally forgot about the dragonflies. That
was our field. Peace. Okay, Well, I know what I'll do.
I'll go down to the hobby store, the hobby and
Miniature store on the corner of Franklin and Barthoon, and
I'll pick up some of those modeled dragonflies and I'll
(29:38):
paint him with model paint and then we ken. Yeah,
I could just have them otherwise they're just dragonflies. Yeah. Well,
like I said, we are currently back in the studio.
I chugged a bottle of water and I'm currently recovering
from what what was a crazy day. As we were
(30:00):
just say, to put what I learned today into words
would be too complicated and most of you out there
would would never understand it. It would sound like gibberish
or some exotic language. So signing off for now, folks.
This is Ron Burgundy and guess what I Am going
(30:22):
to go see my therapist. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is
a production of I Heart Radio podcast Network and Funnier Die.
I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host, writer and executive producer.
Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. The
show was also produced by Whitney Hodek, Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray,
(30:45):
and Nick step Our executive producer is Mike farre Our
consulting producer is Andrew Steve Our associate producer is Anna Hosnier,
Our writer is Jake Fogolis. Our production supervisor is Colin McDougall.
This episode was engineered, mixed, and edited by Nick Stump.
See you next Thursday on the Ron Burgundy Podcast. No
(31:07):
animals were harmful. Recording of this podcast h
Chu chu chucker chucker chucker chucker choo choo choo chugger.
What time are they going to be here? Okay, because
we call them twenty minutes ago? Chucker chucker choo Joe.
All aboard the Drawn Burgundy Podcast. I used train sounds,
(00:22):
That's what those were, because just like a bumpy, swerving
train ride, there is never a dull moment on this podcast.
Who are the local authorities? Because and do you even
have a number to call back on? As you can hear,
Carolina is currently using the elevator telephone to call some
local firefighters, police officers, maybe even a priest to read
(00:45):
us our last rites because you guessed it, folks. We
are currently stuck on an elevator. Uh. We are stuck
in between the eighty six and eighty seven floors of
the time X building. As you know, our podcast studio
is on the floor. Uh, and we are We are
(01:06):
currently stuck. And I thank god. We were just returning
from a field peace and so that's why I have
we have audio equipment with us. Caroline is handling the situation. Yes,
they said they'd call back in twenty with an update.
I don't know. I guess we should just sit tight
until then. So twenty minutes we're going to be in here. Yeah,
(01:28):
most likely, Yeah, most likely twenty minutes. All right, Well,
that's just too bad. That's really too bad because we had, folks,
we had President Jimmy Carter in the studio today and
we were going to interview him on what he thinks
on everything that's happened this year. Do we have word
to Jimmy Carter to please? That's that's a little misleading.
(01:50):
We have the president of the San Diego County Farm
Bureau up in the studio, and coincidentally, his name happens
to be Jimmy Carter, so it's not president, it's not
the President United States. And this year Jimmy Carter president.
It's been a crazy one for him. My god, he
had to rule on the San Diego Miniature Horse competition
and let me tell you, there might have been checkered
(02:13):
blankets and straw baskets, but that was no picnic. A
lot of tough decisions that day for Mr President Carter. Um.
Everyone thought that Pippy long Stalking, a beautiful mayor with
a chestnut Maine, was going to win, and it was
actually the black beauty Napoleon who took home the blue ribbon.
And it was a crazy night, crazy night, the anxiety,
(02:35):
the fervor and the crowd. It just was elector. I
broke up two fights and the headlines were crazy. Anyway.
I try to stay out of politics. But that contest
was stolen, no question about it. Don't you think so, Caroline,
I think it. That doesn't really matter. And so we are, Yes,
we're just giving me, giving me a little Absolutely, we're
(02:58):
going to move over a way. This man, we are
just to the listener that we are. Also in the
elevator stuck with us, are are two other people, Uh, sir,
can I ask you your name? It's some one, thank you, Owen.
And then this, uh, this lovely young woman over here.
Maria was ape Parsinalia. I did not get that. You're
(03:21):
gonna have to you. Can you give that to me again?
Me remember and the Loupez and my first lope medicine Lola,
but Marilyn okay, but in English medicine Lola, obvious medicine, Lope.
I'm gonna Marielyn Maria. I believe your name is Maria.
(03:44):
I was in medicine, Lupe, my boy and Marilyn Sas Medicine,
Loupe medicine, Lola. Oh, when do you speak Spanish? Because
I don't. I don't. I think Carolina, I don't know.
But welcome anyway. And where if I if I could
(04:05):
just ask where where are you? Where are you headed today?
Headed to my therapist office? I have a therapy appointment.
Oh and now you're stuck in an elevator. I saw
her from claustrophobia. Oh, this is a nightmare. This is
a living nightmare. Yeah, it's it's just it's hard to
breathe and I'm just trying to not have a panic.
(04:30):
I start to panic, folks. Just to describe, this is
a very tight elevator. This elevator is four ft by
eight feet UM and uh, very low ceiling. It's a
very cheaply made elevator. It looks like it's about a
six ft ceiling. So we're it's a bit of a
hot box. Yeah. The more you talk about it, the
(04:50):
more I just sort of okay, we won't mention. Yeah,
if everyone, thank you, madam, thank you, loop, thank you, Lope. Well,
so here we are, we're just going to I guess
(05:11):
we should just keep going with the show. We have
to bank this episode the best of it. Ut Okay,
that was quite oh man ah all right, um everyone,
(05:38):
all right, yeah, I feel like we dropped fifteen floors
at least. Um, do we need to contact the authorities?
Do you need to get back on the phone or
I mean yeah, I can. First let me let me
get to my restaurant review segment. Okay, let's just do that,
all right, get that out of the way, because if
(05:59):
I forget to do it, we'll never get to it. Um.
I am a man who likes a good, rare pile
of meat and a sip from a crystal goblet now
and then I'll even smoke one of those thin cigarettes
worn Buffett passes around and circles at his men's only club.
To put it simply, I like to indulge. So it's
(06:21):
no wonder I enjoyed my two days at the cheesecake factory.
You just keep leaning into me. Excuse me, A man
is talking here, A man is doing his restaurant report. Sorry,
there's so little room in here. I know I'm doing
my best drifting. Um. That was owen for those of
(06:44):
you listening, uh, and to give you a visual of
what Owen looks like he's about five ft tall, with
one single strand of hair that has slipped down over
his bald head. I have a full head of hair
and two orange teeth, one on either side of his mouth.
Perhaps that's why his voice sounds so weird. This is
just because he interrupted your Cheesecake Factor. Yes, yes, I
(07:07):
stayed there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for two days.
It's called investigative reporting, Carolina. Try it sometime in between
your episodes of Mrs Maizel. It wasn't okay, So your
cheesecake The Cheesecake Factor was an investigative piece. What did
you discover? Are their employees paid for their wages? Is
the food safety? I investigated a lot. They have a
(07:29):
cheesecake sandwich, so I investigated that I'd like to try
cheesecake subs wherever I can. I especially airports because of
all the different cultures that meet there. I investigated their
shrimp scampy twice in the same day. I actually couldn't
finish it, so I brought some with me. Oh my god,
that's why it smells like warm shrimping here. That's exactly
(07:49):
why I wear Yeah, that that might be the gumbo,
I forget. I wanted to eat it on the road,
so I just had them put it in a side
room cup. I'm gonna get sick. Hey, everyone needs to
rely acts, all right, especially you owen Loope, trinquilo, tranquil, Relax,
all relaxo. Okay, you've said your piece. Okay, I've lost
(08:16):
my place in my restaurant review? Did I get to
my review of the cheesecake kit? Hold on, take a
wide brace, take a wide stance. Everyone. You're on my foot,
I'm on your well, you're in between my legs loope. Please,
(08:41):
now is not the time for discouraging words. Can you
just can you just finish this recording or whatever so
we can just get out of your No, because this
bobcast this once told me when I attacked his security guard,
(09:03):
this show must go on. Did that really happen? Bad
things happen, Carolina. It's not all sunshine and Fleet Fox's songs. Okay,
God to think that we have President Jimmy Carter upstairs
and I'm stuck in an elevator with these bozos. No offense, sir,
that is offensive. No offense, sir. No, you don't just
(09:25):
get to say no, offense when you're being offensive. Um,
it's not just doesn't just clear you of being offensive.
So are you getting fitted for a wig today? No,
I'm on my way to see my therapist. I already
told you. Then, what sort of therapy are you working?
(09:45):
Is it Freudan? I don't know if it's for it.
I just have issues. I have claustrophobic, I have anxiety.
And are you going to see a therapist as well? I?
(10:12):
Oh my god, it's hot in here, isn't it. The
more you talk about it, the more. If you didn't
move around so much, you're creating heat. Well, one thing
we have to think about in the event that the
authorities don't get here in time. I hate to jump
to this conclusion, Um, but we will have to pick
(10:37):
straws at one point for what to see if we're
gonna have to kill one or the other to eat
to survive. I don't think you because my bellies rumbling.
You have shrimp in your pocket. You brought shrimp, I know,
but after I'm done with my shrimp and your gumbo
(10:59):
and gambo. I don't even know why. It's just something.
It's a long term thought down the road, if even
for her for two days. It shouldn't have to come
to killing someone. All right, Well we should think about it.
I know we'll draw straws. Well, I'm not going to
do that. If I had to pick someone at this point,
(11:23):
I think it'd be owing. I know Judo, So good luck,
you look delicious. Well thank you. I sort of thank you.
But I know Judo, So you're not going to eat me?
That sounds like that sounds like a book your therapist
would give you. I know Judo, So you're not going
to eat me. U Ways to Cope through the Day
(11:45):
by Dr Loewenstein. Have you ever seen a therapist? Do
you know what they've been to? Therapy? Yes? How dare you?
How dare you? It's very healthy thing to do. If
you haven't done it, you should seeing a therapy. This
is very healthy. It's a good way to unbot My
therapist is a walk on the beach collecting driftwood. How
(12:08):
often do you do that? Not as much as I
would like to. I saw a therapist wants you did? Well,
that's good. I saw her in a supermarket. She was
talking to her friend and mentioned her therapy practice. I
thought to myself, Wow, I just saw a therapist. I
(12:28):
technically saw a therapist. No, No, that's not seeing a therapist. Yes,
you you saw a THERAPI. When I see my therapist,
I sit down with her for like an hour a
week and we just go how I'm feeling. So you
don't see a therapist. You stare at a therapist. Yeah,
that's what you do. It's not just staring. I think
what On is doing is a lot more emotional than that.
(12:49):
Sounds like he's really going through some stuff. Well, I
don't know if I needed sounds really depressed, and he
sounds like, I mean, we don't need have to kill anything. Now,
what if President Jimmy Carter ever saw a therapist? Right not?
I don't know. It's different for every bit, Bunny, I
don't know if I need his opinion on that. Yeah,
(13:11):
don't though, real quick to break the tension, Uh, I
think we should do a lightning round real quick, just
for the show. So lightning round go? What are we talking?
I don't know how do you start a lightning round.
I've never done a light Oh my god, we've got
(13:42):
to get out of here. We either have to get
out of here or we have to eat someone. Did
you have to do what what did you say about
your PP? I don't know. I just was emotional. I
just said I exclaimed things. I don't know what I said.
What does anyone recall what they actually said? And screamed? Said? Whoa, whoa?
I said, yeah, and I didn't. I'm not a child.
(14:07):
Run It's okay. But if you needed to the bathroom,
then we should figure something out. Never say, I would
never mention my genitalia a high tent, high stakes moment
like this. This is like we're in towering inferno right now.
As my therapist would say, sometimes, you know, stressful situations
reveal something about ourselves, like maybe when you feared your life,
(14:30):
you were really fearing your life of your penis or
your ability to procreate. Your dad? Are your father? I
am a father. Yes, we have a beautiful son, Walter.
And so maybe you thinking of Wonter in a way
when you're thinking about your life bluepe or do you
(14:50):
have children? Talking about Pep? Do you have children? That's
what I asked, why it's a part of denis Ninos
quadru four. Well she didn't say her Come on, baby no, baby,
(15:19):
baby no, no? What about what are your feelings on
al Nino? It is two in the end. This, Yeah,
it's all pig Latin to me. My my Spanish basically
(15:43):
breaks down to enchilada burrito, Jimmy charga. But I guess
I don't know. It's interesting that it's all food based
and it's something about it seems like you're was time.
Then what would your theroist this say about that? Well,
that maybe you're trying to fill something inside of you
(16:03):
that you know, you're always trying to put something in
your body to fill a hole. Maybe that's there or um,
you know that you always feel like you can never
get enough. Is that something that you can relate that
I'm never associated right? Well, I do. If I have
(16:25):
a box of Oreo cookies in front of me, I'll
go through the whole thing. Yeah, that sounds like, Yeah,
that sounds exactly what I'm talking about. And how do
you feel when the box is empty at the end
of the box? Do you feel stated, Yeah, that's actually
a big problem in the office, that you'll go through
a box of those marshmallow cookies, the with the Graham
(16:49):
cracker and the marshmallow malam malamars do do you have
have you heard of Malabar's before they is that? Wait
did we just did we now go up ten floors?
They moved up? At? What floor are we on? Now?
(17:10):
I can't say. I mean, I mean, I don't know.
I mean we're either on the if we went down,
we're probably like on the seventieth floor, sixty floor or
something like that. Do you think maybe we've passed away
and this is what heaven is? Like? Wow? Is this?
This is it? Wow? Now I think I don't think
(17:34):
this would be heaven. I don't for some reason, I
think it would be not heaven if we were all
stuck in an elevator together right now, and the way
I feel right now, I don't feel like I'm in Baronites.
Here's the question, if you were in heaven, who three
people in history you'd have dinner with? I'll go first
stand Musual, Bows of the Clown and Little Richard. Okay, Carolina, Um,
(18:01):
I guess my mom, um, my sister, and my new
puppy Grandma. But they're still living. I know, but I
just couldn't go to heaven without them. Loupe, No, no, no, really,
I can keep no no, no, no, that's not helpful. Owen,
(18:33):
how would guess Mahatma Gandhi Um, Susan b. Anthony. I
really would love to hear more about her, and I
just a little Richard, I no, ok um like if
a musician, maybe John Lennon, John Legend, John Legend, John Lennon,
he was a Beatle from the Beatles. Is he married
(18:56):
Chrissy Tigan. Oh, I loved Legend. I love John Legend too.
Seems so nice and his wife is so pretty, and
their babies pretty too, and they're outspoken, they're real advocates. Yeah,
do you like Do you like John Legend? Lupe Malmonos? No, no, no,
(19:22):
the boy and I did. Why the what the What's
with the fascination with John Legend. I don't have a fascination.
I like John Legend, but I was talking about John
Christmas Special. It was so good. I'm so glad this
is finally taking my mind off the elevator. Do you
like Christmas? Lupe? Guys, once again, I think we need
(19:51):
to get back at the survival mode. I think we
need to discreetly turn from the other three in a
rotation and collect our urine in some sort of receptacle,
and then we will drink it to survive. I don't
even think we're there yet. We've been here for fifteen minutes,
but it has not been fifteen minutes. Okay, well it's
been half an hour. Maybe that short. It's like a
(20:13):
been a day. No, no, not at all, and we
just had lunch. But just as a proactive measure, we
should store our urine. Is there something we can oh?
And can I use your baseball cap? No? No, you
can't use my baseball cap. And I use your purse?
When are you look it? Ango and Elliott? Thank you?
(20:35):
I appreciate that. So I'm gonna fill Loupe's purse full
of my year in. I'll start first, Mason jar you
brought in with you, not my bug collection. Get rid
of the just shake out the bus. No, I was
showing these. These are my dragonflies. I'm gonna show to
Jimmy Carter President, Jimmy Carter, al right, where you can
put those in that towel right there and just have
(20:57):
them there and use the jar? I can't. As soon
as I in the jar, they will fly away. How
are they're going to rest on this towel? I thought
they were dead. They looked dead. Why is there a
beach towel in the bottom of this. I don't know later.
I just thought you said this was going to be
a regular day at the beach. Oh, that's right, we
brought beach towels. I don't know if those dragonflies are alive.
(21:21):
Did you put air holes on the top of that jar? Oh,
survey says zero, meaning no, Yeah, I got that. You
can use the mason jar then too. Okay, I will
not urinate in your in your purse and your purse.
(21:47):
I wonder if I could cocka in this mason jar
because I kind of need the cock everyone. Could everyone
please turn away? You have to. I think we need
to cut to parents. Let's cut two commercials. Welcome back
to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. It is our ten uh
(22:09):
here in the elevator. Has it been ten hours? It
has been an hour, okay. I've had to rip apart
um my jacket to tie over our faces round defecated.
He tried to hit the mason jar. It's about he missed,
if I would say half a foot. I got nervous
(22:30):
because everyone was watching, and we just threw a beach
towel over it. Um. Yeah, we're just trying to get through.
I believe It's beyond me that you would do this
like it just you couldn't hold it. You are you
a child? Like you can't. This is when you gotta go.
You gotta go. That's not true. It is ninety eight
degrees in here. It smells of shrimp gumbo and human
(22:53):
feces sweat. It could be the worst day in my life.
And more you talk about it feels like doesn't it
feel like the walls are closing in. Stop saying stuff
like that. Please, it's just you're just it feels like
we're in Alice in the looking glass and going through
that little tiny doorway at the end, and it's getting
smaller and smaller and smaller and small bag. Please, is
(23:20):
your job being a communicator and understanding what your audience
can respond to that? Right now, all the rules are
throwing out the window. Okay, we are in survival mode.
We have we have all nominated. Owen will be the
first one that we eat if that time comes. I
really don't think it should. I don't think it should
come to that. I mean, I didn't think that we
should have to go the floor. May I ask you
(23:45):
this question? Can I just as a sample bite into
the back of your calf, and just to see if
your calf meat is tender and delicious. I'll just know
the answers know it won't be tender and delicious. So
obviously missing his therapist, do you will you be charged
(24:07):
for your therapy session? Well, I hope not. I mean,
I hope she understands that I stuck in an elevator.
What is the meat? Carolina? Do you have any read
on the media must be going crazy, ron Berger, and
he's stuck in an elevator. I don't think the media
is really paying attention to this issue. I mean, I
think probably going to get a medal to get out
(24:27):
of this alive. Maybe it wasn't necessarily you might get
a bill for that. The carpet on the bottom of
the elevator, Yeah, that's it has soiled the carpet of
the elevator because in my effort to a little bit
of on my pant leg, in an effort to get
(24:49):
it off, I stepped in it and smushed it more
into the carpet. They just we all. I don't know
why you're whatever audience listens to you. I don't know
why they would want any of these specifics. Ron says,
He likes to keep things one hundred with his audiences
and wants everything out on the open. LUPI, what's your
relationship with Jimmy Carter? President Jimmy Carter drama? Despite his reputation,
(25:23):
he really was a visionary if you think about it,
I mean, outside of the hostage situation, which was just
somewhat bad. Lucky you know, Middi's peace process, his views
on environmentalism, conservation, solar panels on the White House pretty progressive,
fellow huho and Gabo? Yes, and handsome unless what are
(25:44):
you saying? I'm handsome? No, myelia, thank you, I'm used
to it now. Oh no, we're writing. Oh, here we
go the elevator. Finally engaged, everyone can go. What a
(26:12):
wonderful experience. This was amazing. I learned so much about
all of you. Let's um, should we trade information? Well, no,
I'm not gonna do that. I'm just excited and go
my therapist. Whoa you have sex with your therapist? Yeah?
Impaired to talk? Then afterwards, well, well, I'm not gonna say.
Because I'm a gentleman, I don't kiss and town. But yeah, okay, wow,
(26:39):
there's a problem. Yeah, I'm gonna run and get some
pine sail, and you're gonna clean this up yourself. Of
course that's nice. I always have a motto, what is
it When Ron Burgundy craps in public? He cleans it up.
He doesn't let someone else clean it up. And that's
not a metaphor that it's literal, it's literally. How the
(27:01):
fact that it's a motto means that you've done it
many times, many many, many many times. I never, I
never have ever timed out my personal bathroom schedule. I've
always been terrible at that. But maybe just I don't
know you very well. I don't know how you gotta go.
You gotta go. Yeah, I just think that maybe that's
the mottel you need to change. When you gotta go,
(27:22):
you gotta go, because you don't always gotta go. When
you gotta go, it's bad for the body to hold
that stuff in. If it's a matter of ten fifteen minutes,
I think it's okay, and yeah, it'll be fine. I've
pooped up the opera. I've pooped in a Charger game,
UH popped pet kennels. I've pooped during a broadcast once
(27:44):
what broadcast? It was just a six o'clock news. Oh
my god, Loupe, thank you so much and lovely. That
should be written on a eating card. Well, um, thank
you all, go about your day. We should get out
(28:06):
of this elevator. We'll be right back. Hello and welcome
back to the Round Burgundy podcast. Carolina and I. We
are safely, safely ensconced back in our studio here on
the ninety floor. And that was that was that was
(28:31):
hair raising at times. You took a in that elevator, Yes, yes,
yes I did. I still can't get over. It wasn't
the first time, it won't be the last I saw you.
I was reduced to my basic animal form, and because
we must have been there for an hour and a half,
(28:52):
but you know, the mind is not working in a rational,
rational way, and I just thought, oh my god, if
I keep this in my bow any longer, it's gonna
kill me. So I just had to go. Yeah. I mean,
did you eat the rest of that gumbo? I did
right after because I was starving. M And then what
(29:15):
about the dragonflies? I totally forgot about the dragonflies. That
was our field. Peace. Okay, Well, I know what I'll do.
I'll go down to the hobby store, the hobby and
Miniature store on the corner of Franklin and Barthoon, and
I'll pick up some of those modeled dragonflies and I'll
(29:38):
paint him with model paint and then we ken. Yeah,
I could just have them otherwise they're just dragonflies. Yeah. Well,
like I said, we are currently back in the studio.
I chugged a bottle of water and I'm currently recovering
from what what was a crazy day. As we were
(30:00):
just say, to put what I learned today into words
would be too complicated and most of you out there
would would never understand it. It would sound like gibberish
or some exotic language. So signing off for now, folks.
This is Ron Burgundy and guess what I Am going
(30:22):
to go see my therapist. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is
a production of I Heart Radio podcast Network and Funnier Die.
I'm Ron Burgundy. I'm the host, writer and executive producer.
Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. The
show was also produced by Whitney Hodek, Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray,
(30:45):
and Nick step Our executive producer is Mike farre Our
consulting producer is Andrew Steve Our associate producer is Anna Hosnier,
Our writer is Jake Fogolis. Our production supervisor is Colin McDougall.
This episode was engineered, mixed, and edited by Nick Stump.
See you next Thursday on the Ron Burgundy Podcast. No
(31:07):
animals were harmful. Recording of this podcast h
Host
Will Ferrell
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.